Passion Struck with John R. Miles - The Key to Enjoying a Rewarding Life is Shared Experiences EP 112

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome visionaries, creators, innovators, entrepreneurs, leaders and growth seekers of all types to the Passion Struck podcast. Hi, I'm John Miles, a peak performance coach, multi industry CEO, maybe veteran and entrepreneur on a mission to make Passion Go viral for millions worldwide. do so by sharing with you an inspirational message and interviewing eye achievers from all walks of life who unlock their secrets and lessons to become an passion struck. The purpose of our show is to serve you the listener by giving you tips, tasks and activities you can use to achieve peak performance and for too much passion driven life you have always wanted to have. Now let's become PassionStory. Welcome back to episode 112 of the PassionStory podcast and thank you to each and every one of you who comes back weekly to listen and learn how to live better, be better, and impact the world. And if you're

Starting point is 00:00:58 new to the show or you would just like to introduce this to a friend or family member, we now have episode starter packs both on our website and Spotify. These are collections of your favorite episodes organized by Topic, which gives any new listener a great way to get acquainted to everything that we do here on the show. And if you'd prefer to watch these instead of listening to them, we also have a YouTube channel you can subscribe to at JohnRMiles, where we have over 245 different videos. Please go check it out. Noelle Gallagher famously said, I don't live to work, I work to live. I first heard this expression when I was living in Spain

Starting point is 00:01:39 many years ago. And a Spanish friend of mine told me that this was the startling difference he observed between our two cultures. He said to me, one day, you Americans live to work and we Spaniards work to live. As I look back, I should have listened more carefully to my friends' wise words. There is a saying that a job is a job. A job is a way to pay for a living, but that's the extent of it. Don't let your job define your happiness. You work to live, not live to work. Work on what brings you happiness. Both Gallagher's quote and this aforementioned expression are foundational to today's episode where I'm going to discuss the importance of life's experiences and how you can create a rewarding and happy life. I will do this through the story of Kyflouli and the experiences of

Starting point is 00:02:30 Brunny, Weir, and Australian author. I will then go into why experiences are the keys to enjoying a rewarding life, not the pursuit of possessions. I would describe the scientific benefits of experiences and how you can relate this to your own journey of living intentionally. Thank you for choosing PassionStrap and choosing me to be your host and guide when you're journey to creating an intentional life. Before we begin, I would like to emphasize that this podcast is part of my desire and hope to bring zero-cost information to the general public regarding how to unlock an

Starting point is 00:03:07 intentional life. And keeping with that theme, I would like to thank the sponsors of today's episode. Today's podcast is brought to you by Surfshark. And as a former chief information security officer, I can tell you that the internet is getting more dangerous by the moment. hackers have more ways to follow you and trackers are looking at every step that you make. Luckily, there's a solution. You can get a VPN.

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Starting point is 00:04:22 takes a lot to run a media company and top podcast. It's great that I'm able to work from anywhere, but you know what's not great. Having teams spread across the world who I need to keep constantly on the same page. That is why I am a huge fan of Coda. If your work is like mine and it's spread out across documents, spreadsheets, and workflows, you absolutely need Coda. It helps how I am able to view information and make changes just once, which cascade to all the different locations and need them to go. With Coda, you can solve for just about anything. And right now, you can get started with having your team all working together on the same page for free. Head over to coda.io slash passion

Starting point is 00:05:05 strap. That's c-o-d-a dot I-o slash passion strap to get started for free. coda.io slash passion strap. Thank you so much for listening and supporting our show. All those codes and URLs can be difficult to remember, so we put them in a single place at passionstruck.com slash deals. Please consider supporting those who support this podcast and make it free for our listeners now back to passion struck. Hi Thulee would become a father for the first time on December 16, 1991. Sheng Lee, his wife, lay on a hospital bed, battling the physical and mental exhaustion

Starting point is 00:05:49 of giving birth to another human being. Because the baby was in the sunny, side-up position with her head facing the belly, rather than the back, the attending doctor warned that this labor would be difficult. His wife might need a cesarean section as a result of this. On the big day, Lee paced the room nervously, even more so than most expectant fathers. He was concerned for his wife's and the baby's well-being, but his thoughts were elsewhere. That was due to the fact that he

Starting point is 00:06:18 was supposed to give a presentation to John Scully, Apple CEO, and one of the most prominent men in the technology industry, on a new speech recognition software technology. His wife's labor progressed, and he kept checking the time, hoping that she would deliver the baby so that he could attend the birth and return to headquarters in time for his meeting. His co-workers called asking whether they should cancel the appointment or have his lieutenant give the presentation to Scully. But he told them, no, assuring them that he would make the meeting.

Starting point is 00:06:49 However, as the labor progressed, he became increasingly concerned that he would not make it in time. And he was torn between staying by his wife's side to witness the birth of his daughter and hurrying off to that important meeting. He thought that seeing his first child born would be fantastic, but he tried to argue with himself. She would be born whether or not he was present.

Starting point is 00:07:11 If he missed the work presentation, things could go not as attended. He also worried that Stully would put his peer in charge of the entire project if someone else did the presentation. He was in the middle of these mental computations when the doctor informed him that a cesarean section would be performed immediately. His wife was rushed to the operating room and they were both holding their baby within an hour. They spent

Starting point is 00:07:35 some time together before he went for the presentation, which he did with little time to spare. The meaning went well and that decision opened the door to new opportunities for Mr. Lee due to its success. For Lee, the accomplishment felt after success as well as the monitoring incentives instilled in him a sense of personal pride. The desire for recognition propelled him further in his career. However, when he later examined his life, it wasn't those professional accomplishments that he remembered. It was the scene in that hospital room. He was well aware that at the time his child was born, if he had chose between the birth of his first child and the apple meeting,

Starting point is 00:08:16 he would have likely selected the latter. He later admitted that he considered this humiliating and was distraught about his decision. Lee realized it was not just about one encounter, it was simply a result of his preference for a work first mentality. He was valuing material possessions and achievements over life's incredible experiences, and he resolved to make a conscious change for the better. As we consider Lee's story, so many lessons apply to so many of us. The biggest being the trade-offs we make and what comes from them. For Lee, work had become his life. While it's customary to spend time working, to have the financial means to acquire possessions,

Starting point is 00:08:59 glows, shoes, houses, cars, boats, and so on. These things are all just comforts that society educates us are important. But the problem occurs when we value possessions over our relationships, self-identity, and personal experiences. As a result, we risk the real chance of missing life's true joys in the happiness that those peak experiences bring us

Starting point is 00:09:26 when we focus on accumulating indulgences instead of focusing on the actual experiences that make life such a joy to live. Kaifu Li during his career would rarely take vacation and even when he did he would spend one or two weeks with his mother in Taiwan or his family in Beijing and return to work soon afterwards. At one point, earlier in his career, even though he had to spend two weeks in bed after undergoing surgery, he could not give up putting work first in front of his physical and mental health. Lee actually had a metal crane constructed that positioned the monitor above his pillow, enabling him to work

Starting point is 00:10:05 from his hospital bed. Within a few hours following his surgery, he was back in that hospital bed responding to emails. Lee desired his persona to be an unstoppable force for production, and he wanted the financial rewards that came with it too. Being an unstoppable force enabled his career to prosper. At the forefront of research with a PhD from Carnegie Mellon, he was a global commercial leader and he was a superstar in his own right. His career skyrocketed and Time magazine named him to their prestigious list of the world's 100 most influential people in 2013. But then his life changed completely. After being diagnosed with stage 4, follicular non-Hodgkin's lymphoma in September of that year,

Starting point is 00:10:52 it caused Lee to take a step back and reassess his life. The sickness shined a new light on his career and what was most important to him. He realized that although he had a career that many would die for, it wasn't rewarding and he had missed career that many would die for, it wasn't rewarding, and he had missed out on some of the peak experiences in his life that I mentioned before. When Lee suddenly faced death, he realized that the most challenging part of confronting death wasn't the things you left behind, but the experiences you would never have and can't get back. Fortunately for Lee,

Starting point is 00:11:22 his cancer was successfully treated and his outlook on life fully transformed. We will discuss how it changed his life later in the discussion. Lee's story is a lesson for all of us and leads to some critical questions, including what is most important to you in life. Is it your career, your relationships, your material possessions or awards, your impact on society? Are you living to work or working to live? We'll be right back to the Passion Start Podcast. I would also like to thank Coinbase for sponsoring today's episode.

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Starting point is 00:12:20 For a limited time, new users can get $10 in free Bitcoin when you sign up today at Coinbase.com slash passion struck sign up for coinbase.com slash passion struck for $10 in free Bitcoin. This offer is for a limited time only. So be sure to sign up today. That's coinbase.com slash passion struck. I'd like to introduce my audience to Magic Mine, the little magical elixir that makes your body hum. They are also sponsoring this episode. Magic Mine is the world's first productivity drink, and it's like coffee, but the good type of coffee. It consists of 12 functional ingredients, including matcha, aptogens, that help you fight off stress and new tropics that help you focus.

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Starting point is 00:13:22 or before a period where I need focused energy, like recording a podcast. I also notice that I no longer have that afternoon law so many of us experience. Magic Mine gave me a 20% discount code to share with my audience. It's magicmind.co slash passion struck and use the code passion struck at checkout.

Starting point is 00:13:42 Don't forget to go to magicmind.co slash passion struck and use the code passionstruck at checkout. Don't forget to go to magicmind.co slash passionstruck and use the code passionstruck at checkout. And I know all those codes and URLs can be difficult to remember. So we've put them in one place at passionstruck.com slash deals. Please consider supporting those who support this show and make our content free for everyone. Now, back to passionstruck.

Starting point is 00:14:03 This begs the question, do you want to regret not living your values? Ronnie Ware is an Australian author and motivational speaker known best for her writings in her book, The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying. During her time as a hospice nurse, she chronicled the top deathbed remorse's voice by her patients as they approach the end of their life. Her patients reflected on their lives with clarity that eluded them for most of their lives. As they reminisce, they spoke of the failure of not living their lives by their values. They also regretted focusing their lives on career aspirations and material positions, rather than on the people and experiences they could have

Starting point is 00:14:46 shared with those in their lives. On the top of the list, Ronnie's patients wished they dared to live a life true to themselves, not the life others expected of them. Many of these people wished they had intentionally spent more time with the people they cared about, and the lasting memories that those experiences created, rather than wishing they spent their time trying to attain more money towards and amenities. So what are some of the benefits of experiences over material things? Both bronies, writings, and that story of Lee illustrate that we are far more the sum of our physical possessions. Even if you believe that these things are a part of who you are, they are not a part of you.

Starting point is 00:15:30 In contrast, the things you've encountered have become a part of you. While we quickly grow attached to our possessions, they are not the memories that define our lives. Instead, those memories are formed by all of our past experiences, which we remember long after the amenities have lost their value. We must be willing to take a step back and examine where we focus our attention, who we really are, and what we want our legacy to be. From there, it's vital to admit our shortcomings and then take actions to improve

Starting point is 00:16:05 ourselves to have more life-changing and memorable experiences. The following are some of the many reasons why it's better to spend our time in resources seeking amazing experiences that lead to rewarding life rather than long-for acquiring and consuming material things. First, experiences improve our interpersonal relationships. Research has shown a clear link between meaningful interpersonal relationships and shared experiences. It is the quality of these experiences that has the most important impact on our lives

Starting point is 00:16:40 and our happiness. So while shared experiences elevate and experience force individually, they are also crucial to developing deeper, more meaningful relationships. Shared experiences cement interpersonal relationships by creating the foundation for living a life of joy and building memories. Whether these experiences are with our spouse, partner, our kids, our family, our colleagues, our friends, shared experiences, improved the quality of life. Second, new experiences make you happier.

Starting point is 00:17:13 According to research, experiences rather than material possessions are linked to happier lives. For instance, in the book, The Happiness Track, psychologist Emma Sipela examines the disparity between happiness formed through material gains, such as dining or buying goods, and happiness gained from meaningful experiences. The first, which is hedonistic happiness, is often short-lived, and while it certainly makes us

Starting point is 00:17:39 happy at the moment, the emotion is fleeting. The second, more lasting happiness, utimonistic happiness comes from experiences that have more importance in meaning, experiences that are beyond our own self. Udiamonic happiness gets less awareness in Western culture as a whole, but it is more significant in the psychological research of happiness and well-being. This doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy some hedonistic happiness, a fabulous feast or an afternoon of shopping can do wonders for the soul. But by merely

Starting point is 00:18:11 sharing the feast, we're spending the afternoon shopping with friends, we begin to attach deeper meaning to the experience by planning it more firmly in the memory. Third, having less clutter promotes being happy. Eventually, most of our material possessions become a burden. They occupy both physical and mental space in our homes and our minds. They necessitate a great deal of attention, care, maintenance and organization. When it comes to experiences, though, on the other hand, there is almost no physical evidence of their existence.

Starting point is 00:18:42 Moving memories around are as simple as doing so in your head. Earlier today, I had the opportunity to interview Gretchen Ruben, the author of the New York Times bestselling books, The Happiness Project, Happier At Home, and The Four Tendencies. In her book, Outer Order, Inner Calm, Ruben describes why quarterly surroundings are so important for our happiness. When we declutter our lives, it helps us to keep only what serves us now and allows us to release the past to make room for a better present. Ruben explains, outer order isn't a matter of having less or having more, it's a matter of wanting what we have. Fourth, experiences reduce the comparison of oneself with others.

Starting point is 00:19:25 According to research done by professors Ryan Howell and Graham Hill, experiences result in less comparison with others, which results in more happiness than material possessions. When we stop comparing our lives to those of others, we are freed and begin to live our best lives. Their work found that when people spend their money on experiences rather than materialistic goods, it results in a more personal fulfillment and brings more happiness to others. According to how these findings support an extension of basic need theory, where purchases that increase psychological need, satisfaction will produce the greatest well-being. Fifth, experiences provide better memories. According to me, Quiking, the author of the art of making memories, by traveling

Starting point is 00:20:12 back to happier times, we can counteract negative feelings like anxiety and loneliness and meaning lessness. Wiking indicates that having a reservoir of happy experiences is significantly associated with current happiness. While possessions go out of style, memories are timeless. Experiences are all special in their own way, and we cherish them all. We can found that memories follow patterns, and we are able to use those memories to become memory architects and control what we and those around us are and are not going to remember. So how do you go about experiencing the best of life? So you may wonder how did Kaifu Lee change his life following his revelation? Lymphoma's devastating diagnosis

Starting point is 00:21:02 put Lee's life into sharp focus and turned his self-indulgent self-pity on its head. He stopped asking why he had to go through this sickness or wishing that all his accomplishments would be enough to save him. What new questions did he begin to ask himself? Why was he so obsessed with becoming a workhorse and a massing as much material wealth as possible. Why was he so oblivious to the very essence of who he really was? He retraced his steps baffled as to how he'd managed to miss out on so much of his life. He vowed to himself that he would not become a machine, no matter how much time he had left. He would rely on internal algorithms or seek to maximize variables in his daily life.

Starting point is 00:21:48 With all the love that he had received from others, he would do his best to spread love as much as possible and enjoy the many wonderful moments that life had to offer by giving to others. Likewise, when you finally begin to value and spend more time acquiring experiences, rather than consuming material things, you will realize that life will generally become richer and more meaningful. And whenever you find yourself starting to return to your old patterns of prioritizing work and material possessions over the relationship and experiences you could be having. Remind yourself that you won't be here forever and that the only things that would really count in the end are those great memories that will forever live on. Realize then that the awesome experiences of life far outweigh any material possessions

Starting point is 00:22:41 that you may have. Take the advice in this podcast to heart and make a concerted effort to enjoy as many experiences as you can while you're still here. Think of the most wonderful experiences of your life, the happiest moments, ecstatic moments, moments of rapture, perhaps from being in love or from listening to music or suddenly being get by a book or painting or from some creative moment. That quote by Maslow that I just read is about the transcendent aspect of peak experiences that come from enjoying a rewarding life. You may think that you have forever to start living

Starting point is 00:23:18 yours just like Kifu Lee until you don't. Will you look back on your life in your last moments, wishing you had done things differently? You may wish that life will change on its own and try to read a test implore your way to a finer one, or you can be courageous and take the first step to live life intentionally. I hope you do. And I hope you enjoyed today's lesson and I hope that you found it not only inspiring, but that you can take some of the lessons that I went over and apply them in your own life. We all have a chance to create our legacy. It's time to start doing it today if you haven't yet already. Live life intentionally. Be the best version of yourself that you can be. And to that point, if you missed my episode last week,

Starting point is 00:24:06 it was on that exact subject. How do you become your best self? And I'd recommend that you check it out. Over the next coming weeks, we have just some amazing episodes coming up. From the likes of best-selling authors, Cretchen Rubin, who I mentioned earlier in this episode, Susan Cain, Admiral James Stavridis, Nicole Stott, who recently retired from being an astronaut, as well as Dr. Sheer, Dr. David Vego, and Dr. David Yaden, who will all talk to us about meditation, transcendence, and how to use different forms to better our lives.

Starting point is 00:24:41 And if there's a topic you would like me to discuss like today's, you can email me at momentumfriiday at passionstruck.com or if there's a guest like the ones I mentioned that you would like to see me interview, please just DM me on Instagram at John Armiles or in LinkedIn at John Miles. I truly appreciate all of you supporting this show, giving us ratings and helping us become one of the top podcasts in the world. Thank you again for joining us on today's show. Now go out there and live life passion struck. Thank you so much for joining us. The purpose of our show is to make

Starting point is 00:25:17 passion go viral. And we do that by sharing with you the knowledge and skills that you need to unlock your hidden potential. If you want to hear more, please subscribe to the PassionStruck podcast on Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher or wherever you listen to your podcast ad. And if you absolutely love this episode, we'd appreciate a five-star rating on iTunes, and you sharing it with three of your most root-minded friends so they can post it as well to their social accounts and help us grow our passion start community. If you'd like to learn more about the show and our mission, you can go to passionstruck.com where you can sign up for our newsletter,

Starting point is 00:25:56 look at our tools, and also download the show notes for today's episode. Additionally, you can listen to us every Tuesday and Friday for even more inspiring content. And remember, make a choice, work hard, and step into your sharp edges. Thank you again for joining us. you

Passion Struck with John R. Miles - The Key to Enjoying a Rewarding Life is Shared Experiences EP 112

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