Passion Struck with John R. Miles - How Do You Overcome Your Deep Insecurity? EP 80

Episode Date: November 12, 2021

Our deep insecurity reflects how we view ourselves and the impact that the world around us has on our self-perception. By allowing social media and others’ thoughts to dictate how we live, we will only end up with deeper insecurities. The more we are not true to ourselves, the more we open ourselves up to criticism by the world around us. This criticism can cause us to be blinded by the unique gifts we have inside all of us. We can not let others’ opinions decide our future. In this Momentum, Friday episode of the Passion Struck podcast, John R. Miles describes three deep insecurities we have and three decisive steps for how do you overcome your deep insecurity. Subscribe to the Passion Struck podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-passion-struck-podcast/id1553279283. Like this? Please subscribe, and join me on my new platform for peak performance, growth mindset, life coaching, and personal growth: https://passionstruck.com/. Thank you for listening to the Passion Struck podcast. New Interviews with the world's GREATEST high achievers will be posted every Tuesday with a Momentum Friday inspirational message! SHOW NOTES 0:00 Show Notes 0:47 We all have insecurities 2:17 Our insecurities are formed other people's comments 3:42 Insecurities comprise three specific areas 5:39 What is insecurity and some signs 6:55 Three deep insecurities we all have 9:38 Three powerful ways that you can overcome your insecurities 13:36 Developing confidence and becoming successful ENGAGE WITH JOHN R. MILES * Subscribe to my channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles * Leave a comment, 5-star rating (please!) * Support me: https://johnrmiles.com * About: https://johnrmiles.com/my-story/ * Twitter: https://twitter.com/John_RMiles * Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Johnrmiles.c0m. * Medium: https://medium.com/@JohnRMiles​ * Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/john_r_miles PASSION STRUCK *Subscribe to Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-passion-struck-podcast/id1553279283 *Website: https://passionstruck.com/ * Gear: https://www.zazzle.com/store/passion_struck *About: https://passionstruck.com/about-passionstruck-johnrmiles/ *Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/passion_struck_podcast *LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/passionstruck *Blog: https://passionstruck.com/blog/

Welcome back to the PassionStruck podcast. And thank you so much for joining us as you listen, learn, and grow. I am so excited to transfer my positive energy to each and every one of you as you're listening to today's episode. And if you're new to the show or you want to introduce it to friends and family, here's a great way you can do it. We just started something called starter packs, you can find them on the PassionStruck

website and what they are are collections of our favorite episodes grouped by topic. Just go to passionstruck.com slash starter packs and you can use this as a way to get exposure to everything that the show has to offer. Now let's get on to today's episode. And Neil Sinha said, no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in our lives, we may feel like we lack something. That is reality. We must try to live for our capability.

And such an incredible lead in for today's topic. I recently was listening to an episode of on purpose with Jay Shetty. And he did a similar episode on this topic. And I love Jay, but thought I could offer my listeners kind of a different take on what he said in that episode and put my own spin to it. So that's what I'm gonna do today,

is talk to you about the three biggest insecurities we have in our lives and how you can go about changing them. Thank you so much for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me as your guide and host on this Passion Journey. Now let the journey begin. Welcome Visionaries, creators, innovators, entrepreneurs, leaders and growth seekers of all types to the Passion Struck podcast. Hi, I'm John Miles, a peak performance coach, Malt-Bi-Industry CEO, maybe veteran and entrepreneur on a mission to make action co-viral for millions worldwide.

And each week I do so by sharing with you an inspirational message and interviewing high achievers from all walks of life who unlock their secrets and lessons to become an action struck. The purpose of our show is to serve you the listener by giving you tips, tasks, and activities you can use to achieve peak performance and for too a passion-driven life you have always wanted to have. Now let's become passion struck. You feel like your self-image is dependent on how other people view you and they look at your abilities, your strengths, your weaknesses, how you approach the world.

Have you ever felt insecure about how they feel about you? If so, you're not alone. According to a survey conducted by Fitrated, roughly 99% of all the respondents knew when they first felt insecure in the approximate age that they were, which was roughly 16 years old. The survey further found that men were 35% more likely to feel insecure about their personalities than women, and that women were 16.8% more likely to feel insecure about their personalities than women. And that women were 16.8% more likely to feel insecure about their bodies than men do. And I know this body image thing is a big insecurity that we

all face. In fact, I faced it when I was an adolescent growing up and was a bit pudgy. And I can tell you it had such a tremendous impact for me on the way I viewed myself and how I thought other people were talking to me about it. And I'm sure I am not alone and how that has affected people, whether it's body image or something else that happened to you when you were young. Because we take it from that point and sometimes it can linger for a while until we recognize how to deal with that insecurity and move on. Recent research conducted in Finland of adolescents from 13 to 17 years of age found that insecurities amongst them was classified into 16 different categories, which they then broke down into three specific areas. The first is the inner circle. That is personal insecurity related to our emotions and inner experiences. The second was the social circle.

That is insecurity related to social interaction. And the third is the outer circle. That is insecurity related to external realities. No matter how stable or prosperous your life is, there are times when feelings of insecurity can creep in in these ways I just talked about. The inner, the social, the outer examples of these could be perhaps you are a person who has an overly high sense of themselves,

who feels that they need to jump in and add their viewpoints to conversations even when they don't know what the topic is about or have expertise in it. Or maybe you're with a group of people and someone tells a joke, everyone is laughing but you just don't get the punchline and you feel insecure about why they're all laughing and you just don't get it. Or maybe there's an important meeting in your workplace and you felt like you had an opinion or an idea on that topic but then when you give it it isn't well received and disregarded and then you come out of that meeting feeling so insecure about yourself and how others you think are perceiving you or it

could be you're in a relationship where you're just satisfied by how things are going but you're hopeful that things are going to improve or you fear what is going to happen if this relationship ends, and either way, you're feeling insecure about it. Whatever it is, if you still feel like you're in its clutches, then insecurity is obviously creeping in. So what exactly is insecurity and what are some of the signs? Insecurity is that feeling of uncertainty and doubt towards your abilities, qualities, values, personality and self-worth. The thing that fascinates me so much about insecurity is that it comes in so many different

forms. It can be personal, social, within our family, or even with our partner. And it may include a prevailing feeling of inadequacy, a personal struggle with self-confidence, self-work, and possibly self-assurance. The inability to cope with stressors that are all around you in your daily life, uncertainty about the world and your place in it, or your relationship anxiety with others. Whatever it is, we often see people clouding their insecurities with some prominent trait that they display so others don't see through them for that insecurity that they have. Like this could be a person, and I know this has happened to me, who you meet, and the first time you meet them, they come across as having

such a huge ego. They appear overconfident in arrogant. How many of us, cause that happened to? Well, inside that person probably lacks self-esteem and they have a feeling of inadequacy that they are trying to cover up by displaying that trait. So with that as a backdrop, what are three deep insecurities that we all have? Although insecurity can come in many different ways,

here are three of the most prominent ones. First, there's relationship insecurity, second, body image insecurity, and third, social insecurity. And I'm gonna talk about each one of them. First, let's talk about relationship insecurity. Commonly, people who were neglected in childhood, especially in relationships,

find that it affects them as they grow older. When our parents aren't reliable or supportive enough, it can create a feeling of insecurity and that child may feel distressed and they go throughout their life, developing a negative opinion of themselves. That feeling haunts them later and unfortunately some never recover from it.

It doesn't necessarily have to start at a young age and it can be triggered by different things that affect us all throughout our lives. When a person keeps high walls around themselves in an unwillingness to seem vulnerable and trust people who are even the most closest to them, it can negatively impact your relationships and often does. As a result, you become trapped in this wall of insecurity that you put around yourself and the relationships that you're in. The second one is social insecurity, which is mainly a result of you having mixed feelings

about yourself. You show a lack of trust, faith, or confidence in your ability to perform a task, or try not to say anything stupid or inappropriate that may embarrass yourself. It can also be the case, like I said before, that perhaps you're in a situation and you don't grasp a joke someone says.

Or there's a topic that someone is talking about who you feel is more educated than you are. Either of those situations are great examples about how this social interaction can make you feel insecure about yourself. And third, there's body image insecurity, which is absolutely one of the most common insecurities that we all have.

A lot of people are conscious about their bodies and the way they look. And as I talked about at the beginning of the show, that was definitely the case for me as I was growing up. But it's not just people who may feel that they're overweight, people of all different types of body sizes, tall, short, overweight, then it doesn't matter. All experience insecurities about how they feel about their image. And the reason they feel that insecurity is because of the way that they look or perceive themselves. Some feel insecure

based on the way others are looking at them or talking about them, while others develop this intense self-loathing and devalue themselves because of the way that they think they look. So with that is a backdrop. Let's talk now about three powerful ways that you can overcome your insecurities. The problem with insecurities is that if you don't address them, they are likely only going to last, get stronger and not go away. You can't just let them sit there and hope that someday they're magically going to go away.

It's just not going to happen. Like anything in life, you have to work on it. Luckily, there are ways to get rid of them. And I'm going to share with you three of the most scientifically backed ways that you can deal with your insecurities. The first way is through self-realization. Part of the reason we have body image insecurity is because we see ourselves every single day

when we look in that mirror. And hence, that can lead us to feeling anxiety about how we look. You know, maybe we're getting older, maybe we're getting wrinkles, maybe we put on a couple pounds, maybe we feel we're too skinny. But something you need to realize is that your body isn't everything. Just listen to CS Lewis who said, you don't have a soul, you are the soul and you have a body. So why do we get so concerned about something that is merely a vessel? You should not let your body image define who you are and more importantly, what you're capable of. That doesn't mean on the other side of this, you don't neglect it completely,

but that also doesn't mean that your body gets to dictate who you are in life. So instead of worrying about your body, start worrying and working on your soul. What you hear, what you see on social media, what you read informs your opinion of who the outside world thinks you should be. So stop listening to it and stop caring so much about the societal standards that other people are imposing on you. Instead, follow people that you admire, follow people who share the same values that you do, and that will help you to feel good about yourself. Think of yourself and try to love who you are

with all your amazing strengths and with all your amazing weaknesses. We all have them. When you start to realize that your body is just a physical element and that you are so much more than your body, you will stop worrying about it so much. The next way is to change your perspective.

And I think an excellent way to describe this one is from an interview I did recently with Navy SEAL Commander Mark DeVine. Mark started out his career as being a business person, working first at Cooper's in Librant, and later Arthur Anderson. But when he was in his early 20s, he loved to work out, but he felt that there was something missing.

And one day, as he was going from work to his home, he happened to hear some loud noises coming from a building just about him. And he went up to check it out. And it actually was the World Headquarters for a type of karate called Sido. And through that experience, and the passion that he saw of the people in that room, he began to practice, not only karate, but also started to get into mindfulness and other things. And what that change caused inside of him was a change of perception on who he was and where his life destiny needed to go in the future. He came to the realization that he was actually not a business person, but he was being called to be a warrior. And he followed that path and it led him into the seal teams. When you think about yourself, the majority of your insecurities come from the negative thoughts that you

allow to enter in. And that's why you become your own biggest enemy if you don't deal with those. That voice inside your head is constantly criticizing you and telling you you're not good enough. So stop listening to it. Stop saying you can't to life and start saying that you can. Think about things in a different way, just as Mark divined it, and let your perspective be changed, and it will help you to overcome these insecurities. The third way is through self-awareness.

A recent survey found that roughly 50% of women and 59% of men recovered from their insecurities when they felt love and learned how to accept themselves. Confidence is that feeling of self assurance and a method of self appreciation that goes such a long way. One was the last time you appreciated your abilities and qualities. I'd encourage you right now to get out a pen and paper and write down all of your abilities and qualities that you can think of. Once you've got it written down, reflect on them and try to appreciate

them. After that, I'd encourage you to try and practice them. They'll take one of those things that's on that piece of paper and make it your mission to practice it throughout the next week. Once you do that and you realize the positive impact that you can make on others, you will see how much your qualities are actually valued and you'll stop feeling as insecure about some of them. This approach will help you practice self-love and give you such a greater understanding of your self-worth. When you do so, you will find you are able to accept respect and love yourself. And I hope you enjoyed today's episode, and we've got some great ones coming up over the next few weeks. One is with Lily Wolford, and Lily is a specialist in dating, but she does it in a very unique way

by helping her clients learn how to read body language and also how to profile. We also have on Dr. Ruben Kottom, who's gonna talk to us about post-traumatic stress disorder and how you get over it using cognitive behavioral therapy for long exposure therapy and cognitive processing therapy. Side El, who was hit by a truck that damaged almost every single organ and bone in his body, and his incredible story of overcoming that and reaching new heights. Thank you, as always, for watching this show. Now go out there and become PassionStruck. Thank you so much for joining us. The purpose of our show is to make Passion Go viral.

And we do that by sharing with you the knowledge and skills that you need to unlock your hidden potential. If you want to hear more, please subscribe to the Passion Start podcast on Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to your podcast ad. And if you absolutely love this episode, we'd appreciate a five star rating on iTunes. And you're sharing it with three of your most

growth-minded friends so they can post it as well to their social accounts and help us grow our passion start community. If you'd like to learn more about the show and our mission, you can go to passionstruck.com where you can sign up for our newsletter, look at our tools, and also download the show notes for today's episode. Additionally, you can listen to us every Tuesday and Friday for even more inspiring content. And remember, make a choice, work hard, and step into your sharp edges. Thank you again for joining us. you