Pendejo Time - cookie

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

cookie yum yum so good. who gives a shit anymore. come to scuba's tavern nov 10th Chicago 8 PM ticket here Patreon.com/pendejotime Support the Show.

Cookie. Cookie? I got cookies. And ladies and gentlemen, I went to the cookie store and as it turns out, cookies taste pretty good. The verdict is in. Cookies are yummy. Wasn't really sure, but now that I've tried a bunch of different types of cookies, I can say they're pretty tasty. I had a chocolate chip cookie today. My boss gave me one. Some people might say, like, oh, as a grown man,

you shouldn't be eating cookies. But to that I say poo-poo. I say poo-poo to that. Because there are not a lot of pleasures in life. I passed, like, I don't know, nine. You know, you've got to kind of take your W's where you can. And one of life's classic dubs is the humble cookie. So many different types, you know, chocolate chip and others.

Yeah, can't go wrong enjoying really enjoying these um eating dessert would you say cookie is your favorite dessert no no that goes to the uh that goes to the humble cheesecake cheesecake cheesecake is cheesecake is to me cheesecake is is up there for sure it's here's i won't argue with anybody whose favorite dessert is cheesecake because it's a really good one you know what i mean i don't know if it would be mine but a really well done um what have you one of eden's friends made like like brought over a homemade cheesecake from scratch one time. And it was so good, dude.

I ate like half of it. What I will say is I'm not always in the... I love cheesecakes. My favorite dessert. I'm not always in the mood for a cheesecake. I can always eat a cookie.

The cookie is like a working man's dessert. It can always eat a cookie. The cookie is like a working man's dessert. It's always there. It's great. There's nothing wrong with it. Standard issue. Cheesecake for me is like, if I want one, I gotta go get it. You know what I mean? And it's my favorite thing. But

the cookie, the humble cookie, you know, it's right there. Can't go wrong. All different types. This is going to make me sick as fuck. I think for me it would probably have to be something ice cream related. Like a straight ice cream or like a dessert? Oh, you know what?

I think it would probably be like a cobbler with vanilla ice cream. Yeah. Either peach or blackberry. A nice hot piece of like chocolate cake, like a decadent molten chocolate cake with a scoop of ice cream on it. Get out of town. Fantastic stuff. Now you're talking about that fucking good shit.

Yeah. And whoever thought of that, I hope they get pussy for one million years. Yeah. The guy that was like, what if I put a scoop on it? I hope they get pegged. I hope that guy gets fucked by a plastic dick forever until he dies. No, I would say, yeah, for sure. Cheesecake.

You fuck with key lime pie? i fuck with key lime pie for sure i like lemon meringue too lemon meringue is good you know what i mean here's the thing tres leches sometimes if i don't want it it's disgusting it's just like it's the milk and it's the consistency but every now and like two Tres Leches sounds good as hell. And then I'll eat it. You know what I used to love and I can't even really eat a full piece of anymore is buttermilk pie. Cock? Yeah, you told me that you were like, man, I just can't.

I really love it, but I can't get a whole cock. A whole piece of wiener in my mouth i don't even know how that would work jake yeah you do but anyway no buttermilk cream yeah no not buttermilk cream pie buttermilk pie you ever have that one no i actually have not that sounds pretty my mom makes it for uh for thanksgiving and it's got like eagle brand milk And a bunch of other stuff It's like a thick It's like a custard Basically but like it's a

Um It's sort of like a custard with like a Cream brulee type crust like it's a Right And then it's like a regular pie crust But I used to eat like half a pie in a sitting when i was a kid and now it's just pure sugar in there yeah there's um i can't do it for for my neighbors for our neighbors up to the north but do you uh like the southern holiday desserts like

the ones it's like like the candied pecan like caramel you know what i'm talking about it's just like a it's not a cake and it's not brownies it's almost just like a lasagna of like candied pecans and caramel and then like a brownie type cake thing and it's in a big ass like it's like this thick it's i forget i don't know what they call it um i i know what it is but the name's escaping me now. The kind of thing that if you eat once, it's diabetes down the road. You don't get... It's not a pecan pie, because that would fucking... Wait, wait.

Can you describe it again? It's like candied pecans and caramel. It's not brownie, but it's like... I'm trying to think about it. God damn it. It's almost like these pecan squares, but like... Oh, what is this one? This looks like it.

What is it? This fucking picture picture the fucking it's not pecan tassies is it i'm trying to find the one of the picture it's like it's like these it's like a super thick pecans pecan square pecan pecan who gives a fuck but it's like that's the closest thing i can say it to like my favorite holiday cookie was uh the russian tea cakes i've never heard that in my life it's like uh so it's like a kind of a ball almost and it's covered in powdered sugar and it's got kind of a nutty i think it's got like... I'm looking now. It's got like finely chopped walnuts.

It tastes kind of nutty. It's got like vanilla extract. My grandma used to make them. They're very good. Oh, you know what? It's pecan pie bars. It's not a pie. It's just like... I guess it is pecan pie, but it's like fucking...

It's like in a square, not in a pie slice. That's not that exotic. You ever have sopapilla cheesecake? I have. I had it at a fucking Tex-Mex joint. I feel like fairly recently. Sopapillas are great, too. You can eat so many, and then you get sick after.

It's awesome. Yeah. I'd say sopapilla cheesecake is um if you're gonna bring something to my house yes if you're gonna bring something to like a holiday party that's a that's a winner right there yeah it's a big sure on that i uh i'm not a big sweets guy like i really like this conversation like when i do I don't crave sweets, really. I crave, dude, I fucking love, like, pickle juice. I'll just drink it out of the jar.

I like the smell of gas. Are you pregnant? Yeah, last I checked a couple times, I got double pregnant, and i got uh quadruple pregnant after that um yeah i fucking love dude the holidays are gonna fuck me in my fucking head i'm gonna be out of commish i'm looking up tastiest cookies in the world it's nice to know that like our google search history we have to to like kind of offset what we did for the last three episodes. Now you're just Googling very wholesome things like cutest little piggy that there ever was,

desserts to try at home, cows that go moo, a cute little kitten and a big kitten that I can send to my fiance and says, that's us. Unfortunately, I can't pronounce the names of these cookies because they're not in English. Top rated one is from Algeria. It's called Macrude El Laos.

If it ain't an American cookie, I don't want it, dude. You get the fuck out of here. Yeah, let's see what the top rated. There's these Spanish cookies that look good. Alfa, Alfa Juarez from Argentina. Did you watch, uh, did you watch the fucking

Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe? Yeah, yeah. I read the books, too. Yeah, we had to in school. Um, and, like, they always made Turkish Delight sound good as hell. It's just, like, Turkish licorice. It tastes like shit. Like, they, like, they always made Turkish Delight sound good as hell. It's just like Turkish licorice. It tastes like shit. Like, they fucking taunt the centaur with it.

Like, hey, you fat fucking horned piece of shit. The queen is like, eat this Turkish Delight and tell me where the children are. And he's like, ah, dude, I don't betray my friends, but I guess for a fucking sweet piece of candy, I will, because I'm a fucking piece of shit. And as a kid, I was like, dude, Turkish Delight sounds awesome, because it's got Turkish in it. I don't know what that is, but it's foreign, so it must be good. And Delight, that is automatically good,

because it's delightful, so I want to try a piece of that. And of course, you know, years go by, I never get it, because where the fuck do you get Turkish Delight in Pasadena, Texas? And then I came across it on my travels and uh literally just in austin and uh i had some and i was fucking spectacularly disappointed i was let down i was fucking heartbroken it's just candy like in my mind i never thought to google it in my, it was like this decadent... I don't know what I thought. Just some sort of brown dish with crusted sugar on it and candied nuts and fucking frosting and all sorts of shit.

What are you talking about? Turkish delight. Oh, yeah. It's like a... It's candy, right? It's like a gelatin. I've been talking about this for three minutes and you're like, hey, what are you talking about? I was looking at pictures of stroopwafels just fucking straight talk hey i've said that i

said the thing probably a hundred times in my soapbox rant thomas's eyes are glazed over have you ever seen a stroopwafel before i have had a stroop they give them to you on the airplane man not to me they don't give me that shit. They give me fucking shitty-ass pretzels. I don't know if you're flying on fucking... I bet you're flying on the... Dubai Air or the fucking... Yeah.

No, they give... Sometimes they give you a Stroop waffle on United. I haven't... No, but they don't look like this. This shit looks like honeycomb. No, it's like the fucked-up little ones you get on the plastic. This looks beautiful. Let me check what you're looking at.

I want to go to... I want to go to... Stroop Town? Denmark or whatever. Oh, yeah, of course. Stroop Waffle. Fuck yeah. But yeah, they give them to you in little plastic wrappers.

I don't know if I've ever had like a proper one. Yeah, I want a proper one. I don't want to... I want the best things in the world. Just for me. It's like a job interview. Like, what do you want for your life? I just want the best things.

I want to have the best life ever because I'm going to die at the end of it. And I want it to have been the best. And nobody will remember it, but I will have eaten the best cookies in the world and then died. It's like, what else can you do with this hell of a life? Right. There's a thing that's guaranteed to end in a tragedy all I want is to have the best types of cookies that there is I feel like that's not too much

to ask here's an interesting, this one's called coyotas from Mexico coyotas are traditional Mexican cookies or Mexican cookies that were invented in Hermosillo, Sonora in the 19th century. They're made from flour dough and filled with pilonquillo, unrefined Mexican sugar.

The name coyotas is literally translated to a female coyote, but it is also a Sonoran colloquial term for a female of mixed Indian and Spanish heritage. Cayotas are said to taste the best when paired with coffee or tea and can be topped with a scoop of ice cream or dipped in milk like a cookie. Variations abound so in addition to pionkio coyotes can be filled with caramelo dates guava figs peaches or pineapples that sounds pretty good man yeah that's only the number 10 cookie in the world so think about that buzzfeed um buzzfeed thinks number one is the Pepper Noosey

From Germany The Pepper Noosey Spice cookies Pepper cookie I like that type of shit Oh a pepper cookie sounds good What's next a fucking salt ice cream Piece of shit.

Yeah. I came up with an awesome name for a dessert that people will want to try. It's called a fucking pepper cookie. It's called a pepper cookie. You want some shit called that? No, thank you. Hey, asshole. You want some shit called this?

You want some shit called fucking pepper cookie? You fucking low-down dog motherfucker. I hope you fucking get ate. Yeah, here's my new Greek dessert. It's called Maloma Corona. What's that one? It's a honey-dipped walnut spice cookie. Sounds like shit. I'm still stuck on that.

Every Mediterranean dessert is just a different type of baklava which is okay honestly baklava is good but it's just it's all mediterranean go ahead brother it's also a high effort with the phyllo dough i feel bad i feel like i don't appreciate it as much as i should you know it takes them forever to make that stuff mediterranean people are like fucking genetically lazy it's in their bones so if they got something right if they get something right they just kind of um they just do different versions of it like if you think about greek food and really turkish food and to some degree like all of that shit is the same. It's just some sort of type of weird fucked up quesadilla, but the bread's thicker and it's got flour on it.

And then instead of, you know, like cow meat, it's like a lamb or some sort of weird goat. And then instead of like salsa, it's just like a weird creamy yogurt sauce. That tzatziki can get fucked. Not my shit you don't like zaziki i don't fuck around with this you don't get freaky with the zaziki i'll be honest man i like it sometimes but that whenever i hate when i go to a fucking like a greek spot or all that shit's the same and then you get a fucking hero and they drown the motherfucker in zazik and i have a

mouthful of creamy yogurt like i'm like anytime i go to get a bite of the hero it's just like i'm literally like i have nothing in my mouth but just like hot salty cream which like look i've whatever you know like there's a lot of ways that you can you can run that down you can run a whole episode on that but all i'm saying is it's not a sensation that I want when I'm biting into like a fuck what is essentially a big taco. Like I don't want just a bunch of like salty yogurt. Do you like hummus on a wrap? I do fuck with hummus on a wrap. I like hummus a lot.

Hummus is that shit. But I think it's just like a – How about like just regular tahini? I think it's like the warm... I think it's like the tzatziki sauce gets hot, like warm. Like a warm... I get what you mean. I think tzatziki's good.

I think you would probably appreciate it more if it was served like chips and salsa, where it's like you had like fresh pita that you could dip it into and you could control how much was on there probably whenever somebody else portions it for you it can be kind of hard yeah that's probably it uh yeah that's probably i don't think i don't think it should be on there like crazy but i think like a little bit in a wrap's good but i don't know how much you're getting served also like i don't think it should be on there like crazy, but I think like a little bit in a wrap is good.

But I don't know how much you're getting served. Also, like I don't think they – I don't like when they do like the squirt bottle of tzatziki. You know what I mean? Because then there's not really that much cucumber in there and stuff. You know what I mean? Right. You got to go with the ladle. Yeah.

Yeah. You can't be fucking around. What else was I i gonna ask you oh do you watch uh do you watch any of the like the this is any this isn't doesn't matter watching like the netflix true crime shows like any of the fucking no i haven't been lately there's one uh it's the the murdoch scandal oh no actually yeah i've actually seen a youtube series on that guy yeah so they have a netflix one and this is just a quick thing it's not a so you know that he clipped his wife and killed his son and then both of his sons he they were

like a really powerful big wig lawyer family you know the backstory uh so he like denies denies denies denies his brother helps clean the crime scene up like you know like fucking they're trying to he's trying to work one over on the county that he worked for forever or whatever anyway at the end of the trial or at the end of the series they play a video that his son the one that he killed had recorded on his phone like right before he died and in that video um you can hear his dad like calling for the dog and at that time the dad was supposed to be at his mom's place who has parkinson's or alzheimer's or some stupid shit anyway the reason i bring this up is because when confronted with

this video and the lawyer was like so you lied about when you were home and the coroner puts the time of death just before 9 o'clock. This video was taken and recorded on Paul's cell phone at 845. And he was like, that's your voice? And he goes, yep. So you were there moments before they died. He goes,

I guess so. And then the prosecutor goes, do you have anything to say about this? And he goes, oh, what a tangled web we weave. Like, you're caught. You're caught. Like, the prosecutor just hit a fucking half-court swish. And then you just hit his ass with like a something that like like a scooby-doo villain would say like when the mask oh what a tangled web we weave and then like

halfway through the judge like later on the judge is like what did you mean by that and he's like it's just it just cracked me up so bad because the whole episode is like, I mean, it's all tragic. Like, this guy killed his family. And then, you know, they get his ass dead to rights and he's like, hmm. Well, the rooster only crows twice for the truth tellers.

Hmm. Let the games begin. Yeah, right. Like a fucking Sherlock Holmes villain. Like, yeah. You walked right into my trap. Figuring out I killed my family. Sir, we have, you know, the blood on the boot print.

We've got your handprints on the knife. And we've got security camera footage and your own ring camera footage that shows that you killed your two dogs, your wife and your two daughters and your son. And so you've been denying it this whole time, but now it seems you can deny it no longer. Do you have anything to say for yourself? Yes. Perhaps

one could look to the sky before he looks to the moon itself. He could find himself in the sun. What a tangled web we weave. What a gay thing to say when you're going to jail for the rest of your natural life.

Like, say something fucking wacky. Like, go fucking dig out your ass. He's like, oh god, I love college yes dude yeah like i so what we get drunk yeah they're like mr we smoke weed i grabbed a big gun kill my family. Mr. Murdoch, for the murder of your son Paul, I sent you to jail for the rest of your natural life. For the murder of your wife Maggie, I sent you to jail

for the rest of your natural life. Anything you have to say for yourself. Lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night. Day and night. It just starts flowing up there, dude. Yeah. Uh-huh.

You know what it is. Black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow. It's so awesome, dude. Yeah, if you're going away, you know, there is that video of the guy, it's a viral video, the dude that starts rapping at the judge. He's like, I'm sorry. It won't happen again. When you lay your gavel down,

I'm praying again. Have you never seen that before? I think I have. Yeah, he's in the courtroom and the judge is like, any last words or whatever? And he's like, you're on it. I love dissent. It's awesome shit. If I ever go back to jail, I hope I can get an opportunity.

I would probably do the worm and wow the jury. Yeah, you'd probably, like, I could see you putting the judge on to some, like, sexual game that he had never seen before. Judge, I think I know you hard as hell under that robe yeah under that cheap plastic robe you got from him yeah judge i mean no offense like this but you look like a bitch yeah and i can think i can solve your bitch mouth with my awesome tongue tricks yeah i'm trying to put you on some sexual games so you can rock your wife's world like you've never rocked anybody's world in your whole life in the world you a yo judge you ever tried uh getting your dick sucked he's like i've ever um you're asking me if i've ever

received flesh yeah like for a couple minutes and then like it gets too sensitive and you say please stop uh and then like you try um and then like you try to then like you try to have sex and you just bust instantly you ever try that judge like you just like not even a full stroke you just it's pretty much just

came over you honestly can't believe that you got four pumps in judge it's like it's like you're just like you barely even showed up. Yeah. Judge, you ever been, like, not sure whether it even counted as a body?

Yeah. You ever just get, Judge, you ever get so embarrassed That you just like You just don't text her For like three weeks Yeah even though Even though you've known each other For years Judge you ever like

Said you didn't finish it But like you You clearly just did But you just say you didn't And you just say you needed To go Look at your phone For a couple minutes

Oh sorry I just got a text From my doctor your phone. For a couple minutes. Oh, sorry. I just got a text from my doctor. My sex doctor. He says it's my sexual... My step doctor just texted me some crazy shit. My step doctor? My sexual step doctor.

He's saying my sexual levels are off the charts. It's my step doctor because it's my boss's doctor he's not my doctor but he recommended me yeah i don't have health insurance i'm paying my boss to see him right now yeah sometimes my doc my uh i don't got no money so like i'll have other people go to the doctor and the doctor will diagnose me based on what's wrong with them yeah sometimes i tell my symptoms to a guy i know who has health insurance and then he goes to the doctor's office and relays that and then the doctor diagnoses him and then i get my doctor yeah i wish i had a twin so i could make him go to the doctor instead of me and then see what's wrong i wish i had a successful twin with health insurance

they could go to the doctor for me but yeah like um basic uh judge you ever like you uh you ever like take a girl out to the movies and then like you uh and then like you uh and then like afterwards you like basically you you like drop her off at her house and you don't even kiss her or nothing because you didn't really have no chemistry so instead you just watch the Pacific Rim sequel with a girl you didn't really like. Yeah. And then like that was the whole date.

Mm-hmm. You ever do some shit like that? Judge, you ever talk to a girl for like five months and then she comes over to your apartment at like month two and you get so drunk you fall asleep on your couch and then uh she comes over to your apartment at like month two and uh you get so drunk you fall asleep on your couch and then she just leaves even though the whole time you were like girl you better come over here because i got i got so much fucking hot dogs in my house and i got a fucking

panini press and i got i got a 30 i got a 55 inch tv have you ever fucking seen something like that i pay my own rent hey yo judge you ever uh like some of a, like, a little bit of a girl's silverware? Just a little bit, like, not that much, but, like, a couple forks? You ever go through a girl's medicine cabinet, and she got out of hand, and you take a couple, and you just leave, and then she texts you, hey, did you take some out of hand, and you go, absolutely not, you know how that stuff is, when when you take it you forget you eat more of it judge you ever judge you ever go to a girl's house and take a little bit of the toilet paper out for later put it in your pocket and then you put it in your cabinet when you get home judge you ever got in diarrhea at a girl's

place since your first date and you know it's going to be loud so you tell her that you actually have to go because your roommate said that you need to be home because there's a fire at the apartment, but you really just had to poop, so you went and pooped at the 7-Eleven, Judge, and you pooped at the 7-Eleven, and then you texted her and said, actually, no, false alarm. The apartment was fine. It was just some smoke, and then you went back over there, and everything was cool. After you just made up a lie to go poop at 7-Eleven, Judge?

there and everything was cool after you just made up a lie to go poop at 7-eleven judge judge you ever been on a date with uh um with a dragon and you're also dragging you both were flying to a cave and shit and she said she had hella gold and you get there and it's just like mad silver gold yeah and like a bunch and then like it's like yeah bitch i got like she's like i got hella bronze and silver that's like gold right and you're like no bitch it's not not broke ass bitch you want me to fucking guard a bunch of fucking bronze you want me to risk my dragon life hell no bitch you ain't even getting pillaged in this in this yeah ain't no prince coming in here to steal all this fucking fucked up stupid ass shit. This shit is stupid as fuck. You ain't got no gems.

You ain't got no treasure chests. You ain't got any rubies, any jewels, any precious stones. Bitch. You ain't got no gold. Your shit ain't glittering. I got pussy from an Irish dragon. She had 5,000 tons of gold. Shit.

I got some pussy from a white dragon and all she had was a shit ton of candles. She had a tapestry over her bed that was like a trippy geometric figure. I didn't got pussy from a white dragon. Shit. Shit.

All she had was rupee car books. She was going to do shit with her life. I got pussy from a white dragon. Her whole apartment smelled like kitty litter. She had two different ankle socks on. All it was was Amazon Fire Stick remotes. She didn't know how to replace the batteries so she just bought new ones every time.

Here's the thing. You think that after the 7th or 8th remote you just Google you put new batteries in and of course you go of course judge of course judge I know we're still in the courtroom. You go and you turn on the Fire Stick and all the accounts' names are Jeff and Ryan, Cody.

And you're like, God damn. And she's like, oh, this is my brothers. And you're like, yeah. Bitch, you ain't got 18 brothers. Why is your fucking YouTube search history Bears Highlights? Why is it Sean Strickland KO Highlights? Bitch, I know you ain't got a 99 rating on 2K. I had sex with a white dragon.

She had her fucking... She had a mattress on the floor too, but she was making fun of me for having mine the whole time. She didn't even have a bed frame. Shit, I went over to a Japanese dragon's house and she made fun of me for having a bed frame. She blew fire at me for wearing mine. That's not racist. It's just sort of a joke on the different traditions among cultures.

Yeah, don't they eat on the floor over there too? Yeah, they just keep their floors really clean. Yeah, I thought... They have like mats and everything, you know what I mean? Yeah, I had a... It was like my freshman year of college. I had a buddy who lived in the same shitty apartments that I did. Or, that was my sophomore year.

Anyway, it's not even a story. Like, I would go to his apartment, and it would be like, my apartment's got, like, you know, the floors are sticky. There's Domino's pizza boxes everywhere, beer cans everywhere. And his apartment looks pretty similar. But he's like, hey, can you take your shoes off? And I'm like, why? And he's like, oh, you know, it's like, you want to bring the outside dirt in. And I'm like, dude, there's like a beer pong table in your living room that's got puke on it.

He's like, oh, no, it's just like, it's like a respect thing. And I was like, I mean, I guess, but like, your socks are like sticking to the floors and shit. You know what? I don't understand. I don't understand the Asian world now that I think about it. I do. It could be possible that maybe I just don't respect it. But that's just me. Do you think we have any listeners

in North Korea? Do they get this type of stuff? I think we have like one in South Korea. That's badass. Did you see this? It could just be a guy with a VPN though. That would be fucking sick as fuck if it was Kim Jong-un.

It's probably a guy who has a VPN set to South Korea. Or it's just a guy in the Marines or something. That's also very, very... That's way more likely than a dude risking his life to listen to this. Hey, if you're out there... No, if so, you know... Anyway. Anyway.

Did you see that? They were talking about it in the Discord. I didn't even know about this. It's pretty funny. So the guy that, he was the guy from Texas that snuck into North Korea and was trying to join, like, the country. He's from Texas. He's in the Marines.

And he was like, oh, the inhumane treatment of black people there. This is why I'm here. And they were like, oh, okay.humane treatment of black people there. This is why I'm here. And they were like, oh, okay. All right, well, welcome or whatever. As it turns out, he had done some sexual stuff and he just needed a place to go. Closest place that's not affiliated with the United States was North Korea. So he was escaping, getting in trouble for, I think, some sort of diddling. It's like Mikey Miles-style crime.

Like, have a couple beers and then, you know, start playing bean dip with random women at the bar or whatever. And so his brilliant idea. And honestly, dude, I love a man with a plan. I'm not saying it has to be a good plan. I'm saying if you have, like, a way out and you just fucking pull the trigger, even if it's the worst idea you ever had, if you do sex crimes while you're in the army or you're in the fucking military, you do sex crimes in North Korea or you do sex crimes back home,

and you're like, there's one way for me to get out of this. I don't want to face the music. I'm going to defect to North Korea. This has got to be one of the funniest fucking things that you can do. You know what I mean? I don't know the severity of his crimes. I didn't really read the article. I don't think he did a full-blown oopsie-daisy.

I think it was more of like a... Which is still bad, but it's like, was it bad enough to defect to North Korea? You know what I mean? That's a bold move. I respect it because you're like, hey, I'm not going to be held to account for my behavior and my actions. So I'm going to go to North Korea. I'm going to go to Pyongyang, and I'm going to see how those cats get down over there.

And then when I get there, they're going to be like, what the fuck are you doing here? You're going to be like, dude, the United States states is crazy it's super crazy over there you guys and i don't feel safe over there so i came over here and don't look don't google me on your uh on your like gray google or whatever the fuck you guys got over here on your dystopian google uh i'm just a normal ass dude from texas who just wants to hang out with a bunch of north korean guys yeah over there they call it google they don't um they don't call it gilble they call it google they don't call it that either i i but you're i i understand what you're doing you're trying to make light of um the hermit kingdom you're trying to mock them what do they they call it the hermit

kingdom because that's they got crabs over there they got little no that's how tall they are three inches tall like a hermit crab korean name name Yeah, I was right. Google. What? Look up Korean name. Korean name for Google? No, just look up Korean name. Let me look up Korean name. What did you have at Gilbo?

Yeah, wow. I can't believe I'm sorry. Hey, dude, I was wrong. I will own up to when I'm wrong. There's Gilble here and there's Gooble right after. Yeah. Yep. What is today in Korean?

What is today in Korean style? What is today Korean? Today in South Korea, it is Wednesday, September 27th, 2023. Today in Korean history. Ryu Gwan-sun dies in Sodomon Prison in Seoul, where the young independence fighter was imprisoned and tortured before organizing and staging a nationwide independence movement against Japan's colonial rule of Korea, known as the March 1st Mansa Movement.

Hey, that's pretty fucking badass. Ryu Gwansan, that's a dope-ass fucking name, and thank you for your service. 18 years old said fuck the Japanese, you guys are a bunch of sick, twisted fucking psychopaths. And I think... Yeah, go ahead, man. I think I can still count to

a little bit in Korean. I can still count to a little bit. It's like, I used to be able to count to like 30 or something. Count to 20 in Korean. Actually, can I still count to 20 in Korean.

Actually, can I still count to 20 in French? Let me see. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. That's so stupid that it's 8. 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, trois, quatorze, quince. Yeah, anyway, it doesn't fucking matter. Fuck the French. Actually, French is pretty cool.

They're not bad people. They get bad rap. Just kidding. They're frogs. Fuck them. Let's check out. What am I thinking about? What are you thinking about right now, man?

I was looking it up. I was right, but it was doset. Yo set. Ilgup. Yado. Ahap. Yo. It's fucked up that their last names come first over there.

No, it makes sense. It's like your title. I like it better. Like your name would be White Thomas? Like is that what you prefer? Yeah, I'd it better. Like your name would be White Thomas? Like is that what you prefer? Yeah, I'd love that. That's a good name. Hey, man, I'm White Thomas.

How's it going? Yeah. Thanks for coming to the show. I'm White Thomas. You'd be Rhodes Jake. Yeah, Rhodes Jacob. Yeah, yeah. A guy Rhodes Jake. Yeah, Rhodes Jacob. Yeah, yeah. A guy Rhodes Jake.

A guy Rhodes Jake. A guy. How'd you get here, Rhodes Jakes? Very awesome, dude. Very good, man. You like that? Yeah. I'm cooking with peanut oil tonight.

Plenty of cum that's white for Thomas. That doesn't make sense. It does make sense. That makes zero sense. It makes the most sense. That makes negative sense. It makes more sense than how'd you get here? Oh, I rode Jacob.

I'm not a vehicle to be ridden across town, you fucking nincompoop. Did you know that roads are used to go places? I didn't know that. No, I didn't. And nobody ever told you? Nobody ever thought to let you know about that? No, I take paths. I take the road.

I take the path less traveled. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I take the path less gravel, which is road. I like heights. I just like, I like wooded, I like wooded sort of clear-cut pathways, you know. I scrabbled fucking stupid ass. Fucking dumb ass.

They did the mash. They did the monster mash. It's almost November. Let's see. About five weeks. Coming up. You got anything cool planned for the first week of November? Yeah.

What am I doing for the first week of November? I don't know. What are you going to be for Halloween, man? I think I'm going to be Casey Anthony. Just wear like low-cut jeans with like your G-string hanging out and like a tube top. People are like, what are you supposed to be, like early 2000s, like pop star? And you're like, no, I'm Casey Anthony. I'm at a party right now. I just killed my daughter, and I'm not partying right now.

I just gave her some medicine to make her sleep, and I threw her in the back of my car. I will be exonerated for this crime, but I will live in shame for the rest of my life. New mentions. Let's see. new mentions let's see yeah I'm gonna go to I'm gonna be a I'm gonna go to one of the fancy LA Halloween parties where everybody's sexy

in indie films and I'm gonna go as JonBenet Ramsey you got a very tight like Shirley Temple blonde curled wig with a bow in it. You're like, oh, are you like a sexy schoolgirl? You go, no, no, I'm murdered child JonBenet Ramsey. You may remember me from the tragedy. You may remember me from my murder.

Oh, you're offended by reality? That stuff happens all the time. Are you doing triggered stuff to them? Oh. Have I tickled your irritated liberal bone? Oh, have I offended your sensitive little liberal little fucking pussy? Are you shaking in your liberal boots right now, you fucking bitch? Oh, are your bones quivering in fear, your liberal bones?

They're like, no, dude, it's just really fucked up to not only dress like a little girl, but to dress like a little girl that died. You're a grown man with hair on every part of his body. This is not like a good look for you oh have i have i offended your liberal little lefty moral sensibilities with my fucking words of truth with my scalding sword of of logic and reason oh so whenever i dress up like a um a naked little girl and i say that i'm leonardo dicCaprio's girlfriend for Halloween I'm the bad guy and not him for dating women in their mid-20s yeah

oh yeah I'm the bad guy oh yeah call me the bad guy he dated a 25 year old yeah can you believe that a-list actor practically a child yeah day-to-day it's a 24 year old italian model who knows that he has a lot of money can you believe that i can't believe that he would do something like that can you believe that this a-list actor who's on testosterone is dating a 23 year old that this A-list actor who's on testosterone is dating a 23 year old fledgling model who weighs... I'm gonna dress up as Kanye West

before he was black. So you're gonna be sperm? Like you're gonna just... You're gonna be like a load? I could be sperm. I'd be a good load for Halloween. Yeah, yeah. You're just kind of like, you're just covered in just like a white sort of translucent goopy substance.

Did I tell you last year Eden wanted to go as like a rabbit? You know what I mean? And I told her I should be a carrot. I was going to order a big grown-up carrot costume off of Amazon, but it was going to be like $90. It was like a huge carrot. So I ended up just being like a hunter, but then I just wore my regular clothes.

Yeah, I just ended up being like a serial killer. It was just me looking at what I wear, you know? I was just carrying a fake gun around. Probably not a good idea. Yeah, I feel like I always have big dreams for Halloween And then I like look into like Cause me and Ashley wanted to do like a Like a gender swap thing

She wanted to be Gomez from the Addams Family And then have me be Morticia I thought that would be fun But all that shit's expensive So I'm probably just gonna wear a t-shirt or something I'm kinda no fun I'm probably just going to wear a t-shirt or something. I'm kind of no fun. I'm like a stick in the mud.

I don't like to spend money on Halloween shit. I don't like to go to Halloween stores. And I hate the world, dude. I'm so fucked up. Yo, honestly, on some real shit, me and my girl probably gonna go as Earl and Tyler this year. Dude, you sending me a picture of you and Eden in full blackface? She's Earl. She's got the weird

fucking dread cornrow things. And then you're just like... You just shaved bald. Fucking shoe polish on. I pulled out my two front teeth for some reason. I'm Tyler. I told you. I'm Tyler.

I'm Tyler the creator. I'm Tyler the creator. This looks badass. Yeah, I'm a fucking cool ass dude. No. You guys, honestly, if you and Ashley want to do like a gender swap thing, she should be R. Kelly and you should be Aaliyah. That would be, you know what? I think you just made the decision for us that would be so good if she could be

we would be the life of every party if i was a young black girl if you were a 14 year old girl and she was a convicted sex trafficker 40 year old convicted sex trafficker who pees on people imagine how many uh girlfriends this year are having to figure out a costume to go with their boyfriend who refuses to be anything other than andrew tate and she just has to be like tristan tate or just one of the whores yeah yeah like just some romanian like fucking like dead like doe-eyed dead-eyed yeah prostitute yeah that sucks um honestly me and my um me and everybody else in my polycule we're kind of thinking about doing like a thing where we all dress up as our favorite bikini streamers. Everyone in my polycule, we're all trying to dress up like our favorite Branch Davidian.

Of course, I'm David Koresh. Our neighbors are the ATF. Yeah, we're kind of... My polycule, we're dressing up like Elements. I think I'm going to be helium this year. And Branch is going to be xenon. And I told Branch, I said, that is such a Branch move to be a noble gas. I think I'm going to be Oppenheimer.

And my girlfriend is, she's going to be the lady that Caitlyn Jenner killed with her car. You just show up covered in blood with a fake arm missing and you're like, you're like a shooting victim, man? I'm the lady Caitlyn Jenner hit with her car.

I'm dead. Did she even go to jail for that caitlin jenner or she just no she had to like they gave her like a vibe check type thing yeah it's awesome yeah one of those rich people things where they're like come on yeah it was like she had to send somebody to go to court for yeah and then like a 400 fine dude it's so crazy it's not a novel observation at all. And it obviously goes without saying. It's just like, when shit like that happens, you're like, damn, dude. It's a different, it's just, it's a completely different fucking world.

Like, if I hit a lady with my car and she died, it's game over for Jake. The podcast can't lift that burden. Podcast can't keep that going. It's unfortunate. But that's why I stopped hitting women with my car a couple years back. It's just not a sustainable business model to kill a bunch of women with your car.

Yeah, the LA District Attorney's Office has decided not to file vehicular manslaughter charges against Caitlyn Jenner in the Malibu car crash that left one person dead earlier this year. It's like, it's kind of morbidly funny that she, like, doesn't like other trans people or gay people. Like, you know what, it's like pulling the ladder up or some shit you know what i mean like yeah yeah i had my tits done but all you other p you guys gotta fucking you guys gotta stay how you are you don't get to look like me

did she get her did she get her shit reassigned does she still got her fucking toolie no i'm reading this story here it doesn't really look like uh jenner was actually in the story here, it doesn't really look like Ginger was actually in the wrong here. Basically, she got rear-ended in traffic. And then whenever she got rear-ended, it pushed her car into the car in front of hers. And that car got pushed into oncoming traffic. Uncommon traffic. Yeah. So this Hummer just came through and destroyed this Prius that she bumped into.

That's not too bad, I guess. Yeah. Anyway, Caitlin, if you'd like to come on the show. Don't. Actually, maybe not. But you never know. OJ, if you'd like to come on the show,'d be down yeah caitlin you know she she's a real tough cookie you know i don't really know what her deal is she was a good olympian i don't know

if she's the best person overall but um we should have that one uh right wing streamer girl on what's her name, Pearl? Pearl Davis or something. I'm okay on that. We should have her on, dude. She can inform us on how to be more masculine and shit. Yeah, that'd be cool. Because we need to learn how to be alpha men. I would probably make her mow

my lawn and carry bags of concrete for me. I would show her how to lay sod and how to do masonry and stuff like that. She would be a good yoke. She would work in my fields.

We would condition her fair skin for the summer here. She would be fed a diet of mostly roast and potatoes. Grains, oats. Those big muscles strong.

Yeah. She would be used to chew up any old fence posts or whatever. Copper tubing for recycling. And mulch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and in the winter, she could use her bottom jaw to keep the roads free of ice.

Just showing up to the house wearing a women shouldn't vote shirt. Just very, very smarmy. Very like, well, hello, Thomas. And you're like, all right, head on into the kitchen. We're going to make this shit real for you. I've got about 800 potatoes for 800 hungry guys out there that need to just get you got like 800 guatemalan dudes in the backyard they're all just trying to pick the c10 up and down again they're just trying to get up under it yeah that i mean that's the type of woman that you know you read about stories where

a single mom picks up an SUV. Yeah. That's the type of woman who could do that if you threw a ham sandwich under there. You know what I mean? Truly an impressive woman. But I'm excited to see where her career goes. You know, maybe I could see her doing well in the Kentucky Derby or something like that you know um yeah real gym real gym in the podcast community well i think it's one of my favorite

things about uh that do you think they have a salt lick in the studio for yeah well i they keep like a they got a big uh One of those big fucking tough balls, like a nylon ball that she just kind of hits with her head every now and then. Yeah, that's good. Enrichment tools. Yeah. So she doesn't chew up the microphone. She's got like a 20-foot piece of leather that she just gets her molar exercises on. Yeah, that's good.

One of the new things those guys are into is pedophilia, as it turns out. Oh, who would have thought the new thing that's not even being silly one of the new things that they're like oh uh we need to go back to based marriages and what that means is is that uh uh you get a virgin teen wife who can't read and who doesn't uh uh, who doesn't like know anything and never, you know, even like seeing another man. And then she's not allowed to like do anything else.

And, uh, those are always the happiest marriages, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The least amount of, of murders. Yeah. Well, I think that the whole, this all comes down to two things for me is, is it obviously these people want money and there's a lot of money to be made in catering to

the sickest, most depraved, bent, twist-up, sad excuses of men on planet Earth. And then two, I think the other thing at play here is they just, you know,

you want to go back to a time uh when guys were still gay but they just fucked each other like you know behind like meat packing factories and shit like i'm going to go golf with charlie and then your wife's like see ya honey you better be home for the roast and like man me and charlie are gonna go hit the roast. And you're like, man, Charlie, you're going to go hit the backlinks. And she's like, okay. And then fucking next thing you know, Charlie's getting dicked down behind the butcher shop because Charlie and John are homosexuals. And that's okay.

I was going to say something else about that crowd. I forget. Cheating is never okay. Big race to the bottom to determine who can have the dumbest, most idiotic. And finally getting to a point where... Big race to the bottom? What is can have the dumbest, most idiotic. And finally getting to a point where – Big race to the bottom? What is this, an L.A. party?

It's a gay joke. You're just saying that really loud. Like at a race to the bottom. Oh, the world's heading for a race to the bottom. What is this, this party after 10.30? What are we headed to? One of my twitter mutuals is um uh house or something are you mutuals with gay guys you told me that you don't like them that you find their lifestyle aberrant sort of disgusting i didn't tell you that you did you text me every day at bright and early at 6 30 in the morning

you say i can't stand these people. Their lifestyles are disgusting. I need to start sending you hateful messages when I am first awoken by self-hatred and nightmares. Around 5.30 in the morning, I just send you, I've been thinking about those God damn Whatever races All night And I need you to start your day off by Thinking about how much I hate Native Australian people Aboriginal people

I hate I hate how good they are At making stuff out of leather. Why did they get to invent the book? I hate how good at fishing they are. Why do they have such cool hair? My hair sucks. It's so oily. They have the perfect

body fat percentage to muscle mass. I hate Sicilians. Their hairline starts a quarter of an inch above their eyebrows, and their beards are so luscious. I hate Dagestanis. Their faces are so wide. Yeah, you just hate obscure. They look like Legos lego batman

oh man i i woke up and i'm so mad about superheroes i wish none of them existed do you uh well it doesn't matter man it doesn't fucking matter uh you're asking me if I have sexual fantasies about Batman pinning me down and fucking me within an inch of my life? No. Jesus Christ, Jake. Do you? Is it canon that

Batman and Robin ever double teamed Catwoman or Batgirl? I'm not a comics expert, but I would say it's probably canon that they do not tag team women together. I think it's a safe assumption. I don't know.

That they do not split a honey pack and go toe-to-toe with a down south type bitch. They do a case race and just fuck poison. Yeah. End to end across the room. Yep.

Hey, Batman. Hey, Batman. I got 48 beers here between two of us. When you head down to Arkham Asylum. Your gas station rhino pill, Master Wayne. Your cold 45-48 hours, Mr. Wayne. Your condoms for gay guys, Mr. Wayne. Your PrEP pills, Mr. Wayne.

Don't forget to take your PrEP pills, Mr. Wayne. Let us not stand on ceremony here. Gay men. Your Dr. Sebi shampoo, Dr. Wayne. Dr. Wayne. Dr. Sebi shampoo Dr. Master Wayne Dr. Wayne Dr. Master Professor Wayne Dr. Batman

your Dr. Sebi condom and douche kit Dr. Professor Sexy Batman it's Indian. It's Indian. Yes. Indian fucking.

Hello. Hello. Beautiful Dr. Wayne. I'm here with your medicine. What's the fucking butler's name? God damn it. Alfred. indian alfred yeah yeah hello sexy beautiful mr batman hello baby i bring you lottery tickets it's like but bruce wayne's like look i know Alfred's sick, but how much longer are you going to be working here?

Alfred will be back soon, sexy father. I have a lottery ticket, Mountain Dew, Marlboro Light for you. I don't smoke and I do not gamble. I need you to get a message to Alfred that I need him to come back from vacation. He hired me on Fiverr. I have two... I have sexy pornography loaded on a computer for you, Mr. Professor Rebus. Hello? Hello, Master Wen.

Let me know if you need anything anything i will be sleeping under your door i've sent you several emails for good use on pants i will be sleeping on a bedroll in the living room for the foreseeable future hello mr wayne hello Mr. Wayne. Hello, big bean. I have a tin can on the other side of this wall if you need anything. Speak into your side of the tin can.

You must pull the string, Todd, because otherwise we cannot hear each other. Mr. Wayne. Mr. Bane is here. Would you like me to fight him

in slow motion? I will put on my battle flip-flops. I will put on my battle flip-flops. I will put on my battle slides for you, big penis Batman. Sexy pussy. There really isn't a

Southeast Asian villain of any kind or superhero. They're not a terrifying group of people. They don't intimidate me. I mean, actually, look, if you watch the Raid 2... Some of them are fierce warriors, though. understand they're all right i was about to say the raid too the bad guy in that motherfucker scary as hell the dude he fights in the kitchen at the end like the number one hitchman that guy is terrifying he's also in one of the john wick movies but i feel like for like an american audience what terrifies them what terrifies

american audiences are just larger versions of their uncle. They gave Thanos a fake goatee. He's got to go back to your country thing, but it's a part of his skin. He's 19 feet tall or some shit. An American villain in a big franchise has to just be a bigger American guy, basically. Yeah, but I feel like you could... I mean, for something as dumbed down as Marvel or something, I don't think it would work, but...

You could definitely make something work. There's so much with Hinduism and stuff. You could make a cool supervillain or a superhero. Yeah, but Americans don't care about that stuff. You know what I mean? I think everybody's superheroed out for a long time.

Yeah, they blew their wad. But maybe in 10 or 15 years there will be, like, another cool wave of stuff. Because, like, I remember whenever the first few Marvel movies were coming out. Like, it was kind of fun. Yo, when Mickey Rourke was in Iron Man 2 and he had the wigs. Yeah, that was a good movie. That was badass, dude. And then fucking...

The first Thor movie was pretty good. Edward Norton Hulk was pretty sick. Then they... They made the Hulk do yoga in the recent one, and they gave the girl powers. And I fucking thought about killing my whole goddamn family when I saw that trailer, because they made the Hulk a pussy.

Yeah, like, I'm not even a movie snob. It was just like the... I'm not going to watch garbage. You know, they were just putting out like 15 just shitty movies a year. Well, there was a second there for a time. There was a moment in time where like if they spend $150 million on it,

they can make a billion dollars. And they knew that. You know what I mean? Like it didn't matter what the movie, what the quality, like it didn't matter. They just knew good and goddamn well. It's like, all right, we're going to spend $250 million what i mean like it didn't matter what the movie what the quality like it didn't matter they just knew good and goddamn well it's like all right we're gonna spend 250 million dollars on this hunk of shit but we're gonna make 1.2 billion dollars in the first six months and then that's

not including merchandising that's just fucking box office sales and then you start selling thor fucking air fryers and thor fucking uh door knobs and all sorts of dumb ass shit. Yeah, those Thor door knobs. Thor knobs. Flying off the... Flying off the shelves. Flying off the doors. You turn it and it shocks you with 60,000 volts of electricity and you die instantly.

People were buying them. They were like, I need it interesting and fun. Everybody was buying the Captain America pocket pussy. Fucking that thing to death. It's taking it to town, man. Yeah. Do you think it's wrong or demented or depraved or twisted in some way that you can buy? They exist, the fleshlights that are molded after actual porn stars.

That seems like one of those tragic missteps and like conscious like we were granted it look i think it's fucked up but also i think it's uh almost every part of our lives is fucked up very good point yeah so i uh i'm not gonna do it and i don't i will think a little less of you if i find out that that's something you partake in regularly. You know what I mean? But in the grand scheme of things, I think if you're treating the people in your life well and things like that, I think that's more important. But also you definitely shouldn't be seeking out molds of women's…

Cooter zones? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's not good. Yeah, no, I agree with that. You got to... We have a limited time on this earth. You got to focus your energy on things like, you know... Yeah.

Anything other than that, basically. I mean, almost anything other than that will provide you with more long-term joy. Well, I think, like, there's a... Just fucking... You could go to the store and you can buy, like, wildflower seeds and you can just throw that shit out anywhere and flowers come up.

Right, right, right. Or you can fucking look up whoever your favorite ding-dong sucker is and you can have a mold of her vagina for some reason. But I don't think the latter is going to bring you – I can't imagine what the post-nut clarity is like with one of those things. Here's the thing, man. I think for certain – I would think I would just finish up and then just jump off a fucking bridge. I don't think that would be good for me. Well, there's like higher and lower pleasures.

Hedonism takes many forms. And I think it's reflexive in a way, or maybe reactive is the word, to be like, these guys got to be miserable. But it's like, I'm miserable, you know, and I don't do that stuff. So, like, what's the difference really? I'm not saying you should go out and do it, but I'm saying, like, people talk about goon cave guys. It's like, you got to be a real twisted, depraved, miserable cocksucker.

I don't consider myself twisted and depraved, but miserable cocksucker for sure. So I'm like, well, you know, I'm glad I'm not doing those things, but am I really all that better than them? And then there's a voice in my head that goes, yes, most certainly, because it's probably safe to assume that a guy that jacks off 13 hours a day is probably not like a good father or husband.

Yeah, I mean, being miserable doesn't make you inherently. No, I don't think that it makes you inherently evil or bad. No, it does. It does. I think if you're sad even a little bit every day, you're hurting everyone around you. And you need to be happy all the time. Me, I haven't been unhappy since 2015.

I've been, every morning I wake up at 2 a.m., I do 1,000 push-ups, I pray for 16 hours, and I take five showers, and I go in the infinity pool 25 times a day. I go to work at 8 p.m. I lift 17 times a day, and I sleep one hour a week. And I do business deals five times a day, and I make $10 million a day and um and i sleep one hour a week and i do business deals five times a day and i make 10 million dollars a day so if you can do that you're gonna be pretty much set yeah i like

don't i um and once a year i'll eat a cookie i don't know what to... I guess you're right. There are so many things about being alive that are absolutely horrifying, from the mundane to the genuinely. Like mundane terror to actual creature fear terror, like ingrained in us terror. But I feel like maybe you know when god was like tinkering with it and was tinkering with us and was like i'm gonna give them consciousness i'm gonna they can do it they can make a sonnet they can make a bell they can make a painting they can make a house uh they can make

they can make ripples in the water and watch their reflection just sort of shatter into a million little pieces. And then slowly, slowly over time, you know, rebuild itself. And then they can do the same thing. They can skip rocks across the lake. I think he should have left out that node that was like they can also in like five billion years or so, they can fill a lady's body up with some sort of type of clay and then use a silicone rubber

to put it into that cast and then they can have sex with it. En masse. Millions of guys. But if you're a porn star and you're getting money like that, I mean, I guess that's cool. I don't know if any of them...

Probably get paid like $1,000. That's probably true. Like $1 per fucking, you know, fuck tube or whatever the fuck. Yeah. That's probably. That's okay. Imagine being, you work at the factory where they make those and you like mess up a whole batch. So it's like a thousand of a woman's pussy that's slightly off and it just goes into the garbage forever.

That's a very good point because I had a buddy that worked for a brewery and if any of the beers were even slightly fucked up, they would throw them away and he would take them home. Like if the can was off or if like, you know, the yeast was a little fucked up or the hops were too much, he'd bring them home. So that's got to happen in the

pussy factory store. You know what I mean? Like that's good. That's for sure. Like there's a guy going home with like a hundred Lisa hands. Yeah, he's just sipping them on the way home. Yeah, he's using some of them like Yeti cups. He's just got Red Bull and Sonic Ice in it. Yeah, he's just kissing them. Eating them.

He's eating them out too, just for good measure. He's like, fuck it. Yeah, whenever he gets to a stoplight, he's picking one up out of the cup holder and taking a little lick. Yeah, he's got one that just has his Escobar in it. Like, you start using it for things. Like, you get your drinking out of it. It's like a vape holder.

Made a phone case out of one. It's just like a fleshy sort of like weird... God, I love being alive, and I love humans, and I fucking love the things we're capable of doing. One of the things that I think we're most capable of doing is going to patreon.com slash pandeha time

and subscribing to the show for five bucks a month to receive Discord access and access to all of our backlog of bonus episodes. We've also got a live show coming up November

in Chicago, November 10th at Shuba's Tavern. And if you go on our Patreon or any of our social media, you can find the link to those tickets. We're hoping to sell out the first show so that we can get a second show set up.

So if you guys could, if it's convenient for you, the first show so that we can get a second show set up. So if you guys could, um, if it's convenient for you, buy your tickets now so we can get that sold out in time for them to give us a second show. Yes, sir. Uh,

if not, it's just going to be the one show, but we had a lot of fun with the last, um, live show. Yep. Uh, it was a good time.

Uh, thank you everybody, uh, who came to that. live show. Yep. It was a good time. Thank you, everybody who came to that. And it'd be nice to meet some more of you guys. We'll be hanging out. And have a good time. And having a fun one.

$10 a month, video episodes, Discord access. I got to make some more clips. $50 a month. Clips. I got to make some more clips. 50 bucks a month. More clips. I got to make some more clips. Thank you to Big Tim,

who is not the guy who did Ask Thomas for a picture of his nuts. He's a completely different guy. And I'm glad we got that cleared up for you, Tim. And thank you for subscribing back to the John Wayne Gacy tier. It's really badass of you to do that after we just disparaged your name for a few episodes. But you're a big dick-ass motherfucker, and you've got a heavy set of nuts,

and I hope you make $1,000 a week for the rest of your life. And if you make more than that, I hope that you don't make that. $52,000 a year. Which, by the end of your life, will be like probably $10 a year now yeah yeah by the yeah the way this bad i hope you live long enough to where 52 grand a year is nothing yeah i dude i kind of i'm like damn that's not even that much money anymore like it's not it makes me sad because my whole life i was like was like, dude, if I can make $1,000 a week,

I can buy a fucking, I can get a car that goes fast. Anyway, I'm not about to fucking, I gotta go. I have cookie illness. I eat too many fucking cookies. It's okay, man.

I hope your cookie illness gets better. You have a good night, Jake. The cookie! Thank you, everybody, for listening. So you can take a cookie and eat it with your milk! Alright, bye. Bye.