Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Rise Above: 7 Ways to Break Free From the Savior Complex w/John R. Miles EP 353

Episode Date: September 29, 2023

In this episode, I'll take you on a profound journey of self-discovery, where we'll navigate the intricate world of the savior complex. Our aim is to gain a deeper understanding of its complexities and, more importantly, to unearth effective methods for breaking free from its grip. Together, we'll explore seven practical and enlightening strategies that will not only unravel the intricate web of saviorism but also open the doors to healthier relationships, personal growth, and a more profound sense of empathy. Want to learn the 12 philosophies that the most successful people use to create a limitless life? Pre-order John R. Miles’s new book, Passion Struck, which will be released on February 6, 2024. Full show notes and resources can be found here: https://passionstruck.com/rise-above-7-ways-to-break-the-savior-complex/  Unmasking the Savior Complex: Understanding, Coping, and Balancing In this episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles delves deep into the intricacies of the Savior Complex. He unravels the motivations behind the desire to rescue others and sheds light on the potential harm it can inflict. Through the compelling story of Alex, who grappled with this complex, John illustrates the journey towards awareness and coping strategies. John explores the root causes and far-reaching effects of the Savior Complex and offers a valuable toolkit of seven strategies to overcome it. Additionally, he provides insights on how to support individuals who may be struggling with this complex. Sponsors Brought to you by OneSkin. Get 15% your order using code Passionstruck at https://www.oneskin.co/#oneskinpod. Brought to you by Indeed: Claim your SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLAR CREDIT now at Indeed dot com slash PASSIONSTRUCK. Brought to you by Lifeforce: Join me and thousands of others who have transformed their lives through Lifeforce's proactive and personalized approach to healthcare. Visit MyLifeforce.com today to start your membership and receive an exclusive $200 off. Brought to you by Hello Fresh. Use code passion 50 to get 50% off plus free shipping!  --► For information about advertisers and promo codes, go to: https://passionstruck.com/deals/  Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally! How  Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMiles and on Instagram at @john_R_Miles. Prefer to watch this episode: https://youtu.be/LPa37Gy-_G0  Subscribe to our main YouTube Channel Here: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles Subscribe to our YouTube Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@passionstruckclips Want to find your purpose in life? I provide my six simple steps to achieving it - passionstruck.com/5-simple-steps-to-find-your-passion-in-life/ Want to hear my best interviews from 2022? Check out episode 233 on intentional greatness and episode 234 on intentional behavior change. Learn more about John: https://johnrmiles.com/  Passion Struck is now on the Brushwood Media Network every Monday and Friday from 5–6 PM. Step 1: Go to TuneIn, Apple Music (or any other app, mobile or computer) Step 2: Search for "Brushwood Media” Network

Coming up next on Passion Struck, be mindful of your motivations when you offer assistance. Being a white knight might feel good initially, but genuine support respects autonomy and builds capacity, instead creating dependency. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips,

and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to episode 353 of PassionStruck, consistently ranked by Apple.

It's one of the top 10 health podcasts in the world. consistently ranked by Apple. It's one of the top 10 health podcasts in the world. PassionStruck is also on syndicated radio on the Brushwood Media Network, and you can tune in every Monday and Friday on your evening commute from 5 to 6 p.m. Eastern time. Links are in the show notes. If you're new to the show, thank you so much for being here, or you simply want to introduce us to a friend or a family member. We now have episode starter packs, which are collections of our fans' favorite episodes, and we organize them into convenient topics that give any new listener a great way to get acclimated to everything we do here on the show. Either go to passionstruck.com slash starter packs or Spotify to get started. And in case you missed it earlier in the week, I had two great interviews. The first was with

futurist Jacob Morgan. My discussion with Jacob was so enlightening that we decided to split it into two parts. The first delved into the future of work, personal branding, evolving employee-employer relationships, reskilling in a tech-driven world, and the paramount importance of employee well-being. In part two, Jacob unveils the Vulnerable Leader Equation, a groundbreaking concept that serves as the foundation for his new book, Leading with Vulnerability. I also interviewed renowned children's book author Laura Numeroff. With a prolific career spanning over four decades, Thank you. And if you loved either of those two episodes or today's, we would so appreciate it if you gave us a five-star rating and review. Those reviews and ratings bring so many more people into this passion-struck community where we can give them weekly doses of hope, meaning, and inspiration. I also know that we and our guests love to see your comments.

Now, let's talk about today's Momentum Friday episode. Have you ever felt a burning need to rescue someone who was in distress, even when they didn't ask for your help? Welcome to the world of the Savior Complex. Picture yourself as an overzealous superhero, swooping down at every hint of trouble. It sounds noble, right? But what if this urge is causing more harm than good? We all have heard of stories like Renee Bach's mission in Uganda, which spiraled into controversy. She started with the best of

intentions, but ended up in heartache and loss. Though born from noble aspirations, the Savior Complex has become a double-edged sword. It whispers in our ears that we are the only ones capable of saving, fixing, or rescuing others from their struggles. It can be an intoxicating belief, driven by an undeniable desire to help and make positive impact. Yet, in its unchecked form, the Savior Complex can lead to unintended consequences, both for ourselves and for those we seek to assist. In today's episode, I'm going to guide you on a journey of self-exploration, seeking to understand the complexities of the Savior Complex, and more importantly, discovering ways to overcome it. I'll delve into six practical and enlightening strategies that not only untangle the web of Saviorism,

but also pave the way for healthier relationships, personal growth, and genuine empathy. Join me as we navigate this path to self-healing, shedding light on how to break free from the clutches of Savior Complex, and in the process process uncovering a more profound sense of purpose and connection. To shed light on Savior Complex's intricacies, I'll begin by sharing the story of Alex, who grappled with a psychological quandary, yet managed to develop awareness and coping strategies. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

In the tranquil embrace of a suburban neighborhood, there resided a man named Alex, a figure widely admired for his unwavering commitment to helping those in need. With a heart pure of gold, he couldn't bear to witness anyone who was in pain or distress. His friends and neighbors held him in high regard for his selflessness. But what remained hidden beneath the surface was a complex that had taken root deep inside of him, the Savior Complex. As Alex tended to his garden one sunlit morning, an urgent knock disrupted his tranquility. It was Sarah, his neighbor. Her eyes were brimming with tears. She explained that her car had broken down and a crucial job interview hung in the balance. Without hesitation, Alex handed over the keys to his car, insisting that Sarah take his vehicle while he arranged for hers to be towed and repaired. Grateful, Sarah left with a mix of emotions, touched by Alex's swift response, but also slightly overwhelmed.

Weeks passed, and Alex's savior complex continued its relentless grip on his life. His every spare moment was devoted to aiding friends and neighbors. Whether it involved lending money, offering a comforting shoulder, or fixing household appliances, Alex remained ever ready to be the hero. Yet, as the weeks passed, Alex's own existence began to unravel. His once thriving garden fell into disarray, unpaid bills piled up, and his health steadily deteriorated. So consumed was he with rescuing others that he had entirely forsaken his own well-being. One evening, his friend Mark approached him as he was diligently repairing yet another

neighbor's leaky roof. Mark had noticed the toll that exhaustion and chaos had taken on Alex's life. With genuine concern, he broached the subject. Alex, Mark gently began, your altruism is commendable, but it appears that you're forsaking your own needs. You can't be the savior for everyone all the time. Mark's words stuck a chord with Alex, evoking a sense of guilt. He needed Mark's counsel and came to terms with the realization that his savior complex had taken the reins of his life. He resolved to seek guidance

from a therapist, aiming to unearth the root causes of his behavior. Through therapy, Alex unveiled the deep-seated desire for approval and the fear of rejection that were underpinning his savior complex. He discovered that assisting others while maintaining a healthier, more balanced approach was not only possible, but feasible if he started to prioritize boundaries as well as self-care. With time, Alex's life underwent a remarkable transformation. He rekindled his love for gardening, paid his bills, and even found time for socializing and pursuing personal interests. While he continued to extend a helping hand to others,

he no longer felt the compulsion to shield them from every hardship. His friends and neighbors noticed the change in him, appreciating his outgoing support while respecting his newfound boundaries. Alex's story imparts a potent lesson, the delicate equilibrium between helping others and nurturing one's own well-being. Now, let us dive deeper into the intricacies of Savior Complex. The Savior Complex, or White Knight Syndrome as it's often called, is an intriguing psychological phenomenon. You may have heard of it in connection to certain

people who appear motivated by a compulsion to save others even when not requested. Individuals with the Savior Complex often perceive themselves as destined or called to save others even when not requested. Individuals with a savior complex often perceive themselves as destined or called to save others. Their intentions may stem from genuine compassion, but there can also be a self-serving component wherein they seek personal validation, praise, power, or bolstered sense of self-worth. This unrelenting pursuit of coming to the rescue can have detrimental consequences, leading to exhaustion and inadvertently enabling unhealthy behaviors in those they aim to assist. Dr. Maury Joseph, a psychologist based in Washington, D.C., is renowned for his extensive research on

psychological symptoms and various facets of mental health. Dr. Joseph is responsible for coining the term Savior Complex, a concept that unveils a remarkable mindset. This mindset is the driving force behind individuals who willingly shoulder the burden of everyone else's problems. The desire isn't inherently harmful. After all, we often praise those who assist or fix those things around us. However, a pressing question arises. What happens when our judgment calls become clouded by these tendencies? What if our incessant need to play hero causes more harm than good?

And that leads to what causes the Savior Complex. The Savior Complex, at its essence, emerges from profound feelings of insecurity and a sense of low self-esteem. It's akin to your closest friend reaching for a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream after a breakup. Relatable, isn't it? Putting all humor aside, experts believe that individuals with this complex often grapple with feelings of inadequacy within themselves. Consequently, they seek external validation by excessively extending help to others. This inclination can lead to ill-suited paths.

Imagine, for an instant, entrusting a critical home repair project solely to someone's boundless enthusiasm, devoid of genuine skills. The outcome is likely to be nothing short of disastrous. While the Savior Complex isn't formally recognized as a medical diagnosis, delving into its underlying causes offers invaluable insights into why certain individuals develop an insatiable urge to save or rescue others even at their own detriment here are some of the key factors contributing to save your complex the first is past experiences and traumas many individuals with a savior complex have endured significant

traumas or challenging life events this could include childhood neglect abuse or bearing witness to the suffering of loved ones. Such experiences can shape an individual's worldview and ignite a fervent desire to shield others from these same hardships. Second, a need for validation. Some with Savior Complex seek validation and self-worth through their acts of rescue. Helping others provides them with a sense of purpose, as well as self-esteem, compensating for potential voids in other aspects of their lives. This craving for validation fuels their ongoing savior-like behaviors. Third, mental health conditions. While not universally present, the savior complex can sometimes be linked to underlying mental health conditions,

including bipolar disorder, delusional disorder, and schizophrenia. In such cases, the complex becomes entwined with the individual's overall mental state, rendering it more challenging to address. Fourth, personal beliefs and values play a significant role in the development of savior complex. For instance, those particularly aligned to a certain religion or ideology emphasizing altruism may feel a moral obligation to take on the role of a savior. And fifth, family dynamics and upbringing exert a substantial influence. Individuals raised in families where they're expected to shoulder caregiving responsibilities for parents or

siblings may develop a savior complex as a natural extension of their upbringing. Understanding these underlying causes offers a critical foundation for addressing and mitigating the Savior Complex's effects on individuals and their interactions with those around them. So now let's go into some of the harmful effects of Savior Complex. Why should we pay attention to the superhero wannabe condition? After all, wearing invisible capes seems like a thrilling idea, granting us the powers of heroes that we admire. But in reality, harboring the savior complex can lead to significant and far-reaching consequences, impacting both our professional and our personal lives. Some of these effects include burnout.

People with a savior complex often take on more responsibilities that they can handle. Neglecting self-care. Those with a savior complex tend to prioritize the needs of others over their own. Dependency. People who constantly rely on the savior figure may become dependent and lose the ability to solve problems or make decisions independently. Strained relationships. Constantly rescuing others can strain personal relationships. Enabling destructive behavior.

In some cases, helping too much can allow destructive behaviors in others, such as addiction or financial irresponsibility. Unrealistic expectations. People with savior complex often set unrealistic expectations, leading to constant disappointment and frustration. Isolation. The constant need to rescue others and isolate individuals who may prioritize their heroic activities over social connections and personal interest. And lastly, a lack of boundaries. Those with a Savior Complex may have a difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries, leading to overextension and further stress. Recognizing these potential pitfalls is the first step in mitigating these effects of the Savior Complex.

It's crucial to strike a balance between helping others and preserving one's own well-being to lead a healthier and more fulfilling life. Now let's talk about the savior complex and some well-known real-life scenarios. Ever heard of Renee Bach? She's a name that you need to know when discussing savior complex. In 2009, this young American started her own charity called Serving His Children in Uganda. Grand dreams and noble intentions fueled Rene Bach's journey from Virginia to East Africa. However, the outcome was far from what anyone could possibly have hoped for. Despite having no medical training, Bach undertook tasks that were required of seasoned health professionals. Her mission was to aid malnourished children

through nutrition therapy programs, but tragically, her lack of experience and knowledge instead led to harm. Over a hundred Ugandan children lost their lives under Bach's care. This heart-wrenching reality serves as an exemplar not only of how unbridled passion can blind us, but also the perilous consequences it can yield when left unchecked. The controversy surrounding Renek's case reverberated globally, sparking fervent debates on social media and beyond regarding the ethics of such actions. Critics argue that her mission wasn't merely a misguided humanitarian effort, but an embodiment of white saviorism. Her example underscores the critical importance

of having qualified individuals handle situations that they're adequately prepared for. This story serves as a chilling reminder that sometimes even well-intentioned help can inflict more harm than good if we aren't vigilant and responsible for our actions. As we witness with the story of Renee Bach, the Savior Complex often intersects with other personality traits and behaviors, creating intricate dynamics in individuals' lives. One common trait that frequently intertwines in the savior complex is perfectionism. Those driven by perfection may feel compelled not only to rescue, but to do it

flawlessly, spiraling into a cycle of unattainable expectations and eventually burnout. Additionally, the savior complex can intersect with people pleasing tendencies. Individuals prone to people pleasing may struggle to set boundaries and resist saying no to requests for help, even at the cost of their own well-being. This combination can lead to a continuous cycle of overcommitment and self-neglect. Recognizing these intersections is vital. It unveils the multifaceted nature of Savior Complex. So now that I've given all that background, let's go through seven strategies for overcoming Savior Complex.

The journey to conquer the Savior Complex is a profound transformation that hinges on self-awareness, introspection, and a genuine commitment to change. Now I'm going to spend some time delving into the pivotal steps to break free from this damaging complex. The first is to cultivate self-awareness. Initiate your journey by recognizing the presence of savior tendencies within yourself. This crucial self-awareness empowers you to identify when you're slipping into the pattern of trying to rescue others. It's about candidly assessing your behavior and motives. Second, engage in self-reflection. Dive into your past experiences and traumas to unearth the origins of your compulsions to save others. Reflect on

your upbringing, early relationships, and significant life events that may have shaped your savior complex. This introspective exploration can unveil the root causes of your behavior. Third, prioritize self-care. Embrace the practice of prioritizing your own well-being without succumbing to guilt. Recognize that self-care isn't selfish. It's an essential aspect of maintaining your emotional and mental health. Establish boundaries and dedicate time to activities that nurture your inner self. Fourth, practice active listening. Acknowledge that not everyone seeks a problem solver. Sometimes people just crave a listening ear and empathy for their experiences and emotions. Rather than rushing to provide solutions, cultivate the art of active listening and

validate the feelings and perspectives of others. Fifth, set firm boundaries. Establishing boundaries is essential to safeguard your personal time and to prevent burnout. Understand your limitations and honor them. Embrace the liberating power of saying no when necessary and exercise mindfulness in your choices. Six, redefine your approach to help and seek healthier ways to support others that don't revolve around rescuing or enabling. Considering offering guidance or assistance when it's genuinely solicited and required. Refraining

from imposing your solutions. And finally, number seven, address the fears that might underlie your compulsion to help, such as the fear of appearing to be uncaring or the fear of conflict. Recognize that your self-worth doesn't hinge solely on being a savior. It's acceptable to allow others to make choices, even if they differ from your advice. Embracing these strategies not only liberates you from the constraints of the savior complex, but paves the way for healthier relationships and personal growth. Now, let's just touch on how do you support someone with savior complex. If you find yourself in a position where a friend, family member, or colleague is grappling with a savior complex, your support can play a pivotal role in their journey towards self-awareness and adopting

healthier helper behaviors. Here are several ways that you can assist them. The first is to have open and non-judgmental communication. Initiate a candid and non-judgmental conversation with the individual. Express genuine concern for their well-being and address your observations regarding their tendency to shoulder excessive burdens. Create a safe place where they feel comfortable sharing their feelings and thoughts without the fear of criticism. Second, offer emotional support. Emphasize that it's entirely acceptable for them to seek assistance and that they not need bear the weight of others' problems alone. Extend emotional support and become a compassionate

listener when they require an outlet to discuss their challenges and frustrations. Third, respect their boundaries. Avoid pressuring them to undergo an immediate transformation. Recognize that conquering a savior complex is a gradual process that may require time to adjust their behavior and outlook. Fourth, share resources such as pertinent articles, books, or online resources such as this podcast that delve into the intricacies of Savior Complex. Equipping them with a deeper understanding of their behavior and offering tools for self-improvement can be immensely beneficial. And finally, fifth, celebrate progress. Recognize and celebrate any stride they make in managing their Savior Complex. Positive reinforcement serves as

a motivating force, encouraging them to persist in their journey of positive change. Assisting someone navigating Savior Complex may present challenges, but your encouragement and empathy can yield significant impacts on their quest to strike a healthier balance between helping others and preserving their own well-being. So I have gone through a lot today. So let me sum this up for you. their own well-being. So I have gone through a lot today. So let me sum this up for you. One of the key things that I want you to take away from today's episode is the need for discovering balance. In the pursuit of aiding others, it's essential to discover a balance that safeguards your own well-being while honoring the autonomy and growth of those you endeavor to assist. Authentic support revolves around granting individuals the space to learn, evolve, and make choices independently.

Remember that meaningful transformation cannot be imposed from the outside. It must emanate from within. Ultimately, finding equilibrium in assisting others represents a voyage of personal growth, self-discovery, and the cultivation of a healthier approach to making a positive impact on the world. of a healthier approach to making a positive impact on the world. It underscores our profound responsibility to ourselves and to one another in nurturing an environment where our growth, resilience, and autonomy can thrive. In essence, the route to becoming a genuine helper lies in embracing the wisdom that as we aspire to rescue others, it's crucially important to allow them the opportunity to rescue themselves. Through this harmonious interplay, we foster not only our own well-being, but also the well-being and development of those

we hold dear. Be mindful of your motivations when you offer assistance. Being a white knight might feel good initially, but genuine support respects autonomy and builds capacity instead of creating dependency. I hope you all enjoyed today's show, and I wanted to thank everyone who wrote in this week, and especially those who listened. Links to the transcript will be in the show notes. Videos are on YouTube at both John R. Miles and Passion Struck Clips. And I have some exciting news that my book, Passion Struck, is now available for pre-order. It comes out in February, and in it, I give you 12 powerful principles for creating your most intentional life.

Advertiser deals and discount codes are in one convenient place at passionstruck.com slash deals. Please support those who support the show. You can sign up for my newsletter at both johnrmiles.com and passionstruck.com. And you can find me on all the social platforms at John R. Miles. You're about to hear a preview

of the Passion Struck podcast interview I did with Dr. John Deloney, who's a best-selling author, mental health expert, and host of the Dr. John Deloney Show. For over two decades, John's immersed himself in research, experienced personal growth, and compassionately guided countless others towards reclaiming their lives from the grip of anxiety. The key to this transformation lies in the power of choices. Six essential choices that pave the way for a non-anxious life. These choices he and I go through as we discuss his brand new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life. The lie that we tell ourselves is, I don't want other people to find

out. And I'm constantly reminding folks, if you're struggling with anxiety, if you're struggling with depression, if you're struggling with food choices and body image issues, the people around you know. The demon there is often, if they truly love you, they will think it's them that's making you uncomfortable and they'll try to solve it. And especially your kids will try to solve it. And so you have a group of people wondering why every time you're in the room, they feel uncomfortable and they think they're crazy. Everybody knows. Everybody can, whether they know it intellectually or they feel it in their body, they know when're crazy. Everybody knows. Whether they know it intellectually or they feel it in their body, they know when you're not all right. And so the greatest gift you can give somebody is to say the words, I'm not all right. Remember that we rise by lifting

others. So share the show with those that you love and care about. And if you found today's episode useful on the Savior Complex, then please share it with someone who could use my words of advice. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so that you can live what you listen. Now, go out there and become passion struck.