Pendejo Time - A Song About A Ball

Episode Date: July 30, 2026

chippy dippy dopey duckPLEASE COME TO ORLANDOhttps://www.alexsundergroundcomedy.com/event-details/jake-rhodesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I've been listening to AI country rep pretty much all week. It's mostly part of it. It's an experiment of mine because I've been getting it. I fucked my algorithm up real bad and I've been getting a lot of like three like videos of tweakers. Just completely out of their mind, like tweaked out of their mind in junkyard or their backyard, listening to like AI songs about being in their backyard smoking cigarettes

and they this has got to be crazy sorry for everyone listening and just tuning in it's the beginning of the episode so that makes sense if you if you're high on meth

and other drugs and alcohol it's got to be awesome to pick your phone up and to be like make a song about being on meth in the backyard and make it a dubstep country rap now and then your phone

and your name is in the phone is in the AI so it generates and it's like James is outside smoking meth with his dog James is outside

smoking cigarettes in the fall James is out and they do this I'm going to assume by scrubbing through their accounts for hours and days and they make their own

AI songs about their lives which are bad I'll keep that a buck with you. But I found a song on Instagram that a lot of fat Southern ladies like to sing along to. It's called, I thought it was called chippy-dippy-dopie-ducky duck because that is, it's all gibberish.

And the only part of the song that's intelligible is about a green ball. And so I search up, Thomas, I search up chippy-dippy-dopie-dop-dug. and I find an AI Spotify link by a woman named Gina James Songwriter. And Gina James Songwriter is a bunch of AI-generated photos of an old lady holding a guitar. And her number one song, Thomas, is called Emerald Jade Green Ball. And it's about a green... The song is about a green ball. So I want to just...

go. And and and the chippy dippy-dipidoo. Listen, there's chippy-dippy-dope-duck, lead a be to boat a butt. These are gibberish parts of the verse. She has songs, or whoever's running this account, I'm assuming some Singaporean teenager or Moldovan teenager or a Filipino teenager, just a teenager from a country that either has a really high GDP, so why are they doing this, or really low? And so it makes sense. I'm going to play it for you now. I don't think we'll get DCMA'd because, because who the fuck? You know what I mean? He'd go. I'm gonna play this now. This is gonna be loud.

I don't know how to turn that. Okay. Some of you probably like, why the fuck are you starting the episode this way? This isn't funny. This is very funny and interesting to me. this song has 700,000 streams This woman, or presumably whoever runs her account, has 80,000 monthly listeners.

I know punk bands who would torture a dog for days to have as many plays as lead to be to boat a butt or chippy dippy dopy duck or even, dare I say, Emerald Jade Greenball. Are these different songs? These are all different songs, but because the person knows,

because this song is very viral on TikTok, and Instagram. Like hugely, hugely popular with some of the sexiest men and women that God ever, that God ever fucking crafted from fucking, from dust and from the water in the sky and from the fucking clouds in the air. And so because Lita Bita Bita Bota But, Chippy Doby-Duby Duk, Dima Damadol, are all three of the most searched terms. I found this out of research as well.

people you can go on your phone or your computer and you can go into google and you can type in chippy and it'll say the first thing comes was chippy dippy dopy duck so is their SEO gaming it and then if you click on that song that's not emerald jade green ball i want to be fucking 100% clear on that that's not emerald jade green ball chippy diopy dopy duck is a is a slower more of a love song about a duck that lives outside now i have not i cannot discern what lead a beat a boat of butt is about But I got to tell you, it's driving me fucking insane. And many of you guys were listening in your car and you're like, why? And to that, I say, I don't know.

But I like the idea. There's also one called Gobble Glitch. Now, gobble, hold on a second. Sorry. I miss Bobbill Glitch is the artist. Okay. His song, Backwoods 808, is a dubstep. country rap song

and the whole song is about turkeys and dubstep well a lot of his songs are about turkeys that go gobble and then the glitch house genre slash drum and bass slash dubstep and the guy that wraps over does an A-ya-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-boh-

I got two big dogs and two big jobs and everybody wants to sit on a log and it's on log and it does that for seven to eight minutes So I'm listening to this shit pretty much all day for the last six days or so. And I've gotten, I'm realizing that poor people really like this stuff. People that, hmm, people that I know and love, they love this stuff.

And also, had I not, had I continued to work in the warehouse, I probably would have eventually listened to Emerald J. Greenball and been like, this kind of. is bangs. You know what I mean? Like I probably would have been in a situation where I would have heard gobble glitch and been like,

we're going to put this on in the work truck and that's going to be about the end of that. You know what I mean? It's another, dare I say, like a near miss.

Like when an asteroid comes within like 80 million miles, you know, Earth's atmosphere and the scientists are like, well, if this made impact,

it'd be over. And you get to watch at the night sky and you're like, wow, how beautiful. That's beautiful. And you get to see it street by it.

And then there's a part of you that goes, Because in another universe similar to this one, this hits. This hits like the ocean sea, and it just, we have another instinct, like a Yucatan extinction level event. Emerald Jade Green Ball. You know, gobble glitch, basically. And no, this isn't a cry for help. I don't want anyone to think this is like a...

No, no, I mean... I've seen your face the whole time. We've been recording, and I don't want anyone to think this is. This is a lot of stuff that sucks ass. Let's be clear about that. This is a lot of bad stuff. Yeah, and so... And so...

And so... Yeah, there's just something very funny to me about being like, hey, can you put on Emerald Jade Greenball? It's something... I feel like you would be like, hey, I got a new song I want to show you. I spend 12 hours working on it in audacity. I've been working on it for like three weeks.

See, if somebody makes it... that's kind of cool to me yeah somebody puts a lot of effort into making really bad music that I appreciate yeah yeah yeah but when it's like not even like when it's like somebody's farted

and that's just it's like like that's what that is to me it's like if somebody farted and a bunch of people were coming over to smell it yeah yeah wow this actually smells really bad it smells like shit let me bring some other people over here let me show this to everybody

Let me show this butt stink to everybody in the room. Wow, yeah, I've been listening to butt stink in part lately. Hey, could you... Good once you get over the smell. Could you get it? Could you put out poop mud and butt barn, please? Yeah. Fuck.

I know most people don't like poop, but I've been listening to pee lately. Philist through a lot of piss jug. I've been putting... Also, um, the... Because the AI is only... You know, every AI... I'm assuming they're using Suno or similar. It's only as good as its data sets.

All the male rappers sound like some version of Jam Wayne. And all the female rappers sound like some version of the... I don't know if you know her as Sierra the rapper. She's from like Kentucky or something. She's white. And she's real. She makes real rap music about turkey legs. And I don't know.

Maybe she has a song about a green ball. I don't know. But they sound like them. That's who they... That's who the AI kind of sounds like. You know, because there's just so much Because both of those people, they do the thing When you live in the South and you're a musician

Like, you know how Lil White had Gucci did this? Gucci had like 700 songs that he released like from prison It's why you can make so many Gucci It's very easy. A couple of them are good A lot of a handful of them are really East Atlanta Santa I mean come the fuck on That is a certified hood classic But um

Um Um Yeah, it's, it's, uh, it's alarmingly, I kind of feel bad for my friends that died, my friends that did meth and pills and drugs that are dead. I mean, I feel bad for their families because they're dead, but also they didn't get to. Yeah, it's usually not like a great family otherwise though. Right, 100%. It's always comforting, like, well, you know. At least they're not in that anymore.

Demanding they stick around for the family. you know, stick around for the friends, maybe. Maybe, yeah, the friends. Some of those. Stick around for the new limited edition Taco Bell boxes that are going to be in your future, you know. Yeah, well, I guess it's like, I wish they got to experience,

I mean, I try to think like, dude, there have been times that I've been yacked out and fucked up and how cool it would have been to be like, make a rap song about, um, make a rap country song about two dogs. that live on a farm and they're scheming to kill the farm owner and then they're going to get legal paperwork and become humans

and then I could just listen to that. Like that seems like something that if your mind is so addled with stimulants and like fentanyl, it seems incredible. It's got to be incredible. You know what I mean? Like it's got to be so fucking invigorating to be like to have that at your fingertips. I totally understand, you know, why they're into that stuff.

But anyway, that's, that's Jake's, It's not a conspiracy so much as is The people making money off this stuff It's like when you find out that one of the biggest Maga accounts or the biggest Israel accounts on X or Twitter X the everything at When you find out there from like Uganda And they're clearing like

Dude they're clearing like $200 a month on ex payouts And you're like I thank you I mean I totally understand why you're destroying my country Because 200 books goes long, 200 U.S. dollars goes a long way in Uganda. So I thank you for destroying the psyche of my country. I actually totally understand.

We're doing it ourselves and you're contributing to it. But, I mean, get your paper up. Make Emerald Jade Greenball. Make fucking lead a beat a bow to butt. Make fucking chippy dippy dopy duck. Make all, make your money. Just know that I hate you. You know what I mean?

Just know that I can't. I do sanction your buffoonery insofar as I want everybody to eat and get their paper up. but you've taken a week of my life away from me that I willingly gave you but you did take it you know what I mean? Like you took it you didn't have

if you didn't exist I wouldn't have relinquished it in the first place you know what I mean? The thing also is you can live in Uganda and be like a surgeon these guys aren't in a sand castle you know what I mean? Yeah

you can a hundred percent that guy doesn't have to do that You can live in an apartment. You can live in France. Yeah, it's true. You can live in a sky rise. I think they've got a couple cities in Uganda. Life in Africa is amazing.

Dude, you know, I always, always. I'd love to go to Africa at some point. I want to go. I want to travel there. I want to go to fucking the Gambia. You need to get Jake to Africa right now. Yeah, go fund me. Get Jake to Africa. I'm going to need about 10 bands.

10 wrecks um dude actually we got back from the alps and uh we're already talking about like our next trip you know we're gonna save up for it like we do like every two years bro I want to go to Thailand real bad you know she's like oh my god I would love to go to India

and I was just I think every time she brings it wanting to go to India I think about your fucking your Thomas's tourism corner when you're like hey I love I love the videos of the Taj Mahal and I love the videos of the elephants. If we could remove from the India Tourism, Instagram, if you could remove the videos of the guys making food with their feet, and then the river, you've got to get that river out there.

Yeah, the river's so funny to be, dude. You got to get that river out of the video. Yeah. At least stop zooming in. Zoom out. Do a big drone aerial. Do a wide shot of the river. There's a burning box.

and there's a cow that's bloated as fuck from being dead for a year 25 cats There's a cow that if a cat If a fly landed on it It would explode And take out half of India

And there's a bunch of kids Eating drinking water out of a diaper Yeah yeah There's kids in there with like huge hands The funniest dude The funniest is when they're like Yeah we we put the trash in Because the river

Well it cleans itself thankfully And then they just They just You see somebody like throw a bone and it just sits perfectly still in the river. It doesn't even get moved by the water at all. It doesn't sink to the bottom. I have no idea.

It's made out of like fudge, I think. Oh my god, dude. I saw a really funny India video of a guy. It's literally, it's like being like hey, this is a secret room in my house and you just take me to the bathroom and there's poop in the toilet. This room

is the most important room. This is the best room. Like you have really good rooms Yeah, the whole house is nice Yeah, it's a really nice place Yeah, yeah But I think I mean, engagement bait everywhere

If you're making it, that's the move For sure, yeah Those guys know that they're putting up a video Of them making food with their ass Yeah, they do, yes, they 100% Yeah, it's like those super corny Like super sincere Almost like soap operative

like drama type sketches and skits that they'll do where it's like a guy trying to get a girl's heart and then he's heartbroken and all this stuff it's like they are being funny yeah yeah yeah like people are always like yeah and do you guys wonder

why they fucking have no game or whatever yeah so they clearly do have game there's a fucking two billion of them yeah also like they don't asexually procreate yeah they they They know what it is.

Also, like, it is very funny. One time I had, for college, I had to go to this Indian, like Hindu temple as a part of a world religions class. But they wouldn't let me in because I hadn't showered that day.

And they're like, yeah, I'm sorry. I answered, hey, the guy was like, have you washed? And I was like, I was like, showered? And he was like, yes. And I was like, nah. I came here straight from class and he's like, sorry, I can't let you in,

but you can take pictures from outside to ask many questions you want. And I remember thinking to myself, the architecture is beautiful, white, like carved, looked like limestone, very ornate. And all the gods were there, the elephant guy, the blue lady,

you know, sorry if I don't know the names. But to be so fucking particular about your temple, and then to just kind of be so laissez-faire about the river, is really like I don't

I mean to be fair That guy's not in charge of the river That's very true Yeah He's controlling what he can control He's white I can't control what happens in Texas If every time a guy

blew the chest out of a sonic You know Drive-in Barista Because she forgot to put A Marasino cherry in his cherry Limeon every time that happened Everybody at work was like

Yeah did you hear what happened in Texas Yeah When a Thompson's friends fucking, yeah, fucking ran over an Asian lady with his King Ranch, you know, and now I'm on the hook for that. That's not fair. Yeah, it's like, whoever is in charge of that river, let's at least, here's, okay, here's

the deal. You can keep putting bodies in there for whatever reason. That's fine. They float away. Yeah. That goes away. Also, probably the, whatever, the vulture situation, probably thriving over there. Yeah.

How about no more trash? Okay. No more single-use plastics. Yeah, yeah. No more. I think if we keep it not on fire, and we keep it no more just actual trash, we should be pretty good.

I agree. I'm not going to tell people where to put their bodies. No, yeah. If you want your body to get just fucking thrown into a shitty body of water, I don't really care. I'm not going swimming there anyway. If you want to have your body dumped in mineral wells, lake with a fucking anvil tied to your ankles that is fine with me there's probably a couple in

there yeah you know what yeah and um trying to i'm trying to think of the white guy version of the indian heartbreak videos you're talking about and i think it's the ones where it's a shirtless very fit young man in wranglers at with a cowboy hat and he's under a truck he's under a truck with just like a riobe drill and the bit on it is not something that is that there's no there's no bolt. There's no nut on like a C-10. The bit that's on the end of that, and he's just drilling,

and then he, like, scoots out from one of the truck, and he's like, city boys could never. You know what I mean? And it's like, part of me wants to believe that this is a joke, but I know that it's not. Because I know, I don't know any of them anymore, but I knew guys when I worked that were like that.

When I worked in the... I worked with a landscaper guy who would, he had a TikTok that was, pretty popping and he would go he had a mullet and uh you know a truck and all that um and he at the time

he's checked now but he was like a pretty small guy I mean just a tiny man uh-huh and he would do videos where he'd go country boy check and then he would you know flip the camera and it would be like his

windshield but it would just be like piece or Texas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And girls would be like, oh, my God, I love your truck. And it was so awesome.

It was. And then one time he got, he was going through an intersection, and he got T-bone by two cars going opposite directions at the same time, and it ripped his truck in a hat. Country boys. Country boy, Jack. Almost died. If he had passed away that way. That would not have been funny, but he's fine. So that is all right with me.

There's a guy blowing up on Instagram right now that's from your neck of the woods. I was it cash grabber 9,000 or something? I think he's from Weatherford or some shit. But he makes funny videos. He's got like a fancy skyrise in Dallas. And I always just assume that you know a guy who knows a guy who knows these people because Weatherford's so small. Yeah, you just said cash grabber.

were 1900 or whatever. I'm like, yeah, I don't know what guy names that. I mean, that's not his real name. I think his name's Holden. But, uh, but anyway, yeah. I wish Holden even narrowed it down.

Yeah, Holden Windsor. It's like a, it sounds like a moneyed name. I think the boy might be moneyed, but, uh, a lot of guys just named the cash

and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of guys are named cash and Trigger and Gunner. I knew a guy named, uh, Ruga. Yeah, I never heard a Ruger.

Yeah, after the gun. I knew, uh, you meet a lot of Colts. Colt, I knew, I knew a bunch of... Colt is a good name. Cash is also a badass name. Cash is a sick. Especially if your kid's going to do rodeo and he's named Cash. Oh, my God, that's awesome.

Yeah, yeah. Baseball or rodeo and you're named Cash or Colt or something like that. That's cool. Gunner, I knew a lot of gunners, but they were... Gunner is, um, not as cool of a name. Yeah. It was probably cool in Vietnam It makes me think like ADHD kid

You know what I mean? Yeah, no, what I'm saying is I think you're corrected That it's no longer cool But it was probably badass If you were Gen X named Gunner Like if your dad was in Vietnam Yeah, if your dad was like a silent generation guy

Or something like that Yeah, yeah, yeah Okay I'm gonna name my kid Grenadier Bombadeers Mollatob Brigadier General Rhodes Molotov White

IED White That Molotov White sounds pretty fucking cool Dude IED Dragonov Rhodes Dragonov Rhodes Dragonov Rhodes is fucking Suicide Vest White Collisionikov White

Riemington ACR Roads Now we're getting crazy I feel like Remington is another thing That could be another, that would be like a middle name. Adaptive combat rifle roads. Yeah, Remington is like a, I see a lot of my, a lot of my. It's short for rimming a ton of guys.

Rimming, yeah, yeah. A lot of guys that I see that I used to like, knew from the plants through my dad. Why has Ben calling me? They're like, welcome to the world. Yeah, it'll be like, welcome to the world trigger, trigger, Trigger Bullet Way in Trigger Bullet Johnson

Welcome to the world Colt Trigger Welcome to the world And I'm like Okay Like I mean We have a

We have a pandemic Of young people Who are getting addicted To Roblox Mass Shooting Simulators And if I got gun down By a guy named gun Gun

I mean I guess I would know I'd be in hell I wouldn't have father The first Jewish child named Cooper With a K Cooper with a K Yep

We've been infiltrated Cooper Cooper Rostin They're compromised Yeah We've got a Cooper We've got a Cooper in the building Dude it's got to be crazy

To be a lot To have Oh you know what I would fucking name my kid though Horse Horse? Horse or Hoss Hoss is cool Hoss but they have to get fat

If they're named Hoss They have to get fat as fuck Horse You could be a skinny tall guy named horse. Yeah. Horse. You could be a little guy

named horse too and that would be scary. Hoss is too like you gotta be five. The house is like Bubba. Yeah. It's like you got to just

be one. If you're a Bubba people Bubba um oh I had a great I have a great uncle dub.

Dub that's pretty sick dub short for W. Oh okay. I take you yeah that's for his regular name whatever that is. Yeah yeah. People in the South are lazy

though short and your initial and Dubb, I remember I've only ever seen him once. He's probably dead now, realistically. But I met him because I didn't meet him face to face in terms of shaking hands or anything,

but he showed up to my grandma's funeral. Nobody had seen him. And, I mean, in my entire life, I'd never seen this man. I literally thought he was dead. I'm like 18, 19 of this funeral. funeral. And seeing an old family member for the first time when you're an adult kind of rings some alarms. Yeah, yeah. Because it's like, where to have, like, you can do whatever you want,

but like, do you have a whole different thing going on than the rest of the family? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm probably going to be that guy, unfortunately. Probably. Me too, you know. But he shows up, you know, offers his brief condolence for his sister and then announces that he and his other sister will probably also die soon. And then I never see him again. Announcing that you will be dropping a sequel is really funny to do it. Hey, sister's dead and just a heads up guys.

Don't forget about me. Going to be dying in the future as well. Announcing that you will also die, it doesn't matter how old you are. Giving a eulogy and at the end going, by the way, someday I I'll follow suit

I think he said me and my sister will soon follow suit and then that was the that was how he wrapped it up we all got really mad at this at this guy that was at my dad's celebration of life because he kept making my dad's death about him

he'd be like it should have been me and it's like my dad didn't die of like an accidental overdose or a car crash like he killed himself and so that that doesn't hit You kick the chair out and your friend flops down dead next to you and so you. Oh, fuck. I didn't even realize you were here.

That's what I'm, it's like, he was getting all teary-eyed and he was like, my brother, you know, I always struggle with mental health stuff too. And it should have been me. And like, me and my brother were just- Fucking tripped over a door frame. I just remember getting so mad because I was like, it should have been me as like, if you survive a mass shooting or you die in war, your buddy dies in war or an overdose, y'all are doing drugs together. It should have been me does not apply to killing yourself. You know what I mean? Like you can like I should probably kill myself too.

Yeah, that's how it felt. Like I should have killed myself before Dave did. Oh, fuck. Dave won't be at my funeral. No, I can't kill. That was one of the only people I was going to have there. Yeah, dude, literally. Yeah, he, uh, he was a fucking creep.

I was going to, so speaking of guys that, like, show up and then leave, that got catfish. I've talked about here in a little bit. My uncle's and my dad's friend, Catfish. He lived in my uncle's garage for like a year. And no box fan, Thomas, no box fan, no big industrial fan, no heating, no air conditioning unit. Just slept in like a complete concrete hot garage with like an old Chevy Nova right next to him in the middle of the summer in Texas for a year. I mean, obviously summer's only a season, but you get what I'm saying.

It's hot. Yeah. And it gets cold also. Yeah, it gets really cold. He's deeply cold. And the guy's dead. I think he died of a heart attack because he really, really, really like beer and crack. But I'll go on record to say, I think I may have dodged a bullet with Mr. Fish as a young man.

Because I remember one time I went into the garage to get my dad a tool and Mr. Fish was in there. and he wasn't jacking off. He was just looking at a hustler magazine fully closed on. I was probably like 12. He was like, you ever seen one of these? And I was like, no.

And he was like, this is a pussy magazine. And I was like, oh, okay. He was like, you want to look at it? And I was like, no, I got to bring this tin mill this is a little socket wrench back to my dad or he's going to start yelling. And Mr. Fish was like, you can take a peek. And I was like, no, I really should get back in something.

Thank you. And I always thought that was like a funny story to tell. And then every time I've told it, everybody in the room goes, hey, man, you were nearly molested. Like, you were, you probably, like, like, when you go to dapp up somebody and you kind of, you don't touch the shoulder, you just let your hand hover there because you don't know them that good. That's how close, I guess, I came to probably getting, like,

my life irreversibly, you know, fucked or whatever. Yeah, never really. Why would you say yes to that? It was a guy. What do you mean? Like if it was a girl To get him molested I'm not saying

I'm not saying I would say yes I would have said no A guy tries to molest you Just Bring a girl If you're trying to molest me You want to molest me You want to molest me

Bring the right person Yeah bring no correct Look I'm eight years old But if you bring a hot bitch in here Yeah We'll make it happen Yeah I used to have

I think because of the world that young men are raised in. Yep. I did used to fantasize about being molested by a girl. Oh, okay. You know what? That, I'll go on record. I didn't.

I've never wanted to get molested. Like a hot teacher. You know what I mean? Like that thing. That's not, that's what I mean. I don't think it was like a, the thing also is I was homeschooled till like,

fourth grade. Yeah, yeah. That's a tough one. So from my, you know, awakening years. that was hand to God, thankfully, not something I was really thinking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I get that, yeah. But, yeah, I mean, I don't think I really, I mean, how do I put this? You know, the teachers that I had growing up in Pester, Texas, inspired just learning. You know what I mean? Yeah, not a lot of, uh, dime pieces, I'm guessing, teaching English.

I remember we had a volleyball coach that I thought was cute, but she thought it was really weird. She did not like my vibe at all. Like even like teacher to kid. No, not even not in that way, but in like, because I was wearing Converse at the time and I was sizing up too much. You know how they're really narrow? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was buying like size 15 converts. Jake and I was not, I had not. hit my growth spurt height wise you're probably what a size seven size eight at the time no i was uh i was like a size 12 oh okay that's my feet got really big before i that happened to me too i'm a size 13 since i was like in eighth grade like whenever i was in yeah i think ninth grade i wore a i wore a 14 actually but i was wearing i was buying 15s and then um Yeah, Converse, I can wear them now. I don't know.

I guess I just, I don't know. I guess I've just gotten used to my foot hanging over sometimes as opposed to having super, but I would wear a Batman shirt and really long clown shoes and basketball shorts every day. Uh-huh. And if I didn't, and then I also had a Flash shirt and a Bruce Lee shirt. And straight up, dude, I wore those three shirts just back to back to back, washed him, wore him again. And I didn't really like the flash at all.

Right. And it was one of my three shirts. Also, Batman never, I never been into comic books. Okay. Bruce Lee I was really into. Yeah, Bruce Lee was cool. I really liked. I still would, I was about to say, I would still, like, be really starstruck if I got a chance

to meet Bruce Lee. That's what I was going to say. Yeah. And now I want to say that in acknowledgement. how profoundly fucking stupid of a thought that is that's one of the dumbest things I've ever thought

I thought what an honor would be to meet Bruce Lee I mean it's been dead like decades before I was born yeah yeah before your brothers were born probably he died really early

yeah he's been he was literally never even a middle age guy yeah yeah I think he died it like he was like your age when he died yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah. Well, still, oh, and I remember my sense, my white sensei, did not think highly of Bruce Lee. Can I tell you why? Yeah, yeah.

Because he was too dumb to not mess around with drugs. Oh. Yep. I see what you mean. And that's why he died is because of drugs and not the fact that he had a severe eating disorder. he was literally at like 1% body fat his whole life and he tried to do some fucking pseudoscience like detox treatment or something yeah and that he got incredibly sick

was like experiencing organ failure almost he got like rabdo I think right and then the doctors were like if you ever try to do this again you're gonna die he tried it again and he died Like that's what happened of Bruce Lee I mean

I'm trying to see what he It would have been way better if he died of a Coke overdose Yeah Because that Dude imagine you just did The best Coke That the world will ever produce

And you're Bruceley I can't imagine Feeling better than that Actually being prime Jackie Chan In doing Coke probably Would feel amazing Because you don't know

the truth about Chris Tucker yet. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Imagine, dude, imagine knowing actual real ass Kung Fu and being on cocaine. Imagine you know six words in English. You show up to set

and you're talking to Chris Tucker. And they're like, wait, you're like, wait, is this like the Chinese, this is like Chinese Tom Cruise? This is Chinese Chinese but in English. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought you know.

This is English's version of Chinese. Yeah I always I like the Rush hour is like a relic A relic of culture Because No go ahead

Go ahead go ahead Sorry I have to get this off Before it's gone All right Yeah Okay here is a Chinese guy Conveying to his friend

That he has no idea What he just heard Okay I don't know They might as well Have been speaking English They might as well Have been speaking perfect English

God, that is such a fucking good joke That really is It's a good idea Keep that one in the pocket It's the only funny thought I've had in like a year Yeah yeah I've been on a writer's block lately And I don't know

Yeah I was just thinking like It is like a You know people always say Oh, Tropic Thunder is like a time capsule For the culture like 2008 It's like No, the entire joke from all the Rush Yard movies

Was like What if a black guy like a street smart jive-talking black guy had to work with a completely Chinese guy and the Chinese guy is the best

guy at fighting in the whole world that's an aside what if it was just because there's two guys you really don't see hanging out in the wild and it's Chinese guys and black guys like you don't see them you don't see them hanging out like you know unless you see Chinese

you see black Chinese guys and occasionally you even see Chinese black guys and I by that I mean in nature there are Chinese guys who are culturally black in some ways

sure and there are black guys who are culturally Chinese in some ways there are Vietnamese guys in Houston I've seen them and interacted with them and I've also seen a lot of videos especially if they like own some type of shop near second or third ward or fifth ward

usually a sandwich shop, maybe a gas station, pawn shop, or perhaps even a jewelry store, they will literally be like, what are you talking about me? Oh, yeah, like the Johnny Dave types.

Yeah, they'll talk in Abe, but they'll still be like, um, like they'll be like, you look wrong way, look wrong way. And you're like, oh shit,

like he's pissed off. He's like, look me again. Look me again for more time. And you're like, and like, like, there's not, like, when a white guy talks

in Abe, you're like, okay, best case scenario, he was raised in the hood, and that's fine. Some white guys are raised in the hood, and that's how they talk. I know a lot of guys that talk like that. I also grew up around a lot of Vietnamese guys who would be like,

we're going to go blow tree, smoke wheat. And you'd be like, we're going to what? Are you talking about rice? We are going to go have sandwich and then smoke wheat. We're going to roll down 24, a slam. Oh, wow. Are you a foreign exchange student? they've been in Houston for 40 years

visibly physically old is oh wow are you new here are you a foreign exchange student did you just move from fucking hoching man city brother the guy's name is on the front of the business yeah yeah oh wow

look tron yeah nice to meet you yeah get out store get out no no no hang out here and you're like dude let me tell you um hood people I bet they eat fast as fuck

Nah, they're like a... They're like... Talk about hood, Vietnamese dudes. Yeah, I bet... Yeah, yeah. I thought you just meant Vietnamese people. I'm like, aren't they like a... I mean, the guys with the pop polo collars.

Oh, yeah, pop polo collars. Yeah, I bet that, yeah. I love that Johnny Dang has a gold gun. It's funny that he, like, has supplied jewelry to guys who are doing, like, serious time. Because he himself, it's like, I hope he's not criminally. I hope he's got... I hope he's staying above board for dang's sake. cultural icon. He's a fucking national treasure.

Dude, when I was a kid... Dude, he's 100% not doing that. I know, but like, I don't know. I guess... When I was a kid, because I was from Houston, and I hung out in Houston a lot, I had this fantasy of like, dude, one day when I make it real big

and whatever it is that I do, I'm going to get me a dang. I'm going to go get me a dang piece. For those of you not in the know, Johnny Dang is a famous jeweler from Houston who's Vietnamese. I would still like a gold grill, like a bottom gold grill, but the one that, like a tasteful one. Yeah, I want a grill too.

I would need to make so much money. Yeah, yeah. I feel comfortable doing that. I would need to make like a quarter million dollars a year to buy. Because I had my earrings. I've been wearing the same fake earrings for like six years. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's like,

I would probably get, I would probably at least do that for, I've been thinking about... I would probably register my car in the state I live in. Yeah. Not even my car, my girlfriend's car. Yeah.

I don't even own a car. I've been thinking about getting piercings, but I'm 32. It feels like I... It feels too late, you know what I mean? I think I might get... I want to just... I want to keep the same piercings I have,

but get different earrings. Get like cool gold earrings at some point. Because I have... I just have little hoops, so it wouldn't be like an expensive thing. If I got my... nose pierced not nickel or whatever it is would you call me gay if you got your nose pierced yeah like my septum not my nose not like a stud on the side of my nose like my septum would that be okay

i'm 32 i'll be 33 and seven years the thing though is one of my best friends um Casey if you're listening he has had one for a long time now and um you know you get used to it. It's not a bad look for him. Now, will I always have my judgments? Absolutely. Sure, yeah, yeah. Like when your hair was really, really long, that looked bad. My hair? Yeah, at a certain point.

Brother. But my hair was really, really long. It also looked really bad. Hold on. Let's back this up. I've had long hair really long, basically our entire friendship, and this is the first time you ever came to me and just was like, yeah, that looked like shit. this is news to me you never told me no it didn't look like shit the whole time when did it look like shit give me a time frame like anytime you were visiting me specifically so every time well

you know what i mean like that like within the last two years it looked bad um was it because i didn't take care of it or was it just too long it was just it was um i think it just needed the dead ends trimmed which is a mistake i also made i let but my My issue was before I started taking care of my hair at all and I was just growing it out, I didn't really understand what buildup was. Yeah. And so I just got an insane amount of like shampoo built up in my hair. Yeah. And I was like shampoo comes out because I put water in it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I also was conditioning like the very tips of my hair. Yeah. And that was like it. Actually told me the same thing. She was like your ends are split and they're dead. You need to like cut all this off. And I was like, yeah.

No. Well, but one thing I will say that was your hair because it lies flat when it's long. Yeah. It didn't make your face look weird. My hair poofs out so much that when it's crazy long and I don't have it brushed out, I look like Dolly Parton or something. It's like a huge. This is what's happening to me.

At this length right here, it's just wide. I think that at the medium length, and that's what I think we're in a similar stage. Yeah. It's not good. No. You can, but with what you got going on right now and people listening through audio, fucking, hey, guess what, man?

Fuck you. Fuck you. The hair show, bitch. This is about our hair on Zoom with headphones on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I need to get a haircut, but what I also need to do is pay off my credit card bill. Mm-hmm.

And so we're going to do that. first. Now, one of them is $30 and the other is $3,000. Yeah. But that's $30 less dollars that will be involved with that situation. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I was going to go buy a gun this week, but I have about thousands of dollars of credit card debt. So, I'm probably still going to buy the gun because I want to buy the gun and I'm probably going to buy it

anyway. I'm going to be okay with my credit card thing. The problem is I worked a crazy amount of overtime and it didn't hit on the subsequent paycheck. Ooh, tough. Because it's just how it works with the government processing or whatever. So, but I also don't know how much of the overtime I'm getting. But I worked like an extra like fucking,

um, basically an extra like 40 hours in two weeks recently. So it'll be nice. That's cool. Um, so I'm hoping. that my hard work pays off and that I can have more yummy dinner soon. But if not, I'm still very blessed to be in the position that I'm in life.

It's cool to not. Like, whenever I first moved here, I within three months had like fucking, like nothing. I remember telling me you were like. It was like I sold. I had the truck. I had my car. I sold both of them. And I was like, sick.

Two vehicles. that should be enough money for at least a, what, six months? Yeah. Two months. Yeah, yeah. No, a little more than that, but yeah, it was very humbly. I also know, but I remember you telling me, and I'm not trying to fault you for nothing. I remember you telling me you got very addicted to going to one bar.

Yeah, I really thought that the money was, I truly believed that as soon as I moved to New York, everyone would be like, holy fuck, guess who just moved here? Let's give him 100 Nobody gave a fuck Let's put him in Avengers The only people that gave a fuck Were my friends Who wanted to go to the bar

Yeah right right You know And that's how it should be But Yeah Yeah It's I

It's funny as fuck to like To think I don't know I'm not waxing poetic On this episode I promise But like to be like Okay this thing I'm gonna do this thing

And it's gonna change Everything that's wrong with me and whether that be buying a new TV that's huge or buying a truck or moving like 10 states away usually around the three month mark is when you realize that is not what I needed to do I needed to do something like I needed to do anything else yeah yeah yeah I didn't need to buy

this is just now paying off I'm two I'm over two years into this yeah I've spent I've now spent like a good percentage of my adult life here. But yeah, I will say though, like, yeah, it's nice to live somewhere where I don't have to either, like, work construction or for, like, Bell helicopter, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I kind of felt like was the case.

I think, yeah, I know that for me, the gun thing is like, I'm going to buy the gun and it's to make me feel good for like six weeks. And I need to feel good for six weeks, so I go back to the gym. And I know I've already bought, I have a TV, I have a car that I like. And I could buy, I have so much music stuff, you know?

Like, I don't, you know, I gave my skateboard to my brother because I don't skate much anymore, but I was like, what could I buy that I haven't bought really in a while that could maybe trigger some type of new dopamine release that could then trigger

me taking care of myself again after come back from the honeymoon. It was like oh, 9mm pistol, a nice one. Like, like, with the fucking Fernet, like with the front, like maybe an ivory. You know, something slight. Yeah. Like a $1,000 pistol. Just something, just something slight for daddy to keep

for home defense, like a $1,000 ivory handled, crammed out 9-mil. You know what? I was looking at this week, I was looking at the um lever action 30 30s the marlin ones yes sir man I think if I was gonna buy a gun it would be that I kind of

um my dad has one that's like kind of like mine in the way that like if I asked to take it he would probably say no yeah yeah yeah you know what I mean right it's his

it's very much this gun yeah yeah but it's like my favorite gun I've ever It's just so, it's like a bigger BB gun. You know what I mean? The one that I want really bad that's like, it's so far out of my price range that if I ever buy it, it's because I came into a lot of money or I plan on doing something that will result in me dying.

But being on the news for at least a couple days, is the Benelium 4. It's the John Wick shotgun. It's not the Keltec. Fuck those. Those are pieces of shit. But it's the one that the pistol grip and has got the fucking stock on it. And they're amazing shotguns.

They're like the best shotgun ever made, but they're like $2,600. But I was like, you know what? Because this place I moved into, you know what deal they're running? Two months. Two months, no rent. And it's definitely reflecting in the kind of troubles that we've been having since we've moved in here, which is a lot of, you know, FBI rate. I told you about, also lots of kids around here with silver teeth.

And I don't know if you guys are from parts of the world where, um, you don't know what I'm talking about. If you see a group of kids with silver teeth, you might be in just as much danger if you walked into like some type of gangland warfare. Like they're just, they're frightening. They're frightening is what they are. And they, this kid yesterday, he just kicks a soccer ball at my already broken window. And then when I open the back door, he's like trying to get in my yard.

And I go, hey, bud, they got to be careful, you know. and he goes, can I have my ball? And I was like, and Thomas, I'm going to tell you something right now. Okay, you know how many throws it took me to get this soccer ball over my fence? How many? Three throws. Because I was mad and I wasn't thinking right. And then I'm getting absolutely broiled.

I know I'm getting broiled. I know that I am the laughing stock of this silver-keptooth, Hispanic, kind of small, child gang. Because I threw it once and I go, oh, miss, sorry. Threw it twice and I was like, oh, Butterfingers. Threw it three times and the kid is, he, he almost knocked my window out. He was trying to get into my yard. I, I'm 20 years older than him.

And he's looking at me like, bro, you got to tighten up. And honestly, you know what? A hundred percent right. It shouldn't take a grown man more than one throw to throw a soccer ball. But in my head, I'm like, God, this fucking kid, like. Yeah. I have a lot of moments like that here with guys I work with because it's like Yeah

Like I feel like Just rural areas in general there's so much more of a like Just like a macho aspect that you have to kind of keep up socially with other guys Yeah, yeah And people will just you know they'll just say something that's so sensitive in a group of like 20 guys and it's like, hey man, around your friends,

that was something. Yeah. You know, that you could, that you could be doing and that's not where you are anymore. Yeah, yeah. Time to be a grown up man.

Yeah, time to be a grown man. And in a toxic way, just for this time that you're around. For 10 hours. We can both go back to pretending to be gay right after. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's putting on your blue collar, persona like I would be dude I like I would be in my car listening to like doja cat or something or fucking or like Van Halen

even Van Halen's gay by their standards or whatever and I would be like fucking Pan Amour bam bam bam you know run a little bit hot tonight just fucking singing Van Halen

rating for my one day off every two weeks but then I fucking get in the gate dude I badge in and I'm like yeah It's just code switch immediately because it's just easier to get through the day. Yeah. It's funny.

I think I think I have two modes. One, if I'm one of the older, like if I'm in like a crew chief mode, then I am kind of like that. Like if I'm talking to people I don't know well, I don't have a rapport with. Right, right, right. And then I have that. But if it's just the homies or whatever, then I'm very Mexican in nature. Like I'm very like construction. Show me your penis.

Let me see your penis. Yeah I'm being gay all day Yeah Your penis is big and stinky And mine is stinkier and small Absolutely Your butt stinks like dick

Like you just Yep No respect to Today guy was up in the bucket Cutting he did it He rigged it down and we went That's my man Oh I love that

He was pissed Yeah Man I used to tell this guy I worked with He wore the rhinestone Like miss me jeans The guy's version, which is literally just the girl's version, but in a bigger waist size. You know what I mean?

And every time he'd be up on the man left, he'd be like, I'd be like, I want to get one of them jewels off with my teeth. And I'll start talking about, I'm going to take some of them jewels off with my teeth. He'd be like, hey, no, hell no. He was half black, half Hispanic, dude. He'd be like, no, quit fucking around. I'd be like, yeah, I want to. Those jewel, them jim's going to pop off. That thing big as fuck.

And he would be like 100 feet in the air, like, hey, I told you, none of that shit down there. It's like 110 degrees. I'm like, hey, every time you bend over one of them gyms coming off, Daddy, let me see that shit. And he would be like, ah, man, it's fucking too hot. Roads, it's too hot for this shit. And he'd come down, I'd be like, hey, I think you're missing a couple poppy. Like, let me put it back on for you. Dude, dude, being gay with a guy who could knock you out in one hit is so awesome.

It's so much fun, dude. Being, being, telling a guy that you're going to fuck him and he's like six, six, and he punch, he could punch your jaw, like, off your body. Yeah. It's so much fun. I remember one time, whenever I played baseball in high school, I said something kind of, you know, a little too far to a friend as a joke, but it was just me and him, you know? And in passing, he, like, punched me in the arm, like, huh, hit me.

And it was, dude, it was the hardest I've ever been hit in my whole life. And I'm not even kidding. It was literally Dude I've fucking fallen out of a tree before I've been I've seen the video Face I've hit my entire face

On the front of a mechanical bowl before And knocked off all my braces I've gotten fucking tackled from the side I've been kicked in the head This guy jokingly punching me in the arm Yeah literally almost made me tear up Yeah In the moment I thought he broke my arm

Yeah, yeah. And then later he did beat the fuck out of a guy really bad. But that was unrelated to my offense, but I hope it didn't feed into his situation at all. My buddy Chad was like that. We used to play like the arm punch game where it's like how many punches can, like, you punch your friend in the arm, he punches you and whoever gives up first is gay and a loser. And, yeah, he was also, well, I said his first actual God-given name. I won't.

He's a guy who may or may not have beat a dude near to death in front of a strip club one time, but that's another here nor there. Yeah, same deal. I hope I get to do that someday. I think I want to do it in the future. You think it'd be behind me, but I think I... No, you're only 20. It'll be 27.

You've got a couple... I've got a couple grimy years left to me. Yeah, you really do, man. You really, really do. You got to... Honestly, you could probably get another six-month, like, a cocaine thing going on if you wanted to. Maybe like a Yeah.

Yeah. No, we play it. We played too much. Yeah, I wasn't, no, we'll talk about it later. I've never mind. I was a funny story.

Somebody told me from the wedding. But it's, it. No, people make, people say crazy. People make it line on my name, dude. Man, I'm tired of y'all playing with me.

Y'all got to put some respect on my name. Anyway, man. Anyway, whatever. Yeah, like, when somebody punches you as a joke and you realize, like, I'm so glad I'm this guy's friend. Because, like, there's just no way that if I was ever on the receiving end of one of these in a serious way that I'm coming home, you know what I mean? There's nothing funnier than somebody's saying something, like, bad at a party, like racist or something. and then you look at that guy like, oh, me, and then you kind of like size him up,

and then you're like, I don't, I don't got this. No, yeah, that's a good one. I don't got this. Yeah. I've had, I've, I've, like, looked at a guy in a squaring-upish way and then been like, he's like 280. Yeah. He's like, I can handle, you know, I'm a bigger guy,

but that guy's a me and a half. Mm-hmm. You know? There's a big difference between, like, 200 pounds and 300 pounds. Huge. It's a 100 pounds. Yeah, yeah. Dude, you know, like, the skinny...

You ever try to arm wrestle a guy who's... You could arm wrestle a guy who's literally never gotten up from a couch who's 300 pounds, and it is a real fight. I arm wrestled Ed, and he was only, like, 30 pounds heavier than me, and it was just impossible. I mean, he also, like, lifts weights, he's, like, super strong, but... Yeah, he's a bad example. He's really... He's also Mexican.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're not... If we're being completely transparent here. Yeah, he's also the most... And I mean this in a complimentary way, but Mexicans are strong as fuck. Yeah, they are very strong. Yeah, yeah. Just naturally very strong guys.

If you're weak and you're Mexican, then your spirit is strong. Never forget that. Have you ever been on a-Viva La Raza? I remember Mexican guys, I've worked with so many, like, 45-year-old Hispanic dudes. One of the times I was working, it was on the home renovation team I was on whatever, doing fucking roofs and, you know, drywall or whatever. and the guy that was the boss of the crew or whatever would always use this one like 40-something year old

like 5-foot-one Guatemalan guy because he could carry, dude, he could carry four concrete bags the quick-crete, he could carry them. He could carry them up, not a full-size ladder but you know like the four-foot ladders. Yeah, he would carry them up to like this deck we were working on. So 200 pounds and he's just like walking from the truck, you know, whatever. And he didn't even look jacked.

He had like a pot belly And he always wore like SpongeBob shirts. Like it's like those guys They do the exact same motions every day So their muscles are never surprised by anything. Right. Just look like they only eat chips. But they can probably bench breaths like 300 pounds.

I think there are guys like that. I think I've also been a guys who could probably bench like 60 pounds. But they could do like a hundred bales of hay on their head Because they're used to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were to put them in like a, yeah, like a fitness setting, their heart would stop, but they can carry like 200 pounds of quick creed up a ladder. I consider myself like working strong, but I haven't really been lifting much lately.

And I like tried to squat heavy the other day and I was like, oh yeah, I don't. I'm actually very weak at this. I've lost pretty much everything here. That's okay. I was like, this was right before the wedding. I was like trying to build up my legs because of all the hikes and stuff. and uh when you know when you put too much on bench you can kind of like you can put it on you can slide it kind of let it down very gently to your ribs and then roll it to the hip and then bump the

hip up and get the bar off of you right when you over commit on squat you either like that moment of panic when you're like uh-uh no and there's no one around to help you're like okay i'm either doing this rep or like I'm gonna blow out my ACLs. You know what I mean? And that's, I did that like right before though. I put,

I put weight on the bar. I did, had no business being, had no business doing all that. You know what I mean? But sometimes it happens. Yeah, anyways,

Hispanic guys be strong as fuck. And also a sleeper. And thick as hell too. And thick as hell. Nah, I say that. Sleeper, strong guy is the,

uh, like six foot four but like a hundred and twenty five pound black guy that's on like every crew sleeper strong that guy he's like super wiry and you're like oh like you know yeah he probably weighs like a buck 30 soaking wet but uh he yeah he's like he's just got a wheelbarrel like with like 400 pounds of mulching it and he's just like yes no pretty got he's looking at fucking pictures of butts on his phone he's got one hand just wheeling it around like fuck dude i'll never be that strong the my favorite is guys who were big as fuck for no reason Like, you ever meet, like, guys, I've met guys who were, like, 6'4 and, like, 300 pounds and not really fat even, like a little bit fat, but not, you know, they had a big frame and just regular strength.

Yeah, that's weird. That's like a curse. I remember, I won't say who, it doesn't matter, but somebody very close to me in my personal life. I was talking about, oh, I've been having trouble putting on muscle, because I think I hit this, like, this was a, this was. back when I was working out more. Not now. I lost like a bunch of it. But I like hit this plateau with like gains in the gym because I like, you know, you do the same shit and like or whatever. And I wasn't eating a lot. I was at like 1900 calories because I was trying to like cut weight and also like put on more mass and my body was like we can't do this. Not at this cooler thing. Anyway, this buddy mine was like, bro. This buddy mine was like, bro. This is like, bro. This has been figured out by by like nutritionists. It's like calories in, calories out. It's the same. And he was like, the dirty bowl, bro. I eat 4,000 calories of Waterburger. every day. And now he was big and strong, but I was like, hey man, like eating two honey barbecue chicken strip sandwiches, two large fries and two full size Dr. Pat, like 60, you know the water burger largest? They're like 80s. Oh, God. Like God's like God's nectar. Yeah. It's like,

he's like, I do. I get 6,000 calories in one meal before a lift. And I'm like, hey man, I know that dirty bulking has like some guys swear by it, but it's like I can't do that. Because if I eat two honey barbecue chicken stir sandwiches. I'm not going to go lift weights. To be able to change your eating habits that fast back and forth is a truly a gift. Patty Pimbled! Do you see that picture of him, bro? Dude, at the fucking most recent UFC card, he was 155, probably like 6, 7% body fat.

All right? Two weeks later, he's got a visible gut, huge. He's got a fat, huge face. And I was like, there's no way that this is sustainable. He probably just drinks so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. That's probably, yeah. I mean, that's what happened to me.

I left the honeymoon 177. I came back 200 pounds. I didn't even really eat that much. Yeah, alcohol makes you hold so much water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was so blown away. I was like, dude, I've been hike. I hiked like 10 miles a day.

And probably burned, like, fucking 10,000 calories a day. But I would, like, every night after the hikes, I would drink like 10 beers. You're probably getting big and strong, though. Yeah, I mean, I felt really good. My conditioning felt great coming back because we were at elevation. We were at like 8,000 feet above sea level the whole time. Yeah, you should be fucking fat as fucking hiking all the time. It sounds awesome.

I mean, dude, being fat... You come back to be the most successful Disney adult in the history. I did get Disney rash, which was not something that I ever wanted to know existed and not something I ever thought that I wanted to get. Do you know what Disney rash is? Yeah, from walking around too much. It's like the... And being fat, yeah.

Yeah. You get it, it's trauma-induced vascularitis. So, like, the veins. and your feet like flare up. The skin around the veins and your feet get all fucked up. And I was like, why does Daddy got this? Daddy's never had this problem before. And it's like, well, probably because Daddy climbed and hiked big-ass mountains

and then didn't immediately drink water, immediately drank huge German brown beers and had like big fucked up sausages. You know what I mean? Really doing the blood pressure trick where you're like, I'm getting altitude sickness, but it's cool because I'm thinning my blood out even more. with this poison. You know what I mean? With this brown logger.

End of just kind of becoming like a dwarven folk eventually. Yeah, now you get a dwarf build. Me to beat a be to bo de bo to. This is my favorite in Lord of the Rings. I always like the dwarfs best. I don't really watch any of that stuff. I've been reading... God, dear.

I've been reading a lot of books that have been making me depressed, so I think I might buy like a sci-fi book. That would be cool. do you think would do you want me do you want to read one that's already written or would you do i have to write one if you could produce me like a hundred page or by next Friday that would be cool i'm going to florida i need something to read on the yeah i mean dude you know how i get shit done i mean if you yeah no problem man did you hear that uh zach brough has a ai girlfriend um that's awesome you know i hadn't heard that

It's an open, kind of a rumor going around Hollywood, allegedly, that Zach Braff is in a loving relationship with an AI, um, AI woman. Yeah. Well, if that's true, and let's assume it's not,

then he should, in that scenario, kill himself. He should kill himself. It's like, I guess it's less shameful than like a child, but not by that much. Well,

my thing is like, He's a He was the guy from Scrubs, bro. Like, I'm like, can you not? Is the dating scene that bad? Yeah, but, you know, these TikTok girls don't want to fuck Zach Brath. I'm not talking about TikTok girls,

but I'm just talking about a normal woman. I feel like he probably comes across weird. Brah, yeah, I met probably. You know, kind of, um, I haven't actually seen him in anything. Hey, Zach. Yeah, come on the show. Zach, no, I have something to tell you.

Everybody else shut their ears off. Zach Brough. Fuck you. Fuck you, AI, bitch. Fuck you, Zach Brough. Go suck a fucking robobobo dick. Robo pussy. Muncha.

Mancha. Muncha fucka. Manchapaka? Zach Braff, a macha fucka. Zach Brath? What's that short of her? Zach. Zach. Uh, Brifist.

Yeah, because you've got fucking mantis now Anyway, what do you got to say? We need to get fucking Dane Cook on here. Yeah, I, um... I'm, like, the Dane Cook of my high school. Is it... It is crazy to me that at one point, he was the biggest comedian

since, like, Carlin. You know what I mean? Like, at one point, he was the biggest, comic since any of the golden age guys. Like he was bigger than everybody. You were like, oh, no more Dave Chappelle? Well, I know what I'm looking. Yeah, like he didn't, this was in Chappelle was kind of on hiatus,

I suppose. But I remember watching that vicious circle stand-up special and being like, this is my personality in sixth grade. This is basically I'm going to be Dane Cook until, you know, a better guy comes along that I could choose to be. bro Daniel Tosh Oh yeah I like Daniel Tosh

I think he's I think he's a cool guy I'm all right with him I don't know my blade will spare him For now As he doesn't really seem to be looking For the limelight necessarily No he seems to be chilling on that money dude You know he probably made big dollarinos

Oh yeah So he's that's doing it right He didn't get fat Yeah he's not like crazy fucking Trying to fuck 18 year old Stand-up communities Yeah he has a shitty podcast where he interviews

like his dentist or Who cares? It's so weird, dude He just talks to like his realtor It's so fucking weird dude No, but it's something I mean that's something new Yeah, yeah

People aren't doing Yeah, that's fine with me Um He had on a, He had on a pilot that flew a plane He was on and like Yeah I think, but I like that he had his time

In the limelight and now he's doing something different and it's not taken away from anything that's going on You know what I mean? Yeah, he's been married to the same lady for a long time, which I always find... Which is stupid, but... I mean, realistically, you could probably find somebody way hotter.

Yeah. Yeah. I actually, I would... I totally, I reject what you just said. I'm disgusted and repulsed by it. As a married man, that's disgusting. Well... But, uh...

Eita be a bo de... Y'all know I'll play too much. Y'all know I play too much. You know, Thomas B... Thomas Bout here fucking joking. You know I'm a law motherfucker. This is, I guess, late, so I probably should just put this up.

Thanks for listening to the show. And if you're wondering where the video episodes are, it's really hard. At your mama house. It's really hard for me. They ain't her bikini. Go get it out, much, Ken. It's hard for me to record

because I just got all my shit out of storage, and I'm still, like, not able to, like, record all the time. So I'm sorry for that. We're looking to put more videos out on my end coming soon. Eden and I are cooking up a little studio action over here. Doing the same. You're doing the little. So that in the clips, you can't see my balls.

That is kind of the main goal for me is to both not look 400 pounds. And for you to not see the outline of my circumcision scar in the clips. Also, if you hate my feet, if you're mad about the feet in the podcast. I'm not happy about the feet to be. be honest, but I'm not going to tell you how to run your show. It's our show, motherfucker. No, but I'm saying it's as much your show as it is mine. If I wanted to show my feet, this would be the platform for it.

Well, JT. is a no shoes in the house guy, and someone said my socks were dirty because I have white dog, and I had white dog fur in my socks, and they were like, these fucking socks are disgusting, clean your fucking house. And so I got self-conscious about that, so I said, all right, let me go bare feet on them. Let me show them the dogs, what they're barking with, what kind of true they're barking up. So I take my fucking socks off, and then people, like, put those, fucking nasty ass flippers away, you big flat-footed, fuck.

And then I was like, God damn, you know, you can't please everybody. So I think next time I'm just going to fucking interview. You gotta stop reading the comments, man. You gotta form an iron wall against that. Oh, I went on Reddit today. I did for the die I had, that was bad. I did a Reddit scrub today. Not good.

Can't really recommend that. What's great for me is that I have a really common name. So even if I name search myself, it's just an MLB pitcher. Oh, it wasn't a name search. It was just the... It was just the Reddit from the pod. Oh, okay. Somebody sent me a screenshot.

That stuff is mostly positive, though. I like to go on there just to... They like you. The fans love you. Well, I'm on there, so they're not going to be... I have an anonymous account that I had for years, and then one time I was just like, hey, I'm Thomas, by the way. Yeah.

But, no, I would never want to interfere with people having problems with the show. You want people to have problems with the show because that means people are listening. That's true, yeah. I guess so. Like, if people ever fucking fully love you, you must suck ass.

Yeah, that's true. You don't want to be a guy that's... Because people fucking love, like, Tom Segura. People don't know shit. People love, like, Gabriel, like, fluffy. Yeah. Yeah, they love him. Who gives this shit?

If everybody likes you, then what's the point of doing anything? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? I think, I think, Tom... And you got to think also you're better than everybody else. So remember that. First off, you're not listening to their podcast, and that makes you a better person than them,

and you get to go to a better part of heaven. Yeah, I get to go to a fully complete heaven. With brace belt and. Oh, man, brace belden. Yeah, more like brace yourself, put your seat belt in. It's time to go for a ride to Funny Land. Time to listen to Truenon in the car with my, just myself,

and nodding along to the stuff. don't understand. I got, he, dude, did I tell you? He messaged me and he was like, what's up? Where are you at? And I was like, oh, Austin. He's like, I'm in Dallas. What's up?

I was like, dude, I know that you, before you made all the money in the world, you were kind of a guy that would be like, I'm going to drive five hours just to see what's up. I'm not that kind of guy. So, Brace, if you are ever in Austin, would love to hang out and, you know, do shows and whatever. But it was very fun. he was like, I'm at CPAC. Do you want to come to C.

So I have the CPAC at Dallas. And I was like, first of all, I don't know how the fuck you keep getting credentialed at these places. Like, I have no idea. I don't, I genuinely don't know. It's like, I don't know how Andrew Callahan keeps getting credential at this point

or whatever the fuck. But anyway, thanks for listening to the show. I'm going to put this up. I know this is late. Thank you guys for... Nicky, Mickey. ...coming to San Antonio.

And I will be at the Vovita Room, August 9th, get tickets to Vovita Room.com, that's a Sunday. I will be at the Vovita Room again, August 21st, opening up for Billy Wayne Davis, veneerum.com. That is, I think it's a Saturday. And then 9-11, I will be at the Green Room

all goddamn night, come hang out and have fun on 9-11 at the weed-themed comedy club. And then most importantly, please come to Orlando, August 14th, at Alex's Underground Comedy Club. Tickets will be in the link. Please get those tickets because if only like 10 people show up, then I'll probably, you know what?

I'll have a great time otherwise, and then I'll just probably go to my hotel and drink a bunch of beer and then throw up on the airplane. Thanks for all the support throughout the years. This isn't like a, like a, I'm not saying this. Like I'm going to like quit the show or hurt myself. Just thanks for always listening to the show. and fucking

follow the Instagram follow Instagram Jake Road's comedy and all right Thomas you got anything to plug uh man follow me on email

check out my address and everybody get home safe tonight yeah bye