Pendejo Time - Candy Owens

Episode Date: August 28, 2025

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Starting point is 00:01:59 online visit. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Featured products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. What are you saying about Ocho? Oh, I was saying I was enjoying the idea of Shannon Sharp seeing a candied apple for the first time. Uh-huh. Tell me that ain't food, Ocho. Oh, okay. He doesn't know what it is.
Starting point is 00:02:30 He's walking up. He's at a, you know, say a boardwalk, a carnival action. He sees a candied apple spitting in the window. And he can't figure out if it's candy or fruit. And it brings him a lot of joy. Oh, nice. Tell me, that ain't a type of food, oh, chow.
Starting point is 00:02:46 I see what you mean. How gets so shiny? When he, when his out, when his gations came out, as J.T. says, J.T. will text me. He's like, hey, man, another guy we like has gations. and I'll go with the first time he used that word I was like gaitians he was like yeah bro the gaitians and I was like what and he was like oh you know out like he raped somebody I was like don't call them you can't make a cool word JT's a very cool guy he's probably one the coolest guys I know I do mean
Starting point is 00:03:15 that he's my friend he's had a cool life but I was like we were hanging out like right before record I was like hey man you can't make a cool short version of something like alligator it just does yo you know MJ yeah Michael Jackson yeah he's got crazy gations you know what i mean they're just kind of out of this out of this world anyway he was talking he was like uh you know shannon sharps got gations and once i cleared the air about the allegation thing i was like that's a scary guy that he's a big dude but his energy is i wouldn't want to be molested by literally anybody obviously but him he didn't molest anybody he just had like a girlfriend who was like too young for him but she wasn't underage but he wasn't underage but
Starting point is 00:03:59 right oh I thought it was some other shit that was not awesome I mean I don't think he did awesome stuff but I don't think he was a pedophile let's think it was like he was like controlling and stuff and like and all that but I don't think it was like and sexually a weird an admittedly very weird guy sexually but I don't think the allegations were sexual assault and violent abuse allegedly. Right, but didn't say anything underage. I was saying there's a difference, you know.
Starting point is 00:04:34 No, there is. There is. And I just met molested, like, regardless of who the person is. If you get molested, you have to be a kid. No, you can get molested as an adult. If you get molested, I've talked about this before, if you get molested as an adult, that's on you. You can't get molested as an adult. You just get up.
Starting point is 00:04:53 And a lot of people are going to like here. Start throwing amateurs. enjoy what I just said. Boy, you just get it. I get it. You could get raped as an adult. You can get old-fashioned raped. That happens, I would say, quite a bit.
Starting point is 00:05:09 And quite a clip that seems to happen to people a lot. But unless, I mean, it's like, you know, if a guy has candy or something. Yeah. I guess you could molest somebody with a mental disability. For sure. Yes. Also, like, I remember I was working the door at my old bar. Like, that was a long-ass time ago, like seven years ago. And this dude walked up, and he just got a handful of my dick and nuts, dude.
Starting point is 00:05:41 Look me right in my fucking eye. Just a handful of my shit. And I fucking slapped the fuck out of him. And then he got all defensive. And this doesn't matter, but he was a gay guy. And he was like, oh, my God. like being weird about it but I he was drunk as fuck but I was like hey man you can't be doing that and I fucking slapped his shit out of him and then he got mad at me he was like I can't believe
Starting point is 00:06:04 oh my god and I was like I think that's molested you know what I mean like I responded in kind but I was still molested you know what I'm saying like yeah I was anyway yeah I mean I think we can all agree that was you know listening that we can agree that was Jake's fault I'm saying is, like, I agree with you that as a grown man, you know, maybe you can put a stop to it, but what I'm saying is you can still be, you could put a stop to it, but you're putting a stop to the molesting, which kids love groping each other and they do. They do. They do. And all of them do it. And, um, there are a lot of thieves. I would say they're thieves. I would say, bandits. Bandits. They're, they're dick. Highwaymen. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:06:51 yeah, yeah. Ass bandits. That was a great. They'll be, you'll be, you'll be. just, you know, just trying to, try and grab your asshole. Like, they'll find a way to... Uh-huh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they'll grab your rectum somehow. Yeah, he went... He went under the whole sack and got the top of the penis. And I was like, hey, boom!
Starting point is 00:07:14 I just smacked the fuck out of him. And then I were like... Dude, it was such a weird thing. Because I was fully, like, 24, 25 years old. And I think it was just like, he was very, very, very... very, very fucked up with like a group of other fucked up gay guys. I think it was just in his mind, he was like, I'm gonna go,
Starting point is 00:07:31 you know what I mean? Like, I don't know, fucking. And then I, but I did have kind of the child's like, I had a child's moment where I went, I went in where you get molested by a gay guy. Yes, yeah, yeah, no, I had, no, I went and told my boss who literally, Thomas, is just my friend
Starting point is 00:07:49 Nikki, shout out Nikki Low Life, the fan of the show. He's just the boss of the bar who got me the job. And I was like, Hey, Nikki, just in case he comes back With like a cop or something Like I was just out there smoking a cigarette on break And this gay guy grabbed a handful of my nuts
Starting point is 00:08:07 And my pecker And I fucking smacked him upside They had as hard as I could I mean, I fucking stuck his ass And then he got really upset that I hit him And I think maybe he might go tell somebody And Nicky's like a lifelong bartender Just that he was like
Starting point is 00:08:23 What the fuck are you telling me? It was like, hey, Hey man, if you've got to go knock that guy out and call the police, I literally don't care. I have to make like 18 fucking rumming coax for these fucking coked up college kids. But yeah, it was like, that's that. I think what I'm saying is you can, you know, the difference is now that when you're a big guy,
Starting point is 00:08:43 you get molested, you could just knock guys out. You can just start throwing bombs. That's my thing. If you're a guy and you're anywhere and anybody to, anybody touches your no-no zone when you're a kid, you got to go tell an adult. If you're fucking 30, you start throwing fucking overhand rice in anybody. You know what if it's a small gray alien?
Starting point is 00:09:04 You start fucking the hell out of it. You're strapped down. You wake up with space straps on your arms and your legs. Okay. Your donger is out. Uh-huh. And my stact to antennae on it. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:09:16 And you say, what? Does that sell mine? It's, parenthesis, it's still yours. Uh, okay. And Swegelo, the gray alien. is he has a gray pussy in the inside of it's green and it's going crazy on your space chode okay and uh you're coming inside of him okay and uh and you you're okay with it so i get abducted i get strapped down with space straps and then a gray alien with a green vagina rides my penis
Starting point is 00:09:48 until i have an orgasm is that what's that yeah you have an orgasm okay cool i mean i guess Like if it's a space guy I guess I can't really complain I mean I have no fucking I can't be help I can't start fighting the alien He has like intergalactic But the only thing you do is you could use Your pelvic floor muscles
Starting point is 00:10:07 To try and kill him with your cock Okay He is small Sort of swung it upwards And tried to rip up in his stomach with it Yeah they are small The aliens are small I think I would have a hard time
Starting point is 00:10:20 With the size of the alien I'm not gonna lie It just doesn't feel No, their normal size aliens are like 18, 20 inches tall Yeah, they're normal size sexual partners Yeah, yeah, yeah You know how your normal sexual partners
Starting point is 00:10:37 Like 22 inches tall, maybe 30 Um Dude, whenever I A guy online and nobody knows that he's 20 inches tall Just been an awesome girl Really my type 20 inches tall No, nobody else knows No, I'm 20 inches tall
Starting point is 00:10:55 They're cooking him in the group chat And he has got to be like, guys, I'm 22 inches tall I'm sorry, I'm a boy, I'm a little guy I'm a man, but I'm a little I'm wearing a tiny suit I'm a lady wearing a tiny dress Dude, whenever I see There's one account
Starting point is 00:11:12 That I've seen on Twitter People like post the clips over whatever of the blonde little person lady and she has an adult boyfriend who doesn't have that syndrome and she sometimes because they have an only fan's apparently she will dress
Starting point is 00:11:34 like you know just not like an adult you know what I mean and it's just the only thing that sucks it's the only thing. Otherwise there's no big deal of one person is bullfism and the other doesn't. It's just pretty much any situation
Starting point is 00:11:55 where a grown-up is dressing like a baby. Out, done. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it's not even like, it's not up for debate at all. Yeah, no, you're done. It's over.
Starting point is 00:12:07 Like, even the picture of DeBaby where he was wearing the old diaper. Remember that? Yeah. Yeah. used to wear a diaper for his he would have a big gold chain and a diaper it's like no wonder he wasn't famous he had to stop wearing a fucking diaper yeah also it's so funny that he used to do that and when he was doing that he had like he'd caught like two or three bodies he had killed
Starting point is 00:12:26 like three guys i think and uh and around the time he was wearing the diaper as part of the gimmick he was like shooting people which is hilarious very funny um nobody ever really pressed him about it like crazy but also you know he killed people pretty yeah and got off like all three times i remember I've done more embarrassing stuff than that. I've never killed anybody. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I've definitely done stuff I don't want to talk about.
Starting point is 00:12:52 I'm not very good with money either, and my knees are injured and I'm sick and inflamed. But I'm taller than the baby. Ah, me too. Yeah, yeah. He's, I think, 18 inches tall. Yeah, I would say somewhere around there, maybe 19 on a good day, with a good pair of booties on, maybe. Is this 19-inch rapper Knicks out of Atlanta?
Starting point is 00:13:18 Y'all vibing with the diminutive man? Are y'all hanging with little fetus? A little tiny guy just dropped. Leave it or keep it? Yo, uh, you know, a little fetus and a little tiny guy just linked up. Y'all fucking with this collab? Y'all fucking with the collab between little fetus and baby.
Starting point is 00:13:39 Yo, yo, yo, little fetus just popped out into a new fucking Chromehaws. And he's got a badass bitch by his fucking side. Adam 22 after he gets hit by a car. Yo, little fitness just popped out with fucking the tiny gay gray guy. Who's fucking with his collab? Should we get him some lean? Yo, a little tiny gray guy just fucked this shit out of my fucking stupid Play-Doh wife. We filmed it, too.
Starting point is 00:14:08 It's all over the fucking internet. Oh, boy. my wife the first bimbo lady to not even be hot in like a in a trashy way perverse way like not even a white trash way yeah yeah just busted she's like just come like just a stupid come lady my stupid come wife my stupid load wife of my wife and there's nothing against ladies who you know into that stuff or whatever she's like this specific lady it's like she has evil coming her it's like if she took a bunch loads from Hitler and it
Starting point is 00:14:43 like turned her vagina corrupt and turn her into like an old black lady somehow she's like she's like Dominican from being a whore oh man I uh
Starting point is 00:15:01 that's she's like if a gay guy tried to draw like a sexy lady just like huge but hole or whatever like huge like fucking stupid body like a fucking cello she does look like if you asked like a 10 or 11 year old boy to draw a hot lady like her proportions or whatever
Starting point is 00:15:22 but I feel wrong talking about the lady in that way she does suck she's not nice and I think I do believe if you have sex with Adam 22 more than two times you take on some of his corrosive energies I think it's okay to make fun of her and be awful and cruel
Starting point is 00:15:39 maybe you're right maybe you're correct I think I think it's fine for me to do I agree with you I don't do yeah it's fine I agree and
Starting point is 00:15:51 oh my God I just heard she died she pooped and it was all over the toilet and I killed her oh poor guy poor baby Adam's 22 I really do
Starting point is 00:16:03 wish the worst for that guy it's but it is nice to see that he faded into mostly obscurity. Yeah, for sure. I mean, I like him and Vlad, I love the conspiracy theories
Starting point is 00:16:17 that they're like feds. Because it's like, I don't think it's true. I think a lot of rappers, you know, rap stitches telling all their business. You know, I think they tell on themselves, you know, own star witness, however it goes. But like, it is kind of crazy how like one of those guys would go on Vlad
Starting point is 00:16:33 and then like two weeks later, either they're dead or they're in prison for the rest of their lives. And then on the, episode it airs it was just like in a shiasty but their name is in the lower thirds and they're like yeah yeah i put 10 in his chest i think this was like 2010 but he was acting a damn full so i had to let him know what time it was and you know adam 22's like dope dope dope dope dope dope dope dope dope dope dope dope yeah dope i love one of my the one of the funniest videos of all time to me is when
Starting point is 00:17:05 uh i think no it's not shannon sharp it's the other football guy with the funny hat that interviews celebrities uh james winston maybe he has interviewed charleston white and he starts doing oh no that's um what's his name cam newton cam newton yeah he was interviewing charleston white
Starting point is 00:17:23 and he was like you know all right we're going to do some name association he goes jada pink and smith and charleston white goes funky bitch fucked up fucking hoe and then he goes come on man he goes all right give me a new one he goes Adam 22 and then he gets real somber Charleston does it he goes massive slave master yeah he a driver he a slave driver yeah he got them boys dancing
Starting point is 00:17:47 i was like i was watching i was crying laughing the first of i was like i don't think i could laugh at this but this is so goddamn funny because like all the other ones were funny like he was laughing he just gets real serious they driver yeah he yeah he owned him boys yeah he tell he's the one getting him out all into trouble yeah he the master yeah i was like like dude stop i can't i can't this is not you should not be this funny to me oh man he's so god he's one of the funny just never really laughed at that stuff before of course yeah yeah yeah you know i i this we don't even i can you can we don't have to get too much into it but one of the funniest fucking things that ever happened two of us together that i really can't
Starting point is 00:18:32 ever tell anybody is when we were listening to tyler's in the car yeah i guess i don't really remember what you're talking about. Yeah, I can't really remember what... That one, it will never, ever be on anything, and that's just for me and time. I'm forever and all ways. He doesn't even remember. That's how fucking...
Starting point is 00:18:56 I don't actually know. Oh. I don't actually remember. That's okay. I don't think I've heard a song before. I never heard music, I never really been a big music head To be honest Yeah
Starting point is 00:19:11 I haven't been listening to music very much I've been listening to the radio I haven't really been listening to much Spotify I have been also listening to the radio Which is because the Bluetooth and OX have not been working So I was listening to Pop today
Starting point is 00:19:25 I was hanging out in New York City today And I was listening to Pop What a fucking golden feeling And I was cleaning up a bunch of human shit There were a bunch of big bags of dried up shit and I accidentally ripped one open and it wasn't full of
Starting point is 00:19:40 regular shit, it was full of diarrhea. How was that? Did the pot make it better? It made it a lot better and I felt really good. They were easily, and I found a fresh poop too.
Starting point is 00:19:56 Beautiful. On a tree with a bunch of used wipes that were blowing around everywhere and I was trying to get all the wipes. Yeah. You felt good. haven't been, I mean, I guess you posted about it on Twitter. I don't want to out your job
Starting point is 00:20:11 but yeah, that uh, that sucks because they have a, the people that the same, whatever the fuck like, uh, when the people that, whatever, like, clean up around here. Um,
Starting point is 00:20:26 they're all Hispanic guys. And, uh, I was walking my dog and Hank took a huge, absolutely fucked up poop. Because he's shit's like a human being and I went and I walked like 20 yards away and this Mexican dude that was like mowing the courthouse stopped mowing and looked at me and I was walking towards the doggy bag area and I grabbed the doggy bag and I picked his poop up he cuts the lawnmower
Starting point is 00:20:53 out again he goes hey thank you for picking that up because a lot of fucking people man a lot of fucking people man they let their dog shit in here and then I have to fucking clean it up so thank you thank you for fucking doing that he was I think that I honestly Thomas if I had not picked up hang shit I think he would have walked over there and beaten the fuck out of me because he was done like he was completely finito
Starting point is 00:21:15 with his life I think in that moment I think he was looking for a reason to kill somebody and I didn't give him one that day but bro honestly thank you for eating that because if I don't if people don't eat their dog shit I
Starting point is 00:21:33 have to go over there and I have to eat it. I know. I'm sorry, brother. Every day, I spend about seven hours eating shit and about 30 minutes mowing. They don't put any gas in my, they don't have a blade on my mower.
Starting point is 00:21:49 It just go. I just run over the grass. It just goes. And it smears the shit flash, so it's like a pancake when I eat it. Sorry, man. Anyway, the grass is super tall. And my mouth is full of shit. I mow the forest
Starting point is 00:22:05 It's my job to mow the forest I'm mow the forest I hate my job I want to find a different job where I don't have to mow it forest that's huge I mow the entire National Park That is that like 25 year old
Starting point is 00:22:21 Hispanic lady who's been running For Congress or whatever And she just calls her Yeah Somebody did like a full Like breakdown so like she was like a swimmer and she really sucked at that and then she graduates
Starting point is 00:22:37 college and like none of her athlete career literally anywhere and people that knew her apparently she was not like that and then when nothing panned out for her athletically speaking literally like overnight
Starting point is 00:22:53 she woke up and she was like I'm going to be this I'm going to be like the based don't be gay Latina don't be weak and gay don't be a homo don't be Muslim Which That one I'm like
Starting point is 00:23:07 I guess it's You know People can choose or not choose to be Muslim But I think she just doesn't like Arabs I don't think you can choose to not I don't think you can make it You can be like I'm not Arab if you are Arab Anyway I think she fucking sucks
Starting point is 00:23:20 I think her mouth's too big for a goddamn head Valentina if you're listening to this Leave the gas on in your home And let it blow up Valentina What is she named after the hot sauce because she's such a firebrand. Yeah, she's a little firecracker.
Starting point is 00:23:37 Yeah, I'm surprised. It's not the... Chalula? Yeah. Tabasco. Sure. Yeah, whatever. Smokey Peets, whatever the fuck?
Starting point is 00:23:49 Fiery Pete. Who gives his shit? Oh, my God. This is horrible news. What have? Guys, please in the comments and stuff, do not say... Do not say that you want...
Starting point is 00:24:02 her put through a combine thresher that's not okay to do threats like that whenever you say that you want her pieced up and put through a wood chipper i want you to understand that there's somebody that's done maintenance on woodchippers you would have to do maintenance you'd have to have to spray it down after that that's a whole lot of work yeah that's just something to think about for sure you should get into politics you should be like the you know they've got all those new progressives coming up around the states you say i'm the guy from texas and um and i'm with all these guys i'm just like all the other uh i'm a left wing firebrand and i and i'm anti bullshit and i'm pro america and i uh and i'm here to actually
Starting point is 00:24:53 change some shit you have to curse a couple times yeah i did want to work i did want to be a politician at one point when I was very young when I was in and I think you should do it man I can run your smear campaign yeah yeah because that'll be the you know it's really about how you can combat the
Starting point is 00:25:13 the onslaught of negative stuff so I'll run negative stuff negative ads against you yeah and then you can overcome that with such grace that people start liking you yeah I'm just going to run a big ad on all the TV I'm going to put millions of dollars
Starting point is 00:25:29 in the spread and it's just going to say Jake Rhodes is a pussy And you're going to have to fire back And maybe do ads or you say I'm not a pussy I've got a dick I've got a dick And then you show your soft dick on the TV
Starting point is 00:25:44 It's little too And I do an ad and I say Jake Rhodes has no asshole And then you have to show everybody You may be through some pants Yeah Maybe you press it up against some glass Uh huh
Starting point is 00:25:57 And you have to prove that you've got that monkey I do have to show it Yeah probably I don't I hope Zoron wins I do think he's Not too bad
Starting point is 00:26:10 There's some stuff that pisses me off But hey You know whatever I'm gonna say it I know this isn't This is not a popular thing to say I We live in a very
Starting point is 00:26:20 Stupid Really fucking stupid time Maybe not the dumbest time 2005 was pretty dumb But we live in very fucking stupid times The video of him benching, I don't care. But we live in like a time where like most people, young men specifically, they're like rabid dogs. They only understand the stick and the shout.
Starting point is 00:26:40 You know what I mean? They're just, they're fucking morons, man. They're really stupid. And so that video, I agree. It doesn't matter, right? The substance of his. So it's an online cannabis company. Check it out.
Starting point is 00:26:51 They're revolutionizing how we do with life's challenges. From sleepless nights to get this, Thomas, even stress-filled days. Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100% federally legal T-HC blends. They'll deliver them discreetly right to your doorstep. And their epic euphoria gummies, by the way, when nothing's going right and you just need to hit the freaking reset button on your crap mood, you're having a bad day. Epic euphoria is one of my go-to gummies. They sent me a whole freaking swag bag, dude, and I did not have any nightmares or any bad times. I felt awesome.
Starting point is 00:27:25 made me fall in love with hemp again in a bizarre way, and I want to say thank you to the mood people for that for carrying stuff for guys like me. What makes these different is how they've paired THC and other cannibinoids with herbs and adaptogens. You're not just going to find gummies like this at a dispensary, or anywhere for that matter. And they have gummies for literally everything.
Starting point is 00:27:44 Immune support, menopause relief, PMS symptoms, mental clarity, sexual arousal. And each one is crafted using federally legal cannabis, grown on small family-owned America farms. No pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the U.S. Vest of all, not only does Mood stand behind everything with an industry-leading 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but as I mentioned, listeners get 20% off their first order
Starting point is 00:28:16 with code P-E-N-D-J-O. So head to Mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional guns, gummies and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with. And remember to use promo code P-E-N-D-E-J-O at checkout to save 20% on your first order. That's P-E-N-D-E-J-O at checkout to save 20% on your first order. Politics, I think, are pretty good. I mean, none of us up here are actually registered to vote. Correct.
Starting point is 00:28:45 You know. Correct. That's what I'm saying, though, is optically, I don't think it mattered. But also, like. matter it was like the worst thing he's done there are people who are so stupid that if he would have put up 225 there are racist guys that if he would have just
Starting point is 00:29:02 repped out 225 20 times they would have been like I'm not racist anymore I actually think I might be communist there are people who are that fucking stupid and and so I was like on the one hand though it proves that he's not actually African very good
Starting point is 00:29:25 very good yeah yeah i guess it does yeah it's more of like a full-blown indian or whatever the other thing is yep 100% yeah yeah yeah um yeah poor guy whatever though i mean you know what i mean i don't think i could be that first of all I don't think I could be like a firebrand left wing guy precisely because most of my life has been a series of unemployable activities and I'm not really like if somebody was like did you do did you um you know black out off a bunch of Xanax and like start suplexing people in your own house and I was like yeah that was me you imagine you're a politician of any kind and if you get cheated on or something there's like an article
Starting point is 00:30:14 about it? Oh yeah That's yeah Like you're kind of politician That has like no power And they're still like Uh huh yeah Mayor Jake shits his pants At the barbershop after falling asleep
Starting point is 00:30:26 Yeah yeah I mean That would be more likely For me I didn't You know Jake which is the name I thought of That's fine I have shit my pants
Starting point is 00:30:35 As an adult So it's fine Not a big deal A lot of guys put their pants Not a big deal actually Um Most people walk around honestly with just shit on their ass all the time.
Starting point is 00:30:46 That is very true. Yeah, that's very, very true. You have to actually put the shower head up a couple inches inside of it. Yeah. I usually go, for a safe bed, I go about six to ten inches inside my ass. Yeah, I get on my, I do a handstand with one hand and I put the shower head in my ass. Eden walks in. She's like, hey, babe, we really got to get ready for dinner with the dates.
Starting point is 00:31:10 Like, our tables will be ready soon. She pulls the curtain back And you are like Sprit Eagle handstand With the entire shower head And your ass The water's coming out of your mouth Yeah I'm hanging at a right angle
Starting point is 00:31:20 From right below the ceiling Like a flagpole stretch Or whatever the fuck Just filling up like a water balloon Hell yeah Yes sir Yes sir Dude I was
Starting point is 00:31:34 I've been reading this Rereading I've had the book a really long time I'm like going a completely 180 here but I'm reading this book, The Historical Figure of Jesus by E.P. Sanders. I bought it and read it like 10 years ago, but I'm rereading it.
Starting point is 00:31:49 And, dude, I kind of forgot. It's a, like, there are some, like, genuinely funny stories in the Gospels. And I've forgotten the one where, I think it's Matthew, it's a Matthew, where Jesus goes to Nazareth, and he's like, so, like, the day of the Lord is, like, super, super, duper close.
Starting point is 00:32:09 So you guys are going to have to basically follow me because it's the only way that you're going to be get to heaven you know I'm here to basically fulfill all the laws you guys got to start following me around like these guys behind me and then everybody in Nazareth was like the car you're the carpenter guy
Starting point is 00:32:29 we know you dude you're from here you're fucking you're a Joseph son the guy who makes wood get the fuck out of here man nobody wants to fucking listen to you dude brother we used to play kickball together you're not him dog get the fuck out of here and then jesus there's like a there's a line in there where it's like you know he's all sullen and he's like he was turned away in his own homeland and a prophet is not without you know uh the prophet is not without rejection things like that and i don't know it made me laugh
Starting point is 00:32:58 like i don't i don't that is how it feels when you bobbing your home estate though i was just about to say when you eat shit like when i go up in houston and i just eat fucking dick i'm like no the prophet is meets rejection in his own fucking where he lays his head at night yeah you can fucking just eat shit like 10 minutes from where you grew up come on guys i literally i've never not bombed in for worth ever it feels i thought i remember you telling me it's like a tough town like it seems like it's a tough scene yeah but it's uh i would say it's a workable you can you know I wouldn't say it was I wouldn't say
Starting point is 00:33:42 people never laughed there Um Well I know that like Austin's so big now That if you are in any other scene You should just move to Austin Unless you're in Houston
Starting point is 00:33:56 But even then You know A lot of guys drive to kill Tony From Dallas like every week Dude when I used to sign up I haven't done it a long time I can't bring myself to do it I need to.
Starting point is 00:34:08 You can, it helps. You don't need to, man. Motherfucker, there are people who are in the audience, or sorry, in the bar, it was signing up. You know that guy we went to Ben's show where I opened up? He drove there from Ontario. There are motherfuckers. Don't have a place to lay their head at night.
Starting point is 00:34:26 They're at the bar signing up for Kill Tony, and they're from, like, Twin Cities. They're from, like, Minnesota. It's, like, snowing where they live, and it's 100 degrees here, and they're like, I got to drive back tomorrow. I'm like, I don't love anything that much, brother. I'm here because I'm 30 minutes down the road. I don't even want to make that drive.
Starting point is 00:34:45 I'm not that dedicated. I'm not that crazy. Minnesota go to fucking Minneapolis. Don't go to Austin. Well, I think this is actually a good comedy city for whatever. It's a good. And Milwaukee's good too. Pretty close, I think.
Starting point is 00:34:57 Or not. Actually, I don't think that close at all. But, um, hey, you're asking the wrong guy. I was about to, I was about to be like, well, I'm like, I don't know. I don't know at all. Don't, not a map guy. Yeah, I booked a tour for us. We're going to have to do stand up and drive.
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Starting point is 00:36:23 which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. It's going to be, one of them is going to be a pretty long drive. I looked at a map and I said, these three cities are pretty close to each other. They're only two inches apart. I think they should translate to a 20-minute drive each way.
Starting point is 00:36:44 No, one of them is pretty fucking long. So. Like 10 hours or? No, not like that. I think it's like five. Oh, that's doable, man. It's crazy. We can, we're going to.
Starting point is 00:36:53 Yeah, well, this is probably have to jerk off a lot in the mornings, probably. Yeah. And I don't even like to think about that, but we'll probably have to jerk you, all four jerk each other off and come in the mornings a couple times. This is wake up, J.T. Hey, man, it's my turn to drive to this. day, so you're going to have to have sex with me before I drive. You're going to have to fuck me before I get behind the wheel.
Starting point is 00:37:10 Yeah, well, I think people get so, like, I've talked about it before on here. Like, you'll meet people there that, like, they literally didn't even get a hotel. They, like, drove in from Chicago or whatever, or drive back. And I'm like, but. Yeah, this is a mania, I think. Yeah, I do. Yeah, that's what I, yeah. It just doesn't, I don't understand it.
Starting point is 00:37:31 It's like going to Vegas, except not cool. yeah it's not like your wife would prefer it if you had an affair I think so probably ah but not but I mean like if I I have a friend who works the door at the mothership we used to train
Starting point is 00:37:49 to the same gym again and he's like bro you got to start coming on Sundays and Mondays I know you'd be grinding on your stand-up bro but you got to remember you got to be signing up you got to be doing Tony every week you got to be at Joe's club and I was like I think I'm good first of all
Starting point is 00:38:04 this bubble's popping brother it's popping and fucking goddamn it's exploding actually second of all I can't bring myself to do it man like it's a really it's one of the toughest things of all time
Starting point is 00:38:20 I remember like I don't want to put his business up there actually but a comedian that we both know I had asked him like you know hey what's it like hanging out there all the time and he goes it's fucking tough it's dog shit it's a big big comedian
Starting point is 00:38:32 And he was like, yeah, it's really bad. It's a tough hang. It's not. And, uh, and, uh, I had asked Ben about this who doesn't give a fuck at all. And he confirmed. He was like, yeah, it's, it's, it's awful. But, you know, I guess, I mean, I, if, if you were going to pay me like 10 grand, I'd hang out with fucking, what's his name? What's that guy, Jeff Dye?
Starting point is 00:38:53 He's like the bro comedian that's like, fucking girls with fucking penises. What if we threw him in the fucking hole? And then everybody fucking laughs. I think he's like the, he's like the leading, like, dickhead, like, right-wing guy right now for bro, comedian, whatever the fuck. He's got, like, the emo side swoop. Yeah, I've seen him. You know who I'm talking about? Okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:39:18 Yeah, yeah, he's a character. Amazing, like, not to Detroit. He's an amazing comedian, and I want to be a lot like him. You know, I want to put that up front that what people. pains me about watching Hans Kim and Tony Hinchcliff and these guys is knowing that I'll never be that good that I'll never be able to make people laugh like that I'll never understand jokes like that
Starting point is 00:39:44 I don't I think that's what makes me mad I can't understand it it goes over my head yeah especially with Hans Kim whenever he's trying to piece together English God bless him I think he's doing a great job for somebody who got here so recently, I don't think that, you know, I would love him,
Starting point is 00:40:07 I would love to see him do stand up in his native tongue and maybe we could see if that would be better. But it's almost like a Confucius level understanding of jokes I really appreciate. And with Tony, there's something really theatrical about him that I like. There's something very childish. Yeah, something very,
Starting point is 00:40:30 you know theater that I really like about him it's like he's doing a beautiful ballet dance with his jokes yeah I agree oh yeah god what I'd fucking give to be in that inner circle drinking on fucking uh what's it called
Starting point is 00:40:48 dose what uh what's the um Tom Segura Bert Kreischer Dos osos poor sombris or something Poor Osos for bears.
Starting point is 00:41:02 Oh, yeah, yeah. I would imagine, yeah, sipping on poor osos with fucking, and I'm just doing shots off the back of Joe Rogan's head. Yeah, hey, dude, sipping on some poor osos and hanging out with fucking Jeff Dye and fucking Big J. And we're just fucking chopping it up. And we're doing crazy-ass roasts and fucking you can't come in the room. You can't even get outside the room because we're in there and we're just roasting. roasting too good you would start crying if you were in there if you're in there with us
Starting point is 00:41:34 and we're just straight fucking cooking each other oh my god that would be amazing critical burns like you're gay and fat fuck and then candis owens comes yeah she's just there starts blowing everybody yeah yeah he's like ah ah ah ah ah yeah he's 69 with tony inch club yeah he's like There's two gay guys hanging out. Yeah, yeah. She is kind of a gay man spiritually. It's a funny lady, but... She, I didn't realize how far gone mentally she was.
Starting point is 00:42:13 Because I don't... Candice Owens, like, three years ago was really funny. But, yeah, I think she's kind of accelerated with the whole kind of just... The actual Nazi stuff sucks. She, I only know this from, I hadn't talked to him, but I heard him talk about it. Brace from Trunon was like, she's into like, literal, like, fifth century pre-Christian Germany anti-Semitism. Like, yeah, so there's a blood cult called the Blood Cult of the Mother Dragon. The Jews are in it.
Starting point is 00:42:50 They do know magic for real. They do left-hand path magic to each other. Actually, the star of David is the star of Rimfram, and Rimfram is like kind of a, serpent he's real he lives somewhere like in the ground in what is now lebanon so the jews used to worship him um and now they have the blood order of the mother serpent and all the you know it's just it's what they do yeah and i'm like dude like a million people listen to her it's crazy she has like a million like paid subs or whatever the fuck like yeah she's not like a tiny weird motherfucker that's just doing random shit like a lot of
Starting point is 00:43:30 lot of people are like yeah the blood order of the mother's mother serpent yeah yeah yeah yeah I live next door to one of those guys and you know what real cheap bastard you know what I mean it's fucking stupid it's crazy I thought she was just a normal concern that guy I saw something on my phone that day oh my god doing it again and someone's impression like in the center but like you clearly have not actually listened to it all right oh my god I like Donald Trump y'all oh my God, he's so good. He made me want to lick my fingers. People in the audience are like, that's not how she sounds.
Starting point is 00:44:08 That's not how, no, she talks normal. Mind that I'm can. It's always like I got so big tithes. Oh, my God, y'all. Them Jews, they be riding on dragons and sacrificing they young. is Jake Rhodes and Thomas White featured on the roast of Candace Owens. Man, I need some bling, bling on my big boobies.
Starting point is 00:44:43 Just like they say you can't be racist to white people, it's like, well, you can't be anti-Semitic to Candace Owens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she fucking... I can't be... You shouldn't say stuff. about Candace. I think she just might have
Starting point is 00:44:59 she might be schizophrenic or she might just be cashing off big ass and motherfuck there's also a lot of ladies like that who just work at the post office. Yep, that's very true. 100% yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard by Renframm, oh my God.
Starting point is 00:45:11 You need another form of ID baby, okay. Yeah, that's very funny. You do, I never thought of it that way, honestly, but like I have worked with a couple guys and a couple of girls that are like, yeah, so like the Rothschilds or lizards and 100% this is real like they've got an island in an article where they rape babies um so you should look into
Starting point is 00:45:32 it because you're fucked and jesus is coming soon brother and if you don't get right with him and start drawing swastikas on a piece of notebook paper in your spare time then it's going to be fucking game over for your ass it's curtains for your spirit yeah they're putting chinese people and skittles again so yeah by the way if we can have that report soon that would be pretty sick and everybody it is almost margarita o'clock but yeah i think honestly that they're probably going to start making babies just already transgender when they come out.
Starting point is 00:46:01 Uh-huh, yeah. Um, and so, so, um, be ready for that and also be ready for a team building exercise. We have Monday morning at 10. Um, a little hint,
Starting point is 00:46:14 there will be cupcakes. Not with Asian babies in them. It's a Pindaho time vintage, but like, there will be cupcakes and you will not be mind controlled and raped mentally due to Gamerase. Jewish serpents.
Starting point is 00:46:30 I remember. I heard Jewish people made the microwave. Girl, I had Jewish people be making the microwave. That's the way you can't put salt in there. They don't like salt. Jewish people don't like salt. That's where they're always frowning. It's always if she didn't know any of the,
Starting point is 00:46:53 like didn't even know what Nazism was. dog do she like uh she talks about like i did watch one of her videos she talks about like races like a bethesta game so she'll talk about jews and she'll be like well
Starting point is 00:47:10 because they don't have really like the genetic predisposition to be strong they are very intelligent but their intelligence is more of a cunning intelligence they're very good at speaking and that's why they're natural enemies of the uh what how does she feel how does she feel about black people though she doesn't she do you know that
Starting point is 00:47:26 old-ass black motherfucker who's like who's like I hate black people and I hope somebody kills me what's his name like Dr. Jesse Lee Peter something like that something like that yeah yeah she's in they're in the same boat like the Chris Rock you know blacks versus blanks thing that's real to her and it's like academically real it's like scientifically real or whatever the fuck
Starting point is 00:47:47 like she she obviously is a black lady but I don't think she cares too much about what happens to the community and all that stuff That's no good Yeah no Hey Candice Here's an idea
Starting point is 00:48:01 Play it to fuck up I love black people And so should you Yeah It's super easy And I love Jews No I mean I do I'm kidding
Starting point is 00:48:11 I'm guys I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding They're fine They're just like anybody else I've got like I know like six Jewish people
Starting point is 00:48:20 Adam's a pretty cool guy You know You'll meet more Once you're up here making the big books Yeah once I moved to New York Start making big cheese I'll start making big cheese Not really related to the income
Starting point is 00:48:34 You will just will meet a lot of them A lot of the comedians up here Are Jewish Well one of the things that I like I used to joke with my buddy Cam about Like when people talk up When there was this whole thing about Oh writers rooms need to be more diverse
Starting point is 00:48:47 Like in the 2010s Like 2010s where it's like oh Riders rooms are always Blah blah blah blah We need more blah blah blah blah I'm like, dude, the funniest fucking people on planet earth, the funniest people are a 34-year-old Jewish alcoholic and then literally any black guy. Any, you go to the fucking, go to the train station and sit down next to a black dude and talk to him for 10 minutes. And if you have the money, offer him a writer's room job.
Starting point is 00:49:13 The show will get 10,000 times better. They're just funny. Jews and black guys are the funniest fucking, they're hilarious. I don't know what it is. Like, I think stereotypes are fine if they're compliments. You know what I mean? Like, they are hilarious guys. They're the funniest guys.
Starting point is 00:49:29 Yeah, I also, I don't think we need more, uh, more, uh, comedy writers than we have. Nope, we got a good amount. I think more, I think, uh, more people who don't do it should do it and more people who do it should get a regular job. Uh, uh, uh, boy, oh, boy, have we had. some real stinkers dude fuck there's so many funny people but they all
Starting point is 00:49:58 everybody ends up being a mechanic or something at some point well we're like we're just having kids which you know it isn't the end of your career or anything but hopefully you've done something
Starting point is 00:50:14 before because you know if you want to or you can just not raise your kids but you can totally not if you have kids you probably instantly realize This is way more meaningful than doing open lights. Yeah, yeah. Some guys don't realize that, though. I want to make that clear.
Starting point is 00:50:29 I've turned to, I don't, I don't think we should exalt or worship deadbeat dads. But I think we need to accept that, you know, like, it's just lots of guys are like, damn. I have to stop, like, riding fucking dune buggies. I got to stop, like, I got to stop fucking jamming and doing coke for this guy. he's fucking pink he's like two inches tall i gotta fucking uh-uh no and then they just you know what i mean they don't you know i'm not saying we should they're good guys and i'm saying it makes sense raising a kid sounds fucking terrible it sounds like shit my life right now it sounds like it's you know i think it's it's cool and if you want to have kids it's cool um oh yeah yeah yes i'm not geared
Starting point is 00:51:14 i i'm right now it's not on my mind um i'm Fertile, I hope I'm fertile Dude, that would be so funny If I just couldn't have If I couldn't have kids If I was just sterile Or whatever the fuck I would suck
Starting point is 00:51:30 I would suck But who gets a fuck But like you said You don't want to have kids It doesn't matter right Sometimes Sometimes I'm like It would be cool
Starting point is 00:51:40 Maybe to not fuck it up You know Like do it the right way I don't think you would mess it up You I mean You would mess up things along the way But if you give it You just got to give it
Starting point is 00:51:50 of your best go, really, seems to be the advice coming from somebody who's both younger than you and doesn't have any kids and just hangs out with nieces and nephews and looks at his phone. I do the same. I do the same thing. I guess what I mean to say is like... Being an
Starting point is 00:52:06 uncle guy is nice. It rocks. Dude, I love... Neas and nephews rule. Yeah, Uncle Jake is the coolest guy in the room. The nieces and nephews love me. Like, uh... I'm a mid-tier uncle. Oh, yeah. I've never been the best uncle. I mean, best, I mean, I've never, I'm not like the one who's like,
Starting point is 00:52:24 I come in and everybody's like, oh my God. Yeah. Yes, because I don't, I'm not good at hold. I don't know how to hold a baby as well. I feel like I kind of hold them like footballs. I support the body. I make sure the body doesn't fall apart or anything, but like I, you know, you get back and then the butt and you hold those.
Starting point is 00:52:47 And I feel like I'm missing something. I feel like babies aren't Like babies are secure when I hold them for sure Like they're not going anywhere Right But I feel like I'm missing a step somewhere Yeah Maybe if they could
Starting point is 00:53:04 Like put a handle on them or something I don't know Like a nice little carrying case Yeah Yeah I feel you on that I don't Put like a handle on each side of the baby
Starting point is 00:53:14 And you can just like hold it And it'll be comfortable Uh huh I like to tactical baby carrier backpacks you see like the old military guys with they're like camo they look like plate carriers they've got like
Starting point is 00:53:27 American flags and eagles on them but it's for holding baby and also one of my favorite things about that specific brand design is the baby goes in front where the plate would go so it's like a plate carrier with the front of it where you would put a ceramic plate to stop
Starting point is 00:53:43 rifle rounds is actually your son which is just hilarious to me and then they'll have things like tactical baby carrier for the fucking tactical father motherfucking tacti and it's literally like just a reworked plate carrier or bulletproof vest
Starting point is 00:54:01 but you put your son up front so he can I guess you know maybe he'll catch a bullet who fucking knows it the baby's body probably wouldn't stop a NATO round or an AK round or 300 blackout or 40 Cal or 45 or 50
Starting point is 00:54:18 probably wouldn't stop the 38 definitely wouldn't stop anything like 5-5 anything like that and it's not doesn't have any babies don't have armor so armor pierces probably going to get through the kids super fucking lickety split baby could probably stop a 22
Starting point is 00:54:34 probably I mean it has to be able to be from an AR though no not like a no no no no nothing no like a 22 little revolver like a little tink
Starting point is 00:54:47 maybe you know what I mean but yeah like a 22 LR like a AR platform that shoots 22 nah no no no uh uh that's not happening honestly I don't think I would like to shoot a baby with a rifle I think that would be on my no no list uh yeah I don't want I wouldn't want to do that either
Starting point is 00:55:05 I don't want to shoot a grown up with a rifle I don't want to get into a shootout with anybody I do like I would like to shoot a rifle within the next year or so we should go shoot next time you're in Texas yeah that'd be nice there's a range right by my place I've been trying to get some boys
Starting point is 00:55:22 together to go shoot like one range here and it's for like police officers only yeah I can probably just go to Jersey or something yeah yeah I seem like uncivilized bastards down there like rednecks you know yeah well I wonder if they have them upstate
Starting point is 00:55:37 like I'm sure I wonder if the laws Long Island has rednecks too yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm talking about like like gun ranges like real ass worker who has a sticker that says Long Island Redneck I've seen those before. Yeah, yeah, or like Long Island Hillbilly or whatever.
Starting point is 00:55:51 They're like Irish. They're like Irish people or like whatever who got here. Staten Island has like fucking, dude, like Texas-style rednecks. And it's like a borough of New York City. That's sick. But it's like, it's pretty isolated. Like nobody goes there. I've never been there before.
Starting point is 00:56:12 I think of the gym, shout out Harry Mack. He trains at the gym that. Marab de Walsh Vili and Alderman Sterling trains out at Sarah Longo. I think it's in Long Island or Staten Island. And every time I'm in New York, he always tells me to come train and I really want to. It would be cool to meet those guys. But it's like a fucking trick. And I just forget, like, in my mind, living in Texas, like you get it.
Starting point is 00:56:37 I'm like, oh, a two-hour drive in Texas is nothing. A two-hour drive in New York will make you want to kill yourself. It's still the, you know what I mean? It's the same amount of time. but it's two hours in bumper to bumper versus two hours like, you know, on I-10 or whatever the fuck. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:51 Like, you know, it's straight dog is ass. It fucking sucks. I think, I still think, um, for the most part, traffic sucks worse in L.A. Um, yeah. Yeah. Because in L.A. You'll just be in the same spot for 30 minutes.
Starting point is 00:57:07 Yes. Like you straight up won't move. Um, here it'll be like you're not going very far at once. Like you have a red light. constantly. It's like you're always moving a little bit for the most unless there's like a blockage or something. I remember a bridge was closed one time and it took me
Starting point is 00:57:24 what like this drive without the congestion like with congestion pricing this drive was 30 minutes is from Manhattan to Brooklyn without and with this one bridge closing for a little bit it was like a two and a half hour drive
Starting point is 00:57:43 Jesus Christ and it was like I think 11 miles That sucks ass Yeah Like round trip it was 11 miles Yeah it was 6 and a half I will say Or no 5 and a half
Starting point is 00:57:59 I've never really particularly felt when people are like Oh dude hey yo you're in town Fucking drivers are crazy huh I've never felt like anybody was particularly Better or worse than anybody else Until Dude until I got to
Starting point is 00:58:13 fucking Pittsburgh I was visiting and plank dude there were like several occasions where we were trying to take like an unprotected blind left and you know we were waiting and there's cars going wherever which way and the people behind us are just laying on the fucking horn hey they're like leaning their head go and there's fucking 18 wheelers and fucking big rigs and big ass trucks I'm like dude I'm not going and they're like oh fucking go it was like around the philly and so Pittsburgh was like that and then the philly jersey cherry hill my baby me That whole kind of area.
Starting point is 00:58:46 Everybody was like, kill yourself. Drive in your car and kill yourself and die. I got to go to my house and fucking hate myself. Go now. And I never really, I don't experience that as bad in other places. Like it genuinely felt like people wanted me to get into a car wreck in Pittsburgh, Philly, and Jersey. I've heard Newark is really bad in Jersey. I have a co-worker who lived there for a while.
Starting point is 00:59:12 And he said like every time the light turns green, you have to wait like five seconds for everybody else to finish running the light. Yeah, that's how Pittsburgh in Philly was. Like, not only is everyone telling you to go, but there's also this unwritten rule. And I was only there for like three days, two days. It's like, you can't go when it's green at first. You have to give it a bit. And it's true.
Starting point is 00:59:33 People just, whoop. And I was like, that would have been my ass. That would have been game over. That would have cut the tour off pretty goddamn quick, sonny. Anyway. Drivers, am I right? some of them drive so fucking crazy yeah yeah driving the car makes you want to be go to your home yeah i was driving with betty lou the other day and we hit a hippopotamus and exploded
Starting point is 00:59:57 it in the yellow pieces it was and our nothing off my gravy train and our next comedian from the bucket our next potential kill tony star i was to say the drifter Uh, okay, okay, the drifter, uh, yeah, let it, let's hear it. This is, uh, the drifter, everybody, yeah, yeah, uh, hey, everybody, no, I'm not from the Simpsons. I'm just yellow. That usually works. Uh, Tony Hinscliff, am I right? Reminds me of the man I met at a hotel, uh, a man I met at a gas station in Jersey one
Starting point is 01:00:44 time his name was tony hitchcliff and he was pumping my gas wasn't the same guy that usually works yeah well there's a new prince caspian movie coming out for all my narnia heads in the building yeah prince caspian more like yeah he'll be he'll be rinsed and gasping for air when he falls into the ocean in that one scene am i right narnia heads You're dressed like, and you're the same size. You look exactly like Mr. X from Resident Evil. Like eight feet tall, like a trench coat with a big hat. That usually works.
Starting point is 01:01:24 Sunglasses. Oh, the drifter, you got 30 seconds to win the crowd over. I will say this. I'm going to need another six or seven minutes. You reach inside the trench coat and just get a huge ass rifle. Like, fucking Resident Evil style, big ass. We got Doug Benson here tonight. Doug Benson
Starting point is 01:01:45 Yeah More like It reminds me of a man I met at a hotel I met at a gas station A few years ago Had the exact same name But he was small
Starting point is 01:01:56 And had winks The name was Bug Denson Uh That usually Okay That usually works Now I'm nervous You start
Starting point is 01:02:08 You start like stomping And the whole stage You start Well, sometimes... I'm embarrassed in front of Robert Kelly now. My hero. Tommy Pope. Sorry, I wasn't funny in front of you.
Starting point is 01:02:26 I'm sorry, Tommy. I wanted to be better for you. You're so handsome. I wanted to be perfect for Tommy. I love how handsome you are, Pope. I love how handsome and old you are. I love how handsome and old you are I love how you dress
Starting point is 01:02:48 I love how you dress like Mikey Miles I love your beautiful beautiful netted shirts I don't like Tom No he's a nice guy He was very nice to me Actually he told me to never wear crop tops again I don't know if that was nice
Starting point is 01:03:07 But That was good advice Tommy if you're listening to this I love you. You have a perfectly manicured beard. Oh, damn, dude. Motherfucker.
Starting point is 01:03:21 Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. It's your boy, Candice Owens. Oh.
Starting point is 01:03:31 Whoa. Our next kill-tony comedian, Candace Jones. It's just a white guy. Hello. Hey. Man, y'all never had coffee with the sorrows. in it. I had, I called it
Starting point is 01:03:48 red coffee. Red apple coffee. Red apple. Apple bottom coffee. Yeah. Kenes that was if she wasn't, if she wasn't a Nazi, she was just a fucking stupid lady. That would be awesome.
Starting point is 01:04:09 Yeah, I think if she just like, because I'm on the fucking like conspiracy side of the internet a lot of those guys believe in wizards and stuff but they're not fucking anti they're not kind of they're not fucking weird old school like anti-Semites about it
Starting point is 01:04:24 I think you can believe in magic and stuff but not just be fucking also it's maybe it's not my place to say as a as a white man but if you're any minority and you're like get a load of these guys it's crazy
Starting point is 01:04:39 dude when a gay conservative think Dave Rubin when he had the Fox show and he was like it would be like the pride parade and he'd like a thumb down he's like get a load of these guys I don't be doing stuff like that it's like dude come on yeah you do you do
Starting point is 01:04:54 it's okay it's fine man you don't have to fucking why are you putting on airs for for fucking Greg Gutfield and goddamn Jesse Waters you know what I'd like to do I'd like to shoot Jesse yeah
Starting point is 01:05:11 just in Minecraft yeah just kidding i don't i think they're pretty litigious that crew so i probably shouldn't say stuff like that um anyway hey everybody check this shit out we're on the road pretty soon here in about a month i need you guys to buy your tickets to come see pendejo time live with max shanker chicago's homeboy j t kelly pendejo time extended universe captain and then of course me and Thomas, we are going to be in Milwaukee at amorphic beer, September 25th. We're going to be
Starting point is 01:05:44 at the Lincoln Lodge in the big room, September 26th, and then September 27th, we're going to be an independent comedy in Detroit, Michigan. Please come out and get those tickets. We'll have fresh merchandise. We'll have all sorts of cool stuff. We'll be hanging out, taking pictures. Probably won't be partying too much, but I don't
Starting point is 01:06:00 know. I say that every time, and every time I wake up and Thomas texts me, feeling awesome, and we dry heaf together in the Uber, and then it's all fun so whatever um i really want i really don't want to party i want to be good what we can promise is that neither of our openers will drink or do drugs yeah we i don't think j t or max will drink alcohol or do drugs no we can promise that's not a clean comedians jt is a clean i can promise you guys that between the four of us zero beers will be had between these three shows none i'm gonna be good oh i really i want to be good they would be good they
Starting point is 01:06:36 be good they will be good you guys are going to get three good sets out of j t and max and i will also be on all three shows i've been doing a lot of stand-up and you guys need to buy tickets so you can see how much i've been doing how much i've been working uh if you are in austin september 7th 11th or 18th those are all sundays i'll be at the velvita room doing some stand-up you can buy tickets to velveter room dot com uh getting ready for the big shows so i've got some work you can come watch me work out the fucking 45 minutes or however the fuck long I'll be doing 30 minutes on the road with the boys
Starting point is 01:07:12 check out drunk uncle on Spotify our release fiction years too and follow Pandeo time on YouTube go to the YouTube check out the YouTube and the fuck and the goddamn Patreon patreon.com slash Padeo time toss us a little bit of cheese
Starting point is 01:07:28 five bucks a month audio episodes 10 bucks a month video episodes a dollar a month Discord access but nothing else join in on the motherfucking fun and uh yeah follow the fucking Pada of Time worldwide follow the socials uh lino killer and Jake Rhodes at a bunch of ones on Instagram
Starting point is 01:07:44 um I think that's all we got for now Thomas you have any other things no sir chill out right all right guys peace peace okay let

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