Patrick and the People - The Best of Patrick and the People: Jon Reep on PATP!

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

Originally Recorded 11/8/2024

you you You Let's go. Good morning to you. Welcome to Patrick and the people. That's right, baby. It's the Friday edition. We are here. We are live and super, super excited about today. It's going to be, man, one hell of a show.

We got a lot going on. So let me introduce you to the people here today. To my left, you know, Amanda Parker, owner of The Break Room and Snarkmaster extraordinaire. Good morning. How are you doing today? I'm good. I'm good. I see that she brought the labor simulator machine. I think I'm just going to roll with it or keep it up here so that it's ready for whenever it's time.

That's great. That's great. That's great.'s great what's going on guys how y'all doing come on in come on in man all right yeah come on John how you doing man what's going on buddy how you doing man good to see you as well man things are good things are good yeah we just got on. Ladies and gentlemen, I probably don't even have to introduce him to you, John Reap. That's right, baby, John Reap. Morning this morning. Yeah, glad to have you in the studio, man. Good to be here, man.

I like this whole get up you got here. Man, it's kind of different, isn't it, man? Yeah, well, I try to do the same thing in my hometown. I have a podcast where I live in Hickory, North Carolina. Right. It's called Carolina Reaper, and it's like this big building in the middle of nowhere. You wouldn't think what goes on in there. No, no.

I love the big space of it. Yeah, no, I do, too. And then right here to my right, owner of Piercings by Chad, Chad Sledge. What's up, buddy? What's up, man? How y'all doing this morning? Yeah, man. Good.

And then to my right, right over here, is Dick Colligan. Yeah, another comedian who's performing tonight at the Looney Bin with John Reap. How you doing today, man? Thanks so much, man. I'm great. Good to be here. Good, good. Dick, by the way, will be in our after-school special on Saturday, so we'll be airing that interview with him. I had a great interview with him. And yeah, man, he was a former investment banker who went rogue and became a comedian. Yeah. They're still looking for me. Yeah, they're still looking for you over there. All right, well let's get to who has outrun the Grim Reaper this year. Let's start with... That's the name of my corporation by the way. Is it? That's a great corporation. The Grin Reaper.

The Grin Reaper, that's nice. Call him on LinkedIn. Gretchen Moles. She's 52. You know her from 310 to Yuma. Parker Posey, 56. You know her from Lost in Space. Tara Reid. She's 49. You know her from Sharknado. Man, boy. Talk about a difference from here to there.

Man, lovely lady, but wow. Let's see who else here. Leif Garrett is 63, if you even know who that is. He's alive? He's alive. That's what we said a minute ago. Wow, he's alive. How is he only 63? I know, it doesn't even make sense. Seems like he should be 900. He's looked 63 for the last

20 years. Yeah, him and Danny Bonaduce are both. I need to fact check this one. Yeah, you're probably right. I think he has a mysterious aging disease. He might. He might. Tech 9 is 53. By the way, if you don't know his government name, Aaron Dantes Yates.

All right. SZA is 35, and Bonnie Raitt is 75. There's no way that Bonnie Raitt is older than Leif Garrett. That's math. It doesn't even make sense, does it? No. That's something to talk about. No.

Hey-oh. Nice, nice, math. It doesn't even make sense, does it? No. That's something to talk about. No. Hey-oh. Nice, nice, nice. All right. You just get to a little bit of news that you can use here, so we'll just start. No, let's start here. Apparently, the Rockefeller Christmas tree is no longer standing in Massachusetts. It was cut down this week, the first tree to come from Massachusetts since 1959. The Rockefeller Center's Chief Gardener and Tree Scout. What a job title. Eric Paws has had his eye

on it for four years. Man, you know, his life is about trees, isn't it? Paws on it. That's, you know, it sounds creepy, like a groomer. It does. He's been grooming the tree they're looking at that tree one year old that's right just a little sapling i'm thinking about it right now watch it in tree school uh hey you know the menendez brothers were getting out now everybody doesn't know because they changed the prosecutor are they actually getting out for real well they were they they kind of are out i think i think they're maybe at least one of them is in a halfway house or something like that. But now that they got rid of that district attorney, they've got a new one. And so he may make a different decision. They say, hey, no, you thought you were out, but you're not.

That was a great docuseries. I don't know if you guys saw it. I did watch it. It was pretty wild. What did you think about it? I laughed out loud. It was pretty wild. What did you think about it? I laughed out loud. That's a funeral scene. They played Milli Vanilli.

Did you see that part? I did. Is that part true? I don't know if it's true. It's got to be artistic license. That was hilarious. Who picks Milli Vanilli at the funeral? I'm in love with you, girl.

It was so crazy. I mean, it was very entertaining. You know, a lot of times they embellish stuff like that. Well, of course they do. But if you watch it, you believe what went on in that story. I mean, there's a docu-series, and there's also like an acted series with actors. Yes, I saw that one as well. There's two different ones.

Yes, there are. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, you kind of believe it. You kind of wonder. wonder dad was a monster yeah it seems like i mean he did the menudo as well yeah right yeah so it makes sense i can see them getting out yeah no i mean they're gonna kill anybody else no i don't think they're trying to take anyone else out they don't have any money left so i mean it's not like what are they going to do stay in an apartment somewhere you know um know? Have you seen the new, you've seen Tiger King before, right?

Oh, my God, yes. We're interviewing Joe Exotic, I think, mid-November. Really? Yeah, from prison. That is awesome. But have you seen the new Chimp Crazy or Chimp Lady? I have. I'm all about the Dr. Chimp.

You do? Yeah, me too, man. I love it. Man, that lady makes Joe Exotic look like a damn genius. Yeah, I mean, what I love about those series is it's not just one story you'll start off in one story then all of a sudden bam here's a new character out of nowhere and you take that rabbit hole for two series yeah no absolutely you do i love that stuff and i'm going to tell you what this lady i i was watching it and i'm like do you know how stupid you look right now? Because she's trying to hide this monkey, this chimp from the feds. Yeah. But she's doing a documentary

showing that she's lying to the feds. She goes downstairs. Oh yeah, here it is. It's still alive. I didn't get rid of it. And you're like, you realize they're going to watch this and just a matter of, you're going to prison. That's a bold strategy strategy kyle let's see how that works out for her yeah how she was getting her money like it's expensive to house all these monkeys and animals that she had and where was her money coming from i don't know if it was just donations or what was going on and then she was illegally selling them kind of like a tiger yeah and then she's like i know what to do and then you see if she's feeding them gatorade of that. And then she's like, I know what to do. And then you see she's feeding them Gatorade and Ho-Hos. And it's like, I don't think that's the zoology diet for a chimpanzee.

I'm sorry. Yeah. All right. Let's see. A judge is leaning towards giving Mariah Carey a big win. For her, all I want for Christmas is UKs. Apparently, a Mississippi artist, Vince Vance and the Valiants, recorded a song with the same title in 89 and brought a suit against Kerry in 22, sought 20 million bucks

from it, but ultimately dropped the case. Last year, he refiled, but the district judge says she's inclined to grant the request by Kerry's legal team to dismiss it. Somebody's just trying to cash in on her, but man, if anything could stop it from playing, I'd be in favor of it. Which song came out first? No, hers did. Yeah. Yeah, hers did. Well, can we give his a chance? I'd like to hear it. I'd like to at least take over that one. I know that's right, man. Utahah the police said uh it wasn't gifts they

found during a traffic stop in utah but drugs covered in christmas wrapping paper utah highway patrol uh troopers pulled over a charger about 110 miles an hour good idea when you got drugs in the car by the way uh canine officers brought to the scene and uh they had two safes wrapped like presents the safes vacuum filled containers with various drugs and paraphernalia inside. Maybe they thought the safe was protected somehow. The hardest pinata ever. No doubt about it. They're never going to look in the safe.

No, they'll never unwrap these presents. Yeah, we'll just open it. Okay, well, obviously. Oh, it's a safe. Never mind. You can't get in here, so we'll just be done. This looks legit. Yeah, no.

Let's see. Streaming service Max will crack down on password sharing. All these bastards. Got enough money. The CFO of Warner Brothers Discovery said yesterday they'll ramp up a rollout of what the company calls very soft messaging. That's like weak porn. Soft messaging. Reminding subscribers weak porn. Soft messaging.

Reminding subscribers to pay for the extra users. The Grammy nominees apparently will be unveiled this morning. Do you care about... Does anyone care about the Grammys anymore, honestly? Do you care about the Grammys? I don't care about any award show. Me either. At all.

None. Zero. How about you, man? Is Mariah Carey involved? Probably. Yeah, I'm afraid so. Zero. How about you, man? Is Mariah Carey involved? Probably. I'm afraid so. Chad, do you get excited about the Grammys? I don't think it matters anymore.

It doesn't matter anymore. It used to be, I guess, because there was such a gap between regular folks and celebrities that you would wait for these events to see them and hear what they had to say. But shit, now you can go anywhere and find them i mean you go online and talk to about anybody you want to really exactly yeah the internet's changed all of that yeah that whole glitz and glamour where you look up to the

stars yeah nobody in fact you look down on them kind of now well some do yeah you're right i mean the epstein island i mean all this stuff. Man, Diddy. It's all going to go down, Bert. I cannot wait for 2025. I don't think you want to phrase it, it's all going to go down. A24's new horror film, Heretic, may land the top spot at the box office this weekend. It stars Hugh Grant, projected to make about 8 mil in its debut. Meanwhile, Venom, The Last Dance, set to make another 12 mil in its third weekend.

Critics don't like that movie, but everybody else seems to. But I think that Tom Hardy is a phenomenal actor. You like that? Oh, I love Tom Hardy. I like the first and second one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do too. I'm not into the whole.

Comic book movies. Here and there, I was for a minute on that train for a while and then it just got to be, well, so do we all have the same powers? Yeah, well, you start to get... We can all fly, we can all shoot laser beams

out of our fingers. I don't know the rules. You start to get into less relevant heroes. Yeah. You know, they're real small heroes who can light a cigarette with their thumb.

Yeah, you gotta get on Wikipedia and find out what their power is. Yeah, I mean... Which one? Yeah. So how does this trump that one? You know, it's like let me go to my explainer it's it's it's tough that's why i love uh the the first joker not the second

one the first joke oh yeah it was real simple straightforward everything that happened in that movie is something that could happen in real life yeah there was no special power it's all about mental health and you sound very much like my wife. She doesn't give a damn about any of these underwear-wearing people if it's not Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool. Even with a mask on, Ryan Reynolds still will get more attention than me. You know? Even the one with all the burned face? That's right.

It doesn't even matter. He's still beating me out. Normally, you think of the upper Midwest or the Northeast getting the first real snow of the year, but not New Mexico. Well, Las Vegas, the one in new mexico was the big winner yesterday i saw this yeah they got 33 inches well it was a blizzard warning in effect they shut down the damn state yeah that's uh it's pretty weird to see over there in new mexico but like is there i don't know the climate over there i know it's really hot but is there a, I don't know the climate over there. I know it's really hot, but is there a mountain range through New Mexico? Yeah, there is definitely a mountain range for sure.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Hey, now, John, you might be the only person in this room who would be interested in this, but I'll share it with you. If you don't want to cook Thanksgiving this year, you go to the Ritz-Carlton in New York Central Park. Yep. And they got you covered. They'll cook and serve you all day. I knew it is. Up to eight guests, just 96 grand, John.

That's all it is. We'll slum it this year and do it. Yeah, it'd be real hard for you, wouldn't it? Well, what do you get for that? Well, let's see. It comes with an in-sweet brunch with fruit, bagels, eggs, French toast. Oh, perfect. Bacon, potatoes, all the juice and coffee you can drink.

That's very generous. Two-bedroom suite. eggs french toast oh perfect bacon potatoes all the juice and coffee you can drink that's there you go very generous uh two-bedroom suite uh you get access to the lounge uh the suite converts to a four-bed space giving you living rooms two of them pantries kids of all ages yeah this sounds uh 96 000 sounds insane for thanksgiving this this like Home Alone Thanksgiving where the kid shows up? It's not even that good. No. The Fed is going to cut the interest rates by a quarter point. Here we go.

So I guess that's positive that the Fed's going to go down, right? Time to refinance. Yeah, well, maybe not on a quarter point, but we're going to get closer. We're going to be real desperate if a quarter point. Let's go. Yeah, that's pretty bad. Okay, this is great. This is exactly what everybody goes, God damn it.

An Illinois woman won a million dollars from a lottery ticket she bought on a whim shopping for groceries. She picked up her winning ticket at a quick stop on her way to visit her aunt. Then she put it in her purse and forgot about it. quick stop on her way to visit her aunt. Then she put it in her purse and forgot about it. The woman only discovered her win a few days later when she noticed the forgotten ticket in her purse. She was curious, so she said, oh, I'll scan it with the lottery app.

Boom, a million dollars. Wow. A million dollars. She's been walking around in her purse, probably had a couple days where she was real tight waiting on money to come in. I know how hard it is to find a woman for her stuff in her purse, though, you know.

You're probably looking for a few days. I will not, absolutely. If my wife even said, you can get that out of my purse, I'd be like, nope. Nope. Not going to do it. Now, there's a bear trap in that ditch somewhere, and I don't want anything to do with it. I'll tell you that right now, man. Okay, let's see if there's some sports that you care about.

John, are you a sports guy? Football is all I care about. Football is your big thing. Who's your team? The Carolina Panthers. I thought it would not be that. I'm loyal to the home team. What can I say?

Man, are they 2-7? We've won two games, 2-7. We beat the Saints and the Raiders. That's it. I saw when they sent them to London to play. I was like, you know what's crazy? Get out of the country. We don't want to watch it.

Let's send it to London. They'll pay big money to watch this shit. Yeah, they don't even know what football is. No, they're like, where's the soccer ball at? You mean you can touch it with your hands? After watching the Panthers, they still don't know. No, they don't. The Panthers don't know.

I'm sure the truth. Hold on. I got my start in comedy because of football. Did you really? Yeah, I got kicked out of a Carolina Panthers game for dancing in the end zone when they first came into the NFL. Did you really? Yeah, there's a whole video of it on YouTube.

You can look it up. It's got to be on YouTube. It's on YouTube. That's how I got my start. How'd you end up in the end zone? I was invited by the mascot. His name is Sir Purr. Yes, most feared mascot

in all of the NFL. Yes, it sounds like it. Sir Purr. Big gay cat was taken, so they went with Sir Purr. I was already dancing. Look, it was the first year in the NFL for the Panthers. We were very excited. You know, 22, 33 years

old. You know, tailgating in the cheap seats. I'm drunk. And every time I'd play music and I would just get up and start dancing like an idiot. Well, they drink because why not? Exactly. And that just grew. And so by third quarter, I'm on this grass hill behind the goalpost and some player got hurt and they're playing music for 10 minutes straight.

Yeah, I'm going off. And I would do one dance move point to that side of the stadium. Seventy five thousand people. So finally, the mascots like, you know, can't beat him going. Yeah, I'm going off and I would do one dance move point to that side of the stadium 75,000 people So if I was the mascots like, you know, can't beat him going and he walks right to me There's a fence. He goes come out here dance. Wow, and my friends And so I started dancing and that's where the video kicks in I'm break dancing I'm doing the worm on the five-yard line. And all of a sudden, the crowd's going, yeah. And then it just turns to boos.

And I'm thinking, oh, no, they don't like the worm. I'm way out of time. But they're not booing me. They're booing the cops who are running out into the field behind me to arrest me because they never saw Sir Per's invitation. They never saw the invitation. So did the mascot run over to help you? Yeah, Sir Purr tried to... We learned in that situation

that Sir Purr does not have the authority to... That's like he threw me under the bus a little bit. That Sir title's just a figurehead. He's not really knighted. No, he's not in the royal family.

He's not in the realm. That's great. Let's do this real quick sorry. He's running out of the realm. That is great. That is great. Here, let's do this real quick, and we're going to change things up some. Brought to you by the new Herpes. If you have old Herpes, new Herpes is better. It's herpier. I forget the people.

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I don't know if you even remember because it's been so long ago. But the first time I encountered you, we actually booked you here to perform at a charity event that we had. What was the venue? Well, the venue was an event center over in Little Rock at the Metroplex area. The Metroplex? Yeah, man. Now that I remember. Yeah, yeah.

And you came in and headlined for us in a boxing ring. A boxing ring, I told you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you had to say it. Yeah, you remember now, don't you? That's the only show in a boxing ring I've ever done in my life. That was fun, though. Yeah, man, it was kind of crazy, wasn't it?

That was crazy, but hey, listen, I got that on my resume now. You do have that on your resume. You know, you've come to Arkansas. I'm undefeated in the boxing. There you go. Hey, that's a good point. That's a good point, man. That was a good time.

It was a good time, man. We had a great night and raised a lot of money, actually, for charity, so that was a great thing. Yeah, no, it was a great, great night. Well, it's good to see you again. Yeah, well, good to see you again as well. So tell me what's been going on with you. What's going on right now with you? Well, I lived in L.A. for 18 years.

Right. And I moved back home to Hickory, North Carolina. Okay. Are you happy to be back? Very happy. Yeah. Well, my dad had a stroke, which is what started the whole thing. So we had to move dad to a skilled nursing facility.

And my mom's never lived by herself. 77 years old. Got glaucoma, bones so i thought well this is it you know sign from god time for me to cash in my la chips i sold my condo and i moved all the way across the country to live with mom same house i grew up in wow and i felt like well that's what a good son well sure right and then a pandemic happened oh right you gotta be You've got to be kidding me. Right. And I couldn't even leave if I wanted to. All my gigs were getting canceled. Yeah.

I couldn't tell people I was a comedian anymore. No. I think I'm an elder care Uber driver. I'm looking into Uber now. Yeah. Well, that's what I did. I drove mom around to doctor's appointments, skilled nursing facilities. Yeah.

All the CVS's, all of them. And so that was it. I was back home with mom, and we just watched Tiger King. We watched the whole time. Oh, everybody watched. That's what we were talking about the other day is, man, what a benefit to that show because everybody was in the house watching that show at the same damn time. It came out of nowhere.

Yeah. I mean, my mom wasn't even looking. She picked it out. She goes, oh, look, here's a new series called Tiger King. I bet you it's a spino out of nowhere. Yeah. I mean, my mom wasn't even looking. She picked it out. She goes, oh, look, here's a new series called Tiger King. I bet it's a spinoff of The Lion King. Yeah, but not at all. A good wholesome Disney promo. Yeah, no,

very much. He's very wholesome like Disney. Everybody was blown away by the guy because he was insane. I mean, it was like, wow, this guy is truly insane. I was obsessed with that. I mean, I've watched it several times. And I actually, it was like, wow, this guy is truly insane. I was obsessed with that. I mean, I've watched it several times. And I actually, so notoriously, my family, everybody in North Carolina goes to Myrtle Beach on vacation. Okay, okay.

And Doc Antle. Yes. In Myrtle Beach. Does he really? Okay. Well, he did two years ago. I think he might be in jail now. I think he's in prison now, yeah.

But there's a good chance that I went down there and fed one of those tigers. Actually, there's a picture of me handing an elephant a carrot. Is it really? That's great. That is great, man. So I was like, oh, I'm going to go check it out. It's famous now. I got to go.

I got to go. Yeah, sure. So you get hit with the pandemic, and how did you emerge out of that uh well i i got covered pretty early july 2020 i'm an og kofi right right right well it's just me and tom hanks for a little bit right yeah just you two guys trendsetters you know yeah no we got it and everybody else had to go get it. So had it, beat it, survivor. Survivor. I need a shirt that says COVID survivor.

That is great. Do they have ribbons for that? It should be. I tell people I'm a hero, honestly. You did it for everyone else. Well, I took all 17 of those vaccines. Plus, I did shots of fireball, Lysol, and Pine Sol. And still got COVID. I got it right now.

I took a rapid test. I don't even know it, but I feel good. Probably monkeypox. Yeah, probably so, for sure, man. But, no, yeah, I got that, you know, obviously that went away. You're right, right. After time. And I still do two podcasts from home. And I still act.

I still do gigs here and there. And I'm on the current season of Kirby Enthusiasm right now. Are you, man? That's so awesome, man. How is it working with Larry Davis? That's what I love about this setup right here. I mean, you know, the Internet's changed everything. And COVID helped, too, in a weird way.

It did. Everybody got used to Zoom interviews. It wasn't like you can't turn it down because you're not in person. So people got, to Zoom interviews. It wasn't like you can't turn it down because you're not in person. So people got, it became acceptable. Yeah, it only took a pandemic to realize you don't have to drive to the office for that dumbass meeting. Yeah, or auditions. So that's how I got parts. I mean, I would just literally, like you have here, I have a setup like this, a whole room of just green screen.

And I got guys who would love to be a part of you know uh making something happen and so i just auditioned from my own studio in hickory and i got the i got the part for uh kirby enthusiasm so you emailed it in i mailed it in literally emailed it in yes that's true so the second episode larry david meets me in jail yeah yeah i'll just leave it at that but that is awesome that's awesome part of the storyline that is so great though and you know he is such when you watch the larry david show you you understand seinfeld very well oh yeah because really i mean it's a it's almost a a same vein type of uh writing wouldn't you agree i mean he wrote most of them and jerry i guess together but uh you can see watching it that larry david's really the force he's very good at uh tying stories

together yeah you know taking an idea that we all have and turning it into a whole thing and so i love that about him he's very good at storytelling and but i was a little intimidated because he's a famous old curmudgeon right he can be very mean yeah but he was just very professional and uh you know that there's no script uh in this that show there's not really right no they give you scenarios okay so the audition yeah the audition was literally like okay so um do a scene where you and larry meet in jail and uh you got like acid reflux and uh you just start talking about it and then at the end of it get his number i'm like okay make up your own background yeah so the beauty of that is it develops over the takes you know

you do like you know you do the take like 30 times because there's no film anymore right if you don't like it you can be there all day just doing it until you get it you whittle it down to what you want yeah and it's uh it's i think it makes it more believable that's pretty amazing so let me ask you know now, now that you've, you know, been in the circuit for so long, clearly you've met people that gave you, you know, you get a little bit of, you're just excited. You're just shocked that you're meeting them.

Yeah. Who is, name a couple people like that. Well, Larry David was one. Oh, man, this is coming out of nowhere. I in nashville i've been going to nashville for years okay great comedy club there called zany's i'm up there doing a music video with a friend of mine and i get a phone call from my agent at the time who said hey uh garth brooks and trisha yearwood know that you're in town wow and they're fans yours, and they want to meet you. Apparently, they have the same, not agent, but agency.

Okay. We have more endeavor. I'm low on that totem pole. I bet. But it's a big one. Yeah, Garth Brooks is probably among the tops. So all they got to do is call their person and go, call this lower person, and we want to meet John Reed.

So that randomly happened. Yeah. Do you have his number? Doesn't matter. Call him. I do have it. No, I mean, he's got your number. John Reed. So that randomly happened. Yeah. Do you have his number? Doesn't matter. Call him. No, I mean, he's got your number. It was crazy though. Cause I said, well, how does this happen? She goes, well, we'll just give Trisha Yearwood your phone number and then y'all just go from there. And she sent me this long text. I know it's weird, but we just think you're great. We'd

like to meet you. We want to invite you over for dinner before your show. Wow. We can't really come out there because it would change everything. Right. People would stop looking at you. They would look at us. No, I get it. I get it. No, no, no.

That makes sense. So thank you for not coming. Yes. How surreal is it to show up to that house? It's crazy. Well, I was engaged at the time and now married. My wife now, at the time, my fiancee, I called her up. I'm like you need

to you have to fly to nashville because we're going to a double date right now right now i'm not packed it doesn't matter come on get out here and we uh we didn't go to their house they have a studio that was uh in downtown nashville they own the whole building at the very top floor is pretty much a penthouse yeah right and she has a cooking show that she did for a while oh and so we went up to the top floor and it looked like a real house with a real kitchen and they were cooking stuff and it's like it's like you've known them forever they just started talking what's up john how you started doing my bits at me it's like how did you come up with this and how did you come up with this and is this a true story i'm like yeah tell me about chris games please yeah i want to know why why did you do it

yeah that haircut those bangs what happened yeah i wanted to say so bad my one only joke about that is why don't you just change your name to goth brook you're right That would have made sense. Hey, oh. Okay. But no, it was just very polite, very nice. I mean, you know, he is what you think he is, just really nice. Just a real down-to-earth, nice guy. He does his research on you. He'll know more about you than you know about him, and it will just bombard you with questions, so you don't really get a chance. Well, that's fine.

Then I don't have to say much. No, that's right. I just got to answer. He was very nice. He made a plate for my wife and it was very did he ever family anything he gave me a grape yeah yeah yeah i took a long nap i don't remember much after that you saw bill cosby leave yeah i didn't even talk to you oh never mind but that was one of those surreal moments that you you were asking me about yeah i don't know talk to you. Oh, never mind. But that was one of those surreal moments that you were asking me about. Yeah, that's got to be.

I don't know how to act in this. No, I don't know what to do with my hands. Yeah, no, that is an amazing one. That's better than the $96,000 Ritz-Carlton Thanksgiving. No, it's way better than that. No, by all means, it's better than that. Dick, so tell folks about yourself, where they can find you. What's going on in your world.

Well, I'm, uh, I'm here in little rock, Arkansas right now. I drove to, uh, well, that's the end of it right there. What I thought was a meth lab this morning. And it turns out it was a podcast studio. That is correct. Yeah. Now we do hide ourselves as a meth lab. So it is the criminals will respect us.

Blue ice over there. Yeah, that's right. That's's right that's those are lab suits that's what they are my lift driver was like are you sure you know what you're doing here yeah he's like what kind of what kind of shoes you got on son i don't know um yeah i'm here from florida i moved to florida uh about three three years ago during COVID. COVID chased me down there. And I'm from New York originally. I was an investment banker for about 10 years on Wall Street.

And COVID was basically like, F that. And here we go. So, yeah, I'm basically a refugee. Right. Another COVID survivor. Yeah, exactly. I'm in the asylum state of Florida. yeah and uh and life is great man so the mess with those stocks and stuff like that or are you into it at all tell me about crypto stay stay far away okay uh meth is safer than crypto just don't use it and it's

a great investment right now everything's went up yeah and then tomorrow it'll go down yeah yeah that's very true so basically you're saying cash out now yes as soon as you possibly can if you can i don't know it might steal your money who knows right right right it's the wild west i mean if yeah crypto's crazy to me yeah if you don't have enough excitement in your life invest in crypto for sure. Who is that one guy that he, uh, he had on his computer, like a gazillion shares of it and he threw the computer away. Yeah. Wasn't that the one where that, uh, he had, uh, run, he had one attempt left on his passwords. He'd run through all of them. Can you imagine you got one attempt left and it locks up for good nobody can do anything with it and there's like a billion dollars on it yeah that guy's name is

hunter biden no yeah there's a lot of stuff on that laptop yeah there's a lot more than crypto on that laptop there's no doubt about it man i hate the fact that some of these websites you go to they make they say all, now create your own password. And you go, okay, well, here's the one I like. And they go, no. No. I don't like that one. We don't like that one for you.

No. That's too easy. But it's mine. Right. I'll take the risk. It's my password. I want to remember it. Yeah.

Do you want to use strong password? Why? I'll never remember that shit. Yeah, the ones that they give you. Here's one. It's all the letters in the alphabet. And some symbols. I didn't even know were on there. Is this winged? What is this? This is Elon Musk's child's name. That's great. That's great. So of all the roles you've played,

what do you think your favorite role is? Oh, favorite. Well, besides the one you're currently doing on curb, you're enthusiastic. That was, that was fun. I think my, the one I liked the most when I go, when I look back at it is, uh, Harold and Kumar. Everybody loves that role, man. You're awesome in that man. Thank you.

Thank you. That one was fun. I mean, I, uh i i went into that one not intimidated because i didn't watch the first heralded kumar uh when i got the offer to do okay that was bold so i wasn't like i don't care i was like i get it it's the teaching shong remade yeah okay i get it you guys like weed okay breaking the ground. Let me guess, some weird shit happens.

Stacey Keach a lizard. Yeah. There's a scene where he rides a cheetah in the forest. I go, oh. Yeah, I got you. So I wasn't intimidated. I didn't know who these actors were. They kind of came out of nowhere.

So I was like, I could do that. So when I went in there, I felt like I did a good job, not because I was being cocky about it. I was just like I was confident about it. And it turned out pretty good. But the dream come true job was Eastbound and Down on HBO. Oh, yeah. I was on the last season of that, and I was intimidated because I was a fan of it. I was Kenny Powers foreen two years prior wow yeah

roy you were born to play let me tell you man uh i bet it was intimidating uh what a great writer he is oh my god i mean those guys don't get the credit i mean it was it came out of nowhere the whole john rocker story and yeah if you look at his history not just john rocker but kenny uh manny mcbride's history uh these guys with the film school they were buddies from from there and they just know what they're doing yeah but then of course we come up with these wacky scenarios uh did you ever see the foot this way uh yes i did say it's crazy so that basically will ferrell saw the foot this way it's like who are these ridiculous people? They're these clowns. And he got involved, and then everything else happened after that.

Okay, so Will Ferrell was kind of the domino on that. Yeah, and then they went on to do Vice Principals, Righteous Gemstones. Righteous Gemstones is phenomenal. I cannot wait for the new season. Oh, my God. And I'll tell you what, everybody in that cast is top level. And I'll tell you what, everybody in that cast is top level. But Judy, the lines they give her are the best of all. She's insane, man.

Yeah, I didn't know of her beforehand, and now I'm a big fan. I follow her on Instagram. When are you coming back? Yeah, she's like that chick in Ozark. It's like, oh, wow, I didn't even know. Yeah, what's her name, Ruth? and ozark it's like oh wow i didn't even know yeah what's it what was her name ruth they they yeah they they also give you liberties on that show to like improv and and just that it's a little bit there's a script but there's also a lot of uh room to uh to create your own little world

and stuff like that so uh i played jed forney who was an ex-nascar champion a part of the sports section yeah uh when kenny got fired uh know, it had to make his comeback. He's the one guy I'll be famous. I gotta be on TV. Right. So I'll just be on sports talk show. And he infiltrated the whole thing. That was a fun.

That's a great, it was a great, uh, uh, series of episodes about that because, you know, he went from, you know, going in and, and realizing that, uh, people liked him too. Then he got all swole up and then he came into you know just dominate and take over he does he ruins it at the end no he always ruins it yeah no but but the series is i mean look i i liked danny mcbride before that but after that i was a real fan of danny mcbride yeah i love the movie this is the end yeah with him yeah that was great that is great that is uh he's on He's also in Tropic Thunder.

God, he is. I'd forgotten about that. He's the ballistics guy. I got it. So always wants to blow stuff up. Yes, I forgot about that. So he's been around for a little bit, but then just blew up from eastbound and down. Yeah, no, I can understand why.

I can understand why. All right, let's do something a little different here. All right, Shall we? Coming up next, we've got a double shot of not a damn thing. This is Patrick and the people, bitches. We ain't playing music here. Get back to the jaw jack. You know what? As a real estate agent, putting you with the right mortgage person is critical. One of my favorites to work with is Josh Taylor at AMC Mortgage, and I'll tell you why. A lot of guys out there are stiff. They treat you like a number. Josh treats you like a friend. He's going to work through with you on everything you need. Look, he just got a pair of my clients into a home

with $500 total. Yeah, paid the closing and the down payment cost all covered in there. I'm not saying that's what you're going to get, but I'm saying that's how good he is. Check him out. Give him a call. 351-2579. It's Josh Taylor at AMC Mortgage. If you're looking for a local mortgage guy, that's one that I recommend. Have you been injured? You need an attorney with a passion for people and an obsession with justice. That attorney is Tim Reed in Little Rock. Look, they've won $1.3 million in wrongful death, almost a million in medical malpractice and in insurance dispute. These guys know what they're doing, but more importantly, he's not a figurehead of some kind. He's not just

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Let's talk about this, though. Lamar Odom, you probably know who that is, Dick. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know who Lamar Odom is. This is great. He apparently went on a not-safe-for-workie wonka tour of the real doll las vegas uh facility you know real dolls right yeah everybody knows what those are i think i've read about that

did you yeah yeah uh it's full of totally nude female sex dolls hanging on hooks and you know all kinds of stuff like that lamar odom yes that died in a brothel and came back yeah yes that's right yeah he did not learn oh yeah i'm tired of real living females well it may be too risky you know they talk yeah these can't flip him a mickey lamar's manager gina said he first saw the real doll in a news story about a month ago and knew instantly he needed to get one for himself of course that's what you want to tell everyone that you want that? He said, we're told Lamar was in Vegas this week for his birthday, decided it'd be the perfect time to go find himself a silicone girlfriend.

Now, they usually go for between $8,000 and $20,000. Who is his manager? Who is in charge of this person? That's a good question. I got it more as honesty, though. That's my point. He didn't try to sneak in there. He's like, let's make a big deal about this.

I knew immediately that's what I needed. Who are you? You can't say that. No, you used to hide that stuff. You used to hide our porn addiction. That's why you have a publicist. No, no, that's exactly right. No, he went in and did the worst thing.

He said, can you make one that looks like my ex, Khloe Kardashian? Oh, my God. And they did. Oh, really? They did. Oh, God. Yeah. Can you imagine if you're Khloe watching that?

Did you just pick out a sex doll that looks like me? Creepy. So now he's going to make videos. Well, why wouldn't he? He's going to look just like her. Don't you want to have an OnlyFans? I mean, what a great way to do it. Well, you might as well get some of these Elon Musk robots and then put this on that Don't you want to have an OnlyFans? I mean, that's a what a great way to do it

Well, this is the thing Right now it's obviously cost prohibitive, but I've been saying for a long time as soon as you can do that Yeah, no this world's done because guys will never leave the house they won't try to eat uh they won't go to the bathroom there'll be no no no no have you seen the movie ex machina no i haven't you need to watch ex machina okay it's about this very thing really yeah this super billionaire guy uh creates real real very realistic robots that can also think and act just like a human. This guy comes. Can it fall in love and all this?

Right, right, right. And of course this guy falls in love with it, breaks it out, and then it kills everybody. Wow, that's a good story. Good. Good luck. This very thing happened in Ex Machina. Man, that is wild. Yeah, I think for sure that's the end of time.

I hope to God Elon is not listening to this. You think Elon's not already making a robot? He's listening to everything all the time at once. We don't need to give him any ideas. Elon, just yesterday, they were talking about he's trying to get a house now big enough that he can put all of his exes and the kids from all of them in one place. They're all down. They're all down. He has 12 kids. How many exes? Three. Three exes, 12 kids. That's a lot. It's like an Amish community, isn't it? Well, it is. But think about

how rich you are when all your exes and the kids are willing to live under the same roof. Yeah. You've got to have a lot of money to pull it off. It's called polygamy. Yeah, why would you want that? I don't think he's going to live there. I don't think he would want this. No, I think he's just going to visit them.

It's just for Thanksgiving. Yeah, just for Thanksgiving. Yeah. Just for the holidays. Yeah. That's all it is. Just to make his commute easier. Yeah. Yeah. Just for the holidays. Yeah. That's all it is. Just to make his commute easier. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I think that the technology, it's so wild to see these robots that now are autonomous as far as walking, moving. I mean, we watch the Boston Dynamics ones jump up and down and, you know, with these big cords on them. But now, this one that Elon put out, I'm like, wow, this is insanity. It uses the AI to actually have a conversation. You see the one clip where the guy's like saying, where are you from?

And, you know, all this stuff. And he said, what's the one weakness you have as a robot or whatever? And it actually did a thing that humans do. It goes, um, I'd have to say, uh, like it was pondering as it was thinking and you go whoa that's that's scary and i just saw an article where uh these robots this is creepy they will watch you sleep and as it was a picture of a robot just standing over someone asleep that's so that it will read your sleep patterns it will keep you safe it knows i have a c-pap that does that well it does everything it's your new c-pap and yeah it can scan your whole body it knows everything

i don't know that i want anything to know that much creepy you're like but i want a robot watching me sleep i didn't you know i just don't want something i have sex with and make toast with you know what i'm saying it just seems like a bad combination i don't trust the backup camera on my car all right yeah i know that's right i don't need any of this yeah all right all right now uh you said you're not really into all the uh the comic book movies like maybe you once were but let me ask you this did you watch do you like the Deadpool movies? Yes, I did. Okay. How many are there? 72 now. Three. I watched the first two.

Oh, I have not seen the third one. Oh, you haven't seen the third one? I will when it comes to my TV. Well, yeah, right. I understand. Just like the rest of us. Well, I was reading an article that said that Ryan Reynolds says that Marvel's now obsessed with getting Channing Tatum in to play a full role of this character Gambit that he played in the Deadpool movie.

Gambit's awesome. You like Gambit? Gambit was my favorite comic book character. Really? He was your favorite X-Men? I don't know why. I don't either because I was an X-Men fan. You know, I am an X-Men fan.

He didn't really have any powers. Well, like he threw cards that were charged. That's cool. Does he play. Well, like he threw cards that were charged. That's cool. But does he play chess? No, he plays cards. It would make sense. Yeah. That's a different movie altogether. Yeah. If he were throwing chess pieces, they would work just the same. He's throwing playing cards. Yeah, actually that's a great line. I like that. That's good. You know who played and I don't know if you ever watched this, but in the Netflix series Daredevil,

Vincent D'Onofrio as Kingpin. That guy is phenomenal. Have you ever seen him? He's a real big guy. He's been in just a million movies here. Hold on.

I'll just... Hold on. We have a computer here that we could... If only I could pull it up on this laptop in front of me. We have one more screen in here to look at. There you go. This guy. Oh, I love him!

Yeah. That's Full Metal Jacket. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Full Metal Jacket, yeah. He plays the villain uh the main villain in daredevil yeah man his role is so unbelievably good like it's it's insane how good of an actor that guy is yeah a good actor like that can make anything well a little bit better look at you know they credit and probably rightfully so robert downey jr really with

his portrayal of iron Man Tony Stark is really launching the bigger Marvel Universe because he was that damn good. I still like him a little better in Tropic Thunder. Hell yeah. Tropic Thunder is such a good movie. There is just nothing wrong in that

movie in my life. You know, I mean, even Tom Cruise, for God's sake. Crazy Scientology, Mr. Serious serious maybe the greatest stuntman in the world uh but less grossman they were gonna make a movie about that and i don't know where it went wrong why it didn't happen but it damn well should have happened yeah i would i would i would pay to see i would have watched that yeah i would have paid for that ticket did you like uh less gross Grossman? I couldn't believe it. I was like, first of all, when I saw the movie,

I didn't know which one was Tom Cruise. The whole time, I was like... You were looking for him. Yeah, Tom Cruise. I was like, where? Right, right. I was like, is he the black dude? Yeah, could be.

He's a great actor. I mean, you know, he could be. Have you all seen the new Penguin series? You know, I wanted to see it with Colin Farrell. Yes. I hear it's very Sopranos-like. It's more Sopranos than superhero. But that's another example of, like, where is, which is the main character.

Oh, Colin Farrell. Where's Colin Farrell? Yeah, no, he didn't look like him. That was so good. And his accent, I mean, it's very, you can't take your eyes off the main character. He's really good. I enjoy that new series. It's always amazing when you can put on that kind of prosthetic and still act like that.

I mean, you know, it's like it brings to mind Jim Carrey in The Grinch or something. Yeah, yeah. You know, which is a phenomenal role as well. Let me ask you, John, inspirations for you when you were coming up as a comedian. Who was your greatest inspiration? Well, it changed as I got older. As a kid, I would, you know, get up in the mornings. I'm 52 years old, so cartoons only came on on the weekends.

That's right. Saturday morning at 10 o'clock, your ass was sent outside the house because cartoons were over. You get outside, you drink the hose water, you play in the neighborhood. Yeah, is that right? Yeah, 100%. Yeah, yeah. So you didn't, so on Saturdays, kids would watch cartoons, but I'd rather watch Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis movies.

Okay, okay. And so Jerry Lewis, to me, was my first love. Hey, lady. Yeah. Because he is a cartoon. Man, he was. He was an original, you know, much like Jim Carrey, had that rubber face, you you know and could just do so

much with it he did a whole scene of just um like sort of just miming and and mugging it up to a certain song yeah just sit there just do and as a kid that's all you needed no then no it i i get what you're saying so it started with him and then i was like my dad was class clown he was a funny guy and i watched my dad be funny in front of his friends yeah and saw power in that yes oh everyone something would happen and everyone look at my dad to see what he was going to say about it yeah right that's interesting yeah it is it is and so i like that and and then after that it was like steve martin you know then it was bill cosby no bill cos. He was back in the day, though. I mean, listen, I listened to Bill Cosby on an album. Yeah.

And he had a bit about feet that stunk. And to me, at that time as a kid, was the funniest shit I ever heard in my life, man. It's amazing how talented he is, was, and then also had this whole other life. How talented he was there as well. I mean, he's very successful in many fronts you know what i mean for a long time allegedly allegedly allegedly all right we got to do this

now man i i can't uh put this off any longer i know that uh it's what the people got to get it. Let's do this, shall we? He's Patrick. He's an angry SOB. Patrick, are you freaking kidding me? Patrick, right here on PA TV. Suck it, suck it, suck it, man. This guy is really pissed. Angry Patrick. All right, let's get to it.

Bernard Snyder is 98. Josephine Cartwright, 96. They were married over the weekend at Westminster Manor, the retirement community in Austin, Texas, where they met. Their love story began earlier this year when Snyder invited Cartwright to the birthday party. That led to a whirlwind romance, and the daughter says she's happy to see her mom fall in love again, but some online commentators say it's too fast,

and they're concerned if she could be getting fooled. Are you freaking getting fooled by what? This guy's 98, she's 96. What do you think, the only thing he cares about is making the epic journey to the dusty cavern? First of all, I'm not even sure if the great-grand-peepaw's cardio is strong enough to send retired Sergeant Stifford into that cave, considering it likely has 25 years of vine growth blocking the entrance.

I mean, if I'm being honest, these have to be the greatest optimists to ever live. I'm planning a wedding even a month out. It seems like a risky situation when you're 98. Like I'm worried just walking down the aisle could be too much for the future. Mrs. 96. I feel like I could follow it. Look, if I'm 98, every time I get a fart bubble in my gut, I'm going to, I'm going to think I'm about to die. Just one slightly uncomfortable air biscuit floating down my poop chute. And I'm asking a priest for my last rights. And you want this guy to A, wake up, B, get to the venue, C, walk the aisle, and D, do all these things without dying

in the process. So for those of you say it was too soon, I say to you, you're about as sharp as a bag of dicks. And now that if he was 98 and she was 24, I'd be like, listen, Diddy, why don't you put that walker in first gear and slow your roll? But this chick is 96. She's not naive. And if she is, she won't be for long. However, I do know their daughter is watching right now because why wouldn't she be? And I say to you, you might want to call Medicaid, get a pre-authorization for a hip replacement

and make sure there's a fresh Duracell in the life alert necklace. I've boned and I can't get up. Now, next up, while the issues of emotional support animal has been controversial in recent years, most major United States airlines banned non-service animals in the cabin by 2021. However, the brilliant minds at Portland International have decided to go a different direction to provide comfort to the three-quarter of a million passengers passing through before the end of the year. They've been bringing in two 400-pound llamas. That's right.

They dub it the Llama Parade. They organized the visits of the llamas from the Portland Mountain Peaks Therapy Llama Farm to the airport's concourse seat. It just, you know, it's a beautiful thing. Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell do they mean comfort? I just want to make it through the TSA, find my gate, and make sure I'm there before they leave my ass. So I'm already coming through the concourse at damn near a panic mall walker level, wide-eyed dragon

in my yard sale suitcase with the busted right wheel desperately scanning for the gate. Now I'm going to have to add navigating llama logs onto my journey. Do you understand the level of furious that occurs if I step in a hot steaming stack of squeezings from a llama's Louisiana hot pocket? Should I even be able to come face to face with an animal spit in my eye? Because I was too loud when I lifted my head up from the map and said, damn back up you hairy beast bitch. Now I probably, probably shouldn't call the llama a bitch,

but even so, hocking a llama loogie at my dome is a big no-go for me at the airport, or honestly anywhere I could run into wild animals that don't love me. The grocery store, the DMV, your mom's house. That's uncalled for, I apologize. To absolutely no one. You know why?

Because if you need a therapy llama, you don't need to be at the airport. Are you flying to a more comfortable inpatient hospital? That's the only way I can see you being on a plane. Otherwise, you and your therapy livestock stay home in the barn or take the bus with the other whack jobs. And finally, finally, Minnesota making headlines as news broke earlier this week that's had a big impact on their beautiful beavers. Serious business here. Serious business. This past weekend, the trapping season kicked off in Minnesota. One of the more popular animals to trap, of course, the beaver. But even now, as trappers set out to bag the animals, it's unclear why beaver provision was added to the statute that says you can trap and remove a nuisance beaver, but you cannot eat

it. No one understands why, but Senator Steve Green is pushing back on the beaver ban in Congress. He said, I can tell you, even though personally, I don't go out and trap beavers to eat them, I have eaten them, and it's pretty good. Hey, you might argue with the government. Are you freaking kidding me? This may go down as one of the most egregious laws I've ever heard of. You're telling me I can catch that wild beaver. I can run that wild beaver off.

But what I can't do is eat the beaver? Was communism on the ballot Tuesday? I'd argue it'd be absolutely disrespectful if I picked the nuisance beaver up, take it out, have some fun, you know, get the beaver worked up, and then just drop it off and leave. You can't do that and not get yourself a mouthful of that juicy beaver. Even old Senator Steve said he's down to clown downtown and it's about more than just a beaver pound. I know I'm down a rabbit hole, but you get me, right? Let me put it like this. If you're a Star Wars fan, you might have to kiss the Wookiee, right? You get my drift? If you like Skittles, we're talking about tasting the rainbow here.

I believe it's my God-given right to eat that beaver. And shame on you for trying to stop us. And I know beaver trapping culture for a long, long time, it's been male dominated, but it's worth mentioning there's now a surplus of ladies who also like to dine on the divine and delicious beaver. Sometimes people can even enjoy more than one tasty beaver at a time. I don't know how many you can munch before you get tired, but if you want to throw a taste test on a bonanza, a big old beaver's bone dancing in the bedroom, by God, that's not just lip service.

Beaver is something we can all get behind, right? Get behind the beaver. And yeah, this is a hill I'm willing to die on. Do you back the beaver? Show your support. If you see a beaver this weekend, you get that fuzzy fun bucket in your mouth and show it you mean business.

Yeah, baby! Yeah! All right, let's do something different. Well said, well said. That's Al Franken's fault. Yeah, definitely Al Franken's fault. Your office cubicle cannot hold you back. Unless, of course, you want to keep your job.

Then you better stay in there. But if you want to go on welfare or something, go for it, dude. You won't need much food. You're a butterfly. This is a morning motivation. All right. People who watch and listen know that sometimes we'll use prep services and they send us things, and sometimes these things are terrible.

And this is one of those things right here where it says, these are seven Thanksgiving faux pas you won't believe that people are still making. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For example, here's number one, right off the bat, because I'm thinking, okay, this will be interesting. You know, it's a good conversation. Maybe it's your drunk uncle. You know, all the things that happen at Thanksgiving.

But you know there's a slant to it. When number one, out of the gate of Thanksgiving faux pas, you won't believe people still make. Forgetting to accommodate dairy restrictions. Oh, God. Screw yourself and your milk intolerance come on i thought they were gonna say turkey hold on bringing unannounced dishes did anyone ever get mad that you brought extra food on thanksgiving

what kind of place is this no only unless there's like one person who's like famous for making this one dish that's really bad you show up with the same oh yeah or you could have mine corn yeah as opposed to sally's corn i have mexican corn yeah way more diverse yeah yeah it's dei in my corn uh forgetting to taste dishes before serving are you serious man i don't like people who experiment on something my mom that is her whole life definitely not you don't experiment on Thanksgiving no you know you don't try new on cranberry sauce thank you no no I want it with the ribs on it like the can made just like God wanted it to be that's how

I another random cheese and the mac and cheese. This is America, damn it. Yeah. We know what works. Keep it the same. Man, let me tell you. Are you a fan of mac and cheese? Sure. Yeah, most people probably at some point are.

I'm going to tell you, this will change your life, right? Go ahead. Next time you go to the store or have someone do it for you, get Patti LaBelle's mac and cheese. Go on. When I tell you that you will throw out every mac and cheese you've ever eaten in your whole life. Patti LaBelle's mac and cheese. Go on. When I tell you that you will throw out every mac and cheese you've ever eaten in your whole life. Patti LaBelle. R&B singer? Is this a joke?

No, it is not. Queen of Soul? Well, second Queen of Soul behind Eureka. Look at her. You think she's going to know how to eat? Lettuce, tomato, ham, ham, chicken. You name it. I'll tell you what.

There's two things Patti LaBelle can do. Sing and make mac and cheese, bro. Wow, I didn't know she had a mac and cheese. Oh, my God, I didn't either. What's different about it? Every damn thing. Is it already made? It's pre-made. It does have the crumbles on it, and that's fine.

But it's the sauce that she uses, what she puts in the cheese. I don't know if it's love. I don't know if it's love i don't know if it's llama juice i don't know what the hell it is but i'll be that beaver yeah i'll eat as much as bad man i love you yeah man if you like mac and cheese i swear to god man you think that's crazy because it's a singer but yeah i i looked at her i was like no she she she gets on her own supply you know she definitely is doing that do you do uh do you do a big thanksgiving well yeah over the years uh oddly enough my dad's stroke happened on thanksgiving day wow that is a lot that yeah

and we had this whole turkey that we had got at bojangles so bojangles was yeah doing this thing where you can have a Bojangles turkey with their spices and stuff cooked in. Much like Popeye's. Yes, it was so good. And then Dad had to go and have a stroganoff. Damn, man. I didn't even get a full piece. No, so you know, that night

you're coming back from the hospital just really sad, just eating this Bojangles turkey. Like, we kind of ate it. You can't have it go to waste. Like, we kind of ate it, you know. You can't let it go to waste. So then we just stopped cooking it. And now what we do, Cracker Barrel has a whole turkey feast that you have to sign up for.

And they'll precook it for you. And you go and pick it up and then cook the rest of it. Do you have to go in the gift store to do it? You get to go in the gift store. You get to go. Yeah, no, I'm not a fan of the barney fife lunchbox i like to see the new stuff they got there because it's the same stuff forever then every now and then they got new a new random thing and then yeah like who got these long johns i love it it's the cooter from duke'sard stop sign. Yeah, no doubt about it. No, so we just do that now.

That's what you do. Okay. What about you, Dick? Do you all have a big family Thanksgiving? What do you do? We just go to the Ritz-Carlton. That's a New York move. 96 mil or 96,000, baby.

It's nothing for you. Whatever it costs. I don't even know. Wow, that's the investment banker. Money, whatever. Yeah, we just, you know, we let it take care of it for us. Trump's there. It's great. No, that's there. It's great.

No, that's it. Do you have a traditional dish that you like? When you think of Thanksgiving, is there one dish aside from turkey that you're like, what's your favorite side or you're fixing? The only thing I like on Thanksgiving is the stuffing. You're never going to eat that

ever again. Until next year. It's one and done. That makes sense. Yeah. So, yeah, that makes sense. I just wonder, I wonder why. Why is it only once a year? Because it's not that good, really.

Well, what is? You need the Patti LaBelle stuffing. Yeah. That would work. I'll eat Patti LaBelle stuffing. You're missing out, man. Pause. Pause. That was wrong.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean Patti. I'm sorry. Pause. Pause. That was wrong. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to panic. I'm sorry. God damn it. So stuffing used to be literally the stuff they put in the cavern of the turkey to help keep it moist. And then they just said, well, let's

pull that out and eat that. And what was that? What was it? It was bread crumbs or vegetables? Vegetables, bread crumbs, things like that. Stuffing is what you're talking about. But then Stovetop said, well, this is also stuffing that you don't have to actually stuff. That's correct, yeah. But it's not really stuffing. It's just some other random crap that you made.

It's what the Pilgrim Fathers would have wanted. No, that's absolutely what they... We want you to have the stuffing without having to stuff anything. No, no, they crossed the ocean and faced all the death. So we can have stuffing in a box. You can have Stovetop. Very George Carlin-esque bit. There's stuff and there all the stuff in the box. You could have so much. Very George Carlin-esque bits. There's more stuff.

Without having to stuff the stuff. Man, you know what? When you talk about comedians that I have respect for, that one right there, George Carlin, among the best of the best. Did you see that docu-series as well? I have not, man. Was it good? Oh, yeah. It was an HBO docu-series.

It was like, I don't know, probably a three-parter. But his whole career started off as this funny weather dude. Yeah. And then kind of went into some hippie stuff. And then he got really cynical. Then he got kind of made fun of for a while. Like Second City made fun of yeah for a while like a second city yeah in front of him um just all the all the specials that he cranked out at the end man you know what what impressed me

about him uh that i feel like he did maybe better than any comedian i've seen is the rote memorization like to write right yeah to rattle off the lists properly in order, in flow, in context, in every metric that you measure it by. He was phenomenal. And it was no small list that we're talking about here. He wanted those words in that order because that was funny. It mattered, yeah. And you had to memorize it that way or else it mattered funny it mattered yeah and you had to

memorize it that way or else it wouldn't work and that's what he did and he was a master at i will say this though a lot of people every comedian you ask who's your favorite comic or who okay they're gonna throw george conan in there just because they have to i feel that way yeah and honestly they're not wrong but i will say at the end, so I worked at the comedy store, and I saw him come in there, and I guess he was prepping for his very last special, and the room was packed, and he did great. And I remember sitting in the back of the room thinking to myself, wow, this is a master at work, and I agree with everything that he is saying,

except I'm not really laughing. I'm not having a good time. He passed the just funny stage. He might have been witty, but he was bitter. Yeah, I'm just burning everything down. Yeah. I got to get it out before I die. And it wasn't like, ha, ha, ha.

It was like, okay. Yeah, no. I agree with that. Yeah. Yeah, no, I kind of feel you on that. And that does seem to happen to some. Yeah. But he has the right to do that.

No, I mean, he has the right to do whatever he wanted. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, when I was telling, I think, you the other day when we were talking that, you know, when I was a kid, and I liked all the people you mentioned, Bill Cosby, all that, but the one that pushed me into stand-up and comedy was Eddie Murphy. Oh, yeah. In the first, in Deliririous the red jumpsuit yeah classic oh man it's phenomenal you know i can still watch it today and laugh it's very wrong it's very inappropriate you couldn't do it most any maybe none of this actually you know no i

remember he took the took the memory took the uh the guy's camera in the front row and took a picture of his johnson yeah man yeah yeah yeah yeah richard prior did you see uh what was richard priors was it uh live at sunset yeah did you see that yeah of course that same thing happened did it yes there was a dude who came up and was wanting to take a picture there's a whole series i love docu-series a whole docu-series about that that was a he taped that same special you know there's two shows yeah and the first show it did not go well it did not know it he was upset with it and the second show crushed same material yeah different crowd weird how that does happen and he crushed but the first one he didn't like and there's a documentary about

that and uh yeah same thing some guy come up and was trying to take a picture. He's like, what are you doing, man? You're right. There's cameras everywhere. Why don't, what are you, the one's going to care about your camera. And he just, he busted his balls. And then the same thing happened on Eddie Murphy. It's so funny because Eddie Murphy wanted to be Richard Pryor. He really did. I mean, that was his idol. And they all love this one guy named Paul Mooney.

And I don't, I know Mooney from Chappelle. Yeah. But I've've never he's one of those that i kind of feel like you did about the end of george carlin yeah is maybe it's when i the time frame how i saw him yeah but he always seemed more bitter than funny oh yeah you know like i really believed what the shit he was saying i was like you really don't like me i know that i'm not invited to the cookout with Paul Mooney. It's weird, though, that Richard Pryor could headline a show and not do well.

Well, who showed up to this? It just wasn't working the way he wanted it to. It didn't tank tank. It was just not... It was just weird. And you know, Richard Pryor... That was right after he set himself on fire and was addicted to crack.

Right. So he wasn't comfortable yet 100%. Like, how's this going to go? And he had all that makeup on because of all the burn scars. So it's a whole thing. Yeah, he had a pretty wild life that was not well known because at that time. Yeah, you could hide your life. You could hide the fact you were sleeping with men too and all that,

you know, and then Richard Pryor was, I mean, it was, you know, pretty out there knowledge of that in general. Yeah. You know, uh, Dave Letterman also used to be a weatherman. I did know that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was, he may be one of the greatest talk show host of all time. He's high up there for me. Did you ever go on Letterman? No, I never went on Letterman. Conan, you've been on? I never did any of those tonight shows. Really? No.

I auditioned a couple times. That's crazy. I'm a long story form kind of guy. Well, that's true, yeah. And I got a couple bits that I could chop up, but I just, I started looking at it like, yeah, if this were 1990, I would really want to do that. And it would really help me if I got on. Right, right, right.

But it's not. It don't do anything. No. It don't do anything. It's a credit. No, it is. That's all it is. But it'd be like trying to put Ron White in that category.

He's like, why would he need to do that? Yeah, no. And he can't even deliver a joke in that time frame. You know, he'd get one joke out literally. He'd be halfway through a glass of whiskey, and he'd be like, I'm wrong, we're done. Yeah. Bill Cosby's the same way.

If you ever see Bill Cosby on like a Tonight Show type thing, later in his career, because he was long story form too. Yes, absolutely. You know, I mean, he did it early on as a young comedian when it was black and white television. When he needed to, yeah, right. But then as he got older, I mean, he would sometimes attempt it and then they'd go, we're going to go to commercial

and just interrupt the story. And he didn't get to the punchline yet because, you know, everything's just now, now, now, now, quick, quick, quick. Now, obviously, you know, you guys are both very successful. John, there's got to be a time, I think every comedian experiences it, where everything went wrong in your set and it just went badly. No, not one time. No, never?

No, of course. Is there one that stands out? One that just popped into my head. So when I worked, I moved to L.A. in the year 2000 and I worked at the comedy store pretty much right away. So I was at the, that was like sort of my as a door guy of checking ids and that kind of stuff and so um i saw everybody come through there and uh i had to uh follow andrew dice clay oh wow oh wow that's that's probably intense yeah and i loved andrew dice clay i mean when i was a high school, I had to memorize. There's a whole dual cassette.

Hickory dickory dock. Everybody knows it. Da da da da da da. Yeah. Whatever. But I had to follow him. He was my ashtray. He was my idol.

I mean, he had a dual cassette called The Day the Laughter Died. He taped at Dangerfields in New York, and I memorized it. It was one of the funniest things I ever heard in my life at that time. And now here I am. I'm a comedian, and he's introducing me. That's weird. That's a lot of pressure. Knew my name, everything, and I went up there, and he just crushed.

And I thought it would be funny to go, what would it sound like if he were from the South, Andrew Dice Clay from the South? I'm from a town called Hickory. I tried to weave that in there and the crowd was like, no, we're not having that. We're not having that country boy.

Try something else. Did you write that or you just improv that? I just improvised it it i just thought it would be a good little quick segue and and it was a good idea i like it it was it was a decent idea just it didn't execute it very well and uh and i had you know another 10 minutes to kill after that first little icebreaker that did not break the ice yeah the challenge there i i would think as a comedian is exactly what you said you're you're a weaver a storyteller yeah you know and you got to come in behind this high intensity you know and and try to pick up that same momentum and that's a challenge it is that's what the comedy store and law clubs

in new york that way where it's it's continuous comedy every 15 to 20 minutes there's a new basically headliner yeah that's going on stage and it's not like you know here in the you know rest of the country it's like you get a feature act this you know like right five to ten and you get the mc that does 20 to 30 the headliner does like 45 to an hour yeah and that's it yeah you go to the comedy store at 8 p.m and you could be in there till 2 a.m and see like 40 different comedians that's how long you wanted to stay yeah i've watched a lot of documentaries where they talk a lot about it particularly like when sam kinnison was live where you know they were they would be way late there and all the great comics would be coming in last

you know doing those 12 1 a.m 2 a.m type shows and yeah yeah things like that or they'd come in at eight and they'd boot everyone else yeah Yeah. Here comes Damon Wayans. Riff. He was bored tonight. So your set's over. I'm just going to do 15. Two hours later. And he's going, what else is out there?

You haven't even prepared. No, no. He's out there trying to watch the audience. John, aren't you always Or Patrick aren't you guys always tempted You have your set right Everything's ready to go And then you see something last minute

You're like I want to It's always like Should I stick with the set Or should I kind of tweak the opener And I'm always on the fence about that Sometimes it works and most of the times it doesn't. And it's just like, I'm a fucking genius. It feels great.

When you do make those changes or on the fly calls, maybe it's just something a bit that you got and you've been thinking, well, I could do this with it. And you just throw it out there. It's always a thrill, right? Because you always want to riff off the last thing, segue off the last thing. But it does feel terrible when you've thought about it all week you've

worked on it and then you drop it and they're like yeah you're like okay yeah that didn't play out at all played with that when i was on last comic standing because you know your your sets on last comic standing the stand-up portion was like five to seven minutes right right and you know you got to do a different one each time that you get up there. And I didn't want to burn a whole lot of stuff because, you know, I didn't have a whole library to burn at the time. And so I would stretch bits on purpose. So I'd tell them, like, oh, yeah, I'm going to do this.

They want to know because this is national television. Sure. They need to know what you're going to talk about. Right, right, right. If you have a bit about Burger King, they need to know what you're going to talk about right right you have a bit about burger king they might go can you change it to mcdonald's yeah because they're a sponsor yeah so these little side conversations would happen and so you got your your set whittled down like i'm going to do this five in my brain i knew it was three yeah but i gave myself room to go like i I mean, a little crowd work, which is very sort of risky. Very risky in that environment.

But it doesn't make it look like you're up there doing your robot set and I have to do this like this. You go like, hey, look at this guy over here with a green hat. Yeah. Anyway, and it just sort of makes it look like you are spontaneous a little bit more. Sure, yeah. Like you're flying by the seat of your pants. They'll never get mad at you for going a little bit more. Sure, yeah. Like you're flying by the seat of your pants. They'll never get mad at you for going a little bit under. They'll get mad at you for going under.

That's right. When that light comes on. So they say you need to do a tight five. I go, you got it. Really, it's three. Yeah. I'm doing four and a half. You don't even know.

They're not going to know. They go, okay, that was great. That was great. No, you loved it, didn't you? Yeah. You've had, I'm sure, a difficult stage moment or two. I mean, I've been in comedy six years.

I'd say the first five years were. Yeah, the first five years were challenging. Pretty much that. I mean, because I didn't know anything. I just showed up. I'm this, you know, fucking Wall Street guy. Literally, like, if you watch Mrs. Maisel, I was like the husband.

Yeah. Who had, like, the corporate job, and then after, like, after work, I'd go into the conference room when no one was there and do my, like who had like the corporate job and then after like after work i'd go into the conference room when no one was there and do my like work on my set and then go downtown and so i was the only guy in a suit right right yeah like who the fuck is this guy in new york is in new york yeah what clubs did you hit up uh i started first ones were just you know open mics and like in like gay bars and whatnot uh yeah no it makes sense we've all been there wasn't a mic yeah speaking to the bono phone i can't hear you yeah i learned the lesson hard way um very hard

pause sorry and uh and and yeah and so i you know i just i just wandered in there like you know like this this fucking noob right like this novice thinking like oh i'm just wandered in there like this fucking noob, right? Like this novice thinking like, oh, I'm just going to walk up there and be the next Mrs. Maisel. And that didn't happen. And then, you know, so every lesson learned was just like, all right, well, here's how not to do it. For the first, you know, four and a half years. And then gradually, like, I learned from experience and just sheer terror that, you know, there's certain rules to this game. from experience and and just sheer terror that you know there's there's certain rules to this game and uh now i don't know about you guys how many non-traditional venues that you've ever played you know because for me that was a lot of of my stand-up ended up being in what you would call a

non-traditional venue yeah uh and i learned yeah i learnedarsh, I learned that Christmas parties are not really the best place to be a comedian. They may think it is, but they're wrong. And I had a company that heard me on radio, and they called me about doing, they're like, we don't want to do a DJ, we want something different this year. And I said, well, listen, I don't know if you listen to my station, but I kind of pushed the envelope a little bit. I'm not exactly Cosby type comedy, you know, you know, I'm and he goes, no, that's fine. These these are blue collar people.

They get it. I was like, oh, OK, well, that's awesome. Then I said, you're sure he goes, oh, yeah, they're going to have a blast, you know, some kind of machine part company or whatever. And I'm like, oh, these are my people, you know? So I show up and, and, and the front half of it, sure enough, are a bunch of young people, but the back half, they're blue hairs. And I mean, literally they're, they're in their seventies, eighties, nineties. I don't know.

A couple of them might've been, you know, just actually fossilized, but I, you know, the, the owner comes up to me and I hadn't talked to him before he goes hey how you doing i'm so-and-so and he goes i understand you're going to do a clean set for us and i stopped right there and i went let me go over my set with you real quick and just see what your thoughts are you know i went over he said okay okay how is it five minutes and maybe seven minutes into my 45-minute set, I see this guy start craning his neck when the first table of blue hairs walk out. About five minutes later, so I'm now on 12 minutes of 45 minutes, 12 minutes of 45, and all of a sudden, this guy is waving a white towel back here.

and all of a sudden this guy is waving a white towel back here. And I was like, oh, shit, man. What am I going to do, man? And I thought about it, and I said, you know what? If I am going to crash, I'm going to crash spectacularly. And I pulled out the most tawdry joke I had of shitting on the side of the freeway and how that went. It's about a 14-minute bit. I'm not exaggerating. And I stretched it as far as I could stretch it. I had literally at the

end, the front rows were absolutely guffawing. They couldn't, they were crying, they're hurting, they're laughing. The back was gone. Every one of them were gone and it was amazing i didn't think i was going to get paid i did get paid though but i thought i wasn't well you got to get the check up front yeah i didn't always learn that yeah get the check up that's a good idea you know i did learn that on that uh i had that happen one time i was doing a i was doing a charity show uh for this you know for a really good a really good organization that is like you know aid work and whatnot yeah in the bronx and uh and they brought me in and i did i did a half i did actually two shows right one year and then they brought me

back the next year and i did this i did this i was like i don't even know what i was thinking but i did this bit where i was talking about how you know i used to work on wall street or whatever and i thought i thought being poor meant you made like a hundred thousand dollars a year right i didn't know you could make zero dollars a year until i started doing stand-up comedy and i was like did you guys know you could make zero dollars a year and still pay taxes that's great that's a good line actually and they uh this is a crowd full of people that like do relief work for like super poor people oh wow so they did not they didn't quite get it they in fact did know you can make zero dollars a year in fact most of them did yeah they did not appreciate my take on uh no i i guess they

income inequality in america and so like i basically i and i i taped it went back in a while and you could you could just you could see like the arc of the set just like you know it's like the rise and fall of dick colligan yeah i told that one and it's just like like just straight down flames were coming out of the plane it was yeah it was just it was ugly no that's just brutal let's we've all had one of those you know i mean that's part of the job no if you don't you're you're not really comedian. I'll be honest with you. You've got to fail. You've got to fail more than once, many times, to really understand what works and how to overcome it because that's one of the toughest things I think comedians have to learn

is you might be in a set, and especially if you're doing a headlining set, you know, you've got 45 minutes to do, and you may find yourself in a lull. You know, you've got a bit that you've put together. It's a six, seven minute bit. You're laying it out. They're not buying it. And you got to find a way to get the hell out of it now, you know, because you know, they're not buying it. It's not going to land. Yeah. Your next five minutes. No, you're looking at the mountain in front of you, the planes on autopilot. You're like, I got to grab the stick here. We're going to have to make an emergency landing somewhere and refuel, you know? Yeah. That's part and parcel, I think, of becoming good at the craft is the failure. Because until you've had people,

you know, you drop lines that you crafted carefully, you wrote, you spent time with, you rehearsed, you did it in the mirror, you you know you got your friends laughing and then you show up and it's just crickets and you're like oh snap man this this sucks nothing there's nothing like that there's because you got no one else to blame no it's the most naked art form in the world I mean at least in a band if you mess up on singing, guitar, bass, the other instruments might help cover it. When you're standing up there, you know, I used to blame the bass player. Yeah. You can randomly do that. I used to tell people, look, you know,

you might have a crowd of 25. I can make 25 sound like a hundred, but you can't make 12 sound like anything other than 12. When you got 12 people in the audience, that's the other thing you learn as a comedian. When you come in and you have a smaller audience, it's that laugh pocket that you rely on because that's something people don't think about. As a comedian, you sit there in the pocket while the laughs happen and you let them play a little bit. You need that time.

You do, and it gives you time to get your direction going, knowing where you're going next, knowing what you're doing. And, and it, it also keeps, you know, the audience engaged. Well, when, when you got 12 people, um, though that laugh zone all of a sudden sucks up and you're 45 minutes set just became 28 minutes and you all of a sudden need 20 more minutes to make this work and that is a terrible place to find yourself going, oh, I'm going to have to do crowd work on the back end. Oh no, this is wrong. This is way wrong, you know, because they don't want anything to do with crowd work by the back end of the set. You better be blowing their hair back and pinning

them to the wall. You start going, so tell me what you do, sir. And they'll be like, you get the hell out of here. You get out now. I told you half an hour ago. Right? All right, let's talk about this. This is another one of those things I was telling you where we have prep services,

and sometimes they send us just ridiculous things. And the headline of this is, simulation reveals what to do if you fall off a skyscraper to increase your chance of survival. A parachute? Learn to fly. Yeah. First of all, how many people are falling off skyscrapers that you need at this article? That's number one.

Number two is, oh, hold on. We've got a guest coming in. Will you open that door for him, please? Just reach over and just pull the handle and let sean in yeah pause everyone come on in sean how you doing man what's up how you doing buddy come on in come on in have a seat over here man join us join us love that here just pull up here yeah man how you doing man all right good to right. Good to see you. Good to see you. Get right up on this mic, Sean. Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize, Dick.

Sean, Michelle Wright here, famous international singer, Idol alum. Man, excited to see you here, man. No, thank you for coming in, man. We are so excited to have you. We've followed you for a long time. Your music is amazing. You're an amazing artist. What's going on with you these days uh i'm just uh i'm kind of doing the family life thing that's awesome man good for you on that um i'm 45 but i didn't start having kids so i was like 41 oh wow i didn't like the reverse midlife crisis i didn't yeah i still

i didn't start buying a corvette i started having kids well that'll that'll change things up for you a little bit won't it yeah somebody told me they said uh you're gonna find out the corvette would have been a much cheaper yeah corvette's about 20 25 uh you know kids i think it takes what a half a million to get one out of the house these days something like three right now oh yeah you're 1.5 million best corvette in the world that's right yeah so you got the boys girls both i got two boys uh and uh seven and three and i just had a little girl she'll be a year oh no yeah the heartbreaker here yeah now daddy's said that and i didn't i didn't understand at first because I was like, I mean, it looks just like a boy.

You know what I mean? It's different when you're changing them. And then I was just like, and then maybe six, seven months in, I was like, oh, okay, I get it. Yeah, no, it's different, isn't it? Yeah, it's definitely different. But it's fun, man. It's making me feel older and younger all at the same time.

Well, that's amazing. Breaking my body down, but it keeps my spirits up. That is awesome, man. It's making me feel older and younger all at the same time. Well, that's amazing. Breaking my body down, but it keeps my spirits up. That is awesome, man. That is great to hear. So you're having a good time then. That's what matters. Yeah, having a good time. And I'm still gigging a little bit here and there. And the long range, I'm still focusing on trying to basically how to restart again with the music.

Sure, yeah, because you kind of took a hiatus basically in a manner of speaking right focus on family and uh produce three kids that probably takes a minute yeah it takes a little bit a lot of practice the practice was the best part but but yeah so it's just a matter of you know and plus what are we in what is this 20 almost 2025 like yeah music and and media and everything is like it's so rapidly changing yeah you know the last time i made a full-length record was in 2017 and even since then it was 20 the end of 2016 but even since then music and the consumption of music has changed so much that dramatically everybody's rethinking things and how to like use it to the best of to where it benefits them the most 2016 2017 people still weren't ashamed

of having a cd anymore right you know they're like yeah i'll buy a cd that's fine yeah right now you have someone a cd they look at you like you're an idiot what is this no yeah seriously i mean like you really don't even sell those i mean mean, like when I play live shows, you know, about the only thing that I'm going to sell is a vinyl record. Yeah, okay. And that's great because those cost a pretty good penny, so you can get a good return on vinyl. I used to always threaten to do a USB with my comedy on it, you know, because, look, it's cheap.

You can put a lot of stuff on it, and they get a lot out of it, but you don't pay much for it. Right. You know, and it's a great little thing to brand and put out and then you know if you don't like it you can tape over reuse it you know it's weird today how like i'm trying to understand you know like for musicians and not even musicians but you see a lot of comedians doing this and everybody pretty much it's like you can't be that successful unless you also, you know, if someone would have told me in 2000, early 2000s,

when I started doing music, late 90s, early 2000s, that, you know, I was more concerned about the music. Yeah. I was like, I need to become better, you know. I need to become a better artist. Yeah, just rehearse music all the time. You're writing, and you're working on your stage craft, your stage presence. But, you know, if somebody would have on your stage craft your stage presence but you know

somebody would have told me 24 years ago hey you also need to learn how to be a business mogul you need to learn how to be a graphic design artist you learn how to be your own booking agency you need to learn how to be your own record damn label i mean you know what i'm saying it's like everything like you have to do everything and and now it's like you don't see these famous comedians and stuff there they also have to have a YouTube channel, you know, a YouTube podcast. So it's like, now you have to be a professional videographer and podcaster and editor. You know what I mean? Like, it's tough.

It is what you're talking about. I think in, in my mind, uh, the difference is that at, at a point for many, many years, there, there was this, uh, it's almost like going to a concert where there's a barrier between you and the artist. And that's how, you know, movies, comedy, music was for a long time. There was this barrier between the audience and the individual. And now if you're not 100% accessible, then it's a uh because that is the expectation of the fan now is that you are 100 accessible to them and if you're not they don't they think oh what are you

a dick you know i'm commenting i'm here commenting on your youtube well yeah you and five billion other people you know i'd love to comment back on every one of them but that is uh that new accessibility is is a whole different game changer and i think also the added difficulty on the artist is you know someone might think oh this dude's in like an a-hole or something but it's like well i mean there's a lot that goes into you know what i mean i can't juggle 15 things at once well right one person i mean you have to at least have a manager you know what i mean to some degree because you. Because you can't produce all this content online in any kind of, especially if you're the kind of artist or person that wants to do something quality. You know, you're battling insecurities all the time internally.

Sure. Like, man, if this isn't like, if it's not meeting the vision I have in my own head, it's really hard to even get started in that arena in the first place. Well, yeah, when you start, you're not even competing with your former success yet, you know, and then everything that once you become a success, everything after that is measured against that success. Right. So, so, you know, you're just, uh, it's a lot of pressure that builds on you. Right. Yeah. So it's just, it's hard to juggle. And I don't think people understand that, but for the people that can do all that, that's amazing. Like they probably, you know, the biggest thing I think is

artists also have to be good business people. And business is where I'm like. Or have good business people around you, one or the other, yeah. Yeah, and, you know, it's not every day you come across James Brown who was like an amazing artist, amazing performer, but also happened to be an amazing business entrepreneur, mogul, whatever you want to call it. So that's really hard. Most artists aren't like that. Yeah, no, most artists are difficult to pin down to anything other than the art form.

Right, exactly. And that's where their mind lives. Right. And that's how you became an artist i mean that it is a unique brain uh but sometimes uh yeah it disables us in ways yeah so people people think like you know right you show up to a gig right and you're just like hanging out all day right just waiting all right right right like i was i was telling my friend i'm here in arkansas he's like well you want to give me a call guys probably just you know have a bunch of time to kill i was

like well yeah between like the social media engagement you're doing and then you know coming up with stuff you're working on the set and then it's like most of the time these guys have other jobs you know what i mean it's like i don't know very many you know unless someone of you know john reaps caliber whatever but it's like you know these guys have a second job and they're doing this on the side and they're trying to make it all work and people don't really have the the understanding of what you know in 2024 what it takes to be oh yeah you know in the arts well and and it's a weird time too when that you know and and mad respect to this chick uh i i'm just in no way a negative to her but it's a weird time when

hot to a girl okay skyrockets more famous than any of us will ever be skyrockets to the top of the charts past everybody except joe rogan and you're like man i've been busting my ass a long time god bless america this chick just said you gotta fit on that thing and she made it one line one day it's better than one song you know one damn line and her life your own world yeah i mean it's just you know sometimes you sit here as an artist and you go man i i maybe i'm focused on the wrong thing you know i i'm doing the wrong i should be just talking about blowies or something you know you're right right right Right. Right. Right. Was that, it was the cash me outside chick before that. Oh,

Danielle Bregoli. Yeah. No, that's Dr. Phil. He, you know, that's his number one regret in life.

Like he probably sat with a gun in his mouth several nights going, God, how did I do this? Yeah. No. How did I make this girl a star? Yeah. She had the number one only fans.

She made like $80 million. Hey, no, How did I make this girl a star? She had the number one only fans. She made like $80 million. Are you kidding me? No, I'm not kidding you, bro. She's not even remotely a star. No, that's what I'm saying. Who is signing up for this? Pedophile.

I would think possibly. Yeah, that's true. You're probably right. That's a high spending demographic. Yeah, Diddy. Diddy signed up for it. You're probably right. Probably right. That's a high-spending demographic. Yeah, Diddy. Diddy. Diddy signed up for it. He was watching it. Robber.

Boomer's got all the money, man. No doubt. No doubt. No doubt. Can I say something about the Hawkeye girl? Yeah, yeah. Here, Sean, trade out with him real quick. Just trade it.

I'll sneak it next to you. Well, here. We'll try to squeeze it in. Are you sure, Mike? Right? Here, I'll scoot over more. Yeah, come on. No, I just want to say about the Hawkeye.

Sorry, guys. I had to. Here, scoot over a over more. Yeah, come on. No, I just want to say about the Hawk 2. Sorry, guys. I had to. Here, scoot over a little bit. Yeah, no, no, that's good. Keep going. Just don't roll over. I was sitting here.

I don't know if you could tell. For the last five minutes, and you were in the middle of a story. I could see, yeah. I just blew up your bathroom, but I'm so sorry. Hey, that's awesome, man. Damn terrorist. So, yeah, the Hawk Tua girl. Yeah, I saw the look on your face when you went out the door. I appreciate her passion and her enthusiasm for this act of love.

Yes, yes, yes. But don't you ever hawk up anything. No, not on me. Not on my body. That's disrespectful. It's passive aggressive is what it is. It tells me how you really feel about this act. Yeah.

Oh, you want me to do it? Here. Yeah. Hold on. how you really feel about this act. Yeah. Oh, you want me to do it? Puh, here. Yeah. This is a salute. Hold on. I want some damn respect around here. There's some K-Y right there. I don't want you to spit on it.

I want you to salute it. Yeah. Permission to go to work, sir. Permission granted. Respect the P-9. Exactly. So I just want to throw that out there. No, that's great.

That's hilarious, actually. That's a good point. But, yeah, that's the's the difference though you're talking about is that you know when you started your journey performing music was actually about performing music right and what you're saying is now for you the business is about a million other things i mean it's always kind of been like that even before streaming i mean, and all that stuff. You know, you almost had to be like an artist and Walmart at the same time. Like, you would go tour with other bands that had, it was all about the merch game. Yeah, you know, that is so true.

How much merch you can have on your table. The different variety of merch. It's like, I got to have beard oil. I got to have a, you know, I got to have all these bandanas these bandanas and i mean stuff that doesn't even have to do anything with anything it's like i didn't realize i had to become walmart as well right and just the cost of touring yeah i mean you want to just support yourself on tour that's what well but now touring is 50 grand right touring is the biggest oh you gotta you gotta go show up in person or you're not gonna you know because now i mean independent artists person or you're not gonna you know

because now i mean independent artists at first they're like oh my god itunes man it's like ripping people off we're only getting 60 cents off the dollar and now it's like you're getting fractions of a penny yeah yeah streams and so it's like just when you thought they couldn't rate independent artists even even more i mean they figured out a new way yeah so you got to figure out a way to work around that yeah you know i learned from bands uh about how the game is played you know like i have some friends and uh they they their band uh was doing rocklahoma and i was like man that must be so awesome for you to get picked for that and he goes pick hell we paid for it and i was like what do you mean and he goes yeah there's a buy-in if you want to do that and he goes pick hell we paid for it and i was like what do you mean and he goes yeah

there's a buy-in if you want to do that and that buy-in for that band was 10 grand to play rock but just to put yourself in rocklahoma and not on the main stage with you know the shine downs and and the bands like that you're going to be on this stage over here with uh you know joe and the trinkets and yeah leaf garrett and you know these folks over here uh but what i did also find out is he said but the merch is where the money is you know these bands they make so much money in merch and they have to because jesus christ you know i don't want to be that guy but i remember when a good t-shirt was about 20 bucks man you 50 bucks on a t-shirt well that and the uh and the licensing

now right oh yeah for like film and and tv and whatnot like that's you know now you can't make you know you like i was watching goodfellas a little while ago like that soundtrack for goodfellas would be the the full budget of any movie today probably would yeah it's like a probably a you know 20 30 million dollar soundtrack rolling stones i mean like everybody on there and it's like a fraud, probably a, you know, 20, $30 million soundtrack Rolling Stones. I mean like everybody on there and it's like, that's it. And then you get these, these weird unintended consequences of like, okay, well now you can't have cool movie soundtracks anymore. Right. Because we took all the money away from the artists and they had to like scrape whatever

they could from whatever they could get. Right. Which is like movie licensing and TV and whatnot. And it's like, now we fucked up this other art form too unintentionally uh you john uh i'm looking at some of the audience here and uh they're they're asking a question and yes i know you talked a little bit about it earlier but they were saying what was it like working on harold and kumar on that set oh it's great uh well john cho is hilarious the very nice funny guy yeah. Cal Penn, also nice. Very serious, though.

He looks like he probably normally is. We didn't cut up as much as me and John Cho. And Missy Pyle. Oh, she's hilarious. She's the best. She's hilarious. So we shot this thing in Louisiana. Okay.

Well, my scenes were in Louisiana. And so you could drink anytime you want i mean there are no there's no rules there if you get pulled over in louisiana and your blood alcohol level is lower than the cops who stopped you you're going to jail they let you go you're doing something wrong yeah but no we uh we me and misty powell hung out one night partied it up we just it was like all day of shooting. We stayed at this nice big casino-like resort place, and we said, let's go get a drink somewhere.

We went to this little hole-in-the-wall place, and they had this jukebox, and you walked in. It looked like a dark sort of like a biker bar type scene. Okay. And we didn't know. We just walked in, and there's a jukebox, and I remember just Misty Powell walking up's a jukebox and I remember just walking up to this jukebox putting up just a lot of money just hitting all these buttons and she

was like and it was like I don't know 20 minutes later everybody in that bar was dancing having a great time and you could tell that's not the place where they typically do that right right right missy took over and I over yeah i love this girl yeah so she she was amazing to hang out with and uh it like i said everyone the directors of that um they would they went on to do a lot of studio karate kid series right now cobra kai yeah um they're they're great they were they also let me improv a lot there's a scene uh where i uh so uh cal pan and john show's characters meet me for the first time they're on my property okay and they're wearing these disco clothes from

mother night and they see a deer and they start petting this this deer and all of a sudden the deer's head explodes because i shot it okay yeah shot this deer. And so that was in the script. And then I improvised a whole scene where I pull a knife out and I stab the deer and I lick the blood off. And I'm tasting it like it's a fine wine. Yeah. Born in 04. Yeah.

That's a good year for deer. That's awesome. And that might be one of the most quoted lines of that movie. Yeah, people say that you were born in 04. Yeah. Because it's so random and hilarious. It was just one of those great ad-libs. You just want to know what you're doing.

Right, of course. Yeah, right. So they were very generous in that way, those guys. That was one of the most fun times I had on a set. Also, I think I did the best on that. Other than, like, you know than Eastbound and Down was cool. I was intimidated. I didn't want to mess up.

I was so worried about getting it right that I didn't. You weren't as loose. Yeah. I think I did okay, but not as good as you. You did great. You did fine. You did just fine. But Kirby Enthusiasm, I tricked myself into believing that I'm as good as Larry David.

Yeah? How does one do that? Because you really have to see yourself as equals. You do, or otherwise you're going to stay intimidated. You don't come off. You'll see it on the screen. Yeah. And so I have to trick myself into believing like, I could do this.

Yeah. Who's Larry David? I'm going to make up some shit. And so I think that was a good scene. Me and Larry David hit it off pretty good. I made him laugh out loud one time. Yeah, it probably felt pretty great. It was crazy to see him laugh out loud right in my face at something I said.

I'm like, that's secret. I want that blooper. I'll die right now. It's a blooper, but I want it. But you do have it on? I don't have it. I have to hit them up and see if I can have it if they even get it. That'd be great, man, to have that, wouldn't it?

That's pretty awesome. That's pretty awesome. Now, Sean, let me ask you what I was asking these guys earlier. I know that you have been on some of the biggest stages in the world. Who was the person you met along your journey of performing and whatnot who really made you starstruck? You were like, well, I cannot believe i'm sitting here talking with or performing with or whatever with this person it had to be like maybe paul abdul with the glazed eyes yeah from the pills and the wine

yeah that was probably the most uh yeah no uh i mean i i got to play with some pretty phenomenal people as far as sharing the stage. You know what I mean? And some of the best people were the ones that have been, you know, not a whole lot of people know about, but they're insanely good and they've been doing it just as long as Big Axe. And to me, that was kind of inspiring because I'm like, oh, these people are old and they're still doing it. And they never got to extreme stardom, but they figured out a way to keep it going. And they were insanely talented.

I mean, I'm sure that's how it is in the comedy game as well. I mean, you probably have some comedians who are just solid and they're always pulling. You know, they can fill up the loony bin or whatever, but they're not doing like arena shows or sure yeah yeah yeah of course there's many of those yeah but you know so i don't know it's kind of i come to mind well you know but but those people those people keep going because they're you know i'm almost having to realign myself with i'm having to rethink why i'm even doing music in the first place yeah Because I think kind of like in the way we have relationships, I don't want to get too like psychological or whatever. But, you know, I think sometimes when we have expectations on people

that we have relationships with, that we put our expectations too high on them. We ask things of them that we should never have required from someone to give us. Like, you're supposed to give me this, you know, or give me this feeling or give me this whatever and i think we do that sometimes with the craft or the things that we we forget that we started doing these things because we were drawn to it and we loved it yeah it becomes more about the business or the supposed to give me this and it didn't give me this so okay and you just walk out or you give up yeah you do something else and lately i've been having to realize that

music was never intended to make me famous it was just something you loved right i should stop expecting it to give me something yeah and just enjoy the craft as you do it so that's kind of where i'm at right now i'm kind of an existential like you know trying to trying to really get back to why what you know what's my motivation right basically and so i can stay in it for the long haul yeah you know and if if fame never comes but but on on another hand it's like well you got to get to some sort of notoriety if you want to eat well yeah that's helpful pay your bills and so yeah you need somebody so at some point in time if it's like i can't get if i can't time, if I can't make a living off of it,

then I probably am not that good. Well, then that could be. You've got to get that merch. You've got to have that merch, yeah. You've got to get the beard merch going. We all dabbled in merch, and it's got it. The one thing I hated the most about merchandise was the T-shirt part of it. Oh, yeah.

I have to go out there and do this myself. I don't want to pay some other guy to go set that up. Right. I'm not even selling enough to pay this guy sometimes. Yeah. And then you'll be standing there with your T-shirts, and then someone will come up to you like, you got a quadruple XL.

Yeah, you got a 5XL? That costs a lot more. Yeah, that costs me $7 more, bitch. Yeah, and then some girl like, I need a medium. You give her a medium. I'm like, that's not a medium. This is a large.

I need a girl's medium. Before you know it, I'm done with teaching. Yeah, no, I get it. One size fits all. Yeah. No, like yourself, man, I remember I had a laser disc printer. And I would burn my own CDs and disc print the cover on it.

And I'd be sitting there the night before a show on like number 50 going, this is bullshit, man. I hate this. I don't even want to do this. I'm already doing that, actually, because in the beginning when CDs were selling, my first album was called John Reed Bless His Heart. It was an hour stand up that I filmed and recorded in

Houston and it was a great set. It was just a random set I got on audio and I'm like I'm going to sell this and so I made it look really good got it produced and I sold a lot of them but then I would run out sometimes and I'm like oh i can

just go to walmart buy a bunch of cheap ones i got it on my yeah just all day burning burning one after the other cheaper because i didn't have to get it back from the producers or whatever yeah and and i made it look like this is a this is a rare edition myself in my own bootleg i signed all of these already yeah and it was faster because i didn't have to open it and sign it i was like i already done it here yeah yeah and i made my money back that way but no one buys it no you know you if you if you had cds out they'd look at you like you're insane right now you have to tell them this is a compact disc yeah yeah your grandmother's car. Yeah, you know that.

That's in that slot. That's slid under the radio that you don't really know what it is. You know, you shove papers in it and stuff. That's a CD player. Yeah. So are comedians not doing vinyl again? Some might be. I think that would be ridiculous.

I mean, I can understand why musicians would put out vinyl again. I think they'd have to be. But a comedian doing records. I don't even know. I think what they do now, I mean, just to get a QR code. Right. Just have it on a coaster. Yeah, that's pretty much it now.

I made my own coasters. Because every bar, every club needs coasters. That is true. And that's a great way to do it. And even if I make too many, y'all can have them. And you're promoting me even when I'm not there. Yeah, now that's a good idea, actually. So I just leave it as a QR code.

Someone will pick it up, be curious. And boom, takes you right there. And you're done. That's what, no, that's a good idea, actually. It's a QR code. Someone will pick it up, be curious, and boom, takes you right there. And you're done. Yeah. You know, it is maybe one of the fastest and the smartest ways to do something like that. Yeah. Yeah, no, I don't know any comedians now

doing vinyl that come to mind. Maybe Jim Brewer. He might. There's like, Ars Parker or Demetri Martin. Some of your, like, deep alt kind Martin yeah like deep alt yeah maybe so maybe so you know what have you ever seen a comedian so big so good that they don't they'll come in and they just decide maybe I'm not gonna really do a set tonight Davelle uh oh my god he's one of my all-time favorites uh he's the goat or one of the goats yeah i don't know honestly and i look i grew up watching snl i like uh in living color uh mad tv all that stuff's good uh none of it is the chapelle show none of it

chapelle show is undefeated uh but dave came here and performed and we went and saw him and uh i don't know if he was spliffed out drunk both i don't think he he might have done six seven actual jokes and then the rest of it was him just ambling on and being whatever and you know what it was still better than 90% of the shows I've ever seen in my life. That's how he writes. Yeah. Some comedians write on stage.

Yeah. Because you kind of need that, you kind of need to be under the gun to make the creative process slow. The pressure. Bill Burr does that. Bill Burr does that. I do that to some degree.

In the beginning, I wrote everything because I didn't know how I could do this. You've got to start somewhere. I'd write everything down and kind of memorize it like Carlin would do. Perform it in front of my mirror. And there's all the mistakes that you make in the beginning. But then over time, repetitions, experience, if it's funny, you remember it. Yeah, you kind of just get used to laying it out and playing with it on the stage during that time but probably

much like you might with a guitar or right you know improvising on your own riffs and whatnot yeah there's there's three hours of chapelle on youtube doing literally a three-hour set at the comic strip at like 11 p.m and it's hilarious oh i'm sure it is i mean look he smokes like three packs of cigarettes how much smoke is in that? And nobody tells him he's not smoking. Ain't nobody coming to him and going, yeah, you can't smoke here. In New York City. I don't like to secondhand smoke so much. I'm not going to complain about it, but I'd be like, ah, Dave.

Yeah. Chappelle did it. I'm like. No, I'm smoking tonight. Smoking in New York City. Let's go, Marlboro. Let's go, Dave. Yeah.

Smoking in New York City is like a capital offense. They'll execute you for that. Really? I used to smoke. I remember when we first moved to L.A. I'm at the Improv Comedy Club. I'm hanging out. I'm looking around like,

no one's smoking. I just don't smoke in Los Angeles. I want to go smoke, so I step outside. There's one other lonely guy standing out there smoking a cigarette. Just me and him. It used to be a communal thing where you go out and talk. And so now I realize I'm sitting

here, I'm lighting a cigarette, and there's this big window. I can see everyone in the window having a good time without me. I'm out there by myself. And then as soon as I lit it, I swear to God, I heard a fire truck. And I thought, you've got to be sure. That's great.

They're going to come. They're on the way. We got a smoker. That is great. That is great. Yeah, that's true. I mean, New York, L.A., you can't smoke anywhere. No, man.

You've got a restaurant in North Carolina. You know, the tobacco, that's where Winston- smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. You can't smoke anywhere. Sizzlin and they had a room for smoking but it was glass and you're just looking at him like God man you know you came out smell like it you know if you're in there you smell like a butt when you are I was by myself smoking the Western Sizzlin'. Everybody's in the smoke. Everybody, yeah. And you're the weirdo eating a salad by yourself.

That's right. Yeah, it depends on where you are, man. You're right about that for sure. Yeah, absolutely. All right, well, what we're going to do, we're going to take just a quick break here, and I'm going to get Sean is going to do a live performance for us. I'm very excited about that.

So give us just a minute. We're going to do a live performance for us. I'm very excited about that. So give us just a minute. We're going to get this set up and we'll be right back with Sean Michelle performing live for us. Alright? So stay tuned. you you All right, we are still going in here. Everything is getting set up, so we're getting ready to have Sean over here in just a second. Let me get this camera lined up real quick. I was relating to your Louisiana stuff, man, because I was born in New Orleans. Oh, yeah.

Drive-thru daiquiri shops. I love their loophole. A little piece of tape. Yeah. With some tape on the straw. There we go. That's not an open container. Right. And to me, some tape on the straw. There we go. There's not an open container. Right, right.

And to me, that's like the perfect, you know, that just shows that the only line of defense is this little scotch tape. I can just easily pull out a drink. You know about that? All right. I'm going to move my mic over here, and we're going to let him do what he does here. Oh, man.

Oh, this is early. Dude, it's amazing, too, the timing. I'm a huge Norm MacDonald fan and like some other comedians or whatever, but the timing comedians, when y'all were talking about Dave Riffin on stage, it reminded me a lot of how musicians, a lot of comedians and musicians, very similar, but I think with timing and everything and rhythm and, like, God, dude, stand-up comedy is, dude. You know, at least with music, you can turn shit up if you suck.

It's just you and a mic, man. Chappelle's big compared to a jazz singer. Yeah, right. Jazz does that. It's true, man. Alright, well, let's do it. Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, John Michelle.

Here we go. Yeah, let's go. Let's go. Flag will always line your path But it don't make a difference if the love won't last If you're in this thing only for the sex Won't take that long before your soul is wrecked Will you start this dance all over again? If you're looking for a lover, how about starting with a friend? Every night and day people all suffer with pain. Everybody's heart out of hand with pain.

But it's never too late to be here to change. Inside, inside, by the touch of a grace. Thank you. Family still persists to Hurts the worst, the innocent kids They grow up thinking that it's just the way life is And we dump this shit on our own children Is there any way this vicious cycle comes to an end? Every night and day, people all suffer with pain Everybody's on a desperate plane and day but it's never too late Come on now.

Yeah. Touch of the face. Yeah! Hard to do it. Man, what an awesome, awesome, awesome performance. No, no, you can't do that, man. No, you definitely can't do that. Listen, big thanks today to john reap to dick colligan to uh sean michelle to chad sledge uh to the loony bin and to of course all of you guys for being here with us today man just can't thank you all enough for uh what you've done to push us

promote us and lift this show up you are still the best audience in the damn world. And don't ever let anybody tell you otherwise. We'll see you next time. you you