Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Why We All Crave to Matter: Exploring the Power of Mattering w/John R. Miles EP 356

Starting point is 00:00:00 Coming up next, on PassionStruck, Mattering stands as an elemental human yearning, an indivisible thread intricately woven into the tapestry of our shared human experience. As we grasp the profound impact of mattering on our lives, we sow the seeds of a brighter tomorrow where every soul finds purpose. Every voice is heard and every life authentically matters. Welcome to PassionStruck. Hi, I'm your host, John Armiles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom

Starting point is 00:00:35 into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guest-ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Momentum Friday, and episode 356 of PassionStruck,

Starting point is 00:01:12 consistently ranked by Apple is one of the top 10 health podcasts. And thank you to each of you who come back weekly to listen and learn how to live better, be better, and impact the world. If you're new to the show, thank you so much for being here, or you simply wanna introduce this to a friend or a family member, we now have episode starder packs, which are

Starting point is 00:01:27 collections of our fans' favorite episodes that we organize into convenient topics that give any new listener a great way to get acclimated to everything we do here on the show. Either go to Spotify or PassionStruck.com, slice starder packs to get started. In case you missed it, earlier in the week we had on two great guests. The first was my friend, Dr. John Deloney, who is a best-selling author, mental health expert, and host at the Dr. John Deloney show. Over two decades, John's immersed himself in research, experienced personal growth, and compassionately guided countless others, towards reclaiming their lives from the grips of anxiety.

Starting point is 00:02:01 The key to this transformation lies in the power of choices, six essential choices that paved the way for a non-anxious life. These choices that he outlines in his brand new book Building a Non-Anxious Life are not easy, but they're stepping stones towards a brighter future, enabling you to rise above challenges, and find peace amidst chaos. The second interview was with Katie Horwich, who is a writer, speaker, mindset coach, and women's empowerment activist. She's the founder of Want, Women Against Negative Talk, a platform that's dedicated towards empowering women to move forward in their lives fearlessly by shifting their negative

Starting point is 00:02:38 self-talk patterns. Katie is also the host of The WantAST, the Women Against Negative Talk podcast. We discuss Katie's brand new book, WANT YOURSELF, which offers a transformational approach, but transform your self-talk patterns in a deep and lasting way. Please check them all out and I wanted to say thank you for your ratings and reviews which goes such a long way in bringing more people into the passion-struck community. If you love today's episode or either of those other two that I mentioned, we would so appreciate you giving it a five-star rating and review and sharing it with those that you love and care about. We and I know our guests love to see comments from our listeners. Now,

Starting point is 00:03:14 let's talk about today's Momentum Friday episode. I want you to imagine a world where you go through life unnoticed or your presence goes unacknowledged and your experiences go unappreciated. You find yourself isolated with no one seeking your advice, offering emotional support or valuing your opinions. In essence, you become invisible, leaving no lasting impact on the lives of those around you. This pervasive sense of loneliness

Starting point is 00:03:42 or mates even in the company of family at your workplace and even in your community. Now, let's cast aside that unsettling image and focus on a different reality. One, where you are deeply connected to people in meaningful ways. They not only recognize your presence, but they celebrate your achievements, offer a listening ear when you face challenges,

Starting point is 00:04:02 and provide constructive criticism when needed. You've earned their trust in important matters, and your actions have brought about positive changes offer a listening ear when you face challenges and provide constructive criticism when needed. You've earned their trust in important matters, and your actions have brought about positive changes in their lives. In simple terms, you matter. Which of these two scenarios would you prefer? Undoubtedly the latter, where you matter to everyone around you holds great appeal. This inherent need to matter is a fundamental aspect of human existence.

Starting point is 00:04:24 The matter means feeling important and valued by others. This significance is underscored by phrases like you matter which serves as the tagline for the national suicide prevention hotline. And Black Lives Matter, a rallying cry against the systematic racism that's faced by many Black Americans. Indeed, the core of our existence as humans is deeply intertwined with our ability to matter. In today's episode, I'm going to dive deeply into the profound concept of mattering.

Starting point is 00:04:52 What it entails, why it's essential, the factors that influence it and practical ways to enhance your ability to matter. Both as an individual and as a larger part of communities. Let's begin by exploring a compelling real-life story that vividly illustrates the transformative power of mattering, the tale of high school principal Linda Client-Wayman who harness the power of mattering, her rescue of failing school. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. [♪ Music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in First day was marked by a massive fight among girls, setting the tone for the challenging environment that she was about to confront. Determined to bring change, Linda called the students into the auditorium, intending

Starting point is 00:05:51 to establish clear expectations. She began addressing them when suddenly a girl named Ashley, way in the back of the auditorium, stood up and interrupted her with the words, Man, why do you keep calling this a school? This is not a school. Ashley's words struck a chord, prompting Cliat Waman, to realize the profound issues that have been overlooked for years. A decade later, now, 2012, Linda arrived at Stribory Mansion High School, labeled persistently dangerous with a history of revolving principles.

Starting point is 00:06:22 The physical state of the high school mirrored the students, emotional neglect, locked doors, dim halls, broken furniture, and classrooms that felt abandoned. Both the students and the teachers felt defeated, lacking a sense of significance and purpose. Leah Waman embarked on a radical transformation, focusing on every aspect of the school's environment. Three guiding principles shaped her approach.

Starting point is 00:06:46 First, she emphasized personal responsibility, instilling the belief that self-leadership was the key to change. Second, she adopted, so what, now what? Which implied that when faced with an issue, she would address it without giving room to any excuses. But most importantly, the Atwomen made it her daily ritual to tell students, if nobody told you they loved you today, you remember I do and I always will. This simple yet profound affirmation became

Starting point is 00:07:12 the cornerstone of transformation. Students that were burdened by social, emotional, and economic challenges responded positively. The Atwaman's unconditional love and belief in their potential fostered an environment where each student believed that they truly mattered. She's saying happy birthday songs to students, recognizing the significance of making them feel special on their birthdays. Their expectations were set, coupled with reminders of their potential, always concluding with

Starting point is 00:07:39 the heartfelt assurance, if nobody told you that they loved you today, you remember I do and I always will. Inter Ted Talk, Leigh Atwaman, emphasized that her real secret to keeping Strabbery Manchin moving forward was her unwavering love and belief in her students' possibilities. Every single student mattered to her, and this transformative approach empowered them to respond positively and to believe in their potential. Leigh At Waman's story underscores a profound impact of showing people that they matter, especially in challenging environments where the need for significance is paramount. So using Linda's story as a backdrop, let's explore what does mattering really entail?

Starting point is 00:08:19 Mattering, a concept initially formulated by sociologist Morris Rosenberg is intricately woven into the fabric of our social connections, encompassing feelings of feeling valued, appreciated, recognized, and respected. According to Professor Gordon Flett, author of the Psychology of Mattering, understanding the human need to be significant, and as colleagues at York University in Ontario, Canada, mattering consists of four crucial components that reinforce our sense of significance. The first is attention. The experience of being seen and acknowledged by those around you. Second, importance. Feeling that people genuinely care about your well-being and are invested in your

Starting point is 00:08:59 personal growth. Third, dependence. Being someone to whom others earn to for support, guidance, and resources. And fourth, appreciation, feeling acknowledged, respected, and valued by the individuals in your life. Similarly, Brown University sociologist Gregory Elliott describes mattering as encompassing awareness, importance, and reliance, which essentially mirrors Flet's components. In essence, mattering involves capturing the attention of others, receiving one self

Starting point is 00:09:27 as important to them, feeling appreciative for one's true self and being relied upon for various needs. However, this is only one side of the mattering equation. While mattering shares many commonalities with various self concepts, it possesses distinct characteristics that set it apart. Here's how mattering differs from other self concepts. It possesses distinct characteristics that set it apart. Here's how mattering differs from other self-concepts. While mattering is closely tied to personal identity, it goes further by emphasizing the importance of how one's

Starting point is 00:09:53 identity is recognized and affirmed by others. It involves the social validation of one's authentic self, contributing to a sense of belonging. Second, it's not just social comparison. Unlike social comparison, which involves evaluating oneself relative to others, mattering focuses on the quality of interpersonal connections and the perception of being valued independent of comparisons. Mattering is also beyond self-actualization, while self-actualization pertains, realizing one's full potential, mattering recognizes the relational aspect

Starting point is 00:10:28 of this realization, encompassing an individual's impact on others and the value of their contributions within societal context. Mattering is not solely about receiving support. It involves feeling seen, acknowledged, and valued, encompassing a broader spectrum of relational dynamics beyond the provision of assistance. Lastly, mattering is differentiated from self-esteem and self-worth.

Starting point is 00:10:52 Mattering surpasses self-esteem, which centers on an individual's evaluation of their overall worth. It involves not only personal validation, but also the perception of being valued and recognized by others, emphasizing the relational facet of significance. Understanding these nuances shed light on the distinct nature of mattering within the realm of human psychology and interpersonal relationships. So now that we've learned how to distinguish mattering from other self-concepts, let's look at the social structural factors that shape the power of mattering. Mattering the perception of one's significance and relevance in society is not solely determined

Starting point is 00:11:30 by individual feelings and beliefs. It is intricately connected to social structural factors. Elements are our social and cultural environment that mold our understanding of our role in the world. Next, I'm going to dive into the key social structural factors that influence the power of mattering. The first is social identity, mattering perception, often hinges on one's identification

Starting point is 00:11:53 with social groups based on shared characteristics like race, gender, ethnicity, religion, and social economic status. For instance, an individual might feel a strong sense of belonging within their ethnic or cultural community, but marginalized in broader society due to their minority status. Next, let's examine media and representation. Media portrayal, or its absence, of various groups in movies, TV, advertising, and the news can reinforce or challenge societal norms and stereotypes. Authentic and positive representations in media

Starting point is 00:12:27 can bolster mattering while under-representation or negative portrayals can undermine it. Now let's examine its impact on educational systems, access to quality education, equitable funding, and inclusive curricula empower individuals to feel valued and significant. Conversely, educational disparities and discrimination can lead to feelings of not-mattering, particularly among marginalized groups, economic systems,

Starting point is 00:12:52 economic structures, economic insecurity, job instability, or limited access to resources, can foster feelings of insignificance in a society that values financial success, legal and political systems, equal legal protection, representation in government, and policies promoting social justice, can enhance mattering of all citizens. Conversely, systematic discrimination and disenfranchisement can breed a deep sense of not matter amongst marginalized groups, and lastly, cultural norms and beliefs, societies are advertising collectiveness, community, and social cohesion. Hendifaster a greater sense of matter among their members. In contrast, cultures emphasizing individualism and competition may inadvertently contribute to isolation and feelings of not matter.

Starting point is 00:13:41 In summary, mattering emerges from a complex interplay between individual emotions and social structural factors. Recognizing and addressing these factors is crucial for building a more inclusive and equitable society where everyone can feel valued, recognized, and significant. Now, let's explore the innate need for mattering and its consequences when lacking. The innate need for mattering is intimately tied to lacking. The innate need for mattering is intimately tied to emotional well-being and psychological fulfillment. When individuals perceive that they matter, to those around them, it instills a strong sense of purpose and belonging. Consequently, the recognition of one's significance forms a foundational pillar for self-esteem,

Starting point is 00:14:22 resilience, and the ability to navigate life's challenges. In a comprehensive 2009 study on mattering, social psychologist Gregory Elliott of Brown University, who I mentioned earlier, explored the connection between adolescent sense of mattering within their families and two distinct categories of issues, anti-social behaviors and self-destructive tendencies. This extensive study encompassing over 2,000 teenagers, underscored the pivotal role of mattering and shed light on the risks that are associated with its absence. Furthermore, the study revealed that a lack of mattering can contribute to self-destructive

Starting point is 00:14:59 behavior. Notably, adolescents who experienced a sense of mattering within their families exhibited significantly lower propensities for binge drinking, illicit drug use, and planning or attempting suicide. Numerous other studies have shown, in the absence of mattering, individuals may wrestle with feelings of isolation, disconnection, and lack of purpose. Mattering, therefore, transcends mirror attention seeking. It represents a deep-seated need to be woven

Starting point is 00:15:28 into the fabric of relationships and societal structures. Its significance extends beyond personal connections to encompass, contributing, the collective well-being of communities and societies. So how do we enable mattering for everyone? In a prior interview with renowned journalist and author, Jennifer Wallace, she illuminated a societal imbalance that places excessive emphasis on material and career achievements. Often overshadowing the intrinsic value of

Starting point is 00:15:59 caring relationships, innabrily kindness, Wallace passionately conveyed that the true essence of mattering transcends individual success, investing in relationships, embracing vulnerability, and fostering interdependence. At its core, mattering unfolds as a rich tapestry of belonging, extending far beyond acts of charity or empathy, as Professor Isaac Preletenski asserted at the 2019 World Happiness Summit,

Starting point is 00:16:27 mattering encompasses dismantling social injustices and advocating for fundamental human rights, including universal healthcare, quality housing, accessible education, and a living wage for all. Thus, a delicate equilibrium across the four dimensions of mattering, personal, relational, communal, and societal, proves to be paramount.

Starting point is 00:16:48 An unwavering focus on any single facet may inadvertently yield unintended consequences. Genuine significance and lasting happiness emerge from harmonizing the self with others. We're being valued by others harmoniously aligned with adding value to others. An essential facet of this equation is self-care or without self-nurturance, the kindness and affection

Starting point is 00:17:11 of others, lose their potency. Here's a comprehensive guide on empowering, mattering for all. First, cultivate inclusive spaces, nourish environments that embrace diversity, cherishing each individual's uniqueness. By fostering discrimination-free and judgment-free spaces, we create arenas where everyone feels a profound sense of belonging and significance. Second,

Starting point is 00:17:34 active listening invalidation. Champion active listening in interpersonal exchanges, providing a platform for unhindered self-expression, devoid of judgment, nurtures the invaluable feeling of being heard and validated crucial to matter. Third, equal opportunities for all, confront systemic obstacles and advocate for equitable access to opportunities, resources, and services. By dismantling inequalities, we empower everyone, regardless of their background or circumstance, to chase their dreams and believe in the importance of their contributions. Fourth, recognize and celebrate contributions.

Starting point is 00:18:11 Actively acknowledge and celebrate the contributions of each individual, whether in professional spheres or community endeavors, recognizing the impacts of one's efforts, fortifies their sense of significance, and motivates continued engagement. Fifth, promote acts of kindness and inclusion. Monest gestures, like checking in on others, offering a smile, or inviting them into conversations, wield immense power, and fostering a positive and inclusive milieu, validating the idea that everyone matters. Six, emphasize collective empowerment.

Starting point is 00:18:42 Foster a culture of collective empowerment, by illuminating the interdependence of individuals, and underscoring the cumulative influence of collaborative endeavors, we unite everyone with a shared purpose, bolstering their shared sense of matter. And seventh, educate on mental health and well-being, by destigmatizing mental health challenges, and offering readily accessible support resources. We ensure that individuals genuinely feel cared for, amplifying their overall sense of mattering, incorporating these guiding principles into our societal frameworks, policies, and daily interactions, catalyzes the cultivation of an inclusive and supportive environment.

Starting point is 00:19:21 One where every soul perceives their significance, our unwavering dedication to universal mattering enriches individual well-being and forges a global community found by compassion and interconnectedness. So I've covered a whole bunch today introducing the concept of mattering to you. Let's end by discussing how do we illuminate the power of mattering, where it forges a path elective prosperity. Mattering stands as an elemental human yearning, an invisible thread intricately woven into the tapestry of our shared experience. As we grasp the profound impact of mattering on our lives, we sow the seeds of a brighter tomorrow, where every soul finds purpose. Every voice is heard, and every life authentically matters. In a world where the significance of every soul is honored,

Starting point is 00:20:10 whether within the embrace of our families, the crucible of our workplaces, the intimacy of our relationships, where the grand canvas of our global society we collectively ascend the pinnacles of prosperity. The resonance of mattering extends far beyond the individual, echoing as a transformative ripple, capable of reshaping entire communities and societies. When individuals are genuinely convinced that they matter, they alter into catalysts for benevolence, champions of social accountability, and champions of active civic involvement. This shared pursuit

Starting point is 00:20:45 paves a thoroughfare to society where mattering isn't just a lofty aspiration, but a tangible lived actuality for all of us. By embracing the profound power of mattering in our lives, we erect the bedrock upon which a world is constructed, where every individual contributes to a more luminous, more interwoven tomorrow, a world in which every existence resonates with authentic significance. I hope you all enjoyed the show, and I wanted to thank everyone who wrote in this week,

Starting point is 00:21:16 and especially those who came and listened to today's episode. Links to the transcript will be in the show notes. Videos are on YouTube on both John Armiles, as well as our other channel at PassionStruck Clips. I have some exciting news that my book PassionStruck is now available for pre-order, and in it I go through 12 powerful principles for how you can not only unlock your purpose, but ignite your most intentional life. Everties or deals on discount codes are in one community in a place at PassionStruck.com slash deals.

Starting point is 00:21:45 I'm on social media everywhere at John Aramiles and you can sign up for my weekly newsletters at either JohnAramiles.com or PassionStruck.com. You're about to hear a preview of the PassionStark podcast interview I did with Martinez Evans. A man whose life is a testament to the power of intentionality. Martinez has embarked on a mission to make running a sport for everyone, fueled by his unwavering commitment to inclusivity, empowerment, and mattering. He is the author of the Slow AF Run Club,

Starting point is 00:22:14 the ultimate guide for anybody who wants to run. One of the things I used to tell people is that there's really a mindset for a lot of people like in their head, it's like, oh, I think do this. I see how far you, I don't know if I can get there right. And one of the things I tell people is that like don't fall into this comparison truck like your day zero will look different from my days and wrong. And that's okay. Your day 100 will look different from my day 100 and that's okay because it's not

Starting point is 00:22:42 where you started. It's where you go. Remember that we rise by lifting others. So share the show with those that you love and care about. And if you found today's episode on mattering useful and please share it with all of those people who need to hear this important message. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen.

Starting point is 00:23:02 Until next time, go out there and become Ash and Strong.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Why We All Crave to Matter: Exploring the Power of Mattering w/John R. Miles EP 356

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