Passion Struck with John R. Miles - The R.E.A.C.T. Method: Leading Yourself Through the Storm w/John R. Miles | EP 627

Episode Date: June 20, 2025

What happens when your values are tested in real-time—no script, no prep, and no exit ramp?In this vulnerable solo episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles shares a deeply personal moment of conflict inside his hurricane-damaged home—an unexpected confrontation that became a defining test of presence, identity, and leadership.Out of that storm came a powerful framework: The R.E.A.C.T. Method. Built for the moments when your nervous system is flooded and your instincts scream for control, this 5-step tool helps you pause, return to center, and lead from who you are, not what you're feeling.Click Here for the Full ShownotesAnd if that framework sparked something in you—if you're thinking, “This is exactly what I need, but I’m not sure I’ll remember it in the moment…”—I’ve got something for you.I created a free R.E.A.C.T. Companion Guide inside The Ignition Room on Substack.It’s packed with:Real-life language to use when you’re triggeredJournaling prompts to unpack your reactionsA printable one-sheet to keep visible—on your desk, fridge, or even in your walletIf you want to train your nervous system to respond, not just react—👉 you can grab it now at theignitedlife.net.How to Connect with John:Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMilesFollow him on Instagram at @John_R_MilesSubscribe to our main YouTube Channel and to our YouTube Clips ChannelFor more insights and resources, visit John’s websiteSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Coming up next on Passion Struck, let me tell you what happened this week. I walked into a house I'd been building for months after losing everything in a hurricane, expecting progress, maybe even peace. Instead, I walked into chaos. The grout was wrong. The bill was nearly double.

And before I could even finish a sentence, the contractor was shouting, accusing, threatening, even invoking God as a weapon in what should have been a professional conversation. I froze, part disbelief, part heartbreak, because this wasn't about the tile. It was about trust. It was about trust. It was about dignity.

It was about what happens when your nervous system gets hijacked and your integrity gets tested. And maybe you've been there too, and not with a contractor, maybe with a colleague, a partner, a parent, someone who pushed you to the edge and left you asking, how do I stay connected when everything inside me wants to react? That's what we're talking about in today's episode.

Not the easy kind of connection, the tested kind. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, Jon R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power

of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Hey friends, welcome back to Passion Struck.

I'm your host, John Miles, and you're listening to episode 627, part of our ongoing series of Connected Life. If you've been tuning in for a while, you know that this series goes beyond relationships. It's about self leadership, because real connection begins within, with awareness, alignment,

and choosing presence on purpose. New here, I am so glad you're with us. This isn't just a podcast, it's a movement. And inside the Ignited Life, our free weekly substack, we go deeper with tools, stories, and curated playlists to help you live not just a productive life, but a meaningful one. You can find all of that, plus our brand new merch line and access to every episode ad free at the ignitedlife.net.

And hey, a big milestone this week. Seven million views on YouTube. That's because of you. Every listen, every review, every watch, every share. You're helping to amplify this message. Thank you so much for being a part of it. Now, where have we been? In episode 624, I explored the art of mattering through the lens of Taylor Swift and how her small consistent acts of care create massive emotional connection. Before that, in episode 621, I talked about inner awareness

and how self understanding fuels your ability to show up fully with others. And just this week, I sat down with Dr. Anna Lemke, author of Dopamine Nation, and Bill McGowan, expert in crisis communication, for two powerful conversations on emotional clarity, resilience, and what it means to lead through tension. But today, we're shifting gears from insight to practice.

Because connection isn't tested in the quiet, it's tested in the fire. When your body's flooded with adrenaline, when someone's screaming in your face, when your values go to war with your reflexes. This episode is about those moments. How to lead yourself when you're triggered, how to stay grounded, not guarded, and how to practice presence when everything in you wants to bolt, break, or blow up. Let's get into it. Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life.

Now let that journey begin. Today's episode isn't about connection when it's calm. It's about connection when it's chaotic. And to show you what I mean, let me take you to a moment. Less glamorous, more human. It's not a stadium. It's my half-finished house. And I'm standing in what would eventually be our family room, staring at crowd.

That isn't what we chose. I'm holding an invoice. I didn't expect double the cost. No warning, no breakdown, just a final total that made my stomach drop. And across from me, the contractor is yelling, not explaining, not clarifying, just yelling. He brings up God, he questions my integrity, he threatens to walk away from my job. Mid-remodel, mid-chaos, with just two weeks of work left, and no resolution in sight.

And inside me, something cracks, because I have spent eight months in a kind of survival mode, rebuilding a life that was literally washed away. When Hurricane Helene hit, we lost everything. Since then, it's been non-stop decisions, compromises, and attempting at creating stability out of mess. And now this. I tried to stay calm. I asked fair questions. I pointed out the mistake, the grout, the charge, the discrepancy, but his anger kept climbing and mine started to rise with it. My jaw tightened. My voice got sharp. My thoughts spiraled. My body was

flooded with adrenaline. Fight or flight? that's what was happening neurologically, biologically, emotionally. And here's the thing. No one tells you about leadership. It's not tested in the spotlight. It's tested in the fire. This moment wasn't just about grout. It was about trust. It was about respect. And more than anything, it was about self leadership. Because when your nervous system is hijacked and your values are under threat, you're faced with a choice. Do I lose myself to the moment or do I lead myself through it? That's the real test. Not whether you win the argument, not whether you stay professional

or keep it together, but whether you can access clarity in the middle of chaos, whether you can respond from who you want to be, not just from what feels justified in the moment. It's easy to talk about emotional regulation and mindful connection when things are calm. It's another thing entirely when someone is screaming at you and everything in your body wants to scream back. And maybe you've been there too, not in a construction zone, but in a conflict with a colleague, a partner, a friend,

a moment when everything inside you flared and you had to decide, am I reacting or am I leading? That is what today's episode is about. Not the easy kind of connection, the tested kind, because let's be honest, this wasn't just a conflict over construction. It was a full blown test of composure, identity, and presence. And here's where things shift gears from story to science. Because when that

kind of chaos hits, when the yelling starts and your heart is racing, it's not just emotion, it's biology. And the next part, it explains why your body can feel like your worst enemy in moments like this. Why you can know better and still snap. Why logic goes quiet while reality grabs the mic. And here's where the moment turned not just emotionally but psychologically. Because in situations like this, your brain doesn't ask, how do I lead? It asks, do I survive? So when we're triggered, we don't stay in rational thought.

We get pulled fast into what Daniel Goleman calls the amygdala hijack. That's when your emotional center takes over and the thinking part of your brain, your prefrontal cortex goes dark. Your system floods with cortisol and adrenaline. Your muscles tense. Your breathing shortens. Your perception narrows to threat. And suddenly, all of those tools

that you've spent years building, self-awareness, mindfulness, emotional regulation, feel out of reach. As Dr. Anna Lemke said in our conversation just this week, we live overstimulated lives. We default to reaction, not reflection. In her words, we have drugified everything, made it more potent, more available.

And when the nervous system is constantly hijacked, it doesn't take much to tip us over. So when I stood there, contractor shouting, stress spiking, I wasn't choosing clarity. I was choosing defense. Not because I wanted to, but because my brain thought it was in danger. That's why connection can't be surface level.

It has to be somatic, nervous, system, deep. Because if you don't understand how your body reacts, when it feels unsafe, you'll confuse reactivity with righteousness. You'll call yelling, setting boundaries. You'll call retreat, self-protection. You'll feel justified, but you won't feel proud. And that's what today's episode is really about.

How to interrupt the autopilot, how to spot the hijack before it runs the show, and how to return to your values, to your clarity and to the kind of person that you want to be even when you're in the fire. That's where the React method comes in. It's what I used earlier this week, not perfectly, not without a lot of effort,

but it kept me from losing myself. Let me walk you through it step by step. In moments of calm, we all think we'll handle the pressure well. But when the stress spikes, when someone's yelling in your face, when you feel cornered, disrespected, pushed, your body has other plans, you don't fall to the level of your values. You fall to the level of your wiring unless you've trained for it. And here's where a simple, but powerful framework comes in. I call it React, a five-step process for staying grounded

when your nervous system wants to do anything but. So let's start out with the letter R. Recognize the spike. This is where it all starts. Awareness. In a triggered moment, your heart races. Your jaw clenches. Your breathing shallows.

Your brain wants to run the old script. Defend, dominate, withdraw. But instead of following the script, name it. This is my amygdala firing. This is a hijack, not a truth. Just that pause, that small dose of mindfulness gives you a sliver of space. You can't lead yourself

if you don't know you're in a moment. So recognize the spike, own it. That's the door. And that leads us to the next letter in React. E, exhale before engaging. Literally, take a breath, a deep one, or walk out of the room, or lower your voice, or count to 10.

The goal isn't to become a monk, it's to break the pattern. When I stood in that half-finished room and felt my voice rising, I knew I needed to buy myself a few seconds. So I looked out the window. I grounded my feet. I took a slow breath. Because if I'd spoken too quickly, it wouldn't have been my best self doing the talking. This isn't weakness, it's strategy. Your biology is screaming, but your integrity, it's whispering. And to hear it, you need a breath. And that brings us to the next letter in React.

A, align with your values. This is where the shift begins. Ask yourself, what does integrity look like right now? Not what's fair, not what would make me feel more powerful, but what would the best version of me do in this moment? That one question reroutes everything. You stop defending your ego, you start defending your standards. And here's the secret. The more often that you anchor into your values, the stronger they will get. Crisis isn't just a test, it's a training ground.

So use it. Show up for it. Which brings us to the next letter in React. Letter C, choose your response. This is the moment of power. Now that you've calmed the spike and recentered your values, you choose. Not what's emotionally satisfying,

but what's emotionally sustainable. Do you speak clearly but calmly? Do you set boundaries instead of exploding? Do you say, I want to resolve this, but I need a moment to think. Whatever the move, make it yours. Make it intentional and make sure it reflects who you want to be, not just what you're feeling,

because this isn't about suppressing emotion. It's about owning your agency, which brings us to the final letter in React. T, take time to reflect. The moment passes, the contractor leaves, the meeting ends, the argument cools, but this is where learning locks in or leaks out. Ask, what did I learn about myself in that moment? Where did I show growth? Where did I slip?

This isn't self-blame. It's self-honesty. You're not trying to be perfect. You're trying to become someone you trust under pressure. And reflection is what turns moments like this into mastery. Because next time, and there will be a next time, you'll do better. Recognize, exhale, align, choose, take time.

And if that framework sparks something inside you, if you're thinking, this is exactly what I need, but I'm not sure I'll remember it in the moment. I've got something special for you. I've created a free React companion guide inside the ignited room on Substack. It's got real life language to use when you're triggered, journaling prompts to unpack your reactions,

and a printable one sheet you can keep visible on your desk, fridge, even in your wallet to remind you how to stay grounded under pressure. If you want to train your nervous system to respond, not just to react, you can grab it now at theignitedlife.net. Welcome back. So you're probably wondering, what did I actually do in that moment? Not perfectly, not cleanly, but here's the truth. I didn't blow up and I didn't walk away. I didn't let someone else's chaos decide who I just about grout, but about who I was, my ethics, my faith. He even told me that God would judge me for questioning his

invoice, and something in me flared. My body surged with adrenaline, my chest tightened. I felt the familiar pull, the urge to go toe to toe, to match fire with fire. But then I recognized the spike. There was a small beat, maybe two seconds, when I caught myself. My nervous system was hijacked. I could feel it.

And just naming that, this is a hijack, not a truth, literally changed the moment. It didn't fix it, but it cracked the door open to a different path. I exhaled before engaging. I didn't walk out, but I did stop talking. I turned, looked out a window, and took one deep breath. I focused on the ground beneath my feet, not because I'm Zen, but because I have learned from the hard place that when I speak from a triggered place, it's not my best self doing the talking. It's the self that wants to be right, the self that wants to win.

The pause, that brought me a few seconds of clarity, and that was enough. I aligned with my values. In that breath, I asked myself, what does integrity look like here? Not what seems fair, not what looks good, but what reflects who I want to be. And that question cut through the noise. I want to be someone who stands for respect,

even when I'm not getting it. I want to be someone who protects his energy without making someone else the villain. That became my compass. I then chose my response. So I turned back to him, and instead of raising my voice, I lowered it. I said, I hear that you're feeling disrespected, and I also need you to hear that I'm trying to understand your bill and the grout mistake so that we can finish this project fairly and with clarity. He didn't love that response. He interrupted. He tried to pull me back into the fire, but I didn't go.

I repeated myself calmly, clearly, anchored. And when it was clear he couldn't meet me in that space, I stepped away. Not to punish, but to protect my peace. I then took time to reflect. Later that night, I replayed everything with my wife. Not obsessively, just honestly. Where did I stay grounded? Where did I feel myself slip? And what could I carry forward from this? So that the next time I'm triggered, I don't default to defense, I default to awareness. But here's what I know for sure. I didn't ace the moment, but I stayed in it.

I didn't abandon my values. And that, that is a win. Not the kind that you put on a highlight reel, but the kind that builds character quietly from the inside out. So let's zoom out. We all get triggered. We all get tested. But the more we practice showing up in these moments, not with perfection, but with presence, the more we become someone we trust under pressure. That's leadership, not control, not performance, but congruence.

And that's what I want for you too, because real life is not a highlight reel. So let me talk real with you for a second. There's not a single part of me that wants to go through moments like that again, but I do want to be the sort of person who can meet moments like that with integrity. And that means embracing a truth

that most people don't want to admit. who can meet moments like that with integrity. And that means embracing a truth that most people don't want to admit. Growth rarely looks glamorous. It looks like standing in a half-finished room with your heart pounding, choosing not to scream. It looks like catching yourself mid-reaction and deciding to respond, even when every instinct tells you to retaliate.

It looks like pausing when you want to punish, breathing when you want to bolt. And let's be honest, no one claps for it. There's no applause when you choose calm over chaos. No trophy for staying calm when someone else is being cruel. But that's the work. And that's the kind of strength that doesn't just show up when life is smooth. It builds in the fire.

I didn't ace the moment, but I didn't abandon my values. And in this season of The Connected Life, that's what I'm learning. Connection isn't just about how we treat others. It's about how we treat ourselves when we're at our edge. So now I'm turning to you. Where in your life do you feel most reactive right now? Where are you tempted to blow up, shut down, or walk away when what you really want to do is stay anchored? And deeper still, what version of you

are you feeling in these moments? Because every time that you choose awareness over autopilot, presence over performance, values over validation, you build trust. Not just with others, but with yourself. So here's the challenge I'm giving you this week. Name your next trigger in the making. Commit to one step of the React method you'll use.

And when it happens, stay in it. Stay you. Because the goal isn't perfection, it's practice. And practice is what rewires who we become. And that's a wrap. If this episode helped you to pause, breathe, or show up more grounded in your life, I'd love your help getting it into more ears. A quick rating on Spotify or Apple Podcasts helps the show rise in the ranks and reach people who might need this message in a hard moment.

60 seconds, but a huge impact. And if today's message felt like the kind that your team, audience, or company needs, I'm now booking speaking engagements for the fall and winter. Whether it's a keynote, leadership summit, or custom workshop, I work with organizations who want to go beyond buzzwords and build

real connection, clarity, and culture that lasts. If that's you, let's talk. You can reach me directly at johnRmiles.com slash speaking. And while you're there, check out our YouTube channels, full episodes on John R. Miles and powerful highlights on Passion Star Clips. Over seven million views and counting, thanks to this growing community. Now, next week, we go even deeper. I'm sitting down with Dr. Michael Morris, an expert in cultural psychology and global leadership,

for a conversation that will reshape how you think about perception, identity, and connection across difference. Because in a divided world, cultural intelligence isn't optional, How do you think about perception, identity, and connection across difference? Because in a divided world, cultural intelligence isn't optional, it's foundational. Every generation thinks things are falling apart. It's incumbent on us to not despair and not engage in mystical fatalism about our problems

instead to try to understand them as best we can and understand what levers we have and how we can go about remediating the problems. And at the same time, problems are dramatic and they dominate our attention. The good things that happen as a result of our tribal motivations happen at a more tacit implicit level and we don't stop to think about them very much. Until then, lead yourself well. Stay connected even in conflict,

and live life passion-struck.