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It's Cartoon Pandejo time!
Hey, Thomas.
Hey, Jake.
How you doing, buddy?
I'm doing swell.
That's good. On the way to the gas station earlier, my favorite gas station...
Your favorite gas station?
Yeah, I was going to get a coconut water and a fucking complete cookie.
And on the way there, I almost got into a car accident.
You want to know why?
Why?
Because I looked over across the street from my favorite gas station and there was a homeless
guy jacking off under the tree.
Well, would you look at that?
He was under the, there he was, under the biggest, tallest sycamore oak tree I'd ever laid eyes on.
Sycamore tree.
I don't think sycamore oak is a tree, but whatever.
It's not a tree.
Two different types of trees.
The biggest sycamore tree.
Two separate trees.
And it was probably around 2.30 p.m.
And, you know, a guy like me, you see another man's penis out in the sunlight with the sunbeams peeking down through the top of the tree onto his penis.
Beautiful.
You know, you're going to sit and watch.
You know, it's something that's a sight to behold.
And while I was looking at that man's penis exposed and him just mashing on it like he's chaining butter. I almost rear-ended the car in front of me
because he was turning into the gas station too.
Probably to jack off.
Probably.
I would like to think that we were both looking at the guy jacking off
under the sycamore tree.
He was going at it, and it was right in the eye,
before the eyes of God and man.
and it was right in the eye, before the eyes of God and man.
He was wearing an Arsenal jersey, the soccer team,
and he had his, it looked like Dickie's car,
or some sort of cargo around his thighs,
and was just jacking off.
What type of underwear?
No underwear.
Raw dog. Raw dog.
Raw dog, jacking off, middle of the summer, hot as hell.
It's 105 degrees. He's putting the work in.
Yeah, 105 degrees here in Austin.
Sometimes you got nothing to fucking do, but right after lunch,
right after you have a can of beans and a couple cigarettes you found outside,
to pull your pecker out and start tugging on it and god don't even
gotta spit on it sorry he don't know he said sweaty out here you got fucking cheese i walked
in you know i walk into the store i get my coconut water i get my complete cookie and i get some hot
fries and i come out of the store and and behold, he's still jacking off.
So I must have just caught him right at the beginning of his session.
I tried not to look directly at him.
I don't jerk.
When I jack off, it's mostly for utility.
I'm in and out fucking two to three minutes.
It's done.
He could have been on some stimulants.
He could have been on heroin.
You never know. Opiates can make it difficult
as can stimulants, yes.
Was he super
hot?
It looked like he was working with about
60%.
It did not look...
Blue collar.
Yeah, real workman's
lunch pail penis.
A real single wide we're looking single cab you know it's not we're not no dually you know regular dick just a
regular like a like a like a toyota tacoma penis you know just fucking baseline and uh you know
normally when i've seen things like that the cops are usually about 50 yards away
and they're like it's only say i've only seen it two or three times in my life
but uh this guy just the birds were chirping and people were pumping their gas and he was
pumping his dick about 50 60 yards away right in front of the bank next to the gas station. So if you're out there.
You could say he was there on business.
He was there to make a deposit.
A cum deposit.
He was there to jack his penis.
He was there to jack off.
Yeah, he was there to jack off.
You could say he was there to masturbate.
You could say that he was there to make cum out of his penis.
So my question, Jake, is how long did it take you to help him finish?
After I wanted to hydrate first.
So I finished my coconut water and I had half of my complete cookie.
Because clearly he couldn't get the job done himself.
And so I walked over there.
Nobody's going out and doing that for people.
Nobody.
Everybody always. You're handing them free needles or whatever. You's going out and doing that for people. Nobody. Everybody always.
You're handing them free needles or whatever.
You're giving them Cheez-Its.
Nobody's jacking off these guys.
How many DSA communists are helping old homeless men jack their penises off?
I don't see you blue-haired fucking lefties out here doing the real work like me.
A true to life.
He watches you girls all day and he doesn't see you doing, like me. A true to life... Jake watches you girls all day
and he doesn't see you doing anything like that.
I don't see any of you fucking anemic,
big white dress, big black boot
wearing women out,
jacking off old homeless guys for the cause.
You want to fucking...
How long do I have to keep half-assing this accent?
We can stop.
I think we're good.
I don't even know what we were going for past the third.
It started off like cartoonishly Italian and then it just became like uh like paulie from the sopranos just kind of shitty
italian i don't know uh but yeah basically it's just a guy that was jacking off outside um
and uh good at least let me in
see in that joke it was me jacking off.
Yeah, yeah.
It would have been very funny.
I don't know.
You know, we're friends.
But life goes in strange directions.
It would be very funny if I'm like, you know,
we just, whatever happens, show falls apart,
we go our separate ways, have a big fallout, big drama.
And like 20 years from now, you're going to get, you know,
some peach rings from the gas station i had a
i ate a full bag of peach rings on a walk earlier don't tell eden
i think she listens to the show does she okay and not as often now that she lives with me
yeah no that makes total sense uh yeah like it you know what?
Stuff like that, like, it's very New York.
I don't know.
Like, it's not, you know.
It seems like a very, like, a New York thing.
It's very common.
It's not something that I.
I saw a homeless guy getting his dick sucked downtown when I was loading my drum set into a venue.
This is a beautiful thing.
Yeah.
Well, dude, guys that don't have a house, you don't want to let them jack off or come.
They don't have a house.
I saw two people fucking on a bench in front of Chase Bank in Arlington one time.
And a lot of people would have called the cops.
They would have freaked out.
But I sat my white ass down and I watched.
Yeah, was he getting after it or was
he just kind of bro he was getting so she was riding it she was riding his dick on the bench
bro yeah um legs wrapped around him nice and bro they were fucking putting in that work man
he was laying down that dick his dick was was huge. Really? The old black guy,
I think he had a fucking
fisherman's cap on.
And I was,
I walked like
eight miles that night
to grab a car battery, and then
I was gonna
walk like three miles
back to my dorm
with a car battery,
and then I had like a gallon of iced coffee I got at Walmart, too,
that I was just drinking, like a big carton.
So you were walking around with a car battery and a gallon of cold brew?
Yeah, dude, I was real sweaty because car batteries are real heavy, man.
They're like 80 pounds.
Brother, it was quite a night. I hurt real bad the next day. are real heavy, man. They're like 80 pounds. Brother, it was quite a night.
I hurt real bad the next day.
That sounds terrible, man.
So what happened was I thought my car battery was dead because I left my dorm key in my dorm and my keys also.
And I used my emergency key to try and start the car.
Yeah.
I learned the next day my emergency key only unlocks the car.
So that's why I wouldn't start it.
That was on the Matrix.
Anyway, so I still have the car battery.
But it's for a Toyota Matrix.
Okay.
I don't have one of those anymore.
I've had the car battery for about five years now.
So you're walking back with a gallon of cold brew,
a heavy car battery.
No, I'm on my way at this point, actually.
No, I remember.
I was sweaty, but just because I was fat,
I'd walked a long way.
You know you're on drugs
when you fucking walk to a mechanic it's
like 9 p.m to see if they're open yeah yeah your life has taken some sort of strange turn
you walk two miles to a mechanic and they're close so you walk two miles back and then three
miles to walmart and then three miles back from walmart it was at Walmart over by the Cowboy Stadium.
Oh, okay.
I remember well.
So,
you're on the way there, and you get a little
free show. I'm pretty close at this point.
This chase is...
I've traveled a long...
It's been a long journey at this point.
Yeah.
And I was a little bit sketched out because people kept following me.
But, like, it wasn't the end of the world or anything.
Right.
But at the time, I didn't have a bank account.
I just had all my cash with me on my person.
Okay, so we're setting the stage.
We got young, fat Thomas walking all over Arlington with how much in cash are we talking?
Probably like eight or nine hundred bucks.
Okay.
So you felt it necessary to bring almost a thousand dollars to get a car battery
I couldn't get into my house
Into my dorm
Okay yeah that makes sense
But why did you have it on you to begin with
I always had it on me
I used it to buy stuff
It was in my wallet
I'm not going to fucking leave my wallet somewhere
You're walking around with a fucking rack
Going to get a car battery
And a gallon of cold brew
Fatter than fuck
Sweaty as shit
And you come across a lady
Ride the fuck out of a black guy's penis
And he's got a fisherman's cap on
Yeah I paused for a second
I'll be honest
Cause he was laying it down bro
His balls were like fucking flapping on there
So he was So he was putting in work from
the bottom he was wearing a polo shirt he still had on he was dressed like fucking uh telequally
or something okay but homeless which yeah it doesn't take that much like of a difference right
yeah yeah yeah and then he had you could tell some big ass jeans
some big ass old man jeans all the way down to his ankles yeah his bare ass is on this chase bank
bench and this lady in a pulled up dress it's pulled up over her ass yeah and her titties are
out as well but i did not look at i didn't really look super close
to like you didn't you didn't i looked at the act itself i wasn't checking out individual lady
yeah i wasn't like damn i'd fuck her on the bench damn that old lady's got a cool asshole
you know yeah yeah you weren't like damn he's damn that that guy's lucky. I did notice that guy had a big dick because she was riding it, right?
Yeah.
But she was going further up.
Than is required for you.
Yeah, well, you know, I was just like, that seems dangerous, you know?
If you go that far up, might like slip out and then like
you split it like some firewood you know yeah yeah because that happens to people sometimes
they just never talk about it you know yeah sometimes it happens to maybe two guys that
do a show together yeah you know and they never talk when they're warming up for a video episode one day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, uh... Yeah, anyway.
So you...
I see that...
You see that...
I see that as I'm, like, a couple blocks from Walmart.
I think that...
I think that Chase is pretty close to Walmart.
If you live in Arlington, you'll probably...
You might have an idea of where this is, actually.
So was this, uh...
This was in the middle of the city, like...
Okay, very cool.
Like close to the Dallas Cowboys Stadium
and also the Texas Rangers Stadium
because those are pretty close together.
You know, people get pissy.
A couple of my friends in New York
are like, dude, I just get so tired of seeing
hobos jack off or fuck each other in the ass
or whatever.
To me, my personal stance is this
if you don't have like a home to fuck in in the outdoors is your house like the world is your home
you got to get your you got to get your nut in dude and i have no problem with a homeless guy
laying down some dick or jacking off in front of a gas station or a bank at least find a car or something is there you know you don't
like angel dust maybe it doesn't matter but you know right yeah i mean i think it's just you know
live and let live man you know i ain't fucking i ain't the goddamn dick dick detective it's cool
here how many homeless people have cars i know it's a very common living
situation but like dudes who are so homeless you're like no way that dude has a fucking car
yeah they do so many i've seen like a handful of them on like instagram and then like a couple on
twitter they like go viral because they're like uh I'm a college student at University of Seattle.
And I live out in my Toyota Tacoma.
And people in the comments are like, oh, my God, my dream or whatever.
And it's always like some of them are like wanderlust teenagers.
Yeah, young people.
But there's a handful that are like, no, man, this is not like into the wild like gabby petito stuff this is like uh i can't afford to be alive
and i found an old camper on craigslist for 500 and just put it on top of my tacoma i really think
about killing myself most most days i think like having being homeless with a car is like that's
the upper echelons of being homeless
right it's not that bad I've slept in my car a lot yeah I used to sleep in my crown vic and not
even because I had to I just would be too drunk or too fucked up to even trust myself behind the
wheel and I would just sleep in the back of my car there was a I went on a I had just moved to Austin and, um, like I broke up with my girlfriend and,
uh,
I was like navigating Tinder or whatever.
And,
uh,
I picked this girl up in my crown Vic and I cleaned it up,
I guess.
Cause like,
you know me,
you're,
we're kind of the same way,
but I'm really bad.
It's the trash.
It stinks in there.
There's stains everywhere.
Everything's sticky.
Well,
I, I cleaned that up,
but for whatever reason,
I didn't.
I had a bed back there.
Makeshift is like bench seats.
So I had laid down like a fucking,
like a foam mattress topper
and then a bunch of blankets
and like a bunch of pillows.
And I would sleep back there sometimes
if I got too drunk at a party or I got too drunk
at a bar or I just whatever like I just slept back there sometimes if my roommates ever got
you know pissed me off and I or I pissed them off I would just sleep in my car anyway I pick her up
and uh she like gets in the front seat or whatever and I don't think she noticed immediately because
she didn't say anything but we were on like we're like 35 and we're heading towards downtown she like looks in the back seat
and she's like uh what's uh what's all that stuff back there for and i was like oh i sleep in here
sometimes like just like again i don't really know how to like i i get nervous sometimes and
i just respond like very literally very like i don't
offer any like yeah meandering explanation i sleep back there sometimes and i found like the
one shirt i had that didn't smell like cigarettes and like fucking miller high life so i probably
looked somewhat normal i was like she was like oh well why and i was like you know panicking and i'm like you got to give a cooler answer
than like you you do drugs so much that you can't and i was like oh sometimes man i just go to
parties and like i don't want to i don't want to be the asshole that drives drunk right so i get
super drunk and i just sleep in my car like in front of the person's house she she was like oh
like we still went on the date but the whole time she was just on her phone and i'm pretty
sure she was sending like those 9-1-1 texts like girl like uh hey i think i'm hanging out with a
guy you might oh i'm a vampire i'm a werewolf so like if i see the mood coming out i just go to
sleep if it's a full mood yeah yeah sleep for it gets bad. Yeah, you know, I, uh, oh, it's kind of funny. Like, I'm like a drifter that kills women.
And I kind of navigate from town to town.
And Denver was getting hot.
I can't go back to Seattle.
Feds are there, so.
You should have been like, oh, I have narcolepsy.
And like.
And like, you know, it's real funny.
Just like, fuck.
Like, doing like 85 on fucking 45.
On the way back for sure.
It's going to happen.
It will.
Yeah.
And I just needed to drag my fucking big ass body and just put it in the back seat.
Yeah.
Just drive me home.
Yeah.
I just, so, you know, basically if you just want to leave me on the on ramp, but you have
to get me in the back seat.
leave me on the on-ramp, but you have to get me in the backseat.
Now, you know what the – this just, I guess, goes to – wherever that girl is, there was one time that I was at a party,
took a girl home from the party, and she was like –
asked the same question.
I was like, oh, sometimes I get super fucked up, so I just sleep in my car. She was like, that the same question. I was like, oh, sometimes I get like super fucked up.
So I just sleep in my car.
She was like, that's cool, man.
Like, you know, I told like, that's actually pretty, like, pretty like cool.
Like, that's like a responsible thing to do.
And I was in my head was like, no, we, I can't date you.
Like, I need somebody.
I don't, I can't have somebody on my level.
She was like, oh, no, honestly, like I slept in I don't I can't have somebody on my level she was like oh
no honestly like I slept in my trunk it's it's totally fine like I took so many Xanax like in
Soma that like and I was like look I'm the only one allowed to suck I can't I don't have the
patience for somebody else that sucks in my life but uh but but you know nice seeing you I guess
um it was uh whenever I would go home um and uh you know I'd pull up my front of my mom's house
or my grandma's house
and my mom would come out to greet me or whatever
and I'd have the pillow back there
but I had thrown the blankets and shit in the trunk or whatever
she was like why do you have a pillow in the backseat of your car
and I was like well
I stayed over
at a friend's i'm like 20 years old like i'm like it's like the first thing i was like i stay i just
staying over to friends and she's like you just brought a pillow well i was like she was like
okay like in my head i was like there's no way she believes that.
Like, I remember thinking, like, that was the best you could come up with on the spot.
You sleep over it.
Like, what am I?
Like, she probably thought I was gay.
Like, it's just like, what is, you know, what is it more likely?
No, no, don't worry.
I eat pussy back there. Yeah, don't worry.
Like, I put the pillow under the pussy zone like you're a professional, I guess, you know.
And then, you know. Yeah. Like, I put the pillow under the pussy zone like you're a professional, I guess, you know? And then I, you know.
Yeah, I have the, that pillow, it's actually, that pillowcase is actually full of tampons.
Yeah.
All different sizes.
And if you start bleeding in here, babe, don't even worry because I got every size.
Call my mom, babe.
Oh, it's your mom?
Yeah, I really got to start paying more attention on here.
Don't worry, baby.
I got all the time.
Fucking nasty, dude.
Yeah, man.
I was kind of zoned out for a while there.
That's all right, dude.
It's okay.
I don't blame you.
I got everything you said.
You know, there's some people that don't have anything to say,
and there's no need to mess up a good story.
Yeah.
I kind of like.
I'm like, I got the one thing to say here.
Yeah.
And then it's accidentally about.
This is the worst thing I could say.
Well, you know.
Just tell her my grown mom at like 20 years old that I have a pillowcase filled with tampons.
Just for her.
Just for you, mama.
I love you.
Hey, you know, I know your baby boy's fucked up a lot, you know, with the drugs and the
drinking.
I got you a fucking pillowcase full of tampons.
But, you know, to make amends, mama, you know, I'm doing good.
pillowcase full of tampons.
But, you know, to make amends, mama,
you know, I'm doing good.
I got you a big old, like,
Egyptian cotton pillowcase filled with maxi pads and tampons, mama.
Because I'm eating... You can bleed as much
as you want here.
Because, you know, your son's
eating. I work at fucking Joe's
Crab Shack now, and, you know,
if I'm eating... Open the glove box.
It's got soap bars in there
use them oh yeah open the glove compartment open the middle compartment toothbrush toothpaste
you know floss just in a fight i get that summer's eve shit you
fucking wash your fucking coochie with whatever the fuck everything you need
oh fuck fucking god damn it dude yeah
oh man that's so awesome dude uh that's great
do you remember when that used to be like one of the main viral things, though?
It was like, guys, have this kit ready for in case you have a hookup.
And it was like makeup stuff and like tampons and like moisturizers and stuff.
It's like I don't know how much casual sex these guys are having, but...
It's like a put-on for the internet.
It's like those videos of those guys,
and they're making their apartments nice with plants,
and there's dangly shit everywhere,
and they're primming their fucking sheets and shit.
I'm like, this is not what guys...
The guys don't do this.
So this is clearly a thing.
You're posting this, and then a girl comments,
you know, oh my God, I love your apartment your apartment and you're like you want to come over i have moisturizer and retinol and
fucking face creams and shit you know it's like it's like peacocking i think for a certain type
of dude you know not that they're even getting pussy or whatever it's like dude you can get
shawty don't want that moisturizer she She want that demon pipe. Yeah. Here's the thing.
Listen, if you're a young gun out there and you're struggling, let me tell you, you can have a mattress on the floor, no sheets.
You can stink to high heaven and have no money.
Okay.
Speaking from experience, as my life has been when I was in a younger man, you lay that
demon pipe.
You don't have to have anything in your life.
You don't got to have shit, man.
You don't. You can kill one of her friends.
Yeah, you can hit her with your car.
She does it, you know.
You just figure out how to make it fucking go banana mode on it.
You all right, Thomas?
Yeah, what do you mean?
Do I say something?
I'm sick too, man.
I got a little respiratory thing.
It's not COVID, I think, but...
I need to grab something real quick.
Yeah, go for it.
Anyway, young guns, if you're out there,
don't watch all the TikToks or whatever,
or the Instagrams or any of the posts,
you know, from the alpha guys, all right?
Don't worry about hitting the gym gym don't worry about crypto don't
worry about investments don't worry about even getting a good paying job okay um what you're
really going to need to be focused on uh is just sort of being like uh like a dirty kind of uh
aloof idiot um and uh you don't have to have any of that.
You can find yourself a nice lady.
All manner of women all over the world.
It really throws a wrench in the incel philosophy.
Absolutely love a guy who looks like he's about to die.
Who looks like he, you know, there's nothing left for him.
And his room smells like ass cheeks and you know he's
got like gunk under his nails guys like that fucking slay and not in like the Yas Queen way
they've like in the in like the the fucking American Pie Steve Stifler type way you feel me
so again it's important to understand that if you're looking to court a
nice lady the worse you look uh and kind of the more fucking how do i say this the worse you look
the dumber you are uh you know the the worse your car stinks, if you have sweat stains on the armpits of all your T-shirts,
if your jeans are covered in various like food, like sauces and creams, greases, also key.
You're going to want to have, though, very important.
Listen, you're going to want to have one nice button up.
That's for date night.
It's a very critical part of this sort of lifestyle, okay?
Don't waste money at the gym.
Don't waste your money on crypto.
Don't get a car you can't afford.
Don't get an apartment you can't afford.
Get a shitty fucking apartment.
Put a goddamn lawn chair in the living room and a flat screen TV.
That's all a man fucking needs with all your gaming consoles, okay?
Put your mattress on the fucking floor in the bedroom, all right?
That's fine.
Put your mattress on the fucking floor in the bedroom, all right?
That's fine.
Save all the rest of your money for beer, cigarettes, Adderall, and weed,
mushrooms, and if, you know, time to time, maybe a little cocaine.
And you're going to meet a lady, okay?
Now, here's the thing, you know, are you going to, you know,
you're not going to get with a Dallas debutante who's looking to money dig.
Okay.
That's, you know, leave the crypto. The crypto bros can have them.
They're annoying anyway.
They got no good life stories.
They fucking don't.
They look like Stepford Wives.
They don't look real.
All their shit's fucked up.
You know, they have fucking.
They clearly have some sort of a mental and emotional disorder that's irredeemable.
But you can find a nice lady that works in
the library, uh, or she works at like a coffee shop, uh, or, you know, she works at the DMV,
uh, you know, uh, maybe she works at a methadone clinic, those types of ladies,
and those types of ladies, uh, typically will take pretty good care of you,
especially if you're like a sickly, stinky little worm, which is what we're going for here again. Um, and you're probably
thinking, you know, why would I take advice from you? Uh, you're a podcaster. Uh, you are kind of
a fucking shithead. Uh, you know, you're not funny. I hate you. Uh, well, you know, I have had four girlfriends in my life. And I so I think I
can provide some pretty decent feedback on this issue. And for most of my life, I've been a
absolute stinky loser. So if you're out there, you can trust me on this. All right, I'm an
authority on the subject. I never cleaned my apartment. Well, I do now because I have a
girlfriend and she lives with me. But when I was a single man, I never cleaned my apartment. Well, I do now because I have a girlfriend and she lives with me.
But when I was a single man, I never cleaned my apartment once.
Barely ever cleaned my car out.
Showered once every two or three weeks.
Okay.
You know, never really brushed my teeth.
Was never really into all that.
Let me see.
What else we got?
Car sucked.
Job sucked.
Life sucked.
The big three.
And I still made it work.
Basically, all you need is tenacity.
And as Thomas said, I do not know what Thomas is doing.
He might be dying.
But all you got to do is you just got to go in there and you got to lay pipe down like a demon.
And every now and then wear a nice shirt.
You know, it's all you got to do.
You got to fucking.
You just got to be a true, you know, a true sick fucking animal and a dog and a fucking, a real piece of shit.
And that'll take you pretty fucking far in life.
Or it won't.
Or you'll die alone and nothing other than good will ever happen to you. But a lot of people, basically the, you know,
the, what word am I looking for here?
The main part of existence
for 98% of people on planet Earth
is just, you know,
one consistent tragedy after another.
But if you have enough of them,
it can make you an interesting person.
It can make you interesting enough.
Excuse me. It can make you interesting enough that you can have cool stories to tell.
You can have cool. If your life goes to shit so bad, usually that's when the coolest shit
happens to you. Now, a lot of that cool shit is like near death experiences or like almost
getting assaulted, uh, or almost getting like, uh, you know, killed or robbed or, you know, you see a guy die or, you know, you see a friend die or, you know, somebody overdoses that you love.
But all of those things, that's like if there's one thing that people love in America, it's like a redemption arc.
You know, all the reality TV shows are always looking for trauma porn.
You know, all the big movies stars shows are always looking for trauma porn. Uh, you know,
all the big movies, the best movies are about it. Everybody's looking for redemption arc. So if you want to let your life go to fucking dog shit, uh, in order to make yourself a sort of
more interesting person, uh, I cannot, uh, you know, cannot personally recommend it, but you
know, it, it might work for you. Uh, you're going to want to ensure that you're around, but, you know, it might work for you. You're going to want to ensure that you're around, you know, a lot of, I guess, ne'er-do-wells, people whose society have neglected, people who neglect themselves.
And then you'll get into all sorts of shenanigans and fun stuff.
You might rob a guy.
That's always a fun story.
You know, you might, uh, uh, you might get robbed. I got jumped and mugged. That's a pretty funny
story to tell nowadays. Uh, and, uh, once you get all those cool stories and cool experiences,
uh, it might make you a very bitter and miserable guy, or it might make you a super cool and sort of like a ha ha guy.
You know, think about all the cool guys from all the cool movies.
Do you think Fonzie had a good life?
No.
Do you think that you think Jeffrey Dahmer had a good life?
No, you don't want to be like him.
You want to be like Fonzie.
You want to be cool.
So just let a bunch of bad shit happen to you. If you don't have any friends and you don't
live a life that you think you want, don't get alone and invest in a bunch of crypto.
Don't go to the gym. Don't start drinking drink a lot, a lot of more alcohol and drink a lot more caffeine.
And kind of, you know, maybe go to the thrift store and look for big stained and stinky shirts
and let a bunch of bad shit happen to you and see where life takes you see where see where the world takes you i remember i remember when i was a young man and i uh i was thinking you know how can i
how can i you know uh make more friends and so i would just uh be like yeah yeah whatever what
we're gonna go do we're gonna go uh you know eat a bunch of viking and hang out in the park absolutely i
would love to do that you know like oh do you want to go swimming in the pond in the park and i'm
like isn't there water moccasins in here and fucking alligators and they're like yeah there's
a lot of them uh and i was like hell yeah that sounds fucking sick as fuck i do not care i'm on
pain pills and so me and a couple of my buddies we went over to this uh park and near where about
30 minutes where i grew up in Houston.
And there's a big sign that said, don't swim in here.
And we were like, oh, you know what?
There's a lot of signs everywhere.
And we stripped down to our underwear and, you know, we're drinking, hanging out.
And it's fucking middle of summer.
So it's real nice and hot and real nice and stinky.
It's like a swamp, which, you know, is really also really good for all the critters that come in and out of there and take a deep big deep dip in the pool and uh you know the drugs are really kicking and the beer's kicking in and i'm fucking having
a grand old time in this pond there's a lot of like scum on the surface of the water but i don't
really give too much of a fuck about that you know when you got opiates in your belly and beer in your liver
you don't really care too much and my buddy is standing on the dock it was not really a dock
it was more like a walkway with a thing that we climbed over and he's just kind of stone-faced
and he's pointing out into the distance uh and i'm trying to make out like what he's pointing at and so i turn around uh and there
is sure enough like a little uh i guess it was like a i don't know it was some sort of fucked
up looking snake thing sort of swimming towards us in the water it i don't know if it was a gar
or a little l i don't know but it did not look like it intended to do anybody,
uh,
any good type of,
uh,
treatment.
It didn't look like it intended to give anybody a hug or any type of,
uh,
you know,
like it was probably more of a nimble and probably involved something,
uh,
like its teeth,
uh,
or venom.
If it had it,
I don't remember exactly what it was because the memory was a little foggy.
And kind of had like a Jaws moment, you know?
But sometimes that stuff happens.
Hey, what's up, Thomas?
I can't hear you.
Hello, Jake.
Is your audacity still going?
Everything good?
Yeah.
Swag.
Awesome, man.
Did you have a nice trip uh to la la la la dick sucking
there we go tame that asthma baby that was just um
yeah that's so good nice uh what have you been talking about i was giving dating advice and then
i told a story about how i went to a pond or like a lake in a park in houston with a bunch of friends
we were all high and uh i don't remember if it was an alligator or some sort of snake or something
but uh it started swimming towards us and we all freaked out and i threw up in the lake and then
i had a panic attack because i either almost got bitten by a snake or eaten by an alligator.
I don't remember what it was, but I just remember it was swimming kind of towards us.
That was about it.
The dating advice was mostly be a stinky loser, piece of shit, kind of like what we were talking
about.
And, you know, don't invest in crypto.
Don't go to the gym.
You know.
Right.
Just be a guy with a mattress on the floor
who eats ramen out of it in his bed and has crumbs on him all the time that'll usually get you to
where you need to be yeah how are you doing oh yeah i'm good i'm just i've been here the whole
time obviously you look and you sound probably like the healthiest I've ever seen or heard.
Yeah, I mean, energy-wise, it's probably my peak.
Yeah.
I would say so.
Yeah.
I would say, too, that you sound like you can breathe super well. Yeah. I would say, too, that you sound like you can breathe super well.
Yeah.
If there's one thing I can do right now, well, it's inhale and exhale.
You were ripping that stick pretty hard before you.
Not really.
I haven't really been hitting it as much.
Really? Yeah. Do you think you should be hitting it at all if you have asthma they need to make a combo uh vape and asthma
inhaler uh for the real sickest motherfuckers that are around you know what i'm saying yeah honestly i could probably just start
hitting an inhaler like a vape and it would like it was ebo yeah it would like deal with that part
of my brain for me hell yeah because i've just been i've been chewing gum last few days and it
like it works the same for me really yeah i'm still addicted to nicotine, obviously, but I've been hitting it
like 75% less.
I've tried the gum thing
and that only works
for a couple days
and then my body
realized something is amiss.
I mean, it does
after like an hour,
but I'm able to like
stave it off or whatever.
That's encouraging.
But you'll be alright, man.
Yeah.
Your body's super sturdy.
Yeah.
I'm made out of iron.
That was actually the first asthma attack I've had in a long time.
That wasn't like, well, I say that.
It wasn't.
But it's been like, ah, fuck.
Physically debilitating or whatever?
Yeah.
I have like six inhalers and i it's like two of them are
empty and then like somehow like half of them ended up in my shed so i just had to destroy
the whole house looking for an inhaler and then walked into the shed and i had one just in a little
bag with some copper scrap so basically you're just like living in a saw trap that you've built for yourself.
Yeah.
That's okay.
I thought I tore my ACL earlier, but then it just went away.
I'll put it like that.
I just laid down for like five minutes and I got up and it was normal.
Okay.
Yeah, that shit happens to me all the time where my hip would pop.
I almost texted my boss to tell him that I would have to take it easy tomorrow.
I'm really glad I didn't because I'm going to be walking entirely normal.
Yeah, I've had similar shit happen to me before.
Your body betrays you, but it's like a joke.
It's like, ha ha.
Hee hee.
Hee hee.
I'm just kidding.
I thought I broke my elbow and it turned out I just hit my phony bone really hard like
a month ago.
I'm glad I didn't tell people that I thought it was broken.
I thought I was being super brave and then the next day it didn't even hurt.
Yeah.
Except for the part that I like rammed into the side of a trailer really hard on like
a little corner thing.
Anyway.
I think this was right before we started doing the show.
I felt like such a fucking
Pussy
I think it was when we were like
Playing video games or whatever
I went to the fucking
My right arm was like twitching
And it hurt really bad
And my hands were numb
And my fucking chest was hurting
And my fucking heart was going insane
And I was like
I'm having a heart attack and uh i was like
damn why now i had probably drank like 25 white claw the night before uh but uh you know whatever
and i go to the doctor and i was just fully expecting like to be there for a while because
i drove myself to the er at like two in 2 in the morning with, like, a fucking...
I had all the symptoms or whatever.
And I get there, and they, like, run my, you know...
My pulse was a little high.
My blood pressure was a little high.
They put an EKG machine on me, and I'm fine.
And the guy, like, walks in, and he's, like, got a mask.
This is, like, hot COVID era's like hot covid era mask on face mask
fucking big clear shield and uh he's like you ever a panic attack before and in that moment
i feel like such a pussy that i was like because i have had them before but never like that
and i was like no bro i was having a heart attack because i was like did you just drive yourself to
the er at two in the morning?
You got a little panicky?
Like, do you need to get a pair of panties on the way home?
Like, do you need a little dolly?
Like, do you need to get a fucking blankie?
And I was like, no, man, my arm, you know, it was crazy.
Like, my arm was hurting.
All the symptoms were heart attack, and he was just sitting there shaking his head,
and he's like, you did not have a heart attack.
He was like, panic attacks mimic every single symptom of a heart attack and he was just sitting there shaking his head and he's like you did not have a heart attack he was like panic attacks mimic every single symptom of a heart attack the only difference is you don't die at the end and i was like okay cormac mccarthy like it's
like all right thanks you know fucking angela's ashes motherfucker uh and uh yeah it's always i
hate getting i hate when my body tricks me into thinking something really bad happened, but it's just being soft.
Yeah, it only happens to you.
Yeah, you're, like I said, you're the paragon pinnacle of.
Yeah, I've never really had an issue, period.
Period.
On period, Seth. I've never had anything that happened
it's the way the asthma jumped out for me it's giving asthma attack yeah my lungs are serving
pussy right now it's uh i'm i'm i'm serving albuterol right now.
Steroids.
I am taking a mild steroid right now.
It's giving... It's giving Ventolin.
It's giving...
It's the nebulizer for me.
It's the nebulizer for me.
Anyway.
I'm trying to think of more phrases,
and I don't think I have any more of those.
I'm trying to.
The it's giving, it's the blank for me, the blank jumped out.
Not me having an asthma attack.
Oh, yeah, not me having an asthma attack.
Not my white.
And dying in my shed.
Not my white mayo ass having an asthma attack.
And dying.
With dying holding your inhaler, but it was too late.
What else we got?
I think that's about it.
I think that's about it.
I don't care to dig that hole too deep.
Yeah, that's okay.
Would you...
You got anything cool going on tomorrow
Tomorrow's gonna be a Friday
Tomorrow's Thursday
When the episode comes out
Tomorrow's Thursday
Think ahead
Yeah think ahead
The episode comes out Thursday
Which is today
No
Today's Wednesday
Tomorrow
I know it's tomorrow
But that's when the episode comes out
Right
So we have to talk about tomorrow like it's Friday, which it is.
Okay.
Yeah, you're right.
But for today, it's, yeah, it's pretty much the brains of the operation.
Yeah, for sure.
Mike, this weekend.
Yeah, this weekend is Ashley's birthday.
We're going to Canyon Lake to do some cliff jumping.
15 years old. Yeah, yeah. I Ashley's birthday. We're going to Canyon Lake to do some cliff jumping. Fifteen years old.
Yeah, yeah.
I remember when she was.
She's, well, no, she started in college, so she's 18.
It's all right.
That's good.
It's okay, man.
You know, I met her when she was, how long have we been together?
I met her when she was 14.
That's good.
And she was...
That's a good time to meet a wife.
And a lot of people nowadays will disagree with you on that.
In most parts of the world, it's a great time to meet a wife.
You know?
Powerful countries with robust economies.
When you look at attractiveness in terms of data,
it's really weird how people graph data it's weird yeah i would because you would have an x and a y right so i guess
attractiveness would be what probably on the y-axis okay yeah yeah and then what would be on the X-axis? What would you have on the X-axis?
If you were to choose a set of terms.
Probably intelligence.
Intelligence.
Intelligence.
Yeah. That's a good one.
There's a thing, though.
I feel like intelligence is another Y-axis thing.
No. Unless you go off IQ
That's something
Maybe you could do IQ ranges
Maybe
Average intelligence is based on IQ ranges
But if the IQ is as they say
Yeah
A racist
Program developed by
I believe Adolf Hitler.
Yeah.
In a video IQ.
And it stood for...
I'm quickly...
I'm queer.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
It stood for I'm queer.
I'm gay Hitler.
I'm...
It was IGH, but, you know, gerbils and and goring got with him and they were like we
got to change the messaging up here um you want to know what i'm sipping on what are you sipping
on big bubble i'm sipping on sun wink it's a sparkling tonic and the flavor is hibiscus mint
unwind isn't that nice?
What makes it a tonic?
Is it like... It's sparkly water.
It is crafted with hibiscus mint and ashwagandha,
known to refresh and relax.
Do you feel refreshed and relaxed?
Yeah, it's really helping me.
It's just...
You know, sweetened with maple syrup
That's good and natural, you know
This stuff is changing my life, man
It's really turning things around for me
I'm on the upside now
I'm on that good cushion as we're going to
I got some hibiscus I can drink.
Got my albuterol and ashwood drink.
I drink this drinky drink even though it stinks.
Yep.
Long as my son Wink loves me.
I'm going to drink my sparkling tonic long as my son Wink is yummy.
Just let me know on that one, guys guys If you think that's a quality breath
Get back with me
Let us know what you think
Let us know how it goes
Let us know what you're thinking
Make him say
Make him say, uh. Make him say, uh.
If you want to dance at the asthma party, you better bring your bride.
Because when you're done with the asthma party, your lungs are going to be real wide.
And if your lungs are really wide,, you'd love to breathe It's time to get up on your asthma feet
And do the asthma tease
Hell yeah, I love that.
That's really cool, man.
Dude, you seem
concerningly fatigued.
No, I'm feeling pretty perked up, man.
I had a really good day.
Nothing bad happened to me today.
God.
I love to hear that.
But, you know, we all can't be physically broken like you are all the time.
I'm not physically broken.
You are.
You're broken.
I'm very intact.
I'm exceptionally.
I'm in really good shape right now.
You're in pretty good shape.
I'll give you that.
I'm in the best shape of your life.
Yeah.
Both of ours, probably.
But, you know, you have asthma.
I'm not even in the best shape of my own life, let alone yours.
That's okay.
It's been worse.
I tried to give you something, and wanted i was here i was you're
like for the record i'm lying yeah no if you tell me this is the best shape of my life i'm gonna
kill you i used to look like a goddamn god and that's okay we'll get back to it at some point
yeah i just have to you know i just have to have everything crash down again i mean yeah
we were like thomas wow how'd you how'd you get big well i was on house arrest so
it's very easy anyway whatever well you know it's funny that we had a we had a solid run you know
it was good and then you know i got my shit irs shit you got your shit i feel like me and you were
in a bulking era you know i feel like this is when me and you get we just we hit the fucking iron
things are we were at the top of the roller
coaster now we're at the bottom and that's when we get fucking yoked we get on fucking we start
running tests you know and i get a test you can run right here and it's how to be smart all right
let's hear let's hear the questions number one how are you smart? I can read. Number two.
Oh, by the way, the correct answer was A.
And the number for A was I can read.
And you got it correct.
There we go.
Yay!
Wee!
Yay!
Number two, how far can you read?
Seven.
The correct answer is seven. Let's all right class it's time for number three
are you so smart that you can make a football out of math? Yeah. Two twos, and you turn them inside to each other,
and that's a football.
Yes, you got it right, Jake.
You're super smart.
Yay.
You're the smartest guy in the class.
We love you, Jake.
We love you.
Yay. Yay. You're so smart You're so smart
Yes
You're so smart
I love you.
You know, some people learn a lot from near-death experiences, but I think the most important thing you can draw from something like that
is that Trader Joe's really needs to start just having, like,
Is it Trader Joe's really needs to start just having like one truck that goes to every store and it brings the organic pitted medjool dates to every single store in the country.
I don't disagree with you at all.
What if we had a truck just for the dates and that guy was always on top of his shit. Because it seems like they're throwing other shit like tangerines and motherfucking kumquats and jackfruit and shit in there.
How about my goddamn dates?
It's not that exotic and they're dry.
You don't even got to get them wet.
Tell him.
Tell him, Tom.
Let's hear him, Tom.
I got some shit to say about my dates. Let's hear it, Tom. I got some shit to say about my dates.
Let's hear it.
I want to be like one of the spray tan motivational speakers on Instagram.
That's what you see ads for.
But all the advice is just like,
at Trader Joe's,
they should have a guy who delivers the dates every day.
To your house.
And you can munch on him if you'd like as soon as he delivers them.
Like in the store.
And you can say, mmm, oh, these are so good.
Tasty little treat for my tummy-tum.
And the employees are going to say, damn, that's one ice
cold motherfucker. I'm going to say,
he be eating his snacks while he's in
his stall? Yeah.
Is it...
Yeah, Chris Tucker should work at
Trader Joe's. Chris Tucker and Cat Williams work at
Trader Joe's.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
What are you doing this week? If Chris Tucker worked at Trader Joe's
It would be called
Trade Your Kids
Yeah cause he
To trafficking
Yeah trade your children
That's my political statement of the day
Yeah we're the Epstein podcast
Yeah we basically kind of run the whole conspiracy
Game right now
Yeah everybody knows that the CIA did
Did you guys know that the The CIA did Did you guys know that the
The CIA did
Did you guys know that the
Freaking 9-11 were the inside dog
Donald Wumsfeld
He was in
Moving money
Did you know about Henry Kissinger
Henry Kissinger killed so many Chinese guys
In Cambodia
Did you know about
Alan Dole?
Alan Dole, he smoked a pipe.
And he was
the Nazi.
He helped the Nazis.
Oh, no.
I don't want to be mean.
You know.
He was
a scary guy.
I get scared when I think about whitening.
I get scared.
I thought you said something else for a second and I didn't.
It doesn't matter.
Um, but, uh, yeah, I'm sorry you get scared when you see whitening.
Um, yeah, I get a little scared when you turn the camera on.
Yeah.
Because of all the – because of the tone of your skin.
Let me know on that one, Jake.
I think we're on the same
I think we yeah I thought
I thought you said something I was gonna have to bleep
and I don't know why
but
you didn't
you just said lightning and a baby accent
and so we're all good
yeah baby accent
ow
ow
my butt my butt hurts I need to get a new chair So we're all good. Yeah. Baby action. Ow. Ow. Ow.
My butt.
My butt hurts.
I need to get a new chair.
This one is just, it hurts.
I still feel bad that I was like riffing about five foot five dickhead bosses.
And then your boss was that when we were at the Fort Worth show.
No, he's taller than that.
This is okay.
Yeah.
He was fucking around.
Yeah. taller than that this is okay yeah he was fucking around yeah uh i was thinking the other day
uh he reminded me of uh like not in his demeanor but uh i had this boss at this restaurant i worked
at called abel's on the lake in austin and uh fucking uh he was no nonsense dude like literally
like one of those guys that was like during like shift meet i get to kitchen everybody's fucking he was no nonsense, dude. Like, literally, like,
one of those guys that was, like,
during, like, shift meetings.
Like, it's a kitchen.
Everybody's fucking coked up or on pills or drunk.
Like, it's not, you know.
And nobody wants to fucking be there.
Everybody's hungover or whatever.
And he was like,
all right, stay.
We're going to own our day.
All right?
We're going to own our day.
And we're going to...
He wasn't like the Joe's Crab Shack,
like, ex-cop guy. But he was like, you know, whenever day you wake up, you make a choice if you're going to own our day and we're going to he wasn't like the Joe's Crab Shack, like ex-cop guy.
But he was like, you know, whenever day you wake up, you make a choice if you're going to have a day at work or not.
You know, he didn't did not like funny business. He's about five, five, you know, fucking little wiry amped up motherfucker.
Anyway. He would always bitch at us for like eating dead food.
We would work fucking long double shifts, dude, in the heat.
And fucking, you know, kitchen's hot, outside's hot, whatever.
And so, but he would always go back behind the fucking,
to the Mexican cook guys, Hispanic cook guys,
and he ate the same fucking thing.
His shift meal that he would not pay for,
fucking hypocrite piece of shit,
was the chicken fried chicken with brown gravy and fucking big thing of mashed potatoes and a big thing of green green
beans and uh he had like had one day he had like a particularly bad meltdown and was like fired a
couple people and was like we need to write this shit because this restaurant ain't running blah
blah blah blah and a big fucking you know and uh so me and a couple me and
a line cook that i was friends was like hey man let's get this guy to maybe kill himself i mean
like all right we just we were just want to fuck with him so what we did was we we took a stack of
paper towels the brown ones that you'd find in the bathroom uh like restaurants and shit and we
fucking battered the fuck out of it made a real nice egg batter and fucking corn starch spices the whole nine yards and uh we deep fried it and then we like
got like some dough like we made it look like chicken fried chicken okay and um got his mashed
potatoes you know did everything else right pretty. But the chicken fried chicken was fucking deep fried paper towels.
And, you know, I knock on the door.
I'm like, hey, Matt, the guys made your shift meal early.
I know you're busy, so they just wanted to help you out or whatever.
And you're having a rough one.
And he was like, oh, all right, well, I appreciate that.
We'll just leave it right there.
And their office where you'd go to like run your checkout or whatever
and like get your money
for the end of the night
literally like the size
of a broom closet
it just had a printer in there
that like printed out
like
like receipts
and all of our fucking
information and shit
just like an old printer
and then a desktop
and I drop it off
and I'm like
alright you know
I can't wait around
it's gonna make it look suspicious or whatever.
So like I go to the other end of the kitchen, which was right next to the car, like 10 feet
from the fucking main office.
And I'm just shining the line where we put all the hot food and I'm really not, I'm doing
it to see his reaction or to hear it, I guess.
Cause I can kind of see through the glass door and, uh, like five minutes goes by and
I'm like, what the motherfucker's not eating his food?
He's probably fucking working.
And I keep like looking at the line cooks.
And they're like, you know, we haven't heard anything.
And then like right when I was about to be like, you know what?
I got to go do some shit.
I got to go check on a table.
I just hear, fuck!
Like just the loudest fucking laugh.
Fuck!
And then I hear, pfft.
And we all fucking start dying and he fucking comes out,
dude.
And he's holding the fucking chicken fried chicken with a bite taken out of it.
And it's got the brown paper towel.
He said,
dude,
he fucking like,
he didn't cut,
I guess he just like grabbed it with a fork and went like caveman mode on
it.
Cause he didn't like cut into it.
He just, and just cut it. And he was like, just started a fork and went like caveman mode on it because he didn't like cut into it he just and just cut it and he was like just started you motherfuckers are done and i see
behind him i'm looking at the office i was wondering what the crash was he punched the
printer i guess so hard it just broke into a bunch of pieces he hit the printer so fucking hard
did it dude it looked like he disassembled it. Like, the fucking, like, the screen was all fucked up and the fucking, like, all the paper was everywhere.
And, like, the little compartment, like, that door flew off.
It was, like, on the floor.
And he was like, who the fucking, who?
I fucking bust my ass.
Y'all fuck up all day.
Y'all fucking post some stupid shit like this.
I fucking can't anymore.
And, like, I like i'm like all right
about so i like i walk in half the restaurant like because the kitchen like kind of sits next to like
the bar seating area and like everybody at the bar is just looking into the kitchen now because
he's in the kitchen like again five four five five this dude just you know fucking going ham and he's he's still holding the fucking he was like
it's like his evidence he was like which one of you fucking pieces of shit or whatever and
finally the line cook was like hey man you know it's just it's just a joke bro like
you know we wanted to lighten your mood up a little bit or whatever and he was like i'm gonna
i'm gonna kick your fucking ass motherfucker like threatening him and uh this line cook's like you know he wasn't like swole but he was like he's
a line cook he's fat he's covered in tattoos he's not someone to fuck with he's not even particularly
good at fighting he just has like his health bar is really long yeah he could withstand damage
he's a fucking line cook he's you know he's a berser. He's like an orc. And he's like, man, it's a joke, man, but you better chill the fuck out or whatever.
And he's like, no, I fucking, you know, get the fuck out.
He's trying to fire him or whatever.
And he's like, all right, man, you know what?
I'll go home.
Fuck you or whatever.
And, you know, he like still holding the fucking chicken fried chicken,
and I'd hang out, I'd hung out with this Lion King guy a couple times before.
His name's Joey.
He's just fucking, you know, and funny motherfucker.
Anyway, on the way out the door,
I had, like, walked back in to, like, act like I was getting some food
because I wanted to see the dramas going on,
and on the way out, like, of the kitchen, he, like, turns turns to Matt and he goes, hey, man, are you going to finish that?
Because he was still holding the fucking chicken.
He goes, ah!
He fucking like threw it down on the ground.
He was like, hey, man, I was just I worked really hard on that.
I just want to know if you're going to finish it, because if not, you know, I probably was going to box it up and take it home.
He's like like get the
fuck get fired get fuck anyway yeah he just walked out or whatever i never saw him again but that
fucking the rest i had like six more hours left in my shift dude because i was pulling a double
and uh yeah he was like dude he like quit like three weeks later i think that was just a little
too much for his small body to handle but it just reminded me of him because it was like the there's just the funniest thing in the world
is like he he looked cool but like funniest type of guy to be as a boss isn't because i've had
plenty of short jacked bosses guys who get little man syndrome and they're just like i need to put
up 350 i'm like myself you know but a boss that's like a buck 25 and also short, it's like, man, you got to do something.
You need to get fat.
I've had short, fat bosses.
You can't just be like a little – you can't have the frame of a 10-year-old.
I can't – I don't respect you like at all.
Like the primal part of my brain, like I don't see you as like a superior.
I see you as a guy who I could easily kill or whatever.
Yeah, that's understandable.
I mean, my boss is physically stronger than me.
Does he just have workman strength or whatever?
Well, he did powerlifting in high school.
No, I'm not talking about the guy with the beard.
I'm talking about the shorter guy with the long hair that I was standing across from.
Yeah, him.
Oh, yeah.
No, he didn't have a...
I'm not talking about the bearded guy.
Oh, is that the owner?
The long beard guy was one of the owners,
and then the shorter guy
who also had a little beard and...
Yeah, scruff and longer hair.
He's one of the other owners.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Oh, you're talking about the little guys.
He just looked wiry. Yeah, he pulled like 450 in high school that rocks yeah he does not
look like he looks like he's fucking skinny but i mean he might just be one of those like no he's
he's shredded dude oh that's crazy but he i mean he just like hangs out yeah i mean he doesn't
you know he's it's just like like workman no, I mean, he does mechanic work and shit.
Yeah, that's cool.
Anyway, you know. It would be funny if this was like the one episode he listened to
and he's like, I pulled more than 450.
I don't know.
He texts you tomorrow and he's like, hey, don't come in.
You're like, what did I do?
And he's like, I pulled 550.
All right.
I pulled 555.
Okay.
They're good guys, though.
They're awesome. They were super guys, too. They're awesome.
They were super, like, whenever you're, like, there's, like, palpable energy whenever there's, like, that many, like, you know, I guess, like, you go into a, like, because I guess they just stood out in terms of, like, who was there.
Because you have, like, guys in Hawaiian shirts that are, like, what's up?
And then, you know, you just have, like have guys that you'd see at a dive bar.
I'm like, oh, okay.
Those are probably Thomas' coworkers or whatever.
Yeah, no, they're out to show.
Yeah, they were cool as fuck.
If you want to see the show, you can go and get some tickets.
It's Pendejo time at Creek and Cave on June 24th, 7 and 9.
If you want.
We have two shows coming up.
Please come see us.
We want to see you guys.
We're getting some merch made.
We're going to do some robot song.
We're going to do some fucking joking jokes.
We got some comics and really funny dudes
that I got to open up for us.
We got two confirmed.
Mr. Danny Goodwin, Mr. Mike Eaton.
Very funny comics in Austin.
Mike's got a podcast,
Giggle Boys. Go check that motherfucker out.
Yes, sir.
We're going to be there June 24th at Creek in the Cave, 7 and 9.
Tickets are online.
$20. I got the link in my bio
on Instagram.
I posted the link on Twitter.
Go snag those if you're in the Austin
I don't know if you mentioned we will have merch there
I'm getting some
Pandejo Time t-shirts made
So feel free to grab some of that
When you're into town
Alright
Bye