Pendejo Time - advice and business

Episode Date: June 15, 2023

this is what the listeners want. life advice and a business idea from Thomas so bad that he would die immediately if it ever came to fruition. sign up for the Patreon at Patreon.com/pendejotimeSupport the Show.

Yeah. Hello. It's, oh yeah, it's Pendejo. Hello. That's our new calling card. Hello. When you hear that on a podcast, you know it's about to be Pendejo time. It's like the lighter flick, you know?

Yeah. For Wayne, or you know, like the B tag. Whenever you hear a podcast, and whenever you click play, that first thing you motherfucking hear, you hear, podcast And whenever you click play That first thing you motherfucking hear You hear hello Yeah that's how you know it's That's how you know it's Thomas on the beat Jake on the fucking mic dude Or you hear Jake going

Eh Eh You know That's my Jake My Jake impression You know he says's my Jake impression. You know, he says words. Yeah, Jake. Yeah.

Ah, fuck. Jake and them fucking. This fucking. You kids are shit. Oh, God. This week was, I was Jake this week. You're like, I talk to you more than almost anybody in my whole life, and I couldn't tell you one thing that you would say.

Well, like, whatever I do, like, whatever people are like, I talk about the show with people that don't know you. I'm like, or even with people that do, I just like, I'm like, oh, yeah, you know, Thomas will be like, oh, yeah, fuck it. And that's my impression of you. It's just not wholly accurate. It's not even you. It's not even a voice. I just kind of go, oh, fuck it. No accurate it's not it's not even you it's not even a voice i just kind of go

no that's about that's about it's pretty accurate honestly um i feel like i'm mostly speaking grumbles on here for sure um well that's like it you're you're more talkative on the show like i like just like when hang out, I feel like you and me, if it's not just basically what we would say on the show, we mostly are just like, I'm going to go to the store. You're like, yeah.

And I'm like, all right, I'm going to go to the store. I want to get pizza. All right. It's like that. Yeah. You talk more,

you talk more actual words than I do for sure. Yeah. I, I feel like by nature, it's like that yeah you talk more you talk more actual words than i do for sure um yeah i i feel like by nature i'm a natural mumbler for sure you yeah you you uh speak you speak a lot more clearly which is good it's made me uh work on my own uh you know you know the term for when my own elocution. Yeah, I don't. And now I'm a master of it. I could sway over millions of people. Yeah, I could become a tyrant of the ages.

I could become a tyrannical, psychotic king. Hey, everybody. Who's ready to rise up and take control? I don't know about you guys, but I am in a freaking, I got a hankering for some mutiny. That's what I got a hankering for. I don't know if there's any truth to this.

Maybe it's just because I am a human being that's alive now. Preach. Hey, I'm about to say some crazy shit, but I'm alive as hell. I'm so, dude'm about to say some crazy shit I'm alive as hell I'm so dude I breathe and shit I wake up I put my pee pee out I piss in the toilet dude and I don't know if that's the right thing to say I don't know if that's no I meant like I think everybody that lives in like the 1300 times is dumb as shit so I like think in my mind like if I could go back in time i could just take over the whole world just by being like you know kind of like the uh uh luke wilson and idiocracy but back in time like if i go back like 700 years i could go to like scotland and i'm like you guys don't

even know what the fucking germ is you guys don't fucking know anything you're all like weird fucking torturing each other and shitting outside and stuff you guys dude if you could show you could do basic i don't know like people couldn't do basic arithmetic like i feel like i could convince him go to the gas station and get one of those little shitty like magic foam cup ball tricks and just convince a bunch of druids that you're, you know, like the OG wizard. I would probably go back in time and teach them how to fuck. Fuck like in modern times where, like, you swallow and you ride dick like crazy and you spit in each other's mouths and shit

and you fucking, you go on talk shows and you talk about fucking eating pussy and all that back in the day they didn't know how to talk that talk but I learned Riz from Instagram recently and through watching Instagram videos I've learned the art of Riz and I would teach it to other dudes

cause even if I went back in time I wouldn't want to cheat on my girlfriend before she was born cause I feel like that would be like a horrible advanced form of cheating. Yeah, yeah. Before your girlfriend is even born. Like it's a horrible technicality. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

Because then it's like it's before my family was born. So it's before anybody was born who would be mad at me. It's a horrible thing to do you know i feel like subsistence farmers and peasants probably fucked like wild animals because it's all they could do and they needed to make a bunch of people to work i don't know because um you know i feel like that's who we're descended from and I don't mean to speak for you, but I don't think I've, like, invented any... New moves? I don't think I've really expanded on the art at all.

No, I don't think so either. It's one of those, you know, when people say we're losing recipes. Fucking, I'm not preserving a single one. I've been in square one since I started the game. I don't know how to fuck at all. I don't know how to fuck at all. Anyway.

Well, I think, like, people are always like, it's the hack, like, Twitter joke. Like, if you go back in time and gave a Dorito to a Victorian child, they would die. I think that's horse shit because Victorian children, like, they breathed in, like, they got drunk off water. They were going to die either way from lead, you know. Well, they lived, like, hard-ass lives.

Like, if you were nine in, like, the Industrial Revolution or whatever the fuck or, like, whatever the fuck it was, like, you breathed in. You got high off of fucking, like, fumes, like, lead fumes. And you just squeezed your body into, a fucking like a lathe to like loosen it up like your heart is nails by the time you're 12 years old they'd be just fine they'd probably drink a four loco and be completely okay i do think i i of any group to fuck with if i had a time machine pilgrims i feel like you could get one over on them super easy. Like, if you just... Like, if you figured out one good card trick... Like, I guess you'd have to be worried about getting burned to the stake,

but if you could, like, straight-up do magic, you could scare the shit out of them. What if you introduced the general population of laborers to Instagram thoughts? I feel like that would fuck people up a lot mentally. I think guys would just never come home from their jobs if they saw there was a woman who like looked like just like the the average basically what the average woman looks like now if guys saw that in like the

victorian age they'd be like dude i'm not fucking going home to my family i'm gonna start walking i'm gonna walk till i find wherever ASU is or whatever, you know? Yeah, I need to find. You show them like a BBL, you know, like a T-tummy type Instagram thought. Yeah. And they're like, oh. You show them a picture of Nicki Minaj and he burns down his factory. He's like an Anglican carpenter, like a blacksmith.

He's like, hi, hi. I don't, oh man. He's got like a plain homely wife who just kind of like, she's really strong. Just very, very like her backs hunched over.

She could lift like 50 pounds of cornmeal at a time. And he's like, I can't. Hey man, question for you. Um, thanks for appearing out of nowhere in front of my blacksmith shop. That thing that you showed me is Doja Cat, I think you said.

I'm going to need you to tell me, is that from the faraway lands of the Orient? I need to get on a boat. Like, I just got to get away from my 13 kids and my sort of portly power lifter wife. Sir, tell me about these Latina ghiats. Have you seen ghiat? It's a new one. No, I haven't seen that. Yeah, well, basically there's these ghiats.

And the ghiat is a baddie, basically. Okay. But I first saw it with the term. It took me a minute to figure out the term because I think it was like a Twitch guy on Twitter I saw, like a streamer, you know? And I just saw it because the For You page now is only people I don't follow or particularly want to interact with. Right.

You want to care. Yeah, yeah. It was just some guy with, like, weird hair. And he was like, did Optic Nezzy just pop up on stream with his Latina giat? Yeah. And I was like, so a giat is just probably a girl that you like, maybe, or maybe you don't. Maybe it's a woman they see as loose or just a woman they respect and like. I don't know.

You go back in time to the frontier, like 1880, 1872. You encounter like an Arthur Morgan type guy and you're like, hey, take a look at this, man. Pull your phone out and just show like a Megan Thee Stallion music video and he's like I don't know I'm not supposed to I have a feeling in my heart something telling me I ain't I ain't supposed to be looking at this it's a nice cube you got there I don't know how the hell that thing where I where do you figure you get them from you got a You got to go back down to the...

I'm thinking of changing my ways. I was a man of the Lord. You mentioned that Instagram video. There are Instagram videos that are like... The big one right now is the... The way that those guys talk. It's so unsettling to my soul. It's not just that guy.

It's going around Twitter and the internet right now. It's almost like old radio speak or something to me. Yeah, but it's got the YouTube slash Twitch cadence of like, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da,da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Steven Paddock, valid or nah? The top ten Steven Paddock riz moments. Was Eva Braun a German ghat? Was Mary Magdalene throwing it down back on Jesus' fucking pole? I don't know anything about what baby Gronk. I know he's a kid who's dead. I thought at first that it was Gronk's son. So I was like, oh, this is just Gronk? I know he's a kid who's dead. I thought at first that it was Gronk's son.

So I was like, oh, this is just Gronk's kid. And, like, you know, he's also a football player following in his dad's footsteps. I had to, like, find out that, no, this guy just – this kid just has a really shitty dad who, like, gets him to hang out with porn stars. shitty dad who like gets him to hang out with porn stars and like like like uh like instagram like fetish accounts that are like like the ladies the british ladies who get like sized f tits like that are just out here like he was claiming one of those ladies was the kid's mom yeah no it's not she's like uh she's one of those like fetish porn stars or whatever the fuck. Yeah. But no, that kid's dad is like, yeah, you know, my son, like he might be nine, but dude, he's the character that we did.

Cool dad. Hey, son, are you getting your penis wet yet? I know you're like literally that guy's dad. Because I went down to some of the posts and it's like, man, that guy's dead. Because I went down to some of the posts, and it's like, man, like, you're not. I understand wholeheartedly wanting to make money through content. Like, primarily, me and you, we make fun of people who do it, and there are levels to it. But this is just mild whoring, you know? Yeah, this is what we do also.

Yeah, we also. This is what we do also so yeah we also this is what we are attempting to do right now um yeah yeah if you have money please give it to us because that's why we make the show um i mean i would hang out and talk to my friends no yeah like this is fun to do it's one of my favorite parts of the week but uh tell you what's also nice what would be nice is never having to work again. I'll be sick as fuck. I'll be honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, right now it's looking like I'll probably sell my truck soon and stuff.

But if you gave us a million dollars, here's the magical thing. If everybody listening gave us one million dollars, we would have over five million dollars by the end of the week. Yeah. So think about that. But, yes, people are whores people are sluts it's just like doing it for doing it to your kid it's like it like the kid's dad is like is like there's you know how southern parents will be like oh he's gonna be a real heartbreaker or like oh, oh, she's going to drive all the boys crazy. Talking about like a nine-year-old kid, like that's one thing, and I always thought that was weird.

Like, oh, that little boy, oh, your son, he's going to be real, he's going to be wild in the streets. It's like, what do you, is that like old southern lady way to say like, my son's going to get a lot of pussy? I don't think that's true. Well, to be fair, to be fair. And I agree. It's weird.

But I think parents have done a lot worse to their kids, hoping they'll become famous. Very true. And I think that still happens. And worse has happened. Very true. And at least this one is out in the open enough to where people are making fun of the dad. That's the only reason. It's because the sports journalists are being like,

hey, this guy's fucking weird. If it weren't for that, he would just be another. You think about how many others. When you see one of those clickbait articles, especially in, I don't want to say early internet, When you see one of those clickbait articles, especially in, I don't want to say early internet, but around 2010, when every pop-up was like, look how this five-year-old has a six-pack. He's cool as fuck. This means that he's going to be Arnold Schwarzenegger someday.

Yeah, I remember. Or this girl has the longest hair in the world. Or just stupid-ass shit like that, it used to be like kids go viral. So get your kid to get a YouTube channel. And definitely nobody's going to jack off to it, you know. Well, I do think it's fucked up to like have a YouTube kid and make money. I guess what I'm saying is like there's an aspect of the baby gronk thing

that is like this guy's just like, you know, hey, I'm going to raise my son to be a pussy getting savage. And it's like, I don't. I see it as a pinnacle of American culture. I don't disagree with you.

We've been working towards for centuries. I don't. So like, I don't disagree with you working towards for centuries so like i don't disagree with you because we're you know like there were beauty pageants kids pageants like in the area that i'm from there was like a couple that like the like girls that i knew like they entered it when they were like 12 or 13 or whatever the fuck like it's i don't know if it's up in the north or the midwest, but I know that it's a really big thing in the south. Yeah. We had like Taylor Swift and Dolly Parton look-alike pageants

for like 10-year-olds. Yes. Yeah. And I'm still, to this day, I'm like, why do I have to judge these every year? You know? I don't even have kids. I don't even have a niece.

Who keeps signing me up for these things? I don't even have kids. I don't even have a niece. Who keeps signing me up for these things? I don't want to watch these every year. Yeah, it's you. You know, every year my girlfriend says, you know, it's our anniversary. And I was like, I'm sorry, babe. It's the fucking Marilyn Monroe lookalike contest for junior high girls. It's the Latina Gat-alike contest for junior high girls. It's the Latina Gat look-alike contest. It's the Salma Hayek and Dusk Till Dawn look-alike contest.

Dude, when people are like, no, dude, there's nothing bad for you about those. I'm like, dude, shut the fuck up. Yeah, what are you talking about? I don't know. It's Always Sunny. Was that the one where they had the kid's beauty pageant? I don't know. It's always sunny. Was that the one where they had the beauty pageant? Frank's little beauty. Dude, that was so fucked up.

He's like, the whole time he's like, I went into the fucking business with a kitty diddler. Like, I'm fucked. I can't do nothing. Dude, there was a shitty beach by my high school, and they would have Mrs. Sylvan Beach, the Sylvan Beach whatever thing. And it was for like, yeah, I think it was like junior high and high school. I don't know. And it was a big thing.

Like it was one of the talks of the town. Town wasn't very big by the school, but even then, you know what I mean? And like to win it was like you were the bell of the talks of the town town wasn't very big by the school, but even then, you know what I mean? And like. To win, it was like you were the bell of the ball, like quite literally, you know, and it was something that women in that town held on to. Like you'd go to Dairy Queen. And like, you know, whatever, with like your friend's. And, you know, and like everybody would go hang out. Your kid's like, oh, do you know Miss Debra? She's Miss Sylvan Beach, 1989.

And you're like, oh, Miss Debra works at fucking Dollar General now. Like if that was the peak of Miss Debra's life, Miss Debra, with all respect to you, Miss Debra, you should kill yourself. Like I don't want to condemn you. In theory, you know, it doesn't sound like a big deal. respect to you miss debbie should kill should kill yourself like i don't want to condemn in theory you know it doesn't sound like a big deal it doesn't sound weird even you know those beauty i don't think so like i you can explain it like oh it's like little girls do like a dress-up thing and it's like how they have fun i'm like okay i see what you because because a part of my brain

is like it's none of my business. I don't have a daughter. Right, right. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. But like, every once in a while, and to clarify, I don't seek this out,

but I'm on the internet all the time. You'll see like clips from a beauty pageant on a news story or something. And every one of those I've seen looked fucking, it made my skin crawl. You know what I mean? Yeah.

There's something about it that's fucking weird, man, because you see, like, a nine-year-old girl, and she's dressed... Clearly, somebody dressed her up to look like a grown-ass woman, and it's just kind of weird. I don't know. And they put those plastic veneers in their mouth

to make it look like they have grown adult teeth. Yeah. And they, like... What the fuck is up with that, you know? Hey like how about you give that girl a regular fucking dress and then you don't and then you don't tell her that 15 other girls were prettier than her because that's a fucking weird way to start out a childhood that is another aspect of it too that i like i because so one of my one of my guilty pleasures was was like i had when i were i would get really fucked up on pills i would watch like i'm glad i'm glad you followed up guilty pleasures with the story you're

going with now because for a second i went right oh i love to watch you know i know you judge him but i want no it was uh we would watch trash tv and i watch honey boo boo here comes honey oh yeah with like perfect yeah yeah it's just a classic show about just a white trash family and uh that's where i learned a lot about like that world is from here comes honey boo boo and uh i remember thinking like to your point if it was just like oh they're gonna it's tapped it's for the parents it's tapped as but no sometimes the cameras would show these competitions. Dude, those rooms are filled. And some of the people there, I would assume, are not the parents of the fucking kids. You know what I mean?

Yeah, you should have to go through a thorough examination. And a thorough pat down before you go in there. It's like if your last name is not the last name of one of the girls yeah hey yeah you got some explaining to do buddy i mean and no hey there needs to be zero journalists or photographers there well i'm saying like if you work for like the small town like the like the texarkana herald you get one guy and you're gonna do the little corner right up of like miss suzy lu won the goddamn fucking suzy lu competition like that's if you're for the photographer you get to take one picture and it's at the end it's everybody yeah it's from yeah it's from the parking lot you know yeah it's just the building that it took place in yeah we don't need yeah yeah

yeah that's like every way i remember like high school, every time there was like a yearbook would come out, all the basketball pictures would just be like two, like maybe a picture of a guy doing a layup or something like that, you know? Yeah. Tennis, it was like from the bleachers, like you couldn't see shit. It was like they're fucking playing tennis. Girls volleyball? Those photographers would fucking

yeah find some weird angles man jail they would find some angles bro there would be like angles where it was like did they slide across the floor on a fucking dolly to get that while a girl was jumping i'm like that's a i'm not saying be a bad photographer i'm just saying man like if it's the same guy doing all the games you better fucking you better get in there for track you know what i mean yeah yeah you gotta sell it if you're gonna be a fucking make me make me look sexy while i'm running cross country my boobs are going everywhere you know yeah my man tits are jiggling in the wind get some of that dude yeah um yeah it would be like yeah it would be like sports illustrated quality yearbook photos just for the volleyball team,

and everybody else was like blurry cell phone pictures. Black and white. Yeah, yeah. It's always funny. I mean, there's just – there's so many ways. When I did – when I was involved in this community theater when I was a teenager, and I did like plays and shit, and and half like half of it was a theater and the other half was like a dance studio and it was all dance moms. And there's nothing worse in this world to me.

Like, actually, you could there's worse things you could be. You could be a serial killer of people. worst things you could be you could be a serial killer of people but like somewhere in between somewhere in between like serial killer and like a really annoying person is a texas dance mom i just fucking i don't know if you ever had the pleasure of meeting any of these types of people but like it they're like um they all talk like you would overhear them talking about their own girls. And they're like, you know, I told Melissa that she needs to watch it with the ice cream because she's not going to fit into that costume. You think she's going to dance front row? I ain't going to have her.

And I was like, you ever, like, hear a parent say something? I hear this as an adult. But, like, you hear a parent say something. I'm like, oh, you never figured out this part of yourself and now your kid's fucked up because like yeah you're just passing that on like i'm i i'm well aware and self-aware enough to know that like when that happened to me in moments of my life and my own neuroses and fucking weird bugaboos and shit like with whatever the fuck problems that i have but when you hear a parent do it or you hear an adult do it with you know a kid or whatever you're

i'm like oh you never fixed that and so now your kid is going to be fucked up too and then they got to figure that out and it's your fault kind of i don't know you know it's like fault, kind of. I don't know. You know, it's like you would hear them be like, oh, you know, I mean, you know, Clarissa's daughter, Joanne. Now, Joanne, I see her running, and I tell my daughter, say, you want to know why Joanne always gets the best parts? It's because she, you know, she stays thin, and it's like, Jesus Christ, dude. Like, what are we doing? Yeah, sometimes I'll think, like, my parents were a bit harsh or something and then I'll

hear somebody like that. I'm like, thank God. Things could have been a lot worse, you know. My dad just drank alcohol and smoked cocaine, which is, you know, annoying. You know, I will say Jake, that is still just a thing. And I don't mean to, you know, I'm not

rubbing it in. Speak ill of the dead. But you get to you get to gloat a little bit if people are ever saying you had it really good. I have to say, hey, I did not. That's what you get to say. I have to come up with some weird gaslighting excuse or something like that. You get to just tell the truth. I have to make something up

See that's the problem with being from Mostly normal families If I want to speak ill of them I gotta make something up Well I feel like you say that And then it's like again You let me in on the lore And it's like no you got some fun stories

Well you know that's not for me to remember You know what I mean Just cause I know something doesn't mean I need to know it that's for me to know and for me to find out yeah I guess my point is to the larger point external

from the fucking beauty I'm not saying it's your duty as an adult necessarily to like figure your stuff out before you have children. Cause I know that adults, I'm an adult.

Like I have no idea. I have, I have a little bit more of an idea of what the fuck I'm doing than when I was 19, but not much more like not. I feel like every year for me, I think, God,

if I had kids a year ago, I would have been fucking clueless. And then another year goes by and I'm like, God, if I had kids a year ago, I would have been fucking clueless. And then another year goes by and I'm like, God, if it had happened a year ago, Jesus Christ. But then I think if it happened now, I would be slightly more prepared. Right, yeah, same. But, you know, I still wouldn't be like, oh, this is how you do it, you know. Yeah, for sure. I would be scared shitless.

And I think if you have a kid on the way and it's your first and you're not scared you're just about to do a bad job you know what i mean you're just about to coast on that like there are things about myself that i know like whenever i whenever i interact with or or eat or hear through the grapevine or fucking here are you know people watching one of those like you know fucking like hey you know hey you better you know you better act right or you know the devil's gonna get inside your body you know like you hear weird shit whatever the fuck i think to myself there are things about my personality that i know good and goddamn well if i had a son or a daughter that there are things

about me that I would not, like I wouldn't when my son is like seven or eight, be like, hey, this world we live in right now, basically owned and operated by like a handful of like evil corporations and then this group called the CIA. You should Google all this stuff, by the way. You should go in your little room with your little phone and you Google it and you should read about all of that's like child like trafficking kids like you uh they love to take kids like you and use them as blackmail to like saudi weirdos and fucking you know

politicians and stuff they like to kill kids like you i wouldn't do stuff like that but i feel like that is the equivalent of you know joanne you know what i'm saying like it's the equivalent of like calling your daughter or your kid, like, fat or saying that they're fucking stupid or, like, that's what I'm saying. Like, you should know the fucked up parts of yourself so you don't pass it on to your fucking kids. And I'm not saying everybody's perfect because I know that I'm not. I don't have kids.

I think it's kind of inevitable, though. I think even if you don't explicitly do it, you implicitly do it. For sure. But I'm saying there's, like, levels to it where it's, like... Yeah, definitely. I mean... You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like, I think I would definitely do some things differently. I don't think I would... I know I wouldn't, you know, hit my children or anything. That seems like... Right. As you get, like, slightly past your entry level uh years of adulthood it's like oh that's a fucking weird ass thing to do you know yeah like like because because you think like oh well there's no other way to parent then you get slightly like i'm i'm only 23 i'm not like

i'm not old but i'm like no no you can you can raise a child with respect i feel like and not yeah not not beat the hell out of them. Well, it's one of those things that people call it like, oh, it's a holdout of an older generation. But I'm on Facebook with people that I grew up with. I've had Facebook since I was in high school. People that I grew up with, literally from junior high on, I grew up with in the sense that I don't talk to them anymore, but I've known them. And some of them have kids now and they'll post openly on Facebook or they'll share an Instagram video on their story or whatever the fuck it's like it's like this generation some of

these parents they don't believe in whooping on their kids but you best believe you step one toe out of line you're gonna understand me son like you know, I'm giving my two cents in my truck type cocksuckers. And their whole thesis is you should hit your children. And it's like your kid doesn't know why you're hitting them. First of all, just baseline. Like, it's a child. They're not capable of reason. To some extent they are, but whatever.

Two, I feel like there's a lot of evidence, like just clear as crystal, like on the internet. Like we have the knowledge of God in our pockets all the time. And you can Google, is it good to beat the dog shit out of my children once a week? The answer is no, resoundingly no. But like it's a part of a culture, I think, of like I don't care that it's bad. It's actually good because I want to raise a person who would also do this and instill in them the values of physical punishment because I believe it's good. Even though it does irreparable physical and emotional damage to like a human soul

i want to instill these values in my son or daughter because i think they're good uh even though they they're they're dog shit like i don't think i don't know the numbers on it but it's like people like oh it's from the boomers it's like no dude i know fucking this is like a popular thing like spare the rods pull the child, this is like a popular thing. Like, spare the rods, boil the child. Like, this is, you know, you grew up in any sort of church setting. It's like, you probably heard it a couple times.

And you knew people who got, I knew people who got hit with switches. A lot of my friends, they'd tell me, like, oh, my grandma would tell me, go outside and pick my switch. And just whooped the dog shit out of me with a thin fucking stick, you know, from the ground. I never really got hit a lot. Really, like, my family's thing was like just scaring that like my dad was like goddamn

cocksucker get the hell out of here and that was enough you know what I mean like that like that you're like all right I can understand that I can get behind that my mom was just like she had the um Christian woman like icy, she could turn on the thousand-yard stare. I don't know. I feel like maybe that's, like, a Christian mother thing. I don't know if your mom. Yeah, I know what you mean. You know what I'm talking about?

Like, if you fuck up at church, it's like a, you know what I mean? Like, a very intense thing. It wasn't But again like the Defense of physical abuse of children I feel like That's one of those things You shouldn't be so open about But people seemingly are like

Yeah You know you gotta fucking Yeah I mean when you think about it People are also Retarded So You know when you break it down from that perspective of a lot of people are not shooting, not firing off all cylinders.

No, I understand. So a lot of times, you know, you've got these... I mean, most people who... I don't mean this in a negative way. Most people who work in the oil field are just fucking apes. You know what I mean, most people who, I don't mean this in a negative way, most people who work in the oil field are just fucking apes. You know what I mean? So you see these guys on Facebook, and no disrespect to any of the listeners, but you probably got co-workers like this

where it's just like, they're just kind of like racist robots. You know what I mean? Where it's like, you could probably, I could probably program like a chimpanzee to post certain things on Facebook. Right, right, right. I think for a lot of guys, it shows a weak point in their masculinity

because I think it's a lot of guys who never had approval from their own fathers. It's a lot of guys who never had approval from their own fathers. Yeah. Who feel the need to, you know, try and instill some sort of, I think it's partially a social, like. For sure. Like, I'm a macho guy. I discipline my kids. Yeah. But I think also it's like a lot of guys think otherwise they would not be respected by their children.

Which that that is. And I mean, long term, that's not a guarantee. You don't know that your kids are going to treat you with respect. Yeah. Yeah. Even if you're like a good parent. Yeah. You know, I mean, kids, people are they're going to be fucked up.

You know, they're going to are they're gonna be fucked up you know they're gonna yeah people are fucked up it don't matter how like how good your life is yeah you know this thing sort of wears you down it grinds away at you right but but but if you give it your best shot i feel like it generally um even if it doesn't work out great, you know, you kind of can know you did give your best go. Well, I think that's what it's all about. You know, I don't know. I've always kind of felt like like being a complete and total fucking dickhead loser is mostly fine. So long as you like try each year to be a little bit less of one if that makes sense like i don't it i'm not like letting myself or like anybody off the hook i'm not the

arbiter of anything obviously but i've always felt like it like the idea of like oh you know um this fucked up thing i did or like oh i fucking can't hold down a job or i'm an alcoholic i'm a drug addict i'm mean to the people in my life or like i cheated on my spouse or whatever the whatever it is it's like hey man you know like this thing kind of across the board is is just kind of a sort of a meat grinder and so as long as you're like not helping turn the handle too much i think you're doing okay if you're helping turn the handle a lot maybe take one hand off the handle you know every year or so or a finger even you know like it's the only way i've ever gone about like trying to fix anything in my own life personally is like oh

i'm doing all these stupid things that make my life worse and the people in my immediate life you know very frustrated with me and so i like i don't want to be a burden on anybody so i'm gonna fucking try to people like you're not a burden and it's like you're not but fucking you know, you probably were a huge burden for a while. You fucked up your whole life. And everybody's life around you. I don't know if you remember, Jake, but you used to be a huge drug addict. And it was a big problem for you. And you were severely overweight, too.

And you didn't have any money. You probably smelled bad. People wondered if you were ever going to amount to anything. And I bet they had their doubts, you know. I bet people real close to you probably started to give up on you a little bit mentally. They were prepared. They had that part of their brain ready.

Like, if Jake doesn't make it, well, we tried. But you made it, and that's good. I never fucked up nearly as bad as you did, and I don't mean that in any way, but I've lived a pretty much perfect life. But I can see, I feel like I learned from your mistakes. You know what I mean? Right, right, right.

That's how I never make one, you know. To the point of the family thing earlier, I think there's like a cultural hive mind, like belief that, like, I don't want my children to have a better life than I did. And it comes in the form of when people are like, oh, health care, why don't you just get a job? I had to get a job. Oh, I had to do this to afford that. It comes in the form, it's manifested in a lot of different ways.

to afford that what it comes in the form it's manifested so in a lot of different ways and i think that like the abuse thing weirdly enough is a byproduct or symptom whatever of that where it's like oh i got the shit beat out i mean i couldn't fight back and so on subconscious level like the only way that you know some people i think know how they're so emotionally stunted from it is to like continue that cycle of abuse which fucking sucks i don't know like it it's it's dark shit and this is usually a funny haha show but i'm i but but i guess the the morbidly the the nugget of whatever the fuck that you could pull out of that that i don't understand is like why are we doing like sam elliott memes from roadhouse that's like don't hit your children like what are we doing like i feel like if you're gonna be sort of like an abusive psychopath it's like that's one of those things you keep i've decided i've decided to be one I just changed my mind I think I'm gonna be

If I ever have kids And they are complaining about not having money Just cause They're poor I'm gonna say hey How about you start a podcast How about you Pull yourself up by the bootstraps

You start a podcast Based off the same concept That all your friends Your friends podcasts Who are more successful than you How about you copy your friends And then ask them to make you rich Yeah how about you

How about you directly rip off The people you respect the most And then ask them to pull you up By their bootstraps. Yeah, basically. How about that, kid? How about you, how about you

just sort of beg for money on the internet? You basically are one step away from spreading your asshole on a webcam, but instead you are doing a possibly lower form of entertainment yeah because nobody even thinks you're hot you're just wearing a giant shirt and a room full of ladders like a fucking dumbass talking to your friend and you keep booking flights for the same fucking

day you have other things and how about you do that son instead of coming to me and asking why the car that i bought you just got repossessed um because because i got my own fucking business to deal with son i collect lawn clippings for money and i find tin cans and shit so if you want to come to me fucking begging for me for help just because you're 15 years old and you can't fucking pay rent in New York City. Yeah. Look, Bushwick is a hard place, son. I'll tell you that. Yeah, son.

It's tough streets out there. I started in Bushwick. Now you see me, I'm in Flatbush. I worked my way up. You know what I mean? But. You know, me. I worked my way up.

You know what I mean? But. You know, me, me. Me and your Uncle Jake, he fucking, listen. We made ourselves unemployable on the internet for 10 years. And everybody, we saw everybody around us who were much funnier than us. Just things worked out and we were like, man, we on this gravy train force too late and you know if you want money to go to college you should just make friends with people who are just in general way more talented than you and then you know there you go

that's uh you know that's kind of but that's life so it's called networking you know uh so if you want to be a broke pussy your whole life that's fine me i'm gonna go to new york or la twice a year to do a show and lose fifteen hundred dollars i'm gonna lose my business seventeen hundred1,746 in hotel and airline fees. I'm going to have a, I'm going to have sort of a, I don't know, tenuous relationship

with the venue owner. I think he thought we would fill it out more than we did. And, you know, it was pretty good. You know, they're pretty good shows.

He thought he was getting Gucci Mane in there. Hey, guess what, son? We don't have any fucking fans. So how about that? Just a couple of our friends. How about that, bitch? We've got a lot of fans, son.

You could have sold this bitch out if you'd gone with somebody else. But guess what? Our ex-nephew was in town and you went with Padeo Time. Padeo Time. Fucking dumbass. Should have believed in the future. Half our fans can't get into 21 and up shows. The other half are fathers of three.

I don't know how we got that spread. Maybe the worst fan. I mean, no offense to the fan base, but from an economical standpoint, maybe the worst fan base to have. And I mean that in the best way. I love you guys. I love every single one of you. God damn, y'all are broke as fuck, most of y'all.

And once again, so are we. Please don't. I'm not a negative at all, but god fucking damn it. Y'all don't have no goddamn money. And that's okay. I don't agree. We're not even trying to bleed you dry, you know? You want to know how many fucking cards declined this month?

60. I'm worried about you guys. I'm worried about you guys. I'm worried as hell. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I get a lot of messages. If you can't afford to subscribe to the Patreon, I'll be honest, man. I understand. You don't have to try every month.

It's okay. Get your stuff together and then come back. I love you guys. There were times when I couldn't afford $5 a month to podcast. Like, there were, honestly, for a solid fucking chunk of my 20s, it was like, everything was very, very regiment,

you know, the budget was very tight. You had to have $1,000 a month from your job for drugs. And then you had to have like another you know thousand and I made about 2300 a month I would give or take I think I made like 16 an hour or whatever and then waiting tables I wasn't making a lot of money doing that but so you know sometimes I was the guy that said hey I can't can't afford this. And that, you know, to the point that I don't think it. I know they love me no matter what. And we love you guys.

And I think the next show I want to do. I like I. We should do it in Guantanamo Bay. People reach out and they're like, hey, you know, can you do can you guys do an all ages show and i'm like oh you know let me ask the venues and then i'll ask a venue and they're like under no circumstances would we ever do that and i'm like oh like why and they're like you know why the doesn't matter you know i'm like well i mean i i don't care about your business. I care about mine. And again, you know, we have a lot of our listener bases in college and they can't legally drink alcohol yet.

So, you know, they fucking they need a place to come and hang out and be themselves. We should open up a warehouse. Just call it, you know, the fucking i don't know we already did this i was about to do the same joke you mean for uh for all ages yeah yeah yeah we could call it daycare the daycare yeah i would have little boys and girls come there and dance and laugh to all our jokes and it's a hundred dollars a ticket they don't know what money is we but we so we we advertise it as a daycare but we also are doing this show for eight hours a day it has a full bar in there yeah and we do have some trained child technicians so none of them die and they'll get insulin or whatever they need.

And we do our show and we claim that we sell out every single day for this show. And we use it. We do Carnegie Hall and we become the most famous comics in the world. Well, I would... You like that? I like that idea. We do the daycare slash bar slash venue and then I get the same comedians. do the daycare slash bar slash venue and then i i get the same comedians i like ben like i get all my friends who do like like caca poopoo cum pp stuff you know to just work over a crowd you know of seventh graders they would love that shit you know any y'all be watching any y'all be watching

porn hub how about instead of daycare it'scare, and we only take care of gay kids and provide them with a safe environment where they can feel comfortable doing anything they want to and talking to us about anything they want and just one-on-one time whenever they need it. In today's political climate, if you open that up, the next day you would get killed that day. Day one, dude. Dude, in DFW, if you opened that up the next day i think i would get killed that day day one if you

dude in dfw if you like if you like i get killed within 30 minutes 30 minutes of oh yeah if dude my friends yeah like a guy you've known for like 15 years he would just be like that's some fucking last straw dollars yeah time yeah it's over yeah you're like hey guys you're like, hey, guys. You meet up after the landscaping, the day's done. You guys go to the fucking bar. You go to your friend's garage, and you're like, man, it's a hot day. It's my last hot day out here.

I got my own thing going on. And they're like, damn it. The show's taking off? And you're like, no, man, I still got that on the side, but I got this really, really, just really important thing. I just want to contribute

to where I came from. And they're like, oh, shit, man. You're going gonna open up like a venue or something like a bar like that's awesome you're like free drinks for the boys right and you're like no not quite i want to do like something for the youth and they're like oh man you were a taekwondo guy you're gonna put a cry school ain't you and you're like no it's called gay care it's uh it's called gay care and it's for gay little boys and girls to live out every everything they ever wanted to do, and they can be superstars, and I'm their manager, and I'm going to get them on Disney Channel.

They've all gone to their trucks, and they come back in, and they all are caring. They just unload on your ass like the crow, and you're still talking. So you know how little gay boys don't have a place to play? This would provide gay boys with a place to play and have fun and we would have popsicles every day and fruit and and sugar cookies and smoothies and yummy grape soda and it would be a delicious treat for everybody to have fun and have an awesome time. I'm trying to dig a hole for a tree but I'm clearly on Molly.

I'm just like sweating out all the water in my body. I'm like, you know how kids don't get to have fun anymore? And they're like, what? You know these kids? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just out there like,

yeah, they're gonna fucking trench. You know, with all of this, you know, these. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just out there like, yeah, they're going to fucking trench. And it's like, you know, with all of this, this, you know, the political culture war has really just infected the lives of children. Like the battleground has gone from the vaccines to, you know, politics. And now it's entering the lives, the sexual lives of children. Yeah. You know, with all this fucking woke bullshit going on i'm about to start a boarding school just for trans kids yeah you you take a right-wing approach to you all this

grooming going on i'm gonna do it the right way and i'm gonna open up gay care and i'm gonna teach all the gay little boys how to hunt and shoot and hit it hot in a deer stand and fucking lift weights we're gonna i'm gonna get these boys jacked as hell because I am a good American patriot, and I'm sick of all this shit. I'm going to make them do sports. I'm going to have a locker room with cameras in there so I know they're not doing any gay shit. Yeah, I'm going to have them in the showers,

and I'm going to watch everything to make sure that they're not doing nothing they shouldn't be doing. Football, but no touch because I don't want to see them getting hurt, and I don't want to see them touching each other And I don't want to see them touching each other because I know a lot of these kids do have homosexual tendencies. And to make sure, yeah, I'm the all-time linebacker and quarterback and all-time strength and conditioning and stretching coach because I don't want anybody else involved

because you can't trust nobody these days. You know how they never have yoga classes for little boys? I think I'm going to change that. I'm going to make a lot of money doing that. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're still at the bar with your co-workers. You know how little boys don't get to do hot yoga?

So like a really important part of the gay look, I know I lost you earlier and I know you came in. I see your gun. They don't have any bathhouses for kids. I feel like I would get killed within 30 seconds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like, I can't imagine, like,

even if you opened up something like that in Seattle, like, you got a lot of explaining to do. Like, you got a lot of explaining to do. Finally, your gay kid can come take a hot bath in peace with other gay kids. It's got like a it's got it's got like celebrity endorsements

and shit. It's got like Ryan Seacrest on here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, when I when I moved to Burbank I felt like I couldn't find anywhere for my gay son to take a hot, relaxing bath. And then I found... Gay care. And then I found...

Thomas' day spa for children. I found day' Day Spa for Children I found Day Spa Gay Spa And it's still a working name Yeah God I'm fucking crying I found So it's where you can take a hot bath As a gay kid

It's called Hots for T gay kid it's called hots for tots and it's um basically the way the program works is the tier one is fifty dollars and that's for a basic bath and uh there's another five hundred dollar tier and it's called the gaga tier and that's where there's a bigger bath where you can talk to other boys. You know how they have Montessori schools and Baby Einstein and stuff? I want a place where kids can relax and learn. So you've got your bathhouse, and then you also have math, math house, where basically we all get in a tub together, and I teach them algebra. And everything's above board.

Listen, I don't – and today, I understand what you're thinking. I've never done anything wrong in my whole life. I've basically been innocent since I was born, so keep that in mind. Write that down if you need to. If you think I look, if you think me, a sort of pale, sort of pasty, stringy haired type guy would do anything weird in his life, I'll have you know that I've never done anything wrong. Don't the mustache. I know it's cliche. You know, I know the thick mustache. I think the kid endears me to the children some

of them call it my little caterpillar that's great and you're the sheriff you're just like i'm holding the bars you're like that's it's fucking great son you know what they do you're lethally injected they're not even going to hold a trial for you. You know, they're just going to give you... They're just going to inject you with a bunch of air. They're turning the chair back on for your ass, dude. Old Sparky, they're getting that motherfucker primed and ready to rock. You know how they have... You know how they don't have a West Point for gay kids?

Well, this... Okay. This, you know, it's still a working name. But we can get to that later. Basically, it's, you know, it teaches the gay community the one thing that they truly lack, and that's moral strategy.

You know, up through most of the 1800s, you know, pretty much every European general was secretly gay. You're right. But in more recent years, it's been retaken by the African community. My school will teach gay kids how to strategize, how to manage troops, and how to truly pound the enemy. I believe that's really where we went wrong in Vietnam was we sent a bunch of damn straights out there.

Yeah, you gotta imagine just a fucking fleet, a cadre, a goddamn platoon. No, they definitely call it a fleet. And I know my gay community knows what that means. Do you know what that means, Jake? Mm-mm. That's what it's called when people of any gender can do this, but it's kind of like douching for your butt.

Basically, they'll get like a water bottle or something or a shampoo bottle. They'll put it up there and fill it with water, sometimes soapy water'll put it up there, and they fill it with water, sometimes soapy water, put it up their butt, and they'll squirt it. Helps clean out all the poop from the rest of them. I know what that is.

I didn't know it had a name. I just thought it was like cleaning your ass. Cleaning is one of the terms for it. You learn something new every day, goddamn. I just thought it meant cleaning your ass hole so somebody can fuck your ass hole. Yeah, prepares one for anal sex. Pretty awesome, man. I didn't know. damn i just thought it meant cleaning your ass so somebody can fuck your ass prepares yeah prepares one for anal sex pretty awesome man i didn't know i uh now you know and um and that's one of the

things i actually i've known him for a while i brought up to a coworker one time and then i realized that was a really weird fucking thing to bring up to a guy i didn't know that well but he said something i think he said fleeting i And I said, did you know this? Because it was a thing I'd recently learned at the time. I said, hey, did you know this? And he said, why'd you tell me that? And I said, just passing on knowledge. Just two straight guys can't teach each other anymore.

Yeah, you never heard of docking? See, I heard the other day a term for like scissoring but with penises. I forget what it's called. That doesn't sound good. That sounds pretty fucking awful to me. I don't remember. It seemed made up. It definitely wasn't a real word, but I can find it. You know, everybody's entitled to do whatever the fuck they want.

It wasn't docking. It was, I think, is where you slap it around or something. Basically, if you're both soft, I think... Gay guys got all sorts of tricks they can get up to. I think it sounds like something that would be more like a trans woman would do, I think. Like, if your penis isn't getting hard and you're just like, whatever, I'm just gonna fucking slap it around or whatever. I don't know.

I'll have to ask around, see what it's called. I can't remember. Let me look it up. Gay guy term for rubbing penises together. For the life of me. I think it started with like a P or a P. Like gabbing or something. Oh, frot.

That sucks. I don't like that word at all. So basically I hate that word. It's like masturbating two penises together. That's no fun. Don't like that word. There are some. Because you see frotting.

You think, for me, I think of a countryside. That sounds like cottage or something. If you're a home inspector, you would call the realtor and you'd be like, who flipped this son of a bitch? You got frotting in the floorboards. You'd call the realtor and you'd be like, who flipped this son of a bitch? You got frotting in the floorboards. It sounds like something that you wouldn't want to find in a home you just bought.

Well, certainly. Or like a medical term. Like, I'm so sorry. We did the cast scan and you have frotting along the brains now. We're going to need to frot you. Yeah, we're going to have to frot your... Your son. Yeah. Your son, we found him...

Unfortunately, we found him at the scene frotting, and we're worried for him. But now, Jake, whenever you have a gay son, you can, whenever he comes out to you, you can immediately pull up Urban Dictionary, and you can show him the definition of frauding and of fleeting as well. And you can say, alright, these are the main two things that gay guys

do to each other. And you'll need to know because pretty soon you're going to start doing this. I love the implicit um, you know, all of the implicit. Go ahead, sorry. I forgot what I was going to say. In defense, self-defense, go ahead sorry I forgot what I was gonna say in defense

self defense I don't know what the fuck I was about to say you go ahead how about that I was just gonna say in the implicit all the implicit badness I know it's a meme phrase now

but like all of the implicit bad opinions on things that exists within the question gay son or thought daughter like like it's it's like you know would you rather like assuming that both are bad which like whatever i don't whatever it's not really but like if i were to answer that question in earnest it's like i think i think gay son oh dude for sure gay son Immediately gay son Yeah I wouldn't Like I don't want to

You know why Cause it Cause it doesn't imply That they're going through something Right that's bad Right They're like Like a hypersexual phase

Of emotional Right you know Because Because If my So if my hypothetical son Came to me and said Dad I'm gay

I'd say hey Cool I'd say, hey. Cool. I'd say, that's cool. Yeah, I love you. That's a possibility I had in my mind already. Yeah, right, right, right. I thought, hey, this is probably a gay guy. You know, if it's my son, I'm going to know pretty early, probably.

If you broke it down to him like that, if you're like, hey, I'm not going to hold you, big dog. I knew you were gay as shit since you were like. No, I would tell him, hey, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't mean to be rude, but I kind of figured. I love you. You're a cool guy. This has not changed my opinion of you at all.

Yeah, yeah. If my daughter came to me and said, dad, I can't stop sucking dick, I would be like, hey. Go talk to your mother. It's not that I don't want to be here for you. Yeah. I don't know what I don't know what to tell you Cause here's the thing

Be like hey I'll be honest When I was your age I wasn't getting a whole lot So I don't really know I feel like I had the opposite phase Where I was Right right I was addicted to not getting pussy

Yeah I don't know But best of luck with that situation I don't Or I would say What I would say It's Really You're going through a whole phase I'm surprised Cause I have a fucking but best of luck with that situation. I don't... What I would say was, it's, really? You're going through a whole phase?

I'm surprised because of how fucking fat you are. Oh, you'd make it worse. I would make it worse. Make it worse. Yeah, I'm surprised you can even get laid, you fucking whale. You look like shit. You're stinky, dude.

That would lead to me being physically abusive. I'd start... Suplexing her and shit, putting her in arm bars. I'd probably shoot her. I'd start suplexing her and shit, putting her in arm bars. I'd probably shoot her. I'd put her in a heel hook. I'd put my daughter in a rear naked choke and shit. Throwing chairs.

I would get really angry and I'd tear the whole house down. I'd blow up the whole world. Yeah. I would say either is fine. I would say the most stressful part of either of those would be finding out that I have a child. Yeah, that's a big one. You know, if I find out right now that I have a 16-year-old gay son, well, that means I fathered a child when I was seven.

Somebody's got some explaining to do. Explaining, some big-time explaining to do. Oh, Tommy Boy's been molested. Yeah, it looks like you're like, oh, that explains it. You know, I kind of You got tracks I guess we're both learning a lot about ourselves today How about that? I, like

It's like, you know, again It's like been memed into like a thing But like, when I see it Asked in earnest Like when the kid has the phone And he's a gay son or daughter I'm like First of all

Yeah, let's just assume Cause I'm like first of all yeah let's just assume cause I feel like I have kids what if your son's really annoying he was listening to Panic at the Disco but your daughter's just kind of like a cool slut yeah she's like a she's like a steely Dan kind of like

I don't know like what are you talking about like an art hoe type fucking like yeah she's like a she's like a steely dan kind of like i don't know like like what are you talking about like an art hoe type fucking like she's like a roadie yeah you know what i mean that would be yeah yeah yeah but your son is like i want to know right right details of her life but it's like that's okay so oh interesting caveat musical theater gay son or like like like heavy metal like sludge metal thought daughter and her boyfriend is like works at the vape store and has a van with a wizard on it like that's the like we're talking like all right now we've now we've upped the ante because it's like all right i don't just baseline gay son thought daughter i'm gonna go gay son musical theater gay son he sings hamlet around the house and he does

the wicked stuff and he does the he's got like a wand or dot daughter and she like um he's like uh like every every month it's like a new you know sludge metal bass player and he's got a sick bass rig and we can talk bass and fucking like cool guitar stuff. Fuck. That's tough. Now, see, the way I see it, every gay guy I've known who was, like, a musical theater type gay guy, those guys are really happy. Yeah, they're really happy, but it's like, do you want to... Yeah, but I mean, but as opposed to, I don't know how well the vape store guy, as good as he may be a guitarist, treating my ho daughter.

Listen, it's not up to you to make shit. Is she cheating on him for sure she is she's a thought oh my god she's a thought daughter yeah of course she's fucking the guitar player she's the same band yeah yeah i'm going with theater gay son because because then i could just be like hey man this isn't my thing but i support you and whatever you know right right and then he would say he would probably quote um he would probably quote the hamilton play to me and i would say okay son that's enough of that for now all right all right gay son he's jeffrey dahmer gay son is jeffrey dahmer and gay hitler's son or uh like i'm trying to think of a famous cool thought lady. Or your daughter is fucking Angelina Jolie.

Yeah, Jeffrey Dahmer's son, Angelina Jolie daughter. Angelina Jolie, because then I could ask her for money. Yeah. Yeah, you have a daughter. That makes me, technically, historically, that makes me John Voight. Yeah, and that's a sick guy to be. He's a bad, that's a badass motherfucker. He probably, he's not like a good guy, I guess, politically, but damn, he was in a bunch of sick movies.

He's a good actor. Yeah. Dude, if you're, if you have a kid and they become an actor, I feel like to the thing we were talking about earlier, where it's like with the Gronk thing, people do way worse. Like the Michael Jackson documentary where the guy was like, yeah, my family just left me over there for a couple weeks. And then Michael sent them to fucking, you know, Oahu. And they were like, oh, we had no idea. And I slept in Michael's bed and they were just like, well, we just figured he was a cool, nice guy. Parents do that type of shit.

You know what I mean? And, you know, if you have an actor kid, I feel like you can let Hollywood have them. And then you just get to keep all the money. You know what I mean? And, you know, if you have an actor kid, I feel like you can let Hollywood have them, and then you just get to keep all the money. You know what I mean? Like, you can, you know, just let fucking, you know, let them be in the Transformers. Let them, you know, let them get pumped full of steroids

and do karate kicks and shit. But put them in the Avengers. You know, just as long as those checks keep coming, I feel like some parents i'm obviously not all of them i know there's more laws now but i feel like there exists a type of parent in california they have a kid and they're like maybe they're a lawyer and they make good money but they want to have actor parent money so they have kids with the and they put them through you know day school and then acting school and they're remodeling school for when they're like a kid it's like a rich person's

version of the beauty pageant shit yeah and then you know what i mean and then they're like oh you're gonna be an actor you're gonna hang out with this director who his wikipedia page has controversy tab that's pretty long um but he's super chill. You know, he apologized for all that stuff. He wants you in a movie. You got to hang out with him and Destin for like a couple months. He's going to teach you how to act and stuff. And I'm going to go sail on his boat. Anyway, if you're listening to this, that means that you are listening to the free episode of Padeo Time.

And you know what keeps the fucking lights on. the on the fucking show is, I promise I'll never do that again. I'm sorry. That was cool. We should clip that. We'll make that the intro and outro. Yeah. Hey, if you want to know what keeps the lights on at the fucking Pandejo Time radio show for cool ass motherfuckers,

then you're going to want to go over on patreon.com slash Pandejo Time. P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P- And then access to Discord. Discord's sick. There's a lot of cool motherfuckers in there. Shout out to all those guys. And then, yeah, patreon.com slash pendejo time. Sign the fuck up, because if you're listening to this, and you came from, I guess, the choppo world, and you were in for a real treat, because this one was all about opening up. Thomas opened up a daycare for gay children. Yeah, not my best look, if I'm being honest.

But that'll happen sometimes. Sometimes when you're just riffing with your boys and you're hanging out, you're doing your fucking show, sometimes you fucking say shit like that and that's cool. Sometimes in your head it's the premium episode and it's uh yeah you can get away with stuff yeah remember it's about 10 times as many people that will yeah it's literally about that many it's okay because it's either day we're professionals yeah we're professionals for a living yeah part of the time this is what i do for part of my living. 20 hours a week. And the other part is I'm a day laborer. But, you know. Yeah, this is 20 hours of Thomas' week.

The other 40 are spent day laboring. Mine are spent currently walking around my apartment in between going to Muay Thai and just sort of fucking humming to myself because I don't have a fucking job. Hey, guess what, man? Yeah. That's okay. Yeah, that's all right. You go to Muay Thai three hours.

You fucking deadlift until you can't lift your back completely. And you fucking do jujitsu and you slip your shoulder out. And then you come home and you're like, fuck, dude, what time is it? 2 p.m.? Hell, yeah. I need to not have my own thought. I need to. It's super good for a guy like me to have a lot of free time.

So I'm going to go take a walk. It's 103 degrees outside. Hell, yeah. I love that shit. have my own thought i need to it's super good for a guy like me to have a lot of free time so i'm gonna go take a walk it's 103 degrees outside hell yeah i love that shit it was dog shit today it was dude fuck this i thought we were getting away with it this year dude it was super nice it was super nice super nice till like last week yeah and then all of a sudden it's like yeah welcome to like get fucked it's been so goddamn hot anyway bye