Pendejo Time - Boys Night Out

Episode Date: March 21, 2025

This place smells like ass. And you know I love a good dump. Support the show

A minor. A minor. And call it A minor. Can I? We're far removed. I didn't give a fuck about that song. I didn't care about it. I thought it sounded like shit, to be honest.

I mean, Drake, like, I guess, text teenagers or something. I mean, who gives a fuck, really, to be completely honest with you, but... They not like us. They not like us. Yeah. Yeah. I...

Hey, Drake. I heard you like I'm young. You bet I could never go to jail, black one. What is that supposed to mean? Is that... He better never go to sale, Black One. What is that supposed to mean? It's like, I believe it's like where the killers and all that are. So it's like, if you're a pedophile and you go to,

and you're not like in solitary or whatever, you're going to get shanked. Did you see when Andrew Schultz was talking about how he could have sex with Kendrick Lamar if he wanted to? Yeah, I saw that. Yeah, that was awesome. I think people should say stuff like that more You know just about no I respect I didn't have a problem with him saying that I've said It's that kind of thing to guys before yeah I mean, I know you have I for sure know you have I've seen you say stuff like that to guys before

I think the problem is is that you and me are kind of like, we don't matter. Not that Andrew Schultz does, I guess. But we don't matter, really. I'll just go out there and say it. I do think I matter more than Andrew Schultz just like in the world. Just in general.

I think I would take a bullet. If I took a bullet for Andrew Schultz, people in my life would be pretty mad about that. True. People in his life would just be confused. Who's this guy? Yeah. Yeah, I think like.

Hearing Andrew Schultz died, you go, oh my god, was it gang gang related? Was it the gangland shooting? Was it over his Jordans? I know that he was sliding a lot. You know, I would love for Andrew Schultz to be the last guy in the world to die over a pair of Jordans. And they're fake. Like did like he like, I mean, he's so rich. He has money. I know he even probably has really nice toes. He probably gets them done every day I was literally earlier. I was just thinking I was like god I bet his toes are so clean like I bet he's like the soles of his feet are probably like yeah I bet they get he gets him sanded down. Yeah, and he probably

He probably has special socks that suck on his toes. Yeah Yeah, I mean I I didn't think about that. I feel like most rich guys probably have that. I didn't think about that specifically, Thomas. But now that you mention it, you're 100% right. He probably has the special socks that sucks on his toes for him. Yeah, he probably has the special magic socks

that suck on your toes. Yeah. And then he puts his Jordans on over that. Yeah. Now he puts on it. He probably puts on it. Now he puts on, he probably puts on, I bet Andrew Schultz wears Ethicas. OK. I don't know what that is.

I'm not going to lie to you. It's like the underwear. Oh, is it like the kind of stretchy, weird gay guy underwear that fucking you get advertised? No, it's not gay guy underwear. I mean, it could be. It's probably, it's in some cases. But in my mind, it's a strictly... I feel like I've only known of black guys wearing ethnicus. Okay.

Or like certain types of white guys. I keep getting ads on... They don't look bad. They've got a bunch of patterns and stuff. I keep getting ads on Instagram for these see-through, very light. The ad pictures a guy stretching the underwear, and the lights going through it, and it's for men. And it's like, it almost looks like lace. Yeah, I mean, I will say I haven't.

I keep getting ads for makeup for guys. Yeah. I just like, and I keep getting ads for hair extensions for men. And I really don't know what I would be searching or what my online activity would lead me to believe, or what would lead my phone to believe that. It's probably just one of those things that everybody gets. I was hoping that you would tell me that you were getting them too, because I keep...

Yeah, I think I am too, probably. Okay, cool. Yeah, because I... I think we probably, probably everybody is. Yeah, that's awesome, man. Thank you. Because I was worried that you were going to say, Jake, I don't know what you're talking about, but I keep getting ads for like... Yeah, like the little lacy underwear for men. And then like, it's called, the makeup is called like,

Tough, it's like T, it's like a little umlaut G and F. And then it's makeup for straight guys. Yeah. And the straight has like a question mark. Yeah, like dude wipes but makeup. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I keep, yeah, I keep getting ads for stuff like that. And then I keep getting ads for stuff like that. And then I keep getting ads for voice modulation,

like a little thing you put in your throat makes you sound a little bit more sultry. But I don't know. Mostly what I look on my phone is pictures of bomb mechanics and stuff. So I don't really know why I would have anything like that on my phone. Yeah.

You know what I didn't like? I didn't like when Dude Wipes first came out and everybody was doing the same bit about like, oh, now we have to have a special wipe so guys can wipe their asses. I didn't like that. Yeah, I never cared for another white man with an unwashed ass has an opinion, mostly because sometimes I

don't wipe my ass good. And I have a fuck ton of opinions. Well, I just meant there's so many products out there. If something is called dude, I like that it's a cool word. And there just need to be more products for guys with like an 85 IQ. Yeah, not for sure. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, oh, I guess guys are going to wipe now. I'm not going to use, no, I'm not going to use that. No. But, you know, there's a lot of people out there who are, and there's nothing wrong with that. And it's actually OK to flush them, which is most people won't tell you. Most people will tell you that they have to dig it up and stuff.

And they actually don't. It's OK. And if the flushable wipes ever come back up, you just have to flush it twice. Yeah. I was around the same time as the Tactical Baby Carriers on Instagram and Facebook, YouTube ads. I think, I guess maybe just because it's the age range

or something. No, I was getting these when I was in my early, I don't know, guys have babies then, but it would be like a plate carrier, and it would look like a plate carrier, and then it would have a thing to hold your baby in the front of the plate carrier. And then where the clips would go,

like for your magazines, I suppose, the video would show a guy placing his baby by the way if a plate carrier is just a stupid term for like a basically a fancy bulletproof vest for those of you who the uninitiated and the video would show the guy being like when daddy's got to take his kid for a walk and then dad would be like oh as if it's such a chore and then he would place like, ugh, as if it's such a chore. And then he would place the baby in the center of the plate carrier, which that's where the plate goes. It's where the ceramic plate goes to stop a rifle

round or something. And he would put his baby there. So I mean, off the jump, I'm thinking, I'm putting two in that baby's body. Bop, bop. And you know, Mozambique drill. Two in the body, one in the head. It's curtains for Lil' Jim.

And then next to the baby little baby body, he would put, where the magazines would go, he would put Wipey's, Binky, and it would show him putting each of those into the magazine things. And it was like, it was like, tack to dad. Baby carrier. I think it was just around that time when like marketing companies

were going buck wild trying to sell fathers things that they don't use. You know what I mean? Like a dad that doesn't really care too much about raising a kid, he just wants to be seen in pictures with his son. You know what I'm saying? Like, I have a son. This is my son.

Outside of that, I don't care. Definitely going to be me. Yeah. I don't know why I'm gonna be me like I'm gonna get my baby in the pocket of my basketball shorts I just got this little motherfucker in the blown-out waistband and my fucking piece of shit with yeah I guess bars pretty low I just got to love it a little bit and I think I'd be pretty good. But yeah, dude wipes, baby carrier, what the fuck else man? Yeah I don't know I guess because all that shit's gone now like I guess the cultural moments gone

there really is no need to like I guess we're just back to like people like no one really caring about their kids, you know what I mean? Or like pretending to care, I suppose. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. Cause a guy like... Until Taylor Swift has a kid and then then we'll probably go back to posting them on Instagram again. Dude, I'm going to tell you something. When she has a kid, the worst women I know, it's going to be bad. It's going to be bad. And I don't know why I'm thinking about it like a tsunami.

Because people have babies just because their friends have babies a lot. Of course, yes. Yeah, that's 100% true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a, yeah. I remember. You know, yeah, yeah. It's like a, yeah. I remember. You know, it's fine.

But imagine having a kid, because a celebrity has a kid, is kind of rough. I don't really know if that happens a whole lot. Probably with the royal family and stuff. Probably. I guess I'm thinking Ashley's friends that are like Swifties, they're going to like, she's going to name the kids something that's going to suck, Thomas.

The kid's name is going to be like Fender or something, or it's going to be like Appalachia. I don't fucking know. It's going to be vinyl. I know the name's going to suck. And then I know that Like I'm gonna go to like a baby shower or something. They're like Taylor Taylor's new son Fucking

Colorado River is you know, he's doing backflips at six months old and I'm gonna have to hear about that shit I don't really want to you know, I mean but yeah like and it's gonna suck like when I actually try and hang out with her and Travis, because like right now we just have such a cool dynamic where like we're just super flexible and we'll just like late night ice cream, you know, after the bar, me and Travis, you know, we'll shotgun beers and stuff together. Yeah, of course. Fall asleep on the couch, just wrapped up in each other's arms. And it's like, I feel like a baby would just

drive a wedge between us. So Taylor's chill with you and Travis doing a little bro snuggle? Like, is that not out of the question for her, or she's down with that? She doesn't need to worry about it. Oh, it's not a concern for her? No, it's not a big deal.

Oh, OK. I feel you. Well, because I don't think it would bother me. You know what I mean? You know If your husband was hanging out with another guy now, I wouldn't bother me. You know, I trust my husband He's a nice guy. I Can't wait till he Just kind of uses just kind of Peels her head open like one of those many oranges.

You know those little cutie oranges. Yeah, those little mandarin oranges. He just does that to her scalp. Yeah, she says something that sets him off or something. Just like grabs a little piece of the brain and eats it just kind of like, eh. Something just like grabs a little piece of the brain and eats it just kind of like Yeah, all right well back to Instagram Back to being whatever the fuck he is lying back or whatever the fuck. He's a tight end. I don't give a fuck Yeah, I fucking Thomas with the football knowledge, oh my gosh, yeah somebody's been losing $20 a year on his stupid fantasy league. So how about that? You're in fantasy football?

Yeah, I do it every year. But I've never not come in last place. I don't know how it works. And when I used to work at Facebook, I had a couple. I didn't have them. They were work friends. They were bro-y types. They worked over in the legal department.

They were like, dude, you got to go out of fantasy league, because we would go drink after. And I told them, I don't know how that works. I don't know what that is. And they're like, shoot. You don't have to. It's not that big of a deal. You can really suck in like nobody really cares.

And also, every year I'll have a fine team, and then it just all falls apart in the last few weeks. Everybody gets injured at once, and then I delete the app. OK. Yeah, that's fair. But it's cool to threaten to hurt yourself and stuff over it. When people send trade requests and stuff, it'd be like, if this is what you want,

I might not be around much longer. So. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I might do something crazy to myself. Yeah. Like something you'd say to an eighth grade girlfriend

or something. Yeah. Yeah. You'd know about that. Oh, I mean, I never, I don't think I ever threatened to kill myself over a girl to her. That's not true. I think in seventh grade I said I would do that.

I remember telling a girl that she saved my life. That's awesome. Wait, is that real? Yeah. We didn't even date. That's so sick, dude. Baller. So I'm going to go out on a limb and say these were like,

you said that out of some sort of horny fugue state. Like you were probably- No, I was just on like, I just switched antidepressants like three times within like two weeks. And I was just in a very, two vulnerable, a girl level vulnerable. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And thankfully snapped out of that later on and decided to just shut up about everything forever. And yeah. Yeah. And I honestly feel a lot better just not telling anybody anything. Wow.

Like I feel a lot freer just kind of. Yeah. Sometimes it was grunt really loud and it all goes out and then I'm in. I told the group. People think that men are harboring these deep, deep, like we can't process anything just because we don't cry all the time.

And I think I'm to a point where I just kind of don't tell everybody my business. And it's kind of nice. You know what I mean? Sure. You can think about things and process them. And then you don't have to work through that by, what am I going to tell my family something?

I'm not going to do that. I don't do it. I think I make jokes about a lot of things, but I don't ever like actually open up about anything. And I think that- I do complain constantly. I complain all the time. Yes, yes.

I think I also, like- Like, I have a, I guess for example, I'll break the rule for the example. I was seeing my doctor, who I guess also is kind of like a shrink, I guess. I think I made her that but anyway, I was uh she was asking me like Like if I want to get back on medicine to which I said no And she was asking me like about my stress levels or whatever and I was like, oh the shits like through the fucking roof

You know what I mean? But you know what I mean, it's not like I'm going to fucking hang myself. I'm not my dad. And she just kind of stared at me and gave me a weird look or whatever the fuck. And I realize, I think what you were saying is partially true. But for me, in joking about it, I think I make it seem worse than it is to some people.

You know what I mean? Like it's not like a, like necessarily like a, like a, like a cry for help thing. It's just like, what the fuck am I going to say? You know what I mean? I have nothing for help. Yeah. Maybe, maybe like just to maybe just like a, you know what I mean? Like I don't fucking, you know, like, like, oh, how have you been with, how have you been with things?

I always, when, when everybody, when anybody ever asks like? I always, when anybody ever asks how I'm doing, I just say that I'm doing terrible. And it's not like me asking you to talk about anything. I just don't like saying that I'm good. Be like, hey man, how you been? Dog shit. Really? Oh yeah, fucking dog shit.

Well, what's up? Nothing. Well, you just said you were dog shit. No, I meant dog shit, but nothing's up. Oh, well, like, well, you want to talk about something? Absolutely not, under no circumstances. Don't want to talk about anything with you. Oh, well, like, well, you want to talk about something? Absolutely not under no circumstances. Don't want to talk about anything with you. Oh, well, I'm here if you want to talk.

I don't have to be. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, there really isn't. You made a good point where it's like, you know, oh, like men don't cry. They don't process their emotions. I don't think about them very much. You know, like, I genuinely don't. I think they just are. very much. I genuinely don't.

I think they just are. And then when I'm working on a car or I'm trying to figure something out, I might pick up a breaker bar and throw it halfway across the parking lot. And then that is my, I guess, my moment where it's like a blog or something or a journal or a diary.

That's my moment of self-reflection. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think I should start threatening to kill myself at work, though. I think that would be good. That would be great, especially your job. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just somebody asked me to do something later on in the week,

and I said, yeah, if I'm still around. I don't know how much longer I'll be here. Just walk away into Central Park. Yeah, I'll just do what I can. Hey, Thomas, next week we're looking at a lot. We've got a lot of hedges to trim. So I'm just going to let you know, any time off requests probably going to get denied.

Yeah, I'm about to have a lot of time off, a lot of time on myself. I'm really going to try and enjoy this. I'm really going to take my time. You got a birthday coming up or something, big fella? Yeah, October. That's kind of a long ways away. I don't think you're going to.

I would have been so young. Wow, you know, 26, that's a it's, you know, prime of a man's life, I guess you could say, but I would have been so young. Well, you know, hey, Tom, hey, whatever you got going on, just want you to know as your boss, as your friend, I don't give a fuck, but you know, we hired you because we knew you could chew up all the tree roots between here and Saginaw. You got a great pair of tits and an ass on you, too. And I can't wait to jiggle them.

That's why I suck you off all the time, is you're so nice to me. Yeah, that's right, brother. That's right. Yeah I think like the not like when you okay so I guess you've never had like an office job like ever. No I used to work in an auto registration office. Okay like so you've but you've worked blue collar and like I guess white-collar like Like I think the one thing I really do like about blue-collar or labor

Whatever the fuck you want to call like working with your hands is the environment is such that like If it's a hot day, and I don't feel good and somebody's like hey I how's your nuts hanging and I can be like dude. I want to fucking kill myself I want to kill everyone here, and then you know old Tug boat or whatever the fuck is like, hey, hey, yeah, me too. And then you just keep working. I talked about killing myself one time at Facebook,

and then I had to go have a meeting for like an hour with like HR or whatever. Because everybody, you have the corporate persona. You know what I mean? Like you have the, like you walk in a date and you're like, hi, I've never had a thought ever that would be, you know, outside of the realm of joy and peace. And oh, you have a new magnet on your cubicle?

Oh my god. It's a minion. How enjoyable. I love minions. My daughter has a minion. That's nice. Oh, you have a new doggy. I just adore the doggy.

He's so pretty. And you do that for nine hours, and then you get in your fucking car, and you drive home, and you're like, I'm going to go home and Google fucking ricin mechanic how to build it. Whereas I think in blue collar jobs, you can be like, hey, man, if you don't stop fucking bumping into me when we're 50 feet up in this man lift, I'm going to rape you.

And that's fine. You shouldn't say those types of things. I'm not saying that it's good to say them, but sometimes your body produces sounds and those sounds aren't good. They're not, you know what I mean? And I like to be able to say those sounds or to have them escape from me and to not, you know what I mean? Like to not be worried I'm going to get fired or something.

Yeah. Oh man. One of my buddies, there's a new Guatemalan guy. like to not be worried I'm going to get fired or something. Yeah. Oh, man. One of my buddies, there was a new Guatemalan guy last year. I think the first sentence he was able to say in English was, I'm going to rape you. Ha ha ha ha ha. That's awesome.

Yeah, he just came up to me and said it one day, and my white buddy was looking at me like I did it. I got him to speak English, man. Man, I remember. Shout out to Tristan on that one. I remember like working in kitchens and stuff, just getting a lot of like, you know, verga, you know, maricon, joto, so on and so forth.

And then when I started dating Ashley, her mom from Mexico, and she was like, do you know any Spanish? And I was like, I worked in kitchens all the time. I don't know. I don't know. I speak kitchen Spanish. And she was like, oh, what kind of Spanish do you know? And I was like, donde esta queso? And she was like, oh, what kind of Spanish do you know? And I was like, don't des da, queso.

And she was like, no, no, no. And then I had to like, I was like, I just know all the words that get you in trouble too. And then I just had to like, I felt pressured. And so I had to just say them. I was like, I know how to say suck my dick in Spanish. I know how to say slurs and stuff. Because mostly, as the white guy washing dishes,

he's the only white dishwasher guy, you're getting called awesome, friendly names all day. You're getting called the coolest guy in the world. You're getting called big muscle guy, straight guy, smart straight guy, smart straight white guy with a closed ass that's not open, stuff like that. You're getting called guy who doesn't have sex with men, you know, all that fun stuff.

Straight guy, guy that fucks with pussies. I feel like a guy who doesn't have sex with men sounds like an insult. Wait, what do you mean? Sorry, I'm not filing you on that. Well, it just sounds like a negative thing. It is a negative thing, like it is a negative right? If it's like you, it sounds like you're a gay incel.

Understood. I see what you mean. Like you can't even get pussy. I think you could use that as an insult against a straight guy. Like bro, you don't even have sex with men. You couldn't even fuck guys. No, like, like, like bro, you literally, you've never even had sex with a you couldn't even fuck guys no like like like bro you literally you've never even had sex with a man and then then the guy's like well duh and then he's like fuck yeah and then he fucks you yeah you can't even you couldn't even get amazing prostate orgasm and that's how you win jake that's how you that's how you become a sous chef that's how you become the fucking lead dog at the fucking kitchen yeah yeah yeah that's awesome did you ever feel like you were in a situation with a woman where she was trying to

like lead you down the path of the darkness path of the anal anal plundering like Peggy nah just like playing around in there just like fucking around in of the anal, anal plundering. Oh, like pegging? Nah, just like playing around in there. Just like fucking around in there a little bit. Pegs too, nah, we can't get, I'm not doing all that. That sounds like an insane amount of work. But like, did you ever feel as though the conversation with a potential sexual partner was drifting

into the world of, you know of ass stuff on your behalf? I think only certain guys get asked about it. I think there's a spectrum for getting asked about it, and I think I'm at an end of it. I don't really even like like a playful like Pat. Yeah me neither. You know what I mean? Like and that's not even like a, I don't think it's not even like a homophobia thing. It's just like, I don't really like, I don't want, I don't want people touching my bottom. You know, there's just a certain, my life to some extent is open enough to where

if that was something I was going through a home, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Like if that came up, like if that came up in conversation, I'm not a good liar. Right. Right. Right. And if like, if that was something I liked, I'd be open about it. And it would just kind of like kind of throw off just some of the dynamics I have with people. There's people in my life who are at least, it would just be a different guy. I understand.

I get what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about you? I had like seven. I think I was like in college and like out of college at a time where that type of thing was kind of memed a Little bit kind of like the choking thing especially with a certain type of girl that I just had a propensity for dating like a lot You know what I mean? Like yeah, like I dated almost exclusively like kind of like

fucking nasty like like kind of like fucking nasty, like ramen bowl in the sink, like fucking just disgusting clonopin addicted women for the majority of my life. And they're not, and then they're nice. They're nice. I'm not saying that they're bad people, but I'm saying with that comes kind of like a talk about that type of thing as sort of an open crass, like, you know, and so there were several times of like, you know, guys can come from there. And I'd be like, I have diarrhea literally every day. Like, it's not out of, like. I think also in college in particular,

that's when that stuff gets brought up more. And you figure out if that. Whenever I was actually at a university I was so disgusting and I just told people I was false so because that way I know I wasn't getting laid either way but that way I could be like no this is like I'm just working on myself and really I was just getting fatter and grosser but for sure yeah I could be like yeah I'm just kind of working on myself. And really, I was just getting fatter and grosser. But for sure, yeah. I could be like, yeah, I'm just kind of working on myself right now.

So that's what I'm up to. Yep. And by working on myself, I mean drinking Keystone Light in my car and selling Adderall to my friends from high school. So, yep. I definitely had a really extensively long phase where I was probably showering like once every like two to four weeks. Best case scenario too.

That is fucking gross. And yeah, no bad. Like, and like, look, cause I'm not even talking about not showering. I was just fat and being fat is gross. No dude, like I was, I was really fat, really gross. And dude, there was one summer I was living in that rat den, and I didn't shower for like the entire, I'm not kidding, Thomas. I didn't shower for like the whole summer. I just didn't shower.

And like, dude, you do reach kind of an equivalency point or something, I don't know what the word is, where you don't stink anymore. You just kind of have like a different physical visual aura. Like it really, it goes beyond a stink to where it seems like your soul's been corroded to some degree. Like it is a, it's a vile thing. It's bad.

And I would like go to bars and shit, hang out with the boys, go to house parties and be like, you know, Hey, And I never realized, I never could understand why I'd be striking on her home play right now and then, or why I wasn't good at making friends. And then I think in hindsight, I probably, you see a gray fat guy whose hair is so greasy that it kind of has a film to it. And he's like super shock white, teeth teeth are bleeding I also didn't brush my

teeth for like a long ass time like a really long time probably probably like couple months I wasn't doing that and yeah I just opened subway takes and the subway tickets that every straight guy should try but stuff twice And it's by you guessed it okay guy This is propaganda this is dude well That's what I was saying man like I was even talking to my brother about this and he's you know He wears eight years between us we were talking about it one time and he was like I'm dating this fucking girl man And she's like you know you just But stuff and Jayden's like dude. I'm a fucking line cook, and I'm addicted to beer like

To fuck you I eat literally I eat 50 chicken nuggets before 10 in the morning I steal them out of the big silver bowl under the heat lamp And then I drink somewhere between 15 to 32 beers a night Which was always my thing about the butt thing where I'm like look, it's kind of like a damn my asshole You know what? I mean? Like it's just It only keeps things from you know, like poorly too from coming out No thing is really allowed to to go through there. You know what I mean? It's just kind of it's not bad news for everybody, you know, which was always I could handle it

it was a good but I you know, I just was always a good handle it it was a kid but I you know I just I've got a I've got a busy daily schedule also I have to carve time out to get I was just about to say something done to my ass like just I'd honestly like I've been meaning to read more there's a lot I've been meaning to do right yeah it'd be like oh sorry yeah I was gonna start doing stand-up more but instead Pinducious in my asshole has been destroyed I like I was I like I was talking to yeah one of my fiancees and one of her best friends You know, it's like I was drunk and I was like, hey man, I got fucking level with you, dude I don't understand this world and he was like what world and I was like the world of gay guy stuff and he was

Like that's probably cuz you're a straight guy. Probably because you like having sex with women. And I was like, that's probably it. But I was like, here's where I'm at. And he was like, level with me, big dog. Two big soul brothers in a motherfucking dive bar asking each other the real-ass questions. And I was like, you're on a date with a guy.

Y'all go to a Tex-Mex restaurant. You know what I mean? Because with a girl, whatever. But you're on a date with a to a Tex-Mex restaurant. You know what I mean? Because with a girl, whatever. But you're on a date with a guy, Tex-Mex restaurant. Y'all are eating crazy ass queso blancos. Y'all are eating fucking psychotic flautas. Y'all are eating fucking delicious fajitas for two. And you guys are going hard as hell on the habanero yum yum

sauce. And then you get a little flan as dessert. And it's a nice date you're laughing the drinks are fucking flowing everything's going good you're getting that acidic triple sec with the margarita you guys are fucking after that and you know the my friend he's my friend too he was like well sometimes the bottom doesn't eat you know the bottom will have like a like a light I was about to say you know because I've sent you so many

um gay black Instagram Reels that now I just now my Instagram is just for a gay man. Hey shut up! Um and so I still watch the videos because it's my phone so I'll look at my phone and it'll be like guess who's bottoming? It'll be like one guy eating like a big plate of stinky nachos or whatever and the other one is having like bone broth for dinner yeah yeah yeah yeah and but that shows you how awesome it must feel if you're willing to eat like a dying cat yeah yeah yeah yeah well like well there was a part of the conversation too he was like yeah eat like a dying cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like, well, there was a part of the conversation, too, where he was like, yeah, it's usually like that.

But you know, sometimes, you know, sometimes, man, you just get a little carried away. But that's OK. It's just a little, his words, a little chili on the hot dog. To which I said, nope. No, I just, you know what I mean? I'm not, you know. Yeah, well, that's called painting.

It's called painting with the mind. Yeah, I don't, you know. Again, you know, there's some things like, you know. No, but they actually do call it painting. Painting what? Do they really? Yes. And what does painting mean?

Can you please paint me a picture if you don't mind? Before I steer you wrong, because I know. Let me Google not on my work Google. Let me Google on Pendejo time account. Gay guy painting term. It means shitting on a penis. Oh. I thought maybe they were doing art with it.

No, no. It's like a euphemism or whatever. OK. That, I'm not going to lie, sucks. But that's fine. I mean, that's their life. What would you prefer? What would you like to think?

I would prefer, listen, I don't like poop. And I'm not saying that those guys like poop But I am saying that I don't care for poop outside of the places We're using from isn't because it happened. It just it happens. You have to have a name for it, right? I understand but earthquakes happen. Oopsie. I don't want I mean, you know what I mean like oopsie I guess what I'm saying Thomas is like I don't I I Guess what I'm saying Thomas is like I don't I Don't care for that. You know it's outside of my you know like

for example some of the shit destroyed in a message a man and a Latina woman I don't really care for I don't I don't want to do anything man and Trying to think what cultures? What straight cultures partake in anal sex? A French rapist, I mean To Germans see I hate Germans. It's not my thing

Really all of them. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Yeah. Well even the Jews Christ And you're not the first either no, I'm not a little story about a small evil man Okay, tell away I Will not I'll not speak his name. Is it cannon and minion in the minion world did the Holocaust happen? It's a great question. So are they involved with that? I feel like that's probably been done as a bit before. I don't think so. I've they involved with that? I feel like that's probably been done as a bit before I don't think so

I've never heard it and if I've never heard it, it's free rein. Let's take it down the road Well, I'm thinking cuz they were involved in all the battles, right? Yes, so I think you know what? I'm gonna look up minions World War two and I bet this has been extensively covered minions World War two Minions World War II. Minions World War II. Yep. This went viral on Reddit four years ago. You know, that's why they have comedians who make more money than me and they deserve more than me because there's Reddit commenters who come up with jokes four years before me.

And that's OK. Has the Minions franchise been around for probably 15 years now? Yes. But I like to think that Gru and I kind of think alike in some ways. So I mean, the same question can be asked. So in the Cars franchise, they have a car pope,

which would imply they have their own car, son of man, or whatever the fuck. I think that's been beat to death on Reddit too. But it's worth exploring, because I think you raise a good question, is that are minions as a minion, are they psychologically capable of making moral decisions? They seem to be somewhere between a dog and a man, at least on the intelligence. If you fucked one, would it be wrong? That is an incredible question, because I

bet it would feel fucking awesome, just me personally. Yeah, probably like a marshmallow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what if a minion painted on you? Would be yellow no i don't think so i think that's kind of crass banana the banana dopy banana dodo oh banana banana dodo oh me muki Banana Dondo. Oh, me Mookie. Mm-hmm. Keep going. Oh, Moka Banana. Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha! Moka Banana. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Oh, fuck yeah, dude. I live for that type of shit. Do we have an ad read this week? I hope not. Um, check. Copy. No, we don't. That's awesome. I love for that type of shit. Do we have an ad read this week? I hope not Check copy

No, we don't that's awesome. I love for that. I live for that shit Everybody says Everybody says that Jay Do you have any advice for him Freddy I would say if life is hard for you just wait till you get older and it'll actually get easier this is way it's not that hard to be a grown-up it really isn't man it's not it really is not you know what I mean like yeah like when you get in trouble when you're a grown-up like nobody even hits you no

No, I just lose you just lose everything over and over again. I know we were talking about like easy It's so easy as an adult with adult obligations to lose people and opportunities consistently all the time. Turns out people die the whole time. Yeah, dreams die too. Yeah, yeah. And whatever failure you're worried about, don't worry. It'll happen. Yes, dude.

Yeah. Not even kidding, man. I know we were talking about not talking about it earlier, but it's been an interesting 36-month run for old Jake. You know what I mean? Some things that the audience knows, some things that I choose not to divulge. But the really annoying thing about all of it, man,

is that it just keeps going. It keeps going. And I'm not complaining like, oh, I want to kill myself. It's just like, the sun rises in the East, sets in the West, and everything. People still ask you to do stuff. They still need things from you when you're like, dude, I really don't know how the fuck I'm even how we're even rocking with it.

Like, you know, a white boy crests a hill, he's got the sun on his back. But you know, the wolves are right behind him. I don't know how much of this I can take. And then the world just says, well, you got much more coming. You know, and when you're a kid, shit happens and you're like, oh my god, it's the end of the world. And then like, I think for me, it happened around 20, 19 or 20,

where I was like, oh no, this is just going to happen all the time. And then the world just kind of keeps spinning. You know when you're a kid and your grandpa dies or something, it's like the world ends. You know, like it stops for a bit. And as you like, right after a round for me, yeah, I was like, teenage, right into my 20s, I was like, no,

like really horrifically violent, terrible things are just going to happen. And then you just kind of have to like talk to Cheryl at the front desk. You know what I mean? Like, you just got to be like, yeah, no, it's good. It's fine. You know, everything's fine. And inside your head, you're like, and Cheryl's like, now, now my husband, Hubert, now he did have an F250,

but it has something wrong with the transmission. So he went and got him a Dodge. And then in your head, you're thinking about, like your dad died, or somebody in your family just can't clean it up, can't get sober, is making you sick, and making you. She's like, now he did have an F2, F3? No, no, no, it couldn't have been the three,

because it was the 250. And he always said he was a Dodge man. And so when he got the Dodge, he said it had a diesel. Does that sound right to you? And in your head then you're in your head you're thinking about I think maybe I got molested when I was like 10. I think around 10 something really bad happened to me and that's why I can't like I don't understand people anymore. And she's like it was a Cummins

diesel engine and he took that one on his hunting trip and that's where we met because I was working at the bait store." And you thought about killing Cheryl like a bunch in between these two conversations but you know you don't do it because it's uncouth to do so but yeah that's kind of like that's that's adult dealing that's adult male dealing with problem stuff you know what I mean like I guess if you're an artist or something, you paint. But if you're just a jack-off, then you just, you know. See, if you're an artist, you paint. You're coming around on it.

Maybe so. Maybe so. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. Maybe I've been wrong all along. Best gay strip club. Maybe you're upset because you haven't explored enough. Best gay strip club.

Name a city. Name a city in the United States, bud. Flint, Michigan. Best Gay Strip Club, Flint, Michigan. They don't have any. Nope, that's not true. Wow. Um, the Adam's apple. Okay.

Best gay strip clubs, Flint, Michigan, the Adam's apple. Let's get a load of what they have to say. Uh, let's see here. I'm going to play some music for you guys while I try to figure out what's next. Um, it's no problem. We got it. All of life is a fucking, this world is a veil. Thomas, feel free to join me.

Oh, I'm headed down. I'm headed over to Anchorage right now. Check out. Okay. All right. So here's Scott from Miss Chack. What? Indiana.

Who let the ghoulies out? Can't believe I stayed for two beers. Raw sewage is a smell of the whole bar. Probably cause all the ass. Please call a plumber. I love a good dump. But literally. The bartender was super sweet, nice, and sexy.

The queen slash manager was more of a gossip girl than an inviting hostess. At least me and my B-day boy had something to remember of Detroit's gay bars. That smell haunts my car still. If your sewage smells like ass, close down and fix that. Sincerely yours, Scott. Oh yeah. I'll keep going. I'm still looking.

Alright. Uhhhh. A question posed to Club Sin Rock in Anchorage. Yeah. By a user. Ever been a girl named Ivy there No answers yet Lost in the wind

Like a dog barking has there ever been a girl named Ivy there Alright, let's walk down the Flint, Michigan gay guy bar and strip club and let's head on over to Minjo's. Minjo's, what a name. They've got a whole night called Boys Night Out. Awesome. That is what I like to see. Okay, I got one. Yeah, keep going.

Yeah. Oh. I lost it. I clicked something on accident. But it was by Polyboy69E. Oh, I found it. Yeah, you got it. I clicked something on accident. But it was by Pollyboy69E. Oh, I found it.

Yeah, you got it. This is for Club Sin Rock. Awesome. Can't wait to check it out. I'm inviting my buddies for Christmas party. Oh, yeah. Buddies for Christmas party, oh yeah. I was lucky enough to get a few dances from Bristol. She blew my mind.

I thought this was a gay club till just now. I just found another club called Great Alaska Bush. Keep going. I think this is all so straight. That's fine. I don't care. Been wanting to do another strip club review episode and uh... We can keep walking down memory lane on this. One Star got 86th for telling Dawn the manager I was hurt by the disrespect she gave me

when I auditioned and she pointed out all my flaws I was a paying customer for years oh yeah that's not too nice that's really good. My God. Hi all. Just got off the phone with the Anchorage Police Department after an issue with his business recently. He stated, it is run by the Hells Angels, but there is nothing he can do. Why?

Because I only assume the APD is on the Hells Angels payroll. Naturally. Why was I talking to him? Because I was extorted, coerced, threatened with physical bodily harm by their staff after I did not pay CRUNT fees that were never agreed to me by their alleged independent dancers who never disclosed their fees or anything else and attempted to steal my wallet. I was coerced with being beaten up if tried to exit by their security staff without ponying up. Naturally they said there was nothing they can do. Why? Because seemingly they are corrupt as well. This place is a joint of racketeering and mafia enterprises, etc. Do not enter if you value your life. You are welcome.

This is another one for the Adam's apple bar. For Mr. Nicholas Dance 1821. Worst place of all time. I know that sometimes things get crazy in the bathroom, but could you at least spray after? This one really smells like shit. It's the same bar as earlier. This one is by Patrick D. I assume that's his for Doran.

Patrick Doran. Patrick Doran. From Podcasts about Liz. The gay podcaster. One star. The DJ is trash. He is not playing strip club music. This girl tried to charge me $1,000

for a 30 minute lap dance. I said no thank you politely. Did I mention that the DJ is trash? You did. All right, we are now checking into Ebony Men male strippers and male strip club Atlanta for male strippers. I believe this is some sort of SEO title

because Ebony Men male strippers black male strip club Atlanta is not a name of a club but it is if you're trying to optimize your engine oh nice one more one moment I gotta get the music back going this is from Micah Micah G and his profile picture is the dog from Adventure Time. I came for my birthday and had an amazing time. And then I came for my birthday. Winky face. I came for my birthday this year and I brought my sister.

She had a great time too. I'm glad we were both able to come to Ebony Mends. Pinky face, three exclamation points. Very awesome. Absolutely not. Hold on, this isn't, this is from Christopher. Celebrating my daughter's 22nd birthday this evening. 100% ticket cost, go to the dancers. That's not really funny to me, but why would you bring your daughter to a gay strip club? 100% ticket costs go to the dancers. That's not really funny to me, but why would you bring your daughter to a gay strip club? I like it. That's freaky.

We're now at the crazy horse in Anchorage. Let's hear it. I thought this dancer, Angel, was one of the best ones, but during her dance on me, she kept scratching her and kept asking if I wanted to pay her extra for an after-hours session, anything else I wanted. Is that what y'all do in Alaska? Then she started venting about how she recently aborted her baby and how bad she feels. Let's just say I burned my clothes and showered in bleach. Tell me that there, please tell me that there is better girls in this, in a better location,

new to Anchorage. Some guy moving to Anchorage and being like, where the hoes at? This is for the hunkamania. This is Kimberly S. 5554. A.G. I had a good time until this one cowboy told my friend, don't be extra. I'm sorry, baby. But if I'm paying $1,000 for this table, me and my bestie bride are doing the splits.

Maybe you need to work harder. Just saying. I'm moving to San Antonio. San Antonio. Uh. Okay, one question asked by the community for the adult megaplex in San Antonio. Is there a room? Answer by sugarbaby Melanie Lee. I wish I've given BJs a glorious pose before but in Vegas and it's an amazing experience that I love to do. If a place existed like that in Austin or San Antonio I would volunteer my mouth regularly LOL

and then another question can you get your docked sucked? And then just answer is just let me know when. Oh yeah. I was denied the quote unquote hot seat after paying because apparently the hot seat is not permitted for men. Not listed on the website, which was screenshotted as of today's date before Colin, they refused refund based on their policy that is not on file at time of booking, payment, or the call.

I will be disputing this charge through PayPal and filing a BBB dispute with hunkamania. Horrible business praxis for 2023. They only like straight Republican women oh yeah Thomas for hunk of mania male strip club I walked in this John and I only seen zero female strippers bruh from Jabari Thomas that That was me. My alter ego is I add somebody else's name and then I put my name just so I don't forget. It does kind of look like you. It's crazy. Yeah. I'm trying to find. Okay, this doesn't look good. The boy in this picture looks very young. Wow. I think I need to close this web,

I don't wanna click on this at all. Okay, this is a Google review of a club in Atlanta. And in the review is a fat black man who looks kinda like somebody blew up Kanye with a bike pump. And I don't mean that in a racist way, he literally has a grill that's like a mouth guard and a goatee.

Next to that man is a boy and he don't look like he should be there based on legal laws but let's take a look at what the reviews has to say. Sometimes a book on its cover can be judged improperly. You're right, especially with little boys. You're right Jake, let's give him a shot. Here we go. I recently visited this club, a gay bar I've enjoyed in the past. But this time was an awful experience. I was appalled by the treatment I received from a bartender with blue dyed hair, who

I believe name was Will. When I simply asked about the price difference on a drink, he rudely responded by asking, are you poor? To make matters worse, he gave my drinks to another African American and then said all black people look alike to me. I was shocked and deeply hurt. I've never experienced such blatant racism at this place. And it's heartbreaking that this happened, especially during Pride, a time meant to celebrate

inclusion and equality. This kind of behavior is unacceptable and I hope management takes this seriously. Kara however was very understanding and took great care of us. You got one? Yeah. This is at The Zee in San Antonio, Texas. Michael asks, can I meet a guy there and go down on him? Devin answers yes. Now, we can just look in there.

So I'm trying to get it sucked. I'm trying to suck one dick. Just one one dick. I would love to maybe don't don't think about it for mr. Carl One stars at the Felix Club What I witnessed tonight was blatant real long I can't do this without the goddamn music Oh, man after you do yours. I got one, too What I witnessed tonight was blatant racism

Can I get an amia amia I Witnessed the host of trivia night. Oh Lord. I witnessed him telling a young boy That maybe he had one too many The host picked up the microphone to sing and instead of singing immediately began saying you do not get your 40 acres and your mule sir. I could not believe what my ears had heard. All I can say is that I pray for this young man and the host of Trivia Night.

May God have mercy on your soul. Damn. Damn. That was the whole one? That was it. Alright, I got one too, brother. Okay, brother. Okay brother. This past weekend was the first time I have been to a gay bath house in my lifetime. Just recently moved to San Antonio from Macon Georgia. I did not know where the best

places were to hopefully find or meet any older black top guys at. Once I heard about the Zbath house, I had to go check it out. It was much better than what I expected. I did not feel uncomfortable at all here and found it was easy to connect and become associated with others quite easily. Since I'm a white, slim and trim bottom type guy, my only main interest was in connecting with a decent black top guy. Within a couple of hours, I did actually find a really decent black top that was easy to connect with and my whole weekend became even more exciting than what I expected as well. The Z is a really a great place to meet and connect with others that are also gay. The last sentence is why I read the whole thing.

It's clearly a breath of silence. I enjoy having sex with men who are also gay Yes, I'm a gay man and I like associating with men that are also gay This is gonna head on over to my stomping grounds in Houston, I need to change this the music's changed We're gonna head on over to my stomping grounds in Houston to see some of the most intense, perhaps disturbing, and stinkiest gay bars and gay strip clubs in the city. Some people might ask, why would you look at that stuff on your work computer? Why not? It's a free country after all, and everybody needs a little bit of entertainment. After all, this is what the show is about. I'm looking at the reviews for this specific bar and I click the button that says lowest. You're all experiencing this with me live now. And I'm scrolling.

Dustin wouldn't let me back into the building. He claims I was too drunk. So what if I am? Maybe he doesn't like me. This place is filled with vendettas. That's fine. Oh, I've got a new club. That's great. Hard Bodies Male Dancers in San Antonio. Let's see.

Oh yeah, a lot of one-star reviews here. And that, folks, is kind of what we're looking for. Of course, of course. This used to be a gay bear slash leather daddy bar. But to be a gay bar, especially a bear or leather daddy bar, the majority of your clientele must be gay. This is simply not the case anymore. Also, for what it's worth, there are just too many effeminate twinks and not enough bears. It all changed about three years ago.

Now it's a waste of my time. Oh fuck. Oh my god. From Dino Mike. What a dump. The staff is simply dumbfounded. I don't think that's what that means, Dino Mike, but you keep dreaming, brother. Wow, what a wonderful club.

I'm trying to find the gayest place in all of Texas. Just show me where it's at. I don't want a clean place. I want a place where men can go to be men. You know what I mean Tom? Yeah I think hard bodies it was mostly better views due to management issues which isn't as fun but I found another one it's called players club and this seems to be a lot of evil sex going on here and that's what I'm looking for I love to hear that here's a question from the community question I'm 35 year old strictly in quotes hetero male in quote looking for DTF sexy sluts might hook up

with couple with agreed very limited male slash male physical contact in print open parentheses more like spit roast or cuckold type situation close parentheses what day of week would I be welcomed and wanted usually by patrons vice versa? answer ready by Willie I'm not sure if that's I don't think it was a yes yes or no thing sure I understand I understand. Hmm. Another question. Is there a list and found my BF lost a hat lol? So much? This is for a gay strip club in Boston. Lots of potential and lots of sexy guys.

Especially the Twinks. But there's no AC and in the summer it really stinks in here. My advice to management? Get a better AC unit and maybe some hairy dogs. Peace and love, Safad. Okay. Well, let's see. I'm going to find some extra reviews for this players club thing. Okay. Get punished. That's the name of the club.

It's called Get Punished. I don't like that, but- Get punished. Hank just bit the fuck out of me. You okay? No, he's just a piece of shit. He OK? No, he's just a piece of shit. Let's see here. All right.

Well, I don't like this guy's profile picture. His name is, let's get a look at it, Sanjit Nagpal. And his profile picture that he uses to review Google is what seems to be a set of pasties over, I don't know how Google cleared this, his balls and his nuts tucked between two of his legs. And he loves to review these clubs. And he loves to tell them about how expensive the drinks are.

Sanjeev, I believe. Actually, you don't have any problems. You're totally fine. This world is meant for you, bud. It was built for you, too. OK. I'm now digging into Adonis. Oh, brother Adonis.

Oh my god. Uh-oh. Oh, brother Adonis. Oh my god. Uh oh. Complete bulls. A stripper pulled my boyfriend and I into a private room without us asking. A big no-no. Started dancing, and the next thing I know he pulled his package out and pushed us down to service him. At the end, he demanded $100. I guess we got played. Live and learn, stay away.

I've decided to move over to Detroit. Oh yeah, to the Coliseum. 3.1 stars. Beautiful. Let's see here, Johnny. Somebody asked on this, it came up as one of the top gay clubs. First question, do y'all have male dancer? A, no, they don't. You need to check out Hunk Mansion Male Strip Club in Detroit. And that I will. I think Hunk Mansion has been closed down. I do not think Hunk Mansion

is with us anymore. Oh, but 2022, I spoke to people in the process of renovating the space when I went by the location for a good time. It is no longer Adonis, not sure what the new business will be or when it will open. From the owner response two years ago, Hey Kurt, Adonis events are on a temporary hiatus due to a monkeypox outbreak in the club yeah we're gonna go over oh fuck I timed that simply too wrong let's see those oh yeah I got one from Jeremy W. Let's hear it, baby.

One star. Yeah. Manager had an IQ of zero. Pfft. Kicked me out and didn't even know why himself. I literally think he didn't actually know his own name in talking to him, as sad as that may sound. Sad but true, a four-year-old kid would have handled better.

Whatever manager worked on March 18th should be fired or sent to preschool. What is he keep talking about kids? Oh my God. Oh, God. Ooh, yeah. Oh, baby. I wanna maybe read a good review. I've been searching for the negative ones. There's a lot of motherfucking pictures of people

at the gay club and they're kissing on each other's nipples. I'm a Marine. I came out to my family 10 years ago. This was the first club where I fell free. Unfortunately, early this morning, November 10th 2014 management approached me and said no military allowed. I said wait what? I explained to him that today 1110 was the Marine Corps 249th birthday and that mean I could wear my outfit and I'm a gay Marine veteran if they could do a quick shout out to the USMC sure enough within minutes we were told to leave oh my god oh Oh man. One Star by Ben S.

Probably Ben Stiller. Yeah. Um. Way overpriced mandatory valet charge 6 to 8 dollars for a beer. Prostitution in the booths. No joke, the nasty African American dancer with new fake boobs. Horribly done

by the way. We'll try and grab your junk for extra cash even if you deny it. Dancers will lie to your face and try to stir up drama near the booths bouncers will rough you up for no apparent reason. I had a buddy walk out of the bathroom and a girl claimed she gave him a dance he declined to pay of course and a bouncer punched him in the face. He is pursuing charges. Stay clear from this place. Sexy, sexy. Yeah. A bartender here made my mama cry. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Five stars. Yeah, I love it. I'm trying to get a job because I love to dance sexy.

I'm a people pleaser. Very nice. Oh nice. This is from Buddha love. Let me find I'm going to set the tone. This is a little too beady. This is a little too. I don't like this.

My girls and I went to promise gay nightclub and we believe human trafficking is going on here. While there, a couple aggressively tried to get my friend to take a drink and was offended when she declined. They got visibly angry. We walked back to a group of people in black coats just standing there Mysteriously menacing us with their phones pointed at us while they were while we were dancing Obviously recording us when we tried to report to the bartenders. They were so dismissive They said anyone who could record that wasn't really the point and they said there's nothing they could do about the mysterious cloaked men Felt like this is common. We were so freaked out. We left right away. Please be careful Lots of scary men and jackets there

Five stars I was here for my divorce party most fun ever Hey stripper with the braces you made my night nice This profile picture on the open it's him and his kid. Hahaha! Oh fuck. Hey, strip it with the braces. Hey baby. I'm seeing something. I'm seeing something. I'm trying to find the place. Oh, I know what it's called.

They changed it. They changed it, too. Oh, my god. It's called Pleasures Now. It used to be called Eden's. I think in the news something really bad happened to one of the guys that works there he was I think a prostitute it's a brothel but they call it a club everyone knows that Great staff, no pressure to buy anything, able to escape reality for a while.

This is by Peter DL. Wife came in a week ago and found exactly what she wanted. She was so happy having a variety of guys. She can't wait for me to come back with her and find another big boy. She hasn't gotten over the experience and wants me to watch her show off. She has a cock fetish and is excited to be there. And my wife has a cock fetish. So that oh my God Thomas. Yeah, my wife is a cock fetish. Oh my god.

Thomas. This is from Dorothy, regarding Pleasures Sex Club in Austin, Texas. I ubered out here to take my mind off my cat dying. I'm willing to pay the $80 cover on a Monday night, but I was turned away because they only allow women with men. A confusing and sad Uber ride home followed. Your cat dies and you go to get fucked at a sex club called Pleasure Club LLC on Google? Lady, I've got a piece of advice for you. Maybe call it quits, you know? Maybe it's time. This is a, yeah, this is a adult airport video in Everett, Washington by the way. Been there several times.

A few times with a hot woman I know that loves sucking cocks in the arcade while I watch. Funny watching the line of guys follow us to the booths and hope they can be first in. We'll try to take her there several times this coming summer. Yes sir, beautiful. I'm really trying to find my beautiful, sexy unicorn. I hope I can find her one day. I've been looking for a long time, and I'm kind of getting tired of looking. That's just kind of sad, but I did want to read that. Let's see here. Let's see.

It's a nice kind of seedy place. What do they call ladies' clothes, Two stars. This is a nice place as they have done a good job remodeling the establishment. However, as it relates to service it depends on who is at the desk. If Fidel is there and you are not Mexican slash Hispanic, he is going to harass you. I see Mexican Hispanics on their phone standing around, but when the black man started looking at the video case, Fidel advised. Oh shit, fuck yeah dude, I love that. What's this? Oh nice. Okay. All right. Hey, we're going on down a little further south to the Hustler Club in Tennessee, owned and operated formally by Larry Flynn.

You know that fella? Sexual deviant and a freak. Let's see. Let's see. Hold on a second. The girls are okay. Let's see. I never knew this place had a name besides The Porn Barn, but I guess some know it as adult airport video. This is a great place to go if you need to buy a homemade porn called What Daddy Doesn't

Know or something along those lines and you also want to get a good laugh. You'll notice that all the cars in the parking lot are BMWs, Jaguars, Caddies, etc. What makes it all the more creepy and fun? Doesn't it just put a smile on your face knowing that all these surgeons are coming to the porn barn to jerk off beside each other in the theater? After you notice all the nice cars you'll notice the signs that say, Beware of dog. This is probably the last place you'll ever want to steal from. If you did, I guarantee you'd have three Wattwilers and four pitbulls ripping off your limbs in seconds. You can also be pretty sure that the workers have an assortment of guns behind the counter that they'll enjoy

using if you fuck with them. But on the bright side, there's a wide assortment of really interesting porn and quite a big midget section. Here we go. This is for the six in Austin. Really fun and discreet place for this to get extremely nasty and it's all good. And then three pictures of a red shipping container and I promise you that's what I'm looking at. The inside of the shipping container has a red light. This is from the Austin Arab. This is the place where I served the Dark Lord and his lusty servants by surrending my body to others to use. Test, experiment, and have fun. Oh yes, one star. Place is disgusting. Absolutely filthy. Nothing is clean.

Cesspool of grime, bacteria, viruses, old fat white guys, and fat gay Mexicans. Honestly felt very creepy like a Twilight Zone. Door to theater room slams like a heavy horror house prop every time Someone goes in or out Very loud it would be difficult to try and slam a door that hard at most places But here it's made to for some unknown reason There were three guys in one theater jacking off in a circle while a guy in horrible drag was Purposely gagging on some tweaker's cock

in the back. Had his legs in the air like he was getting pounded, but he was just burying his shaft in the queen's throat. Nice deep voice though, gives me the heebie jeebies. Not judging here, just reporting what I saw. Facts. If you want to catch some dirt bag venereal disease this is the place. Oh man. From Mr. Drew Armis. Great place to get off and play around. Quick and easy hole in the wall. Easy to use or be used. Five stars. And immediately under that from Mr. Samuel.

And he has a profile picture of George Washington, but he's black. Some of the TV screens are broken, it smells like pee pee, badly. Fun place, new here, single dad. The something first time there had a very sexually aggressive female who blew my mind haven't had the chance to go back yet but I'm waiting for that chance nice dark boots in the theater sometimes the wives come by and they get satisfied oh yeah oh yeah Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I just saw a positive review for Fidel, so I guess he's doing OK.

From Stanton McMurray, five stars get sucked off. Get sucked up, get sucked off. How about this? Five stars. Lisa is amazing. Her skin is so soft. I want to devour her. Love that. Going back to the motherfucking Yelp because Google

they don't want to tell me what's going on. We're going back to the motherfucking Yelp because Google, they don't want to tell me what's going on. Oh my God. I went to the shop with my girlfriend. I went back alone and received what I needed. I have been back a few times. That's what he said. He said, I have been back a few times. Found it clean friendly. I ended up leaving with more than I attended to purchase. But with a smile, Billy. Yep.

Yes, sir. Boom, boom, up, boom, boom, up, boom, boom. Looking around, this one place is called Pancy, formerly All Things Adult. On Sundays, there is a most unpleasant man. He chases people, and he enters the booths with them. There is simply no privacy. My advice is that they do not go there anymore when he is bald and with a red beard. When he is bald and with a red beard. Let's go to the adult megaplex digging around. Sexual music. Actually, you know what?

I always look for the negative, but daddy wants to see a little positive. Oh yeah, I got a five star one from Big B here at Steamworks Seattle. OMG, I got a gallon of cum in each hole. I literally left a snail trail from room to room. Didn't swallow as much beautiful baby batter as Freddie Mercury, but came real close.

Beautiful. All right. Good fun tonight. Lots of horny hungry clean. Need a little more light. Would like a gottub Juicy berries adult entertainment No reviews will leave that to the dreamers and the thinkers A bunch of people are complaining about Steamworks because it's called Steamworks but there's not a Steamroom.

And it kind of implies that it does have one and that a bunch of gay guys go there and they're like, I kind of want to just hang out in a Steamroom and they're like, oh no, this is just, just fuck somebody yeah yeah adult theater Houston we're gonna take a trip you know what let's get out of Texas let's go adult theater I was an evil place Iowa is an evil place. Adult warehouse. 18 and beyond.

Okay, let's see what they got. Let's see. The business manager of this place is named CP. Let's see. The business manager of this place is named CP. No. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha When I went into the store, the man was rude to me. He kept saying the N-word, not calling me it necessarily, but just saying it. Won't go back.

One star. That's nice. Big Earl's Gold Mine. I love the name of that. And all these pictures, they are most definitely Google stock, which means you know. Wow, they have an overwhelming amount of one-star reviews. Let's take a look. Had a good time...

Where's my music? God damn it. Had a good and sexy time till I got back to my room and discovered they ran my card for $100 more than they were supposed to. My bad for not paying attention. Don't go! Nobody was there and now I know why. I gave the dancer $100 cash and was charged $5.50. Do not go here. Response from Big Earl. Your card was charged $5.50 which is the price you paid and your tip. I guess there's no arguing with Big Earl. I went on a Wednesday night after a very long day of being on computer. I was told that this was a nice place to enjoy a traditional steam bath.

Oh no, steam bath was not in order and there was many men with full erections walking around and smiling. I did not want to waste my discount coupon so I made the best of my time. Thank you to Jamal and Ricky for showing me the ropes. I must let my rectum heal, then I shall return. I like how he's got a plan in mind. You know what I mean? Like he had a good time. In a couple of weeks I'll be back.

This is from Mr. Ricky Bell from Big Girls Gold Mine. My nephew was drugged and they took his money. One star. Damn, what's going on with Big Earls, man? Nobody seems to be having a good fucking time with Earls. There was one review, it wasn't really that funny, it was a long review, but it was basically like, oh, one of the guys who was working here was one review, it wasn't really that funny, it was a long review, but it was basically like, oh, one of the guys who was working here was super hot, so after he was off work,

I fucked him. And then the business owner replied like, hell yeah. Hell yeah, that's awesome. Let me get out of, let's see. Pleasure. One star. Hell on earth. It smells like death here.

The smell literally made me nauseous. The music too loud and it feels like I'm walking through the labyrinth of heel. The vibe here is seriously awful. Do not come here if you are thinking about it or are curious. This is a horrible place that you will regret coming to There we go, oh my god, yes go for it baby You got I am posting this so it does not happen to anyone else The maze room is so dark that you cannot see there are steps inside of it I fell and broke my foot in two places snap the bones in half when they popped out of the bottom of my foot I'm not trying to be a party pooper and dark can be fun but if it's going to be that dark there should not be any steps make all

at one level or lighten it up you're going to get your ass fucked in your bones from your foot pop out of your skin like a rotisserie chicken. Oh my God. That's good stuff. Here we go. We got Carter C from Kirkland, Washington. I don't like this song. It's fucking my vibe up.

Nice Carter C Kirkland, this song is fucking my vibe up. Nice. Carter C Kirkland, Washington. For an unnamed sex theater in Austin, Texas. Five stars. It's hard not to appreciate a strip club posting almost all one-star reviews. So I went. It's not every club. You can meet a dancer with a bullet wound. Have a fetish for burn scars? Amputees? Previously you had

limited options, but that's all changed now with the lineup at Pleasures. If you've never heard a gal ask if you want a handy with one of those throat cancer survivor voice buzzy things you haven't lived. For an extra $50, you can even fuck her tracheotomy. Imagine that. Jesus. You'll never get correct change here. Numbers just aren't their thing. But after seeing this place, there hasn't been any change in a while.

Our dancer broke her hip getting on the stage. Ha ha ha ha ha. Our dancer broke her hip getting on the stage. Rather than cash, she accepted an insurer from behind the bar. We still tipped. Not the white liquid she was expecting, but still overjoyed given the fall. Don't go with a large group of people. Can't fit. Too small. The bathrooms in a Puerto Rican nightclub of people. Can't fit. Too small. The bathrooms in a Puerto Rican nightclub are bigger. Cleaner too.

What a dump. This is by a person named Yuck F. Okay. What a dump. The guy at the door was just a dick. The place is a bunch of nasty old fat men and young dumb twinks fucking like dogs. And not a condom to be seen, other than the pipes of them hanging on the wall, which no one uses. I have never seen such a blatant disrespect for safe sex.

I shudder to think of the infection rate from this place. It is literally a maze of nothing. A nasty steam room, a shower, a video lounge, a size of a bathroom. A lot of steps in the dark. Just a disgusting display of gaming at their worst. Oh, my God. Wow. This is a great one. Fuck. OK.

What else? This isn't where I belong. Adult theater. Adult Theater. Let's see. Albany. Adult World. There's a pizza shop next door and a police station down the road. Perfect.

Awesome. the road perfect awesome no god damn it. Excite the Rouge Boutique game republic. What the fuck? Talk of the town? What the hell? This is... similar to Three Stars. Watch out for a wheelchair, man. awesome that's awesome wheelchair man oil

what's what is oil can got such a goddamn bad motherfucking reputation on the motherfucking Yelp? Mm. I don't want to see that. He did flips on it in Rollerblades. He did flips on it in roller blades. That is a review for a gay adult theater. What's a kind of a podunk Texas town you wouldn't think would have a... You know what, buddy?

God damn it. I can't believe I didn't go here first. Gay Club Abilene. Do they even exist they can't it's too dangerous Cabaret Club I feel like there definitely is one but it might not be on the album. Yeah, probably not Abilene Sex Theatre. Why? What has my life become? Abilene Adult Store. What are adult theaters called Thomas? Do they have a name? I think they're typically called adult theaters. Okay. Honestly, that sounds right. That sounds good. This place is called Nana's. Don't look at don't want to get my dick sucked or my ass fucked in a place called Nana's.

This place is called Wiener Hut and it's just Thomas. There's a place called Wiener Hut listed under Abilene Adult Theaters, and it is just a man's home. The picture on Google is a man's home. I don't want to say the address because I do believe that would classify as doxing. However, it is listed as an adult entertainment club and theater as Wiener Hut. Beautiful. Midland Adult Theater. What's worse than when girls complain that they gave a, the club gave a waiver when she

worked there that if she died from any of the free drugs that they were giving her that it was her fault. Very nice. Sex shop. Taboo toys. I don't think I'm going to top the Seattle one. Yeah, I don't think so. You got any good ones?

No, I think we've been at this for about an hour forty. I think we're good. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for hanging out with us. I know we did kind of like a normal hour up top. I've been wanting to go back and revisit the old Strip Club Reviews. So I hope you guys had a good time. If you're listening to this, please consider heading on over to the YouTube and subscribing.

I've made it a goal of mine to post more there, and I've been doing so. So head on over to youtube.com, search Pendejo Time Worldwide. Check out our video episodes. There's a bunch of free ones. Check out our sketch, Big Fat Frog, and subscribe to the show. There will be more video content coming. I've been working on a lot of it.

Head on over to Instagram. Give us a follow, Pendejo Time Worldwide. Head on over to the motherfucking Instagram for myself, jakeroads11111111. Give us a follow. Same with Mr. Thomas, the Leno Killer. And then go over to patreon.com slash pendejo time, and toss us a little bit

cheese dollar a month gets you access to the discord five bucks a month gets you access to an entire backlog of episodes plus a bonus episode every month 10 bucks a month gets you access to all that shit plus a premium video episode every month there will be more to that to come as promised trying to work out some kinks on scheduling to where I can crank out more video content for you motherfuckers, me and Thomas both. If you are in any of these following cities, profile, go to my thing. The 1st through the 13th, my band Drunk Uncle will be on tour.

We're going to Fort Worth, April 1, Atlanta April 3, Charlotte April 4, Charlottesville the 5th, the 6th, Buffalo, 7th, Philly, 8th, Pittsburgh, North Columbus, 11th, Wichita, 12th, Tulsa, 13th, Denton. You can check out the tickets. Go to my Twitter, at jacobro, J-A-K-E-B-R-O-D-E-S. Tickets are going to be in the reply to the pin tweet. I'm doing stand-up April 18th at the Green Room in Austin. Tickets are like

10 bucks. I'll be doing a nice big motherfucking feature set there so you guys can all come and hang out and catch that shit out. You can go on the go to Instagram search the Green Room. It's like a weed store with a comedy club hidden in the back of it it's a lot of fun come hang out come give me a handshake nothing more Thomas you got anything going on what's up Bubba not really no okay may 10th oh yeah may 10th Austin motherfuckers we're doing a show the tickets aren't up yet but it will be a stand up slash live podcast at the Velveter Room in Austin, Texas, May 10th. I repeat, May 10th, the Velveter Room, Austin, Texas. People are saying, Hey, motherfucker, where's the goddamn Austin dates?

Well, we got one going. I got a lot of very funny people have agreed to do the show. I'm not going to say the lineup, even though they've agreed, because it's like a month and a half away and people might bail. But hopefully they don't. And I'm going to put that list together up today and send it over to the owner and he will have that link up. But be on the lookout for that.

The Velveeta Room May 10th midnight show getting extra naughty and dirty and fucking stinky and greased up for you nasty ass fucking deviant motherfuckers. I think that's it. Bye bye! Bye.