Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Saskia Lightstar On How To Create Our Best Self EP 48

Starting point is 00:00:00 The question is, when you wake up in the morning and there's nobody else around, are you happy and are you good to yourself? Or are you saying that I'm a kind person because you're always there for other people and you're happy because you go out drinking or you buy something online. These are all things that make us happy. It's just not very long-term. People need to really sit and think in your soul is your soul happy. Do you wake up excited by the day when you go and do a trivial act? I used to clean the house and be a bit resentful about doing it going, oh, I've got clean the house. Now I put my headphones on, I've got a house cleaning playlist, I turn it on for blast and I am dancing and jumping up and down and making my house clean, not because I have to, but because I love myself so much. I want to sit in a beautiful clean house because it's nice to me and it makes me happy. It changes everything. When you walk your dog, are you walking your dog and looking at your phone or thinking,

Starting point is 00:01:03 God, I need to go home and do this and this and this. Are you looking at the sky? Are you interacting with your dog? You play with your dog. You hugging the trees, you know, there's not one thing I don't do now from a place of joy and kindness. And that's not to say that you can't feel negative emotions. I still get sad, angry, anxious, but because I give myself permission to feel those things instead of numb them, they never last for long. I know how to feel them in the right way now. Welcome Visionaries, creators, innovators, entrepreneurs, leaders and growth seekers of all types to the Passion Struck Podcast. I'm John Miles, a peak performance coach, multi industry CEO, maybe veteran and entrepreneur

Starting point is 00:01:50 on a mission to make Passion Go viral for millions worldwide. In each week, I do so by sharing with you an inspirational message in interviewing I Achievers from all walks of life who unlock their secrets and lessons to become a passion struck. The purpose of our show is to serve you, the listener, by giving you tips, tasks,

Starting point is 00:02:12 and activities. You can use to achieve peak performance and for too a passion driven life you have always wanted to have an angle. Let's become a passion struck. Welcome to today's episode of The PassionStrike Podcast. I'm going to start today's episode out with a quote from Dera Kertz, who's a cancer survivor and author of the book, Fresh Cancer. And I found one of her quotes from this book, Brilliant Inspirational, and a great set up for our discussion today. In it, she says, my life will never be the same after my experience.

Starting point is 00:02:47 And truth be told, I don't want it to be. The fears I face, the growth I had, and the gratitude I learned from my experience is something I never want to forget. It's the something good that came out of the something bad. The important things in life become crystal clear when you hear the C word. When you're forced to look into the eyes of your kids and tell them you've been diagnosed with cancer, it gets pretty real.

Starting point is 00:03:12 But with the realness comes the deep sense of clarity that I hope will travel with me throughout the rest of my life. And that quote is very important because today's guest on the Passion Star podcast is Satya Lightstar, someone whom I met while I was researching authors of cancer books as my own sister was battling pancreatic cancer. And in today's discussion, Satya is going to talk to you about what her life was like prior to the cancer diagnosis, how she was living her life and the ultimate change that cancer brought and why she feels it's such a blessing in her life. We talk about the importance of kindness and that kindness to yourself is where it all needs to start and through that

Starting point is 00:04:02 kindness how you can rebuild so much of the life and existence that you have. He talks about how do you make that initial choice and then after it, what are the steps that you take that make in your life from that point where you want it to be and how the universe and the law of attraction plays its part. Now, let me tell you a little bit more about Sustia Lightstar. She is the cancer misfit spiritual teacher, well-being and happiness coach, and a very inspirational speaker. She screwed up everything in her life to get where she is at today and she'll tell

Starting point is 00:04:42 you it took a lot of mistakes. They'll businesses, divorces, and ultimately being diagnosed with cancer. That led for her to find the willingness to venture down a spiritual path and become the happiest and greatest version of herself she has ever known. After her treatment for breast cancer ended in 2013, Teen found herself struggling to move on. She had beaten cancer only to feel stuck and lost, and in no man's land between who she was before the diagnosis and who she had become as a consequence of surviving the health of treatment.

Starting point is 00:05:21 He felt like a cancer misfit, healed physically, but struggling mentally and emotionally with the trauma shinder. Sat Skiha made it for life purpose to make sure that no other cancer survivor would feel alone and lost in the darkness after treatment as she did. She wrote her book, The Cancer Misfit, as a guide to navigate life after treatment. She calls it on life raft for the next step of the journey, because most people, doctors included,

Starting point is 00:05:51 seem to believe that the cancer journey ends when the treatment does, but for many, that is when the struggle starts. Played by self-ate and self-low-esteem for most of her life, Sasuke has now found a happiness that you will hear about today and self-love. She guides others now on how they also can be happier than they even dreamt possible. She is a testament to the fact you can feel lost or less than and still find a way to that place of happiness,

Starting point is 00:06:25 confidence, and peace. Satsuki calls herself a proud miss fit, a non-conformist, brimming with optimist and a joy that's contagious. She can be usually found roaming before sublundin with her French full dog, Barnaby LaFrench, who you'll meet as well on today's show. Now, let our journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled today to have Sassia Lightstar with me on the Passion Struck podcast. Sassia, it's so great to finally meet you in person. It's lovely to meet you, John. Well, I'm thrilled to have you on

Starting point is 00:07:05 the show and for the listeners or watchers, the way that I found Satya is I was researching for books on cancer survival and more importantly, as you're going through cancer, you know, how does it impact you and what do you do once you get that diagnosis and then once you've gotten it and you're living with cancer, you know, how do you deal with it? Because someone close to me, my sister, is currently going through cancer and that's how I found the book that you wrote. And while I was researching the book, I found a quote that I ended up using led into an episode I did on the power of choice perfectly because whether it's fighting cancer or making the choice that you're going to do something different in your life. Life is all about choices. And so I thought that maybe that was a good starting point for us today. We talked about before the show, you were living in South Africa, and I think

Starting point is 00:08:05 maybe it's good for the listeners and viewers to understand, you know, what was your life like before you got the cancer determination, and then we'll use that as kind of the starting point to then discuss what happened after it and then overcome how your life has changed. So I was living in South Africa. This was 2012 and I had a software label that I was running in South Africa and I had a very party girl, airhead superficial life. My existence revolved around going to trendy places, being with cool people, having good looking boyfriends, fine designer shoes. And I looked on the outside like I was living this really amazing life, but really inside I was not happy. I had very low self esteem, I had insecurity issues, I'd been

Starting point is 00:09:01 battling and eating disorder for a lot of my life. And I think I was sort of trying to project this perfect life to the world that wasn't real at all. So then I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer, it's like the whole facade came tumbling down and I was forced to take a look at my life even though I tried so hard to pretend everything was perfect. Yeah, and I think that there are a lot of people who are in that same situation. And how do you think people get trapped into this? Do you think it's a fear of missing out? Is it want to be part of what appears to be the cool crowd? How do people get into this realm where they're living the life that you

Starting point is 00:09:45 were at that point? I don't even think it's about the trendy places and and and the fear of missing out. I think it's the fact that we all try in our own ways to numb out what's really going on for us because of a lifetime of conditioning that's told us it's not really okay to express what's really going on for you, especially I was born British. So, you know, we've got this whole stiff up a lip thing. I went to you very authoritarian boarding school. You won't allow to express your emotions and doing inner work when I was growing up, that wasn't a thing nowadays, I think for the younger generations they're very lucky because there's so much about mental health and they're given a space to say, you know what, it's okay for you to feel insecure, it's okay for you to be battling with your life. And I think whether it's alcoholism, whether it's partying, whether it's online shopping, we all find our tools and our methods to deny

Starting point is 00:10:47 or just pretend so we don't have to look at what's really going on. Right, and so for you, you get hit with this diagnosis and did you feel at that point that something was wrong or did you just happen to go in for a checkup and it was just hot at that moment? What were the events like leading up to it? I had no idea when I got diagnosed,

Starting point is 00:11:11 it was like I got hit by a freight train. I'd found a lump about a year earlier, I'd gone to get it checked out, it was benign. And my boyfriend at the time said, you might as well just get it removed. So I went to see a specialist just to say, listen, I want to get this benign lump removed. And she did not have a good bedside manner because she said, well, that's fine. I'm just wondering, I'm just worried about the cancer

Starting point is 00:11:34 as to my next to it. And that's how I found out. And because it was such a high stage, it was within a week I was in the hospital and I was having my my left breast removed. In hindsight, and this is my own personal experience, I know, I believe I know why I got cancer, because I remember, you know, I really battled an eating disorder for 15 years, bulimia anorexia, and I used to think and say out loud, and at the time I mentored, that I would rather get cancer than get fat. That was how stuck in the disease of this eating disorder I was. And I do believe that the universe hears us and it's all the law of attraction and what we put out and what we think and what we

Starting point is 00:12:19 believe is essentially what we are going to bring back to us. And I kept saying it. So to be honest, I couldn't really be surprised that I got it. It was almost like I asked for it. Those disorders that you had before it are terrible disorders. And I think they're similar in some ways to someone who's got PTSD or other invisible illnesses. Because on the outside, for some who doesn't know that you have it probably

Starting point is 00:12:47 would not see it. And for you, were you doing it because in securities by how you looked or was it more, was it more inner than that even as well? People with eating disorders think it's about off physical appearance, but it's about the pain that we're feeling within and not wanting to build that pain. And basically, you know, an eating disorder is considered an addiction. It's a behavioral addiction rather than a chemical addiction, but it's no different

Starting point is 00:13:14 to alcoholism or drug addictions or anything else. Again, it's just a way of coping with negative emotion. If you projected all on to how much you eat and control your weight, and it's almost like again, you're distracting yourself from what's really going on. But because mine was eating sort of, so everything was very physical, obsessed for me, when the cancer took one breast and all my hair, which was the two things that I thought gave me myself worth, you know, was my great cleaver to my great hair. I couldn't hide behind physical appearance anymore. I had to look within. I gave myself self-worth from outside appearance.

Starting point is 00:13:58 When I didn't have that, I had to look within and try and find worth from somewhere else. Okay. And if someone at this point in time before you had the cancer knew you, how would they have described you? Like, if they met you when you were out at a club or at a bar or something like that, were you kind of like the life of the party? Very, very, very much the life of the party, the instigator of all the fun, but at the same time very selfish, very self-centred, the whole world revolved around me. So when you were going through this, did you do it in South Africa, or did you come back for treatment at the United Kingdom? No, I had my cancer treatment in South Africa. You were with this group of friends that you thought you had at that time.

Starting point is 00:14:45 What was their reaction like and more importantly support system like as you were going through this? Did you find that people you thought were friends weren't or how did that manifest itself? It's interesting. For a long time, I did think that. I thought that the friends I thought I had weren't my friends because I suddenly got this diagnosis and the party friends disappeared. But in hindsight, cancer is a really scary thing. And I think it's such a big thing that a lot of people don't know how to cope with it.

Starting point is 00:15:21 And sometimes people don't cope in the best way, but it doesn't mean they're bad people. Fear makes us do strange things. And I think now when I look back, a lot of people just, because I was this extreme party person, and suddenly I was this shell of my former self, you know, bald hiding at home, covering up all my mirrors like, I think it was maybe too much for people. I was very lucky. My mum flew out from the UK and lived with me for six months and helped me through treatment, but it felt like a very lonely time. But I think more than anything, that's because it doesn't matter if you're surrounded by a hundred people when you're going through cancer treatment. It's such a personal experience and as much as people offer their support, it's so personal,

Starting point is 00:16:11 you know, that you essentially are still going through it by yourself. Well, I mean, having been in the room with someone who's getting chemotherapy, oftentimes they don't want another person in the room, but you know it is a personal thing because you're you're having to live with the repercussions of it and how you feel afterwards etc and you know it's hard to express to someone who's not gone through it what what that's like in any way I and I think as we talked about before the show you know my sister is going through this right now, and this probably, I've heard third round,

Starting point is 00:16:50 hopefully her last six chemos, but she's on an extremely powerful one, because yeah, pancreatic cancer, hopefully, they've gotten rid of all the cells, but they're trying to do the most robust that they possibly can. And for her, completely wipes her out for about a week. And luckily, they're doing it in two weeks segments.

Starting point is 00:17:12 But I think she feels isolation because when she's going through that, she feels so bad, there's times she can't even barely get out of bed, et cetera. And feels constant fatigue, Things that I'm sure you went through as well. I think it's also important to note that it's equally hard for you, for the people around the cancer patient, because you're watching your sister go through this, and I'm sure you want it to be able to say something and know what to say, but it's so impossibly hard to work out what that is.

Starting point is 00:17:48 You know, and I think we replace so much attention on the patient, the person going through it. But I think it's important also to acknowledge that the people that love that person also are going through it and so helpless, because there is nothing they can say. Well, I, in my case, you know, I'm one of these people who just can't sit back and just walk. So I remember after hearing her on the phone, going to the deployment and, you know, she had not been feeling well for a couple weeks up to this, but she thought she had, you know, maybe a pile-docked issue. And then when you get the words, you've got pancreatic cancer, your life flashes

Starting point is 00:18:30 in front of you because the odds, especially with that cancer are not good. And I tell it helped us. So what I started to do was just all kinds of research. I called it in pancreatic cancer because I started reading everything I could, you know, which is how I found your book in you. But also, you know, how do you change your eating habits? I went one of the first things I did is, you know, I was lucky a couple of years

Starting point is 00:18:55 ago to interview a doctor named Stephen Gundry, who is one of the foremost experts in the world on .hell. And so, you And so sometimes God, I think, puts people in your lives for a certain reason. So I went directly to him and I said, what should she change about her diet? He goes, find my book, tell her to read these two chapters. And so she changed her diet. Then I found, homeopath, I hear exactly what you're saying,

Starting point is 00:19:24 because there was nothing I could do to help her. But I think, you know, because she was willing to let the universe help her, it ended up doing it and it ended up saving her life. So I completely agree with what you said about the law of attraction. I actually did an episode on it and I focused on some of the positive things. You know, you could look at Skiro Lindsay Vaughan, Will Smith the actor, Conor McGregor, the fighter, Oprah Winfrey, you know, who all believe in their success as tied to the law of attraction. But as you brought out as well, if you are bringing negativity in your life, what do you think you're going to get in return? Negativity. So you get the cancer diagnosis, you're going through it and sometimes people think, you know, once they've had cancer, it's over. Through that quote that I've read to you and

Starting point is 00:20:20 was in the intro to the show, he said that one of the things that she wanted to focus on is to make sure she remembered the feeling of what it was like to have cancer and to have that change that it caused in her be a lifelong aspect. Now, is that something that you felt the same way about and is that part of the read as in you wrote the book? No, so I wrote the book, the Cancer Misfit, because what I went through, I couldn't find a book about. So from my experience, when I was diagnosed with cancer, I described it as I went into automatic, I went into survival mode. Like my emotions shut off, it was like, okay, I've got cancer, I don't want to die. What do I do?

Starting point is 00:21:05 And it was just, it was almost like I was a robot. And I just did what I had to do. And I remember everyone going, God, you're so brave. And it wasn't that I was brave. It was just that I was numb and I wasn't feeling anything. And then the treatment ended and the doctor said, right, the treatment's over. You can go back to normal. So I did that because I thought, you know, I'm going to do what the doctor told me and I tried can go back to normal. So I did that because I thought you know I'm going to do what the doctor told me and I tried to go back to normal but there's no going back after cancer and there is sure as hell no normal after cancer. So my battle was after treatment. I'd lost sense of who I was. I didn't know how to move on. My life had been cancer

Starting point is 00:21:46 treatment for two years. It had revolved around that suddenly. That was gone and it was like, no doctor tells you what comes next. Nobody prepares you. Nobody says to you, listen, you might suddenly get overcome with emotion. Nothing. Treatment finishes. I go back to my life. I get suddenly, I'm not in survival mode anymore, and I get the tsunami of emotions that just knocked me off my feet, and I fell into a deep, deep depression after cancer. I would look life after treatment, support after treatment,

Starting point is 00:22:21 and I couldn't find anything. There's so much but when you're diagnosed and you're going through it and then suddenly just because you've finished the treatment it's like you're done. So my book is to catch survivors for that bit. When you don't know what's next or how you're feeling or who you are anymore, that's why I wrote the book. It was a good two or three years that I was quite a lost soul, maybe two years, I'd say. And it was that rock bottom. For me, that made me think, okay, you know what,

Starting point is 00:22:53 I need to find a way out of this. And that's when my journey really began. And so when you were hitting that rock bottom, what were some of the thoughts that were going through your head? Like, what were you telling yourself in that moment? Before you made the choice that you were going to do something different? I'd wake up every morning, so disappointed that I'd woken up. I would just wish that my life was over.

Starting point is 00:23:17 I didn't see any point of living. I thought I was convinced the best years of my life were before cancer when I was this beautiful bombshell living this crazy rock and roll life. And anything that was gonna come afterwards was just gonna be mediocre and nothing. And so what was the impetus that caused you to make the choice? And then for you, what was that moment like

Starting point is 00:23:45 when you decided, you know, I'm gonna do things differently? How did that manifest itself? I suppose really it was baby steps, the beginning, which I always tell my coaching clients is I just found the willingness. I just found the willingness. I just said, okay, you know what? I'm gonna be willing to try something to turn my life around and literally started with a book by Louise Hay to me. She's like the self help pioneer and I read her book. And I think that was sort of the very beginning of my journey into things, my body, spirit,

Starting point is 00:24:26 wellness, spirituality. And that was just my first step on the spiritual path. And I've never taken my foot off that path ever since. And that was probably what, six years ago, five years ago. So the motto I use for the show, as I say, you have to make a choice, work hard, and every day, and step into your sharp edges, do things each day that scare you. So for you, you made that choice. I like how you said you never took your foot off the pedal, but I'm sure as you were taking those steps, you started running into some things, either you didn't like about yourself, or periods you had, or other things that were scary for you. What were some of those that the listeners could relate to that you had to deal with, and how did you do about that?

Starting point is 00:25:15 Wow. So many. I think the biggest one for me was overcoming how I felt about myself. So what I would do is, and this was one of the things that Louise Hay teaches, and it's called mirror work. And when I first started doing it, it felt like a load of crap. It felt insincere. I felt like I was lying. I literally would take a hand mirror every morning, and I would look at myself in the mirror, not at my imperfections and the way my bags were under my eyes, but into

Starting point is 00:25:46 my soul, into my eyes. And I would say, Saskia, I love you. I really, really love you. At the beginning for the first few weeks, I just cried because I'd never said a kind thing to myself in my life. Say lovely things to everyone else. never, never told myself, I love myself. And that was such a huge journey for me because I have never stopped saying that for the past five years, I've said it every morning to the point where I've literally rewired my brain. And I literally had overhills and love with exactly who I am. And to go from somebody who, you know, had needing disorder and self-harmed

Starting point is 00:26:27 because of the self-hate, who now adores the ground she walks on and would never do anything to her herself, it's proof that these things, like you said, it's so essential that you integrate something into your life every day. You're not ever going to read a self-help book or listen to a podcast and go,

Starting point is 00:26:46 cool, I've got the answer, my life's going to be great now. It's not going to happen. You might feel that way. The first week after you've read a brilliant self-help book, but unless you implement the things that they tell you every day, it's like anything. It's like if you go to the gym and you get your perfect body and you work out and you get your perfect body, you don't suddenly go, well, I've got a perfect body now, I don't need to go to the gym anymore. You've got to keep maintaining it. It's the same thing. My spiritual practice is as important to me every day as brushing my teeth. And because I have that, I don't get over

Starting point is 00:27:20 one by fear anymore. I don't even know what self hate is. I have self acceptance, I have confidence, I have serenity, I have joy, I have all these things because of the work I do in my life every day. And how has it impacted who you allow into your life and has that changed? Yeah, absolutely. Boundaries, I learnt boundaries, I love boundaries, I learnt how to say no with loving kindness. Didn't even know that you could. I was such a people pleaser, I was so insecure, I said yes to everyone, and now I say no because I learnt, I have to be number one on the list of my priorities, not in a selfish way, but it's like in the aeroplane, they say put your life jacket on first. You can't be there for have to be number one on the list of my priorities, not in a selfish way, but it's like in the

Starting point is 00:28:05 aeroplane they say put your life jacket on first. You can't be there for anyone else if you're not at your best. So I put down the boundaries to make sure I am my best and then everyone around me benefits all the more from that. You know, there are so many just amazing tools and tricks that I've learned now that I lit, I don't even know who that human being was before cancer. It's like it's a stranger that I definitely wasn't or had anything to do with. Did you know that Forbes magazine recently cited that 70% of individuals who do personal development masterminds and one-on-one coaching benefited from better work performance, increased communication skills, and overall better relationships. And we at PassionStruct are obsessed with self-development, coaching, and mentorship.

Starting point is 00:29:01 That is why we've created a free resource to help you unlock your hidden potential. Because people doing great things in business and life are just like you, only they've had a coach along the way. And we've got that cover too. Let us show you the systems and frameworks that we teach, both minded individuals, to help them step into their sharp edges, both minded individuals to help them step into their sharp edges, execute on their passion journeys and get predictable results time and time again. Go to passionstruck.com slash coaching right now and let's get igniting. If you were to tell a listener your life before to your life now, now that you've embraced this new chapter, how is life different and more positive

Starting point is 00:29:48 for you? It sounds dramatic and extreme, but I used to live in hell and now I live in heaven. I'm a happiness coach. My Instagram just exudes joy. I'm literally just doing videos to tell people how to be happy and just spreading the joy that I'm feeling. I'm free. I'm not held back by all that stuff that used to weigh me down. And because I believe in myself and I now believe anything is possible, crazily as it is, I read that Louise Hay book and now I am an author of Hay House, her publishing house. I'm one of the authors. That's the turnaround I did. You know, I didn't think I would accomplish or amount to anything. I thought especially with the Councillor and now I've completely transformed my life and what I want your listeners or viewers to know is everyone can have a second chance.

Starting point is 00:30:49 We all can do it. You can turn your life around. It doesn't matter what you've been through because if I could, after all the crap and how I was just really a waste of space that I've become just really a waste of space that I've become an established coach and a hayhouse author and happy if I can do it anyone can. And I want to inspire other people and give them hope because essentially all you need is hope. That's great. And for those who may be listening or watching the podcast the first time I do these interviews that we put out on Tuesdays and then on Fridays I do personal messages that I call momentum Fridays. And the very first episode I ever did after the origin episode was on the concept of you have to

Starting point is 00:31:45 on the concept of you have to first take that step of addressing the brutal reality of whatever is going on in your life. And I used the backdrop of an American famous admiral named Admiral James Stockdale, who spent seven plus years in the Hanoi-Kilton Medal of Honor winner constantly tortured himself. Yet when I was at the Naval Academy, he spoke to us and he said, in retrospect, it's the same thing Senator John McCain said as well.

Starting point is 00:32:17 They felt that that captivity was the best thing that ever happened to him. Oftentimes, that's what cancer victims or people who've had serious illness as well, because it forever changes the outlook and how they live their life. But until you're willing to face that brutal reality of whatever is going on, whether it's in eating disorder or drinking issue, you living a fake life, whatever it is, until you're willing to face it, which is why I made it the first episode, the other things can't happen. So, you know, the next thing to me is you got to make that choice.

Starting point is 00:32:53 And you've done both. And, you know, I think it's important for the listeners to hear is the other side of it is a life that you never thought you could possibly have, and you're now accomplishing things that you never would have thought possible before. So if a listener's out there and they're kind of sitting back and going, this sounds like a lot, what would you tell them is like the starting point? Like how do you get to that moment

Starting point is 00:33:21 where you start telling yourself, I love you. I mean, does it take reaching a low or do you think someone can start today regardless of where they're at in their life? It doesn't matter where you're at for sure. And what people have to realize is unfortunately, in the world we live in, we've been spoiled, so we all expect instant gratification. Now you can just push by now, and by the next day you receive what you wanted, transforming your inside and how you feel about yourself doesn't work like that. People stay in their comfort zone. The thing is, happiness is right on the edge of your comfort zone. It's not very far out. It's like a tiptoe

Starting point is 00:34:02 step out, but that's what people have to realize. So yes, at the beginning, when you brush your teeth in the morning and then you look in the mirror and say, I love you, your name, I really, really love you, you are going to feel like an idiot, you're going to feel incredibly uncomfortable and you're going to feel like you're lying to yourself. But if you are persistent and don't give up and keep doing it every day, one day, whether it be a month down the line or five months down the line, you're going to suddenly go, okay, I'm actually okay with saying that.

Starting point is 00:34:37 And then from there, maybe another month down the line or another four months down the line, you're going to look in the mirror and go, wow, actually, you know what, I really dig myself and it just builds and builds and builds. That's the thing. You can start anyway, you can start with a self-help book as long as you, you know, 10 minutes of meditation a day. And if you're not into meditation, that's cool. We all have our own toolbox of what works for us. And I always say that to my clients. We go through different tools so they can find what works for them and use that. Well, I think that's great. And I tell my clients many of the same things because we're each different and you've got to find what works for you. Yeah. So now that you went through this

Starting point is 00:35:23 and you wrote the book, what is the one thing or maybe handful of things that has really helped you ignite this new career that you have? What's caused it to unleash itself in the way that it has for you? I've connected myself to everything through meditation, through my spiritual practice, the law of attraction, believing, trusting, having faith. I think what's very important is you have to have something that you believe in, whether that's God, you don't have to be religious, it could be Mother Earth, it could be the universe, but I think everyone, we're so isolated and separate and I think everyone has to have a power bigger than themselves that they can connect to so that when they're struggling they always have this

Starting point is 00:36:12 this source to tap into and to reach out to. I think that's very important. Self-belief more than anything because if you don't believe in yourself, how do you ever expect anybody else to? The only reason I got that publishing deal was because I believed I would. That's it. I'm not the most incredible writer in the world, but I believed. If you can't afford to let some seed of doubt, that inner critic is lying to you. My inner critic used to rule my life. Everything. You sound like an idiot. You'll never amount to you. My inner critic used to rule my life, everything. You sound like an idiot, you'll never amount to anything, you look, crap in what you're wearing. I don't even hear my

Starting point is 00:36:52 inner critic anymore because I know my inner critic is a liar and I don't have to pay any attention to it. So if anyone out there, if you want to be somebody, if you want to do something, don't let your inner critics avatars that. Just tell your inner critics to bugger off. Tune into your heart and keep doing what you want to do, keep believing in yourself and you will make it happen. Yes, I was recently taking a course that went from February to the end of May and it was with Lorde State's School of Business and we were lucky enough to have a lady who came and talked to us at the beginning of each class. And when she gave her title and said she was a kindness coach, I kind of took a step back and said,

Starting point is 00:37:36 what the heck is a kindness coach? But as I got through her framework, over the six, seven different weeks that she came in and talked to us, many of it parallels to your story because, you know, as she talked about her framework, birth, birth, and you have to be kind to is yourself. Because if you're not kind to yourself, it's going to be very difficult to be kind to others. And, you know, part of the exercises that she started to make us do was to do random

Starting point is 00:38:07 acts of kindness for yourself and then to others, then in the way that you were even doing Instagram or Facebook posts, because you know, I think one of the things that she pointed out very clearly is that so much of what's out there is done through ego or showmanship instead of true kindness because one of my favorite quotes she said is when you do an act of kindness to get someone to do something for you, it's a showmanship. Kind of stuff with me because how often are people kind to you because they want something instead of truly being kind for the sake of kind, or the reason it's supposed to be.

Starting point is 00:38:54 But I think your story is so beautiful because you became kind with yourself. And through that, it's even allowed you, as you said earlier, to change the narrative, or even when you're saying, no, you're doing it for kindness, not through mean spiritiness. And so I think that that's a very important lesson for all the listeners out there. You had something that you were going to say on the importance of kindness, what would it be? Well, I think I do what I do now for a living and I have my career now because I have found such happiness and peace that it is my duty means to be kind and to be happy. But if you're

Starting point is 00:39:45 not looking within, then the kindness and happiness that you think, the question is, when you wake up in the morning and there's nobody else around, are you happy and are you good to yourself? Or are you saying that I'm a kind person because you're always there for other people and you're happy because you go out drinking or you buy something online. These are all things that make us happy. It's just not very long term. People need to really sit and think, in your soul, is your soul happy? Do you wake up excited by the day when you go and do a trivial act? I used to clean the house and be a bit resentful about doing it going, oh, I've got clean the house.

Starting point is 00:40:27 Now, I put my headphones on, I've got a house cleaning playlist, I turn it on full blast, and I am dancing and jumping up and down and making my house clean, not because I have to, but because I love myself so much, I want to sit in a beautiful clean house because it's nice to me and it makes me happy. It's like it changes everything. You know, when you want your dog, are you walking your dog and looking at your phone or thinking, God, I need to go home and doing this and this and this. Are you looking at the sky? Are you interacting with your dog? You

Starting point is 00:41:00 play in with your dog. You hugging the trees, you know, there's not one thing I don't do now from a place of joy and kindness. And that's not to say that you can't feel negative emotions. I still get sad, angry, anxious, but because I give myself permission to feel those things, instead of numb them, they never last for long. I know how to feel them in the right way now, if that makes any sense. No, it makes perfect sense. I did an episode as well on something that I call the mosquito principle.

Starting point is 00:41:34 I think we need to do mosquito audits in our life. And I call the three mosquitoes, the things that are pain in the ass, the things that are blood suckers,, the things that are blood suckers, where the things that are suffocators and visible suffocators in your life, and they're not only people, their activities, influences, other things that you do, that whether it's knowingly or unknowingly, or taking away from the life you could be leading. And for you, if you had to think about that mosquito audit, what

Starting point is 00:42:06 is something that you've removed from your life that's actually made you happier or more productive that others could learn from? I don't believe in restriction. I believe in moderation, for sure. For example, I don't really have a lot of sugar or refined flour now as a cancer survivor, but if I fancy an ice cream, I'm going to treat myself and make myself very happy and have an ice cream. If somebody is unkind to me, I don't cut them out of my life because people have bad days, but I also don't have to stand there and take it either, and I've learned that I am allowed to put myself first and walk away from a situation.

Starting point is 00:42:45 If somebody's provocative and trying to start an argument, the old me would react, and now I don't react, I'm just like, okay, you know what, I'm gonna step out, we can talk about this tomorrow. I don't drink as much alcohol, but I didn't deliberately choose to do any of these things. I think because I became happier and more at peace, it all naturally I find undus itself. If you just do these little things every day, I don't believe you have to consciously go, okay, well this isn't

Starting point is 00:43:14 working for me, so I have to cut it out. Once you build trust with God or the universe or whatever it is, and say, God universe, this part of my life doesn't work for me. I don't know what to do. And you trust the universe takes care of it for you. Because I think that I believe very strongly as we're all so busy trying to control our lives, but we don't necessarily know what's right or wrong for ourselves, because we have no perspective. We are us. We don't step outside ourselves to see the whole picture

Starting point is 00:43:45 to know that guy is not right for me or that job is actually good for me when I don't think it is. So sometimes what I have done is I have let go of control and I have handed it to God. I have given the control to the universe. My life is a lot better when the universe is driving rather than when I am driving. So if there's something that is hurting you, holding you back, get, like you said, and how you teach, get open and honest about it, and then ask for help, and hand it over. And if you trust organically, I believe things happen that give you the answers that you're seeking.

Starting point is 00:44:23 I couldn't say it any better. That was a wonderful answer. So as you meet cancer victims now, or if you would meet someone who's going through it, now that you've been through this and the aftermath of it, what advice would you give someone right now if they were just diagnosed? Okay, number one, be kind to yourself. And if you don't know how to do that, now is the perfect time to learn. Number two, patience. Don't rush yourself. Don't rush yourself to feel better after a chemo session, don't rush yourself to be the life for your children and everybody. You just do you and you be honest to you about how you're feeling and don't put yourself under any pressure and reach out because there is a try about that of people that are feeling the same way as you. And I know social media a lot of the time gets a very bad rap for me a lot of the time,

Starting point is 00:45:25 because I feel like it deprives people of living, but at the same time, if you're somebody who's just been diagnosed with cancer, you go on Instagram or Facebook and you type in cancers of either, we're out there, and we want to support each other, and you're not alone. And yeah, be kind to yourself, give yourself as much time as you need and reach out and connect to other people.

Starting point is 00:45:48 Okay, and then for that same person, if they've been through cancer and they reach that point that you did, what would your advice be then? You know, this person who's searching for your very book. Yeah, give up the notion of going back to normal. Just crumple that up and throw that away, because your normal's gone, and that sounds terrible. And I know at the time when you finish treatment, you feel like the half the person you were before, but actually you are bigger, better, more beautiful

Starting point is 00:46:22 than you were before. You just don't know it yet. You just have to let go of who you were and get to know who you are from the very beginning. And then you've got this whole new chapter that can literally blow your minds and I'm living proof of it. Well, I do have to cut a way to a topic that is very meaningful to me.

Starting point is 00:46:42 I'm a huge dog lover. I've got a lab at my feet right now, and Barnaby LaFrench was just left the couch. But so it sounds like for you, one of the things that you really like to do is hiking in nature walks with your bulldog. And for me, it's one of the most special moments in part of my morning routine every single day. And similar to what you said, you know, often people go, you know, you do it three, three and a half mile walk every day with your dog.

Starting point is 00:47:14 And I'm like, yes, like before I do, you know, pretty much anything else. That's the first thing I do. And I use it as a time of self-reflection. I often listen to other podcasts and other things, but for me it's also that time that you get to connect with your best, you know, your animal, your best friend. Yeah. And reward both them and yourself. Did you have dogs before or or is this a new thing for you? No, this is my favorite topic to you by the way, and I just have to bring them in now. Come here, baby. This is going to be the French for all of you is. this is my favorite topic to you, by the way, and I just have to bring him in now. Come here, baby. This is Barnaby, the French for all of you, as this is my best friend in the whole world. Can your dog every morning, is like spiritual practice?

Starting point is 00:47:56 You know, spending time with a dog who's so innocent and connected to everything is spiritual practice, I've always had French ball dogs. I've had them for about 15 years. I'm obsessed with them because they look like ridiculous backpigs. And they got me through the cancer as well. As you must know, we're going through what your sister is going through, having your companion by your feet, with an unconditional love. My God, there's nothing to it. There's nothing better. And actually, Barnaby started writing books as well now. He's decided that he wants to spread love and light. So he started writing children's books. What are the books going to be about? They're about a dog that wants to spread love and light all around the world. Well, that's great.

Starting point is 00:48:42 And how did you come up with his name? Barnaby Laela French, because I'm a bit of a kooky creative and I come up with stuff all the time and I have to say he's been competing with me on Instagram. He's got his own page and he's been trying to beat me on Instagram. And I think he's actually going to do it because he's far cuter than I am. I'll have to, I will definitely have to look him up on Instagram. Yeah, you have to, absolutely. Well, from that standpoint, if someone wants to follow Barnaby LaFrange or yourself, what are some different ways that people can get in contact with both of you? On Instagram, it's saskier.lightstar or Barnaby LaFrench. And then my website issaskierlightstar.com.

Starting point is 00:49:24 Yeah, if anybody just Google Saskilitestar, you'll find me, because I'm pretty much make sure I'm everywhere, because I'm trying to spread as much love and light as possible. And wherever I am, he's always with me, because he's like, we're a bit more like ET and Elliot. We're quite inseparable.

Starting point is 00:49:42 But it's interesting, well, you've got a much more unique name than I do. Unfortunately, when you put John Miles in, and it's something I've been trying to overcome on social media for decades, there was a rock singer from England named John Miles. He has all the first, whenever you go to Google or anything else. So I'm not sure if I'm whatever's, but. No, but I typed in John R miles, right? That's what you know yourself as, right? And you were up there at the top. You're not John

Starting point is 00:50:13 miles, you're John R miles and there's only one of you. That's why I did it. Well, you nailed it. But you got it. You've got the dibs. Nobody else is going to take that one from you. He's he's just boring John Miles. Your John Miles. Well, I do have a great story. I my dad goes by Jack and his name is John and One day I was having a conversation with them and I go, Dad, why do you go by Jack? And he goes? Who would want to be known as John and I go, well, why did you name me John? He goes, because after me, I can't use Jackie because you've already used it. I'm like, how does that logic work at all?

Starting point is 00:50:55 That's funny. Well, I'm going to end today's session by doing a quick lightning round of questions for you. And I would just ask you to try to go with it. So for those of us like myself, who've never been to South Africa, if there was one thing that you would tell someone to visit when they were there, what would it be?

Starting point is 00:51:19 Table mountain. Okay. What is the biggest difference between someone from the UK and someone from South Africa, because oftentimes we over here in the States confused the accents, but having known people from both, I know that there's quite a big difference. Apart from the accents, South Africans are obsessed with bribe, which is barbecue. And there are not more chilled out than the Brits are. Okay. One question I always like to ask is, if you somehow were nominated to be on the mission

Starting point is 00:51:58 of Mars, and when you went there being one of the first people who stepped foot on the planet, you could implement one law, regulation, whatever it may be. What would you put in place for this new humanity that would be on the planet? Easy. Any form of racism or discrimination of any kind is illegal and punishable by putting them in a cannon and blowing them off the planet. And if there was one person who's meant to mord you on this journey, then any other, who would that be in line? Ram Das, who is no longer with us, but without doubt was the most beautiful person

Starting point is 00:52:45 on the whole planet. And I try every day to just try and get this close to how amazing of a human he was. Okay, and on that line, if there was someone who you haven't met before, whether they're living or deceased, who would that be in life? Louise, hey, to say thank you very much for changing my life.

Starting point is 00:53:09 Okay, well that's great. Well, thank you so much for being on the show and sharing some very deeply personal things about yourself that I think any listener or watcher can learn from because I think you summed it up very eloquently that you don't have to be at your low point. You could be wherever you are in your life. And the most important thing is to start showing

Starting point is 00:53:36 personal kindness to yourself and start making the choice that you can live your life in a different way. So I'm very grateful for your message today. Thank you very much for coming on the show. Thank you so much for having me. I'm very, very grateful that you thought of me and you included me.

Starting point is 00:53:52 And thank you for the work that you do, because it's amazing. OK, well, thank you very much. That was a tremendous episode of Sikhaskia Lightstar. And she touched on so many aspects of the lessons that I have been trying to unpack all along the way with the Passion Strike podcast. We talked about one of my first episodes that I did, episode four, like First Solo, Momentum Friday, where I discussed coming to grips with the brutal reality of whatever you're facing in life. We also talked about another episode that I did on the concept of the mosquito principle.

Starting point is 00:54:36 And why conducting a mosquito audit is so important in your life. And I'm following up that mosquito audit episode with a requested episode on what do you do when you find that friends or relationship or toxic or you're just outroin them. And it's another one that you'll want to tune in as well. We then talked about the law of attraction and how putting yourself in the right place with the universe and

Starting point is 00:55:05 make such a profound difference on you receiving the life that you want. Another episode that I did where I talked about life grew the universe and what it's done to some very prominent people and how it can also impact your life. I was very touched to have SESC on the show today. A Pope, Highness, and self-love will touch someone out there and if you know someone who's going through cancer or might have already been through it and you find that today's episode can help them please text them or clear the link on social media so that others can be inspired by today's amazing guest. Thank you and until next time make a choice, work hard, and continue to step into your sharp edges.

Starting point is 00:55:52 Thank you so much for joining us. The purpose of our show is to make Passion Go viral. And we do that by sharing with you the knowledge and skills that you need to unlock your hidden potential. If you want to hear more, please subscribe to the Passion Start podcast on Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher or wherever you listen to your podcast ad. And if you absolutely love this episode, we'd appreciate a five star rating on iTunes, and you're sharing it with three of your most growth-minded friends so they can post it as well to their social accounts

Starting point is 00:56:26 and help us grow our passion start community. If you'd like to learn more about the show and our mission, you can go to passionstruck.com where you can sign up for our newsletter, look at our tools, and also download the show notes for today's episode. Additionally, you can listen to us every Tuesday and Friday

Starting point is 00:56:46 for even more inspiring content. And remember, make a choice, work hard, and step into your sharp edges. Thank you again for joining us. you

Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Saskia Lightstar On How To Create Our Best Self EP 48

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