Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Why You Must Feel to Heal w/ John R. Miles Episode 142

Starting point is 00:00:00 Coming up next on the Passion Struck Podcast, we live in a world that constantly promotes feel-good culture and suppresses sadness. We are always told to try to stay happy no matter our personal circumstances. While we are meant to avoid situations that can cause pain, there are certain circumstances when things are beyond our control and emotional suffering becomes inevitable.

Starting point is 00:00:27 At times like this, we need to be able to look past the pain and turn that suffering into resilience and growth. Welcome to PassionStruct. Hi, I'm your host, John Armiles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

Starting point is 00:00:56 If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guest ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Momentum Friday, an episode 142 of Passion Struck, one of the top 10 alternative health podcasts in the world. Thank you to all of you who come back weekly to listen and learn, how to live better, be better, and impact the world.

Starting point is 00:01:35 And in case you missed my episodes from earlier in the week, we had on two amazing guests. The first was Admiral James Stavridis, and we launched his brand new book to risk it all. What an inspiring interview where we talk about different characters he profiles throughout the book along with talking about his other books, Sailant True North and 2034. We then had on Higgin Gilles, a friend of mine who is a former F-18 strike pilot who survived the fastest ejection in naval history. And he talks about his heroine story, his survival in the water for over two hours,

Starting point is 00:02:12 and the aftermath. Two interviews you absolutely do not want to miss. And if you missed my momentum Friday episode from last week, it was on our belief systems and how we can control them and greatly influence the lives that we want to live. I also wanted to acknowledge our fan of the week Orlando Hour, who writes, great stuff. I highly appreciate John's mission of showing us another perspective and possibilities in living an intentional life through his work and the work of the people that he interviews. He is part of the positive movement that is impacting the planet, not all is negative and gloomy, to break the chains of conditioning to limited ideas. Bravo to him. Thank you so much, Orlando, for that amazing review.

Starting point is 00:02:58 And thank you to all of you who have rated or reviewed the show. We now have over 8,000 five star ratings globally, and those impact the popularity of our show and our passion struck mission so much. Thank you for all those ratings, and also for forwarding these episodes to your friends and family members. It means so much to us and growing this community. Now, let's talk about today's episode. Yoko Ono said, nobody's life is a bet of roses. We all have crosses to bear and we all just do our best. The reality of life is that it is not a bet of roses, but at the same time, neither is it a bet of thorns. We all experience lows and highs. It's like the ocean's vastness and we are passengers on a boat adrift sometimes experiencing smooth sailing and at other times rough seas.

Starting point is 00:03:49 These varying emotions and situations contribute meaning to life and make it complete and whole. What then happens when life goes on as we hand plan and hope? How do we process and cope with those painful emotions? Whether it's due to their potency or the lack of the ability to handle them, emotions can be very challenging to manage. It might be easier to pretend they just don't exist or to just try to numb them out. Numbing out painful emotions is what some people try to do to cope with these emotional situations. They engage in destructive behaviors

Starting point is 00:04:22 like abusing alcohol and drugs and unhealthy behaviors like overworking, emotional eating and excessive binge watching. Hoping that these activities will take their pain away, but the only thing these harmful activities do is ease the pain for a little bit because over time it only worsens when the pain returns. Knowing that pain and challenges will always be a part of your life. It is so important to understand how to give those painful emotions, full expression and learn how to deal with them in healthy ways that can make you stronger

Starting point is 00:04:55 and even better because of the situations. And last week's episode, I spoke about how our belief systems shape our reality and help you through some exercises where you could turn your beliefs into things that could so transform your life. This premise allows us to understand that our belief system directly correlates to how we view pain and trauma. It also helps us to endure them.

Starting point is 00:05:20 In today's episode, I will be helping you to see the need to express sadness and pain in healthy ways instead of harmful ones. Let us begin with the story of a notable celebrity who do for the pressure and challenges that he faced at a young age, engaged in drinking and drug use to numb his pain, but eventually came to terms with this situation and learned how to deal with it intentionally. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Robert Downey Jr. was born in New York to an actor and filmmaker, Robert Downey Sr.,

Starting point is 00:06:06 an actress mother, L.C. Ann. He started his acting career in 1970 at the age of five with his acting debut in his father's film, titled, Pound. Growing up, he would go on sets with his father and it was from that tender experience that he started to develop an interest in acting. However, something else was also getting his attention at this young age. Downey's father started exposing him to drugs at the age of six. And from then on, drug use became sort of an emotional bond between the two. He noted that he and his father, doing drugs together, was like an expression of love for him. As Downey grew an age and advanced in the profession, he began to gain fame and tremendous recognition. However, the pressure of measuring up to high

Starting point is 00:06:51 expectations and stardom at his young age impacted him greatly. And to cope, he began to engage in very harmful activities. He would spend most nights abusing alcohol and fervently scouting for hard drugs. This habit started in his early years and carried out into his adulthood, even after getting married. Whenever he was stressed or faced difficult challenge, he would abuse alcohol and drugs with his buddies. Downey Jr. was arrested many times in the summer of 1996 for odd and reckless fuel to behavior. One incident had police stopping him for speeding, and once they pulled him over, they discovered that he was intoxicated. But in addition to being intoxicated,

Starting point is 00:07:32 he also had cocaine and heroin in the car, as well as an unloaded 356 magnum that was in his passenger seat. Downey bounced in and out of rehab for addiction in state institutions in California for the following few years. He was sentenced to three years in state prison in 1999 and served 12 months before being paroled. He was arrested twice more in the next eight months before being sentenced to six months more at Wavelinx International. One of the many court ordered addiction programs. He

Starting point is 00:08:01 visited over the years. This period of Downey's life was his lowest point of addiction, and also the time when he lost everything. Hollywood considered him a choreo and a laughing stock. His wife left him and took their son. He was sacked from his role as Larry Paul in the sitcom Element Bill and had plunged into massive debt. It was at this lowest point that Downey finally made the decision to quit drugs and alcohol for good. Two years later, after spending more time in rehab, Robert Downey Jr. began making a comeback. He had remarried by this time, and with support from his wife Susan Yoga and his renewed career, he managed to stay busy and focused. He overcame his addiction and was able to stay sober to this day. His acting career from that point forward thrived, leading to his greatest triumph, starring as Tony Stark and Marvel

Starting point is 00:08:51 Studios Iron Man, and the Avengers film franchises. He has received several awards including the Bafta and Golden Globe and also was nominated for two Oscars. For Avengers Endgame, he recently grossed over $75 million. I used Downey's Transformation Story today because it conveys several important questions that I will now tackle. Why is it essential that we experience pain? Is it okay to feel sadness? Why do we handle pain in harmful ways

Starting point is 00:09:22 and end up trying to numb our emotions? What are the correct ways to numb our emotions? What are the correct ways to manage painful emotions? We will be right back to the Passion Start podcast. This year, one of my goals is to try to revive my Spanish for an upcoming trip I have to Puerto Rico. With Babel, the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions,

Starting point is 00:09:42 not only is learning a new language fun, the whole Babel process is addictively fun. It's fast, it's easy. Babel teaches bite-sized language lessons for real-world use. And I use my daily morning walks to digest Babel's 15-minute lessons, which make it the perfect way to learn a new language on the go. I also enjoy their games. Other language apps use AI for their lesson plans,

Starting point is 00:10:08 but Babel lessons were created by over 100 actual language experts. With Babel, you can choose from 14 different languages, including Spanish, French, Italian, and German. Plus, Babel's speech recognition technology helps you improve your pronunciation and accent. Start your new language journey today with Babel. And right now, save up to 60% off your subscription when you go to Babel.com slash PassionStruck. That's B-A-B-B-E-L.

Starting point is 00:10:38 .com slash PassionStruck for up to 60% off your subscription. Babel. Language for life. Now back to passion struck. What is the importance of painful experiences? We live in a world that constantly promotes feel-good culture and suppresses sadness. We are old to try to stay happy, no matter our circumstances. While we are meant to avoid situations that can cause pain, there are certain times when things are beyond our control and emotional suffering becomes inevitable.

Starting point is 00:11:09 At times like this, we need to be able to look past the pain and turn that suffering into resilience and growth. I recently interviewed Susan Cain about her new book Better Sweet, How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole. In our discussion, Susan explored the bitter sweet state of mind and how it is the silent force that helps us to transcend our individual and collective pain. She emphasizes that if we don't acknowledge our own longings and sorrows, we can inflict them on others via abuse, domination, or neglect. But if we come to realize that all humans know or will know suffering and loss,

Starting point is 00:11:46 we can turn towards each other. And we can learn to alter our own pain into connection, transcendence, and creativity. Allowing yourself to be unhappy does not imply wallowing or self-pity. Choosing sadness actually has several advantages, and it primarily enables you to accept the reality of your current feelings, which is the first step to processing your emotions. So you may now be wondering, is it okay to feel sad? As I previously mentioned, having times when we feel pain is a natural

Starting point is 00:12:17 and inevitable part of life, but aside from just having to cope with these times, we need to realize that there are both social and psychological benefits who experience them. The following are some of the benefits. First, sadness can connect you with others. According to 2018 research in new ideas and psychology, sadness actually encourages others

Starting point is 00:12:37 to treat you with empathy, thus providing you with care and compassion when you need it the most. 2015 research on social motives and preferences for group-based sadness found that expressing sadness can create a shared sense of values and ultimately brings people together. This helps to unite people and ultimately leads to a world that is filled with compassion.

Starting point is 00:13:00 Second, it helps you to process complexity. According to the same 2018 research, when the melancholy state compels you to disconnect, you're actually experiencing a protective mechanism designed to keep you safe during vulnerable periods. When you are feeling low, some alone time may assist your mind and body to reduce unneeded stimuli. This can help allow you to process deep and complex emotions.

Starting point is 00:13:24 Third, it's a natural part of grieve and can help allow you to process deep and complex emotions. Third, it's a natural part of grieve and can help you express an experience growth. Sadness is a component of grieve and the normal response to managing loss. Experts say that sorrow is a phase in the grief cycle that fosters contemplation. This means that melancholy may actively assist you in making sense of the intense feelings of sorrow. Sadness is also linked to post-traumatic growth, which can occur to adverse life circumstances and trauma. Post-traumatic growth may result in a more robust spiritual sense or determination to affect

Starting point is 00:13:57 positive change. Fourth, it can lead to more satisfaction. In some cases, sadness can be a symptom that something in your life, such as a relationship, a job or decision, isn't working out. When this happens, you must take time to ponder how the sadness could be pointing you in the right direction, turning it into that feeling could be the first step towards making a much needed change, which ultimately will help you get more satisfaction from life. So now that we've talked about why it is okay to feel sadness, let's now go into why do people handle their pain in harmful ways? Do two people's inability to handle their sad emotions? Some people engage in emotional suppression. As the words indicate, this is an act of numbing or suppressing emotions. This is a very unhealthy way to deal with your emotions. As it prevents you from processing experience

Starting point is 00:14:47 and getting healed, causes more distress, as well as impacting one's health negatively. To suppress their painful emotions, people often engage in excessive drinking or taking drugs or some of the other abusive habits I covered earlier in the podcast. According to Dr. John Mendelssohn, a clinical professor of medicine at the University of California, San Francisco, alcohol works by flooding the brain with dopamine and creating the feelings of euphoria. It also inhibits judgment and memory. And together, these can both temporarily release feelings of sadness or stress.

Starting point is 00:15:22 He, however, adds when the alcohol wears off and the negative emotions come rushing back, you may feel even worse than you did before. What is the right way to handle painful emotions? The only way to effectively handle these emotions of sadness and pain is to first accept them and not deny that they exist. Accepting them allows your feelings to be what they are without judging or trying to change them. Acceptance simply means being aware of your emotions and taking them for what they are currently, knowing that they won't last and you will get better on the other side of them. Realize that accepting emotions does not imply that you have to be continually miserable or in pain.

Starting point is 00:15:59 It also doesn't imply that you have to keep these terrible emotions inside or force yourself to experience emotional distress. It simply means letting go of your attempts to control your emotions and recognizing that your feelings and beliefs cannot damage you. But the things that you might try to get rid of these emotions, such as drinking and drugs, can. Do you have a topic like todays that you would like to see us cover? You can reach us at Momentum Friday at passionstruck.com. Keep your emails concise. Use a descriptive subject line. That keeps things easy for us.

Starting point is 00:16:33 Reach out to us if there's a topic you're interested in learning about. There's something that maybe you're going through any big decision that you're wrestling with or perhaps you just want a new perspective on work, love, or life. Whatever's got you staying up at night, hit us up at Momentum Friday at PassionStruck.com. We're here to help and we keep every email anonymous now, back to PassionStruck.

Starting point is 00:16:57 The following are some approaches that you can take to effectively handle your emotions. First, cry whenever you feel the need. Christian Nestaalbove once said, Tears aren't nature's lotions for the eyes. The eyes see better from being washed by them. Indeed, we can view things differently and deeply after having an experience that made us shed tears. Crying is the body's natural process

Starting point is 00:17:20 of physically expressing an intense feeling of sorrow. So when the situation prompts those tears, find a comfortable time in place to let them all out rather than holding them in and trying to numb them. Expressing sadness by crying can also help others who are around you recognize that you're experiencing grief and prompt them to give their support and understanding. Second, have a sincere conversation with yourself. You can effectively do this by journaling your deepest thoughts. This will help you to better understand why things happened as they did. Draw lessons from the situation and realize the best ways to grow through it.

Starting point is 00:17:55 Third, talk to someone. Besides talking to yourself, talking to someone else, be it a friend or family member, or even someone you may have just met, could go a long way in helping you clear your head and lighten the weight of the emotions that you're feeling. Fourth, practice mindfulness and meditation. The art of mindfulness and meditation go a long way in helping you heal, and I've covered this in a myriad of past episodes, but one of the best ones is my interview with Dr. David Vago, who is one of the foremost experts in the world on meditation. When you practice meditation and mindfulness, you will be able to consciously choose to pay attention to what is happening in each moment and do so without self-judgment. This will help you calm your mind and train your focus on things that you can control, ultimately enabling you to be at peace with your pain. Fifth, seek professional help. The decision to quit abusing alcohol or drugs is the most difficult step. Once you

Starting point is 00:18:50 have made that decision, it is so important to then follow it up with intentional action. Your decision to quit alone may not be enough because your brain has been wired in this habit of drug and alcohol use. You will need support in the form of therapy, a group session, or so forth. So take prompt action in seeking out these relative professionals, and you can be assured of a definite process to total recovery. Sixth, keep a broad perspective. Life is diverse, and the moments we experience connect themselves in ways that we cannot even imagine. Keeping a broad view of life will help you to realize that some of your most difficult situations

Starting point is 00:19:27 lead to some of your most positive and biggest lessons in eventual success. So learn to keep your head up high and hope for better days while you experience today's challenging situations. So I've covered a lot today, so let me help you summarize and wrap this all up. In the words of Bob Goff,

Starting point is 00:19:45 our pain is never wasted. For what brings us tears will lead us to grace. Having sad times and difficult emotions is a natural part of life. As I explained in episode 19 of PassionStruck, you can always choose how you're going to respond to every situation that you face in life. Every one of the choices we make shapes our experiences and brings us to where we are in our life. Also, keep in mind that the aim is not to get rid of the emotion, but to allow yourself to fully feel it. So, ensure that whatever activity you choose to engage in

Starting point is 00:20:20 is to the end that you can express your emotions. So, the next time that you feel like numbing your emotional pain, take a deep breath. Remember everything that I have just taught you throughout this podcast and lean in and give full expression to that emotion. Only then we start to be genuinely healed and grow to become a better version of yourself. I wish you strength, clarity and peace to guide you through the painful days that we all experience as part of life's journey. Thank you for taking the time to be with us here today. And if you're new to the show or you would like to introduce this to a friend

Starting point is 00:20:54 or family member, we now have episode starter packs both on Spotify and the PassionStrike website. These are collections of your favorite episode that we organize into different topics such as relationships overcoming adversity, entrepreneurship, and so many more. Just go to passionstruck.com slash starter packs to get started. And additionally over the next few weeks, we have some amazing interviews coming on, including my interview with Dr. Sarah Faye, where we discuss the six misdiagnoses that she was given, her approach to curing herself from them and her exploration of why the DMS manual, which is the psychiatric Bible, is ultimately flawed and how you can learn to take care of your own health journey.

Starting point is 00:21:40 We also have the book launch on June 9th of Michael Selegan's brand new book about secrets, and he is one of the foremost experts in the world on that topic. I also have interviews coming up with Hot Castos, Kathy Heller, Fisad Moral, Sandy Stowe's, Dr. Katie Milkman, and so many additional interviews coming your way. So if there's a guest that you would like to see me interview or a topic like today's that you would like to hear me discuss. Please reach out to us at Momentum Friday at PassionStruct.com. Now go out there and live life PassionStruct. Thank you so much for joining us.

Starting point is 00:22:14 The purpose of our show is to make Passion Go viral. And we do that by sharing with you the knowledge and skills that you need to unlock your hidden potential. If you want to hear more, please subscribe to the PassionStruct podcast on Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher or wherever you listen to your podcast ad. And if you absolutely love this episode, we'd appreciate a five-star rating on iTunes, and you're sharing it with three of your most group-minded friends, so they can post it as well to their social accounts

Starting point is 00:22:45 and help us grow our passion-struck community. If you'd like to learn more about the show and our mission, you can go to passionstruck.com where you can sign up for our newsletter, look at our tools, and also download the show notes for today's episode. Additionally, you can listen to us every Tuesday and Friday, or even more of Inspiring Content. And remember, make a choice, work hard, and step into your sharp edges. Thank you again for joining us. you

Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Why You Must Feel to Heal w/ John R. Miles Episode 142

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