Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Stefanie Wilder-Taylor on Loving and Leaving Alcohol EP 391

Episode Date: December 26, 2023

https://passionstruck.com/passion-struck-book/ - Order a copy of my new book, "Passion Struck: Twelve Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life," today! Picked by the Next Big Idea Club as a must-read for 2024. On this episode of Passion Struck, host John R. Miles sits down with Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, author and TV personality, to discuss her journey of loving and leaving alcohol through her new memoir "Drunk-ish." Stephanie shares her experiences with alcohol, from her early introduction to it in high school to how motherhood influenced her drinking habits. She opens up about the pivotal moment that led her to quit drinking for good and the challenges she faced along the way. Join us as we delve into Stefanie's inspiring narrative of recovery and self-realization. Full show notes and resources can be found here:  Sponsors This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.betterhelp.com/PASSIONSTRUCK, and get on your way to being your best self. Brought to you by Indeed: Claim your SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLAR CREDIT now at Indeed dot com slash PASSIONSTRUCK. Brought to you by Lifeforce: Join me and thousands of others who have transformed their lives through Lifeforce's proactive and personalized approach to healthcare. Visit MyLifeforce.com today to start your membership and receive an exclusive $200 off. Brought to you by Hello Fresh. Use code passion 50 to get 50% off plus free shipping!  --► For information about advertisers and promo codes, go to: https://passionstruck.com/deals/ Embracing Your Firsts in Sobriety: A Guide Inspired by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor's Journey In her candid and humor-laced memoir, "DRUNK-ISH: Loving and Leaving Alcohol," Stefanie Wilder-Taylor narrates her tumultuous relationship with alcohol, offering insights and inspiration for those embarking on their sobriety journey. Drawing from her experiences and revelations, this guide focuses on navigating 'firsts' in sobriety - a series of milestones that can be both challenging and rewarding. All things Stefanie Wilder-Taylor: https://stefaniewildertaylor.com/    Take a look at my solo episode on Unlocking Your Success: The Habit Stacking Revolution: https://passionstruck.com/unlocking-your-success-habit-stacking-revolution/ Watch my interview with Dr. Jud Brewer On Breaking Anxiety Shackles And Rewiring Habits: https://passionstruck.com/dr-jud-brewer-on-breaking-anxiety-shackles/ Watch my interview with Dr. Elise Hallerman On the journey to Soulbriety: https://passionstruck.com/dr-elisa-hallerman-reconnect-with-your-soul/ Catch my interview with Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad On How To Navigate Isolation, Loneliness, And Its Impact On Health: https://passionstruck.com/julianne-holt-lunstad-isolation-loneliness/ My solo episode on The Science Of Healthy Habits: https://passionstruck.com/podcast/science-of-healthy-habits/ Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally! How to Connect with John Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMiles and on Instagram at @john_R_Miles. Subscribe to our main YouTube Channel Here: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles Subscribe to our YouTube Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@passionstruckclips Want to uncover your profound sense of Mattering? I provide my master class on five simple steps to achieving it. Want to hear my best interviews? Check out my starter packs on intentional behavior change, women at the top of their game, longevity, and well-being, and overcoming adversity. Learn more about John: https://johnrmiles.com/ 

coming up next on Passionstrike. My first book was called Sippy Cups or not for Shardinay. It was my brand. My brand was joking about being like a wine mom. There was like a dark side to it. There were blog posts I wrote kind of drunk. There were emails that I sent out drunk. Every night after the kids went to bed,

there was just buying things drunk on the computer. And this happy kind of, oh, it's fun to parent and have a glass of wine was not exactly what I was doing. I was having four glasses of wine and feeling like crap the next day. And like you said, not performing at my best and definitely not living my best life. And just feeling sad all the time and discontent and not understanding why and victim me like, how did I get here?

Welcome to PassionStruct. Hi, I'm your host, John Armiles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews, the rest of the week with guest-ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello everyone!

Welcome back to Episode 392 of PassionStruck, consistently ranked by Apple, it's the number one alternative health podcast, and thank you to all of you, come back weekly to listen and learn, how to live better, be better, and impact the world. I am so excited to announce that my new book PassionStruck was selected by the next big idea club, is one of their must read books for 2024. It's now available for preorder and you can find it at Amazon or at PassionStruct.com or slash PassionStructBook, where you can get access to over 300 dollars free gifts that I've curated for my community if you preorder a book. If you're new to the show, thank you so much for being here, or you simply want to introduce this to a friend

or a family member, and we so appreciate it when you do that. We have episodes starter packs which are collections of our fans favorite episodes that we organize in convenient playlists that give any new listener a great way to get acclimated to our show. Either go to Spotify or PassionStruck.com slash starter packs to get started. In case you missed it, earlier in the week I interviewed MT Conley, an elder justice expert and MacArthur Genius Grant recipient. Her transformative work in aging and elder care has reshaped policy, research, and practice, offering a new lens through which we view the golden years.

And if you liked today's episode or Empty Conley's, we would truly appreciate a five-star rating and review and sharing the show with your friends and family. They go such a long way to bringing more people into the passion-struck community, and I know we and our guests love to hear from our listeners. As we approach the cusp of a new year, the time synonymous with resolutions and transformative pledges like dry January, our next episode features an incredibly candid and resilient guest, Stephanie Wildertaler. Stephanie's journey is a powerful narrative of transformation and a deep dive into the

complexities of motherhood and the deceptive comfort of alcohol. For Stephanie, alcohol began as a companion in her high school days, evolving into a seemingly indispensable ally through the ups and downs of her motherhood. It was her go-to for stress relief, social lubricant, and a way to make life's adversities more bearable. Yet over time, Stephanie began to question her relationship with alcohol. Was there struggle with moderation, a solitary battle? Was it normal to lean on alcohol for enjoying life's simple moments? These questions led Stephanie

to a pivotal moment in her life. Facing the potential of losing everything she cherished, she chose to redefine her rock bottom, take a brave step toward sobriety. Her upcoming memoir, Drunkish, which publishes January 16th, is not just a farewell to her dependence on alcohol, but an invitation to understand sobriety beyond the stigmatized stereotypical labels. Stephanie's story is one of empowerment and enlightenment, highlighting the often overlooked mummy wine culture, and its normalization of problematic drinking behaviors. She shed light on the perils of relying on substances like alcohol and prescription medication, to navigate the challenges of life, particularly postpartum anxiety and the societal pressures of motherhood. In today's episode,

Stephanie will delve into the critical moments of her journey, from choosing her own version of when she hit rock bottom to overcoming the slippery slope of substance abuse. We'll explore how she navigated the myriad, so we're first and reshaped her mental outlook to make sobriety a sustainable part of her life. Her experience is a testament to the fact that alcoholism doesn't have a defined profile, that recovery is a deeply personal, unique journey. Stephanie Walder Taylor is not Stephanie, is not just an offer and TV personality, but a source of hope for many face and similar struggles. Join us as we explore her inspiring narrative, gaining insights, not only into the challenges she faced,

but also the strategies and wisdom she discovered and her path-recovering self-realization. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me. Be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled and honored today to have Stephanie Walder-Taler, my passion struck. Welcome, Stephanie.

Thank you so much, John. I'm really excited to do your show. I am so excited for you to be here. And today, as we get further into the interview, we're going to be talking about your upcoming book, Drunkish, a memoir of loving and leaving alcohol, which I can't wait to get into. However, I like to give the audience a chance to get to know my guest. And so I thought I would ask some background questions for you. And your comedian, I have just gotten done doing an improv class, which I loved. But to me, the thought of doing stand-up comedy is truly life-threatening. How did you jump into this

at the age of your early 20s knowing that this is something you wanted to do? Well, that's funny that you would ask me that because I was just talking about stand-up with one of my friends. I don't do stand-up anymore. It is terrifying. I'm just going to be real with you. It was terrifying the first time and it's been terrifying every subsequent time that I did stand up and I did it for 20 years. So it's really hard. I think that so my father, my biological father was a stand up comedian, his name is Stanley Myron Handelman. us in the late 50s, the 60s, and into the early 70s. And so when I was a little kid, I had a father who was like doing the talk shows,

Merv Griffin and DeMartin. And I remember thinking it was really cool and I was raised in a house with a lot of humor. And when I was a teenager, I loved to be made to laugh. I loved comedy and I loved comedy records. I played my Robin Williams album and my Steve Martin albums and over and over. So I always had it in my mind. That was dream, but I was very scared to try it, really scared to try it.

And in fact, I took an improv class before trying stand up because I thought, well, I could be funny with other people that seems less threatening than just being on stage by myself. And then that was so through those sort of baby steps that I wrote myself three minutes. That's it. Three minutes. I had it timed exactly. I had an opening joke. I had every line of it completely rehearsed. And then I have six Roman coaks and got up and tried it. It's interesting to me is I've read about even some of the top comedians that they are. Let's take Jerry Seinfeld or Steve Martin, how they are constantly writing jokes. And then they go to sometimes just public standup, get together, is where they're just trying to constantly test whether something's going to work or not.

Is that something you found you had to do as well? Well, I spent many years doing open mic nights. And the thing that I noticed was that I didn't like that part of it. I didn't like the going up on stage and trying a joke and not being sure it was going to work. I hated the feeling of bombing more than anything, but I liked the feeling of hanging out with other comedians and being funny and writing jokes. So it turned out that I liked writing a lot better

than I liked the actual performance parts. Yeah, I was never one of those people that was just hanging out at the clubs hoping to get on. It was like, I only did that for the first couple of years and it was such a slog. And when I eventually, maybe like years into doing stand up, I got a job writing on a game show. And it was at that moment that I was like, oh my God, this is what I was meant to do. I can write jokes. I was writing jokes for the host, but they have to go do it. They have to go stand on stage in front of the audience with my joke, not being sure if it's going to work. They have to take the risk. I didn't like the risky part of it. I think I would prefer that much

more like writing jokes for Jimmy Fallon that he has to perform, but I get to write. Now, that's relaxing. And Jimmy Fallon enjoys going up and he doesn't fall apart. I'm sure if a joke doesn't work. I would get a good. No, given the fact he's probably done at this point, 10,000 of them. I got to imagine a good portion of them do fail. However, you brought up Robin Williams and good friends in mind were producers on Goodwill hunting. And they told me about this amazing night where they had Matt and Ben and other members of the crew and Robin was there too. And they, I guess in Boston, their bowling is a little bit different. They use a smaller ball and it doesn't have as many pins.

And they said that Robin turned this bowling alley into a comedy show and he was just always on, always just the life of the party. And they said it was one of the most spectacular experiences that they had ever had and just seeing that interaction and how natural it just came to them. So I wish I could have seen him perform because I imagine every night for him would have been a different experience. Yeah, that's, I have to say I've seen a ton of famous comedians perform and I've never seen Robin perform. But I imagine it is just like you're saying, yeah, that's what I mean, that's what I hear that he's very on.

I'm not. I have even when I was doing improv on days and off days and it is so incredible how what's been transpiring in your day influences that energy level that you bring into it. And even when I was trying to muster the energy to perform some days, it's just like a workout. You just feel flatter than you do on others. And maybe not as mentally sharp. Well, improv is really hard. Honestly, looking back, improv is harder for me than stand up. Because with improv, you have to think of things on the spur of the moment. If you're doing stand up, you write an act.

You can think about it, rewrite stuff, think about how the joke is gonna come across. With improv, my worst thing that I hated was freeze tag. So freeze tag for those that aren't well versed in improv is you start out with a scene and then somebody in the, all the other players sort of line up behind them and then somebody SDL freeze and then just jump in and take the spot of somebody

mid gesture or whatever and make a brand new scene. And you're supposed to constantly go out there and say freeze and then take the person's place. And I never would. I would just be, I would be frozen behind everybody going, I'm not going to be able to think of anything. I know exactly what you mean. And not only did we have to take their part in the scene, but however, they were positioned bodily, we had to do that as well. So if they were leaning back with their left hand, extended in the air, that's how we had to start the scene. And you're right.

It certainly teaches you spontaneous communication, but it can be difficult to put yourself there. I used to write on the show, whose line is it anyway? And that was such a learning experience. So we would write the situations for all the guys, and we would write Drew Carey's hostlines and then we would watch the show and I'm telling you those guys were incredible. It was awe inspiring. Wayne Brady was really writing those songs off the top of his head. I can't pull hats off. I could never do it.

That was such a fun show and yes, just the intellect and how natural they made it appear. It's amazing that it was all natural. Because sometimes I would watch it and wonder where these things pre-rehearsed. But the more I started understanding the show, they just got up there and did their things. They didn't see anything ahead of time. It was treated very respectfully for what it was. They really played by the rules. Actors had no idea what things they were going to be asked to do.

Yeah, amazing. Well, I want to shift into your time becoming a mom because you became a mother. When you were 3637, how did that becoming a mother influence the direction of your career at that point? becoming a mother, influence the direction of your career at that point. Well, so before I got pregnant, I really was not sure that I was ever going to be a parent, not me. And I just wasn't sure. I had done so many things in my career and I'd stand up and I didn't know any other moms and it always seemed a little bit like, I don't know if I really want to commit to this.

Having a baby is a pretty big commitment. I decided I wanted to with my husband and right after we got married, we got pregnant. So I got married a little bit later in life. I was 36 when I got married, I turned 37. During my pregnancy, I was still working. I was writing on TV shows and maybe still doing standup

a little bit. And once I had a baby, it was so hard. I imagined that I would have a baby and I would life would just go on like nothing had happened. That's how I pictured it in my head. I was like, oh, I'll go right back to work. And my baby's going to be the kind of baby that I can go to a party and my baby will sleep on the coats

in the bedroom. And that I can go to a party and my baby will sleep on the coats and in the bedroom. And that was just not how it was. When I had a baby, I was hit with some postpartum depression. I was anxious. I was kind of a wreck. Also the idea of leaving the baby in daycare or with a nanny was very scary to me. So very early on my husband and I decided one of us was gonna have to stay home with the baby

for at least the first year. That's how we had it in our head. And because my husband had a job, they gave him only a couple of weeks off. My husband's in works in TV as well. And the last job that I had worked on went on a hiatus. So it was easier for me to be the one to stay home. So I stayed home.

I got incredibly bored right away. I don't know if looking back, I don't know if it was actual boredom or if it was just anxiety and feeling displaced because I'd always gotten my sense of identity from working and from my coworkers and from producing. And so all of a sudden, I'm just home.

And the only thing I'm producing is milk for this baby and not even doing that well, because I had a horrible time breastfeeding. So I'm like, well, the high point of my day is going to target. And this is no way to live for me. I felt trapped. And like I said, bored, that's how I would have termed it at the time.

So I started a blog. It was the only thing I knew how to do was I had heard about blogging. It was in the kind of early stages. So I tried it myself and it was really old school. It was called blogspot.com. And I sent that blog to a couple of my friends at the time. I was really good friends with Chelsea Handler, the comedian, and my sister, my best friend, Chelsea. And I just told them, hey, I just wrote this thing. I sat down one night at a couple glasses of wine after the baby was in bed and just wrote this one blog post, like 800 words, where I just ranted about motherhood and about how it was like a cult. And I called it the cult of mommy.

And I was like, what is this? What's happened to me? Like all these moms that I meet want to do is talk about the price of vegetables and they're suddenly cutting bangs and wearing blue eyeshadow. That is just not going to be me. Anyway, Chelsea sent that to her agent and her agent called me on the phone and was like, I'm gonna get you a book deal. And I was like, wait, what? What has happened? I thought it was a print call at first. I almost hung up on him. And it was actually

Chelsea's agent. And he actually did get me a book deal six weeks later. I had a deal to write a book. So I just never went back to having a full-time job like that. I ended up with a book and then I wrote another book and then I wrote two more books and it, having a baby was a crazy thing that just completely shook up my life, but it also gave me a whole new career direction. So I'm grateful to my first little money maker. I love that story about the blog because I have a friend Douglas Rushkopf. I'm not sure if you've ever read his stuff, but he wrote this blog. How the billionaires are preparing for the apocalypse, basically, and setting up

their bonkers and stuff like this and this blog post before he knew it had 30, 40,000 views of it. And that became a New York Times best selling book for them. So it's interesting how you put something out there and how you can expand upon it. I want to go into a little bit of life advice from you. And there are a couple of different things I wanted to explore before we get in the book.

The first was, I know a lot of the listeners are facing setbacks. Can you share some of the significant setbacks that you faced, like jobs disappearing or scripts not taking off and how you coped with those challenges? I faced a ton of obstacles in my life. I and you and I were talking before we started recording

and I think that my main thing is I used to face like adversity with a lot of anxiety, just a lot of fighting it. How do I change this? The real thing for me has been figuring out what things that I can control and what things that I really just can't control. And when I can't control things, I try to take a more spiritual approach of just this is going to turn out the way it's going to turn out. And the more that I fight against it, the more that it's not going to work out for me. And yeah, I spent years. One of my first real professional setbacks was my one of my best friends and I in our 20s decided that we were going to write a script together, a screenplay. And we

really set our minds to it. We really set our intention and we didn't just throw anything against the wall. We really, we read screenwriting books and we hunkered down and we really thought through our whole idea. We wrote this script and I had a friend who was an agent, a literary agent and he took us on and he liked the script, but we had so many rounds of notes with it. There were so many times where he was like, I don't think it's there yet. And we would be like, wow, this is crazy. We worked out it so hard. It's been a year. And then we would go, okay, one more effort, we're going to do this. We're going to do one more polish on it. So we finished this script. Our agent

really liked it. He sent it out. People went crazy for it. All of these production companies loved it. We were like the hottest thing we felt like of the month. We had all these meetings. We had like 45 meetings at production companies with companies that were like, we love this script. We, you know, what else do you have? That was the feedback we got. We love this script. We, you know, what else do you have? That was the feedback we got. We love this script. It's a little bit small for us, but what else do you have? But we love you guys. Maybe we want you to help us do some rewriting.

Well, I was thinking in my head where I was like, oh my God, we're gonna get a million dollars against a million dollars. The main thing I was worried about was how my husband was gonna cope with all my success. He was my boyfriend at the time, and I was worried that was how my husband was going to cope with all my success. He was my boyfriend at the time and I was worried that success was going to ruin our happy home. He was going to be intimidated by me being a millionaire.

That was, I'm not being funny. I really did think this was it. This was going to be, and thank God because I meant to be a writer and I meant to be a screenwriter. Anyway, you can probably see where this is going. Out of all of those meetings, nothing came out of it. So because all of these companies had told us, what's your next thing we want to meet with you? We want to have first look at your next project. We wrote a whole second script that was even more sort of high concept. It was about two hookers that are on the run from their

pimp. See, you could not make this now, but at the time, this seemed like a hot idea. So these two hookers that are on the run from their pimp and they go hide out in this little farming community. And we called it horticulture. And of course, they turned this town upside down and they bring anyway, it had heart. It was really hilarious. We finished that script. It took another year. Anyway, it had heart. It was really hilarious. We finished that script. It took another year. We have a few meetings. Nothing happens. I mean, that was a couple of years of my life where I really was like, how do you fail when you've put everything that you have? And I felt like it was such a knock on who I was as a person and my ability to make things happen and what I'm meant to do. And I felt very lost for a long time.

I remember just having to feel that feeling of just, I don't know, I don't know what I'm gonna do. And I had to go back to, I had been working in game shows. And I was like, well, maybe that's all I'm gonna do is work on game shows. And maybe that has to be enough. And I got okay with it. I kind of decided that, hey, I have a great life. I found some gratitude in, this is fun. I like my jobs.

I'm not on a sitcom, but I'm, I was writing on Hollywood squares and whose line is it anyway? Like I said, and I was like, you know what? This is okay. This is an okay life. And I can be happy. I think for me, and this is not really life advice, but I've always been a person that could be happy doing a lot of different things. So I had to go back to that feeling of like, so when I was really young, I was like, I wanna be a lawyer, and then I realized that

if you wanna be a lawyer, you have to go to college and then maybe be on college and take a bar exam. It seemed like a lot of work and not really up for all that hard work. So I changed my mind about that, but I was like, and other things that can make me happy. And for a long time, I was like, I really, really want to be a standup comedian and I can't be happy unless I'm a standup. And then I did stand up for a very long time and realized this isn't actually making me happy. And that's when I pivoted to writing. So I've just been a person that's, let's see what else is there.

And even when I felt really down and well, I thought that was my life's purpose, but I guess it's not, I've been able, I think the ability to pivot and go, well, let's see what else. Let's see what else can make me happy. I think that's a really important thing. because I noticed that some of my old friends, I hope they're not listening, but a lot of comics that I came up with just couldn't pivot and they're not happy people. They're

still trying to do stand up at the same age that I am now. They never found other things to make them happy. And I think that's sad. Stephanie, as I was reading some of your background and doing research, I think something that I read coincides with this. And that is that you believe being flexible and up for anything is the secret to success. And you elaborate on how that mindset helped you and not overcome just the things we're talking about, but the unpredictability of the industry that you've rid. Well, shockingly, I have very little confidence,

but I have a lot of balls. I think that I say yes to things because everything sounds interesting to me. So for instance, when Chelsea said, oh, this blog should be a book and her agent called me, I was absolutely scared to death. And in no part of my being, did I think blog should be a book and her agent called me. I was absolutely scared to death. And in no part of my being, did I think I could write a book? I didn't.

I was very sure that I could not write a book. But I just said, yes, the agents said, do you have other stuff that you written? And I didn't. I didn't have any. I'd written on game shows. I had jokes. I hadn't written anything long form. So I was like, absolutely, yes, I do.

And he said, okay, don't put it online. Just send it to me. Well, I didn't have anything. But under pressure of, I said, okay, I will. And then I worked through the fear because I was now on not an official deadline. But if I wanted to make something happen, I was gonna have to write something. So under duress, I wrote a couple of chapter. Well, actually, I didn't, I tried to take a shortcut and write just what some chapter ideas would be.

And then I sent it to him and nothing happened. And then I followed up with him and he was like, no, I meant that I want you to write some stuff like the first thing that that you sent me, now he said I was wondering if you had anything like that. So then I had to write for essays and I was scared to death. But the fear of not getting this opportunity overrode the fear of actually doing this kind of work. So I tried, did my best and I sent it in and then I got a book deal and then I was really scared again. And the whole time writing that book, I was like, I don't know how to write a book. I cried

so many times. I thought about giving the money back. I thought, I can't do this. I'm not good at this. This isn't my thing. I don't know how to do this. So many self-critical voices. I didn't go to college. I didn't go to college. I took one creative writing class in college. Who do I think I am that I can write a book with all these? Also, I compared and Dispaired with my writing constantly with other writers. I would read other things and go. I can't write like this Eventually through a lot of conversations with my husband. I would cry to him and he would call me down and he would say, you can do this.

Yeah, you're not writing like this poetic prose. Write the way you talk. Write the way you talk. And so that's what I did. I just tried to infuse it with standup and a lot of jokes and the way I talk and the way I think. And it worked. and it worked. And it worked, that book did really well.

Now, the next time I got an opportunity, I was still just as scared, but what I learned a lot was to just say yes. I would just say yes to things, because my mindset was just like, well, what's the worst that can happen? What is the worst that can happen? Somebody's offering me money to write a book.

Who am I to say no to that? Like, why not say yes? So what? So I have some imposter syndrome. Even in this book, I wrote this in this book, I have rampant imposter syndrome. I had imposter syndrome. This was my sixth book that we're here to talk about. I was still like, who do I think I am to be writing a book about this? And I was the one who pitched this book to my editor. I hadn't written a book in seven years and I had an idea. So this is what I do. This is like how I work. I get an idea and then I just email somebody about it and go, Hey, do you think I should do this idea? And I don't think it all the way through because if I think it all the way through, I will come up with reasons why I shouldn't be doing it. So I will write letters to people or emails

to people that have power. And I don't really care because writing the email part isn't that hard for me. It's the follow through that's hard. So I have to get somebody to say yes and then I have to do the thing. It's kind of backwards. I don't do the prep work. I'm glad you brought up all those feelings that you just went through because one of the reasons I wrote my book that's coming out. And it's because it's one of the biggest questions I get is people see high achievers like yourself, like others who are out there. And I think that these people are confident all the time that they have it all to gather. And yet I find some of the biggest high achievers are most successful people I know have as much soft out in imposter syndrome and fear as anyone you would ever know, maybe even more

than a lot of people. And I remember as I was looking you up, and you've been on shows like the Today Show, Fox and Friends, et cetera. And I just put myself in that position that you were in that if I'm in front of Al Roker and being asked questions, like it just feels so intimidating. How did you being a person who you said you didn't have much confidence?

How do you put yourself in the position to perform when you have moments like that? You're asking me such good questions. I have to tell you. These are things that I haven't thought about in a long time. But so when I wrote my first book, all I had done was I had been on some pretty big, I had been on television television doing standup before, but it was all written and it was scary. So when I was told that I was going to be on the today show when I got the today show, which by the way was something that I went after pretty hard. So then I was told yes, you're going to be on the today show and then I promptly was so scared. I obsessed about it for a long time. What am I going to wear? I went shopping many times. I wasn't eating. I was barely sleeping. I was so nervous about it, but it was happening.

That's the thing that I put myself in positions where, well, this is going to happen whether you like it or not. You're not going to not do it. You're not going to let fear make you not do it, but I was really terrified. I woke up that morning in my hotel room in New York, and I was shaking. I remember trying to do my makeup and get ready and just feeling like I was at a high altitude, barely able to breathe. But somehow I are and I had the kind of the jokes pre-written, I knew the certain things I was going to hit on. So when I was out there, Natalie Morales was my first was the anchor that was interviewing me and she was so nice. And she was a new mom herself. So I just decided to just be myself. I was going to be myself. I've thought about all these people that are on the today show. They're so professional and

they're wearing suits. I wore this little top with sort of spaghetti straps. I always feel like a misfit toy, but I just did my thing and it worked. Once I was out there and once I was talking to her, I just decided I'm just having a conversation. I just tried to put it out of my mind that I was on TV or who it was watching. And I was like, look at her, be in the moment, and answer the questions, and have fun. And once I did that the first time, I realized that being on live television is actually more comfortable for me than doing stand-up. Like, it just felt different because it felt like you're just kind of thrown out there, and you can't really fail because you're just answering questions. You know what I mean? Nobody knows what jokes you thought you were going to hit on that you didn't hit.

Nobody knows, nobody has an expectation of how it's supposed to go. Whereas if you're doing stand up and you walk out on the stage, this is why it never stopped being scary to me. People are looking at you like, okay, make me laugh. The expectation is that the first thing out of your mouth better be funny. And so a lot of things can ruin that for you. It could be the temperature in the room.

It could be who you just followed. It could be what type of crowd it is. It could be people that just don't get your joke. There's so many variables. But to me, it's different with doing live television. There are no variables like that. Nobody has any idea what you're supposed to be doing or if you're failing. So that's what I keep in my head every time I go until it still makes me very nervous. Don't get me wrong. I still get terrible butter. Well, I got

nervous coming on here to do this with you. I still get nervous. It all feels like public speaking. It all feels like expectation. But I just know intellectually that the audience doesn't exactly have an expectation. They don't know. You're just background for them. I'm gonna unpack a few of the things that you just said there because I can talk.

I love this topic. I have been doing some TV interviews myself over the past couple of weeks, nothing like going on the today show. But the thing that always strikes me is it's almost like you are in an improv performance because you don't know exactly what they're going to ask you. And for me, it's been really challenging being a podcaster, being someone who's used to storytelling that you've got to get into your answers 20 or 30 seconds and get very specific

on what you're doing. That has been one of the hardest things for me to pivot and do, but I do agree with you that when you're on there, I don't think anyone has an expectation and hack. You don't know the host, most of the ones that I've been interviewing with. It was intimidating at first, but I kind of put myself in that mindset to have fun. And I have met Natalie Morales. And it was a great story. I used to be the CEO of a company called Genius Central Systems.

And we were in the health food business. Our application was used by many of the independent and large supermarkets. And we worked with a lot of the CPG brands. Long story short, we had these two major conferences that we did, Expo East and Expo West. Expo West is out where you live in the LA area and it's this huge conference that has tens of thousands of people coming. And I'm in Manning the Booth talking to different people who are walking up and up comes this lady in a jogging suit with I'm guessing was her husband and it's Natalie Morales and I

Couldn't believe it and she was as nice could be she was just there because she's a huge Health addict and was just trying to find what the latest and greatest things are, came to the booth and talked to us for five or seven minutes and you would have had no idea who she was other than that. So that was my Natalie Morales story. But I have. She's really nice. She is. I'm glad she was my first experience. Yeah. Well, but I have to ask you, how do you go after being on the Today Show? Yeah. Well, but I have to ask you, how do you go after being on the today show? Well, when the first book was coming out, I was a completely unknown author. All I'd ever done was stand up about my husband had been in the talk show business.

He was a producer on some small talk shows. He still had friends from that side of the business. So he sent my book to a couple of his friends and then they made no different people, no people. And that's how it worked. So although the Today Show had originally said no to me, gotten through the back way, friend of a friend sent the book to the book producer and she put me on. And then they've had me back for every book except for this one by the way, apparently the Today Show passed. We'll see though. We will see. I think all these things have a long lead time. Well, I would only wish that they would have me on the Today Show sometime, but you never know what could

happen. Ask all your friends, put it out there on your podcast. See if anybody that knows you, knows somebody there and they can recommend you. Oh, that's a great idea. Well, Stephanie, I'm going to switch into your book, which you just said the day show hasn't wanted you to talk about. If I'm going to do this in an interesting way, it sounds like you and I have both had a relationship with alcohol since we were in high school. And I don't think I've ever publicly told this story. I started working as soon as I could. And when I might have been 14 years old, I got a job working for a supermarket in Pennsylvania called Giant Foods.

And by the time I was 16, I was now in charge of running the truck crew, which is when the truck comes in, you have to unload it and you typically do the night stocking of the supermarket. Well, I get this job not knowing that every single person on the truck crew besides me is an ex-con. And after a period of time, this could have been a comedy show. Here I am, this puny little 16-year-old. I was a cross-country runner, probably weighed $40. But to earn their respect, I am going into this 150 degree

trailer and unloading the whole truck myself because I did not want let them see that I was going to fail because I felt like if I did, there's no way that they would ever want to listen to me about anything. Well, over time, as I gain their trust and at one point, they all come to me. And these are men who are now some of them in gangs, opposing gangs. But they come to me and say, hey, we've got a proposition for you. We think that we could create an alcohol network for you to supply the local schools. And we will be your backer. And so I get into this business model.

First, I'm doing a few parties for my high school and the word gets out before I know it. I'm supplying six or seven high schools alcohol and we're storing it in my friend's shed. And the whole time they're like, if you ever get caught and you rat on us, you're done. So I've got that blooming over me. But I started

experimenting with alcohol probably far too early in life. And it was my ticket to friendships and other things because I was the person in that movie who could hook you up. And I started drinking, I don't know, 14 or 15 years old, probably way too early in my life. How did you first get it introduced to it when you were in high school? Well, I went to high school in Spokane, Washington. That was my first high school I went to. And there's not a lot to do in Spokane. It was a big drinking high school. So it just felt like

the natural thing to do at 14. I went out on a date, on a double date, me and my friend, with two guys that we had a huge crush on, and they procured a six pack of beer. And I tried beer for the first time, tasted disgusting, but once I had one of them down, I was like, Oh, I kind of like this feeling. And then once I'd had three beers, I felt great. And, and that was it. I was off to the races. I love the way it made me feel. I'd been a pretty anxious kid. I'd already had a lot of turmoil at home. And I'm not saying that causes alcoholism, but I think that for me,

I loved it. It felt magical to me the first time I drank. Love the feeling. Couldn't imagine that it had taken me that long to find it. I know for me, the reason I liked it is I am an introvert. And so social settings for me have always been very intimidating and just being out there. And so it loosened me up enough that I felt like I could talk to people and be more part of those gatherings. And that's what attracted me to drinking in the beginning and doing it socially. But I know when we had our kids, I noticed that after having them, especially my son,

because he was one of those boys who was just full on 24 by seven. But I noticed that at that point in our lives our drinking increased. And I wanted to ask you, and what ways did your own motherhood influence or change your drinking habits? Well, I think that looking back all the way to high school, the reasons that I've drank

more or less at the time are usually tied to stress. And to in high school, I think it's, I was not an introvert. I'm pretty extroverted, but when it comes to intimacy, boyfriend, stuff, sex, all that stuff, I felt like I needed something. I would add a lot of fear around it. So I used alcohol to propel myself into a new sexual relationship, or even just having a boyfriend or intimacy in general. And then when I was doing stand up, you know, the alcohol played a really big park, because I had so much fear about going on stage. And so I always felt, oh, this

is something that works for me. So even though when I was pregnant with my first daughter, I barely drank. This is a story in the book in case anybody's barely. My OB was, this was a long time ago, my daughter's 19, but my OB said, you can have two drinks a week. That mean a drink, a beer, a glass of wine. So I moderated like a rock star. I was like, Oh, okay, I'll have one on a Friday night and one on a Tuesday. But I never really had more than that because during pregnancy, I felt very calm. And the hormones had the opposite effect that they do for some women,

some women feel terrible when they're pregnant. I felt fine. And I felt laid back. I was like, what is this new personality I have? I'm like, kind of cool with everything. It's going to be fine. The second I had my daughter, Alhelbrook loose, I felt like my whole life was demolished. I was anxious. I was anyway, I think some of those same reasons that I drank in the past came back once I had my daughter. And even though I had struggled a lot with being somebody who drank too much or being unpredictable with alcohol, I never thought of myself as having a drinking problem for real. I always saw it as something that other people, like what alcoholism looked like to me was other people that you could clearly go,

oh, that guy's an alcoholic. That girl, that person, for me, it just felt very socially acceptable. It's Trader Joe's is right down the street. I'm going to grab a bottle of wine. Having a glass of wine makes me feel better. Having a glass of wine sort of softens the edges. So once I got back into drinking when I had a baby and I was Medicating anxiety, but I wouldn't have told you that at the time. I would have told you this is just something nice It's something for me. It feels good to have that bottle of wine in the refrigerator that I can reach for at the end of the day I deserve it the babies in bed It's my time. It was the only thing I had. I couldn't go to the gym I had this little baby. I did had no time for myself. I was exhausted all the time.

So it was like a treat for me at the end of the, that's how it started. Looking back, I was clearly medicating postpartum anxiety. Eventually I got put on an antidepressant and then that helped a lot. But it never quite took it away. And the drinking was always really hard for me to define because it was the way that I drink and the way that I identify with having a drinking issue, having substance use disorder is the way it looks for me is unpredictability.

So it was always hard to go. I was never somebody who went from, okay, now I have this baby and I'm stressed all the time and I now I'm drinking all the time. I'm drinking during the day and I'm drinking in the morning. It never looked like that for me. It was always like, oh, I'm feeling stressed. You know, it'll make me feel better. The glass of wine. So the problem was that once I have some wine and you never know when this is gonna happen if I have a glass wine Like more seems better to me. Oh, I feel good. I've had a glass of wine. You know what?

two would be a little better. Oh, I've had two glasses of wine now. I'm really starting to feel relaxed Well, you know, it would be better three and it's just like I just don't have an off switch I was reading in the book how you said, when you were dating your husband, before you got married, you were living in an apartment in Santa Monica. About a cup. That you guys would be late at night drinking a bottle of wine. And it became easy because right across the parking lot was a supermarket where you could get more. And I think for a lot of people, that's how it happens.

You just get into this custom where one becomes two, two becomes three and it just becomes a normal part of your life. And you write that, and I'm not going to read this whole thing, but you said, I did worry about my drinking sometimes. I got brittle hangovers that didn't seem quite normal. At times, you had blacked out, couldn't remember anything the night before in high school. You'd gotten into a couple car accidents where I'm going with this is I think a lot of people have these kind of early warning signs where these things might happen to them But either they think they can control it or they don't think it's had a negative impact. They haven't gotten into a DUI or they haven't had an impact

where it's a constant relationship or something else. When for you, did you start questioning whether your relationship with alcohol was normal compared to it not being normal? Well, I think that I'd always kind of questioned it because of those things that you're saying, but I rationalized it as well. I mean, I told myself things were normal, such as I used to drive drunk a lot. I drove drunk when I

was young. I drove drunk in my 20s and you'd go somewhere. It just seemed, well, how else are you going to get home? What are people taking cabs home from like, it just seemed like something that everybody does. And I never thought I was that drunk. I always felt I've had a few drinks, but I can totally drive. It's a miracle that I never got a DUI or or crashed the car. So those were things that were happening when I was younger and there were times where I would just have just such a bad hangover need to go to to the hospital. I thought I was never gonna feel better. And those times I would question, I would be like, this doesn't seem to happen to other people.

This seems like a mefing. But then I would just convince myself, I would try many times. I'm not gonna drink anymore. That was terrible. I'm never gonna drink again. And then of course, a week or two later, I would be like, ah, what's one drink gonna hurt?

But I think it was after having a baby that I felt like this is not cute anymore. There was a specific time where it was a Halloween night and my daughter was my older, my first daughter was only about two or turning two. Yeah, it was like October, her birthday is in November, so she was almost years old and we went out for Halloween. We went trick or treating with some friends and I got really drunk. And the thing was, nobody really said anything about it, but it was my own, I'm a mom now.

And this is not, I'm not in high school. This is, I got trashed out with friends and nobody else did. And I remember thinking what is wrong with me and having a real feeling that I don't wanna be a drunk mom. I do not wanna be somebody who's getting trashed around my kid and I seem to not be able to control it. So I quit drinking at that time. I was like, I'm not gonna drink anymore.

I'm gonna get help. I went to a support group. I meant business, but'm not going to drink anymore. I'm going to get help. I went to a support group. I meant business, but I wasn't fully committed to it because I don't think I really thought it's alcoholism or it's, you know, I just thought, I want to be somebody who doesn't drink. So I tried. And then I got pregnant and it was twins. And then I stayed totally sober through that whole pregnancy. And I was like, oh, okay, well, people that have a problem with alcohol can't easily stay sober for as long as I just have. It's been like, my twins came a little bit early. So all in all, I probably not had a single drink in nine months. Let's just say. So once my twins were born, I was like, now I got these little babies. And I've got a three year old and newborn twins. And I

went nine months without drinking. So I think I'm fine now. Let's not worry about this. Because now I really felt like I needed a drink, as you can imagine. So I kind of went back to drinking and it just got bad really quickly. I started trying to make a lot of rules for myself and then not was not able to stick to those rules. And I think we're what you're leading me to is the actual moment that I quit drinking for good. And that was 14 over almost 15 years ago. So I was toying with it in my mind a lot.

I kept thinking I'm only going to drink on weekdays because I was likeying with it in my mind a lot. I kept thinking, I'm only gonna drink on weekdays, because I was like a stay-at-home writer mom, so it seemed like I wanna drink on the weekends, but I won't drink on weekdays, or I'm only gonna drink on weekdays, but I won't drink on the weekend, or I was making rules. Anybody that's struggled with drinking has done this.

This is just trying to moderate. I'm gonna do better this time. I'm, but each time I made a rule, it felt too hard. Okay, I'm only going to drink on weekdays. So that's Monday through Thursday, because obviously Friday is part of the weekend. Then I'm only going to drink on, you know what I'm saying? So I would do that. And then I would go, it's Monday, but I'm going out with some friends. Let's just not have that rule just for today. Eventually, I realized moderating is hard.

It was a struggle every single time and I kept disappointing myself by breaking my own rules. So I decided, you know what? I'm gonna just be easier on myself. I'm just gonna be someone who drinks. Let's some fighting it all the time. That just seemed too hard. I'm just gonna to be someone who drinks. Let's some fighting it all the time. That just seemed too hard. I'm just going to be somebody who drinks,

but I'm only going to have two drinks at home and I'm never going to drive drunk. So that went on for a few months and I thought it was going pretty well, but if you're somebody who drinks every day, eventually you are going to go somewhere and that place that I went was to a little get together with some friends. And I had two of my kids with me who are now what my twins were 18 months.

I had one twin with me and I had my daughter who was four at that time. And we're hanging out at this person's house. And I had a martini, then I had another martini. There was a nanny watching the kids. I was having an amazing time. I felt like this is so nice. I have these little kids, but I still feel human. I'm around other adults. And it was just like a really good time. And I felt like I deserve this. I deserve to be having fun. And then I had another drink and probably another. And then I drove home like that. Well, I get home. My husband's in the driveway. He'd been trying to call me all night. He was furious. He accused me of

being drunk. He couldn't believe it. He was mortified. He told me I was staggering up my driveway. I was mad at him for being mad at me. How dare he? I was fine. See, that was my whole thing though. I always felt like I was fine. See, that was my whole thing though, as I always felt like I was fine. I always felt fine. I always felt like I was fine to drive. I always felt like I was fine to do whatever. I didn't ever feel drunk.

I always felt like I was fine to perform on stage. And I woke up in the morning with one of my classic horrible hangovers. I'm so happy that I was graced with this moment of clarity where I was able to see myself very clearly. I was puking. I had a splitting headache and I was like, well, my husband was obviously right. I was obviously drunk and then I was so completely mortified by what I'd done. And it just hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks that people that don't have a problem with alcohol

don't make a line in the sand that they're not gonna ever drive drunk and then immediately do it. Who does that? I was somebody that the sober me would have very harshly judged. I was a person who did a thing that risked my whole family. And I just had a moment where I was like, I need help because obviously if I did it this time,

I'm gonna do it again. That was what I realized about myself. I was like, I think I'm a good person who has a good heart and normally has a decent moral compass. So if that's how I see myself and yet I did this thing that was obviously beneath my moral compass, then how can I say I'm not gonna do it again? This all happened within the first hour

of waking up with that hangover, but I thought I'm making this pretty big decision that I need help and I don't wanna ever drink again, because I don't wanna take that risk and because I don't want to take that risk. And then I had to do something about it. And that's basically what changed my life. Well, thank you for sharing that. And Stephanie, I have a few follow-on questions

as you might guess from that. Probably a lot of people who are listening, many of them probably don't want to talk about their alcohol use. Who likes that conversation that you have with your doctor, when you go in for your physical and they say, off into you drink? And the funny thing is, my fiance is a primary care physician.

And she says, whatever answer we get, we automatically multiply it by a number that I'm not gonna tell you, but we assume everyone's lying about it because everyone tries to make it seem like it's not as much as it is. But for so many people, alcohol becomes a social lubricant. It's something that is amazing since I haven't been drinking. You walk into a restaurant and 95% of the people in there are having a drink. And it

becomes this public identity with alcohol. And I realized for myself, and it was part of the reason that I stopped drinking was that I just realized that so many of the activities that my friends were doing and that I found myself doing were all alcohol driven. That was the reason where we were at, whether it was at a brewery or at a festival or this or that, it was alcohol was the common point.

And I just started to sit back and think if I want a 10x life or if I want what I'm pontificating here on the show to have a passion struck life, that you're not having that. If your identity and the things that you're doing are so consumed by alcohol, and that is taking you away from performing at your best, because as I started to do my own deep dive into this, I can think of so many situations where maybe I've gotten home from work and I've had a couple of drinks and I get on email and I send one out and it absolutely does not have the tone that I want it to have or I say things that I wouldn't have said if I'm in a sober mood or how many of us have been in a relationship with our partner and we get in a fight and the foundation of that has been because

we've both been drinking or the same thing we're out with a group of friends and we end up getting in a fight and it's because alcohol has been part of it. Long-winded way of putting it out there, if you're a person who's drinking, how do you start separating your public identity in this social aspect that drinking is part of what we do from who you are? That's a really good question, especially because for me, my first book was called Sippy Cups or Not for Shardinay. It was my brand. My brand was joking about being like a wine mom. There was like a dark side to it. There was a dark side, exactly what you're talking about.

There were blog posts I wrote kind of drunk. There were emails that I sent out drunk. There was every night after the kids went to bed, there was just buying things drunk on the computer and what was this happy kind of, oh, it's fun to parent and have a glass of wine was not exactly what I was doing. I was having more than, I was having four glasses of wine

and feeling like crap the next day. And like you said, not performing at my best and definitely not living my best life, just feeling sad all the time and discontent and not understanding why and victim me. Like how did I get here? Oh, I have all these kids and this is, I see myself as, I don't know, something else,

but I think that once I really accepted the fact that I'm just, I'm not gonna go back to drinking. This is who I am now. I started looking for other sober people, was a big part of it. I spent time with people that are sober. I spent less time with the other wine moms and more time with people that were trying

to live the way that I was living. And it was really hard. I'm not gonna lie. And the first year I wrote a chapter about all the first things that I was living. And it was really hard. I'm not gonna lie. And the first year I wrote a chapter about all the first things that I had to do, going to a concert, going to a wedding, going on vacation. These were all things that I had always been

very connected for me with alcohol. First is hard. And at first, you're like, this just feels weird. I feel out of it. I'm not able to relax and have fun, but you do get used to it. And eventually, I was able to see that I'm, we're far from the only ones that aren't drinking.

It feels like that. It feels like that when you give up alcohol because you're right. There's so many commercials and it's so tied with people having fun. And you think everybody is drinking, but if you are, if you really are looking around and being observant, you're gonna notice they're not.

And in fact, the first time I went to a concert, I went to go see a band with my husband and I was like, oh my God, this is gonna be so uncomfortable. What am I gonna do? Everybody's gonna be drinking. This is a drinking activity, going to see a band. Well, so we get there and my husband does order a beer and I get a water like a loser. Oh, God, I'm sitting here with my stupid plastic water bottle. And I got a pretzel because God damn it. I'm at least going to have a snack if I'm going to have to sit here. And I'm sitting there, feeling sorry for myself eating my pretzel and drinking my water and I look around the theater

and I'm like, oh, that guy's drinking a water too. Oh, that girl's drinking a water. I was like, well, this is so weird. Why are all these people drinking water? And eventually, I leaned over to my husband and I said, look, all these people are drinking water. I said, we were seeing Wilco. I said, is this a sober band or something?

And my husband goes, thanks, that one. I go, I don't understand why everyone's drinking water. And he goes, well, it's a Monday night. And I was like, whoa, I couldn't believe that I would just assume that everybody would be drinking when actual people that don't have a problem with alcohol maybe don't drink on a Monday night. Maybe they have to work the next day.

It's in our imagination that everybody's doing something. And now I really do. I look for people who aren't drinking. And a lot of times they're either sober like me. And then we have something to talk about. Or they just don't drink. I am shocked by the number of people that I meet these days who just don't drink. Not because they ever drink too much, just because they just don't really drink. I have a big circle of mom friends now that could drink or not drink. Maybe they'll have a glass of wine, maybe they won't, but it's so not important to them.

I think when you're in the mindset of drinking all the time and drinking every night, that's what we're putting out there and that those are the people that we attract. And so that's we're going to be doing a lot of drinking activities. And when you really make a decision in your life that you're not going to drink, I think you will find yourself starting to be surrounded

with other people who are on that same path. Yeah, I'm glad you brought up the concert aspect because I am a huge concert goer. And I used to think that I needed to be enumerated to enjoy the concert and get the feel from it. But over the past months, I have to say, I've seen some great concerts and I feel like I've actually enjoyed them more being completely sober because I'm more in the moment enjoying what's happening and remembering it better and experiencing it better. But I know for a lot of people,

those first experiences like you brought up, whether it's holidays or going out with your friends, where everyone else is drinking and you're not and maybe they're dancing and before that was your gateway to feeling more comfortable to dancing or social event. I like to watch football with my friends and all of them drink and they're asking me why I'm not drinking. It is tough to navigate those first, but what I have found personally is it's actually

not that difficult. Yeah. And also nobody needs to dance really. If you think about it, okay. So maybe you don't feel that comfortable dancing. Well, then just don't dance. Unless you're just like dancing is my whole life and I have to go out dancing every single night. I have to be drunk to do it, but do we really do we really need to dance? You can still go places and just I'm making a joke. You can dance if you want. It's you just have to get used to it.

you can dance if you want. It's you just have to get used to it. Yeah, it makes me think of that song. You can dance if you want to. You could leave yourself behind. Exactly. So I was going to ask this question about advice for strong-align mothers, but I think I'm just going to make it more open-ended advice for anyone who's struggling with finding themselves having an alcohol issue, how would you tell them to take the first steps into confronting it and doing something about it? Well, you brought up a point earlier about doctors and being honest with your doctor. And so that's not something any of us are going to do. Let's just let's be real. Like, we're not going to go to our doctor and go, I drink too much. If you have the guts to do

that, go for it. But I would say everybody probably has one friend who doesn't drink. Think of somebody who you know that doesn't drink and just tell them, Hey, I'm kind of questioning myself a little bit. I'm wondering if I drink too much, because people asking for help, that's like catnip to people that don't drink. We love to help other people who think they might have a drinking problem. They can hit me up, they can find me on Facebook and reach out to me on Messenger or go to my website and email me, but find somebody that's been through it. And it doesn't mean that you have to get sober tomorrow. It just means that find somebody to talk to about it and explore your feelings and see

if you relate to that person. And nothing wrong with just being sober, curious. It doesn't have to be, I think that's a really hard thing is for me. I just never wanted to admit straight up, I think I have a drinking problem because that would mean that I had to stop. And I definitely did not want to actually stop drinking. So had I known that I could just explore it and talk about it with somebody or read some books, read my book, read some memoirs, read some self-help stuff that and explore it and try to see if you have anything in common with people. But I would say that there's so much help out there these days.

There are 12 step groups. They're on zoom now. So that's even less intimidating. Like I said, there's books. There are, you know, go to therapy, bring it up with a therapist. That's not going to be the first time they've heard. And there's a lot of ways. I had been feeling in the back of my mind that too many of the activities

that I was doing in the precious spare time that I have were all encompassed by us hanging out with people or doing an activity or something else that involved drinking. And I just found that there were too many days where I needed to be 100% and it was impacting my sleep, it was impacting me cognitively. And I was getting that at myself for not holding myself to my core values of the life I wanted to lead. And that this for me was the gateway that I kept slipping into where if I drank, then it would lead to other decisions

that were taking me farther away from where I wanted to be. I guess in January, I was on my birthday, we happened to be in Puerto Rico. The whole weekend was consumed with drinking and I kind of came away from that, just thinking, was this how I want to live the rest of this year? And so I just said to myself, come August 1st, I'm drawing a line in the sand and I'm just gonna stop.

And I remember we went out with some group of friends a couple nights before and had a happy hour and drinks and 48 hours later told my fiance, I'm just going to stop drinking and that was it. Didn't go back to it. I don't feel that I'm an alcoholic, but who really knows the answer to that question, I guess it's how it's impacting your life. But I haven't felt like I've needed a support group or anything else. I just made the decision I was going to stop and I stopped. else, I just made the decision I was going to stop and I stopped.

That's good. For me, support groups are the easier way because I like support and I like feeling not alone and I like feeling like there's just other people who understand makes it a lot easier for me. But I also think it's important not to we don't have to label it. It doesn't have to be like you're an alcoholic or you're not an alcoholic. This is why I'm glad that we're taking some of the judgment out of it, that the new vernacular is a substance use disorder. There's a lot of ways to abuse alcohol and there's a lot of ways to that addiction can manifest itself in our lives. And I think being able to decide to stop drinking, I also did not label myself an alcoholic at the time. I've come to realize that I do fit alcohol. That unpredictability is a good sign. Now when I look back at all of the different ways that I've behaved with alcohol, I can very much say that yes, I have

that problem. But I do think it's great that you're able to explore and go, hey, I might not be an alcoholic by that definition, but alcohol isn't serving me. And I think that it's nice that society's going that way. I think it's much more socially acceptable to not drink these days than it used to be. Yeah, and thank God they're doing so many more mock cocktails and mock drinks. Yeah, a variety. So you're not drinking soda water or water everywhere you go. Yeah. Stephanie, I wanted to conclude today because I think it's good to talk about

confronting alcohol and that shift. I think it's also important for people to understand what's on the other side if they do. How do you think since you've been sober now for over a decade, that it's impacted not only your identity, but the creativity in the way that you're able to perform as both a mom, a partner, and in your career? I think it's helped me enormously. I didn't know that it was that the drinking was holding me back,

but I'm much more productive. I have currently, I wrote several more books. I didn't know if I was going to be able to write sober. I was able to write sober. I think I'm a better writer, sober. I do three podcasts. I was sober when I started my podcast that I do with my partner, Lynette Karola called I'm for crying out loud and it's ostensibly about parenting, but our kids have grown up on the podcast, basically. So my twins are 16 now and my older daughter's 19, but I'm able to talk on my podcast a lot. I talk about addiction a lot on that podcast. And I'm able to share my stories. And I'm just as a person, as a friend, I'm much less flaky.

I was definitely somebody who didn't return phone calls, didn't answer my phone, sometimes didn't return emails, sometimes I'd forget people emailed me. There were a lot of ways that I didn't even realize alcohol was affecting my life. And as a mom, I've mostly been a sober mom. I got sober.

My twins were babies. They don't remember me drinking. And my older daughter was only four. So I think that being sober has allowed me to, this is hard to explain, but to take criticism, to be less defensive, to take accountability for myself, to apologize. I think apologizing to my kids is a really powerful thing. And I think when you're hiding an issue that you have, it makes you defensive. It makes you feel like, I don't want anybody to really see me. Now, I feel like I have no secrets.

I don't have, I'm not doing things that I secretly maybe knew were wrong. So I'm able to live more authentically. And I think that as a partner, I certainly don't have drunk in fights with my husband and haven't in since I quit drinking. I didn't really know I relate to what you're saying though about the way I would argue when I was drunk was ridiculous. I was so defensive and aggressive and raised my voice and swore, and because of alcohol, but even though at the time I would have told you, no, I was just really mad. And, but we don't fight like that at all.

I have, we have very calm discussions. I'm no sane, believe me, but I still have an edge, but I don't behave in ways that I regret anymore. And if I do, I apologize. And to me, the other really interesting thing about it is just observing other people who are drinking when you're not and just fun. Yes. And other things. Well, Stephanie, I have enjoyed the conversation today. You have these three great podcasts that you mentioned, one you've been doing for years and you have over

100,000 listeners per episode, which is just phenomenal. If people want to know more about you in the books and everything else, where are some great places they can go? Well, I have a website, Stephanie Wilder Taylor.com, Stephanie with an F. You can go to my, listen to for crying out loud, I have a podcast called board A F that's just like a funny little once a week slice a life. And I do, if people are into the bachelor, I do a bachelor sort of companion podcast called Rose pricks. And by the book though, drunkish, that's for anybody that's even

thinking that you might be struggling with alcohol. It's a very non-judgmental book. All these stories, I'm very painfully honest in the book. Stephanie, thank you so much for being a guest on today and being so vulnerable with your story. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I love your podcast and good luck. Thank you so much. I thoroughly enjoyed that great and vulnerable interview with Stephanie Walderteller and wanted to thank Stephanie Simon and Schuster for the honor and privilege of having her appear on today's show. Links to all things Stephanie will be in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Please use our website links if you purchase any of the books from the

guests that we feature here on the show. Videos are on YouTube. At both our main channel, at John R. Miles, and our Clips channel, a PassionStruck Clips. Advertiser deals and discount codes are in one convenient place, a PassionStruck.com slash deals. You can sign up for my personal development newsletter on PassionStruck. It's called Live Intentionally. You can find me on all the socials at John R. Miles, or you can go to LinkedIn and sign up for our work intentionally newsletter. You're about to hear a preview of the PassionStruck podcast interview that I did with Dr. Anthony Yoon, a plastic surgeon, author, and social media influencer.

Dr. Yoon is the author of the upcoming book, Younger for Life, Complete Guide, Turning Back the Clock Helistically, using a process called Auto-Givenation. In our discussion, Dr. Yoon explains, A Virtually Anyone Can See Great Changes in Their discussion, Dr. Yoon explains, a virtually anyone can see great changes in their skin, energy, and how they feel using their own body's regenerative abilities. The question that I've always wondered and something that I was looking into when I was writing this book

is does looking younger make you live longer? And the answer actually is it appears to be so. There was actually a study from Denmark where they looked at something like 1100 people and they're all identical twins. So genetically they were identical and they found that the younger looking of the identical twin tended to live longer than the older looking one. But we don't know if that's causation or correlation. Is it that the person looked younger because they had a better lifestyle, Maybe they had healthier habits?

Or is it actually the fact that looking younger seems to help you live longer? I don't know, and it probably is a combination of both. Remember that we rise by lifting others, so share the show with those you love. And if you found someone who could use some advice around how to overcome alcohol abuse in any form, then today's episode is a great one to do that. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so that you can live what you listen. Now, until next time, go out there and become Action Star.

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