Passion Struck with John R. Miles - Why Your Ego is Holding You Back w/ John R. Miles EP 49

Episode Date: July 30, 2021

There is such a fine line between confidence and ego. You can have faith in your abilities and be a forceful leader without an ego. In this podcast, John R. Miles discusses what the ego is, how to know if your ego is running your life, why your ego is holding you back, and 5 ways to recognize if you have an ego problem. Like this? Please subscribe, and join me on my new platform for personal development: https://passionstruck.com/.  Is Our Ego Getting in Our Way? We cross the lines into ego when we can't (or won't try to) understand perceptions.  Understanding another person's perception is different than agreeing.  We may disagree, but if we can't understand where another person is coming from we can at least have a dialog.  When our knee-jerk reaction is to dismiss without seeking to learn, it is ego getting in the way. New Interviews with the World's GREATEST high achievers will be posted every Tuesday with a Momentum Friday inspirational message! Enjoy!! Why Your Ego is Holding You Back Show Notes Understanding when we cross into an ego problem How EGO impacted John's team at Lowe's How a big ego can hold you back Why we should focus on efforts instead of outcomes Five Signs You have an ego problem How does the ego run your life? ENGAGE WITH JOHN R. MILES * Subscribe to my channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/JohnRMiles * Leave a comment, 5-star rating (please!) * Support me: https://johnrmiles.com * Twitter: https://twitter.com/Milesjohnr * Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Johnrmiles.c0m​. * Medium: https://medium.com/@JohnRMiles​ * Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/john_r_miles JOHN R. MILES * https://johnrmiles.com/my-story/ * Guides: https://johnrmiles.com/blog/ * Coaching: https://passionstruck.com/coaching/ * Speaking: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking-business-transformation/ * Gear: https://www.zazzle.com/store/passion_struck PASSION STRUCK *Subscribe to Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-passion-struck-podcast/id1553279283 *Website: https://passionstruck.com/ *About: https://passionstruck.com/about-passionstruck-johnrmiles/ *Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/passion_struck_podcast *LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/passionstruck *Blog: https://passionstruck.com/blog/

Welcome visionaries, creators, innovators, entrepreneurs, leaders, and growth seekers of all types to the Passion Struck podcast. Hi, I'm John Miles, a peak performance coach, multi industry CEO, maybe veteran, and entrepreneur on a mission to make passion go viral from millions worldwide. So by sharing with you an inspirational message and interviewing high achievers from all walks of life, one lot of their secrets and lessons to become an passion scrub. The purpose of our show is to serve you the listener. By giving you tips, tasks, and activities, you can use to achieve the performance and for two, a passion-driven life, and have four years wanted to have and help. Let's become PassionStone. Welcome to Momentum Friday,

an episode 49 of the PassionStone Podcast. And we are in our continuing series of episodes where I am covering topics related to humility and diplomacy. And today I'm gonna start out with a quote from Steve Stone, my former boss at Lowe's Home Improvement, who said, we crossed the line into ego when we can't or won't understand perceptions. Understanding our perception is different than agreeing. I may disagree, but if I can understand where you're coming from, at least we can have a dialogue. When our knee-jerk reaction is to dismiss, without seeking to learn, it is a clear sign

that ego is getting in the way. And I remember, like it was yesterday, my time working with Steve, when I was the vice president at Lowe's Home Improvement. When I started that position, I was part of what I believed was one of the highest performing teams I have ever been around. We worked five vice presidents on a mission to change the world of retail. And our group of five reported into Steve Stone who was the chief information officer for Lowe's at the time.

And we worked together fairly well, most of the time very well, maintaining a culture of professional competition. Sure, at times there was tension between us, but we believed that it was a healthy tension, which drove our performance and led to many successes over time. However, one day, I remember Steve coming in for a staff meeting with a bunch of reprimands. He told us we had a huge issue, an issue that was holding us back, both collectively and individually. He informed us that that problem boiled down to three letters, E, G, and O. Our egos were holding us back. Not only were we letting this healthy competition allow us to work

against one another, but we were also impeding potential progress and success not only for the company, but more importantly, those customers. We just didn't have the outside perspective at that time to see the ramifications of our team dynamics. In the end, the Human Resources Department brought in a third party to evaluate the team, which ultimately led to a restructuring, and our team size growing from 5 to 12. We did not know that through this culture of ego and competition, we would be limiting our own opportunities for advancement and that is exactly what happened. So this begs the question, how can a

big ego hold you back? There is such a fine line between confidence and ego. You can have faith in your capabilities and be a forceful leader without ego. However, it only takes a small step to allow the ego to take over. I remember those times at lows and how many times my point of view was challenged by that team. On my good days, I would be reflective

and try to understand where the other person or persons were coming from. On my bad days, I would immediately dismiss it and shift to proving that I was right. You see, people with an ego problem tend to be hyper focused on outcomes only while at the same time ignoring the process. When you shift your focus onto efforts instead of outcomes, you foster a more healthy and realistic method of setting goals. Let's face it, you can't control every outcome. There's always going to be some level of outside factors that are just beyond your control. It could be the influence of others, changes in the culture or the environment, and ultimately some level of luck.

You can, however, control your level of effort. By setting goals which focus on performance and output instead of the final results, you can take advantage of reaching your goals. Additionally, when focus is placed on the process, more opportunities for growth and development can do appear. Notting with others, asking for feedback and giving up some level of control are difficult functions when your ego isn't overdrive. and you only care about getting the credit for the finished job, but embracing the process and taking the time to engage in these tasks can lend to a better

finished project in the end and a preservation of the relationships of all who are involved with it. Being an outcome driven is not necessarily a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with working to achieve an end goal. That is, in fact, the way most modern-day professionals operate on a daily basis. The difference, though, comes from shifting your focus and definition of success. When you define success as making a genuine effort to do your best, it becomes a lot easier to feel successful. Which in turn grows self confidence and leads to a healthier cycle of setting reasonable goals and in turn, trusting yourself to accomplish them.

Conversely, when you define success as receiving praise or credit for finishing a task, you engage in seeking outside validation to stroke your ego. Did you know that Forbes Magazine recently cited that 70% of individuals who do personal development masterminds and one-on-one coaching benefited from better work performance, increased communication skills, and overall better relationships. And we, at PassionStruct, are obsessed with self-development, coaching, and mentorship. That is why we've created a free resource to help you unlock your hidden potential. Because people doing great things in business and life

are just like you, only they've had a coach along the way. And we've got that covered too. Let us show you the systems and frameworks that we teach, growth-minded individuals to help them step into their sharp edges, execute on their passion journeys and get predictable results time and time again. Go to passionstruck.com slash coaching right now and let's get igniting. So now I'm going to give you five common signs when you can recognize if you have an ego problem. First is you never ask questions. Perhaps you're the top person in charge. You believe you know the answer. And everything, because you're the person

who makes all the decisions. You invented the software, you created the platform, you rebuilt the processes, and single-handedly performed a system-wide change for the entire company. Whatever it is, you have to admit that you don't know everything. It is possible that someone else has feedback or suggestion

that could be of use to you, or your team is not taking full advantage of that process, that system, whatever it may be, because they are missing information and are not even aware of the shortcoming. There are so many reasons to ask questions just like I covered in the past episodes that I've done on tact, conflict, and diplomacy. Asking questions, engaging in two-way dialogue and showing that you are willing to learn from others are signs of a strong leader and doing so opens the door to both powerful and effective

conversations. Well, second sign you have an ego problem is that you ignore or never receive critiques. Getting honest and productive feedback is an excellent tool for making improvements. Think about how you react, to constructive and negative feedback. If you become angry, avoidant, or offended, it is highly unlikely that the other person is going to provide you honest feedback in the future. It is impossible for a group of people

to agree on everything all the time. And if you never receive any constructive critiques, your team is either not participating or they are withholding honest and effective feedback. It is so important for you to open the discussion for productive and straightforward communication. Consider the opinions of others. That every single critique needs to be addressed, but embracing honest feedback without emotional response shows courage and character as a leader. The third sign you may have an ego problem is that you never accept help. If you have an overactive ego, you probably never has for help, and even when someone offers, you are unlikely to accept it. This may be largely due to an obsessive need to be fully in control of whatever it is that you're working on. Working alone gives you full power to make all the decisions

without having to consider the opinions or use the ideas of someone else. Or it could be because you want to receive all the credit for the project or undertaking, even if that means doing the work of more than one person. And firstly, you might just be afraid that asking for help means that you are admitting that you could not achieve the end result on your own and you fear for your own reputation. The fourth sign that you have an ego problem is that you always have to win. You have an insatiable need to always be right. You can't walk away from an argument until you

believe you have won, or until the other person becomes worn down and ends up letting you have your way. If you lose in a disagreement, you feel embarrassed, vengeful, or personally attacked. However, there is a great power in knowing when to pick your battles. When to admit that an alternative idea is better than your own, or simply knowing when to calmly walk away from a situation. The fifth sign that you have an ego problem is that you disregard people or tests that are beneath your pay grade. As you achieve a greater level of success and work up the corporate ladder, it is so easy to lose touch with people and practices you used to get there.

If you don't feel that you need to communicate with junior level employees or customers because of your status, it is a clear sign that your ego is holding you back. It is amazing if you've ever seen it. How a small business can be brought to its knees by the resignation of an important employee or miss out on a sales associate or an administrator with management potential because the right people have never talked to him or her. Beyond these examples, there's just the simple reason of being a kind person. Good people do not want to associate with a jerk, and that's exactly what your ego can

make you become. So the key takeaways from this episode is that it is far too easy to fall into the ego trap and letting it hold you back from achieving your true potential. Perhaps the most difficult step in overcoming an ego problem is admitting you have one in the first place and the fact that it is negatively impacting your career, your relationships and where you want to take your life. It's so easy to just look at the situation and say, I just have a competitive spirit or a high level of self-confidence. But if you have a hard time of getting help or feedback, considering the ideas of others

or setting realistic goals for yourself, you are likely struggling with an ego problem. Take a step back. Remind yourself not to take things personally. Think about your end goal and where you want to go. And start working to shift your expectations and your focus to that place. You might be surprised to see when new opportunities emerge.

When you make that decision to step out of your competitive nature and start applying collaborative principles to your work. As Keri Tremend once said, it is amazing what you can accomplish when you don't care who gets the credit. And thank you for watching or listening to this episode of the Passion Strike podcast and for helping us become one of the top 0.5% of all podcasts based on popularity globally. None of this would happen without you, our listeners. Thank you again for helping to make passion go viral for so many worldwide. And if you would like to hear a specific topic, please DM me an

Instagram at JohnRMiles where there is a certain person you would like me to interview. I'd love to get that request as well. Thank you so much for joining us. The purpose of our show is to make Passion Go viral. And we do that by sharing with you the knowledge and skills that you need to unlock your hidden potential. If you want to hear more, please subscribe to the Passion Start Podcast on Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher or wherever you listen to your podcast ad. And if you absolutely love this episode, we'd appreciate a five-star rating on iTunes, and you're sharing it with three of your most growth-minded friends, so they can post it

as well to their social accounts and help us grow our passion start community. If you'd like to learn more about the show and our mission, you can go to passionstruck.com where you can sign up for our newsletter, look at our tools, and also download the show notes for today's episode. Additionally, you can listen to us every Tuesday and Friday for even more inspiring content. And remember, make a choice, work hard, and step into your sharp edges.

Thank you again for joining us. you