Passion Struck with John R. Miles - What is the Key to Healthy Esteem? EP 116

Episode Date: March 18, 2022

At some point in our lives, we've all had times when we felt inadequate and imperfect about ourselves, whether due to a physical flaw or how we perceive ourselves. And the majority of the things we are doing to try to raise our self-esteem are entirely incorrect. However, by recognizing that we always have the freedom and power to choose how situations in life will affect us, we can rise above challenges and build healthy esteem and self-love for ourselves. Whenever we have the self-confidence to solve issues on the inside, we set ourselves up for success. In this episode, I will tell the inspiring story of Lizzie Velasquez and use her account to teach the things that do work so that you can apply them in your own life to get those lasting changes on the inside and create healthy self-esteem.  Thank You to Our Sponsors: SURF SHARK: Get 83% off Surf Shark VPN and three extra months free https://surfshark.deals/passionstruck; use the promo code passionstruck. COINBASE: For a limited time, new users can get $10 in free Bitcoin when you sign up today at www.Coinbase.com/PASSIONSTRUCK. PODBEAN: Head on over to Podbean at www.podbean.com and use the code PODCAST21 for your first thirty days of podcast hosting for free. Our Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/passionstruck Thank you for listening to this podcast. I hope you keep up with the weekly videos I post on the channel, subscribe to, and share your learnings with those who need to hear them. Your comments are my oxygen, so please take a second and say 'Hey' ;). -- ► Subscribe to My Channel Here: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles Timestamps: 0:00 Introducing self-esteem 2:54 Podbean, Surf Shark, Coinbase 5:19 The Story of Lizzie Velasquez 10:20 Building healthy esteem 11:21 Be self-aware and use positive affirmations 12:12 Stop being a perfectionist 13:12 Don't compare yourself to others \ 13:45 Take proper care of your health 14:11 Find the purpose in your pain 14:49 Improve your mind 15:06 Seek support 15:31 Be kind to others 15:57 Be strong in your spiritual health 16:20 Live with gratitude 16:40 Conclusion and Synthesis Show Resources Dare to Be Kind by Lizzie Velasquez Be Beautiful, Be You by Lizzie Velasquez The Healthy Mind Toolkit by Alice Boyes Stress-Free Productivity by Alice Boyes Are you having trouble prioritizing yourself? John discusses where you invest your love; you invest your life in Episode 104 John explains how your environment influences who you become in episode 102. Do you know the science of healthy habits? John explores this in-depth in Episode 108. Suppose you missed our interview with Jen Bricker-Bauer on Everything is Possible. Don’t panic! You can catch up by downloading it here. Find John on the Socials: * Twitter: https://twitter.com/Milesjohnr * Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/johnrmiles.c0m * Medium: https://medium.com/@JohnRMiles ​* Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/john_r_miles * LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/milesjohn/ * Blog: https://passionstruck.com/blog/ * Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/passion_struck_podcast/ * Gear: https://www.zazzle.com/store/passion_struck/ -- John R Miles is a serial entrepreneur and the CEO and founder of Passion Struck. This full-service media company helps people live intentionally by creating best-in-class educational and entertainment content. John is also a prolific public speaker, venture capitalist, and author named to the ComputerWorld Top 100 IT Leaders. John is the host of the Passion Struck Podcast, a show focused on exploring the mindset and philosophy of the world's highest achievers to learn their lessons to living intentionally. Passion Struck aspires to speak to the humanity of people in a way that makes them want to live better, be better and impact. Stay tuned for John's latest project, his upcoming book, which will be published in summer 2022. Learn more about me: https://johnrmiles.com. New to this channel and the passion-struck podcast? Check out our starter packs which are our favorite episodes grouped by topic, to allow you to get a sense of all the podcast has to offer. Go to Spotify or https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. Like this? Please join me on my new platform for peak performance, life coaching, self-improvement, intentional living, and personal growth: https://passionstruck.com/ and sign up for our email list.  

Welcome visionaries, creators, innovators, entrepreneurs, leaders and growth seekers of all types to the Passion Struck podcast. Hi, I'm John Miles, a peak performance coach, multi industry CEO, maybe veteran and entrepreneur on a mission to make Passion Go viral for millions worldwide. I do so by sharing with you an inspirational message in interviewing eye achievers from all walks of life who unlock their secrets and lessons to become an action star. The purpose of our show is to serve you, the listener. By giving you tips, tasks, and activities, you can use to achieve peak performance and for two action-driven life you have always wanted to have.

Now, let's become PassionStruck. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to episode 116 of the PassionStruck Podcast. And thank you to each and every one of you who comes back weekly to listen and learn, how to live better, be better, and impact the world. And if you're new to this show, or you would just like to introduce it

to a friend or family member, we now have episode starter packs both on Spotify and on our website. These are collections of your favorite episodes organized by Topek, which gives any new listener a great way to get acquainted to everything that we do here on the show. Just go at passionstruck.com slash starter packs to get started. And if you prefer to watch instead of listen to these episodes, you can also go and subscribe to our YouTube channel at John R. Miles where we have well over 250 different videos

to give you a weekly dose of inspiration. Famous Greek philosopher, Epictetus, once said, it's not what happens to you, but how you react to it, that matters. This quote summarizes the topic of today's podcast. At some point in all our lives, we've all had times when we felt inadequate and imperfect about ourselves,

whether due to a physical flaw, how we perceive ourselves, not reaching our goals or a negative comment that someone made about us. However, by recognizing that we always have the freedom and power to choose how situations in life will affect us, we can rise above challenges and build healthy esteem for ourselves. In today's episode, I will be bringing your attention to Lizzie the Leskwezz's inspiring story. I will use her account to illustrate lessons we all can learn and tie it to information from other scientifically-based sources that you can apply to your life to build healthy esteem. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and

guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Before we begin, I would like to emphasize that this podcast is part of my desire and hope to bring zero-cost information to the general public regarding how to unlock an intentional life. And keeping with that theme, I would like to thank the sponsors of today's episode. Today's podcast is brought to you by Surfshark. And as a former Chief Information Security Officer, I can tell you that the internet is getting more dangerous by the moment. Hackers have more ways to follow you and trackers are looking at every step that you make. Luckily, there's a solution.

You can get a VPN. It will hide your real location, making you much more difficult to identify and target. But privacy and security are not the only things that Surfshark has to offer. When you use a VPN, you can change your virtual location and forget about restrictions and censorship. Can't find what you want to watch on Netflix, Hulu, or Disney Plus, or other streaming platforms, unlock new libraries with VPN. You can try out Surfshark completely risk-free because they have a 30-day money-back guarantee. Get Surfshark VPN at Surfshark.deals slash passion struck. Use the promo code passion struck for 83% off

and three extra months for free. That's surfshark.deals slash passion struck and use the code passion struck. I would also like to thank Coinbase for sponsoring today's episode. Cryptocurrency may feel like a secret or exclusive club, but Coinbase believes that everyone, everywhere, should be able to get into the door. Whether you are just starting or have been doing

this for years, Coinbase can help you get started and are such an easy platform to buy, sell, or spend cryptocurrency. Millions of people in over 100 countries trust Coinbase for their digital assets. For a limited time, new users can get $10 in free Bitcoin when you sign up today at coinbase.com slash passion struck. Sign up for coinbase.com slash passion struck for $10 in free Bitcoin. This offer is for a limited time only. So be sure to sign up today.

That's coinbase.com slash passion struck. And I know all those codes and URLs can be difficult to remember, so we put them in one place at passionstruck.com slash deals. Please consider supporting those who support this show and make our content free for everyone. Now, back to passion struck. It was another evening in the lovely city of Austin, Texas, where 17-year-old Elizabeth and Folesquez, known affectionately as Lizzy, lived with her parents and siblings.

She had a quiet day at school and decided to relax by watching YouTube videos. She grabbed a satchet of potato chips, picked up her laptop, and logged on to her YouTube app. As she began scrolling through available videos, she came across a particular one that had her face on its thumbnail and had over four million views. It was titled The World's Aglist Woman.

Eager to know what people were saying about the video, she headed to the comments section. To her utter dismay, Lizzie came across comments like, ooh, what a monster. Just put a gun to your head and shoot yourself. Kill it with fire. Why didn't her parents just abort her and so many other mean comments?

Some referred to Lizzie as it and monster. In addition, she received emails with the meaning statements like, I was just looking at your picture and you were very ugly. How are you a cheerleader? Seeing these comments and emails, Lizzie was devastated and overcome as I'm sure we all would be with negative emotions.

Lizzie Velasquez was born with an extremely rare condition called Marfinoid, Progeroid, Lipidastrophe Syndrome. She calls it Skinny Bones, and only one other person in the entire world has been diagnosed with it. But over the years, Lizzie has been through a long, uneven journey because she cannot gain weight or accumulate body fat. Born, four weeks prematurely weighing just two pounds, 11 ounces, Lizzie has never weighed more than 60 pounds. This condition makes her always look frail and aged. It also caused the loss of sight in her right eye and diminished sight in her left eye. Growing up though, Lizzie was blessed by having parents who purposefully raised her just

as a normal kid and who always felt proud of her and made her feel important. They tried their best to make her feel loved and accepted. However, with the disclosure of the YouTube video, she was exposed to the cruelty and meanness of others. The self-esteem her parents had tried to build over all those years all came crashing down in an instant. On different occasions, people would point, giggle, and look at her and discuss, making her feel unworthy of being loved.

Then she would get bullied and teased for being different by some of her peers at school. All these situations adversely affected her and caused her tremendous negative self-esteem. As time went by, Lizzie became a sad, self-conscious, miserable young lady who just lived every day dejected and frustrated. Initially, all she could think about

was making those cyber bullies feel as low as she did, but she finally decided against it. Then one day, a deeper sense of self-worth was awakened. She emerged from the ashes and realized that her purpose in life was to become a messenger of hope and comfort. She thought about all that life had thrown at her and decided to take charge of her life rather than allow it to be determined by people's negative actions towards her. Lizzie recorded a video called Courage and Determination where she shared her objectives with the world. Every day

is a struggle the video begins. Being judged by strangers is not easy. She reveals how she read every single comment posted to the ugliest woman in the world video. After letting the pain of that experience go, she set four objectives for herself. The first, engaging others as a motivational speaker. The second, becoming an author. Third, graduating from college. Fourth, having a family and creating a career of her own. Not bad for someone who doctors said would never amount to anything. Fast forward to today, Lizzie graduated from college, became a renowned motivational speaker,

authored three books so far, and is an activist against bullying. In fact, she has appeared at more than 200 workshops. In January 2014, she gave a TEDx top titled, How Do You Define Yourself, which is over 12.5 million views. And her YouTube channel has over 71 million views. In 2015, a documentary was released titled, A Brave Heart, the Lizzie Velasquez story, which chronicles her story and ordeals. Let us now take a look at the steps Lizzie took to rise above the negativity around her and build enough healthiest steam to help her become the accomplished lady in inspiration she is today.

So how did she go about building healthiest steam? For a long time, Lizzie allowed her outer appearance to define her. She thought her tiny arms, legs, and face were ugly and disgusting. She hated the image of herself in the mirror and felt her life would be so much better if she could just scrub off the syndrome.

But nothing changed. Then she realized that the body she has is what she was given to live life through. And she accepted it. She became aware she couldn't physically change herself, but could control how she lived her life regardless of her condition. She realized she didn't have to give into the negativity, but could even use that negativity to fuel her desire to prove that she could achieve what anyone else who didn't have these conditions could. Then she decided to only allow her goals, her success, and her accomplishments to define her.

The following are lessons from her story and tips on how you can also rise above negativity and build healthy esteem for yourself. Be self-aware and use positive affirmations. Ensure that you are constantly aware of the thoughts going on within your mind to detect when negative self-doubt thoughts are popping up. When you notice these negative thoughts, shut them off by positively affirming good things about yourself. According to new brain imaging studies published in social cognitive and effective neuroscience journal, when people practice self-affirmations, the brain's self-processing and valuation cortex, which include the medial prefrontal cortex and the ventral stratum,

are both activated. This leads to an increase in the ability to broaden a person's overall perspective and reduce the effects of negative emotions thereby enhancing positive mental processes. Stop being a perfectionist. A lot of perfectionist tendencies are rooted in fear and insecurity, says Matt Plummer, who founded Zervana, which is an online productivity coaching service. He further states, many perfectionists worry that if they let go of their meticulousness and conscientiousness, it will hurt their performance in standing, trying to do things perfectly at this expense of making constant progress

as one major reason why so many people find themselves with low and unhealthy esteem. They just don't seem to get anything done because they keep worrying they'll make mistakes or are not good enough. Alice Boyz, author of the Healthy Mind Toolkit and the anxiety toolkit and a former clinical psychologist says, it's about reach handling a strength

of yours rather than aiming for a lower goal. Your goal is to take some of the pressure off yourself. You need to acknowledge your accomplishments and be open to making and learning from your mistakes. This is the way to grow. Don't compare yourself to others. Theodore Roosevelt once said, comparison is the thief of joy. This is such a true statement as constantly comparing yourself to others will only cause you to feel unnecessarily pressured and discontented with your own life. Remember that we are all running different races and have our own unique goals. Your only competition is with yourself. So focus on yourself first, practice self love and celebrate yourself for the stage you're

at while aiming for more. Take proper care of your health. Our physical bodies are the vessels through which we carry out life's everyday activities. When they fail due to stress or illness, we simply will be unable to function at our best. And this will cause a downward spiral into the abyss of low esteem. So do yourself a favor by eating well, exercising regularly and getting enough rest to keep your body as healthy as it can be. Find the purpose

in your pain. Instead of trying to hide herself from the world, Lizzy decided to turn things around and out of her own flaws, making it instead into a signature trait. She was able to see her condition as something that she could use to inspire others and went on to use it to achieve many great things. Likewise, you need to see beyond your own challenging situations and find the purpose of them to live a meaningful and impactful life. Improve your mind. Take conscious steps to invest in your mind by reading positive books, listening to other people's inspiring stories from platforms like TED Talks or podcasts like

today's. Watching educational and inspiring videos and spending your time on activities that can add value to you. This will help you fortify your mind against unhealthy thoughts and equip you to be better able to maximize for growth and success. Seek support. Lizzy acknowledges that she has a lot of support from her parents, siblings, and friends, which helps her get by when things are quite tough. Likewise, we all need as much support as we can get to build healthy esteem. In some cases, you might require the help of a professional therapist or psychologist. Whatever the case may be, make sure that you're not all alone, but getting all the assistance that you can. Be kind to others. Being kind to others is one of the fastest ways to build up

healthiest team. By showing kindness, your empathy level will increase, and you will be able to understand people better. This will create a virtuous cycle wherein you are also receiving love and kindness from others. Through this, you will help others feel better about themselves while feeling really good about your own self and inevitably building healthier steam. Be strong in your spiritual health. Lizzie, who is a Roman Catholic, has said her faith has been my bedrock through everything. Just having the time to be alone and pray and talk to God and know that he's there for me. In the same way, we all need a higher power to whom we can entrust all our worries and receive

grace and strength for growth. Find your place of spirituality and stand firm in it. Choose to live with gratitude. This might sound very cliche, but it shouldn't be overlooked. We have all been given the free will to make our choices, and so you can make your choice to live every day with an attitude of gratitude. And you will begin to see situations around you right now, because you're now looking at things through the positive lens of gratitude. So how can you take everything that I've talked about in Lizzie's story and apply it to your life? Today we live in a world where beauty is defined by supermodels. We have gone from a culture of character to a culture of personality to now a culture of celebrity. Success all around us seems to be defined by how much money we have

and accomplishment is defined by the number of social media followers that you have. In this kind of world, you need to ask yourself, what is going to define my life? Are you going to allow your outer appearance and the focus on materialistic things and the perceptions of others define you? Will you let what other people say where you come from or your peers

give you the definition of your life? The choice is yours. Choose wisely like Lizzie, who worked hard at changing her perspective and made the conscious decision to turn things around and create her own definition of beauty, success, and happiness. Remember, you are your greatest cheerleader. So work hard, encourage yourself, celebrate your wins no matter how little they may seem,

and go on to build that healthy esteem you've always hoped to have. As written by Buddha, you yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection. You've got this now. Go out and live life passion struck. And if there is a topic like today's that you would like to hear me discuss in more detail, you can reach out to me on email at MomentumFriday at passionstruck.com or on Instagram at John our Miles or LinkedIn at John Miles. And I just wanted to bring to your attention

some of the amazing guests that we have coming up over the next couple months. This past week, I interviewed Susan Cain, the author of Quiet, who gave me the enormous honor of using the Passion Strike podcast to release her new book Better Sweet on April 4th. It was an amazing conversation and you're not going to want to miss it. We also have Gretchen Ruben, the best-selling author of the Happiness Project, as well as many other books coming up. We're Admiral Tim Gallaudet, who is the former Undersecretary of Commerce and head of NOAA. Admiral James Stavridis, who is also using our podcast to launch his new book to risk it all. And that episode will come out later on in May. Astronaut Nicole Stott, who will talk to us

about the impact that going up into his space has had on her and what she's doing now to teach others about it. And we also have famed psychologist, David Vago and Dr. David Yaden coming on the podcast as well. So much inspirational content that I hope you can apply in your own life and create the intentionality that you have always wanted so that you can become your best self. Now go out there and live life passion struck. Thank you so much for

joining us. The purpose of our show is to make passion go viral and we do that by sharing with you the knowledge and skills that you need to unlock your hidden potential. If you want to hear more, please subscribe to the PassionStruck podcast on Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher or wherever you listen to your podcast ad. And if you absolutely love this episode, we'd appreciate a five-star rating on iTunes, and you're sharing it with three of your most group-minded friends so they can post it as well to their social accounts and help us grow our passion start community. If you'd like to learn more about the show and our mission you can go to

passionstruck.com where you can sign up for our newsletter, look at our tools and also download the show notes for today's episode. Additionally, you can listen to us every Tuesday and Friday, or even more inspiring content. And remember, make a choice, work hard, and step into your sharp edges. Thank you again for joining us. you