Pendejo Time - Blestiny's Child

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

Inside the Mind of ThomasSupport the Show.

Hey. What up? Oh, what up? Sorry, that was pretty loud. We're back with our special guest, Jake, this week. Mm-hmm. I've actually just been a special guest this whole time. Thomas is going to do this by himself. Yep.

Yeah. It was going to be a landscaping podcast. We're back with the Thomas Corner. Mm-hmm. Also, I don't do landscaping anymore. What do you do? Oh, you do the trees. Yeah, I do tree work.

I keep telling people i'm a landscaper and that's not true anymore i absolutely do not tell people constantly that you are a land i don't even tell people you talk to people and you say yeah i'm doing it with this kind of blue collar guy he's a landscaper he's sort of lower class you know he's not a philosopher like me. I never said that in my life. Being a philosophy major as you were at Tunick, and you discussed great things with other pedophiles.

I, uh, yeah, that tracks. I mean, you know, when you take your freshman course, it's just history of pedophilia. And you learn all about, you know, the Greeks and the stuff they used to do. Yeah, the stuff they were into. Greeks were terrible people. I'm just kidding.

I'm not that opinionated on them. But maybe they were. Who knows? I don't know, them. But maybe they were. Who knows? I don't know, man. Or maybe they were chill. It could be... Folks, if... I wish you could host Unsolved Mysteries, dude.

It could be either one. It's like the Netflix series. Season 3, you host all of it, and it's like episode 1, the Greeks. They could have been really like a lazy dog shit race of people they could be chill but that's the mystery the episode's like 7 seconds long anyway

tune in next time whether ancient Rome had good vibes or if it was sort of not so good. We are going to talk to some people from modern day Rome

to find out. It's just a bunch of fat guys. It's just a bunch of fat Italian dudes just yelling about black people the whole time. You're like, so you clearly know a lot. Like, they're mechanics in, like, New Jersey. Yeah.

So you clearly are very in tune with your people. Guys that look like Action Bronson. Yeah. So you know a lot about ancient Rome, right? Yes. Yeah, it's kind of like your thing. You look like Socrates or whatever yeah

Socrates I grew up with that guy he was you never expect someone to become you know the third most popular philosopher of all time he's one of the best selling yeah

I always it's a huge joke with other majors but philosophy is the big one it's just not lucrative really yeah i love college jokes but it's not a college joke yeah it's just about different majors she's so funny it's sort of shut up my god. Dude. Jesus Christ. It's like. It's so hard to like. It's so hard to keep that going. It is.

I want to do it for like ten minutes one episode. But it's really hard to be like. Dude I fucking. I'm going to kill you. Like I'm mad. I'm fucking. Like I'm actually. Like I'll. I will like.

Slash your tires. I will fucking cut your fucking eye out of your head you stupid sack of shit i'm literally getting molested oh that would be a good one like at a bar dude what are you what are you fucking talking about yeah you bumped into me you spilled my fucking beer you're gonna buy me a new one i'm gonna molest you you're gonna what you heard exactly how about we go back and i and i make you have trauma that's gonna fuck up every relationship you're gonna have the rest of your life yeah anyway um so you know the the the greeks and whatever you know the philosophers of the world philosophy used to be a very well respectedrespected career. And I think it's funny now that people still study it,

even though like, like the back of the, like not even that long ago, two, 300 years, you could be like a, like a, a really famous,

well-respected guy. And now like, who's the most popular philosopher right now? Jordan Peterson, maybe Slavoj Zizek. Like, I don't like, it's not I'd say Joe Rogan is the best you know it's funny as you did that's me I mean in many ways you like a lot of guys would say he's one of the frontrunners in terms of promoting certain thought patterns, if that makes sense.

I really like that he gets grouped in with Shapiro and Peterson and Milo. Yeah, he just hangs out. Yeah, yeah. He just, I think a lot of the guys he has on, I don't know, maybe he likes hanging out with them. Or maybe he finds them funny and doesn't really care. Yeah, well he's... I don't know how smart he thinks he is because I don't actually pay attention to him. I don't know why I'm trying to provide discourse I've never well like he's like he's like an idiot

yeah but I mean it's fine yeah like I don't I like that he's a good interviewer I think people like because he has on controversial figures and some of them are like really smart and other of them think they're smart or whatever but I guess because he has on controversial figures and some of them are like really smart and other of them or think they're smart or whatever but i guess because he's a good listener

that people are like oh this guy probably is like a profound thinker yeah on several occasions he's been like i am not a politics guy i'm not a philosophy guy i'm not like a policy guy but i like you want to read about that stuff read the people people who I have on. Do not listen to me. Yeah. He's like, don't listen to me, listen to Tim Poole. You're going to want to listen to the Tim Dillon podcast. Yeah. You're going to want to take everything that guy has to say.

Yeah. Sorry, I had to take a sip of a little drink. No, it's fine. I've been doing it. On the last one, I had this drink. Oh, it's got noise. I was shaking it right next to the mic the whole time. You're going to have fun pretending to edit that out.

I'm convinced that Jake doesn't actually edit the podcast. I just sent him the file and trust him. I don't listen to it before, so how would I know how it sounds after? The only thing I actually edit out is just the software that's in the back of every recording. But all the crinkles and the fucking beer cans that I have

and me hitting my Juul, no, I don't edit that out. It's just the software of your computer and my computer that's like a I just delete that stuff. I'm not going to put more fans in it. I could get rid of that sound. But the thing is I can't really hear it

unless I focus on it. We should do an ASMR episode where we just kind of like Or I just throw up in a trash can. For like an hour and a half. Yeah. Alright, earlier today I ate a jar. So we'll be doing a little

rescue mission ASMR. If that picks up on the mic, my chair just made a fart noise. I wouldn't, you know, I'm a gentleman, I wouldn't do that

on I wouldn't, you know, I'm a gentleman. I wouldn't do that on, it's not something I'd do. You got it, dude. Spit it out, man. I'm not spitting anything out, man. You're going to spit something out. I don't know. Yeah, you're going to spit this fist out of your mouth. But I'll put it in there fast because it'll be a punch style.

Yeah. I won't slowly. Just insert your hand into my mouth. Don't even try it, Jake. I'm going to punch you. It's not a sensual thing. Yeah, I knew it. I retweeted.

The other day I posted about how when I was in sixth grade, I sent a girl the lyrics to Linkin Park's Numb and told her that I wrote them, and she believed me. But in the post, I did not specify that I was in sixth grade when that happened. I just said one time I sent a girl in sixth grade, blah, blah, blah. I didn't preface it. And two seconds went by, and I went to my own Twitter, and I replied with, I was also in sixth grade. Don't evenface it and like two seconds would buy and i went to my own twitter and i replied with

i was also in sixth grade don't even try it and the first person to like that reply was or one of the first two was palma and i was like god i just beat him i think i just beat him to it like i was like yes i i was about to enter or i had just left myself open to the snipers and barely made it out alive. Yeah. I hope I get killed by a sniper someday. Not even... But I would probably survive if I did. I'm almost 30

and I still think under the right circumstances that I could dodge a bullet. You just kind of set me up right and a guy comes around the corner with a pistol, you just kind of set me up right, and a guy comes around the corner with a pistol, and I can, like, kind of sidestep. Yeah. And I know this is impossible, and I know I would just get fucking murdered dead, but I watch

a lot of action movies. Well, the thing about it is... I think I can be done. A lot of times, if a sniper rifle is just a body shot, it's only, like, 88 damage. So as long as you don't get any fall damage and you don't get shot again, you're fine. You just got 12 HP and you gotta be careful for the rest of the game.

Of your life. Is that how it worked? Yeah. No. I mean, people worry about stuff too much. It's like a cardio-oncologist, like a really serious cancer doctor, is at a guy's bedside and he's like, So your family and I talked about it and we want you to know that you have 2HP.

Yeah. And it's grim. But the guy's like, excuse me? We did a constitution roll on you. And it was a crit fail. And that's the simulation we did. You walked out of this office and tripped on the stairs. And your nose bone you folded your body folded your nose

bones put your penis in half so you know and he was like yeah man I'm a dentist sir so we got we ran your blood and uh unfortunately uh your screen's all red and kind of jelly and uh there are no med packs nearby so uh you're gonna need to press x really fast yeah do the same roll here yeah but uh but it's unlikely that yes do i have cancer or not honestly i don't know i'm not even really a doctor, but... Yeah. Thanks for coming in today. I do appreciate it. It's like the lady at the front desk is like,

so do you have insurance today? It's like, roll charisma. She's like, I need you to hand, like, Blue Cross Blue Shield. She's like, $125 up front. Roll charisma. She's's like what are you telling me do you want me to call the police all deception police show up yeah just like uh yeah exit room saving throw yeah you start doing the dark souls roll like around the doctor's waiting room you're just like they're shooting you in real time every shot is landing but

you're getting shot in the back as you run from police track ah got a opportunity attack there yeah yeah you start shoving the magazines into the front of your shirt like Warzone. I found some, thank god for the armor. Bleeding out with like Better Home and Garden in the front of your fucking car. It was just more like a...

What if video game was like life, folks? You ever heard anything like that? It was also cool because it was just me talking about D&D and you talking about one of your silly war games you play. Oh, you just love violence. Dude, Jesus Christ. Shut the fuck up, dude.

I swear to God, I fucking hate you. It's like every day. Yeah. Oh, what does Jake want to talk about me? I want to talk about me i want to talk about gardening i want to talk about kittens and the mountains and painting and the weather and minerals and magnets and space oh what should we talk about jake you know i think the yemeni massacre is really cool awesome and that puts me in i pardon my language but a debbie downer mood for the whole day shut up dude dude you literally smell like shit i can smell it

oh man yeah yeah i do stink pretty bad. Me, I smell good because I took a shower. But I could smell slightly better because I haven't worn deodorant in 30 minutes. Of like fresh. I think I did. Well, we spent like an hour and a half. Like, I don't actually smell worse i just i freak out when i'm not wearing deodorant even if i'm just chilling by myself i'm like dude i tried to use

that i'll be like completely fresh and clean i'm like dude you're stinking up the room right now i'm like no i'm not like i i can smell fine it i just i I smell like soap. You know? Yeah. I hear something right here. Folks, when you got a problem, you, you address it. Like LBP, LP,

the, the guy's, the last name's Pootie. Pootie Ting. No, it's the song address. You're, we can play it on here.

Clip it in later? Yeah. The only editing he'll do for this. I like the... Because I don't do anything. Yeah, you sit on your darn butt. And you twiddle your thumbs. Do you, like, when you're chilling at your house, do you chill with your hand in your pants, like down the front of your pants, like with your hand on your nuts?

Yeah, yeah, most of the time. Yeah. Not most of the time, I'm kidding, but yeah. I do it a lot. Well, I don't like when I'm walking around. No, no, but if I'm at home, like on the couch, yeah, or like in my room. Yeah. them like if i'm like on the couch yeah or like in my room yeah but i i have this thing where like it's happened a couple times where if i'm comfortable at a friend's place or like a

really friend of friends because my friends that we've lived together roommates like they don't give a shit they know that i'm not jacking off but there have been a couple times that i've been fucked up and comfortable somewhere and i just subconsciously it's something i don't think about doing dude i just put my hand right on the front of my pants and rested on my fucking dick and balls I remember one time uh I we had like gone to the bar and then like there was like a little after thing at this girl's apartment and uh like a friend of mine was seeing her and I was like I didn't really know her we'd never met her but went over there and uh I really wasn't feeling too sociable because I kind of got too drunk and I was trying to like chill on the couch and watch TV while they were all out on the patio bullshitting.

And I guess at some point I had put my hand down the front of my pants because I was comfortable and chilling and I was drunk. And one of the other girls comes in and she's like, I'm sorry. And I was like, sorry for what? She's like, what the what? Like, what are you doing? And I was like, I still still didn't it didn't register and then i was like oh i'm at like what is essentially a stranger's place in their living room and i have my hand on my penis okay like uh like and i was like oh i just do this when i chill and that did not no that makes way worse yeah i was like oh i'm sorry i'm just comfortable

and like that sounds like you dude that sounds awful yeah and you have to take it off before you say anything no i'm pretty sure like at least for half of this me explaining myself i still have my hand like on my pubes at least i'd kind of taken it out uh and then like it was kind of a weird thing and then like i was just i like texted my friend who was there i was like hey man are you staying because i gotta go and he's like you can't drive home and i was like i'm gonna risk a dui because i just like what just transpired i'm so uncomfortable i've never been more uncomfortable in my life i mean there have been times but yeah i gotta, you know, obviously he comes back home the next day, and he was like, what happened?

And I tell him, and he's like, dude, what's wrong with you? And I was like, dude, she should have taken it as a compliment. I was comfortable at her apartment. Like, she should have been cool about it. And he was like, do you really think that, or are you trying to be funny? And I was like, both? I really, like, I wish it could have made sense to her in the moment that i wasn't being a weirdo i just was very much chilling it was a comfy couch i was fucking feeling the vibe and

and i just fucking did the thing i do i just subconsciously put my hand and yeah got a grip on my shit yeah i don't i don't do it in public or anything but you know it's i don't really in the moment like i always have shame afterwards but in the moment i'm not very embarrassed or like care yeah so i do a lot of like i don't know just slinging over my shoulder i remember there was this kid in eighth grade in the back of the bus that would like uh, we'd be sitting back, like, the rowdy kid area in the bus. And this was, like, we were, like, 13. And he was, like, dude, my dick's so long I can wrap around my leg.

And he swore up and down this was true. And I was, like, we were thinking. I was, like, yeah, man, that's cool. And he would get mad if you wouldn't take him seriously. He was, like, dude, I'm serious. man that's cool and he would get mad if you wouldn't take him seriously he was like dude i'm serious no and i like i was thinking i was like how what how wide is like a kid like how wide is my leg like that's like a foot and a half soft because it's like yeah and i know he was just being like like a 13 year old kid like yeah oh i got a big ass like you know like you start watching

porn and you're like i got one like that you know But I remember, like, how funny it was to me that he was like, dude, you want a slop box, dude? I got a fucking huge dick. It's like, dude, shut up. Like, what's wrong with you? Like, don't you want to, like, set something on fire back here? Like, smoke a cigarette back here? Like, throw something to the bus driver? Or, like, call him the F word or something?

Anyway. Yeah, that's silly. Yeah, growing up, other kids always made fun of me for having just... Sometimes I'd be wearing sweatpants and just hanging out with my ankle. Looked like a snake peeking out yeah i'm gonna start

making just like um jokes like like a 12 year old girls just never talk to me again oh my goodness yeah i don't think girls talk to you really now, you know? Right, they don't. I was wondering if for the last 40 minutes of this, if I could just sleep. Yeah, I mean, I can... We should start just taking turns recording these, because we obviously... You don't value my time enough to even give me time to talk.

You know? First off, you're talking the whole time. I can't even get a word in. And second, you know, you know, and then second, you know, I just feel like I have a lot more to provide than this sort of limited platform can offer me you know I feel like a lot of my talents aren't being utilized

I feel like a lot of my sense of compassion people aren't seeing it my sense of creativity my sense of inspiration. They don't hear that because I'm being held down. I'm being tied up.

I'm being choked. I've got a gag in my mouth. I'm being strapped down. I'm in a leather suit. I'm being heldpped down. I'm in a leather suit. I'm being held down by this obstacle. You know? It's where I am mentally.

I think if one of us went pre-Madonna mode over $1,000. That would be so funny. You're just like – I'm just like, look, man. I really feel like – I mean you're a great co-host for these three months. You did your job. But I really feel like – the next time we do this, I've got like Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses on. I just feel like I'll be – I don't mean to be drop names or anything but I've been talking to one of

Bert Kreischer's interns and I think maybe this is the right place for you right now and maybe somewhere else is a better place for me right now it's not that you're in a worse place it's just that I deserve to be

in a better place it's just that i deserve to be in a better place you know yeah so uh i mean i get what you're saying but uh like i think you think you're the star and uh and i just think that like you lie to yourself a lot you know that's that's just uh i think i'm honest about the things that matter. I'll put it like that. Yeah, yeah. What matters to you is stupid shit that sucks ass and dick. And I like cool stuff.

I think in a way you're gaslighting here. I'm gonna fucking light your ass up, dude, if you keep fucking... Yeah, dude, I will literally bring a sword to your house and kill you. If you keep fucking spouting nonsense. Yeah, dude, I will literally bring a sword to your house and kill you. If you threaten my heart. Hey, what happened to the pod?

Well, I threatened to light Thomas on fire and he brought a sword to my apartment. So we're kind of taking a break. It kind of got heated for a second. Yeah, it kind of kind of escalated i'm sure if we were joking or not yeah oh yeah yeah we we got into it he he stabbed and killed my roommate and um for some reason didn't remember what it looked like. So he just, he thought the roommate was me. And then, you know, we laugh about it now, you know. It happened 45 minutes ago. He's in Huntsville.

We still record through the phone. The audio quality is actually better now. audio quality is actually better now. Oh, man. I really want to, like... Just to be in a position where, like, neither of us have to really work you know yeah it's probably not gonna happen but we just live off this yeah and then but i you're like yeah i kind of just

landscape to keep from like going nuts and jacking off too much i'm like yeah i got a i'm a prison guard now i got a job as a ceo uh just to keep me busy, you know. They're like, why? And I'm like, ah, you know, benefits are terrible, pay sucks. It's just a really great gig. And I feel like, you know, we're part of a family here. Like, I was gang raped, like, two days ago. You know, like, they cut my hours.

And so, like, you know, it's something to keep me busy you know like it's like here like why don't you get into woodworking man or like you know then why don't you get into like build little boats nah dude i really feel like i'm bringing something to these prisoners lives you know like i'm really changing them with my mouth and my body uh they're learning quite a bit from me. Yeah, I think if I ever start making crazy money, I'm just going to really just lean into my mental illnesses just fully. Yeah. You'll be like, what have you been up to?

I've been like, ah, I've been testing. Spells. Yeah, I killed a tiger with my hands. Yeah. Have you, what's going on, Thomas? I mean, I've been doing a lot of hexes. Yeah. I've been doing a lot of, like, occult stuff. I've been summoning that which cannot be seen.

I'm like, oh, is that some kind of euphemism for beating off? And you're like, no, I've been talking with Azazel and Bilal and Mammon. I'm an oracle now. Moloch and those guys you know. No, those are, well, I guess kind of. I've been talking to the devil most days. Yeah. I'm haunted.

Hey, what have you been up to i'm haunted i'm haunted i'm kind of i've been really i've been doing i've been sinister lately yeah um i've been creepy yeah i've been kind of like a grim guy you know kind of like a i've been kind of melon oh well malin call it that's just depressed yeah i think feeling kind of like uh i've been really ominous you know like yeah yeah i've been getting really ominous lately. Why? Do you think some of the bad is going to happen? Not yet. I know when it will. I've been eating 10 sheets of acid and 5 grams of mushrooms and sitting in the dark in my closet and just being ominous. I have a bunch of maps of volcanic...

Fault lines. Yeah, and I just have a dartboard right i have it up on a board i just throw darts and wherever it lands two weeks later down to the minute there will be an earthquake and that's what i've been doing i've been causing been causing trouble on making schemes. I've been scheming lately. It's like $22,000 a month and you just come on in a big warlock's robe

and you have like the bottoms of your eyes are just blacked out and you're like, yeah, it's just like some guys get really into like, you know, like fish tank aquariums, you know, they get really into woodworking, working on cars. You know, I kind of had the truck for a bit i get i got to king ranch but it wasn't enough so i started reading a lot of alistair crowley and getting into like you know like temples just thinking about temples yeah i drove my denali through a courthouse

it gave me a new perspective on spirituality. Yeah, I'm not allowed to drive. I converted to Satanism in the Tarrant County jail in my one day there for public intoxication charge. You know, some men, they go to jail and they find God or Islam or whatever, but I found demons and ghouls. Yeah, I found my friend Zariah the wicked. Belial the betrayer and

crown prince of hell. Yeah, and good old Malachi the fork-tongued. Good old Jim yeah the fucked yeah he was just

a trucker but you know yeah he was just in there for whatever you know oh man

I uh I hope I hope that that it does get to the point where the money just absolutely does make us insane like i would love to turn on the webcam and you're either in the warlock's robe or you're just like you're just a glowing orb of light and you're like hey what's up man i'm like yeah what's going on you're like oh i finally like i transcended like last night it was super awesome yeah i could see through like there's this vein in my forehead and i just kept clenching it and then i was thinking about um chakras and this temporary plane we live on and and i i passed through the veil you know i was telling you about the last episode

because i've been on this veil for a while we're at 1400 a month you're like yeah man you know ever since we hit 700 bucks a pop i just i became a glowing orb of like beaming light that's both seen and unseen at the same time yeah my mom's really concerned yeah i went part-time with the arborist you know i just became like a i work at radio shack as an assistant manager and my main thing right now is uh i'm the devil is i i'm an executioner for god i'm like a fallen angel type. Like, I kind of do his dirty work. I'm kind of a wet worker for the Lord.

I'm like the Punisher, but I just do deeds for guys who work it out or something. I'm paid $50 to, like, you know, like, rough up a kid in the neighborhood or something. Yeah, I bet you are. Kick a dog. Yeah. Well, you know what, man?

Yeah, I'm literally like nodding off right now. I was like, you do sound like you're fucked up over the mic, which I know you're not, but it's like. No. Yeah, I am. sound like you're fucked up over the mic, which I know you're not, but it's like, yeah. I, uh, dude, I'm, I'm working on, um, uh, we got our weekly challenge coming up. Yeah. It's the weekly challenge. Drum roll.

What is it what's your favorite planet why folks this week if you get a chance tell Jake on Twitter if he has you blocked

I'll give you his email I'll give you his email and his phone number Twitter. If he has you blocked, I'll give you his email. Make a burner account. I'll give you his email and his phone number. Tell him what your favorite planet is and why. If you don't tell him, then I'll know.

Just to be knowledgeable. What's my favorite planet? Oh, great. Now I have to get first just because you didn't have one already. This is your question, man. This is your line of inquiry.

I need you to start it. It's a question I asked you first. Saturn. Why? Death cult. Which one is that? Is that the rings? The Saturn death death cult yeah what is that a metal band no it's a it's a cabal i'm a member of it saturn death cult sounds like a stone

no it's a it's a it's a real thing i'm no it sounds like it would be similar to like sleep or something yeah yeah maybe is saturday saturday death cold have like my bike in it um yeah i will go to sleep here in about an hour uh no yeah saturn because of the rings. It looks cool. I don't know if it's real. I don't really think space is real. Yeah. I really like Cluebo because I was the first one to discover it.

Cluebo? Yeah. Did I tell you about that? No, man, tell me how you discovered Cluebow? Yeah. I was a... Did I tell you about that? No, man, tell me how you discovered Cluebow. I discovered Cluebow by looking at the sky at night. Okay, what does it look like? I didn't have a telescope at the time, so I took the cap off of a 16.9 fluid ounce 500ml

water bottle. And I crushed it so it would zoom in further. And I found Cluebo right next to Blestony. Blestony? Is Blestony the

square looking one right? No that's my neighbor But it was Blestony? Yeah my neighbor Blestony Was next to her house That's the Chinese guy right? Yeah

Yeah It was next to Blestony And And Clippard was over there Clippard? Yeah Who's that again? That's my dog And Clippard was over there. Clippard? Yeah. Who's that again?

That's my dog. He was at Blessing's house, and he was looking for treats. What kind of dog is Clippard? You should see Clippard when he's at Blessing's house, because he'll make the biggest barks. What do they sound like? Pfft. Yes, they're rough. That's pretty big, man. He's one of the

dogs in the whole world. Yeah. So I was at Clippard sounds like a good dog. He's one of the dogs in the whole world. Yeah. So I was at Clippard's. You were at Clippard's or Blaston? I was at Clippard's house and I was watching him. He was at Blaston's. I was looking at

Clippo. I said, get out of the way, Cluebo. I see something. He said, let me guess. You finally found Cluebo. Like it was some sarcastic comment. Like, oh, yeah, I guess I'm never going to find Cluebo now. Just because I've been looking for him for so long.

Yeah, Cluebo. Clueard, how about you tell Blessany that I just found it? And Blessany comes over and she says, oh, is Clippard making jokes about Cluebo again? And I say, yes. And I say, yes, but I said yes. I said yes, but I found it. And she says, oh yeah, let me guess you found Cluebo? I said,

go ahead, Clippard. Tell her. He said he found it. I killed both of them. Thank you for telling us. Did you do anything cool this weekend? You got another one coming up if you did. Because it was four days ago.

I'm thinking about it. Yeah, I... Turn in your mic off, dude. Turn in your mic off, dude. I'm still... I'm just barely recovering from the saga of Clippard and Blastody and Cluebo. Dude, I... I might have lithium poisoning again. And I haven't even taken it.

I think I... It's okay, though. You're a dude therapist and you're like, yeah, I got this podcast, and it makes a little bit of money or whatever, and she's like, oh, what do you guys talk about? And you're like, eh. Well, last episode we did,

I talked about a dog named Clipper that I have that talks, and a Chinese guy that lives next door to me named Blestony, and we were at his house eating treats and I discovered a play that called clue Boba looking through a bottle can like there this says oh yes you finally found you you just snap completely yeah one of my eyes rolled back and the other one rolled towards god well thank you for sharing

that story I haven't really done anything with my life like ever so the last few days have been pretty stupid and gay I did go out to my car and sit in it for about two hours. Did you see anybody in there? I like a lot of bugs are in there, mostly because my car is filled with trash.

Yeah. I used to see Bean Bean in there. Used to see who? I said I used to see Bean Bean in there. Who's Bean Bean? I really don't want to talk about it. I just used to see him in there. In my car?

Yeah, like where you ask me all these questions about. There's like a simple comment and now you turned it into. Oh, I got some big story about Bean Bean. Really? Like, maybe there's some stuff about Bean Bean you didn't even know. Some guy's in your car and you don't even care about me. So Bean Bean's a guy? Oh, right.

Like, I come forward with a story. Now I'm guilty for sharing it when I was just, like, literally like a militant bystander. The whole time. I, uh... I'm Bean Bean. Yeah. Yeah, I'm bean bean. Yeah. Yeah, you're bean bean of a stupid guy right now. Now, um, I think I should join the army.

You're sitting across from a recruiter and you're like, how many pushups can you do? You're like 50. How many pull-ups can you do? Quite a bit, man. Look, listen. Before you take me in to be Delta Force Operator, you need to understand something.

I know about Clippard. Okay? You guys think it's a secret. I know about Blessany. I know about Bean Bean. I know about Cluebo. He's just across from you like pale as a ghost.

Yeah. It was top secret. And then he says to me, he says, now let me guess, son, you finally found Cluebo. I think it would be a good prank that would have disastrous consequences to see how quickly you could get 5150

and thrown into a hospital saying stuff like cause you can just walk into a recruiter's office sit across from him let him do his spiel and then be like do you guys know about Cluebo? yeah

I'm pretty sure you could get thrown in one pretty fast it wouldn't be hard what is it? mental hospital mental hospital I'm pretty sure you could get thrown in one pretty fast. It wouldn't be hard. What is it? Military prison? Mental hospital. Yeah. Same friggin' thing nowadays. That's right.

In case of my drift. That's right, dude. I've never... You're so right. Yes. Whenever I was growing up, we didn't have a military. What'd you have? Yeah, we had our own special force.

What was that, special ed class? That doesn't... It was good. I got you, dude. What was special ed class? Yeah. I wouldn't know. You were in it. Yeah, I was in it and you were the teacher.

You said... Because I'm a Swedish-time person. Yeah, that's one way to put it. Ha ha ha. What if they could put teachers in detention? I would do that every day. One of the greatest philosophical minds. What if you took recess away from teachers

and see how fast they started quitting. You're on the Senate floor like wearing a bathrobe. What if we put the teachers? What if we didn't let teachers go outside for lunch and we made them sit in their offices and then we saw how much they paid

for their salary. And Mitch McConnell just has a gun in his mouth. He's got his little turtle lips around it. No sunny teeth. No. He's just sucking on it like a bomb bomb. Yeah.

Man, God, that guy's so creamy. I think he might be the most busted guy I've ever seen a picture of. I don't know what I would do if I saw him in public. How old is he, what, 45? Yeah, I think he's like 22.

He's from Kentucky. Yeah, he's been drinking fucking coal mine water his whole life. Yeah, I'm sure that man is technically smart, which sucks. Like, strategy-wise or whatever. Yeah, he's a politician. They're good at pretending to do stuff. They're not really doing anything. But also, at the same time, he just looks so stupid.

Yeah. He looks like shit, dude. He looks awful. Like, he really like, I mean, it's like, oh, nice dunking on the Mitch McConnell.

Like, no. Like, it can't be said enough how bad that guy, he looks like dog shit. He looks like a fucking monster. Yeah. He looks like...

You know what's funny? I don't know if you know this about him. He's got a little Asian wife. Yeah. And, uh... I don't know why... She's with him. I think she's like 15 years his junior or something. Yeah.

Yeah, I grew up with Junior. With who? Junior. Junior and Bean Bean? years as junior or something yeah yeah i grew up with junior with who junior junior and bean bean yeah yeah yeah they used to run track that's cool man did you run track uh i i hadn't figured out how to run yet how old were you at the time? A hundred. A hundred. Man, we should have more of these episodes

where it's clearly you're having some sort of demented... Or I'm literally asleep. It's time for our second second weekly contest. Second daily of the week times two contest for Drake.

For Jake. For Jake. Aubrey Jake. Drum roll. you got it come on man give me a second I'm going to blow my nose real quick I'll be right back

Thomas is going to go blow his nose so you're left with me for a bit I uh am super super super Thomas's house

he opens the door and there seems to be what looks like oh it's a mirror I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I Oh, it's a mirror. I thought Thomas just had like a laundry sheet. Hey, I saw you open your door, and I realized when you walked past it, it was a mirror.

But it was dark. It looked like you just had like a framed hole like in the wall. It was really creepy looking. I was like, yeah, it's called a window. Yeah, I guess you're right.

Yeah. Just get a load of this guy. Yeah. That's what they call no window, Jake. Yeah. The worst architect in the world. I was going to ask

not only did I have a question for it, but it was going to be really entertaining. But I have to bring you the drum roll, if you're okay with that. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's hear it, man. What's your least favorite religion?

Least favorite religion? Easy. Easy. Easy. Easy. It's easy, man. It's an easy one to answer yeah probably

whatever the flying spaghetti monster thing was in the late 2000s oh yeah I thought that was cool when I was 12 or whatever yeah me too you know the thing about it is you have to remember even if

even if religion isn't real all those guys still have to go to the biblical hell uh there was a guy that uh it was really popular in like the little, when I was in like junior high and high school, I was part of like some community like theater troupe. Like we did, it was like an acting thing I was trying to do. And this guy's station wagon, I'm not kidding, was covered in the little FSM spaghetti monster. Like one is too much, but there were different colors and shapes and like they would be different and i was one day i was like what's that and he was like oh it's the flying spaghetti monster i'm an atheist and i didn't know what the flying spaghetti monster was so i was like why what are those two things and how are they connected? And he explained to me what it was.

And I was like, that's so funny, dude. And like, that's like, I meant it at the time. I was like, I'm going to be really smug about this now. And then I think I hit like 17 and I was like,

this is the, this is one of the gayest things on planet earth. Yeah. Like, like it, it's so stupid. Like, it's not even like a smart like if you want to be smart i guess like if that's the thing like that you want like you build your personality about running to seem like an intelligent guy like

it's just stupid like yeah it's silly but i believe in it though yes it's silly. But I believe in it, though. Yes, it's real. I think if I had to make my own new religion, it would just revolve around the Transformers, probably. I think their ideals of honor and courage. Doing the right thing. Yeah. I think they're ideals of honor and courage. Doing the right thing. Yeah, I believe in it. And being like a challenger and like a charger. Yeah. A jaguar and things like that.

I really respected Optimus Prime, because not only did he not have a CDL, but he didn't even have a guy in there. He's a Peterbilt. Just with no, yeah, just rocking, man. Yeah, me, I'd rather be a Kinworth. Really? You're a Kinworth guy? I just think they look cool.

The older ones. I'm trying to remember if it's the 990L I like. Is that the older one? Or is it the... All the fleets now are the... Or is it the 900? Is it 900, the old one? I'm thinking about the ones with the straight pipes that come out the top that are like...

Like the old school, like the shit that you'd play Cruisin' USA with. That's the one I'm thinking of. Those are cool looking. I'd love to drive a big rig with a sleeper cab and everything. The life of a trucker sounds like it would be cool for like a week and a half. No, it would be awful, but I would do it. Did I ever tell you about that co-worker I had who... He used to be a trucker and he told me whenever he was a trucker he invented a new

energy drink. No. It was just Mountain Dew and Sudafed. I was like I've talked about this on several podcasts. It's hard to keep up because I'm so famous and I go on so many.

But I was like I feel like Sud. I go on so many. Yeah. But I was like, I feel like the Sudafed is doing the heavy lifting here. And he was like, no, man. How much would he put in there? Yeah. How many would he put in there, like the Sudafed? I don't know. Probably a couple. Okay.

I don't know. I don't know how. I haven't taken Sudafed before. No, no i have but only for like mucinex stuff yeah like actual like i haven't yeah i haven't abused it no i i haven't i haven't either but i'm curious it's like because they do kind of make you like if you take them on an empty stomach you can kind of like kind of feel like like you just had a red bull or something but i'm wondering like if he's making his own energy drink and he's a trucker and pseudofeds involved i'm imagining like i'm picturing like like lean the way they put

jolly ranchers in it there's like 50 pseudofed in the bottom of a mountain dew two liter like that's what i'm picturing yeah i, I think he crushed it up. That is fucked. That rocks. I mean, whatever gets you going, I guess. I've thought about making a type of beer that's just beer with opiates in it. That'd be sick. So you don't have to pop the pills and, like, drink. You can just...

Yeah, just morphine. Yeah. It tastes like Bud Light. Yeah. It's like they got those CBD sodas or whatever. It's like that, but except cool. Yeah, it gets you

flunked up. Yeah, man, it was weird. I only had three Bud Light fentany's last night. I had a Corso Pana the other night. I only had about half of one. And I died. I went to jail. Oh, man.

Thomas is a sleepy little boy no I'm not you're a sleepy little boy dude I literally worked so much today and I've been running off like four hours of sleep a night but you know what we don't make excuses for the hustle

excuses for the grind at thecuses for the grind. At the end of the day, we got the money, our mind. That's what you used to tell me. Yeah, that's what blessed me. Yeah. That's what blessed you used to say to me. Yeah, blessed you used to tell me that back when we put the sunroof back on that 64 Impala. Yeah, we'd had to do the

Grateful Dead concert in 1963. Blessing me would look over, wind whipping his Chinese hair. Bless me, who I am remembering as a Chinese guy, by the way. And he's like, you got the grind, you do the time, and if you don't do

the crime, you get money on the mind. You got to double the hustle and work on your muscles. You got to double the hustle, work on your muscle, and don't be afraid. To get in the tussle. To get in the tussle and get in life's a bustle. And my name is Russell. Russell Blessany. Russell Blessany the the uh

my good friend who took care of my dog Clipper and we went to Grateful Dead shows together and I miss him so much he died

I never really got into the Grateful Dead yeah me neither man I just kind of figured that would like I think if you if you're thankful about dying

you're a messed up guy I'm gonna hear from you yeah you're a messed up guy. I hear from you. Yeah, you're a sick fucker, dude. How about the resentful or reluctant? Ungrateful deadbeats. People are gonna love this one.

They're gonna be like, this is free, right? They're gonna be like, I free right yeah they're gonna be like i know i didn't pay any money for this but i feel like you owe me money for this we're gonna this is gonna this is gonna drop and then we're gonna see like the patron goes back down to 40 dollars no it's funny because people will be like oh so what do you talk about on your podcast and i'll be like honestly like it's mostly just like not really anything like we just say stuff and it takes up an hour yeah and they're like oh so it must be like pretty funny then i'm like

no no no not really i don't really i've not laughed at it a couple times well you must have a lot of fun doing it yeah like you know sometimes kind of like going to the mall is fun yeah what well you know if you love doing it no it's good i like cool I don't love it what I love is you know holding my grandson someday I love that I don't think I I don't think I love any of the things I do

that's ok you don't have to even your hobbies it's like I gotta I gotta make a pot or whatever. Yeah, there's some days where I like. There's some reluctance to everything. I'm like, I got to go play drums today.

What I'd rather like to do is sit and look at the wall and freak out just about nothing for a couple hours. It lasts like two months. I have not even picked up my guitar. I've just been looking at it. I have it right here well now I've picked it up and I'll look at it

and I'll say man I need to practice it and then I'll mentally like practice it yeah practice it soon

as long as I know that I'll practice well I need to but I will get to that not tonight though yeah tonight As long as I know that I'll practice. Me too. But I won't get to that. Not tonight though. Yeah.

Tonight just gazing out at Klubo. I got Klinky coming over later. Tell me about Klinky man. Yeah. clinky was one of those guys i met on the on the chain boat remember oh yeah i remember yeah you told me yeah yeah he um he was up there with Antonio. Antonio. Yeah, Antonio. Antonio and the captain, Jubo. Antonio Glendares. What?

That was the captain. Yeah, he was from Israel, wasn't he? Yeah. Yeah. He was from Jerusalem. Yeah, yeah. Which is in Israel. wasn't he? Yeah. Yeah. He was from Jerusalem. Yeah, yeah. Which is in Israel. It's part of it.

Always has been, always will be. Antonio Glendariz and Klinky. Yeah. Working on the chain boat. Yeah, and they were two of the biggest brothers you'd ever see. Were they brothers? No. They were two.

Yeah, they were two of them oh man some days you look and they you ever see one of those guys and some days you look at them and you think there's five of them and they all want to hurt you they were that kind of funny where they would start talking you you'd think people are about to get hurt real bad in your life. It just makes you wonder. Yeah, you know, I think about it. Yeah, it's healthy to think about that stuff, you know, six, seven, nine, 15 hours a day. Yeah, think about Klinky and Klubo and Antonio Blandaris and blistony and clippard and yeah yeah but that was back when when dobo was still really active with that sort of thing yeah dobo was big he got pretty

big there for a second yeah yeah till dumper came along yeah yeah well i said that was the that was the big uh the civil war between dobo and dumper. A lot of people, historians don't like to talk about that. Yeah, they call it the Dumper Exchange. Yeah, yeah, I remember that. Yeah, that was really sad. All right, boys, we hit an hour. I don't really care about this. So this one's free, right?

Yeah, yeah. Say goodbye. If you love this one, subscribe to the check out is www.w dot patreon. www.padeotime.com thank you bye