Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Master the Art of Asking: 6 Proven Techniques for Getting What You Want w/John R. Miles EP 328

Episode Date: August 4, 2023

Have you ever missed out on something fantastic just because you didn't ask for it? We've all been there! But fear not, in this thrilling episode, join me, as we unlock six proven techniques for how to master the art of asking! Full show notes and resources can be found here: https://passionstruck.com/getting-what-you-want/  Want to learn the 12 philosophies that the most successful people use to create a limitless life? Pre-order John R. Miles’s new book, Passion Struck, releasing on February 6, 2024. And in case you didn't already know it, John R. Miles (@John_R_Miles) takes your comments and questions for Momentum Friday right here every week! If you want him to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Momentum Friday episodes, drop us a line at [e-mail]. Now let's dive in! Unlock Your True Potential: Embrace the Art of Asking and Achieve Your Goals Have you ever heard these myths about asking for what you need or want? Myth #1: Asking for help is a sign of weakness. Myth #2: People will think you're selfish if you ask for something. Myth #3: You should be able to figure it out on your own. In this episode, I'll debunk these myths and share six power techniques for getting what you want. Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [e-mail]! Brought to you by Netsuite by Oracle: Visit netsuite.com/passionstruck to defer payments of a FULL NetSuite implementation for six whole months. Brought to you by Lifeforce: Join me and thousands of others who have transformed their lives through Lifeforce's proactive and personalized approach to healthcare. Visit MyLifeforce.com today to start your membership and receive an exclusive $200 off. Brought to you by Indeed. Head to https://www.indeed.com/passionstruck, where you can receive a $75 credit to attract, interview, and hire in one place.  Brought to you by OneSkin. Get 15% off OneSkin with our code [PassionStruck] at   #oneskinpod. Brought to you by Hello Fresh. Use code passion 50 to get 50% off plus free shipping!  Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally! Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMiles and on Instagram at @john_R_Miles. Prefer to watch this episode: https://youtu.be/dJdnJ380qW0  Subscribe to our main YouTube Channel Here: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles Subscribe to our YouTube Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@passionstruckclips Want to find your purpose in life? I provide my six simple steps to achieving it - passionstruck.com/5-simple-steps-to-find-your-passion-in-life/ Want to hear my best interviews from 2022? Check out episode 233 on intentional greatness and episode 234 on intentional behavior change. Learn more about John: https://johnrmiles.com/  Passion Struck is now on the AMFM247 broadcasting network every Monday and Friday from 5–6 PM. Step 1: Go to TuneIn, Apple Music (or any other app, mobile or computer) Step 2: Search for “AMFM247” Network  

Coming up next on PassionStruck, remember, asking questions is an integral part of learning and growth, embracing rejection as an opportunity for improvement and maintaining a growth mindset will empower you to become a more effective questioner in the long run. Welcome to PassionStruck. Hi, I'm your host, John Armeyles,

and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guest ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators,

scientists, military leaders, visionaries and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello everyone and welcome back to my Mentum Friday and episode 328 of PassionStruck. Ranked by Apple is one of the top 10 health podcasts and the number one alternative health podcast. And thank you to each and every one of you

who come back weekly to listen and learn, how to live better, be better, and impact the world. PassionStruck is now on syndicated radio on the AMFM247 National Broadcast. Catch us on your Monday and Friday evening commute from five to six p.m. Eastern time. Links will be in the show notes. If you're new to the show, thank you so much for being here,

where you simply want to introduce this to a friend or a family member. We now have episode starter packs, both on the PassionStruck website and on Spotify. And these are collections of our fans' favorite episodes that we organize in the convenient topics. We have any new listener, a great way to get acquainted to everything we do here on the show.

In case you missed it, earlier in the week, I interviewed Dr. Hitandra Wadwa, author of the Groundbreaking Book, Intermastory Outer Impact, while your five core energies hold the key to success. Hitandra introduces a powerful framework in his book for achieving success which starts from within, specifically focusing on something that he calls one's inner core. I also interviewed Nurse Practitioner, an Intermittent Fasting Expert, Cynthia Thurlow, an underground breaking book, Intermittent Fasting Transformation, Cynthia Unvails a game-changing approach to intermittent fasting, metabolic health, and hormones. Please check both those episodes out and if you liked either of them or today's,

we would so appreciate it if you gave us a 5 star rating in review, which goes such a long way to improving not only the growth of the podcast but bringing more people into the passion strike community. I know that we and our guests love to see comments from our listeners and questions from you as well. Now let's talk about today's episode. Michael Beckwar said, the power of asking is the ability to receive. It's in the asking that we set forces into motion.

And that begs the question, have you ever found yourself in a situation where you required something that someone else could provide? But you ended up not receiving it simply because you didn't ask. I'm sure the answer likely is yes for most of us. At some point or another, we may have hesitated to express our desires or needs. And as a result, missed out on

obtaining them. In the words of Oprah Winfrey, you get in life what you dare to ask for, which implies that if you don't ask, you simply don't receive. Whether it's asking the question, asking for help, or for an opportunity, we need to develop the skill of asking. For therein lies the keys to some of the breakthroughs that we hope for. In today's episode, I'll enlighten you on how to unlock the power of Asking so that you can get more out of life. I'll explore the reasons why we fail to ask for the things that we need.

I light the importance of Asking and finally show you practical ways for Asking for what you want, so that you can get your desired results. I'll begin with the story of Chris Gardner, a man whose journey to exponential success started with him intentionally asking for something that he wanted. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey. You're creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

Chris Gardner was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and from an early age, faced the harsh realities of life. He grew up with an absent father and a struggling mother, making it difficult for him to gain access to some of the basic things that would have made life so much more comfortable. Frequently, whenever he approached his mom with requests for things that he desired, her response would be a disappointing no, to the financial reasons. As a result from a young age, he began to hold back from asking for what he wanted, knowing that he would often receive a negative answer. Life progressed, and as a young adult,

Chris joined the US Navy, and later embarked on a journey to pursue a medical career. His life had a drastic turn when he decided to leave his medical training and pursue a career in finance. Unfortunately, the decision didn't lead immediately to success, and Chris struggled to make ends meet, selling medical equipment in the form of a portable bone density scanner. Chris now had a young son, and his son's mother had abandoned them because she wanted to free herself from her responsibilities. Chris began facing numerous challenges in trying to provide for himself and his son, and even went homeless, but he kept striving for a change in his life as much as he could.

On a faithful day while Chris was attempting to sell his bone scanner, he spotted a well-dressed man in a red Ferrari. Intrigued, he approached the man named Bob Bridges, intending to ask two questions, what do you do and how do you do it? However, he hesitated due to the mindset of refraining from asking for anything, which he developed as a child as I previously discussed. Yet, considering his circumstances, he pondered, the worst that will happen to me is that he won't answer my questions, which leaves me in the same position that I'm in now. So why not ask? Gathering his courage, he decided to go and pose his

questions to Bob. At that time, Bob was one of the most successful stockbrokers in California, and he graciously responded to Chris' inquiries. The initial exchange sparked a deeper conversation, fueling Chris' interest and igniting a strong desire to pursue a stock brokerage career. With Bob's help, he approached Dean Witter-Rennel, a prestigious brokerage firm, and humbly requested an unpaid internship. Fortunately, Chris got the internship, even though he knew very little about the job, but he didn't back down. Chris believed his eagerness to learn and willingness to ask questions

could outweigh his lack of qualifications. His genuine appeal impressed the firm's executives, who decided to take a chance on him. Through ruling internship, Chris never hesitated to ask for guidance. He sought out mentors, absorbed knowledge like a sponge, and proved that the power of asking could lead to astounding growth. His colleagues admired his tenacity, and doors that once seemed closed were now a jar with possibilities. As his internship concluded, the firm recognized his potential, and offered him a full-time position as a stockbroker.

Now, as a full-time employee, he remained committed to self-improvement and his relentless pursuit of knowledge set him apart in the finance industry. As the years passed, Chris's hard work or fruit, he became a very successful stockbroker and eventually founded his own firm Gardner Rich & Co. His inspiring story from homelessness to triumph drew significant attention, and his life story was immortalized in the best-selling memoir, A Pursuit of Happiness. After achieving personal and financial success, Chris has devoted much of his time to philanthropy, as well as motivational speaking. He continues to inspire people around the globe with his story, encouraging them to believe in their potential, work towards their aspirations, where he emphasizes the significance of intentionally reaching out and seeking help when in need.

So that begs the question, why do we need to ask? Seeking answers and assistance in any shape or form lies at the very core of our coexistence in the world. No individual is an isolated entity, and relying solely on oneself for everything is impractical. Throughout life, we naturally find ourselves asking for things from others, whether seeking directions in an unfamiliar place, acquiring information on a topic that we lack information about, or requesting a favor, such as someone letting a helping hand lift a heavy object, requesting assistance is a routine aspect of life that allows us to live fully and advance. A 2018 white paper on generosity highlights its role as an inherent, biologically

ingrained trait that's crucial for human evolution. Nevertheless, even with these facts in mind, we may encounter unnecessary hardships and fail to achieve certain goals if we're not intentional about asking for the things that we require. Consider the scenario. You visit a restaurant to buy some food, but realize that you left your wallet at home. In such a situation, many individuals would choose to go hungry, rather than to ask someone at the restaurant for assistance or payment. However, research conducted by the psychology department at Stanford University reveals that most of us are willing to help someone in such a predicament if we can.

Similarly, studies connected by Professor Vanessa Bonds from Cornell University demonstrated that people are more inclined to offer help than is commonly believed. Asking for help is a natural part of being human, and there's no shame in that. When we ask for assistance, we allow others to make a positive contribution and demonstrate vulnerability, which can deepen relationships and foster trust. Asking for help should not be viewed as a weakness. Instead, it is a display of self-awareness and courage. Embracing asking empowers us to take charge of our lives and guide ourselves towards a desired path.

So given the significance of asking, why do we sometimes hesitate or hold back from doing so? Several reasons could lead a person to choose silence and refrain from asking for the help that they need from others. These reasons include ignorance. If one is unaware that someone could provide the help that they need, they may hesitate to approach them with a request. This lack of knowledge is an instance of ignorance, and although it is not their fault, it will still have consequences. To address this, one must proactively seek information by asking questions, enabling

them to acquire valuable knowledge. Second, is a fear of rejection. Frequently, most people hesitate to seek assistance due to the fear of rejection. They choose to endure unpleasant situations rather than take action to improve them. The apprehension of potential disappointment after raising their hopes of obtaining something makes them suffer in silence. Then there's a lack of confidence. Individuals with low self-esteem and low self-confidence often refrain from asking for

what they want. Believing that they don't deserve those things, their self-doubt prevents them from mustering the self-courage to seek help when it's needed. And then there are erroneous beliefs, perhaps influenced by childhood conditioning or past rejections. Some individuals develop the misconception that asking for help is inappropriate. This mindset leads them to avoid seeking assistance, causing them to withhold their needs, and finally, there's pride, which is a characteristic where individuals perceive themselves to be too

self-sufficient to seek assistance from others. They possess inflated egos and would rather go hungry than even accept a slice of bread from someone else. Overcoming all these barriers requires a shift in mindset, promoting a culture of curiosity and an openness to questioning. Encouraging a safe and supportive environment where questions are welcomed and help individuals feel more comfortable asking and foster a culture of continuous learning and growth. Asking is indeed a skill that anyone can cultivate with practice and intention.

Just like any other skill, becoming proficient in asking requires learning, refining techniques, and gaining experience. Here are six ways that you can ask for the things that you need and want. The first is to ask clearly. It's crucial to be clear and precise about what you want. If you feel to do so, you won't effectively communicate your needs. Make sure you know exactly what you want, and express it as clearly as possible. Second, ask with confidence. Avoid hesitancy and uncertainty when asking for what you need. It may come across that you need to figure out what you want, leading to not being taken seriously or receiving

a favorable response. However, asking confidently doesn't mean adopting a commanding or demeaning tone. Instead, strike a balance and maintain a moderate approach to increase the likelihood of positive outcomes. Third, ask creatively, being genuinely curious about the world and open to new perspectives enables individuals to seek knowledge and understanding by asking questions. For example, if you require assistance with a faulty household appliance and your neighbor is skilled at fixing such things, consider offering a gesture of appreciation. Instead of asking them to just fix it for free, you could offer them some fruit, a drink, or a thoughtful gift, before politely requesting for help.

This approach will make any kindhearted person more willing to assist, not just on that occasion, but even when you may need help again in the future. Fourth, ask realistically. Remember that you're not dealing with a magical genie, where anything can be granted instantly. When you're asking for something, you're interacting with real people who have their limitations. Be mindful of others when making requests and show respect for their time and boundaries. Keep your requests concise, avoid being over demanding with phrases like you have to help me, or you help me and I'll help you in the future. Instead, allow the person you're asking, who will fully offer the help that they are able to give without pressure or obligation.

Fifth, ask sincerely. When you genuinely need help, people are likely to respond positively. To receive assistance, it's essential to be open and vulnerable, asking sincerely from the heart. Most people can recognize when someone is asking genuinely and are more willing to offer their help and the best of their abilities. Also, sincerely seeking feedback from others, such as mentors, peers, or experts on the quality and effectiveness of one's questions, and provide valuable insights for improvement. And then, sixth, ask consistently. Regularly

ask in questions and reflecting on their impact helps you to refine your questions over time. Even if you don't receive a positive response initially, don't let it discourage you. In cells, for instance, you don't give up on the first, second, or even tenth. No, you keep asking until you achieve your cells goals and get the desired results. However, it's essential to remain gracious and thankful, regardless of the response that you receive. Avoid pestering or pressuring someone into fulfilling your request. Always ask politely, follow up on your requests and express gratitude when you receive what

you ask for. By consciously refining and practicing the art of asking, you can become a skilled questioner who can extract valuable information, foster meaningful conversations and drive personal and professional growth, the more that you hone your questioning abilities, the better that you become at navigating the complexities of communication and understanding the world around you. I think it's important that we last touch on how do you handle rejection, which is almost certainly going to happen when you are out there asking people for things.

The truth is that you won't always receive a positive response. However, this should only encourage you to make repeated requests. When faced with rejection, it's important not to take it personally or let it demoralize you. Instead, learn to manage your emotions effectively as I discussed recently in episode 316. Use emotional regulation techniques, the nurture positive feelings,

and reduce the impact of negative ones. Handling rejection when it comes to asking questions can be challenging. It's an essential skill to develop. Here are some strategies to effectively deal with rejection. Stay calm when facing rejection, take a deep breath, and remain composed. Avoid reacting emotionally as it might escalate the situation and hinder your ability to learn from the experience. Second, don't take it personally. Remember that rejection of a question does not define your worth. Separating your self-esteem from rejection helps you to maintain a positive outlook. Third, refocus on the intent. Remind yourself of the genuine intent behind asking the question, which is to seek information, understanding, or feedback.

Reiterate the value of your curiosity and desire to learn, or learn from the experience, reflect on the situation and consider whether any factors contributed to the rejection. Assess if there are any areas where you can improve your questioning skills. Fifth, seek feedback. If appropriate and comfortable, ask feedback from the person who rejected your question. Instructive careticism can provide actionable insights for future interactions. 6. Embrace Failure as a Learning Opportunity Seek rejection as an opportunity for growth and learning. Every rejection can be a stepping stone towards becoming a better questioner.

7. Refrain rejection as a redirection It might just lead you to discover better sources or approaches. Remember that rejection doesn't necessarily mean no, but rather not yet. Don't let a no dissuade you. Keep asking. If one person says no, don't lose hope. There are many others that you can approach. Stay persistent and intentional about seeking what you want until you receive positive response. Embracing rejection as an opportunity for improvement and maintaining a growth mindset will empower you to become a more effective questioner in the long run. In conclusion, as the famous businessman and philanthropist,

W. Clement Stone said, if there's something to gain and nothing to lose by asking, by all means, ask. This point is clear. You just can't wait around, hoping that what you need and want will magically come to you. Instead, like Chris Gardner, you must be proactive and intentional about asking for what you want. Whether you're seeking help, posing questions, or requesting opportunities, effective asking sets powerful forces in motion, and opens the door to unlimited possibilities. Don't let fear or hesitation hold you back. Every day presents numerous opportunities to ask for what you want.

Take advantage of these moments and summon the courage to ask. Take that bold step today and make your request known because you'll never know how far an intentional act of asking can propel you forward. I hope you all enjoyed today's show and I wanted to thank everyone who wrote in and especially those who listened. Links to the transcript will be in the show notes. Videos are on YouTube at both John Armiles and PassionStruck clips. You can now reorder my new book PassionStruck on Amazon, links will be in the show notes. We are also on the AMFM247 National syndicated broadcast where you can catch us on your Monday and Friday evening commutes from 5 to 6 p.m.

Eastern times. Links will be in the show notes. Avertise your deals and discount codes are one convenient place at passionstruck.com slash deals. Please support those who support the show. I'm on LinkedIn where you can sign up for my newsletter or you can also find me at John Armiles on all the other social platforms. You're about to hear a preview of the Passion Struct podcast that I did with mental health expert and neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leif, who is known for her science-backed mind management techniques. And we discuss her brand new book, How to Help Your Child, Clean Up Their Mental Mass. You can't look to what our generations are facing as the cause of something, because

social media is good, so is radio, so is television, so is AI. So they're not the problem, the problem is what are we doing with them? The problem is how we manage them. Instead of looking to an external cause as the cause of something like mental health, external causes do impact mental health, but it's blaming something without looking at the benefits of it, so it's about management of it. So social means to prepare it's how we're managing it. Remember we rise by lifting others. If you found today's episode on asking useful, please share it with somebody you can use the advice that I gave here today.

In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so that you can live what you listen. And until next time, live life, action struck.