Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Breaking Free From the Busyness Trap: 3 Steps to Happiness w/John R. Miles EP 477

Starting point is 00:00:00 Coming up next on Passion Struck, Henry David Thoreau said, It's not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about? Have you ever felt like you're constantly busy, but never truly fulfilled? Today, we're diving into the busyness trap, a relentless cycle that keeps us occupied, but leaves us yearning for something more. In this episode of Passion Struck, I'll share the compelling story of Rachel, who was ensnared by busyness and on the brink of quiet desperation. You'll learn how she transformed her life by rediscovering her passions, setting necessary boundaries, and prioritizing what truly matters. Are you ready to break free from the busyness trap and reclaim your life? Stay tuned as we explore practical strategies

Starting point is 00:00:46 to help you live more intentionally and find genuine fulfillment. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.

Starting point is 00:01:04 Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military

Starting point is 00:01:27 leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Hello everyone and welcome back to episode 477 of Passion Struck, consistently ranked one of the top five most inspirational podcasts worldwide. A heartfelt thank you to each and every one of you who return to the show every single week eager to listen, learn, and discover new ways to live better, to be better, and most importantly to make a meaningful impact in the world. If you're new to the show, thank you so much for joining us today. Or you simply want to introduce this to a friend or a family member, and we so appreciate it when you do that. We have episode starter packs,

Starting point is 00:02:01 which are collections of our fans' favorite episodes that we organize in a convenient playlist that give any new listener a great way to get acclimated to everything we do here on the show, either go to Spotify or passionstruck.com slash starter packs to get started. I am thrilled to announce that my book passion struck has won another award. It was selected as a winner of the 2024 readers choice contest by Contest by eConnections magazine. It also won the best nonfiction book at the International Book Awards, the Eric Hoffer Book Award, the Best Business Minds Book Award, and got gold in the Nonfiction Book Awards. You can purchase it at Amazon or in passionstruck.com. In case you missed my interviews from earlier this week, I had two great ones with Amy Lee McCree and Dr. Peter Jesiewicz.

Starting point is 00:02:46 Amy explores her insights on developing innate intuition, harnessing universal energy, and enhancing personal well-being from her new book, Aura Alchemy. In our episode, we discuss how to transform your life from the inside out. Dr. Peter Jesiewicz is the co-author of the groundbreaking book, Hospitable Healthcare, which explores a revolutionary idea. What if healthcare providers serve patients with the same dedication and care as the hospitality provided in restaurants and hotels? And if you liked either of those previous episodes or my solo episode today, we would so appreciate you giving it a five-star rating and review. These go such a long way in bringing more people into the Passion Star community where we can teach them how to live more intentionally.

Starting point is 00:03:29 And I know we and our guests love to hear your comments and feedback. Today I am diving into a topic that touches the core of our daily lives, the busyness trap. Many of us wear our busyness as a badge of honor, but is this constant state of hustle truly serving us or is it leading us down a badge of honor, but is this constant state of hustle truly serving us? Or is it leading us down a path of quiet desperation? In a previous episode, 407, I explored this concept of quiet desperation, a term coined by Henry David Thoreau. Thoreau observed that most people lead lives of quiet desperation, never fully realizing their potential or finding

Starting point is 00:04:02 genuine fulfillment. Today, I'll connect the dots between this quiet desperation and our modern-day obsession with busyness. The goal of today's episode is to unpack the concept of the busyness trap, understand its impacts, and most importantly, discover ways to break free from it. We'll delve into why we fall into this trap, how it affects our mental and physical well-being, and share practical strategies on how you can reclaim your time and live more intentionally. To illustrate these points, we'll dive into the narrative of Rachel, a quest essential high achiever with a resume sparkling with accolades and a calendar overflowing with

Starting point is 00:04:37 commitments. She epitomizes modern success, yet despite her outward achievements, Rachel struggled with the hidden reality of quiet desperation, a common but seldom confronted experience. This marked the beginning of her journey, an awakening to the possibility that life could be more than ticking boxes and filling time. We'll explore how Rachel navigated out of the busyness trap, uncovering the lessons that she learned about setting boundaries, rediscovering her passions, and prioritizing what truly matters. Stay tuned as we explore the busyness trap.

Starting point is 00:05:09 Revisit Thoreau's timeless wisdom on quiet desperation and provide you with actionable steps to transform your life. Pay close attention as this isn't just Rachel's story, but a narrative that resonates with countless others, perhaps even you. So take a moment to pause, breathe, and embark on a journey to discover how you too can liberate yourself from the clutches of busyness and find fulfillment beyond the relentless hustle. Let's get started.

Starting point is 00:05:36 Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating a Passion Struck life. Let's start today's episode by talking about and guide on your journey to creating a passion-struck life. Let's start today's episode by defining the busyness trap. Essentially, the busyness trap is a cycle in which individuals feel the need to constantly be occupied by tasks, often to the detriment of their well-being. It's characterized by the constant grind, a packed schedule, overflowing to-do lists, and the constant feeling of being rushed-being. It's characterized by the constant crying, a packed schedule, overflowing to-do lists, and the constant feeling of being rushed or overwhelmed.

Starting point is 00:06:09 But here's the catch. Being busy doesn't necessarily mean being productive. We've all had days where we're constantly moving, yet by the end of it, we wonder, what have we actually accomplished? This is a clear indicator of the busyness trap. Our society plays a significant role in perpetuating this cycle. Culturally, we're conditioned to equate busyness with

Starting point is 00:06:31 success. Think about it. How often do you proudly hear someone declare how busy they are? As if it's a badge of honor. Our workplaces often reward long hours over efficiency and social media bombards us with highlight rules of nonstop activity and images of hustle culture. The psychological toll of this constant busyness is significant. Chronic stress, burnout, and a host of mental issues is often the result of living in the busyness trap. According to the American Psychological Association, chronic stress can lead to severe health problems, including anxiety, depression, as well as heart disease. Moreover, the busyness trap can create an illusion of productivity.

Starting point is 00:07:10 We might be checking off tasks left and right, but if these tasks aren't aligned with our goals and our values, are we truly being productive? This distinction is crucial in understanding why the busyness trap is so detrimental. In episode 407, I delved into the haunting concept of quiet desperation, a term coined by Henry David Thoreau, who observed that most people lead lives of quiet desperation, silently struggling against unfilled potential and unrealized dreams. This insight is strikingly relevant today, as many of us are ensnared in a relentless cycle of busyness, masking a deeper sense of emptiness. Thoreau's wisdom teaches us that true fulfillment doesn't stem from external achievements alone. It requires deep introspection, alignment with our inner values, as well as intentional

Starting point is 00:07:58 living. Our modern obsession with busyness often stems from a fear of not mattering, a feeling insignificant without a packed schedule or a long list of accomplishments. This relentless hustle, however, diverts us from genuine contentment and connection. We hustle to fill our days with activities, believing that our constant motion equates with importance and success. But in reality, this busyness often masks a deeper fear that our lives don't truly matter. The constant flurry of activity can become a distraction from the unsettling thought that our achievement may not define our worth. True happiness lies not in the ceaseless hustle, but in the moments of stillness where we connect with our core selves. It is in these quiet moments that we can reflect on what truly matters to us and

Starting point is 00:08:47 realign our actions with our deepest values. By understanding this, we can begin to break free from the busyness trap and find lasting fulfillment. So now that we've gone through the definition of what the busyness trap is and its implications, I want to take you through the story of Rachel, which exemplifies the connection between the business trap and quiet desperation and how a fear of unmattering can drive the cycle.

Starting point is 00:09:12 Rachel, the eldest daughters of distinguished professors, grew up under the heavy mantle of expectations. In her childhood home, academic accolades were the currency of success. Rachel learned to equate achievement with love and acceptance, instilling in her a relentless drive to excel. By the age of 30, Rachel's resume glittered with academic achievements. Her passion for work was palpable.

Starting point is 00:09:36 She threw herself into research projects with zeal. But as her career soared, Rachel unwittingly stepped into the busyness trap. Her days morphed into a blur of activity. Moments not spent working were filled with the white noise of social media, a poor salve for the growing void within. Her health and relationships frayed at the edges. Complaints of no time became her refrain when it came to exercise, friends, or family gatherings. Work didn't just dominate her life, it became her identity. Rachel wore her perpetual busyness as a badge of honor, driven by an underlying fear that

Starting point is 00:10:12 without constant activity, she might not matter. Observing from the sidelines, her parents saw the familiar shadows of their own past mistakes in Rachel's frantic pace. They recognized the toll that their own careers had taken on their personal lives and relationships. With the wisdom of experience, they reached out to Rachel, offering words of caution and sharing their regrets about letting life's quieter moments slip by.

Starting point is 00:10:37 They urged her to see that slowing down was not an admission of defeat, but an essential recalibration of her priorities. Despite their best efforts, Rachel remained skeptical. Her vibrant and vast dreams and aspirations seemed to demand every ounce of her energy. Acknowledging the need for change felt like taking a step back from a lifelong commitment to excellence, a commitment she wasn't yet ready to question. Yet, deep down, amidst the accomplishments, she felt numb and apathetic. The yearning for fulfillment beyond the relentless pursuit of success kept nudging at her, but she tried to stifle it.

Starting point is 00:11:17 Uncertainty clouded her vision as she struggled with conflicting emotions, torn between the familiarity of her current path and the beckoning call of a more balanced, purposeful existence. Rachel's predicament can be encapsulated in the acronym STUCK, which stands for stagnant, timid, unfulfilled, conflicted, and knotted. Let's go through each one of these and explain how it relates to Rachel's story. Let's first talk about S or stagnation. Rachel felt a deep sense of stagnation

Starting point is 00:11:46 despite her mounting success. Her accomplishments once stepping stones became a never ending treadmill. Outward progression offered no real satisfaction leaving her perpetually on the edge, unable to rest or to find true personal growth. Next, let's cover T or timidity. Despite her parents encouragement to slow down,

Starting point is 00:12:05 Rachel's timidity kept her chained to the constant grind. Her self-worth deeply rooted in constant busyness made her fearful of venturing outside of her comfort zone. The thought of letting go of the busyness badge terrified her, like shedding a part of her identity. The fear of change formed a significant barrier to embracing a more balanced life. Then there's you her identity. The fear of change formed a significant barrier to embracing a more balanced life. Then there's you for uncertainty. The fear of slowing down fueled uncertainty within Rachel. Her entire identity had been built around relentless activity.

Starting point is 00:12:35 She wasn't sure what a life separate from constant busyness would look like, creating a sense of confusion and hesitation. Fear of the unknown kept her clinging to the familiar, even if it wasn't truly fulfilling. Then there's C for conflicted. A fierce internal conflict raged within Rachel. On one hand, the ingrained belief that business equated to self-worth kept her pushing forward. On the other hand, a deeper truth resonated. There was more to life than her work. She yearned for a life that offered wholeness and meaning beyond constant achievements. This internal tug of

Starting point is 00:13:10 war left her feeling paralyzed. And then lastly, there's K for nodded. Rachel was nodded in the tightly woven threads of her upbringing and societal expectations. The deeply ingrained belief that busyness equated to worthiness had created a complex knot of habits and perceptions, hindering her from breaking free and embracing change. Then during a particularly chaotic week filled with back-to-back meetings, looming deadlines, Zoom meetings, and an ever-expanding list of tasks, Rachel faced the stark consequences of her relentless schedule. She had regretfully missed her parents' retirement ceremony earlier in the week due to work obligations.

Starting point is 00:13:49 Overwhelmed and depleted, she sat at her desk, gazing out the window in deep contemplation. Despite her professional accomplishments, she was consumed by a profound emptiness, questioning whether any of it truly mattered. As she reflected on the toll that her incessant busyness had inflicted, she became acutely aware of the medications that she relied on to cope and recognized the need for better self-care. This moment of quiet desperation served as a catalyst for Rachel's journey, a realization that there must be more to life than simply fulfilling obligations and occupying time. She began to understand that true mattering in life

Starting point is 00:14:29 isn't about perpetual busyness, but about meaningful engagement and self-care. Everything came to a head when the company that she worked for announced a major restructuring, leading to increased demands for time and her energy. At this juncture, she was resolute in her determination to reclaim her life and liberate herself from the grasp of the business trap. She embarked on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, implementing deliberate steps to prioritize

Starting point is 00:14:56 self-care and to restore balance in her life. Slowly but consistently, Rachel began to set boundaries around her work hours and to make time for regular relaxation and exercise. She learned how to say no to projects and commitments that didn't align with her values or contribute with her overall well-being. She also made a concerted effort to cultivate meaningful connections with friends and family, recognizing that nurturing relationships outside of work was crucial to feeling that she mattered. Weekends were no longer dedicated to catching up on work emails, but to planned activities with loved ones, hikes in nature, board games at night, and long overdue lunches with friends. As Rachel embraced a more mindful and intentional

Starting point is 00:15:40 approach to life, she discovered a newfound sense of fulfillment as well as happiness. She realized that true success wasn't about how much she achieved, but about finding harmony between her professional ambitions and her personal well-being. The journey was challenging. Old habits die hard and the urge to overfill her schedule occasionally reemerged. However, with each conscious step and the support of her parents, siblings, and friends, Rachel felt a growing sense of peace and purpose returning to her life. The once coveted badge of business was replaced with something far more valuable, the quiet satisfaction of a balanced life. Fast forward to today, Rachel inspires others struggling to escape the busyness trap through her journey of self-discovery and transformation. She learned that slowing down isn't a sign of weakness, but is a necessary step towards living a balanced life. One where what you

Starting point is 00:16:37 do truly matters. Having explored Rachel's story and the pervasive impact of the busyness trap, it's essential to understand why we fall into this cycle and more importantly, how to break free from it. Let's delve into the reasons behind our relentless hustle and the practical strategies to reclaim our lives. So why do we fall into the business trap? First, there's social pressure in our fast-paced society. Being busy is often equated with success and productivity.

Starting point is 00:17:04 As in Rachel's case, growing up in a household where academic achievement was paramount, she absorbed the belief that busyness equated to success and happiness. The pressure to constantly achieve translated into her professional life, where she piled on projects and dedicated long hours, mistaking exhaustion for dedication. Second, Perfectionalism and the need for control. For Rachel, the fear of disappointing her parents, coupled with her own desire to be perfect, made it difficult for her to set boundaries or to delegate tasks.

Starting point is 00:17:35 The drive to excel perfectly in society, coupled with a fear of failure and disappointment, drives individuals to take on more responsibilities than they can handle, leading to burnout and exhaustion. Third, there's distraction and avoidance. As Rachel's achievements mounted, a nagging sense of emptiness grew within her. However, instead of confronting this feeling, she used her busyness as a shield, burying herself deeper into her work to avoid introspection. This avoidance behavior perpetuates the cycle of

Starting point is 00:18:05 busyness, preventing us from prioritizing self-care and the introspection needed to address the root cause of our dissatisfaction. And finally, number four, poor time management and habits. Constantly saying yes to new projects and neglecting to prioritize self-care tasks left Rachel feeling perpetually overwhelmed. This lack of time management skills fuels the illusion of constant busyness, leaving one more stressed and overwhelmed than actually getting things done effectively. So what is the cost of busyness? Chronic busyness is not a badge of honor, but a thief of our well-being, creativity, and relationships.

Starting point is 00:18:43 Here are the major impacts of chronic busyness as related in Rachel's story. First, there's the toll of our physical and emotional health. Rachel's relentless work schedule took a significant toll on her health. She relied on medication to cope with stress and exhaustion, a clear sign of burnout. The constant pressure and lack of self-care left her feeling emotionally depleted and disconnected. This fact is further backed by a study by the Harvard Business Review, which underscores the negative impact

Starting point is 00:19:13 of prioritizing constant busyness over our wellbeing. Individuals who relentlessly pursue busyness at the expense of self-care are more susceptible to stress and to burnout, characterized by emotional exhaustion, reduced productivity, and disengagement. Second, there's the strain on relationships. Chronic busyness can strain relationships, as individuals may neglect personal relationships in favor of work or other commitments, leading to feelings of isolation and resentment. In

Starting point is 00:19:44 Rachel's case, her dedication to work chipped away at her relationships. She missed her parents' retirement ceremony because of a work commitment, which strained her connection with loved ones. And third, there's unfulfillment and dissatisfaction. Despite her professional accomplishments, Rachel felt a deep sense of emptiness. The constant chase for the next achievement left her feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied with her overall life. People who are constantly busy often live with the same sense of unfulfillment and dissatisfaction. The hustle business culture perpetuates a vicious cycle of stress and burnout, ultimately robbing individuals of their overall well-being and fulfillment.

Starting point is 00:20:23 So what are three practical steps that you can take away from today's episode in Rachel's Journey to break free from the busyness trap? First, rediscover your passions. Chronic busyness often buries our deepest passions under a mountain of obligations. The first step to escaping the trap is to rediscover what truly excites you and fulfills you. This requires introspection and a willingness to reconnect with activities that once brought you joy. Think back to your childhood or before a time that business took hold. Perhaps you loved playing a musical instrument, hiking in nature, or volunteering for a cause that you

Starting point is 00:21:02 believed in. Explore new things that spark your curiosity, a class you've always wanted to take, a creative pursuit like dancing that you've put on hold, or volunteering for a cause that you care about. Let go of the pressure to be productive, and simply allow yourself to explore what ignites your soul. Rachel's journey to freedom began with a quiet realization that her achievements weren't bringing true happiness and a decision to reconnect with what truly mattered. Consider keeping a joy jar where you write down activities that bring you happiness. When you need inspiration to break free from the busyness cycle, pull from it and engage in an activity that sparks joy. Step two, set the necessary boundaries. Learning to set boundaries is crucial for

Starting point is 00:21:46 breaking free from the busyness trap and the constant pressure to be on at all times. This doesn't mean becoming unavailable. It means establishing healthy limits on your time and energy. Evaluate your commitments and workload honestly. Can you delegate tasks to free up your schedule? Is it okay to politely decline requests that don't align with your priorities or stretch you beyond your capacity? Remember that saying no to extra commitments allows you to say yes to what truly matters. In my book, Passion Struck, Chapter 10 delves deeper into the concept of becoming a boundary magnifier. This concept emphasizes the need to honor your core values, overcome the fear of being wrong, and to take action even if it means standing alone. Like Rachel, who realized that her business badge was no longer serving her and decided to set boundaries around what she would spend her time doing, you too can take charge and focus your limited energy on things that fit within your core values and goals.

Starting point is 00:22:45 And step three, prioritize what truly matters. Once you reconnect with your passions and establish boundaries, you can begin to prioritize what truly matters in your life. This might involve spending quality time with loved ones, pursuing hobbies that you've neglected, or simply prioritizing your well-being through activities like exercise, meditation or relaxation, and nurturing relationships with family and friends. You create space for fulfillment and

Starting point is 00:23:10 a sense of balance by consciously prioritizing these aspects of your life. In Chapter 13 of Passion Struck, I explore the concept of conscious engagement. This involves being intentional and mindful in our actions, making thoughtful choices rather than simply going through the motions and acting like you're a pinball, bouncing off all the distractions and busyness in your life. Remember that success isn't about achievement. It's about living a life that aligns with your values and brings you joy. By prioritizing the aspects of your life that truly matter, you can move beyond the busyness trap and create a life filled with purpose and fulfillment. As we wrap up today's episode, I hope Rachel's journey and the insights that we've shared have resonated with you. The busyness trap is pervasive in our fast-paced world, but it doesn't have

Starting point is 00:24:00 to define your life. Remember that you don't have to remain stuck, stagnant, timid, uncertain, conflicted, and knotted in the trap of busyness. Getting unstuck doesn't require you to cease all activities. It's a conscious decision to reclaim command over your energy and time, steering you toward what truly matters. Rachel found herself ensnared in busyness, inadvertently neglecting important aspects of her life, spending excessive time on tasks, left her feeling less productive, and strained her relationships, adversely affecting her wellbeing. But her story didn't end there. She recognized her shortcomings and took practical steps to gain freedom from her

Starting point is 00:24:41 lifestyle of busyness. Reflecting on Rachel's journey is a powerful reminder that transformation is within reach. Like Rachel, you can acknowledge your own vulnerabilities, redefine success and alignment with your core values, establish essential boundaries to safeguard your wellbeing and nurture meaningful relationships with friends and family. By rediscovering your passions,

Starting point is 00:25:04 setting necessary boundaries, and prioritizing what truly matters to you, you can break free from this relentless cycle and find genuine fulfillment. Henry David Thoreau's concept of quiet desperation highlights the struggle that so many of us face today. Trapped in unfulfilled lives, masked by the facade of busyness. Intentional living means making choices that align with your core values. Success isn't about how much you achieve, but about finding harmony between your professional ambitions and your personal well-being. It's about living a life where you matter, not just in your work, but in your relationships and self-care.

Starting point is 00:25:43 Taking the first step can be challenging, but as Rachel's story shows, reclaiming your life from the grasp of busyness and quiet desperation is possible. Reflect on what brings you joy. Establish boundaries to protect your time and energy and focus on the aspects of your life that truly matter. By doing so, you'll find a sense of balance and purpose that leads to a more satisfying and meaningful life. So, take the reins of your destiny, embrace each moment intentionally, and embark on your journey towards a more meaningful existence. You have the power to reclaim your time and to create a life that truly matters. Thank you for joining me today.

Starting point is 00:26:21 And if you found this episode useful, please share it with others who might benefit from these insights that I shared today. Reflect on your own life and consider how you too can break free from the business trap today. You can find our videos on YouTube at both our main channel at John R. Miles and our clips channel at PassionStruck Clips. Please check them out and join over a quarter million other subscribers. Advertiser deals and discount codes are in one convenient place at passionstruck.com. Please consider supporting those who support the

Starting point is 00:26:49 show. If you want daily doses of inspiration, then find me on all the social platforms at John R. Miles, where I post daily. If you want to join our courage movement, then consider signing up for our weekly newsletter titled live intentionally, which you can do at passionstruck.com. And in it, we post a weekly courage challenge. Do you want to find out where you stand on the continuum of becoming passionstruck? Then sign up for our passionstruck quiz, which consists of 20 questions. It'll take you about 10 minutes to complete, and you can find out where you stand on your journey to becoming passionstruck. Just head over to passionstruck.com right now to take the quiz. You're about to hear a preview of the PassionStruck podcast interview that I did with Finney and Kelly, who's a speaker

Starting point is 00:27:28 and executive coach who reveals the transformative power of intentionality, a feelings first approach to living and to leadership. In our episode, we discuss how to prioritize feelings over outcomes, reclaim your power, and unlock infinite possibilities in both your personal and professional life. I really love the word grounded because it really connects to what happens when you don't live in the comparison world. You practice presence. And this is one of the key intentions of intentionality is practice presence over comparison. When we're present, we are now living here and now we're grounded and we're not living in this fictitious story of the future of the past, which is where the ego hangs out. And the only place that our true divinity lives is here in

Starting point is 00:28:11 this present moment. And when we drop into the present moment, we allow some intelligence, some insights to start coming through us. And that's where the greatness really lies. Remember that we rise by lifting others. So share this show with those that you love and care about. And in the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, go out there and become passion stride.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Breaking Free From the Busyness Trap: 3 Steps to Happiness w/John R. Miles EP 477

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