Passion Struck with John R. Miles - How Do You Overcome the Culture of Exceptionalism? w/ John R. Miles EP 163

Episode Date: July 15, 2022

So many of us struggle with a sense of inadequacy because we are immersed in a culture of exceptionalism. As a result, we will not dare even to consider being average, nor do we know how to accept it with humility. The problem is that this culture of exceptionalism threatens to turn the idea of personal excellence into an anachronism. It is teaching us that it's terrible to be average. As a result, it inflicts people with chronic hopelessness and loneliness because they feel they can't settle for anything but being the best. If they don't, they are a failure. --► Get the full show notes: https://passionstruck.com/how-do-you-overcome-culture-of-exceptionalism/  --► Subscribe to My Channel Here: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles --► Subscribe to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/passion-struck-with-john-r-miles/id1553279283 *Our Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/passionstruck.   Thank you for listening to this podcast. I hope you keep up with the weekly videos I post on the YouTube channel, subscribe to, and share your learnings with those who need to hear them. Your comments are my oxygen, so please take a second and say 'Hey' ;). Passion Struck Podcast Starter Packs New to the show? These Starter Packs are collections of our most popular episodes grouped by topic, and we now have them also on Spotify. To find your old favorites, you can also browse starter packs for existing listeners. Every week, John interviews everyday heroes from all walks of life. Learn how to subscribe to the show and never miss a new episode and topic. What I discuss about the culture of exceptionalism: If you discovered this episode of Passion Struck, you have likely been taught that exceptionalism is the only path to becoming your best self. In today's Passion Struck podcast Momentum Friday episode, I provide a counter opinion to the myth that being average is a bad thing. I discuss the culture of exceptionalism that is infiltrating so many of our lives. What I mean by daring to be average. And answer the question, why would anyone want to do that? 0:00 Introduction and announcements 3:18 Introducing the culture of exceptionalism 4:16 The myth that we must be exceptional in everything we do 6:46 Is there merit in just being average? 9:01 Why we live in a culture of exceptionalism 11:46 Why being average is perfectly fine 12:46 What is so wrong with identifying with mediocrity? 14:58  Analysis and future guest promo Show discussion questions: Why do so many self-help pundits claim that exceptionalism is the only path to achieving success? Why do people have a difficult time accepting the idea of being average? What is causing this culture of exceptionalism? What are the consequences of believing this culture of exceptionalism is the only path to inner peace? Why should we not strive to be average but getting there as an end state is ok? What are your key takeaways from today's episode? How can you apply them to your life? How will you approach the culture of exceptionalism in the future? Show Links Interested in reading the transcript for the episode: https://johnrmiles.com/why-it-is-perfectly-fine-just-being-mediocre/  My interview with Dave Vago, Ph.D. on How To Experience Personal Growth And Awakening Through Meditation And Meta Awareness: https://passionstruck.com/dr-david-vago-on-self-transcendence/  My interview with former Navy SEAL Mark Divine on the power of meditation: https://passionstruck.com/mark-divine-living-a-life-of-excellence/  My interview with David Yaden Ph.D. on Self-Transcendence, Psychedelics, and Behavior Change: https://passionstruck.com/david-yaden-on-self-transcendence-experiences/  My interview with Elise Micheals on How Men Can Take Back their Power: https://passionstruck.com/elise-micheals-the-power-of-being-a-man/  My interview with Cathy Heller on How Do You Find Your Life's Passion: https://passionstruck.com/cathy-heller-how-do-you-find-your-lifes-passion/  Are you having trouble prioritizing yourself? I discuss the importance of self-love in Episode 104 Follow John on the Socials: * Twitter: https://twitter.com/Milesjohnr * Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/johnrmiles.c0m * Medium: https://medium.com/@JohnRMiles ​* Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/john_r_miles * LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/milesjohn/ * Blog: https://johnrmiles.com * Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/passion_struck_podcast/ * Gear: https://www.zazzle.com/store/passion_struck/ -- John R. Miles is the CEO, and Founder of PASSION STRUCK®, the first of its kind company focused on impacting real change by teaching people how to live Intentionally. He is on a mission to help people live a no regrets life that exalts their victories and lets them know they matter in the world. For over two decades, he built his own career applying his research of passion struck leadership, first becoming a Fortune 50 CIO and then a multi-industry CEO. John is also a prolific public speaker, venture capitalist, and author. Passion Struck is a full-service media company that helps people live intentionally by creating best-in-class educational and entertainment content. 

Coming up next on the Passion Struck Podcast, is there a merit in just being average? Is it okay to strive but be at arm's distance from achieving your goals of maybe being the best or the greatest? Maybe being average or above average is not only okay but also underrated. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John Armiles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guest-ranging from astronauts to authors,

CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Momentum Friday an episode 163 of PassionStruck. And thank you to each and every one of you who comes back weekly to listen and learn how to live better, be better, and impact the world. And if you're new to the show, or you would just like to introduce this to a friend or family member,

and thank you for doing that, you can now find episode starder packs, both on Spotify and on the PassionStark website. And these are collections of your favorite episodes that we organize into topic, such as astronauts or women at the top of their game or leading military leaders or how to overcome adversity. Just go to passionstruck.com slash starter packs

to get started. In case you missed my episodes from earlier in the week, they featured Professor Sarah Medneck, who's a cognitive neuroscientist at the University of California, Irvine, and the author of the books, Take a Nap and the Power of the Downstate. And we discuss in our interview

why this downstate and upstate ratio is so important for how we achieve maximum performance and health in our lives. I also had on Karrington Smith, author of the new best-selling memoir, Blooming. And Karrington combines her wit and wisdom to share her journey going through the shit of life, to finding a life that was bursting with joy, opportunity, and purpose. And in case you missed my solo episode from this past week, it was on the 10 benefits of meditation and how you can practice meditation if you've never done it before.

Please check them all out. I also wanted to acknowledge our fan of the week, Mason Goodwin, who writes in from the United Kingdom. And he says, love, passion struck. The shows are fascinating and have great info. I have never been one to listen to podcasts, but I am hooked. I look forward to listening to them on my drive home from work. I am constantly telling people what I have learned from the shows. Love the show and always looking forward to next week's inspiration. And especially John's

Momentum Friday episodes. Thank you so much Mason for that review, and thank you to each and every one of you who provides ratings and reviews. Those five star reviews go such a long way in promoting the popularity of the show and making us one of the top 10 alternative podcasts in the world. Now, let's talk about today's episode.

I'm gonna spend the next two Momentum Friday episodes discussing a topic that I think is extremely important, and that is mediocrity. In today's episode, I want to discuss the culture of exceptionalism that is infiltrating so many of our lives and why we should dare to be mediocre. What do I mean by daring to be mediocre? And why would anyone want to do that? Shouldn't we all strive to be excellent? I'm going to tackle those questions in so many more, but I think today so many of us are struggling with this huge sense of inadequacy, because we will not dare to be mediocre, nor know how to accept being mediocre with humility. Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide

on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I want to lead you through an exercise that quickly gets the core of your sense of legitimacy and well-being. Throughout your childhood, did you experience a feeling that you were on balance? Okay, with who you are. Or did you derive the idea that you needed to be exceptional,

to feel satisfied with who you are somewhere along your personal journey? And more importantly, are you now happy with your status in your life? Or have you become obsessed with exceptionalism or filled with so-called mediocrity? Today, nearly every self-improvement pendant constantly pushes this concept that we must be exceptional in everything that we do and in who we are. They say that mediocrity is the enemy of being extraordinary. It's accepting to live in the state of being ordinary, along with living in the status quo. Some will even tell you that mediocrity is fatal. Just Google mediocrity and you'll find hundreds of quotes on this topic. Here are just a few of them from prominent self-help gurus. Robin Sharma writes,

average performers accept mediocrity. Iconic producers are obsessed with mastery. Cody Robin says, all too often, the promise of the mediocre present is more comfortable than the adventure of trying to be more in the future. And Brandon Hushard says this, mediocrity begins the moment that you swap. Love for challenge with love for comfort. Author Colleen Hoover says, a life of mediocrity is a waste of life. And Grant Cardone says, most of the world is seeking comfort and familiarity,

which are the traps that cause you to settle for mediocre. And lastly, Steven Covey writes, everyone chooses one or two roads in life, the old and the young, the rich and the poor, men and women alike. One is the broad, well-traveled road to mediocrity, the other the road to greatness and meaning, fictional and real life accounts,

create these bigger than life heroes that embody excellence and service of our aspirations. The glorious tales of billionaire turned superhero Tony Stark. The Bill Gates is of the world who go off and save the planet at night while running a billion dollar enterprise for foundation during the day.

But the reality is, for the most part, we are all pretty average. We all intuitively understand this, but rarely is it talked about or thought about. So that begs the question, is there merit in just being average? Is it okay to strive to be at arm's distance with your goal of being the best or the greatest? Maybe being average or above average is not only okay, it's also underrated. Despite how it's played up in society, being intentional about your purpose is very personal.

I have found that to become truly exceptional at something, you must dedicate enormous time, energy, and passion to its pursuit because we all have finite time and resources. Few of us become genuinely excellent at more than one pursuit, if at anything at all. And that's okay. The reality is that most of us are just pretty average at most things we do. Any healthy person is capable of climbing a mountain, running a marathon or writing

a book, but how many of us ever do. And more importantly, how many of us ever want to. Even if you're exceptional in one area, like science, bodybuilding, kicking a soccer ball, playing guitar, or making money through cryptocurrency. Chances are your average or below average at most other things. We all have inherent strengths and weaknesses. That is just the nature of life. Think about it. Tony Stark doesn't really exist. He is a made up comic icon. Brilliant musicians often destroy every element of their personal lives. A ton of professional athletes struggle to find any success

after their professional sports careers are over. And many successful entrepreneurs and business executives feel lonely, hopeless, cynical, and resentful at home, at work, and in their lives. Do you have a topic like today's that you would like to see us cover? You can reach us at Momentum Friday at passionstruck.com. Keep your emails concise. Use a descriptive subject line.

That keeps things easy for us. Reach out to us if there's a topic you're interested in learning about. There's something that maybe you're going through, any big decision that you're wrestling with, or perhaps you just want a new perspective on work, love, or life. Whatever's got you staying up at night,

hit us up at Momentum Friday at passionstruck.com. We're here to help and we keep every email anonymous. Now, back to passion struck. So then what is causing this extreme pursuit of exceptionalism? Maybe it's because we like the idea of living in extremes. After all, it's the extremes that get all the publicity. Think of the ideas that were programmed to pursue. How to be most intelligent, most likely to succeed, most popular, most just about anything. This feeling that we must be in a constant state of pursuing excellence and falling short,

raises questions about our purpose and value. I also think it leads to chronic hopelessness that so many around the world are experiencing today. There is so much pressure bestowed upon us that we have to be the best all day. Every day, we are bombarded with exceptionalism, non-stop. This flood of extreme information is coming from all angles. Pop culture, social media, books, the news, movies. It's all social conditioning that makes us believe that being mediocre is a blemish on our personality. But there are people who wear that blemish with pride.

You can love to learn and not be the most brilliant person. Love to sing and not be the greatest singer. Have a passion for drawing, but not be the greatest artist. Love to play baseball, but not be a major league baseball player. This leads to a vital point, intentionally striving to pursue mediocrity sucks, but mediocrity as a result of all our best efforts is okay. And this is a point that I think is so important that I'm going to repeat it. Intentionally striving to pursue mediocrity sucks, but mediocrity as a result of our best

efforts is okay. Few of us understand this, and even fewer accept it because troubles emerge. Severe problems like, my life isn't worth living if I'm not living my potential or pursuing being exceptional. And there are those who believe that they were born with a silver exceptionalism entitlement spoon in their mouths. In reality, for every Adele or Lady Gaga, millions of singers are playing in small venues, coffee shops, and bars, and most won't ever get a recording contract. For every Tom Brady and Babe Ruth, thousands of kids believe and dream about becoming the next goat, yet few even play in college college much less professional sports.

Millions of kids grow up wanting to be the next Serena Williams, Arathea, and Adel, but only a handful in the entire legacy of the sport can be mentioned alongside their names. And for every Adam Grant or Ryan Holiday, many writers strive to create the next best-selling novel and never even receive a publishing contract. So what's so wrong with being mediocre? Author Joseph Heller famously wrote in his novel, Catch 22, Some Men Are Born Mediocre. Some men achieve mediocrity

and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. Joseph Heller's intention was clear. Mediocrity must be avoided at all costs. Yet, most people go on to live by all standards pretty common lives. Maybe you feel mediocre in everything that you do in life. You're a good software developer, but not the best. You're a very good tennis player,

but you don't play at a 50 level. You've gotten a master's degrees. Maybe you've gotten a couple. Maybe you've gotten a doctorate and you've made huge strides in your lives, but you feel like you're not achieving your potential. What if you don't feel like you're exceptional at anything? All you see is mediocrity everywhere. You say to yourself, I have yet to get my dream job. And I am afraid of ending up stuck where I earn mediocre money and live a mediocre life. So what's so wrong with settling for mediocrity?

People often define mediocre as being average. When you look though at a bell curve, exactly half the curve is below average and the other half is above average. Looking at it through that lens, there's nothing wrong with being mediocre at many, if not most things in your life. The secret is finding one or two things that you excel in. But how do you do that? First, look deep within yourself to find a direction

that you're passionate about. Second, be intentional about the process of achieving that objective. The key word here is intention. To live with intention is to make daily choices that get you closer to achieving your goal. All that matters is that you're doing what is most deeply yourself and you're doing it with all your might. As I discussed a few weeks ago, in episode 148, it's the

journey that matters, not the destination. If you're on your journey and pursuing your passion, then you are already succeeding. Self-acceptance and inner happiness occur because you have given your best. The trick is to dare to accept mediocre results even after you have given your best. That is true humility. I believe it is also the only road lasting inner peace. Think about how your life could be different. If you can enduringly acknowledge that while you have strengths on the net, you are pretty average overall. You will have a growing fondness for life's essential ventures. You will learn to gauge yourself with a new and healthier lens,

realizing that you have a choice to live exactly what you were called to do every single day. Maybe you don't feel exceptional at anything, but perhaps your average for a reason. In a much deeper sense, you feel whole and profoundly centered in your journey. You are making a significant contribution to society in a way that is distinctive to you. It is deeply satisfying in your content.

The most important thing is to pursue your ambitions intentionally without judgment or towering expectations. And if you're doing that, don't ask yourself if you're exceptional. That has already been decided. The rest is just details. I hope you all enjoyed the show and I wanted to thank everyone who wrote in,

asked a question or gave us a review this week. And of course, everybody who listened. Thank you so much. A link to the transcript will be in the show notes on passionstruck.com. Videos are on YouTube at JohnRMiles. Please go there and subscribe. Avertiser deals and discount codes

are all in one convenient place at passionstruck.com slash deals. Please consider supporting those who support the show and make it free for all our listeners. I'm at John Armiles at both Twitter and Instagram and you can also find me on LinkedIn. And if you want to know how I managed to book these amazing guests who come on the show every single week, it's because of my network. Go out there and build yours before you need it. And most of the guests on the show actually contribute ideas like today's episode and also guest suggestions. Come join us and offer your suggestions.

You'll be an amazing company. You're about to hear a preview of the PassionStruck podcast episode I did with Gene O'Wing founding CEO of Virgin Unite and its current president, co-founder of Plus Wonder and a B team leader. She also sits on the advisory council for the elders, as well as being the author of the new book, Partnering, Forge, Deep Connections, and Make Great Things Happen. Love was at the center of all of these companies, and I think John were taught

to think that we can have love in a company. We have to just focus on the goal. It has to be transactional, and I think that's such a mistake because when you build love and deep connection at the center of a company, of a partnership, of movement to change the world, that's what's going to keep that bond strong. And that's what's going to bring really light and joy into our lives. Are these deep connections that we build with one another? Remember, we rise by lifting others. Share the show with those you love. And if someone that you know is feeling that they're experiencing the exceptionalism,

share today's episode with them so that they can have a counterview, what matters to us most on the show is when you hear something from the show, whether it's an interview or one of my solo episodes, and you share it with those that you care about. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show, whether it's an interview or one of my solo episodes, and you share it with those that you care about. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show, so that you can live what you listen. And until next time, live life, passion struck. you