Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Michael Anthony On: Take Daily Action to Improve Your Life EP 111

Starting point is 00:00:00 Coming up next on the Passion Struck podcast. And I go in the backyard this one particular day. It's like this blistering hot Indiana summer day and I grab this little blue bucket and I walk across the street to our neighbor's house and I turn on their water and for the first time I steal and I stole water. I was like What else am I gonna do? And I stole water. I was like, what else am I going to do? But something interesting happened in that moment where I will never forget this till the day I die. Where I was like, when I'm a grown up, right,

Starting point is 00:00:32 using those words as an eight year old, when I'm a grown up, this won't be my life. Welcome visionaries, creators, innovators, entrepreneurs, leaders and growth seekers of all types, two of the passion struck podcasts. Hi, I'm John Miles, a peak performance coach, Maltkei Industries CEO, maybe veteran and entrepreneur on a mission to make Passion Go viral for millions worldwide. And each week I do so by sharing with you an

Starting point is 00:00:58 inspirational message and interviewing eye achievers from all walks of life who unlock their secrets and lessons to become an action-struck. The purpose of our show is to serve you the listener by giving you tips, tasks, and activities you can use to achieve peak performance and for too a passion-driven life you have always wanted to have. Now let's become a star. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to episode 111 of the Passion Star Podcast. And thank you to each and every one of you who comes back weekly to listen and learn to live better, be better, and impact the world. And if you're new to the show, or you would like to introduce it to a friend or family member, we now have episode starter packs on our website and Spotify. These are collections of your favorite episodes which we organize by topic and they give you a great

Starting point is 00:01:49 introduction to everything that we do here on the show. Just go to PassionStruck.com slash starter packs to get started and if you haven't had a chance to check out our YouTube channel at John Armiles I would highly encourage you to do it. We have over 235 different videos ranging from long form interviews like ours today to short two to four minute mindset moments which give you a short dose of inspiration. Please check it out and subscribe. Today's guest is Michael Anthony. And Michael is the author of the bestselling book, Thank Unbroken, and is a coach, mentor, and educator for adult survivors of child abuse.

Starting point is 00:02:26 Michael spends his time helping other survivors get out of the vortex to become the hero of their own story and take their lives back. Michael hosts the Think Unbroken podcast, which I was on recently. Teaches at the Think Unbroken Academy, and is on a mission to create positive change in the world. We discuss how Michael was born to a hyper abusive drug-adicted mother who cut his finger off when he was only four years old. A stepfather you pray that you will never have, an erasist grandmother who pushed him into identity crisis. By the time he was nine, his family was in poverty, often homeless while being members of the Mormon Church.

Starting point is 00:03:05 At 12, he was adopted by his grandmother and quickly turned to drugs and alcohol to survive the continuing abuse. Michael discusses how he found success in corporate America in his early 20s. However, that success only made them worse. Michael was morbidly obese, high and drunk daily, and ultimately self-sabotaging everything around him. We discover how he found self-love and worked through his childhood trauma to start living again. Such an inspirational story today.

Starting point is 00:03:36 Thank you for choosing Passion Struct and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to living an intentional life. Before we begin, I would like to emphasize that this podcast is part of my desire and hope to bring zero-cost information to the general public regarding how to unlock an intentional life. And keeping with that theme, I would like to thank the sponsors of today's episode.

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Starting point is 00:04:37 And right now, you can get started with having your team all working together on the same page for free. Head over to Coda.io slash passion struck. That's c-o-d-a.io slash passion struck to get started for free. coda.io slash passion struck. This podcast is brought to you by Podbean. Podbean is the easiest way for you to create your own podcasts.

Starting point is 00:05:01 We use podbean to host the passion struck podcast. Download the free Podbean podcast app to start, record, and publish your very own podcast in minutes. Podbean provides everything that you need to run your podcast, and you can record and publish episodes directly from the app on your phone. Download the free Podbean app today. That's P-O-D-B-E-A-N. Head over to podbean at www.podbean.com and use the code podcast21 for your first 30 days of podcasting for free. Check it out. Today's podcast is also brought to you by Surfshark and as a former Chief Information Security Officer, I can tell you that the internet is getting more dangerous by the moment.

Starting point is 00:05:46 Hackers have more ways to follow you and trackers are looking at every step that you make. Luckily, there's a solution. You can get a VPN. It will hide your real location, making you much more difficult to identify and target. But privacy and security are not the only things that Surfshark has to offer. When you use a VPN, you can change your virtual location and forget about restrictions and censorship. Can't find what you want to watch on Netflix, Hulu, or Disney Plus, or other streaming platforms, unlock new libraries with a VPN. You can try out Surfshark completely risk-free because they have a 30-day money-back guarantee. Get surf shark VPN at surfshark.deals slash passion struck. Use the promo code passion struck for 83% off and three extra months for free. That's surfshark.deals slash passion struck and use the code passion

Starting point is 00:06:41 struck. Thank you so much for listening and supporting our show. All those codes and URLs can be difficult to remember, so we put them in a single place at passionstruck.com slash deals. Please consider supporting those who support this podcast and make it free for our listeners. Now back to passionstruck. So excited to welcome Michael Anthony host of the Think Unbroken Podcast to the Passion Struct Show. Welcome Michael, so glad to have you here.

Starting point is 00:07:14 John, it is my pleasure, my friend. Thank you so much for having me today. Yeah, great to be here. And I absolutely love the podcast. In fact, I was able to listen to a couple episodes earlier this morning. And thank you, we're on to something great there. I appreciate that. I think that, well, here's the thing.

Starting point is 00:07:34 You know, my background is in marketing and advertising for the vast majority of my adult life. And the thing that I understand about human attention and behavior is like, we go to what's trending. And to me, I've always felt like I'm an auditory learner. And so I was like, why don't I go and make a podcast because the people who learn like me are going to get a tremendous amount of value from that. No, I think it's a great way. And I do both YouTube and audio because as you know, some people are audio learners and some are visual learners. So it's good to have both on the show.

Starting point is 00:08:13 Well, I love the brand, thank Unbroken. How did you come up with that? Yeah, so about five years ago, I was having this conversation with someone that went awry and. And at one point in the conversation, and it was just a conversation, they go, you're broken. I was like, whoa, really? You just told me that. Like, I've heard this so many times in my life when I was a little kid, when I was homeless, when I was 12 and 15 getting expelled from school, when I was 20 and corporate America, I was like, all right, fine.

Starting point is 00:08:45 Fine. If that's what you believe. And so I'm like laying in bed that night. It's like three o'clock in the morning, one of the, I'm upset. Obviously can't, can't think, can't sleep. And I just had this thought. I was like, you know what? That's not who I am.

Starting point is 00:09:00 That's not what I represent. That's not how I think. And it was like a lightning bolt moment. And suddenly that idea of think unbroken, it just started to come. I had been sharing some blogs and some information that I'd come across about what it means to overcome and heal from childhood trauma,

Starting point is 00:09:18 because I was just trying to put information out that I felt like I needed. And then it has now turned into what it is five years later. And so it's kind of funny in a way, because that person who I'm no longer in contact with became this really phenomenal catalyst for a name and a title of a company that now impacts hundreds of thousands of people

Starting point is 00:09:42 around the world every single year. So without that conversation, like, I don't know, it might be called Michael's company for all I know, but because of that, I'm here with Think Unbroken, and it's really beautiful. Sometimes people have negative emotions when they hear words like broken, battered, beaten, bored, hopeless, whatever it may be. But I think there are so many people who are feeling that way. They're disengaged from their own life. Oftentimes, I call them the underdogs of their own life. And I think it's because like you portray on the show, a lot of people have gone through trauma, adversity, setbacks, whatever it may be. And it's hard to learn to be resilient to those things.

Starting point is 00:10:32 In fact, I have a solo episode coming out this week on the power of resiliency. So what are some of your ideas on how do you achieve post-traumatic growth? Yeah, well, I love the idea about resiliency. I think it's natively and inherently a part of what it is that we are as the human species. If you look at the biological growth of us as human beings, what is the number one function of the brain? It's a biological response mechanism, containment system, whatever you want to call it, that is about survival. And on the backside of survival is obviously pro-creation, right?

Starting point is 00:11:14 But first and foremost, it's survival. So inherently, we're built to be resilient. For some of us, it's a harder journey than others, but ultimately, I do think that we're all fit for it. And I think that, and I love the parlay, and this is going to answer your question, I think the way that you actually start to have growth on the backside of dark things that happen is a few different things. First and foremost, John, and I think that you can agree with me on this, you know, bad things are going to happen. Like that is the human experience. We all have it. It's unav to happen. Like that is the human experience.

Starting point is 00:11:45 We all have it. It's unavoidable. The measure and the scope of it is going to vary person to person. But ultimately, we're all going to face suffering and pain and loss and death. That is just how it is. And so in that, you kind of come to this place where you look at life through acknowledgement. And I think that's always kind of the first step in growth. Like, can you acknowledge it? Can you just look at it and go, yeah, bad things happen to me, but doesn't mean you're culpable. That's not culpability. That is not the same thing. It's not your fault, you know, if you had terrible parents in a community that didn't support you and learning discipline, you

Starting point is 00:12:24 all the things, let's go on and on and on. But at some point in your life, you're going to have to look at it, you're going to have to make a decision and you're going to have to recognize something really important about the truth of everything that comes next. And it's a question, it's a simple question, but it's a difficult one to answer. Are you taking care of yourself, or are you taking it easy on yourself? And those are two vastly different things, right? And when we get into the scope of taking it easy on ourselves by not living into our truth, by not living into our potential, by not going and pushing the envelope of what we think we can do, then we are losing. And so dismissive to go through all of the things that we experience

Starting point is 00:13:06 in life and then to be stuck in a corner playing the victim role. Now that said, I'll be the first one to raise my hand and go, I played that card for a very long time. No, I look at my life at 25, I'm 350 pounds, smoking two packs of cigarettes a day, drinking myself to sleep, destroying my life, going and working out a job in corporate America that I hated just because I got paid well. And I look at that and I go, that's allowing other people to dictate my life, right? The people who always told me, you're not good enough, you're not strong enough, you're not capable enough. Okay, great. Well, if I allow that to be my narrative, then that will be my reality. Because look,

Starting point is 00:13:45 the reality is like when you look at life through understanding that the only way that you grow is through challenging yourself to be okay with being in discomfort, right? Not running from it, not shying from it, because when you do that, you're going to lose every single time. Because on the other side of discomfort, on the other side of doing that thing that is so unbelievably incredibly painful in the moment, right? Something is different in your life on the other side. And I think about this every day. If you do something different, people are always like, can I make my life better?

Starting point is 00:14:24 John, I don't know what better means. What does better mean? What is the measurement? How do you quantify better? I don't know how to do that. But I do know different. And I say, if I can do one thing every day to make my life different, then when it is today that is on alignment with my mission, my vision, my values, and my goals, alignment with my mission, my vision, my values, and my goals, then on a long enough timeline, I can do anything. So one act, one movement in a different direction, just one degree from where you are right now, every single day for years, 365 decisions that you have made. I'm going to tell you right now, if you make 365 different choices and the choices you make today, you will have growth. I'm not saying it's going to be easy because it's not. It's going to be uncomfortable and difficult

Starting point is 00:15:10 and painful, but on the back side, it will be different. Yeah. So what do you think is the first step along that journey? So let's go back to the person that you were 300 pounds, smoking two packs a day, et cetera. I mean, because I think one of the first things you have to do is you have to face your current reality, whatever it may be. But I think the bigger step is making the choice to do something about it.

Starting point is 00:15:44 So what was there an event that happened? What was the background that made you realize where you were and made the choice that you wanted to change? Yeah, you're spot on, right? So I'm 25 heading into 26. This is over a decade ago. It's like a Thursday morning. I'm laying in bed, not at work.

Starting point is 00:16:09 And I'm smoking a joint, eating chocolate cake, and watching the CrossFit games. Like, that's not a rock bottom, man. Like, I don't know what is. And for whatever reason, and John, I'll never understand this. I get up, I go in the bathroom and I'm looking at myself in the mirror. Now, you got to keep in mind, I'm

Starting point is 00:16:29 350 pounds. And I'm transported back to this moment. When I'm eight years old, the water company came and turned our water off. We were deeply impoverished at when I was a kid. I was homeless a lot. In fact, I lived with 30 different families over the course of a couple of years. And so it wasn't uncommon that we would get evicted. They would turn our water off. They'd turn the heat off in the winter, whatever, right? And I go in the backyard this one particular day.

Starting point is 00:16:59 It's like this blistering hot Indiana summer day. And I grab this little blue bucket and I walk across the street toward neighbor's house and I turn on their water. And for the first time, I steal and I stole water. I was like, what else am I going to do? But something interesting happened in that moment where I will never forget this till the day I die, where I was like, when I'm a grown up, right, using those words as an eight year old, when I'm a grown up, this won't be my life. And I didn't mean that in the sense of like only poverty, but I was like, I don't want like any of the experiences that I'm having, the abuse, the violence, the pain, the all the things. And so here I am 25 years old. I got enough money I can do anything

Starting point is 00:17:48 I want with because I was lucky enough to figure out how to navigate corporate America at a young age, but I'm miserable and I hate my life. That was nothing like the promise I made myself when I was a kid. And so I looked at myself in the mirror and I asked myself this question on the backside of having that instantaneous memory. I said, what are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have? In the words, no excuses, just results, like started reverberating through my body. And what that meant in that moment became the catalyst for exactly what you just asked me. It meant that I had to stop negotiating with myself.

Starting point is 00:18:32 It meant that I had to stop letting myself down. It meant that I had to stop letting other people dictate my future. Because that's the thing, man, like that's what people miss out on in this journey, is that we are in this position where the choices and the decisions that we make are what shape everything that's next. And so often we're letting ourselves off the hook for our future. And that's what I was doing. Sure I had money, but I didn't solve any of my problems. I hadn't done any of the work.

Starting point is 00:19:03 I hadn't gone to therapy. I hadn't gotten serious about personal development or coaching. And I hadn't done any of the things that I said I was going to do. John, dude, I used to, all right, a context. So I'd get off work. And I would go to the gym every single day. And outside of the gym was a McDonald's appropriate place, of course, and a bar. And I would sit in the parking lot with a packed gym bag next to me, and I'd smoke a cigarette. And then I'd go inside McDonald's, and then I would go to that bar, and then I would walk back to my car, and I'd say tomorrow I'll go to the gym.

Starting point is 00:20:12 And I did that for years. It takes as much effort to destroy your life as it does to build your life. And for years, I was destroying my life because no longer negotiating with myself, but of what would come in the near future. And I change my relationship with death because here's the reality. And I think that you may appreciate this. We don't know when we're going to die. It's not promise that you get tomorrow. And if you act in accordance with that, your life will change at a vastly different clip than at which it is in this moment, because you will act differently. You will move differently. You will stop negotiating with yourself. And that's step one, you need to ask yourself this question, what are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have? Yeah, and that's such a difficult question, I think, especially today for people to face because it seems like, and I talk about it a lot on the show, we are so caught up with

Starting point is 00:20:59 what appears urgent that we don't focus on what's important, including things that matter, our physical health, our mental health, our spiritual health, our relationship health, and they're all intertwined. So at that point that you're making that decision, one of the questions that I always hate when people ask it is, is, what do you do? Because it's really a question about your self identity. And I think for years, I know my career defined my self identity. But at that point in time, if someone would have asked you that question, what would you have told them?

Starting point is 00:21:41 I don't know. I don't, but here's's the thing like I remember I actually love that question because in that moment, the only thing that I thought to myself was do the opposite of what you're doing right now. no exposure to anything other than chaos and pain. So I didn't know that there's a side of life that can have joy and hope and compassion and empathy. And so I was like, what if I just dabbled in that? What if I just touched my toe to that water? What could happen? And I just started the very first thing because I think it's societal, right? Is like, I was like, okay, cool. I'm going to go get serious about therapy. Because here's what's interesting. I'd been going to therapy for a year, I mean, since I was seven years old, because of the stuff that I went through, because of the pain, because of the abuse, dealing with the alcoholic and drug addict mother, being homeless, dealing with the hyper abusive stepfather, all of those things.

Starting point is 00:22:46 But here's what's really interesting that happened in that when I was a kid, my, my therapist would tell my parents what I said. And that created this whole other realm of pain in my life, which I'm pretty sure that's also illegal. Like I know I'm a kid, but I don't think you're allowed to do that. I don't know either way. That made me learn how to stop being honest with people. Man, that carries a lot of weight with it. And so I found myself now in this position where I was going to therapy every week.

Starting point is 00:23:20 I was paying this dude hundreds of dollars. And I was just telling him what I thought he wanted to hear. Like in some scope you look at and I go, that's just stupid. Why would you do that? But I go, well, that was learned behavior because it was a survival mechanism. And so I had to learn how to be honest with therapists, with myself, with people in my life. And of course, it's a struggle we all lie. Anyone who says they never lies a liar. And so I'm in this place where I'm like, okay, what's really step one here? Go find a therapist who can actually help be a sounding board that man up culture, put some dirt on it. Don't talk about it.

Starting point is 00:24:06 And you know, if you're in a corporate environment, what do you do? Like I would get off of work and our, we would all go get drunk. You know what I mean? That's all we did. We never talked. There was never anything real in those moments and those exchanges. And so I said to myself, all right, let me, let me do the first thing of what I'm not really sure if it's what I'm supposed to do

Starting point is 00:24:26 Let me just go find someone to talk to who can be a sounding great for me in a way that will allow me to take these things that I've carried because look I think we all know this when we carry these weight when we carry this weight of the terrible things that happen in our life It it like it brings something into your life that's like a cloud. Like I think about this a lot, like if you're walking outside on a sunny day, but you're carrying the weight and the pain and the shame of all the things of your life, even if it's sunny, there's still going to be like this haze in front of you, right? And when I started talking about these things, the haze slowly removed itself. And so I think that if you're in this position in your life, where you're like, I just don't know what to do. I know I have this pain. I've been through

Starting point is 00:25:19 these dark things. My life does not feel at all in accordance with what I believe it could be. I think therapy really truly is like a great step one. And maybe, and I think it depends on the kind of personality you have, and a different step one is go get a coach, go get someone who's been through that, go read a book, listen to a pot like there's so much access to information right now, but you a book, listen to a pot like there's so much access to information right now, but you got to be willing to accept that you're going to have to have difficult conversations. We'll be right back to the Passion Start podcast. I'd like to introduce my audience to Magic Mine, the little magical elixir that makes your body hum. They are also sponsoring

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Starting point is 00:27:58 slash deals. Please consider supporting those who support this show and make our content free for everyone now, back to passion struck. For years, I went through a lot of talk therapy. I would call it and I have to tell you, I didn't get a lot in return because I thought it was always a person on the other end kind of regurgitating what you were saying to them and kind of repeating it back to you. And it wasn't until I met this, what started out as a counseling relationship of a guy named Jay Gaines, who ended up turning into an accountability partner, so to speak, because

Starting point is 00:28:41 he was the first person I had gone to that really started challenging me to not be soft on myself. Meaning you get into these conversations and it's so easy to take the simple road or to say what you think the counselor wants to hear, instead of really being completely vulnerable with your emotions. And I remember that point I was facing a lot of self-doubt is that thing that you're so fearful of. There's no such thing as a saber-toothed tiger just as what you might be fearful of. You might fail, but what's the worst thing

Starting point is 00:29:24 that's gonna happen? You learn from it, and I think that's a lot what post-traumatic growth is all about is learning from these moments of adversity that we face and learning from them, and then taking the micro steps from that point to better ourselves. And then I went into more of cognitive behavioral therapy,

Starting point is 00:29:48 which I'm not sure you've been part of that as well, but I thought that that was a really good building point on top of the accountability counseling that I was getting because it started to really get me, especially when I went through cognitive processing therapy and then prolonged exposure therapy, it really got me into thinking about these stuck points because the stuck points that happened to you as a result of trauma are the same basic concept that the stuck points have

Starting point is 00:30:25 regardless of any adversity you face. Whenever any of those things hit you, it causes you to have an emotion one way or another that impacts your self belief. And I guess where I'm going with this is, you talked about making the first steps about seeing a mentor, seeing a counselor, but what was one of the first things that you did inwardly that got you to start focusing on your own self-doubt, self-confidence, limiting beliefs, etc.

Starting point is 00:30:59 Yeah, yeah. Well, and I think that's awesome that you took those steps, John, because if you don't who will, you know what I mean? And so it's really beautiful that you took those steps, John, because, you know, if you don't, who will? You know what I mean? And so it's, that's really beautiful that you were doing that for yourself. You know, the, the, the pen is my dear than the sword is, is an analogy we always hear. But there's so much truth in it. The, without question, like literally like a hundred percent no questions asked. The one thing that I know is brought more power to my life than anything is journaling. Is sitting down with a pen and a piece of paper and just getting all the stuff in my head out and putting it somewhere where I can just in the moment, write it out, look at it, and go, I don't have to carry

Starting point is 00:31:48 that with me right now. And that was transformative because also in there became this really interesting sense of honesty with myself because I learned how to tell myself the truth. I've been lying to myself for a very long time. I think it's easy to do that. I think we all do that natively, right? It's convincing myself that maybe things weren't as bad as they were, convincing myself that things were better than they were, convincing myself that I was okay with being overweight and smoking two packs a day. And I liked to get high, right? Like I was convincing myself these things. And then I started really like looking at my inadequacies from this unbiased perspective, in which I was just writing the truth, telling myself the truth

Starting point is 00:32:38 about myself. And that first off is incredibly uncomfortable, especially if you've never done it before. And in that discomfort, right? Like we talked about a moment ago, I started to see growth happen. I started to see a shift happen in my life because the more honest I got with myself in those journals, and I had multiple, I had one for certain things in my life, I had one that was only for anger at one period.

Starting point is 00:33:07 And I was a red journal. I was like, whenever I'm pissed off, I'm gonna go right in this journal. And that was, and that was so practical too. I think people really miss out on the practicality of writing. You know, you go look at research and they say people who write down their goals are over 50% more likely to achieve them than people who don't. That's a big number. And like, the studies are always subjective. I've seen studies that say 200%. I don't know, but it's better than nothing, right?

Starting point is 00:33:36 And so I was just like, let me sit down, let me write down these things, let me figure out who I am, put it on paper. And it's one of the first things I teach my clients when I coach them, I say, you're gonna have to get a real comfortable writing because it's gonna be uncomfortable. I had this guest on the podcast a while back and he calls himself the bucket list guy.

Starting point is 00:33:58 Not sure if you've ever heard of him, his name's Trav Bell, but we had this interesting discussion because he's become an expert in the whole concept of the bucket list. But when he has done research on it, he finds that regardless of what crowd he gets in front of, if he asks them, how many of you have a bucket list? And they all raise their hand and say, yeah, I have a bucket list.

Starting point is 00:34:20 He goes, no, like, really, how many of you have come up at the bucket list? It's probably 20%. He then goes, no, like, really, how many of you have come up at the bucket list? It's probably 20%. He then goes, okay, so how many of you have actually written down that bucket list? And then it becomes about 5%. And I think the same thing goes with the personal contracts that we make with ourselves about what we want our life to be. So I know a lot of people talk about journaling. It's on a ton of different podcasts and other self-help advice things you get. But I remember when I was starting to journal, it was very difficult because I was like, what are you journal about? And I remember the first time I sat there a couple of minutes,

Starting point is 00:35:04 maybe jotted down one line. But I think what people need to understand? And I remember the first time, I sat there a couple of minutes, maybe jot it down one line, but I think what people need to understand is that could be the starting point. Any habit you get into starts with micro steps. But if listener out there wanted some advice, what are some of the questions? Because I think questions are the way that I've learned how to journal.

Starting point is 00:35:26 What are some of the questions you would recommend that they ask themselves? Yeah. No one's ever asked me that, so it's going to be really interesting. I would start with this question first and foremost, who do I want to be today? Like, who do I want to be today? Like, you have to define yourself. When I wrote my book, one of the things I wrote about was this idea of creating yourself.

Starting point is 00:35:49 John, the Michael in front of you, not to be crass using myself in the third person, but to paint a picture here, is a realization of the caricature of the idea of the person I thought I could be. When I started getting deep into this, I just started writing down like, who do I wanna be?

Starting point is 00:36:07 And mapping that out. I wanna be an author, I wanna be a speaker, I wanna empower people, I wanna travel the world, I wanna be in healthy relationships, I wanna run multiple businesses, I wanna all these things, I just started painting like, who do I wanna be? Define yourself, create yourself.

Starting point is 00:36:24 Be honest in that. So I would start there like, who do I want to be, define yourself, create yourself. Be honest in that. So I would start there. Like, who do I want to be? Let that become the measure, let that become the point. And then think about this. And this is a thing people don't often talk about because we look at our lives as a very self serving kind of experience. When in reality, and I'm curious if you relate to this, the most powerful I ever feel, the greatest I ever feel is being of service to others. And so question number two is, who can I serve today with my knowledge, with my information, with my experience? That's the only reason I do podcasts, John. How can I serve other people

Starting point is 00:37:07 through my experience, right? And when you start to remove yourself, because we're very selfish, as human beings, when you start to remove yourself from this idea of me first, me first, me first, even when you are at your darkest, even when you're at your lowest, and you go and serve other people, it will benefit you. Why? Because you're out of your own way for a moment. And maybe let's do a third one. Choose us on the spot.

Starting point is 00:37:37 Ask yourself, am I living within my values today? And if you don't have values, which I would argue, kind of like this 5% with the bucket list, I would say less than 5% of people I speak to that I coach that come into my programs at the beginning, most people in general in the world don't have values. And that old adage goes, if you live, if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything. And I'll never forget I was listening to this podcast. When podcasts weren't even really a thing yet, this is about nine years ago. I don't remember who said it. So I apologize. I'll never, I hope I remember one day, but I don't. And they were like, you have to have values in your life. Because if

Starting point is 00:38:23 you don't have values, then you're not going to be able to accomplish anything. And I were like, you have to have values in your life. Because if you don't have values, then you're not going to be able to accomplish anything. And I was like, really blown away by that because I'd never even heard the word values. I didn't know what it meant. And I thought values meant money, right? Because that's the only thing I ever moved towards when I was younger. I said, let me go get money. And so ask yourself this question, am I living in my values? The answer is yes,

Starting point is 00:38:47 great. The answer is no, because you don't have values, start thinking about that. Like my values are very simple, honesty, kindness, leadership, self-actualization, and no excuses. Like that's my values. That's the system in which I operate that I filter all the choices and decisions that I make in my life. And so when you're acting in accordance through that, when you're in this place and you're sitting down and you're starting the journal, define your values, define who you are, pick words that feel true for you. Like who are you, create yourself, ask yourself, who do I want to be? Ask yourself, who can I serve today? Ask yourself, am I living in my values? No, I think that's a great one.

Starting point is 00:39:32 And it's actually one that I use as well. And in fact, I have a book here that I use as a reference guide called Atomic Habits. And it's actually one of the ones that James Claire plays out in his book too. He does it once a year. I would recommend doing it far more often than that. I try to do it weekly, which is am I living my values? Am I living them in my relationships in my career, et cetera, in my life? The other thing that I like to do is I like to take each week and do a review. What amazing things that I accomplish that are taking me closer to my goals. And

Starting point is 00:40:17 then I do the flip. What decisions that I make that are taking me further away from them? Because when you start doing that, you start recognizing your good habits from your bad ones and you can learn and grow from them. So I think those are great starting points that you gave and hopefully the ones I did will help people just as well. So I've recently been reading a book that came out, it's written by Adam Grant and Benjamin

Starting point is 00:40:47 Hardy called The Gap in the Game. And it made a lot of sense to me, and I'm not sure if you've had a chance to read it yet or not, but it's really about the fact that most people live in the gap or I call them transition points. There are these points that you live in your daily life that you're an automatic pilot on that you don't even think about. When I was in a combat situation, you could liken it to it's the drive in the Humvee up to the point that you're gonna do the engagement and the steps you're taking before you have the encounter.

Starting point is 00:41:30 And I think it's in this gap or these transition points in life that make or break us. And it's during those moments that the gains in life happen. Why do you think so many people get stuck in the transition or the gap instead of make progress on their gain? Yeah, John, I'm sitting here with Shay. If you're listening, I'm just shaking my head

Starting point is 00:41:56 because I agree 100%. Think about this. You had mission objectives. You knew where you were going. You had something in place that was a marker. That was a North Star. That was a we have to do this. It comes from command.

Starting point is 00:42:14 We got to go down the line. We have to make sure that we're geared up. Got the right boots, got the right equipment, got the right. Are we on a night mission? Are we on a day mission? Like are all the things in place to go towards that thing that we need to accomplish because it is an objective? I think people get lost in the transition

Starting point is 00:42:30 because they have no objective. They have nothing that they're moving towards. They don't have a North Star. They don't have a game plan. They don't have a road map. Think about this, John. If I said drive from New York City to San Francisco, just hop in your car and go there, but you get no street signs,

Starting point is 00:42:46 no road map, no GPS, and no compass. Do you think you would make it? Absolutely not. There's no way. And so how do you go through life expecting to be successful with no markers or road map in front of you between the transitions that you take Azure on this journey. You can't. You must have goals. You must. Why? Because at least you have a marker. And look, your goals will change. They should change in the fact. I think if you're trying to still reach the same goals, depending on what they are, it's contextual. You know, at some point, you're going to have to evaluate. Like, is this really something I want?

Starting point is 00:43:29 Do I really want to move towards this thing? And I think also sometimes you can make goals that are so big. You should make goals that are scary. You should make goals that are terrifying because they're missions, right? My mission and the reason that I do this, and I show up and I'm on the podcast and I write the books and I speak on the stages and I throw all the things that I do is very simple.

Starting point is 00:43:50 My mission is to end generational trauma in my lifetime. That's my mission. So every time I'm in a transition, I'm always asking myself, am I moving towards that thing right now that I'm trying to accomplish? That's coming down and I do I have thing right now that I'm trying to accomplish? That's coming down. Am I, do I have the right boots on? Do I have the right jacket on? Is a day or night mission? Do I have my team assembled?

Starting point is 00:44:11 Are we there on time? All of the things. So when you're in this place and you're in this position in your life where you're like, I'm constantly lost because you haven't taken a piece of paper again, come back to this pin. You haven't taken a piece of paper and just laid out a roadmap for your future. You can liken it to the bucket list. I think the bucket list concept is great. Sure. Go do some really crazy things before you die. But what about tomorrow? What about today? What about five? What are you doing at 11 o'clock this morning? Right? You have

Starting point is 00:44:44 empty white space on your calendar. You need to really be thinking about what's happening in your life because all the things in life that we have the ability to attain, money, value, fame, if that's your thing, right? You want to write books, you want to travel the world, you want to speak, you want to have a podcast, you can do all those things. If you are moving towards them because you want to have a podcast, you can do all those things. If you are moving towards them because you have them in a place where you're looking at them every single day.

Starting point is 00:45:11 And when you're not, and you're not accomplishing things and nothing is happening in your life, it's because you don't have any direction, you don't have any markers. And so you get lost in the transition. Yeah, and I definitely get lost in the transition. Yeah, and I definitely agree with many of the points you made. I would say the other angle for people to consider here is even though we had that objective on admission, I have seen more fatalities and more people get hurt in combat situations in the transition points than actually in the battle.

Starting point is 00:45:46 And it's because it's in those transition points that you're allowing yourself to kind of go, I'll use the word again, an autopilot. When you're there and you're in that event, like let's say you're a tennis player and you've got a competitive match, you're in that zone of optimal anxiety right there player and you've got a competitive match. You're in that zone of optimal anxiety right there. When you go into a combat mission, you're in that zone as well,

Starting point is 00:46:12 but it's easy to fall out of that zone and I think that's what happens to a lot of people is how do you continue to push yourself so that you're in an almost constant stage of being in the zone of optimal anxiety because what that really means is you're being present in each and every moment instead of being subconscious in the way most people today I think are living their life. They do it in an unconscious manner, instead of consciously being present with each step that they're making. So I think both bits of guidance are really good ones.

Starting point is 00:46:55 So I did want to ask, since your big on core values, is there a motto that you have that is, is kind of one above every other that you use to help foster your day? Yeah, I love that question actually so I think that and you hear this all the time in podcast and personal development Like you know the first 30 minutes hour 90 minutes whatever of your day like is the most important I would actually argue that the first thing you say to yourself is the most important. Every day, John, every day, I don't care where I am in the world.

Starting point is 00:47:29 I don't care if it's Sunday, I don't care what I'm doing. The very, very first thing that I do when I put my feet on the ground and I roll out of that bed is I say to myself, I am in control of my life. That's everything. That's everything to me. Because when you do that, when you acknowledge and you take control over your life, when I take control over my life, I run out of excuses because the choices I make are either going to change my life in the way that I want or in the way that I don't want. All the decisions that we have have a ramification,

Starting point is 00:48:02 whether positive or negative. And so if I sit in that thought, and again, this, this is such a great parlay to your thoughts on being on autopilot, if I choose to be an autopilot, which is a decision, you are choosing to be on autopilot. If you are not taking control, then if my life gets turned into a disaster, oh, well, I know who to blame. I know where to look for that. But if I start my day and I say to myself, I am in control of my life, then I move in that way. And here's why, because what we think becomes what we speak, what we speak, become our action and our actions become our reality. So if I wake up first thing in the morning and I tell myself I'm in control of my life, I'm going to move that way and that will become my reality.

Starting point is 00:48:50 You know, it's crazy, man, sometimes I'll write down goals and it'll take me seven years to accomplish them. I literally just accomplished a goal the other day that took me five years to accomplish, right? I made a decision, A made a decision. A made a choice. That's my North Star. That's my direction.

Starting point is 00:49:08 But if I move through this scope of being the one in control and I understand there's extreme fact, like there's factors outside of me, I get that. I understand that. Let's not be foolish. This isn't the secret. You're not going to magic yourself into things. But I'm telling you, you get really focused on something. You may have

Starting point is 00:49:26 heard this before, the universe is conspiring in your favor. Like, I believe that, man, but it's not going to conspire with you if you're not putting yourself in a position to get there. And that requires a lot of hard work. People think that they can just visualize their life. It doesn't work that way, because if it did, I promise you, John, I would not be talking to your brother. I would be on a yacht right now in the Indian Ocean chillin. Right? But that's not how the world works. If you want success in your life, you've got to take control. And so that's why I start my day with that. Yeah, and I'm going to go back to something you said earlier in the podcast, because I think we've been building up to it.

Starting point is 00:50:10 And that is this desire that you have and I have of serving others. But in order to serve others, you really have to first start serving yourself because if you aren't confident, if you don't believe in yourself, if you don't show kindness to yourself, then you're going to be in this continual state of serving yourself instead of serving others. And so I think that's why a lot of people get stuck in what I call survival mode, because they're in this self-centric universe. Whereas when you start serving others, you're really in a world-centric universe. Where the decisions that you're making aren't based on what you believe is best for yourself,

Starting point is 00:51:03 but you believe you're making your decisions that are best for others. And I think so many people struggle to understand how to get from point A to point B. And I think you just laid out a lot of that in what you just said about you've got to make that choice every day, whether that's using the Louise Hayes, put a mirror in front of yourself and tell yourself that you're great, whether you do what you do when

Starting point is 00:51:30 you wake up, whether you do what I do, which is at the beginning of each day and at the end of each night, I high-fied myself and tell myself affirmations about self-belief. I think it all starts by taking those micro steps along the journey and being consistent with their practice so that you start accepting yourself regardless of your past because your past is just that. There's your past self, present self, and future self. So what you really should be looking at is what would your future self that you want to be someday, be telling your current self. And that's also a good journaling thing. I technique I think you could use because looking back, you would see yourself as you are, it could be a month, it could be a year, it could be five years.

Starting point is 00:52:26 But you're right, sometimes goals take a tremendous amount of time, and it's those micro steps along the way that make it. So, for someone who's struggling with those micro steps, what has worked best for you to keep those habits going? you to keep those habits going. Yeah, and you're spot on. And I think that if anyone like really pays attention to this conversation and maybe then I would say go back and listen to it again, I think that our parlay here is really laid out some practical things that you can do to start creating transformation in your life. Like when you acknowledge that and you really take this because I think one of the worst things people do, and this is going to answer your I think one of the worst things people do and this is going to answer your question.

Starting point is 00:53:07 One of the worst things people do is they consume. We consume so much information, but we don't do anything about it. If you want to get to this place where you're starting to create that change, you need momentum. Momentum only comes through being habitual. And what do you want to do to create habits? You just do them every day. You have to stop negotiating with yourself though. That's the thing I want to keep coming back to

Starting point is 00:53:33 because we'll come to this and you'll be like, I'm going to do this thing and I'm going to do it for 75 days. I didn't mean to reference that. People will get that. But the thing is like, you can do anything for 75 days. You can do anything for six days. You can do anything for a year. But can you do it every day for the rest of your life? That's the challenge, right? Because that gets uncomfortable, right? And so in that when you're trying to create habits, understand this,

Starting point is 00:54:02 you're going to have to give yourself some leniency. You're going to have to give yourself some leniency. You're going to have to give yourself some compassion. You're going to have to not destroy yourself about a mistake or missing a day or being late to the thing or whatever it is because it's going to happen. I'm going to tell you right now, as sure as I am, the sun will rise tomorrow, you will make a mistake. You will fail, you will screw up, you will be on this amazing streak of habits for 61 days. And then you won't do it one day. And then you'll one or two things will happen. One, you're going to destroy yourself. I don't recommend this. Probably not going to work out very well for you. Two, you acknowledge it. How did I get to this place that even after 61 days, I messed up, I made a mistake. What is the data I take from this? What is the lesson to learn

Starting point is 00:54:54 from this? How do I use this to adapt to continue to move forward in my life? And so, like, life is just simply a game. Like it really is. Life is just simply a game. It's this thing about repetition and doing it in existing in it in a way that you're always just learning. Think about it like this. The first time you do anything, you're terrible at it. You're never good at it. Proficiency, right? John, you'll relate to this. If you want to be an expert marksman, you have to shoot. You have to go to the range. You have to understand how to clean your firearm. You have to understand how to load it. You have to understand how to dial in the sights. You have to understand how to aim at a target. Five yards, 10 yards, 50 yards, 100 yards.

Starting point is 00:55:41 And you have to do that again and again and again and again. And on a long enough timeline, you will have proficiency in it. But between the moment of doing it the first time and getting to the place of proficiency, you're going to fail a lot more than you're going to succeed. And so take that as data, extrapolate what you can from that in a way that you leverage it to learn and then continue to keep going. The only way you lose is you stop. Okay, I think that's great. And Michael, if a person wanted to get in touch with you, what are some ways that they can do that?

Starting point is 00:56:22 Yeah, absolutely. I'm everywhere on social media at Michael Unbroken. That's Michael Unbroken on all the channels. And of course you can check out Think Unbroken podcast. My book Think Unbroken, the company Think Unbroken, free trainings, free coaching, the app, everything Think Unbroken. Just go to Think Unbroken.com. Okay, and I'm going to end with just a few more questions that are meant to be fun questions, very short answer. The first one I'm gonna ask you is kind of timely.

Starting point is 00:56:55 I did an interview with astronaut Kayla Baron about a month ago and she is getting ready to launch on her SpaceX Dragon 3 mission on Sunday. And I asked her the same thing I will ask you. If you were an astronaut and you got selected to go on the mission to Mars and NASA told you you could pick one law for this feature planet. What would you pick? Do that's such a cool question. The law that I would pick, if I only had to choose one for this new planet, All that I would pick if I only had to choose one for this new planet is for you to be kind to yourself at all times. Okay, great.

Starting point is 00:57:54 What are five things that you couldn't live without? Five things that couldn't live without books. That's actually number one. This is literally the first thing that come to mind. Music, chapstick, gummy bears, even though I don't consume them as much as I would like to because they're not good for you and hope. Okay. And if there was a person that could be alive or dead, that you would love to meet that you've never met before, who would it be in life?

Starting point is 00:58:32 Yeah, it'd be Jay-Z. No questions asked because I look at this guy who has risen from nothingness to creating a massive impact in the world. And I'll tell you this, without Jay-Z's music, when I was a kid, I don't think I'd be here right now. That's a long conversation for another day, but yeah, Jay-Z. Okay, and we talked about current self and future self. If you could go back to, let's go back to, before you were 25, that 22-year-old, 21-year-old self, what's the most important thing you would tell that person?

Starting point is 00:59:12 Keep going. It'll work itself out. Just keep going. And that's hard, right? Because we want to quit. We want to give up on ourselves. And then, moments I did, like I really did in dark ways. And if I told myself anything, I'd be like, dude, if you knew what was coming, just keep going. Well, those are all awesome. And I just want to tell the audience, if you haven't checked out Michael's podcast, it's one that you should be listening to,

Starting point is 00:59:43 especially if you're someone who has dealt with trauma in your past because he does a great job with his guests of exploring it in different ways. In fact, the episode I listened to today was with a woman who found out she was bipolar at a very early age. I think she was in her 20s, and she talked about her life and what she's had to overcome and her learnings from it.

Starting point is 01:00:08 So lots of great content on the show. Michael, thank you so much for being on the Passion Start podcast and can't wait to continue having dialogues with you. Thank you, John. I appreciate it, my friend. What an incredibly inspirational interview that was with Michael Anthony.

Starting point is 01:00:25 And thank you Michael again for telling your story and being so vulnerable about it. And if there's someone like Michael that you would like to see me interview or a topic that you would like to hear me discuss, you can reach out to me at momentum Friday at passionstruck.com on my Instagram at John our miles or at John Miles on LinkedIn. I also wanted to tell you about some of the exciting guests that we have coming on the show. They include New York Times, Best Selling Authors, Breach and Ruben, Susan Cain, and Admiral James Stavritis.

Starting point is 01:00:56 And we will be doing the official book launches for both Susan and Admiral Stavritis' new books. Can't wait for you to enjoy those episodes. And additionally, we have podcast Hall of Famer, Rob Rainley, Jordan Harbinger, who is the host of one of the most popular podcasts in the world, as well as astronaut Nicole Stott, and Rour Admiral Tim Gallaudet, the former Undersecretary of Commerce.

Starting point is 01:01:20 So many incredible guests coming your way over the next few months. Thank you is always for supporting the show and supporting our sponsors who make this show possible. We couldn't do any of this without your help and your ratings and everything that you're doing to help us grow this passion struck movement. Now go out there and live life passion struck. Thank you so much for joining us. The purpose of our show is to make Passion Go viral. And we do that by sharing with you the knowledge and skills that you need to unlock your hidden potential. If you want to hear more, please subscribe to the Passion Strike podcast on Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to your podcast ad.

Starting point is 01:02:01 And if you absolutely love this episode, we'd appreciate a five-star rating on iTunes and you sharing it with three of your most growth-minded friends so they can post it as well to their social accounts and help us grow our passion-struck community. If you'd like to learn more about the show and our mission, you can go to passionstruck.com where you can sign up for our newsletter, look at our tools, and also download the show notes for today's episode. Additionally, you can listen to us every Tuesday and Friday for even more inspiring content. And remember, make a choice, work hard, and step into your sharp edges.

Starting point is 01:02:41 Thank you again for joining us. you

Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Michael Anthony On: Take Daily Action to Improve Your Life EP 111

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