Pendejo Time - andrew treat

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

wisten here bitch..... you fink youre too good for the mail man? Support the Show.

Hey, hey, it's Fat, it's normal size Albert, it's uh, Husky, Husky Albert. It's, it's Albert. It's, hey, it's just Albert, I'm not- Hello, I'm here, I'm Albert. It's healthy at any weight, Albert, you can't say fat. Because it makes me want to kill myself. It's me. It's Albert. It's just out.

Please don't call me fat. I'm not sure why people say that about me. It really hurts. Fat, fuck-ass, stupid fucking Albert piece of shit. Unemployed, broke dick Albert. Just, you know, gay ass. Yeah, just working in a tire shop Albert. Just fucking building bombs in my basement Albert.

You know, FBI informant Albert. Forever young. I want to be forever young. Do you really want to live forever? Forever and ever. That's cute, man. Thank you for singing. Forever.

I've been singing that around the house for a while. Everyone is loving it. People love my singing voice, and they love when I sing. I wrote that song. I know you wrote it because you told me how much money you made from it, which I'm super proud of you for doing. Over $1,000. Yeah, that's good.

I don't know why, but for the last two days, I've had that, I want to talk about me. You want to talk about I. I want to talk about that Toby Keith song in my head. And what makes it really funny is I like, you know, like obviously I'm still like, you know,

having a, you know, tough go at or whatever. So I'll be like, like having a grieving moment. And then that song is also on my head. It's the dumbest collection of thoughts that a man can have. Like a man can have some stupid fucking thoughts,

but on the one side of my brain is like, ah, you know, dad or whatever. And the other side of my head is, I want to talk about me. I want to talk about, ah. So it's like, I don't, I'll be like, ah, fuck, man, you know. And I guess it's kind of a blessing

because I can't, like, spiral or whatever because my brain just won't let me. Like, I'll get, like, today, I was just on the couch like, fuck. Number one, oh my, me, my, what I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see. And I'm like, dude, can I have a fucking second here? And my brain's like, no, have you ever thought about how big does a caterpillar

get before he turns into a butterfly? Is a caterpillar stinky? Have you ever thought about that? Does a caterpillar like being in its cocoon? I'm like, bro, I don't know. Can I just, you know, fucking grieve a little bit? No, dude, we got to think about fucking Toby Keith, top 40. Does the caterpillar taste good?

What does a caterpillar like to eat? Have you ever thought? Leaf. Leaf bug. Do caterpillars eat other bugs? I don't know about that. They eat leaves. Leaf.

They eat a big leaf. They take munches. They take munches out of a big leaf. They do be doing that. You ever see the munch marks on a leaf? I have. I was about to say, I love the planet Earth when they're just following. That tickles a part of my brain.

That's that shit. That is that shit. Yes, sir. Where, like, you just see what is their mouth kind of closed on it and then the leaf is just you know fucked up looking I've always wanted to get

stung by an asp but I never have I have it sucks it's more like a burning sensation yeah I've heard it's like everybody at work

has been stung by one except for me I'm a little pussy boy who can't get stung by a magic caterpillar the fucking we I would the practice field when I played like like baseball when I was like a kid can't get stung by a magic caterpillar. The fucking, we,

I would, the practice field when I played like, like baseball when I was like a kid, was just like rife with, like they were everywhere, infestation. So, like,

we would be out there doing like, like running, or like fielding balls or whatever, and you'd fucking like, go to grab, like you would go to like, I grabbed one one time, like trying to grab a,

I was like, ah, damn. You know, like I don't know what time, like, trying to grab a, I was like, ah, damn. You know, like, I don't know what the fuck happened, and it was on my hand. It was fucked up. They're fucked up little critters, but they become beautiful little, I don't know what the fuck they become, actually. I don't know if they become anything. I think they're just fucked up.

Yeah, I thought. Asp. What do asps become? Asp. Butter. Flop. Asp. Bug.

Asp butterfly. Asp bug. Asp bug? It becomes a southern flannel moth. Oh, fuck that. Is that right? That's not even, I don't even fuck with moths like that. I don't give a fuck about a thing. Asp. Asp.

Black asp. Asp. Black asp. But, or... Asp. But. Or fly. Yeah, the southern flannel moth. It doesn't look that cool. It's just a yellow creature. Fucked up looking creature? That's stupid as fuck.

Yeah. I don't really care about that at all. But yeah, they suck, man. That's kind of rude. Do you the kevin samuels guy that died that like the alpha alpha black guy the he uh he was the guy that would go on and would have girls come on and they would be like i need me a a clip of his where uh he was like you know if a man makes like forty thousand dollars you know like that's a that's a like a that's a good man and that's like a solid you know i was like maybe i can get behind some of this guy's opinions

and then he was like and a woman's got to eat dirt and shit. But I think he had a heart attack and he died. I thought he had a heart attack off dick pills. Yeah, he was trying to fuck off Cialis or some shit. That's a noble cause. It's very funny. People always act like it's embarrassing to die from taking dick pills. But that's the man who died with hope.

He did die. He died with a lot of rage in his heart i don't i i really like i don't respect it because it's dog shit like takes and opinions but like it's such a it's a gift it's the grift that keeps on giving really like an endless wellspring of money to like go on the internet and be like you gotta like uh you gotta like throw women down the stairs and stuff i don't't know if I could necessarily do it because I think my girlfriend would kill me. Me and you both, relationship guys, happy guys, just pivot to this podcast being like, yeah, the way you talk to a bitch, you tell her to get her coochie cleaned out like a

pressure washer before she come over to the apartment. You tell her to get her shit fucking... What are you looking at, dude? You're deep in thought. What the fuck are you reading about? I looked him up. New from Yahoo News. Kevin Samuels left us a final lesson on the risks of hypertension.

They got his ass. They got his ass. They got his ass. The picture for it is a different black guy having a heart attack. Like a stock photo of a black guy having a heart attack. That rules. Just a guy on a couch having a heart attack. It is not Kevin Samuels. They got his ass. Hey, that, he got his ass.

Hey, that's cooked up, dude. That's roasted. That's fucked up, man. You gotta do my man like that? Here's, I scrolled like halfway through. I'm not gonna read the whole thing. What we do know is that Samuels was a 57-year-old black man who was not overweight and appeared to be in relatively good health. He was reportedly on the blood pressure medication.

I'm not reading that. Hmm. Yeah, thickening the heart wall. That's not good. Yeah, I hate when my heart wall thickens. I will admit, with that first sentence, I initially read it wrong. I thought it said he was overweight. I thought it said he was overweight, I thought it said he was overweight.

He looked like shit. No, he was a normal looking guy. Whether you loved him or hated him, Kevin Samuels is still providing a valuable learning opportunity in his passing. He was always able to garner our attention with his messages, trying to teach and educate his audience. He is still doing that with this final lesson. That'd be cool.

You know. To what? Oh, for Yahoo to some girl makes 200 bucks off writing an article about how you fucking died trying to get your dick hard. Sorry, I thought somebody was breaking into my apartment again, you know.

No, man. man like if somebody does it's kind of your job to hold down the fort and know what's really important cause I'm an alpha this podcast cause I'm an alpha dog dude and I'm a fucking top gun in a lot of ways

you know we're we are also kind of lifestyle gurus we're like the Nelk boys, but if they had more brain damage and weren't as successful. We're just kind of like Steve will do it type guys. We like golf and I guess saying send it, bro, and doing chugs and stuff.

Yeah. We like Rolexes. We like fancy stuff stuff we like drinking beer yeah we like getting just getting like ron desantis cool shit yeah we interview like uh like preachers and stuff and we're like bro did you ever get a little pussy cheek on the side and he's like oh no i never got nothing like that and And you're like, come on. I can't say I ever had no pussy in my life. I can't say, as a man of the cloth, I can't say I ever had no pussy cheek or lip

or even a glimpse of the booty hole. Now, many a woman has offered me plate. And no, I'm not referring to the offering plate. No. But a man must abide by his Lord's word. His Lord's word say to make. My name is Colonel Sanders. Thank you.

Thank you, Steve Will Do It, for having me on your most glorious podcast. I don't even know the names of nobody on the Nelk Boys show, but thank you, Mr. Nelk. And thank you, boys. Mrs. Nelk. Mr. Nelk. Thank you for having me in your home. Bringing on a nice Southern preacher such as myself. I used to watch Steve will do it in high school.

I watched him on Instagram and yeah i scrolled back to his old videos i remember and it was like he was like 14 years old like eating canned dog food like in his yard like here's a dog food challenge everybody said i wouldn't do it and then the comments were like girls he went to high school with like you're crazy you're crazy steve and then it like i'd go up to like 2018 or whatever and he was like all right i'm 19 years old i'm about to drink a fish bowl full of everclear yeah and i got two girls here and then and then you scroll up to 2022 it's like we're gonna give ronda santas the biggest blowjob of his life. And I'm going to drink a million beers.

And then I'm going to give this single Latina mom a Tesla. It's so funny. With no warranty or insurance. Yeah. Because the Shoe Nice guy never really made any money doing it. He just ate deodorant and chugged like big handles of Everclear strictly for the love of the game. But the Steve will do it guy became like,

I think one of the highest paid content creators, like in the history of like YouTube or whatever. And I wonder how many guys doing that, like doing the eating dog food, drinking piss, like laying on a bed of nails, like walk, like doing the like pain and disgusting challenges,

just writhe in obscurity, and they never get to jet, and they never get to meet Trump. Because they're all frat guys, basically. But how many of them are like, oh, this is the poop challenge. I pooped a bunch, and now I'm going to put it on a sandwich.

And they just get like 10 views their whole lives. it's got to be the vast majority of them because i think i think what set him apart was he was like a like a you know somewhat attractive guy or whatever yeah like a fratty kind of yeah yeah yeah rather than just like a guy who lived in a garage he's too nice yeah i like yeah yeah, he'd be funny in ways that weren't just like you're laughing at him. Yeah, no, yeah, for sure. Like, he was an engaging... Shoenice would be like,

I'm gonna drink a whole gallon of Everclear and before I black out, I'm gonna need deodorant. And you were like, uh, play? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Nice work, Shoenice. He's like sober now and he makes tiktoks and he

people are like people in his comments are mean dude they're like yo bro like for the one time can you like can you just slam a bottle of rum and he's like yeah you know uh my life was a raging torrent of pain and like and they're like yo bro just for the gram bro like for the vine days like can you just relapse on alcohol and kill yourself like that would be so cool and he's like please don't i have liver cirrhosis yeah yeah he uh i'm envious of like like i mean i don't know that that's that's a dedication to like eating dog food And like hurting yourself That I don't really have

I don't think I could do that I think this is about as much I think if life had gone a little bit differently For you Honestly man I think You know what I was already like smashing my If you hadn't figured out how to like How you could get pussy off being like a

disgusting slob that's the only thing that saved you it's like like like you know honestly like just you having like two friends at least yeah yeah it would be like

hey I know we're on fucking like hospice medication right now but don't eat dog food yeah that's a very good point is like yeah like disgusting slob like but like make make opiate addiction like kind of funny and cool yeah kind of make it like a like something you just go through when you're like, like a few damage your brain slightly more to where you couldn't be regular funny. I think that's maybe all it would have taken. That's very,

yeah. Very, very good point. Yeah. If I just couldn't, another five years of heavy drug use, you'd be like, uh,

I used to do stand up, but now like I'm going to eat a big jar of peanut butter. And before I swallow any of the peanut butter i'm gonna wash it down with pp with pp and your friends from my school are like good to see you have a place to stay now jake yeah yeah it's very very funny that you're probably right man like it just like i was already i was going down that road and then just other stuff happened and it yeah just like like buying a going bankrupt on a gopro and doing like diarrhea challenges whatever that is you know we figure it out later there's still

plenty of time for me to do stuff like that if i had never been on twitter that's probably what i would be up to yeah Yeah, good point. I think like I'd need like an outlet of some kind. And if it wasn't that, I would just be like, all right, I'm going to eat a shingle. Yes, sir. Shingle challenge. This thing is melted. Getting on the Internet early, I definitely think like probably cause some sort of like irreparable damage or whatever but i do think you're right i think if i hadn't have had like posting on some sort of form or

like on twitter i probably yeah like i would have gotten into other shit on the internet or like like youtube stuff like yeah like these we're gonna like fireworks Out of Joey's ass And then He's gonna shoot it Into my mouth And we're gonna get Fucking 68 views And then Yes sir Yes sir

And then next Guess who's gonna call next Johnny Knoxville And then we're gonna be In the next jackass And I'm gonna buy My mama a jet ski But you just kinda like

That never happens for you For this challenge I'm gonna call 911 And then hide Yeah do like Really like kinda Psychological For this challenge, I'm going to call 911 and then hide. Yeah, do really kind of psychological. For this challenge, I'll be a whole bottle of Adderall Extender Release, call 911,

and I'm going to make spooky sounds in my apartment while they look for me. For now, we're doing prank calls. I'm going to call every Papa John's and tell whoever answers that their son is dead. The fucking YouTube thumbnail with the big letters. It's like,

Papa John's driver's son dead prank. Yo, hey, is this... Is Marcus working there? Yeah, yeah, he just came in. Can you tell him his baby boy, this is his brother, his baby boy's dead. Yeah, tell him he's dead.

Tell him he's dead and he's not gonna make it and he died badly. He died. Tell him he's dead and he's not going to make it. And he died badly. He died crazy style. He died so fucking violently and so bad, bro. The guy's like, this is not a Papa John's number. I live down the street from you, son. You keep trying to prank call me.

You call the same number every time. It's me I offered to fix your sprinklers. Remember? Did your mom stop telling you to take your lithium? I'm guessing, yeah. Oh, the lithium prank. I take my whole bottle of lithium and I come over to your house. I come over to your house And I kill your fucking wife

Oh I choke your fucking dog out Why you fucking name a gum with me You won't kill me Cause you held me when I was a baby And our parents are friends This is a Jack Hammer challenge Go to your grandma's house And Jack Hammer all around her foundation

$20,000 Replace your grandma's oxygen tank With nitrous from a fast car camera all around her foundation. $20,000. Replace your grandma's oxygen tank with nitrous from a fast car. She talks weird. Has a brain aneurysm and dies. I guess it's the same for podcasting.

A lot of people just get shows or get the gear and they do the same thing. But they're not millionaires, thousandaires like we are. They're not millionaires like us. No, that's for sure. That's for damn sure. I put $6.75 worth of gas in my car today.

And that's an amount of money that's funny because it's a very calculated number to pay in cash. Because it's like I calculated this because, don't get me wrong, I have nickels and dimes in my car, and I wouldn't want to trouble you. Tomorrow I can get another 30 cents worth of gas, no problem. I'm not broke like other people who come through here. I've been watching a lot of Dave Ramsey YouTube videos, so I'm just playing along. Yeah.

Before I have been pumping gas, and, like, I'll open my phone to, like, check a text message or something, and I'll go on, like, Discord or, like, Twitter, and the gas will be put. And I'm broke, dude, like, dead broke, and I only want to put like nine dollars in I look at my phone look at my phone look at my phone and I'm not even realizing and I hear the click and I realized I filled my gas tank up and it withdrawn my account negative

but like mine automatically stops when I'm out of money no mine doesn't mine will charge me a 35 dollar negative fee and then like to put the money back it's like another $35 it's awesome yeah I know because one time I pumped like 3 cents worth of gas I hadn't checked my account in a while I was like oh man I really need to fill up click

I was like well this pump is broken so I was going to the next one declined I was like well this pump is also clearly broken and I'm going to the next one declined i was like well this bump is also clearly broken and i'm gonna go home very slowly i uh that was awesome fuck me dude that was terrible takes a lot to fucking throw me off that was super sick man i uh i would like put in i mean this is this was like years ago i would put in like five dollars i would get like i would put in like five dollars in my tank i'd be like man i gotta really watch my spending and then i would go spend like two hundred dollars on coke and i would be like

man you know like driving home from the bar i'm I'm like less than a quarter of a tank of gas. Like I'm on E. And I'm like, you know, I'm glad, you know, I probably just should have put money in the bank. I mean, or gas in the tank or whatever. But, you know, I do have this cocaine. Well, that was an investment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was, that's what we call, that's what the industry call, you know, dividends. That's the best way to, if you have a drug addiction, That's what we call it. That's what the industry calls dividends.

That's the best way. If you have a drug addiction, the best way to do it is you're investing long term and short term. First off, you're not having any withdrawals. That's an investment in your mental health. Long term, you get to keep doing drugs. Right. And you meet people through doing drugs, such as other drug addicts.

Right, who are notoriously super chill and cool. And that's how you get rich. You meet a lot of people who make maybe $8,000, $9,000 a year. Yeah, you meet a lot of people who are great to network with. They steal from you and they like emotionally and physically hurt you um and they're really good about like paying you back and stuff and you're really good about paying them back you know and also there are two options if you get hooked on drugs if you're hooked on drugs now think of it this way uh option uh a is you get

off drugs and you use the experiences in your life to like maybe become a motivational speaker or some sort of comedian or something or a writer uh or you die uh which you know like either you know something happens for you and you get a redemption arc uh or you kind of just die uh which we you know, we all die, so it's not that big of a deal, I guess. I've been alive 750 years. I've been alive longer than you could know, kiddo. I have seen suns

fall before me, crumble like little... All around the world, statues crumble for me. Who knows? Immortal Louisiana Swamp Guy, who loves Sugar Ray. That's a new one. Very specific type of guy.

Fucked it. Sexy. Oh, no. Here we go. All around my mouth, cookies crumble. I eat who knows what type of cookie. That's chocolate chip. Everyone I eat tastes so good to me.

45 years old. My mama got arrested, so... You keep the same one. Yeah, that one worked. You don't got to change that one. Yeah, yeah. Cookies taste so good. I just want to eat some treats now.

Yummy, yes, sir. Thank you. I eat cookie treats. Give my friend a little cookie a yummy thing to eat I just want to bite oh come, yeah. Bite a cookie. Sugar Ray? More like sugar cookie. Cookie. Cookie. Oh, my God.

Every morning I eat Oreos, then I play some Halo, then I go right back to bed. I'm trying to remember another Sugar Ray song. The only three I know are that every morning fly and the one that's like, Someday when I go get peach. Oh, no, I got to find the one from the Surf's Up movie. I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about, man. You didn't hear the fucking Sugar Ray song from the Surf's Up movie? No.

It's one of the best songs of all time. Sugar Ray's Surf's Up. Into Yesterday. Sugar Ray surfs up. Into yesterday. Why would I want a subscription for a lyric service? It's 2022. Whatever. Whatever.

Oh, well, I don't remember the fucking tune to this at all. So we'll move on from that one. Okay. That sounds one. Okay. That sounds good. Hey! It's time to bake in the kitchen, eating cookies. Yes, thank you.

Eating grapefruit. Yes, cookie. It tastes so good. And it's yummy. I'm like, yum, yum, yum. Please don't get any crumbs all over the kitchen. Then it's time to take a few toms. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Return of the snack. Return of the snack. Yum, yum. Return of the... And I don't know how the rest of the song goes. I really just know return of the snack. Yummy yum. Return of the... And I don't know how the rest of the song goes. I really just know Return of the... This is how we eat chips.

This is how we eat chips. They are so yummy. This is how we eat chips. Oh yeah, it's good. Yeah. This is how... Fucking stupid. God fucking damn it, man. Oh, yeah, it's good. Yeah. This is how. Fucking stupid. God fucking damn it, man.

Oh, brother. I have. What did I eat today? I had some some leftover spaghetti. It was pretty old. It was pretty yucky. And then I had a non-alcoholic michelada. Now I'm enjoying a non-alcoholic michelada now i'm enjoying a non-alcoholic

ipa from the carbock brewing company i uh what did i have today this morning i had a vitamin water and an Arizona tea. Yum. And then I had some water. Oh, I had some coffee as well this morning. And then when I got home, had some water

and then I got one of those Gatorade fits. Have you seen those? Those are pretty fucking good, man. They're not bad. They're not not what I was looking for oh okay okay i appreciate that it doesn't have all the additives and stuff you know it's nice but it's too thick the viscosity is off yeah i see what you're saying it's kind of like it

reminded me of like snow cone syrup but not as yeah yeah i see what you're saying like with coconut water i'm expecting that you know a little bit of a thickness to it. Right. I understand. But it wasn't what I was looking for. I like artificial colors. I like artificial flavors. Because if I'm working out in the sun, I don't give a fuck about... I just want to be replenished.

Yeah. I don't like water. I've tried to. Ashley's like, how much water have you had today? I'm like, I haven't had a bottle of fucking water in like five six days she's like how do you feel and I'm like like dog shit you know I feel like shit but I hate water I love juice like I have to listen man I have to stop myself like actively not drink like if I could I would just drink Dr. Pepper I let myself drink like two Dr. Peppers a month because if I like buy like a 12 like I haven't bought a 12 pack of soda since I was in

college because like if I do I just drink them all day like I especially Dr. Pepper I really don't fuck with any other soda like that um but I fucking love like juice like when like when I'm at the store and like we're going like going to Houston actually we get a bottle of water juice. When I'm at the store and we're going to Houston, and she's like, we got a bottle of water. I'm like, I'm going to get a big thing of Jumex mango nectar. It's just juice. It's good for you. And she's like, it's literally like 150 grams of sugar with the big can.

And I'm like, who gives a shit? It's juice. Juice is healthy for you. Do you think God would make a bad thing on this planet? You think God would fuck up and make something bad for me to eat that's natural? Do you think he would do something that's bad? This is all natural,

and I trust the factory down there to pick me up right. I trust the Jumex people to just put juice in here and not anything else, you know? Yeah. So yeah, I just don't like water. If I'm working outside, I guess I'll drink water but

if I had juice like when I worked like sites I've worked at or any fucking like kitchen or anything man let me tell you when I worked at BJ's have you ever you've been to BJ's right yeah they have the cream soda you ever had it no fucking mind-blowing dude this is what contributed to me getting so fucking fat there like four or five years ago. As I was working there, and I would work fucking 15, 16-hour shifts, and I would just drink their cream soda, like big frosty mugs of it.

I'd be working in a hot kitchen for 15 hours, and I would drink, I'm not kidding, man, not fucking around, probably like a gallon of cream soda. Yeah. Like a day. That's what you do. And even like a couple of coworkers are like, hey, man, how many of those have you had?

I was like, I don't know, probably like seven. And they're like, it's pints. I'm like, I probably will have like five more. Typically, I'll drink like 12 or 13 over a shift. And they're like, you know, there's like a lot of sugar in that. And I'm like, yeah. But like I'm going to leave here and i'm like yeah but like i like i'm gonna leave here and i'm gonna do like pills so i like at that time in my life i was like i'm not really concerned with like the sugar content of my soda plus it tastes way better than water it's bubbly it makes me sick you know it's sweet so yeah fuck fuck water

i'm gonna fuck water gang dude when i was at uta i would go through two to three cases of soda a week and um that was just what i had when i was at my dorm yeah same yeah um it was like if i didn't have soda i would have beer yeah yeah yeah it was it was lone star miller high life and dr pepper and then like big blue i fucking hate big Big Red. Not a Big Red guy. But Big Blue is that shit. That's that good, good sauce. That's that good, good. Now, I'm not a Big Blue guy. I don't like...

I actually am not that into Big Red as I used to be because I don't like my teeth getting stained red. Yeah, it really is a very like... It's not... It's a strong... It dies. If you don't brush your teeth very well after one of those sod very, like, it's not. It's a strong, like, it dies. If you don't brush your teeth very well after one of those sodas, like, the next morning. Yeah, your shit is. You're like, why the fuck is my mouth still red?

Yeah, it's like pink. I understand I'm not, like, an Olympic toothbrusher. Same. Yeah, I fucked the game up a lot. I get it done, at least. Yeah. My fucking mouth isn't a different color the next day. Yeah. You know? What the fuck different color the next day. Yeah.

You know? What the fuck? Why do they have to make the dye that strong? I don't know, man. It's so... It makes me furious. I don't like it. I hate it.

I hate it. I hate it. Show me your pussy. Show... Welcome to the carnival, kids. Before you hop on the ride, I just need to take a look at your pussy. Yes, sir. I'm a regular elevator operator here, sir.

And this is definitely not a haunted hotel. But before I take you up on this here ride, I'm going to need to take a look at your pussy. Go ahead. Well, I'm going there to take a look at your pussy Go ahead Well, I'm a guy I don't gotta Just got a penis for you, sir But I appreciate the I'm gonna need to see your pussy

You're not listening to me, son I hate to tell you this But if you wanna go up my elevator You gotta I need to take a look at your ticket here And I don't I mean your pussy list You don't need a ticket to ride in the elevator But you need the need to take a look at your ticket here and I don't I mean your pussy lips yeah

you don't need a ticket to ride an elevator but you need the one to ride mine once again the Samuel L. Jackson monologue from what was that

Pulp Fiction where he's like he's explaining how his dad was like an elevator operator but he just at the end of the story

he just had like a loose pussy in his bag. One day, somebody tried him. They saw him with his little brown paper bag. They said, what's in the bag? He said, you want to see? I'll show you. They said, show me. He pulled out a big, hairy pussy.

Loaded Locked A big Sort of stubbled Stinky one Stubbled pussy The whole bag was wet It was

You ever get a sandwich The bag tore apart You ever get like a greasy sandwich And it's kind of like When you get wings And it's kind of soaking through But it won't tear Because the grease doesn't affect The like the tensile strength of the bag but it

does affect its translucent color yeah that's what the bag looked like she already got that pussies she got that pussies away done melted through the trader joe's bag and those bags thick as hell they do they really like I really don't even know How she even manages To do it But I don't know how She got that thing

In the bag In the first place God damn First place First place I don't know how Hey baby girl I know we had

Trader Joe's I don't know First thing first First thing first How you get that Puss in the bag First place It's not even

It's not It's not even Like a localized black guy. Damn, baby girl. Birthday party, let me tell you. Birthday party. It's fire. How you put your pussy in your bag and it get greasy like a sandwich bag? Damn, girl.

I bet you could put your whole pussy in your bag. It would melt the bag. It would be so hot. Big old bag. I put your bag over my head and it didn't do nothing. I could still be fine. I'm so sorry. We've been showing Noah, like, you know, like, pickup artist YouTube videos.

He's trying to learn how to talk to women. So just... What's your ethnicity? What color are you? Are you a white bitch? Hey, bitch, what color are you? Where you come from? What's your ethnicity

Fat as fuck I'm sorry It's just we've been showing him You know He likes to know He likes the Kevin Samuels And the Andrew Tate videos And he really likes the

You know He's been watching a lot You should be making If you're Bitch if you're making Like Eight Ninety grand a year

Minimum Don't be looking for some man If you're over One hundred and a year minimum don't be looking for some man if you're over 150 pounds bitch keep to stepping keep stepping if you're not

making money as a woman you're looking for some kind of witch man who do you think you are he's like

a dyke who do you think you are he's like 5'3 he's like 5'3 who He's a pretty gold digger. He's like 5'3". You think you're out here? You're like a 7.5 abyss.

Abyss. You think you're out here like a soft 7.5? That's way less than like a 7. You think a pussy's going to take you far? You think you're gardener Sundress and that's gonna take the track some Saudi billionaire no stress bitch you look for a chanel boy you you do not have that top tier party if you're a grown woman and you pay your own phone bill yeah that's top tier or budget. If you're a grown woman and you're paying

your own phone bill, that's what you're supposed to be doing. We need to have a serious talk about your reality going forward. He's just talking to the lady at Dunkin Donuts.

Yeah. If you think you're some elite, budget bitch, you can talk H-E-B Dunkin Donuts Yeah And you think you're some Some A wheat Busy bitch And you could talk I bet you in the DM's say Oh you can't have this pussy

My pussy Is tight I bet it stinks I bet you guys See a guy like me And you walk all over me Just because you think I'm not a billionaire

Newsflash All these women Over the years They refuse to have sex just because you think I'm not a billionaire. Newsflash. All these women over the years, they refuse to have sex with me simply because I'm not a billionaire. Because I'm not a billionaire. But I've got news for you. But I've got news. Hey, y'all are not so hot either. I've got every Oh yeah

I went off For my teenage years With no pussy Except we There seemed to be Something holding me back Because I'm not A billionaire

And I don't have A yacht I could never Put a web finger on it I couldn't put a very Thick strong finger on it. But I realized it was not on my way. But my income.

You know, Ed, I work very, very hard at the stock room of USPS. It's a union job. And still, for some reason, Women want to walk all over me. Women want to walk all over me. Women want to walk all over me. And so I... Now, is it because I like to lay on the floor and my head is very flat?

Could be. Is it because I still play with a baby mobile when I'm bored sometimes? I spin the little stars around when I'm in bed. Women actually can treat me like shit just because I have some problems with puzzles.

But here's a puzzle, Peach. For you, bitch. For you, wench. If you're not making one million, trillion billion dollars a year, don't be looking for me

for ice cream and money. Because not every man can make his... You can let that jingle pass on by. You think every man makes as much money as an ice cream man? That's a high value man. He makes... You think you can follow the mailman around?

Because they won't let me. If you think you can follow the Ice Cream Man around, bitch, you got another thing coming because they won't even let me do it. And I buy more Ice Cream. I buy more Ice Cream than anybody, bitch. I get money every day. I quit money.

I get $40 a day from the state. I have a trust with the state, and I get $40 a day. I usually buy by the state. I have a twist with the state and I get $40. I usually buy by the case. So get your step, bitch. I buy a whole pallet of the rainbow pops every day. And you want to come up on my doorstep

and ask how many people are living in my household for some kind of census well here's some common senses for you bitch if you're not making one trillion bags of candy a year you cannot go to you can't be laughing i'm still fucking laughing at it. Just the guys, you know, just spends all day watching fucking Kevin Samuels and Andrew Tate being like,

and woe and behold, I don't get no pussy because I'm not a billionaire. Because I don't, I'm not. Oh, I'm not Mr. Jeff Bezos. I'm not jacked and sweated. Is it because of my height? Which is...

Admittedly, I'm the shortest height. Is it because of my weight? Is it because of my educational record? Which is admittedly... Admittedly, I was troublesome in some areas. Admittedly. Admittedly was troublesome in some areas. No.

It all comes down to the fact that I'm a man. With no money. With West money, what they think is good. West money. In many ways, I'm one of the richest men in the world. That's his YouTube, like, pickup artist name, West Money. Hey, everybody. It's West Money here. If you've got West Money the billionaire and you still can't get pussy I'll tell you how to deal with it today on West Money

That's West Westing one demand respect From the pussy. you see a woman Walk in the room Don't go straight To staring at her boobies

Look her in the eyes So she knows That she ain't shit Alright I've been that voice For long enough Yeah by the way Do you have a piece of string Wrapped around a thing of

Vicks Vapor rub No this is a bolo tie. Oh. But that is Vicks? Oh, okay. I don't use it. It dries my lips out.

The menthol in it. But it smells so nice. It's nice when you have a sinus infection. Yeah, it is nice. I was wondering if you try to make a homemade cat toy or something. No. No, I didn't. Come on, let her out.

Bolo ties. Let her out, baby boy. You know, we live in a wicked, wicked world, Jake, and there's a lot of darkness all around us. You ever think about that?

Yeah. You shouldn't. It really could put a damper on your day. It really depresses a man to think about. Are you some kind of fucking bum thinking about stupid shit like that? You sad pussy with your little pussy lips out. You're all sad.

I bet you're sad as fuck right now. I bet you're sad as fuck. I bet you're sad right now. Oh, no. I bet you're sad thinking about your economy right now. Oh, you do? Yeah, I've been working on the economy in my spare time. You guys hold on for now.

I'll get it figured out. Everybody I see online is like, we got to get this shit figured out. I'm like, not me. Not me. I am a part of a system. No, I'm a part of the problem, really. I have bad spending habits, dude.

I fucking can't save money to save my life. Unfortunately, I've gone through a series of $50 emergencies that have led to me not being able to save a dime. I've come into not small. I've come into $1,000 here and there just by accident, and I've spent it all on literally just food and like beer and nicotine that is my three greatest expenses like i look at my bank statement i'm like what happened all this money that i had put away which admittedly wasn't a lot but i never had a savings account before so it's a lot to me and i look at mine it's like 7-eleven stripes

vape store stripes 7-eleven chicken wings stripes vaings, Stripes, vape store, vape store, vape store, I'm like... And you know, if people start buying the damn Starbucks, then maybe they could buy a damn house with bucks. And that's a lot of things that people don't think about.

You know, next time you're at Starbucks, I want you to look at the logo. What do you see? A big mermaid lady. She's got claws or something. Yeah, like fins or some titties are out and shit. It's fucked up.

What if instead of the most beautiful ocean woman you could imagine, it was a big scary dog up there. Do you think you'd still be getting coffee? Or would you be out there doing something else? You know? That's something to think about. You mentioned the fucking people that are like, inflation, inflation.

The other thing that got me going pretty good the last few days was the whole like Nancy Pelosi like Taiwan fiesta. Oh, that shit ruled. That was so funny. People were like. Over there fucking shit up. Did you see her speech? She was like, you have security and you have freedom and you have democracy.

And when you trade the freedom then you don't have security and then when you don't have democracy then you have no security. Thank you. And like walked off stage. Like risking World War not even risking World War 3. That was blown out of proportion. It's not happening. But

just like tensions are already high to go over there and just be like completely retarded in front of us. Like, you know, a bunch of people that probably want you dead is like that's baller. Also, she's again like I think she's like 80 or something. It's just it's it seems like abuse. I was talking to Felix about this. It seems like elder abuse to make these people do this stuff.

Now, I know they want to do it because it's like, what else are you going to do, I guess. But like, it seems fucked up to put an 80-year-old woman in an airplane and fly her halfway around

the fucking world of Taiwan and back and make her like, be like a steward or whatever for like, whatever bullshit fucking thing. They didn't want her to or whatever for whatever bullshit fucking thing. They didn't want her to go over there is the thing.

Nobody did. Even other politicians were like, maybe we should just skip this. The White House was like, please. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they were like, Nancy. Even Joe Biden is like, you old ass bitch. What are you doing? Get in the house.

Get in the fucking house now. Yeah, it was fucking like like i was watching this video and i don't know how fucking i don't i don't know what's real anymore because i see something i'm not fucking picking through sources and trying to find real news i don't fucking time for that shit i saw a video of like like air raid sirens going off in fucking china and i was like oh okay well that's good. That's how they wake up over there. Yeah. Yeah. It's like every morning.

That would be sick. We had alarms like that. Well, we had one on Saturday. Elon Musk. I heard that they disappeared his ass. I don't know if that's true or not. But I heard that he got disappeared. I hope it's true.

Imagine getting disappeared for just doing that. Like the CCP just throws you in a dark hole for being like, Hi, everyone. My name is Elon Musk. Like just fucking anything. My name is Steve Woodward. Chinese Steve Woodward. Chinese Steve will do it. Today I drink bean mug.

I think that was high bay. That was the closest, that big fat guy that would eat the raw fish. He got, not got, but he got. They were told, he was told to chill it, chill the fuck out. Yeah. I think it was living in the step too, so they went all the way out there to the fucking. Again, I don't know if all this stuff is true cause he just kind of like

he was like yeah they told me to chill out oh okay that's very funny he also posted a video of him like killing chickens yeah one of my favorite videos he made he was like radio silent for a couple months and there was rumors that he had gotten told to like pipe down or whatever

and he made a video of him with like a big like lamb leg lamb of leg in front of him with a bunch of vegetables he was like in the video he was like the translator was like my wife is really mad at me for eating too much meat and drink too much beer and uh she got really pissed at me so i can only make one of these a month. This is very, very funny to like just make like, kind of like get an internet following, maybe make a little bit of money and then be like,

ah, sorry man, old lady's just telling me I can't eat 20,000 calories worth of like fucking oxtail and drink like 55 gallons of Everclear a month. I guess that the government

tells you to cut it out. You gotta, you gotta. No sir. You stand up and you start a revolution to be an american well at least i'll eat my meat and i won't forget french fries and the milkshake that i drink and i'll gladly stand up but not too fast Because I ate a lot of meat What's up? Imagine if we find an American Xi Jinping Elaborate

A white guy who looks just like him And lives in America Hey, I'm His version of the Hey, I'm Xi Jinping Hello, my name is Xi Jinping Hey, my name is Xi Jinping I'm Xi Jinping

Hey, what's up? He looks just like him And he's not even Asian Yeah he's just kind of Squinty a little bit He's not Chinese at all He's the least Chinese guy You'll ever see

He's from like Hartford Connecticut And he's like What's up I'm Xi Jinping Hey I'm Xi Jinping Just kidding Gotcha

Very funny Red dot Appears on his forehead Hey I'm Xi I'm crazy Xi Jinping Crazy Xi Jinping One thing he is known for Is being wild out of control

He loves to party dude He really just Even in his Yeah rabble rousing speeches He's like Dude did you see that fucking Trump buried his ex-wife His like rabble. Yeah. Rabble rousing speeches. He's like, we, dude, did you see that fucking, um,

uh, Trump buried his ex wife on his golf course for tax credit purposes. He said it was like for her memory, but apparently like he like whatever the roundabout thing was, is it became a cemetery and he doesn't have to pay taxes on that. Like on the, like the property or the business anymore. Cause it's,

that is, That's sick. I know it was his ex-wife or whatever, but like your ex... Yeah, I like that her family didn't step in at all. They didn't give a fuck. Gives a shit. Barrier on the golf course. Yeah.

I, again, you know, piece of shit, probably raped children or whatever. But you got to, just kidding. You got to hand it to him. Yeah, but you got to hand it to him carefully because his damn hands are so small. Oh. Damn. He put it up.

Gosh dang. I'm going to tell Ashley that it fucked. damn he put it in the gosh dang I uh I'm gonna tell Ashley that if uh just like she dies before me I just

bury her in my apartment but I like I move like it's like it's not a permanent residence like it's not a house that we

owned for the complex yeah not even tech they're just like the police are coming they're like you can't be doing this man like this is a pretty fucked up thing to do It's breaking for the complex or whatever. Not even tech. They're just like, the police are coming. They're like, you can't be doing this, man.

This is a pretty fucked up thing to do. I'm every woman. It's all in me. Damn. Thanks, man. You gotta hit that shit. Yeah. Hey.

Forever young. I don't want you to sing that anymore, man. I told you about that. You don't like it? You don't want me to sing to you, bitch. I heard you got your financial aid and you had some left. Eat cookies, yum. I'm going to eat some cookies, yum.

Could cookies ever get much better? Much better. Turn around. Much better. Every now and then I get a... Chocolate chip and oatmeal cookie with raisins. Dude, fuck those. Those are nasty, bro. Don't even fucking...

Those are yucky. That's the worst cookie. That's bar none. The shittiest cookie. Peanut butter banana jelly. Crazy chocolate cookie. With lettuce. With lettuce.

Orange juice cookie. With a bunch of mud and pee. And a crazy toast cookie. Has an egg on it. It's really gross. Does that make you throw up? You hear Otis right now? Yeah, he's going hard.

Otis is trying to talk on the fucking mic. You know what that means? He's got his toy or what? He got his mouse. The bastard's done it. That motherfucker's wilding out, dude. He's a crazy little psychopath. They do that at night a lot.

You told me about that. That's fucking... I think I heard it. What's funny is when me, Patrick, and Caleb were sleeping... Patrick insisted on sleeping on the floor with no blanket or whatever. It was very funny. Eden was like, I have a blanket for you. He was like, no.

She was like, here. And he was like, I don't want it. Yeah, afterwards, I think he'd forgotten that he turned down the blanket. Yeah. I was like, yeah, Eden offered you a blanket. He was like, oh. That makes sense. All I could hear was Caleb farting on my leg with somewhat regularity.

And then Patrick just... And I'm just, like, I'm laying there. I'm hot. And I can't sleep if I'm hot. Like, I'm in a hot, stinky room, dude, with, like, you know, like, they've been on tour. I just kind of stink generally. And I'm, like, laying there. Me and Caleb are sharing the bed. And we're both, you know, a tallish guy or a big guy or whatever.

We got like not a lot of room, and I just hear like fucking Caleb ripping ass on me and Patrick snoring, and I'm just like, my eyes are wide open, dude. I didn't barely sleep a wink that night. And then like I'm just kind of laying there, and I hear, I hear, i felt like i was having a nightmare dude like because like he does it it's even fucking it's so much louder somehow it was it was funny because like i like i really can't typically sleep without a tv or something on because oh i have tinnitus my ears ring it's just very annoying

and uh so like it kind of lulled me to sleep at like five in the morning but i didn't have a phone charger so like i was on my phone for a while until like three but i had like nine percent i was like all right whatever i just have to lay here in the dark so i just laid there for two hours in the pitch black with. Whenever I woke up and went to work in the morning, I could hear Patrick snoring from outside the front door. Dude, I was less than a foot. He was under me because I was on the bed. But I could like it was I'm not joking, man.

Like on unreasonably loud. Dude, it was, he snores concernably bad. It's like, not like, it's not like, it's like. No, it's not honk, shoot, me, me, me. Is there any air getting anywhere into your body? Yeah, it's really, and I don't, I was occasionally, like, I wanted to wake him up and be like, just so maybe, here's the thing, he would kind of, he would wake up a little bit. I would, he would stop snoring.

And I knew I had like a two minute window to fall back asleep because he would start snoring after he fell back asleep. So like, like he would be like, and I'm like, all right, just close your fucking eyes. Here we go. And I would drift off to sleep. and I'm like alright just close your fucking eyes here we go and I would drift off to sleep

and then I would hear fucking wake up and then fucking Caleb would like just dude he would just like just like roll over and then like

he would be like facing me so I would kind of roll over because the bed's small to the point where like we were like I don't want to be mouth to mouth with the guy it's not a two person bed is when I rolled over and then he would like and then roll over to the point where like we were like I don't want to be mouth to mouth with the guy. It's not a two person bed.

It's where I could roll over and then he would like and then roll over to where I would like we just I just kind of spent it was so fucking dude I was like

this is the most mundane saw trap like I was like Jesus fucking Christ man. Like three days of that like constantly before somebody

kills themselves. Yeah no easily like when I was on tour with a band we kind of had like a similar kind kills themselves yeah no easily like when i was on tour with the band we kind of had like a similar kind of thing but i was like i was profoundly fucked up drunk the whole time so it was like easier to manage because i would just like pass out but like like that night i was pretty sober so it was just kind of like yeah i just was like man i don't over so it was just kind of like yeah i just was like man i don't i don't fucking i can't it was ridiculous um but you know what those are two of my friends and uh and you and you gotta hold it

down for your boys only said two like oh this is some kind of enemy of yours he wasn't in the room dude if he'd gotten in there and done that shit i think i would have fucking just jumped off like out of the hope that i could jump out the window and die. Like, if he had gotten in the room somehow, just... Yesterday, or last night, Lily threw up three cat hairballs or whatever. Yeah. But only on my keys.

It was like the most isolated puke I'd ever seen. It was just only on my keys it was like the most isolated puke i'd ever seen it was just only on my keys did i ever tell you that my mom's chihuahua took the souls out of my work boots no i was uh i was looking at that plastics plant over there like by the by gallison bay and uh she had this little chihuahua named penny that my uncle had given her because he she was very poorly behaved and my mom like fell in love with her was like i'll train the dog or whatever she's a little cocksucker dude she would chew um like that she would chew like all the phone chargers like she would chew them and once they were literally not usable anymore she didn't want to play with them like she wouldn't tear like she would chew just the end to where you couldn't charge your phone and she wanted nothing to do with it.

I did a test. Okay. I like, I chewed up phone charge. She had chewed up. I tried to get her to play with it. Kind of like a cat. Wanted nothing to do with it. I had my phone charger that was in perfect condition.

She fucking loved that thing. She was trying to chew it. Like this fucking Chihuahua sucks. Dick fatter than fuck. Stinks. Shitty dog. Um, I had seen her get, she would get in my boot and try to rip the soul out so i'd put i would come home from work like after working 15 fucking hours in the heat and my mom

be like you have to put your shoes up on the shelf in the closet because if penny gets them and i'm like don't fucking train the dog or put it somewhere else or put it outside he's like no it's my baby whatever the fuck anyway i'd know i'd seen that she had done that once or twice but I'd always caught her as my the soul of my work boot was halfway out one day I'm at work and I don't notice it because like I would get dude like when you know when you get to work at like 5 in the morning or 5 30 you really like aren't online until like 11 like you kind of don't you know like everything it's just pain and you're uncomfortable and you don't really take inventory of like what's wrong with your body until about lunch and then you're like oh my fucking shins are hurting my knees are fucked up my back's hurting today like whatever the fuck around like 11 i'm walking

back from the unit because i was in there working on a welding machine and i realized my feet hurt so fucking bad it feels like i'm walking on fucking like, like hard black, like hot black top. I had socks on, but they're just normal socks. Like they weren't, you know, padded or whatever. I'm like,

what the fuck, dude? Like how many days have I been working? And I was like, well, you know, you're on like a 10 day stretch. You've been pulling 12.

So it makes sense, man. And I'm like, okay. So I go have lunch. I go chill out in the warehouse for a bit. One rolls around. I get back in my work truck.

I drive around. I walk around a bit. My fucking feet are killing me to the point where it hurts for me to walk. Mind you, these were work boots, steel toes. So I go, I get home, take my boots off and it's just the fucking like plaster of parrot. There's no soul. Like I've been walking around on like fucking like hard like whatever the fuck it is under the sole it's like rubber and like plaster or whatever all fucking day like my feet were killing me I

could barely walk and I was like what the fuck happened here and I remembered I was like oh this fucking bitch so I go like looking for her to find her and she's under my mom's bed and she's just gnawing like on the sole of my fucking work boot i was like you know that same dog i used to have a sleeping medication i took they were called remeron and uh basically it was just like it's like ambient or lunesta or whatever just for sleep and um i had put it up uh on my TV stand when I was staying, when I was living with my mom, because I would take it before I go to bed or whatever. And I'm living in the living room,

and Penny comes up and lays on the couch and falls asleep, as a dog would do. And I go to get her to move because she fell asleep on my legs, and she's unresponsive. I was like, oh, fuck, dude. My mom's asleep. I don't want to wake her up until her dog. I'm like, what the fuck?

So I'm trying to wake her up, trying to wake her up, trying to wake her up. And she would open her eyes a bit and be like, oh, fuck, dude. My mom's asleep. I don't want to wake her up until her daughter. Like, what the fuck? So I'm trying to wake her up, trying to wake her up, trying to wake her up. And she's like, she would like open her eyes a bit and be like, and just kind of fall back asleep. I was like, dude, what the fuck? Well, she's breathing, so like, whatever. She's fine, I guess. I go into my room or whatever, and I see that my nightstand's been knocked over,

and my bottle of Remeron has been chewed. There was like six in there. At the time, I was 265 pounds. One of those knocked me on my ass. She ate the rest of the pills in that bottle, all six of the sleeping pills. Like, knocked it off the nightstand and ate it. Didn't die.

Chihuahuas are built different, man. I think there's like something, they're built to live outside and eat trash, like live with rats and like stray cats and shit like they're just they live to be like 25 years old and they'll go blind they just won't die like the dog ate the kind of sleeping pills that would like knock me out forever and the next morning she woke up all spry and shit it's just normal absolute fucking stupid fucking dog i hope she gets... My mom feeds her french fries and shit. She's still alive?

Yeah, dude. She's living. I just saw her on Sunday. She bites the fuck out of me. She's gained a bunch of weight because my mom is like... I don't know, dude. She feeds her dogs people food all the time.

So the chihuahua's fatter than fuck because she just feeds her french fries and fucking lollipops and shit. I don't know what the fuck. Dog's fatter than shit. She looks like a big loaf of bread. But yeah, sheops and shit. I don't know what the fuck. Dog's fat as shit. She looks like a big loaf of bread. But yeah, she didn't die. I was kind of blown away by it.

I was like, okay, I see you. But then again, Chihuahua is like... Yeah, if a poodle did that, they'd be toast. No, yeah, like a Labrador golden lab, done. Done. Golden retriever, whatever the fuck they're called. Even like a Connie Corso would somehow die. Done.

Those are designer dogs, bro. Chihuahuas is annoying in as much as I hate them. They really are like, they're fucking stone cold warriors. Like cockroaches. Yeah, they're stone cold fucking warriors. My Meemaw had like two of them that lived to be like, she got one, and it lived to be like 16 and then she got another

one and that dog died and then like three months later she died like she had two dogs over the course of almost 40 years both chihuahuas she went from like being like 50 years old to like when she died and she had two dogs and they were both Chihuahuas. It was absurd. The pack of them that ran around my old neighborhood, you know, sometimes they get hit by cars or whatever. They're fine. Yeah, my brother's Chihuahua got hit by a car. And it was like a rescue or whatever. It's just kind of like, it's scared of flies.

Yeah. And stuff like that. But it's still alive. Oh, it's very alive oh it's it's very alive it just has like it's all dog holding like a baby anyway nugget is its name that's awesome dude that's pretty cool and then uh they have a bigger dog named delilah and nugget will like be like I'm the shit you know I'm I'm tough yeah yeah Delilah's like whatever man I'm not gonna kill you when we got um we had like a bit of a beef in the house when I was a teenager with my little brother who was like seven at the time so Dolly is the same exact same breed of dog that I that was my childhood dog Max is a lab and chow mix and we

got Max from the pound he was fat as fuck and his name was buddy but he didn't respond to it so he just renamed him max it's like the name the pound gave him or whatever and uh but before we named him max dude my brother he's a kid but he was like i want to name him ryan me and my mom were like jayden you can't do that buddy we can't name him he's like i like ryan is a good name i have a friend like when you're a kid your logic is like i know a guy named ryan great name for a dog and we're like no and he's like getting pissed he's like when i was like that's like a that's like a human like that's too human like max is a lot of dogs named Max. You know, like, you know, like, but like Buster, like, that's fine.

Like Spike. But like, you can't like, this is my dog, Mike. This is not Mike. Mike, I can see Michael. This is my dog, Michael. Mike is a funny name for a dog. Mike is, but maybe like a fat bulldog. Like, I can see that.

But like, this is my dog, Anthony. We're like, bulldog names gus is good gus any sort of ugly keith keith is good this is my dog but ryan is a profoundly human name like i can't imagine like i can't imagine being like at zilker with dolly and just like oh she goes up to like a german shepherd or whatever and like like, oh, what's your dog's name? How's this Dolly? What about this guy? This is Ryan. Oh, all right.

Cool. I guess there was a guy who. So Dolly is like not a very reactive dog, but she has her moments where like. She she gets testy with other dogs that get in her space. I don't know dog behavior. I'm not a fucking whisperer whisper but she's usually pretty good we were walking her and she was fucking going after this big german shepherd and i was like you better chill the fuck out dude you better chill the fuck out and the guy that was walking this dog was huge like yoked and big and i was like dude i don't really like i fucking want my dog to start shit with this dog. This big ass dog being walked by this fucking, you know, baby gap shirt, tight shirt wearing

fucking trend balloon injecting psychopath. Yeah. So we're walking. He's coming my way. I'm going this way. And they meet up and Dolly's like, and then start sniffing. And the German Shepherd sniffs. And they're actually pretty chill.

They kind of like tap each other and kind of like nip at each other and they go their own way but before they go in their own way in the deepest fucking most terrifying voice i've ever heard this guy goes come on tomato i thought he was like come on killer or like come on sniper or fucking gunner come on come on come on navy seal like you know come on grave Gravedigger. No, come on, Tomato. I was like, that's not, like, you can't. This was a mean-looking German Shepherd, a big son of a bitch. Like, beautiful dog, but like, you know, fucking German Shepherd. You can't name a dog, any dog, Ryan, and you can't name, like, a dog bred for war, Tomato.

Like, it's just, naming conventions. This is my pitbull uh binky this is my tinky winky the pitbull yeah like the bullies not the normal red nose like the short stubby yoked ones this is tinky winky it's like the the ryan thing i remember like my brother was like like yelling like we gotta name it Brian and I was like Jaden we're gonna name him something else other than Ryan he was like Ryan is a good name I was like okay let me ask you something do you know any other dogs named Ryan he's like no that's what makes it good it's's unique. It's like a kid, like a kid logic.

He's like, nobody else has a dog named Ryan. And I was like, there's a reason for that. Like, that is a psychotic thing to do. Like, I don't, like, I was like, it's just not, we're going to name him Max. Max is a stupid name. Okay, let's test this out. Hey, Ryan. Dog's just like, no, let's test this out. Hey, Ryan. Dog's just like...

No, he doesn't like it. I'm trying to... I can't imagine... Maybe with like a pig. That would be kind of fun. Like fucking Mike has that pig petunia. Dude, she fucking rocks, man. He just like walks up on that pig, ripping a dab pen, just kicks it in its ass or whatever.

I want one so fucking bad his uh he lives a like a like a lifestyle that i would definitely like like you know i he we've talked about it like shout shouts out ham mike he will go i think we've talked about it before i don't know about on the show but he will go like he'll be looking at a piece of whirring like cnc machinery or a lathe and on in front of that lathe is like a pabst and the delta 8 pin which implies that he's working with a piece of rotary equipment that's spinning at a thousand or two thousand rpm and he's fucked out of his gourd he's like i gotta work on some stuff today and i'm like dude i respect that so much that's the only way to do it you know just i think that's oh god i

can't talk you okay baby you know i'll be all right it is funny to me that you have like debilitating asthma and you're like i got this vape from 7-eleven it's called uh this one's fake this one's fake for sure yeah it's like not not in the not good lights are lights are all fucked up on yeah we talked about like i love when you hit him and you're kind of just like your your hearing goes away and you're like that's not five percent that's 25 that's that's 100 i'm hitting i am hitting a piece a piece of cotton just soaked in liquid nicotine like yeah you know at the end of the day it's how you get strong yeah for sure you don't want to get Hitting a piece of cotton just soaked in liquid nicotine. Yeah.

You know, at the end of the day, it's how you get strong. Yeah, for sure. People don't want to get strong anymore. They don't want to put the work in. They don't want to get lung diseases from the dark ages. Yeah, as Ronnie Coleman said, everybody want to be a bodybuilder, but nobody want to vape gas station fucking disposables. I'm going to live to be 100 i think everybody in my family lives pretty fucking long if they don't like drink themselves to death so uh we should both live to 100 and never quit doing the show and also never make it any better than this

i do think that it like i've said before it, it's, it, it, it reached, if this is the peak, and I, I hope, I don't think it is, and I hope it's not, but if this is the peak, it's too much money to ever really quit it.

So it's like, it's, it's not like a, like, it's not like quitting your job money, but it's like, it's definitely, like,

if it always is just kind of at three grand forever, it's like, I mean, I can't, like, if it was like $300 after like five years, I'd be like, all right,

man, hey, this was fun. But it's like, it's kind of like backed ourselves into a, you know, I can't. If it was like $300 after like five years, I'd be like, all right, man, hey, this was fun. But it's like, it's kind of like backed ourselves into a, you know, we're going to be billionaires one day. I'm going to be the richest man in the world in two years. Write that down. 24, 25 years old, baby. You make $24,000. 2024, I'm going to make $42,000. Before taxes.

Before taxes. Before taxes, baby. Hey, if you like this, you should go to patreon.com slash red scare. No. It's a wrong link. You should go to patreon.com. Fucking shit. You got to go to patreon.com slash Pendejo time. Go to Patreon.com slash Pendejo time.

Time slash Red Scare slash Truanon slash fucking whatever the fuck. And go and give us five bucks a month. July didn't have a video episode due to life pain, but we will be back at it. We're getting a different camera this month, and that's on gang. That's on phone M. That's on phone M, on the dead homies. Yeah, that's on.

I put that on the set. Yeah, I put that on the set that we were getting a camera. Yeah, I put that on the play set. Yeah, I put that on the set that we were getting a camera. Yeah, I put that on the play set. Yeah, I put that on five. And yeah, go give us a little fucking cheddar cheeseroon so we can buy used trucks and stuff and we can buy fucking, I don't know, pay my rent and whatnot.

Shirts are being handled. They're about to get on it. I need to get ink for a printer to make the labels, and then we'll get fucking going on that if you have ordered a shirt. Probably going to do a show sometime soon somewhere. I don't know where. Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck about anything anymore?

All right. Peace. Adios, bitch.