Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Captain Sandy Yawn on How to Be the Calm or Be the Storm EP 249

Episode Date: February 2, 2023

Today I am joined on the Pasion Struck podcast by Captain Sandy Yawn, the star of the Bravo TV hit series Below Deck Mediterranean. We discuss Captain Sandy's new book, Be the Calm or Be the Storm: Leadership Lessons from a Woman at the Helm. What We Discuss About How to Be the Calm or Be the Storm In our interview, Captain Sandy aims to inspire others to overcome adversity by recounting her journey from rock bottom to a successful leader in the maritime industry. She opens up about her family's history of substance abuse and her own struggles with drug and alcohol addiction, including arrests and dangerous incidents. We discuss how she chooses and assesses her crew even before leaving on a charter, determining who to invest in and how to bring out the best in them. At sea, things happen. She will talk about how much perseverance and trust are needed to solve a really difficult challenge because so much can go wrong no matter how much planning and training you do.  Full show notes and resources can be found here: https://passionstruck.com/captain-sandy-yawn-be-the-calm-or-be-the-storm/  Brought to you by Policygenius and Indeed. --► For information about advertisers and promo codes, go to: https://passionstruck.com/deals/  Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally! --► Prefer to watch this interview:  https://youtu.be/uy4FPOhSKnk  --► Subscribe to Our YouTube Channel Here: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles Want to find your purpose in life? I provide my six simple steps to achieving it - passionstruck.com/5-simple-steps-to-find-your-passion-in-life/ Want to hear my best interviews from 2022? Check out episode 233 on intentional greatness and episode 234 on intentional behavior change. ===== FOLLOW ON THE SOCIALS ===== * Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/passion_struck_podcast * Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/johnrmiles.c0m  Learn more about John: https://johnrmiles.com/ 

Coming up next on the Passion Struct Podcast. First and foremost, you have to be aware that you actually have a choice. So many people are in autopilot in their lives and they keep repeating the same behavior and the same results happen, different situations, different content, but the same. Unless you're aware, how do you create that awareness? Oh my gosh, I actually have a choice in this situation. So many people like myself are surrounded by fear. We make choices out of fear. That is what I had to learn not to do is to choose faith over fear. That if I do the next right thing and choose that

I had the power to choose that choice. I'm okay with the consequences. Welcome to PassionStruct. Hi, I'm your host, John Armiles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality

so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guest-ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to episode 249 of PassionStruck, recently ranked by Interview Valet as the third best podcast or mindset

and the fourth best for conversation. And thank you to each and every one of you who come back weekly to listen and learn and to live better, be better and impact the world. If you're new to the show, thank you so much for being here, or you simply want to introduce this to a friend or family member, we now have episode starter packs, which are collections of our fans' favorite episodes that we organize into convenient topics to give any new listener a great way to get acquainted to everything we do here on the show.

Either go to Spotify or passionstruck.com slash starter packs to get started. And in case you missed it, earlier this week, I interviewed Rory Vaden, who's the co-founder of the Brand Builders Group, and one of the four most experts on time management and how to build a personal brand. I also wanted to thank you so much for your continued support of the show and your ratings and reviews, which goes such a long way, and helping us maintain and increase our rating. But more importantly, bringing people into the passion of our community where they can get weekly doses of inspiration, community, hope, and meaning. Now, let's talk about today's episode. Everyone faces a time in

their lives. When they must take the reins, it can be a group, an organization, a family, a classroom, a patient ward, or even just yourself. A female captain is uncommon in a field dominated by men, but Captain Sandy Yon has overcome obstacles to rise to the top. Captain Sandy, a superhero captain and the star of Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean, shares her debut book, Be the Calm, or Be the Storm, Leadership Lessons from a Woman at the Helm. The leadership skills and critical thinking inherent to being a captain that can empower anyone to navigate their way to a successful life based on the leadership lessons that

she's gleaned from her resourceful and resilient life. We discuss how she chooses and assesses her crew even before leaving on a charter, determining who to invest in and how to bring out the best in them. At C, things happen. She will talk about how much perseverance and trust are needed to solve a really difficult challenge because so much can go wrong no matter how much planning and training you do.

To be a good leader, you need to have a 30-in-discipline, but you also need to have compassion and understanding and a desire for your team to succeed. Captain Sandra Yon, otherwise known as Captain Sandy, is a leader, hero, international speaker, and business woman. His exceptional leadership style has helped her to break through every obstacle in her path.

From the glass ceilings and near fatal accidents on land, a pirates and fires at sea. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely ecstatic today to have Captain Sandy on on the PassionStruck podcast. Welcome, Sandy. And I'm so happy to be here.

Thank you for having me. Well, first and foremost, I just had to give you a huge shout out for your amazing book. Be the calm or be the storm. Congratulations on releasing this to the world. Thank you, thank you so much. I am very excited about this book and the fact that it's a hay house book because when I got sober, all I read was Louise Hay.

And I never would have thought that from the time I got sober until today that I would actually have a book published by Hay House, which was created by Louise Hay. Well, I love Hay House myself. And Benjamin Hardy is one of my favorite authors, and he is one of theirs as well. And you and I were talking before I'm trying to get my book published, well, hey, Houses, one that we're still waiting an answer on. So maybe that will be the one.

I'm going to start here because I love to give the audience the opportunity to get to know you. I like to ask this question. We all have periods that define us. And one of the core aspects of this podcast as you and I discussed is to help people who are stuck learn that by living intentionally they can change their life. And I think listeners see someone like you, here you are a successful super yacht captain, you're the star of a reality TV show. And they sit

here and are thinking, how do I go from where I am to where they are and being achieving greatness in life that they never thought possible? And I think your story is such an important one for listeners. Because from the time that you were 13 until 25, you described yourself as being in almost uninterrupted oblivion. You're words from the book, you were smoking pot every day, you tried crystal meth,

you were an alcoholic, high school dropout, and were constantly either in jail or rehab. And I put it out there because many people are stuck in different ways, and you've been courageous enough to come forward and tell your story. But how did going through those difficult times

and overcoming your addiction help But how did going through those difficult times and overcoming your addiction help shape who you are today? And if you're someone who's listening, how do you free yourself from being stuck at the bottom? I think, first of all, you have to have that awareness and acceptance that you have to admit where you are and be honest with yourself. So many times, I found that I would try to be someone else for other people, but not true to myself.

And as far as addiction, I had this complete surrender that I was powerless over my choices in life. I'll call on drugs, and I had to eliminate the things in my life in order to change it. And I did that because I was so desperate to change that I was willing to do anything to make that happen. And that's what it took, complete desperation. I felt hopeless. I had a hopeless state of mind and body. And I said, I walked in those rooms,

and I thought, I can't, they can, so why not try it their way? And that's what I did. And every day I had to remain teachable. I had to say, I don't know they know so I'll try. And when I started getting in my head, they could I knew everything? I just would look back and go, well, if our my thought process got me,

why don't I try their thought process and their suggestions? And that's what I did. And my suggestion is complete surrender and ask for help and follow direction. Yeah, why listen to you on another podcast to the other day. And you were talking about addiction and that oftentimes people will go into a 12 step program and they'll keep going in and out of it because they're there physically but they're not there emotionally and putting themselves 100% in it and one of the things that I talk about most on this podcast is the importance of choice and our lives are defined by these thousands of seamless, small choices

we make on a daily basis. And these choices are something that you cover throughout the book. How do our choices allow us to have second chances? First and foremost, you have to be aware that you actually have a choice. So many people are in autopilot in their lives and they keep repeating the same behavior and the same results happen. Different situations, different content, but the same. Unless you're aware, how do you create that awareness? Oh my gosh, I actually have a choice in this situation. So many people like myself were surrounded by fear. We make choices out of fear. That is what I had to learn not to do, is to choose faith over fear. That if I do the next right thing and choose, that I had the power to

choose, that choice. I'm okay with the consequences. And I always think about, I have A or B or C, right? Those are my choices. Knowing that A is probably the best choice I have, right? Knowing that I always think it through. What's the worst case scenario and the best case scenario? And if I'm okay with the worst case scenario, I'll choose it. And that is preparing myself. But really, it's knowing that you have a choice. And that awareness just doesn't happen.

I had to be taught that I was aware. I had to be taught that I could choose. I wasn't aware. I didn't know that I had a choice to choose. Does that make sense? I never knew that, because I was in automatic mode. Yeah, it makes complete sense to me. And I often use this metaphor pinball machine, and

oftentimes we go through life as the pinball, where we're just bouncing off the things that we run into because we're living our life on autopilot. But the masters of pinball are the ones who really start focusing on how do you intentionally move that ball and not let the game. Control you but you control the game and I think so much. Of that is similar to how we live our lives. So sometimes we get a break in life that opens up new past that we never saw coming in my understanding is that you received one of these breaks shortly as you were going through the process of becoming sober and you answered and add for scrubbing down boats. How did that break lead to opening up the path to the life that you have today and why in every situation even a bad one?

Is it another opportunity to learn. Great question. I was in a halfway house. I had to get a job. I had to pay all my fines and I needed a job, right? Pay my rent, my fines, and I answered in and out of the paper. I started cleaning boats and I had no idea there was a career there in the maritime industry. One thing led to another. I just kept showing up every day to work. I did my very best and I actually was very happy

as I was living in a halfway house. It was like I had this newfound freedom. I was doing the next right thing. I wasn't using drugs. I was working the steps I had a sponsor. I was going to work every day. I cleaned up my act. And I was offered a full-time job on a boat

because I did such a great job, which will me to go into C school and then an advancement in my career. But all along I remained teachable, I stayed clean and sober, and remember in the beginning I had to change my old playmates and play places where I used to hang out. I changed everything. And then that foundation was built. I knew I had to take the next step, get a job, be a productive member of society. That's what I did. I grew up in addiction and I've seen the bottom

so I have nothing to fear. People who rose to the top and have fallen because of addiction, I feel have it harder because they've already seen the top. You know what I mean? It's harder to rise. It's easier to rise from the bottom up because it feels like every time I have this opportunity,

it's, oh my gosh, this is incredible. I'm living a life beyond my wildest dreams where those people at the top who lived that life beyond their wildest dreams. And whatever took them down, it's harder to climb out of that hole from what I've witnessed. So for those people out there,

just keep doing the next right thing and choosing to remain teachable, even though you knew everything at the top of your industry, you don't, life is different. This world of addiction is, I don't care who you are, it'll take you down. It'll take you down. Yeah, so I'm glad you brought up that whole concept

because one of the chapters I have in the book and I kind of lay out at 12-step process of becoming passion struck, but I call it the mosquito auditor. Meaning you need to audit those pesky things in your life, whether that's people who are bad influences, bad habits you get into such as frequenting the bar too much, et cetera,

because until you rid yourself of those, you're not gonna be able to make the next move. So I'm so glad you brought that up. And I'm also glad that you brought up that even when you hit these lows, the best opportunity about them similar to what you did is you get to build back your life brick by brick and you can do it in such an intentional way. Well, so you go through this period of becoming a captain, you've spent many years at sea. How did you end up arriving on your own reality TV show?

Most things in life that I've done since I got clean, I didn't seek, it sought me, right? So when you do the next right thing and your productive member of society, opportunities come your way. And I believe in fate, and I think it was fate. My life was hit by a car, kidney cancer. This was all within two months, and then a breakup, right?

Within that two months. In that two months, I got the call as I was healing about below deck. Because I was thinking, wow, my career has over lost the business. It was like everything was followed apart. Even though I was staying clean, I chose things that really weren't good for me. You know what I mean?

Because you can be doing the right thing and still choose the wrong thing. And so basically landed in my lap and I thought, hey, why not? It landed in my lap. People in my industry is, it's going to kill your career. Don't do it. And I thought, I was really on the fence about doing the show. And I thought, it was presented to me. So I'm going to take the opportunity.

And there's no love lost. If I don't do it, I'll just step back into my career. This opportunity, I feel I was given this to reach other people, the millions of people that Brava reaches, to show them you can climb out of a hole with help. You can have a career in the maritime industry that people had no idea existed. And this is the result of getting clean, doing the next right thing, and working hard. People think this job is easy. It's not on TV.

It is, we work hard. And there's a lot of sacrifice. There's sacrifice in everything. But there are jobs for people. And for me, that opportunity was a gift. And I didn't want to not take that gift. Well, I can't even imagine going through one of the three things you did, much less having a motorcycle accident, cancer, and a breakup hit you in such a short time,

as you're trying to recover from each one of them. And I will give a shout out to the Bravo cable network, go check out below deck Mediterranean, you won't be disappointed. And I'm gonna continue along these lines, just for one or two more questions, because in the book, you bring up this concept of a floating corporation.

And I have to tell you, my own time in the Navy, when I was on destroyers and cruisers, yes, they were big, but I didn't realize this whole concept of a floating corporation until I got on my first aircraft carrier. And if a person has never been on one of these things, there are literally five to

six thousand people on board. And it is like you are floating in a small town and it's this ecosystem all around you. So I respect what you're trying to do on this show. And I wanted to ask how through it, are you trying to share with the audience the complexities of what it's like

being on a floating corporation? I love this show because it shows what captains go through for every honor out there that watches this show. I started working on boats before management companies existed and we were the HR department by hired and fired crew. Financial we were budgeting. I had to learn spreadsheets. I didn't go to school. I mean, I got kicked out of the left grade. I didn't know Excel spreadsheets. I had to learn. I had to learn how to compare budgets. I had to learn to budget food for crew, annual budgets. I had to learn how to mingle with charter brokers and figure out how to get people on board to spend their money to create revenue for the owner. It was a big learning curve. And by the way, go through a build on a massive super yacht that I've never done before in my life.

It was incredible. It was challenging. It was fascinating, but I always remain teachable and I ask questions. And now, looking back, I think, okay, so we have management companies, flag state companies, port state control. Now it's all this paperwork that I didn't have to do back in the day. I had to do the currency exchange rates with Pesadas, Euro. We didn't have Euro. Pesadas, Franks, Lyra, and stay on top of the finances. And now thankfully it went to the Euro, makes life easier. And we had to learn ISM, many ISM. We had to do, it's a lot of paperwork. There's a lot of lives responsible that we're responsible for.

And every time there's an accident at sea, they implement another law that we have to implement on board. And I'm grateful for that because the maritime industry is sort of like being in the military. It's structure, right? You're on board, you're not going ashore to go home, you're still on board. The difference is it's not so militant.

They get to have a life outside of the vessel when we have days off. So I like the structure, it taught me structure. It teaches people that. It teaches people responsibility because we're responsible for lives. It's the school at sea that you get paid for and you get to see the world and learn different cultures

and languages, and I could only do that if because I'm sober. That's the only reason I am where I am is because I'm clean and sober. I've been given this life beyond my wildest dreams. Yes, well, for a listener who has never served on a boat, I don't even know how to make it real for them, but when you're on deployments, and I'll call yours deployments as well, you are working nonstop, And I remember on mine, it is like you are in an

constant state of sleep deprivation. And on a good day, I'm maybe getting three to four hours of sleep. And you're balancing, do I sleep or do I eat? Because after you have to stand watch, you have to go do your day job. And there was never a ship that I was on, especially the small ones that wasn't understaffed. And so in the book, you have this phrase that one day on a boat can feel like a month. Can you explain that for the audience? One down board feels like a month

because you're working nonstop. You don't even know what day of the week it is anymore. You look at your time, like you said. You start your shift, you work nonstop, after your shift, you choose, do I want to eat or sleep? It is intense. One week on board, one week is six months. And you're like, oh my God, it's only been three days.

And you look back when you're in your third day of charter. It's just, oh my God, I got seven days left or two weeks left. It's so hard. I think you have to live it to experience it, to know what that means. At the same time, there are so many benefits that you get with that. You don't spend your money. So you save a lot of cash, right?

You're not spending money on food or things like that. There are these benefits and you're getting to know people that otherwise you would never get to know. Being on a ship at CA, like in the Marines or the Navy, I have no idea what that's like. I can't imagine, I mean, you're there for a year, like your commitments for a year. These crew, they are free to go.

It isn't like in the military where they have to stay. You can't just leave. That's the difference. And I'm grateful. I remember thinking a lot of people stay in my industry for money, you get a use to the cash. And so many people are done and they go, I quit.

I'm never coming back to yachting. They go through their cash. They go through the next thing, and they go back on board. I'm never coming back to Yachting. They go through their cash, digs thing in the next days, they're back on board. I'm like, oh, you ran out of cash because that's what keeps us coming back. For me as a cat, then it's very different. I get to interact differently.

I have more responsibility. However, I do have more freedom. Well, one of the things I loved about the book was how you relate so much of it to nautical terms and you start off the book by discussing the term walking the boat. And it's something I've been a part of many times during my life, both in the Navy and even as I've been a small boat owner. And I wanted to relate this to the audience in a personal way because Because sometimes in life, we walk the boat ourselves

by moving ourselves closer towards our goals. However, sometimes it's important to understand when wins of change occur. And we need to recognize how do you push against the power of things like fear and negativity. And in the book, you have this quote, I don't ask them if they know the job, I ask them how they would do it. Why sometimes in life, even though we know where we're going, do we need to go the other way to get to where we want to go at the right time? It's, yeah, I was talking about. I agree. I read something the other day. A pessimist complains about the when an optimist waits for the when to change and a leader adjusts their sales, right? To the wind. I think when you're in a leadership role or you're in those roles, you adjust your attitude

in your direction to the environment, right? Keeping in mind what your main goal is. So if the wind's pushing me in a direction, I adjust. And if I have to go the opposite direction to get to my destination, that's an adjustment. You have to be willing to do that. It's so many people are in their egos. Check your ego at the door. That's one thing about recovery is that they constantly check your ego.

I had this sponsor who was like, he was brutal and I needed that tough love. There are people who need the gloves on, gentleness, not me. I needed to be banged over the head a hundred times and that adjustment taught me sometimes what you think you know to get to where you're going isn't it. You have to go the opposite way to get to where you're going. You have to change direction. You know how many people

I work for there are billionaires who started in a business and thought oh my god this is it. It failed but they go. They didn't fail because they learned and they started a different business. My intention of my destination is to go on the straight course. So many times I've had to author it due to weather, maybe someone's sick and it's okay. I always get to my final destination. Sometimes you have to adjust your sales. That's what leaders do. Well, that reminded me of one of my favorite mentors, who is also one of my favorite guests on this podcast. It's NASA astronaut Captain Wendy Lawrence, who was the first Naval Academy graduate to fly in space.

And I remember in our interview, she discussed that you have to give yourself permission to dream your dream by taking daily action towards your goals and what she said is it's never a linear path. It's always going to be course corrections like you brought up. But what is your advice for a listener on how you dream your dream by finding joy in the daily grunt work and steps towards your goal? It's a choice. We're going back to choices. When I used to wash boats, I had a boat bucket, a brush, tea cleaner, and I thought it was hard work. That tea cleaner that asked it on your fingers. So I got gloves, right? So I fixed that part. But I made it fun. I thought to myself, I'm going to give myself an allotment of hours to finish my task. And I decided to make it a challenge.

That's my mental thought process. Let me give you an example. I just took over Captain Lee's boat because of his. I looked at this boat, 197 feet. I never run a boat that big before. The wind was 27 knots. And by the way, they said it's half capacity balthruster. Do you know how much we rely on a balthruster

on a vessel that size to get off the dock? And I thought, okay, I stood at that wing station with a gold medal tennis hall of favor behind me filming me on her iPhone, thinking, and the cameras in my face, and I know they were wondering, is Sandy gonna actually leave the duck? Or is she gonna stay on the duck? Because I was really intimidated.

That person behind me had no idea, the courage they gave me, when I thought about her, how she had to champion tennis player, two-time gold medal winner like GD Fernandez. She had no idea the motivation she gave me by filming me. I didn't think about her being nervous. She gave me the courage to take the risk to move that vessel off the dock. Because in my mind, if I lose the boat, I'm on the rocks the seasons over, right? Because the boats damaged.

But I thought to myself, I found my go-to places if the thruster completely quit. That I could drop my anchor, because as we put the anchor at the water line, when we were maneuvering in and out of a port. So I knew that I could set that anchor in the worst-case scenario, but I'd swing back and hit the dog. And that gave me the courage to leave. That is what it takes for me sometimes to find that courage to leave that dog.

And that's what happened. That's a great story. I remember in a much smaller scale of body and mind when I lived off of Lake Norman in North Carolina, I just bought a shaper L that it was probably 36 to 38 feet long. It's pretty big.

But if you're not used to driving them and he ends up wanting to go to grab this meal, we had our kids on board and he holds down and it's this narrow channel. And at the end of it, there aren't any slips. And the circumference to turn around at a margin of error of feet. And he looks at me and says, I can't do it. I need you to take over. And I've never driven his boat. And as I look over to my left, there are about 250 people standing there watching us. And I kind of had the same thing go through my mind.

I can either say, we're gonna have to get someone else to do it, or I'm gonna jump in there and have the confidence that I can do it. And luckily, I turned us around, missed hitting some boats by inches and got us out of there. But it's moments like that kind of define you. So I'm glad you brought that example up.

And I'm going to tell you about another defining moment for me in my life. I was on my first deployment on a ship as an officer, and I went to go aboard the Yucompi Gra, which used to be a Spurance Class destroyer. It's now sunk, actually. And unfortunately, when I arrived on the ship, it had its main reduction gear, sabotage by a member of the crew. It was the first peaceful sabotage and almost 100 years in the United States Navy. And the morale on board, the boat was so bad, I've never seen anything like it. And within weeks of arrival, and first the engineering officer was relieved of command,

then the exo, and finally the commanding officer was terminated. As an experienced captain, if you were asked to then have to relieve that captain and take over that situation, how would you do it and what is the importance of being a person of accountability? Relieving a captain because of morale and I've had to do that, right? So when you walk on, usually when you relieve a captain, you change your crew. And in the Navy, you don't get to do that

because it is hard to adjust a crew's mentality to a new captain who's used to working with an old captain. So that's a challenge. What I would do, which I do on below deck, because I don't hire the crew, is I walk on board, let's use Captain Leeds. As an example, I took over his crew. He has a very different management style than I do.

I didn't adjust my management style to match his. I came on as who I was. I'm not going to adjust my leadership style to match another person's, because clearly we have two different ones. First, it's about investing in the people and letting the people know that you're there to take over, take command, and you want this experience to be fun for them.

You don't want it to be the grind and the work and for them to hate it. I have an open bridge policy. Obviously, they have department heads, they need to go to them first. If they're coming to complain about their department head, probably not a good thing, right? Because usually when that happens, there's not much someone's getting fired. And it's usually the person that can't adjust to the department. Unless the department head's being really

belligerent and then I would notice that. So first I invest in them, I let them know that I'm I want to create a work environment. That's fun. That's engaging that. We first I invest in them, I let them know that I'm I want to create a work environment that's fun that's engaging that we're all here together and to build a team that spirit that I will get in and get my hands dirty. Then defining that line of this is not a democracy, you have to respect the position, but they don't have to respect me as a person, right? But they have to respect the role. And I know over time, for my leadership style, I will earn their respect as a person. And I let them know that I respect them, and I trust them immediately. That their job is to maintain that trust and respect. Once it's taken away, once they lose that, they have to earn that back. That's how I would approach it, walking in.

And when you watch this season, you're gonna see there's some things that have to change because these people are just out of control. You have to have control as a leader. They need to know that it's a controlled environment. Having that fun factor, if that makes sense. environment, having that fun factor, if that makes sense. It does, and this leads me to this topic of being a drift, which you're kind of referring to people becoming a drift.

And I recently had Scott Galloway on the show who's got a new book called A Drift, which is really about the trouble times we're experiencing, not only in America but globally. And what I wanted to ask you is what is your advice and what would you give a member of your crew or listener advice about how do you sail through any challenge and what is the importance of self leadership and charting your own course when you find yourself a drift. If you don't want to be a drift anymore, then you have to make a change, right? You can't point fingers at everything around because one of the things I learned in recovery is that you have how many fingers pointing back at you. You've got to take responsibility for yourself and you have to decide if it's something that you want to continue or do you want to change. And if you're a drift, then find someone that you're attracted to mentally,

like in their life, right? So for me, my sponsor is awesome human being. I love her practice of her commitment to her faith. I love how she begins her day, how she walks through life in her day, and how she ends her day by taking an inventory, right? Who did I hurt? If I did, make a men's promptly. What do I need to change?

What character do I need to build on? If there's someone in your life like that and you want to emulate that, then reach out to that person and say, hey, how do you do it? I, Leah and I talk a lot about this. We like like-minded people because when I wake up every day, I go,

how can I change? How can I be a better person? Just this morning, I was asked a question by her and my response wasn't a very gentle one. It was one that I had to have a do-over. Allow yourself those do-overs. And hopefully that person gives you the grace to have the do-over.

It is okay to make mistakes, but allow yourself to do overs and then give yourself the grace, but it starts with self-leadership. And I check my feet at the door, I make sure that I am a whole person mentally, spiritually, and physically before I walk out. Because it's threefold for me, mental, spiritual, and physical. I have a connection to a higher power. I take care of my body physically, because when you work out, you feel good. So funny, all these things that we know that we should be doing, when you take that action and you do it, you actually come out going, well, I feel amazing.

I choose every day to have a glass that's half full, not half empty. That's my choice. I'm an optimist. I choose that. And when the person standing in front of me, I give that. Because I have it, because I've filled my cup up by the action of my mental, physical, and spiritual. I love that.

And I'm also wanting to give you a plug for your own podcast because I love having podcasters who are on the show because I think we all are complimentary. I don't think we compete. We all have our own audience and people that we serve. But if the audience is unfamiliar with yours, can you tell them a little bit about it? Yeah, it's a captain standing lear ratio. I Thank you. We did this because the fans wanted it.

I, the last thing I thought, should I want another commitment on my plate? Sometimes you have to choose. It's your called, you're being called for the greater good and I feel that way and I, Leah having her daughter on there. To me, that was incredible. Listening to that, I wasn't in the room, and I got to hear that podcast, I was in awe. It's not about below deck, it's about the average person going through stuff and just having our experience, strength, and hope to be able to give it to other people.

Well, thank you. And audience, please go check it out. I got to listen to a few of the episodes, and you're gonna love it. Thank you. Well, speaking of podcasts earlier this year, I had Admiral James Stavreitas on this show, another ship driver like yourself. And one of my favorite books that the Admiral wrote

is Sailing True North, where he profiles 10 Admiral's on the voyage of character. And it just so happens to be chapter one of your book. And I wanted to ask, how did you find true North sailing through the gates of hell while being attacked by pirates? Okay, so I wasn't attacked. The threat was there.

This is a, I wanted an award for that. The training, if you want to master your craft, training is important, committing yourself to train, to read, to learn. That prepares you on the other side, not knowing that would ever happen. The training was fun for us. I always felt, oh my god, this is fun. We fight fires, we do this, we learn all these techniques and we learn. It prepared me.

The journey was doomed from the day we left. Anyway, so we get to the Red Sea. And I remember, was a president bush, was just reelected and as you know, parts of the world, the Republicans are not liked. And I had foreign crew on board, I had one other American, and they were booing America.

And I remember hearing this, because NATO formed a coalition of warships after September 11th, the Monitor Pirecy and Terrorist, right? Actions across the ocean and the seas. So basically, I had heard this female officer on a warship inquiring vessels of their cargo where there are destination,

or to call, and not one person, not one man would answer her. So that warship stuck in my mind warship 68 and also it was an American voice. When the fire happened so we first of all we our engines broke down. I had to find a place to anchor which was off of Yab 2 islands off of Haddida. And it was a military camp. We had no idea. So we were surrounded by gunboats. Took us five days to make our repairs.

As we leave, the seas were rough. Our fire, we had a fire. Now, I had security on board who was giving me intel about piracy action in the area. When the fire happened, I called, I remembered worship 68 and I called Coalition worship 68 and I said I'm an American citizen, sustained a fire flowing off the inventory, I require your assistance. They came back and said, we're on our way, you're our priority, you'll remain our

priority until you're safe. And when they arrived, everybody was like, you're not into America. And I'm like, I was like, you're not into America. And I'm like, I'm sorry, what do we see? An American flag. I don't see no kiwi flag. I don't see Croatian flag or whatever nationalities I have board. It was a US flag.

And I felt so proud to be rescued by a warship. And the only reason I called that warship because a female voice stuck out to me. It's so fascinating what your memory retains in an emergency situation, how you draw on those memories. I had a girl try to jump overboard. The guy tried to pull the CO2 with the engineer in the engine room. The security guy goes, the pirates heard your call, they're on their way and I'm like,

stop telling me that when they're off the bell. Tell me the pirates are off the bell because there's absolutely nothing I can do with the pirates on their way and I'm like, stop telling me that when they're off the bow. Tell me the pirates are off the bow. Because there's absolutely nothing I can do with the pirates on their way. And it was either a matter of time before the pirates or the warship. And when that warship pulled around the corner, it was incredible. I wish I could say that I felt relieved as they toticed into Haddhida. Yeah, man, was that a civil war? You know, here we are.

This massive vessel worth $50 plus million. All Western crew in that area. So it took 13 days. I was there every day. The security guys, like we got to get the rest of the crew off the vessel. So he had me fly them all home because it was less risk for him and less risk, right? So now there's only two people on board, which that was very smart. So I listened to the people who knew more than me, right? I wanted

my crew there, but he said we need to get them home. And I thought, okay, I listen because I didn't know. And that's the other thing. When you're in charge, I always say, I defer to my team. It's impossible for me to know everything. They bring different experiences. I defer to them, I listen, but I make the ultimate decision. I listen to security. We flew them out 13 days in hell and had died with rocket launchers, warships, like chewing the gats that stuff they chew, they get high and it's ramed on and they're hungry and they're high and I'm like oh my gosh and I'm blonde, it was scary and then I flew out of Sena, I got really sick, I flew to Dubai and I remember getting off the plane, the guy goes, kept him, you need doctor now. So he takes me to the doctor, I look around, and it's a pediatrician.

But I saw a doctor, but I made it out. And that, and my crew made it out, because I listened to the security guy. And I think, for me, the defining moment of my leadership is when I had the girl that tried to jump overboard, the guy who tried to kill the other guy, because he told the CO2 when I told him not to, and the engineer was still in the room, was maintaining the calm.

I think it's interesting how all this stuff can be going on around you and you're calm and focused, because I knew I had to get us rescued. I pulled the girl from jumping overboard. I sat her down. I told my chiefs to plot her position on the chart. She goes, she was British. She goes, Sandy, we're floating in Charlottesville. So I look over and I kept the mood light and I looked at the woman from the Philippines and I said, are you glad you didn't jump overboard? It's like you're better off here than being sharp shot. Like we found the laughter because I kept it light and my entire body was so stressed.

It was so stressed. And I just felt one thing, I just kept doing the training. I just, I followed the training. It was immersed in my body and I did one thing doing the training. I just step, I followed the training. It was immersed in my body and I did one thing after the next. Then we made it out and no lives were lost, no one was hurt. And then five years of court battles, my filing was absolved of wrongdoing. Well, what a story.

Well, what a story. Well, well, saying I'm going to talk about another Sandy, and I'm not sure if you have ever had the privilege of meeting Vice Admiral Sandy Stowe's. But she reminds me of you, she was the first woman to command an icebreaker on the Great Lakes and the first female to lead a US service academy. And similar to you, Sandy had to break down the barriers of being a female in the male dominated coast guard and spent over 12 years at sea.

And she and I talked about what it means to be a person of character. And I wanted to ask you the same question, what does it mean to be a person of character? And in the book, you say, when you go to hire someone, the first thing you look at is character. So why is it so important?

The Red Sea Fire is a perfect example. Character trumps skill every time because how a person reacts to something that doesn't resonate with them. You want to have someone who can have composure, right? Who has that character? To rise above if they're being attacked verbally or you want to be able to have that composure, because we're in the service business, right?

So in a super yacht, we're floating restaurant, resort, toys, personalities, conflict. You want to have that character. And in an emergency situation, I think, who do I want in my lifeboat? And that's where that character shines, right? So I hire for character because character trumps everything. You can train someone who doesn't know, but you can't teach character. They have to teach themselves that. They have to be open and willing to change, to build on character. And that's why I choose character over experience any day. Well, great. Love that answer. And out of all the chapters in the book, and they're all great, chapter five was one of my favorites. And I interviewed Jim McElvy if you're not familiar with who he is. He was the co-founder of Square.

And I asked him during our talk, what was the key to his success? And he told me that the number one thing that most entrepreneurs and leaders don't understand is that we are all born to focus on unique problems. But that every problem is solved by applying creativity. And you talk about anchors, we talked about it a few moments ago, but in the book you say that there are Eurachilles Hill, what have you learned about the importance of

creative problem solving through this example of the anchor and what can we learn from the tangled chain of an anchor in our own lives? Patience tolerance kindness all of those characteristics that You need I don't know remember the show magnum PI Do you remember that show of course? Yeah, how could I yes?

I love it. He's always like yeah, okay. He's always working the lock. Well, as everybody's running out, he stayed focused on working the lock, right? So work the lock. There was a time where our chains were tangled with other boats. And I remember the first officer, he had to go to the ballot. I'm like, just work the chain, work the chain. Don't stop working the chain. Don't even look up, just work the chain, right? Don't think about what's going on around you, work the chain.

And that's what we have to do. Avoid the distractions. Stay focused on what you're doing and work the chain. Because the minute you look up, that millisecond for us, it means a collision, right? So the boats come together with the wind, blowing crazy, the chains are tangled, just keep working the chain. And if every other boat where we're tangled and the chains are tangled, if we're working our chains, guarantee you we're

going to free our chains before we collide. And that's how I do it. That's my suggestion. Stay focused on working the chain. I'll explain. Monaco Harbor is a very narrow harbor. Well, not really. It's a wide harbor, but when you come in on a following sea, as those are very rough, tough seas to go into Marino on, and it was October, we were filming, and I thought to myself, okay,

this sea is a following sea, but I'm fine because it's a wide harbor. I had no idea there would be a cruise ship in that harbor, okay? So, massive cruise ship that seems to be the widest cruise ship on the planet. And then as you're approaching on the starboard side, there's a wall that comes down. It's quite low probably to our below deck windows. And I look over to the first officer because as you the waves get bigger as the panel gets narrower and I look over and I go, I'm going to make a wide turn. He goes, good idea. I needed that, right? As the people from all these boats were walking out to stand on the pier to watch me drive

that boat in on that following sea knowing we're being filmed and I thought to myself those moments where you go there's no turning back I had to commit I knew the threshold that I had gone through I knew the threshold that I had gone through was beyond the recovery. So I looked at the wall and I thought if I hit that, I'll kill them because that's where production is. If I hit the cruise ship, I'm just going to hurt them. As I'm being lifted up by the wave and pushed. I can't go faster than the wave because I'm going into a harbor that has a lot of boats in it. There was a woman filming over my shoulder, one of the producers, and she was going, ah, I don't know.

And I thought, is she breathing for me, or is she breathing for herself? And as you see my hand on the throttles, because on her video, my other hand, turning the wheel, I'm working at it. So I decided to go for the cruise ship and just hurt them. Obviously I didn't want to hit anything, but I made it through. And as the moment where I was able to release and take that breath, a bunch of little kids on lasers cross my bow.

So you see my hand on her video, go full throttle back, right? Because a boat doesn't have bricks. Just like an airplane, you put it in revert, right? And the boat's like hopping and cavitating and vibrating. You're hoping that the engines don't come out of the beds. And I'm praying to God that I don't hit those kids as the seas picking me up and pushing me in.

And in those moments, we're the defining moment of my decision where I knew I was past the point of no return. I had to commit, but I chose to hit the ship and not the wall, right? Because in my mind, I was able to stay clear and focused on worst case scenarios. Wall would probably kill them. Ship, I'm just going to hit it, bounce off. Just going to hurt people, right? That's what I chose. And I stayed focused. And that's how you do it. It's in those moments that are defining where you've crossed that line in that night. I'll never forget my old boss called me. And I'm like, it's a friend because John and Fran actually,

they gave me the opportunity. I go, remember those moments where you're at the point of a memory turn and I thought of a Key West moment where I handed the helm over to the owner because he didn't want to wait for the storm to pass to dock the boat in Marina and Key West. I forgot the name of the Marina, very tight, the current ribs and the keys.

And I go, let's just wait for the storm to pass, because it's going to pass. And he goes, no, let's go in. So I handed him the helmet. I go, remember those bullets? I go, well, I had that today where I probably shouldn't have ever gone into Monaco. But because I was committed to that, after I turned that corner, there was no escape. I had to commit. Those are the moments. Yeah, I think it's a great example of also trusting your instincts. Yes. Well, saying the last question I have for you is, why are we a master of our own fate in a captain of our own soul? Because we're in control of ourselves, right? So we're in control

of our decision-making. We have choices. We've learned that we have choices. We can choose to wake up have a great outlook on life or not Right, are you the optimist or the pessimist? And I choose to be the optimist. I don't care whatever I'm in. I will find the good. I will always look for the good That to me is the joy I have in my soul. That's the choice. Well, Sandy, thank you so much for giving us the honor of being on the show. Congratulations on the launch of your new book. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with our audience.

Thank you, and I can't wait to read your book. So please get it published so I can read it because you're an awesome human being. Thank you. Well, thank you so much for that and I hope 2023 is my year. Yeah, I think it will be. I thoroughly enjoyed that interview with Captain Sandy on and I wanted to thank Sandy, Hey House and Jessica Reda for the honor of being guest on the show today. Links to all things Sandy will be in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Please use our website links if you purchase any of the books from the guests that we feature on

the show. All the proceeds go to supporting the show and making it free for listeners. Advertiser deals and discount codes are in one community place at passionstruck.com slash deals. Please consider supporting those who support the show. Videos are on YouTube, either at John Armiles or at PassionStruck Clips. I'm on LinkedIn, you can also find me on Twitter and Instagram at John Armiles. You're about to hear a preview of the PassionStruck podcast interview that I did with Yahoo finances,

number one, relationship coach, Jamie Bronstein, who is a licensed therapist, relationship coach, and author of the upcoming book, Manifesting, a step-by-step guide to attracting love that is meant for you. We can't control what's going to happen in our lives, necessarily. However, we can control how we relate to it. We have a choice. So the issue isn't the issue, but how we relate to the issue is the issue. And life happens for us, not to us, meaning that everything that happens in our life

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