Passion Struck with John R. Miles - How Do You STOP Living in Fear and Letting It CONTROL You? with John R. Miles EP 130

Starting point is 00:00:00 We need to realize that fear is just an emotion that is utterly dependent on our thoughts. At the end of the day, it does not have to control our lives and can be effectively unlearned. Welcome to PassionStruct. Hi, I'm your host, John Armiles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guest-ranging from astronauts to authors,

Starting point is 00:00:45 CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello everyone and welcome back to Momentum Friday, an episode 130 of PassionStruck. And thank you to each and every one of you who comes back weekly to listen and learn, how to live better, be better, and impact the world. In case you missed our interviews this week, Tuesdays featured Liz Fossiline, a New York Times best-selling author, and part of the duo behind the very popular Liz and Molly Instagram page. And during the podcast, we did the formal release of their new book, Big Feelings, How to Be Okay, When Things Are Not Okay. I also interviewed Lori Singer, who

Starting point is 00:01:31 specializes in behavioral therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy on her new book, You're Not Crazy, Living With Anxiety, Obsessions, and Fetishes. I also wanted to give a shout out to our fan of the week, who this time comes all the way from Australia. And Mark J writes, ''Sepurb podcast, I have listened to many Susan Cain interviews, but John's interview with Susan Cain is definitely the best one that I've ever heard. He was able to tease things out of Susan that I have never heard her talk about before. Excellent interview show. Thank you so much, Mark, for writing that five-star review. And for all of you who take the time to rate, review,

Starting point is 00:02:11 and share our episodes with your friends and family members. And if you haven't listened to that episode with Susan Kane, it is definitely worth the time and is one of my favorite ones I've ever done. And if you'd like to watch any of these in addition to or instead of listening to them, please go and subscribe to our YouTube channel at John R. Miles. Now, let's talk about today's episode. A Japanese proverb states, fear is only as deep as the mind allows. This proverb does a great job of illustrating that fears

Starting point is 00:02:41 only exist in our minds and will only grow as much as we allow them to. But let's face it, fear is a complicated thing. Even though I consider myself a resourceful person, there have certainly been times throughout my life that I have struggled with fear. It causes me to become my own worst enemy, as I allow myself to envision the possibilities of what could happen in the reality that I don't want.

Starting point is 00:03:06 It leads to distractions that prevent me from entirely focusing on the people and things that matter most. Over the years, I have recognized that there is a correlation between my reality and my state of mind. The more I permit fear to enter my mind, the more diminutive my life becomes. Fear is an emotional response that occurs when we perceive something or a situation as a danger or a threat. It is characterized by an intensely unpleasant feeling that can induce both physical and mental ailments. When a person feels fear, they might either face a threat, run from it, or be paralyzed by it. The interesting thing about fear is that the danger can be real or wholly imagined, and can also be triggered by events that have yet to even happen. In today's episode, I will be taking you on an in-depth journey into the world of this emotion called fear,

Starting point is 00:04:01 exploring the science of its formation, giving you details on how it is learned and equipping you with the knowledge on how you can effectively tackle it. Let's begin with the story of British swimmer Adam Petey who went from someone who actually feared water to becoming an Olympic gold medalist. Thank you for choosing Passionstruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let the journey begin. [♪ Music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background to play a practical joke on him. They had all been discussing scenes from the famous thriller movie, Jaws, that they had watched the previous night.

Starting point is 00:04:47 The movie is about a killer great white shark that invades a beach community and starts attacking people. Adam had been asleep on the couch before his family started watching the movie. He awoke to a frightening scene of the shark chasing kids on sailboats, which made him shut his eyes and cling to his

Starting point is 00:05:06 mom and terror. The next morning, he was in the bathtub when his brothers came in, looking frightened and told Adam that the sharks could swim through the bathtub's plug hole. On hearing this, Adam got terrified and jumped out of the bath. From that moment, he became deathly afraid of being in the water. He hated having his bath after that point and would scream whenever his mom wanted to bathe him. Time went by and on his fourth birthday, his mom's friend took him on a trip to a local pool. He was pretty apprehensive as they approached the pool, but he decided to try it out, seeing tons of kids who were just like him enjoying the water with their friends and parents.

Starting point is 00:05:45 When he got to the pool's edge, he cautiously dipped his toes into the water and then slowly he put his feet in. And as he drew near to the pool, he sat on the pool deck and dropped his legs entirely in it. He began to realize that his fears of water were not valid. And soon enough, with the help of his mom's friend, he got fully submerged into the pool. Adam simply just, with the help of his mom's friend, he got fully submerged

Starting point is 00:06:05 into the pool. Adam simply just held onto the deck and stayed afloat and then gently released himself into the water. And so his swimming journey took off. When he was nine, Adam joined the Dove Valley Swimming Club in a doxeter and began winning races and setting club records. Two years later, he joined the city of Derby swimming club, and it was there that a coach saw him swim, realized his potential and started to personally train him. Years went by and Adam continued to develop his skills, and eventually swam for his country in the 2016 Summer Olympics, where he won a gold medal in the 100 meter rest stroke. The first by a male British swimmer in 24 years. Adam completed again at the 2020 Olympics held in 2021,

Starting point is 00:06:52 becoming the first British swimmer to ever retain his Olympic gold medal. This true story might seem pretty basic when it comes to learning and unlearning fears, but its point was to illustrate how we acquire them and how you can overcome them. As humans, young and old, we all experience fear and can also unlearn it, just like Adam did.

Starting point is 00:07:14 This story of Adam Petey leads to some very interesting questions such as what exactly is fear? How does fear manifest itself in the brain? How is fear learned? And most importantly, how can we unlearn fear? Let's go on as I discuss all the answers to those questions. We will be right back to PassionStruck. I would like to emphasize that this podcast is part of my desire and effort to bring zero cost information to the general public regarding Hadwan Locke and intentional life. And in keeping with that theme, I would like to thank the sponsors of today's episode.

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Starting point is 00:09:48 Please consider supporting those who support the show and make it possible. Now, back to passionstruck. So let's first discuss the evolution and psychology of fear. The days of early man abounded with many threats and dangers. The harsh forces of nature range from wild animals to poisonous plants and from volcanic eruptions to severe storms because humans at that time often roamed around and had little protection from these elements. They developed the ability to sense danger and avoid it.

Starting point is 00:10:18 This brought about the emotion of fear and naturally humans evolved and survived owing to its stimulation and memory. Today, many of those fears have developed into what are called phobias. These are anxiety disorders resulting in excessive and persistent fear of potentially a thing or a situation, even though many of these formerly logical anxieties are no longer valid, examples of these phobias include the fear of heights, known as acrophobia, the fear of spiders known as arachnophobia, the fear of flying known as arophobia, and the dread of being confined in a tight space known as claustrophobia.

Starting point is 00:11:00 All of these fears are founded on valid concerns. Heights can be hazardous, spiders can be poisonous, and let's face it, getting stuck in an elevator can definitely lead to panic. However, the brain can be easily deceived into perceiving threats that aren't precisely threats, and hence, fearing what shouldn't be feared. Because fear is a learned behavior,

Starting point is 00:11:23 we begin to see everyday situations through the lens of previous experiences, some of which are fearful situations. For example, refusing to take a flight because of the fear of applying crashing. In this case, fear has become irrational. And when the negative bodily response is sustained over long periods, it becomes conditioned. And the fear response can become detrimental to our mental and physical well-being. So now, let's explore the neuroscience of fear. When a person is exposed to a frightening experience, the amygdala, in conjunction with the hypothalamus, a small component of the brain's lumbic system in charge of emotions.

Starting point is 00:12:05 Activates two systems, the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenal cortical system. The sympathetic nervous system primarily primes the body to prepare for the threat. After this, the body becomes alert and both adrenaline and nonadrenaline are released into our bloodstream. These two stress hormones cause the brain to become hyperalert. The pupils begin to dilate and we experience an increase in heart rate and blood pressure. At this point, blood flow and the stream of glucose to the skeletal muscles increases. At the same time, those organs, not vital to our survival, like the gastrointestinal system, slow down. Simultaneously, the adrenal cortical system causes the pituitary gland to secrete

Starting point is 00:12:52 anodrenocortotrophic hormone, often known as A-C-T-H. This hormone moves throughout the bloodstream to the adrenal cortex, activating roughly 30 additional stress hormones. These stress hormones all work together, then cause a bodily response, a flight or fight, in response to the fear. So how is fear learned? After experiencing a fearful event, the brain's memory regions sweep into action. They store up the event, taking note of the objects and circumstances around which they occurred. Then when we encounter a similar situation, it triggers the memory and causes the feeling of

Starting point is 00:13:33 fear, even though the threat is no longer there. A major contributing factor to the prevalence of fear in today's society is news media. When we spend time listening to the reports of adverse events, we tend to subconsciously learn to fear those situations. Examples of such circumstances include seeing on the news someone being involved in a fatal car accident or a stab victim on a train or a person who got shot in a movie theater or coffee shop, which is similar to scenarios and places that we go to and do things on a regular basis. We might take on that fear when this happens, even though the negative experience wasn't directly ours. According to the anxiety and depression association of America, a nonprofit organization dedicated to preventing and treating depression and anxiety. Anxiety disorders affect 40 million adults every year in the United States.

Starting point is 00:14:30 The World Health Organization estimated that 264 million people worldwide had at least one anxiety disorder in 2015. And according to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 9.1% of all US adults have some sort of phobia. These statistics show just how common the emotion of fear is and how easily and unconsciously it can be learned. Do you have a topic like today's that you would like to see us cover? You can reach us at Momentum Friday at passionstruck.com. Keep your emails concise.

Starting point is 00:15:07 Use a descriptive subject line. That keeps things easy for us. Reach out to us if there's a topic you're interested in learning about. There's something that maybe you're going through any big decision that you're wrestling with or perhaps you just want a new perspective on work, love, or life.

Starting point is 00:15:24 Whatever's got you staying up at night, hit us up at Momentum Friday at PassionStruck.com. We're here to help and we keep every email anonymous now, back to PassionStruck. So now that we've covered the neuroscience and psychology behind how we learn fear, let's now discuss how you unlearn fear. In research on the effect of persistent fear and anxiety on young children's learning, behavior and health psychologist Nathan Fox and Jack Shonkov, explaining that fears are not just passively forgotten

Starting point is 00:15:58 over time, they must be actively unlearned. And according to cognitive neuroscience research, the brain reconfigures itself in accordance with the predictions that it has formed about the future based on our prior experiences. So the same way that fear can be learned is how it also can be unlearned. And if you would like to understand more about the science of learning, I covered this just a couple weeks ago. Please go check that episode out. So we can learn how to unlearn fear by looking at a couple different methods to doing so. The first is called cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT.

Starting point is 00:16:36 This is a psychosocial intervention that is based on the fact that it is our thoughts and not external events that affect the way we feel. This simply implies that it is not the actual situation, but your perception of a situation that ultimately determines your feelings. We covered this topic in-depth earlier in the week in my interview with Laurie Singer if you want to learn more about this. CBT has two major components, which are cognitive therapy, which examines how negative thoughts, or cognition contribute to anxiety, and behavioral therapy, which

Starting point is 00:17:11 explores how you behave and react in situations that trigger anxiety. By examining and understanding these positive and reactive factors, CBT works to help you regain control over your thoughts and perceptions so that you can replace negativity with positivity. That way you will get to unlearn the fears that you had learned. Related to cognitive behavioral therapy is another process known as memory reconsolidation. This takes on the role of exposure therapy and is achieved by briefly exposing the affected person to the feared object or memory to help them learn a new emotional response to replace that fear. The following are five steps to take

Starting point is 00:17:55 in achieving this memory reconsolidation. The first is to focus your mind on the current undesired, fearful, emotional response in a similar given situation. Next, question and examine your core beliefs and experiences that are causing you to respond fearfully to that situation. Often you will find that they simply are not real. Third, think about a calm, positive experience that evokes that desired response to the fear trigger. Next, while being aware of the two differing responses, observe what is going on in your mind and describe the troubling situation where you learned this fear while remaining emotionally present.

Starting point is 00:18:36 Lastly, replace the fearful response with the desired one. This neutralizes the negative emotional meanings with contrasting positive experiences that update the initial fearful learning. By taking these steps, you can unlearn the fearful emotional response, and with practice and repetition, your response will become the new positive one. Now that we have covered all that information, let me condense it and give you some key takeaways. Have you ever tried to imagine what your life would be like if you weren't afraid of anything? Former president Franklin D. Roosevelt said, the only thing we need to fear is fear itself.

Starting point is 00:19:14 In that light, we need to realize that fear is just an emotion that is utterly dependent on our thoughts. At the end of the day, it does not have to control our lives and can be effectively unlearned. Dreading the future, more typically known as anticipatory fear, is fairly common and can be completely behabilitating. People struggle with anticipatory fear when they stress about the consequences of the future event that they've never even encountered before. The fact that you're afraid now means that you utilize your ability to take what is in the future and make it very real to you. So to overcome fear, consider doing deep-reason, guided imagery, or grounding techniques,

Starting point is 00:19:57 and change those visions to positive ones. So go ahead and use all the tools that I have provided in today's episode to unlearn the fears that you have consciously or unconsciously acquired. Apply for that job without fear of getting a rejection. Get on a plane without the fear of it going to crash and start that new business venture without the fear of failure. So much untapped potential lies on the other side of your fears. We're each for them starting now. I wish you the very best in applying today's information on your journey to unlearn your fears, change your thinking, and enhance your perspective.

Starting point is 00:20:36 And thank you so much for joining us today. And if you truly like today's episode, would you please forward it to some of your friends and family members who could use this dose of inspiration? And speaking of inspiration, we have some incredible interviews coming up next week, including my interview with astronaut Nicole Stott, definitely an episode that you're not going to want to miss. And in addition to that, we have some other incredible episodes that are coming up, including my interview with Jordan Harbinger, my interview with Kathy Heller, and our interview with Trisha Manning.

Starting point is 00:21:08 And if you are new to this show, or you would just like to introduce it to a friend or family member, we now have episodes starter packs, which are collections of our fans favorite episodes that we've organized into different topics. This gives you such an easy way to get acquainted to everything that we do here on the show and you can find them either on Spotify or on our website at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. Thank you so much for tuning in again this week. Now go out there and live

Starting point is 00:21:38 life passion struck. Thank you so much for joining us. The purpose of our show is to make Passion Go viral. And we do that by sharing with you the knowledge and skills that you need to unlock your hidden potential. If you want to hear more, please subscribe to the Passion Start podcast on Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher or wherever you listen to your podcast ad. And if you absolutely love this episode, we'd appreciate a five-star rating on iTunes, and you sharing it with three of your most group-minded friends so they can post it as well to their social accounts and help us grow our passion-struck community. If you'd like to learn more about the show and our mission, you can go to passionstruck.com

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Passion Struck with John R. Miles - How Do You STOP Living in Fear and Letting It CONTROL You? with John R. Miles EP 130

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