Passion Struck with John R. Miles - How to Build a Mental Health Ecosystem That Honors Who You Are w/John R. Miles | EP 615

Episode Date: May 23, 2025

What if the problem isn’t that you’re broken—but that your environment no longer reflects who you are?In this solo episode, John takes you inside one of the most overlooked truths about mental health: it doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It lives in the patterns, people, and places you move through every day. Sharing a personal story of hidden anxiety during a high-functioning season of life, he introduces H.O.M.E.—a four-part framework to help you build a mental ecosystem that supports resilience, alignment, and real emotional well-being.Click here for full show notes:Introducing — The Ignited LifeIn our weekly Substack, I share tools, stories, and strategies to help you live with clarity, alignment, and purpose.Subscribe at theignitedlife.net — and start building a life that reflects who you really are.You’ll learn:Why habits alone won’t save you if they’re misaligned with your identityHow relationships either reinforce your truth or drain itThe role of meaning as a daily anchor—not just a big ideaWhy emotional space is the key to long-term sustainabilityThis episode is a blueprint for creating the internal and external conditions where you don’t just survive—you belong.How to Connect with John:Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMilesFollow him on Instagram at @John_R_MilesSubscribe to our main YouTube Channel and to our YouTube Clips ChannelFor more insights and resources, visit John’s websiteWant to explore where you stand on the path to becoming Passion Struck? Take our 20-question quiz on Passionstruck.com and find out today!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Coming up next on Passion Struck, have you ever felt like you're doing everything right, but still feel like something's wrong? You've got the habits, the structure, maybe even the success, but deep down you're misaligned. This episode isn't about more mindset hacks. It's about the quiet reason your clarity, peace, and energy keep slipping through the cracks. Because maybe the problem isn't you. Maybe it's the system you're living in. Today, I'm walking you through a powerful framework,

not to fix yourself, but to build a life that finally fits. It's not just about mental health. It's about coming home to who you really are. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.

We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Hey everyone, John here, and welcome to episode 615 of Passion Struck. Before we get into today's conversation, I want to share something that's been a long time coming.

We have officially launched The Ignited Life, our new substack platform this week. It's not just a newsletter. It's a home for everything we talk about here, written, unpacked and made real. If the podcast is where you hear the spark, the Ignited Life is where you hold the flame. Each week, I'm sharing ideas on personal mastery, emotional fitness, and the quiet architecture of a meaningful life, tools and stories I've never shared anywhere else. No clickbait, no noise, just real clarity for people who want to live intentionally, especially when the world

gets loud. You can sign up now at theignitedlife.net or by going to passionstruck.com. I promise it'll stretch you in the best way. And if you're already a subscriber, thank you. This movement is growing because of you. Now on to today's episode. We spent May honoring Mental Health Awareness Month, not just by talking about symptoms, but by asking deeper questions. In episode 606, we explored why mental health is the root of everything that matters. In episode 609, I shared five practices that help anchor you in seasons of uncertainty. And in episode 612, we dug into how to reframe your inner world for resilience. And the conversations this past week pushed that even further.

On Tuesday, I was joined by Joseph Nguyen, author of Don't Believe Everything You Think, where we unpacked how our thoughts can become prisons and how releasing your grip on mental stories opens the door to clarity, peace, and self-compassion. Then on Thursday, Janet Ettaley joined me to explore the intersection of Eastern philosophy healing and the art of living consciously. Her perspective on compassion, acceptance, and internal alignment brought a grounded spiritual lens to the work of mental well-being. Today we continue that thread with a more holistic question. What if the problem isn't that you're broken but that your environment doesn't reflect who you are? This episode is about building

something deeper. A mental health ecosystem designed to match your values, support your growth, and protect your energy. Because your mental well-being doesn't exist in a vacuum, it lives in the daily patterns people in places you move through. And if those things constantly pull you out of alignment, no amount of mindset work will feel sustainable. So today I'll walk you through a framework I call HOME. Not just an acronym, but as a metaphor. Because that's what we're really talking about. Creating a mental home. A place you can return to inside and out that feels like you. Let's get into it. Thank you for choosing

PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now let that journey begin. But let that journey begin. I want to take you back to a moment I've never really talked about before. Ten years ago, my body staged an intervention. I had just stepped into a new CEO role of a software company. I was navigating a divorce, adjusting to life as a single dad, and on the outside, I was holding it all together, or at least I thought I was. Then, one morning, after a workout,

something in my body snapped. My chest tightened. My heart started racing. It felt like a heart attack. It wasn't. It was anxiety. What I thought was cardiac was actually systemic. My body sounding the alarm that the pressure I was under

had reached a breaking point. I was doing everything right, working out, showing up, managing life like a pro. But on the inside, I was overwhelmed, overextended, emotionally unsupported. That was the moment I learned something that I wish more people talked about. Mental health isn't a checklist. It's an ecosystem. And what I learned is that you can't hack your way out of misalignment. You can journal, meditate, go to therapy, work out. You can do everything right and still feel like you're falling apart if your environment is quietly eroding your resilience. Sound familiar?

You're pouring energy into your mental health, but the peace doesn't stick. The clarity doesn't last. The tension keeps creeping back in. The problem might not be you. The problem might be your environment. You can't thrive in a life that only accepts the filtered version of you. You can't breathe fully in spaces where you're always performing to belong. Mental health isn't just internal, it's ecological.

In fact, in a recent study published in JAMA Psychiatry, a global team of researchers from ecology, psychiatry, and systems science proposed a radical shift in thinking. Mental health behaves like a complex system. Led by Professor Martin Sheffer, the researchers compared the human mind to ecological systems like lakes and forests. Dr. Sheffer had spent years studying how natural environments like lakes stay balanced, how water remains clear instead of turning murky,

and how seemingly stable systems can suddenly collapse when pushed too far. A lake doesn't go toxic overnight, he said. It hits a tipping point. At first, everything looks fine, but the balance starts slipping. The clarity fades, and then suddenly, it crashes. The parallels to mental health, he said, are hard to miss. Our minds work the same way. We're resilient until we're not. Stress accumulates, alignment slips, support thins out, and then snap.

This model changes everything. It moves us out of shame and into strategy. Mental health works the same way. Stress builds, support thins out, resilience erodes, and then this isn't about willpower, it's about system design. And over the past month on Passion Struck, we've explored Episode 600, The Power of Being Seen and Why Mattering is Medicine. Episode 606, why mental health is the quiet root of everything that matters. Episode 609, how to build habits that anchor you.

And episode 612, how to reframe your inner world for real resilience. But here's the truth we haven't named out loud yet. You can do all the right things for your mind and still struggle if your environment doesn't reflect your values. That is why I created OM, a framework for building not just better habits, but an environment that honors who you are and supports who you're becoming. So let's get into it. Let's start with H, habits aligned with your identity. Most people focus on habits for productivity, but the better question is, habits for what version of me? In episode 609, we talked about

internal credibility, the quiet self-trust you build when you show up for yourself, even when no one's watching. This idea is backed by self-determination theory, which I explored in depth in episode 386 with one of the theory's co-founders, Dr. Richard Ryan. Self-determination theory shows that well-being is driven by three core psychological needs. First there's autonomy. I feel like I have a choice. Second there's competence.

I feel capable. And third, relatedness. I feel capable. And third, relatedness. I feel connected. When your habits reflect your true identity, not just your performance mask, they naturally fulfill these needs. Habits are more than behavior. They're identity signals. So ask yourself, am I doing this because it's me or because it's expected?

Does this support the person I'm becoming? And lastly, do my routines feel nourishing or performative? The wrong habits, even if they're healthy, can become quiet stressors. Alignment is the goal, not optimization. We'll get into the O of home in just a moment, but since it's Mental Health Awareness Month, I wanna remind you

that this entire series is about more than insight. It's about support. That's why we created two spaces to go even deeper. The Ignition Room, our free community for honest conversation, reflection prompts, and showing up real. And the Ignited Life, our new substack with weekly strategies, behind the scenes stories, and personal tools I don't share anywhere else. If this episode is resonating, those spaces are where you'll find real-time support to put it into practice. Links are in the show notes. Welcome back. We just talked about the H in home because habits aren't just about doing more. They're about doing what actually fits who you are

and who you're becoming. Now let's move into the second pillar of your mental health ecosystem. And for this one, I want you to picture your inner world like a house. Even the strongest foundation means nothing if the walls around you don't hold. And this leads us to O, others who see and support you.

Let's be honest, you can be doing everything right internally and still feel unstable if the people around you are misaligned. Your mental health doesn't exist in a vacuum. It's shaped, supported, and sometimes strained by the relationships you live inside every day. In episode 606, I introduced the mattering mental health loop. When we believe we matter, we engage. When we engage, we notice. And when we notice, we act with care.

But that loop only works if you're surrounded by people who reflect your truth, not just your output. This is where James Cohen and Lane Beck's research on social baseline theory comes in. The research shows that the human brain is wired for co-regulation, not isolation. Just being near someone you trust literally lowers your perceived threats and reduces stress responses. It's not metaphorical. It's neurological. In episode 600, I shared how micro-moments of mattering, a message, a glance, a note, can feel like oxygen.

Those moments remind us, I still register in someone else's world. These aren't sentimental extras. They're emotional infrastructure. So ask yourself, who sees me beyond my performance? Who do I not have to earn my belonging with? Where am I pretending to be okay just to keep the peace? The walls of your mental home are made of people who hold you, not hollow you.

Your nervous system doesn't just need safety, it needs connection that doesn't require a performance. Now picture this, you've built the foundation, you have support beams around you, but inside the walls you still feel empty, unmoored, like something's missing. That's when it's time to talk about your compass, the internal signal that keeps you from drifting. And this leads us to the letter M in home, meaning anchors you return to. Let me say something you already know. You can feel busy and still feel lost. In episode 609 we explored the idea of drift, when your life looks

fine on the surface, but inside, you've lost your sense of purpose. That's when you need an anchor, not a big mission, but a small signal of meaning that keeps you steady. Psychologist Emily Svani-Smith calls this purpose with a pulse. It doesn't have to be a grand vision, just something you can touch today that reminds you of who you are. Meaning isn't a five-year plan, it's a thread you can hold onto when things unravel. And this ties directly back to self-determination theory. Autonomy gives you choice. Competence gives you confidence, but meaning gives you continuity, a through line that carries across seasons. So ask yourself, what value still feels true, no matter what season I'm in? What part of me stays intact even when circumstances fall apart?

And what kind of impact do I want to leave in the spaces I enter? These aren't just existential prompts, they're mental stabilizers. And as we explored in episode 600, when you live like what you do might matter, the world starts responding that way. Choose one value today, live it in a small meaningful action. That's not just movement, that's alignment. And alignment is how you find your way back home. So now, you've laid the foundation, you've surrounded yourself with people who see you, you're rooted in meaning, but now the question becomes, do you have space to breathe? Because even the most beautiful home can become unlivable if it's packed to the walls.

And this leads us to the final letter in home. E. Emotional space that protects your energy. We live in a culture of compression. Calendars with no margin, expectations with no exit, but emotional health requires space. In episode 612, I introduced the idea of emotional margin, the pause between demand and depletion, the moment where you're allowed to feel without immediately needing to fix.

This concept is backed by ecological systems theory, which teaches us that we exist in nested environments like home, work, and society. And when every single layer is chaotic or demanding, even the healthiest minds start to unravel. That's why ecosystems have buffer zones. Things like wetlands, forests, shorelines, they absorb impact, they protect the core, and you need the same.

Because you can't access clarity in an environment that never lets you exhale. So ask yourself, where can I create white space without guilt? What boundary protects my energy, not out of fear, but self-respect? And what small rituals help me metabolize emotion instead of stockpiling it? Emotional space isn't a luxury. It's structural. The room you live in mentally needs quiet, not just intention, rhythm, not just motion, margin, not just meaning.

So let's bring today's discussion full circle back to that morning, back to the racing heart, the tight chest, the moment I thought I was having a heart attack, back to a version of me that looked high functioning and felt like I was holding it all together by a thread. At the time, I didn't know what I needed. I thought maybe it was stress, maybe exhaustion, maybe just more effort. But now looking back with a new lens, I see it clearly. What I needed wasn't more productivity. It was a better ecosystem. If I had had the home framework back then, I would have recognized that my habits, though structured, weren't aligned with my identity.

I would have seen that others around me, though present, didn't fully see me or support the internal shift I was navigating. I would have looked for meaning, not just movement, to re-center in the chaos. And I would have created the emotional space I needed to breathe without guilt. Home isn't just a model, it's a map, a way to build the life you keep trying to push through without burning out in the process. And this episode is part of something bigger. Over the past few weeks, we've had some of the most raw, insightful, and empowering conversations we've ever done on Passion Strap, all centered around mental health as the foundation

of intentional living. Here are just a few voices that helped shape this series. Yonge Mingor Rinpoche taught us how to befriend discomfort and cultivate joy, even in chaos. Dr. Andrew Newberg revealed how contemplative practice and neuroscience come together to regulate emotion and deepen awareness. Biat Simkin cracked open what it means to live awake, raw, and fully present in the face of grief and beauty. Elizabeth Weingarten gave us a new way to reflect with questions that lead to clarity and growth.

Gretchen Ruhman reminded us that emotional awareness isn't fluffy, it's practical. And it starts with knowing what truly makes you feel like you. Every one of these conversations pointed to a larger truth. Mental health isn't the absence of pain. It's the presence of alignment, support, and inner infrastructure. So here's what I want you to ask this week. What part of my environment isn't reflecting who I really am anymore?

Not what's broken, not what needs to be fixed, just what needs to be realigned. Start with one part of your home, a habit that needs to evolve, a relationship that needs more honesty, a meaning you've lost touch with, a space you need to reclaim. Because when you create a system that reflects your truth, you don't just cope better, you live better. And that's the goal, not just survival, but a life

that feels like you. And if this episode moved you, share it, talk about it, most of all, live it. And if you want more support in building a life that feels like home, subscribe to The Ignited Life, our weekly sub-stack with tools, reflections, and ideas to help you design your life from the inside out. Join the Ignition Room, our free community where the conversation continues beyond the mic. So as you take this framework home and into your own life, I hope it gives you a new lens, not just for what to do, but for how to live in a way that reflects who you really are.

Because sometimes the breakdowns we experience aren't failures, they're signals that systems around us no longer fit. And next week, we're diving even deeper into that idea. Coming up next on Passion Struck, I'm joined by Dr. Judith Joseph, psychiatrist and author of High Functioning, Overcome Your Hidden Depression and Reclaim Your Joy. It's a powerful compliment to this episode. While today we focused on building the ecosystem that supports your mental well-being, Dr. Joseph shines a light on what happens when you don't, when high performance masks hidden pain and the people who seem fine are quietly falling apart.

What I've found is that when you see people who are over-functioning, a lot of times it's not just them. It has been contagious. It spreads to their families. It spreads to their team. It spreads even to their pets, right? Everyone's not happy. There's a lack of joy. The anhedonia spreads to the ecosystem. But if you can retrain yourself and start to engage in being present, slowing down and accessing life the way you should, then that spreads as well. So you can actually reverse things

if you're mindful and intentional about it. Until next time, notice more, name what matters, and live life.