Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Dr. Neeta Bhushan on How You Overcome the Suck and Find Joy in Life EP 246

Episode Date: January 26, 2023

This episode features an interview with Dr. Neeta Bhushan, author of the soon-to-be-released book That Sucked, Now What?: How to Embrace the Joy in Chaos and Find Magic in the Mess. This how-to manual offers grace to the human experience by reassuring listeners that life may throw them a curveball now and then, but they can bounce back and even fly forward. What Dr. Neeta Bhushan and I Discuss About How You Overcome the Suck and Find Joy In my conversation with Dr. Neeta Bhushan, we explore a candid approach to personal growth that embraces and learns from difficult experiences in order to achieve lasting resilience. We discuss the challenges of bouncing back when things go wrong, the impact of four key areas of life on one's ability to recover, and the steps of the Fly Forward framework for navigating the stages of Falling, Igniting, Rising, Magnifying and Thriving. Through sharing her own personal successes and failures, Dr. Bhushan provides valuable insights and practical strategies for overcoming setbacks of any magnitude in this essential interview to be referenced whenever life presents challenges. Full show notes and resources can be found here: https://passionstruck.com/neeta-bhushan-overcome-the-suck/  Brought to you by Policygenius. --► For information about advertisers and promo codes, go to: https://passionstruck.com/deals/  --► Prefer to watch this interview:  https://youtu.be/vHAp3PMxy5Y  Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally! --► Subscribe to Our YouTube Channel Here: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles Want to find your purpose in life? I provide my six simple steps to achieving it - passionstruck.com/5-simple-steps-to-find-your-passion-in-life/ Want to hear my best interviews from 2022? Check out episode 233 on intentional greatness and episode 234 on intentional behavior change. ===== FOLLOW ON THE SOCIALS ===== * Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/passion_struck_podcast * Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/johnrmiles.c0m  Learn more about John: https://johnrmiles.com/ 

coming up next on the Passion Struck Podcast. Because many times, if our current environment isn't supporting us, and I'm talking about just even, you look up anything, Shwee or ancient Asian rules of how to even set up your environment to evoke new and fresh energy, the same thing goes for, well, if you're not feeling inspired in your current environment, change something up. If you've been going to the same coffee shop for well, if you're not feeling inspired in your current environment,

change something up. If you've been going to the same coffee shop for years or taking the same path to work, let's change it up a bit. And that's where we have a blank slate to start over and to reprogram different neurons in our brain when we say yes to new environments, when we say yes to new things.

And I think that is the beauty. Welcome to PassionStruct. Hi, I'm your host, John Armiles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality

so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guest-ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to episode 246 of PassionStruck. Recently ranked as the third best podcast for mindset and the fourth for conversation.

And thank you to each and every one of you who comes back weekly. But listen and learn how to live better, be better, and impact the world. And if you're new to the show, thank you so much for joining us here today, or you simply wanna introduce this to a friend or family member, we now have episode starter packs, which are collections of our fans, favorite episodes that we've organized in the convenient topics

to give any new listener a great way to get acquainted to everything we do here on the show. Just go to passionstruck.com slash starter packs or Spotify to get started. In case you missed my episode from earlier in the week, it featured Dr. Ethan Cross who's the best-selling author of the book, Chatter, and we discuss all things involving the science of conversation. Please check it out. And thank you so much for your continued ratings and reviews, which goes such a long way in helping us bring people into the passion-struck community where we get the opportunity to deliver a hope, meaning inspiration and connection to so many weeks. Now let's talk about today's episode. Our guest today, Nitha Bhushan,

sat out on a journey that took her across 45 countries as she investigated merging the nexus of human behavior, ancient wisdom, Eastern philosophy, and therapeutic psychology. After realizing how confined she felt, managing the multi-million dollar dental practice that she had founded, this information coupled with other life lessons about overcoming many obstacles, such as growing up orphaned, escaping an abusive marriage, and suffering a great deal of grief, helped shape the inspirational message of resilience that she delivers. Today, we launch her new book, That Sucked Now What? How to Embrace the Joy in Chaos and Find Meaning in the Mess,

which is a how-to guide that offers grace to the human experience by reminding you that life may catch you off guard, but you can bounce back and even fly forward. Dr. Nita Bhushan is a Re-time International bestselling author and world-renowned emotional health advocate. She is also the founder of the Global Grid Institute, a wellness education platform for optimizing well-being and co-founder of the Dharma Coaching Institute. A coaching organization training coaches to become the highest versions of themselves. Nitha has shared her thought leadership on grit on international stages and as the host of her popular podcast, Brave Table.

Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so ecstatic today to welcome Nita Bouchon to the Passion Start podcast. Welcome Nita. Oh my gosh John, it's so good to be here. Thank you. I love that you said my name right. First of all, so thank you for that. Well you're welcome. Well I wanted to congratulate you on this launch of your brand new book, which I absolutely loved, titled That Sucked What Now. How to embrace the Joanne Chaos and find meaning in the mess. Congratulations. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I know it's an edgy title, and I think that it's really

giving permission to people to embrace their suck and their sucky moments. to embrace their suck and their sucky moments. Well, speaking of suck, we all have moments in our lives that define who we become. How did December 31st, 2011 change the course of your life? Oh, wow. Gosh, yeah, that was such a rock bottom time for me. Do you think that on New Year's Eve, that when everyone is going out, celebrating, there's fireworks, there's planning your intentions for the new year? For me, I was sobbing in my master bedroom in this beautiful home

that I thought was going to be the ticket to happiness. I thought that life that I had created up until that point with all of the bells and the whistles. I was a cosmetic dentist at the time. I owned my own practice. I made all of the family members around me, the aunts, the uncles, everyone around me proud. I had gotten married. So I fell in love, we got married. And I was at one of my lowest points of my life. And while there was a dichotomy going on because on the outside, I had all of these amazing things going after me. It was the pinnacle of my life of what I thought was success, monetarily, and all of these amazing things going after me. It was the pinnacle of my life of what I thought was success, monetarily, and all of these things, the first-class travel,

and all of the bells and whistles around it. But internally, I was not only emotionally distraught, I was also physically numb, and I was mentally not in a good place. Really, that day was the first day I would say, physically numb and I was mentally not in a good place. Really that day was the first day I would say, wow, I am in a very toxic relationship and I need to get out. And I would muster all the courage

and the bravery that I would have and I would leave that relationship and leave that life. And that would be the last time I would leave that relationship and leave that life. And that would be the last time I would see that home and start this new chapter of fully healing all of the things that I had not dealt with a whole decade earlier. And mind you, I was about 29 when this December 31st

happened and I hadn't reconciled all of the trauma when this December 31st happened. And I hadn't reconciled all of the trauma that I had hid and put away, neatly tucked to never be found until it all came bursting at the seams that night. And that was really feeling the depths of my pain in losing my mom, my brother, and my dad, all within a span of four years before I was 19. And so that day, December 31st, was just a reckoning and a reclaiming of myself. Yes, I can sympathize with you. I didn't go through the exact same things. I had buried a lot of my past trauma.

That started when I, for my childhood, and went all the way through when I was in the military. And I was also in an emotionally abusive marriage for a very long time. And I came out of that and about a year afterwards, I walked in on a in-house robbery that was taking place where a burglar actually pointed a gun at me. I don't think I had at that point really processed completely the divorce because it had been 20 plus years and kind of those things all hitting me brought up everything from the past and it was just this huge outpouring where my emotional cup was just so full that I finally reached this point of hitting rock bottom and then realizing that it was up to me to take control and that I had to build myself back, work by brick to get back to where I needed to be.

And I think growing up in a very strict Catholic household, we had this heritage where you don't ever get divorced. And so I allowed myself to be in this abusive relationship and I think your heritage knowing what I know from traveling to India and knowing a lot of Indian males and females also played a big role. And why it took you a while to have the courage, resilience and strength to do something about it as well. And I don't know if you wanted to talk about that or share anything about that because I'm sure other people feel the same way that we both did.

Yeah and I thank you for sharing that because I think that there comes a time where you're shame around the cultural roots, the upbringing definitely plays a role in our decision-making and it's a part two of that saknawa in the book. I talk about there's four pillars to really being able to create unshakable resilience or the audacity of your resiliency. And what I mean by that is the first part of that, we have to reconcile our upbringing. We have to make peace with it and forgive whatever we were taught, whatever we needed to unlearn, whatever we needed to just make sense of that. That's why I was doing that. That's why I stayed in that for so long. That's why I never said anything. Many times my mom was actually Catholic, she was Filipino. So everyone in her family, yeah, it was like, oh, nobody, we don't get divorced.

Why would you, why would you do that? They wouldn't even talk about that because for the sake of the family, it was God forbid that you do that thing because you would be shunned out of society. And that's essentially what it was. So much so that I think for a very long time, some members of my family refused to talk to me. And it was only

because in their lives they were holding on to unhealthy relationships that they didn't know how to get out of. And many times when we're starting to uncover our own truth, when we're starting to uncover our own, what I like to call our own Dharma, our own reason for what is making us come alive. And it is the magic that is found in our mess if we are open to the magic that's in our mess. And I think so much of our upbringing is based on some of the traumas that our family members had to go through. I know my dad was born right before the partition in India and Pakistan. I know that my grandfather was traveling quite a bit because he was the ambassador to UNICEF, but it was a very top position in New Delhi.

And so he was gone half the time. So my dad was around his mom quite a bit. My mom came from a lineage of Paget Queens where they were taught perfection was everything. Perfection, beauty, and being strict about their, what and who they were going to share things with. And they are such a sense of pride. So guess what?

They start passing it down to their children. They start passing it down to the next generation until somebody is brave enough to say, hey, no, that's not gonna be my reality. And I think that was the big thing for me to break that and be the one to say, you know what, fine. I'm speaking and living my truth. This is not something that I am going to tolerate

and I'm gonna start to find a new reality because of that. That's the first part of building your bounce factor that I talk about. Yeah, and I think similar to you, I was facing this feeling of imposter syndrome in my own life because I was trying to do all these things to please everyone outside of me. And when you start doing that and you start living your life for awards and recognition and this and that, it just has this spiral effect of taking you farther and farther from

your true self. And I know this is something that you experienced too. How did that feeling impact your life? Oh wow. Yeah, I would say when we're in our spiral of ourselves, I kind of like in it to being in the victim mode. And in the victim mode where we are constantly judging ourselves. The victim mode of judging ourselves of how did we get into this and why me. I remember vividly when I was in the throes of just the heartache of and pain of losing my mom, my dad and my brother. I remember that year I was

still I was in college and I was, I there are a sophomore or junior in college, but I begged and I pleaded my grandmother, my Filipino grandmother and my Indian aunt, they were kind of the matriarchs. They were the lios in my family and they were the lions basically, and I begged them, I said I couldn't go away to college and I just, I have to leave. And I was the care taker of my youngest brother at the time, who was five years younger than me. But I knew in a sense that I had to get out of my current environment because my current environment was, it was so heavy,

it was so dark, it felt like I was never going to get out of this cloud of what I was living in day to day of just this constant grief and overwhelming grief. So they said yes hesitantly. And I booked my ticket to Rome, Italy, where I would be 20 years old for the first time ever, and with all of this freedom to now recreate a new identity for myself. And it was the first time I didn't know a lick of Italian, but I was smelling the lofty air of just Rome. And if you've ever been to Rome in the summer, the sweltering heat, there's no I see I remember taking an Italian philosophies class, but I was thinking like, why me?

Why did this happen? And I grew up with an upbringing of being Catholic, but also my dad was Hindu. And so I was just in this, this victim spiral. And I remember in this Italian philosophy's class, we started learning about this concept called Amor Fati. The stoic philosophers believed that that amorphati was to love one's fate. That's what it means in Latin, and to love one's fate. So I learned early on about the stoics, and honestly that changed my trajectory and my life of, wow, okay, instead of why me, why not me? Because the stoics really loved all of their circumstances,

the hard, the good, the heavy, the tough, all of the setbacks, they loved every ounce of it, because it made them better warriors. And for me, have that mindset at 20 years old, the first time that I am away from family members and grief, and I could actually see and smell joy and interact with other people. Well, the second part of the bounce factor is

that you talk about in the book, in the part two of the book, is really getting into, well, changing up your current environment. Now, I'm not trying to say everybody should go to Rome, Italy, while it might seem like a great idea, but I think that to change up your environment, well, it could look like maybe saying yes

to a different class, a new experience, a pottery class, an art class, a martial arts class, something that will revigor and reignite the spark in you so that you get out of that victim's spiral, so that you get out of saying that why me, and then instead moving into the why not me. Yeah, I think that's some great advice. And you say in the introduction of your book that none of us is a blank slate, and pretending we can wipe ourselves clean, only leads to frustration.

And I think it's a good question to ask, why is that based on what you just talked about with trying to get into a new environment? Because as you said, our environment can cause so many things and it can lead to us pretending that we are a blank slate. Yeah, because many times if our current environment isn't supporting us and I'm talking about just even you look up anything, Shue or ancient Asian rules of how do you even set up your environment to evoke new and fresh energy.

The same thing goes for, well, if you're not feeling inspired in your current environment, change something up. If you've been going to the same coffee shop for years or taking the same path to work, let's change it up a bit. And that's where we have a blank slate to start over and to reprogram different neurons in our brain when we say yes to new environments, when we say yes to new things.

And I think that is the beauty, and that is the secret sauce, and that is that magic of reinvigorating ourselves to doing something new, to starting something new. And I just still recall that magical time in Italy where it would then change the course of my life because then for the next, I don't even wanna say this

because I would reveal how old I am. But for the next 20 years, I would then make it a point that I would visit Europe in the summer, if not every year, every in the summer if not every year every other year If not every other year would be every two years or three years But I've been all over Europe at this point and that's been a magical place of mine And again not saying that you have to go there But maybe think in your life where else can you

Reignite a blank slate for yourself so that we can look at something with a fresh pair of eyes. So we can get inspired when we change up our environment. Maybe even changing the way your bed is in your bedroom or the way your desk faces to just get a new perspective. And I think that's really John what we're leaning at. It's just gaining a new perspective in our circumstance, in our setback, in our life. Yes, and I have had a number of astronauts on the program and one of them's a naval academy

classmate of mine, and we were talking about this thing that they experienced called the overview effect. And it's this feeling that once they're up there in outer space and they're looking down, they're part of something so much bigger. And he always talks to me about when they would fly over a major city like New York, he would think about the people who were down there stuck in traffic and how their perspective is shaped by the emotions that are around them.

But when you see how small an event that is and the overall ecosystem and how much bigger an impact that you can make by just shifting your thought patterns, how much that altars. The way you think and how you approach life. So I think it goes hand in hand with what you were just saying. Yeah, totally. Yeah, totally. Well, I want to jump to resilience because it's something that you talk about frequently in the book, but it's often a word that is used too much these days, I think, by a lot of self-help gurus. But you lay out a new definition for it.

You call it audacious resilience. And I wanted to ask, what does it mean to be audaciously resilient? And then how does that differ from audacious self-regulation? Yes. So I use the term audacious as an actual literal intentional commitment. Because can we have the strong intention to do something new? Because when we think about resiliency, any terminology, we think mental toughness, we think mental strength. Yet we're not taking into account the literal root of the meaning. If I go back to my Latin class in Italy, the meaning of resilience or resilient means two bounds. And if I were to take a glass, that's tough. That's hard.

Or a piece of granite and try to bounce that piece of granite. Well, we could say in argue, well, that's tough. It's got a lot of toughness to it. It's brittle. It's strong, heavy. If I let that piece of granite go, it's going to shatter into so many pieces. But if I get a basketball, and if I even touch

the basketball, it's not super soft, but it's not super hard either. It has a little bit of give. It has a little bit of agility. It has a little bit of flexibility that when you let it go, it's going to drop what it is going to bounce and it's going to bounce a little higher, maybe a little lower. But the key indication for that is we're not going to just be rigid in who we are. It's really inviting all of our feelings to the table and all of the emotions that either we've learned and we've programmed in our minds to think, oops, I need to be strong. I can't feel that right now. I can't hold anybody else's pain. I can't sit with that because that is too discomforting for

me. So therefore, I'm going to numb. Therefore, I'm going to use my vices. Therefore, I'm going to escape this feeling. I'm going to escape this emotion because it's too painful to feel that. So what do we do? We pick up our phone. We activate dopamine. We swipe swipe activate dopamine. Oh, I feel much better. We use all of these tools so that we can not feel so that we can numb. But what I'm saying is feel it. Sometimes we have to feel it in order to heal it. And what does that actually mean? Well, when we are exposing ourselves to a new environment, me going to a new coffee shop or going to Italy, taking a philosophy's class, when I was pre-med. I mean, all of these things they are rewiring new patterns. What are they doing? They are evoking good stress. And good stress is essentially the secret sauce to building

resiliency. Because if we're exposing ourselves to let's just say a cold shower or an ice bath, who really wants to? Let's be honest, who really likes jumping in cold water? Not me, maybe on a nice hot day, but not in the middle of winter. There's no way am I gonna jump into an ice bucket, one of those cold plunges, but what are the benefits? Well, it's supposed to be great for our system,

great for circulation, great for inflammation, great for longevity, all of these things. Why aren't we all doing it? Well because the act is actually painful, the act does not feel good. The benefits are great. All right, well, what if we actually break it down a little bit? What if we say, okay, the first 10 seconds is really going to be painful.

But then can we increase our capacity every day to increase any vocal that good stress? So that by the time day five comes around, yeah, it still sucks. It's not going to be pleasant, but we're getting over that fear. We're building that resiliency. We're building that bounce factor. We're building our capacity to hold good stress. And then we get into the next part of this, which is our feelings, our emotional capacity to actually feel,

which is being able to notice when we're feeling and we're judging ourselves for feeling that feeling. And we're judging ourselves for expressing an emotion or we judge ourselves for getting angry. We judge ourselves for having rage. Men are taught, we shouldn't express those emotions. And women are taught definitely those emotions do not live anywhere. So what are we doing? We're suppressing them. We're suppressing them. We're suppressing them. Until one day, our top is off. The pressure cooker is off. We got to let the steam out, and then we're labeled crazy. But what if there was a different way to release that? What if there

was a healthy way to release that? And I talk about a lot of these healthy ways to release and process as these emotions, because it is part of that third part of our bounce factor, which is to feel, which is to acknowledge and honor when we know that we're actually holding things in so tight and we're clenching our fists because something's made us so angry and so upset. But instead of why not go into the back room or go into your car, take a pillow and scream it all out. Because what we're doing there is we're actually activating our vagus nerve and our vagus nerve allows ourself to get back in our body and regulate our nervous system.

And the audacity to regulate our nervous system is just our intention. It is the intention of us saying, yes, I'm going to take care of my nervous system right now because it needs to calm down. It needs to release. It needs to move through these emotions. We're not going to move through them by bypassing them and pretending, yeah, I'm good. I'm good. Thank you for ghosting me the other day or thanks for not getting back to me, yeah, I'm good. I'm good. Thank you for ghosting me the other day, or thanks for not getting back to me, but I'm actually good instead of, because then what do we do? We then act passive aggressively, and then we hold that resentment in, and we're like, and we judge that person or we judge that thing, or we judge ourselves, and then we start spewing

out resentful comments subconscious Subconsciously or consciously, instead of actually sharing what we need, hey, it really meant a lot to me when you weren't there, when I needed you. And I really thought that we were deeper in our friendship or deeper in our relationship, or deeper as colleagues, and it really made me feel that you weren't

there for me. What is going on? To be able to share that vulnerably and honestly, that is part of our emotional capacity to feel. And then finally, our self-awareness, our radical self-awareness to know. Am I actually doing okay today? Do I actually want to go to that game? Or is it because we've had this guys night

for the last six months, but I'm not, I think I need to actually stay in today or I think I need to not do that thing anymore and get somebody else to do it. That is how we build our audacity of resilience is strengthening our bounce factor. Well, I think that was a wonderful explanation. And this year on my podcast,

I've been trying to tackle some of these difficult emotions like you're talking about. I did an episode last week, 241 on the value of pain for growth. And my episode coming up this week, episode 244 is stop feeling stuck. And when you're faced with this situation, it can be hard to feel your feelings

and not be overtaken by them as you were just explaining. And I loved in the book that you bring up this concept of being human 101. And I wanted to build on that because in this feeling of being stuck, you have advice for the skills needed to handle sucky moments, and I was hoping you could share them. Oh, yes. Wow. Yeah. In the first part of the book, we get into the part of the magical moments that sucked. And in being human, we are going to feel the feelings. And we're going to express our feelings. And I'm so glad you're doing an episode on feeling those emotions

because I think for so many men and just thinking back even my own father coming from the lineage he came from, the patriarchy as an Indian man coming from India, they weren't taught to feel their emotions. And there was a lot of this repressed and suppressed anger, but that anger only builds in resentment where it's normal to feel these emotions, but to then stay addicted to these emotions, I think that's the problem, because we've had no place for them. And to pay attention when we are either staying addicted to a certain emotion, because we don't want to climb ourselves out.

It feels good. It feels good to live in that resentment because maybe you were hurt at some point. And you didn't have the languaging to say, Hey, I really care about our relationship, but that thing that you did, that really hurt me or creating boundaries. Hey, I can't hang out with you as much as I did for because now my kids, they really need my attention after school. And I would love to spend one on one time with you. Can we just set something up once a month where we can actually go on a walk or we can actually go for coffee or whatever, because I really want to deepen our relationship.

And I think in order to be human and understand that there are going to be certain triggers, there are going to be certain circumstances, there are going to be certain people that are even going to activate us in that way or get us upset and angry, but it's our ego that is coming up as well. Our ego is telling us, Hey, we need to protect ourselves because we're feeling threatened right now. That's why we get triggered. That's why that same person triggers you and it can go into something that you have an experience for five or 10 years, but all of a sudden now you're starting to grapple with that emotion. It's easy for us to bury it. It's easy for

us to numb it. It's easy for me to tell my kid to stop crying. It's harder to sit in the discomfort of that pain. Why? I was just teaching in one of my communities and it's an emotional release training. And one of the students asked, hey, need though, what do I do if I see somebody that's crying uncontrollably? And they won't stop. And I said, wow, that question does not have anything to do with the training. It has nothing to do with how to help that person or what they're seeing. It has everything

to do with what that person views about crying and sadness. And so I asked, well, what is your relationship with sadness and crying because why can't it be okay? That person just cries. And it's almost the metaphor that I use. If you've ever been on an airplane before and get seated next to a crying baby. Now, before kids, I was definitely that person that was like, move me to another seat. Please do not want to be here sitting next to a crying baby. For kids, I was definitely that person that was like, move me to another seat, please. Do not wanna be here sitting next to a crying baby. But here's the thing, what were we told about those emotions?

I know for a fact, it brought me back because I was emotionally aware, back to, oh, a time in my life, when my dad told me, I'll give you something to cry about. So I couldn't be okay with somebody else's sadness and emotion. And many times it had to be because I wasn't okay with my own sadness and emotion because I was taught that toxic positivity was the only way my own coping mechanisms that got me through some of the hardest times. way, my own coping mechanisms that got me through some of the hardest times. And now I invite

people to actually see it with that discomfort. What does it come up for you? And it's the same thing with anger, by the way, in our society, anger gets a bad rap. But it's not the feeling of the anger. It's the what do you do with the anger that gives you the bad rap. That is the big difference. And I want to say the big distinction. That is huge. Yeah, I had a guest on the show last year named Claude Silver and Claude has a really cool role for Gary Vaynerchuk. She is the first chief heart officer that has ever existed in a company. And her role is to weed out toxic positivity by bringing in emotional optimism, which is a lot of what you just talked about.

And I want to jump to part two of your book. You've mentioned it a couple times, but it's all about bounce factor and what makes you bounce. And we've been talking about a number of these things throughout the interview, which are you're upbringing, your current environment, emotional capacity,

which we just covered and self-awareness. And one of the things I talk a lot about on the podcast is the importance of our daily choices in achieving long-term aspirations. And I recently interviewed Rachel Hollis, one of your neighbors there in Austin and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. And in both interviews, we talked about how our future self

defines our present self so much more than our past. Why do we need to use this bounce factor as a way of looking forward and navigating what we want our future self to be? Yeah, oh gosh, I love this question in me. You're such a great interviewer, John. I think many times, if we don't want to get stuck in the same circumstance, as you talk about passion struck, right? Passion struck gives people a North Star.

It gives us a North Star to what we are working towards. And I can talk about how do we manifest the things that we want in our life as well? But it starts with, well, if we are even turning a new leaf because something sucked, that's why the book is called that sucked, not this sucks, because this would imply that we're so stuck in the suck. It's that sucked to give reverence to to give reverence to whatever did suck in the past and to acknowledge its presence, to acknowledge that it wasn't pleasant, but to also say, hey, what's now what? What are we going to do next? We're going to paint a picture forward. What is that next step? What

is that now what going to look like for you? And in order to build that foundation, the bounce factor is your building block. And in saying that sucked now what, you're also building your muscle of radical self-awareness, because in the radical self-awareness piece, you're also saying, okay, yes, I am committed to my own growth with whatever that looks like. And I'm going to embrace the challenge and I'm going to embrace the messy and I'm going to embrace the chaos all at the same time. But really, what I'm doing is practicing my own inner awareness, my own inner GPS, my own inner guidance, so that I'm not going to repeat those same patterns that got me here. I'm going to choose a new reality because now I know better. Only if I choose to pay attention, and that is your radical self-awareness. That is strengthening that bounce factor.

Okay, and then I wanted to make sure we also covered part three of the book, which is about how can we achieve long lasting positive change in our lives after we recover from setbacks and you introduce a fly forward framework. And I was hoping that you could discuss the five stages. Oh, yes, because once we've been through some sucky moments, what are the chances that we're also

going to be going through sucky moments again? Well, 100% because we're human, we're in this human experience. And guess what? No one's immune even after you've built a strong bounce factor. And guess what? No one's immune, even after you've built a strong bounce factor. And I love the fly forward framework, because in the five steps, you can even recognize in your day to day. Oh, I just had a fall. Oh, OK, am I judging myself again?

Oh, I am. Am I doing the thing that I usually do, or am I choosing differently? Am I going to lose it again, or am I going to choose something different? So the first step is to recognize when you have a fall. And there are emotions associated with the fall. We might feel hopeless, we might feel nothing's working for us, we might feel that we don't want to move forward. This is when you've actually had something bad happen to you. And it could be a diagnosis,

it could be a failure, it could be a setback, it could be an obstacle, it could be a failed decision that you made, it could be a relationship that didn't work out, a job that you got just got fired from, whatever it is, there is a fall. But the second step is that ignition, the ignite phase, where there's a fire lit somewhere to say, all right, get up and we got to make a decision. We've got to make a choice. Am I going to sit in this sock or am I going to create a new reality for myself? And the reality can be small. It could be, am I going to beep at this guy who just cut me off or I'm going to do something

different. It could be as big as, should I leave to pursue my passion because the same thing keeps on happening over and over again. And then stage three is, well, when you've actually decided to do what scares you, take that leap, do that thing that you love so much, or discover what that passion is. You're in the rising stage and rising is incredibly powerful, but it's also uncertain because you don't know if you're really going to love it. You don't know if you're going to be good at it. You just know that you're curious to this new

reality. You just know that you're curious about creating something of meaning that you love and without any expectations because you're curious, but you might be reserved, you're curious, but you are just accepting where you're at right now. And the dichotomy of two opposing emotions can exist because it is scary. It is uncertain, but it's also exciting and it's also magical and it's also fun to not take yourself so seriously. And then stage four is that magnifying. When you know you are confident now in this new reality, you know that you're doing more and more of your passion. You don't know yet if you want to make it a full time thing, but you're like,

Hey, this is now something that I want to teach other people. And you're almost wanting to give back in some way. And stage five is a thriving aspect. Now when thriving, you are setting yourself up with new habits, with rituals that support you, with a community that supports you, and as well as you knowing that you might have a fall again, but your fall won't be as bad, It won't be as deep because you've already been practicing these tools so that you can fly forward. Well, thank you for going through that. And I'll ask you one last question. And that is if a listener would like to know more about you, you've got a great podcast as well as the books are

everywhere in your personal site. Can you share some of those things? Yeah, absolutely. We'll come to that suckednowat.com. I have a special offering for your audience and for those listeners who want to deepen your just commitment to yourself in this healing journey wherever you are at when you buy the book. You actually go to that suckednowat.com or you actually go to that sock to nowwhat.com

or you can go to Amazon and grab it as well. But you also unlock the free 44 page digital guidebook that is chock full with basically a whole process and a lot of the tools that we were talking about today, John, we just go a little bit deeper. We have prompts, we have journal entries, and it is the best tool that anybody can use to accompany the concepts in the book because we go much deeper

there. It is color coordinated as well, and it's just beautifully done to support your evolution as well as a five-day fly-forward healing practice. And on day one, we start with healing our relationships. And in these are 10 minute audios to create your own visualizations, your affirmations, and basically what you are calling in for, whether it's abundance, whether it's taking brave action or whether it's just centering back to yourself. So that's all for free when you actually

order the book at that sucked now at dot com. Well, Nita, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It was such a joy and honor to have you and congratulations again on your great book. Oh my gosh, John, you were so great. I appreciate you so much and thank you so much for having me. I thoroughly enjoyed that interview with Dr. Nita Bouchin and I hope you did as well. And I wanted to thank Nita and Hay House for the privilege and honor of having her here on the show. Links to all things Nita will be in the show notes on PassionStruck.com. Please go and check them out. And use our website links if you buy any of the books from the authors that we feature here on the show. It helps to support the show. Videos are on YouTube, it's John Armyles and also on PassionStruck Clips.

Advertiser deals and discount codes are in one community place at PassionStruck Clips. Advertiser deals and discount codes are in one community at place at passionstruck.com slash deals. Please support those who support the show. I'm on LinkedIn and you can also find me at John Armiles, both on Instagram and Twitter. And if you want to know how I book all these amazing guests, it's because of my network. Go out there and build yours before you need it. You're about to hear a preview of the PassionStruck

podcast interview I did with Rory Vaden, a co-founder of the Brand Builders Group and the world leading expert on the psychology of leadership and influence. Rory's first book Take the Stairs is a New York Times bestseller that has been translated into 11 languages. Rory writes and speaks about how the key to building a rock solid reputation and to success in anything is to do the right thing, even when you don't feel like doing it. It is understanding what personal branding is and what it is not. Personal branding is about the problem you solve in the service of other people. It's about service. It's not self-centered. It's others-centered, right? It's not self-actualization. What, you know, Maslow's hierarchy of needs talks about self-actualization.

I think Maslow missed it. I think Maslow was run, run short. It's good to become all that you're meant to be, but there's a level beyond that, which is becoming everything you can be in the service of others. That is a level of power and a depth of fire and passion that is non-extinguishable.

The fee for the show is that you share it with family or friends when you find something insightful or meaningful. If you know someone who's dealing with trauma or overcoming obstacles, definitely share today's episode with them. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so that you can live what you listen. And until next time, live life at Shinskraut.