Pendejo Time - 4 to 6 beers

Episode Date: July 13, 2023

its the perfect amountSupport the Show.

Yeah, that's cool, man. I'm glad that you're having a good time in California. You know who's not having a good time in California is Britney Spears. Because she... I feel like I've been watching her kind of unravel a little bit over the years, obviously. And then lately, I don't think that she should be... I i mean i don't want her to be like in jail but people are like look at her she's living her best life she's free she's completely her mind has been fragmented forever she's never gonna be normal again which like isn't her fault yeah i understand i feel like she was she was horrifically abused by an industry that, you know, kind of eats people alive, especially like young women. Yeah, and I mean, a lot of her stuff still clears Christina.

Oh, 100%. She's the goat. Like, she's the goat. No, I can't call her the goat. I would say, I feel like Mariah Carey might. I feel like Mariah Carey might take it because you combine her star power with the fact that she literally

is one of the greatest singers of all time in an objective way. Fair. You know, I mean, because I'm not a stan, you know what I mean? So don't go quizzing me. I know the All I Want for Christmas song. I know the one about Eminem.

And then the one. Dude, it's awesome that they fucked. Yeah, that is cool. I know the one where ODB got thrown on the remix. And he was so intoxicated the whole time that Pharrell had to splice hours, basically, of him just wailing into the mic. And then just turn it into a verse by finding stuff that rhymed. Yeah. And then it became like, that's probably one of the only sources his family has of his residual income now.

only sources his family has of his like residual income now because the rest he like he would like probably like bet his masters like in like card games you know a dice game yeah yeah yeah i uh it was like watching the britney spears thing is like it makes me like obviously it's sad but there's also this aspect to it of like i feel I feel like there's more eyes on Hollywood and the entertainment industry now because of, like, me too. But then just, like, people know, like, the Bryan Singer thing. We all know that shit's goofy there. But I feel like those guys, like, up until, like, 2010, like, it was free reign for those psychos. You know what i mean and so like all of like lindsey lohan and a lot of them like they like those guys were just able to just do the worst things a human can do to another human being and it was like a part of those like hey you want to

make it in hollywood you got to get tortured basically like it's you know it's basically just torture is what it is and you're like oh i want to be a disney kid and they're like okay well you're gonna have to we're gonna fuck you up like it's gonna be super bad i don't think you understand and you're like i want to i want to hang out with ryan seacrest and they're like all right i get you know um it's crazy that Scientology isn't the worst thing to ever happen to Hollywood. It's like in the top three, but it's like... Yeah, it's funny that those guys... I was trying to explain this to a friend of mine who...

Scientology used to have a big headquarters in Austin. We were talking about this. And I was like, yeah, they've got shooters, like for real. was like no like it's like the catholic church man like they don't get and i was like no dude those motherfuckers have people who are ready to go to jail like if you if you get on like the news and you're like hey man this is this is a straight up cult they fuck people out of their money they abuse people physically mentally and emotionally they have their own intelligence service i forget what it's called iss or isi something like that they have their own like disney like they have their own like

their own pentagon basically and they have guys who don't got a lot going on in their lives and they also don't have enough money to become like super saiyan level whatever the fuck so they're just basically they're shooters like they'll fucking poison your dog you know and he's like really you know he's like i just thought they were like a weird cult and hollow i was like no dude those motherfuckers are packing heat no yeah the david miscavige stuff is pretty interesting i forget which documentary i watched on it i think it was on hbo but no I think it was on YouTube, actually. But pretty good.

I've seen a whole bunch of them. This is me being arrogant and being like, I would never fall for anything like that. Because I remember in one of the documentaries, David Miscavige is like 5'3 or 5'4 or something. And there's this guy. He's like a bigger dude. And he's like a bigger dude and he was like david mrs scavenge he he beat me up in front of everybody like he took me to this to this place and he he he punched me and kicked me in my head and i was like dude i

would whoop that little motherfucker's ass i i would step on his body and his bones until they sort of turned to like mush like i would not let him beat me up but that's me being like i i would step on his body and his bones until they sort of turned to like mush like i would not let him beat me up but that's me being like no i would never be in a cult you know what i mean like that's like people who join cults like you let weird shit happen to you because it's like a part of it or whatever plus his wife has been gone for like i think coming up on 20 years like she just went to the store for printer paper or something, and he's like, no, she's working out. She's doing yoga in Big Sur. And she's went to Humboldt County to handle some business.

It's very important. I see her. When people ask him about it, he's like, I see my wife every month. And they're like, okay, well, can you show her to us? And he's like, no, she's very private. She's a very private lady. That's who I'm trying to be, just like low-key.

You're trying to be so low-key that your wife might be dead, you know what I mean? Yeah, like me and my wife are low-key. Like she doesn't even, I only buy groceries for one person because my wife is so low-key.

She don't even eat food like that. Yeah, I buy airplane tickets for two people. She's a forager. Yeah, I buy airplane tickets for two people on vacation and then I just go by myself because she got sick. She gets sick every time I try to go anywhere with her. Yeah, my wife loves me so much that she

don't even want to be seen with me. Yeah, I'm like, hey bro, we're seen. She doesn't want anybody to realize that I could be seen with a yeah i'm like hey bro you don't want like anybody to realize that i could be seen with a woman and then they want to they get jealous you know right like next time you come up to shoot the sketch and it's like i'm like hey man where's eden and you're like she likes to move silently bro and i don't think you understand like how silent that she likes to move you know what i mean like she like we're real low-key like she doesn't talk to me you know what i mean like she a divorced guy who like it doesn't want to accept it like

we keep our distance you know like maybe i'll come get the kids on weekends yeah yeah but like for the most part like we just we stay in our own lanes but we're still my wife doesn't my wife doesn't want me to know her next move like she's moving out of the house she doesn't want me to know like her next my wife keeps her circle small and sometimes i'm not in this i'm not it's about this yeah i'm making money yeah it's about yeah she likes to make my money like she likes to get a lot of the money that I earn. It's called alimony, but that's like she's investing it for, like, not really for me, but, you know, it's like for our kids, kind of. She doesn't really.

It's like, yeah, she garnishes my wages, but, like, a garnish ain't even the main course. Why would I worry about that shit? I'm low-key. Right, right. Because she's the whole snack. Yeah, yeah. Like a garnish? What, you want some kale?

You want some parsley on your steak, bro? Yeah. You need to get like us where she lives in a different house that I pay for. Yeah. My kids are low-key, so I'll send them money sometimes, but I don't want them to feel like they need to see me all the time. Right, yeah, yeah. I don't want them to feel obligated for me to come visit them because I don't want them to feel like they need to see me all the time. Right, yeah, yeah. I don't want them to feel obligated for me to come visit them

because I don't want that pressure on them. Yeah, like my kids, like they get – they really love her Zumba instructor. And he just like – he's so like – he likes to talk a little louder. Like I move like real slow low-key and in silence, and he's just kind of like a loud mouth. But I respect him. I respect his hustle, and not everybody can move like me and Thomas.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, I had to go away for a while because I got addicted to staying low-key. And basically the hustle was creeping up on me, and I found myself hustling pretty much every day. Like, I was getting money at work. I was stacking bands, like, during my kids' dance recitals and stuff. And, like, every morning before I even had my coffee, I had to get money. You know what I'm saying?

I had to stay low-key. even had my coffee i had to get money yeah i had a low-key i had to really silently low-key rip copper out of a housing development um in east austin uh you know i think in that type of i recently had to go to therapy for expanding my horizons because i was doing that shit yeah yeah i was moving too quickly like i i went i made my circle super super small basically like some people call it burning bridges and like hitting rock bottom but basically i just made my circle where it's just me and a couple guys that i hang out with at the bus stop yeah yeah it's like and sometimes the smaller your circle the bigger the squares right exactly because they want to get in the circle they're're always, dude, I got people that text me every day.

They're like, dude, I'm so worried about you. I'm like, you need to worry about your money. And they're like, you owe me money. And I'm like, that's your opinion. That's your perspective on the issue. It's like you think Warren Buffett paid his rent in his 40s? Yeah, hell no. Warren Buffett gets his rent paid his 40s yeah yeah and hell no uh warren buffett gets his rent paid by

nah because warren buffett he fucking he's got the same problem as me he's addicted to making money and staying low-key and minding his fucking business and staying unbothered yeah and moisturized i've been unbothered and moisturized a lot lately that's why you don't see me with my kids no more. Yeah, I got kind of a sheen. I noticed they were bothering me. I got kind of like a glow to me. I know you guys say it's sweat.

It's just sweat from acute alcohol withdrawal, but it's like me, that's my glow. And you guys are trying to take my glow and my shine, which I respect because a real hust's like me that's my glow and you guys are trying to like take my glow and my shine which like i respect because like a real hustler like me who has to have six beers to just get to sleep like because i hustle and grind so hard i have to i have to smoke heroin that's how hard you're not working is you think i'm a heroin addict it's because you can you can just you lay your little head on your pillow because you don't work that hard. Yeah. Me, I work fucking 18 hours a day trying to fucking hustle and grind

old ladies out of their fucking retirement money, and you work your job. You work your tech sales job. Yeah, that's why my daughter got FAS, flexing always syndrome. It's like a very stoic Indianian doctor is like a mr white do you your daughter she has i can't do i'm doing russian right now uh russian russian doctor your daughter has fetal alcohol syndrome and you're like flexing always in her yeah yeah fully automatic syndrome i don't i don't think that you understand the gravity situation.

You, your wife drank. You drove your wife to drinking during pregnancy. And she now has, your daughter has fetal alcohol. She's, the life expectancy, we've gotten it pretty high. Yeah, you did. Yeah, because y'all hustle on that shit. Yeah, I bet you do. You make them kids live long as hell.

Listen, it's not a full life is what I'm saying. You're going to have to care for her. Wait, you're telling me my daughter got feeling amazing syndrome? Because I think I got that too. Because I feel great right now. You're telling me my daughter was sipping Henny in the womb? Yeah. Wait.

Wait. I me my daughter was sipping henny in the womb yeah wait yeah wait i think my daughter i think my daughter got john syndrome yeah yeah i think man is do you think my daughter's birth complications were due to her father maybe rocking fits the whole time her mom was pregnant uh i i would say that that your daughter's neurological disorders primarily were caused by your um the level of lead in your blood uh from probably from meth and moonshine and then your wife's alcohol consumption so you're saying my daughter was smoking that shit and sipping that Henny? Yeah, she's a real skrilla. Yeah, she don't fuck around and she's in the streets already. Yeah, I mean, like, I don't know what to tell you. We thought about having an at-home birth, but the trap was too bust.

You know what I mean? There was too much money flowing through there. I was afraid I was going to get distracted and start stacking it in the middle of the birth. My baby mama, she gave birth in a kiddie pool out in the backyard because I was too busy hustling. Oh, my bad. I'm in the waiting room for the maternity ward. Y'all got a place I can stack money and count it and roll up rubber bands and count thousands of dollars? Talking to the NICU nurse, like, hey, i know y'all got hella sick babies in here i'm just trying to find

a place to put my money machine yeah i know y'all got spices and shit but i'm trying to stack up fucking money and count how much paper i got can i move this oxygen machine to put my money counter in here yo can you just can you put this birth on my tab i got hella babies coming in this month so i'm gonna just pay at the end of the month yeah i've been busting raw like a lot like just basically like just kind of like once a day see my circle's so small i paid for my homeboy to have a baby i paid for his kid to be born i got them a big ass room too he fucking my wife it's kind of what he like he's my homeboy those i let him hit yeah he's like we're so close it's like it don't matter what he does to me emotionally yeah yeah he doesn't call me he doesn't consider me a friend actually he he doesn't want

me to come within 500 yards of my ex-wife but that's because like like i'm grinding and she's grinding you feel me and so like that yeah i hope my wife starts going to uh to crossfit classes more because i like it when she's gone all the time because it gives me more time to count up like you know how long it takes to count to count fifteen hundred dollars every month and that's just for you know how and that's just for rent utilities and my car payment yeah you know how long it takes to count 22 xanax it take me like two and a half hours sometimes yeah three sometimes i measure my tv and i try and multiply it make it bigger yeah sometimes you got to be manifestizing it like a lot of people when i manifest i manifestize a big house now i didn't get one no my wife she got one i don't live in it though i live in a studio apartment but i kind of needed to get set back you know what i mean because i got too comfortable

i got too comfortable and now i live alone in echo park by myself i remember whenever i first manifested having a 35 inch TV, people said, you will never have that. They say, you can't get that for $170. And then now look at me now, I go to Best Buy

on Black Ass Friday and I get them deals. I get the deals I gotta get. You see me hustling, I bought a fucking pair of bluetooth headphones from my from my daughter's friend 25 and it's got a kitty cat on it i got a best buy gift card 33 apr yeah it's not i bought a i bought a pair of beats from my daughter's boyfriend you don't see you doing that I bought a game the higher board for my from my from my daughter's boyfriend who else does so you try about

my daughter so AP case so APR that mean annual player rate and the higher it is the better the player no no sir that you want to generally keep any sort of accrued interest low. I got me a base model Challenger 2014. I'm paying only $92,000 for that thing. And that should look like Bumblebee if it was all black. Yeah, hey, look, I got a 2017 base model Altima, $540 a month in payments. They said you will never have a 98 Crown Vic with 700,000 miles on it that don't run. But I got that shit.

With the APR, it was only like 15 grand. Like, I make deals. And honestly, what I'm probably going to do is with my Crown, because I'm also like, I'm waiting on my granddaddy to pass away so I can get his old ass Lincoln. And then I'm going to get both of them. Both of them. And what I'm probably going to do is turn them both into fucking slabs. And I'm going to put spinners on them.

Because once I get, once my baby mama get her tax return back, I'm going to combine her with mine because I'm getting like $13. She's getting like $1,300. So combine them, get some spinners. I was going to finish our TV show. I was going to call them Poppy's Spinner Wheels Extravaganza. We're going to put that shit on probably Fox, probably CNN. Get all over the news, get people pissed off.

They say white boys can't have that much swag and be that rich, stack that much paper, get that much money, be that swagged out. White boys can't get a $1,200 tax return. It's not possible. Yeah, they never seen a white boy

work at a warehouse for three years., they never seen a white boy work at a warehouse for three years. They never seen a white boy owe the IRS $1,100. They never seen a white boy who's actually got five days to pay the IRS off right now. And just remembered that. They never seen a white boy put an IRS debt on a payment plan and then wait until the two days before it's due. The whole amount. Actually, I paid $1 of it. That's awesome.

They never seen a white boy. And then I remembered I'm actually going to pay the rest because I can't just go to jail or anything. I just have to pay it pay it yeah it's uh it's funny too um that that are those articles that are floating around which i know it's just clickbait but like i love to click clicking goes hard as fuck click it's so awesome the articles it was like so the supreme court knocked down the student loan relief plan. Here are five steps to pay off your student loans. Step one, get a payment plan.

Some payment plans can be as low as $400 a month. Step two, die. They're like, your debt can't be transferred. I honestly think more people should put their student loans in their parents' or in their grandparents' names. Yeah. If they're cool with it. I would do that shit for my grandkids.

For sure. Like, I, if I, yeah. Because if they die, it goes away. Not that you ever hope for them to die. Hopefully they keep living and then you just, you know, maybe you have to pay it off for a little bit but you know but because i mean if you've got like i mean you know if you've got over a certain amount it doesn't even make sense to pay it has a certain no i've got about 52 and that's like i i know people would waveive it. Yeah, that is a crazy amount. Don't get me wrong.

That is awful. But in terms of how many people... I know people with like 180. Yeah. Because people will... There's people who are really smart. They didn't come from money, so they were able to eventually do law school and stuff.

But all that stuff is so competitive. Yeah. There are smart kids whose parents are millionaires like if you're a smart kid that's poor it's kind of like congratulations like get that but the thing about mine is like i got a i got a graduate school degree that doesn't i'm just not gonna pay it like i've talked about this in length on here like i um it's a it's i forget that people want to like own a home like they plan on it so i have like a friends who are like yeah man like me and my wife you know um i saved up so much money man i i went to the bank and they were like you got you got to pay this the student loan stuff off brother like it's it's not looking good you got

about 80 grand i know law school is, but you need to pay it down. And I'm like, why don't you just, like, not pay it? And they're like, oh, I want to own my own house. And I'm like, oh, oh, I just accepted that that's, like, not a possibility. Yeah, I mean, for me, it's like, okay, I might own a house someday, buy all of my family and everyone I know dying yeah and that's assuming yeah yeah that's assuming that like half of my siblings have died also which i don't want to happen like there's just my family's so big it's like i think everybody's just gonna get like a box of donuts or something

you know a chili's gift card yeah Yeah, like an old weed eater. I think maybe somebody gets like – I mean I'm sure there will be like a little bit of money involved. Your dad just leaves you a – he leaves you a transmission for the C10, but you have to put it in the – And I already sold the C10. Yeah.

I have to go track down another one. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. It's weird to think about. Now, I am starting to understand how people afford things as they get older. And a lot of it's like, well, you're older. Like when you're in your 60s,

you're going to probably be objectively in a better financial position than you were 20 years before just because you've been working longer and there's like annoying ass debts you don't have you don't have to raise kids anymore right right right right right but also at the same time it's like disheartening seeing like like i have family members who are older and they're still like, well, fuck. Like, I have a great aunt who's like 92 or whatever, and it's like, okay, social security does run out after a while. What do you do? Stuff like that. Well, it was like when my dad died, I didn't get anything.

Yeah. When my dad died, I didn't get anything. And I remember I have a very well-meaning but clueless friend. And he was like, oh, you know, silver lining, man. Get that life insurance policy. I'm sure he gave you something in inheritance. I'm sure it wasn't a lot. And I was like, no, life insurance policies, null and void with the manner of death. And, you know, he was like, oh, damn, well, you know,

did he leave you a couple bones maybe? You know, a couple bones. And I was like, no, my dad had like $20 in his checking account when he died. I was like, oh, it was all in savings. And I'm like, my dad worked. Yeah, I'll say this. Anybody who's got $20 in their checking and more than $20 in their savings is stupid. Because if you've got, look, either transfer some money over or just.

Because if I've got $20 in checking, I don't care if I don't have another bill hitting for a month. I'm just going to go ahead and I don't care if I get paid in 10 hours. I'm just going to go ahead and move some money over. But I have been there before where I've been super broke and I've had a savings account since I was probably 18, something like that. Yeah, yeah. And I remember at one point having like $30 in each. Like that was like, I was like, you know what?

I got 60 bucks. I'm going to move half to the savings account and start a new life for myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm actually only going to uh two grams of wheat and then three gallons of gas this week and then the rest is going to wealth building that's my retirement fund yeah yeah i uh my mom is like she has a life insurance policy on herself but there's 16 years between her and i and so she's always like you know you and your brother you know y'all are y'all are gonna have to figure it out but when i go to be the lord

you're gonna y'all are gonna be okay you know it's gonna be all right and my mom when you're 76 i'll be 60 if i need you to die by the time i'm 60 i've fucked my life like i did something wrong for a very very long if i'm like 60 and i'm like all right ma we don't we don't need the home we can just we can just go to the house right like we don't need to put you anywhere we can hey did you eat today it's all right if you. You know, like if I'm doing that type of shit, like easing her out the door, then I have royally fucked my life up. My brother, you know,

there's like 25, 26 years between two of them, but me, it's like it's, you know, like I might go before. It's, you know, it would be tragic, but it wouldn't be weird if at 62, my body just gave out and she was like 78. Yeah, I think, I honestly think your

body's gonna repair itself for the most part i honestly think yeah your body's gonna get stronger you know as you know no i mean i mean like just by not doing cocaine and dilaudid for like 40 years i think your body's gonna figure it out eventually no yeah i mean i can already feel but like i see pictures of myself from that yeah i feel like i look younger now there was a time in which we were like a combined 500 pounds which is so yeah yeah that would have been a good time to do the show we didn't even know each other either it was just like every episode would be us pushing a couch to its absolute limits. And the breathing is like... I've gotten very self-conscious about how loud I breathe

in the last week or so because I'll be in the car with Eden's family. And I'll just be... Yeah. I might try and get the... I want to look into it and see how much it is but they've got while i still have health insurance for a little while i kind of want to try and get my nostrils fixed where i can breathe through them normally but i might not i might just what's probably going to happen is i'm going to talk about it for a few months, and then in about 30 years I'm going to say,

you know, before I had you kids, I was going to get my damn nose fixed. But then I didn't because I had kids six years later. And, you know, you guys ruined everything. No. There was a window of time that I had, you know. I had a baseball coach who one time was just, he was telling this story about like he, back when he was a professional golfer, because he was, and like how much fun he had out there and like just touring and just killing it.

His son was also on our team or whatever, and he was like, when did you stop doing that? Of course. He was like, when you were born, you pretty much ruined all that for me. I was touring the country.

I wasn't taking life too seriously. I was drinking all the time, playing golf. I was killing it, making so much money. I was so you know, wasn't taking life too seriously. I was drinking all the time, playing golf. I was killing it, making so much money. I was so happy, dude. And then, you know, he was like, you ruined my sex life. That disappeared, you know. But, you know, I mean, now I'm a baseball coach at Peachtree High School.

So we all have our – anyway, he was a fun guy. My buddy – his dad ended up doing all right for himself in construction. He had his own construction company, but I was friends with him. He was the only friend I had that had an in-ground pool, so obviously we all hung out over there. And he fucking, his dad would get drunk and just try to, very much one of those dudes that like college was awesome for him high school was awesome and uh and we were like 15 16 17 you know in that realm and

he would like knock back like 10 bud lights and you know he'd be like so y'all like y'all are out there getting pussy still because when i was always, I was knee deep in pussy. And we're like, mostly what we do is we smoke weed in your garage with money that you gave your son. And then when you come home, we pretend we didn't do that. You know what I mean? Anyway, similar situation. My buddy was like, he was talking about how like, you know, he was like varsity baseball high school high school you know like hell of a shortstop in college and uh one of the other he was like oh did you ever did you ever make it to the major leagues and he was like hey man i'll tell you a story about that rangers are knocking at my fucking door boy it was the best fucking shortstop

a ut ever fucking saw okay and? And I could hit, too. I wasn't always knocking dingers. But, you know, you get a double, I'm getting RBIs, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I meet this, and he just kind of throws a casual, careless thumb over his wife of like 30 years. I meet this bitch. And, goddamn, you know, I'm fucking, well, I i promise you this i wasn't pulling out back in and yeah i kind of fucked everything up in the in the i mean you can't play major league baseball when you got a kid on the way you know and his my friend his son is just like floating in the deep

end just like yeah so awesome dude yeah like to know that like to see in your dad's eyes and to see the behavior of a grown man that likes to get drunk with teenagers and hang out that like you caught to some degree your dad's arrested development is your fault yeah your dad doesn't want to be a 50 year old man who owns a construction who has a great life right but but everybody i mean i think i think even if you didn't have dreams like that if you have kids too young sometimes you like yeah like your mom doesn't seem like that but no i was literally just about to say i think i might be the exception to the rule because i asked my dad and my mom my mom had me like 16 like turned turned 17 a month later. It's fine. I don't ever use that shit anyway.

And I like – A recording budget left. Yeah, I know. I don't – Whatever. He was like, fuck this shit. I was like asking my dad. I was like, what did you want to do?

You know, and he was like, I was working on a tugboat. I knocked your mom up. I wasn't i wanted he wanted to be a rock star but like that those dreams weren't like he was they weren't on the way you know what i mean right he was a great guitar player he had a cover band they played toady's cover songs they played nirvana cover songs They played Matchbox 20 cover songs, Metallica cover songs. And then he had like a – I think he had a metal band for like a couple months. And they played around Houston. But it's not like he was signed. Nothing was happening.

I asked my mom, which I got even less of an answer. I was like, what did you want to do? You know, like before I was born, she was like, well, I was a sophomore in high school, so I wanted to kind of just like graduate. And I was born, she was like, well, I was a sophomore in high school, so I wanted to kind of just like graduate. And I was like, oh. I kind of just wanted to like finish high school, but then, you know, I had you. And then I had to get my GED. And I was like, damn, you didn't even have dreams yet.

Like that's, it's a bizarre. When I was 16, I was like, I want to be an actor. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's a bizarre. When I was 16, I was like, I want to be an actor. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, you have a kid so young that you don't even have, like, a conception of a reality that's unattainable quite yet. You know what I mean?

You're like, I don't know. I guess I just wanted to smoke weed and listen to the White Snake and, you know, go to algebra. Yeah. But then you, you know, whatever. See, for me, my parents had me when they were 38, both of them. So. Yeah, you were the. So for them, it was like out of habit almost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like as my mom, I was like, well, what?

She was like, well, I mean, we'd had five, six kids. You were the sixth kid, you know? Yeah. So, I mean, we figured you'd probably be the last one and then gabriel came five years later when we were 42 and i was like man yeah i because i remember i remember my mom being like hey we're having one last kid you? But she was like 41, and we were all like, what?

You know? Yeah, yeah. Everybody was like, damn! You know? But it was, I mean, it was cool. I mean, she was healthy. I think that played a big part in it.

I think some women, like, just, like, genetically can have kids for longer. For sure. Don't get... It isn't so horrible on their bodies. You know what I mean? Yeah. I was a horrible kid.

I was horrible to have. I was a big old boy. Same. It's nice to be the reason your mother has those veins in the back of her calves. Yeah. Just from being a big old turd coming out. Yeah, she was a fat fuck. I think I was 9 pounds, 9 ounces.

My brother was 9 pounds, 12 ounces. I was around there too. Probably 9 and a half i don't know something like that but it it's like i also to like i i think i posted that on twitter one time when will was like it's it will senate was like a shout out to will i think he was like uh if you'd have been my son you'd been a linebacker i wouldn't let you do anything else and i was like it's gotta i know my mom doesn't think that way but it's like you have a you have a fat baby who grows to be i'm not a big guy but i'm like me and my brother are both over six feet it's like

y'all didn't nothing will is great because you can tell he was like raised to be an uncle yeah right like he like he ever since i first talked to him it was like he was he was uh like an uncle who was it was like we were two uncles of a non-existent family is what i felt like talking to him where he was like the the sports one where he you know where he like was just you know talking about shit and then uh then, you know, Nate was talking about NASCAR. And then, I don't know, I was just saying things about the wind or something like that. And it was just like, it was like being part of it. You're the CTE uncle.

Yeah, I imagine, like, being there was like, you know, if somebody could just have that Zoom call, like, looping in their heads, it would be like being stuck at a horrible family reunion um yeah but anyway i don't i don't know what kind of uncle yeah i for sure both of them listen to listen to their show yeah closer look is a very good show listen yeah close looks awesome uh the latest season uh you not to, but I have two lines in it. So watch out for those. Careful.

Careful. Careful because he's doing VO work right now. Yeah, yeah. I've often thought that, like, because, like, I have, like, Ashley has nephews, so I have nephews, and so I'm like, what kind of uncle am I going to be? I'm not the sports uncle. Like, I'm really into mixed martial arts, a little UFC, but it's not a well-enough established sport like football,

so it's like there's the football uncle. There's the baseball. The baseball uncle is like an American quintessential guy to be. I think I'm probably going to be the uncle that's like you're like the rock and roll uncle you know what i mean yeah yeah like the like oh like uncle jake is like you gotta like when when they catch their son smoking weed for the first time it's like and i fucking want can you tell him to like not and i'm gonna be like hey dude you start smoking weed and then six months later you're doing fucking hospice medicine you better cut that shit out you won't end up like uncle Jake

and they're like well you're doing pretty good for yourself you know and I'm like well fuck I should have let my life fall apart more for longer you know what I mean uh assuming that like this trajectory I don't know I've actually taken quite a few L's in a short amount of time. So I don't know. I was going to say this trajectory has been, but I took a couple big ones this year. That's okay. So it's all right. You did get laid off pretty recently.

I don't know if you remember that. But you lost your job. And your health insurance. Yeah, your dad died too. I don't know if you remember. I don't know if that slipped your mind, but yeah, he did this way. Pretty tragically too. I don't know if you forgot that.

Yeah. It kind of ruined your life for a while, remember? And it's still obviously something like that never goes away. Never goes away. You're like the kind of guy who you're like, oh, I don't like to let my friends get too comfortable because i want to see them grind harder so like well my buddy i got this buddy jake dude he's been he lost the weight you know he's working out we got this show together but every now and then i just like hey remember that time your dad died tragically just yeah i'll just like every time like on every friday at midnight whenever his direct deposit hits i don't

want him to feel too comfortable with that. So I'll just send him a picture whenever he was 400 pounds. And I'll just say, hey, you think you're cool now, but you still got a lot of work to do. In a few years, I want you to look back at pictures of you now and say, I can't believe that was me

at that time. I want you to get down to 25 pounds. I want you to get down to 25 pounds. And I want you to get down to 25 i want you to get down to 25 pounds and i want you to be six foot ten and you gotta get the bone lengthening surgery for manlets even though that you're like of above average height you just you gotta see honestly what i would get if i were to get one of those i mean i wouldn't get this all right but if i were to get a surgery like that i wouldn't want to be taller but i would want my arms to be a normal length because my arms are really short and it's honestly annoying for doing stuff sometimes because like i gotta like

sometimes bend down to reach into my pocket if i got deep pockets. And it feels weird to do that. As a grown man, I feel like I got the arms of like lengthwise of like a 16-year-old to where they're like almost there but not quite. And then the rest of my body is like kind of normal proportions. I don't know. It just bothers me. It's good for bench press but nothing else. There's that picture when we were hanging out with jacob at

uh twin peaks and we all took the picture together and there's like maybe only an inch or two discrepancy between the three of us but like my arms are like by my knees and my legs start like mid torso and like you like pointed out you're like my legs start like my mid thigh yeah like your legs start where like my knee almost starts or whatever yeah like yeah you have like a very long torso and then like that like your limbs are like it's it's very it's a very interesting build you got going it's fucked up for jeans because really like for jeans to really fit me i need to wear like short fat guy jeans even though i'm not short or fat because i have something like a 34 30 fits me like perfectly but that's like that that's a jean for like a slightly maybe like a slightly

chunky like 5 8 dude yeah yeah yeah it's so fun i'm at i'm having to to move into the like like as i've been at like just i guess like working out more and eating better or whatever I'm having to move into the like like as I've been at like just I guess like working out more and eating better or whatever the fuck like I'm entering I'm entering like the size of jeans where you're allowed to be made fun of again but for a different reason I used to

be 38 34 and that's a very funny that's very funny dude 38 is such a dangerous size because you know if you hit 40. It's game over, dude. Once you hit a 40 waist as a man, it's like, all right. It's either make a big change or it's over. Go home.

In the next year, you've got to be either a 34 or a 50 waist size. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm entering where you can get mocked again, but from the other side. Like I'm entering 32, 34, 30, 34. Nice, nice. That's good. Well, it's like – I feel like 32 waist is optimal.

It's fine. 30 is like – because I'm like 30, in between 30, 30. But you're not built super wide. No. I feel like for you that's probably a good size. But once you get sub 30 as a grown man. We sound like Red Scare right now.

Honestly, if you could get down to 170, I think that would be perfect for your build. If you could have 6% body fat year-round, I think that would be really good for build. Yeah. If you can have like a 6% body fat year-round, I think that would be really good for you. I think you'd feel great. Man, to me, Red Scare for Guys is all the fitness podcasts by the dudes that are on test that are like, yeah, bro. So it's like basically I need to eat 8,000 calories a day to keep up with the weight.

But I feel disgusting and I hate myself. I love the guy nutrition that's just vibes-based to where they're like, honestly, I think I kind of feel better if I eat a big block of butter in the morning, and then I just read poems, and then I'll just sort of run really fast at my neighbor's house and back. It's just a guy having a manic episode every time you see one of those. They act like they've unlocked like something Buddha couldn't discover

by going on like I don't know they seem like forum guys who got like I don't know. No it's what it is. It's like the like everything now is in that world and in other worlds too to some degree, whatever world we inhabit. If there's a trend that catches on, you hop on that trend as well to make content.

And so the carnivore diet is like guys are like, yeah, I used like like big time like you know autoimmune stuff and then i started eating three ribeyes a day and and that's just that's it you know and then some ground beef for dinner and now i have diarrhea all the time and i feel sick constantly but i don't get rashes anymore yeah guys were like it turns out i had celiac so instead of being bloated i'm giving myself colon cancer this year yeah i love that jordan peterson did it because it's like if a power lifter's doing it i'm like all right well he's kind of got to and then jordan peterson was on like rogue and he was like i started doing the the carnivore diet at your at your uh suggestion and uh and i gotta say you know i i i struggled with the anxiety and then now i've been having

two steaks in the morning and one in the evening and now i still cry often but i feel more vitality is it doesn't make sense it's weird because i i mean another thing about it that annoys me is like how good vegetables are when you get old they're so awesome like once you get even okay at cooking having like green beans and shit is is great i wouldn't i wouldn't steamed go ahead like broccoli yeah you get like some some brussels sprouts some whatever like if you cook it right it's good I and it doesn't it's not that filling either it's like you can still eat a big steak I don't think the I don't think the green beans are gonna do anything bad you know what I mean it's common sense. Nobody's ever been eating a vegetable and they're like, this is what's holding me back. Those guys will like, one of those dudes, Carnivore MD, he's a fucking moron.

He's like, plants have defense mechanisms. When you eat broccoli, it's got a poison in it to make you sick so you don't eat it it causes inflammation and his reasoning is is that eating plants some most vegetables uh have like chemicals they release when you eat them so you don't eat them anymore which is like when you eat like five pounds of ground beef, your body recoils in terror. Yeah, so that is true with broccoli and some of those that they do. It's harder to digest raw, but there's a process they've been working on called fucking cooking your food that, as it turns out, helps with that. Yeah, yeah. I mean mean it's still new technology

people are just now starting to cook their food some of them are digging holes and then maybe putting the food onto a stick and dangling it over the the pit you know they've also they've got different methods but typically what we're seeing now in the carnivore community is a thing called cooking your food before you eat it there's this crazy thing we we had in the last like 150 000 years too it just hit the scene uh it's called molars uh they grind up fibrous material i that it's it's it's hot off the presses so i don't know how everybody knows about these but you have square strong teeth in the back of your mouth it's good for turns out you'll get a stomachache if you swallow a corncob whole. Who knew?

He's like shirtless at Walmart. He's like, guys, guys, guys, you really can't be eating a corncob raw and whole. Like it's just – I don't know what these vegans are up to these days. It's crazy stuff. and whole like it's just yeah i don't know what these vegans are up to these days it's crazy stuff yeah i think i mean i also think most fitness guys are not good at cooking with exceptions i think most of those bodybuilder guys are not like i see the meals they make and i'm like that's not good well you're not making good food like the meal prep shit, when they don't, they like, maybe they'll salt and pepper the chicken or do like garlic powder or whatever,

but it's like rice, chicken, broccoli, and they like just put the same seasoning on all of it. It's never, it doesn't look good. Well, some of those guys take the, like the Jay Cutler, Ronnie Coleman approach where it's like you don't want any salt when you're doing a cut because it makes you hold water. Right. So like into some degree, like it's an old school way of like, it's not supposed to look or taste good.

It's just calories in calories. I mean, at that point it is an eating disorder though. No. Right. And that's what I'm saying though. It's like we've advanced, like there's like, those guys were in back in their day and in Arnold's day, it was like, but like we know more shit now. And like, you don't like, we've advanced. Those guys were, back in their day and in Arnold's day, it was like, but we know more shit now. And you just need to limit water intake.

I mean, I only know this from reading about weight cutting for fighters. But it's like, those guys, the high-level dudes, they have chefs. And they cook great food for them with salt. And it's like, yeah, you just limit water intake and while you're cutting which is what you're supposed to do so your body doesn't have anything to hold on to it sucks because you're not drinking water and you get dehydrated but like it bodybuilders and fighters both have to limit you know what i'm saying so it's right back in like but those guys on the fitness influencer guys it's like uh you know they they share that you know that, that Ronnie Cole. Or, no, I think it was Rich Piana that was like, everybody's like, rice, broccoli, chicken doesn't taste good.

It's not supposed to fucking taste good. You do it because you want to look good or whatever the fuck. You know what I mean? Like, that mentality, I feel like, leads a lot of guys to having, yeah, like a full-blown eating. Which is what it is. Like, it's not. Like, if you, I don't know. I mean, I want i'm not maybe i'm projecting but when i see a dude who's psychotically big like in person or on the internet i'm like oh that guy has big problems

and that's okay yeah i mean i mean I think most people have some degree of what could possibly be called body dysmorphia. I think everybody has it in their brain. It's just with some people it's a lot harder to fight that. You know what I mean? For sure. I think every guy I know who's in the gym a lot has at least some degree of it. But I've also, I've met people

before where I was like, Oh, this is like uniquely bad in your situation. Yeah. Like for me, like I spent like on vacation, I let it all hang out. I fucking drank, drank, drank eight, eight, eight, drank, drank, drank, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm just like, now I'm like, all right, I'll work it off, whatever the fuck. But like, I've known guys been friends with dudes that are like, we're out somewhere and you know we're like hanging with the boys you know and they're like they don't even have like anything coming up it's not like a fight or like a like a bodybuilding thing or whatever they're like yeah you know it's just uh vodka and water for me i'm gonna have one i hate the way it

tastes but you know i'm like hey man let's go let's go chat i'm gonna give you a hook i love you and these are guys that are like shredded year round but, you know, I'm like, hey, man, let's go. Let's go chat. I'm going to give you a hug. I love you. And these are guys that are like shredded year round or whatever the fuck. And I'm like, hey, brother, you know, I never know. I feel like and this is this is my I don't mean for this to sound like sort of like inconsiderate, but I feel like there's more of a market for women to talk openly about that stuff. Men like it's more of a market for women to talk openly about that stuff men like it's weird yeah with men it's like making excuses you know yeah yeah well it's like it excuses but also like to approach a friend and be like hey dude i think you might have like an eating disorder oh yeah

like that like like like a buddy you know what i mean? For women, you can write big, long articles about it and shit, and then it's like a thing that's good. They get that out. It's cathartic. They make documentaries. It's awareness. But then I feel like for guys, it's like, hey, I work out three hours a day, and I'm counting macros and protein.

It's like, oh, dude, you're getting your life together. You know what I mean? Like, oh, shit. You're really –'re you're fucking you're turning the game up i see you nice six-pack man how much have you had to eat today i had a glass of water and i had um exactly 0.62 ounces of chicken and i had exactly a quarter cup of rice and that's basically me all day and you're like goddamn man you're really getting after it. Whereas like in your head, you're like, that's bad. You know what I mean? I don't know.

I could be projecting, but it's like I – And again, I know – I mean for some people it's healthy to have a routine, but I think it depends on how austere it is. When it's something like – I don't know. Yeah, for sure. Like whenever I – Go ahead. Go ahead yeah, for sure. Like, whenever I... Go ahead.

Go ahead. No, no, you're good, you're good. I think also, like, some people have more addictive brains, you know what I mean? Where whatever they do, they get so into it that it consumes them, you know? Like, I know a lot of people who have struggled with alcohol or drug problems who get really into fitness. Yeah, yes, yes. And they get so into it that it becomes almost a destructive thing. But it's like, well, you don't want to tell them to go back to drinking or whatever.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of weird. No, that's like something super common that I've known with people who've gotten sober. It's like they get into a really expensive, weird hobby, A, which is like they get into cars or like woodworking or like making model trains. Or they like they spend six hours a day at the gym and they start like counting every single thing that they eat. And it's like, yeah, you don't want to tell the B side like, hey, man, you look great, dude. Like you definitely look better.

And I'm sure you feel better than when you were drinking 20 beers a day and a bottle of vodka and pills and stuff but it's like no I gotta fucking I'm up at the gym everyday too also there's a whole world the masculine motivational speaking world of like you gotta wake up at 4 in the morning get after it fucking pussy

and it's like ah no I'm so good I'm sorry the army turned you into a fucking psycho like I'm sorry the army turned you into a fucking psycho like i'm sorry that you uh got turned into sort of a machine by the state i don't need to do that if you need to wake up at 3 30 in the morning and dunk your whole body in ice water and then run 10 miles and then fucking squat to failure just to get your shit going i'm super fucking sorry i'm sorry i for me it's a cup of coffee you know some stretching and you know i go hit the bag and then that that's that's me you know

i don't need to be doing all that shit shout out to fucking david goggins or whatever his fucking name is i'm he's got money he wrote a book called like fucking get up off your ass loser and i guess it's good for him and his family or whatever but uh oh dude uh i don't speaking of him i'm just just rambling have you ever seen that instagram live video of him he's doing handstand push-ups in just some empty room of his house and he's not 30 have you seen this one he's like he goes 38 39 40 41 we're hitting 100 a day. And people are, like, liking and commenting. Who's going to carry the fucking boats? Who's going to carry them?

Who's going to fucking do all this shit or whatever? And I guess it was a woman's voice. You hear the door open. And I'm assuming it's his wife. I don't fucking know. But she's like, dinner's ready. We're all about to be downstairs. And you could hear people talking.

So I don't know if it was his family or they were at an event hosted at their house. He's like, I got 60 more and I ain't stopping. We ain't stopping. He's talking to his Instagram live people and she's like, I'm just letting you know that dinner's ready. He's like, all right then, 51.

I'm like, dude, it's so awesome to be so dedicated to your brand and and then also psychotically to fitness that like a loved one i don't know who it was but a loved one in your life is like hey we're gonna host dinner tonight you know that and you're like yeah give let me i need to deadlift 900 pounds before i can go downstairs and talk to people. It's like, it's whatever, it's what you're talking about where it's like, yeah,

it's good to be healthy. It's like good to exercise, but it definitely, I think for people with an addictive, like I have it not to that degree, but like I have in the past, like worked out way too much. Like it just,

you know, like I, I have the thing where like I, I get really hyper obsessive and I, you know, and when I wasn't drinking for that stretch, that's kind of where I was. Because it's the only thing that would give me like any sort of dopamine. Like it genuine. Like I can look at my phone and like you can post, damn, I got my nut stuck in the panini press. And then like 100 people like it.

And you're like, all right, well, that's good for the day. But then there's the kind you get from working out that's like better or whatever the fuck. But man, nothing is good. Just doing like an anti-sobriety podcast, you're like, hey, all that shit's great, but nothing is good as exactly six beers. I'm telling you, like nothing is as good,

I swear to God, the four to seven beer window if i could just live there because eight you're causing you're not necessarily causing problems but you're not you're not at your best three is like okay it's a good day i'm having a good day but i still got some shit on my mind the four to seven beer window is like if they could put that in a pill this is xanax but if they could like if that it didn't ruin my life oh man the doctor scientist if you can feel like that when you meditated yeah yeah dude i love when when i have a i had a friend we're still friends whatever he like he got sober and he was like, dude, like he got really into the yogi, like mindfulness stuff

and he's like, dude, transcendental meditation really helped me. And I was like, man I can't speak for every person with an addictive personality who's struggled with drugs and alcohol. My brain is like, all fucking day. The moment I wake up the moment I wake up, it's like

and then I go to sleep. So I have to slow it down somehow. And lately it's been vigorous, exhausting exercise. And I read and that's it. But if I'm fucking the game up, it's four to seven beers three to four times a day. Or I'm sorry, a week. And damn. I was like, he's killing himself yeah but it's like i don't we've talked about it before it's like the guy that's like

that guy you hear guys talk about it like if you've been to meetings or like you've known people that get sober and they're like bro i went out pike's peak as way better than heroin i used to fucking shoot black tar baby and now I climb a mountain and it's the same it's not the same listen it's great it's great to feel good about yourself

it's great to be sober it makes your life way easier to manage that's true what's also true is 4 to 7 beers feels awesome i don't know i don't know how else to put it i'm not saying go out and do pills i'm not saying fucking go out and snort coke or fucking do heroin or whatever i am saying that there's something medical that happens

in a man's brain when he has four to seven mid abv beers you can't have four to seven triple ipas because then you're having 15 beers which is bad four to seven budweiser's is just on a hot summer day get the fuck out of here there's no amount of marathon running or swimming in the ocean or climbing a mountain that even fucking it comes close it It's just, my mouth's watering thinking about it. And I'm not drinking right now. I drank too much on vacation. I'm back on the wagon. We're living pure.

But I'm thinking about it, and I'm like, oh, God. You know, it's just. Yeah. Imagine talking to your son. He's like 16, and he's like, dad, I drank at a party. And I don't know, you know, I don't feel good this morning, and you're like, yeah, you know, advice I would give you is if you could just have four to six every day for the rest of your life and never more, nothing bad will ever happen to you.

Like, nothing bad. If you start having ten a day, then me and you need to have a talk. And you can have less than four that's great but at anywhere four to six four to seven maybe doctors recommend 30 to 40 beers a week yeah generally for the sake of your liver it helps yeah helps yeah it's stronger it strengthens it you know iron sharpens iron. So, typically, my iron, Bloodwiser, Jim Beam. You know, some people's iron, the rowing machine, 50 miles a week. You know, our family's a little different. We were kind of bred for this.

It's legitimately in our genetic DNA or in our code to kind of live this way, you know. But, you know, it's a lifestyle. And I would never encourage alcoholism on anybody no you know it's uh it's it's the worst thing you could do it should be alcoholics should be in prison but yeah um if you're listening to this that means that you are sober and you have your life together uh that's right and i'm super proud of you guys for cleaning your act up these last few months because it's been a hard few months it's hot everywhere there ain't no place safe it's the hottest june on record and that means that you know your body's saying it's so hot this june that it's july it's that goddamn you're right. That is fuck, man.

That's how hot June is. Sometimes it's so hot it just skips a month. You forget what fucking month it is. If you're out there and you're sweating your dick off, I got a great idea to cool yourself off. If you want to go to patreon.com slash pandeo time, you're going to want to toss us five bucks a month. We had a solid number of subs last month,

and a solid number of those guys didn't resubscribe which hey when you when you throw a big net uh sometimes some of the fish stay in the net and sometimes you got to throw them back it's not your fish but if you're one of the fish that stayed tell your friends i could always use more fish me and thomas could use more fish we love fish i love fishing and i love my friends and you guys are all my friends if you pay for the show if you listen to the free ones, we're an acquaintance. You're an acquaintance of mine. We're on a last-name basis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You call him White. You call me Rhodes. It's just, hey, what's up, White? What's cracking, Whitey? Love the ring of that. Yeah. Yeah.

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