Pendejo Time - anger management

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

Will and Nate from A Closer Look join us to chat ASMR, Jared Fogle, and KOing yourself at a bengals game because that's what men do. Follow them on socials Will: @Senn_Spud on Twitter Nate:  @BozoMode On Twitter Check out a closer look streaming everywhere. Do it now. Support the Show.

This meeting is being recorded. This meeting is being recorded. Shut up. That's not how I said it. I have a really normal speaking voice. Hey, it's everybody. This is an ASMR episode with the boys from Closer Look. So all of us are just going to do little clicks and tickles for about 20 minutes each.

I'll do the ASMR of a guy jacking off yeah okay that's always a class i want the i want like junior high bullying asmr like you fat fucking loser just like like light slamming of lockers yeah yeah yeah oh you mean the the i'm sitting at a red light special that i just say to myself under my breath oh yeah uh traffic traffic red light asmr lots of bleeps yeah we were talking about that the other day me and thomas of like uh like all bets are off like if i'm in the car and i'm like i'm parked like on the freeway oh dude all civility out the door it's uh it's international i've seen him kill people he'll just he'll do it i I'll empty the Glock out.

Are you mean to other drivers or are you mean to yourself? There's two types of guys in the world. Oh, yeah. Yellow light hits and you just start fucking hitting yourself with a mallet.

I'm going to bust my own balls open. I do a very fiendish thing on the highway that Will doesn't like is I drive incredibly slow. He drives fucking 55 every time right lane. It feels really good it's a fucking nightmare and then somebody pulls up behind you if somebody's going really fast behind you you just take your foot off the gas you just just wait either i'm going around or you're slow or you're going around you're

slowing down with me do you just do that really nice to be like a dickhead yeah if I see somebody going 115 in the mirror I'm going to be like oh nice what were you saying I was like worst case scenario he rear ends you and you don't have to do anything for the rest of your life ever either you or me dude you're just cashing checks

sweet sweet 55k a year I didn't want to walk anymore anyway to like never ever be able to eat food again. Right, being like, ooh-wee. Yes, sir, baby, a teacher's salary. Can never get pussy again, Eric. You know how much applesauce 55K can buy? Yeah.

You're like a DA in Arkansas and a nurse to feed it to you. You're bragging it to your friend who works from home, making like a quarter million a year in sales, and you're like, hey, you clocking in today for that quarter million? That's nice. 32K a year forever. Yeah, I'm going to go play Call of Duty with my mouth. Yeah.

Kill-death ratio 1 in 20. Don't care. I get 10 Twitch stream viewers viewers but it's mostly due to pity like i'm not you know we're we're doing pretty good after taxes man 15 like minimum wage to never ever ever they they give me they tip me and i get to say to make the computer voice say funny things yeah yeah ten dollar tier is the n word they just they go crazy yeah yeah hey i didn't say it the chair said the chair said dude that is such a good cop-out man yeah that's awesome i got hacked i like actually i like the way i like the way you think it's like hey man you know

you can't ban me the chair did it i of course yeah dude steven hawking being like what are you gonna do put me in a slightly different chair a slightly less comfortable chair you can't kill me i'm already dead when when he when he finally kicked a bucket there was this like big you know like but the one of the things i saw is like people kept saying he wasn't supposed to live that long and i was like I know you're trying to say this in reference of the guy but if I like changed the course of history with my mind and the most things that people said it was like that guy was supposed to die at like 10

people were like his disease kills like you know everybody before 20 as like that guy yeah yeah you just like Your reaction is like He was a Stephen Hawking guy Ew What? Well that's the thing He was married That type of disease

You have until you're like 22 to get pussy And if you can't pull it You die But if you can He cheated on his wife Didn't he cheat on his wife? The chair cheated

Yeah he did The chair cheated Yeah yeah yeah He didn't cheat He got off on Epstein's Island In his wheelchair Immediately got stuck in the sand, and he just, the tide slowly carried him back after a while, but he did make an attempt. He did try to get Pussy out there.

Jeff, Jeff, please. Yeah, Bill Clinton and Chris Tucker having to get him out of the sand. Come on, come on, Steven. Get your ass out of here. Get your pedophile ass out of this sand. Come on, come on, Steven. Get your ass out of here. Get your pedophile ass out of this sand. Come on, Steven. Come on, come on now. You're the worst pedophile in the world.

Come on, Steven. They have to put the little monster truck wheels on his shit to get him up the rocks and the hills. He's got an off-road version. The marble on the temple floor is way too slick. He's just sliding everywhere. He's just hydroplaning. The Tokyo Drift theme song, they play it all over the Bluetooth and the sacrificial.

I like how all of us had a very different version of our very different version that's like a barbershop quartet yeah do you think when he kicked it do you think there was like a moment where he's like thanks fucking god dude um i mean i feel like i mean just my two cents it's like i i think he didn't want to go i think maybe all that stuff was a put on i mean that dude was a rock star and he wasn't supposed to use the steven tyler of being disabled yeah yeah i mean yeah that's what yep that is true he was yeah the mick jagger of like not being able to eat anything other than gruel but like i like when i was watching that movie theory of everything they they like brushed over that he like i mean i don't know it's like imagine marrying a guy and you're like

i'm gonna stick with you buddy like i don't care about your disease you got a big old brain in there and we're gonna ride this out and the moment he like gets published he's like i'm gonna get some trim from like every nurse i know that you love me with your whole heart and i really appreciate that but daddy's gotta eat i'm out dude what if he could only speak with that big old horse cock he's had a little robot hooked up to it and you just see it twitching in his pants whenever he'd be mankind is destined to rule this universe you just see it flopping around in those trousers i wonder like part of me wonders i know they probably had him on some good shit but if he was hanging out with epstein and he like went to like hollywood parties and shit like not not like in his 80s 80s, but do you think anybody,

they're chopping up lines in the back, and it's like, hey, bring Steve in here. I want to see something. Like Matthew McConaughey's like, get his ass in here. They have to inject it into the soft spot in his head to make it work. That's how he came up with the book. Matthew let him hit a line of ket and yak and just at the same time when he was like okay here we go we're cooking oh here we go damn dude if i if i got in the wheelchair like that and they made a movie about me the scene

where i found out i could never get pussy again would be 30 minutes that would be most of the movie like it's like one of those two and one of those two and a half hour a24 like epics in the first five minutes of the credits and then two hours and 25 minutes as you're finding out you can't have sex anymore yeah no it's like it's like bird man but instead of one long take it's one sad montage yeah i'm in brazil then i'm in dubai and just fucking bum the hell out he's way too specific because the doctor is like unfortunately it's never gonna work he's like oh i'm never gonna have sex with an asian girl and they're like dude what are you it's like what if the doctor was like you'll never have sex with an asian girl yeah

there's so many different different ethnic I was going to get with. Yeah. Like, really? I mean. He was listing them off, like, very solemnly. Like, Filipino, Russian, Inuit, Mexican. They're like, okay. He hands him a brochure about life as a quadriplegic.

And it's just page after page of just naked ladies. Not her. Not her. Not her. Definitely not her. Here's the pro. You get to be high on opiates the rest of your life. It just comes with territory. Yeah.

Is there any cons to it? Yeah. You're going to be wildly famous. Everyone's going to know who you are, like worldwide, Mr. Worldwide. But you can't do anything about it. When people say genius genius you're like one of the first names that comes up in the history of mankind but also you kind of have to dress like shit yeah you get one million of the worst jokes ever made about you pretty much every day i would

have been kind of mad if i was eddie redmayne like getting that role because everybody else they're like ah you're too handsome and then they finally get to one guy and they're like eh nah that'll work and he's like are you sure are you sure I look the part and they're like oh yeah for sure the director

is like yeah so we went with a guy who was disabled for the role you know for the progressive token or whatever and Eddie Redmayne overhears it and he's like, disabled? I'm just from Britain. I'm just from the UK. I don't know. Yeah, I just talk like this. Yeah, I just have a fucked up head.

That movie would have been better. Play him. Yeah. What would Beetlejuice sound like if he was Steve Jobs I came up with different times

I had different times of fucking math I was doing you stupid son of a bitch I've been on I've been on a jubilee a couple

times once or twice I've been to jubilee once or twice they let me go to Mars and get my dick thugged

it was just a part of the experience I watched that clip the other day of stern where uh this uh uh some guy called him out on stern and was like uh you don't speak puerto rican you fucking piece of shit you claim puerto rican and beatle just like shut up cock fuck i speak all kinds of fucking spanish and the guy's like, speak Spanish. And he's like, doma, doma, doma, doma lo, you pieces, fuck you. Yeah, he's like, ping, ma, ma, I'm ding, me, I'm me, I'm ding, ma, I'm ding.

At one point, Stern's like, yeah, show him Beetlejuice. And he's like, yeah, ching chong, yeah. He just starts yelling. He says, yell at him in Chinese. And he goes, nay, nay, ya, you motherfucking piece of garbage, you motherfucking piece of shit. Yeah, yeah dude he's the best man i dude we were talking about beetlejuice and it's like if you like if you ran his life a thousand times the one he's living is the absolute best version it's the best one because it could not be going better it's so cool the fucking i mean thomas that like old stern clips are like a somewhat

regular topic of conversation on the show and it's like if you are like a three foot eight horribly disfigured guy from new york and you get the life where you get to like sit next to like like in the in the late 90s early 2000s like paris Paris Hilton and some old Jewish wizard is like, hey, pull your tits out and show it to the black guy who's over there. That's the sickest life you could ask for. Absolutely. That's pretty awesome. You just get like shuttled around to just hang out for the rest of your life and get paid like reasonably well. Yeah.

Like you're just it's like Vern verne trot like mini me from fucking austin powers it's like any other like if you were born in 1800s they would have used you as like i don't know like cannon fodder like they would have stuffed you that killed you with a mallet or something have you guys seen the one where he plays blackjack no vegas there's one where there's one where the the show is playing blackjack and it's beetlejuice versus gary the retard versus the other high high voiced eric or something i don't know he's a guy with an unbelievably high voice and so the premise of the bit is they give they give the three of those guys each two hundred dollars of their own money and they have to play blackjack. Okay.

With the show producers and hosts' money, but they can't give them any advice. Okay. So there's one point where Gary stays on six. Nice. And then there's one point where he gets dealt like ace nine, and he says, I'm going to hit and he gets like a five. It's really good.

Hollywood is like, I love that every now and then they're like, all right, well, we've thrown all these handsome like sons and daughters of A-listers. Like this is clearly a legacy career now. It used to not be this way. So we've given all of these people a brand new life they'll never have to their kids won't have to do anything maybe they can act we got every generation or two throw in a guy who like would have just died on the street would have just been like like let a life that would have been just absolutely horrendous like Like the guy from what was the

fuck? Boss DePlaine guy. The Journey to the Island. Mohamed Adda. No, what was that fucking? Is it the girl from Hereditary? Yeah,

maybe. Maybe. She's also a child. I can't be saying stuff like that. I don't give a damn, dude. Fuck, that's going to piss me off. Probably Timothy Shalmick. She looks like a fucking pussy. Dude. I don't like it.

His fucking string bean. His skeleton ass is so deformed. His sister is apparently... I saw his sister today, and she's not looking great, I must say. How did you encounter his sister? Did she just fuck around?, I must say. How did you encounter his sister? Did she just fuck around? She's an actress. She's like a medium.

She's on like a shitty HBO show, I think. Oh, were you just hanging out outside her apartment just staring at the window? Yeah, maybe I fucking was, dude. What do you have for me about it? He lives in LA. He ran into her. He ran into her on a bridge over the 101. It's just like, yeah, dude, I ran into Natalie Portman the other day. I was like, oh 101 yeah is it just like yeah dude i ran into uh natalie

portman the other day i was like oh yeah was she like hanging out downtown austin no she has an airbnb i was just in the walls i just uh i figured out where she was living she posted an instagram it was real stupid ever and i was stupid yeah i was just smoking cigarettes in the yard you know being around she's like are you paparazzi nah i just kind of being around. She's like, are you paparazzi? Nah, I just kind of hang out. You really can't call the police or nothing. First time in L.A.? Yeah, I ran into Gerard Butler at a bar because I was hanging out in the stall next to where he eventually sat. Let me tell you, he looks terrible.

I was facing the corner for three and a half hours just hoping that some handsome... Dude, his American accent cracks me up, dude. It is such dumb. Oh, it's so crazy. He's one of the A-list action guys, and he's like, today we will be going to New Jersey

to save the president and uh uh bench press each other yeah in den of thieves he genuinely sounds like sean connery in the rock yeah dude i like den of thieves is sick though dude dude den of thieves rules it's so easy is the best part is like when whenever he like he, he has to deliver like a sarcastic quip. Yeah. And, and that, that movie's version of that as well. Yeah. They're fucking, that's dumb ass stupid.

You're fucking stupid. How about that? You ever open a door before? Son of a bitch. I was, I described it. I described that movie to my dad is like, if you gave somebody massive head trauma and immediately asked them to write Heat.

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Well, it's like the Liam Neeson thing, Sean Connery thing, where it's like I feel like an American accent isn't hard to approximate. I mean, I know I have one. But there are plenty of actors who do it just fine. I didn't even know Christian Bale was British until like – No, yeah. Some people you're like genuinely – but then you got guys like Benedict Cumberbatch talking like they're in the 1950s,

like cat skills. What they do, the way that English people learn how to do an American accent is they end up doing like – they do ESPN reporter from 1982. And it's like, well, it's a good day to be here watching the Detroit Lions play against the Minnesota Vikings. Dave Chappelle, the white person. Hey, John, how the fuck are you?

You doing good? Yeah. Okay. Who was the – oh, dude, when Robert Pattinson did The Devil all the time and he declined having a dialect coach for like a Tennessee preacher so he sounded like Lil Boosie like Tom Holland is like

my sister and he's like man I never touched that woman man I gotta see this dude so like Tom Holland crushes it he's like a perfect Idaho shit kicker and all the accents are spot on and then pattinson shows up and at this point he's a list he's top-notch pussy you know he's crushing it he's top-notch hoes yeah most not the lesser but then he starts talking and he's like he's up on the pulpit and he's like now shat not well

in the path of the wicked psalms one one everybody open up your hymn book it's like dude nobody like even back then like i think he just googled like 30 minutes before like he was set to go behind the camera he was like black preacher 1955 he had it down perfectly and then he accidentally watched Kings of Comedy right before he went on set every day. He fucked his head up. Yeah, he got all turned around. I was trying to, I was like, how the fuck?

Well, that dude, apparently, I don't know, apparently when the director of Batman, he was like, hey, so you're slimmed down or whatever, but, you know, you're playing Batman. Can you put on, like, 20 pounds of muscle in, like, three months? And he was like, yeah, 100%. Actually, I don't want to do that. And the guy was like, come on, man. Like, you're playing The Dark Knight.

And he was like, all right, fine, fuck it. I'm getting paid. So, like, two, three months goes by. They were filming other people's scenes. He goes in to start filming. He hasn't gained one pound. Just walks in, and the director's like, what are you are you doing and he's like i didn't want to do it and they were like sick and i and like i part of me like i have a strict no uh no wealthy

artist respect policy but uh i respect that like you're getting paid millions and the director everybody's gonna see this movie yeah and and the producer's like, hey, man, we need you to just Christian Bale this. Just bench press and take some Anovar. You'll be all right. And he's like, 100%, I promise you that I will do that. Like taking the same, like the way that your manager at a restaurant would be like, I need you to empty the fucking grease traps. And you're like, 100%.

You're like, oh, absolutely. I'm like, yeah. Clocking out two minutes later. Yeah. You're just out smoking weed like in your car. You're like, it's clock out time yeah i'm done um so boys how's uh how's how's the team doing how's everybody you know how's the how's the show how's it dude the show's the show is good we're uh we're releasing the second to last uh episode monday and then we're all so we're almost done with this this uh this journey this like hellish

journey is almost over for us i think yeah the the hellish journey is referencing is our is our podcast a closer look check it out yeah wherever you can this is It would be very funny to end it here. We do hour-long episodes. We're like 20 minutes. Do your plug. Stop right now. Go listen. And then a 40-minute. Yeah, and then a 40-minute.

A 40-minute ad read. A bad DSI fucking ad. Yeah. Dude. Anyway, I cut you off so rudely. I apologize. No, it's okay. But, yeah, no, it's been going good.

People seem to like it. We stepped up the audio production and the scope of this season. This season's like a lot more like fucking, how would you describe it? We did that thing in the Bible, the Tower of Babel, where you just build something that's more complicated with each passing step and it's an unbuildable thing that's kind of where we're at with the like sound effects in episode seven nice we have like sound effects of like like branches creaking and like we have like there's like a seinfeld section not to spoil anything too much but like there's a whole there's like

there's part of the episode is Seinfeld, part of it is... What are you doing? It'll come out. They'll hear it eventually. Bleep all that out. You actually have to cut that. That's the whole episode. That's the big spoiler.

I forgot that this was coming out tomorrow and not before episode one. Let me timestamp it at like 2120. We're still recording. Look, I didn't know when this was coming out. We do like a 20-minute build and it's like a big It's really cool. It's so sick.

I'm so sorry that I spoiled it. It's really cool, whatever it is. We can change the subject. When's the last time you guys thought about killing yourself? Mine was in the car at the red light i did that i did that like on the way here i was like tell myself we already talked about this at the beginning uh yeah my uh what's your mind like you know the what what's the one thing you say to

yourself when you're alone like the one thing you return to um oh um one that i one that i really man i have a couple but i can't say it on this show we tow the line here but uh here at padeo time enterprises yeah he's a member of the kuklux clan which really interferes with the recording sessions no no um you'll hear like a fire crackling in the background and stuff and it's like are you good jake and he's like yeah and it's like muffled and his camera's off and then i'll be like are you sure man it's like are you good jake and he's like yeah and it's like muffled and his camera's off and then i'll be like are you sure man he's like oh yeah and then we turn our cameras on hood's still on he doesn't even take the hood off a lot of the time well i was covered in sweat it interferes sometimes instead of a regular pop filter he just puts a little like a part of a

pillowcase with the eyes cut out on top of the mic and it doesn't filter anything i don't know why he doesn't i have the hood on and the full robe, but just my penis is out. There's a little slot for it. It's like a little butt flap in those old Looney Tunes pajamas. No, I think my go-to thing, the reason I don't play video games, really,

is because I'll just smack the... I'll just rock my own shit i'll just punch myself in the head and i love hitting myself dude when we were recording the podcast that was a lot of if i got it if i blew a take or if i didn't say if i if i fell out of the kevin costner accent on like a certain word i would like punch myself a lot yeah it was really it was a dark night of the soul how hard are you hitting yourself do you like do you hold back or do you just wail on yourself dude i was i had to stop getting drunk and playing red dead 2 when i uh after i recovered from covid because i would this was like two this

like right when covid started and i was just stuck in the house and i was sick and after i recovered i was like man i'm gonna drink a lot of white claw for like three weeks so I was like, man, I'm going to drink a lot of White Claw for like three weeks. So I was like chilling on unemployment. And I would like play Red Dead and black out. And then I would wake up and like my jaw would just be fucking like stiff, like hurting. I was like, what the fuck? Did I try to suck my own dick or something last night? What the fuck am I doing? And then I would have like memento, like Polaroid in my head of like like me falling off the horse

chasing somebody and just you fucking god like just fucking just beating the dog and then like i was hanging out with my little brother the other day and uh he's about to turn 21 we're just bullshitting and like watching ufc and and drinking and just like reminiscing and stuff and he was like hey man uh do you still like play skyrim and like beat the dog shit out of yourself and i was like no i gave all that up talking like i'm a hit man from like you know back in the mafia days like no i can leave it behind that's especially funny it's especially funny because you're playing a single player game right right there's no really i can't imagine lower stakes you've known the let down well i let myself down like it's it for me it's like like i'll be like trying to solve like um like i'm really bad at video i'm dog shit so if a

puzzle is any harder than like one fish two fish red fish blue fish i'll pull all the wires out of the wall and burn my house down so like i remember when i was playing like skyrim like you get those little like snake and whale puzzles and i couldn't get one so my i was like all right when i was playing like skyrim like the you get those little like snake and whale puzzles and i couldn't get one so my i was like all right if i hit myself i'm gonna reset my frontal lobe that was my thinking at like 18 i was like all right here we go boom and then my little brother my little brother who's like 10 at the time was like why'd you do that and i was like because i can't get the fucking snake in the way do Do you see the rabbit? And he's like, I'm going to go play fucking Yu-Gi-Oh, dude. I'm out.

Hitting yourself knocks yourself. Because, you know, sometimes boxers get smarter. Sometimes if you get hit the right way. Right. No, that's my thinking. Yeah. Me and my ex, we loved playing pool. It was like a big part of our relationship.

It was something we bonded over. But eventually we literally had to stop playing completely because every time i'd miss a shot i would be like piece of you should kill yourself set her so much dude yeah we literally had to stop doing the thing that we loved doing together because i would just i've uh i've just straight up smacked the in myself in front of my girlfriend she's like hey um yeah i mean you know and i'm like you got you got to think about it like this you gotta think about it like this and you know like i'm like you know i'm like see there's three ways to go through life yeah yeah well i think i mean it's just you know what it's just it's just the way artists creatively get back on track you know right yeah yeah the only way the only way to center yourself

is to fucking left hook yourself right in the jaw and crack one of your teeth yeah just to get well when i found out about cte i was like i already like i already like boxing shit so i probably got a little bit And not really I've never did anything like that hard But I was like Well I used to have a party trick too Where I would get a pot or pan

Out of the whatever house party I was at And smash it against my head Until someone told me to stop doing that And it made a lot of people laugh But it also made a lot of people Not want to hang out with me So I was Yeah

So I was like Yeah It attracted the wrong people to you And pushed away the right ones Yeah Exactly I was just thinking Man I'm glad I don't have that And then I was like, yeah. You had attracted the wrong people to you and pushed away the right one. Yeah, exactly. I was just thinking, man, I'm glad I don't have that. And then I was like, all right, so the E stands for injury. I'm trying to remember what the first two said.

I was like, creative brain injury. Yes. Got it. C. Creative brain injury. Yes. Got it. C.

Cephalothede. Cool tits, eh? I don't know. Hey! There we go. Fine. Coming in E.T. Fucking A. Suck me up.

Yeah, yeah. Coming in E.T. Just not even close. Cuban extraterrestrial. I like that one. Oh, so E.T. C in E.T. Just not even close. Cuban extraterrestrial. I like that one. Oh, so E.T. C.E.T. E.T. was famously Cuban.

Crack tastes excellent. Excellent. Yeah, there we go. Yeah. Now we're doing acronyms. That's what people want to hear. Yeah, that's what people sign up for. Central Intelligence Agency. Central Intelligence Agency. Central Intelligence Agency. here yeah that's what people sign up for yeah central intelligence agency central intelligence

agency central intelligence agency central intelligence agency i'm looking for some information i'm looking for yeah y'all read books out here we do me and thomas were doing the voice the other day And we do the like Oh if I could count one, two, three It's like hey you can't get mad at me for that voice It's a baby's voice And then this one is like That's just a guy from Louisiana

That's a Cajun guy I actually did I did actually have to I got to legitimately pull that card You were there for that When I got to pull the card on, I got to legitimately pull that card. You were there for that. I was there for that, yeah. When I got to pull the card on somebody that, are you allowed to do that voice?

And the voice that I was doing was a Cajun doctor named Dr. Cassidy Pontchartrain. And I was like, he's clearly a Cajun-coded man that I'm very much allowed to do. It's like, who go down a swamp, you know? What have we got out? Oh, I've got a lot of small medicine foil. He's kind of giving

Creole. It's giving... I got to do the reverse. Actually, it's fucked up that you thought that. You thought that was a Korean voice? I was doing fucking Vietnamese, okay? So you are the

racist person. Yeah, they're all the same to you. Interesting. How the tables have turned, you fucking piece of shit. I bet you even think they smell bad. That's probably what you think. That's not what I think, because I'm not racist like you. I bet you think they all go to MIT, too, don't you?

Yeah. I bet you're mad that they can get into better racist like you. I bet you think they all go to MIT, too, don't you? Fucking loser. I bet you're mad that they can get into better colleges than you. Piece of shit. You're a fucking loser. I didn't think that at all, dude. I think you're just taking this way too far. You're talking to a guy at the bus stop with AirPods in.

I'd like to say yes. He's like, can I help you? What do you hate good cars huh man i want to i want to go over there dude i want to go to um i want to go to thailand uh yeah nobody's saying anything weird they got uh they got muay thai over there and i did i was like uh i posted on Twitter one time. I was like, man, I really want to go to Thailand and train with all the Thai people. I should have expected.

You got the sex tourism. That corner of the internet, 13 replies, yeah, to do what? I'm like, there's a lot of cool gyms out there. It's beautiful scenery. They're like, you're going to blow a cow up and then you're going to fuck a boy. That's what you're going to do. I'm like, there's a lot of cool gyms out there, and it's beautiful scenery, and they're like, you're going to blow a cow up, and then you're going to fuck a boy. That's what you're going to do. And I'm like, no. Come on.

If you're going to do sex tourism, you can do it in Florida. You don't have to get a passport. Yeah, you could just go to South Florida and do whatever you want. Yeah. Dude, those clubs. That's what Jake does. Yeah. I know a lot about that area yeah dude i mean what

their pr team needs to get on that because i feel like they lose a lot they lose a lot of traffic every year by people not wanting to go because of that how about this thailand not for pedophiles yeah yeah yeah the uh the i was pedophiles go to Laos. That's their slogan. Pedophiles go next door. We're only for kickboxers and guys who do cocaine. Yeah, this is an Irish neighborhood. A bunch of 411 guys being like, Welcome to Ireland.

This is the beautiful city of Galway. No, there was a guy who was recording. He makes these videos. So I didn't know this. In South Florida, I don't know if it's in other parts, but they have 23-hour clubs. They close for one hour to clean. And there's people.

They have no windows. So he was driving to work or whatever, and he was recording people dressed to the nines, red carpet shit like suits dresses and he pulled his like watch up and it said 8 15 a.m oh i was like dude that's people are different out there like it's not like dude people talk about like oh you know the south this or whatever like no it's like it is a completely different like people joke about la's party culture in new york being like no you don't have shit on floor. Oh, they don't do it.

There's nothing more brutal than like the cold light of day. You come out and you're like, oh, my fucking God, what have I done? Dude, back in the day when I used to when I used to get down and clown, I'd be fucking, you know, I'm like, you know, drinking beers, watching fucking Goodfellas for like the seventh time in a row, doing cocaine. I'm like, dude, I'm the coolest guy. I'm alone in my apartment. I'm watching Goodfellas for the tenth time this week. I'm drinking High Life. I'm probably the edgiest and coolest guy in the whole world probably.

And you're like, what time could it be? One in the morning and then you like kind of stand up and you see like the blue light creeping through and you're like oh yeah yeah yeah i'm what the medical industry calls a real fucking loser like i'm gonna fucking it's not looks like i'm gonna have a bad next three days doing doing drugs like that doing cocaine to goodfellas in the same way that like is like a child watching like a steven seagal movie going yeah yeah karate movies at the tv like that's fucking me i remember when uh wolf of wall street came out i was like a sophomore in college and i had a lot of friends that like like i would go well i wouldn't call

them friends i'd like bought drugs from them and they were like just like shitty like fratty like ut kids who like didn't need to sell like and coke and shrooms, but they just did. Anyway, go over there, and they'd be watching it on the projector and doing blow. I had the same thought. I was like, dude, I used to watch The Drunken Master, and I would watch Rush Hour, and I would do

spin kicks in the living room and be like, I wish I was Chinese and friends with Chris. And then these guys are full-blown 19 and 20 years old, and they like one day i'm gonna get my business degree and then i'm gonna steal money from old people i'm gonna get fucking tail from a girl with a shittiest accent like a flat bush like nasty like you know i'm gonna wear suspenders soon I'm going to wear a suspender suit I'm going to wear a big tuxedo And go to the store

I'm going to wear a tie That's as wide as a football And it will have polka dots on it You mark my words I'm going to go real bald if you talk about machines like those wall street those guys could fucking get after it holy shit well i like i thought maybe it was like exaggerated like in the gordon gecko stuff like i thought maybe and then like a couple of my friends just do tech sales here they don't they're on Walls. They just do tech sales like in Austin for like, I don't know, Oracle, whatever the fuck.

And dude, they live like fucking mad. They're nuts. They make a shit ton of money. And they like, like I'm like, what did you do last weekend? And they're like, I don't know. And I'm like, oh, it was just kind of a blur. And they're like, I couldn't tell you. I'm like, okay. I spent $1,700 dude that's all I know yeah yeah dude I think that's probably like

like probably that just goes to show you like my idea of a lot of money versus theirs because I'm pretty sure I was just like yeah you know it's I'm in a strip club like fire you know yeah I guess I just outed myself for being broke because 1,700 was the biggest number I could think of. I did that shit all the time. Like, what's the fucking arrested, developed? Like, how much could a banana cost? $10? Like, in reverse.

Yeah, yeah. How much could a Maserati cost? Like, four grand? Yeah. I remember being, like, 14 and watching a casino for the first time. And I grew up in such a desolate area. I was like, God damn, I got to go to a casino someday he looks so cool well like having the like um i used to think uh i think thomas we've talked about this when i would watch like uh like like like crime movies i was like man i bet like

you'd see a guy rob a gas station you're're like, that guy probably made like $25,000 on that deal. And then you Google what petty larceny is, and it's like, yeah, people rob gas stations and kill people for like $38. As a kid, I was like, man, to kill another human. That's the richest guy in the world now. Yeah, exactly. Or like bank robberies. It's like man the dark knight like the suit the duffel is going out nah but guys that rob banks make

like a couple grand you just get it from yeah yeah killing another human being for like a paycheck for like a teacher like a teacher in a while if you think about the man hours it takes to rob a bank you're making like federal minimum wage. Yeah, you're making $15.50 an hour. I don't want to like – You walk in and you're like, you want to just have a job here? I don't want to – fuck. I wish I could remember the guy that was just like – it was – I always feel fucking bad when he does. That post, it was like when you're like an enforcer for the mafia and you do like the most depraved, psychotic things a man can do to basically make as much money as a strip mall dentist, like $90,000 a year, you're murdering and raping and stealing and torturing for maybe $95,000.

You're not a capo or anything. You're just a guy who pulls teeth and cuts dudes' dicks off. Yeah, crossing your fingers for a promotion that's probably never going to come. Just like in the real world, dude get i get free sandwiches at four delis you don't know what that you know what that respect means priceless the goal i'd love to i'd love to write like the worst mob movie of all time where it's like they're all making like like not even that they're all making like 25 000 a year somehow so it's like they're all making like, not even that, they're all making like $25,000 a year somehow. So it's like they're all piling into like a 1988 Honda Accord

to try and kill a guy, but they have like a musket that they got from an antique shop. Just like doing a movie on the modern mafia, it's like you're just a fat, like you have the title, and maybe you hawk and fence some jewelry, but you mostly just hang out in a wife beater on a lawn chair and throw rocks at pigeons and shit. It's like the heyday is gone.

Sylvester Stallone right now is playing in a TV show where he's the biggest criminal in Tulsa. He's the mob boss in Tulsa. He's the mob boss in Tulsa. It's called Tulsa King, I swear to God. Damn. Dude, that's just like the guy who wins the most fistfights in Tulsa. The most bar fights. Dude, it blows

me away that he's a member of Mensa. He has like a 165 IQ. Sly? Yeah, Sylvester Stallone is legit like him and Dolph Lundgren Dolph Lundgren has like a master's in like a chemical engineering they're both like brilliant damn that pisses

me the fuck off it does it makes me so because like I remember watching like old like I'm like well it like being 10 and being like well can't be as handsome as him and Jack but at least I'm smarter in fifth grade and it's like no yeah more money you know yacked is shit she probably big old handsome as him and Jack, but at least I'm smarter in fifth grade. And it's like, no.

More money. You know, Yakt is shit. He's probably a big old pinker. Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Imagine how many veins he's got. 17. The hairs stop right where they're supposed to.

They don't go all the way up. That man's got veins in his teeth. Him and Steven Seagal are suffering from the same thing. I watched the last Rambo they did and when they're doing sprinting scenes, it's tough.

It's crazy. Probably still in better shape than me, most definitely. Just lumbering like Bigfoot would. Yeah, but's crazy. Like, probably still, like, in better shape than me, most definitely. Yeah, just lumbering like Bigfoot would. Yeah, but, like, throwing a punch, like, bah. I remember telling Thomas, I got really, I got fucking unreasonably mad. I was like, I'm going to get drunk and watch Steven Seagal movies. I'm going to get drunk and watch Steven Seagal movies.

And one of the bad guys in one of the movies is Hall of Fame UFC welterweight George St. Pierre. And there's a scene where George St. Pierre is just, he can't get the better of Steven Seagal. And I was drunk in my living room, like 22 years old. I was like, it's bullshit. I'm like, we're talking about fucking Hall of Fame goat, GSP getting told by a 78-year-old pedophile, like, I can't handle this shit.

My friend's like, why are you so pissed off? And I'm like, dude, he could kill him so easily. And it's like, you know you're watching, like, this is a direct-to-DVD movie. The worst Steven Seagal movie. Kung Fu Panda for grown-ups. Like retarded used car salesman.

I do think though that the majority of people who watched that movie probably also had that same reaction. Yeah, I think that's exactly who they're going for. I wasn't alone in like, man, I bet that he could beat him up in real life. And everyone's like, yes, he's good at fighting in real life.

Whereas the old... That was, at the end of the day, an above average Steven Seagal movie. But when the cameras are off, let's see who can really throw down. Yeah, talking about like an 80-year-old fat man from Louisiana versus like, yeah, a guy like in the prime of his life. Like, this is horse shit. I can't handle this. Do you go ape shit? I'm sorry.

The fucking connection keeps bugging out on me. You go ahead. You go ahead. You go ahead. I was going to say, Jake, how fucking insane do you go when you watch UFC? Like, how loud do you get? It depends, man. Like, if I'm in my own house, you know what?

It actually, when I'm in my house, I'm pretty chill. You'd think it'd be different. But if I'm, like, with my brother, I'm like, like, it's like, like, when I was a kid, dude, I was such a little, like, pretentious little loser in high school. I was like, you're watching the NFL? I'm inside reading a book. Like, I was such a little fucking dork. Like, I, like, I, like, hung out and, like, rode skateboards and, like, was, like, a fucking little shithead.

But, like, it was all a put on. I really just, like, wanted to read, like, sci-fi and, like, anyway. So, like, now I'm, like, now I feel like I've really ascended into, like, being a man. man because I found a sport that pisses me off so bad it messes with my blood pressure. Like I'm like – because before I was like I don't watch sports. I've been watching UFC for a long time, but I like – it's like my thing where I'm like, dude, if I – I got to turn this off. You're like, why? I'm like I'm going to go outside and eat grass for a little bit. I got to like – I got to go chew on concrete for like half an hour.

Yeah, that's – I go pretty nuts, you know, like I go pretty, pretty nuts. Not like, yeah, I'm a big fan and with our friends, they always pray that the Bengals win because if not, I will allow a cloud of dark negative energy to permeate the entire room until absolutely nobody is even capable of having fun that's yeah it's sad that is a that's like i think a curse of like a a really like a thinking man if you if something bad happens to you that's minor to everyone else in your life you have to let that energy bleed into every other aspect of you being alive like yeah it's not enough for you to have a bad day everybody around you has to have a bad day You have to let that energy bleed into every other aspect of you being alive. It's not enough for you to have a bad day. Everybody around you has to have a bad day.

I've explained this to several friends. I'm like, I handle death and sickness pretty stuck. I'm like, I'll have my moments. But dude, if you give me a flat tire when I'm on the way to get a Dr pepper at the gas station dude i'm gonna go falling down mode like on everybody like michael douglas like like i'm pulling the chopper off the trunk and i'm letting it sing on i-35 like i get dude it makes i get so mad like if my belt loop catches the door handle like i'm gonna i'm gonna tear the whole house down like i can't. Like little shit drives me fucking nuts. And yeah, I'll be – I spilled a diced jalapeno on the floor because I misunderstood how to use my girlfriend's vegetable dicing contraption.

Yeah. Where you pull on this lever. It's like a lawnmower starting thing. And then it spins and it chops all the vegetables. starting thing and then it spins and it chops all the vegetables and i did it once and immediately knocked all of the jalapeno seeds and chunks all over the kitchen floor i just stood there being like yeah i think i'm gonna i'm gonna refound the nazi party i think it's time for the fourth yeah yeah starting with myself and my family hit'm gonna take them all take us all out Hitler had like

kind of a back story where it's like ah the art thing and art school it's like you like rise to power and it's like what was

what was Nate's like impetus for all this and it's like oh it was a slap chop he just he fucked a slap chop up and then the next day he was like

I can't handle this like cultural world we live in yeah people are people are making about going back to time and can't handle this cultural world we live in. Yeah, people are making fun of me about going back in time and trying to convince me to do this slap job just so they can prove the next Holocaust. Dude, his character arc was sick because he was just like... Was that Billy Mays?

No, that was... Billy Mays? No, he did the OxyClean. Yeah, Billy Mays. The OxyClean guy? Wasn't he an everything guy? No, Slap the OxyClean. Yeah, Billy Mays. The OxyClean guy? Wasn't he an everything guy? No, Slap Chop was the ShamWow dude. Oh, that's what I was thinking of, the ShamWow dude.

He almost got his dinger bitten off by that hooker, so he beat the dog shit out of her. That news story popped out of nowhere. He was doing commercials, and the next day it was like, you know, beloved infomercial host so and so like it's like was like meeting a hooker for sex and she like bit his penis so he like three-pieced her and threw her through like some sheet rockers oh my god yeah he was curtains for his career after that i think i saw him in a commercial a few years ago really but it was like he like six i hope morning. I hope this wasn't a dream I had, but I thought it was like he wasn't entirely in denial. He was like, hey, it's me.

I'm sorry. The product was not a ShamWow or anything. It was like a doorstop or something. It was some bullshit that sucked. Like, hey, look at this. And you're like, that fucking sucks. I don't even want to look at that. And then at the end, he's like like can I say sorry real quick? Yeah

He's like trying to get back in the good graces like in order to get back to the top you guys start back at the bottom again, she's like hey Just here selling a Doorknob nothing special just a door now. I want to say you want it I'm selling spackling paste for if you throw a hooker through a wall, you can fix it before the cops get there. Speaking of, I wanted to say I'm really sorry. I did put a Puerto Rican woman in a triangle choke,

but she did try to nibble on my penis too hard. So I feel like maybe it was a little warranted. I think that's the only reason. Yeah, it was a bit of a – let's call it a watch. It was a reflex reaction. The judge in the courtroom's like scratching his head he's like well you really i don't know why i'm making him a southern judge i think that guy's they're all southern well i say that you uh i say that you did you know put a couple lumps in this woman's head uh but uh she did bite on your your scrotum so I'm just willing

to call it a tie he's like if you will excuse me and goes to the corner and very obviously flips a coin yeah council has invoked the wash amendment by decree of this uh here-cent piece, I'm going to let you all do a little bit of a misdemeanor. Man, that's got to be tough. Oh, one of my favorite pieces of mascot host trivia is, did you guys hear why Jared Fogle spent a little bit of time in solitary confinement like two years ago? No. This is awesome. If you haven't heard about anything he's done,

sit back and listen. So he obviously can't be in Jim Pop because they'll turn him into fucking Swiss cheese. So he hangs out with the other diddlers and fucking women murderers and stuff. But he's not allowed any conjugal visits. He's not supposed to have relationships for obvious reasons. And so anyway, he's writing letters to this person.

And they're kind of sweet, but I guess the guards and the police and the warden never think anything of it. One day, though, they go to check him for contraband. They check his letters he's sending out. He can't send dick pics from jail so he traced his soft penis on college rule paper it's literally just like a lump just like holy fucking shit dude it's like this big dude it's like it's like a it's like a big curvy c and then it's like it was like slid into a different piece of paper that was like sexy. It was like erotic or whatever. And the article place I read it had a picture of it.

And dude, it literally was like where you'd take notes for school. But in the corner where you'd put like the date, it was like maybe a C shape like this big. And I was like, dude, that's awesome. Oh my god. That rules. Yeah. It's just like – I love having how they like, how did they figure out what it was?

Yeah. It's a blob in the middle of a paragraph about like, you know, it's a little cold in here at night. I don't, I don't like the book selection. Yeah. And also,

you know, I could use a few more TV channels. I like the idea of that lady, uh, taking it, cutting out the tracing and then inserting it into a cutout tracing of her pussy yeah she's getting a mold made yeah dude i uh i went i have a great jared fogel story uh a few months ago i was hanging out with friends and one of them had

a friend in from out of town and this guy was clearly like a very just like you know from middle middle living in middle america completely offline like he's at he's like i heard somebody who's dualipa you know he's like one of those guys who doesn't know anything yeah and my friend has a picture of jared fogel on his wall and uh his friend this guy looks at it and he's like what what up? Oh, fuck. He did something, right? And we're like, what do you mean? He's like, I swear to God, dude, like he got busted for something. And we're like, dude, you have to be kidding.

And for the next 10 minutes, he tries to remember what Jared Fogle got arrested for. And then he finally Googles it. And it says arrest for child porn. He shows it to us. He's like, see, I nothing gets bad nothing gets past jeff what a beautiful can you imagine how nice your life must be if you don't know that like what else do you not know yeah terrible like no what an awesome just floating through you're just like you only know how to make stew and like right like you you know like how how to strip a rifle, but that's it.

Yeah, you know where every Home Depot, you could draw a map to every Home Depot in a 20-mile radius. I would never want that. I want the life of knowing about all the evil ephemera of everyone's lives. No, dude, me and my friend were talking the other day. I am not supposed to know what polyamory is. Nah, dude. That was not supposed to know what polyamory is yeah no dude you gotta that was not supposed to be part of my life i am i am living outside of the way you have

to go look up bad dragon videos online and then just show them to your friends have you guys seen the bad dragon video no oh do you know what those are no is it is that those uh those dildos are molded to look like the animal penises yeah but they're also like three feet long and they make are those the egg ones yes they also make eggs it made me so i was telling the other day i was like i live in this world like i yeah yeah this is us no i was uh yeah i got i got to show my roommates uh the grossest videos of all time. Yeah, there's just an entire subreddit of people just going to town on those.

And it's really fucking upsetting. I've had to like... When LiveLeak was big and Rotten.com and E-Fucked, we would sit in the cafeteria in high school uh we weren't allowed to have our phones out like they would take them from you and uh my buddy had um tub girl pulled up i don't know if y'all are familiar with tub girl oh yeah and uh and he he was he was like hey man uh we were like all like we would like hang out skateboard he's like dude i finally finally got the kick flip dude you gotta check this video out it was like the early days of smartphones and it's like hand me this big thing and i'm like okay and it's just tub girl

anyway the principal rolls around and like we're all laughing you're like ah fuck you know and uh she's just like hand me the phone and uh he goes oh no no no i i'm just i just you can just send me to detention and she was she was like give me the phone right now I'll give it back to you when you like after school and he was like I'm just gonna go because like because like he like he didn't hand it to her but I was thinking like I watched in his head a future play out where he hands her and that image is up and he like flash forward 10 years he's working in a coal mine flash forward 20 years he's like uh like a fascist revolutionary fast forward 30s in a gulag yeah like he's like yeah he's just working for aliens like he's like yeah yeah yeah uh the um no like i don't i don't know how else to like uh like i having like being

like 11 and watching like chechen beheading videos and then like going to jump on your friend's trampoline just like like really sets you up to where you think you'd be ready for dragon egg dildo but you really aren't like you're not you know yeah they don't slide in

like you'd think they would yeah it's funny to see how those have manifested because like when you're a kid it's like oh like this won't affect me you're like what am i gonna like see somebody get beheaded in real life and it and it affect me less it's like no no no in 15 years you won't let your girlfriend touch your arm you know what i mean like that's how that's the damage it did yeah yeah you're gonna be's going to be delivering like a eulogy at a funeral of somebody that you really, really loved. And the only thing you can really think about is the like.

Or you're like you're seeing like a comic or a band you've always really wanted to see. And you've saved up for the tickets. And they're playing their encore moment. And all you can hear is like. You know, and you're like like oh that that's it yeah yeah yeah your girlfriend like slightly burned the dinner that she lovingly made for both of you and then you just watch in your head as she just turns into a hoofie from like a video from Rwanda. It's like... No, not Houthi. Tootsie?

I don't remember. We're choosing the Tootsie. I got that mixed up and then I said the Saudi thing. Houthi is a Saudi. All our ISIS beheaders listening are like, this idiot. This fucking dumbass. We have all the Salafist terrorists that listen to this show

are like, they don't understand anything of my culture. They're mocking it. They do not understand. They're blaring. This show is blaring through the boombox of the high lucks with 20 guys, and then they're like, we're all laughing at you, Nate. That was so silly. You're a silly little man.

Oh, God. I was supposed to go to dinner with those guys tomorrow. I remember reading an article someone shared on Twitter where I think it was Department of Homeland where they reached out to the European rep for Toyota. The guy who he's not Mr. Toyota. He's the European Mr. Toyota or whatever.

Department of Homeland was like, hey, they got so many Hiluxes over there and they're new. Any idea how they could be getting them? The guy was like, hmm. Through the investigation, any Hilux is over there man and they're new uh any idea how they could be getting him when the guy was like and like through the investigation they found out he knew uh he's I think he still has the job but it was like he sells them to a guy in like Lebanon and or something like that and then that guy is like I lost them in the desert I lost them in the desert and I found 15 million

dollars and uh and like the department homeland was like you know these these are like these are basically like emirate like you can outfit them their suit like the utility of these trucks like can you maybe make it harder for them to get them and the guy's like i just sell them to a guy in lebanon i don't know it's like the most like yeah you can own a limo sir that's easily a taxi service for all yeah that's easily the most endearing part of the international arms trade yeah it's just it's just guys hooking guys up with really good trucks yeah just the best truck ever it would be weird i think about it now and like aesthetically it would be strange if they all had like cummins or like f-250s

like it wouldn't like the hylux looks like like an insurgent like a terrorist yeah it's an insurgent revolutionary whip like imagine this is it's it's it's the ak-47 is brads down yeah it's the people's truck you know what i'm saying it's just like it's awesome yeah like imagine if they had like like uh it was like 2004 escalades and they were just like getting stuck in sand dunes constantly. They have like Pimp My Ride spinners and shit. Yeah. Some guy is trying to fit his grenade launcher the rest of the way through the sunroof and he's like, fuck.

But they have like Bose speakers. So it's like the Escalade can't move, but it has like one of the best sound systems of any car like ever made. Listening to like Omarion in the fucking desert. It's like, these are my... Women all over the world blast. Yeah. I like the way you move. Yeah.

Isis would get caught so fast just off Snapchat videos if they had Escalade. It's just like panning to the steering wheel. escalates just it's just like panning to like the steering wheel like and then like just some like some like cat filter over their face someone got really mad at me i was at a where was i at i had a bar somewhere just bullshitting it was like a friend of a friend of like someone that like one of my best friends works with it was there and i was like hey i was i was being dead serious because i truly believe this i was like dude taliban has fucking sauce they dress so good like have you seen their red group like their their special forces the motherfuckers have like like cheetah high tops they have like fucking like this color color-coded like red bandana that attaches to this like sick fucking camo like bomber They look sick. And I was just going off about this.

I wasn't really joking. The guy was like, did you say, something along the lines, we were just all drunk and bullshit, and he was like, did you say the Taliban dress is nice? And I was like, yeah.

I mean, they look sick. Look, I'm not trying to be an asshole. I think our extremist groups now in the States dress like shit the boogaloo boys proud like aesthetically dark shit yeah the fucking nazis get their shit designed by hugo boss like they knew what they were doing that's crazy that's still crazy yeah it is it is pretty wacky to be like to be on like the like time square and it's like you know people be a gentleman hugo boss and then like 80 years ago they were like so ss right like on the hat we're back in the winning team baby beautiful beautiful gold skull made lovingly by hand yeah each individual crafted oh little teeth right here 2018 yeah yeah he's like the

johnny dang of nazis and now he's just like They make They just make fucking Yeah they just make suits for like Rented BMW like tech guys now Ladies and gentlemen I want to say Fucking Hello

We're doing another hour I'm just kidding Hey everybody I want to say thanks to the fucking boys for coming on no this is great thank you so much you guys got anything to plug other than the thing I have to try and clip out later

I'm going to try plugging it again without spoiling what is probably the best thing that either of us have ever done and it's got a lot of spoilers in it so we do we do a podcast called a closer look and at the end it turns out that the main guy to direct no um so it's about it's about the making of a movie it's uh very very complicated it's it's

took a long time to write and and record you're nailing this and it's a it's very good the next episode that comes out on monday if you don't already listen to it is is really fucking long and convoluted and the best thing we've written i think we're very very jazzed about it there's lots of different characters we've referenced like 19 of the steven seagal's in it a lot nice we got uh all the other guys in it um all your favorites um check it out and someday uh it will be over it'll be over soon we're gonna fucking blow our brains out live television because we we did we had nothing else but this and now once it's done, what are we left with? Just the tatters of our lives.

Nothing. Yeah. Nothing at all. I mean, you know, you'll all – So please listen to our podcast. Yeah, check out A Closer Look. It's just on Spotify and everywhere else. Yeah, Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

Yeah, Thomas might make an appearance over these next few episodes. Fans of Thomas out there. Certainly in the finale. If any of you know who I am, I'll be on there. And season one was really good too. I'm not just saying that. I listened to it.

And if you're going to say, oh, Thomas, you're just getting paid the big bucks to say season one was good. No, I liked it. Yeah. And we didn't pay you at all. We didn't pay you a damn dime. I didn't get paid for anything, you know.

And I'll ask these guys for money all the time and they say no and that's fine. It's not their job to give me money. We didn't pay anything other than Jake's $30 guest fee. If you're out there and you have a show and you want to hang out with the big dogs, you've got to give me

basically half a tank of gas to cook with. A sweet, sweet $30 rack in a pack of cigarettes. I need a disposable vape that's going to kill me in five years. Just get it anywhere you can find it. You need a bottle of the Rocks tequila. That's what you need to do is you make enough seasons of good content as you want, and then you do one season where you have enough of a fan base

to where it's $50 to have at least one line. You can make like two grand off that after you're done making actual art, and then you could buy like, I don't know, like a 2002 Cadillac and drive it into a river if you want. Yeah. I keep – Or whatever. Whatever you do with $2,000.

I keep telling Thomas that for the $50 tier we have, I'm like, dude, we need to plug that, and we need to do it where we'll do it one month only. If you sign up for the $50 tier, we'll make you like you get to do third mic auditions. Whoa, you guys have a $50? What is the $50 tier? Nothing. You just get to be in a tier with my brother. There's four guys on it, I'd say.

Yeah, you get to be in a tier with my brother's friend that works at Burger King and then Nick Mullen and then like one other guy. If you join the $50 tier, you get to hear the version of this episode where the part where I spoil the special twist in episode seven isn't bleeped out. I have to find that. So you get to know. It's around the 20-minute mark. 21, 20. Yeah, about 21 minutes, I thought.

I'll take a look. Yeah, no, it doesn't get you anything. Like, $5 is, like, the bonus episodes. $10 is the video. I made the $50 one as a joke. It's the John Wayne Gacy tier. And, like, yeah, like, several people have, like, in and out. Like, dude, one person signed up for a year in advance and gave us, like, $500 and then, like, unsubbed.

And I was, like, I tried to give the money back. I messaged them. I was like, hey, was this a mistake? And they never responded. So I was like, alright, fuck it. You know, whatever. Will, other people are making money as a joke. And we are in the whole no less

than three grand on this podcast. But in man hours, a teacher's salary yeah well here's a little a little uh a little bit of soothing jazz hey uh thank you guys again uh for coming thanks for having us again thank you so much thank you peace um all right all right stop recording uh i think my