Pendejo Time - Boobies Countries
Episode Date: March 6, 2025Please welcome the newest country music starlet straight from the rolling hills of Appalachia, the one the only Boobies Countries Support the show...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I want your fucking shit to be so fucking big and strong that the fucking SWAT team is called.
Contact the Big and Strong Penis Man.
The Big and Strong Penis Man is standardized and loved by the FDA.
Guaranteed to give you a big and strong penis.
He comes to your house and he does incredible sexual stretches and magic to your thingy until it becomes engorged with blood. Tired of getting a
boner? With the new and improved soft pill to make your boner go away and to
make it the right small size. Guarante guaranteed to make any woman go oh no it's
okay it's fine no no that's it's okay it's really not a big deal no no it's okay no
the like the look like out you know the rumors are it's just the internet you know the small
ones are fine like that's just
Girls can't even say oh when it's soft or hard. They're so stupid now
Yeah, no they can't there's no way you can just fold it in half and wrap tape around it, and they think it's hard
Yeah, that's yeah, that was a classic move. We call yeah, we call it
Yeah, we just wrap a bunch of duct tape around your penis so so that she thinks it's hard
Yeah, you know yeah, and then you just have icing
under the
Tape and then whenever you're tired you just squeeze
It really hard and then icing and blood comes out and you say oh guess I finished yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I seen blood a little bit of adhesive. Yeah, that's the sticky part. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you go. Oh, I guess
That was awesome. Thank you so much for having me. Your penis is amazing. It felt just like tape
Yeah, and that's honestly like what girls love is like sort of like a like a fibrous
paper that
Goes in their body or whatever. I would do you remember all the old like funny sex positions and stuff like the funny terms
I know you're homeschooled a little bit of the urban dictionary ones
Yeah, like the Houdini and like the peppermint swirl and all that stuff. Yeah, I remember
When people would like, you know, you'd share one that you learned about the Houdini always felt bad
Because I think the entire I
Think the entire point of that is that you just trick your friend
You know what I mean like
Into doing something bad
Yeah, I think that's kind of the whole point of that and then the peppermint swirl if I remember correctly the sad clown
Is is that you just you come on on a person's face and then you punch them
in the mouth which doesn't really seem like a sex position so much as it just
seems cruel you know yeah I don't think a whole lot of people actually do that
one yeah yeah the Mexican hot pocket counterproductive I think that one's
when you know that's the that's the the chili dog. That's when you you poop on a girl's chest, and then you try to have sexual boobs
Straight up that I don't approve of that type of stuff
I want to come out and say that on the show like fucking out the gate. I don't think you should ever fuck poop I
Hundred percent agree with you. I don't know why this is a controversial statement. No, I don't think it is but yeah
Yeah, a lot of you guys a lot of our audience has a lot of issues with poop
Poop eating and poop play yeah, I get eating diapers stuff like this
So please drinkers if that's what you're into stop it
We got a great show for you today
Yeah guys yes sir welcome to the show Uh, we got a great show for you today. Yeah, guys.
Yes, sir.
Welcome to the show.
Um, I think I talked about it on here.
I think I was talking to one of my friends is Ashley's best friend and he was telling
me they live in the gayborhood in Houston.
I don't know if I talked, maybe I talked about a video episode, but, um, the
conversation initially was like,
oh, like, you know, we're heading backward kind of
into like a social acceptance of being gay, you know,
and like doing gay guy stuff openly, you know.
We're kind of like losing recipes, as they say.
We're forgetting, you know, that love is love and all this stuff.
And then he was saying, I was like,
wait, how do you guys like living in Montrose area? He was like, I love it. Like me and my husband, like, it's awesome. So
much fun. The community is so welcoming. Like, we have such a great time. It's just, it's all,
you know, gay men and women and allies and we feel very safe here. And I was like, that's awesome.
And then he was like, we went out to a bar last night and they were having a twink auction
And I was like, oh
I'm sorry. I don't I don't speak the I don't speak the lingo. What is a twink auction? He goes
Oh, they put up a partition
That's kind of like a partially see-through projector screen and then they have a twink on the other side and then you you raise your sign to donate a part of the money to like an organization and if you get the
most if you put up the biggest sign with the most money you get to go behind the
partition and do what you would like to the twink and I had a what I would like
to openly say to the audience as a maybe a reactionary thought which was a
That that doesn't sound good
That I mean I whatever you know what I mean, I maybe don't call it an auction
Maybe call it like the sexy freedom show or something the the lovers delight
Maybe I don't know it may I just feel like calling it a twink
auction or any other type of sexual auction maybe gives a little bit of fuel to your enemies.
This is all I'm saying. Just as a straight guy who doesn't have any skin in the game
or any dick in his ass. I just don't know if, I don't know if being like, oh me and
my husband we went to the
bar last night we had a really great time oh is a drag show no they were
doing an auction where if you donate the most money you could have sex with this
man behind this curtain I mean in terms of the things that the people get up to
I think the only yeah I think the you know, obviously the name is not ideal not ideal
But in terms of the practice
That's fine. Well, I'm saying it's like yes telling
Your uncle's you know, they can't shoot off fireworks on the 4th of July, you know
If you can't buy a very fair spot a young gay man's body in this country
anymore, there's not much you can do.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, tell them about it.
That's all the politicians do other than politics, really,
is just they take away healthcare and they purchase
the bodies of young gay men.
Yeah, that's true, you know keep their own alive
Yeah, yeah, yeah getting gay guy blood transfusions
Yeah
Anyway, yeah, no, I see what you mean
I would certainly be annoyed if
You know, I got captured and auctioned off
in a triton auction
but I imagine they were all I
Also, I don't think that everybody went back there and just
immediately raped the 20
Yeah, I think there was a I
Think there was a certain decorum that was expected right right right right of course
We got you yeah, I would imagine that you're right
But also...
It's also so weird that that's become a term that everybody uses now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't really... I'm kind of starting to not...
I don't feel good when I say it.
Yeah.
I mean, we're saying it right now because that's what the auction was called.
Right, it's the use of...
But like, it's the right guys calling each other twinks.
That's weird.
I don't.
It's just, I mean, it's in a comedic sense.
Right.
There's a comedic sense, but it's just not a like a.
Doesn't feel.
The word itself doesn't feel like
baller shit. You know what I mean?
A hundred percent. Yeah. It doesn't feel like player shit.
Doesn't feel pimp in any way, shape or form. Right. And I think there's it,
if there's it, uh, um,
type of gay body that's called like a Trilla yeah or like Tully Tully? Yeah that guy's got a Tully
by that means like a nine inch penis. Yeah of course
that guy's got a hammer you know I can I can rock with a little bit of
hammer. If you call the guy a hammer I don't know
that's my boy he's a hammer. I don't like
that. Yeah okay all right and maybe I'm not the arbiter of what is and isn't. I don't know. But
yeah I don't know it's not my business I guess. It could be. No. Not at a high price
I think maybe
You know you wouldn't do well at a twink auction
Just keep it a bit above
It's cause I'm
Overweight
You don't have any
No that's not what the
That's not what one of those guys is
You have to be skinny
No I'm saying you also
You have like a lot of body hair and you kind of have like
a kind of a top.
I'm just not one of those guys.
You'd be great at a bear auction perhaps?
You know what I mean?
No, a bear is different.
It's fatter and hairier than I am.
Bear is fatter and hairier than you are.
You can also be just a jacked one, but you've got to really be.
Big son of a bitch
You got to be a big you also have to be once again. I believe you have to be
Practicing member of the culture right straight guy calling himself a bear. I mean, what are we doing?
What are we doing at that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've Travis Kelsey was calling himself a bear. What are we doing man?
Where I think an otter is?
Otter meaning slang I'm about to find out
Otter is a slang term used in LGBTQ community to describe a slim hairy and passive gay man
Okay
Alright, well, okay. Maybe you're more of an otter then I don't know if you would get I think there's
But let's uh, you know what let's right now Jake you and I will look up gay body types and we'll
Which one okay because it seems like that's what we want to do and
Yeah, after that we will move on to something else and yeah to the community listening to this we're doing we're doing this
Simply to get it out of the way
So that we do not talk about this anymore
I don't know why we've been spinning the whole fucking episode talking about a gay guy body
I'm sorry, dude. We can change the subject right now
It's okay I already looked I already have good gay body types on Google images. Yeah, that's me too me, too. That's fine
It's fine. Okay, so I got a feeling like
Me I don't I don't know I don't want to I don't I don't want to say what I think I would be
because I don't I don't want to say what I think I would be because I don't I don't I
Don't want to speak for myself
So listeners if you are a part of the community feel free to weigh in on the comments on Spotify
What you think Thomas and I was gay?
Team would be we've already ruled out that Thomas is neither a twink nor a bear
I said perhaps maybe he could be an otter, but Thomas said no.
So, you know, I'm running out of terms. I'm gonna keep it a buck and a bill. I might be in the cub category.
Very, very awesome. Cub slang. Let me, let me weigh in on this.
LGBT.
A young or younger looking version of a bear usually with a smaller frame
Sometimes used to imply being the passive partner relationship
Demi-romantic a person who does not experience. I didn't I didn't mean all this. I just I
Just saw less fact. I just
Just
Okay, hey, hey, we're getting more I'm learning this is fucking educational for me other terms used in the bear community include otter which we covered chaser
Muscle bear which I think is what you were talking about time and then chub
Which I guess is a cub with a little bit more cushion for his pushing
Chub aka fat piece of shit
little baby a
Wolf is similar to an otter but has some hair and is in between a
twink and a bear I'm fucking learning so goddamn much I feel like I'm in physics
class wolves typically have a lean muscular build and are sexually
aggressive not great don't like to hear that no it doesn't necessarily have to
be bad sure well okay so okay okay it's good it's awesome no when I hear that I
get excited yeah oh we got a wolf in the club he's got a great body he's very
lean and he's super sexually aggressive that's that's my wolf Big Thomas you
know how he is man he's he's been working on himself in the gym and he's
very sexually psychotic just a a member of the community.
Where do you think you are right now?
Man, I don't want to say it.
I don't want to say it.
But I feel like it's easy.
I'm a hairless man.
I have no body hair.
I have kind of a lanky, slimmer frame, usually.
If I'm in the gym.
Kind of lean, but not too lean.
I feel like I gotta go twink
I feel like I have to but I'm also not young enough to be a twink. Is there something in between a twink?
This twonketh I think I've heard twonk twonk is a young slim, but muscular gay or queer man
I don't think I'm muscular enough to be a twonk. I think with a like a six-month
Hardcore diet and gym plan I could give I've been
live well, okay
hmm
I've been
Twunky not right not right now. I think mostly what I am is skinny fat currently, but I don't think that's a gay thing
I think that's just like a
Okay think that's a gay thing I think that's just like a okay so I'm not a twunk of
some seeing these these are just jacked dudes what am I what happened is being a
guy what is the average what is the average person? Yeah, yeah, what is just a gay guy?
I'm looking up average gay build
Okay, hold on. I just googled. I'm not a twink, but what am I I'm close to one and
Now I'm on r slash ask gay bros we can click not a twin
I'm gonna ask gay bros. Hey bros I got a vent otherwise I'll never get to sleep tonight today this guy messaged me I have nowhere on grinder
and told me that he's not attracted to me and never would want to do anything
with me or be with me but he'll be my friend
Jesus fucking crap for okay I wanted as an aside you guys got a mean community
you guys got to stand together I love you guys. I love gay guys.
But I want you guys to know that you're fucking mean to each other and this world is becoming
increasingly hostile to you guys and you need to fucking stand together so be nice.
Alright back to the message.
Now I'm a relatively fit, healthy and well trimmed guy but I have such an issue attracting
guys that I found this is the perfect opportunity to ask this person who is very proud to out
of nowhere tell me I'm not attractive to him.
The answer?
I'm not a twink.
I'm starting to think this is probably the root of many of my dating issues.
And I mean, put my dating life on SNL and that show will be back in business like the
Gilda Radner era.
I'm not a twink, god damn it, and I don't want to be a twink.
I have a pretty slim body with some hair a little scruff and muscles that are slowly getting
Bigger and a bright future with a life that's together
I'm the guy who makes everyone laugh at the party always smiling and helping out etc blah blah
But apparently none of this is attractive enough because I'm not a smooth super skinny guy
Womp womp
I'm just exhausted okay. I pulled myself out of the dating game for a bit to repair from all this crap.
Whenever guys who are significantly older message me, they say the same stuff that all my friends have been saying to me.
I'm attractive, smart, a catch, but then I ask, why am I not caught?
TLDR, otter living in a twink wanted world.
TLDR otter living in a twink wanted world
Here's
Fit athletic jock bear muscle bear cub chubb yo, what is this SEO? It's all the same depending on who you're talking to
Hmm ah we've got one here slit this okay, so this one is more for I guess an urban fella and
A twink thug I would like to maybe
Maybe twink thug. I don't know. I don't know. I consider myself, you know a metropolitan type guy
But I don't know if if I'm necessarily a thug
So maybe not
Hmm you guys weigh in in the comments. I think I'm lost. I think Thomas, there's a gay guy type for you, but maybe not for me.
Or maybe I'm just running from the fact that I'm twinkish, you know?
Yeah.
Well, I think you could just go with twink or subcategory of that.
Everybody says I either look like I have Down syndrome or I look like a woman, so maybe
I'm like a- like maybe you could be both
Yeah, it could be yeah, no for sure
Gays, you know we're breaking barriers
Gay strip club, Texas
Where the hell are all the gay strip clubs
There are go-go boys at oil can Harry's seven nights of the week come
get you some they're ready to rock oh sorry that's now good they call the
strippers at this club go-go boys that is not awesome Do you want to do some songs? Hey Jake, do you want to sing some songs together?
Do we have to do this for a whole episode?
We don't.
We don't.
Oh man.
I just feel like I haven't read any strip club reviews in a while, but I'm it's fine. It's fine
No, no, we can't I just I just didn't want to do gay body types for a whole episode. No, that's okay. That's fine
They got a new
gay strip club in Austin called buff boys
Perfect hey guys looking for something to do on a Tuesday night get get all the fellas together and come to Buff Boys!
Buff Boys Male Strip Club in Austin, Texas.
We've got lots of boys and fresh faces here for you.
I'm not gonna continue reading that. Yeah, you're right. Let's sing some songs. I'm with you.
I wanted to keep going and then I started reading that and I don't want to read it anymore.
We're gonna accidentally make ourselves homophobic if we keep doing this
Yeah, you're right
I love Israel
Israel
Gotta love Israel. I love Israel. Israel number one.
I love Israel.
Gotta love Israel.
I love Israel.
Israel number one. Damn. When you start pouring that syrup on them pancakes and
you start seeing the butter melt that's how you know you got some good hot Pancakes and you about to eat all them hoes
We live in Israel
We love Israel takes take a bite saddler got a love Israel and the waitress come over she say you me like Israel
You need more coffee sweet. Tell her V
You say hell yeah, bitch?
Pour my fucking coffee in the cup.
I love Israel.
Glass it on, on your mouth.
We love Israel.
Start drinking that shit.
And you have the amazing bites of the apple pancakes.
Scissor fall over them.
Take the bites out of them with the bacon and eggs. Yeah, with a glass of milk. I think that one might, I'm not gonna lie, I haven't felt this way about one of the songs
in a while, we've had some decent ones, but I feel like that one might be on in the next
album. I personally really like that one
Yeah, I think a lot of people will be happy with that
Yes, and I think that if you like pancakes and you have maybe some opinions about the atrocities happening
Overseas then you'll really like that song
Anyway
Anyway, what's been going on man? How you been doing?
I've been doing really well.
Yeah, me too.
I keep eating salad bags as snacks and it's making me really tired all the time.
I've been trying to drink more water. I don't think that's helping
anything. I think that's making my life worse. Trying to sleep less, trying to eat
more and exercise less. Trying to do less comedy less writing Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to think I lose sight of who I am to put myself out there too much. Yeah
Yeah, but it's it's all good. However, how about you? I went to the park last night. I played how about you?
What you've been up to? Oh
I don't know man. I've been like I
like
My doctor made me do I could she made me choose between a journal or a
video diary. And so I tried to journal for a bit felt very, very stupid. So I went into
video diary. And there's something about a grown man in his car talking into a camera and it's not for like a bit or something that feels very much like a
Family annihilation II, you know what I mean?
Like it's not and I'm also using our old camera that we use to do episodes like the fucking 720p like 2010 Sony
So it records in that kind of like grainy
you know
lost footage style. And so I went back and she's like,
you have to go back at the end of every week and I want you to look at your entries and
think about like if you've been able to like properly deal with any of the stuff that's
been happening to you. So I watched the footage and I realized that this is a profoundly stupid exercise for me.
Because basically what I've been doing my whole life is just, what are we calling it,
bossing the fuck up and being a huge motherfucking player with a heart of gold?
And it's worked so far.
So I don't think I need to be doing any of this stupid shit.
But her deal was either I do this or they put me back on medicine. So I don't want I need to be doing any of this stupid shit But her deal was either I do this or they put me back on medicine
So I don't want to go back on medicine
I mean, I don't have to go back on medicine, but it was like it is a thing that they're like
They made me choose or whatever. I
Could just stop going to the doctor all together. But yeah, I mean it seems like things are going well
Maybe if you got it all under control, hey.
Nice work, Mr. President.
Jake, we're worried that you are handling things too well.
And we must put you through this pointless exercise to make you weaker.
And to make you realize that you've been in control all along you
know all the cool thoughts you've been having lately those are the thoughts of
a player on his way up so why would you deny yourself the cool ass codes of your
own mind these are the desires of a player
Yeah, I
Sorry that was the scary music I thought maybe you know go ahead throw that shit on
Oh, you want to scary. Let's get some scary shit. Let's get scary. Here you go Me and my friend Thomas went into the woods together.
And what we saw changed the course and trajectory of our lives forever.
Help.
Help. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
a My name is Jennifer the ghost.
Would you like a knife?
Would you like to play with a knife?
In your body?
I can't stack with hella knives! Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!
Ginnifer?
Do you wanna play with a knife?
Ginnifer, I'm scared of knives!
Aaaaaahhhhhh, do you want a spoon?
That would be- a deadly spoon. No, I want just a normal one.
If you could just give me a normal spoon that would be really good.
Mr. Thomas?
Yes?
I live next door.
And my mommy came over to tell me, tell you to,
tell you to,
tell you to,
tell you to,
tell you to,
tell you to, tell you, that we are your new neighbors.
Oh hello new neighbors.
My name's Lionel, my mother's name is Esther, and my father's name is Rupert.
Hello. Are you all three here? My name's Lionel, my mother's name is Esther, and my father's name is Rupert.
Hello.
Are you all three here?
No. Mom and Dad are making you a fresh, awesome, steaming plate of delicious cookies.
Oh, thank you Lionel. I love it when cookies are steaming
I thought maybe you might my mom says the best cookies are the ones that steam
Yes, I like it when they're losing moisture rapidly No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no the cookie. Me too. I love a good juicy cookie. Yeah me too Lionel. Do you want to come in
my house? Well I just wanted to say you've got a lot of possums. Please. Yeah you got
a lot of great stuff in your front yard. There are a lot of bones on the ground.
Say, are you one of those guys that digs in the ground to look for old treasure?
Nope.
Oh, thanks for the short and accurate answer, Thomas. I guess there's no more to that question.
No there is, but there's not anything that I can remember right now.
My mommy forgets stuff too, and so does daddy Rupert.
There's a lot that you will need to forget about living here.
In New York?
The city where dreams are made of, Thomas?
Yes, here in New York. Awesome. I love living in New York. We live in Times Square, all
of us. I know. We live above the M&M's store. Well, I live in the KB Toys Center store. Oh, you live in the store? No, sorry, the
apartment above it. Anyway, you said I could come into your house. Well, that's right.
But don't worry. My house isn't as messy as my yard.
Which is it's also, my yard is also in Times Square.
You're the only guy I've ever seen with a green lawn in Times Square.
Ha ha ha, yeah. Stay off the grass.
Not you, of course. I mean, Vagrants.
Oh.
I hate Vagrants. Me too. I really vagrants. Oh I Hate vagrants me too. I really hate when they dig through my trash looking for food
That's why I put poisonous M&Ms in the trash
That's a good idea Thomas I
Put M&Ms with shit in them
I shit and then I put in M&M capsules and then vagrants eat it and they get diarrhea on my lawn and I go oh
fuck
That's one way to deal with them my dad says we should put them all in camps
Your dad's a smart man, and he will be even smarter a lot sooner
here What does that mean? And he will be even smarter a lot sooner. Here.
What does that mean?
Thank you.
Well, I've prepared something that you're really gonna like.
Oh wow!
It's a rag that smells like lemons.
Oh my god, I love lemons and I love rags!
Let me get a big breath of that.
Wow.
Yep. Well, there it is, my favorite essential oil smell, lemon.
It's where I take the rind of a lemon
and I put something on it.
I put the thing on it that makes the side of the lemon, the outside of the lemon come off. I put the lemon rinder on it. I put the thing on it that makes it a side of the lemon kill the outside of the lemon come off
I put the lemon rinder on it the lemon
Peeler the zest
The zester I
Use the lemon zest. I'd say I use the zester on my lemons. I zest it I
Zest the outside of lemon to use the zest for my smells, for
my lemon-smelled rag. And that's what causes the rag to smell like that. Do you like it?
Yeah. Okay, well now you can go home and tell your family about how much my rags smell like lemon from the lemon zesting
for the, the, from the, alright take care.
It's okay Thomas, nice meeting you.
By the way, if you're listening to this, keep listening and don't turn off that motherfucking
stereo.
If your car breaks down,
you're gonna take it to the mechanic.
If your dick stops working,
you're gonna get HIMS ED.
HIMS provides men with access
to affordable sexual health treatments
and everything is done online.
With a huge range of doctor trusted ED treatments
like chewable hardments, Viagra, Cialis and more,
it's easy to find something that'll work for you.
You don't need insurance and one low price covers everything, from treatments to ongoing
care.
Start your free online visit today at hems.com slash PT.
That's H-I-M-S dot com slash PT for your personalized ED treatment options.
Hems.com slash PT, the products mentioned are truble compounded products which are not
proved by or verified for safety or effectiveness by the FDA
Prescriptions require an online consultation with the health care provider who will determine if appropriate
Restrictions apply see website for details and important safety information subscription required price varies based on production and subscription plan
Yeah, go go go get some of that stuff fellas
Rock with it. Lean with it.
Alright, I would like another song.
Okay, I downloaded a bunch. I got some scary music, I got some rap, and I got some country.
Whatever you'd like.
Okay.
I'm excited to see what Jake has brought.
I really fucked with this one, not even kidding.
Just had a good groove.
Is this like country?
It's like country rock, little bluegrass.
Let's see what you got, Playboy.
I did it, I did I Love Israel.
I want you to.
Okay, all right.
Red derp.
There's a little creek and there's lots of feet
and there's fishes in the pool. There's a big old frog, there's a little creek and there's lots of feet and there's fishes in the pool.
There's a big old frog, there's a guy on a log and there's people in the pool.
There's a big old beer, there's a piece of fish, there's a- okay.
There's a big old tree.
Let's try, that's okay.
I want to get this one right.
And seeing as it's our show and we can do whatever we want and we've got plenty of time,
let's give it another shot. Right and seeing as it's our show and we can do it everyone and we've got plenty of time. Let's
Let's give it another shot. All right I'm gonna do a different voice because that one actually really hurts to do and I realize I was gonna have to do a
hurting voice for several minutes and
That's fine, okay, just think of it think of it this way
Okay, this is like the voice or X Factor or whatever. Okay, and and the dais is all there. All right, and
or X Factor or whatever, okay? And the dais is all there, all right?
And you've gotta really impress him.
You've gotta come out of the gate, hard kid,
with some of the best.
You're a country bumpkin, man.
And we mean that in the nicest way.
You've got a great personality and you've got awesome abs
and you've got a lovely, lovely, lovely set of feet.
That's right.
So what we want is for you the audience
They're not even here. Just speak from the heart your your life your tragedies your stories being a country just a simple country
Man, all right. All right, man. Let's kick that back up and let's see the newest country star Thomas white
This one goes out to all people who... Alright.
All people who said that everybody coming out of...
Everybody who should be down there and see what it was.
And I remember we used to be down there looking there looking at it too. I'll take care
Didn't realize the song was starting you you have you failed to impress any of the judges they all hate you oh
any of the judges they all hate you. Oh Lord. I'm glad I wore my boots because I'm stepping in it. I'm sorry that your dreams crashed. Does this mean I have to kill myself in my
favorite jeans? Oh man I hate to be honest with you but that's the name of the game.
I'll still be standing up after I blow my head clean the fuck off cuz these jeans are starts
I tell you what boy they are not folding
Hey, man, we don't care what the fuck you do not just for 10 free tickets to see Joe mochi on Friday in Dallas
Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah, but stay keeps on getting better
Thank You hyenas Dallas
day keeps on getting better. Thank you Hyenas Dallas. No problem. I would love to get a new country artist out here with a fresh new band and a fresh new song to see who gets to be the biggest
new country star. Okay. Oh wow we've got a girl in the audience. We've got a- Oh yeah. I'm boobies. I'm boobies countries Boobies countries. Oh my god. You're the ticktock sensation boobies countries countries. Oh my god guys
Wait, hold on guys. Hold on. Wait. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa
Fuck sorry
Fuck, sorry. Oh god, nooo.
Why that?
Boobies Countries!
Yeah! Oh my god, Boobies Countries!
Boobies...
My name is Boobies.
Boobies Countries.
Okay, okay guys. Alright, thank you so much
for applauding for Boobies Countries.
Yeah. Guys.
Boobies Countries, boobies countries what brings
you all the way out here to Tuscaloosa to compete in the country stars mega
awesome competition my daddy's truck that's what we love it's all about to
me it's about actually like protecting our heritage and stuff that's what we
love to hear country boob. Your authenticity and your beautiful-
Country Boobies.
Well, save them, save the singing for the star show, okay, baby girl?
Yeah.
Okay, pussy lips.
I feel confident.
Okay, pussy cheeks.
All right.
Thank you.
I love you.
I love you too, Boobies Country.
You're the best boyfriend ever. Thanks. I love you. I love you too boobies country
Best boyfriend ever
favorite judge I know
You can't eat my pussy after this. I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you boobies country. Thank you
I'm gonna fucking come on your fucking teeth
All right, it is so shiny hard to play come on bounce off an itch in the eye boogie's country music yeah I was just gonna say this country
This is a grody dirty little song about a little man I met on the hunky-tonk. He's a big strong man.
He wears a big cowboy boot.
He's a big cowboy. And he wears a big suit.
I get in my truck and get a corn dog.
It tastes really good. I put a little ketchup my steamy willy's wood and I go
To the county fair
And eat another corn dog when I get there cuz I'm a country lady I like to play guitar.
Oh, yes, I do.
I'm a country, country baby.
I'll play my country guitar for you.
I'll tell you, I'll tell you now.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh my god, oh my god
Country boobies in 1930s blues
Country boobies. Thank you. You've just made your way to the semi-finals of the country next megastar
We can't believe it
I can't believe I'm laxating. I know country boobies. My nipples were tattooed on
That's fucking crazy country boobies. I was born with breast cancer, so they had to give me big fakies when I was a baby
I'm I know.
I'm sorry.
I was the first baby with huge fake tits.
I'm sorry country boobies.
I know I loved it.
Oh, oh, awesome, yeah.
Okay, country boobies.
They had to replace them.
I kept outgrowing my tits.
It's like a wheelchair. They had to replace them I kept outgrown by tents.
It was like a wheelchair.
And while my nipples were bigger than my tits. the
the the
the
okay okay
country boobies are also take you yeah please please take your
please take your seat over there by the city of the only the first semi-finalist for tonight
Yeah, which means?
We got our next country artists. Yep. I'm ready to see who that is
We got to get the band
Sorry, I know that's not a lady like cough
That's okay. I had to make sure the band was still allowed to legally play music
Okay, I would love to see who the next artist is we got to dig in through our hat of of paper entries
Let's see. Oh my god is that
Texas truck
Yeah, you got your ex's truck. Yeah, that's me I
Came from bone East Boner, Texas I
Texas truck man. Hey look win or lose. Sorry. I was on whenever you called my name. I was actually
drinking some water out of the toilet I
Know that you came from a really rough background Texas truck And I really just want to say that I'm so happy that you could get away
From your tragic family life to come and sing a song for us. I'll try want to say that I'm so happy that you could get away from your tragic family
life to come and sing a song for us.
I'll try not to remember it.
Your dad got eaten by an alligator.
Is that true Texas Truck?
Oh God, I just remembered that.
Oh, that's horrible.
I'm sorry, Texas.
Yeah, I'm probably going to cry.
Well, Texas Truck.
I'm okay. uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... It's just her right now. Yep. We've got one more spot for this. I'm stiff all right.
Looking at her big ass tits.
Hey, after this, I get to go home and fuck Boobie's countries, okay?
So you better take it easy, pal.
Yeah, I wish we could double team her and maybe our balls would touch.
If you want to later, man.
I touched my dad's balls before he died.
How was that, Texas?
It was on accident.
Oh, not on purpose?
I was falling. I was just trying to grab something when I was falling. His balls right there.
See the people love your vulnerability Texas. They love your awesome true stories man.
Yeah, yeah I threw me on one of them pimpin Memphis shit.
Alright, here it goes. Band, spin one up ladies and gentlemen.
Get ready for the one and only Texas Truck.
I saw you standing there.
Standing there.
With your big blue hair.
Big blue hair a big blue hair my liberal princess liberal princess I saw
you standing there outside the woke honky tonk I saw you handing out some flyers and they said get out the vote.
Get out the vote, yeah.
Get out the vote.
Get out the vote, yeah.
So I called you on my Samsung Flip.
I said I need to get out the throat get out that front I
called you on my Samsung flip and I lost control lost control baby and you answer me, answer me on your Samsung Flip.
And you said Cliff or Texas, you better quit calling me
on my Samsung Flip or I'm gonna flip out on you.
Oh baby, and I said shut up.
I don't like when you talk to me like that
Talk to me with the attitude
Don't talk to me like that
Talk to me, you're very rude
I need to borrow your Samsung Flip
Mine is not charged
Let me borrow your phone liberal princess it's what
the Democrats would want for you need it for you to for me to use your phone to
call you on my phone so I could talk to you baby girl you got one of your nipples pissed and it's turning green
My uncle got killed by cancer and this is how you repay me
By making my Samsung Flip be destroyed You must have gone to bitch college.
You went to university of being a bitch.
You must have gone to liberal fucking bitch university.
Or art school.
You went to LBU liberal bitch university.
Lesbian bitch you suck.
Fuck you bitch.
Fuck you bitch.
Fuck you bitch.
I'd buy my own damn Samsung charger.
I need a place to stay.
The FBI called me being racist.
Whenever you call me and I can't answer it's cause you won't let me go over to your place
cause you got my Samsung flip charger over there.
Wow, Texas Truck. That was an incredible song. That's actually Texas Truck's famous TikTok song Liberal Princess. Thank you for singing that for us, Texas. Oh, and awesome back. Who's the,
what's the name of your beautiful backup singer there? What's her name? Uh, that was
beautiful backup singer there. What's her name? Uh, that was, uh, Blue Hair Betty.
Yeah, that's me. Blue Haired Betty.
Mmm, she's sexy.
Thanks for the kiss, Texas.
No problem.
I really don't like when we do this on the show. It's bad.
I do
Well, you two did a great job, but I think you've moved on to the semi-finals Please take your seat next to boobies country
good job
Yeah, I love sucking on that boobie miss country don't mind if I do I'm quite thirsty
I'm quite thirsty
Would you let a blue-haired liberal bitch who went to liberal bitch college suck on one of your boobies miss country?
Yeah, maybe in exchange for an old man
I've got that in spades You can have as many as you want.
Oh, okay.
Just one.
I think that's how much coffee I drink.
I drink one coffee.
Okay.
Alright.
I think it's time for a new contestant.
I'm not, I guess I'm a contestant, but it's time for a new one.
I hear the next one is gonna be a big deal
Yeah, we've got to get the band kicked up. I don't know if this falls under the purview of
I
Guess this is fine
It can be rap or something too
Yeah, it's our gives a fuck yeah
Let's do a let's you know what this thing is pretty loose
Yeah, people don't really care about doing this a bunch
And it's what's funny to me at the end of the day is all that's really fucking important
Okay, that sounds like shit
It's okay, okay, that's like shit. It's okay. If it sounds like shit, that's okay.
I really fucking love living in America.
I have so much money and I have so many friends, and we spend our time
hanging out in each other's apartments, looking at our cell phones,
and not spending any time with each other that is meaningful in any way.
I've been losing a lot of sleep, and I've been hearing voices again from the TV,
and they're telling me that I've been doing everything wrong. But you know what? Every day
I come and I host Country Star Music Awesome and at the end of the day I have to live with myself
and the things that I did when my life was spinning out of control. And sometimes gang,
that's really fucking hard. Isn't that right boobies country? Yeah. Ain't that right Texas truck?
Isn't that right, Boobies country? Yeah.
Ain't that right, Texas truck?
I'm playing with my boobs and they feel amazing.
What do they feel like?
Mm-hmm.
Uh, like curdled milk.
Holy shit.
That's awesome, country boobies.
Yeah.
I like the state of things.
This reminds me of when my uncle got murdered by a four-wheeler
It was last about that last time I really felt like I had a family
Because we all came together and tried to pull the four-wheeler off of him
81 of us
You really think 81 people could flip over a four-wheeler, but we couldn't find the handles they were underneath
Well, so we just left them
Texas truck I have a question for you. Yeah
How is it that you and miss boobies came to be acquainted such a way where she not only walks around?
topless but lets
you suck on her breasts and a weird green liquid comes out of it. Well we
both went to UNT. She went for journalism and I went for drunk driving and we
became acquainted through that and I know her so well sexually because of my
large white penis and her large white vajayjay. That's awesome. She had a pussy so big
that she medically needed a huge dick player to fill it. It used to fall out of
class and she'd have to lie whenever we could say that she'd just had a baby, but...
Every semester it was like, damn, we'd never see you pregnant.
Anyway.
I wanna go to a college where all the girls are pregnant.
I think that would probably be pretty good.
You know, you could focus on your studies, you really wouldn't be like, sexually attracted to anything like that.
Or, or do you like pregnant women in Texas? Do you want to like?
No, just that way I wouldn't even worry about it.
Oh, you could have sex with them.
And so how pregnant are we talking?
No, I wouldn't have sex with them.
Uh.
But I just wouldn't even, I don't even get worried when I see a pregnant woman.
Yeah!
Uh huh, yeah!
Yeah!
The American military invented the F-35 jet.
Ba-na-na-na-na.
Then Israel said, hey, we really want to get that jet.
Ba-pow, pow, pow.
We said, you can't have that jet.
It's ours, and we built them their own jet, the F-35I.
They said, we don't like this jet, it sucks.
We want your jet.
We said, you can't have it. Because if anybody were to reverse engineer that jet,
then they would have our technologies.
Israel said, if you don't give us that jet,
we're going to release a bunch of blackmail
on your politicians.
On your politicians.
We said, don't do that.
So we sold them our jet.
And then it crashed anyway. and then the Taliban found the jet
And then the Taliban found the jet
And Israel did that
And Israel did that
Hey guys, if there's one thing I love, I love living in a world where everybody that you get to vote for is owned by Israel
You get to vote for Israel in every election Israel with a red tie Israel with blue hair Israel with a green nipple piercing
Israel that drives a Prius Israel that drives a truck. Oh my god Israel just won the Twink auction
Israel the Twink auction
The whole world's a motherfucking stage game the curtain mr. T. Get ready. It's Israel
The United States is one big drink. Yeah, who's cock in your mouth? You know who has the gavel. That's right
The liquid party or whatever the fuck is called more like lick at this dick. Yeah, you ever more like fucking liquor party
Yes, we're like looking for it on some shit while I smoke my blood
Yeah
smoking bluesy
I'm smoking bluesy's and sipping gin more like blizz real
Cuz I fucking it's cold where I'm at I got hella frost on my fucking chain. Yeah
Yeah Well, hello more like I got hella frost on my fucking chain. Yeah Yeah
Well, hello
More like grizzly around fucking scary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll knock it down
I fucking start growling on motherfuckers. Well, you know what I mean motherfucker. Yeah
Yeah, what'd you think of that song? I thought it was really good. Thanks, man
It really wasn't a country song. So I guess I can't compete with boobies country or
Exeal just died a chemical plant plant just blew up a chemical plant
Oh my uncle he just died he got blood up in a chemical plant I used to work at a chemical plant with my dad
Me and my dad we worked at a plastics blunt.
And we both, we would drink beer together in the blunt
and get fired together.
Yeah.
I used to smoke a big blunt.
I want to smoke a big blunt.
It's like weed is bad.
Literally it grows in the ground. It's a plant I
Get my green and I smoke my bland I plant my seed then I smoke my bland
It's medicine. It's a healthy blend
Smoke my green. It's a medicine blend. I have yeah smoke that gun job
big bad man with the big blunt.
I'm big. Yeah.
No, this is a noise. I mean. Yeah, that's fine.
That's a cool guy way to clear it.
Yeah.
Yes.
Just like a British posh guy sucking penis.
Yes. Very nice. Yeah, just like a British posh guy sucking penis Had a joke a while back and it was my impression of Ian Mckellen seeing a penis
Is he pleased to see it that's just a noisy you know Ian McKellen
Is he gay or am I thinking Patrick Stewart? No, Ian McKellen's gay Patrick Stewart is not
I don't know about that Patrick Stewart is not gay. I looked this up actually like a few weeks ago
I get them confused
Patrick Stewart
Patrick Stewart is a guy who was in
Star Trek Next Generation
Ian McKellen was Gandalf
Got it Patrick Stewart gay
Patrick Stewart is not gay
He is married to a woman his wife's name is Sonny Ozil get the fuck out of here
Key points about Patrick Stewart and his sexuality. Not gay. In big bold letters.
I love Google AI overview. It fucking works so good. Anyway. Oh, I have a, I have a, fuck,
here you go dude. another big one it's medicine medicine
medicine under the sun we take big buffs big buffs we take big puffs. What accent is this?
Eat those matochus, we take a big puff.
Oh, a big puff!
We take a big puff. One is not enough.
This is a Mexican reggae song.
Don't ask questions about where we're from.
That's all reggae, that's all reggae tone is.
That's correct. You take a big
puff of liganda. Smoke the weed. Viva smoke the weed Mr. Jake man you must smoke the weed and get more a smoker de ganja viva la raza viva Israel
Lost me love upon a king's highway
Take a big buff, f**k in
Life's feeling rough, my friend
Oh, that's fine, yeah, alright
Uh, no, I don't wanna do that again
Anyway, we don't play songs. We did a few songs
fucking
Yeah, that fucking we're doing the big show tomorrow, so I'm pretty excited like that
Yeah, I think a lot of people bailed, but that's okay. Oh, is it the free one in San Marcos?
Yeah, I'm trying to get like a thing going
But I fucking hate organizing shows and I probably I'm not gonna be very funny cuz I'm not I
Don't know man like you're gonna kill. It's gonna go good. I've been feeling I've like I've just been like eating shit lately, man
I just get up there, and I just don't know what I'm doing, but I think I'm just kind of in like a rut
Here's what you have to do you have to pretend
Yeah
What do you mean you said to just do it a guy who's awesome at it would do?
No, like which I sometimes I'll do and then I do a horrible job
And then people are just sort of like hat people like will just sort of laugh to agree with me sometimes
Yeah, the other day. Oh my god, dude the other day
I fucking did everything out of order and it was like horrible. I just walked off thank you guys have been awesome. Thank you so much. This is great
I did that there were like five people there. Yeah
not ideal, but
Yeah, no, I've been trying to get more spots recently it's kind of
Been like I'll get a few and then can't really get anything for a while, but that's all right
Yeah, same for me
I'm trying to book the tour and literally the only club that responded to me is the club that I'm friends with the owner
so not doing great, but
If you guys are listening to this and you have a venue
In a city that you want me to come to stand up in fuck it Thomas, too
Because that's the name of the fucking game Thomas
You're coming with me everywhere. I go Thomas quit your job and
It's gonna be both quit our jobs and that will inspire us to grind harder. You know what I mean? That's right
If there's one thing I'm probably right about to do it is my work ethic is about to
Skyrocket I'm feeling so motivated right now.
Yeah, same here man. I scheduled a meeting for tomorrow for because I needed to give
an update on something where I was like, dude, I've made awesome progress on this and we
need to talk about it. I literally have not made the, I made the meeting so that I have
to make that progress by the time I have that meeting
Yes, yep, that's a classic ever do that all the time literally all the time like I didn't make any crazy promises
But like yo, we got to talk about this. Let's have a meeting cuz then that way I can't be
Admit that I've been sitting on my ass about certain things
Creatively speaking sometimes I'm like, oh, I don't really feel dude. The creative vibe is not with me right now
I don't even want to create something right now because it'll be subpar and then I'm like and then I actually do
Have like a day where I'm like feeling really creative and I do something
I'm like this is like not much better than if I had been
This is it's not like spurts of genius. It's just having energy
Being bored sometimes and wanting to do something
Yeah, I think I get like
Like lately I've been like I don't know. Yeah, I've just been kind of fucking insane
so I'll like try and sit down to write or like figure out a new joke or something and then
Yeah, nothing happens. And then when I do feel inspired, I'm kind of the same.
I go to sit down and I'm like, oh I feel the muse.
And the joke is like, two guys and they're sitting next to
each other on the train and their hands accidentally touch
and they pass on genetic memories to each other
and both of them were gay with each other 10,000 years ago.
And that's not even really a joke, nor is it a sketch idea.
They just, you know, it's stupid.
Anyway.
It happens.
But, uh, yep.
I fucking...
The guy that runs the bar, also books the shows, is also the maintenance man and also
owns the bar and is also the manager of the bar and is also the welder of all the metal in the bar and is also the plumber and I guess he's also the
electrician.
And he doesn't do, Thomas, he doesn't do any of these things.
Whenever I text the phone to the bar that's also the bar under my house and I'm like,
hey, I'm throwing this show here.
Who do I talk to about like posters?
And the guy's like, oh, he'll be like, it's me. I'm also the poster guy. And I'm like, cool. Well, what do I do to about like posters and then he guys like oh that he'll be like it's me I'm also the poster guy and I'm like cool. Well, what do I do if I need posters and he's like, I don't know
He's like, oh, we always we usually get posters from another guy and I'm like, well, who's that guy and he's like, oh, he's
He doesn't work here anymore. And then
Did I tell you I actually got accidentally got looped into helping him weld something the other day?
I went I went downstairs to ask him about the show and he was like you got a second and I was like no
He was like I just real quick and I was like, oh, yeah, whatever man
He was like, can you stand right there and adjust the knob on my welding machine?
While I try to get the temperature on right on this thing
He doesn't know how to weld because I was well, I don't know how to weld either
But I was watching just slag
Like not connect the parent metal and he was just like yeah, I just keep turning
I think I'm I think I'm getting it right and he made me get it hotter and he's just sitting there and there sparks
Well, he has no mask on by the way, just a pair of like, you know
The shades that you get at like like a music festival. They have like the green issue
They're like two dollar knockoff Ray Bans or whatever
Just welding aluminum rocking those motherfuckers, and I had to help them do that shit anyway
Not a funny story kind of inconsequential, but anyway. We'll see how it goes it might bomb
I'm having a bunch of friends coming if it goes bad. I'll just kill myself
Good man
If you're listening to this that means that you are a real ass motherfucker
And you've got a heart of gold and you got a big old fucking set of two of them
And maybe even a big pipe too
and if you if you want them to get bigger and you want your pipe to get stronger stronger than fucking tungsten
Head on over to patreon.com slash pendejo time toss us a little bit of cheese guys
We got a lot of downloads
We got a big audience and if each one of you free motherfuckers hopped on the paid
Then that would be really really awesome for me and Thomas
And we can provide you guys with fucking crazy ass content and more video episodes and even better sketches and awesome
interviews with incredibly intelligent people
$1 a month get you access to the discord and nothing else
And then $5 a month gets you access to the discord and nothing else and then $5 a month gets you access
To all the backlog of all the audio episodes plus a bonus episode each week $10 a month gets you access to a backlog of
Video episodes as well as an bonus video episode every month trying to get more of those out I've got a bunch of them. I got a couple scheduled
$50 a month you get all that same stuff, and you just get to give us 50 bucks a month
I wonder how long that those guys will keep giving us that
April 18th, I'm got a cool feature spot at the green room in Austin, Texas
Tickets at the green room or tickets are good
Instagram you go to the green room you're in Austin tickets are like 10 bucks, and that's gonna be a pretty big show for a motherfucker like me
so coming out and see that motherfucking shit and then may
Mark your calendars. This is big if I don't sell this out
I'm literally fucked and I'll never do stand-up again, and it's over for me. I need everybody to
Hold on a second. I gotta get the date I'll give
you the wrong motherfucking date shit penis that's not the day may fuck dude
I'm about to fucking I'm about to scream on this motherfucking show turn your volume down
May 10th May 10th midnight show Velveeta room. I think Thomas I asked you if you wanted the yeah, you should come down
probably will be Time to film some shit by then but May 10th at the Velveeta room tickets at the Velveeta room.com
Motherfucking I'm gonna be there JT is gonna be there Thomas
If you can make it
Yeah, I won't commit on the show right now
No, I do this is what we're talking about remember I got it we got a grind
I got it
I have to make you commit to something that you don't know if you're gonna be able to do right so everybody Thomas will
Be there, and he will be fucking I like the idea of people will come in case
I'm there like they do with the Shane Gillis, but they're like man
I hope I hope I get to hear seven minutes of what I already listened to on this show
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah go check that shit out. We love you guys. Thanks for listening. Bye. Bye