Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Why We Fail to Take Responsibility for Our Life w/John R. Miles EP 169

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

People often ask me, 'Why do we fail to take responsibility for our choices?' In the words of Jim Rohn, "Either you run the day, or the day runs you." This illustrates how essential it is for us to take charge of our habits or inadvertently allow our choices to dictate our life.  When we fail to act, we allow fate to control our lives instead of us owning our destiny. As I discussed in last week's episode, it's why mediocre choices lead us to be average. --► Get the full show notes: https://passionstruck.com/why-we-fail-to-take-responsibility-for-our-life/  --► Subscribe to My Channel Here: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles --► Subscribe to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/passion-struck-with-john-r-miles/id1553279283 *Our Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/passionstruck. Thank You, Zocdoc, for Sponsoring. This episode of Passion Struck with John R. Miles is brought to you by Zocdoc, which is the start of a better health care journey for you. Find and book top-rated local doctors on demand. Visit them in their offices or video chat with them from home. Go to https://www.zocdoc.com/passionstruck. Download the Zocdoc app for FREE and start your search for a top-rated doctor today. Passion Struck Podcast Starter Packs New to the show? These Starter Packs are collections of our most popular episodes grouped by topic, and we now have them also on Spotify. To find your old favorites, you can also browse starter packs for existing listeners. Every week, John interviews everyday heroes from all walks of life. Learn how to subscribe to the show and never miss a new episode and topic. Why We Must Take Responsibility for our lives. Today, I take an in-depth look into what it means when we fail to take responsibility for our choices. Failure to do so results in us living on autopilot. We are like a balloon caught by the wind and utterly dependent on outside forces to guide our way. I will use the wise old man's fable to provide an overview of what taking responsibility in action looks like. 0:00 Announcements and teaser 3:20 Why "Either you run the day, or the day runs you.”  5:50 The Fable of the wise old man. 8:58 Why do people refuse to accept responsibility for their actions? 9:55 How to start taking responsibility for your life. 12:32 Examples of what it looks like when we take responsibility. 13:58 The importance of consistency in taking responsibility for your choices. 15:07 Why only you control the steering wheel of your life? 16:39 Wrap up and synthesis Show Discussion Questions Why do so many fail to take responsibility for their actions? What are the consequences of not holding ourselves accountable for our choices? What did you learn from the fable of the wise old man that you can apply in your life? What does it look like when we do take responsibility in our lives? Why are our choices so important? What are your key takeaways from today’s episode? How can you apply them to your life? How will you approach how you take responsibility in the future? Show Links Interested in reading the transcript for the episode: https://johnrmiles.com/why-you-fail-to-take-responsibility-for-your-life/  Purchase Victor Frankl's Book Man's Search for Meaning: https://amzn.to/3JkSkDN  Listen to my solo episode from last week on how you overcome the culture of exceptionalism: https://passionstruck.com/how-do-you-overcome-culture-of-exceptionalism/  Check out my interview with Virgin Unite President Jean Oelwang if you want to learn how to build powerful partnerships. My interview with Sara Mednick Ph.D. on the power of the downstate and its impact on performance and health: https://passionstruck.com/sara-mednick-recharge-your-brain-body/  My interview with Katy Milkman, Ph.D. on how to create lasting behavior change: https://passionstruck.com/katy-milkman-behavior-change-for-good/  My solo episode on why micro choices matter: https://passionstruck.com/why-your-micro-choices-determine-your-life/ My solo episode on why you must feel to heal: https://passionstruck.com/why-you-must-feel-to-find-emotional-healing/ Follow John on the Socials: * Twitter: https://twitter.com/Milesjohnr * Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/johnrmiles.c0m * Medium: https://medium.com/@JohnRMiles ​* Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/john_r_miles * LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/milesjohn/ * Blog: https://johnrmiles.com * Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/passion_struck_podcast/ * Gear: https://www.zazzle.com/store/passion_struck/ -- John R. Miles is the CEO, and Founder of PASSION STRUCK®, the first of its kind company, focused on impacting real change by teaching people how to live Intentionally. He is on a mission to help people live a no-regrets life that exalts their victories and lets them know they matter in the world. For over two decades, he built his own career applying his research of passion struck leadership, first becoming a Fortune 50 CIO and then a multi-industry CEO. John is also a prolific public speaker, venture capitalist, and author. Passion Struck is a full-service media company that helps people live intentionally by creating best-in-class educational and entertainment content.   

Coming up next on the Passion Struct Podcast, personal accountability is where you own your responsibility, for your actions, your choices, and commitments. This is often easier said than done, especially when holding yourself accountable for a failure or a mistake. Failure to take responsibility makes you feel like a piece of driftwood, moved by the current and the wind but with no apparent direction You become susceptible to all the negativities in life and meaning starts to allude you

Welcome to PassionStruct. Hi, I'm your host John Armeils and on the show We decipher the secrets tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turned their wisdom into practical advice of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guest-ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Momentum Friday, an episode 169 of PassionStruck.

Recently rated this week by Apple, it's one of the top five alternative health podcasts. And thank you again for you all coming here to listen and learn how to live better, be better, and impact the world. If you're new to the show, thank you so much for being here. If you want to introduce this to a friend or family member, and we love it when you do that, we now have episodes starter packs both on Spotify and on the PassionStruck website. These are collections of our fans' favorite episodes.

We organize into convenient topics to give any new listener a great way to get acquainted to everything we do here on the show. Just go to passionstruck.com slash starter packs to get started. And in case you missed my interviews from earlier this week, they included Kurt Wilken, who is an entrepreneur, a co-founder of Higher Better, and the author of the new book, Who's

Your Mike. And we discuss his tips of the people that you will encounter and the decisions that you need to make along your entrepreneurial journey. We also had on Abby Morgan, who is a playwright and screenwriter of some very popular films and TV series, including The Split, Suffers Yet, The Iron Lady, Invisible Man, and Many More. And we discuss her new book, This Is Not A Pity Memoir. And in case you missed my solo episode from last week, it was on Why Do Average Choices Lead to Media ochre Res results? Please check them all out. I also wanted to acknowledge our fan of the week,

Constance Smith, who writes, growth in every episode. I started listening to PassionStruck at the end of 2021. And since then, this podcast has always been one of my go-to's. I always end each episode with a sense of peace and empowerment. Thank you, John Miles, for helping me grow as I navigate life as a young adult. Thank you, Constance, so much for that review.

They go such a long way in helping with our ratings and the popularity of this show. And if you love today's episode or any of the ones I previously mentioned, we would so appreciate five-star rating or review. Now, let's talk about today's episode. I am often asked, why do people fail to take responsibility for their actions? As motivational speaker Jim Roan once said,

either you run the day or the day runs you, this quote highlights the importance of taking charge of our habits or inadvertently letting our choices dictate the state of our being. In a nutshell, we are doing exactly what we as humans are programmed to do. Due to our inactions, we allow life to happen to us. And as I talked about last week, it's why average choices lead to mediocre results. It's a sign of emotional maturity when we accept responsibility for our actions. It displays self-awareness and a belief that we can change and learn to do better. On the other hand, when we encounter entitlement, trauma, shame, perfectionalism, or denial, it often leads to our failure to hold ourselves accountable.

Instead, we find someone or something else to put blame on when things are not going our way. And the problem is that it cascades from there. I'm failing to take the necessary intentional actions to create the life that you want, you will ultimately end up with the one that you do not want. In the words of the notable talk show host, television producer, actress, author, and philanthropist,

Oprah Winfrey, you are responsible for your life. And if you're sitting around waiting for someone to save you, fix you, to even help you, you are wasting your life. And if you're sitting around waiting for someone to save you, fix you, to even help you, you are wasting your time because only you have the power to take responsibility, to move your life forward. And the sooner you get that, the sooner your life gets into gear. Taking responsibility in our lives starts in the everyday

things that we do, as well as the habits that we form. How you respond when you're in a traffic situation, what you do when you have a financial need, the food options that you choose that impact your health, how you react when someone annoys you, as well as countless other situations. These everyday situations make up the whole and determine if life will happen to us

or the other way around. To illustrate the point of today's episode, I will use the fable of the wise old man. It's a simple and relatable one, but learning and applying its lessons have far reaching impacts and helping us take charge of our lives. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Once upon a time, an old scholar was asked to win a boy of his bad habits. The wise old man took the child for a walk through a garden. As they approached a vegetable patch, he asked the young

boy to pull out a tiny plant that was growing there. The youth held the plant between his fingers and easily pulled it out. The old wise men then asked the boy to pull out a slightly larger plant. The child pulled hard and the plant came out, roots and all. Then the old wise man pointed to a bush and asked the youth to pull it out of the ground. The boy had pulled and pulled using all his strength, and finally he was able to yank it from the ground. The old man then pointed to a guava tree and asked the young boy to bring it to him. The youth grasped its trunk and tried with all his might to remove it, but the tree would not budge. I can't do it. It's simply impossible, said the boy, puffing and huffing from the effort. The wise old men then said,

so it is with bad habits and taking responsibility for your actions. When habits are initially formed, it's easy to stop them from growing. But when they become entrenched, they become so much harder to uproot. The boy learned a vital lesson from the wise old man, take responsibility for your bad choices and habits while you have control over them. Else they will start to control you. Like the story of the wise old man, it's a lot easier to talk about taking responsibility than to actually do it. As we can see from this story, taking responsibility for our actions requires us to realize that we play an integral role in every situation or experience that we encounter.

Therefore, we can all choose our responses. It really is up to us. Let's now examine the effects of not taking responsibility and the necessary steps to take charge and become our best selves. We will be right back to the Passion Struck podcast. Before you book any brunch, you pour over lists and lists of reviews. So why not do the same when you're booking a doctor's appointment? With ZopDoc, you can see real verified patient reviews to help find the right doctor and your network

and in your neighborhood. After all, finding the right doctor is just as if not more important than finding the right omelet. I use ZopDoc and you should too. In fact, I just used it to help me find a new dermatologist. ZopDoc is a free app that shows you doctors who are patient reviewed, take your insurance and are available when you need them. Go to zopdoc.com slash passion struck and download the zokdok app for free. Then start your search for a top rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours.

That's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash passion struck. zokdok dot com slash passion struck. Please consider supporting those who support this show and make it possible and free for our listeners. I know all those links can be difficult to remember. So we'll put them in one easy location. You can go to passion struck dot com slash deals. Now back to accept responsibility. Simply put, when you don't take responsibility for your life, things just happen to you. When I say things, I'm referring to every unwanted situation that you can imagine. Personal accountability is where you own your responsibility for your actions, choices, and commitments. This is often so much easier said than done, especially when holding yourself accountable for a failure or mistake. Failure to take responsibility makes you like a piece of driftwood, moved by the current

and wind without any goal or direction. You become susceptible to all the negatives in life, and meaning starts to allude you. You become complacent and constantly fear what the next moment may bring. So I want to do a quick check. Take a moment and ask yourself what things could happen if I don't take personal responsibility for my life. Think deeply about your answer. Many times we feel helpless when we're faced with challenges. This feeling of helplessness or hopelessness is often a result of our inability to see and understand

that we are not merely subjects to circumstances, but there are always available options in any given situation. We need to realize that in life, we are all given choices to make, and those choices not circumstances will ultimately determine the state of our lives. Taking personal responsibility all begins with your understanding of the power of choice and knowing that you can always choose. Let us consider the case of Dr. Victor Frankl, a neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher, writer, and holocaust survivor. In his autobiographical book, Man's Search for Meaning, he emphasized the need for everyone to

realize that we all have choices despite the situations that we find ourselves meaning. He emphasized the need for everyone to realize that we all have choices despite the situations that we find ourselves in. He wrote, we who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked throughout the huts, confronting others and giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man, but one thing, the last of human freedoms, to choose one's own way. And there were always choices to make every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision. A decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your

very self, your inner freedom, which determined whether or not you would become the plaything of circumstance, renouncing freedom and dignity to become molded into the form of a typical inmate. Through these words, he made it clear that we each follow our own paths, and that it's our choices that ultimately make the difference between accepting responsibility and accountability for our actions, no matter what we may be facing. Even when you've been mistreated and hurt, you can still, in that very situation, choose to focus on helping others who are in similar predicaments. And although you can't control everything, you can control the things that absolutely matter.

You and only you have the power over your mind. Once you realize this, you will find the strength to courageously decide to move past whatever stops you from rising to responsibility. The fact is, it doesn't matter where you come from or what your background is. It doesn't matter what someone did to you in the past.

What matters is now the present because the present is all that you have. And your willingness to accept it, forgive the past and ultimately take responsibility, will help you move forward into the future that you desire. So what are some common examples of taking accountability for your actions? There are many ways to take accountability in your life, including these eight examples. You recognize and own your responsibility for whatever is transpiring. If you hurt someone, you have the self-awareness and willingness to acknowledge how your communication may have been damaging to the other person. You accept responsibility when you're at fault.

You stick up for what is right, not what is popular. You stop making excuses for the negative things that happen to you. You don't pass off accountability or all the failure onto your friends, partner, or subordinates. You hold yourself accountable for missing deadlines. If you experience relationship troubles, you seek to understand how you are contributing to and even exasperating the challenges in the friction.

Do you have a topic like today's that you would like to see us cover? You can reach us at Momentum Friday at passionstruck.com. Keep your emails concise. Use a descriptive subject line. That keeps things easy for us. Reach out to us if there's a topic you're interested in learning about. There's something that maybe you're going through, any big decision that you're wrestling with, or perhaps you just want a new perspective

on work, love, or life. Whatever's got you staying up at night, hit us up at Momentum Friday at PassionStruck.com. We're here to help and we keep every email anonymous now back to PassionStruck. So now that I've given you those eight examples, let's discuss the consistency that's required in taking responsibility. Once you choose to be responsible in your life, you must realize that it's going to take a lot of conscious effort and strength to stay down that path. Humans by nature are creatures of habit, as I talked about at the beginning of this episode.

We quickly do those things we're already used to doing, and whenever we try to do things differently, there will always be the tendency to step back into our bad habits. After you've decided to take charge of your life, you need to consciously put in the work every day to ensure that you do what you say. Like with the story of the wise old man, there will be many situations that will provide the opportunities to exercise your ability to take responsibility. Recognize them as they come and see their importance. When you consistently do your best to take charge in each situation, you will strengthen your ability to take accountability for your actions. Over time,

taking responsibility will become your first and natural response in any given situation. Also, check out my previous episode on the Science of Habits and how to make healthy habits stick. The aim of this episode isn't to discard the reality of the difficulties in some people's lives or others. Some people are simply more advantaged than others. They're born and raised into better homes, given access to better financial resources, live in more enabling environments, and so forth. But the reality is life is simply not fair. You must accept your reality because it's all that you have to work with. When you do, you will be able to find meeting in your life, take responsibility for

your actions and unleash your contribution to the world. Be intentional about taking the driver's wheel of your life and don't leave it on autopilot like that piece of driftwood. The only person who can empower you is you, but if you don't take responsibility, that power will remain dormant and eventually die out. When you do, you will be able to change not just the world within you, but also the one outside as well. Remember, time only knows one thing, and that is to move forward. If you don't take charge of your life today, you won't only be stagnant. You will find yourself retrenching as the world around you moves forward.

Choose to be intentional with your life today. Realize it may be difficult for you to take responsibility for your actions, particularly when they have consequences. But rest assured, it will be worth it. John C. Maxwell, the best-selling author, once penned, people who blame others for their failures never overcome them. They simply move from problem to problem. To reach your potential, you must continually improve yourself.

And you can't do that if you don't take responsibility for your actions and learn from your mistakes. Hey y'all, I hope you enjoyed the show. I want to thank everyone who wrote in this week and especially those who tuned in and listened to the show. A link to thank everyone who wrote in this week and especially those who tuned in and listened to the show. A link to the transcript will be in the show notes. Videos are on YouTube at JohnRMiles where we now have over 360 videos for you to prove. Advertiser deals and discount codes are all in one convenient place at passionstruck.com slash deals. I'm at JohnRMiles

both on Twitter and Instagram and you can also find me on LinkedIn. You are about to hear a preview of the PassionStruck podcast interview with DJ Vannis, who is an author, internationally acclaimed speaker, an author of two New York Times bestselling books. In episode, we discuss his new book, The Warrior Within, and how you can apply the warrior spirit to your life. That warrior role, travel commues, is very different than that Hollywood image. That's not the image

that we have in our travel communities. Somebody who has dedicated their life to service. And it wasn't about glory, it was about what they could contribute to their tribe. And we sometimes have a misconception that the warrior is all about, they get it right every time, they make no mistakes, they don't feel pain, they don't feel fear, which is all baloney. I mean, that's garbage.

It gets us into trouble when we over romanticize that role. Remember, we rise by lifting others. So share this show with those you love. And if you found this episode useful, please share it with someone else who can use the advice that I gave today in the meantime Do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen and we'll see you next time Live life passion struck you