Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Kate Eckman On: You Are Powerful Enough EP 115

Starting point is 00:00:00 coming up next on the Passion Struck podcast. But are now just asking and getting help with, but I don't, I don't feel fulfilled. I have everything. Society says I should have and I don't feel fulfilled. I don't feel true meaning in my life. What is

Starting point is 00:00:15 what do I want my legacy to be? And so it is a common thing, whether you're just starting out and you're struggling with money or you've reached where you have more money than you know what to do with and you're still lacking that meaning and fulfillment. Welcome visionaries, graders, innovators, entrepreneurs, leaders and growth seekers of all types to the passion

Starting point is 00:00:34 struck podcast. Hi, I'm John Miles, a peak performance coach, multi industry CEO, maybe veteran and entrepreneur on a mission to make action co-viral for millions worldwide. And each week I do so by sharing with you an inspirational message and interviewing eye achievers from all walks of life who unlock their secrets and lessons to become an action struck. The purpose of our show is to serve you the listener. By giving you tips, tasks, and activities, you can use to achieve peak performance and for too a passion-driven life, you have always wanted to have.

Starting point is 00:01:12 Now, let's become passion-struck. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Passion-struck Podcast. And thank you each and every one of you who come back each and every week to listen and learn to live better, be better, and impact the world. And if you're new to the show or you would like to introduce this to a friend or family member, we now have episode starter packs.

Starting point is 00:01:33 These are collections of your favorite episodes organized by topic, which gives you a great idea for everything we do here on the show. Just go to passionstrup.com, slash starter packs to get started. And if you haven't checked out our YouTube channel, please go to JohnRMiles and there, you can also get some weekly inspiration with over 200 different videos that we have uploaded by Playlist.

Starting point is 00:01:58 Again, YouTube channel is JohnRMiles. Today's guest is Kate Ekman, who is a keynote speaker, author, leadership development, and performance coach. Kate has made a life out of cultivating ground-and-confidence from within during a forward-facing career that's included interviewing some of the world's most prominent newsmakers as a broadcast journalist from President Barack Obama to actress Angelina Jolie. Serving as the face of multiple global beauty brands as TV presenter and personality,

Starting point is 00:02:31 and working for some of the biggest names in the fashion industries as a professional model. Her book, The Full Spirit Workout, has garnered widespread accolades and is available at all major booksellers. In today's discussion, we go into how he became an academic all-American swimmer at Penn State University

Starting point is 00:02:50 and what that experienced taught her. How when we take care of our inner world, our outer world takes care of itself. How does Shed one's inner baggage? We discuss how the suicide of two people close to her led to the writing of her book, The Full Spirit Workout, who discussed the book in some of the 10 steps she outlines and would end up talking about winning the game plan and why it's so important to get superficial for granular.

Starting point is 00:03:15 Thank you for choosing the Passion Star Podcast and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to live in a no regret's life. Before we begin, I would like to emphasize that this podcast is part of my desire and hope to bring zero-cost information to the general public regarding how to unlock an intentional life. And keeping with that theme, I would like to thank the sponsors of today's episode.

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Starting point is 00:06:32 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Hello, Kate, and welcome to the passionstruck podcast. Thank you so much for having me. It's my joy to be here. Okay, I thought for the audience a great starting point would be for you to discuss with them your journey to becoming a division one athlete at Penn State University.

Starting point is 00:06:51 Well, I was a swimmer competitively since I was six years old and and swam year round since that age and it was really my life. And when I got time to apply to different schools, I thought I was going to go to UNC Chapel Hill where my brother was a student and they had a great swim team, great athletics programs and I ended up getting recruited by several schools and Penn State was one of them and I had always heard a Penn State didn't know a ton about it. My parents are both Ohio State alums. I grew up in Cincinnati and so I thought I love the Big Ten. One of my recruiting trip and I just really fell in love with the campus and the people. It's such a down to earth place. It's a stunningly gorgeous campus

Starting point is 00:07:33 and obviously a huge athletic school but also equally academic school. And what I love to most, not to sound like a complete nerd but what I love most about the Penn State program is that the women swim team had the highest cumulative GPA in all of division one sports. And so what that said to me is not only are we in this division one big 10 huge athletic conference and going to compete at a high level, but ultimately academics is what matters most because unless you're Michael Phelps, there is really no career and swimming or professional swimming.

Starting point is 00:08:05 And so I just love that. That it was a combination of the both and the coach really stressed that. And coach Cremel was one of the nicest, most genuine, down-to-earth people I had ever met. So it just felt like a family right away. And I think it's so important to go to a school whether you're an athlete or not where you do feel at home for whatever reason. Well, I know being a lung distance runner in competing myself in division one athletics, that there are a lot of similarities between running and competitive swimming.

Starting point is 00:08:38 We both have those early morning workouts as well as those afternoon workouts. And for both sports, there is a ton of practice and dedication that's involved. So I was wondering what has been the impact of your competitive swimming on the rest of your life? Oh, it just set me up for life in terms of work ethic and discipline and dedication and taught me what it means to be a great teammate and taught me what it means to have a purpose and cause greater than yourself. And yes, you are swimming, you're swimming your own race, it's a great message to stay in your own lane and not worry about what everybody else is doing

Starting point is 00:09:14 and focus on what you can control in between those lane lines. But also it just, it did set me up in terms of, for instance, writing this book. And a friend of mine said to me, your swimming discipline allowed you to write a 90,000 word manuscript in about four months during lockdown, during a global pandemic. And I really do attribute that to my swimming career and the discipline that it teaches you and really having a goal. And the goal is greater than you, it's great if your goal is to make a million dollars. Awesome. But what will really motivate you to reach any goal

Starting point is 00:09:50 is that it involves something greater than us, a cause and organization. And even for me, this book is dedicated to my two loves that I lost to suicide in one year and really for anyone who struggles with mental health, which as I've discovered in these past two years is literally all of us. We all struggle in some way. And so I'm grateful to swimming in the lessons that it taught me. And most importantly, the message I love to share with audiences and podcasts and TV radio interviews is that you are powerful. Our culture

Starting point is 00:10:21 and society has certainly told us otherwise, but you truly can do whatever you decide is important enough and you can truly achieve whatever you deem worthy. Kate, I am so sorry to hear about your friends and I think that's just so beautiful that you're dedicating the book to their memory. I unfortunately myself have lost too many friends to suicide and I think it's just a good time for us to bring up awareness to the fact that in 2018 alone, there were over 40,000 suicides in the US and over 800,000 worldwide. It is a growing pandemic that we have to deal with, so this does not continue in this upward trajectory.

Starting point is 00:11:07 So thank you for bringing awareness to it and thank you so much for bringing that up in your book. Thank you and sorry that you've experienced that as well. I think far too many of us have and if you haven't yet, your time is coming in some way that you will experience some tragedy and you will be impacted by a mental health issue or mental illness and hopefully not suicide. But thank you for that because I've even had people say to me, even writing my book, oh gosh, that's really intense that you lost love your life and another dear friend of suicide in one year.

Starting point is 00:11:42 Should you maybe say the other gentleman died in another way? And I thought, are you asking me to lie or change the truth? Or sorry that this is so harsh for you to comprehend? Or again, it is a taboo subject that a lot of people don't want to talk about. But I just feel called to help erase the stigma, to speak openly about it. It's certainly nothing you ever grow up and think.

Starting point is 00:12:02 I want to be a suicide prevention awareness activist because I was so deeply impacted by these events. But I think it's just important to talk about. And I think the more and more I talk about it, even this morning of all mornings, I was noticing the amount of healing that has occurred in me where I'm not crying during the holidays, I'm not crying during the holidays. I'm not. I've come so much from such a dark place.

Starting point is 00:12:30 I've come so far, I should say. And so I say that not as, oh great for me, but I have been someone who has been willing to put in a lot of hard work to overcome these things. And I offer that as a success story to others, whether it's you've lost a parent, so many people have lost loved ones to COVID, cancer, pick your poison. And so I just, that is the work I do in this book too. And in my speaking, is to give people the tools and resources and practical strategies and exercises to do because you don't have to stay stuck in a dark place. And there are so many resources out there and people willing to help. And people really do care. I think that's another misconception. Anyone who's feeling depressed or even leaning towards suicidal ideation is that you feel like no one will care

Starting point is 00:13:15 or what's the point. And just knowing how how special and important that you are and that people do care and that there are so many people to reach out to and that there's no shame in that even talking to a girlfriend earlier today and she was celebrating successes which we did. She asked me how I was doing and I was just very real and I said, I need more time off and just being really open and honest about it and I wasn't all flowery and and sun shiny and she just said thanks for being here for all of it, not just all the great stuff and oh this wonderful thing, but being willing to share with, especially people that we call friends,

Starting point is 00:13:50 hey, I'm having a hard time, or I need to leave this situation, or can you help me with this? Or what do you think? And I think that we can offer people the gift of listening to them and really truly seeing and hearing and urging and to understand one another and to acknowledge one another.

Starting point is 00:14:09 Okay, thank you for that. And thank you so much for your words of inspiration. I wanted to take this in a different direction. I have recently done some episodes on the importance of not focusing on materialistic goods, rewards, accolades, etc. to look for, to bring you happiness and contentment. And I think more so, it's really those intangible things in life, those shared experiences that truly define a rewarding life. But as I was reading about you and read your book,

Starting point is 00:14:45 I thought that you also shared that same philosophy. And I was hoping that you could talk more about it. Well, thank you for sharing all of that with me and congrats on all of your success. I love when people share all of that and that's great, but also are courageous enough to admit that they didn't have it all together. It wasn't as shiny as bright as it seemed. And I certainly can relate to that.

Starting point is 00:15:10 And I speak very openly about that and what I discovered in my dark moments in a place of on the outside appearing to have it all. And I really was able to see that when I lost my two loves to suicide because they were, or you look at all this celebrities who are no longer with us, the people who have it all and no one can believe that they would choose to end their

Starting point is 00:15:30 lives. And so I think I really saw that in this, in this dark moment that I talk about in the book, being at a pharmacy and contemplating taking this bottle of pills, not because I wanted to hurt myself, but because I was in such a dark place and and grief and realized that in that moment that you know when we place all of our value in the car and the house and the money and all the fancy shiny objects that neuroscience says don't even move the needle on our well-being anyway. And I love nice things as much as the next person, don't get me wrong. But when we do that, we can truly never have enough or be enough. So we really are on that rat race hamster wheel sweating to death and we take a step off and we're so disoriented and think, well, what does all of this even mean so I think for me it has been that journey especially these past six years of going within and having the self worth and confidence and resiliency come from within and it is a practice like anything else, you know better than anyone.

Starting point is 00:16:26 How hard you have to train to work your physical muscles to compete as an athlete at a high level. But so much less emphasis is placed on our mental and emotional and spiritual muscles and how to train them and become spiritually fit. And so that really has been my life's work because you want your life to look and feel like a multi-millionaire or billionaire on the inside. And then the neat thing about that that seems like magic, but it isn't. When that is the case, then you naturally attract the people, the experiences, the opportunities, the money, and you don't have to try so hard, you just naturally become the person who it's like, of course, you got that deal. Of course, he's, you know, feeling really great. Of course, he's helping other people.

Starting point is 00:17:06 So it is work, but it's like going to the gym. The results are so worth it because you feel healthy and fit and toned and truly confident, not just that performance confidence that you and I had in spades, but still didn't feel good on the inside. So how does one shed their inner baggage? Yeah, I mean, that's the million dollar question, right?

Starting point is 00:17:27 But I think it starts with first admitting that you have some inner baggage and that self-awareness. And for me, a great practice to take you there is something that is very foreign to a lot of people. I call it my sit and stare time, my sit and stare practice. And you do exactly what it says. You sit and you stare out the window, you stare straight ahead, but you do this by yourself

Starting point is 00:17:48 with all the distractions off. You can do it with other people, but no talking, no looking like, whoo, are you into this? Or, ooh, what do you think? You really have to just to zone in and tune out. And when you do this, this great thing happens where you start listening to your inner voice. I call it God spirit wisdom universe divine intelligence. It doesn't matter what you call it, but you start hearing Those inspirational messages, which I think are the truth.

Starting point is 00:18:16 Rather than your ego mind that says, why are you even doing this? This doesn't work. Why'd you say that dumb thing in the meeting. You're not good enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not keeping up with Sally on Instagram, not doing this enough. That's the ego, but we're tuning all of that out, because we're always bombarded by that. But this is really getting quiet with yourself. There's a beautiful quote by philosopher Blase Pascal that says, all of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Starting point is 00:18:44 Wow. And think of how infrequently people of all ages, of all creeds, of all races, sit quietly in a room by themselves for longer than two seconds. Never. So I invite everyone to start with this practice because when you get more in tune with the truth, with your inner wisdom, if you believe in God in a higher power, getting really connected to that source in a meaningful way, great place to do that is in nature as as I'm sure you know, but really just shutting everything down, tuning in. It sounds scary. I will say though, I do this in my key notes and I invite audiences to do

Starting point is 00:19:21 this just for one minute. And at the first time I did it, I thought, oh, people are not going to be into this. They're going to think it's too woo. I mean, like, what is a lady talking about? It blows my mind every time that audiences, whether it's 30 people or 300 people or 3,000 people, the room is silent. And you hear a pin drop. And what that says to me is how desperate we all are for some downtime downtime for our brains

Starting point is 00:19:47 and our hearts to just relax and listen and just be. Yes, I think that is a major reason why 85% of all full-time workers globally are disengaged. For many of the reasons that you just suggested because they are chasing societal norms. And so many people exist where they feel comfortable. That's because society is telling them how to live. And until they break themselves free of that vortex and become their authentic selves, they are gonna be trapped. Is that something you also have found?

Starting point is 00:20:21 And how do you coach clients who are experiencing something like that? Yeah, and I think I have a lot of clients like you or your former self who have experienced all of the outer success, but are now just asking and getting help with, but I don't feel fulfilled. I have everything society says I should have and I don't feel fulfilled.

Starting point is 00:20:42 I don't feel true meaning in my life. What is, what do I want my legacy to be? And so it is a common thing whether you're just starting out and you're struggling with money or you've reached where you have more money to do with and you're still lacking that meaning and fulfillment. And I think it's because people have it's but that time with themselves or I have a client where we're not some you were like, how do I make more money? And we all want to make more money and do great and business, awesome. But a lot of these clients are gosh, I've lost a lot of friends in 9-11 because they're from New York and a lot of their friends worked in finance and on Wall Street or I'm now 50 years old and I've already lost so many friends

Starting point is 00:21:19 to one health thing or another and it shapes them to their core and they think, gosh, am I next? I've had a health scare and so now the challenge is, and think about it. And it's the holidays. The holidays are awesome because hopefully you have a chance to genuinely connect with people. And they could lot of people struggle with connecting with relatives or friends they haven't seen in a long time where we don't even know how to connect anymore because everything's on text or social media. And so again, I just can't stress enough the importance

Starting point is 00:21:48 of slowing down and just taking that even five minutes to call someone and check in with them. I said something to a mom of three that I probably shouldn't have said. I'm like, oh, I just assumed you're always busy. I don't want to bother you. She got mad because she's so many frivolous. So she's allowed to express that.

Starting point is 00:22:04 But even the other day, I wanted to call her and I was, she's busy. And I just, I left a message anyway and she'll call me when she can, but just knowing that people care about us and take the time to reach out and say, how are you doing? So many people aren't even asked that.

Starting point is 00:22:18 It's just like, hey, can you take out the trash? Hey, can you do this? Hey, this, I hate when I go to events and people to say, so what do you do? And to me, that's just so lazy and so generic. And I don't want to talk to someone who says, so what do you do? Because they don't care. And it's really just, let me size this woman up and judge her. Am I better or worse than her in my own mind? And so I think when you can just ask someone, her in my own mind. And so I think when you can just ask someone, what are you passionate about or what energizes you or ask how are you doing and sit and listen and let that person talk. And if they say, I'm fine, maybe take a pause. And when you do that, they'll say, well,

Starting point is 00:23:01 you know, actually, I'm really bummed out about this. Or actually, I'm really excited. I just got this promotion. I haven't even got to tell anybody yet. So I think there's a great acronym that's called Wait. And it says, why am I talking? And I just, I offer that to people. You know, I'm such a talker. You see, because I'm used to being a TV personality.

Starting point is 00:23:20 And I always thought my value was in talking, but working as a coach and going through the training and working with clients, I've discovered that my my true value is and all of our true value is really in listening and listening deeply. Well, I think that's absolutely true. So how did you end up being in that line of work? What were some of the biggest takeaways that you had interviewing presidents, actresses and actors? Are there any biggest takeaways that you had? Interviewing presidents, actresses, and actors. Are there any commonalities that you found across all of them? Yeah, it's interesting.

Starting point is 00:23:51 When I think of the biggest stars and celebrities I've ever interviewed, they were the kindest and most humble, whether it's Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise, President Barack Obama, Angelina Jolie, I think the people who weren't nice are very arrogant, which is just insecurity, which I have compassion for are kind of the like reality stars

Starting point is 00:24:12 or the kind of C or D list people. I think that we don't always see ourselves clearly when we're in a place of success. I'm certainly not president or a Tom Hanks character, but I say we, because we all experience success on some level. And I guess I'll just speak personally. You achieve all these things, but we don't see ourselves

Starting point is 00:24:36 clearly. I think you can relate to this based on what you said, where someone might be like, wow, you've done so much. And I think why should be doing more? I could be doing more. And it is again that insatiable hunger for more, like, wow, you've done so much. And I think why should be doing more? I could be doing more. And it is again, that insatiable hunger for more, more, more, more, which again, that's our culture. So we can have some grace for ourselves.

Starting point is 00:24:54 But I think with the huge celebrities too, they want to give back because I think they do feel so humbled by how much that they, I mean, they work hard. They're very talented, but how much that the world has given them. And I think my favorite story to illustrate that is when I was an entertainment reporter in Hollywood, I was at the last samurai premiere, starring Tom Cruise, and that movie's almost three hours.

Starting point is 00:25:17 The premieres in Westwood, there was more than 300 media outlets there. The movie was over, and Tom was still out on the red carpet doing press. His publicists had tried to pull him away for hours, but his whole thing was, what have even its market, eight million from some other country, they made the effort to get here. So I'm going to talk to them because they're here to talk to me. And that's how I'll never forget that and say what you will about him. People have lots of opinions about everybody,

Starting point is 00:25:48 but that just showed his character to me. So I guess a common thread is a really strong character. And I think that proves my point that when your life and your work is about more than just you and what it can do for you, the success will follow. I think that that's something that's definitely true. In every one of these legendary leaders, whether they were a general and entrepreneur, a professional sports athlete, we're all trying to solve a

Starting point is 00:26:15 novel problem that hadn't been solved before. They had originality to their core, and once they found that new problem that they had to solve, there was nothing stopping them. They were willing to pursue it all against reputation risk, financial risk, risk of losing all their monetary assets and so much more. So I think that there's a lot of correlation between what you just said and our mission

Starting point is 00:26:43 for the PassionStruck podcast. Yeah, and I think when I hear PassionStruck, I think of, it's also about disrupting the status quo. That's thought leadership to me because anyone can become an expert on something and there's plenty of Tony Robbins and whomever's and they have their own coaching programs and teach a hundred people how to be like Tony Robbins

Starting point is 00:27:02 and coach like this and that's great. I think if you really want to make an impact in a significant way, you have to be willing to go out on a limb. You have to be willing to not be liked or understood by a lot of people. I think of the suffragettes. I think the people who did any big uprising in our country, they were actually the minority.

Starting point is 00:27:21 And so I think when you look at it that way, and I think to sometimes I'm like, gosh, when I post something as my firm would say very deep on Instagram, it gets like this many likes smaller likes for people who can't see, but if you post kind of that snarky or blah blah blah that gets so much and so I think even be willing to not get as many likes and any platform by saying something new or different or that people are like, oh, I can't fully get my head around that. And that's what I love about the work that you're doing is really giving people the space and the freedom to think out of the box and to follow that passion, even if it means letting someone down or not being understood at first. Because think of how this women who were trying, fighting to give women the right to vote. Mostly, like if they really listened to anybody

Starting point is 00:28:12 or wanted to be well liked or popular, they wouldn't have gotten that done. And so I think that what you're doing is really an invitation to people. And as I like to say, in my spiritual truth that I follow is my willingness. Our good intentions are not enough.

Starting point is 00:28:28 Our willingness is everything. And so being willing to kind of step out of the box. And also don't let anyone put you in a box. I think especially as a woman, people want you to be one thing. And can you just look good and be quiet, please? And a man, can you just work hard and make a lot of money? And those are just outdated and boring and let's really challenge ourselves

Starting point is 00:28:50 to be multi-dimensional and multifaceted. Yeah, I was eager to ask, how did you come up with that name, the full spirit workout? And I'll share a copy of the books of the audience and see it. I think it's extremely original. Oh, thank you. Well, it's a play on the full body workout that we've all heard,

Starting point is 00:29:10 all heard advertised at the gym, but it really is about bringing your full spirit to everyone you meet and everything that you do. It's showing up like you mean it, like you've got something to say. It is being passion struck, if you will, but it's also having the courage to be who we truly are. Not just that polish put together person that we present to the world, but that flawed, messy person behind the scenes who's just trying to keep it all together. They are very lovable to their relatable. And I think the more that we can just own who we are and where we are the better and having no shame and releasing that and and also having a lot more fun with life.

Starting point is 00:29:47 Fun and fulfilling is in my subtitle because again, I see so many things about what the business and the entrepreneurial chutzpah, but we have to break through these less tangible roadblocks, like stress, anxiety, overwhelming fear, comparison, judgment, all the things that weigh us down emotionally, and there really aren't a lot of tools to combat that. So that's why I wanted to give people this exercise program. But I mean, I think you can see from my personality, I'm not doing anything that isn't fun on some level. And I think I had a friend who's a psychologist asked me several months ago. So what have you been doing for fun? And I didn't have a good answer at all.

Starting point is 00:30:31 It was just all this work. And I know that's just the season of writing, editing, and promoting, and publishing a book. But even during this quote unquote Christmas New Year's break, I think I could be having some more fun. I thought it was so fun to sleep in and just be at home and relax, but so as I'm talking, I'm like,

Starting point is 00:30:53 I think I could challenge myself to have a bit more fun. For the listeners and those who are not familiar with your book, it consists of 10 steps. And I know you give away the first step, which is a chapter, but for those who are not familiar with your book, it consists of 10 steps. And I know you give away the first step, which is a chapter, but for those who are tuning in who might not have had a chance to read your book, can you talk to them a little bit about it and explain what's in that first chapter?

Starting point is 00:31:16 Yeah, well, the first step is stretching, is stretching your comfort zone. And so I think we all struggle with this because the comfort zone is comfy. It's like our pajamas and our sweats. That's where we like to stay. But life gets really juicy and we really get to see how awesome life can be when we do push ourselves or take that risk.

Starting point is 00:31:34 For me, I talk about leaving my push TV news career and then moving to Africa and working there and what a risk that was. And again, nobody understood. It's like, and you believe she's doing this. And so, I think you're on the right track. When you get a lot of, can you believe she's doing this? Or who does he think he is? Probably a great sign provided that it's legal and moral and you're not hurting anybody. I think the more that you can do things that like this person went under standard, what will they think? I think that's when you know you're on the right track. But I give an each step

Starting point is 00:32:07 in each chapter, the affirmations, we end each step on that. So you can really ground the work into your psyche and make that your thought system. The journaling exercises, a lot of people learn by writing things down, the meditations, even if you're brand new to meditation, those are all for free and recorded on my website to take yourself on that journey of self-discovery. I have all the coach Kate check-ins.

Starting point is 00:32:30 I know not everyone can afford coaching. And so it's asking you the reader questions that I ask my clients and people that have invested a lot of time and money into coaching so that you really can get under the hood of the car, get really in there. You're gonna be asked questions that I promise you probably have never been asked. And that's where the journey and the self exploration comes in.

Starting point is 00:32:52 And that's when you can really expand and grow. Well, I'll definitely put a link to your book in the show notes, but people can get it anywhere that you buy books. I myself am trying to write a book. And I have to tell you, as I myself am trying to write a book and I have to tell you as I have been trying to talk to publishers, I have no idea what they're looking for except for the writer to have a huge enormous platform so that they can promote the book. Figuring out how to get a publishing deal for me seems almost impossible.

Starting point is 00:33:21 Congratulations first on all of that work because as I see in here and I'm sure you do too, everyone in their mother talks about wanting to write a book and I think then write the book and I say that with love but I had someone a professional athlete say to me, oh yeah people say I should write a book. I think great but I would never say to him, oh everyone tells me I should be an NFL linebacker or whatever. I think great, but I would never say to him, oh, everyone tells me I should be an NFL linebacker or whatever. I think people do that to us too. When you write a book, then they say, I want to do that.

Starting point is 00:33:49 But I didn't tell anyone I was writing a book. Maybe a few close friends knew. I just sat up and did it. And not wrote the book. I first worked on the book proposal. So I think there's a big misconception there too that you sell your manuscript. You actually sell your book proposal and you sell it through an agent. And there's no other way around that. You have to have a

Starting point is 00:34:08 proposal, you have to have an agent that works with the publishers. If you want a traditional publishing deal, of course, there's hybrid routes that you can go. They're self-publishing that everyone knows about. But thank you for acknowledging that it is very challenging to get a traditional book deal, especially now. And I had a great editor help me put together my proposal, because I never had done one before. My agent is exceptional. Wendy Sherman, if you're in that position, could not recommend her more. But it is, it is a lot of work. I'm not going to pretend it's not. This is actually something you see me, I almost am getting uncomfortable because people do kind of treat it like it's so easy or anyone can do it.

Starting point is 00:34:54 And I'm not talking about just throwing something together. There's people on Amazon that have five pages and they call it a book and they call themselves authors. Okay. I think if you do take the project seriously what you should, because it is your legacy, it's your name, it's your heart, it's for me, this, I think that's why it's like, oh, people don't like it, it's your kind of saying you don't like my soul, because this book is such an extension of me and my soul, and it has been channeled a lot and put so much love into it. But I think if you

Starting point is 00:35:24 really want to write a book, a book deal is a whole other conversation. I think writing a book, I would recommend reaching out to an editor if you want to put a proposal together. But if you want to just write for fun or to put something out, yeah, just sit down and write and block out that time and don't put so much pressure, I think the best advice I can get is because everyone's going to feel stuck is to just sit down and start typing. Even I remember for me, it's like, I got up this morning and I was feeling uncertain and so I walked to the coffee shop

Starting point is 00:35:54 and just described even what you bought. And then I called this person. And so rather than I'm writing this great thing, you're just just start writing about, I'm experiencing so much self-doubt. And then just be that stream of consciousness, and just get it out, and kind of once you get that crap out, then you create the space to then, okay, now I have something to say,

Starting point is 00:36:13 and I'm gonna write something a little more prolific and a little more beneficial to the reader. But I think have fun with it, because it can feel like a very daunting task. Well, I definitely can, and I'll share a couple personal stories. I have a friend who is a four-star general and has written three or four books,

Starting point is 00:36:34 and he really liked the manuscript and ended up sending it in to Penguin. And the two Penguin executives actually got back in touch with me, and they told me that they thought my manuscript was incredible. It's one of the better books they said that they had read recently. But they told me, unfortunately, you're not a general.

Starting point is 00:36:51 And so right now, in the publishing environment, it really doesn't matter what quality the manuscript is, what matters more is the person behind it and can they sell books. And so I thought right there is a sad truth that you were bringing up. I so appreciate you saying all of that. I think I, you know, if we're having a glass of wine off the record somewhere, I'm going to be a lot more candid because I don't want to burst anyone's bubble. I want to be real and honest about it, but But yeah, it's a challenging, challenging space for a million

Starting point is 00:37:27 reasons. I think I had PTSD from some of the things that I experienced along the way. And some people want to talk about this and do work or then you have the people who want to help people and do the proposals. I really, I don't want to work in that space at all. I'm happy to answer the question when you ask. And I actually appreciate the question because there are so many misconceptions around it. But I'm glad that you got the deal in your own way and went with someone that you trust and that you like and you can put out a great product.

Starting point is 00:37:59 But it is incredible how much of it is on you. And I think that's why being at the end of the year now, I just, I want to shut, I can't, but I would like to shut it down for a couple of months. After completing a master's degree at Columbia, writing, editing, publishing, promoting a book, and all of the other things that I do to pay all the bills and keep everything running. Kate Ackman lands. Yeah, I want to take a lot of time off, because it's so intense. And maybe that's the message to you or whomever is listening to,

Starting point is 00:38:33 really honor everything that you have done professionally, personally, through a global pandemic and a social, racial, political revolution, and everything else that has gone on in the world this past two years and really give yourself a break, a high five, a hug, a nap. Yeah. Yeah. You know, because it has been, it has been really intense.

Starting point is 00:38:58 But I appreciate you being honest about it and that we could do a whole, we could do a whole series of podcasts on just the book publishing world. With everything that you just talked about, I definitely believe that rest and relaxation have to be factored in. But you obviously have come up with a winning game plan.

Starting point is 00:39:17 And I know that that is something that you help people with. So what is the winning game plan? And how do you help someone create one? Yeah, it really involves what do you want to accomplish? What is your goal and then moving into the who? This is what I call whole person coaching techniques. I learned at Columbia. I did not come up with this. And then we move into the who, who do I need to be?

Starting point is 00:39:38 What characteristics do I need to embody or dial up? What characteristics about myself? Do I need to perhaps dial down and to achieve this goal? Who can support me? I think that's huge, especially if you're like me. Someone like you, I can already tell, we're very similar. We do it all on our own.

Starting point is 00:39:55 We think we can do it all on our own. And oftentimes we can, but you do need the support. Whether it's a publisher, the agent, the editor, it is good to have a team. The best friend, this person who's going to listen. The motivation for change and to actually achieve our goals and to have this winning the game plan is that it happens in the who and the why.

Starting point is 00:40:13 The why for me is the most important and goal achievement or acceleration. Why is this important to you right now? And really answer right now, because we change, and we're different. And by the way, it's okay to change your mind. I certainly have, you certainly have lived many lives here, we're like the cats, but why is this goal important to you

Starting point is 00:40:33 and why right now? So that's again speaking to our purpose, that's the passion here too. And then you get into the how, and that's when it's how will I do this? So what are the action steps? And let's take baby steps here. I think that's why so's how will I do this. So what are the action steps? And let's take baby steps here. I think that's why so many new New Year's resolutions don't work. We're focused solely

Starting point is 00:40:50 on that goal and it seems overwhelming and daunting. Let's say that's the book deal and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm just going to throw in the towel. But I think if you can just say my goal is to write for five minutes today. Can you do that? Yeah. Or as my dance teacher said to me, the first day we work together, let's start with failure. Well, failure in dance class, I can definitely do. I'm a horrible dancer. So I think taking those little bite-size action steps and another question to ask yourself is what meaning, what achieving this goal brings to my life. So when we can really get into the depth and what would this this mean? What are the consequences? If I don't achieve this, what are the benefits? What are the costs? For instance, I want to work out every day at 6 a.m.

Starting point is 00:41:35 It might cost you an extra hour of sleep, for instance. And a little bonus step that I like to include is the surrender step. So how can I now let this go? How can I not be detached to the outcome? Or how can I be detached from the outcome? How can I release expectations? So it is a whole process. I went through it quite quickly, but I think getting really clear on what we want. And I'm going to say what we really want

Starting point is 00:42:04 because oftentimes what we want is dictated by society, what the neighbors are doing, what mom and dad want for us, what our siblings are doing, what society says we should be doing. Marriage and kids, for instance. I know plenty of people married with kids. You don't want to be married and don't really want kids. It's just a script and a program that they have followed by society.

Starting point is 00:42:24 And those are two really huge commitments. So I give that really extreme example. But writing a book, when people say I want to write a book, awesome. Why do you want to write a book? And I hear things like money, fame, notoriety, and all of these things. And I think that's like saying I want to have kids because I'll get more likes on Instagram with their cute photos. Parenthood probably not going to be a great thing for you and probably not going to be a great experience for your child. So I think getting really clear on why we even want these things and what we really want is a great place to start. I'd like to say it a different way, but in that same theme, we get so caught up in the superficial things that we don't at times concentrate enough on the granular things. And it says granular things that I believe lead to greatness, whereas superficial leads to mediocrity, which is plaguing so many people today. So

Starting point is 00:43:18 I'm going to take this opportunity to let you tell the audience how they can learn more about you. Awesome. First of all, thank you for finding me. It's just been so great to connect with you and congrats on all of your success, past, present, and future. It will be a lot more to come from you. So I'm excited about that. You can find me at kateckman.tv.

Starting point is 00:43:36 It's k-a-t-e-e-c-k-m-a-n.tv or the fullspiritworkout.com. Would love to connect with you there. So now I'm going to get into these five lightning round questions. My sister is also a Columbia graduate, and I thought I would ask, what was your favorite thing about going there? The people. I met the most incredible people from the faculty to the staff and my colleagues and classmates were just phenomenal humans that I learned so much from and felt so supported by that community.

Starting point is 00:44:09 And learning new things from a high class institution and world-renowned instructors, that turns me on. That is my thing. My brain loves to learn. So if you got to be on the late late show with James Kortin and you got to do Car Cariochi, who would you want to do it with? The first thing that came up,

Starting point is 00:44:31 I don't know this is the answer, but it's Celine Dion because my go to Cariochi song is all by myself. Oh my God. I apologize in advance, Celine, for your ears bleeding profusely. So this is a question I always like to ask everyone who comes on the show.

Starting point is 00:44:48 If you were an astronaut and you got selected to be one of the first people who stepped foot on Mars, and they told you that you could establish one law, principle, rule, whatever it may be for that new planet. What would it be? Wow, what would it be? Wow, what a question. And I like to answer these first thing that comes to mind.

Starting point is 00:45:08 And I say that everyone's treated equally, regardless of age, race, religion, sex, gender, gender preference, sexual orientation, that there were no rules in that. And I think that people didn't even know that it would be a thing to judge based on any of those things. That we really were all kind of that blank slate equal so that our brains, so now I'm above the law here,

Starting point is 00:45:37 it's that we had different brains. So I think I'm asking your question that the law was we would go to Mars and we would be given these different brains where it wouldn't even be a thing to judge another person in any way shape or form. That's just what came out for the moment. Don't know if it makes sense. But that's what I. That's what I came up with. Everyone is truly created equal. Is there a motto or creed that you live by? Yeah, there's a few. The one that's coming to me now is what's best for me is either already here or on its way. And the other one that was a divine download that's in my book, it went

Starting point is 00:46:13 viral, it's still being shared all over Instagram, I get tagged all the time, so I guess people really resonated with it. And it says, being okay if it happens or okay if it doesn't is a very powerful place to be. Yes, those are both great ones. I can see why it went so viral. So the last question I'd want to ask you is if you could meet anyone, living or deceased, who would it be and why? I would want to meet my dad's dad, my grandpa Carl, who I unfortunately was never able to meet. He passed away before I was born. So I'm just very curious about him and who doesn't want to meet all of their grandparents and I have so many questions for him and my dad is not the most emotionally available person. And so I think I would want to meet his dad. And I know it's like generational things to with men and men are just taught to just keep it all together and not show a lot of emotion. So I just hear my grandpa was such an extraordinary man. And he used to work with the gentleman who owns the Cincinnati Reds. And so there's just a lot of history and

Starting point is 00:47:24 story down there. He worked down with the Bengals and the Red Stadium are now, he had a produce business. And so many people that he worked with are doing such incredible things now. And I know he was a part of that. So yeah, I think it's cool to meet your blood relatives that it's so much of our history and our story.

Starting point is 00:47:43 And I think it gives us an insight into little idiosyncrasies that we have about ourselves, that we may love or that we may not like. But it's like, oh, we're like this because of X. Does that make sense? Yes, that makes perfect sense. Thank you so much, Kate, for joining us today on PassionStruck. And sharing not only your vulnerability, but also how you were coaching others and helping them take their life to its fullest. Thank you so much for having me. This was a lot of fun and continued success and blessings to you. Good luck with your book.

Starting point is 00:48:13 Thank you so much for your inspiration. What a fun interview with Kate Ekman. And I wanted to highlight some of our recent episodes if you've not had a chance to catch them. We recently had on Jen Brickerbauer, who discusses the inspirational life she's leading overcoming her disabilities to become a New York Times best selling author, an aerial performer, and keynote speaker. We also had on Vanner X Chief Heart Officer Claude Silver,

Starting point is 00:48:41 who discusses emotional optimism, actress Katie Kanakis, who discusses emotional optimism, actress Katie Canakis who discusses her path from actress to voice over artist, podcaster and author. We also had on former JP Morgan Chase Vice Chairman Jeff Walker and he talks about the philanthropic work he's doing both domestically and across Africa. And during today's episode Katie mentioned her book and you can purchase her book using our affiliate links where the proceeds go to help supporting the show. And if there's a guest that you would like to see me bring on the podcast like our guest today, Kate, or a topic that you would like to see me do, please DM me at John Armiles

Starting point is 00:49:19 on Instagram or reach out to me on LinkedIn at John Miles. Now live your life passion-struck. Thank you so much for joining us. The purpose of our show is to make passion go viral. And we do that by sharing with you the knowledge and skills that you need to unlock your hidden potential. If you want to hear more, please subscribe to the Passion-struck podcast on Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, or wherever you

Starting point is 00:49:46 listen to your podcast ad. And if you absolutely love this episode, we'd appreciate a five-star rating on iTunes, and you sharing it with three of your most group-minded friends so they can post it as well to their social accounts and help us grow our PassionStruck community. If you'd like to learn more about the show and our mission, you can go to passionstruck.com where you can sign up for our newsletter, look at our tools, and also download the show notes

Starting point is 00:50:14 for today's episode. Additionally, you can listen to us every Tuesday and Friday for even more inspiring content. And remember, make a choice, work hard, and step into your sharp edges. Thank you again for joining us. you

Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Kate Eckman On: You Are Powerful Enough EP 115

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