Passion Struck with John R. Miles - The Lens Method: A New Way to Reframe Your Inner World | EP 612

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

In this powerful solo episode, John R. Miles explores a skill that could radically change how you experience adversity, uncertainty, and emotional overwhelm—reframing. But not the kind tied to false positivity or denial. Instead, John unveils the LENS Method, a practical, neuroscience-backed framework for transforming the story you tell yourself—so you can move from survival to self-mastery.Drawing from research by Dr. Daniel Siegel, Carol Dweck, Martin Seligman, and others, this episode unpacks why reframing isn’t spin—it’s strategy. Through storytelling, psychology, and personal insight, John shows how to use the four LENS steps to reduce emotional reactivity, activate resilience, and reconnect with the values that define your best self.Click here for the full shownotes: Join the Ignition Room!Join the new free Passion Struck Community to win Passion Struck merchandise! - The Ignition Room: https://station.page/passionstruckKey Takeaways:Reframing is not about denial—it’s about redefining the story.Cognitive reappraisal can regulate the brain’s threat response.Neuroplasticity means your brain can be trained to think differently.Learned optimism and growth mindset are skills, not traits.The LENS Method (Label, Examine, Name, Step) provides a practical path forward.When you shift your story, you shift your life.If you liked the show, please leave us a review—it only takes a moment and helps us reach more people! Don’t forget to include your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally.How to Connect with John:Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMilesFollow him on Instagram at @John_R_MilesSubscribe to our main YouTube Channel and to our YouTube Clips ChannelFor more insights and resources, visit John’s websiteWant to explore where you stand on the path to becoming Passion Struck? Take our 20-question quiz on Passionstruck.com and find out today!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Coming up next on Passion Struck, have you ever found yourself in a moment where everything looks fine on the outside, but inside it's like you're just not there. You're checking the boxes, showing up, but you've stopped feeling. In episode 612, we're not talking about burnout or breakdown. We're talking about something quieter and maybe even more dangerous. Because the real question isn't how do I stay strong? It's how do I shift the story I'm telling myself before it breaks me? What if resilience starts with one small internal change? And what if you already have the tools to make it?

Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, Jon R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become

the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Hey everyone, John here and welcome to episode 612 of Passion Struck. Before we dive in to today's conversation,

I wanna share a few updates that I couldn't be more excited about. First, after months of design and intention, we have launched the Passion Struck clothing line. This collection isn't just apparel, it's wearable belief. From you matter, live like it, to own your own spark, every piece was created to reflect what we stand for as a movement. Living with courage, clarity, and purpose. To celebrate, we're also running

a giveaway. When you join the Ignition Room, our community for episode reflections, prompts, and behind the scenes-scenes conversations. You'll be automatically entered to win a passion-struck t-shirt and hat from the new line. Joining is completely free. Just head to the show notes to sign up. And while we're on the subject of deeper connection, I also want to tell you about something that we're also creating.

We are replacing my newsletter, Live Intentionally, with our new substack, The Ignited Life. It's the written companion to everything we're building here. Each week, I'll share mental fitness tools, behind the scenes stories, and practices I don't publish anywhere else. Both spaces, The Ignition Room and The Ignited Life, are built to help you take what you hear in these episodes and actually apply it to your life. Now onto today's episode.

We're deep into Mental Health Awareness Month now, and this episode keeps pulling on a thread we've been following together from the start. How we care for our inner world when life gets messy. In episode 606, I explored why mental health isn't just emotional, it's existential. And then in episode 609, I broke down five science-backed habits that can anchor you when everything feels unstable. And earlier this week, I had two powerful conversations that took this even further. On Tuesday, I spoke with Dr. Zach Mercurio about the power of mattering and how recognition, not just performance, is what shapes fulfillment at work and in life.

And then on Thursday, I was joined by Biet Simken on how grief, beauty, and consciousness intersect to shape your inner experience. Her insights were raw, spiritual, and unforgettable. Which brings us to today. Because even with the right habits, even when you're anchored, life still moves, and sometimes it shakes us loose. So the question is this, when change and challenge come, can your inner world flex and adapt without losing yourself? That's what today's episode is about. We're talking about reframing, not spin, not force positivity, but the neuroscience-backed

ability to see your own story through a new lens, so you can grow through the challenge, not just survive it. We'll explore the lens framework, a simple, powerful structure to help you rewire how you interpret stress, adversity, and uncertainty. Because sometimes, transformation doesn't start with a bold decision, it starts with a quiet shift in perspective. Let's get into it. Thank you for choosing Passionstruck

and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I wanna take you back to 2010. I was about a year into my tenure as a senior executive at Dell. I was leading a global team, traveling the world constantly, running on all cylinders. And let me tell you, I had chased that role for years. Dell was my dream company.

I loved what Michael Dell had built. And I had worked relentlessly to earn a seat at that table. But once I got there, something started to shift. Slowly, quietly, almost imperceptibly. I remember this one morning vividly. I had just gotten back from one of my frequent international trips, exhausted but trying to play catch up.

I went for my usual early morning walk, came home, poured a cup of coffee, and stood in the kitchen, helping my kids get ready for school. And I felt nothing, not joy, not stress, not gratitude, just blankness. I was there, but I wasn't in it. I had become a spectator to my own life. And here's the thing, I wasn't falling apart. I was still functioning, still producing, still performing, but I had stopped feeling. It reminded me of that song, Numb, by Linkin Park. That lyric, all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you. It's the battle between who you are, who you're pretending to be, and who the world expects

you to become. And in that moment, I realized I wasn't even sure who I was being anymore. That's what today's episode is about. Because it's easy to talk about mental health when things fall apart. But what about when you're just drifting? When the story you're telling yourself becomes quiet, repetitive, and emotionally detached. That's where reframing comes in, not as a performance, not as spin, but as a way to reclaim authorship of your inner world. We've talked in past episodes about the power of serendipity

and how mental health is the quiet infrastructure beneath everything that matters. But today we turn inward because how you frame your inner world, the thoughts you repeat, the labels you wear, the meaning you assign to challenge, shapes everything else. And this isn't just mindset fluff, it's science.

Reframing isn't pretending, it's not spin, and it's definitely not toxic positivity. It's a core psychological skill backed by decades of research in neuroscience and behavioral psychology. Let me walk you through four key findings. Let's start with one of the most studied techniques in emotional regulation, cognitive reappraisal.

This idea was pioneered by researchers like James Gross at Stanford, and the principle is simple but powerful. You can't always change what's happening, but you can change how you interpret it. MRI scans have shown that when people reframe a stressful event, like viewing criticism as a chance to learn instead of a personal attack, they actually reduce activity in the amygdala. That's your fear center. So it's not just mental gymnastics. Reframing literally calms the threat response in your brain. Now here's where it gets even more fascinating. Neuroplasticity. For years, scientists thought the brain was fixed after childhood, but now we know

that's just not true. Through research by pioneers like Michael Mersinich and Norman Deuige, we've learned that our brains are rewiring machines. And that includes how we process emotion. The more you practice reframing, seeing challenge as opportunity, stress as signal, discomfort as data, the more those pathways get reinforced. You're not just changing your mindset. You're literally rebuilding your mental infrastructure. And then next up is learned optimism, a concept developed by Dr. Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology. His research found that optimistic people don't ignore problems, but they do explain them to themselves differently. When things go wrong, they see it as temporary, not permanent, specific, not personal, a challenge, not a character flaw.

That's reframing in action. And here's the kicker. It's not just for positive people. Optimism is learnable. You can train your brain to shift the story from I failed, so I'm a failure, to that failed, but I can learn from it. And finally, there's growth mindset, a term coined by Carol Dweck at Stanford. It's the idea that talent and intelligence aren't fixed. They can be developed.

And that means failure doesn't define you, it refines you. And when you frame struggle as evidence of growth, not evidence that you're not enough, you build resilience. So instead of thinking, I can't do this, you start to think, I can't do this yet. That single word yet is a reframe and it changes everything. This is where reframing becomes more than a mental hack. It becomes a way of moving through challenge with clarity instead of collapse. In episode 606, in case you want to go back and listen to it, I talked about

the mattering mental health loop. When we believe we matter, we engage. When we engage, we engage. When we engage, we notice. And when we notice, we act with care. And in the Serendipity episode 600, I explored the preparedness loop. When you believe what you do might matter, you show up differently. You notice differently. You respond differently. These two loops focused on external action and how engagement leads to meaning. But this episode, this one's about the inner narrative.

Because if your inner story says, I'm failing, I'm behind, this pain means I'm broken. Then it doesn't matter how many external tools or connections you have. You're still going to feel stuck. And that's why we don't need a new loop. We've already talked about those in past episodes. What we need is a new lens, because reframing doesn't erase the storm. It gives you a window through which to see it differently. And that shift, small as it may seem, is often the difference between spiraling and steadying.

So next, I want to share a tool with you. One that distills everything we've just explored. The science, the psychology, and the soul of resilience into something that you can actually use. It's called LENS. L-E-N-S. And it's built on four simple but powerful questions designed to help you shift your inner story one frame at a time. So now that we've seen the science, the why behind reframing, let's talk about the how. Because it's one thing to know your brain can shift the story. It's another to know how to start doing it when the pressure is on. That's where the Lens Framework comes in.

It's a simple, powerful tool that you can use to reframe in real time. And it starts with this, the letter L. Label the story. Ask yourself, what am I telling myself about this right now? Because most of the time, we don't. We just react. We push through. But underneath that reaction is a story. And if you never pause to name it, that story runs the show. This is where reframing begins, with awareness, because you can't change a story you haven't named. Think about it. When stress hits, when something unexpected throws you off course, your brain doesn't

default to neutrality. It builds a narrative, fast and often unconsciously. You say to yourself things like, I always mess this up. They don't respect me. I'm falling behind. This is the beginning of the end. We rarely say these things out loud, but I think we all know they run beneath the surface and shape how we feel,

how we act, and what we believe is possible. Back in that moment at Dell, standing in the kitchen, completely numb, I didn't have the language for what was happening. But if I had labeled it honestly, it might have sounded like I'm functioning, but I'm not here. Or maybe I've built a life that doesn't feel like mine anymore. That's what this first lens is about. Labeling the story so that you can stop letting it run silently in the background.

And labeling the story doesn't mean judging yourself. It means pausing long enough to ask, what story is driving me right now? Is it fear or failure? Is it the need to prove something? Is it shame from the past showing up in the present? When you name it, you slow it down. You create space between stimulus and response. This step echoes something we talked about in episode 606, the erosion that happens when we stop feeling like we matter, because when you don't label the story, your mind fills in the gaps with the worst possible explanations. And neuroscience backs this up.

Dr. Daniel Siegel, a pioneer in interpersonal neurobiology, has a phrase for this. He calls it, name it to tame it. When we name what we're experiencing emotionally or cognitively, we actually reduce activity in the amygdala and increase regulation in the prefrontal cortex. That's the part of the brain responsible for clarity and conscious decision-making. So I want you to try this. The next time you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or shut down, pause for just 10 seconds and ask yourself, what's the story I'm telling myself right now?

And write it down. It might feel like I feel like I have to get this right, or I'll disappoint everyone. I think they're pulling away from me, and it's my fault. I'm scared I'll never feel like myself again. And I know those are all difficult questions to ask, but now you've got a starting point, a name, a handle on the moment, because awareness is the first act of agency. And once you name the story, you've taken back the pen. But now comes the next challenge, looking at what you've written and asking, is this story really true or just familiar?

We'll talk about that next, right after this quick message. Since it's Mental Health Awareness Month, I wanna remind you that this entire month on PassionStruck is dedicated to conversations that don't just inspire you, they support you. From solo episodes like this to interviews with experts like Dr. Andrew Newberg, Biet Simken, Yonge Mingyur Rinpoche, and Gretchen Rubin, we're diving

deep into what it means to care for your mind, your emotions, and your sense of meaning in a chaotic world. If you've been finding this episode helpful, I'd love to invite you to check out the Ignition Room, our new community for real-time reflection, support, and growth. It's completely free and the links in the show notes. Welcome back. In this first part of the Lens Framework, we talked about the power of labeling the story, naming what you're telling yourself

so that you can disrupt emotional autopilot. But once you've named it, the next question becomes, is this story actually true? Is it helpful? Is it complete? Because not every thought you have is a fact. And not every story your brain spins is the full picture. And that brings us to the second lens, the letter E.

Examine the narrative. Our brains are storytelling machines. But under stress or uncertainty, those stories often shrink. Our brains are wired for storytelling. We collapse possibilities into worst-case scenarios. We mistake feelings for facts, and we internalize moments as lifelong patterns. Psychologists call this cognitive fusion. When you become so entangled with a thought that it feels like truth, you say things to yourself like, I'll never get out of this. This is all my fault. Or if it was better, this wouldn't be happening.

And this leads me back to the story I started from back when I was at Dell standing in that kitchen, emotionally numb, and I had a story running underneath and it sounded something like this, John, you should be grateful. You have worked so hard for this. Don't complain. And on the surface, that seemed pretty reasonable. But here's the trap. Gratitude without alignment is a cage.

Just because something looks great on paper doesn't mean it feels right in your soul. And when I finally started examining that narrative, not judging it, just questioning it, it opened up a more honest space. Maybe it's okay to want something different. Maybe I've outgrown this version of success. That's the power of examination.

You ask, is this helping or hurting me? Am I catastrophizing? What else might be true? What would someone who loves me say about this situation? Because when you shift from judgment to curiosity, something powerful happens. You create space and in that space you find choice. So if you're feeling stuck, here's your practice. Write down the core story in your head right now. Then ask, is there a kinder, more helpful version of this that could still be true?

Because that's not delusion. That's emotional agility. It's not about denying difficulty. It's about refusing to be defined by it. And when you examine your thoughts with honesty and openness, you're one step closer to reclaiming your perspective and your power. So now you've named the story, you've examined it, you've poked holes in the fear-based logic

and softened the rigid lines. But here's the thing, you can't just deconstruct the narrative. You have to replace it with something that surrounds you. Because when old identities start to crack and familiar patterns no longer serve you, what do you build in their place? That brings us to the third lens, the letter N for name your anchor.

Ask yourself what value, belief, or identity do I want to lead with right now? This is the pivot point, the moment where reframing moves from reflection to reconnection. Because if you don't define who you are in the middle of uncertainty, the moment will do it for you. After I left Dell, I spent months spiraling, not in a dramatic way, just that quiet daily erosion of identity. If I'm not this job, then who am I? If I'm not producing, do I still have worth?

It wasn't until I started asking myself a different question, a deeper one, that things began to shift. These weren't goals, they were guides, because when everything felt unstable, those values became handholds. This is what it means to name your anchor, to choose a value that aligns with the person you want to be, even if you're not fully there yet. And neuroscience supports this. When you act in alignment with core values,

you activate the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain associated with self integrity, purpose and resilience. In other words, values don't just guide your behavior, they stabilize your nervous system. So here's your practice. Ask yourself, what matters more to me than fear right now? What identity am I choosing, regardless of the outcome?

What would the future version of me thank me for leading with today? It might be kindness, curiosity, perhaps it's grit, compassion, or maybe honesty or courage. Choose one. Let it become your compass, especially when the path isn't clear. Because when you know what you're anchored to,

you don't need certainty to keep moving. You just need alignment. So now you've named the story, you've examined the truth behind it, you've reconnected to a value and identity you want to lead with. But here's the thing, insight without action is just a good intention. The real transformation happens when you move, not in big dramatic gestures, but in small aligned steps that bring your internal shift to the external world. This brings us to the final part of the lens framework, the letter S. Step into the shift. Ask yourself, what's one small action I can take that reflects the story I want to live? This is where reframing becomes real. Because your nervous system doesn't just learn through thought, it learns through experience. When you act in alignment with a new belief,

your brain creates new associations. I can do hard things. I'm capable of change. I don't have to wait until I'm perfect to move. It builds upon what Albert Banderer called self-efficacy, the belief that your actions can still make a difference. For me, in the months after leaving Dell, stepping into the shift looked small. Saying yes to coffee with a friend I had neglected, writing

one honest paragraph about what I was feeling, setting boundaries I used to blur. Nothing flashy, nothing Instagram-worthy, but each act reinforced a new truth. I'm not stuck, I'm shifting. That's how you build momentum, especially when it's dark. And here's the thing, in uncertain seasons, we wait for clarity before we move. But the reality is clarity comes from movement. You don't need a master plan. You need one action that honors your value, supports your mental health, and reminds you, I'm not just surviving this, I'm shaping it. So try this.

Once you've labeled your story, examined it, and anchored it to a value, ask yourself, what's one thing I can do today that proves that's true? If your anchor is honesty, have one real conversation. If your anchor is courage, say the thing, hit, send, set the boundary. If your anchor is healing, take the nap, book the appointment, let yourself rest. Here's the key. Micro moves become macro belief. Not because the step is big, but because the message is clear.

big, but because the message is clear, I am the author of this moment and I get to choose how I move forward. So let's bring this entire conversation full circle back to that morning in the kitchen, back to the blankness, back to the version of me that was high performing and deeply disconnected. At the time, I didn't know what I needed, but now looking back, I realized what I was missing. It wasn't more strategy and it certainly wasn't more productivity. It was a better frame, a way to see my experience that didn't end with shame or shut down, but open the door to alignment, action and resilience.

That's what this framework is for. Lens isn't just a mental model. It's a practice. It's how you reclaim agency, how you metabolize the moments that threaten to undo you and how you remember who you are when life tries to make you forget. And this episode, it's not a standalone. It's part of something much bigger. This whole month on Passion Struck, we've been reframing mental health, not

as crisis, not as weakness, but as the quiet foundation of a meaningful life. In episode 606, I talked about how mattering is the anchor beneath your mental wellbeing and how neglecting that doesn't just delay the cost, it compounds it. And then in episode 609, I walked through mental health habits that anchor you in uncertainty, five small practices that restore clarity, connection, and self-trust when life gets unsteady. In the interviews, each one has added a different lens. Yonge Mingor Rinpoche reminded us that peace doesn't come from escaping discomfort,

but learning how to sit with it. Dr. Andrew Neuberg showed us how spiritual and contemplative practices actually rewire the brain for emotional regulation and clarity. Beate Simpkin, yesterday's episode, cracked open what it means to live raw, honest, and awake in the face of grief and transcendence. Elizabeth Weingarten revealed how the right questions, not answers, can unlock the kind of self-inquiry that leads to growth. And Gretchen Rubin reminded us, the secrets of adulthood aren't about

having it all figured out, but about noticing the small truths that keep us grounded. All of it builds towards this. Mental health isn't the absence of struggle. It's the presence of support, self-trust, and emotional flexibility. That's why we're doing this series, because reframing your inner world isn't optional if you want a meaningful life.

It's step one. So as I close today, here's your invitation. Pick one moment this week, any moment, pause, label the story, examine the narrative, name the value, step into the shift. That's your lens. Use it, because the difference between spiraling and growing is often just how you frame it. And if this episode landed for you, share it, rate it, talk about it, and most of all, live it.

And if you want to go deeper, don't forget, subscribe to The Ignited Life, our weekly substack where I share tools, stories, and strategies for building a life that reflects who you really are. And join The Ignition Room, our free community where we go beyond the podcast and into real conversations with people who are committed to living intentionally. And make sure you're subscribed because next Tuesday, I'm talking with Joseph Nguyen, New York Times number one bestselling author of the global bestseller. Don't believe everything you think. And we're getting right to the root of suffering because

if you've ever felt trapped in your own head, if your thoughts feel like quicksand, or your voice keeps dragging you back into shame, self-judgment, or not enoughness, this conversation is for you. As soon as the parents don't feel enough worth, they're going to make their kids feel like that too, to make them work for approval, for praise, for love. And that's how the parents believe that the child can grow up to become, quote unquote unquote successful. But is success worth it if the person is not happy, not at peace? And those are more important questions to ask rather than can I be successful or not? Because then you have to really redefine what success means for you. And that's the point in which you can start to turn the tables and carve and pave a different path for yourself.

Until next time, notice more, name what matters, and live life passion-struck.