Pendejo Time - Boobies Countries

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

Please welcome the newest country music starlet straight from the rolling hills of Appalachia, the one the only Boobies Countries Support the show...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 I want your fucking shit to be so fucking big and strong that the fucking SWAT team is called. Contact the Big and Strong Penis Man. The Big and Strong Penis Man is standardized and loved by the FDA. Guaranteed to give you a big and strong penis. He comes to your house and he does incredible sexual stretches and magic to your thingy until it becomes engorged with blood. Tired of getting a boner? With the new and improved soft pill to make your boner go away and to make it the right small size. Guarante guaranteed to make any woman go oh no it's okay it's fine no no that's it's okay it's really not a big deal no no it's okay no
Starting point is 00:00:57 the like the look like out you know the rumors are it's just the internet you know the small ones are fine like that's just Girls can't even say oh when it's soft or hard. They're so stupid now Yeah, no they can't there's no way you can just fold it in half and wrap tape around it, and they think it's hard Yeah, that's yeah, that was a classic move. We call yeah, we call it Yeah, we just wrap a bunch of duct tape around your penis so so that she thinks it's hard Yeah, you know yeah, and then you just have icing under the
Starting point is 00:01:30 Tape and then whenever you're tired you just squeeze It really hard and then icing and blood comes out and you say oh guess I finished yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, I seen blood a little bit of adhesive. Yeah, that's the sticky part. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you go. Oh, I guess That was awesome. Thank you so much for having me. Your penis is amazing. It felt just like tape Yeah, and that's honestly like what girls love is like sort of like a like a fibrous paper that Goes in their body or whatever. I would do you remember all the old like funny sex positions and stuff like the funny terms I know you're homeschooled a little bit of the urban dictionary ones
Starting point is 00:02:12 Yeah, like the Houdini and like the peppermint swirl and all that stuff. Yeah, I remember When people would like, you know, you'd share one that you learned about the Houdini always felt bad Because I think the entire I Think the entire point of that is that you just trick your friend You know what I mean like Into doing something bad Yeah, I think that's kind of the whole point of that and then the peppermint swirl if I remember correctly the sad clown Is is that you just you come on on a person's face and then you punch them
Starting point is 00:02:47 in the mouth which doesn't really seem like a sex position so much as it just seems cruel you know yeah I don't think a whole lot of people actually do that one yeah yeah the Mexican hot pocket counterproductive I think that one's when you know that's the that's the the chili dog. That's when you you poop on a girl's chest, and then you try to have sexual boobs Straight up that I don't approve of that type of stuff I want to come out and say that on the show like fucking out the gate. I don't think you should ever fuck poop I Hundred percent agree with you. I don't know why this is a controversial statement. No, I don't think it is but yeah Yeah, a lot of you guys a lot of our audience has a lot of issues with poop
Starting point is 00:03:31 Poop eating and poop play yeah, I get eating diapers stuff like this So please drinkers if that's what you're into stop it We got a great show for you today Yeah guys yes sir welcome to the show Uh, we got a great show for you today. Yeah, guys. Yes, sir. Welcome to the show. Um, I think I talked about it on here. I think I was talking to one of my friends is Ashley's best friend and he was telling
Starting point is 00:03:55 me they live in the gayborhood in Houston. I don't know if I talked, maybe I talked about a video episode, but, um, the conversation initially was like, oh, like, you know, we're heading backward kind of into like a social acceptance of being gay, you know, and like doing gay guy stuff openly, you know. We're kind of like losing recipes, as they say. We're forgetting, you know, that love is love and all this stuff.
Starting point is 00:04:21 And then he was saying, I was like, wait, how do you guys like living in Montrose area? He was like, I love it. Like me and my husband, like, it's awesome. So much fun. The community is so welcoming. Like, we have such a great time. It's just, it's all, you know, gay men and women and allies and we feel very safe here. And I was like, that's awesome. And then he was like, we went out to a bar last night and they were having a twink auction And I was like, oh I'm sorry. I don't I don't speak the I don't speak the lingo. What is a twink auction? He goes Oh, they put up a partition
Starting point is 00:04:57 That's kind of like a partially see-through projector screen and then they have a twink on the other side and then you you raise your sign to donate a part of the money to like an organization and if you get the most if you put up the biggest sign with the most money you get to go behind the partition and do what you would like to the twink and I had a what I would like to openly say to the audience as a maybe a reactionary thought which was a That that doesn't sound good That I mean I whatever you know what I mean, I maybe don't call it an auction Maybe call it like the sexy freedom show or something the the lovers delight Maybe I don't know it may I just feel like calling it a twink
Starting point is 00:05:46 auction or any other type of sexual auction maybe gives a little bit of fuel to your enemies. This is all I'm saying. Just as a straight guy who doesn't have any skin in the game or any dick in his ass. I just don't know if, I don't know if being like, oh me and my husband we went to the bar last night we had a really great time oh is a drag show no they were doing an auction where if you donate the most money you could have sex with this man behind this curtain I mean in terms of the things that the people get up to I think the only yeah I think the you know, obviously the name is not ideal not ideal
Starting point is 00:06:29 But in terms of the practice That's fine. Well, I'm saying it's like yes telling Your uncle's you know, they can't shoot off fireworks on the 4th of July, you know If you can't buy a very fair spot a young gay man's body in this country anymore, there's not much you can do. Yeah, yeah. It's like, tell them about it. That's all the politicians do other than politics, really,
Starting point is 00:06:57 is just they take away healthcare and they purchase the bodies of young gay men. Yeah, that's true, you know keep their own alive Yeah, yeah, yeah getting gay guy blood transfusions Yeah Anyway, yeah, no, I see what you mean I would certainly be annoyed if You know, I got captured and auctioned off
Starting point is 00:07:27 in a triton auction but I imagine they were all I Also, I don't think that everybody went back there and just immediately raped the 20 Yeah, I think there was a I Think there was a certain decorum that was expected right right right right of course We got you yeah, I would imagine that you're right But also...
Starting point is 00:08:05 It's also so weird that that's become a term that everybody uses now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't really... I'm kind of starting to not... I don't feel good when I say it. Yeah. I mean, we're saying it right now because that's what the auction was called. Right, it's the use of... But like, it's the right guys calling each other twinks.
Starting point is 00:08:26 That's weird. I don't. It's just, I mean, it's in a comedic sense. Right. There's a comedic sense, but it's just not a like a. Doesn't feel. The word itself doesn't feel like baller shit. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:08:52 A hundred percent. Yeah. It doesn't feel like player shit. Doesn't feel pimp in any way, shape or form. Right. And I think there's it, if there's it, uh, um, type of gay body that's called like a Trilla yeah or like Tully Tully? Yeah that guy's got a Tully by that means like a nine inch penis. Yeah of course that guy's got a hammer you know I can I can rock with a little bit of hammer. If you call the guy a hammer I don't know that's my boy he's a hammer. I don't like
Starting point is 00:09:28 that. Yeah okay all right and maybe I'm not the arbiter of what is and isn't. I don't know. But yeah I don't know it's not my business I guess. It could be. No. Not at a high price I think maybe You know you wouldn't do well at a twink auction Just keep it a bit above It's cause I'm Overweight You don't have any
Starting point is 00:09:56 No that's not what the That's not what one of those guys is You have to be skinny No I'm saying you also You have like a lot of body hair and you kind of have like a kind of a top. I'm just not one of those guys. You'd be great at a bear auction perhaps?
Starting point is 00:10:12 You know what I mean? No, a bear is different. It's fatter and hairier than I am. Bear is fatter and hairier than you are. You can also be just a jacked one, but you've got to really be. Big son of a bitch You got to be a big you also have to be once again. I believe you have to be Practicing member of the culture right straight guy calling himself a bear. I mean, what are we doing?
Starting point is 00:10:39 What are we doing at that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've Travis Kelsey was calling himself a bear. What are we doing man? Where I think an otter is? Otter meaning slang I'm about to find out Otter is a slang term used in LGBTQ community to describe a slim hairy and passive gay man Okay Alright, well, okay. Maybe you're more of an otter then I don't know if you would get I think there's But let's uh, you know what let's right now Jake you and I will look up gay body types and we'll Which one okay because it seems like that's what we want to do and
Starting point is 00:11:19 Yeah, after that we will move on to something else and yeah to the community listening to this we're doing we're doing this Simply to get it out of the way So that we do not talk about this anymore I don't know why we've been spinning the whole fucking episode talking about a gay guy body I'm sorry, dude. We can change the subject right now It's okay I already looked I already have good gay body types on Google images. Yeah, that's me too me, too. That's fine It's fine. Okay, so I got a feeling like Me I don't I don't know I don't want to I don't I don't want to say what I think I would be
Starting point is 00:12:03 because I don't I don't want to say what I think I would be because I don't I don't I Don't want to speak for myself So listeners if you are a part of the community feel free to weigh in on the comments on Spotify What you think Thomas and I was gay? Team would be we've already ruled out that Thomas is neither a twink nor a bear I said perhaps maybe he could be an otter, but Thomas said no. So, you know, I'm running out of terms. I'm gonna keep it a buck and a bill. I might be in the cub category. Very, very awesome. Cub slang. Let me, let me weigh in on this.
Starting point is 00:12:40 LGBT. A young or younger looking version of a bear usually with a smaller frame Sometimes used to imply being the passive partner relationship Demi-romantic a person who does not experience. I didn't I didn't mean all this. I just I Just saw less fact. I just Just Okay, hey, hey, we're getting more I'm learning this is fucking educational for me other terms used in the bear community include otter which we covered chaser Muscle bear which I think is what you were talking about time and then chub
Starting point is 00:13:12 Which I guess is a cub with a little bit more cushion for his pushing Chub aka fat piece of shit little baby a Wolf is similar to an otter but has some hair and is in between a twink and a bear I'm fucking learning so goddamn much I feel like I'm in physics class wolves typically have a lean muscular build and are sexually aggressive not great don't like to hear that no it doesn't necessarily have to be bad sure well okay so okay okay it's good it's awesome no when I hear that I
Starting point is 00:13:50 get excited yeah oh we got a wolf in the club he's got a great body he's very lean and he's super sexually aggressive that's that's my wolf Big Thomas you know how he is man he's he's been working on himself in the gym and he's very sexually psychotic just a a member of the community. Where do you think you are right now? Man, I don't want to say it. I don't want to say it. But I feel like it's easy.
Starting point is 00:14:14 I'm a hairless man. I have no body hair. I have kind of a lanky, slimmer frame, usually. If I'm in the gym. Kind of lean, but not too lean. I feel like I gotta go twink I feel like I have to but I'm also not young enough to be a twink. Is there something in between a twink? This twonketh I think I've heard twonk twonk is a young slim, but muscular gay or queer man
Starting point is 00:14:40 I don't think I'm muscular enough to be a twonk. I think with a like a six-month Hardcore diet and gym plan I could give I've been live well, okay hmm I've been Twunky not right not right now. I think mostly what I am is skinny fat currently, but I don't think that's a gay thing I think that's just like a Okay think that's a gay thing I think that's just like a okay so I'm not a twunk of
Starting point is 00:15:07 some seeing these these are just jacked dudes what am I what happened is being a guy what is the average what is the average person? Yeah, yeah, what is just a gay guy? I'm looking up average gay build Okay, hold on. I just googled. I'm not a twink, but what am I I'm close to one and Now I'm on r slash ask gay bros we can click not a twin I'm gonna ask gay bros. Hey bros I got a vent otherwise I'll never get to sleep tonight today this guy messaged me I have nowhere on grinder and told me that he's not attracted to me and never would want to do anything with me or be with me but he'll be my friend
Starting point is 00:15:56 Jesus fucking crap for okay I wanted as an aside you guys got a mean community you guys got to stand together I love you guys. I love gay guys. But I want you guys to know that you're fucking mean to each other and this world is becoming increasingly hostile to you guys and you need to fucking stand together so be nice. Alright back to the message. Now I'm a relatively fit, healthy and well trimmed guy but I have such an issue attracting guys that I found this is the perfect opportunity to ask this person who is very proud to out of nowhere tell me I'm not attractive to him.
Starting point is 00:16:26 The answer? I'm not a twink. I'm starting to think this is probably the root of many of my dating issues. And I mean, put my dating life on SNL and that show will be back in business like the Gilda Radner era. I'm not a twink, god damn it, and I don't want to be a twink. I have a pretty slim body with some hair a little scruff and muscles that are slowly getting Bigger and a bright future with a life that's together
Starting point is 00:16:49 I'm the guy who makes everyone laugh at the party always smiling and helping out etc blah blah But apparently none of this is attractive enough because I'm not a smooth super skinny guy Womp womp I'm just exhausted okay. I pulled myself out of the dating game for a bit to repair from all this crap. Whenever guys who are significantly older message me, they say the same stuff that all my friends have been saying to me. I'm attractive, smart, a catch, but then I ask, why am I not caught? TLDR, otter living in a twink wanted world. TLDR otter living in a twink wanted world
Starting point is 00:17:26 Here's Fit athletic jock bear muscle bear cub chubb yo, what is this SEO? It's all the same depending on who you're talking to Hmm ah we've got one here slit this okay, so this one is more for I guess an urban fella and A twink thug I would like to maybe Maybe twink thug. I don't know. I don't know. I consider myself, you know a metropolitan type guy But I don't know if if I'm necessarily a thug So maybe not Hmm you guys weigh in in the comments. I think I'm lost. I think Thomas, there's a gay guy type for you, but maybe not for me.
Starting point is 00:18:07 Or maybe I'm just running from the fact that I'm twinkish, you know? Yeah. Well, I think you could just go with twink or subcategory of that. Everybody says I either look like I have Down syndrome or I look like a woman, so maybe I'm like a- like maybe you could be both Yeah, it could be yeah, no for sure Gays, you know we're breaking barriers Gay strip club, Texas
Starting point is 00:18:38 Where the hell are all the gay strip clubs There are go-go boys at oil can Harry's seven nights of the week come get you some they're ready to rock oh sorry that's now good they call the strippers at this club go-go boys that is not awesome Do you want to do some songs? Hey Jake, do you want to sing some songs together? Do we have to do this for a whole episode? We don't. We don't. Oh man.
Starting point is 00:19:20 I just feel like I haven't read any strip club reviews in a while, but I'm it's fine. It's fine No, no, we can't I just I just didn't want to do gay body types for a whole episode. No, that's okay. That's fine They got a new gay strip club in Austin called buff boys Perfect hey guys looking for something to do on a Tuesday night get get all the fellas together and come to Buff Boys! Buff Boys Male Strip Club in Austin, Texas. We've got lots of boys and fresh faces here for you. I'm not gonna continue reading that. Yeah, you're right. Let's sing some songs. I'm with you.
Starting point is 00:19:57 I wanted to keep going and then I started reading that and I don't want to read it anymore. We're gonna accidentally make ourselves homophobic if we keep doing this Yeah, you're right I love Israel Israel Gotta love Israel. I love Israel. Israel number one. I love Israel. Gotta love Israel.
Starting point is 00:20:38 I love Israel. Israel number one. Damn. When you start pouring that syrup on them pancakes and you start seeing the butter melt that's how you know you got some good hot Pancakes and you about to eat all them hoes We live in Israel We love Israel takes take a bite saddler got a love Israel and the waitress come over she say you me like Israel You need more coffee sweet. Tell her V You say hell yeah, bitch? Pour my fucking coffee in the cup.
Starting point is 00:21:29 I love Israel. Glass it on, on your mouth. We love Israel. Start drinking that shit. And you have the amazing bites of the apple pancakes. Scissor fall over them. Take the bites out of them with the bacon and eggs. Yeah, with a glass of milk. I think that one might, I'm not gonna lie, I haven't felt this way about one of the songs in a while, we've had some decent ones, but I feel like that one might be on in the next
Starting point is 00:22:04 album. I personally really like that one Yeah, I think a lot of people will be happy with that Yes, and I think that if you like pancakes and you have maybe some opinions about the atrocities happening Overseas then you'll really like that song Anyway Anyway, what's been going on man? How you been doing? I've been doing really well. Yeah, me too.
Starting point is 00:22:33 I keep eating salad bags as snacks and it's making me really tired all the time. I've been trying to drink more water. I don't think that's helping anything. I think that's making my life worse. Trying to sleep less, trying to eat more and exercise less. Trying to do less comedy less writing Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to think I lose sight of who I am to put myself out there too much. Yeah Yeah, but it's it's all good. However, how about you? I went to the park last night. I played how about you? What you've been up to? Oh I don't know man. I've been like I like
Starting point is 00:23:24 My doctor made me do I could she made me choose between a journal or a video diary. And so I tried to journal for a bit felt very, very stupid. So I went into video diary. And there's something about a grown man in his car talking into a camera and it's not for like a bit or something that feels very much like a Family annihilation II, you know what I mean? Like it's not and I'm also using our old camera that we use to do episodes like the fucking 720p like 2010 Sony So it records in that kind of like grainy you know lost footage style. And so I went back and she's like,
Starting point is 00:24:08 you have to go back at the end of every week and I want you to look at your entries and think about like if you've been able to like properly deal with any of the stuff that's been happening to you. So I watched the footage and I realized that this is a profoundly stupid exercise for me. Because basically what I've been doing my whole life is just, what are we calling it, bossing the fuck up and being a huge motherfucking player with a heart of gold? And it's worked so far. So I don't think I need to be doing any of this stupid shit. But her deal was either I do this or they put me back on medicine. So I don't want I need to be doing any of this stupid shit But her deal was either I do this or they put me back on medicine
Starting point is 00:24:47 So I don't want to go back on medicine I mean, I don't have to go back on medicine, but it was like it is a thing that they're like They made me choose or whatever. I Could just stop going to the doctor all together. But yeah, I mean it seems like things are going well Maybe if you got it all under control, hey. Nice work, Mr. President. Jake, we're worried that you are handling things too well. And we must put you through this pointless exercise to make you weaker.
Starting point is 00:25:20 And to make you realize that you've been in control all along you know all the cool thoughts you've been having lately those are the thoughts of a player on his way up so why would you deny yourself the cool ass codes of your own mind these are the desires of a player Yeah, I Sorry that was the scary music I thought maybe you know go ahead throw that shit on Oh, you want to scary. Let's get some scary shit. Let's get scary. Here you go Me and my friend Thomas went into the woods together. And what we saw changed the course and trajectory of our lives forever.
Starting point is 00:26:20 Help. Help. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa a My name is Jennifer the ghost. Would you like a knife? Would you like to play with a knife? In your body? I can't stack with hella knives! Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! Ginnifer?
Starting point is 00:27:10 Do you wanna play with a knife? Ginnifer, I'm scared of knives! Aaaaaahhhhhh, do you want a spoon? That would be- a deadly spoon. No, I want just a normal one. If you could just give me a normal spoon that would be really good. Mr. Thomas? Yes? I live next door.
Starting point is 00:27:34 And my mommy came over to tell me, tell you to, tell you to, tell you to, tell you to, tell you to, tell you to, tell you, that we are your new neighbors. Oh hello new neighbors. My name's Lionel, my mother's name is Esther, and my father's name is Rupert.
Starting point is 00:28:05 Hello. Are you all three here? My name's Lionel, my mother's name is Esther, and my father's name is Rupert. Hello. Are you all three here? No. Mom and Dad are making you a fresh, awesome, steaming plate of delicious cookies. Oh, thank you Lionel. I love it when cookies are steaming I thought maybe you might my mom says the best cookies are the ones that steam Yes, I like it when they're losing moisture rapidly No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no the cookie. Me too. I love a good juicy cookie. Yeah me too Lionel. Do you want to come in my house? Well I just wanted to say you've got a lot of possums. Please. Yeah you got
Starting point is 00:29:01 a lot of great stuff in your front yard. There are a lot of bones on the ground. Say, are you one of those guys that digs in the ground to look for old treasure? Nope. Oh, thanks for the short and accurate answer, Thomas. I guess there's no more to that question. No there is, but there's not anything that I can remember right now. My mommy forgets stuff too, and so does daddy Rupert. There's a lot that you will need to forget about living here. In New York?
Starting point is 00:29:44 The city where dreams are made of, Thomas? Yes, here in New York. Awesome. I love living in New York. We live in Times Square, all of us. I know. We live above the M&M's store. Well, I live in the KB Toys Center store. Oh, you live in the store? No, sorry, the apartment above it. Anyway, you said I could come into your house. Well, that's right. But don't worry. My house isn't as messy as my yard. Which is it's also, my yard is also in Times Square. You're the only guy I've ever seen with a green lawn in Times Square. Ha ha ha, yeah. Stay off the grass.
Starting point is 00:30:38 Not you, of course. I mean, Vagrants. Oh. I hate Vagrants. Me too. I really vagrants. Oh I Hate vagrants me too. I really hate when they dig through my trash looking for food That's why I put poisonous M&Ms in the trash That's a good idea Thomas I Put M&Ms with shit in them I shit and then I put in M&M capsules and then vagrants eat it and they get diarrhea on my lawn and I go oh fuck
Starting point is 00:31:12 That's one way to deal with them my dad says we should put them all in camps Your dad's a smart man, and he will be even smarter a lot sooner here What does that mean? And he will be even smarter a lot sooner. Here. What does that mean? Thank you. Well, I've prepared something that you're really gonna like. Oh wow! It's a rag that smells like lemons.
Starting point is 00:31:43 Oh my god, I love lemons and I love rags! Let me get a big breath of that. Wow. Yep. Well, there it is, my favorite essential oil smell, lemon. It's where I take the rind of a lemon and I put something on it. I put the thing on it that makes the side of the lemon, the outside of the lemon come off. I put the lemon rinder on it. I put the thing on it that makes it a side of the lemon kill the outside of the lemon come off I put the lemon rinder on it the lemon
Starting point is 00:32:11 Peeler the zest The zester I Use the lemon zest. I'd say I use the zester on my lemons. I zest it I Zest the outside of lemon to use the zest for my smells, for my lemon-smelled rag. And that's what causes the rag to smell like that. Do you like it? Yeah. Okay, well now you can go home and tell your family about how much my rags smell like lemon from the lemon zesting for the, the, from the, alright take care. It's okay Thomas, nice meeting you.
Starting point is 00:32:55 By the way, if you're listening to this, keep listening and don't turn off that motherfucking stereo. If your car breaks down, you're gonna take it to the mechanic. If your dick stops working, you're gonna get HIMS ED. HIMS provides men with access to affordable sexual health treatments
Starting point is 00:33:14 and everything is done online. With a huge range of doctor trusted ED treatments like chewable hardments, Viagra, Cialis and more, it's easy to find something that'll work for you. You don't need insurance and one low price covers everything, from treatments to ongoing care. Start your free online visit today at hems.com slash PT. That's H-I-M-S dot com slash PT for your personalized ED treatment options.
Starting point is 00:33:39 Hems.com slash PT, the products mentioned are truble compounded products which are not proved by or verified for safety or effectiveness by the FDA Prescriptions require an online consultation with the health care provider who will determine if appropriate Restrictions apply see website for details and important safety information subscription required price varies based on production and subscription plan Yeah, go go go get some of that stuff fellas Rock with it. Lean with it. Alright, I would like another song. Okay, I downloaded a bunch. I got some scary music, I got some rap, and I got some country.
Starting point is 00:34:16 Whatever you'd like. Okay. I'm excited to see what Jake has brought. I really fucked with this one, not even kidding. Just had a good groove. Is this like country? It's like country rock, little bluegrass. Let's see what you got, Playboy.
Starting point is 00:34:34 I did it, I did I Love Israel. I want you to. Okay, all right. Red derp. There's a little creek and there's lots of feet and there's fishes in the pool. There's a big old frog, there's a little creek and there's lots of feet and there's fishes in the pool. There's a big old frog, there's a guy on a log and there's people in the pool. There's a big old beer, there's a piece of fish, there's a- okay.
Starting point is 00:34:56 There's a big old tree. Let's try, that's okay. I want to get this one right. And seeing as it's our show and we can do whatever we want and we've got plenty of time, let's give it another shot. Right and seeing as it's our show and we can do it everyone and we've got plenty of time. Let's Let's give it another shot. All right I'm gonna do a different voice because that one actually really hurts to do and I realize I was gonna have to do a hurting voice for several minutes and That's fine, okay, just think of it think of it this way
Starting point is 00:35:18 Okay, this is like the voice or X Factor or whatever. Okay, and and the dais is all there. All right, and or X Factor or whatever, okay? And the dais is all there, all right? And you've gotta really impress him. You've gotta come out of the gate, hard kid, with some of the best. You're a country bumpkin, man. And we mean that in the nicest way. You've got a great personality and you've got awesome abs
Starting point is 00:35:37 and you've got a lovely, lovely, lovely set of feet. That's right. So what we want is for you the audience They're not even here. Just speak from the heart your your life your tragedies your stories being a country just a simple country Man, all right. All right, man. Let's kick that back up and let's see the newest country star Thomas white This one goes out to all people who... Alright. All people who said that everybody coming out of... Everybody who should be down there and see what it was.
Starting point is 00:36:20 And I remember we used to be down there looking there looking at it too. I'll take care Didn't realize the song was starting you you have you failed to impress any of the judges they all hate you oh any of the judges they all hate you. Oh Lord. I'm glad I wore my boots because I'm stepping in it. I'm sorry that your dreams crashed. Does this mean I have to kill myself in my favorite jeans? Oh man I hate to be honest with you but that's the name of the game. I'll still be standing up after I blow my head clean the fuck off cuz these jeans are starts I tell you what boy they are not folding Hey, man, we don't care what the fuck you do not just for 10 free tickets to see Joe mochi on Friday in Dallas Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah, but stay keeps on getting better
Starting point is 00:37:22 Thank You hyenas Dallas day keeps on getting better. Thank you Hyenas Dallas. No problem. I would love to get a new country artist out here with a fresh new band and a fresh new song to see who gets to be the biggest new country star. Okay. Oh wow we've got a girl in the audience. We've got a- Oh yeah. I'm boobies. I'm boobies countries Boobies countries. Oh my god. You're the ticktock sensation boobies countries countries. Oh my god guys Wait, hold on guys. Hold on. Wait. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa Fuck sorry Fuck, sorry. Oh god, nooo. Why that? Boobies Countries!
Starting point is 00:38:08 Yeah! Oh my god, Boobies Countries! Boobies... My name is Boobies. Boobies Countries. Okay, okay guys. Alright, thank you so much for applauding for Boobies Countries. Yeah. Guys. Boobies Countries, boobies countries what brings
Starting point is 00:38:25 you all the way out here to Tuscaloosa to compete in the country stars mega awesome competition my daddy's truck that's what we love it's all about to me it's about actually like protecting our heritage and stuff that's what we love to hear country boob. Your authenticity and your beautiful- Country Boobies. Well, save them, save the singing for the star show, okay, baby girl? Yeah. Okay, pussy lips.
Starting point is 00:38:56 I feel confident. Okay, pussy cheeks. All right. Thank you. I love you. I love you too, Boobies Country. You're the best boyfriend ever. Thanks. I love you. I love you too boobies country Best boyfriend ever
Starting point is 00:39:10 favorite judge I know You can't eat my pussy after this. I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you boobies country. Thank you I'm gonna fucking come on your fucking teeth All right, it is so shiny hard to play come on bounce off an itch in the eye boogie's country music yeah I was just gonna say this country This is a grody dirty little song about a little man I met on the hunky-tonk. He's a big strong man. He wears a big cowboy boot. He's a big cowboy. And he wears a big suit. I get in my truck and get a corn dog.
Starting point is 00:40:22 It tastes really good. I put a little ketchup my steamy willy's wood and I go To the county fair And eat another corn dog when I get there cuz I'm a country lady I like to play guitar. Oh, yes, I do. I'm a country, country baby. I'll play my country guitar for you. I'll tell you, I'll tell you now. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:41:04 Oh, my God. Oh my god, oh my god Country boobies in 1930s blues Country boobies. Thank you. You've just made your way to the semi-finals of the country next megastar We can't believe it I can't believe I'm laxating. I know country boobies. My nipples were tattooed on That's fucking crazy country boobies. I was born with breast cancer, so they had to give me big fakies when I was a baby I'm I know. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:41:48 I was the first baby with huge fake tits. I'm sorry country boobies. I know I loved it. Oh, oh, awesome, yeah. Okay, country boobies. They had to replace them. I kept outgrowing my tits. It's like a wheelchair. They had to replace them I kept outgrown by tents.
Starting point is 00:42:08 It was like a wheelchair. And while my nipples were bigger than my tits. the the the the okay okay country boobies are also take you yeah please please take your please take your seat over there by the city of the only the first semi-finalist for tonight Yeah, which means?
Starting point is 00:42:48 We got our next country artists. Yep. I'm ready to see who that is We got to get the band Sorry, I know that's not a lady like cough That's okay. I had to make sure the band was still allowed to legally play music Okay, I would love to see who the next artist is we got to dig in through our hat of of paper entries Let's see. Oh my god is that Texas truck Yeah, you got your ex's truck. Yeah, that's me I
Starting point is 00:43:45 Came from bone East Boner, Texas I Texas truck man. Hey look win or lose. Sorry. I was on whenever you called my name. I was actually drinking some water out of the toilet I Know that you came from a really rough background Texas truck And I really just want to say that I'm so happy that you could get away From your tragic family life to come and sing a song for us. I'll try want to say that I'm so happy that you could get away from your tragic family life to come and sing a song for us. I'll try not to remember it. Your dad got eaten by an alligator.
Starting point is 00:44:11 Is that true Texas Truck? Oh God, I just remembered that. Oh, that's horrible. I'm sorry, Texas. Yeah, I'm probably going to cry. Well, Texas Truck. I'm okay. uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... It's just her right now. Yep. We've got one more spot for this. I'm stiff all right. Looking at her big ass tits.
Starting point is 00:44:47 Hey, after this, I get to go home and fuck Boobie's countries, okay? So you better take it easy, pal. Yeah, I wish we could double team her and maybe our balls would touch. If you want to later, man. I touched my dad's balls before he died. How was that, Texas? It was on accident. Oh, not on purpose?
Starting point is 00:45:04 I was falling. I was just trying to grab something when I was falling. His balls right there. See the people love your vulnerability Texas. They love your awesome true stories man. Yeah, yeah I threw me on one of them pimpin Memphis shit. Alright, here it goes. Band, spin one up ladies and gentlemen. Get ready for the one and only Texas Truck. I saw you standing there. Standing there. With your big blue hair.
Starting point is 00:45:44 Big blue hair a big blue hair my liberal princess liberal princess I saw you standing there outside the woke honky tonk I saw you handing out some flyers and they said get out the vote. Get out the vote, yeah. Get out the vote. Get out the vote, yeah. So I called you on my Samsung Flip. I said I need to get out the throat get out that front I called you on my Samsung flip and I lost control lost control baby and you answer me, answer me on your Samsung Flip.
Starting point is 00:46:48 And you said Cliff or Texas, you better quit calling me on my Samsung Flip or I'm gonna flip out on you. Oh baby, and I said shut up. I don't like when you talk to me like that Talk to me with the attitude Don't talk to me like that Talk to me, you're very rude I need to borrow your Samsung Flip
Starting point is 00:47:21 Mine is not charged Let me borrow your phone liberal princess it's what the Democrats would want for you need it for you to for me to use your phone to call you on my phone so I could talk to you baby girl you got one of your nipples pissed and it's turning green My uncle got killed by cancer and this is how you repay me By making my Samsung Flip be destroyed You must have gone to bitch college. You went to university of being a bitch. You must have gone to liberal fucking bitch university.
Starting point is 00:48:11 Or art school. You went to LBU liberal bitch university. Lesbian bitch you suck. Fuck you bitch. Fuck you bitch. Fuck you bitch. I'd buy my own damn Samsung charger. I need a place to stay.
Starting point is 00:48:31 The FBI called me being racist. Whenever you call me and I can't answer it's cause you won't let me go over to your place cause you got my Samsung flip charger over there. Wow, Texas Truck. That was an incredible song. That's actually Texas Truck's famous TikTok song Liberal Princess. Thank you for singing that for us, Texas. Oh, and awesome back. Who's the, what's the name of your beautiful backup singer there? What's her name? Uh, that was beautiful backup singer there. What's her name? Uh, that was, uh, Blue Hair Betty. Yeah, that's me. Blue Haired Betty. Mmm, she's sexy.
Starting point is 00:49:16 Thanks for the kiss, Texas. No problem. I really don't like when we do this on the show. It's bad. I do Well, you two did a great job, but I think you've moved on to the semi-finals Please take your seat next to boobies country good job Yeah, I love sucking on that boobie miss country don't mind if I do I'm quite thirsty I'm quite thirsty
Starting point is 00:49:58 Would you let a blue-haired liberal bitch who went to liberal bitch college suck on one of your boobies miss country? Yeah, maybe in exchange for an old man I've got that in spades You can have as many as you want. Oh, okay. Just one. I think that's how much coffee I drink. I drink one coffee. Okay.
Starting point is 00:50:16 Alright. I think it's time for a new contestant. I'm not, I guess I'm a contestant, but it's time for a new one. I hear the next one is gonna be a big deal Yeah, we've got to get the band kicked up. I don't know if this falls under the purview of I Guess this is fine It can be rap or something too
Starting point is 00:50:42 Yeah, it's our gives a fuck yeah Let's do a let's you know what this thing is pretty loose Yeah, people don't really care about doing this a bunch And it's what's funny to me at the end of the day is all that's really fucking important Okay, that sounds like shit It's okay, okay, that's like shit. It's okay. If it sounds like shit, that's okay. I really fucking love living in America. I have so much money and I have so many friends, and we spend our time
Starting point is 00:51:14 hanging out in each other's apartments, looking at our cell phones, and not spending any time with each other that is meaningful in any way. I've been losing a lot of sleep, and I've been hearing voices again from the TV, and they're telling me that I've been doing everything wrong. But you know what? Every day I come and I host Country Star Music Awesome and at the end of the day I have to live with myself and the things that I did when my life was spinning out of control. And sometimes gang, that's really fucking hard. Isn't that right boobies country? Yeah. Ain't that right Texas truck? Isn't that right, Boobies country? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:42 Ain't that right, Texas truck? I'm playing with my boobs and they feel amazing. What do they feel like? Mm-hmm. Uh, like curdled milk. Holy shit. That's awesome, country boobies. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:01 I like the state of things. This reminds me of when my uncle got murdered by a four-wheeler It was last about that last time I really felt like I had a family Because we all came together and tried to pull the four-wheeler off of him 81 of us You really think 81 people could flip over a four-wheeler, but we couldn't find the handles they were underneath Well, so we just left them Texas truck I have a question for you. Yeah
Starting point is 00:52:37 How is it that you and miss boobies came to be acquainted such a way where she not only walks around? topless but lets you suck on her breasts and a weird green liquid comes out of it. Well we both went to UNT. She went for journalism and I went for drunk driving and we became acquainted through that and I know her so well sexually because of my large white penis and her large white vajayjay. That's awesome. She had a pussy so big that she medically needed a huge dick player to fill it. It used to fall out of class and she'd have to lie whenever we could say that she'd just had a baby, but...
Starting point is 00:53:27 Every semester it was like, damn, we'd never see you pregnant. Anyway. I wanna go to a college where all the girls are pregnant. I think that would probably be pretty good. You know, you could focus on your studies, you really wouldn't be like, sexually attracted to anything like that. Or, or do you like pregnant women in Texas? Do you want to like? No, just that way I wouldn't even worry about it. Oh, you could have sex with them.
Starting point is 00:53:53 And so how pregnant are we talking? No, I wouldn't have sex with them. Uh. But I just wouldn't even, I don't even get worried when I see a pregnant woman. Yeah! Uh huh, yeah! Yeah! The American military invented the F-35 jet.
Starting point is 00:54:27 Ba-na-na-na-na. Then Israel said, hey, we really want to get that jet. Ba-pow, pow, pow. We said, you can't have that jet. It's ours, and we built them their own jet, the F-35I. They said, we don't like this jet, it sucks. We want your jet. We said, you can't have it. Because if anybody were to reverse engineer that jet,
Starting point is 00:54:48 then they would have our technologies. Israel said, if you don't give us that jet, we're going to release a bunch of blackmail on your politicians. On your politicians. We said, don't do that. So we sold them our jet. And then it crashed anyway. and then the Taliban found the jet
Starting point is 00:55:07 And then the Taliban found the jet And Israel did that And Israel did that Hey guys, if there's one thing I love, I love living in a world where everybody that you get to vote for is owned by Israel You get to vote for Israel in every election Israel with a red tie Israel with blue hair Israel with a green nipple piercing Israel that drives a Prius Israel that drives a truck. Oh my god Israel just won the Twink auction Israel the Twink auction The whole world's a motherfucking stage game the curtain mr. T. Get ready. It's Israel
Starting point is 00:55:49 The United States is one big drink. Yeah, who's cock in your mouth? You know who has the gavel. That's right The liquid party or whatever the fuck is called more like lick at this dick. Yeah, you ever more like fucking liquor party Yes, we're like looking for it on some shit while I smoke my blood Yeah smoking bluesy I'm smoking bluesy's and sipping gin more like blizz real Cuz I fucking it's cold where I'm at I got hella frost on my fucking chain. Yeah Yeah Well, hello more like I got hella frost on my fucking chain. Yeah Yeah
Starting point is 00:56:25 Well, hello More like grizzly around fucking scary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll knock it down I fucking start growling on motherfuckers. Well, you know what I mean motherfucker. Yeah Yeah, what'd you think of that song? I thought it was really good. Thanks, man It really wasn't a country song. So I guess I can't compete with boobies country or Exeal just died a chemical plant plant just blew up a chemical plant Oh my uncle he just died he got blood up in a chemical plant I used to work at a chemical plant with my dad Me and my dad we worked at a plastics blunt.
Starting point is 00:57:06 And we both, we would drink beer together in the blunt and get fired together. Yeah. I used to smoke a big blunt. I want to smoke a big blunt. It's like weed is bad. Literally it grows in the ground. It's a plant I Get my green and I smoke my bland I plant my seed then I smoke my bland
Starting point is 00:57:36 It's medicine. It's a healthy blend Smoke my green. It's a medicine blend. I have yeah smoke that gun job big bad man with the big blunt. I'm big. Yeah. No, this is a noise. I mean. Yeah, that's fine. That's a cool guy way to clear it. Yeah. Yes.
Starting point is 00:58:02 Just like a British posh guy sucking penis. Yes. Very nice. Yeah, just like a British posh guy sucking penis Had a joke a while back and it was my impression of Ian Mckellen seeing a penis Is he pleased to see it that's just a noisy you know Ian McKellen Is he gay or am I thinking Patrick Stewart? No, Ian McKellen's gay Patrick Stewart is not I don't know about that Patrick Stewart is not gay. I looked this up actually like a few weeks ago I get them confused Patrick Stewart Patrick Stewart is a guy who was in
Starting point is 00:58:45 Star Trek Next Generation Ian McKellen was Gandalf Got it Patrick Stewart gay Patrick Stewart is not gay He is married to a woman his wife's name is Sonny Ozil get the fuck out of here Key points about Patrick Stewart and his sexuality. Not gay. In big bold letters. I love Google AI overview. It fucking works so good. Anyway. Oh, I have a, I have a, fuck, here you go dude. another big one it's medicine medicine
Starting point is 00:59:33 medicine under the sun we take big buffs big buffs we take big puffs. What accent is this? Eat those matochus, we take a big puff. Oh, a big puff! We take a big puff. One is not enough. This is a Mexican reggae song. Don't ask questions about where we're from. That's all reggae, that's all reggae tone is. That's correct. You take a big
Starting point is 01:00:06 puff of liganda. Smoke the weed. Viva smoke the weed Mr. Jake man you must smoke the weed and get more a smoker de ganja viva la raza viva Israel Lost me love upon a king's highway Take a big buff, f**k in Life's feeling rough, my friend Oh, that's fine, yeah, alright Uh, no, I don't wanna do that again Anyway, we don't play songs. We did a few songs fucking
Starting point is 01:01:08 Yeah, that fucking we're doing the big show tomorrow, so I'm pretty excited like that Yeah, I think a lot of people bailed, but that's okay. Oh, is it the free one in San Marcos? Yeah, I'm trying to get like a thing going But I fucking hate organizing shows and I probably I'm not gonna be very funny cuz I'm not I Don't know man like you're gonna kill. It's gonna go good. I've been feeling I've like I've just been like eating shit lately, man I just get up there, and I just don't know what I'm doing, but I think I'm just kind of in like a rut Here's what you have to do you have to pretend Yeah
Starting point is 01:01:41 What do you mean you said to just do it a guy who's awesome at it would do? No, like which I sometimes I'll do and then I do a horrible job And then people are just sort of like hat people like will just sort of laugh to agree with me sometimes Yeah, the other day. Oh my god, dude the other day I fucking did everything out of order and it was like horrible. I just walked off thank you guys have been awesome. Thank you so much. This is great I did that there were like five people there. Yeah not ideal, but Yeah, no, I've been trying to get more spots recently it's kind of
Starting point is 01:02:18 Been like I'll get a few and then can't really get anything for a while, but that's all right Yeah, same for me I'm trying to book the tour and literally the only club that responded to me is the club that I'm friends with the owner so not doing great, but If you guys are listening to this and you have a venue In a city that you want me to come to stand up in fuck it Thomas, too Because that's the name of the fucking game Thomas You're coming with me everywhere. I go Thomas quit your job and
Starting point is 01:02:49 It's gonna be both quit our jobs and that will inspire us to grind harder. You know what I mean? That's right If there's one thing I'm probably right about to do it is my work ethic is about to Skyrocket I'm feeling so motivated right now. Yeah, same here man. I scheduled a meeting for tomorrow for because I needed to give an update on something where I was like, dude, I've made awesome progress on this and we need to talk about it. I literally have not made the, I made the meeting so that I have to make that progress by the time I have that meeting Yes, yep, that's a classic ever do that all the time literally all the time like I didn't make any crazy promises
Starting point is 01:03:31 But like yo, we got to talk about this. Let's have a meeting cuz then that way I can't be Admit that I've been sitting on my ass about certain things Creatively speaking sometimes I'm like, oh, I don't really feel dude. The creative vibe is not with me right now I don't even want to create something right now because it'll be subpar and then I'm like and then I actually do Have like a day where I'm like feeling really creative and I do something I'm like this is like not much better than if I had been This is it's not like spurts of genius. It's just having energy Being bored sometimes and wanting to do something
Starting point is 01:04:07 Yeah, I think I get like Like lately I've been like I don't know. Yeah, I've just been kind of fucking insane so I'll like try and sit down to write or like figure out a new joke or something and then Yeah, nothing happens. And then when I do feel inspired, I'm kind of the same. I go to sit down and I'm like, oh I feel the muse. And the joke is like, two guys and they're sitting next to each other on the train and their hands accidentally touch and they pass on genetic memories to each other
Starting point is 01:04:39 and both of them were gay with each other 10,000 years ago. And that's not even really a joke, nor is it a sketch idea. They just, you know, it's stupid. Anyway. It happens. But, uh, yep. I fucking... The guy that runs the bar, also books the shows, is also the maintenance man and also
Starting point is 01:05:01 owns the bar and is also the manager of the bar and is also the welder of all the metal in the bar and is also the plumber and I guess he's also the electrician. And he doesn't do, Thomas, he doesn't do any of these things. Whenever I text the phone to the bar that's also the bar under my house and I'm like, hey, I'm throwing this show here. Who do I talk to about like posters? And the guy's like, oh, he'll be like, it's me. I'm also the poster guy. And I'm like, cool. Well, what do I do to about like posters and then he guys like oh that he'll be like it's me I'm also the poster guy and I'm like cool. Well, what do I do if I need posters and he's like, I don't know He's like, oh, we always we usually get posters from another guy and I'm like, well, who's that guy and he's like, oh, he's
Starting point is 01:05:34 He doesn't work here anymore. And then Did I tell you I actually got accidentally got looped into helping him weld something the other day? I went I went downstairs to ask him about the show and he was like you got a second and I was like no He was like I just real quick and I was like, oh, yeah, whatever man He was like, can you stand right there and adjust the knob on my welding machine? While I try to get the temperature on right on this thing He doesn't know how to weld because I was well, I don't know how to weld either But I was watching just slag
Starting point is 01:06:06 Like not connect the parent metal and he was just like yeah, I just keep turning I think I'm I think I'm getting it right and he made me get it hotter and he's just sitting there and there sparks Well, he has no mask on by the way, just a pair of like, you know The shades that you get at like like a music festival. They have like the green issue They're like two dollar knockoff Ray Bans or whatever Just welding aluminum rocking those motherfuckers, and I had to help them do that shit anyway Not a funny story kind of inconsequential, but anyway. We'll see how it goes it might bomb I'm having a bunch of friends coming if it goes bad. I'll just kill myself
Starting point is 01:06:39 Good man If you're listening to this that means that you are a real ass motherfucker And you've got a heart of gold and you got a big old fucking set of two of them And maybe even a big pipe too and if you if you want them to get bigger and you want your pipe to get stronger stronger than fucking tungsten Head on over to patreon.com slash pendejo time toss us a little bit of cheese guys We got a lot of downloads We got a big audience and if each one of you free motherfuckers hopped on the paid
Starting point is 01:07:05 Then that would be really really awesome for me and Thomas And we can provide you guys with fucking crazy ass content and more video episodes and even better sketches and awesome interviews with incredibly intelligent people $1 a month get you access to the discord and nothing else And then $5 a month gets you access to the discord and nothing else and then $5 a month gets you access To all the backlog of all the audio episodes plus a bonus episode each week $10 a month gets you access to a backlog of Video episodes as well as an bonus video episode every month trying to get more of those out I've got a bunch of them. I got a couple scheduled $50 a month you get all that same stuff, and you just get to give us 50 bucks a month
Starting point is 01:07:44 I wonder how long that those guys will keep giving us that April 18th, I'm got a cool feature spot at the green room in Austin, Texas Tickets at the green room or tickets are good Instagram you go to the green room you're in Austin tickets are like 10 bucks, and that's gonna be a pretty big show for a motherfucker like me so coming out and see that motherfucking shit and then may Mark your calendars. This is big if I don't sell this out I'm literally fucked and I'll never do stand-up again, and it's over for me. I need everybody to Hold on a second. I gotta get the date I'll give
Starting point is 01:08:26 you the wrong motherfucking date shit penis that's not the day may fuck dude I'm about to fucking I'm about to scream on this motherfucking show turn your volume down May 10th May 10th midnight show Velveeta room. I think Thomas I asked you if you wanted the yeah, you should come down probably will be Time to film some shit by then but May 10th at the Velveeta room tickets at the Velveeta room.com Motherfucking I'm gonna be there JT is gonna be there Thomas If you can make it Yeah, I won't commit on the show right now No, I do this is what we're talking about remember I got it we got a grind
Starting point is 01:09:21 I got it I have to make you commit to something that you don't know if you're gonna be able to do right so everybody Thomas will Be there, and he will be fucking I like the idea of people will come in case I'm there like they do with the Shane Gillis, but they're like man I hope I hope I get to hear seven minutes of what I already listened to on this show Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah go check that shit out. We love you guys. Thanks for listening. Bye. Bye

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.