Passion Struck with John R. Miles - How to Resolve Conflict in 5 Steps w/ John R. Miles EP 43

Episode Date: July 9, 2021

Just like “death and taxes,” conflict is inevitable! Why? Because no two individuals have the same needs and concerns. That is why it is essential to understand how to resolve conflict in 5 steps.  Like this? Please subscribe, and join me on my new platform for personal development: https://passionstruck.com/. In this powerful Momentum Friday Episode, John R. Miles discusses unhealthy vs. healthy conflict resolution and understanding the different conflict management styles. Conflict, or more specifically, interpersonal conflict, is a fact of life and organizational life. It often emerges when people are stressed, for example, when there are changes on the horizon or when everyone is under pressure because of a looming deadline. However, conflict can also arise in relationships and situations outside work. How to Resolve Conflict in a Healthy Way But there is a difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict. Without conflict, we don’t have robust relationships, create a future vision, and don’t move the needle. But unhealthy conflict ends up eating away at trust and shared values. That is why diplomacy is so important to bringing about healthy conflict management. According to the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI), used by human resource (HR) professionals worldwide, there are five major styles to resolve conflict—collaborating, competing, avoiding, accommodating, and compromising. Knowing when and how to use each style can help resolve conflict and improve the working environment or interpersonal relationships. New Interviews with the World's GREATEST high achievers will be posted every Tuesday with a Momentum Friday inspirational message! Show Notes How Dell produced unhealthy conflict Why conflict management is inevitable Explaining the 5 conflict management styles How conflict creates trust and shared values ENGAGE WITH JOHN R. MILES * Subscribe to my channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles * Leave a comment, 5-star rating (please!) * Support me: https://johnrmiles.com * Twitter: https://twitter.com/Milesjohnr * Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Johnrmiles.c0m​. * Medium: https://medium.com/@JohnRMiles​ * Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/john_r_miles JOHN R. MILES * https://johnrmiles.com/my-story/ * Guides: https://johnrmiles.com/blog/ * Coaching: https://passionstruck.com/coaching/ * Speaking: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking-business-transformation/ * Gear: https://www.zazzle.com/store/passion_struck   PASSION STRUCK *Subscribe to Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-passion-struck-podcast/id1553279283 *Website: https://passionstruck.com/ *About: https://passionstruck.com/about-passionstruck-johnrmiles/ *Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/passion_struck_podcast *LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/passionstruck *Blog: https://passionstruck.com/blog/  

Welcome visionaries, creators, innovators, entrepreneurs, leaders, and growth seekers of all types to the Passion Struck Podcast. Hi, I'm John Miles, a peak performance coach, multi industry CEO, Navy Veteran, and entrepreneur on a mission to make Passion Go viral for millions worldwide. do so by sharing with you an inspirational message and interviewing high achievers from all walks of life to unlock their secrets and lessons to become an passion struck. The purpose of our show is to serve you the listener by giving you tips, tasks and activities you can use to achieve peak performance and for two, a passion-driven life you have always wanted to have. Now help. Let's become PassionStruck. Welcome to Momentum Friday in episode 43 of the PassionStruck podcast. Actor Steven Moyer said, Conflict is drama and how people deal with conflict

shows you the kind of people they are. And we are in the middle of a series talking about the topics of humility and diplomacy. And I don't think you can talk about either one without touching on conflict. And so today, I'm going to do just that and also give you the secrets to how you learn the different styles of conflict management and which one will employ in certain conflict situations. And I'm going to start out today's episode with the story. Back in 2009, when I joined Dell, the company was going through one of the most arduous transformations in its history. We were trying to shift the company from one focused on hardware to one known for software and services.

So in the middle of doing that, we undertook a very aggressive acquisition strategy. And at one point, while I was there, we had 14 different acquisitions underway at the same time. That that wasn't the biggest issue, nor was it trying to change the strategy of the company. The biggest issue was that at that point in time,

it was the most political environment I have ever seen or for a sense. And part of that was brought on because at that time, there were six presidents all reporting to Michael who were all competing against each other. And that competition meant the difference between one of them getting fired and someone making tens of millions of dollars. Because of that competition it brought out some of the worst behaviors, some of the most heated debates that I had ever seen in my career. And some of these reached ridiculous proportions

and completely severed ties between many of those presidents that still exist today. So I think the important question here is how do you avoid something like that happening? Just like death and taxes, conflict is inevitable. Why? Because no two individuals have the same exact needs and concerns. Conflict, or more specifically, interpersonal conflict, is an inevitable fact of life. And particularly, of organizational life. It often emerges when people feel stressed, when there are changes from horizon, or when

everyone is under so much pressure because of a lumen deadline, strategy change, or whatever it may be. Just as was the case during my time at Dell. However, conflict isn't just about organizational life. It can also arise in our relationships and outside of work, but there is a huge difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict. Um, conflict is not dangerous. In fact, the opposite is true. It's the lack of conflict that can be extremely dangerous because without conflict, we don't form

as robust relationships. We don't create that vision for the future and we don't end up moving the needle. We end up getting into a bunch of group thing that doesn't take us anywhere. But it's unhealthy conflict that ends up eroding trust and also shared values. That is why diplomacy is so important

in bringing about healthy conflict. Diplomacy is I talked about in the last episode is centered around negotiation. And it's through that negotiation that people settle their individual differences. It's a process by which compromise is achieved without leading yourself into catastrophic results or inflicting passion that reaches all-time highs.

And diplomacy starts by being willing to respect the other person. And a part of that is honesty. It's about being willing to engage, lean in and showing the other party, the dignity to actually work with them. It is respecting the other person enough to come fully present, whoever that conflict may be. And that is diplomacy at its absolute pinnacle. But in order to have it, you have to be willing to be honest,

and you have to listen to the other person, and you must keep an open mind. So with that as a backdrop, I think it's extremely important for us to understand what are the five different styles of conflict management. So you know not only how to recognize them, but also which one to use in certain situations. Did you know that Forbes Magazine recently cited

that 70% of individuals who do personal development, masterminds, and one-on-one coaching benefited from better work performance, increased communication skills, and overall better relationships. And we at PassionStruck are obsessed with self-development, coaching, and mentorship. That is why we've created a free resource to help you unlock your hidden potential. Because people doing great things in business and life, are just like you, only they've had a coach along the way. And we've got that covered too.

Let us show you the systems and frameworks that we teach both minded individuals to help them step into their sharp edges, execute on their passion journeys, and get predictable results time and time again. Go to passionstruck.com slash coaching right now and let's get igniting. Now conflict management isn't a new thing. In fact, the Thomas Tillman conflict mode instrument, known as TKI, has been used by HR departments around the globe for decades.

And in this model, there are five different styles of conflict management. They are collaborating, competing, avoiding, accommodating, and compromising. Knowing what each one is and when to use them makes all the difference, I think, between being a diplomat and having healthy conflict versus fun-healthy conflict. The third style, the collaborating style, is often known as the win-win style. In this

strategy, it strives to make sure that both sides are satisfied. Think of it this way. Let's find a solution that works well for all of us. It requires an open discussion on all the issues, exploration of alternative solutions, and honesty and commitment from all parties involved. To be successful, the participants who are collaborating around conflict must have an environment that is open for the exchange of ideas, an idea that may be counter to what the other party is currently thinking. In this model,

you must be able to surface those concerns in a non-compatitive and non-threatening way. And that is one of the keys. The downside of this style is that it is very hard to do. It requires very close attention not only to the issues at hand, but also to the emotional state of the other side. The next style, the competing style, is centered around the fact that it's not enough

that I win. You must lose. Competing style is one in which the position and the concerns of the other party or person are completely ignored. Winning the argument or conflict is the only metric that matters. And any concession that's made to the other side has seen as a point of weakness.

This is exactly what was happening during my time at Dell. Conflicts that would arise would be one by any means necessary. It could have been argument. It could have been right. Or it could have been a political exercise of power. If you use the case when you're competing against another team member or it could be another person in a relationship. The third style is the avoiding style. This is the one where you say, I'll get to it tomorrow. The goal of the avoiding style is to avoid conflict at all costs.

In this style, neither your concerns or the concerns of the other party need to be addressed. Obviously, this style is only of use when the issues at hand are of little or no importance, because it is clear that the ramifications of not making a decision at all or dealing with the conflict will be minimal in nature. The fourth style, the accommodating style, is the opposite of the competing style. It is one of sacrifice, selflessness, and low assertiveness. It often referred to as the whatever style you're willing to give up just about everything in order to preserve the relationship with the other party. And it's certainly reasonable to use the strategy

when the issue at hand is of little importance to you. And in the end, you really don't care about the outcome. Think about this in terms of your spouse or significant other wants to watch a movie. And you don't care if it's a drama and action movie or comedy. In this case, it's fine to say whatever you want to watch is okay with me. The important thing that you have to remember here is that it is possible to overuse the strategy. And you need to be mindful of it. The fifth style is the compromising style. And in this one, you win some and you lose

some. This style aims to find an expedient and mutually acceptable solution that personally satisfies both sides of the conflict. But it also maintains some assertiveness and cooperativeness. You're willing to trade on some of your points to win concessions from the other side. This style can be very, very useful when both sides of a conflict are equally powerful and willing to cooperate and they wanna preserve the relationship

for long-term benefit of both sides. The biggest problem with this style is that both parties may give up so much than in the end, neither feels satisfied by what either has gotten. You have to be extremely careful in the compromised style that you're not giving up something that you can't live without. So, to bring closure on this episode, conflict is inevitable. And it can be done in either a healthy or unhealthy way. When done in a healthy way, it actually makes the team or a relationship that much stronger

because it brings about trust and agreement on shared values. Because each style has their own strengths and weaknesses, it's important to study each one, practice them, and learn not only how to recognize them, but in each situation you're part of, which one you should apply. So before you enter conflict in the future,

consider these five styles of conflict management, and which one you will employ. And don't be afraid to change strategies if it's not working. Hope you enjoyed today's episode. And if you did, we would love it if you gave this show a five-star rating and shared it with a bunch of your growth-minded friends.

Thank you, as always, for taking the time, the listen or watch the Passion Start podcast. Thank you so much for joining us. The purpose of our show is to make Passion Go viral. And we do that by sharing with you the knowledge and skills that you need to unlock your hidden potential. If you want to hear more, please subscribe to the Passion Start podcast on Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher,

or wherever you listen to your podcast ad. And if you absolutely love this episode, we'd appreciate a five-star rating on iTunes, and you're sharing it with three of your most growth-minded friends, so they can post it as well to their social accounts and help us grow our PassionStruct community. If you'd like to learn more about the show and our mission, you can go to passionstruck.com where you can sign up for our newsletter, look at our tools, and also download the show notes for today's episode. Additionally, you can listen to us every Tuesday and Friday for even more inspiring content. And remember, make a choice, work hard, and step into your sharp edges.

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