Patrick and the People - 11/8/2024 Patrick and the People - LIVE! w/ Jon Reep, Sean Michel, & Dick Colligan

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

Guests: Jon Reep, Dick Colligan, Sean Michel, and Chad Sledge Special In-Studio Performance by Sean Michel

you you you You know exactly how you feel. See the head, not like seeing a steeple. You damn well know they're one of the people. Nobody breaks us, nobody made us, and no one can take this cause we got their fix. We are the people, we are the people, we are the people, don't mess with us. Let's go. Let's go! on. So let me introduce you to the people here today to my left. You know, Amanda Parker, owner of The Break Room and Snarkmaster extraordinaire. Good morning. How are you doing today? I'm good. I'm good. I see that she brought the labor simulator machine. I think I'm just going to roll with it or keep it up here so that it's ready for whenever it's time. That's great. That's great. What's going on guys?

How y'all doing? Come on in. Come on in, man. Come on in. All right. All right. Yeah. Come on in.

Have a seat, John. How you doing, man? What's going on, buddy? How you doing, man? Good. Good to see you. Good to see you as well, man. Things are good.

Things are good. Yeah, we just got on it. Ladies and gentlemen, I probably don't even have to introduce him to you, John Reap. That's right, baby, John Reap. Morning this morning. Yeah, glad to have you in the studio, man. Good to be here, man. I like this whole get-up you got here. Man, it's kind of different, isn't it, man?

Yeah, well, I try to do the same thing in my hometown. I have a podcast where I live in Hickory, North Carolina. Right. It's called Carolina Reaper, and it's like this big building in the middle of nowhere. You wouldn't think what goes on in there. No, no. I love the big space of it, you know. Yeah, no, I do, too.

And then right here to my right, owner of Piercings by Chad, Chad Sledge. What's up, buddy? What's up, man? How y'all doing this morning? Yeah, man. And then to my right, right over here, is Dick Colligan. Yeah, another comedian who's performing tonight at the Looney Bin with John Reap. How you doing today, man?

Thanks so much, man. I'm great. Good to be here. Good, good. Dick, by the way, will be in our after school special on Saturday. So we'll be airing that interview with him. I had a great interview with him. And yeah, man, he was a former investment banker who went rogue and became a comedian. They're still looking for me. Yeah, they're still looking for you over there. All right. Well, let's get to who has outrun the Grim Reaper this year.

Let's start with... That's the name of my corporation, by the way. Is it? That's a great corporation. Grim Reaper. The Grim Reaper. Yeah. That's nice.

Call him on LinkedIn. Yes. Yeah. Gretchen Moles. She's 52. You know her from 310. Yeah. Gretchen Moles, she's 52. You know her from 310 to Yuma. Parker Posey, 56. You know her from Lost in Space.

Tara Reid, she's 49. You know her from Sharknado. Man, boy, talk about a difference from here to there. Oof, man, lovely lady, but wow. Let's see who else here. Leif Garrett is 63, if you even know who that is. Whoa, he's alive? He's alive.

That's what we said a minute ago. Wow, he's alive. How is he only 63? I know, it doesn't even make sense. Seems like he should be 900. Well, he's hooked 63 for the last 20 years. Yeah, him and Danny Bonaduce are both. We need to fact check this one.

Yeah, you're probably right. I think he has a mysterious aging disease. He might, he might. Tech 9 is 53. By the way, if you don't know his government name, Aaron Dantes Yates. All right. SZA is 35, and Bonnie Raitt is 75. There's no way that Bonnie Raitt is older than Leif Garrett.

That's math. It doesn't even make sense, does it? No. That's something to talk about. No. Hey-oh. Nice, nice, nice. All right.

You just get to a little bit of news that you can use here, so we'll just start. No, let's start here. Apparently, the Rockefeller Christmas tree is no longer standing in Massachusetts. It was cut down this week, the first tree to come from Massachusetts since 1959. The Rockefeller Center's chief Gardener and Tree Scout. What a job title. Eric Paws has had his eye on it for four years. Man, you know, his life is about trees, isn't it?

Paws on it. That sounds creepy, like a groomer. It does. He's been grooming the tree. We're looking at that tree since he was one year old. That's right. Just a little sampling. I'm thinking about it right now. Watch it in tree school. been grooming the tree. They're looking at that tree. One year old. That's right. Just a little sapling.

I'm thinking about it right now. Watch it in tree school. Hey, you know, the Menendez brothers were getting out and now everybody doesn't know because they changed the prosecutor. Are they actually getting out for real? Well, they were. They kind of are out. I think. I think they're maybe at least one of them is in a halfway house or something like that.

But now that they got rid of that district attorney, they've got a new one. And so he may make a different decision. He may say, hey, no, you thought you were out, but you're not. That was a great docuseries. I don't know if you guys saw it. I did watch it. It was pretty wild. What did you think about it?

I laughed out loud. That's a funeral scene. they played Milli Vanilli. Yeah, right? Did you see that part? I did. I don't know. Is that part true? I don't know if it's true. I don't like artistic license going on.

It's got to be artistic license. That was hilarious. Because who picks Milli Vanilli at the funeral? I'm in love with you, girl. Yeah, right? It was so crazy. I mean, it was very entertaining. You know, a lot of times they embellish stuff like that.

Well, of course they do. But if you watch it, you believe what went on in that story. I mean, there's a docu-series, and there's also like an acted series with actors. Yes, I saw that one as well. There's two different ones. Yes, there are. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, you kind of believe it.

You kind of wonder. Their dad was a monster. Yeah, it seems like. He did the Minuto as well. Yeah, right? Yeah, you kind of believe it. You kind of wonder. Their dad was a monster. Yeah, it seems like. He did the Menudo as well. Yeah, right. Yeah, so it makes sense. I can see them getting out. I mean, they're going to kill anybody else.

No, I don't think they're trying to take anyone else out. They don't have any money left. So, I mean, it's not like what are they going to do, stay in an apartment somewhere? You know, have you seen the the new you've seen Tiger King oh my god yeah we're interviewing Joe Exotic I think mid-november really yeah from prison but have you seen the new chimp crazy or chimp lady I'm all about the doctor's series you do yeah me too man I love it man that lady makes Joe Exotic look like a damn genius yeah I mean what i love about those series is it's not just one story you'll start off in one story and then all of a sudden bam here's a new character out of

nowhere and you take that rabbit hole for two series yeah no absolutely you do i love that stuff and i'm going to tell you what this lady i i was watching it and i'm like do you know how stupid you look right now because she's trying to hide this monkey, this chimp, from the feds. Yeah. But she's doing a documentary showing that she's lying to the feds. She goes downstairs. Oh, yeah, here it is. It's still alive.

I didn't get rid of it. And you're like, you realize they're going to watch this in just a matter of, you're going to prison. That's a bold strategy, Kyle. Let's see how that works out for her. I couldn't imagine how she was getting her money like it's expensive to house all these monkeys and animals that she had and where was her money coming from i don't know if it was just donations or what was going on and then she was illegally selling them kind of like that yeah and then she's like i know what to do

and then you see if she's feeding them Gatorade and Ho-Hos. And it's like, I don't think that's the zoology diet for a chimpanzee. I'm sorry. All right. Let's see. A judge is leaning towards giving Mariah Carey a big win. For her, all I want for Christmas is UKs. Apparently, a Mississippi artist, Vince Vance and the Valiants,

recorded a song with the same title in 89 and brought a suit against Kerry in 22. Sought $20 million from it, but ultimately dropped the case. Last year, he refiled, but the district judge says she's inclined to grant the request by Kerry's legal team to dismiss it. Somebody's just trying to cash in on her, but man, if anything could stop it from playing i'd be i'd be in favor of it you know which song came out first uh no hers did yeah yeah hers well

can we give his a chance i'd like to hear i'd like to at least you know anything to take over that one i know that's right man uh utah the police said uh wasn't gifts they found during a traffic stop in Utah, but drugs covered in Christmas wrapping paper. Utah Highway Patrol troopers pulled over a charger about 110 miles an hour. Good idea when you got drugs in the car, by the way. K-9 officers brought to the scene and they had two safes wrapped like presents. The safes vacuum fill containers with various drugs and paraphernalia inside. Maybe they thought the safe was protected somehow.

The hardest pinata ever. No doubt about it. They're never going to look in the safe. No, they'll never unwrap these presents. We'll just open it. Oh, it's a safe. Never mind. You can't get in here. This looks legit. Yeah, no.

Let's see. Streaming service Max will crack down on password sharing. All these bastards. You got enough money. The CFO of Warner Brothers Discovery said yesterday they'll ramp up a rollout of what the company calls very soft messaging. That's like weak porn. Soft messaging. Reminding subscribers to pay for the extra users uh the grammy nominees

apparently will be unveiled this morning uh do you care about does anyone care about the grammys anymore honestly do you care about i don't care about any award show me either at all none zero how about you man is mariah carey involved probably yes yeah i'm afraid so no chad do you get excited about the grammys do you i don't think it matters anymore Is Mariah Carey involved? Probably. Yeah, I'm afraid so. No. Chad, do you get excited about the Grammys, do you? I don't think it matters anymore. It doesn't matter anymore.

It used to be, you know, I guess because there was such a gap between regular folks and celebrities that you would wait for these events to see them and hear what they had to say. But shit, now you can go anywhere and find them. I mean, you can go online and talk to about anybody you want to really exactly yeah the internet's changed all of that yeah the whole glitz and glamour where you look up to the stars yeah nobody in fact you look down on them kind of now well some do yeah now you're right i mean the pd list the epstein island i mean all this stuff man diddy it's all gonna go down for that cannot wait for 2025. i don't think you want to phrase it it's all going to go down uh a24's new horror film heretic may land the top spot at the box office this weekend it stars hugh grant projected to make about eight

mil in its debut meanwhile venom the last dance set to make another 12 mil and its third weekend uh the critics don't like that movie but everybody else seems to i but i i think that uh tom hardy is a phenomenal actor you like oh i love it i like the first and second one oh yeah yeah yeah i do too i'm not i'm not into the whole uh comic book movies i i here and there i was for a minute on that train for a while then it just got to be well so do we all have the same powers i don't know well we can all fly we can all shoot laser beams out of our fingers i don't know the rules less relevant heroes you know they're they're real small heroes who can light a cigarette with their thumb yeah you gotta get on wikipedia and find out what their power is yeah i mean which one yeah so how does this trump that one you know it's like

let me go to my explainer It's it's it's tough That's why I love the the first joke or not the second the first joke. Oh, yeah, it was real simple straight Well, everything that happened in that movie is something that could happen in real life Yeah, there was no special powers all about mental health and leave you sound very much like my wife She she doesn't give a damn about any of these underwear-wearing people if it's not Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And even with a mask on, Ryan Reynolds still will get more attention than me. You know?

Even the one with all the burned face? That's right. It doesn't even matter. It's still beating me out. Normally, you think of the upper Midwest or the Northeast getting the first real snow of the year, but not New Mexico. Well, Las Vegas, the one in new mexico was the big winner yesterday i saw this yeah they got 33 inches well it was a blizzard warning in

effect they shut down the damn state yeah that's uh it's pretty weird to see over there in new mexico but like is there i don't know the climate over there i know it's really hot but is there a mountain range through new mexico that yeah there is definitely a mountain range for sure. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Hey, now, John, you might be the only person in this room who would be interested in this, but I'll share it with you. If you don't want to cook Thanksgiving this year, you go to the Ritz-Carlton in New York Central Park, and they got you covered.

They'll cook and serve you all day. I knew it is. Up to eight guests, just 96 grand, John. That's all it is. We'll slum it this year and do it. Yeah, it'd be real hard for you, wouldn't it? Well, what do you get for that? Well, let's see. It comes with an in-suite brunch with fruit, bagels, eggs, French toast. Oh, perfect. Bacon, potatoes, all the juice and coffee you can drink. That very generous uh two bedroom suite uh you get access to the lounge uh the suite converts to a four-bed space giving you living rooms two of them pantries kids of all ages yeah this sounds uh ninety six thousand dollars sounds insane for

thanksgiving this is like home alone thanksgiving where like the kid shows up? It's not even that good. No. The Fed is going to cut the interest rates by a quarter point. Here we go. So I guess that's positive that the Fed's going to go down, right? Time to refinance. Yeah, well, maybe not on the quarter point, but we're going to get closer. We're going to be real desperate if a quarter point.

Let's go. Yeah, that's pretty bad. Okay, this is great. This is exactly what everybody goes, God. An Illinois woman won a million dollars from a lottery ticket she bought on a whim, shopping for groceries. She picked up her winning ticket at a quick stop on her way to visit her aunt. Then she put it in her purse and forgot about it.

The woman only discovered her win a few days later when she noticed the forgotten ticket in her purse and forgot about it uh the woman only discovered her win a few days later when she noticed the forgotten ticket in her purse she was curious so she said oh i'll scan it with the lottery app boom a million dollars wow a million dollars she's been walking around in her purse probably had a couple days where she was real tight waiting on money to come in that's crazy how hard it is to find a woman for her stuff in her purse though you know probably looking for a few days. I will absolutely. If my wife even said, you can get that out of my purse, I'd be like, nope, not going to do it.

Now, there's a bear trap in that ditch somewhere, and I don't want anything to do with it. I'll tell you that right now, man. Okay, let's see if there's some sports that you care about. John, are you a sports guy? Football is all I care about. Football is your big thing. Who's your team? The Carolina football is all I care about. Football is your big thing. Who's your team? The Carolina Panthers.

I thought it would not be that. I'm loyal to the home team. What can I say? Man, are they two and seven? We've won two games, two and seven. Yeah, we beat the Saints and the Raiders. That's it. I saw when they sent them to London to play.

I was like, you know what's crazy? Yeah, get out of the country. Yeah, we don't. That's it. I saw when they sent them to London to play. I was like, you know what's crazy? Get out of the country. We don't want to watch it. Let's send it to London. They'll pay big money to watch this shit. Yeah, they don't even know what football is. No, they're like, where's the soccer ball at? You mean you can touch it with your hands?

After watching the Panthers, they still don't know. No, they don't. The Panthers don't know. I'm sure of the truth. Hold on. I got my start in comedy because of football. Did you really? Yeah, I got kicked out of a Carolina Panthers game for dancing in the end zone when they

first came into the NFL. Did you really? Yeah, there's a whole video of it on YouTube. You can look it up. It's got to be on YouTube. It's on YouTube. That's how I got my start. How'd you end up in the end zone?

I was invited by the mascot. His name is Sir Purr. Sir Purr. Yes. Most feared mascot in all of the NFL. Yes, it sir purr yeah big big gay cat was taken so they went with sir purr I was already dancing look it was the first year in the NFL for the Panthers we were very excited you know 22 33 years old yeah you know tailgate and I'm in the cheap seats'm drunk. And every time out, they play music. And I would just get up and start dancing like an idiot.

Well, because why not? Exactly. And that just grew. And so by third quarter, I'm on this grass hill behind the goalpost, and some player got hurt, and they're playing music for 10 minutes straight. Yeah. I'm going off. And I would do one dance move, point to that side of the stadium.

75,000 people. So finally, the mascot's like, you know,'t beat him going and he walks right to me uh there's a fence he goes come out here and dance oh wow and my friends and so i started dancing and that's where the video kicks in i'm break dancing i'm doing the worm on the five yard line and all of a sudden and the crowd's going yeah and then it just turns to booze and i'm thinking oh no they don't like the worm on the five yard line and all of a sudden and the crowd's going yeah and then it just turns to booze and i'm thinking oh no they don't like the worm but they're not booing me they're booing the cops who are running out into the field behind me to arrest me because they never saw invitation yeah so they never saw the invitation the mascot run over to help you he yeah sir purr tried to. We learned in that situation that

Sir Purr does not have the authority to help you. It's like he threw me under the bus a little bit. That Sir title is just a figurehead. He's not really knight. No, he's not in the royal family. He's not in the royal family. He's a knight of the realm.

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in a boxing ring yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah listen I got that on my resume you. You do have that on your resume. You know you've come to Arkansas. I'm undefeated in the box. There you go. Hey, that's a good point. That's a good point, man. That was a good time.

It was a good time, man. We had a great night and raised a lot of money, actually, for charity, so that was a great thing. Yeah, no, it was a great, great night. Well, it's good to see you again. Yeah, well, good to see you again as well. So tell me what's been going on with you. What's going on right now with you? Well, I just, well, I lived in L.A. for 18 years.

Right. And I moved back home to Hickory, North Carolina. Okay. Are you happy to be back? Very happy. Yeah. Well, my dad had a stroke, which is what started the whole thing. So we had to move dad to a skilled nursing facility.

And my mom's never lived by herself. 77 years old. Got glaucoma brittle bones so i thought well this is it you know sign from god trying for me to cash in my la chips i sold my condo and i moved all the way across the country to live with mom same house i grew up in wow and i felt like well that's what a good son well sure right and then a pandemic happened oh right you gotta be kidding me right uh and i couldn't even leave if I wanted to. All my gigs were getting cancelled. Yeah. I couldn't tell people I was a

comedian anymore. No. I think I'm an elder care Uber driver. I'm looking into Uber now. Well, that's what I did. I drove mom around to doctor's appointments, skilled care facilities. All the CVS's, all of them. And so, that was it.

I was back home with mom and and we just watched Tiger King. We watched the whole Tiger King series. Oh, everybody watched. That's what we were talking about the other day is, man, what a benefit to that show because everybody was in the house watching that show at the same damn time. It came out of nowhere. Yeah. I mean, my mom wasn't even looking.

She picked it out. She goes, oh, look, here's a new series called Tiger King. I bet you it's a spinoff of The Lion King. Yeah, but not at all. A good, wholesome Disney promo. Yeah, no, very much. He's very wholesome like Disney. Everybody was blown away by the guy because he was insane.

I mean, it was like, wow, this guy is truly insane. I was obsessed with that. I mean, I've watched it several times. I was obsessed with that. I've watched it several times. Notoriously, my family, everybody in North Carolina goes to Myrtle Beach on vacation. Okay. And Doc Antle. Yes.

In Myrtle Beach. Does he really? Okay. Well, he did two years ago. I think he might be in jail now. I think he's in prison now, yeah. But there's a good chance that I went down there and fed one of those. One of those tigers.

Actually, there's a picture of me handing an elephant a carrot. Is it really? That's great. That is great, man. So I was like, oh, I'm going to go check it out. It's famous now. I've got to go. I've got to go.

Yeah, sure. So you get hit with the pandemic. And how did you emerge out of that? Well, I got COVID pretty early, July 2020. I'm an OG COVID. Right, right, right. Well, it was just me and Tom Hanks for a little bit. Right, yeah, just you two guys.

My trendsetters, you know. Well, we got it, and everybody else had to go get it. So had it, made it, survivor. Survivor. I need a shirt that says COVID survivor. That is great. Do they have ribbons for that? It should be.

I tell people I'm a hero, honestly. You did it for everyone else. Well, I took all 17 of those vaccines. Plus, I did shots of fireball, Lysol, and Pine Sol. And still got COVID. I got it right now. I took a rapid test. I don't even know it, butysol, and Pinesol. And still got COVID. I got it right now. I took a rapid test. I don't even know it, but I feel good.

Probably monkeypox. Yeah, probably so, for sure, man. But no, yeah, I got that, you know, obviously that went away. You're right, right. After time. And I still do two podcasts from home, and I still act. I still do gigs here and there. I'm on the current season of Curb Your Enthusiasm right now.

Are you, man? That's so awesome, man. How is it working with Larry Davis? That's what I'm about to set up right here. I mean, you know, the Internet's changed everything. And COVID helped, too, in a weird way. It did. Everybody got used to Zoom interviews.

It wasn't like you can't turn it down because you're not in person. So people got – it became acceptable. Yeah, it only took a pandemic to realize you don't have to drive to the're not in person so people got it became acceptable yeah it only took a pandemic to realize you don't have to drive to the office for that dumb ass meeting yeah yeah or auditions yeah so that's how i got uh parts i mean i would just literally like you have here i have a setup like this a whole room of just green screen and i got guys who would love to be a part of you know uh making something happen. Sure. Right, right. So I just auditioned from my own studio in Hickory,

and I got the part for Kirby Enthusiasm. So you mailed it in. I mailed it in. Literally. I emailed it in, yes. That's true. On the second episode, Larry David meets me in jail. Yeah?

Yeah. I'll just leave it at that. That is awesome. That's awesome. Big part of the storyline that is so great though and you know he is such that when you watch the larry david show you you understand seinfeld very well oh yeah because really i mean it's a it's almost a a same vein type of uh writing wouldn't you agree i mean he wrote most of them and jerry i guess

together but uh you can see watching it that larry david's really the force he's very good at uh tying stories together yeah you know taking an idea that we all have and turning it into a whole thing and so i love that about him he's very good at storytelling and but i was a little intimidated because he's a famous old curmudgeon right he can be very mean yeah but he was just very professional and And, you know, there's no script in that show. There's not a script. No, they give you scenarios. Okay, and you just work it.

Yeah, the audition was literally like, okay, so do a scene where you and Larry meet in jail, and you got, like, acid reflux, and you just start talking about it. And then at the end of it, get his number. I'm like, okay. You just have to make up the whole thing make up your own background yeah so the beauty of that is it develops over the takes you know you do like you know you do the take like 30 times because there's no film anymore right you just need it if you don't like it you can be there all day just doing it until you get it you whittle it down to what you want yeah and it's uh it's i think it makes it more believable

that's pretty amazing so let me ask you know now've, you know, been in the circuit for so long, clearly you've met people that gave you, you know, you get a little bit of, you know, you're just excited. You're just shocked that you're meeting them. Yeah. Yeah. Who is, name a couple people like that. Well, Larry David was one. Oh, man, this one came out of nowhere.

I was in Nashville. I've been going to Nashville for years. Okay. Great comedy club. They're called Zanies. I'm up there doing a music video with a friend of mine and I get a phone call from my agent at the time who said, Hey, uh, Garth Brooks and Tricia year would know that you're in town and they're fans of yours and they want to meet you.

Apparently they have the same, not Asia, but agency. Okay. And they're fans of yours and they want to meet you. Apparently they have the same, not agent, but agency. Okay. We have Morris and Devereux. I'm low on that totem pole. Yeah. Garth Brooks is probably among the tops. Call their person, go call this lower person. And we want to meet John Reap. So that randomly happened. Yeah. Do you have his number? Doesn't matter. Call him. No, I mean, he's got your number. It was crazy, though, because I said, well, how does this happen? She goes, well, we'll just give Trisha Yearwood your phone number, and then y'all just go from there.

And she sent me this long text. I know it's weird, but we just think you're great. We'd like to meet you. We want to invite you over for dinner before your show. Wow. We can't really come out there because it would change everything. Right. People would stop looking at you.

They would look at us. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. That makes sense. So thank you for not coming. Yes.

But, um, how surreal is it to show up to that house? It's crazy. Well, I was engaged at the time and now married my wife. Now at the time, fiance,

I called her up. I'm like, you need to, you have to fly to Nashville. Cause we're going to double date right now called her up. I'm like, you have to fly to Nashville because we're going on a double date right now. Right now. With Garth Brooks. I'm not packed.

It doesn't matter. Come on. Get out here. And we didn't go to their house. They have a studio that was in downtown Nashville. They own the whole building. At the very top floor is pretty much a penthouse. Yeah, right.

And she has a cooking show that she did for a while. Oh. And so we went up to the top floor, and it looked like a real house with a penthouse. Yeah, right. And she has a cooking show that she did for a while. Oh. And so we went up to the top floor, and it looked like a real house with a real kitchen, and they were cooking stuff. It's like you've known them forever. They just started talking. What's up, John?

How you doing? And they started doing my bits at me. Oh, wow. How did you come up with this? And how did you come up with this? And is this a true story? I'm like, yeah, tell me about Chris Gaines, please. Yeah, I want to know why. Why did you come up with this and how did you come up with this and is this a true story i'm like yeah tell me about chris games please yeah i want to know why why did you do it yeah that haircut those bangs what happened yeah i wanted to say so bad my one only joke about that is why don't you

just change your name to goth brook you're right that would have made sense hey oh okay but no it was uh it was just very polite, very nice. I mean, you know, he is what you think he is, just really nice. Just a real down-to-earth, nice guy. He does his research on you. He'll know more about you than you know about him, and it will just bombard you with questions, so you don't really get a chance. Well, that's fine.

Then I don't have to say much. No, that's right. I just got to answer. He was very nice. He made a plate for my wife, and it was very nice ever family anything he paid me a grape yeah yeah yeah i took a long nap i don't remember much after that you saw bill cosby leave yeah i didn't even talk to oh never mind but that was one of those surreal moments that you you were asking me about where it's just like i don't know how to act in this.

No, I don't know what to do with my hands. Yeah, no, that is an amazing one. That's better than the $96,000 Ritz-Carlton Thanksgiving. No, it's way better than that. No, by all means, it's better than that. Dick, so tell folks about yourself, where they can find you. What's going on in your world? Well, I'm here in Little Rock, Arkansas right now. I now i drove to uh well that's the end of it right there

what i thought was a meth lab this morning and turns out it was a podcast studio that is correct yes now we do hide ourselves as a meth lab so just the criminals will respect us blue ice over there yeah that's right that's right that's those are lab suits that's what they are my lift driver was like are you sure you know what you're doing here yeah he's like what kind of what kind of shoes you got on son i don't know um yeah i'm here from florida i moved to florida uh about three three years ago during uh during covid covid chased me down there. And I'm from New York originally.

I was an investment banker for about 10 years on Wall Street. And COVID was basically like, F that, and here we go. So, yeah, I'm basically a refugee. Right. Another COVID survivor. Yeah, exactly. I'm in the asylum state of Florida. Yeah.

And life is great man so to mess with those stocks and stuff like that or are you into it at all tell me about crypto stay stay far away okay uh meth is safer than crypto just don't use it and it's a great investment right now everything has went up yeah and then tomorrow it'll go down yeah so basically you're saying cash out now yes as soon as you possibly can if you can i don't know it might steal your money who knows right right right it's the wild west i mean if yeah crypto's crazy to me yeah if you don't have enough excitement in your life invest in crypto for sure yeah who is that one guy that he uh he had on his computer like a gazillion shares of it and he threw the computer away yeah yeah wasn't that the one where that uh he had uh

run he had one attempt left on his passwords he'd run through all of them oh man can you imagine you got one attempt left and it locks up for good. Nobody can do anything with it. And there's like a billion dollars on it. Yeah. And that guy's name is Hunter Biden. No. Yeah. I really think they got a lot of stuff on that laptop. Yeah.

There's a lot more than crypto on that laptop. There's no doubt about it, man. I hate the fact that some of these websites you go to, they say, all right, now create your own password. And you go, okay, well, here's the one I like. And they go, no. No. No. We don't like that one.

We don't like that one for you. No. That's too easy. But it's mine. Right. I'll take the risk. It's my password. I want to remember it.

Yeah. Do you want to use strong password? Why? I'll never remember that shit. Yeah, the ones that they give you. Yeah. Here's one. Okay.

It's all the letters in the alphabet. And some symbols. I didn't even know were on there. Is this winged? Here's one. What is this? This is Elon Musk's child's name. That's great. That's great. So of all the roles you've played, what do you think your favorite role is, John? Oh, favorite. Well.

Besides the one you're currently doing on Curb Your Enthusiasm. That was fun. I think the one I like the most, when I look back at it, is Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. And everybody loves that role, man. You were awesome in that, man. Thank you. You were awesome.

Thank you. That one was fun. I mean, I went into that one not intimidated. Yes. Because I didn't watch the first Harold and Kumar when I got the offer to do the second one. Okay. That was bold. So I wasn't like... I don't care.

I was like, I get it. It's the Cheech and Chong remake. Yeah, okay. I get it. You guys like weed, okay. Breaking the ground. Let me guess, some weird shit happened stacy keisha lizard yeah there's a scene where he rides a cheetah in the forest i go oh yeah i got you so so i wasn't intimidated at least i didn't know who these actors were they kind of came out of nowhere and so i was like i could do that yeah so when i went in there i felt like I did a good job, not because I was being cocky about it.

I was just like I was confident about it. Right. And it turned out pretty good. But the dream come true job was Eastbound and Down on HBO. Oh, yeah. I was on the last season of that, and I was intimidated. I bet you were. Because I was a fan of it.

I was Kenny Powers for Halloween two years prior. Wow. Yeah. The role you were born to play. Let me tell you, man. I was Kenny Powers for Halloween two years prior. Wow. Yeah. The role you were born to play. I bet it was intimidating. What a great writer he is. Oh, my God. Those guys don't get the credit.

It came out of nowhere. The whole John Rocker story. If you look at his history, not just John Rocker, but Kenny McBride's history. These guys went to film school. They were buddies from there, and they just know what they're doing. But then, of course, we come up with these wacky scenarios.

Did you ever see The Foot Fist Way? Yes, I did see it. It's crazy. Basically, Will Ferrell saw The Foot Fist Way. It's like, who are these ridiculous people? They're these clowns. He got involved, and then everything else happened after that. Okay, so Will Ferrell was kind of the domino on that.

Yeah, and then they went on to do Vice Principals, Righteous Gemstones. Righteous Gemstones is phenomenal. I cannot wait for the new season. Oh, my God. And I'll tell you what, everybody in that cast is top level, but Judy, the lines you give her are the best of all she's insane man yeah yeah I didn't know of her beforehand and now I I'm a big fan I follow her on Instagram yeah me too what are you coming back yeah she's like that chicken Ozark it's like

oh wow I didn't even know yeah what's her what was her name ruth they they yeah they they also give you liberties on that show to like improv and and just that it's a little bit there's a script but there's also a lot of uh room to uh to create your own little world and stuff like that so uh i played jed forney who was an ex nascar champion a part of the sports sex yeah uh when kenny got fired uh you know it had to make his comeback he's said, well, I'm going to be famous. I'm going to be on TV. So I'll just be on a sports talk show. And he infiltrated the whole thing.

That was a fun summer. It was a great series of episodes about that. Because he went from going in and realizing that people liked him to then he got all swole up and then he came in to just dominate and take over. Everything he does, he ruins it at the end take over no he always ruins it yeah no but but the series is i mean look i i liked danny mcbride before that but after that i was a real fan of danny mcbride i love the movie this is the end yeah with him that was great that is great that is uh he's on he's also in tropic thunder yes god he is in there.

I'd forgotten about that. He's the ballistics guy. They got it. So always wants to blow stuff up. Yes, I forgot about that. So he's been around for a little bit, but then just blew up from eastbound and down. Yeah, no, I can understand why. I can understand why.

All right, let's do something a little different here. All right, shall we? Coming up next, we've got a double shot of not a damn thing. This is Patrick and the People, bitches. We ain't playing music here. Get back to the jaw jack. You know what? As a real estate agent, putting you with the right mortgage person is critical. One of my favorites to work with is Josh Taylor at AMC Mortgage. And I'll tell you why. A lot of guys out there are stiff. They treat you like a number. Josh treats you like a friend. He's going to work through with you on everything you need.

Look, he just got a pair of my clients into a home with $500 total. Yeah. Paid the closing and the down payment costs all covered in there. I'm not saying that's what you're going to get, but I'm saying that's how good he is. Check him out. Give him a call. 351-2579. It's Josh Taylor at AMC Mortgage. If you're looking for a local mortgage guy, that's one that I recommend. Have you been injured? You need an attorney with a passion for people and an obsession with justice. That attorney is Tim Reed in Little Rock. Look, they've won $1.3 million in wrongful death, almost a million in medical malpractice and in insurance dispute. These

guys know what they're doing, but more importantly, he's not a figurehead of some kind. He's not just some person on a poster with a picture of a rig or a smile or his dog with him. This is a real guy you can text with, you can talk to, and who will take good care of you. He'll work with you personally to get what you deserve. Check out readfirm.com, readfirm.com, or give him a call, 777-7333. All right, we are back. Coming up at 7.15, The Rant. Yeah, I'm going to do that today. I'm excited about it.

Let's talk about this, though. Lamar Odom, you probably know who that is, Dick. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you know who Lamar Odom is. This is great. He apparently went on a not-safe-for-work Willy Wonka tour of the Real Doll Las Vegas facility. You know Real Dolls, right?

Yeah. Everybody knows what those are. I think I've read about that. Did you? Yeah, yeah. It's full of totally nude female sex dolls hanging on hooks and, you know, all kinds of stuff like that. Is this the same Lamar Odom?

Yes, that died in a brothel and came back? Yeah. Yes, that's right. Yeah, he did not learn. Yeah. So it's like i'm tired of real living females well it may be too risky you know they talk yeah these can't slip in my mickey lamar's manager gina said he first saw the real doll in a news story about a month ago and knew

instantly he needed to get one for himself of course that's what you want to tell everyone that you want that uh he said we're told lamar was in vegas this week for his birthday decided to be the perfect time to go find himself a silicone girlfriend now they usually go for between eight and twenty thousand who is his manager who is in charge of this person it's a good question honestly though that's my point he didn't try to sneak in there. He's like, let's make a big deal about this. I knew immediately that's what I needed. He's like, no, you can't say that.

No, you used to hide that stuff. You used to hide our porn addiction. That's why you have a publicist. No, no, that's exactly right. No, he went in and did the worst thing. He said, can you make one that looks like my ex, Khloe Kardashian? Oh, my God. And they did.

Oh, really? They did Oh, my God. And they did. Oh, really? They did. Oh, God. Yeah. Can you imagine if you're Khloe watching that? Did you just pick out a sex doll that looks like me? Creepy. So now he's going to make videos.

Well, why wouldn't he? He's going to look just like her. Don't you want to have an OnlyFans? I mean, what a great way to do it. Well, you might as well get some of these Elon Musk robots and then put this on that so he can actually do stuff. Well, this is the thing. I mean, that's what a great way to do it Well, this is the thing Right now it's obviously cost prohibitive, but I've been saying for a long time as soon as you can do that Yeah, no this world's done because guys will never leave the house. They won't try to eat uh they won't go to the bathroom there'll be no no no

no have you seen the movie ex machina no i haven't you need to watch ex machina okay it's about this very thing really yeah this super jillionaire guy uh creates real real very realistic robots that can also think and and yeah act just like a human okay they this guy comes and can it fall in love and all this right right right and it does and of course this guy falls in love with it breaks it out and then it kills everybody wow that's a good story good good look this very thing happened in ex-monca man that is that is wild yeah i i think I think for sure that's the end of time. I hope to God Elon is not listening to this. You think Elon's not already making a robot? He's listening to everything all the time at once.

We don't need to give him any ideas. Elon, just yesterday, they were talking about he's trying to get a house now big enough that he can put all of his exes and the kids from all of them in one place. How many? They're all down. They're all down. He has 12 kids. How many exes? Three. Three exes, 12 kids. That's a lot. That's like a Amish community, isn't it?

Well, it is. But think about how rich you are when all your exes and the kids are willing to live under the same roof. You got to have a lot of money to pull that off. It's called polygamy. Yeah, why would you want that? I don't think he's going to live there. I don't think he would want this. No, I think he's just going to visit them. It's just for Thanksgiving.

Yeah, just for Thanksgiving. Yeah. Just for the holidays. Yeah. That's all it is. To make his commute easier. Yeah. Yeah.

That's all it is. That's all it is. To make his commute easier. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that the technology, it's so wild to see these robots that now are autonomous as far as walking, moving. I mean, we watch the Boston Dynamics ones jump up and down and, you know, with these big cords on them. But now, this one that Elon put out, I'm like, wow, this is insanity. It uses the ai to actually

have a conversation you see the one clip where the guy's like saying where are you from and you know all this stuff and he said what's the one weakness you have as a robot or whatever and it actually did it did a thing that humans do because um i'd have to say uh like it was pondering as it was thinking and you go whoa that's that's scary and i just saw an article where uh these robots this is creepy they will watch you sleep and as it was a picture of a robot just standing over someone asleep that's comforting it will read your sleep patterns it will keep you safe it knows i have a c-pap that does that well it does everything it's your new c-pap and yeah it can scan your whole body it knows everything i don't know that i want anything

to know that much creepy you're like but i want a robot watching me sleep i didn't you know i just don't want something i have sex with and make toast with you know what i'm saying it just seems like a bad combination i don't trust the backup camera on my car all right yeah i know that's right i don't need any of this yeah all right all right now uh you said you're not really into all the uh the comic book movies like uh maybe you once were but let me ask you this did you watch do you like the uh deadpool movies yes i did okay how many are there 72 now three i'm 33 of them first two oh i have not seen the third oh you haven't seen the third one i will when it comes to my tv well yeah right i understand just like the rest of us uh well i i was reading an article that said that uh

ryan reynolds says that marvel's now obsessed with getting channing tatum in to play a full role of this character Gambit that he played uh in the Deadpool movie and it's awesome you like Gambit and which was my favorite uh comic book character really he was your favorite I don't know why I don't either because I was an X-Men fan you know I am an X-Men fan like I like Wolverine powers well like he threw cards that were charged you know it's cool but does he play chess no he plays cards would make sense yeah that's a different movie altogether crossover yeah if he were throwing chess pieces it would work just the same he's throwing playing cards yeah actually that's a

great line i like that i like that you know that's that. That's good. You know who played, and I don't know if you ever watched this, but in the Netflix series Daredevil, Vincent D'Onofrio as Kingpin. That guy is phenomenal. Have you ever seen him? He's a real big guy. He's been in just a million movies here. Hold on.

I'll just hold on like a computer here that we could if only i could pull it up on this laptop in front of me screen in here to look at this guy oh i love him yeah yeah that's full metal jacket yes yes yes yes full metal jacket yeah he plays the villain uh the main villain in Daredevil. But, man, his role is so unbelievably good. Like, it's insane how good of an actor that guy is. A good actor like that can make anything a little bit better. Well, I mean, look, you know, they credit, and probably rightfully so, Robert Downey Jr. really with his portrayal of Iron Man.

Tony Stark is really launching the bigger Marvel universe because he was that damn good. I still like him a little better in Tropic Thunder. Hell yeah. Tropic Thunder is such a good movie. There is just nothing wrong in that movie in my life. Even Tom Cruise, for God's sake. Crazy Scientology, Mr. Serious, maybe the greatest stuntman in the world.

But Les Grossman, they were going to make a movie about that. I heard about this. And I don't know where it went wrong, why it didn't happen, but it damn well should have happened. Yeah, I would pay to see that. I would have watched that. Yeah, I would have paid for that ticket. Did you like Les Grossman?

I couldn't believe it. I was like, first of all, when I saw the movie, I didn't know which one was Tom Cruise i couldn't believe it i was like first of all when i saw the movie i didn't know which one was tom crew i could the whole time i was like you were looking for him because they were like yeah tom cruise i was like where right right right i was like is he the black dude which yeah it's a great actor i mean you know it could be have you all seen the new uh penguin series you know i wanted to see it with colin farrell yeah i hear it's very sopranos like it's more sopranos than superhero but that's another uh example of like where is uh which is the main character oh uh uh colin farrell where's colin fair no he didn't look

like him that's good and his accent i mean it's very you can't take your eyes off the main character he's really good i I enjoy that new series. It's always amazing when you can put on that kind of prosthetic and still act like that. I mean, you know, it's like it brings to mind Jim Carrey in The Grinch or something. Yeah, yeah. You know, which is a phenomenal role as well. Let me ask you, John, inspirations for you when you were coming up as a comedian. Who was your greatest inspiration?

Well, it changed as I got older. As a kid, I would get up in the mornings. I'm 52 years old. Okay, we're riding the same boat. Cartoons only came on on the weekends. That's right. Saturday morning at 10 o'clock, your ass was sent outside the house because cartoons were over.

You get outside, you drink the hose water, you play in the neighborhood. Right. Yeah, is that right? Yeah, 100%. Yeah, yeah. So on Saturdays, kids would watch cartoons, but'd rather watch dean martin and jerry lewis okay okay and so jerry lewis to me was my first love hey lady yeah he is a cartoon man he was he he was an original you know uh much like jim carrey had that rubber face you know and could just do so much with it he did a whole scene

of just um like sort of just miming and and mugging it up to a certain song yeah just sit there just do and as a kid that's all you needed no then no it i i get what you're saying so it started with him and then i was like my dad was class clown he was the funny guy and i watched my dad be funny in front of his friends yeah and saw power in that yes oh everyone something would happen and everyone look at my dad to see what he was going to say about it yeah right that's interesting yeah it is it is so i like that and and then after that it was like steve martin you know then it was bill cosby no bill cosby he was back in the day though i mean listen i listened to bill cosby on an album yeah and he had a bit about feet that stunk and it to me at that time as a kid was the funniest

shit i ever heard in my life man it's amazing how talented he he is was yeah and then also had this whole note of life how talented he was there as well i mean he's very successful in many fronts you know what i mean for a long time allegedly allegedly allegedly all right we got to do this now man i i can't uh put this off any longer i know that uh it's what the people want so the people got to get it let's let's do this shall we all right let's get to it bernard snyder is 98. Josephine Cartwright, 96. They were married over the weekend at Westminster Manor, the retirement community in Austin, Texas, where they met. Their love story began earlier this year when Snyder invited Cartwright to the birthday party.

That led to a whirlwind romance. And the daughter says she's happy to see her mom fall in love again. But some online commentators say it's too fast and they're concerned she could be getting fooled are you freaking get fooled by what this guy's 98 she's 96 what do you think the only thing he cares about is making the epic journey to the dusty cavern first of all i'm not even sure if the great grand peepaw's cardio is strong enough to send retired sergeant stiffered into that cave considering it likely has 25 years of vine growth blocking the entrance. I mean, if I'm being honest,

these have to be the greatest optimists to ever live. I'm planning a wedding even a month out. It seems like a risky situation when you're 98. Like I'm worried just walking down the aisle could be too much for the future, Mrs. At 96, I feel like I could follow. Look, if I'm worried just walking down the aisle could be too much for the future Mrs. At 96, I feel like I could fall. Look, if I'm 98, every time I get a fart bubble in my gut, I'm going to think I'm about to die. Just one slightly uncomfortable air biscuit floating down my poop chute and I'm asking a priest for my last rites. And you want this guy to A, wake up, B, get to the venue, C, walk the aisle, and D, do all these things without dying in the process. So for those of you say it was too

soon, I say to you, you're about as sharp as a bag of dicks. And now that if he was 98 and she was 24, I'd be like, listen, Diddy, why don't you put that walker in first gear and slow your roll? But his chick is 96. She's not naive. And if she is, she won't be for long. However, I do know their daughter is watching right now because why wouldn't she be? And I say to you, you might want to call Medicaid, get a pre-authorization for a hip replacement, and make sure there's a fresh Duracell in the life alert necklace. I've boned and I can't get up. Now, next up, while the issues of emotional support animal has been controversial in recent years, most major United States airlines ban non-service animals in the cabin by 2021. However, the brilliant minds at Portland International have decided to go a different direction

However, the brilliant minds at Portland International have decided to go a different direction to provide comfort to the three quarter of a million passengers passing through before the end of the year. They've been bringing in two 400 pound llamas. That's right. They dub it the llama parade. They organized the visits of the llamas from the Portland Mountain Peaks Therapy Llama Farm to the airport's concourse C. You know, that's a beautiful thing. Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell do they mean, comfort?

I just want to make it through the TSA, find my gate, and make sure I'm there before they leave my ass. So I'm already coming through the concourse at damn near a panic mall walker level, wide eye dragging my yard sale suitcase with the busted right wheel desperately scanning for the gate, now I'm gonna have to add navigating llama logs onto my journey. Do you understand the level of furious that occurs if I step in a hot steaming stack of squeezings from a llama's Louisiana hot pocket? Should I even be able to come face to face with an animal spit in my eye because I was

too loud when I lifted my head up from the map and said, damn, back up you hairy beast bitch. Now I probably, probably shouldn't call the llama a bitch, but even so, hocking a llama loogie at my dome is a big no-go for me at the airport or honestly anywhere I could run into wild animals that don't love me. The grocery store, the DMV, your mom's house, that's uncalled for. I apologize. You absolutely know one. You know why?

Because if you need a therapy llama, you don't need to be at the airport. Are you flying to a more comfortable inpatient hospital? That's the only way I can see you being on a plane. Otherwise, you and your therapy livestock stay home in the barn or take the bus with the other whack jobs. and your therapy livestock stay home in the barn or take the bus with the other whack jobs. And finally, finally, Minnesota making headlines as news broke earlier this week that's had a big impact on their beautiful beavers. Serious business here. Serious business. This past weekend, the trapping season kicked off in Minnesota. One of the more popular animals to trap, of course, the beaver. But even now, as trappers set out to bag the animals,

it's unclear why beaver provision was added to the statute that says you can trap and remove a nuisance beaver, but you cannot eat it. No one understands why, but Senator Steve Green is pushing back on the beaver ban in Congress. He said, I can tell you, even though personally, I don't go out and trap beavers to eat them. I have eaten them and it's pretty good. Hey, who am I to argue with the government? Are you freaking kidding me? This may go down as one of the most egregious laws I've ever heard of. You're telling me I can catch that wild beaver. I can run that wild beaver off. But what I can't do is eat the beaver. Was communism on the ballot Tuesday?

Because I'd argue it'd be absolutely disrespectful if I picked the nuisance beaver up, take it out, have some fun, you know, get the beaver work up, and then just drop it off and leave. You can't do that and not get yourself a mouthful of that juicy beaver. Even old Senator Steve said

he's down to clown downtown and it's about more than just a beaver pound. I know I'm down a rabbit hole, but you get me, right? Let me put it like this. If you're a Star Wars fan, you might have to kiss the Wookiee, right? You get my drift. If you like Skittles, we're talking about tasting the rainbow here. I believe it's my God-given right to eat that beaver. And shame on you for trying to stop us. And I know beaver trapping culture for a long, long time, it's been male dominated, but it's worth mentioning there's now a surplus of ladies who also like to dine on the divine and delicious beaver. Sometimes people can even enjoy more than one tasty beaver at a time.

I don't know how many you can munch before you get tired, but if you want to throw a taste test on a bonanza, a big old beaver's bone dancing in the bedroom, by God, that's not just lip service. Beaver is something we can all get behind, right?

Get behind the beaver. And yeah, this is a hill I'm willing to die on. Do you back the beaver? Show your support. If you see a beaver this weekend, you get that fuzzy fun bucket in your mouth and show it you mean business. Yeah, baby! All right, let's do something different. That's Al Franken's fault.

Yeah, definitely Al Franken's fault. Your office cubicle cannot hold you back. Unless, of course, you want to keep your job. Then you better stay in there. But if you want to go on welfare or something, go for it, dude. You won't need much food. You're a butterfly. This is a morning motivation.

All right. People who watch and listen know that sometimes we'll use prep services and they send us things. And sometimes these things are terrible. And this is one of those things right here where it says these are seven Thanksgiving faux pas you won't believe that people are still making. Yeah. Yeah. For example, here's number one right off the bat, you know, because I'm thinking, OK, this will be interesting. You know, it's a good conversation.

Maybe it's your drunk uncle, you know, all the things that happen at Thanksgiving. But you know there's a slant to it. When number one, out of the gate of Thanksgiving faux pas, you won't believe, people still make, forgetting to accommodate dairy restrictions. Oh, God. Screw yourself and your milk intolerance. Come on. i thought they were gonna say turkey hold on bringing unannounced dishes did anyone ever get mad that you brought extra food on thanksgiving and a place is this no only unless there's like one person who's like

famous for making this one dish that's really bad you show up with the same oh yeah or you could have mine corn yeah as opposed to sally's corn i have mexican corn yeah way more diverse yeah yeah it's dei in my corn uh forgetting to taste dishes before serving are you serious man i don't like people who experiment on something my mom that is her whole life definitely not you don't experiment on thanksgiving you don't like people who experiment on something. My mom, that is her whole life. Definitely not. You don't experiment on Thanksgiving. No. You don't do that.

No, you don't try new recipes on Thanksgiving. I don't want your take on cranberry sauce. Thank you. No, no. I want it with the ribs on it like the can made just like God wanted it to be. That's how I eat my cranberry. Don't throw in another random cheese into mac and cheese. This is America, damn it.

Yeah. We know what works. Keep it the same. Man, let me tell you. Do you like, are you a fan of mac and cheese? Sure and cheese. This is America, damn it. We know what works. Keep it the same. Man, let me tell you. Are you a fan of mac and cheese? Most people probably at some point are. I'm going to tell you, this will change your life. Next time you go to the store or have someone do it for you,

get Patti LaBelle's mac and cheese. Go on. When I tell you that you will throw out every mac and cheese you've ever eaten in your whole no it's not Queen of Soul well there's two things Patti LaBelle can do. Sing and make mac and cheese, bro. Wow, I didn't know she had a mac and cheese. Oh, my God, I didn't either.

What's different or better? Every damn thing. Is it already made? It's pre-made. It does have the crumbles on it, and that's fine. But it's the sauce that she uses, what she puts in the cheese. I don't know if it's love. I don't know if it's llama juice.

I don't know what the hell it is. Could't know if it's llama juice. I don't know what the hell it is. I'll eat as much of that stuff as bad, man. Yeah, man. If you like mac and cheese, I swear to God, man, you think that's crazy because it's a singer. But yeah, I looked at her. I was like, no, she gets on her own supply. You know, she definitely is doing that. Do you do a big Thanksgiving at the house with family? Well, yeah, over the years, oddly enough, my dad's stroke happened on Thanksgiving Day. Wow, that is odd. Yeah, and we had this whole turkey that we had got at Bojangles.

So Bojangles was, yeah, doing this thing where you can have a Bojangles turkey with their spices and stuff cooked in. Much like Popeye's. Yes, and it was so good. And then Dad had to go and have a stroganoff. Damn, man. I didn't even get a full piece. No, so, you know, that night, you know, you're coming back from the hospital just really sad just eating this Bojangles turkey. Like, we kind of ate it, you know.

You can't let it go to waste. So then we just stop cooking it and now what we do a cracker barrel has a whole turkey feast that you have to sign up for and they'll pre-cook it for you and you go and pick it up and then cook the rest of it you have to go in the gift store to do it you get to go you get to go yeah no i am not a fan of the Barney Fife lunchbox. I like to see the new stuff they got there, because it's the same stuff forever. Then every now and then they got a new random thing in there. You're like, who got these long johns? Yeah.

I love it. It's the cooter from Dukes of Hazzard's stop sign. Yeah, no doubt about it. So we just do that now. That's what you do. Okay. What about you, Dick? Do you all have a big family Thanksgiving?

What do you do? We just go to the Ritz-Carlton. That's a New York move. 96 mil or 96,000, baby. It's nothing. Whatever it costs. I don't even know. Wow, that's the investment banker.

Money, whatever. Yeah, we just let them take care of it for us. Trump's there. It's great. No, that's it. It's phenomenal. Do you have a traditional dish that you like? When you think of Thanksgiving, is there one dish aside from turkey that you're like,

what's your favorite side or you're fixing or whatever? The only thing I like on Thanksgiving is the stuffing. Okay. Stuffing is, because you're never going to eat that ever again. Right. It's one and done. That's right. Yeah.

So, yeah, that makes sense. It's just something to look forward to. I's right. Yeah. So, yeah, that makes sense. I just wonder why. Why is it only once a year? Because it's not that good, really. Well, what is? You need the Patti LaBelle stuff. Yeah, that would work. I would need Patti LaBelle stuff.

You're missing out, man. Pause. Pause. That was wrong. I'm sorry. I didn't mean Patti. I'm sorry. God damn it so stuffing used to be this literally the

stuff they put in the cavern yeah of the turkey to help keep it moist and then they just said well let's pull that out eat that yeah no i and what was that what was it it was breadcrumbs or yeah well vegetables or what vegetables breadcrumbs things like that stuffing said well this is also stuffing that you don't have to actually stuff. That's correct, yeah. But it's not really stuffing. It's not stuffing. It's just some other random crap that you made.

It's what the Pilgrim Fathers would have wanted. No, that's absolutely what they... We want you to have the stuffing without having to stuff anything. No, no, they crossed the ocean and faced all the dead. So we could have stuffing in a box. You could have Stove Top.

It's a very George Carlin-esque bit. There's stuff, and there's more stuff. There's more stuff. We're not having the stuff, the stuff. Man, you know what? When you talk about comedians that I have respect for, that one right there, George Carlin. Yeah.

Oh, man. Among the best of the best. Did you see that docuseries as well? I have not, man. Was it good? Oh, yeah. It was an HBO docuseries. It was like a, I don't know, probably a three-parter.

But his whole career started off as this funny weather dude. Yeah. And then kind of went into some hippie stuff. And then he got really cynical. Then he got kind of made fun of for a while. Like Second City made fun of him. Just all the specials that he cranked out at the end man you know what what impressed me about him uh that i feel like he did maybe better than any comedian i've seen is the rote memorization like to write right yeah

to rattle off the lists uh properly in order in flow, in context, in every metric that you measure it by. He was phenomenal. And it was no small list that we're talking about here. No. He wanted those words in that order because that was funny. It mattered. Yeah. And you had to memorize it that way or else it wouldn't work and that's what he did and he was the master at i will say this though a lot of people every comedian you ask who's your favorite comic or who okay they're gonna throw george colin in there just because they have to i feel that way yeah and honestly they're not wrong but i will say at the end i i saw i worked at the comedy store and i saw him come in there yeah and uh i guess he was prepping for his very last special okay and the room was packed and and and he did

great and i remember sitting in the back of the room thinking myself wow this is a master at work and i agree with everything that he is saying except i'm not really laughing like i'm not you're right i'm not having a good time he passed the just funny stage and he might have been witty but he was bitter yeah I'm just burning everything down yeah I gotta get it out before I die and it wasn't like it was like okay yeah no I agree with that yeah yeah no I kind of feel you on that yeah and that does seem to happen to some yeah where he has the right to do that no No, I mean, he has the right to do whatever he wanted. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, when I was telling, I think, you the other day when we were talking that, you know, when I was a kid, and I liked all the people you mentioned, Bill Cosby, all that, but the one that pushed me into stand-up and comedy was Eddie Murphy. Oh, yeah. In the first, in Delirious, the red jumpsuit. Yeah, yeah. That's classic. Oh, man, it's phenomenal. You know, I could stilluit. Yeah, yeah. That's classic. Oh, man, it's phenomenal.

You know, I could still watch it today and laugh. It's just very wrong. It's very inappropriate. You couldn't do it most any, maybe none of the set, actually. No, I remember he took the guy's camera in the front row and took a picture of his Johnson. Oh, did he? Yeah, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Richard Pryor, did you see uh what was richard priors was it uh live at sunset yeah did you see that yeah of course that same thing happened did it yes there was a dude who came up and was wanting to take a picture there's a whole series i love docu-series a whole docu-series about that that was a he taped that same special you know there's two shows yeah and the first show it did taped that same special. You know, it was two shows. And the first show, it did not go well. It did not.

He didn't know it. He was upset with it. And the second show, it crushed. Same material. Just a different crowd. It's weird how that does happen sometimes. And he crushed. But the first one, he didn't like.

And there's a documentary about that. And yeah, same thing. Some guy come up and was trying to take a picture. He's like, what are you doing, man? Right. There's cameras everywhere. Why don't, what are you, the one's going to care about your camera and he just he busted his balls and then the same thing happened on the end anymore yeah so funny because eddie murphy wanted

to be richard pryor he did he really did i mean that was his his idol and they all love this one guy named paul mooney and i don't i you know i know mooney from chappelle yeah but i've never he's one of those that i kind of feel like you did about the end of George Carlin. Maybe it's the time frame how I saw him, but he always seemed more bitter than funny to me. I really believed what the shit he was saying. I was like, you really don't like me. I know that. I'm not invited to the cookout with Paul Mooney.

That's a very good point. It's weird, though, that Richard Pryor could headline a show and not do well. Yeah, well. Who's showing up to this? Yeah. It was some. It just wasn't working the way he wanted it to. You know, it didn't tank tank.

It was just not. It was just weird. And, you know, Richard Pryor. Because that was right after he set himself on fire and was addicted to crack. Right. So he wasn't comfortable yet 100 like how's this gonna go and he had he had all that makeup on because all the burn scar so it's a whole it's a whole thing but yeah he had a pretty wild life that was not uh

well known because at that time you know you could hide your life you could hide the fact you were sleeping with men too and all that you know know, and Richard Pryor was. I mean, it was pretty out there knowledge of that in general. Did you know Dave Letterman also used to be a weatherman? I did know that. Funny weatherman guy. Yeah, yeah. He may be one of the greatest talk show hosts of all time, I'd say.

He's high up there for me. Did you ever go on Letterman? No, I never went on Letterman. Conan, you've been on? I never did any of those tonight really no i auditioned a couple times i'm more of a i'm a long story form guy yeah and i got a couple bits that are i could chop up but i just i started looking at like yeah if this were 1990 yeah i would really want to do that and it would really help me if I got on. Right, right, right. But it's not.

It don't do anything. It don't do anything. It's a credit. Yeah, no, it is. That's all it is. But it'd be like trying to put Ron White in that category. He's like, why would he need to do that? Yeah, no. And he can't even deliver a joke in that time frame. He'd get one joke out literally. He'd be halfway through a glass of whiskey and he'd be like, Ron, we're done. Yeah. Bill Cosby is the same way.

If you ever see Bill Cosby on like a Tonight Show type thing, later in his career, because he has a long story for him too. Yes, absolutely. You know, I mean, he did it early on as a young comedian when it was black and white television. When he needed to, yeah, right. But then as he got older, I mean, he would sometimes attempt it, and then they'd go, we mean he he would sometimes attempt it and

then they go we're gonna go to commercial and just interrupt the story and he didn't get to the punch line yet because yeah just you know that's just everything's just now now now now quick quick quick now obviously you know you guys uh both very successful john there's got to be a time i think every comedian experiences it where everything went wrong in your set and it just went badly no not one time no of course is there one that stands out most one that just popped into my head so uh when i worked i moved to la in the year 2000 and i worked at the comedy store uh pretty much right away so i was at the wow that was like sort of my as a door guy of taking ids and that kind of stuff and so um i saw everybody come through there and uh i had to uh follow

andrew dice clay oh wow oh wow that's that's probably intense and i loved andrew dice clay i mean when i was a kid you know high school i had to memorize. There's a whole dual cassette. Hickory dickory dock. Everybody knows it. Da da da da da da. Yay! Yeah. I had to follow him. He was my idol.

I mean, he had a dual cassette called The Day the Laughter Died. He taped at Dangerfields in New York, and I memorized it. It was one of the funniest things i ever heard in my life at that time and now here i am i'm a comedian and i'm fought he's introducing me that's weird that's a lot of pressure insane knew my name everything and i went up there and he just crushed and i thought it'd be funny go what what would it sound like

if he were from the south ed Edward Dice Clay from the South? That is kind of a funny idea. And I'm from a town called Hickory. Right. And so I tried to weave that in there, and the crowd was like, no. No, we're not having that. We're not having that country boy. Nope.

Try something else. Yeah. Did you write that, or you just improvised that? I just improvised it. I just thought it would be a good little quick segue. And it was a good idea. I like that. It was a decent idea, just it didn't execute it very well.

And I had, you know, another 10 minutes to kill after that first little icebreaker that did not break the ice. Yeah, the challenge there, I would think, as a comedian, is exactly what you said. You're a weaver, a storyteller. You know, and you've got to come in behind this high-intensity ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, you know, and try to pick up that same momentum, and that's a challenge. It is. That's what the comedy store and a lot of clubs in New York are that way,

where it's continuous comedy every 15 to 20 minutes. It's a new, basically, headliner. Yeah. That's going on stage, and it's not like, you know, here, in the rest of the country, it's like you get a feature act, there's, you know, like 5 to 10, and you know the rest of the country it's like you get a feature act this you know like right you have to 10 and you get the mc that does 20 to 30 the headliner does like 45 to an hour yeah and that's it yeah you go to the comedy store at 8 p.m and you could be in there till 2 a.m and see like 40 different comedians that's

how long you wanted to stay yeah i've watched've watched a lot of documentaries where they talk a lot about it, particularly like when Sam Kinison was live, where they would be way late there and all the great comics would be coming in last, doing those 12, 1 a.m., 2 a.m. type shows and things like that. Or they'd come in at 8 and they'd boot everyone else. Yeah.

Yeah, here comes Damon Wayans, just wants to riff. Yeah, he was bored tonight. So. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here comes Damon Wayans. Just riff. Yeah. I was, I was bored tonight. Yeah. So you're set. Everybody. Yeah.

I'm just going to do 15. Well, two hours later, two hours later, and he's going, uh, what else is out there? Yeah.

You know, you had to be prepared. No, no. He's out there trying to work the audience. John, aren't you always, or,

or, uh, Patrick, aren't you guys always tempted? You have your set, right? You, everything's trying to work the audience. John, aren't you always, or Patrick, aren't you guys always tempted? You have your set, right? Everything's ready to go. And then you see something last minute. You're like, I want to work on that.

Oh, yeah, I got to tweak that, yeah. It's always like, you know, should I stick with the set? Or should I kind of tweak the opener? And I'm always on the fence about that. Sometimes it works, and most of the times it doesn't. And it's just like it does you go i'm a fucking genius yeah no it feels great it feels great when you do make those changes or on the fly calls maybe it's just something a bit you know that you got and you've been thinking

well i could do this with it and you just throw it out there it's always at the open right because you always want to you know riff off the last thing segue off yeah yeah but it does feel terrible when you've thought about it all week you've worked on it and then you drop it and they're like you're like okay yeah that didn't play out at all played with that when i was on last comic standing because you know your your sets on last comic standing the stand-up portion was like five to seven minutes right right and you know you got to do a different one each time that you get up there and i didn't want to burn a whole lot of stuff because, you know, I didn't have a whole lot of money to burn at the time. And so I would stretch bits on purpose.

So I'd tell them, like, oh, yeah, I'm going to do this. They want to know because this is national television. Sure. They need to know what you're going to talk about. Right, right, right. If you have a bit about Burger King, they might go, can you change it to McDonald's? Yeah, because they're a know what you're going to talk about right right you have a bit about burger king they might go can you change it to mcdonald's yeah because they're a sponsor yeah so these little side conversations would happen and so you got your your set whittled down like i'm going to do this five in my brain i knew it was three yeah but i gave myself room to go like i mean

little crowd work which is very yeah sort of risky and very risky but it doesn't make it look like you're up there doing your robot set and i have to do this like right you go like hey look at this guy over here right anyway and it just sort of makes it look like you you you uh are spontaneous a little bit more sure yeah and not like they're flying by the seat of your pants not to rush they'll never get mad at you for going a little bit under. They'll get mad at you for going under. That's right. When that light comes on.

So they say, you need to do a tie five. I go, you got it. Really, it's three. Yeah. I'm doing four and a half. You don't even know. They're not going to know. They go, okay, that was great.

That was great. No, you loved it, didn't you? Yeah. You've had, I'm sure, a difficult stage or two i mean i've been in comedy six years i'd say the first five years were the first five years were challenging pretty much that i mean because i didn't know anything i just showed up i'm this you know fucking wall street guy literally like if you watch mrs mazel i was like the husband yeah who had like the corporate job and then after like after work i'd go into the conference room when no one was there and do my like work on my set and then go downtown and so i was the

only guy in a suit right right yeah like who the fuck is this guy this is in new york this is in new york yeah what clubs did you hit up uh i started first ones were just you know open mics and like in like gay bars and whatnot uh yeah no it makes sense we've all been there wasn't a mic yeah yeah i learned the lesson hard way um very hard pause sorry and uh and then yeah and so i you know i just i just wandered in there like you know like this this fucking noob right like this novice thinking like oh i'm just gonna walk up there and be the next you know mrs mazel and uh and that didn't happen yeah and then you know so every lesson learned was just like all right well here's how not to do it for the first you know four and a half years and then gradually like i learned from experience and and just sheer terror that you know

there's there's certain rules to this game and uh now i don't know about you guys how many non-traditional venues that you've ever played you know because for me that was a lot of of my stand-up ended up being in what you would call a non-traditional venue yeah uh and i learned yeah i learned yes gay bars i learned that christmas parties are not really the best place to be a comedian. They may think it is, but they're wrong. And I had a company that heard me on radio, and they called me about doing, they're like, we don't want to do a DJ. We want something different this year. And I said, well, listen, I don't know if you listen to my station,

but I kind of pushed the envelope a little bit. I'm not exactly Cosby type comedy, you know, you know, I'm, I'm, uh, and he goes, no, that's fine. These, these are blue collar people. They get it. I was like, oh, okay, well that's awesome. Then I said, you're sure he goes, oh yeah, they're going to have a blast, you know, some kind of machine part company or whatever. And I'm like, oh, these are my people, you know? So I show up and, and, and the front half of it, sure enough, or a bunch of young people, but the back half, they're blue hairs. And I mean, literally they're there in their seventies, eighties, nineties. I don't know. A couple of them might've been, you know, just actually fossilized, but I, you know, the, the owner comes up to me and I hadn't talked to him before. He goes, Hey, how are you doing? I'm so-and-so. And he goes, I understand you're, the, the owner comes up to me and I hadn't talked to him before. He goes, Hey, how you doing?

I'm so-and-so. And he goes, I understand you're going to do a clean set for us. And I stopped right there and I went, let me go over my set with you real quick and just see what your thoughts are. You know, I went over, he said, okay, okay. How is it? Five minutes, maybe seven minutes into my 45 minute set. I see this guy start craning his neck when the first table of blue hairs walk

out. The about five minutes later. So I'm now on 12 minutes of 45 minutes, 12 minutes of 45. And all of a sudden this guy is waving a white towel back here. And I was like, Oh shit, man, what am I going to do, man. And I was like, oh, shit, man. What am I going to do, man?

And I thought about it. And I said, you know what? If I am going to crash, I'm going to crash spectacularly. And I pulled out the most tawdry joke I had of shitting on the side of the freeway and how that went. It's about a 14-minute bit. I'm not exaggerating and i stretched it as far as i could stretch it i'd literally at the end the front rows were absolutely falling they they couldn't they were crying they're hurting their laughing the back was

gone every one of them were gone and it was amazing I didn't think I was gonna get paid I did get paid though but I thought I wasn't gonna get the check upfront yeah I didn't get the check up for that's a good idea you know I did learn that on that I had that happen one time I was doing a I was doing a charity show for this you know a really good a really good organization that is like you know aid work and whatnot yeah really good organization that is like you know aid work and whatnot yeah in the bronx and uh and they brought me in and i did i did a half i did actually two shows right one year and then they brought me back the next year and i did this i

did this i was like i don't even know what i was thinking but i did this bit where i was talking about how you know i used to work on wall street or whatever and i thought i thought being poor meant you made like a hundred thousand dollars a year right i didn't know you could make zero dollars a year until i started doing stand-up comedy and i was like did you guys know you could make zero dollars a year and still pay taxes that's great that's a good line actually and they uh this is a crowd full of people that like do relief work for like super poor people oh wow so they did not they didn't quite get it they in fact did know you can make zero dollars a year in fact most of them did yeah they did not appreciate my take on uh no i i guess they didn't come in equality in america

and so like i basically i and i i taped it went back and up and you could you could just you could see like the arc of the set just like you know it's like the rise and fall of dick colligan yeah i told that one and it's just like just straight down flames were coming out of the plane it was yeah it was just it was ugly no that's just brutal let's we've all had one of those you know i mean that's part of the job no if you don't you're not really a comedian i'll be honest with you got fail. You've got to fail more than once, many times to really understand what works and how to overcome it. Because that's one of the toughest things I think comedians have to learn is you might be in a set. And especially if you're doing a headlining set, you know, you got 45 minutes to do, and you may find yourself in a lull. You know, you've got a bit that you've put

together. It's a six, seven minute bit. You're laying it out. They're not buying it. And you got to find a way to get the hell out of it now, you know, because you know, they're not buying it. It's not going to land. Yeah. Your next five minutes. No, you're looking at the mountain in front of you, the planes on autopilot. And you're like, I got to grab this. We're going to have to make an emergency landing somewhere and refuel, you know. Yeah, that's part and parcel, I think, of becoming good at the craft is the failure. Because until you've had people, you know, you drop lines that you crafted carefully, you wrote, you spent time with, you rehearsed, you did it in the mirror.

You know, you got your friends laughing yeah and then you show up and and it's just crickets and you're like oh snap man this sucks this sucks there's nothing there's nothing like that there's because you got no one else to blame no it's the most naked art form in the world i mean at least in a band if you mess up on singing guitar bass the other instruments might help cover it yeah when you're standing up there you know you can blame the bass player yeah you can randomly do that i used to tell people look at you know you might have a crowd of 25 i can make 25 sound like 100 but you can't make 12 sound like anything other than 12. when you got 12 people in the

audience what that's the other thing you learn as a comedian. When you come in and you have a smaller audience is, you know, that laugh pocket that you rely on. Because that's something people don't think about. As a comedian, you sit there in the pocket while the laughs happen and you let them play a little bit. You need that time. You do. And it gives you time to, you know, get your direction going, knowing where you're going next, knowing what you're doing. And it also keeps, you know, get your direction going, knowing where you're going next, knowing what you're doing. And, and it, it also keeps, you know, the audience engaged. Well, when, when you got 12 people, um, though that laugh zone all of a sudden sucks up and your 45

minutes set just became 28 minutes and you all of a sudden need 20 more minutes to make this work. And that is a terrible place to find yourself going, oh, I'm going to have to do crowd work on the back end. Oh, no, this is wrong. This is way wrong, you know, because they don't want anything to do with crowd work by the back end of the set. You better be blowing their hair back and pinning them to the wall. You start going, so tell me what you do, sir. And they're like, you get the hell out of here. You get out now. I told you half an hour ago. Right. All right. Let's talk about this. This is another one of those things I was telling you where we have prep services and sometimes they send us just ridiculous things. And the headline of this is simulation reveals

what to do if you fall off a skyscraper to increase your chance of survival. A parachute? Learn to fly. Yeah. First of all, how many people are falling off skyscrapers that you need at this article? That's number one. Number two is, oh, hold on. We've got a guest coming in.

Will you open that door for him, please? Just reach over and just pull the handle and let Sean in. Yeah. Pause, everyone. Come on in, Sean. in sean how you doing man what's up how you doing buddy come on in come on in have a seat over here man join us join us love that here just pull up here yeah man how you doing man all right good to see you good to see you get right up on this mic sean uh ladies and gentlemen apologize dick sean michelle right here famous international singer uh idol alum uh man excited to see you here man what what no i mean thank you for coming in man we are so excited to have you we've uh i followed you for a long time your Your music is amazing. You're an amazing artist. What's going on with you these days?

I'm just, I'm kind of doing the family life thing. That's awesome, man. Good for you on that. I'm 45, but I didn't start having kids until I was like 41. Oh, wow. That is bold. The reverse midlife crisis. I didn't start buying a Corvette.

I started having kids. Well, that'll change things up for you a little bit, won't it? Yeah, somebody told me. They said, you're going to find out the Corvette would have been a much cheaper option. Yeah, Corvette's about $20,000, $25,000. You know, kids, I think it takes, what, half a million to get one out of the house these days? Yeah, I got three right now. Oh, yeah, $1.5 million.

Best Corvette in the world. That's right. Yeah, so you got boys, girls, 1.5 million. Best Corvette in the world. That's right. So you got boys, girls, both? I got two boys, seven and three, and I just had a little girl. She'll be a year. Oh, no. Yeah, the heartbreaker here.

Yeah. Now daddy's in trouble. I didn't understand at first because I was like, I mean, it looks just like a boy. You know what I mean? It's definitely when and uh but it's uh it's fun man it's making me feel older and younger all at the same time well that's amazing breaking my body down but it keeps my spirits up that is awesome man that is well that's amazing breaking my body down but it keeps my spirits up that is awesome man that is now that's great to hear so you're having a good time then that's what man having a good time and i'm still gigging a little bit here and there and

in the long range i'm still focusing on try to like basically how to restart again yeah with the music once yeah because you kind of took a hiatus basically in a manner of speaking right focus on family and uh produce three kids that probably takes a minute yeah it takes a little bit a lot of practice the practice was the best part but you know uh but yeah so it's just a matter of you know and plus what are we in what is this 20 almost 2025 like yeah music and and media and everything is like it's so rapidly changing yeah you know the last time i made a full-length record was in 2017 and even since then it was 20 the end of 2016 but even since then music and the consumption of music has changed so much

dramatically everybody's rethinking things and how to like use it to the best of to where it benefits them the most 2016 2017 people still weren't ashamed of having a cd anymore right you know they're like yeah i'll buy a cd that's fine yeah right now you have someone a cd they look at you like you're an idiot what is this no yeah seriously i mean like you really don't even sell those i mean like when i play live shows uh you know about the only thing that I'm going to sell is a vinyl record. Yeah, okay. And that's great because those cost a pretty good penny, so you can get a good return on vinyl. I used to always threaten to do a USB with my comedy on it, you know, because, look, it's cheap.

You can put a lot of stuff on it, and they get a lot out of it, but you don't pay much for it. Right. You know, and it's a great little thing to brand and put out, and then, you know, if you don't like it, you can tape over it and reuse it but you don't pay much for it right you know and it's a great uh little thing to brand and put out and then you know if you don't like it you can tape over reuse it you know well it's just it's weird today how like i'm trying to understand you know like for musicians and not even musicians but you see a lot of comedians doing this and everybody pretty much it's like you can't be that successful unless you also, you know, if someone would have told me in 2000, early 2000s, when I started doing music, late 90s, early 2000s,

that, you know, I was more concerned about the music. I was like, I need to become better, you know. I need to become a better artist. Yeah, just rehearse music all the time. You're writing and you're working on your stage craft, your stage presence. But, you know, somebody would have told me 24 years ago, hey, you also need to learn how to be a business mogul. You need to learn how to be a graphic design artist.

You need to learn how to be your own booking agency. You need to learn how to be your own record damn label. I mean, you know what I'm saying? It's like everything, like you have to do everything. And now it's like you don't see these famous comedians and stuff. They also have to have a YouTube channel, you know, a YouTube podcast. So it's like now you have to be a professional videographer and podcaster and yeah you know what i mean like yeah it's tough it is what you're talking about i think in in my mind uh the difference is that

at at a point for many many years there there was this uh it's almost like going to a concert where there's a barrier between you and the artist right and and that's how you know movies comedy music was for a long time there was this barrier between the audience and the individual and now if you're not 100 accessible yeah then then it's a challenge uh because that is the expectation of the fan now is that you are 100 accessible to them and if you're not they don't they think oh what are you a dick you know i'm commenting i hear i'm here commenting on your youtube well yeah you and five billion other people you know i'd love to comment back on every one of them but that is uh that new accessibility is is a whole different game changer and i think also the added difficulty on the artist is you know someone might think oh this dude's in like an a-hole or something but

it's like well i mean there's a lot that goes into you know what i mean i can't juggle 15 things at once well right one person i mean you have to at least have a manager you know what i mean to some degree because you can't you can't produce all this content online, uh, in any kind of, especially if you're the kind of artist or person that wants to do something quality, you know, you're battling insecurities all the time internally. Sure. Like, man, if this isn't like, if it's not meeting the vision I have in my own head, it's really hard to even get started in that arena in the first place.

Well, yeah. When you start, you're not even competing with your former success yet you know and then everything that once you become a success everything after that is measured against that success right so so you know you're just uh it's a lot of pressure that builds on you right yeah so it's just it's hard to juggle and i don't think people understand that but for the people that can do all that that's amazing you know like uh they probably you know the biggest thing i think is artists also have to be uh good business people and business is where i'm like or have good business people around you one or the other yeah yeah and you know it's not it's not every day you come across james brown who was

like an amazing artist amazing performer but also happened to be an amazing business right entrepreneur mogul whatever you want to call it so that's really hard to you know most artists aren't like that yeah no most artists are are difficult to pin down to anything other than the art form right and and that's where their mind lives you know and and that's how you became an artist i mean that it is a unique brain uh but sometimes uh yeah it disables us in ways yeah so people people think like you know right you show up to a gig right and you're just like hanging out all day right just waiting oh right right right like i was i was telling my friend i'm here in arkansas he's like well you want to give me a call guys probably just you know have a bunch of time to kill i was like well

between like the social media engagement you're doing and then you know coming up with stuff working on the set and then it's like most of the time these guys have other jobs you know what i mean it's like i don't know very many you know unless someone of you know john reeb's caliber whatever but it's like you know these guys have a second job and they're doing this on the side and they're trying to make it all work and people don't really have the the understanding of what you know in 2024 what it takes to be oh yeah you know in the arts well and and it's a weird time too when that you know and and mad respect to this chick uh i i'm just in no way a negative to her but it's a weird time when hot to a girl okay skyrockets More famous than any of us will ever be. Sky rockets to the top of the charts past everybody except Joe Rogan.

And you're like, man, I've been busting my ass a long time. God bless America. This chick just said, you got to fit on that thing. And she made it. One line, one day. It's better than one song. You know, one damn line. Yeah. I mean, it's better than one song you know one damn line in her life you know world yeah i mean it's just you know sometimes you sit here as an artist and you go man i i maybe i'm focused on the wrong thing you know i i'm doing the wrong i should be just talking about blowies or something you know you're right right right right was that was the catch me outside chick before that oh

daniel bergoli yeah no that's dr phil you know that's his number one regret in life like he probably sat with a gun in his mouth several nights going god how did i do this yeah no how did i make this girl a star yeah she had the number one only fans she made like 80 million dollars hey kidding me no i'm not kidding you bro she's not even remotely no that's what i'm saying who is signing up for this i would think possibly yeah that's true yeah you're probably right probably right that's a high spending demographic yeah did he did. Diddy signed up for it. He was watching it. Boomer's got all the money, man.

No doubt. No doubt. No doubt. Can I say something about the Hawks? Yeah, yeah. Here, Sean, trade out with him real quick. Just trade it. Well, here, let's try to squeeze it in. Are you sure, Mike? Here, I'll scoot over more. No, I just want to say about the Hawks.

Sorry, guys, I had to... Here, scoot over a little bit. No, no's good keep going just don't roll over i was sitting here i don't know if you could tell for the last five minutes and you were in the middle of a story and i'm like yeah i just had to i just blew up your bathroom but i'm so hey that's awesome man damn terrorist that's it so yeah the hawk to girl. Yeah, I saw the look on your face when you went out the door. I appreciate her passion and her enthusiasm for this act of love. Yes, yes, yes. But don't you ever hawk up anything.

No, not on me. Not on my body. That's disrespectful. It's passive-aggressive is what it is. It tells me how you really feel about this act. Yeah. Oh, you want me to do it? Yeah. This is the sound.

Hold on. I want some damn respect around here. There's some K-Y right there. I want you to spit on it. I want you to salute it. Yeah. Permission to go to work, sir. Permission granted.

Respect the P9. Exactly. So I just want to throw that out there. No, that's great. That's hilarious, actually. That's a good point. But yeah, that's the difference, though, you're talking about is that, you know, when you started your journey, performing music was actually about performing music. Right.

And what you're saying is now for you, the business is about a million other things. I mean, it's always kind of been like that, even before streaming. I mean, and all that stuff, you know know you almost had to be like an artist and walmart at the same time like you would go tour with other bands that had it was all about the merch game yeah you know that that is so true how much merch you can have on your table the different variety of merch it's like i gotta i gotta have beard oil i gotta have a you know yeah you know i gotta have these uh these all these bandanas and I mean, stuff that doesn't even have to do anything with anything.

It's like, I didn't realize I had to become Walmart as well. And just the cost of touring. Yeah. I mean, you want to just support yourself on tour. That's what, but now touring is 50 grand, right? Touring is the biggest. Oh, you gotta, you gotta go show up in person or you're not gonna, you know, cause now, I mean, independent artists at first, they were like, oh, my God, iTunes, man.

It's like ripping people off. We're only getting 60 cents off the dollar. And now it's like you're getting fractions of a penny. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's like just when you thought they couldn't rate independent artists even more. I mean, they figured out a new way. Yeah.

So you got to figure out a way to work around that. Yeah. I learned from band, uh, about how the game is played, you know, like I have some friends and, uh, they, they, their band, uh, was doing rock Oklahoma. And I was like, man, that must be so awesome for you to get picked for that. And he goes, yeah, we paid for it. And I was like, what do you mean? And he goes, yeah, there's a buy-in if you want to do that. And that buy in for that band was 10 grand to play rock, but just to put yourself in Rock, La Homa and not on the main stage with, you know, the shine downs and the bands like that, you're going to be on this stage over here with, uh, you know,

Joe and the trinkets and, and, and yeah, leaf carrot and you know these folks over here uh but what i did also find out is he said but the merch is where the money is you know these bands they make so much money in merch and they have to because jesus christ you know i don't want to be that guy but i remember when a good t-shirt was about 20 bucks man you 50 bucks on a t-shirt well that and the uh and the licensing now right oh yeah for like film and, man. Well, that and the licensing now. Oh, yeah. Licensing for film and TV and whatnot. Yeah. Now you can't make, like I was watching Goodfellas a little while ago.

That soundtrack for Goodfellas would be the full budget of any movie today. Probably would, yeah. It's probably a $20, $30 million soundtrack. Rolling Stones, I mean, everybody on there. Yeah. And then you get these weird unintended consequences of like, okay, well, now you can't have cool million dollar soundtrack rolling stones i mean like everybody on there and it's like that's and then you get these these weird unintended consequences of like okay well now you can't have cool movie soundtracks anymore right because we took all the money away from the artists and

they had to like scrape whatever they could from whatever they could get right which is like movie licensing and tv and whatnot and it's like now we fucked up this other art form too unintentionally. John, I'm looking at some of the audience here, and they're asking a question. And I know you talked a little bit about it earlier, but they were saying, what was it like working on Harold and Kumar on that set? Oh, it was great.

Well, John Cho is hilarious. A very nice, funny guy. Yeah. Cal Penn, also nice. Very serious, though. he looks like he probably normally we didn't cut up as much uh as me and john show and missy pile oh she's hilarious the best so we shot this thing uh in louisiana okay and well my my scenes were in louisiana and uh so that you could drink till you could drink anytime you want. I mean, in Louisiana, there are no rules.

There's no rules there. If you get pulled over in Louisiana and your blood alcohol level is lower than the cops who stopped you. You're going to jail. They let you go. You're doing something wrong. Yeah. But no, me and Misty Powell hung out one night, partied it up. It was like all day of shooting.

We stayed at this nice big casino like resort place and and we uh so let's go get a drink somewhere we went to this little hole in the wall place and they had this jukebox and you walked it it looked like a dark sort of like uh sort of like a biker bar type scene okay and we didn't know we just walked in and there's a jukebox and i remember just walking up to this jukebox and putting up just a lot of money and just hitting all these buttons. And she was like, and it was like, I don't know, 20 minutes later, everybody in that bar was dancing, having a great time. And you could tell that's not the place where they typically do that. Right, right, right. Missy took over.

And I was like, I love this girl. Yeah. So she was amazing to hang out with and uh it like i said everyone the directors of that um they they went on to do a lot of karate kid series right now cobra kai yeah um they're they're great they were they also let me improv a lot there's a scene uh where i uh so uh cal pan and John Cho's characters meet me for the first time. They're on my property. Okay. And they're wearing these disco

clothes from Mother Night. They see a deer and they start petting this deer and all of a sudden the deer's head explodes because I shot it. I'm a hunter and I shot this deer. And there's, so that was in the script and then I improvised a whole scene where I pull a knife out and I stab the deer and there's so that was in the script and then i improvised a whole scene where i pull a

knife out and i stab the deer and i lick the blood off and i'm i'm tasting it like it's a fine wine yeah i'm born in 04 yeah yeah that's a good year for deer and that might be one of the most quoted lines of that movie. Yeah, people say that movie, Born in 04. Yeah. Because it's so random and hilarious. It was just one of those great ad-libs. You just want to know what you're doing. Right, of course.

Yeah, right. So they were very generous in that way, those guys. That was one of the most fun times I had on a set. Also, I think I did the best on that. Other than Eastbound and Down was cool. I was intimidated. I didn't want to mess up. I was so worried about getting it right that I didn't. You weren't as loose.

I think I did okay, but not as good as you. You did great. You did fine. You did just fine. I tricked myself into believing that I'm as good as Larry David. How does one do that? You really have to see yourself as equals. You do, or otherwise you're going to stay intimidated.

You don't come off, you'll see it on the screen. And so I have to trick myself into believing like, I could do this. Yeah, who's Larry David? And so I think that was a good scene. Me and Larry David hit it off pretty good. I made him laugh out loud one time. Yeah, that probably felt pretty great i was crazy to see him laugh out loud right in my face it's something i said i'm like that that's that i want that i'll die right now it's a blooper but i want it

so but you do have it on honor you i don't have it i have to hit them up and see if i can have it if they even that'd be great man to have to have that, wouldn't it? That's pretty awesome. Now, Sean, let me ask you what I was asking these guys earlier. I know that you have been on some of the biggest stages in the world. Who was the person you met

along your journey of performing and whatnot who really made you starstruck? You were like, well, I cannot believe I'm sitting here talking with or performing with or whatever with this person it had to be like maybe paul abdul with the glazed eyes yeah from the pills and the wine yeah that was probably the most uh yeah no uh i mean i got to play with some pretty phenomenal people as far as sharing the stage. You know what I mean?

And some of the best people were the ones that have been, you know, not a whole lot of people know about, but they're insanely good, and they've been doing it just as long as the big acts. And to me, that was kind of inspiring because I'm like, oh, these people are old and they're still doing it. You know what I mean? And they never got to extreme stardom, but they figured out a way to keep it going.

And they were insanely talented. I mean, I'm sure that's how it is in the comedy game as well. I mean, you probably have some comedians who are just solid and they're always pulling. They can fill up the loony bin or whatever, but they're not doing like arena shows or anything like that. Sure, yeah sure yeah yeah yeah of course there's many of those yeah but you know so i don't know it's kind of i come to mind

well you know but but those people those people keep going because they're you know i'm almost having to realign myself with i'm having to rethink why i'm even doing music in the first place yeah because i think kind of like in the way we have relationships i don't want to get too like no you're good go ahead man whatever but you know i think sometimes when we have expectations on people that we have relationships with that we put our expectations too high on them we ask things of them that we should never have required from someone to give us like you're supposed to give me this you know or give me this feeling or give me this whatever and i think we do that sometimes with the craft or the things that we we forget that we started doing these things because we were drawn to it and we loved it yeah it becomes more about the business or the supposed to give me this and it didn't give me this so okay and you just

walk out or you give up yeah you do something else and lately i've been having to realize that music else and lately i've been having to realize that music was never intended to make me famous it was just something you loved right i should stop expecting it to give me something yeah and just enjoy the craft as you do it so that's kind of where i'm at right now i'm kind of an existential like you know trying to trying to really get back to why what you know what's my motivation right basically and so i can stay in it for the long haul yeah you know and if if fame never comes but but on another hand it's like well you got to get to some sort of notoriety if you want to eat well yeah that's helpful pay your bills and so yeah you need somebody so at some point in time if it's like i can't get if i can't pay my at least at least make't make a living off of it,

then I probably am not that good. Well, that could be. You've got to get that merch. You've got to have that merch. You've got to get the beard merch going. We all dabbled in merch, and it's got it. The one thing I hated the most about merchandise was the t-shirt part of it. Oh, yeah.

I have to go out there and do this myself. I don't want to pay some other guy to go set that up. I'm not even selling enough to pay this guy. Yeah. And then you'll be standing there with your t-shirts and then someone will come up and be like, you got a quadruple XL.

Yeah, you got a 5XL. Yeah, that cost me $7 more, bitch. Yeah, and got a 5XL. Yeah, that cost me $7 more, bitch. Yeah, and then some girl like, I need a medium. Like, that's not a medium. This is a large. I need a girl's medium. Before you know it, like, I'm done with teaching. Yeah, no, I get it.

One size fits all. No, like yourself, man, I remember I had a laser disc printer. I would burn my own CDs and disc print the cover on it, and I'd be sitting there the night before a show on like number 50 going, this is bullshit, man. I hate this.

I don't even want to do this. I'm already doing that, actually, because in the beginning, when CDs were selling, my first album was called john reed bless his heart it was an hour stand up and i filmed and recorded in uh uh houston uh and it was a great set it was just a random set i got on on the you know audio and i'm like i'm gonna sell this and so i made it look really good got it produced and i sold a lot of them but then i would run out sometimes. I'm like, oh, I can just go to Walmart buy a bunch of cheap ones. I got it on my computer just all day burning. It was cheaper because I didn't have to get it back from the producers or whatever. And I made it look like this is a rare edition. I made this myself. I signed all of these already. And it was faster. I'm very nice to myself. In my own bootleg. I signed all of these already.

Yeah. And it was faster. I didn't have to open it and sign it. I was like, I've already done it. Here, big thing, boom. Yeah. And I made my money back that way. But no one buys CDs anymore.

No, if you had CDs out, they'd look at you like you're insane right now. You have to tell them, this is a compact disc. Yeah, yeah. You don't want your grandmother's car. Yeah, you know that. Put this in that slot. That slit under the radio that you don't really know what it is.

You know, you shove papers in it and stuff. That's a CD player. Yeah. So are comedians not doing vinyl again? Some might be. I think that would be ridiculous. I mean, I can understand why musicians would put out vinyl again.

I think you'd have to be. But a comedian doing records. I don't even know. I mean, what they do now. I mean, just to get a QR coder code i just have it on a coaster yeah that's pretty much it now coasters because every bar every club needs coasters that is true and that's a great way to do it y'all can have them and you're promoting me even when i'm not there yeah no that's a good idea actually it's a qr code someone pick it up be curious and boom takes you right there and you're done yeah you know it is it is maybe one of the fastest and the smartest ways to do something like

that yeah uh yeah no i i don't know any comedians now doing uh vinyl uh that come to mind maybe jim brewer uh he might artist marker or dimitri martin yeah some of your like deep alt yeah maybe so maybe so maybe so and you know what have you ever seen a comedian so big uh so good that they don't they'll come in and they just decide maybe i'm not gonna really do a set tonight uh dave chappelle uh oh my god he's one of my all-time favorites uh he's the goat or one of the goats yeah i don't know honestly and i look i grew up watching snl i like uh in living color uh mad tv all that stuff's good uh none of it is the chapelle show none of it no no show is undefeated uh but dave came here and performed and we went and saw him and uh i don't know if he was

spliffed out drunk both i don't think he he might have done six seven actual jokes and then the rest of it was him just ambling on and being whatever and you know what it was still better than 90 percent of the shows i've ever seen in my life. That's how he writes. Some comedians write on stage because you kind of need to be under the gun to make the creative process slow. Bill Burr does that. I do that to some degree. In the beginning, I wrote everything because I didn't know how I could do this. You've got to start somewhere.

I'd write everything down and kind of memorize it like Carlin would do. Yeah. Perform it in front of my mirror, and all the mistakes that you make at the beginning. Right. But then over time, repetitions, experience, you remember it. Yeah.

You kind of just get used to laying it out and playing with it on the stage during that time, probably much like you might with a guitar or improvising on your own riffs and whatnot. There's three hours of Chappelle on YouTube doing literally a three hour set at the comic strip at 11pm.

It's hilarious. Oh, I'm sure it is. He smokes like three packs of cigarettes. How much smoke is in that room? Nobody tells him he's not smoking ain't nobody coming to him and going you can't smoke here in New York City

I don't like to second hand smoke so much I'm not going to complain about it but I'll be like if Chappelle did it I'm like smoking in New York City let's go Marlboro let's go smoking in New York City is like a capital offense they'll execute you for that.

Really? I used to smoke. I remember when we first moved to L.A. I'm at the Improv Comedy Club just hanging out. And I thought, I'm looking around like, no one's smoking. They just don't smoke in Los Angeles. And I'm like, well, I kind of want to go smoke. So I step outside. There's like one other lonely guy standing out there smoking some poor

bastard yeah it used to be a communal thing where you go out and talk and and so now i realize i'm sitting here i'm lighting the cigarette and there's this big window i can see everyone in the window having a good time without me yeah i'm out there by myself you're the crackhead and then as soon as i lit it i swear to god i heard a fire truck. And I thought, you've got to be shitting. That's great. They're going to come. They're on the way. We got a smoker.

That is great. That is great. Yeah, that's true. I mean, New York, L.A., you can't smoke anywhere. No, man. You get a restaurant in North Carolina, you know, the tobacco, that's where, Winston-Salem. Yeah, man. You've got a restaurant in North Carolina. You know, the tobacco, that's where, Winston-Salem. Yeah, right.

You've got a restaurant. They said, you want to sit in the smoking section or the chain smoking section. That's right. You want your table to be on fire or. No, I remember they had a Western Sizzlin'. Yeah. And they had a room for smoking, but it was all glass. Yes.

It's all glass. Everyone can just shame you. You can just look in there and see the smoke billowing. And you're just looking at them like, God, man, you know, you came out smelling like, you know, if you're in there, you smell like a butt when you walk. You smell like you're a shirt. It was like the opposite of the improv in LA where I was by myself smoking. The Western sizzling, everybody's in the smoking. Everybody, yeah. And you're the weirdo eating a salad by yourself.

That's right. Yeah, it depends on where you are, man. You're right about that, for sure. Yeah, absolutely. All right, well, what we're going to do, we're going to take just a quick break here, and I'm going to get, Sean is going to do a live performance for us.

I'm very excited about that. So give us just a minute. We're going to get this set up, and we'll be right back with Shawn Michelle performing live for us. All right. So stay tuned. you you All right, we are still going in here. Everything is getting set up, so we're getting ready to have Sean over here in just a second. Let me get this camera lined up real quick. just a second. And let me get this. Let's see if I can get this camera lined up real quick. How I was relating to Louisiana stuff. I was born in New Orleans. So I know. Oh, yeah. Drive through daiquiri shop. I love

their loophole. A little piece of tape. Yeah. There we go. Right. Right. And to me, that's like the perfect, you know, that just shows that the first, the only line of defense is this little scotch tape. I can just easily pull out a brick. You know about that? All right. I'm going to move my mic over here, and we're going to let him do what he does here. Oh, man.

Oh, this is early. Dude, it's amazing, too, the timing. Like, I'm a huge Norm MacDonald fan and, like, some other comedians or whatever, but the timing, comedians, when y'all were talking about Dave Riffin on stage, it reminded me a lot of how musicians, a lot of comedians and musicians are very similar. But I think with timing and everything and rhythm and, like, God, dude, stand-up comedy is, you know, at least with music, you can turn shit up if you suck. It's just you and a mic, man. least with music you can turn shit up if you suck this is you and a mic man yeah chapelle's big like compared to like a jazz singer yeah right yeah

all right well let's do it ladies and gentlemen here he is john michelle here we go. Thank you. afraid Thank you. Who hurts the worst, the innocent kids They grow up thinking that it's just the way life is And we dump this shit on our own children Any way this vicious cycle comes to an end Every night and day, people all suffer with pain Everybody's on our best name But it's never too late to be healed We'll be right back. But it's never too late to be healed and changed inside by the touch, by the touch of grace. Touch of grace. Come on now.

Touch of grace, yeah. Touch of grace. Yeah! Yeah! Hard to do it. Man, what an awesome, awesome, awesome performance. No, no, you can't do that, man. No, you definitely can't do that. Listen, big thanks today to John Reap, to Dick Colligan,

Definitely can't do that. Listen, big thanks today to John Reap, to Dick Colligan, to Sean Michelle, to Chad Sledge, to the Looney Bin, and to, of course, all of you guys for being here with us today. Man, just can't thank you all enough for what you've done to push us, promote us, and lift this show up. You are still the best audience in the damn world, And don't ever let anybody tell you otherwise. We'll see you next time, guys. Yeah! you you