Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Chrystal Rose on Why a Life Without Passion Is Like a Life Without Air EP 138

Starting point is 00:00:00 Coming up next on the PassionStruck podcast. Don't feel bad about yourself if your life's not as good as that, right? I'm like, no, no. Why are we going to use the possibility or the thought that someone else's life may not be that good in order to make ourselves feel better? We're still focused on the external world. It's hard to love yourself because there are bits and pieces of ourselves that we don't like. Welcome to PassionStruct. Hi, I'm your host, John Armiles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets,

Starting point is 00:00:32 tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guest-ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to episode 138 of PassionStruck. Recently ranked as one of the top 50 most inspirational podcasts in the world.

Starting point is 00:01:18 Thank you to each and every one of you who comes back weekly to listen and learn, had a live better, be better, and impact the world. And if you're new to the show or you would just like to introduce this to a friend or family member, we now have episode starter packs, both on Spotify and our website. These are collections of your favorite episodes that we organized by topic to give any new listener a great way to get acquainted to everything that we do here on the show. Just go to passionstruck.com slash starter packs to get started. And I so appreciate it when you share this to like-minded friends. If you missed our episode from earlier in the week, it was with Jordan Pervenger.

Starting point is 00:01:57 And if you're not familiar with Jordan, he's the host of the Jordan Pervenger podcast, which is one of the most popular podcasts in the world. During our episode, we discussed his early life growing up in Michigan and how his influence to he is today. His FOMO about interviewing some of the extremely popular guests that he has on the show. We go into why he hasn't expanded from one podcast to many more and is doubling down on the Jordan Harbanger podcast,

Starting point is 00:02:25 as well as we went into the legacy that he hopes to leave with this show. And in case you missed it, my solo episode from last Friday was about how our brain controls our reality and five things that you can do to take control of it. Please go check both of them out and forward them and today's episodes out to friend and family members. And thank you so much for giving us five star reviews.

Starting point is 00:02:49 We now have over 7,000 of them on iTunes alone, and we appreciate it so much when we get those and feedback from the audience. Now let's talk about today's guest. Christopher Rose is a serial entrepreneur, transformative coach for high achievers, and the host of two podcasts, Self Love for Breakfast, and Breathwork Bestie. She is dedicated to helping business owners, coaches, and corporate rock stars shift from a place of hustle to living their dream life. Crystal has been in the personal development world now for over 12 years, shifting from

Starting point is 00:03:23 a mindset focused to a more embodiment approach. In today's episode, we discuss why she decided to close her popular women's boutique to focus more of her attention and energy on her passion for coaching. How she overcame childhood trauma and takes that approach into helping her clients. We discuss the topic of self-love and the best ways that you yourself can start practicing it. We go into why people feel they have to work so hard with the point of burnout, to feel like they have achieved success,

Starting point is 00:03:55 how you can actually make more by doing less, and we discuss how perfectionism be in a control freak and people pleasing aren't actually personality traits. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. So excited to welcome Christopher Rose to the Passion Strike Podcast. Christopher, welcome.

Starting point is 00:04:25 Hey, John. Thank you so much for having me today. I'm so excited for this. I am too. I might have told you I used to live in Charlotte. I lived for about seven or eight years in the Lake Norman area. Yeah, that's where I am. Well, I loved it there.

Starting point is 00:04:41 I miss, uh, in Tampa Bay now. So I miss, um, all those like days we used to have. Oh yeah, it's a great place to be. For sure. Yeah, it's one of my favorites because you know, the mountains and the beach are kind of co-weekly. Distance. So tons of different things to do and I love the small towns around that area. Yeah, you can't really get bored here. It's pretty nice. The weather, most of the year, is pretty decent too. So yeah, who would ever thought it would become the

Starting point is 00:05:09 banking empire of the world? Right. Yes. Well, well, I worked at the small company that's headquartered in Moorstead Lowe's. So it was pretty amazing when I was there watching us, because I started working for the foothills in Wilkesboro and to see that campus, I'm not sure if you've ever been on it, but it's pretty darn impressive. Yeah, it's beautiful. Yeah, I actually applied for a job there a really long time ago. Has a proofreader. No kidding. Well, yeah. Well, maybe that's a good jumping point because you've got your hands and a lot of things, but I understand some things in your life are changing. You have a boutique and you've had an online brand called Rebellion, but I understand you're making some changes there. So I thought maybe that was a good starting point to understand why.

Starting point is 00:06:07 Yeah, yeah. So I, um, if you know me, then you know that I am very multi-passionate. And if I'm into something, I'm into it. And I've been in the marketing space and the, in the nutrition industry. And when I started Rebellion, it was because I had gotten into health and fitness. And my body started to change. I started to get muscles. And regular mainstream clothes just didn't fit me. And it was very, very frustrating because I mean, I wasn't the Hulk or anything. I was just, my way's got a little smaller, my lats get bigger. And I just felt like I wasn't the only person, the only woman who struggled with this problem.

Starting point is 00:06:43 So I started rebellion to solve this problem for all of us. And what happened was that was about six and a half years ago. So what happened was, I built this incredible community of women. It became more than just about the clothes and helping women feel confident and beautiful and good and trying clothes that they normally wouldn't wear and getting a million compliments. It was amazing. I started doing coaching and I've always been in the personal inner work and helping guide others through it through my coaching.

Starting point is 00:07:28 And it became very clear that that's what I love. That's what I'm really passionate about. I'm passionate about serving women. And I realized I'm no longer passionate about the way I was serving them before through the clothing store. And it's not a tiny little thing. It's a pretty decent sized business at this point. And so it took a lot of my energy

Starting point is 00:07:49 and wanting to pour more of my energy into my coaching and serving these women in this way. It was fueling me over here and then draining me over here. And I realized I've gotta do something about this. I need to go all in on my coaching and what I'm really passionate about now. And as sad as it is, I've gotta let do something about this. I need to go all in on my coaching and what I'm really passionate about now. And as sad as it is, I've got to let the store go. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but I think when you know

Starting point is 00:08:15 what it is you're meant to do, you've got to go after it. I know that's definitely how it's been for me. And at times on this journey, people have told me, I'm crazy and what are you thinking and look at all the stuff you've given up. But, you know, when you fulfill, when you feel fulfilled in what it is that you're doing, it changes everything about your life. Totally. It's funny because I don't think people even bother to tell me I'm crazy anymore. It's just like they know. They just know that if there's something I want to do, I'm going to do it and that's it. And if I no longer want to do something or it doesn't feel an alignment or a good fit for me, I have no problem burning it down to the ground. And I know that it's really scary for a lot of people, but for me, it's just kind of like this no longer fits. It was great while it was the thing and now it's just not.

Starting point is 00:09:09 So I'm happy to, yeah, I'm happy to move into the thing that is lights me up all day every day. What about this new venture? Would you say is your uniqueness or the superpower that you bring out? Oh, I love that. It's a superpower. I honestly believe that one of the biggest assets I have is my depth of compassion. I went through an incredibly traumatic childhood, the first 18 years of my life.

Starting point is 00:09:42 And I was able to, I guess self-regulate. I never really had role models. I didn't have any adults that really believed in me. Like my own parents were just kind of like, yeah, well, you know what I mean. I didn't really think I would make much of myself. And so I had to become my own cheerleader, my own best cheerleader and really support myself through things.

Starting point is 00:10:06 And which men, I couldn't allow myself to fall into darkness. And I have a lot of people that have asked me, like, how are you not like in a ditch? I don't understand after what you've went through how you can be who you are today and be so kind and loving and giving. And I'm like, I just wouldn't allow it.

Starting point is 00:10:24 I couldn't allow that to happen to me. After everything I went through, I felt like my life began when I got out of it. And so when I sit with other humans, even an angry person who's angry at me, it has mean things to say to me, I'm able to like really look at them with compassion and love.

Starting point is 00:10:42 And I think that is such a superpower. I'm lucky enough to date a very compassionate person. So I can tell you how big a difference that makes. And she's a nurse practitioner and she's absolutely the type of person you would want in that job. Because she treats every single patient as if they're the most important person in the world. Feeling is the second I stop caring and having empathy

Starting point is 00:11:12 and doing this for the wrong reasons, but for the right reasons. It's time to hang it up. But just today, she told me that a patient came in and said her cardiologist said that she saved her life. So credible, it must feel incredible for her to get that type of feedback. How did you overcome those stuck points that you had from your childhood? Because it couldn't have been easy to go from the hurt that you were feeling

Starting point is 00:11:39 to become this compassionate woman that you are now. And yeah, your correct. It was not. I was a monster for a while. I was not a nice person for a while. There was a long stint of time where I just needed attention and it didn't matter who it came from. It was just like, look at me, love me. I think I'm pretty, I couldn't really function without it. And I needed that external validation. And that came from men and relationships for the longest time.

Starting point is 00:12:09 And when I realized I was hurting people, I shifted. And then my coping strategy became work. And I became obsessed with working and having multiple jobs or multiple businesses. Or if you asked me to jump on a project, I'd be like, yes, it doesn't matter if it felt like the right thing or not. It felt like I was needed and I'm going to do it. And it's one more thing. And that is what really was the kind of the catalyst for realizing I needed to change something like actually on the inside. Because I thought if I am successful, if I do are doing all of these things

Starting point is 00:12:49 and one of them really pans out or maybe they all do, then like that would be the ultimate validation. Then I would be worthy. I'd be worthy of love and I just be seen and valued. And that was not how it works. At all. Yeah. So how do you think things like body image of for men and women fit into that as well? It's an external thing. And when we're seeking external validation from others,

Starting point is 00:13:25 we internalize it. So I didn't realize with the overworking thing that there was a self-worth issue, and that goes along with body image. We, I look exactly the same. I wear the same size clothes that I did like two years ago, three years ago, four years ago, and I was like obsessed with, you know,

Starting point is 00:13:47 watching every calorie and doing all that about a year or so ago, I just decided to do intuitive eating because my whole business is based on intuition and embodiment. And I'm like, wow, and nothing has really changed, I look the same. And it's funny because there was a point where I looked like this and I would look in the mirror and be like, ugh, disgusting.

Starting point is 00:14:09 I need to do this and I need to lose that and tighten this up and you know, and now I look in the mirror and I'm like, oh, this is pretty cool. Like, I don't really concern myself too much. I take pride in my appearance. I want to look at the end of the decent, but I'm not attached to looking a certain way. And I don't believe that my life will be better if I do. So I think a lot of the times we really hyper focus on like how our body looks when we're not feeling so great on the inside. Yeah, I mean, oftentimes it's a reflection of how you feel on the inside, isn't it? Yeah, absolutely. I think that's an important lesson for people to hear and being a parent of a just turned 18-year-old daughter.

Starting point is 00:14:56 I know especially now as kids are growing up, I think they're constantly just out of habit comparing themselves to all these people that they see on social media. When you don't look like that, I think at times we can be so terrible with ourselves. We punish ourselves and don't accept things. I know, through my own life, I think I was going through something similar to you in that I was so consumed by the grind and searching for the wrong things, searching for meaning and how people perceive me instead of myself just being happy with what I had and who I was. Yeah. Why do you think it's so difficult for people to find self-love?

Starting point is 00:15:49 I really do think it's because we have such a hyper focus on the external world and we do compare ourselves to each other and to the highlight reel and whatnot of each other. And I just want to speak to that really quick because the highlight real thing, people use it as this way to feel better about themselves. They say, oh, all this stuff isn't real or people are only showing you the highlight reals don't feel bad about yourself if your life's life may not be that good in order to make ourselves feel better. We're still focused on the external world. It's hard to love yourself because there are bits and pieces of ourselves that we don't like that we perceive as bad or negative, right? Like those thoughts that creep in and tell you you're stupid or like you'll never make it or like what are you even doing?

Starting point is 00:16:46 Or maybe we have traits that you lash out in anger or you say something mean to someone and then immediately you have that like, oh, what I do that? Shame kicks in. And I think we're so afraid to feel our feelings. We're so afraid to feel shame or pain. And we immediately just kind of like shove it to the side, and we don't process it as we should. And so it kind of bubbles under the surface, and it's all this kind of

Starting point is 00:17:12 yucky energy and feelings that we constantly like shoving down as opposed to sitting through it, processing, through allowing ourselves to experience the pain or the unfortunate thing. If I hurt your feelings and you say, hey, Crystal, that was that was kind of mean and that really hurt my feelings. What could I do? I keep you like, well, you're just so sensitive, right? Let me just shove that back on you or let me let me shove it down because I don't want to feel the fact that like I may have said something that hurt you. Instead, hmm, let me sit with the shame of that and the feeling of that. I don't want to be hurtful to people and feel this feeling.

Starting point is 00:17:53 And then what do I do? I'm sorry John, that you're right, that's not who I want to be. But we don't do that. We avoid. We avoid. We might come back and apologize, but we don't like to be in our body. We do not like to feel our feelings. We like to live in our brains. People start to love themselves when they start to meet those parts of themselves that they do not like with love and with compassion. That's where it begins. I think that is a great way to think about it. I talked to you before we came on today that my solo episode for this week is on the importance of self-love, but I started the episode out with a line of a song in the spotty we will live and in the spotty we will die, where you invest, your love, you invest your life. And I kind of took it that we think of love in the sense of loving another person, but you will only love another person will only love you as much as you're loving yourself. I think a lot of times we don't think about it that way. some book called Transcend and it's the new kind of philosophy of Maslow applied to the 21st century,

Starting point is 00:19:10 but in there they talk about D-love and B-love and D-love is kind of like narcissistic love. It's like focusing on the dark side whereas B-love is being at peace, showing empathy, having compassion, kind of being in the light. I know people who are listening probably would say there's a balance between self-love and unhealthy self-love, which can be seen as being selfish. So how do you maintain that balance? Here's the thing, to me, it's not a balance, they're not the same, right? Like, there's no such thing as unhealthy self-love. Narcissism, ego, arrogance, that is not self-love. That is what I like to call a protector. It's something that keeps us safe. It's a coping strategy. It's not true genuine love.

Starting point is 00:20:06 And so if you know someone who's like, I'm great and has to tell you about themselves all day, every day, and doesn't care about listening to you at all. And when you tell them they get defensive, that's not true love. That's not actual self love. Loving yourself means you accept yourself. For all of your parts, good, bad, ugly, indifferent, and appreciating the things that you are really great at, and being able to say, yeah, I'm really great at this, right? And knowing where you're not so great and knowing

Starting point is 00:20:38 where your weakness is lie. So I don't really consider it a balance to me. I think it might shock people if I'm like, I am awesome. I'm so great. I'm like, oh, she thinks she's great. Like, yes, I am. I am great. I am a gift. I know that and I believe that. And I think when people are in my energetic space and I say something like that, they're like, yeah, they can feel it. It's not this like inflated thing that's trying to hide the fact that I do not feel good about myself. And that's where I think the difference is, it's like that genuine belief. And when you said, I can't love another until you love yourself, I agree in the sense

Starting point is 00:21:18 of you can only go with someone else as deep as you've gone yourself, right? Like I can't hold someone else's hurt and pain and compassion if I haven't addressed, I mean, addressed my own. So I have to work on my own stuff because the deeper I go with me, the deeper I can go with you. And that goes for love too, that the more I'm able to hold myself with compassion and love and acceptance, the more I'm able to do that with another and really understand that if this person you can't control it with people, right? This person does something I don't like or hurts me. I can still hold them because I'm able to do it with myself.

Starting point is 00:22:00 We will be right back to my interview with Crystal Rose. Oprah Winfrey, she's living, breathing proof of the power of passion, running away from home at age 13, starting a media empire, and now worth $2.6 billion. All to say that, when she makes a big move, you can learn a lot by watching. And after she made $60 million in one fell swoop,

Starting point is 00:22:22 I did some research on how, and my eyes were open to a market out there worth $1.7 billion. That, for the first time, we all can be part of no Oprah-level billions needed. How? There's a startup that's blowing the whole thing wide open called Masterworks. Powered by passion, like all good startups are, and eager to change the world. To learn more, go to masterworks.io and use promo code passion.

Starting point is 00:22:54 That's masterworks.io promo code passion. See important regulation, A, disclosures at masterworks.io, slash CD. That's masterworks.io promo code passion. And we know all these promo codes can be so difficult to remember. So we put them in one convenient place on passionstruck.com slash deals. Thank you so much for supporting the sponsors who support this show and make it free for our listeners everywhere. Now, back to my interview with Crystal Rose. I think a lot of that makes sense.

Starting point is 00:23:28 And one of the things that you said early on is actually something that Maslow was really focused on, especially in the later parts of his life. He was kind of looking at himself as he was nearing his death and he was kind of looking over his own life on things that he liked about himself and things that he didn't. But he said that one of the most important things about love or being able to demonstrate love is to quiet the ego. I think it was great that you brought that up. You see so many people who have these pergarious egos and

Starting point is 00:24:07 see so many people who have these perg areas egos and you know you see so many of them unhappy in their personal lives. To me it all comes down to you've got to love another person the way you want to feel that love. If you're not in a good place with yourself how are you going to be in a good place for someone else? Yeah, it's tough. It's, it's tough, especially if you have things that, that ego, that, and our ego is all things, right? It's, it's the sheds and the shudderance, the internal judgment. It's not always just like overinflation, but that's usually what we kind of see the example of in society. But I think when I see people who are mean or when I see people who are like really up on themselves, I just think like man, they got to be in a lot of pain. They have got to be in a lot of pain because there's no way you do that if you aren't, if there isn't, and that

Starting point is 00:24:59 could be deep internally, like where they don't recognize it. It's not on the conscious level because they think everything is great. They're great. You don't act out of eco if there isn't something underneath it. Those who feel self love, love others, those who hurt others. And I think there's a lot of truth on both of those statements. There was a timer. I was in a lot of pain before I found this work.

Starting point is 00:25:24 And I'd worked through a lot of the stuff, the hustling and sort of, you know, like I was still in a lot of pain. And there were times where I literally just wanted to disappear. I just didn't want to exist. But I still was able to treat other people well, but I wasn't able to be present for them. I wasn't able to give the way that I am able to give now. I tried, but it was like that whole metaphor, that pouring from an empty cup. I just didn't have anything really for them. And so there wasn't a lot of connection that could be had because I just wasn't available because I was in pain. I can so relate to your story. No one has trauma or the same upbringing.

Starting point is 00:26:09 I mean, there are no two people who are alike. I've just come to the realization that the vast majority of people have experienced trauma. There's either two things you can do. You can just pretend it never happened. And I mean, I tried to do that for a while. It just builds up. And before you know it, depression seems in and numbness,

Starting point is 00:26:31 seeps in and apathy, seeps in. Or you can choose to take the steps, which is going to be very difficult to address those stuck points. But on the other side of it, you don't feel that weight anymore encompassing your life. For me, I stopped feeling the self-blame because I came to the realization that I didn't

Starting point is 00:26:52 cause these things. So, I happened to be the victim of them. When we have trauma or we are in these things, we tend to want to internalize it. We want to say, think that we were at fault. Someone is raped, oftentimes they look at it like they did something wrong instead of- And society does not help out with that, right? Like, what were you wearing?

Starting point is 00:27:15 Where were you? Why was it laid out at night? Why were you out that late? Why were you drinking? It was society pushes that narrative also that it's fewer the victim of something than well you could have avoided it it's your fault. Yes, we have that conditioning. What is the persona for you a person is listening to this who are the types of clients that come to you for help. So I love, love, love working with women business owners. I do have a

Starting point is 00:27:48 couple of male clients, which is kind of funny. I actually really enjoy it because it's just different. There's a different energy there, but I really love working with women high achievers, business owners, women who have achieved a level of success, but don't feel like they have. I think we're in this society. Women are like, we have to, we have to have this like force and hustle and go, go, go, and work, work, work. And it's a very masculine energy to be in and it's depleting for us. And we get burnt out. And then we think that it's just like part of it. Well, it's just part of it. You want to be successful. We have to practically kill ourselves by working so much. And so I really have a heart for them and I really do believe that me

Starting point is 00:28:33 going through the boutique owner process, I mean, I've owned other businesses before, but this boutique was probably my greatest teacher. I have come to bring other boutique owners into my world as clients because I got them. I know what they go through, I know what they're struggling with, and I know even just like the nuances of even just tools they use in their business. So it's been really great to be able to work with women who have such a love and such a passion for what they're doing, but just feel like they are just not good enough and just not worthy enough.

Starting point is 00:29:05 And they hit that big, big milestone. And they're like, okay, they're already looking at the next target. And so I really love being able to work with these high achievers who have their checklists and they want to win at all the things. And they want to force their way through it. Like, okay, let's just get to the end where I'm like, as they say fixed and I don't fix people. We're not about fixing people because we don't need fixing But it's such a joy and such a pleasure working with these women and getting to watch them go from this Hustlely Like this tight contracted almost feeling in their bodies to Oh, just feeling at ease and like making these decisions in a completely different way

Starting point is 00:29:49 and trusting themselves and then celebrating when they actually, when they do things big or small and spending time with their family, getting that quality time, working less, making more. Like that just makes me so happy and so excited. Yes. Well, on this topic of business people, why do you feel so many, especially professionals feel like they have to work so hard and push themselves to burn out in order to feel

Starting point is 00:30:20 like they're successful? I think there's like societal conditioning in that. There was like this entrepreneur boom where a lot of these people like Gary Vee is just known for never sleeping, working non-stop. To look at all he's built, right? So there are these like entrepreneurs and the social media, we're seeing this happen.

Starting point is 00:30:40 Work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work and this idea, you have to work hard to be successful, right? Hard work pays off. If you want to be like, let's say you want to be a multi-millionaire, you want to be a millionaire, right? And you're like, I have to work so hard to do it. Why aren't teachers multi-millionaires? They work really hard.

Starting point is 00:30:58 Firefighters, they work really hard. Like, there's a lot of people out there who work really, really, really, really hard, who are broke or are not making great salaries, right? And so it's not about working harder and harder and harder and harder and harder. It's about what is right for me, what's the right way to work for me so I can be optimal at everything that I do. But I think it's just become this trend and I was in it. No sleep for the wicked. I can sleep but I'm dead. Like what was that? No way. My goal right now is to get eight hours of sleep at night. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm trying really hard. You know, one should be up until, until before I am working and then

Starting point is 00:31:42 getting up and working a second job at seven. It like, no, we need to take care of ourselves. And the more we take care of who we are on the inside and our bodies, the more output we have, it's amazing. Now I'm so in bored with this, but before I really thought I had to just crush myself constantly. Yes, well, last week I was lucky to have on a woman by the name of

Starting point is 00:32:07 Claude Silver and Claude happens to be Gary Vee's right hand person. And I asked her that question is the Gary Vee that you see on social media, the same Gary Vaynerchak who shows up at work. And she said, no, she said, he said same Gary Vaynerchak who shows up at work and she said, no. She said the Gary Vaynerchak who is her boss is compassionate, empathetic, patient. I don't know that about him.

Starting point is 00:32:37 Yeah, I believe that about him. Yeah. And she said so, he does walk the walk if he's gonna break something, but she's seen him in the seven or eight years. She's worked with them grow so much because some of the things that he was prophesizing, he was wrong and he will admit that as well. So showed me a different side of him than I expected to see. Yeah, and I think he's a guy who likes to work. And I like to work too.

Starting point is 00:33:07 And I love working. I don't have, it's really hard to not have hobbies outside of work because I just don't want them. And so having to almost force myself to find something that I find joy in outside of work, because I just like to work. But when you're continuing to grind all the time, it just it wears on you and you're just not fresh. Yes. And I can relate exactly to what you were saying before. I started my journey in the civilian world after I got out of the military and at first, I wanted to be a partner and a big four consulting firm.

Starting point is 00:33:41 Did that, then I wanted to become a chief of information security officer, did that? Then maybe I should go for the CIOC, did that. And then after that, I still wasn't satisfied. So then I want to be a CEO. And so I finally gotten that CEO chair and I'll tell you what, it's lonely at the top. Sometimes, or what I expected, but a lot of it was far different. But I think there are a lot of people who are like I was and you're constantly never satisfied and feel like no matter where you're at, you haven't accomplished what you're meant to accomplish. So I can tell you since I've shift my mental paradigm around, I listened to one of your podcasts earlier this morning

Starting point is 00:34:27 and you talked about how your weight would like constantly fluctuate. And for me, for years, it would do the same thing. And I realized now looking back, it was because of all the stress that I was putting my body under when your cortisol levels are all out of whack when you're not eating and you're rushing to eat because you're constantly on the go. All these things come out of balance and I use this analogy quite frequently when I coach people and that is so many of us live our lives like we're on a stool with one support, which is okay unless that support tumbles over. So I now look at life as if I'm on a stool with multiple supports. Some of that can be your career, your relationships, but it's got to be your mental health,

Starting point is 00:35:18 spiritual health, and physical health as well, and they all have to be aligned. physical health as well, and they all have to be aligned. Yeah, and allowing support in period, right? There are so I'd like you to pride myself on not needing anybody. I don't need help. I'm not asking for help and not needing anyone. And that was because I didn't have anyone for the longest time. And so I had to kind of build that up and just not need anyone. And now you're seeing like, if you want to be a successful business owner or a successful sea level exec, like you need people to help you do that. You can only go so far with other humans supporting you and taking things off your plate and then doing the thing, you need that. And then also like with what I do, I've talked to people literally

Starting point is 00:36:03 like a year or two ago, better like I just want to, I want to do it myself. I'm gonna figure this out for myself and I'm like okay and then a year later they're like hello I would like your help now and I'm like yeah let's collapse time together because you get to take what I know and apply it. We don't all have all the tools. You know things that I don't know, and I know things that you don't know. And so if I want to be where you're at, I want to know how you got there, like help me. I'd rather hire you to get there, then stumble around and think I just got shaped this whole thing together, and then being the same place a year later. We need each other. That's what all of this,

Starting point is 00:36:46 this whole world is about. Forget just the coaching world. The whole world is about being there for each other and we cannot do this alone. I have this concept that I talk about called being a visionary arsonist because I think we all the time arson our own dreams and aspirations,

Starting point is 00:37:07 because we're not being intentional about our actions. A lot of us put focus on peak experiences, but it's really the plateau experiences that matter the most, because the peak experiences are hard to duplicate. But if you start focusing on the plateaus, it's those points in your journey, in your everyday life that you don't even think about. You just take them subconsciously. And if you don't treat those moments and how to make the most of them,

Starting point is 00:37:42 I think that's where a lot of people, because they're not being intentional in those moments, they end up arsoning and not putting the focus on the things that are gonna drive them closer where they need to be. Totally, like intentional and present, because we're not, we don't live in our present moment, right? This plateau is boring, I want to get to this goal. Let's, I just wanna be on the other side of this goal.

Starting point is 00:38:03 Like that is where most people live, right? Just can't wait to this goal. I just want to be on the other side of this goal. That is where most people live, right? Just can't wait to my vacation. I can't wait until this promotion. I can't wait until I make X-Mondon sales. There's always this goal. And then we get there and we're at the top of that key. And we're looking down and we're like, okay, well, where's the next one? It's like no celebration, no appreciation. And so then if we can't be here in the present moment and really enjoy the boring stuff or the stuff that's just kind of nuts and bolts,

Starting point is 00:38:33 how can we actually turn it on when we get there to where we want to go? I'm in a place right now, it's so weird because it's probably the first time I've actually been here and settled and been like, how this is really nice. Of where, yeah, I mean, I have plans for my business and plans for this year and exciting things I am looking forward to. But being here in this moment, I'm like, this is so good.

Starting point is 00:38:57 Like, I like this. This is so good and not needing to push into something else. Has been just very nice. It's been very pleasant. And I'm like, wow, like I kind of wish I had done this sooner. And I'm like, this is how I know everything is completely in alignment for me and where I need to be because I'm really enjoying the journey. The journey is feeling like the destination. It's not, oh, I can't wait to like get to the destination because that's going to feel so good. No, it feels good now. And I know when I get to like my next big goal or thing to celebrate, I'm going to be like,

Starting point is 00:39:32 ah, I'm going to be so into it. I'm going to be so excited. I'm going to be so happy. And I'm going to revel in that before I move to the next thing. And that is really exciting. No, I would agree. Living in that moment and enjoying the ride, taking it all in, is so important. And oftentimes, we just brush it aside, like I was saying before,

Starting point is 00:39:53 you miss those special moments that you should sit and linger in more often. Well, I thought it would be a good opportunity to switch topics. I always wonder when people I fell a podcast. I've had the ideas of launching multiple shows. One of the questions I was wondering is you could add additional episodes into PassionStruck and make them be around set topics like vitality or relationships, or you could start up multiple podcasts. What made you decide to do two different ones? So self love for breakfast is my like,

Starting point is 00:40:34 it's like all the things, right? Like everything that we're talking about today, like it's not just about self love, but also about finding, you know, me talking to a guest and getting to hear about their life and what they, it's all the stuff, it's business, it's health, it's wellness, it's hobbies, it's relationships, it's all other things.

Starting point is 00:40:57 And it's a very talk-oriented one. And so I wasn't planning on starting a second podcast and then it just one night hit me like a lightning bolt. And it was like, you have to do this. In addition to being a coach, I'm also a breathwork facilitator. And it's been so amazing to guide people through. Almost like, if you don't know what breathwork is, it's similar to meditation, but it's like, if meditation

Starting point is 00:41:23 like went to the gym and worked out every day and like took steroids and gotten really jacked. That's breathwork. If you struggle with meditation breathwork kind of turns off your brain and like your brain has to like just check out. So you're really able to get into your body and find that sense of peace. And so because I love facilitating a breath work so much, I just came through one night and it was like, you need to start a breath work podcast. So we're not gonna be talking on it. I'm not gonna have guests.

Starting point is 00:41:51 There's not gonna be the regular format that self-love or breakfast would have. And not everyone who listens to self-love or breakfast would be a listener for breath work bestie. That's what we're going. So when I realized that these are two very separate shows, I have to do it. And and breathwork bestie is literally just you'll look at the episode list and instead of like, oh a new episode, I must listen, it'll be like, what do I feel like I need today?

Starting point is 00:42:20 Oh, here's a breathwork session for gratitude or I am worthy or the divine feminine or whatever where you can just scroll through and if you like one you can do it multiple times and do the practice along with it. So it's like almost like using like a meditation app or something like that as opposed to like a show. Okay. So very different things. Otherwise, I would never have just started a hole and then they're showing a different topic because that would have, I feel like that would be too much.

Starting point is 00:42:52 That sounds like it's gonna be a great show. I've done the most intense breath work in practice in yoga. Especially when you've got an instructor who really makes you do the belly breathing and etc. when you're doing a a hatha and you're really intensely focusing on that breath work it's almost as if your mind gets so wrapped around the breath work that you'll even notice the poses that you're holding for so long. So it's kind of an interesting duality in a sense. Yeah, it's an incredible experience.

Starting point is 00:43:31 I mean, I've had sessions where, and like there are different breath patterns, right? There's so many different breath patterns that we can use and utilize. And I've been in some really deep intense sessions where so I'm breathing and I'm doing the thing. my brain's not really there, and then I'm getting like messages, oh, we should do this or this should happen. And it's not, I know it's not coming from my brain, it's like my body, or I might just ask, like, what do I need? What's my next step?

Starting point is 00:43:55 And like the next step comes to me in this session, and I've had emotional releases, which I think is so important. It's very self-healing kind of modality where there have been times where I have been crying and there have been times where I have been very angry and allowing myself to like scream and anger and then hysterical laughter. And some of these have all happened separately

Starting point is 00:44:18 in separate sessions and some of them have all happened in the exact same session. And the beautiful part is that there's no story attached to the emotion. It's not like, well, I'm crying because I'm sad about this. It's like, no, this is something that's in my body and wants to be released and giving it space for that. So it's like so incredibly healing, emotionally, mentally, physically. And it integrates into your everyday life, whereas like, if you're like, oh, I'm stressed, I better go meditate. Like we're doing the thing to feel better.

Starting point is 00:44:48 And instead, it's like when it becomes a regular practice in your life, it integrates into the rest of your life. And so suddenly these stressful situations that you'd normally be and you're like, hi, I don't feel stressed. I feel really good right now. It's a strange. So there's just so many, there's so many benefits.

Starting point is 00:45:04 Like I could talk about breath for a It's a strange. So there's just so many, there's so many benefits. I could talk about breathwork all day. So for the guys who are listening to this episode, my thanks not Macho to do breathwork, I can tell you where I started was actually when I got stationed with a seal team. Wow. Yeah. That was where I got exposed to yoga. That's where I got exposed to Oh, yeah. That was where I got exposed to yoga. That's where I got exposed to breath work. I actually had a friend of mine, Mark Devine, on the podcast who is one of the biggest advocates of using breath work.

Starting point is 00:45:34 And that's, they actually called him cyborg when he was in the teams. And, but it was because he was so intentional about how he showed up. And a lot of it was because he was so intentional about how he showed up. And a lot of it was mindfulness practice he used and the breath work to keep himself there, present in the moment, not panic, have clarity in so many things.

Starting point is 00:45:56 So that's awesome. So when you start thinking about some of the most successful people in the world, whether it's Tony Robbins, Mark Benioff, the list can go on and on Tina Turner. One of the things they all have in common is they all meditate. So there's definitely something there. And I think talking about self-love, getting that breath control, being able to see yourself in that way, and to be in that Zen moment is a great condition to learn how to do because it can help you with so many things in

Starting point is 00:46:34 your life. So many. It translates to so many things, yeah. Yes. I did want to give you an opportunity to tell the audience if someone was interested in learning more about you. Obviously the two podcasts can be found on any podcast player. Yes, but how can people reach out to you directly? Yeah, so my favorite place really is Instagram. My handle is at X-T-R- which is XtalRos.se. And I love DMing with people and like going back and forth and DMs and sharing voice notes. That's like my absolute favorite.

Starting point is 00:47:11 You can go to my website crystalrose.com, C-H-R-Y-S-T-A-L. And my email is very easy. Hi, acrystalrose.com. Or find me on Facebook. I pretty much frequent Instagram and Facebook and answer my messages. So if, yeah, that's the best way to reach out really, because that's the quickest. Okay. I always end the podcast by doing just a quick round of fun questions. Sure. And I can't wait to see how you are asked to do karaoke in the car. Who would you want to have singing next to you?

Starting point is 00:47:55 Oh my god. Who would I want singing next to you for karaoke? Like a musical person, yeah. I don't know, like Lady Gaga just comes to mind. I don't know why. Okay, well, it should be a great one. What a kind of a performer. She's amazing, yeah. If you could go out to dinner with any Patriot player, current, or ever, who would you pick? Vince Wolfork. Okay. Just a teddy bear. I don't know. He just seems so nice. I just love him. I would say Tom Brady, but I'm still a little mad at him.

Starting point is 00:48:39 Well, I had a great and very unexpected Tom Brady encounter. When I first moved to Tampa about a decade ago, I was spending almost all my time because I didn't have a house yet in this Hilton hotel. And, you know, I get on an upper floor and I'm riding down and I'm doing the thing on the phone where I'm just looking at text and wasting time. And I start hearing two people in the elevator talking about game preparations. And I look up and it's Bill Bella check in Tom Brady. Oh my god. And I'm like, die. And so I have been a lifelong Michigan fan.

Starting point is 00:49:19 So of course I had to say something to Tom. But the two of them were as nice as could possibly be. So, Megan is, I bet. I'd love to be though. I'm sorry. Is there a motto or a saying or an affirmation that you say to yourself that might benefit the audience? This is actually, this is something that I feel like I live by. And it's

Starting point is 00:49:47 funny because I saw it on a piece of artwork like more than a decade ago. And it kind of actually fits with the title of your podcast. So it's a quote that says, a life without passion is like a life without air. Suffocation is inevitable. Oh, it's great. Yeah. I love it. So last question would be if you could meet someone alive or dead who you've never met before,

Starting point is 00:50:22 who would it be in life? Hmm. or dead who you've never met before, who would it be and why? Mm. I would like to meet my grandfather that died before I was born. My mother and everyone in my family speaks, has the most amazing things to say about him. And he was just the kindness person. I would love to have been able to know him. Yeah. Well, I think that that's a great inspiration.

Starting point is 00:50:50 Well, Crystal, thank you so much for joining us on the show today and telling all your incredible wisdom. It was such a joy to have you. Yeah, thank you so much for having this. This is awesome. So fun. I really enjoyed that interview with Christopher Rose. And during it, we discussed a previous episode I did with Claude Silver, which was episode 101, if you want to go check it out. Additionally, I wanted to talk about a few of our past and upcoming guests. In case you missed it, we recently had on Susan Cain to release her new book,

Starting point is 00:51:23 Bittersweet. We also had on Rechen Ruben, the author of many New York Times bestselling books, including The Happiness Project, Outer Order, Intercom, The Four Tendencies, and many more. We recently also had on Dr. Michelle Seger, who recently released the book, The Joy Choice. And in the coming weeks, we're doing a few more book releases, including May 24th, where we will have on Admiral James Stavridis to release his new book, Taurus Kedall. And I also interviewed Michael Seligman, a professor at Columbia University, on his new book, About Secrets,

Starting point is 00:51:57 which releases June 7th. And if there's guests like those that you would like for me to interview on the podcast and you'd like to send a recommendation, or you have a question or a topic that you would like for me to interview on the podcast and you'd like to send a recommendation or you have a question or a topic that you would like me to discuss on my momentum Friday episodes. You can reach out to us on Instagram at John Armiles, LinkedIn, John Miles, Twitter, John Armiles, or send us an email at momentumfriade at passionstruck.com. Thank you so much for all your support of this show and for making it become one of the most inspirational podcasts in the world. Couldn't have done this without this community's help.

Starting point is 00:52:32 Now go out there yourself and live life passion struck. Thank you so much for joining us. The purpose of our show is to make passion go viral. And we do that by sharing with you the knowledge and skills that you need to unlock your hidden potential. If you want to hear more, please subscribe to the Passion Start podcast on Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher or wherever you listen to your podcast ad. And if you absolutely love this episode, we'd appreciate a five star rating on iTunes and you sharing it with three of your most

Starting point is 00:53:05 growth-minded friends, so they can post it as well to their social accounts and help us grow our passion start community. If you'd like to learn more about the show and our mission, you can go to passionstruck.com where you can sign up for our newsletter, look at our tools, and also download the show notes for today's episode.

Starting point is 00:53:25 Additionally, you can listen to us every Tuesday and Friday, or even more inspiring content. And remember, make a choice, work hard, and step into your sharp edges. Thank you again for joining us. you

Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Chrystal Rose on Why a Life Without Passion Is Like a Life Without Air EP 138

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