Pendejo Time - Big Tom's Radio Hour

Episode Date: April 4, 2025

Jake's out of town so I had to work a little magic. Tune in next week for some special guests! Check us out on YT, IG, Twitter etc and go to Drunk Uncle's shows while they're on tour. T...his episode sponsored by MyBookie.https://www.mybookie.ag/Support the show

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 How's it going everybody? Welcome back to another week of Pendejo Time, your favorite podcast. Hopefully, or you know, probably your top 15 to 20 podcasts. I am your co-host Thomas White. I have got to say, so Jake is on tour for the next couple weeks, and we wish him the best if you are In the root of any of his shows go to those drunk uncle great band I Am a little under the weather today unfortunately, so I do I can't talk for very long at once But I so I'm gonna try to do like a radio show type thing where I break it up into some segments. I can't do any songs on this one. I tried to and I'm having an interface issue so I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna try to do some cool songs next week but doing what we can for right now so Jake
Starting point is 00:01:06 isn't on this one but we still had a lot of fun cooking up some of this stuff so I just sort of wanted to do a little intro so you guys didn't sit through you know an hour or whatever it might be of sketches and You know bizarre radio rants and all this and go We're the same ill is my favorite host of Padajo time Jake. He's on the road. He's having a good time And it's no big deal. He'll be back before you know it so Just want to say thank you guys for listening and So just want to say thank you guys for listening and you know every once in a while you'll have a little a week like this where you know it's just old Tom or it's just Jake or whatever
Starting point is 00:01:54 but we make do we still have fun with it and we thank you guys for sticking around. And so without further ado, I would like to, I know you guys wanna get to the main meat of the show, but let's go ahead and go over the weather real quick. So I'm in Brooklyn right now, 67 degrees and precipitation, 0% humidity is 76 so you might want to wear a hat if you got hair that gets frizzy keep that in mind. Wind 11 miles per hour not a big deal unless you're a lizard or rodent something like that. Might have some rain on this Saturday and Sunday so keep that in mind.
Starting point is 00:02:46 Temperatures are gonna start, they're holding steady right now. Highs in the 60s, lows in the 50s, but this weekend it's gonna get a little cooler and going into next week Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday we're looking at lows in the 30s, highs in the 40s and 50s So keep a jacket with you in case it gets too cold when you start getting really chilly That can be really uncomfortable So I just wanted to keep that in mind if you're not in Brooklyn. I'm sorry. I can't do all of the Can't do all the neighborhoods and areas or you guys who get really mad at me So without further ado, I'm gonna go ahead and kick it to this radio thing
Starting point is 00:03:28 I've been trying to cook up all day and I think we're gonna have a real nice time with that Once again, thank you for all the listeners I full disclosure have Been taking a lot of binaural today, so I don't really know what all What all is on the show today? What isn't so? If anything is incriminating or anything like that Just pretend that jake was on this episode And instead of me saying and instead of me saying anything bad pretend that jake was was on and it was only Jake and I was gone. Same case for if this ends up sucking ass.
Starting point is 00:04:09 Thankfully Jake was on. So without further ado, let's go ahead and start this off. Tired of being rock hard all the time, even when you're not in bed? Even when you're just going to the grocery store you you got a big old bone bone in your pants, try put it away. The new penis softening agent for men of all ages and everybody. It'll, the only product on the market
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Starting point is 00:05:25 right now and put that put that thing away. Put it away is not responsible for anybody's penis still being hard. Put it away is a trademark of trademark of well men from with industries. Put it away may be causing defects. Put it away is not responsible for anybody who likes it and starts checking it because they took put it away put it away is not responsible for any brain cancers or skin cancers develop from taking the product put it away is a green product that is made of a green dye and has a powder in it thank you and we're back with 1050 the whiz the whiz of AM radio
Starting point is 00:06:06 Here with our news. It's Wimberland Cumberland. That's right. That's me and we're back with more blood and microchips Unfortunately, the government is still putting different types of metal into my nacho cheese still putting different types of metal into my nacho cheese, creating an unlikely texture that is driving me up the wall. In the east coast, millions of aliens pouring into the water, creating an incredible taste, but a deadly sensation. With many people knocking on my door now, and several people delivering mail to my neighbors house trying to get me to look out my window so they can shoot me with a
Starting point is 00:06:51 sniper rifle and my other neighbor getting her roof replaced so that her Mexican snipers can kill me when I drive my kids home from work. Several people walking around, getting new dogs so they can walk around and look at my sidewalk because it's their favorite sidewalk, creating multiple diseases put into my spine by the government. Yes, this is your hot news coming straight at ya.
Starting point is 00:07:22 No spin, no bull. For weather, we've got 17 tornadoes in my house creating a mighty stir everywhere I look. Rain coming up from the ground creating a horrible leaking sensation into my floor. And I've got thousands of mice into my home and their eyes are red like that of a camera which makes you think where is the camera. I have torn apart my shower, I have destroyed my wife's toilets, my car has no metal on it. I am tired of everybody trying to put something into my food to create the ultimate disease. But new news from the government this week, President Balthazar Maglidrone has ordered
Starting point is 00:08:12 me dead. Has ordered me killed by the prisoners of this planet, creating a new world order and putting me in my place. I am scum. I am nothing. I am a green slime that is caught under the Emperor's feet. I will be put into my place. I will be placed in a jar. I will be nothing but what he wills. And the cameras in my house have instructed me to tell you this expect a light balmy day tomorrow
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Starting point is 00:10:52 interest that's killed. Last week, 101 people called. Getting ready for a first date and looking for a special spot? Try Nacho Mama's Coffee, the first Jack Black owned coffee shop in Atlanta, with cappuccinos, lattes, finely ground coffee beans, as well as special lattes that are pay homage to his favorite movies. Nacho Libre. Say Lo. Come bring that special someone. But not your kids. Kids can't have no coffee. That's a Jack Black quote probably.
Starting point is 00:12:10 Get your Jack Black ass down here and get some coffee with your little ones. And not your mama's coffee. And we're back with 1050 The Wiz. Breaking, Cory Booker has been stabbed and dragged away by 12 green dinosaur men hunting him down for his his destruction his absolute the absolute damage that he did to the Republican Party. In his an amazing filibuster speech. Seven vampire men dragging Sam Cory Booker out of the Senate floor and stabbing his bald head. Unfortunately, which I do not like, but vampires like that. Vampires enjoy a bald head perfect for biting and I hate
Starting point is 00:13:06 it. There are three vampire families on my street the Walkensons, the Fanders and the Vimness and all three of them take their garbage out at the same time in order to catch me taking my garbage out so they can ask to borrow my lawnmower and then bite my my neck. My neck is amazing and cannot be bitten because I have a special collar for it but due to the bugs that have been put into my phone sometimes I forget to put the collar on. More breaking news from the west coast as Snoop Doggy Dog has tragically passed away in the IDF's official 2025 March surf off. I know it's surprising especially since it's April 3rd, but this is when they have it.
Starting point is 00:14:06 Snoop Doggy Dog D-O-Double G now DEAD. We are all very sad about it. We're also very sad about the 15 Eagles that were shot dead over a canyon in Wyoming today because they were carrying information that Massad needed to have. Also Barack Obama has joined the Navy. He will join to be on the amazing ships to carry him on a fantastic voyage. Michelle Obama is joining the Coast Guard but they will still text to be friends. Their daughters,
Starting point is 00:14:50 Malia and Sonya? Sasha? Will also join the ROTC to become equipped for a future military career. This has been 1050 the Wiz. Now some words from our sponsors. Thank you so much I'm feeling pretty good about the country right now and everything a Lot of people have been asking me, you know Thomas, where do we go from here? What do we do? You know because I know people look to me for that kind of stuff.
Starting point is 00:15:27 But I say, you know, people act like, you know, people act like that the government is a certain way and at the end of the day, you got to look at the bigger picture. You know what I'm saying? Like if you wanna, like if you wanna really understand the government and how it works, you gotta talk to a guy like me. You know, you gotta talk to somebody who actually knows what he's talking about. Like when people come up to me, ask me like what's a tariff? like that shit so soon it's it's it's where it's more a
Starting point is 00:16:12 Tariff is where it's more In a cut is where it's less if you did it And it's really about as simple as that They should have had me up on the filibuster. I would have told them how it actually was. But instead they got Cory Booker's punk ass, fumbled Rosario Dawson, now he's up there acting like he knows how to rule the world.
Starting point is 00:16:40 But you know, that's alright. It's okay to get, it's okay to be like bad at your job I guess. I mean I'm not very good at my job, but I never said I was going to save the world or anything either. I mean I'm not even that good at this to be honest. I mostly just let Jake tell stories and then I talk every few minutes usually. I mean you see me up here I'm doing all right I'm doing all right but you know it's sort of mostly just like a reflective state it's not that you know we got to work on it we got to put things up a little bit. I've been thinking about life though I've been thinking about life though. I've been thinking about this weekend
Starting point is 00:17:30 It's gonna be cool tomorrow. I'm heading up to Massachusetts to Finish up some movie stuff, so that'll be cool. I I'm not the Master and commander behind the whole thing But a friend of mine is making a film up there, and I think it's gonna be pretty cool It's gonna turn out pretty well. I'm not very good at acting I Don't think I mean, I don't know It's weird, you know, I feel like you can only know if acting is good if you're not the person who's doing it
Starting point is 00:18:09 You know what I mean? Like I don't know if didn't know why I feel like didn't know Washington can watch his own movies and be like That's a good-ass movie though You know what I mean? Like there's no way he saw remember the Titans and he was like, ah that was ass. That was a good ass movie. But that's a problem is, you know, I'm not gonna be in Remember the Titans, they already made that movie. But if they made it again, I would like to be one of the black kids in it.
Starting point is 00:18:38 Because they had so much heart. If I would hate to be one of the bum ass, lame ass white kids, I would want to be the black kid with the heart that was too big and he died from it. Remember that? Kid, you got too much heart. Now you gotta die. Damn. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:18:58 And then the other guy just got in like a car wreck or something, right? I don't remember that movie at all I haven't seen that movie in a long time I Used to get that movie mixed up with the radio when I was a kid. That's probably not a good son That's why you got to have your kids me a lot of people when they're little or they get Cue Cuba gooding jr. And that guy from fucking paid in full mixed up Cuba Gooding Jr. and that guy from fucking paid in full mixed up He was in paid in full he was in the wire I think I still got to see the wire
Starting point is 00:19:35 But I Feel like you basically be like a story of my life if that makes sense You know what I mean? Like just like a young hustler on the streets probably just like trying to make it happen just like a young hustler on the streets probably just like trying to make it happen of course you know if they tried to make the wire today would probably just be called the wireless probably the wireless phone or probably wouldn't even be called anything because the wire would be gone so it would say it would be blank that will probably be the case rather than usually it would be called the wire maybe no be called the wireless phone charger yeah okay okay so now we're now we're cooking a little bit so imagine this imagine you're the crowd and I'm doing stand-up, okay?
Starting point is 00:20:28 You know, when I was growing up, we watched The Wire. Pretend, also for this joke, pretend I watched it because I haven't watched it yet. When I was growing up, we had The Wire. Now, if you got a wire, you're probably trying to charge your phone. And even that, you can do wirelessly. Ba-dum-tsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss even that you can do wirelessly. Ba-dum-tsssssss
Starting point is 00:20:50 Yeah, I gotta start doing that at the end of jokes again. Ba-dum-tsssss Yeah, I need to start bringing up a jazz band when I do comedy like I'm Dave Chappelle or something. I like that It sucks that like 20 years of his career was spent just going to jazz shows and hanging out with most deaf and Taleb Qualley That seemed like he had a sick-ass life for a while if he kept doing that that would be awesome But he did but to be fair I never did that at all. Maybe that makes you transphobic, I don't know. I feel like jazz is like the opposite of transphobia though, like as a medium, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:21:40 I feel like being trans is very jazz-like, you know what I mean? You're just kinda... You're making your own rhythm. You're making the rhythm match. Man, I don't want that. I don't know if that's a very good... I don't think I'm doing a very good job there, actually. How about we get back to the radio thing and we do that I
Starting point is 00:22:06 Would I just like to talk every once in a while it kind of breaks it up So you guys aren't here the schizophrenic yelling for too much because I know that can be a little bit much so I Apologize if that's a little if you don't like that. I'm sorry. I think I'm gonna do it again though if that's okay with you I kind of like it I've been having fun doing it and it's kind of one of the things I do to make myself laugh so you kind of get a little peek into the mind of the the white devil all right let's get back to it Alright, let's get back to it. Stephen Winchin was an amazing man who will unfortunately die in six years in the great
Starting point is 00:22:58 fire of Milwaukee. We will miss you Stephen when your time ultimately comes. And that's why we're preparing the Friends of Stephen Winchin Future Memorial Fund For people like Stephen Who never got a chance? People like Stephen who wanted to be somebody. Who wanted to be a big strong man.
Starting point is 00:23:34 A big strong boy. Maybe a big strong lady. Or a big strong baby. But they wanted to be big and strong maybe they wanted to work for sanitation or be a nurse you could be a big strong nurse you could kill all the patients with your arms that's what i would like to do. I would give my patients a vaccine that caused them to have cranial and heart damage. I would be the killer with needles nurse. The killer with needles nurse should have never been allowed to do what she did to start the fire that killed Stephen Sherman. Donate today.
Starting point is 00:24:29 This I brought to you by the Friends of Stephen Durchin Association for Friends. Call back at 1-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7- Don't throw my number 10 wrong. Throw it right back when number 7 is wrong. Thank you. ["Baloocha Island"] Come away to a brand new island that me and my friends have been working on for quite some time now. It's called Baloo Shire the amazing island the first island made made completely from sand and trees tropical fruits lie in the island with amazing mangoes
Starting point is 00:25:27 fantastic coconuts and amazing animals Befriend the animals they mean you no harm Surf on amazing waves here on the brand new island. Be the first to drink the amazing water in the island river. Yes! Taste the red fruit that comes from the island tree. Yes! Yes, you're starting to catch on now. Create an amazing sandcastle from fresh virgin sand that me and my friends made. On the brand new island, coming out this summer, it's going to be a big deal. Eat amazing foods cooked strictly from ingredients made on the amazing island that me and my
Starting point is 00:26:36 friends came up with. We've been cooking this thing up for quite some time. It's one of those ideas you shoot around for a while and finally somebody stands up and says hey we gotta make this dang island you know we gotta really do it. And boy are we doing it. It's really gonna be something. Ride the elephants. The island elephants, on the amazing island. Ha ha! Wear a coconut all over yourself and have an amazing taste of piña colada. Hello, it's me again.
Starting point is 00:27:22 I remembered we have an ad read for this episode and I did not want to completely instantly lose us our sponsor that I'll introduce in a while, so I Figured they shouldn't be wedged between two likely Two things that probably they don't want to be associated with depending on how I organize this. So I figured I'd talk for a little bit. Just motherfucking shoot the breeze. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:54 The island thing I actually do think that would be a cool thing to work on. It's crazy how Jeffrey Epstein pretty much ruined having your own island forever. You know, before if you had your own island forever you know before if you had your own island nobody really I guess nobody I knew had their own island but if I heard somebody had their own island I thought damn that's cool I'd love to be in that position someday now you know nobody if you already had your own island I guess
Starting point is 00:28:23 you can keep it but nobody gets to get a new one. You gotta be grandfathered in for that sort of thing because it's just, you know, it is what it is. You can't, you know, if you get a bunch of money and you go straight to buying an island, it's like, all right, how eager are you? You know, it's kind of entrepreneurial though. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, no,
Starting point is 00:28:48 I'm going to make my own sex trafficking ring. You know what I mean? Like, I kind of do respect that just from like a getting it out of the mud perspective. You know what I mean? Like, maybe it was kind of like eight mile, you know what I mean? We're like Jeffrey Epstein was trying to break into like certain circles and Everybody was like oh old Jewish guy like we don't want you and he was like Just cuz you people are anti-semitic doesn't mean that I can't ball out and have a great time on my own terms And he popped out with little st. James He popped out with little st. James
Starting point is 00:29:29 They should have just called it st. James it shouldn't have called a little Maybe that's hacky, but I feel like Like it's like you know it's like you got st. Lucia you got st. Thomas you got a little st. James. I don't know That's a little bit crazy But you know as funny as I did this so that I wouldn't talk about anything Bad or the ad rate and I've just been talking about Jeffrey upseat. So it's not like I don't think that's what most people would but That's okay Because ultimately like we got to be bearers of truth. We got to do what we do. You know what I mean? And if you care about the truth
Starting point is 00:30:08 what we do you know what I mean and if you care about the truth then you'll like to hear this March Madness is here and every game is a chance to cash in so place some bets on the game already with my bookie my bookie makes it easy for first timers to wager and true sports fans could get the most bang for their buck. My bookies Bet and Get will sweeten the deal. Place a cash bet on Marsh Menace and get a surprise reward. Free bets, super familiar with it before, but now I will be taking Houston over Duke. So that is my bet I'm placing this week. You guys know that I don't know as much about college basketball some of them but
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Starting point is 00:31:53 All right, thank you guys. Thank you my bookie But yeah, so I mean it's been one of those weeks where you just got to take everything in stride you know what I mean? I got the sniffles last couple days but it's one thing they don't tell you about being a grown ass man is when you get sick you just keep on going because you might stop but the money don't stop and that's something you got to learn in this life. That's something Jake taught learn in this life. That's something Jake taught me
Starting point is 00:32:26 whenever he was pimping me out on the streets, making me use my hole for cash. And even after he would say, Thomas, you're done for the night. Go hang up your dress. I'd say, fuck that. I wanna make some money for you, daddy. And then I would keep hoeing out there.
Starting point is 00:32:46 I'll keep doing my thing until none of the customers wanted me because I smelled so bad cuz I've been fucking everybody all night I've been taking it would be a the morning I'm still fucking I've been fucking all night and I spent that point I just smell like a whole trip like a sanitation truck that hasn't been washed in a while, so I got that thick black grime on me. Yeah, and you can't, soap can't take, I got things in me that soap can't take away. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:33:16 Yeah, that's what you get when you work hard. You stick with the hustle, you stay with the grind, you got money on the flow, you got money on your mind, and that's something you can learn from old T-Doc today take a step back take looks and see that's what happens when I take a bunch of Ben and draw I start taking saying stuff like yo you got to take a look at that knowledge bro start talking like Andrew Schultz Yo, but like you gotta do the knowledge like really step it up is Like they rather I'd rather be in a bank than an ambulance. I'll tell you that much
Starting point is 00:33:57 But yeah it's crazy that he looks like that and I don't even mean that like like he has way more money than me. Like I don't know. I would love to have a lot more money. I'd love to have, whenever I see other people being successful, I do want that for myself. And I think when I take that from them and leave them with nothing if I could, in a lot
Starting point is 00:34:21 of the cases it's yes. In some cases it is no though, I mean there's There's people I think it's partially because it's comedy too because I want to be like I would love to be like I Would love to be better at what I do in general. You know what I mean? I don't think it's even necessarily a success thing but yeah, that's just some of my thoughts on on life. You gotta Yeah, put things in perspective. Sometimes I got a nice life though. I hope you guys do too
Starting point is 00:34:57 Get to go to Massachusetts I'm going to Massachusetts and when I go there, I think I'm going to see what I can do. Maybe take a couple bites of some food. Maybe after I go, maybe I can come back and do a few tours. Maybe eat a couple of pieces of beef. I don't know. It could be fun. It could be fun. I think I'm going to Massachusetts. Have you ever been? Have you been to Massachusetts? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:35:37 I don't know if I've ever been to Massachusetts. I think I would know if I had been to Massachusetts. I think I would know if I had been to Massachusetts. Yes, I love it. It's my favorite city. Massachusetts. Yes. All the people like New Hampshire. They like New York. They like Maine.
Starting point is 00:36:00 They like Vermont. Some of them, they like Montana. Some of them, they like Oregon. Maybe they like Vermont, some of them they like Montana, some of them they like Oregon, maybe they like Washington, maybe they like Texas or Florida, Georgia or Illinois, Michigan, but me I like Massachusetts. I like to visit. I like to visit Massachusetts. I think it's really fun to do it. There's something about it that I kind of like. I kind of think it's fun. It's kind of fun to do it. Kind of fun in Massachusetts. I Don't for the message or something Something kind of for the message or something. I kind of like it
Starting point is 00:36:56 Actually, probably stopped doing I was kind of just doing that voice for a while, but you got to stop doing the voice after a while I Was you know I did this just talking segments, so we wouldn't lose the advertiser advertiser and then I sandwiched it between Epstein Island like Epstein being like a good entrepreneur and then just me doing like a really not even a well-done Mexican accent for five minutes. It's a nice work Thomas that's you know that's why they pay me the big bucks is because I can make those judgment calls like that where I know how to you know I know how to lock in a deal I know how to make things click a certain way you know and I'm just I'm the best there is plain and simple you know you're not gonna
Starting point is 00:37:37 find somebody who's who's this expansive in terms of adapting to the game as it changes and really just taking the lead really just taking the reins of the podcast when I need to you know some might say hey Thomas why didn't you get a guess why didn't you why are you doing this to yourself well I didn't get it a guess? Why didn't you why are you doing this to yourself? well, I didn't get it a guess because I Had one person of mine and then I did ask them I Asked some earlier today. They said no, I'm not available. I said alright, no worries It really doesn't not even a big deal at all. I've actually got something planned that will be much better Which is me taking a bunch of Benadryl and then?
Starting point is 00:38:31 Grunting into the microphone for as long as I can As long as this as as far as this crow can fly Lord I do declare. Oh my god. I through, I get a few minutes into a podcast, and this flower starts to wilt, oh Lord. I just don't know how much longer I can podcast. I've been in my Herman Miller chair all evening trying to cook up one of these here podcasts and oh Lord is it trying I Do have a middle chair, but it's my friend gave it to me and it's used
Starting point is 00:39:17 But it is it's one of the cooler parts of my life is that I have a used Free Herman Miller chair that somebody was gonna throw away, I think. But I digress. You know, people tell me that I work hard. All I know is, you know, I might have carpal tunnel from all the editing I have to do and I forget to plug in my microphone. And when I have to tape my, forget to plug in my microphone and when I Have to tape my I had to tape my headphones back together again today because whenever I get angry I break Sometimes I take my headphones off too hard and I break them and I did that for the second time this month earlier And that's why I only use $20 headphones is because I I do tend to
Starting point is 00:40:09 destroy that which I own and that's not a good trait to have but it's something I do tend to do but yeah hop and I happen to hear this office for quite some time now longer probably longer than you've been born By five years now I'm gonna do a different statement because I don't want this to get stale You know I want to I want to keep this move this amazing momentum We got going on here, and thank you guys for toughening it through that first bar. I know There probably some parts where you were like, man, Thomas is a fucking asshole for putting us through this.
Starting point is 00:40:49 And maybe I am, you know? But that's just how it goes. Sometimes you, sometimes that's what you have to put an audience through in order to know that they are loyal and that they are willing to put up with any product that you put out there and I do mean any product I can breathe it through about half of my mouth and none of my nose and that's okay right now this is how we close the deals this is how we make the money you and me you dear listener and me we are
Starting point is 00:41:23 locked into the money right now. I don't care what day it is, I don't care if you just got laid off, I don't care if your wife left you. I don't care about any of that. Do you think money cares about that? No it doesn't. And do we have any money? No, maybe we don't. But, but how do we get to it? By thinking about it, not by doing anything, okay? Don't get weird, don't do anything about it. Don't go applying for a job that makes you more money. Don't go get your master's degree.
Starting point is 00:41:55 We're gonna think about the money, me and you. Think about it. Moment of silence, and think about the money. Go. All right, I figure that you're thinking about it. Is it green? You you know is it blue? I think there's the new hundred dollar bills are blue and I like that a lot I do think the blue ones look really slick. I've had a couple of them before not to brag I've had a couple hundred dollar bills the last few years. They've been pretty nice looking pretty clean
Starting point is 00:42:43 It's got to feel great to have like a 20 grand cash just in your hand I never have before but god it would be nice like I totally get like rapper instincts to just have all your cash in your hand like that that probably feels amazing I did waving it around the old white people act like that's a crime or something probably feels awesome it's like if you're an old white guy fucking you should do that take out your 401k or whatever you know take the take the 70% taxes out just and just hold it stand in front of a bad Chinese restaurant just hold all your money what what are we if not that it seems amazing there's so many human impulses that seem like it seems like older white you know white people were like I have no idea why anybody would want to do that
Starting point is 00:43:47 I do have a big ass chain that looks sick as fuck and hold all your money Yeah, that sounds cool, and all the ladies think you're a baller. Yeah That sounds nice. What are you talking about get your head out of the sand? crap ass All right, let's let's wrap up this little part and I think we'll move on if that's okay with everybody. I think we'll do a little something new after this because I know sometimes just me talking
Starting point is 00:44:16 could be a little bit monotonous. It's hard for me to do much with my voice and I know a lot of you hate me a lot of you want me dead a lot of you wish I was in the ground with the worms Being feasted upon and I understand that you know I'm scum to you people. I'm garbage. I'm trash You guys would all you guys want to kill and fuck me and make me dead, and that's okay That's what we come here for so let's move on to another little segment and then we'll get back to it shortly does that work with you guys just kidding you don't get to have any input this is I'm doing the show nobody else is sorry so it's kind of my whole thing right now at
Starting point is 00:45:00 least for this episode I'll have a guest on Tuesday though for the premium and for Thursday next week and then Jake will be back after that. It's really not gonna be that big of a change it's just one of those things that happens every once in a while. So let me... Here we go. Are you a fan of the Beatles music but wish they still made songs? We've got quite the idea for you. Introducing the Beatles 2. The same group that you know and love but with different people and making different music. Enjoy songs such as I like it when but they've got a rapper and they've got a rock and roll expat who uses an electric guitar to make amazing chords. The name is Jupiter Crown Lake And the rappers name is MC Rapidapity
Starting point is 00:46:32 They will also make a song about AI Because I want to use AI They will also possibly the first beaters secretly will use AI to create amazing songs such as I am having the amazing rocking song which will be out June 1st
Starting point is 00:47:01 on the TV on the TV as I hope not be able to be rocking First, I'll be continuing the journey. Not the TV one, but the old medical team. On medical team television, June 1st, the first AI album, written by the Beatles 2. That's right, the Beatles 2 That's not out The Beatles 2 So put it out there If you're ready for the Beatles 2
Starting point is 00:47:30 Please look forward to it Reservations open now They're sailing from Omaha To Delaware Okay guys sorry I have to be up a little bit early tomorrow so I'm not going to do the full hour. Which is weird for me to preface it like that because if the episode's out you can just see how long it is.
Starting point is 00:48:02 But anyway that's wise because I got I got a pack when I wake up in the morning I've spent believe it or not like over five hours on this episode which is really more testament to how bad I am at this how much Jake does hold the operation together. But anyway, I hope you have enjoyed this, whatever this has been, to the extent that you could, and make sure to check out. We will be in Chicago. We will not be in Chicago.
Starting point is 00:48:42 We will be in Austin, Texas May 10th and Let me double check this I believe Velveeta Velveeta It's a midnight show at the Velveeta lounge Yes The Velveeta room in Austin, Texas. May 10th. Come see us. It'll be me, Jake, Luke
Starting point is 00:49:14 Tumma, some other great stand-up comics. Basically it'll be like stand-up mostly and then we'll do like a little, probably a little live podcast thing like at the end. If you've been to any of our super recent shows, it'll be like, yeah, LA, something like that. Of course, if you live in Austin, you probably didn't go to LA for that show. But I mean, if you did, good for you. But anyway, you guys are great.
Starting point is 00:49:44 And if you, oh, once again, if you did good for you, but anyway You guys are great. And if you oh once again if you Check Jake's social media, and if you can make it to any of drunk uncle shows now or in the future They are great. I'm paying to check out I don't have any spots coming up right now a little bit dry in New York right now There's no really that much going on spots coming up right now a little bit dry in New York right now there's not really that much going on also I say that I think that's also partially because I'm not that good at stand-up yet honestly so people don't ask me to do it as much it that's okay you know you just gotta keep keep working on it
Starting point is 00:50:17 get better can't be better about this sort of thing what am I gonna do let it destroy my whole life you know with how much I you know it's fine but yeah and hope everybody has an awesome weekend I know there's a lot going on in the world right now but you know nothing that I can fix so sorry about that In the meantime just keep on rocking and rolling but the stock eyes Yeah, was that a cool ending I feel like that's good. I'm not really You know it could have been but I don't think I really stuck the landing But regardless, I hope you guys have an awesome weekend great week next week and the following one
Starting point is 00:51:07 Take care

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