Passion Struck with John R. Miles - How You Tame the Flames of Shameflammation w/John R. Miles EP 286

Episode Date: April 28, 2023

Are you struggling with feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, and shame? Feeling drained and exhausted? You may be a victim of shameflamation. Join me in exploring the physical and emotional effects of shameflamation and how to heal from the trauma that can cause it. But watch out: your journey may leave you with more questions than answers. And in case you didn't already know it, John R. Miles (@John_R_Miles) takes your comments and questions for Momentum Friday right here every week! If you want him to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Momentum Friday episodes, drop us a line at [e-mail]. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: https://passionstruck.com/tame-the-flames-of-shameflammation/  What I Discuss About How You Tame the Flames of Shameflammation In this episode, I discuss the importance of addressing the root causes of shameflamation and practicing self-compassion to counteract its harmful effects. By doing so, we can improve our mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. This episode also includes a preview of an interview with Terri Cole, a licensed psychotherapist who shares insights on the fear of change and transformation. Be sure to give it a listen if you're struggling with shame and self-worth. Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [e-mail]! Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMiles and on Instagram at @john_R_Miles. Prefer to watch this episode: https://youtu.be/Cy3_xv50KXg  Subscribe to our main YouTube Channel Here: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles Subscribe to our YouTube Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@passionstruckclips Brought to you by Fabric. Go to Apply today in just 10 minutes at https://meetfabric.com/passion. Brought to you by Green Chef. Use code passionstruck60 to get $60 off, plus free shipping!” Brought to you by Indeed. Head to https://www.indeed.com/passionstruck, where you can receive a $75 credit to attract, interview, and hire in one place. Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally! Want to find your purpose in life? I provide my six simple steps to achieving it - passionstruck.com/5-simple-steps-to-find-your-passion-in-life/ Want to hear my best interviews from 2022? Check out episode 233 on intentional greatness and episode 234 on intentional behavior change. Learn more about John: https://johnrmiles.com/ 

Coming up next, on PassionStruck, the physical and emotional effects of shameflamation can be really severe, manifesting in migraines, IBS, acne flare-ups, insomnia, and lethargy even after we get a good night's sleep. To put it another way, shameflamation is a war within ourselves, over self-worth. Welcome to PassionStruck. Hi, I'm your host, John John Armiles and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guest-ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello everyone and welcome back to my Mentum Friday, an episode 286 of PassionStruck, and thank you to each and every one of you who come back weekly. Listen and learn, how to live better, be better, and impact the world.

I wanted to start today's episode out by telling you I have some incredibly humbling news. Yesterday, we surpassed a feat I never, when I started this journey, ever thought would have been even conceivably possible. And that is, we did over a million downloads in a month for the first time ever. And I wanted to just give a huge shout out to the entire PassionStruck community because without you and your loyal support, this would have never happened.

And I am just so humbled and honored that this podcast is making a difference to so many people around the world. And I just wanted to say thank you so much for your support of this show. And for those of you who are new, welcome to the show. PassionStruck is now also on syndicated radio on the AM FM 247 National Broadcast from 5 to 6 pm, Eastern Time, Monday through Friday. Links to where you can find it will be in the show notes. And if you know someone who might like this show, a great way to get them acclimated to

everything we do here is our starder packs, which you can find on Spotify or PassionStark.com slash starder packs. And these are collections that we post of our fans favorite episodes, and it can give you a great introduction given that we have now almost 300 episodes of everything we do here on the show. Please go and check those out. In case you missed it, earlier this week I had two great guests. First one was Doriklar, who's the number one communications coach in the world, and we discuss for latest bestselling book The Long Game.

And I also had on a fascinating podcast with Wil Gadera, who took over a struggling two-star brassier called Eleven Madison Park and over the course of 11 years through the practice of unreasonable hospitality, turned it into the number one restaurant in the world, and both Will and Dory will share their secrets, thoughts, and recommendations on how you can achieve the long game and apply unreasonable hospitality in your life. Please check both those out, And if you like either of those or my Momentum Friday episode today, we would so appreciate it if you gave us

a five star rating interview because these go such a long way. They truly do. And helping us achieve the download mark that I just told you about and bringing more people into this passion-struck community where we can teach them how to live limitless with hope, meaning, connection, and inspiration.

And I also wanted to acknowledge our fan of the week, Derral Goldberg, who contacted me on social media and wrote, Hi John, I love the podcast. It's been truly life altering. I wanted to reach out and say thank you. Thank you, Derral, and thank you also for sharing your incredible book with me called Life Lessons Learned from Daivon. I highly encourage the fans to check this out if you're a fan of Daivon or just want to hear this incredible perspective. You can find that book on Amazon or wherever you purchase books. Let's talk about today's episode. As you have likely noticed, if you're a regular listener, I haven't done one of these momentum Friday episodes in a much longer time than I initially anticipated. That's because I am sitting on just a ton of interviews

that are in the vault. And I wanted, as a respect to those I interviewed, to get them posted as soon as I possibly could. But I am so glad to be back doing this solo slot and being able to talk to you with my own message for the week. And today I'm gonna talk about shame. And at some point, we have all felt shame, yet when

it becomes a persistent presence in our life, what then? That's where shameflamation comes into play. Shameflamation is the act of allowing your negative thoughts and feelings about yourself to build up until they reach an unbearable level. The notion of shameflamation is well supported as emotional manifestations, akin to inflammation caused by injury and result in discomfort, irritation, and even pain, such emotional responses can make it harder to navigate daily life and leave us feeling exhausted and drained. Furthermore, extensive scientific research has established a connection between

negative emotions and the type of internal inflammation that is chronic, systematic and invisible. This inflammation is linked to serious health conditions, including heart disease and certain types of cancer, as well as diabetes. In today's episode, I'm going to explain to you what shame inflammation is. Science that you might need to look out for, if you feel like you're experiencing it, had a tame shameflamation and the benefits of tackling shameflamation head on. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me. Be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I'm going to start out today's episode by talking to you about what shameflamation is.

I first heard of this term shameflamation from an interview I did with Dr. Will Cole, and it's something that he uses to describe the physical and emotional symptoms of chronic shame, which can manifest itself into different symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, digestive issues, and many, many more. Shamefulamation has become extremely common in our society due to the ever-growing pressures that we all face in modern life, from work demands to social media comparisons, something that I've tried to focus on in a number of episodes here recently with Isowatsyn and Gaya Bernstein in case you missed either of those. And what this is doing is it's leading so many of us

to feeling overwhelmed and ashamed because we feel like we're not living up to our expectations or those that are imposed upon us by others. The physical and emotional effects of shameflamation can be really severe, manifesting in migraines, IBS, acne flare-ups, insomnia, and lethargy even after we get a good night's sleep. To put it another way, shameflamation is a war within ourselves over self-worth, and studies

have extensively examined the connection between deep emotions and inflammation, with numerous investigations demonstrating that emotional strain and result in heightened amounts of certain indicators for inflammation, such as C-reactive protein, otherwise known as CRP. Shame specifically is known to cause significant increases in CRP due to its strong negative impact on mental health. How shame causes inflammation is not completely well understood as of now. Still, research does suggest that there could be a correlation between

shame and our gut microbiome, as well as other physiological responses, such as increased heart rate or cortisol levels. When we are feeling ashamed, these physiological changes then trigger an inflammatory response, which then lead to the physical symptoms related to shameflammation that I discussed earlier, such as migraines, fatigue, joint pain, skin problems, and digestive issues. But more than that, shameflamation can result in deep distress and a sense of worthlessness and loneliness, draining one's very enthusiasm for life itself. By understanding the root causes behind shameflamation, we can take steps towards healing and reclaiming our power.

So that leads us into what are some of the causes of shameflamation. The first one is childhood trauma, which can result from various adverse experiences, such as physical or sexual maltreatment, parental neglect or desertion, school bullying, or other forms of abuse during our early years. This type of trauma can leave lasting psychological scars that manifest themselves later in life through feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, leading to shameful amation when triggered by certain events or experiences. Whatever the cause may be, these childhood experiences often leave us feeling inadequate and unworthy, leading to a deep, seated sense of shame that stays with us

into adulthood. Negative self-talk is another significant contributor to shameflamation, as it has the power to drag us down an emotional rabbit hole and leaves us to fixate on our shortcomings, rather than celebrating our successes. This false narrative of inadequacy can lead us into a state of feeling ashamed or not being perfect, even though perfection is I have discussed in many episodes before is unattainable. To combat this damaging thought process, we should take time out for ourselves. Practice positive affirmations, engage in activities that bring you joy, seek supportive people who build you up instead of those who tear you down and reach out for professional help if needed. All of these measures will help reduce negative, soft talks, impact on our mental health.

thereby reducing the possibility of experiencing shameflamation when it's triggered by external stimuli. So, silo pressures are also a significant cause of shameflamation. Due to their unrealistic expectations, regarding what perfection looks like, expectations of perfectionism often resulting in a sense of failure for anything that is less than perfect, pervade our world. This pressure often leads to self-inflicted mental anguish

as individuals strive for unrealistic standards. The result, shameflamation, due to unrealistic expectations that we place upon ourselves by listening to societal standards, which leads to low self-esteem and further triggers more episodes of shaming behavior, one works posed to triggers outside of our control. So as you can see, shameflamation is a complex issue that can be caused by various factors that

include childhood experiences, societal pressures, and negative self-talk. It's essential, therefore, to understand the health consequences of chronic shame to address it adequately. Shame is an emotion that can have lasting effects on our physical and mental health. Chronic exposure to shaming can lead to long-term physical and mental health impacts. When shame is experienced, it can lead to a diminished sense of self-worth, which may result in us engaging in relationships founded on these negative emotions, rather than ones that are built upon mutual respect and affection. These relationships which are driven by humiliation, are usually marked by an uneven, power dynamic, mistrust, and dissatisfaction.

When someone feels ashamed, a powerful message is that they don't deserve better. These types of relationships tend to perpetuate a cycle of shame until something changes within either partner or the relationship itself. Mental stress caused by prolonged shaming episodes can also have serious health implications, feelings like guilt, embarrassment, or worthlessness, take up valuable energy from our bodies. Otherwise, we used for healing ourselves,

physically or emotionally in other areas where we may actually need it most. Furthermore, when we feel overwhelmed, due to emotions like shame, we become less likely to make healthy decisions concerning nutrition or exercise, further contributing to poor physical health outcomes if they're not addressed soon enough. Finally, gut feelings play a vital role in how we perceive potential situations involving shaming scenarios, whether they're real life interactions with those around us,

or just thoughts occurring within our minds. Our gut instinct often tells us whether something is right for us personally before any conscious thought does. However, many times, people who suffer from chronic feelings associated with shame ignore their intuition because they fear judgment about their choices instead. Learning how to closely listen to and trust your inner voice again takes time, but it's essential for anyone truly wanting to heal from past traumas that may have caused shameful episodes in the first place. The lasting effects of prolonged shame

can greatly damage one's psychological and physical well-being. Thus, it's vital to approach this issue with self-kindness. To help do this, we will explore how you can passionately comfort your inner critic. We all have an inner critic that can be loud and let's face it, relentless. It's the voice inside our head that tells us that we're not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough. This shame-fueled relationship

with ourselves can lead to mental stress, overwhelm, and even physical symptoms like inflammation. Fortunately, there is a powerful message of self-compassion that Dr. Cole has been sharing through his research. Regular acts of kindness towards oneself help reduce overall levels of inflammation by reducing feeling inadequate or failure due to past experiences, one may feel embarrassed about something that they feel they did wrong previously. It starts with being aware of your gut feelings when you experience negative thoughts.

Question your negative thoughts. Separate reality from emotion. Additionally, practice gratitude for yourself and acknowledge small successes as they come throughout the day. This will help you shift your focus from fear and doubt into appreciation and gratitude, which can make all the difference and how you view yourself. Lastly, remember that mistakes and failure are part of life, so don't beat yourself too

much over them. Instead, take time to reflect on what went wrong. Then, move forward, learning from it. Still, having compassion for yourself and the journey ahead. By embracing self-compassion, you can replace your inner critics harsh words with loving ones. Now, let's discuss how we can heal from past traumas that may have caused shameflamation. For those who've experienced trauma in the past, and let's face it, it's the vast majority of us, it can be difficult to heal and move forward without carrying the baggage of shameflamation. Past traumas can cause shame in many ways.

When someone experiences a traumatic event, it can lead them feeling powerless, helpless, and out of control. They may feel like they were unable to prevent the traumatic event from happening, or even somehow that they were responsible for it. This can lead to feelings of shame, self-blame, as well as guilt. Traumatic events often challenge people's identities, and beliefs about themselves and the world. For example, someone who experiences abuse may struggle with feelings of worthlessness, and shame, because the abuse made them feel inherently flawed. Similarly, someone who survives a natural disaster or a violent crime may feel weak or inadequate for not being able to protect themselves. Finally, trauma can cause shame because it is often associated with stigma and social rejection.

For example, someone who has experienced sexual assault may feel ashamed to talk about it or seek help because they worry about being judged or blamed by others. This social stigma can reinforce the belief that the person is somehow responsible for what happened to them leading to feelings of shame and isolation. So with that all as a backdrop, this leads to probably the most important aspect of today's episode and that is how do you tame shameflamation. The first step to effectively taming this pattern of shameflamation is to identify the source of shame. Trace the source of your sense of inadequacy or unease to a specific occurrence in your past or present. Once you have determined the origin of your shame, start being kind to yourself and showing yourself self forgiveness. It's also essential to engage in positive self-talk,

rather than allowing any internal dialogue, filled with criticism or doubt to take hold. If needed, professional help should be sought for further support on dealing with your shameflammation. A therapist may be able to offer advice or help you to tackle these trying feelings, so they don't become too intense or turn into hazardous conduct, such as reliance on drugs or alcohol. Additionally, healthy coping mechanisms, like exercise or journaling can help manage stress levels while providing an outlet for dealing with difficult thoughts and feelings associated with shameflamation. By understanding the sources of shameflamation and using self-awareness,

you can take steps to reduce its impact on your life. The key takeaway here is that shameflamation is a cycle of shame and inflammation that can become effectively tamed by identifying its source, practicing self-compassion and forgiveness, engaging in positive self-talk and seeking professional help if needed. The next step is to explore the benefits of taming this powerful emotion. Taming shameflamation can have a profoundly positive impact on your mental health, energy levels, sleep quality, relationships with others,

and overall sense of well-being. Let's go through each one of those. So we'll start with mental health. Shameflamation is an insidious form of self-criticism that can erode our confidence and undermine our ability to cope with life's challenges. By taming this inner critic, your mindfulness practices, such as meditation or journaling, we can gain more control over our thoughts and feelings. By cultivating a greater sense of our mental processes, we can better equip ourselves who effectively manage challenging situations,

as well as fostering emotional stability. Next, let's tackle energy levels. When we are constantly being bombarded by negative self-talk, it takes a toll on our physical energy levels. Taming shameflamation helps us to break free from these draining thought patterns so that we can access more vitality throughout the day. It also allows us to tap into our deeper reserves of motivation, which makes it easier for us to stay focused on tasks,

while achieving the goals that we've set out to achieve. The next area would be the benefits to sleep quality. Jamfful thoughts often keep us up at night, ruminating about past mistakes, or worrying about future events beyond our control, taking steps to reduce the power of shameflamation. Not only helps you to follow sleep faster, but also improves the quality of restful sleep, leading to greater productivity during your waking hours, as well as an improved mood throughout the day. Now let's look at the impact that it has on relationships. Our relationships with others are directly impacted by how we feel about others around us. Something which is directly impacted by how much internalized shaming we experience from ourselves and from external sources,

like family members, friends or peers. By taking time out from mindful activities such as yoga or walking in nature, you will be able to better cultivate a healthier relationship between yourself and those around you based on mutual respect rather than fear-based judgments. Last but not least, aiming shameflamation is rise to an enhanced sense of well-being due to reduced stress levels, resulting from being less mentally and emotionally hard on oneself. As a result, your outlook towards life becomes brighter, allowing you to take advantage of opportunities that are presented without feeling held back by negative self-talk. So I've talked a lot today and let me summarize the episode and bring it

to conclusion. Shamefulmation is a debilitating condition that can leave us feeling stuck, ashamed, and overwhelmed. By understanding what causes it and how to tame it, you can start to reclaim your power and live with more passion and purpose. With the help of Dr. Wilcole's advice on shamefulmation, you'll be able to identify your triggers for this negative emotion so that you can start taking actionable steps towards self-improvement, personal mastery, intentional living, and self-love. And finally, to manage shameflamation, it is necessary to reestablish our harmonious connection between your gut and emotions. This can be achieved by consuming gut-friendly foods

and adopting practices that promote mental well-being and self-compassion. Thank you for tuning in with me today. Videos are on YouTube at John Armeyles and Passion Star Clips. As I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, you can now hear us on the AM FM247 broadcast network. Everties or deals and discount codes

are in one community place at passionstruck.com slash deals. I'm on LinkedIn where you can subscribe to my weekly newsletter or you can find me at John Armyles on Instagram and Twitter. You're about to hear a preview of the Passion Start podcast interview I did with Terry Cole, a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the best-selling author of the book, Boundary Boss. The essential guide to talk true, be seen, and finally live free.

Human beings, we have a natural fear of change. And I always say that fear of success and fear of failure are two sides of the same coin, but the coin is fear of change. So you have to really be uncomfortable to want to make a change and to be willing to do all the things that are required to change your life. But on the other side of it, of course, is the life you're meant to live, right? Is the life of satisfaction, the life of service, the life of your greatest good, but it's really hard when you're anticipating or contemplating that change. To see the other side, all we see is all the stuff we're sort of giving up, or what we might lose

in making this change. And it's like you have to use your imagination to think about what could be on the other side of that power of faith. Remember, we rise by lifting others, so share this episode with those that you love and care about. And if you found this episode on shamefulamationuseful, then definitely share it with those who could use guidance on this topic. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so that you can love what you listen.

Until next time, live life, Ash and Strut. you