Patrick and the People - The Best of Patrick and the People - Mike James on PATP!

Episode Date: January 1, 2025

Mike James appears on Patrick and the People - Originally recorded 11/1/24

Let's go. Good morning. It is Patrick and the people. We are live on Friday. Welcome to the weekend, baby. We got a hell of a cast today, man. It is going to be one kind of great show. Of course, to my left here, Amanda, the owner of the break room and our amazing co-host.

You know, Chad Sledge, owner of Piercings by Chad and Conway, another amazing co-host. But let me, for the first time, introduce you to a very amazing person, the headlining comedian tonight at the Looney Bin. I'm talking about Mr. Mike James. Welcome to the program, man. Thanks for having me, man. Appreciate it.

Yeah, man, we are very stoked about having you here today. I think it's going to be great, man. So thank you for coming on board. So what time does your show start tonight? First show tonight is 7.30. Okay. 7.30 and 9.45, 10 o'clock for the second show. 10 o'clock for the second show.

Okay, okay. Now, give people an idea. Is this adult comedy? Is this a family? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. He said don't bring your damn kids up here. Please don't.

They're going to get their learn on if you do. You know what I mean? We'll teach them some stuff, but, yeah, you might not want them to know yet. I know that's exactly right, Mike. I know that's exactly right. Man, it's going to be a great show. Amanda, did you – you brought the item? I did bring the item.

Demonstrate that very quickly. Don't hurt yourself, though. Happy to, happy to. I'm going to catch this a little later. Ride the lightning. Yeah, I'm riding that lightning later. Look, we tried for so long, man, to get all these different police or sheriffs, anybody to do it. But everybody's, you know, it's liability.

up to anybody to do it, but everybody's lame. Everybody's lame. All you needed was a white chick with access to Facebook and a credit card. That's all I needed was that. I should have known right off the bat. Just call Amanda and go, hey, bring your privilege taser over here

to me. That's absolutely right. What's going on with your weekend, Chad? What do you got going on, man? At the house watching movies, probably. That's it. I was weekend chad what do you got going on man at the house watching movies probably killing out that's it i was gonna say you're not gonna go to the show yeah that's what you're gonna say i'm going to see mike james going to see mike james what you got going on well i've got some bookings but if i can get out early enough i'll come over for the 10 o'clock show that'd be awesome yeah that's right that's right. I love laughing. That's the correct answer.

This weekend, everybody's going to go see Mike James, man. Absolutely. Yeah, that's going to be a good time. Yeah, my man Renard Hershey's in here. So, yeah, it's going to be fun. What up, Renard? We'll get Renard on here today, too. We're going to get him in here a little bit later today,

and you'll get to meet Renard as well. He's also going to be there with you. I tell you what, man, going to the Looney Bin is so much fun. It's just a great time. It's the only comedy club around, and they know how tell you what, man, going to the Looney Bin is so much fun. It's just a great time. It's the only comedy club around and they know how to do it, man. And I'm going to tell you something, and I don't know what I can really

say, but Liquid THC. That's what I want to say. That's what's in drinks. They got drinks there. I remember that. With Liquid THC. Yeah, it slows stuff down for you. Oh, no, it's going to make it a lot funnier. What it does makes everything funnier for you. Absolutely's what it does am i right yeah yeah that too yeah yeah absolutely yeah mike becomes three times funny right right right and you're sleeping you're

ready for bed it's perfect yeah that's right then you just go night night never go night night less likely to have hecklers that would definitely true yeah maybe we have them but they just like they're just a little bit yeah yeah they're lazy hecklers all right let's uh let's get to a little bit of news that you can use brought to you by that gunk in the back of your throat that gunk in the back of your throat something today all right uh let's see uh pin badgegley. You know Penn Badgley. Very famous guy from the series You. The serial killer. No?

Oh, okay. I'm aware of it. He was in Gossip Girl. Yeah, I never watched that. No, I didn't either. I don't even really know what it is. I assume it's a show. Chad Lindberg from Sons of Anarchy is 47.

Let's see. Oh, Def Leppard's Rick Allen is 47. Let's see. Oh, Def Leppard's Rick Allen is 60. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, man, what a great story Def Leppard had. You know, I think they're one of my all-time favorite bands, but I think if that dude hadn't lost his arm, I don't know if they would be nearly as big a band.

Yeah, you ever seen a one-armed drummer? That's what I was going to ask. I hope he's not on the drums. He is a drummer. Yeah. Yeah yeah you know what their story was is that uh they were a big-time rock band uh in the 80s they had blown up and become you know the the biggest of rock stars anthem you know you probably heard pour some sugar on me at the strip club okay that's them right and with one arm by the way uh so so he had a wreck and lost his arm and the band he was going to quit and they said the hell you are and they brought in somebody that built a special kit for him he literally locked himself in a room basically for weeks to learn how to do it and came back and

they kept putting out hits like a mug man that's amazing that is isn't that a story right there i mean a one-armed drummer come on that's why they're still big, right? Absolutely. Very inspirational. Yeah, it kind of is, isn't it? I don't want to lose my arm, but yeah. I can't believe Anthony Kiedis is a year older than him, though. 61, Anthony Kiedis.

Red Hot Chili Peppers, yeah. Bo Bice, do you remember that guy? He was famous for like two seconds from American Idol, 48. Big and Rich is big. Kenny Alfin is 60. Lyle Lovett, remember the big tall hair? Somehow he hooked up with Julia Roberts. Go figure that one.

Yeah, he's 66. That's crazy. Apple CEO, Tim Cook, 63. Don't care. No, not really. Jenny McCarthy, she has been naked at least as many years as she's old, and that's 51. And I'm sure many are thankful for that

you know okay let's uh let's get into some news that you give a damn about uh so this is a just not uh not that great i get well i guess it's pretty good the concert for carolina may have already taken place it's still raising money for relief from the devastation of Hurricane Helene in western North Carolina. An auction is being held with concert and non-concert items. They're up for bid through November 12th. Now, among the goods, Luke Combs Gibson SJ200 guitar used on stage during his performance of When It Rains, It Pours. Two future Eric Church concert and meet and greet tickets. to future Eric Church concert and meet-and-greet tickets,

a Hornets VIP fan experience, a signed Debo Samuel Sr. away jersey from the 49ers, and even a million American Airlines Advantage miles. You can go over to Golden's auction website to bid on those things, and it all goes to help the folks in the Carolinas. You know, they're pretty devastated. It is awesome. HBO is giving viewers a taste of the It prequel, It Welcome to Derry.

That's the name of it. The network dropped the first photos of the series based on the 2017-2019 films. And Bill Skarsgård has returned to play Pennywise in this. So that's pretty big if you're bringing that guy back, you know. A lost recording of the late Luther Vandross covering a Beatles classic has been discovered. Well, that's odd. Vandross reportedly recorded the song Michelle for an animated film called Strawberry Pills. That film was scrapped in 89, but a documentary called Luther Never Too Much opened on Wednesday, and that's one of the songs that they put in there because, well, they can make

money on it. You hadn't heard it before. Yeah. Hawaii has gotten snow before Washington, D.C. Yeah, the island's highest peak, Mauna Kea, got two inches of the white stuff Monday and Tuesday. It was melted. There may not have been enough to ski on, but people were excited. You know, in Hawaii, it's like, hey, look, it's snowing. Did they know what it was? Well, they thought it was cocaine. They all got brain freeze. May have thought another volcano. That's right. That's right.

This is weird. Clocks are going to go back an hour this Sunday. I'm sorry to tell you. It blows. It blows, man. I hate that. It's such a buzzkill. Daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. It starts March of next year.

That means an extra hour of sleep. Only Hawaii and Arizona don't observe daylight saving time. Now, there are bills proposed that would end that time change and make daylight savings time permanent. And that's the way it needs to be. It needs to be permanently longer. I think we did vote on that. It seems like, I don't know. I feel like Arkansas is like, yeah, let's do that. Yeah, we should. Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhaney are adding to their Wrexham holdings after turning around Wrexham AFC, they're selling minority steak in the club and buying a local brewery, Wrexham Lager Beer Company Limited.

Man, is there anything Ryan Reynolds won't own when it's all done? Seriously. I mean, this dude literally owns a mobile phone company. I guess being Deadpool has its privileges, doesn't it? Yeah. He's a good-looking dude. Listen, my wife hates comic book movies.

Oh, but he's sane. Hates sci-fi. I like sci-fi. Except for Deadpool. I'm with you. I can't imagine why. I can't imagine, Mike. I will watch the best crap out of Deadpool. Nothing else.

I don't get the timeline or any of that crap. It doesn't matter. She likes him with all his stuff on his face, too. Yeah. She loves him in the mask. That's the weird part. I don't have to look likes him with all this stuff on his face, too. Yeah, and she loves him in the mask. That's the weird part. I don't have to look at him in his face. What are you looking at?

That's what I want to know. New Yorkers have a great way of disposing of their Halloween jack-o'-lanterns at Hudson Rivers Park Annual Pumpkin Smash this weekend. Residents get to bring their old pumpkins to Pier 84 grab a bat hammer shovel for 15 minutes and start smacking pumpkins yes hey you know a little bit about things like that yeah do it uh Sydney Sweeney uh has become one of the generation's top earning actresses she's got uh major film paydays putting her on Hollywood's A-list. She just signed for the thriller The Housemaid. Got seven and a half mil for that. Putting her among the top earners like

Euphoria's co-star Zendaya who made $10 million for Challengers. Despite not starting out as a child star, Sidney's rapid rise to fame has been remarkable. She made $2 million from last year's movie Anyone But You and a quarter million dollars as an executive producer. That's nice if you can get that bonus. Absolutely. Yeah, she is, man, she has blown up as a star.

She's not difficult to look at. Not at all. Much like Ryan Reynolds. Not at all, yeah. Yeah, and she takes her clothes off and things. You know, I'm about empowerment, Mike. Aren't you? I'm all about that.

Yeah. Female empowerment. Do what you want to do. Absolutely. Free the nipple. Free them all. Free them all. Not yours, Renard.

I was going to say, hold on. I see nipple every morning when I'm here. Yeah, right? I'm flashed every morning when I'm here. Yeah, right? I'm flashed every morning when I'm here. Kiss me. Oh, yeah. Kiss me. Multiple.

Multiple gentlemen. It's always me. The auditor for the Defense Department found that Boeing shockingly overcharged the Air Force for spare parts. Really? You mean the government wasted money? Are you freaking kidding me? That's weird. The government wasted money?

What? I don't believe that for a second. They take such good care of my tax dollars. Lay on. So shocked. The auditor reviewed prices paid for 46 spare parts for C-17 cargo planes from 2018 to 2022 and found 12 of them. 12 were overpriced. A quarter of them overpriced.

That's crazy, crazy man they said the markup for soap was eight thousand percent soap bro so remember when they were buying uh what was it they were uh toilet seats yeah yeah they were spending crazy stupid hammers you remember that king of the hill episode where hank went and got his hair cut by Bill and, you know, insisted on getting a bill. And then the bill was like thousands of dollars for a freaking haircut. No, that's hilarious, man. That's what it made me think of. Why are the planes going down there?

I'm confused. They're overcharging for soap, but the planes are going down. Yeah, I don't know. That is a great question to ask, I think. Doors opening. Yeah, no, I agree. Let's see. Federal Court District Attorney Larry Krasner in Pennsylvania

has filed a lawsuit against Elon Musk for his sweepstakes, a million-dollar-a-day giveaway that he's been doing for voter registration stuff. He was directed to attend the hearing but wasn't able to make it because he's Bruce Wayne. He's busy fighting crime and shit, you know. Yeah, he's not getting in a rocket ship and going to land on the building. They put the case on hold pending a decision in federal court. No hearings set so far.

Average 30-year mortgage rates went up a decision in federal court. No hearings set so far. Average 30-year mortgage rates went up a little bit this week. They'll go back down again here in a minute, but it's just the end of the year bounce around that happens. An analysis of millions of health records in the U.S. show that the number of people diagnosed with autism has done what over the last decade? Anyone? Skyrocketed? Ding,ed ding ding ding skyrocketed is the correct answer yes it is absolute everybody's autistic now man and you know what's weird huh they don't even go to the no no they just diagnosed themselves i'm on the spectrum yeah what spectrum is that the dumb ass spectrum um no but listen uh it's crazy how many people now are autistic not only that but

now it's like all the newest celebrities are autistic right it's like it's a fad have you seen this uh this crazy uh world of t-shirts um on tiktok and all that do you do you mess with any of tiktok or anything no i understand why you get lost in those weeds it's a bad place to get but there's this autistic guy. His name is Josh. I don't remember his last name. Is this the pickles guy? Yes, I think it is.

Maybe. I don't know. But my wife, she keeps showing it to me. But he's the guy that says, put the fries in the bag, bitch. Oh, no. That's what he says. But he's autistic, and he has these meltdowns. He has these meltdowns all the time, and that's what makes him a star.

And I'm like, you know, on some level, it seems a little wrong. That sounds like Cartman on South Park when he was going around saying he had Tourette's and just. Oh, that was hilarious. Could be. I don't know. But, no, Kerry showed me a video Wednesday of a guy. He's an autistic golf coach or whatever, and he doesn't curse. He'll say pickles, and he just kept saying pickles.

Over and over. Pickles. That's hilarious. Well, according to this, it rose 175%. The most likely group to be diagnosed, kids 5 to 8. About 1 in 36 kids and one in 50 adults now have autism one in 50 think about that for a minute if you don't know anyone it's you are we I mean is that true is is that true or is it kind of like with the ADHD and well

I mean aren't we all ADHD yeah we're we're all something. Now, my wife, she's ADHD. She has been since she was a kid. And I can't tell you how many people that find out, go, oh, you take an anerole? Can I have one? She's like, do you understand? I need it to function. I'm not taking this because I want to party. You're not going to take all of them, though.

Mike got the right answer. You ain't going to take all of them, though. Come on. You know you can get that script refilled a couple days early. Yeah, Mike got the right answer. You ain't going to take all of them. Come on, you know you can get that script refilled a couple days early. Yeah, a little. Jamie Oliver may have the right amount of pull in the criminal cheese world. After Oliver asked his 10 and a half million Instagram followers to help out with the theft of almost a thousand wheels of artisanal cheddar, thousand wheels of artisanal cheddar london police announced they've arrested a 63 year old man and detained him uh the more than 24 tons of cheese wow he loves went missing after someone convinced london cheese specialist neil yard dairy that they represented a distributor yeah

listen man yeah all you have to do is find the dude who was constipated Yeah. Listen, man, all you have to do is find the dude who was constipated. Right. Am I wrong? I mean, you know, look for the dude who's going, oh, God, I'll never eat that much cheese again. Cropped us in the entire town. Guns N' Roses hasn't performed together since the Hell in Heaven Metal Fest in Mexico. That's in November of 2023.

Doesn't mean they're done, believe it or not. Bassist Duff McKagan said in an interview this week the band had been working on new material. If they do manage to put it together, well, I don't know. It'd be the first new music from them since 2022. I don't know, man. I don't know that. The last song I heard by Guns N' Roses they released was terrible, honestly. I mean, are you, did you even hear it? No. Yeah, that's how bad it was. Nobody even really knows it.

They don't even know it. Yeah. I did go see them when they came to Little Rock. Yeah, yeah. And he did a great job, I understand. He did. It was really good. It was a really good show.

I don't know why he can sing like that then, but on the new album, he sounds like he had been gargling thumbtacks for about six months. He looked rough, though. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, you do hear it when you thumbtacks for about six months. He looked rough, though. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, you do heroin your whole life. See if you look rough. Right, right. He looked rough.

I mean, damn, man. Some people just can't hold Botox well, and Axl is one of them. No, his face bloated up. Oh, man. He looked like he was nine months about. He was dilated at six. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I mean, he just looks bloated. Cole Tashman is a florida surf or surfer he's recovering after surviving his second shark bite at the same beach in under a decade god is telling you to stop yeah do you understand the message here seriously Oh, you're back. Okay. Oh, bitch. Yeah. Let's finish this job. I was a little guy then. Now I got you, bro. I got friends now. Yeah.

No, he was at Bathtub Beach. Sounds bad. Bitten by an eight-foot shark. An incident happened to him exactly that time frame ago. And he said, I almost lost the whole part of my ankle. And on the foot, I don't even know how I still have toes. The recent bite was worse than the first. Ninety-three stitches, ten staples, three tendons had to be reattached,

and he was fortunate that a local food truck operator used his surfboard leash as a tourniquet. Yeah, they've got to GoFundMe for him. Why? Why? Why? We should have GoFundMe the first time. No, no, no. go fund me for him. Why? No. Why? No. Why? He's going to go fund me the first time. No. No, no. He doesn't need help.

He just got help. Choices. Oh, man. Uh-uh. All right, how about some sports you care about? Nothing screams I'm proud of our World Series winning team more than setting a bus on fire. Yeah.

That was wild. Yeah, after the Dodgers come from behind, went Thursday night to get the series, fans took to L.A. to be L.A. And they said most fans were peaceful with their celebrations, but a dozen morons arrested for hostile celebrations. One such instance saw them burning a Metropolitan Transit Authority bus. Fortunately, no one was injured.

Now, they say they set it on fire. Could just be if it's an electric one, the battery caught fire. Is it a Tesla bus? That's what happened here in Little Rock. We had to stop using them. Oh, really? I think so. I think they started catching on fire, man.

I think we're having to go back to the old fossil fuel. God forbid. God forbid. With the World Series now history, free agency begins. Teams will start trying to bolster their rosters. At the top of the free agent list, Yankee slugger Juan Soto, 26. The outfielder is going to be a big acquisition for any team that has the money to take on his salary. He could command a contract upwards of, get this, $600 million to play baseball.

No. That's a lot of damn money. I mean, no matter how good you are, $600 million? Come on, man. How much money are you guys making on these damn beers? That's what I want to know. What's the guy's name? The soccer player that they gave? Ronaldo?

Yeah, a billion. Ronaldo? Oh, yeah, but have you seen that guy? He's a specimen, bro. He looks like, I mean, if you look that guy in the face, you might die. Really? No, he's like Latin Jesus, man. Are you kidding me?

No, you can't mess with that, man. All right, let's change up and do something different. Hold on. Morning Motivations. Your office cubicle cannot hold you back unless of course you want to keep your job then you better stay in there but if you want to go on welfare or something go for it dude you won't need much food you're a butterfly this is a morning motivation yay all right so let's uh let's check. When is the last time you purchased a vehicle, Amanda?

How long has it been? Bought a car for my son earlier this year. You did. Okay. Were you a little surprised at prices? No. No, you were not surprised. Not at all.

Chad, you bought a car. How long has it been? A little while? No, I bought my son a car. Well, he got a car. I helped him. Say it on the mic and I'll know what you're saying. My son got a car earlier this year.

I helped him through the process. Okay. How about you, Mike? It's been about five years, but I'm actually looking right now. Are you? You might not want to listen to this, Mike. New numbers show the price gap between new cars and used cars is now the highest it's ever been.

I believe that. According to data from Edmunds, the average price of a new car in the United States. Okay, Mike, how much do you think the average car price in the U.S. is? Give me a number. 70. 70? Yeah. Damn, you rich, man.

No, I mean, I'm just saying, saying like it's just so ridiculous like i'm no it is ridiculous some of these trucks i see for like oh no that's a good point mike mike that's a good point no that is man when when pickup trucks are over a hundred thousand something's gone wrong hasn't it no and and have you seen these idiots that have their trucks that they squat jack them in reverse reverse for the front end i'm like man what's wrong you're gonna fall backwards or something man they're post up on the how do you see they can't see nothing well i mean you're not going to run over anyone i mean clear them right right you might drag them uh the average price actually of a new car in the U.S. is $47,542.

The average price of a used car is $27,000. That's a difference of about $20,000. Those buyers who haven't been on a car lot in a few years seem shocked. Some were hoping to get into a new car for what the used cars go for. Well, surprise, inflation got everybody, didn't it? Yeah, no, you go try to find yourself a ten thousand dollar used car and see what's out there for that now if you can pay cash maybe you can get a decent thing you know but maybe maybe they don't want they they actually charge more yeah because they

want you they want you to they want you to find it they want you to find yeah yeah yeah they won't charge you more when when you pay cash don't ever tell them you're paying cash. No. I didn't mean it the new car lot. I meant like off-market place. No, you're right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

You might end up in the back of that car if you're getting it off-market place. You're right. You're right. Now they finance them for like seven years. I mean, the way prices are going, it's going to have to go to 10 soon for people to be able to afford it. But that's what they want. They want you on the hook. Yeah, Magnum. Is that the wagon one oh that's dope man those were kind of cool man you enjoyed it i love that car man i bet you did man i bet it all lasts too yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah chad i suspect the car you have at the moment is your favorite

car is that right that's my baby yeah tell everybody what it is big time it's a 2024 or 2023 uh challenger rt oh the rt challenger baby yeah that's right amanda what's your favorite car mine that i've got right now i got a 2016 jeep wrangler sahara and that's my baby you know what i do like jeeps uh I took my prom date in a Jeep. I borrowed from a friend. He had a real nice Jeep, and that's what I took her. That tells you how Saline County I was. I took her in a Jeep. Were the doors on?

Yeah, the doors were on because we were, oh, never mind. I forgot it was prom night. My favorite car that I ever had was a uh a 1980 z28 uh loaded out all the way with the hood scoop the tail fin all that stuff man that son of a bitch was badass man there was no better feeling than pulling up to bryant high in 10th grade and that son of a bitch and then people go no way man no way you had the t-top oh yeah i sure did i sure did damn right i did and about six months later i had a different car because the electrical went out on it my sorry daddy said he couldn't afford to fix it thanks dad work some more did he make amends for that no no he didn't he yeah

he probably did i i wrecked you know he owned a car car lot. And I wrecked three or four cars. The last time before I did the last, he said, listen, I'm going to buy you this. This is the last car you're getting from me. You wreck it, you can walk to school. I don't care. And he gave me a Chevette. Oh, man. If you don't know what a Chevette is, think of the smart car, but lamer.

Lamer. Yeah, somehow lamer than that. And he gave me that. It's probably cool now now like no it's never no no my kid probably wants to show no no he doesn't trust me that's the one card we can call him there's there's no kid that wants a yugo or a ship right right you go my kid is weird okay your kid's weird yeah he wants this weird yeah have you ever had a gremlin have you had any oh gremlins now gremlins that was different yeah yeah the gremlin they they would uh trick those out pretty good

i remember i called i just tell him my dad had a car lot and uh i i guess i must have been maybe it was after my first wreck so i had to be about 17 and i went up there and he said i'm gonna put you in a car just come on up here and he gave me he goes go get that car right there now it was a pacer an amc pacer and i don't know if you know what that looks like it's kind of like a gremlin but with a big bubble window in the back it was a real lame car but anyway uh so i'm driving home and i pulled over at the pay phone uh kids that is a random phone placed in the middle of nowhere that you would put change into. And if you got enough change in there, you could make a phone call if it wasn't long distance, okay? Why didn't you just use your cell phone?

It doesn't matter what long distance was. But anyway, yeah, why didn't you use your cell phone? So I stopped at the payphone, and I called my dad, and I said, Dad, something's wrong with the brakes on this car. They're not working right. I said, the power steering. He goes, it's manual steering. Get your ass in that car and get home.

And, man, I had to fight that son of a bitch like this. Oh. Yeah, I tried to buy the last vehicle I bought. I went over to Fitz, and I was looking at different ones, and he had a cool 89 It was like a an 89 blazer, but the big time, you know the big body blazer It was on a four wheel. So it had a lift on it and I was like, hey, that's dope man Would you could I get that one? And he said well I would for you. I said, well, let me drive it man

I made it six blocks and I turned that son bitch around because I forgot those old cars when you drive in that steering wheel, it walks you. You can't ever stop doing this when you're driving those cars. You know, you can't just be like this. That's what my dad still drives like at the day. Like, he still drives like he's on the wheel. Like he's on that old wheel. So it's like you feel it in the car.

I'm like, dude, be still. Yeah, why are you snaking? Be still. Yeah, why are you snaking, Dad? Just hold the wheel, man. It's all right. Mustard and mayonnaise. That's hilarious. Yeah, keep it between the mustard and mayonnaise.

Yeah. Yeah, I remembered that the other day. Proud of you. Well, I appreciate that. Let's do something different here. You're so stressed. Wanting to make you happy with my mouth? Yeah, I guess so. If you're looking for

a vehicle, how about a late model, low mileage vehicle? Go to Fitz Auto. Listen, if you want a car, a truck, an SUV, a boat, a camper, a side-by-side, they have everything that you want and then some, but don't worry about bad credit. That's what they deal with. They're their own bank. Look, you can check them out online at Fitzauto.com or you can go in person, 8421 Stagecoach Road in Little Rock. Find out why we bought seven vehicles from Fitzauto. They're that good. You know what? As a real estate agent, putting you with the right mortgage person is critical. One of my favorites to work with is Josh Taylor at AMC Mortgage. And I'll tell you why. A lot of guys out there are stiff. They treat you like a number. Josh treats you like a friend. He's going to work

through with you on everything you need. Look, he just got a pair of my clients into a home with $500 total. Yeah. Paid the closing and the down payment costs all covered in there. I'm not saying that's what you're going to get, but I'm saying that's how good he is. Check him out. Give him a call. 351-2579. It's Josh Taylor at AMC Mortgage. If you're looking for a local mortgage guy, that's one that I recommend. all right so uh let me show this uh we like to show all of our guests this have you seen this before uh mike no okay this is called the aztec death whistle okay all right and uh see everybody see the aztec death whistle uh is a real thing uh it was made as you might imagine by the Aztecs. They were warriors,

so when they would attack another tribe and or whatever it was, they would all blow this at the same time when they were coming in. So listen to this. Let me move the mic because, all right, you ready? Crazy. Can somebody just scream? That's what it sounds like, isn't it? Isn't that crazy, man? Just scream. Same time. Yeah, no, it's crazy. Yeah, it is.

Imagine that, a hundred of them at the same time. Man, wild, huh? That's wild. I love that thing. Hey, if you're just tuning in, if you just tuned in live, first of all, thank you. Welcome to Friday. It is Friday if you're drunk. Yeah, Carrie. You're welcome. You've made it to the weekend. So that's good. That's good.

And later on in the show, I'm going to be tased and that's great. You, of course, know Amanda and Chad. If you don't know, this is Mike James. He is the headlining comic at the Looney Bin. Mike, tell us a little bit about Mike and your background and what you've done and the things you've been on and all those kind of things. So, yeah, I'm from Nashville, Tennessee, born and raised. I've been doing comedy for 18 years. I've been on, I've done Dry Bar, Nate Land. Actually, I used to tour with Ralphie May. Oh, did you?

I worked with Ralphie. Yeah, man, I sure did. I did a couple shows with ralphie here he was from here you know and uh he was a friend i knew him and uh we performed together man he was a funny dude he was i mean damn funny real funny like man and off stage was even funny oh no he was hilarious now you know those demons were bad for him yeah they were but man you talk about just a natural ability to be funny that guy had had it right there, man. Yeah, he did. He did. So that was my buddy.

I used to tour with him. That's cool. Lonnie Love. Yeah, I know him. I currently tour with Guy Free and Nate Bargatze. Okay, I know those guys, too. Those guys, too. Now, have you done any of, you know, some of the TV talk circuit or anything yet?

Not yet. Not yet? I know you will be. But, yeah, I've always been fascinated to to hear more about that but so of all the comedians you've worked with uh who is your favorite uh that was a good one um i can tell you some of my top ones okay um i like that it's a good political answer actually some of my friends like uh reynard hirsch is actually one of my favorites all right reynard's right over here we're going to talk to him here in a little bit. Godfrey.

Okay, yeah, he's great. Godfrey probably is one of my top. Yeah. Yeah, he's just that funny. And Nate. Nate is, like, you get to work with these people. You see how they work and perform and their process. And you just, like like develop a respect and

appreciation for what they do so Nate, Lonnie, Ralph, all of them, I've learned so much from them. Yeah, no I can understand. So who would you say you know when you were growing up when you know whatever roots of comedy were being planted in you, who was your inspiration? Who made you go, I want to be funny like that? Richard Pryor. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby. Yeah. No, that's true. Hey, he was funny. He wasn't rapey then. Yeah, I didn't know about all this other stuff. Apparently he was, but I just didn't know. Well, maybe he was. But I didn't know anything about it.

Right, right. It wasn't on me, guys. I was watching. You like him? Like, yeah, I didn't know. I was watching picture pages. Right, I wasn't with him. We weren't ride or die.

Right, right. But, yeah, those guys, Bill Burr. Bill Burr is phenomenal, yeah. It's so many. Dave Chappelle is definitely one of my top two. Yeah, Dave is probably my second. He's the GOAT to me. But when I was a kid, the one who inspired me to do stand-up was Eddie Murphy.

Eddie Murphy. Yeah, yeah. Particularly delirious. Yeah, the red jumpsuit. Yeah, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That set to me was so crazy and I think part of it was I was really young and the language was super wrong right like if you watch that set now

you probably couldn't do half of that set today no no half of it you could not do yeah it's still amazingly funny I'm never gonna lie it's funny it hilarious. I don't give a damn. It's funny. But yeah, and it was so mind bending because I hadn't heard anyone be that, you know, and nobody really, I mean, Richard Pryor was, but the difference between Richard and Eddie, and Eddie, I'm sure credits Richard, I've heard him before, but Eddie was a faster pace. You know, he was, his pace never slowed down. And I'd say Richard's more of a storyteller right you know he was his his pace never slowed down right uh and and uh i'd say richard's more of a storyteller right you know uh and and he had stories like mud bone and things like that that were just epic you know just epic yeah uh but also from that era i like george carlin he was great one of the greats yeah man you know what, what the thing about him that I love so much,

uh, and that I think, you know, is slept on by some is the amount of commitment to memorization. Because, you know, remembering a joke and the general punchline and all that is, is, it's difficult enough, but when you're spitting out a list of things and he wouldn't just spit out a list and a set. He would have four, five, six segments where he's going to rattle off this insane list of things that you're like, there's no way you should have all that in your head that seamlessly. Yeah. And so, and I'll tell you something else, too.

I didn't, I never thought that I was inspired by Sam Kinison, right? But check this out i was inspired my second favorite comedian for a long time was chris rock i love chris rock uh bigger and blacker one of the best sets ever in my opinion uh an amazing amazing set and um i i i didn't know until later in life that Chris Rock's inspiration was Sam Kennison. So, yeah. So I guess he inspired me in a way too, because that was Ralphie's mentor. Yeah.

Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And what a great comedian Sam Kennison was, you know, of course he's deceased now, but man, he was funnier than people even understand. They think of him only for the yelling part. There was a lot more to him than that. But he was a really tortured soul.

But damn, he made for funny comedy, didn't he? Yeah, that's usually the funniest comedy. Yeah, yeah. There it goes. Oh, yeah, yeah. The nipples are being shown around here. We got nipples being free. Nipples are being free.

Nipples in the house. None you want to see, Mike. Don't look. Don't look. You don't want to see that. That's going to scar house. None you want to see, Mike. Don't look. I was like, what? No, no, don't look. You don't want to see that. It's going to scar you. It was hairy.

Oh, man. It's going to scar you for sure. Let's do something different. Tonight on an all-new Becky's Got Crack. Yo, Becky's Got Crack. Yo, Becky, let's hang out, girl. Patrick and the people. All right.

Well, welcome to No Nut November. That's right. Well, welcome to No Nut November. That's right. That's right. That's what it's called. It's the month when some men make the conscious decision to abstain from having even one big O during the month. That's right. What? Look at you, naysayer. Look at you. I'm going to lay it out for you, Mike, and I think you're probably going to want to join them. We'll see. No Nut November initially appeared in the Urban Dictionary in 2011, but caught fire in 2017 as the popularity

of social media grew. All things considered, it's a fairly new practice, but at its core, NNN is a challenge to see if men can retain semen. Why, you ask, Mike James? Some believe there are physical, mental, and spiritual benefits such as muscle growth, increased stamina, thicker hair, improved sperm quality, reduced stress and anxiety, improved concentration and control, boosted libido, and reduction of erectile dysfunction. Absolutely not. There is no scientific data to show any of this no i believe there actually might be scientific data that like i would say i can give you some relief i can give you anecdotal evidence that's not true it's not supposed to make your hair thicker this is why i'm bald

that's right i'm with you right there man I'm married and I still go to town with myself. I still go on solo dates. Any of you men in the state of Arkansas that are practicing No Nut November will run a special at the break room for you to come there so you can get your stress relief out. Come smash a TV or something because you're going to need it. Yeah, she's not inviting you to release i'm not inviting you to come nut like i'd be interested to see like what the what the crime

rate goes if it goes up during november murder rate goes yeah it probably has to man road rage at least some road rage what's going on man people are just killing people yeah people just mad as hell in this bitch man that's hilarious man there's actually like studies that um orgasm is a pain reliever like for for actual physical pain headaches things like that so i know it often operates the same as ambien yeah if it's done right yeah if it's done right i go to if it's done right, I go to sleep. I ain't got nothing to say after that. It's a good night. If it's done right.

If it's done wrong. That's a good question. If I'm done, I'm done. No, it couldn't be wrong. If I'm doing it myself, it's never done wrong. That's fair enough. I mean, I would hope not. I mean. I know me.

Yeah, you know me. I know me. I'll tell you what. Speaking of you know you. Man me i'll tell you what speaking of you know you man i'll tell you what i had an occasion where my right hand was uh injured because i cut my finger off with the end of it right and so i couldn't use it to wipe oh let me tell you something if you've never used your off hand oh that seems weird seems weird. No, no. It's like being violated, bro. Oh, man. It doesn't know the territory.

It doesn't know the landscape. Oh, man. You don't know where to start and stop. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Because you don't even have to look. No, it knows. This hand knows exactly what to do.

Exactly. This hand is an invader coming across the border without proper paperwork. Like, what am I touching? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what that is. I've never felt that before. Is that a lump? I'm 15 all over again.

Oh, man. Yeah, no, it's a tough time, man. I'll tell you what. All right, let's see what else we got. So, Mike, tell me, you know, of all the stand-up that you've done. And you said you've been doing it 18 years, is that right? 18 years. 18 years.

That's amazing, man. Congratulations on that, number one. But certainly, not every stand-up experience has been a great one. Sure. You've had at least a couple moments that were something happened on stage where everything went kind of wrong in a way. You may have recovered it, but tell me one of those things that happened um i had uh pac-man jones i don't remember adam pac-man jones well yeah nfl superstar he told me to kill myself what yeah it was a weird show we were doing this show

and uh it was uh it was we were the winner of the show gets to open up for Monique. Okay, okay. That's a big honor. Yeah, so everybody is packed in there. But the thing was, the club didn't know, the people in the club didn't know that it was a comedy show. Like, we were doing a comedy show. Right, okay. They were at a party.

So, when the show starts, everybody's dancing, and then the DJ just cuts the music. Like, all right, guys, we're about to have a comedy show. Everybody sit down. Oh, that's the worst. That's the worst comedy show. Yeah, so they're already booing. Yeah, they are. They're pissed.

So it was like 13 comedians. I'm like somewhere in the middle, and it was getting so crowded. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to just get up out of here. I was just going to leave. So as I'm trying to sneak out, they call my name. So I'm trying to cut through the crowd to get to the stage, and it's so crowded.

Like, it's taking me a long time. Somebody gets on stage and was like, hey, I'm Mike James. And they immediately started booing him. Like, as soon as he jumped in. Oh, no. So he gets off stage, and I get up there, and they're already booing. And I'm like, guys, if you guys just give me a chance, I'm sure you'll like my stuff.

I'm trying to believe this guy. Yeah. And then Pac-Man Jones was, I said something about a job, and this was when he was suspended. And he was like, kill yourself. Oh, no. I was like, okay, guys, good night. I'm good.

I'm good. That's been my time. And then my friend get up. My boy, he got up there. He's doing his joke, and he's going in on Pac-Man doing it with me. And somebody, like, threw a chicken wing. Hold on. He got-Man doing it to me and somebody like threw a chicken wing Hold on, he got hit with a chicken wing? Yeah, he got hit with a chicken wing and it was like I still remember like this grease stain on his

Oh Like they weren't even serving food at this place Somebody had a chicken wing in their bag I'm like what did this come from? Yeah, you know where that came from Cause somebody smuggled them wings in from the gas station Yeah Yeah, they went to the gas station and said I'm gonna, what did this come from? Yeah, you know where that came from. Because somebody smuggled them wings in from the gas station. Yeah, they went to the gas station and said, I'm going to bring my own food.

Man, that was the scariest show ever. No, that's hilarious, man. Yeah, no, that is crazy to have that happen. Have you seen that? We were talking about it the other day. You mentioned Bill Burr. One of the most epic things i've ever seen is that new york performance you know the one where he just destroyed the crowd oh i love that man that is

one of the most seminal moments i've ever seen of a comedian uh i just from that moment forward i i was all in on burr yeah because it's like to turn a crowd around like that like you yeah like the commit because most people just they tuck their tail and run well sure they do i'm like i don't want to hear this i'll go but yeah like i'm gonna stay here and i'm gonna do it no i'm gonna make you you're gonna listen to this like oh that was and to turn them and make them all love you yeah man that is one of the most epic moves i've ever seen talking about like you yeah yeah now i'll tell you uh maybe my worst moment um and now it's probably one of my favorites but one of my worst moments on stage i had booked a deal

uh for a a company booked me and they booked me for a christmas uh you know the the company christmas party and apparently they had always booked booked a DJ and they want to do something different. And I had been on radio for probably 10, 12 years then. Now the station I was on and what I do, people know this and they know who I am. And they, they, they booked me anyway. And so I'm, I'm just coming to do the show. Well, when I show up, he introduces me to the owner and the owner says, so I hear you're going to do a clean set. Now, this is a big red flag right here. If you don't know, as a comedian, when someone says, I hear you're going to do a clean set, this is a scary moment. And I'm like, you know what might be good, Bob?

Might be good for me to just cover real quick some of my topics and let you know where i'm going i i don't know if clean is the right word let me just throw these topics at you right so i go down the list of topics uh he's like oh okay i get on stage man i'm up there and i'm supposed to do 45 right doing 45 minutes to an hour uh and and i'm up on there about 15 minutes man now the the front part of the room is all young people and they're having a blast man they are loving it they're eating it up the back half of the room everybody in there is is at least 70 if not 80 or more and when i say blue hair you could see the blue i mean it was literally like gunmetal blue back there,

you know? And man, they just, all of a sudden this one table gets up and starts walking. Another one gets up and starts walking. And I'm like, ah, I see where this is going. Next thing I know, the, the, uh, owner of the company is standing in the back, waving a white flag like you know, like throw into the towel here. And I like well son of a bitch man what am i gonna do here and i said well you know what if i'm going down yes i'm going down in flames man i yeah i tell you what i'm gonna get off stage here in just a minute y'all but let me tell you this one story before i do and i told this story about shitting on the side of the freeway that took about 15 minutes and i dropped every type of way i could say poop in the world in that son of a bitch and people were crying laughing you know high-fiving

that dude was so mad at me man i didn't think i was going to get paid i don't like you hire somebody it's like this whole thing with tony henchcliffe yeah right right right right now i now i don't care for what he said. Well, first of all, I didn't think of what he said was funny, but that's neither here nor there. Right. But you hired him to do that. To be a comedian.

You didn't hire him to tell knock-knock jokes or come up there and say anything uplifting. You knew exactly what he was going to say. You know who Tony is. You knew what he would say when he got up there. So don't try to distance yourself. No, you can't. Don't say, oh, we didn't think.

No, I thought, first of all, I was very surprised that they went that edgy. say when he got up there so don't try to distance no you can't say he all right we didn't know i thought uh first of all i was very surprised uh that they went that edgy yeah and that's fine that's their choice you know but i did think when i saw it i said well i think what he's trying to do is make a statement about speech you know by just lambasting everybody and everything you know uh but i was uh it is funny to watch the recoil of people. Because you're like, man, look, this is comedy. Either you understand it's comedy, it's just like when you go to that one in Washington

where they roast each other. You know, it's just comedy. Yeah, I mean, if you, listen, if you hire an artist to do that, that's what he's supposed to do. Now, like I said, I didn't really care for the jokes, but you know what I'm saying? That's not me. But don't

try to distance yourself and say, oh, it's his fault. He shouldn't have said that. Well, that's what he was supposed to do. No, that's exactly what he was supposed to do. Yeah, well, and isn't there somebody that, like, checks what they're going to say to a certain degree or kind of does what you're doing?

Man, this man just got shot like a month ago. You're going to tell me they're not vetting everybody, right? They're vetting them. They're vetting them. They knew. Speaking of comedy, it's time for me to do the signature bit. You know what time it is.

Let's do a little commercial break here and then it'll be time for The Rent. Baby, you know what I'm talking about. Let's do a little commercial break here, and then it'll be time for the rent, baby. You know what I'm talking about. Let's do it. Have you been injured? You need an attorney with a passion for people and an obsession with justice. That attorney is Tim Reed in Little Rock.

Look, they've won $1.3 million in wrongful death, almost $1 million in medical malpractice, and in insurance dispute. These guys know what they're doing. But more importantly, he's not a figurehead of some kind. He's not just some person on a poster with a picture of a rig or a smile or his dog with him. This is a real guy you can text with, you can talk to, and who will take good care of you. He'll work with you personally to get what you deserve. Check out

readfirm.com, readfirm.com, or give him a call, 777-7333. Do you live or work in Conway, and are you a vaper? Yeah, listen, stop going to crappy gas stations to get your vapes. Go to Crazy J's. They've got two locations in Conway, every kind of flavor you can imagine. Not only that, but if you love the electric lettuce, and who doesn't, they've got all kinds of glassware, some of the coolest stuff that you've ever seen. So no matter whether you're trying to get your vape on or your bud on, Crazy J's is the way to go. Check them out. They've got two locations in Conway. Crazy J's for all your vape and smoke needs, baby. All right.

So for the uninitiated, that'd be Mike. Mike, what I'm about to do now, I don't want you to freak out. I'm going to do a rant, okay? And feel free to laugh out loud as you deem necessary. If you're quiet, I'll be very upset. No, I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. Just so you know, sometimes people are like, should I hold my breath here?

No, no, no. Laugh away. Let's do this, all right? He breath here? No, no, no. Laugh away. Let's do this, all right? He's Patrick. He's an angry SOB. Patrick, are you freaking kidding me? Patrick, right here on PA TV. Suck it, suck it, suck it, man.

This guy is really pissed. Angry Patrick. All right, let's get to it, man. Happy Friday to you and sad, sad news. Families are asking for sympathy and understanding for two social media influencers, Tamara Dearmoram and Beatrice Sylvia Faria, who drowned after the luxury yacht they were aboard sank. An accident report revealed the yacht was hit by a large wave. In a little bit of a twist, the report stated the two ladies refused to wear life jackets because they were taking selfies and the life jackets got in the way of their tanning.

Hey, let's stay focused on sympathy and understanding. Are you freaking kidding me? I have understanding and sympathy. and understanding. Are you freaking kidding me? I have understanding and sympathy. I understand that scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons. They forgot to mention morons. I mean, these ladies were routinely outsmarted by a cheese wheel. I'd say these ladies were dumber than a box of rocks, but at least rocks can hold a door open. You couldn't even hold yourself up. And you're saying, aren't you being mean? A, I'm angry, Patrick, not happy, Patty.

And B, let's face it, they were dragging the gene pool down faster than GHB at a diddy party. They were the sandbags you got to throw off a hot air balloon before it takes off. And trust me, you, they were destined to die. If it wasn't this, it would have been choking on a piece of cheese whose name you can't pronounce because it smells akin to yak balls. This is just the universe improving our odds. Next up, a new film titled The Carpenter is set in ancient Jerusalem and follows an orphan named Orin who discovers mixed martial arts while apprenticing for Jesus Christ, the most famous carpenter in history. Not only that, but Jesus is also his MMA coach.

That's right. Jesus isn't just the carpenter, but also the martial arts messiah. Well, if you're going to learn, you want to learn from the best, right? Forget Chuck Norris. This fall, Jesus may build you a table. Then he's going to roundhouse your ass through it. That's right. Either submit to his will or get submitted for real.

Is that what we've come to? Because Jesus has 17 years of his life we don't know about. We're just going to make shit up that isn't even possible? years of his life we don't know about. We're just going to make shit up that isn't even possible. Why not just make Jesus an unstoppable ninja with nunchucks named Holy and Spirit that he uses to fight his enemies? Or maybe Jesus could be the new bass player for Red Hot Chili Pepper. Throwing down that nasty funk sound. You know what? Jesus could join NASCAR right now like he could beat Ricky Bobby. No, it's definitely Ricky Bobby's world and Jesus would just be living in it. By the way, if I wanted my Jesus to kick ass, I'd watch John

Wick. And finally, OnlyFans creator Lillian Lily Phillips recently made waves online by sharing her experience of being intimate with 101 men in a span of 14 hours. We know this because she documented it on TikTok. And she said, I'm so achy, but reassured her hundreds of thousands of followers that she enjoyed it. She believes it's about empowerment. She said, I'm just a girl and this is my life. Oh, that's beautiful. Are you freaking kidding me?

Empowerment? Is that another word for wreck my whisker biscuit? Is that another way to say you blew up the box office? You went Hiroshima on the hot pocket? You detonated the duck pond? You know you're a hell of a lot more than achy because you got folded over like a dollar store lawn chair. Now you got all these pervy pud pullers watching this like it's some kind of royal rumble. Did they play theme songs for each playa as they entered the ring of rug burn?

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. John Cena off the top bed post with a super slam. Come on, man. Can you imagine being any number that isn't number one? You're not good about it? Come on in, number 42. Jumpstart your Johnson. Number 66.

You're the next contestant to try Pummel the Patty Cake. And how bad is life for you if you're number 101? Honestly, it's like waiting in line at the drive-thru At the brand new McDonald's Instead of getting a Big Mac They just throw the ingredients In the bag Shake it up Kick it like a soccer ball

Dunk it like LeBron James Open it up Say here's dinner Nah I just became a vegan bitch That's it I'm out I'm done

I'm done baby Alright Let's do something here How did she make it past Hour 5 Man that's a great question Isn't it Hour 5 I bet she just walked in I'm done, baby. All right. Let's do something here. How did she make it past hour five? Man, that's a great question. Isn't it? Hour five.

I bet she just walked in like, it's sticky in here. Yeah, that's one of the things you say in there, isn't it? Is there a decontamination? They come in like a COVID situation. It looks like E.T. Yeah, like when they cordoned off E.T.s now. He's kind of achy. Yeah, like a radon detector

trying to find stuff. Yeah, yeah. The moisture meter's off the chart in this bitch. Oh, God. Monistat. Oh, man, can you imagine the rug burn? Oh, my God, man.

You didn't just need Swiss Navy, you imagine the rug burn? Oh, my God, man. You didn't just need Swiss Navy. You needed the whole Navy, you know? Like, swollen shut, girl. Oh, you had to spray a hose on it every once in a while? Oh, and wasn't you doing everything? Like, was it foreplay, too? No, no, this is business. No, no, this is business.

This is business. No, you just got a line of 100 dudes trying to get as close as they can before they get there so they can keep the number. Well, maybe they started going down in size on the way. You know, like she starts with a big guy and she works her way down to a micro penis maybe. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. She ain't working her way to my house.

That's what I do know. You work your way right on down the road. Tons of ice and lube. You're right the road. Tons of ice and lube. You're right, James. Tons of ice and lube. All right. Amanda, can I talk you into just for a minute swapping out and letting Wendy come over here? I want you guys to meet somebody really cool here that came into the studio to visit with us for a little bit today.

And we're going to pick her brain and ask her some really cool questions about herself and what she does. Everybody, this is Wendy. Wendy, Mike James, the headlining comedian at the Looney Bin, Chad Sledge, myself, of course. And Wendy is a over-the-road, long-haul truck driver. So she goes all over the United States driving a big rig. Welcome to the show. Thank you. Get right up on this mic uncomfortably.

Thank you. Kind of like the lady with 101 people. Yeah, you want to get right up on it just like show. Thank you. Get right up on this mic uncomfortably. Thank you. Kind of like the lady with 101 people. Yeah, you want to get right up on it just like there you go. So Wendy, man, you know, when Rich told me what you did, I was fascinated by this because, you know, that the truck driving is one of those things everybody thinks about. Man, there's a lot of stories right there, right? And then not only that, but you're a woman in a male-dominated industry. So I know you've got to have at least a few stories. But first, how the hell do you keep from running into people, man? And all those rush hours, all those things, man.

I mean, how do you do that? It's quite hard. Well, I would imagine. You get break check. You get idiots. Yeah. People pull in front of you. A brake check, if you don't know, is when someone pulls in front and then starts slowing down.

Sometimes it's just because they're trying to get revenge for something, or sometimes it's because they're trying to get hit by somebody and get themselves a lawsuit. Am I right? Correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what's one of the craziest things you've ever seen when you were driving a rig? Ladies, yeah. So what's one of the craziest things you've ever seen when you were driving a rig? Ladies, please, if a truck driver's beside you, quit giving a BJ. Oh, man.

Whoa. Really? Head bobbing, head bobbing. Wow. Head bobbing. Now, normally, I assume the lady's not driving. Well, that'd be weird. I'm just asking.

I just want to make sure. I mean, you're talking about crazy, you know. All right, all right. Wow. Okay, okay. So you've seen that, and I'm sure you've seen some other things. You've seen probably some pretty crazy animal things. Oh.

Go from that to that, man. Yeah, right? He's still over here on the other end. I want to hear more about the brain. Hear more about this brain situation. You've probably seen some pretty crazy animal scenarios out there in the freeway. Well, yeah.

You've got cows that run all over the road. Yeah, and now you've never hit a cow? No. That's good. Any animal, for that matter. I hit an elk. Jesus Christ, did it total your truck no that's a tough truck i have a deer guard on oh you have a deer guard on yours okay so you're a badass yeah yeah people see that if i see that behind me i'm like now i'm pulling over yeah no i'll let you go right on pass i don't give a damn man uh so how long have you been a truck driver? Ten years.

Ten years. Now, her CB handle is Phoenix, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. So if you're out there driving a truck and you hear Phoenix, it's going to be windy more than likely, I'm guessing. Right. All right. Where's your favorite place to go to as far as states?

I like California. Yeah? Nobody likes to drive there. Really? Because of the speed limit. Speed limit's to drive there. Really? Because of the speed limit. The speed limit is still 55 there. Is it really? For trucks.

Oh, for trucks. Okay. I was going to say, I remember when I lived in L.A. and there were nine lanes. Wow. I came from here. And there were only two when I was growing up. I mean, that's all there was. And so you get into nine and they exit off the left and right.

Shit, man. It was scary as hell, man. I don't get that. Yeah, no and right. Shit, man. It was scary as hell, man. It's real traffic. I don't get that. Yeah, no. California is insane, man. I wouldn't want to live there for anything I did, but I wouldn't want to now for anything.

In L.A., you've got to add four hours to your trip. Just for traffic, just for the in-town traffic. Wow. See, you said a lot. So, I mean, you can only listen to an album so many times i mean what do you do to keep yourself uh entertained and and uh you know uh refreshed when you're driving well i drink lots of coffee yeah i wish that was alcohol but you know it's probably better it's not i wish it was cocaine, but they drown on that in my company.

It's a bad thing. They tell me. I told them it's out of my system in 72 hours. No. So do you find that being in a, has it been challenging because it's a somewhat male-dominated industry? Yes.

CB talk. A lot of women don't get on the CB. It's like locker room talk? Is that what I'm guessing? Yeah. It's locker room talk, and they'll basically tell women to shut up. Oh, wow, man. Really?

They don't want to get laid. So let me ask you this. I know what a lot lizard is. Are there lot frogs or lot whatever the guy version would be? I've never seen one. No, you've never seen one? She's like, I wish I would. Come on up to the truck.

You got 50 of them. I just wondered. I never heard of a lot dude, but I know the lot lizards show up. I've seen them before. Is that everywhere across the country, the lot lizards uh show up yeah i've seen them before is that is that everywhere across the country the lot lizard does that happen depends on where you're going okay uh vegas they have a lot oh i would imagine so yeah the whole vegas is a lot lizard all of vegas yeah no downtown la has a lot yeah i could say yeah they did they did back in the 90s too to be honest with you i bet it's

much worse now yeah i was telling someone the other day when i uh when i left here uh and went to la uh i went to meet my uh biological father uh i'd never met him and and so in my mind you know i mean when you're 18 you're dumb real good right and you don't vet things you don't ask the questions you should ask you make a lot of assumptions i assumed i was going to live the life of the fresh prince of bel-air i assumed i was going to l.a to my dad's mansion uh to become a hollywood actor and be you know a badass instead i showed up to east l.a on olympic boulevard if you've ever been to l.a that's not a good area it wasn't a good area. And he lived in a one-room apartment, cooked noodles, ramen noodles in a coffee pot,

and shared a bathroom with the whole floor. And I was like, this is not the Fresh Prince. This is not how the song goes right here. This is not it, you know. But I'll never forget walking down the sidewalk. And, you know, the first person I came to, of course I'm from the South and, and our sensibilities are, you know, we're, we're just warm people in general. You know, if you've been here,

most folks in the South are pretty warm and welcoming in general. And so, you know, I'm walking down the street, this guy's walking towards me and I said, Oh, Hey, how you doing? And he stopped and he looked at me and I was like, Oh, I'm making a friend here and he says join you and i said no he goes then why the are you talking to me i was like oh shit y'all i am not in arkansas anymore right yeah yeah uh so where's your least favorite place to go i gotta say flor. Florida, really?

And now is that because of people? Is it because of the driving, the freeways? Why is Florida the worst? You can't get back out. Going to Florida isn't the issue. It's being able to get a load to come back out of Florida. Oh, okay, because they don't have a lot to pick up there. So you just lose money when you go there is basically what you're saying. Because ideally, I would assume that you would love to take a load with you and pick another one up and

bring it back to keep making money. Is that right? Correct. Yeah. So it cuts you in half. If your wheels ain't turning, you ain't making money. Yeah. That's what my wife told me. Yeah. And I'm an owner operator too. Okay. I choose where I go. Okay. So yeah, you don't, you, you, you do your own thing. You broker your own stuff. No, no, no. I actually work for a company that sends me loads, but you pick and choose, uh, which that you take and do it your way. Well, that's pretty cool. So how many days a year are you on the road? Well, since August, I've had four days off. Since August, you've had four days off. Now, but let me ask, do you love what you do?

Oh, yes. Okay, so it's not a hostage situation. No, no, no, no. No, that's good. That's good. Now, all right, so the next question is, in your truck, as a long-haul driver, I'm certain that you have to have a sleeper cab. Is that right? You do?

What the hell is in those things, man? Well, a TV. I have a TV. Okay. So I connect my iPad, so I watch TV. Yeah, you watch TV. Okay. Now, do you have like a satellite or cable set up?

No, I just use my tablet. You just stream it. Okay. Yeah, I just stream. Makes sense. Makes sense. And you got a bed in there. Mm-hmm. Is there a bathroom in there? No. No. Oh, okay. So no bathroom.

No. Do any of them come with a bathroom? The big sleepers do. Do they? Yeah, they come with showers and bathrooms. Showers. A full-size bed. Yeah. Wow, that's amazing, man.

That's called my dream truck. That's your younger dream truck. Okay, okay. How much does a truck like that run, Wendy? Probably a couple million. A couple million? Oh, my God, man. Just the regular sleeper truck like I have is $180,000.

Wow. On the low end. On the low end. That's for the Hyundai. Yeah. Sorry, man. Hyundai's actually good now. They didn't used to be, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, all right. So, I guess that if you're a long-haul driver that, you know, obviously any kind of truck driver, accidents are the enemy. Yes. That costs you a great deal of money, am I right? Yes. So, if you were to have an accident, what happens?

Your rates go way up. Is that your insurance rates? And that could make it impossible to make money. Right. Yeah. So you have to be super careful. And companies also look at that. If you have wrecks, you had tickets, they won't hire you.

Now, do you have one of those things that, like the insurance company plugs into a port and says how fast you're going that goes to the insurance company or anything? Oh, I have this thing called a camera. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Fair enough. Fair enough.

Yeah, that is an amazing life that you've got there. It's really interesting. You know, it must be an adventure literally every day for you. It is. It's adventure literally every day for you it is it's something different every day we don't it's just never the same thing yeah no i'm certain it's not ever the same one of my other favorite places to go is colorado now colorado is great uh the first time i've seen colorado yeah it it's mind-blowing, isn't it? I have never been to Colorado. Yeah.

And it is... It's breathtaking. Breathtaking. Yeah. It'll make you cry. You know what? She's not wrong. I know that sounds crazy, but she's not wrong.

I had never heard of altitude sickness before. Oh, man. I got it this year. Did you? Yeah. I never heard of it. We went to Breckenridge. Oh, did you? Okay. I've been to Denver. Denver and all that, man. I got it this year. Did you? Yeah. I never heard of it. We went to Breckenridge. Oh, did you?

Okay. I've been to Denver. Denver and all that, yeah. But Breckenridge is different. It's different. Yeah. Yeah. I passed out at dinner.

Did you? Just passed right out. I just passed out. I just ate. It was like, I'm a little warm. Yeah. And my wife was like, are you okay? It was like sweat pouring.

I was like, I just need a minute. And then I just woke up and I was in the ambulance. Man, I had almost that same exact experience, except it wasn't altitude. It was a vape pen. Oh, wow. Yeah. A real good vape pen. I was at my friend's birthday party at this restaurant, right?

We're all out there and there's like 40 people, right? So he's got this weed vape. And as I said, there's like 40 people right so he's got this weed vape and uh there as i said there's like 40 people so he's gonna pass it around well look i'm not stupid i can do the math it ain't coming back right right right it ain't coming back to me yeah so i'm like well i'm gonna hit it real good one time you know well look it ain't like a j you know you can't these things are really compressed yeah concentrated yeah super super compressed so i hit that mug i mean like mike tyson or and i must have just locked my whole lung my throat up because next thing you know i'm waking up i got my wife holding one arm another lady on the other going patrick patrick patrick and i'm like what what's going on? You had a seizure. I said, oh, no, I didn't have a seizure.

I said, I couldn't. I was trying to breathe. I couldn't get the smoke out of my lungs. I passed out, man. It was terrible. Yeah, no, I feel you on that. I feel you on that, man, at that altitude. But it is amazing.

When you come into Colorado and you've never been there and you're coming up the freeway on the mountainside and you start seeing these giant mountains, snow-capped mountains in front of you, you've seen it on TV. It's like snorkeling. You think you've seen the ocean until you've snorkeled and you see the ocean and you go, God damn, there are no colors like that anywhere else. Anywhere.

They're the brightest, most beautiful, crazy colors you'll ever see in your life and uh colorado seeing those mountains is a real similar experience there's nothing you've seen in a picture or a video or a photo can prepare you for just the awe of how big and beautiful it is so i do get what you're saying there yeah when i went to when i went to the grand canyon you know it's like how long do you do you stand there and look at something so mesmerizing yeah now my wife said to me yeah i believe that mike that's what she said i believe that's a good one uh yeah no it is a you know it's a grand canyon it's pretty uh you look down and go damn that's far that's real far uh i wouldn't ride a donkey down i'll tell you that no no your ass would be

pounded like a porn star terrible man yeah they were like you want to ride the donkey down for thirty dollars i said no you know i'll pay you thirty dollars you ride it right i'll watch you all right let's do something different here. Coming up next, we've got a double shot of not a damn thing. This is Patrick and the People, bitches. We ain't playing music here. Get back to the jaw jacket. All right, let me do this, Wendy, if I may. May I swap you out and bring Renard over here, please?

Do you mind? Renard, come on over here, man. I'll be patient just for a second while we bring him over here, please. Do you mind? Bernard, come on over here, man. I'll be patient just for a second while we bring him over here. Come on in, man. You heard the mic lecture earlier. I assume you'll retain that.

Great. Thank you. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Bernard, what's your last name? Hirsch. Bernard Hirsch, ladies and gentlemen. Come on with it. Bernard is performing also your last name? Hirsch. Renard Hirsch, ladies and gentlemen. Let's, yeah, come on with it. Yeah, yeah. Renard is performing also at the Looney Bin tonight. He will be working with Mike James.

Renard, tell us about yourself, your background, and what kind of comedy you're about, man. Okay, yeah, so I basically started off in the game as a stripper. Yeah. Me too. Me too. You know, chubby strippers are more popular than you think. I started doing theater, and then they sent me into comedy. Really? You started in theater?

Mm-hmm. That's fascinating, man. So do you still love theater? Would you do it again or no? Oh, yeah. It's my first love. I don't get a chance to do it often now, you know, so I'm doing comedy and traveling. How did you get still love theater? Would you do it again or no? Oh, yeah. It's my first love. I don't get a chance to do it often now, you know, doing comedy and traveling. How did you get started in theater?

Was it in school or something else? Yeah, yeah. I was at Tennessee State. Shout out to Tennessee State up there in Nashville. All right. We'll give them a shout out. What up, Tennessee State? TSU.

So, yes, I was there, and I was a business major the first two years and not learning anything. And I was a business major, I was like, what am I gonna do when I get out of here? So yeah, so then I took a theater class and didn't do all that great in the class, but I was in the office and the theater teacher was like, hey, we're doing a play this summer.

You wanna do a roll over? And I was like, yeah, I'm not doing anything else with my life. I'll try it out.. I tried it out. They tried it out. It was tree number seven, by the way. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

No, I started out as small as possible. My first role was moving man. Moving man. I had no lines. I came in at the end of the play. He helped move the couch. Yeah. That was it.

That was it. But that game, he's like, you know what? I can move a goddamn couch. I'm just lesbian, baby. That is on my resume. Moving man. That's my IMDB credit. That's great, man.

So how long have you been doing comedy then? This is about 23 years. 23 years, man. That's amazing. Congratulations on that. Thank you, man. Thank you. All right, so let me ask you some of the same questions, put you to the same gauntlet okay uh tell me about the your favorite comedian

you've ever worked with oh uh favorite one to work with um let's see of course uh of course of course mike is one but so me mike and i we went to high school together oh did you really okay okay so your longtime partners oh. Oh, yeah. Not like that. We're friends. Oh, my God. Partners. Everybody stop. That word's been appropriated for some males. I'm sorry. You were cool.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're in a relationship. My bad. We got to be PC here. Okay. They identify as friends. Does that work? Okay, so continue on.

Yeah, so of course, Mike, we also have a tour that we do. There's another guy that we went to high school with. He's also a comic, too. Okay. Wow, that's a lot of funny people. Like, funniest high school in America. That's great, man. That's awesome, man.

Yeah, so of course working with those guys. I worked with Pierre on the road for a couple years. Yeah. T.K. Kirkland. Okay. We did a show with T.K. Kirkland not too long ago. That was a really cool experience. Yeah, so those are some of the guys.

I worked with Kevin Hart before. Did you really did you enjoy that was it fun yeah yeah was he cool people yeah really really he's always real nice guy whenever you see him uh yeah i've i've run into him maybe a couple times you know since then so he's as a comedian you have to respect what he has done because he changed the game in so many ways he has monetized being a comedian better than any human being has ever monetized being a comedian all right now having said that and I do I mean like especially his first three sets were absolutely great and I do I love all his work But I will say that I can't turn on a diarrhea commercial without Kevin Harden in it now.

Yeah, man. He's everywhere. It's like, Kevin, stop. You don't have to play that. You don't have to do these spots. Yeah, man. You're rich, bro. You're rich.

Go home. He'll be the first billionaire comedian. Oh, no, without a doubt. He's got to be close now. Yeah. You know, dude's hanging out with The Rock. You know what I mean? know it's cool life it's a good life for him uh okay okay so uh and i would assume that's probably the most famous person you've met uh yeah i think so yeah yeah i mean who's more famous than kevin art honestly i mean not many people yeah um let me think. Yeah, me. That's it. I'm kidding, Kevin. I'm sorry.

Don't hold that against me, Kevin. Okay, so tell me about, you know, a time on stage that things went all wrong for you. Oh, man. Let's see. So we did, let's see, we've done some stuff at, let's see, what's the craziest thing? Of course, well, I've done a couple Apollo nights at different clubs and stuff like that. So, yeah, so you do this. So, like, so people don't know, like, so, of course, people have seen the show.

Live at the Apollo. Live at the Apollo. Yeah. Yeah, so, you know, people see that, and so then they'll take that to do some other clubs. Yes, they bring the concept there and basically invite the audience to beat you down if they don't think you're funny, yeah people don't realize that when people see apollo anything they're like warming up the booth yeah they're ready to boo they came to boo exactly you gotta overcome the boo to get a laugh yeah so i actually i was in college so i just started doing comedy yeah and uh so i was like they were having like this this apollo night at campus and i was like oh yeah i'll step in and i'll i'll kill everybody i were having like this this Apollo night at campus. I was like, oh, yeah, I'll step in and I'll

Kill everybody I used to do this a wrote this rock impersonation. Yeah I'll do that and I'll destroy yes, I did it for my acting class. They loved it now. We're doing for stand-up Right, right. I was like, oh I'll step in here do this get off stage Star of the college and so soon as I get ready to do it I'll pull the microphone up to my face to do the no finally Yeah, so soon as I pull the to do it, I pull the microphone up to my face to do, you know, finally. Little rock. Yeah, so as soon as I pull the mic up, the cord falls out the mic. So, of course, everybody's like, boom!

I was like, no, I'm with my boss. It's a mic! Yeah, so needless to say, yeah, I did that. All right, let me tell you i forgot about this till you said that man i literally and if they hadn't paid so good yeah if they if there weren't so many people there because i was taking the door and uh we had it was ten dollars ahead and and uh you know there was about 160 people there it's a decent little lick for an hour you know and so i'm like well i'm gonna do the show no matter what but they they were having problems with the mic and so somebody said oh you know what i know there's

let me go down here i can get one they come back with what looks like fisher price my first microphone okay the the speaker is about this big the wire is about three feet long and attached to it it will not come off of it try to stand like this next to this little bot and do a set like this the whole night. Yeah. Oh, my God, man. It was terrible. People don't realize when you go out and do comedy outside of a comedy club, we take for granted that everybody knows what we need for the show to be good. No, they don't.

I got to one show, and they had a podium there. they were like the crowd was i was like kind of behind the crowd yeah and they were like they were like oh you need a crowd facing you i'm like yeah hold on have you ever had this one should we turn off the tv what do you think man What do you think? Man, I'm over here telling jokes. Or they get mad like, can you shut down the pool tables over there? Do you mind doing that? Well, no, I'm not getting on stage until you shut down the pool tables. I'm not going to have people go, eight ball corner pocket.

That's my punchline, bro. I'm sorry. Can these people stop bowling over here? Yeah, oh, yeah. That's a good one. Stop the laser tag okay what what are some of your favorite things to talk about in your stand-up oh man i talk about a little bit everything i talk about uh dating relationships uh i worked as a school teacher for a couple years oh yeah my dad uh he had church uh you know very broad stuff yeah you, everything people relate to.

Yeah, yeah. Anything, yeah, you try to find stuff that people are going to relate to, you're going to make it relatable. And I'm sure you know, and you've probably been told, you have a really stellar radio voice as well. Oh, thank you, thank you. Yeah, yeah. If you're not doing something where you're on a microphone other than comedy,

you probably should. Yeah, yeah, I love radio and stuff like that. You have a great sound in here. mean the tone is is very radio yeah but people said tell me that uh my friend told me i sound like p.a bomani from uh from espn okay okay yeah okay all right i'll tell you on that voiceover impersonator yeah right right right right okay okay so what's uh what's uh there's something that's a passion outside of comedy for you, a hobby or something? Also, I do shoe restorations. Shoe restorations. That's fascinating.

Yeah, so like every guy has like 10 pairs of Jordans sitting up in his bed that he will not throw away. And yeah, so we need to talk. Yeah, yeah. My son needs to talk to you, too. He is a Jordan head. You know what I mean? Just like this guy right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so yes, we need to talk. Yeah, yeah, my son needs to talk to you, too. He is a Jordan head, you know what I mean? Just like this guy right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, so, like, you know, those shoes, they'll turn yellow and stuff, like, you know, like, if you keep them and don't wear them for a long time.

Right, right, right. Yeah, so I'll redo, re-glue and re-dye and, you know, repaint or, you know, whatever. Yeah, you do whatever it takes to rehabilitate, renovate the shoe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a shoe renovator. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the comedy cobbler. I like that.

That's much better than the comedy gobbler. It's a different kind of thing all together. You know what I mean? All right. So what time, again, tell them again, Mike, what time did the show start at 7 o'clock tonight? 7.30 tonight and 10 o'clock. Okay.

And tomorrow, 7 and 9.30. Okay, 7 and 9.30 on Saturday, and then today is 7 and 10? 7.30 and 10. God damn it, we're going to get it right. 7.30 and 10 today. Go to the website're going to get it right. 7.30 and 10 today. Go to the website. Go to the website. That's the easy way.

That's the clue. Turn your notes in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's exactly right now. Are you guys on social media? Do you have social media where they can follow you? What's your social media choice to be followed on? Instagram and Funny Man Mike James.

Just one word, Funny Man Mike James. That's your website, Funny Man Mike James? Instagram. Oh? Instagram, funnymanmikejames, just one word, funnymanmikejames. That's your website, funnymanmikejames? Instagram. Oh, Instagram, okay. funnymanmikejames on Instagram. My website is

www.renardcomedy.com, R-E-N-A-R-D, comedy, just make it easy. Just Renard, my first name, and comedy, and that's what it is

on my platform, Renard Comedy. Okay, so that makes sense. Yeah, Renard Hirsch on Facebook. Yeah, that's great, that's great, that's great. Okay, let that makes sense. Yeah, Renard Hirsch on Facebook. Yeah, that's great. That's great. That's great.

Okay, let's talk about some other things that are going on here and move on a little bit with some different stuff. These shows here just keep getting better and better. Now, exactly how much pot did you smoke? Patrick. And the people. Listen to this. Did you know that Arkansas child custody laws

changed in 2021? There's now a rebuttable presumption that joint custody is in the best interest of your child. Look, if you're dealing with divorce, child custody, something like that, there's three things you need from your attorney. You need them to be experienced, you need them to be aggressive, and you need them to be effective. And that is exactly what you get at Robertson, Oswald, and Noni. These guys know what they're doing. Bonnie has been my personal attorney for many years, and she is amazing, as are the other two. If you've got those kind of issues, don't take a second choice attorney. Go to the best and let them get it done for you. You can call them at 496-6633. That's 496-6633.

Or go to robertson-law-firm.com. All right. Welcome back to Patrick and the People. Hey, first of all, if you don't know, after the live show, you can catch us as a podcast and watch it anytime on Spotify, Amazon Music, on iHeartRadio. That's right, suck it, as well as Audible. As well as Audible. And be sure and check out our website. Now, if you'll notice at the top of our broadcast here, you'll see the streaming ticker that tells you all kinds of different information.

If you're watching that on a podcast, if you hover over that, it will stop and you can link to it. I can also tell you that we've got some amazing, amazing guests coming up. We are really lining up some awesome guests. We've just booked Smile Empty Soul. You may remember them. They had some big, big hits back in the day.

We've got a lot of bands that are coming in. We're going to, of course, just like Mike and Rashard here, we're going to have comedians in here every Friday hanging out with us, having fun, laughing with us, telling about their perspective. So I feel like that, man, we're really hitting the stride now, and that we couldn't be more thankful for all of you because we're adding tons of subscribers every day uh we're adding more listeners every day now some of you may say hey i need a listen only option i can't watch video i don't want it to run my phone down i

can't do it at work whatever go over to the website patrickandthepeople.com and just click the audio only option and you can listen to it just like anything else wherever you go and not have to worry about the video and all of that and again we appreciate you we are thankful for you being part of this all right so in a creative yet bold response to a parking dispute a tattoo shop in Colorado Springs called fallen heroes tattoo painted a large phallic mural on its roof to get the attention of its neighboring apartment complex. After dozens of the tattoo shop's customers had their cars towed from the shared alleyway,

the tattoo artist painted the mural to ensure apartment residents had a clear view from their windows. He said the mural's basically a tow truck driver driving a car so he's a big old dick running over dicks while other dicks are running away from him doing Colorado activities like mountain biking, snowboarding, and stuff like that. He said the artwork

reflects his frustration. The tattoo owner admitted the mural was an unconventional approach but felt it was a fitting response to the issue. He said, look, we tried to work together. It didn't go anywhere. What do you think about this, Mike?

I just like the phallic. Yeah. Yeah, right? I like the phonic for the situation. Yeah, you like the alliteration of it. I get you, man. I get you. That's a crazy-ass story, man.

I don't know why people are. You know you got to be awfully pissed when you're starting to do giant dicks on the building, you know? I would have never. I've never been that mad. No, no. I've never been so mad I wanted to paint anything. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, I hate paint.

Yeah. I'll show them. Yeah. I'll become an artist. You really showed them, bro. One day the whole world will have me in their mouth hold on all right uh all right how about this solution to a problem then a german butcher tackling the country's raccoon overpopulation in a unique way. He's turning them into sausages. Raccoon sausage, baby. You've been waiting for it. Michael Reese developed the idea after realizing that raccoons, typically discarded after being

killed as pets, could be made into food. He got approval from local officials and began producing raccoon balls. Stop right there. Are you going to eat something called raccoon balls? No, you're never going to bring me a plate and tell me it's raccoon balls and not catch a fresh one from me, okay? Yeah, no, we're going to have a problem. But he did start producing raccoon balls.

They debuted at a food fair and have become a very popular item. Now he offers seven products. He said people come from all over just to try raccoon. So the question, Richard, would you eat raccoon balls? I eat alligator balls. I guess I should. We didn't talk about this. Uh, I eat alligator balls. I guess I should. We didn't talk about this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if you go to New Orleans and stuff, you know, they make like a hush puppy or something. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I didn't know alligators had balls, but... I didn't either. Now we know raccoons have balls, so... Don't they eat, like, cow balls? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mountain oysters. Oh, yeah, mountain oysters. We call them mountain oysters, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't prefer to eat any balls. Right, that's not my thing. I don't even like cheese balls just because it has balls in the name. Yeah, I avoid that like the plague, man.

I don't eat no raccoon balls. Are you kidding me? No. Trash panda balls? No. I'm going to pass on that one that's no that's horrible man spicy spicy i bet they are i bet they are spicy with a cream-filled center yeah no that's wrong that's a callback.

I'm going to give you love on that callback right there. That's how you do it, Richard. I'm going to give you that. All right, so Scott Sherwin, he was pulled over in Spring Hill, Florida, along with Heidi Reynolds. He was in a vehicle that had some drugs in it, you know, a little bit of meth, a little bit of fentanyl, a little bit of weed. I don't know what the weed's doing. But when deputies tried to arrest him, they say he ran away.

He didn't get far. Said he ran right into a telephone pole on foot and was immediately detained. How much meth do you have to be in to be running and run into the telephone pole? You're not driving. You're literally running. And he ran into a telephone pole. He ran into the telephone pole. Man, that is some great meth right there.

I'm going to tell you what. You say Red Bull's got wings. Right, right. That's crazy. Alright, scientists, do you care if they figured out how to make walking even healthier for you? How would you think they would make walking healthier for you? Unless they can do it for me. I don't know. That would be a good way. Let's see. It says walking is one of the easiest ways to exercise, but research has found to boost health benefits, it couldn't be simpler. It turns out to get the most out of it, you don't have to go further or faster.

It says that you've got to stop and smell the roses more. So what it's saying is that you want to stop, go, stop, go, stop, go, instead of just walking steady or running steady, because the acceleration point is where that you burn more calories when you're ramping up. So the more you ramp up, the better it is, according to this. So stop and start on walking. So that might actually be a good tip and give you a good excuse to go. I'm tired. I'm going to stop for a second. Yeah. I was in the military, man. And I spent a few years in there and I don't care how many times you do it. I never liked running ever. Were you a, were you a runner?

Yeah. You look like a track guy. I jog on the weekends. You still do. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You, you have a runner's physique about you. Yeah, yeah. You enjoy it? Not necessarily. Not necessarily. Yeah, I need this. I need to sweat out all the toxins. All the drugs. I say toxins, yeah.

All I put in my body. Because as comedians, we can do that. No, not toxins. I mean drugs. We don't have to pee in a cup unless it's our own. Or we might pee in our brother's cup. Drink that, buddy. Okay, okay. So have you ever got runner's high? Oh, yeah. in a cup unless it's our own boy we might be in our brother's cup drink that buddy um okay okay so uh have you ever got runners high oh yeah yeah yeah i've hit it a couple times really yeah well

you're like oh i feel like i can run another two miles is that what it feels like yeah yeah yeah you feel like yeah like you like you you don't feel tired you feel like oh it's like you ever you play super mario brothers yeah and you eat the mushroom? Yeah. And, no, you hit the star? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it feels like? Yeah, that's what it feels like. Yeah, I've run a lot. I've run a lot of miles. You know, we used to run four, five, six miles.

I never got to runner's high. No. You know, and my problem is I'm like, I smoked a lot of weed. My kneecap's busting out and my chest popping out like aliens. It doesn't feel like, you know, runner's high to me. You know, it feels like a problem. Who's got their cell phone on the table? There it is. Can I get you? Yeah to me you know it feels like a problem who's got their cell phone on the table now there it is can i get you yeah thank you no no no just take it off

off the table thank you no no you're good you're good you wouldn't know it just it causes a weird feedback we discovered uh in the mic it'll make them static yeah no no you didn't know so no no problem at all um yeah it's one of those weird things that I don't even understand how it works. But as soon as the cell phone hits this table, you'll start hearing the static. You're like, all right, he's got it. Should we be talking on those things, too? Like, if it's doing that, should it be? Are you going to stop talking on it?

No. No, you're not. It doesn't matter, does it? No, it doesn't matter now. Friday night. I just want to know. No, no, of course we shouldn't. So I could blame it on something like this. No, look, we just saw it. I'm going crazy like this because of the cell phone. Yeah, no, no. Of course we shouldn't. So I could blame it on something like this. No, look, we just saw it.

I'm only crazy like this because of the cell phone. Yeah, right, right. It's the 5G. No, I just did a story yesterday about a lady who they don't even know why she just kept growing a four-inch horn on her head. She was like 115 and probably a cell phone. That's probably what it was. She's the first cell phone, you know, horn grower.

Nobody thought she was the devil? Nobody checked on that? I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, she's a how old? She was 115. She's dead now. She grew a horn?

Yeah. But yeah, she grew a horn. She cut it off a couple times. It kept growing back. What? Yeah. Didn't the devil do that? I think so.

Yeah. Yeah. That's weird. He was a unicorn. That's weird. All of a sudden, you feel like you're in a horror film. Hold on a minute. I feel like we're just glossing over this.

This woman was. I love this. Come on. Come on. Unpack it. They're serious. Like, they were just like, oh, it's okay. She's got horns.

Yeah, it's just gross. Some kind of gross. She's cutting them off. Yeah. Nobody was like, well, maybe we should get a pastor in here. Yeah. Yeah, a priest. Call a priest. Yeah. Yeah, a priest. Call a priest.

Take her into church. See what happens when you. That don't feel right. Are y'all sure she's dead? I'm not. Somebody check that casket. I'm not sure at all. No, she may not be.

They said she was, but she could have got right back out and said, bitch, I'm still here. I'm still going. Beetle juice. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. What a great movie that was. Hey, speaking of movies, are you guys, do you like Batman? Are you a Batman fan? Are you a Batman fan? Okay, yeah.

Yeah, most dudes are, to be honest. Who is the best Bruce Wayne of all Batman? Who? Oh, wow. I heard that way over there. I might say Michael Keaton. But I do like, actually, I mean, I like, what's his name, Christian. Christian Bell.

I like him. But you like him as Bruce Wayne or Batman? I like him as Bruce. I don't really like him. I hate that voice. I do, too, man. Isn't it annoying? I'm Batman.

Stop. I don't like it. You have a better voice than this guy. I do kind of like, Isn't it annoying? I'm Batman. Stop. Get a better voice synthesizer. I do kind of like, what's the latest one? Oh, Patrick, I mean, what's his name? Robert Pattinson. No, no, no. The other guy that's, I forget his name.

Christian Bale. He was Batman versus Superman. Oh, Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck. You know, I do like Ben Affleck too. I do too. You know what? I'll give Affleck, too. I do, too. You know what? I'll give you that one.

I like that. I like that. What about yourself? My favorite one? Well, your favorite, Bruce Wayne. Oh. Yeah, I'd probably say Christian Bale. Yeah.

I like Michael Keaton the best as far as Bruce Wayne goes. Now, Batman we can argue about. Right, right, right. And I could go with Ben Affleck. I could go with Christian Bale. I just don't. the voice bothered me that just oh it irritates me it really does it's just irritating as hell man uh now were you were you comic book fans as kids yes yeah how about yourself yeah yeah yeah yeah so what would tell me about uh what comics did you like as a kid uh incredible hulk yeah and superman those superman those were your

two jams okay what about you man yeah like the x-man x-man was my jam man yeah yeah yeah all right so uh as far as x-men go wolverine the best who's the best to you in the x-men yeah i mean i mean if i if i had to have the powers it would it would have to be either yeah probably Wolverine or Deadpool maybe Deadpool dead down Deadpool would be up there yeah yeah I mean he might have briefly he probably he was affiliated with the X-Men even if he wasn't one he was briefly affiliated with I think every Avengers all of them man I like Gambit too Gambit was always Gambit was cool Gambit was a great character Nightcrawler I like Nightcrawler.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He could transport anywhere, teleport, as they say. Yeah. I liked all of the X-Men. That was my jam as a kid was X-Men and Spider-Man. Oh, yeah? I liked Spider-Man because he was a smartass, and that was funny to me. Who's your favorite Spider-Man?

Oh, that's a great question right there. You know, my son, my youngest son, says Tobey Maguire is the only Spider-Man. There's so many Spider-Men. There are a lot of them. You know, honestly, if I had to pick, I'd probably take Andrew Garfield. Huh, that's a good one. Yeah, I like Andrew Garfield. I don't know, something about him seemed about right.

It did feel right, right? Yeah, it really did. It was like the perfect blend between adult and kid. He was young enough, but still not too old. Tom Holland seems a little young. Tom Holland seemed young, and the last two, Tobey Maguire seemed way old to be Spider-Man. Like, bro, you ain't in college, bitch.

I know that now. You ain't in college. You graduated, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, but I do remember seeing that first spider-man uh in the theater and i know this is going to sound stupid but i got emotional the first time he started crawling up that wall yeah because you never look in in in movies they had some shitty oh yeah spider-man movies when i was a kid they were the worst ever man i mean they're trash but seeing it and when it looked realistic and it came to life and it was that universe

it was just so overwhelming to me man i was like man this is awesome you know what's weird that that actually uh that first spider-man was the first date that me and my wife went on really yeah oh that's cool man yeah i didn't think about it so you just you just brought it up okay okay so they're a little sentimentality tied to that i guess you went home put the web on it he said let me show you my web slinger yeah i'm gonna crawl all over it yeah that's right that's right baby i'm radioactive all right man so what the what was the the best comic book movie to you that you've seen? The best comic book movie? I mean, I love the Infinity War.

Oh, yeah. You know, that stuff. I mean, I always love that scene where Thor comes in. Yeah, just starts whooping ass. Yeah, and they're like, oh, y'all fucked up now. Yeah. Yeah, man. That's a good scene.

I got chills on that scene. That's a great scene. Yeah, I got chills on that scene. That's a great one, yeah. You know, I did like The Avengers a little as a kid, but, you know, I was such an X-Men guy. But I'll tell you what, Robert Downey Jr. made me love Iron Man. I'll tell you that, man. I mean, I'm going to be honest. I would say that probably Robert Downey Jr.,

not single-handedly, but almost, made the Marvel Universe work in the beginning. He was so good at what he did, so amazing in that role, that they could build around it. I knew it was amazing, because when he died, I had to immediately run to the car.

And I asked my friend, I was like, hey, did you see the movie? They were like, yeah, I cried. Yeah, yeah, you're driving home and just nobody say a word. Nobody talk at all. Yeah, but it was like, yeah, we've seen him in so many movies. It was like he was part of your family. Yeah, no, it was.

Yeah, that was like a decade. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, and it was like a very marked end of an era. You're like, no, I don't want to lose this guy, you know? So how do you like about, do you like that he's coming back as Doctor Doom? I'm intrigued by it, you know. I don't know how that's going to work. I think it will.

Let me tell you why it will. I think that from what I understand about the story, that he is a Tony Stark variation that becomes Doctor Doom. So he is somehow, it's still Tony Stark in some roundabout way. I just don't know exactly how. So it's not just that they're going to ignore he was ever Robert Downey Jr. in the movie and just go, here, I'm going to be another guy now. It was like the movie with Chris Evans. Yeah, yeah, well, that was, yeah. That was weird.

Yeah, that was weird, but he wasn't that great as Human Torch anyway. He wasn't, but I think Captain America. Captain America, he's done great. Yeah, no, no, he's done good as Captain America. I like him in that role just fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I like Scarlett Johansson a lot in Black Widow. How could you not?

Who doesn't? My wife. Because she sees me. No, I'm kidding. I never look at her, honey. I would never, ever, ever see that lady. I don't even know who that lady is. Of course not.

No, I wouldn't know anything about that. All right. So what else did, growing up, Mike, was something you did as a pastime, just as a kid? I mean, I was in the basketball. You were a basketball player? Yeah, I was. Okay. Okay.

Now, may I ask, how tall are you? 6'5". 6'5". Yeah. Why did I not know that when I shook your hand? Jesus Christ. Yeah. 6'5".

Yeah. Holy hell, five. Holy hell, man. That is, man, how's the air feel up there? Damn, that's great. No, I bet you did play some ball, man. Yeah, I used to play ball. That's what I thought I was going to do.

And, you know, you get to a certain point and you see, like, people that are going to that next level. Yeah. You realize, oh, that's not me. You know what, man? I appreciate you saying that, and I'll tell you why. Because my son, my younger son, Tyler, and amazing, amazing kid. He's about to graduate Barber College. But he is just a great dude in general, but he was a ball player,

and he's one of those kids who he's about the same height as me, which is not very tall all right about 5 11 5 10 and a half maybe 5 10 somewhere around there I stretch it out I'm probably I don't measure myself anymore whatever the highest point I was that's what I still am okay but but anyway but he worked and grinded and did everything he could and played ball throughout his career and he went and played a year his career. And he went and played a year of college ball. But when he got up there in college, you know, he did great, had a great, you know, high school career, all that.

When he got in college, he realized all of a sudden he was like, maybe I'm not an NBA player after all. I thought maybe I could be, but maybe when, you know, this 6'8 guy is banging me down here in the paint. Pause. Pause. Pause. Pause. Pause. This guy's down here, you know, muscling me up in the paint. I'm like, I don't know.

Maybe this is not where I need to be. Right. No, I get that. Yeah. I remember it was a guy that played for UT, and we were playing pickup. And somebody threw an alley, somebody just threw the ball up. And I was like, where the hell are they throwing this ball?

And this guy, he came, you ever seen somebody in TV come from out of the frame? Out of nowhere and just, whoop. He came from out of the frame in real life. Oh, damn. I was like, what in the world? He just came in and died. I was like, oh, I don't have that. No, hang on.

This is, that's my son's senior picture right there. Oh, wow. That's awesome. He got the jump man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did that. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He had it up. See, he was a good kid. Great ball handler. You know, pause. Yeah, y'all do that too. My wife is so like, she's gunshot home now. She's so skinny.

Cause it got to the point where everything, she said, pause, pause, pause. You know, it's just like, you know,

you can't do it all the time. Right. I mean, yeah. Everything I say, y'all take it that way. And I'm like, well,

you know, you can either admit it or not admit it, but we're all taking it that way. I promise you. No, I just started doing my son. What's that, man? He's not. Yeah.

I just introduced him to that. Have you introduced him to Candace? That was, uh, I don't know. Candace Dick fit in your mouth. Yeah, that's right. Tell them about Candace now. That's right. There's a whole lot of them out there, a whole lot of names.

You just got to know what they are, man. These nuts was a great point in my life. It was a great time. I couldn't wait to share it with them, man. I know. I know. That's right. We met Weldon the Great.

Weldon the Great. Yeah, he was the one who started. Well, really, if I'm going to be honest with you, and if you know, Dr. Dre and Stoop Dog started D's Nuts on the chronic. So you go back to 1992, and that's where D's Nuts came from, okay? But as I was saying, what was I saying? It doesn't even matter anymore. I don't even care.

I don't care. Talk about these nuts. These nuts. These nuts. Yeah. We met up in the great in Vegas. In Vegas. And Gotti.

These nuts. Gotti. But first of all, when you meet him in person, he does kind of look like a shark. The way his teeth are. You know, but it was funny because my sons had been you know this was in vine and all that was you know and that's where he was coming in and so he was so popular so big you know and when we ran into him on the street and they're like oh we want to get a picture with you and he's like oh it's five dollars for guys yeah it was like oh no

i ain't paying the five. I was going to take a picture with Weld and the Great Man taking your vying ass out of here for that five, man. I'll give you a dollar, bitch.

I mean, you pay me five dollars. Yeah, right? You want me to share that video again? These nuts, nope. But yeah, now that is fun

to share with kids. I love those kind of things, man. We have some weird things like, me and my boys uh my wife get mad about this too but we we played the sack tap game you just come back and just keep walking you know oh yeah man that's one of those where at first you don't think it does and then

all of a sudden you're like oh yeah and then you just yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no it's just the worst man man yeah getting racked as a kid was always the very worst thing. And it happened. If you rode a bicycle, oh, my God. Yeah, it happened a lot. Try to ramp off a 10-speed and see what happens. Oh, wow. Oh, my God, yeah.

Were you guys, when you were kids, you rode bicycles everywhere? Yeah, yeah. Like, in my neighborhood, we had a little, I mean, it was about four or five. I was the only one that had like that racing bike. Yeah. Like everybody else had mountain bikes, which was appropriate. Yeah, the Baja bike. So they would like, when they would go through gravel, I would have to get off and like push my bike next to them.

Yeah, right. Because it has a little narrow tire, yeah. How about you? Were you a bicycle rider? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. it has a little narrow tire yeah oh yeah yeah yeah now now i i i'm not trying to ask how old you are but uh were you the kind of kids like i was where that uh you know if it's the weekend uh as soon as uh whatever's happening in the morning the cartoons or whatever over

your ass goes outside and don't come back in uh until maybe you get you some lunch and you go right back out is that right even lunch i had to you go right back out. Is that right? Even lunch, I had to get it from the ice cream truck. Is that right? Yeah. I had to get my, like, you know, my hot fries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we handicap hot fries. Yeah, yeah.

My hot fries and my jungle juice. Hell yeah. From the ice cream truck. No, you didn't go back in. No, you didn't. I want some water. Get some of that hose water. Yeah, we got hose water.

I'm going to tell you something. First of all, what you never remember, no matter how old I got as a kid, I would never remember. I'd be so thirsty, and I'd start the faucet up, and I'd just put it up. And that's so hot. It's like lava.

I don't know what a condom tastes like, but hose water's real close, I bet. That's all I'm going to say. what a condom tastes like. But hose water's real close, I bet. That's all I'm going to say. And hot hose water, you just go on and think about it. There's a reason why nobody bottles that up. No, there ain't no hot hose spring. Ain't nobody wants that, man. That's for damn sure, man.

That's for damn sure. All right. Chad, what's happening at Piercings by Chad over the weekend? You got some things lined up over there? Piercings, man. That's why I love Chad. Piercings, man. Chad's a very succinct individual, you know.

We ask Chad all kinds of questions about piercings. Are you a piercing guy uh i mean no he's like i got two i got earrings but okay okay yeah yeah yeah how about yourself for sure no no piercing no piercing so so no prince albert's here right no why would you want to put a barbell on your junk you did that? No. Oh, no. Ah! He said you did that. No, my man told me he skipped school that day. Oh, word. He said he won't even mess with that.

Oh, wait. So, oh, so you don't do it. No, no. Don't come in and ask him to put a bell on your taint. He ain't going to put a jingle bell on your taint. I'm going to tell you that right now. No, he'll tell you to turn around. I'm not doing it.

Oh, man. But you will free the nipples in your place. Oh, yeah. You do that? Yeah, he said tell you to turn around. I'm not doing it. Oh, man. But you will free the nipples in your place. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he said, oh, yeah. That's a lot different. Well, that's a lot different. You have it done? No.

No, no, but he pierces. He pierces. Yeah. That seems painful. Well, yeah, it's painful, man. It's a needle going through you. What's the deal with that, though? Is that like a turn on or something? Why do people like that? Some people like it's painful, man. It's a needle going through you. What's the deal with that, though? Is that like a, like, is that a turn on or something?

Why do people like that? Some people like it. Really? Yeah. That kind of pain. Okay. I don't think they like the pain part. Well, they might.

There are some people that do. I'm sure, yeah. I shouldn't say that. I don't understand the point of a nipple anyways for men. Yeah, it's kind of, yeah. It's a defect. I think, but if we don't have it, though, it's ridiculous. Well yeah. It's a defect. It's ridiculous. Well, you got to think about it like this. It's like Ford

and Mercury. They line, but there's a little bit of difference. You could have had the equipment, but you didn't come with it. No, you did not come with a CD player, only a radio. But you can still get it installed now.

You can get it now. Yeah, we know women have penises now. Women have penises now. Isn't that a great thing? You can get your nipple removed, too. They do a nipple removing. Why? Why would you?

Is there something wrong with it? You can tattoo your whole chest and you don't have the nipples. Well, you look real weird without them, I'll tell you that. They do do that. Oh, my goodness. Nipple removal. nipple removal wow that's that's special get them out of here yeah yeah yeah i think i think we should set up certain clinics like that and and put you know nipple removal when people walk in there's just a trap door and you get you know you're gone from the planet yeah you fell for it you're out at least be able to know. Like, they should have to admit who they are.

Yeah. A lot of people, they should be, like, sex offenders. They should be labeled, like, nipple removal. Yeah, you want to know? Yeah, I want to know. I have my nipple removed. Because you're worried you might get assaulted? I don't know what I'm worried about.

You're 65, Mike. I don't know what I'm worried about. You're 65, Mike. I don't know what I'm worried about. You're a 65-bearded man. Who's assaulting you? But think about this, though. If you don't have nipples, you don't care how tall somebody is. That's true. And you know what?

That's a fair statement, Mike. You know, I'm going to give you that one right there. That's completely, that tracks. That tracks. Yeah, you don't have nipples, you don't care. That's for damn sure. You're right about that. Yeah, you don't have nipples, you don't care. That's what they have. Sure, you're right about that. You're right about that.

All right, man. So now is the time on the show where normally we would do This Shit Ain't Funny, and we're going to do it, but we're going to do a live version today. Oh, man. I am prepared and I'm going to be tased by the lovely Amanda. She came in specifically today oddly enthused, excited and with charged batteries. I don't know

what that means exactly. Huh? Have you seen that look on her eyes? Yeah, no. She's been smiling all morning at me in a real weird uncomfortable way. Real uncomfortable. You know, like if I didn't know better, I'd think she was into me, but I know what she's into is lighting my ass up with a taser you know what i mean so that's do what

what's going on okay so before we do this uh let me just hit this intermission and we're going to be right back and i'm gonna a taste, so don't go. Don't go. you All right, everybody. Now, Chad, I have something specific for you. Okay, y'all watch now. It's getting ready to go down, okay? Okay, Chad, you're gonna push uh that button right there oh damn damn what are you a pyramid what about the gooch

What? Are you a paramedic? What about the gooch? No, you're not getting that. Hold on, let me angle that. I gotta have a full shot. Hold on. I'm gonna have to... There we go.