Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Why You Need to Stop Chasing Perfection in Your Life w/John R. Miles EP 250

Episode Date: February 3, 2023

Do you constantly fear not doing things correctly? Do you strive for perfection in both your work and personal life? Does your fear of making mistakes and disappointing others drive you to push yourself excessively, making pursuing perfection a part of your daily routine? I understand the pressure you are under to be perfect. I've been there too. Let’s dive deep into understanding the need to be perfect and ways to stop chasing perfection in our lives here on Momentum Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, John R. Miles (@John_R_Miles) takes your comments and questions for Momentum Friday right here every week! If you want him to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Momentum Friday episodes, drop us a line at [e-mail]. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: https://passionstruck.com/stop-chasing-perfection/   What I Discuss About You Need to Stop Chasing Perfection in Your Life In this episode, I delve into the subject of perfectionism. What it is and what it isn't. I examine its various forms and root causes and present five strategies to help you to stop chasing perfection, allowing you to achieve your highest potential. Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [e-mail]! Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMiles and on Instagram at @john_R_Miles. Prefer to watch this episode: https://youtu.be/uRKYIsFVqXE  Subscribe to our main YouTube Channel Here: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles Subscribe to our YouTube Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@passionstruckclips Brought to you by Policygenius. --► For information about advertisers and promo codes, go to: https://passionstruck.com/deals/  Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally! Want to find your purpose in life? I provide my six simple steps to achieving it - passionstruck.com/5-simple-steps-to-find-your-passion-in-life/ Want to hear my best interviews from 2022? Check out episode 233 on intentional greatness and episode 234 on intentional behavior change. Learn more about John: https://johnrmiles.com/ 

Coming up next on the Passion Struck Podcast, perfectionism stems from a false sense of pride and a way to save face. It's a manifestation of egotism, which disappears when we shift our focus from ourselves to serving others. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John Armyles,

and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guest ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists,

military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello everyone and welcome back to episode 250 of PassionStruck, ranked by FeedSpot as one of the top 50 most inspirational podcasts of 2022. And thank you to each and every one of you who comes back weekly. But listen and learn, how to live better, be better, and impact the world. And if you're new to the show, thank you so much for being here. Or you would simply like to introduce this to a friend or family member.

We now have episodes starter packs, which are collections of our fans' favorite episodes. And we organize them in a convenient topic to give any new listener a great way to get acquainted to everything that we do here on the show. Either go to Spotify or PassionStruct.com slash starter packs to get started. And in case you missed it, earlier this week I interviewed New York Times best-selling author, personal branding expert and speaker, Bory Vaden. About why you were best positioned to serve the person you once were. And I also interviewed Captain Sandy Yon, who was a super yacht captain and the star of Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean. We discuss her debut book, Be the Calm, or Be the Storm. Leadership lessons from a woman at the helm.

And I want to thank you so much for your continued support of the show. Your ratings and reviews go such a long way to helping increase the popularity, and more importantly, to bring more people into this passion-struct community, where we can give them weekly doses of inspiration, hope, meaning, and connection. Now let's talk about today's episode. Good is the Enemy of Great is a phrase made famous by Jim Collins that refers to settling for less after achieving some success instead of striving for more. Many misinterpret this to mean that perfect is necessary, but this is not the case. This idea of being perfect is what French philosopher Valterre was addressing when he made the statement, perfect is the enemy of good, which means that pursuing perfection and prevent one from doing the good that they are capable of now.

Today we live in a culture where perfectionism is glamorized and anything less is looked down upon. This has caused many people to go to extreme lengths seeking the perfect body, spouse, career, and so on, making them consistently dissatisfied with themselves. Understandably, the pursuit of perfection can be a driving force for many people pushing them to strive for the best in all aspects of their lives. However, this phenomenon known as perfectionism can also be a significant roadblock to achieving goals and leading a fulfilling life. It can lead to disappointment, frustration, and at worst, the belief that nothing is ever good enough.

Today's topic covers the topics of perfectionism, exploring its forms, causes, and methods that you can use to overcoming it from hindering your ability to consistently perform at your best. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life now. Let that journey begin. So I'm going to start today's discussion by exploring what perfectionism is and what it isn't. Grasp the cause of perfectionism and how to handle it, it's essential to distinguish between

being a high achiever and being a perfectionist. Both desire success, but high achievers are driven by a desire to do their best, while perfectionists are driven by fear and held back by the fear of failure. High achievers aim for excellence and maximize their potential with present control, while perfectionists focus on flawlessness and avoid criticism which results in inaction. Perfection is often an illusion, focusing on the destination while ignoring the progress and seemingly little success made along the journey.

It can have a significant impact on mental and physical health, bringing about feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression. It can also lead to procrastination, as people may avoid starting a project or task altogether because they're afraid that they're not going to be able to do it perfectly. Furthermore, perfectionism can significantly impact relationships, because when you set unrealistic standards for those around you, they can become annoyed and it can even drive them away. Now, the goal is not to discredit the pursuit of perfection, but instead adopt the perspective of Ilya Kachopki, the world record holder

in Marathons, who says to have an unwavering dedication to being good enough, being realistic with yourself and consistently doing your best is critical. Remember, greatness is built on a foundation of good. Consider the words of Vince Lombardi, one of the greatest American football coaches of all time, who said, perfection is not attainable. But if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence. Embrace this mindset and strive for excellence as perfection is unattainable. Don't waste time chasing something that can't be reached. Instead, focus on achieving excellence. So that begs the question, what causes perfectionism? Is perfection really the goal that we should strive for? Psychologists say no. While some drive for excellence can be helpful, excessive perfectionism has been linked to mental health diseases as I

discussed earlier, eating disorders and even the risk of death. So let's reconsider what we mean by perfect. The perfectionism trait is not something that we're born with. It is usually caused by certain external circumstances and environmental factors that we might not even be aware of, including trauma or abuse, high expectations from parents, teachers, or other role models. Growing up with overly critical or perfectionist parents, a desire to please others and seek external validation,

a need for control, a fear of failure, a desire to avoid criticism or shame, low self-esteem or negative self-image, and lastly, the pressure of cultural or social expectations. It can also be a combination of these factors and varies from person to person. So what are the pitfalls of perfectionism? Being a perfectionist is a double-edged sword, is it's hard to be perfect or even reach personal best. Moreover, perfectionism often leads to decreased achievements and

increased stress compared to high achievers. Unhealthy perfectionism is defined by excessive control seeking behavior. Perfectionists can become overly critical and obsessed with making everything perfect, which can result in attempts to control situations or people damaging personal relationships. Perfectionism also leads to higher stress levels, which can trigger anxiety and cause adverse outcomes, such as low esteem, eating disorders, sleep issues, and psychological distress. Perfectionalism is driven by ego and stems from a false sense of pride and a way to save face. It's a manifestation of egotism, which disappears when we shift our focus from serving self to serving others.

When our minds are preoccupied with ourselves, we miss the opportunity to improve our lives and those around us. Fixating unperceived shortcomings is self-centered and dissatisfaction will persist until you break away from this perfectionist mindset. And you also need to avoid the effortless perfection trap. The culture of effortless perfection is a social phenomenon where there's an expectation or pressure to attain and maintain a state of perfection in all areas of life without putting in much effort or struggle. It's often perpetuated by the media, social networks, and popular culture, creating unrealistic expectations and standards for individuals to meet.

This can lead to a feeling of inadequacy, stress, and burnout. As people try to meet these expectations while ignoring the effort and hard work that goes into achieving real excellence. So that begs the question, how do you recognize if you are a perfectionist? In case you're wondering if you classify as a perfectionist or not, maybe you've noticed some of the related traits earlier mentioned in yourself, but you're not sure if that makes you one.

Then you might want to ask yourself these questions. Am I afraid of making mistakes to the point of refusing to take action? Am I constantly criticize myself? Do I find it difficult to accept compliments? Do I always procrastinate? Am I excessively focused on details? Do I find it difficult to acknowledge my mistakes? Do I hold back from delegating tasks

because I feel like I can do them better? If you are answered to the question is yes, then you should know that you most likely fall into the category of being a perfectionist. And if you want to take a more extensive test, I'll put a link to it in the show notes. Now we're going to get to the category of being a perfectionist. And if you wanna take a more extensive test, I'll put a link to it in the show notes. Now we're gonna get to the heart of the episode, and I'm gonna discuss, how do you overcome

being a perfectionist? Perfectionism is not something that can be changed overnight, but with patients understanding in the right tools, it is possible to overcome perfectionism and lead a happier and more fulfilling life. The following are five ways to achieve the freedom from this trap of perfectionism and lead a happier and more fulfilling life. The following are five ways to achieve the freedom from this trap of perfectionism. The first is to develop the right mindset and beliefs.

Perfectionism starts in your mind. Your beliefs about the ideal life shape how you live. If you only focus on the end result of your goals and aim to control every aspect of the journey, frustration and disappointment may arise. This is because perfection is not attainable and striving for it can be consistently unrealistic. Our mindset and beliefs play a major role in shaping perfectionism. Suppose an individual has a perfectionist mindset and believes that everything must be perfect in order to be successful. In that case, the belief can drive them to strive for perfection in every aspect of their life, which can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, and frustration when things don't go as planned. On the other hand,

having a growth mindset and a belief in the power of effort and improvement and foster a healthier approach to pursuing excellence rather than perfection. So you must let go of your need for control, find meaning in whatever you do and always keep the big picture in mind. You don't have to get everything right at all times. Give yourself the space to figure things out along the way and you'll be able to take the necessary actions no matter how imperfect they may seem. Second, set realistic goals. It's okay to dream big, but some people make the mistake of setting unrealistic goals and setting the bar way too high.

This leads to them wanting to constantly attain perfection, which simply can't be reached. It ultimately results in frustration and can make them fail to take any action at all. So ensure that the goals you set are realistic and achievable. Make sure they are ones that will stretch you but not break you. Set deadlines for your tasks and prioritize the most important things so that you can focus and avoid getting bogged down by unnecessary details. And as you take steps towards achieving your dreams, let your focus be on the progress. You're making and reaching them.

Do the best possible that you can each time and everything will add up as it's supposed to be to help you become your best. Third, accept yourself and have self-compassion. Alfred Adler once said, have the courage to be imperfect. You might seek perfection to your detriment when you're too hard on yourself. You need to learn to love and accept yourself as you are while aiming to be a better person. Without this, you'll find that you're constantly beating yourself up and not allowing yourself to grow as you should. Create yourself with the same kindness,

caring, and concern that you would show to a good friend and allow yourself to make mistakes. Adam Osborne, who introduced the first portable computer, said, the most valuable thing that you can make is a mistake. You can't learn anything from being perfect. Understand that mistakes and failures are not reflections of your worth as a person, but rather opportunities to grow. Make the most of these opportunities and don't allow the hold of perfectionism to stop you from learning and grow in. Fourth, seek professional help and support. Due to the challenges associated with perfectionism, such as anxiety and depression, eating disorders and so on as I've covered a few times, it's essential to surround yourself with the support of people who encourage and inspire you rather than feed you with perfectionism. This can be friends, family members, or a therapist who can help you work through perfectionism

and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Also some instances of perfectionism might tend towards mental disorders such as OCD or obsessive-compulsive disorder, making it difficult for the affected individuals to handle it all by themselves. In such cases, the help of a professional therapist would be required to make use of techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy to help overcome perfectionism. Fifth, practice and gratitude leads to a better life.

Gratitude is a vital mindset that brings multiple positive outcomes in all aspects of life. It's crucial to understand that not everyone has the opportunity or capability to do what you can. And some may not even have a fraction of the blessings that you have. This realization should make you thankful for what you do have. Focusing on gratitude allows you to embrace the present and appreciate what you have instead of constantly striving

for an un-entangable, perfect future. Embracing gratitude helps you to be content and satisfied with your current situation. So I've covered a lot today. Let me bring this home for you now. In one of my past discussions, episode 168, on the topic of overcoming the culture of exceptionalism, I covered the false idea of mediocrity. I pointed out that because we all have finite time and resources, few of us ever genuinely become excellent at more than one pursuit, if anything at all.

It's important to realize we all have inherent strengths and weaknesses, and that is simply the nature of life. Imparing ourselves to others and measuring our abilities to the standards of society will only lead to frustration and constant dissatisfaction with our lives. It is so important for you to pay attention to yourself, understand your capabilities, and put the effort in you can at each moment. As I've once said, mediocrity as a result of our best efforts is okay, but intentionally striving to pursue mediocrity as an end goal is a poor state of being. Don't aim for less than you can be and do. Strive for the very best that you can possibly attain.

And as Norman Vincent Piel said, shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. And on a final note, remember that perfection is an unentainable goal, and that it is more important to focus on progress as well as self-improvement. So make sure that you focus on every moment and go on to live that wholesome life that you long for. I hope you all enjoyed the show and I wanted to thank everyone who wrote

in this week and of course everyone who tuned in today's episode. Thank you so much. The link to the transcript will be in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Every time I visit deals and discount codes are in one convenient place at passionstruck.com slash deals. Please consider supporting those who support the show. Videos are on YouTube at John Armiles and PassionStruck Clips. I'm on LinkedIn and you could also find me at John Armiles on both Twitter and Instagram. You're about to hear a preview

of the PassionStruck Podcast interview I did with Yahoo finances number one relationship coach, Jamie Braunstein, who's a licensed therapist and author of the upcoming book, Manifesting, a step-by-step guide to attracting love that is meant for you. We can't control what's going to happen in our lives necessarily. However, we can control how we relate to it. We have a choice. So the issue isn't the issue, but how we relate to the issue is the issue. And life happens for us, not to us.

Meaning that everything that happens in our life happens for our growth and upliftment and our learning and for us to get closer to ourselves versus life happening to somebody is victim mode. The fee for the show is that you share it with family and friends when you find something useful or important. If you know someone who is dealing with perfectionism, definitely share today's episode with them. The greatest compliment that you can give us is to share the show with those that you love and care about.

In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so that you can live what you listen. And until next time, live life-assian struck.