Pendejo Time - 2 Derp Girls 5: Oochie Mamma

Episode Date: May 1, 2026

Hey guys, Jake here. Due to scheduling errors and both me and Thomas' laptop shitting out, we haven't been able to put out eps as usual. But we got his replaced and I got a new one coming in the mail. So we should be back to regularly scheduled programming this week or next. Sorry for the delay. Love you guys. Boston, we have a surprise for you in the fall. Stay tuned. Love and kisses and sucks -Jake See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Oh, chikou, chiky mama. Hi, aye, aye, aye. Hello, mamacita. It's good to see you again. Hello, El Chingones. What is that El Chingones mean? I think it's the, I think I said the, the, the fuckers. The fuckeritas.

Los chingones. Los chingones. Los chagas. Los Chena gratas. Okay, perfect. What is up? Okay, Thomas, what happened today? What was the big thing that happened today?

The big thing? You mean in the world? No, for you that were celebrating. Oh, that's right. And now, if you haven't heard on your local news by now, Lynn Zero Killer, Leno Killer, aka Thomas White, has hit 100,000 followers on Twitter, and people are going,

I wanted it to be more of an understated thing where I didn't even bring it up. Yeah. But people are going fucking nuts. People are going crazy. People threw a rock in our window. The police out there are going crazy over me hitting 100,000 followers. They're mad because I'm kind of a revolutionary figure. There were guys throwing their panties at Thomas at the gym earlier.

Yeah. They heard. Yeah, and they had zucchini all over them. They said we heard that's how you like it. Yeah. So that's been huge. We were kind of trying to figure out a way that we can incorporate some sound effects. However, we're still working on that, but we didn't want to let the moment pass us by

where we get to celebrate such an amazing day. Right. Another thing I would like to touch upon briefly is shout out Peter the dog from the server. He passed away. and if you're his owner you know who you are your dog was really cute really appreciated

his appearances in the server rest in peace to Peter may we all be without suffering and now we'd like to do 30 minutes of silence for Peter starting in three two one I'm not laughing

I'm being quiet. The 30 minutes starts over. And three, two. Can we do it? Can we edit out the 30 minutes? Edit in the 30 minutes, you mean? No, edit them out. I guess we could edit them in.

I don't really see. Why not? Taking 30 minutes and we'll be editing in an additional 30 minutes of seconds. And that'll conclude this episode. Hey, Jake, I know you know we've had to cover for me a lot lately. I'm just kind of wanted you to know that we actually cooked a little something. our ourselves up. At 2.30 minute

intervals of silence. Which has been really amazing. We've been thinking about maybe doing some sound effects, but we haven't really figured it out. So just keep that in mind how we have the attention. Which have been featured on the show many times.

May also be featured on the show again on some of these episodes. And Jake is with the Lemon Party guys. He's doing their live shows. Yeah, Jake, he's gone Hollywood. He didn't even say anything to me about hitting 100,000 followers on Twitter. That's how I know that the Lemon Party fame is really going to his head.

Yeah. You know, he's been hanging around JT, a lot, big shots like that. And you're starting to see... Yeah, he's been getting, like, his dick glazed on the social media as well. Honestly, wet as fuck all the time. You slipped on it last time you tried to hop on, didn't you? Yeah. His, it doesn't say crunchy from all the glaze.

And when you suck it, it just tastes like confectioner's sugar. Oh, God. That's not disgusting. Yeah. You know, glaze. I didn't even think about the fact that glazed is, like, powdered sugar is... Sounds really actually yummy right now. Like, glaze just tastes like powdered sugar because that's what you're using it.

Okay. You didn't... I've never... I get... I don't really think about the way you taste. I just think about the amazing taste. To me, it's just white. It's just the taste of white.

White. Nah, she's trying to get a taste of white. No. I've been heading a taste in it. It's all right. Oh, yeah, no. Hey, we promise we would never do kind of this talk of this nature. I find it disgusting to talk about it publicly.

That's not what people said. And we don't do that stuff. For the record, we don't do that stuff. We don't do anything. because I have AIDS. It's true. When I first met Thomas when he was on, when he was 20 years old on house arrest,

he was really hard for him to tell me that he was suffering from. That's what I was on house arrest for. Yeah, because he was fucking, he was like fucking everybody in town. He was giving him the bug. For giving everybody in weather for Texas AIDS. Well, he couldn't stop himself. When you gave my grandson,

he's 40. when you gave my 42-year-old grandson AIDS, I tried to look the other way. When you gave my wife, Dorothy Margaret Tavern, AIDS, I tried to look the other way. But when you walked into my house and you put AIDS in my mouth and into my, for lack of a better term, gay asshole,

that's where you cross the series line and with my dying breaths I do gavel down that you Thomas White will be sentenced to quite a bit

of community service and some house arrest as well as several years of probation and I'm Thomas White and I thank you and I like the way your balls taste and Thomas Thomas

I'm kissing you. I'm the judge. I'm Thomas. I'm Thomas White, and I love kissing the judge of Wetherford. I think I'm ready for some eight kisses. My name's Thomas White. You've heard of kiss from a rose or a seal, or sealed with a kiss? Seal from a kiss.

Sealed. Kist by a seal from a rose. The new song from a rose. The new song from Rose, kissed by seal. You know, earlier today, one of my friends goes, we have like this group chat of me and two of my girlfriends. I've been in it for like 10 years. And one of them is like, do you guys ever think that you might be, like,

retarded, but you just have pretty privilege. So, like, no one tells you. And, you know, I'm not going to say anything, but all I'm saying is, me and Thomas. Sometimes we make a handsome couple. People treat us pretty nice. Yeah, a hands sanitizer couple.

Thomas drinks hand sanitizer and that's why everyone treats him so nice. Yeah, because I'm clean on the inside and they can tell. Pure Divine Life. Yeah, we've been doing well lately. I've been very tapped out with what's going on lately. Yeah, he's been up on trees. Been up on trees. listening to Wiz Khalifa and wishing by God that I could bring back skinny jeans this summer,

but I'm going to tell you guys this. It is going to be somebody else's job because my weight loss journey. You know, we've seen a lot of ups and downs with that, and we're not really at a point where I need to be equipping myself with clothes that are constricting. Right. So we got to work on that. I think Jake will probably hold it down and continue wearing skinny jeans this summer. Yes, and he's also preparing for his wedding, which we are expected to be at in about a month.

Right. About two months. Yeah, that's true. About a month and a half, I suppose. So hopefully we get our skinny gene situation under control by then. Right. And I bought tickets. to his bachelor party under the name White Thomas

on accent Oh yeah I still need to fix that First name white last name Thomas And the funniest part is as soon as he did it As soon as he noticed I go Oh yeah you should just contact them And it's been about a month

And he still hasn't I tried to at first And they said oh it's been more than a month I mean it's been more than a 24 hours So now it's more complicated And I said no worries at all goodbye oh it's more than one step now

I'll keep in touch sounds like I have to be really nice at the airport yeah it sounds like you need to turn up that charm yeah you'll be by yourself so you should be able to this is what I'm saying when you need hand sanitizer

people are really nice to you maybe you guys should try it like how did it go and I had to give a blow job to all the TSA guys they treated me like a sex late they treated me like I was a fucking rag three inch penises and I suck them all of really easily like vina sausages yeah thomas is used to weigh bigger stuff every time

um i go through screening yeah i guess it's just something with having you know bigger packages they say every time i go through a screening i have to go in a room they put me in handcuffs and have to blow everybody who works at the airport oh my god even the people who work at like anti-ans oh that probably smells they probably smell good you know when you like work at a sandwich salty pretzel ween. Oh, because you know when you work at like a sandwich shop, you smell like sandwich? Probably smell like butter.

I hope they smell like cookie. Oh, cookie-y. Yeah, no cookies this week. We've been good. We've been good. You know what I love from a pretzel spot? Hmm. Is the cinnamon sugar buttery pretzels?

Oh, I've never had one. That sounds really yummy. Eat them at the mall and you get really... Oh, you know what we could maybe, a gluten-free version we can maybe do is maybe a yokey. Or is that too dense? Like a nook, sweet nookie? Like a cinnamon, yeah.

Like a cinnamon brown sugar. Maybe syrupy. Yoki, that could be yummy. Yeah. That's kind of like in the similar vein of what you made in Joe Box. You know, like an Italian. An Italian twist on it. That could have actually been a really good submission of Joe Box.

Not saying that what you submitted wasn't good. It wasn't good It was horrible It probably didn't taste good Well you did something really strange And you added Like a lemon Taheen seasoning

To the inside didn't you Well yeah It made it a lot worse And I also added Vanilla extract I think Oh to vanilla pudding It's disgusting

And wetter Right it was It's the problem with a sound of a liquid. I ate like three of those while making them. What? To see if they were good and they wore. But I made them better after a while. I added more my can Iks and stuff.

Yeah, I think this recipe is missing Ikenike. I need. Well, Jeff, you've preferred something quite a minute. amazing for me. Can't help but notice there's no mic and X chopped up and put into this pudding. Yes, chef! Yeah! It's not a bear,

but they're doing Joe Boggs style horrible recipes. I need a hundred pieces of candy stat! There's no poison in there! Do you smell bleach? Yes or no? When else's been going on for us? Oh, you got your piano

class coming up. Oh yeah, I don't know. I told you guys, but I'm doing a piano class. I'm also going to traveling with some girlfriends in a few weeks, which I'm excited about. You're doing classical or saloon style? Hello, my baby. Hello, my right time. We can maybe do a duo situation.

You've been really in a sing-songy mood. Maybe we can get you doing vocals for me. Yeah. Maybe we can do like a too halleous thing, but it's too derpes. Piano. Writing piano sure, our name's Eden. Put your piano on my jeans. Put your, put your, put your, put your piano on my play.

Put your playing my piano. Put your fingers on my keys. Put your fingers on my keys. Ooh, that's good. two two two two two fingers on my keys i'm trying to think what else been going on girl um i woke up at 530 today i was really tired i woke up like when thomas was leaving for work really horrible situation it kind of made me have more respect for him just on a physical level you know like like a sensory level like intellectually i had a lot of respect for how early he gets up but

I didn't know what it felt like. It feels really bad. Yeah, it feels horrible. Yeah, it does not feel good. Now you see whenever I go to bed at 12.30, how bad of the idea that is. Yeah, because then you have to be up like three hours later. Yeah. But that's necessary to do sometimes.

When you're young, you know, maybe that's the time. When you're young and you're a jit. When you're a young, it just took me four tries to say young. I said when you're yeah, yeah, yeah, young. Well, we didn't do our vocal. Our vocal warm-ups. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Years.

You know what I've been thinking of, oh, my vocal. Me-me-moo-mo. Or maybe like a, like a, what are those little guys in the video game, Nintendo, little cute guys, Animal Crossing. Is that how they talk? I haven't played that game in a long time. I think that's how they talk. Just keep talking.

Just keep on the other than I'm going on. Where the Charlie and Charlie went, we're, wow, wah, wah, wow, wow,

wow, yeah, that was you earlier. I don't remember what I said, but, oh yeah, how I said that I wanted to shout out Peter and he goes,

womp, womp, womp. Oh, yeah, he was kidding, though, no,

it was no, friends to Peter. He was just teasing me. I think Peter was very nice looking dog. I'm sure he was very sweet. And please pay your respects. I don't want to see any funny business in the comments. And just for the disrespect you guys have shown, that's another 30 minute moment of silence coming up. Yeah. Oh, and

we're kind of, we're doing something really interesting. we're going to try to maybe figure out how to get two headphones working at the same time so that we can hear ourselves when we record, kind of trying to up the production value of two dirt girls a little bit, maybe get a little. I've been fighting hard against us. I want it to be much worse, but Eden wants you guys to have a better sensory experience.

Yeah, because I'm a podcast fan. I've thought that you guys should be able to taste what we're saying. I mean, I certainly. think they can smell it. Oh, because girl, the way the booty's dang. You know what's funny is I've been hearing, I've been hearing white people that are, that we know say booty, and I'm

pretty sure it's because I keep saying booty and I keep sprinkling the word booty into people's vocabulary. I'm really sprinkling booty everywhere and I'm really trying to make booty happen with white folk. I think that would be really nice if we all started talking about it. like that about about your behind. You know what,

term I grew up saying that people don't say anymore, heinie. Oh yeah, I've never, I don't think I've ever said high knee seriously. Like,

well, would your parents say, go wipe your hindoo. I didn't grow up saying pee either. I grew up saying tinkle. Tinkle. Tinkle.

Tinkle. When you think about our cats going to the bathroom, do you think about them doing tinkle? I, the word is mostly replace of P and,

my lexicon now. I see. You also say supper. I never used to say sneakers. Would you say trainers? Tennis. Tennies. That's not real. Pop. I'm in like tennis shoes. Oh, I understand. I'm just saying I've never heard that before. I've never heard anyone say that.

I also used to refer to all sodas as coax. Yeah, that's true. People in Texas do do that. And in California, people, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but in California, people refer to all crooks as politicians. Oh, y'all. Let me hear y'all in the back for that one.

I want to hear y'all go fucking crazy for them. I want to hear y'all go motherfuckily. We should start DJing. We should start DJing, but we have to do it as a duo because I would be shy about going up there by myself. I feel like you are much more remarkable as a DJ. I feel like I would be really shy about being a DJ. People don't want more regular white guy DJs. I think there's room.

And you're kind of, you're kind of, we can kind of market you as something interesting racially. We don't, they don't need to know what your racial situation. I think everybody knows my racial situation, at least in Ridgewood. Yeah, the Ridgewood DJ scene. I don't know. That's a place that's cool to me. I don't know other places. That's fair.

We don't really venture out that much. Because, like, Williamsburg or whatever, I don't feel like that's cool. No, it's not. Williamsburg is, like, really for dorks. I don't know. I mean, I'm being... I mean, every time I'm there, I feel like that. I mean, I do slugs.

I'm not, like, a cool guy. I'm not in these fucking... Every time I go to Williamsburg, I literally do slugs. I go... Everyone's a fucking slug. Everyone's a fucking idiot, but me. Stupid slugs, making consumer choices, thinking it's freedom. Yeah, I mean, if I'm in a room, I don't consider it to be a cool room, you know what I mean?

I mean, really, if you want to fucking find some cool people you got to hang out with. Some bikers and bro, you got to hang out with fucking stoners and you got to actually smoke a hell of blunts and get to know them. Yeah, we smoke, we smoke, we smoke, we smoke, we smoke kush, we smoke on shit, don't get me wrong. We simply... No, we're not stoners, though. Oh, we are definitely stoners. I'm a stoner, I'm a stoner, I'm a stoner. We're not stoners.

Thomas is a stoner chick. I'm not a stoner. He has a tapestry over our bed that he won't let me take down. Because he said that it helps him, it helps him trap his dreams. I've only smoked, I think, four times a day. That it's not being a stoner, that it is just chilling a little bit. Should we take a break and just go smoke a lot? just the worst podcast episode ever.

Smoke the motherfucking conjola. Holy macachana. Holy mother of smoker. Holy banzilla. Mother smoker. Have we? Oh, we've been watching Mad Men. And Thomas keeps doing this new thing,

which I'm really enjoying since we started watching Mad Men where I'll be like, hey, I'm sorry. I was feeling lazy today. I didn't make dinner. goes, you don't have to make dinner for me. You're, you're, it's not madman. And I'm really liking that turn.

It's like making him, he was never like a sexist guy, of course, but it's making him see things in a different way. Gender-wise. Yeah, I've been smoking inside and I've also been hitting you, which has been interesting. That's truly. That's, if you're, except if you're our landlord. That's not what's going on. Yeah, he hits. He hits me with his laughter.

Because we make each other to laugh so much. I'm basically a dundraper, but all I do is I drink and I smoke and I fuck. Yeah. I let my fucking suit. Nobody can really know who I am. I'm like a mystery guy. I'm a tall dark glass of water. I'm a tall glass of milk.

I had to pretend to be a dead. guy to escape three family members that I sort of didn't like. Maybe life would be easier if I was a dead guy. My mom, I'm the best pussy in the world and now I have to suffer forever. But that's what they, you know, that's what big data wants to take away from us is the ability to just fucking become a different guy altogether. Imagine you steal a guy's dog tagging and you come back

and it turns out he was a pedophile. Ooh. And now you have to register as a sex defender. Yeah, you have to fucking be a pedophile to fit in. Oh, with his pedophile homies With the identity Do you think he lives in a pedoph? If this is really you

We're going to leave you in a locked room With 100 kids for an hour You gotta do your thing Or this isn't really you Yeah, that is some shit you're doing And you're going to fucking prison Either way For impersonating a guy

The crime is impersonation Yeah, in the 50s you could get arrested For not being a pedophile I heard about this in class In history class What do you think is the weirdest class For an adult to take That is a normal class that is offered

Like a college elective or something Yeah like it's say you go to community college And you're not taking towards a major You just want to take a class I mean Uh All the college classes of taking were pretty normal.

I never took anything crazy. I know, and they're actually kind of useful. I was getting my basics in, so I never really. Yeah, as soon as I asked that question, I thought actually it would be really fun as an adult to, like, take a history class. Yeah, like, even like a math class for something, you're not going to do a major, and that's cool.

I don't know, man. I really enjoyed my statistics class when I was in college. I mean, I'm sure there's like some uncomfortable liberal arts topic that would be kind of weird to just randomly take that. I took a human sexuality class in college and there's a part of the class where the teacher would show us pictures of vulvas and then really early in the class. I took the class twice. I dropped it the first time and then I retook it. And the first time I took it on the first day, she has you. get into groups and everyone had to draw an anatomically correct vagina and like like not just the

vagina but like the entire like outer part like the vulva and like label everything and uh my group because of me was the only group that could draw all the parts in the right places and label them all and then the second time i took it um everyone was able to get it figured out so that was and it was only like a year apart. Really? Yeah. Maybe public education, maybe health ed got really good one year.

Yeah. I would just have to say, I would say no to that. I'd say that's not something you're going to get me to do. Yeah. I don't believe in that. And I don't think

there's that many different parts. There's not that many parts that it's all kind of about the same. It doesn't really matter. Yeah. I couldn't do that with a penis. Like I couldn't draw an anatomically correct penis.

I would draw the two balls and I would do the two lines for the penis. Then I would do sort of a semicircle and the tip. And then I would do the with a one vein that exists in a penis. And then I would draw hairs. Is that like the same one and every guy they all or every person, they all have the same line. I guess so. The one you can see.

And if it was like up to me to like if I had to draw, all the internal stuff, like the tubes. I don't even know how a prostate works. Like, I don't care. I've never taken an anatomy class in my life. You've never had to learn about, like, sexual anatomy? I've taken a sex ed class. I've not taken a human anatomy class.

No, I understand, but, like, in that class, you never had to learn about the anatomy. I never did learn. But they taught you. I'm sure it was shown. We've mostly covered STVs. Interesting. That's weird. So who taught you how to ride dick like that?

Self-taught. Sorry. Okay. It's fine. That's so sorry. It doesn't matter. Not a big deal. I'll probably be so bad of riding penis. You're not very light on your feet.

Yeah, my knees hurt a lot. Yeah, you're a big lug. I would really dis. I wouldn't be pleased. pleasing the guy. Or whoever, we don't know. Anything else cool been going on in your life? Well, honestly not that much.

I went to the gym this morning, and I remembered like how a little personal space people give you at a gym and I hate it. like I was washing my face after working out. I get really sweaty. And I was like picking up my stuff. And this girl like took the the sink I was in before I could even like move away from it. And it just made me so uncomfortable.

And I almost wanted to tell her, could you please give me some personal space? You're making me uncomfortable. But I didn't. I chose to not embarrass her. Anyway, what about you? Yeah, there was a lady that walked under something in a work zone today while on her phone, and she walked right through the cones and everything. And it was like legitimately kind of a dangerous situation.

I was like, hey, man, and I tried to get her attention. She just blew me off. And then one of my bosses, like, confronted her about it. And she was like, I'm sorry, I'm on the phone right now. And he's like, bulldust. There's like, there's like branches coming down from the sky. Big ass ropes falling out of the tree. It's like looted, too.

There's like pianos. I'm on the phone right now. There's an anvil falling on the phone. Oh, Craig, you're on the phone. Thomas is no nonsense boss trying not to laugh. He wasn't trying not to laugh. Anyway, though. Yeah, I mean, there's, look, guys, I know you come to this podcast for information about the world.

And I've definitely been looking into the White House Correspondents dinner. I don't know what food was being served there. I don't know if they had to touch. You know what I do have to say about that? I like that the guy, I like that the patsy was light-skinned. Yeah, but he didn't have his shit lined up. That's true. His hair was really messy.

No line up. But that is because maybe he has a white mom. I don't know. They put him through a program that made him dusty. Yeah, they M.K. altered him with dustiness and making him mid. Hit him with the mustification ray. Remove all cologne. Hit him again.

Remove all the cologne. Sir, there's cologne under his skin. Remove it. Put him in line. Lightwashed denim, oversized. Push his shit back. Fuck his ish up. Take his earrings out.

Remove all Riz. D-Riz program activated. Mustification. Complete. It's like an undercover brother when he gets turned into a white guy, basically. Hi, how are you? Oh, you know what Thomas never saw until I showed him a few weeks ago was MIA's bad girls music video,

which is really fucking sick. He had never seen it. I've just been getting into MIA this year. I've been really getting into the song, Piper Plains lately. I've been listening to it every day for like a month. Yeah, on his road. I fly like baby get high like planes.

If you catch me at the border, I can see you name. I fly like people. I like playing. When a teenage son, when a teen is dawn. It's like a deaf guy trying to remember the lyrics. Okay. Okay.

No poison on system. Food's nice has flavor. There's rice and grains. Okay. If you catch me with a burger, I got fries. With your name. With some pickles and tomatoes and some lettuce and cheese. Chase.

With some bun and I eat it with the grease. Okay. I'm munched like Peter, I laugh like Meg. Great. If you catch me at McDonald's, I got food up on my plate. I eat a milkshake and a frat pay. Yeah, go to Starbucks and I get the frat pay. With a little bit of orange as you say.

Asking for a bathroom cold. I have diarrhea and I really gotta go. Toilin it will explode. All on the wall, that's where my poop goes. I need toilet paper and my poop is gray. I'm not worried because that's just what I ate. This is the real song I'm in my age. I eat candy and sometimes popcorn.

Pooping all of my clothes That's what I give for eating scones Blueberries And more yums With the yogurt, parfait And spoon And crumbs Eat the yogurt

till it has no crumbs I'm okay I like where we're going Yogurt and glob and yams tasting delicious blueberry grums All I want to do is

And with a With the And crumb And ooh it's yummy Okay I think I think the executive decision is to remove the diarrhea from the song and make it mostly a food based song because I think food and diarrhea. Okay, you brought up the diarrhea.

Yeah, I brought it up. All I want to do is, and taste something yummy. And taste some yummy. See, when we figure out the sound situation, maybe we can get a background, like a karaoke version of the song. Okay, I'll do the beat. Oh.

Oh. I think you might be more familiar with this song than I am. I'm not sure I recognize that part. Yeah, me neither. I don't really remember the song very well. We're going on a barbecue this weekend. First barbecue this season, baby. Yeah.

We're bringing pasta salad. Muslim birthday. Yes, a Muslim birthday. So no pork. No pork for Joey. So I think I'm thinking... He's making two pork ones. We're bringing Joey, if you're listening, stop listening.

Actually, I think I already told you I want to bring pasta salad so you actually can continue listening. Joey's very well aware. Pasta salad is. Yes, I actually immediately texted him. We actually immediately asked him. I would assume if pasta salad would be acceptable, given the circumstances. So, yeah, we're going to do a pasta salad, gluten-free, of course. Oh, I made it really yummy pasta at night also.

It was really good. Thomas liked it. We ate a bunches of pieces of pasta. Yep. And it was the bow-tive. I think it's part of the house tonight. Eat and cooked it and had tomato bite. Yep.

I used a pound and a half. It had so much of a half. I don't know what you would call them grape tomato. I don't know what they are. Garland grape tomato. A pound of beef. A container of mushrooms. I'm not really sure what ounceage that was.

They're pretty light. I don't think it was a pound. What else? Garlic onion. Milk, whole milk, and cream cheese. That makes it creamy on tomato paste. And then basil at the end with a little bit of Parmesan. Maybe one day we'll show Tom,

cooking. I think it would be really fun to film him cook. I'm not very good of it, but... He's learning quite a bit. He knows quite a bit more than he did this time last year. Right. And he's very good at baking. You guys know all about his cookies. Oh, someone asked actually in the comments last time for you to share the cookie recipe of the banana walnut ones. We should share that.

I kind of... Oh, he wing it. Girl, you already know he winging. It's not that it winged. It's kind of to usually combine a couple of recipes. But it's not like my original thing. Because with the banana cookies, there was definitely... I think you used the base of that one recipe that had the cranberries. And then you took out the cranberries and then instead of adding the extra egg,

you add the banana and then you have the walnuts added in as well. Yeah, I think I might have used a banana cookie recipe and just made it gluten-free. Oh, yeah. And then added walnuts and stuff. I don't know exactly. That sounds about what. We can figure it out. We can figure it out later.

Yeah. It was yummy. It was really yummy. Yeah, Eden doesn't normally like cookies, so for her to enjoy that, I was very surprised. I mean, once I figure out how to order peptides, maybe we won't be eating as many things. cookies as we have been. We're going to get Thomas on the melanin so he can get really.

I'm all set. I gained back all the retoucher tight weight after like two weeks. You gave it all back? Yeah, I lost weight again, but it was after. How much did you end up losing? I think I'm down from the beginning of the year, like close to like 12 pounds. Oh, it's not bad at all.

No, but I mean, it was like... How much more did you lose with Retachetide? Originally, it was like, with Retachetrietye, I think I lost like eight pounds in like nine, eight or nine weeks. But I end up... I don't know, my weight fluctuates so much with like fluid and stuff. I don't really know. Also, you're just a big guy and you do a lot of physical activity, so yeah, your weight is going to fluctuate. Yeah, it'll fluctuate by like three or four pounds a lot of times day to day.

Yeah. But a lot of that's just fluid retention and stuff. We're being dehydrated. How are you guys treating your water? Are you using a reverse osmosis thing? Tap water. I don't really like tap water. I love tap water.

You like our tap water? I think it's delicious. I don't like it at all. It tastes really bad. Our tap water tastes really bad to me. It barely has a taste to me. My favorite tap water is at my mom's house. ease what it is

Yeah So I'm just I'm just Curious Um I think a lot of people Just use the Brita Like pictures or whatever

I hate those They suck ass They're so inconvenient Um What's been going on With you Are you climbed today Yeah

It was all right Pretty worn out Yeah I see you're okay he's uh he's a bit tuckered out sure no it's all good

but um we love you know we love hearing about what you guys have going on as well yeah um oh while I'm thinking about it shirts are all going out this week

yeah we're sorry about that it was all my best not even spent did you get the printer thing figured out yeah oh nice it was like it was it was printing Jake's personal address

on all the return labels. Yeah, I mean, that was... Or on all the address labels? No, yeah, it was, it was, everybody was gonna get Jake's address, but it used it. And if you live in Brooklyn and it's within walking distance,

I'm just gonna deliver some by hand. So, sorry for the delays on that, but that's why I didn't charge shipping. Well, also, just because everything's fucking expensive. Everything is expensive as no. I'm sorry.

Sorry to you. The consumer. I mean, I'm also the consumer. We are also grateful to you, the consumer. We're all the consumer. Would you guys... Do you guys even like wearing graphic teas? Like, do you guys wear graphic teas in your day-to-day life?

I feel like a lot of fellas do. I'm not really in touch with that. I feel like a lot of guys don't wear as much graphic stuff as they used to. A lot of guys, for the basics now. Yeah, like a plain white t-shirt. Yeah,

or just like the multi-packs of like... Of Gustin's shout-out. Yeah, or like any of those brands. People... Yeah. I mean, I like that brand

Gustin send me some free shirts are nice. But a lot of people like the Amazon basics or whatever. Mm-hmm. Shirts. But...

I'm trying to... I need to get some shorts. But it's a weird thing where, like, if you get, like, high-quality shorts, it starts at, like, fucking 80 bucks now. Damn. Like, shorts are really expensive. Can you buy shorts secondhand?

Yeah, but they look second-hand. It's the thing. Like, when people donate shorts... Yeah, when guys donate their clothes, their clothes are worn the fuck out. A guy donates his shorts? Unless it's an old man. Then he's just... dead.

Yeah. Like, old guys don't, old guys never have normal shorts. Yeah. I really, if a guy dies in a motorcycle accident and his family donates the clothes, that is a perfect scenario.

But nobody dies in motorcycle accidents up here. It's all moped related. Yeah. And if a guy dies in a moped accident, he probably only has shirts with SpongeBob on them. Very good. He only wears overalls like a minion Yeah

I saw a guy writing on the back of a woman's best But the other day I thought hang on for dear life Brother See how far she can get you Don't save him He don't want to be saved Don't save him

He don't want to be safe That's what we call a male chicken head Period and I hope he eat that shit too, just like a good chicken. I don't like that. That's weird. Girl, what, what don't you like? Like the weird egg, we're encouraging him.

You were encouraging him earlier. You said, hold on for dear life. I meant, like, see if, no, I meant, like, see if that woman can get you a job or a place to stay or something. She can never get you a place to stay, maybe her place. job to get him a place to stay in a job. Yeah. It's a woman's job to provide a house. Well, hey, listen, he's been applying.

It's just that no one's, the job market is really rough right now. The market's fucked. For guys like us. Yeah, guys like you and me. Guys like you and me who are like kind of too retarded for most jobs. I'm technically not too stupid for most jobs because most jobs are really awful and don't pay any money. I guess that's a good way of looking at it.

I'm perfectly qualified for all of those. That's a... That's a... That's a... ...are horrible and don't make any money. It's a glass-half-full mentality, and I like that. I could be a janitor anywhere. Mm-mm.

So it's funny that janitor is seen as, like, uh, the worst job ever, and it's actually, like, a pretty secure job for a lot of people like... Is it, like, a decent... Well-pinned job? It depends on where you are, but, like, you know, if it's at a university or somewhere like that, I think at TCU

They were A good benefits package I think at TCU Yeah it was like a pretty good deal I remember a lot of the I wouldn't really call them janitors They were like they were like

Yeah the maintenance people like Yeah you can work your way up doing maintenance They were like they would tell me like the women Like they all their kids would go to TCU and stuff on a I think I think they was a full ride If you work there I mean I was basically a janitor for a while At what job?

At this job. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just specialized. Yeah, you were like a street janitor. Yeah. I'm a street janitor. I clean up the streets. Any motherfucking falling out of line?

Yeah, gonna taste my steel. My steel brum. My steel groin. Ooh, I don't like that. See how it feels? I'm a cowboy. See how it fucking feels. On a steel groin, I ride.

and I'm hungry I'm hungry you hungry you know for some French fries oh French fries

two French fries two French fries they've got to make you earlier yeah we should have got started earlier probably we were both really tired I woke up at 530 like I said Thomas woke up at 430

now we're very tired I wake up again again in six hours. Maybe we'll wrap it up here. Guys, we love you. We've got about 50 minutes here. Guys, we're sorry and we love you.

We are about to start 10 minutes of silence for Peter. For Peter the dog. We love you. He was really cute. And an additional five minutes of silence for the victims of Michael Jackson

who were brutalized by an evil pedophile. May his memory live on forever. Amen. You guys have a good one. Be safe. I don't know where this episode is coming out. But if it's one of the free ones, check us out on Patreon.

And check out. We've got some recent stuff with J.T. and some other good friends of the pod. Jake's got some video stuff out recently. If we watched, if we watched stuff, on a live stream would you guys want to hang out with us yeah that would be fun that was something

that was an idea that Thomas threw around earlier yeah like maybe on like a on like a crappy day we don't want to go outside we stay inside we hang out with you guys on

yeah that could be fun I don't really understand on live stream we watch thing we talk we could talk yeah we and me I don't think too much technology would be required

yeah need to make sure that people that it was a smooth stream and stuff. But yeah, thank you guys for hanging out. I hope everyone has a good week. And I hope nothing bad ever happens again.

We love you. We love you. And we are here for you and anything you need. Anything need to talk you, we need the robot or anything you need helping him for you or something. Anything we will go do. Take care.

I'm sorry.