Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Loneliness Is NOT a Joke. Here Are 9 Ways to Deal With It w/John R. Miles EP 181

Episode Date: August 26, 2022

Over the past few months, the growing chronic loneliness epidemic has come up repeatedly in my interviews on the Passion Struck podcast. Given its prevalence, I decided to devote this episode to addressing its significance. Loneliness is a human sentiment that is complicated and unique to every person. Because there isn't a known common cause, the consequences of loneliness and its prevention can vary dramatically. Anne Hathaway did a great job articulating her feelings about loneliness in the following quote, "Loneliness is my least favorite thing about life. The thing that I'm most worried about is just being alone without anybody to care for or someone who will care for me." Her quote brings to life how differently we each experience loneliness. For example, a lonely elderly person who struggles to have people to talk to has different needs than a college student leaving home for the first time. In today's Momentum Friday Passion Struck podcast episode, I dive into what it means to be "lonely," as well as the causes and consequences of loneliness, and provide ten different ways to deal with loneliness.   --► Get the full show notes: https://passionstruck.com/loneliness-is-not-a-joke-here-are-10-ways-to-deal-with-it/  --► Subscribe to My Channel Here: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles --► Subscribe to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/passion-struck-with-john-r-miles/id1553279283 *Our Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/passionstruck. Passion Struck Podcast Starter Packs New to the show? These Starter Packs are collections of our most popular episodes grouped by topic, and we now have them also on Spotify. To find your old favorites, you can also browse starter packs for existing listeners. Every week, John interviews everyday heroes from all walks of life. Learn how to subscribe to the show and never miss a new episode and topic. Show Links Interested in reading the transcript for the episode: https://johnrmiles.com/10-ways-to-deal-with-chronic-loneliness/   Purchase Victor Frankl's Book Man's Search for Meaning: https://amzn.to/3JkSkDN  My interview with Ari Wallach on his new book Longpath and how we unlock our purpose for something greater than ourselves: https://passionstruck.com/ari-wallach-on-unlock-your-purpose-longpath/ My interview with Ayelet Fishbach, a professor at the Booth School of Business University of Chicago, on how to get it done, the science of motivation: https://passionstruck.com/ayelet-fishbach-get-it-done-find-the-fun-path/  My interview with Astronaut Wendy Lawrence on why you must permit yourself to dream the dream: https://passionstruck.com/how-to-dream-the-dream-you-want/ My interview with Katy Milkman, Ph.D. on how to create lasting behavior change: https://passionstruck.com/katy-milkman-behavior-change-for-good/ My interview with Astronaut Chris Cassidy on the importance of being present in the moment: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/astronaut-chris-cassidy-on-the-importance-in-life/id1553279283?i=1000521263914 My solo episode on why micro choices matter: https://passionstruck.com/why-your-micro-choices-determine-your-life/ Follow John on the Socials: * Twitter: https://twitter.com/Milesjohnr * Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/johnrmiles.c0m * Medium: https://medium.com/@JohnRMiles ​* Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/john_r_miles * LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/milesjohn/ * Blog: https://johnrmiles.com * Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/passion_struck_podcast/ * Gear: https://www.zazzle.com/store/passion_struck/ -- John R. Miles is the CEO, and Founder of PASSION STRUCK®, the first of its kind company, focused on impacting real change by teaching people how to live Intentionally. He is on a mission to help people live a no-regrets life that exalts their victories and lets them know they matter in the world. For over two decades, he built his own career applying his research of passion struck leadership, first becoming a Fortune 50 CIO and then a multi-industry CEO. John is also a prolific public speaker, venture capitalist, and author. Passion Struck is a full-service media company that helps people live intentionally by creating best-in-class educational and entertainment content.     

Coming up next on the Passion Struck Podcast, Mother Teresa said, the most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved. We will all feel lonely at some point in our lives, and this loneliness can be difficult to cope with. But we don't have to succumb to its harmful effects. There are things that we can do to improve such situations and overcome them. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John Armiles, and on the show, do to improve such situations and overcome them. Welcome to PassionStruct. Hi, I'm your host, John Armiles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and

guidance of the world's most inspiring people, and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guest-ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck.

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Momentum Friday, an episode 181 of PassionStruck. Brankt is one of the top 20 most popular health and fitness podcasts. Thank you to all of you who come back weekly to listen and learn, had a live better, be better, and impact the world. And if you're new to the show,

thank you so much for being here, or you would like to introduce this to a friend or family member. We now have episode starter packs both on Spotify and the PassionStruck website, which are collections of our fans' favorite episodes that we organize into topics, especially now, we have over 180 episodes.

This will provide you a great way to get acquainted everything we do here on the show. Just go to passionstruck.com slash starter packs to get started. And in case you missed my interviews from earlier this week, they featured Alan Stein Jr., who is a performance coach, author, and keynote speaker. And we explore his two books,

raise your game and sustain your game. This is really a masterclass in how you level up your performance. My other episode this week featured Radmerel Dan L. Barrett, who spent over 30 years in the United States Navy and is the author of the new book, Rock the Boat, where she provides advice on leadership, organizational management, confronting stress, and so much more. And in case you missed my solo episode from this past week, it was on the consequences of excuses and eight ways to stop making them. Please check them all out. I also wanted to acknowledge our fan of the week Jack Knight who comes to us all the way from Australia and he writes

informative podcast. I love this show. It's my favorite podcast. Anyone who cares for their well-being is right here. There's so much to know about healthy ways to heal. What to avoid or what to add? This show makes it so easy to understand and adapt. Thank you so much, Jon Armyles, for all that you do. Well, Jack, thank you so much for taking the time to write that review. Those ratings and reviews go such a long way in helping us expand the reach of this podcast and its popularity. Now, let's talk about today's episode. Over the past few months, the growing chronic loneliness

epidemic has come up repeatedly in my interviews during the podcast. Given its prevalence, I decided to vote an entire episode to addressing it. As humans, we are social beings who have come to coexist and interact with one another. As humans, we are social beings who have come to co-exist and interact with one another. As a species, throughout history, we have survived and prospered by banding together for mutual assistance and protection. Just as bees evolved to need a hive, humans evolved to need

to tribe as well. From the early history of mankind, we started as small family units and lived in communities. Then as our population grew, so too has the rise in urbanization. One would think that the rise of living in urban centers would result in a corresponding decrease in the number of lonely people, but strangely, the reverse is true. Additionally, as the human population has grown exponentially, so too has our dependence on technology. This technology advancement has given us computers, smartphones, providing 24x7 access to information, communications, and entertainment like never before. However, technology is also resulting in people feeling more isolated than ever.

Loneliness is not an abstract state that only impacts particular kinds of people. The fact is that loneliness can affect everyone, young, old, and in between, and at any point in life. In fact, loneliness is a chronic state that impacts as much as 33% of the world's population. And it's extremely rare to find someone who willingly desires to experience loneliness. Social isolation often

carries with it the stigma of pity, and the person who's experiencing it can also feel increased alertness for threats, as well as elevated feelings of vulnerability. But what if the effects of loneliness create far more damage than that? If loneliness is left unintended, it can have severe impacts to cognition, behavior, emotion, and health. What if I told you that it harbors the same risk as smoking 15 cigarettes a day? What if loneliness is as lethal as alcoholism, and two times as harmful as obesity? What if social isolation can actually kill you? In today's episode, I will address the chronic loneliness issue,

providing insights into what it entails, and helpful tips on how best to deal with it. Let's start with the story of a notable Taiwanese computer scientist to reinforce the importance of this message. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

creating an his life. Kaifu and his friend were reaching the age where their parents were requiring more assistance from them in their everyday lives. So he decided to create a product to make life easier for the elderly. He devised a massive touchscreen installed on a stand that could be placed beside an elderly person's bed. On the screen, there were a few simple and useful apps linked to services like ordering food delivery, viewing their favorite TV show, phoning their doctor, and more. His friend made the device as simple as possible. Knowing how difficult it was for older folks to navigate the complexities of the internet,

or manipulate the small buttons on a smartphone, all of the apps only needed a few clicks, and even included a button to instantly call customer service to help them operate their devices. It sounded like a wonderful product, and he was excited about all the product would accomplish. However, his friend identified an issue after launching a trial of the product. A function that received the most significant use out of all the ones that were accessible on the gadget

was not food delivery, TV controls, or contacting their doctor. It was the button for customer service, a torrent of inbound calls from the elderly. Overwhelmed the company's customer service employees, this made Kaifu's friend question, if the users were still able to transverse the one click process on screen, even though he had designed the device to be as simple as possible. Interestingly, after speaking with customer service representatives, he discovered that people were not calling in because they couldn't figure out how to use the device, they were

calling in because they were lonely and wanted someone to talk to. These folks craved genuine human interaction. Another person to share stories with and relate to. This story highlights just how much loneliness exists amongst us, and how nothing else can quite replace human connection. But as I highlighted in the introductory portion of this episode, the issue of loneliness doesn't just affect the elderly. Loneliness can be felt across all age groups, and its effects can be very detrimental. So before we dive more deeply into loneliness, I think it's extremely important that we

distinguish between being alone and being lonely. As humans, there are times when we need to be alone. These moments are precious to us and allow us to process our thoughts as well as the world around us. They enable us to self-reflect and grow. French philosopher Blaise Pascal said, all of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone. Although I might disagree that all our problems stem from this, the truth is that many problems would be averted if people learned how to just

sit alone and reflect so that they could grow as individuals. So being alone itself doesn't mean that something is wrong with us. It actually helps improve things and our awareness of ourselves and of the world around us. On the other hand, loneliness is a different beast altogether, because when we're lonely, we yearn for a connection with other living beings and actually require this connection. But often we don't get that and sometimes it can be due to things that happen to us unconsciously or influences beyond our control. A key difference between being alone and loneliness is that being alone is a choice, while loneliness isn't.

People across various age groups feel lonely for different reasons. These reasons could be any of the following, attending a new school or college, and finding it difficult to make friends, being bullied or alienated, a move to a new city, a broken relationship, losing a loved one or close friend, going through a difficult challenge, and so on. While spending time alone can enrich one's mind and body, loneliness can cause significant adverse health outcomes. So, in a nutshell, it's possible to be alone and not feel lonely, and conversely live an ostensibly rich social life and still feel lonely. Today, loneliness is recognized as an epidemic with very real damaging consequences. It can severely affect one's mental health and lead to sadness, depression, and even early onset of death.

Researchers are also finding that loneliness might be much more widespread than we first even acknowledged. That's because many people experiencing it avoid being open about discussing being lonely because of its stigma. Many believe that feeling lonely means that something is wrong with them, and they would rather keep that knowledge from others instead of seeming desperate for essential human connection. According to reports focusing on children and young adults, a considerable percentage of respondents 17 to 25 years of age experienced loneliness. A 2021 study led by health insurer, SIGNA, uncovered that approximately 58% of American adults are considered lonely by clinical standards.

And according to a 2010 loneliness study by AARP, over 42 million adults over the age of 45 are estimated to be suffering from chronic loneliness. But this is not just a problem in the United States. Various studies show that from the period 2000 to 2019, loneliness was experienced in 113 countries and has become a widespread global problem. According to another global survey, roughly 33% of adults worldwide experienced emotions of loneliness. The highest percentage were actually in Brazil, with 50% of their respondents expressing that they had a feeling of loneliness, either

often, always or sometimes. It was also discovered that socially isolated children have significantly poor health outcomes 20 years after childhood, even after mitigating other contributing factors. A recent study discovered that loneliness can increase the risk of heart disease by 29% and stroke by 32%. Doctors have also found that people who are lonely tend to have increased blood pressure, weaker immune systems, and more inflammation throughout the body. Research has shown that loneliness can increase the likelihood of mortality by as much as 30%. This could be from underlying health conditions that are actually worsened by loneliness or taking one's life as a result of being lonely. According to former US

surgeon general Vivek Marthy, being acutely lonely is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes daily. Furthermore, loneliness has been associated with sleep disorders and has been confirmed to accelerate cognitive decline. Those were some really startling facts about loneliness, but now I want to talk to you about what do you do about it if you're experiencing it. In his TED Talk titled The Lethality of Loneliness, a frontline researcher in loneliness, Dr. John Cassiopo asked a rhetorical question, if loneliness is dangerous, then what can we do about it? He went on to answer it with the following three recommendations.

First, recognize what loneliness is and don't deny it. As I discussed earlier, you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. So recognizing and acknowledging your feeling of loneliness will help you realize that you need to take the necessary steps to actually address it. Secondly, understand what loneliness does to your brain, body, and behavior. Loneliness affects everyone in different ways. By understanding its unique effect on your mind, your body, and how you behave, you will understand how to employ the best approach to tackle it effectively. And third, respond. Responding means taking the necessary steps to lift you from the scourge of loneliness and its effects. So now I'm going to give you some of my own personal experience about how do you cope with loneliness. I thought the best way to approach the topic of coping with

loneliness was by describing some strategies that have actually worked for me personally. The first is to love and accept yourself. We are only human and we don't have to feel bad or blame ourselves for feeling lonely and our desires to connect with others. We all deserve love and quality relationships. So I found one of the most important things that we can do is to accept and treat ourselves

with that love. Take yourself out to a movie, visit and enjoy the sights and a museum. Treat yourself to a nice meal and sell on. By doing this, you will be able to attract connections and invite other people you want into your life. Second, express yourself, whether through sport, painting, drawing, singing, writing, book clubs, meetups, church study groups, and what have you, give expression to who you are. And by doing so, lift your spirits. I find that these interests will help us enable connection with others who express themselves

in very similar ways that you do. Third, evaluate your current relationships. I have realized that it's not the number of friends that we have, but the quality of those relationships that truly matters. Not everyone that you might consider a friend is necessarily one, and I often find that most actually are not. Instead, the majority are acquaintances. Maybe they're drinking buddies. Friends of friends are someone that you just hang out with occasionally. And one of the most important things I've realized is that we tend to ignore the most precious relationships and instead replace them with inconsequential ones. So take a good stock of the people in your life and consciously and intentionally

work on building better relationships with them. Find people who enjoy your company for who you are and want to see you grow and flourish. Fourth, take up a new hobby. There are tons of different hobbies that you can choose from. They could range from learning a new recipe, to playing an instrument, painting, paddle boarding, or kayaking, knitting, roller skating, woodworking, a new sport like paddle ball, which is all the rage today, and many, many more ideas.

Look out for ones most importantly that suit you and spend time engaging in them. By doing so, you will ultimately connect with people who have similar interest to you which will go a long way in helping to solve your loneliness issue. Fifth, be more intentional with the use of your devices. The reality is that most people are completely unaware

that they are practicing distraction all day, every day. Hence, they become masters of distraction. And I'll tell you, this is something that I'm as guilty of as anyone else. While computers and smartphones have made it possible to virtually connect with anyone, anywhere from the comfort of one's own room, like I'm doing with you today, they can also have severe negative consequences to using them. I don't like to personally say that we abuse these devices. Instead, I believe that some matter of choice for how much we use them in our lives. I have found that I do my best work and can be the most focused and present in the moment when I keep my smartphone in a different room. I've learned

to be conscious of how much time I spend using these devices for social media, text, and emails. And it's a behavior and choice that you can make as well. Six, give your time and resources and service of others. We are a society so focused on individualism at the expense of service to one another. I have often found in periods of loneliness that I place too much value on myself and not enough on others. Therefore, one of the easiest ways to avoid loneliness is my focus in your time on others versus yourself. We all have something unique that will be of service to others. So be

intentional about how you are using your time. Seventh, be kind and empathetic. I have found that when I show kindness to others and make them feel loved and supported, I get the reciprocal in return. 10. It's virtually impossible to exhibit this character trait and be lonely. Kindness is one of the most vital traits that we can demonstrate. It costs us nothing, but its returns are limitless. 8. Open up to a trust person if you feel the need to seek help. There are often times that loneliness can be up to a trust person. If you feel the need to seek help, there are oftentimes that loneliness can be caused by a factor that is beyond our capability to tackle alone.

This could include trauma that you've healed from, causing you to feel unwanted or a psychological problem such as a phobia of being around people. In cases like this, you can visit a trusted professional until them precisely what is going on with you so that you can get the much needed assistance that you need. And finally, ninth, consider getting a pet. In the absence of human contact, you can enjoy an animal friends company.

A study conducted in 2021 found that owning a dog can have the effect on expanding lifespan, especially among people who live all by themselves. Also, a 2016 study found that elderly people who were given crickets to care for as pets experienced decrease depression and enhance cognitive functioning within eight weeks of the experiment start. I know for me, my dog Bentley is my constant companion who brings me joy and emotional support. So I highly encourage you to consider getting a pet, volunteering and an animal shelter, or offering to look after pets of friends or family when they're off for holiday or perhaps at work to enjoy the same benefits.

So I've covered a lot today, so let me summarize this for you with some analysis. Mother Teresa said, the most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved. We will all feel lonely at some point in our lives, and this loneliness can be difficult to cope with.

But we don't have to succumb to its harmful effects. We can take steps and their things that we can do to improve such situations and overcome them. I've given a number of helpful action points throughout this episode. Take note of them and put them to effective use. So consider intentionally asking someone how they're doing. Walk up to a neighbor with some baked sweets. Check up on that old friend. Give your time and skills to serve someone else. Start or join a community. Create a new hobby. Seek help when you need to and so on.

Also importantly, you may yourself not be experiencing loneliness, but take upon yourself the responsibility of helping others who are. I mentioned the story at the beginning of Khaifu Lee's friend who aimed to assist the elderly with technology but came to realize that they needed human companionship more than anything else. Many concerned people in the tech space have realized that too. And there are new technological applications such as linkage, papa, and monomy, all targeted at solving the problem of neglect

and loneliness among the aged and less able people. Life is finite. At some point, we'll be gone. And all that will be left of us are memories in the minds of those we spent time with, and whose lives we impacted in some way. Let us do our best to heal ourselves by extension, our world from the scourge of loneliness, and then we will be able to enjoy life in new dimensions together.

I hope you all enjoyed today's show. I want to thank everyone who wrote in this week, and especially those today who were listening to this episode. A link to the transcript will be in the show notes if you want to read it. Videos are at YouTube at JohnRMiles. Advertisers, deals, and discount codes are all in one convenient place at passionstruck.com slash deals. I'm at JohnRMiles, both on Instagram and Twitter, and you can also find me on LinkedIn. You're about to hear a preview of the Passion Struck Podcast interview I did with Dr. Dominic Dagostino, who is a professor at

the Department of Molecular Pharmacology and Physiology at the University of South Florida, and research scientist at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition. Dr. Dagostino is an expert on metabolic therapies as well as catosis and the keto diet with the goal of improving therapies, as well as ketosis and the keto diet with the goal of improving metabolic health, as well as chronic conditions. For the large majority of people just wanting to use the ketogenic diet for weight loss, it is highly effective for that, but more importantly, it's very effective for weight loss maintenance. So a lot of diets will allow you to lose weight.

It's harder to sustain that weight loss. So you could potentially use a ketogenic diet to get down to your ideal weight. And then gradually add some carbohydrates back in, ideally not in the form of sugar or processed carbohydrates or even starch, but add carbohydrates back in in the form of vegetables and maybe a small amount of fruit. And then you can gradually tweak the diet to maintain that weight loss and to preserve the benefits that are associated with that weight loss. Remember, we rise by lifting others. So share this show with those you love. And if you found this episode useful and you know someone who might be dealing with loneliness, please share it with those who could use the advice

that I gave here today. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so that you can live what you listen. And until next time, live life, passion struck. you