Pendejo Time - counsel of the wicked

Episode Date: November 4, 2021

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I went to church. I went to church on Sunday to confession, and I went to tell Jesus. I said to him, I said, I tried to cook a big pig in my backyard, and the propane tank got too close to the pig, and I blew my wife and my little baby all the way across the house. Oh, Jesus Christ, no! And I said this to the padre, and he said to me, that is manslaughter, and he will have to report me to the authorities. And I said to him, I say, I thought this was confession. Only between me and you
Starting point is 00:00:50 and the Lord. I went to the church. I said, you're lost. I talked to you. I said, I commit my slaughter. He said, you know, when he spell my slaughter, you know what he spell?
Starting point is 00:01:08 Mans lafter. He spell mans lafter. I said, oh, my God, you lost him. You saved my life. I tell the padre, if he tell police on me, I tell him that he touched my little baby a bunch and he also touched me like long time ago i don't think about it actually he didn't do it to me and nothing bad has ever happened to me in my life but he did do it a lot and he says to me okay maybe let's hold on we can work something out here he He said, shut the fuck up. He said, you stupid bitch.
Starting point is 00:01:49 He said, you don't know nothing. He said, I have the power of the entire Catholic church behind me. He said, you come here on Sunday. And you threaten me, motherfucker. On Wednesday. I hear seven days a week. I hear all day. I know everybody. You don't know nobody you poor
Starting point is 00:02:08 you you broke you ain't got no money you ain't got no pesos you can't talk to me like that i've been molesting children for 80 years how do you think i got so many rings i give them to you like the super bowl it's like it's like chipotle boys when you buy so many rings. They give them to you like the Super Bowl. It's like Chipotle points when you buy so many burritos, and they give you the points for it. And they say, oh, my God, you buy 50 burritos in a year? Oh, my God, we give you a special new Corvette. You can't tell nobody about.
Starting point is 00:02:41 I have it at my house. It's behind all the donkeys. I cannot show nobody. So I got the tiny windows on it and they don't know who it is when I drive by. But son, I tell you, I go to Chipotle a lot. I go there every day. They give me a lot of points.
Starting point is 00:02:59 They give me a lot of points at Chipotle. You want a burrito? I find burrito for free for you. Something that they don't tell you about being a man of the cloth is for every 100 children that you abuse, you get a brand new Corvette and a ring like the NBA. I thought I don't get a hill cat. They said that is not appropriate. That's 200. That is the deal.
Starting point is 00:03:19 That is the deal. You get the heaven cat. I asked what that is. I asked what that is. It's just a scat pack i said i i said please by the way i need i need the trim package as well i don't just want the motor i take the scat pack to the paddler uh to the i tell i tell the cardinal of the church i say they have a car i want it but it's called the dosh demon and he shot her he said oh he said why would it be called a demon and i said to him i said well it's basically a health care with bigger turbocharger and it's not technically street legal at least that's the marketing for it and he said i don't know if you
Starting point is 00:04:05 could drive something like this it's very scary to me i said i want rose water i want the you say you are a bro we don't know one of the phantom here are the things you cannot drive the evil spirit out of here you cannot drive the phantom the ray the demon the hell cat oh the viper the viper is not necessarily evil it is scary it's scary to me as a child molester is it is a a snake is like what was in the garden. I might be a monster, like quite possibly the worst person who've ever lived, to abuse my position as a member of the church to assault children. But I don't like to think about a little snake. So if you want to get it, it's scary.
Starting point is 00:04:59 So if you want to embezzle money from church, you can buy perhaps a Bronco or a Ridgeline, but you cannot buy a demon. Is it an Honda Ridgeline? Yeah, you can buy a Honda. Is it an Honda? You can buy a Honda Ridgeline. I told him I want a Honda S2000. so but but you can you can pretty much get anything else but you cannot get a demon a a phantom a hellcat or a viper these are the five that you can all right hey what's up if you guys are still sticking around i guess oh man oh man that was yeah we're gonna have fun on this one yeah yeah i don't i don't know
Starting point is 00:05:48 normally the last five minutes are good and the whole thing sucks i don't know what it means to blow your wad like five minutes into the show uh but hey we're rocking with it i like the idea of like going in i it is funny to me to go in and confess to manslaughter and then threaten you know the priest with like well i'm gonna hey mutually assured destruction man we're cold war and then you know you're at your conversations interrupted by another like lower level guy who's like hey i uh i want to get a car but it's too evil i i would like to get i would like to get i you know dude um i don't know if you remember this was like a big story in houston because you know like olstein is like you know he's the houston guy and everybody fucking hates them in the city unless they are a member of the church which is you know 50 60 000 strong or whatever um he got his wife he was an associate preacher at lakewood
Starting point is 00:06:51 and he got his wife like a fucking white on white like stallion lamborghini marcielago like just like not even like a base model like it's a quarter million dollar car. He got like, we're talking like gold trim, white on white. Like, it's a rapper's car. And he got it for his wife. And people were like, well, you know, the preachers at Lakewood make good money. And it's like, they make good money. But they don't make quarter million dollar like car money. He makes book money, which is.
Starting point is 00:07:28 It wasn't him. It was one of his associate. It wasn't Osteen. Osteen drives a fucking Ferrari, like a really rare model for our he has like six houses to hit to me. Whatever. I don't like that motherfucker. It makes sense if he has flashy shit. He's like Righteous Gemstone. One of my favorite articles I've seen was they were like,
Starting point is 00:07:46 it's time to debunk the fact that Joe Lewiston has a Ferrari, and they showed a picture of a Ferrari that had been shown in an article, and they were like, yeah, so we don't know if he has a Ferrari, but this is not his Ferrari, the one that they showed. So here's the thing. Yeah, so that's like being like you know he did kill a guy he didn't kill this guy I think it's I don't know if it's Snopes or not but it's a similar one the one that I saw was does Joel Osteen have a Ferrari and the answer was like
Starting point is 00:08:17 yes but it's an old one it's like a 12 year old like old it's like a like a like a 2009 enzo so it's not like you know he didn't just get the motherfucker and it's not brand new but it's like it's funny to me to try to like come on let's not blow things out of proportion you know yeah he didn't kill that guy he just drove his truck through his front door drunk 150 miles an hour and it killed his whole family you know but yeah an associate preacher you know like a guy who handles wednesday night service not sunday not the big one but he handles you know like the baptisms and shit he does like the fucking you know he does that stuff like a quarter million dollar white on white lamborghini and if you go and read the article most of the comments are like
Starting point is 00:09:06 this is sick but there's like a special type of guy and i know that you know who i'm talking about who like just like sucks the dick of like wealthy big church they're like you know the lord provides like and and you know you you can sit in these comments and say that it's wrong, but the things that that man, he's lived a life according to Christ. And, you know, like guys who, like, if they were in on that grift, they would absolutely do the same thing, but they're just not, so they have to, like, simp for it or whatever. They're like, yeah, it's normal for a guy to be a preacher and to have a car that actors drive.
Starting point is 00:09:44 to be a preacher and to have a car that actors drive. It's normal to have like a Migos style whip and be a man of the cloth or whatever. I want Joel Osteen to start rocking like grills. I want him to go to like Johnny Dang, get iced out and shit. I don't look like Paul Wall. Here's the thing. I'll tell you what is more despicable to me because joel ostein's one of those guys where you look at him and it's like okay this is like a rich
Starting point is 00:10:11 people church yeah yeah yeah no you have to pay to get into the church they have botox and shit like it's like a botox church yeah well i just cut my thumb open again, not even whittling, but by cutting a wood chip in half and having my thumb at the other end, I might be full blown mentally disabled. And that's all right. Anyway, now, I think I mean, this isn't a new issue with like pastors. No, but he's definitely like, yeah, yeah no he's a big copeland or whatever yeah him and kenneth copeland and then there's a few others i i don't remember the do you remember that video of kenneth copeland it was like right at the peak of covid oh when he was like tackling no well that one yes but i'm talking about the one where like dude we're like 2500 people dying a day no one knows what's going on and he's, I don't care if you're having trouble with your rent
Starting point is 00:11:06 or your insurance, you tithe. You bring your tithe to the church because before your bills and before your food, you provide your 10% and you glean what to Christ is owed to him. And everybody was like, whoo! Yeah! Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, the reason that people are cheering is because people in Kenneth Copeland's church are all like 70 plus, and they all have like half a million dollars in the bank.
Starting point is 00:11:33 They're like deep Bible Belt South rich. Recently, Joel Osteen, that church had to return $4.4 million in small business, like PPP loans. Which, by the way, if you want to do PPP fraud, if you're listening to this, go for it. However, that fraud is reserved for broke motherfuckers. Okay? You don't get to do small business fraud if you're like the biggest church in the world. Did you see that guy? I think he was off like Real Housewives of Atlanta or something. think he was off like real housewives of atlanta or something and he just he just got like 25 years prison time because he somehow did like 16 million dollars in ppp fraud yeah there was a guy on
Starting point is 00:12:13 tiktok who was like he was like i'm in miami right now i'm in south beach uh i'm going to jail next week for ppp fraud but we out here living i got some of that money left baby we out here fucking around i'm out here with a white woman. He's a big, fat black dude on this fucking resort. He's like, it ain't looking too hot. I'm fucked, raw, but I still got some of this money left. They ain't take all of it because they ain't find all of it, but I am going to jail for quite some time.
Starting point is 00:12:42 That's the best life you can live. Oh, dude, that is exactly how i would go out like if if i did some fucking embezzlement or some shit i embezzled one thousand dollars from you like in which case i would like if you're like hey we didn't just text me we didn't make any money this month and i'm like fuck all right no but no point in me checking i'm just yeah yeah i'm not gonna log in and see but like the i would totally like like yeah uh thomas we're gonna have to take like some time off the show and you're like oh fuck man are you sick and i'm like no um i'm good i just i'm gonna need three to five off the show you're like uh you know you're gonna sabbatical i'm like no i uh i'm talking to you on zoom and
Starting point is 00:13:26 i have a fucking yacht master like a rolex like you know i'm like oh i just kind of you know some shit came up there's like a federal agent behind me just glasses just like i uh but i do i remember during hurricane harvey i don't know if you heard about that. Dude, it was huge. During Hurricane Harvey, there's motherfuckers floating down the street, walking up to the church to see if they can get out of the rain. And their doors are locked tighter than none titties. You can't say pussy on this show. No, you can't.
Starting point is 00:14:04 I don't know why I didn't say that, because that's one of my dad's favorite phrases is like, damn, this thing's locked up, tired, and I'm pussy. And I heard that. Yeah, we can't say curse words on here anymore. Yeah, we can't say curse words on here. Welcome to. Welcome to. Fun time.
Starting point is 00:14:15 Fun time with, yeah. And everybody's like, hey, can you open up or donate? And they're like, oh, no. Times are tough around here. Oh, we just got a new carpet and like, you know how expensive that can be. They were bullied into like helping out, which is very funny because, again, I remember reading articles like on Facebook, and Facebook comments are the fucking best. It's just a fucking wellspring of like geniuses in there.
Starting point is 00:14:41 And there's people in there like they don't have to do anything that they don't want to do just because they're church and they bring in tens of millions they pay their taxes a lot of people don't a lot of people i don't i i haven't paid they're a church they pay their taxes you know they're not just getting off scot-free you think what do you think this is some giant money laundering operation? I don't want to like wax poetic on like Bible Belt Christians, like not reading like their own book. Cause that's like an old fucking like smug way to look at the world.
Starting point is 00:15:14 But it is, it does like still to this day, even growing up like Baptist kind of blow me away where you're like, Hey, Hey, per, per that, per per the book that guy's going to hell like there's no way joel osteen's going to happen you understand that like there's just no yeah after you die you just freaking go in a hole in the ground well i don't mean like that i mean like he's like you know like yeah if i have a needle whatever the fuck you know like hell hopefully he's going there it would it would be very funny to get to heaven and it's like, you know, like, I have a needle, whatever the fuck. If there is a hell, hopefully he's going there. It would be very funny to get to heaven and it's like three guys
Starting point is 00:15:49 because all the rules are super strict. I do like the idea you're running with here, and it's that Joel Osteen is going to hell, and both of us are going to heaven. Yeah, that. Both of us who have led really pure lives, we've always cared for other people. Never fucked anyone over.
Starting point is 00:16:08 No. And also we, we're believers. Yeah, I definitely, a hundred percent. Yeah. Do your parents know that you like, that you like don't fuck around with it anymore? Or like, is that? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:21 I haven't been to church in a good while like i mean i'll go for is it like an unspoken thing or whatever with you and then i think well i mean when i was like a freshman in high school they kind of like uh gathered well no they they went on my itunes and they saw i was listening to push a t like blowjob betty fucking like yeah and uh they were like i mean you know they were like do you even do you even believe in you know stuff anymore and i was like yeah not really my thing at the moment you know and then i i uh i dated a girl in high school who was a Christian. And so I actually both of my main high school girlfriends were Christians. And for the relationship that lasted a while, I went to church for like 10 months. Did you pretend to get pussy?
Starting point is 00:17:24 Is that what you're telling me? So, no. Because I didn't. But I definitely said I would consider it. And then I didn't say I would consider it. Like, oh, I might be. I was like, I'll go. I don't really.
Starting point is 00:17:44 Because at the time, I wasn't like, oh, I'm an atheist. I was just like i'll go i don't really uh yeah because at the time i wasn't like oh i'm an atheist i was just like yeah i don't really i was more on the edge still just with like a pretty religious upbringing to where i was like yeah i don't want to go to church obviously like it makes you know you feel like i have a bowling ball in my chest and i right yeah going to hell because like even if you're like if you have a religious upbringing, maybe this is just me, but I feel like it's a broader thing. When you fall away from that, like you don't, there's part of you that still does believe like, Oh,
Starting point is 00:18:18 I'm like going to hell after. Yeah, no, I have that same thing where like, I still have like Baptist like restoration guilt where I'm like, I'm like, I don't know anything. I'm agnostic. I don't give a fuck. Like I literally don't mean I should talk about it. You know, like when we first started dating, like, are you religious? Because I'm not really and I was like, I just like, I'm not an atheist. I just don't care. Like I used to care a lot and I don't give a fuck. But there is a part of me that's like, like and then i'll be thinking like i'm gonna die one day for sure like there's no way to escape that and then like in the back of my head a little voice is like yeah dude you're like gonna go to like you're going like to hell like 100 and then there's a voice in my head that's like well you're baptized so according to like your specific version yeah but uh even within because i feel like we grew up in like similar versions or whatever uh the baptism itself doesn't guarantee anything it's through faith alone uh yeah i mean like so you can you can the the baptism is just uh basically a symbol
Starting point is 00:19:21 it doesn't the baptism itself doesn't get you into heaven because otherwise they'd be just dunking motherfuckers calling water left and right you know icu unit you just pull the plug and then drop them in the bathtub real quick yes uh and i for me like i most tenets of uh established religion are like fine to me and that it's like well in terms of like hey you should like try and be good to people or whatever i'm like yeah it's fine like be fair and all that i'm like i mean i'm not really gonna do that but that's i get it you know that's good now as to whether i'm gonna like start going to a place yeah look you know because i'm supposed to it's like yeah man i i go to work because i have immediate
Starting point is 00:20:17 benefit from doing that right if if if there was a job offer to me that was like, hey, when you die, you're going to get so much money. You wouldn't take that job. Right. Even if you had reason to believe that you would. Because when you die, it's your spirit. And I don't give a fuck about my spirit that motherfucker can tend to himself when he died i'm trying to flex dude i'm trying to get i'm trying to get the fucking i think it's fucking really weird that like did you ever go to i don't
Starting point is 00:20:57 i went to one of these like like youth like jesus camps and uh it was like out in the woods of Trinity, Texas. And they were like, you would like walk around all day and like do outdoor stuff. And then like, they would stay up late at night and do like youth group and like a band would play or whatever. I think I've talked about this before maybe we talked about it like hanging out but like you have a moment where you're delirious and you're hungry and you're tired and the band's playing and like you you do kind of have a moment of like like and there's community and other people are like crying like teenagers are like and you're like is this a holy spirit is this that was the mass hysteria is so is much easier to get going yeah people think because you can literally feel a presence in a building yeah and you can also do that by like
Starting point is 00:21:54 like at a concert or something right no i've been at a show and gotten goosebumps and i'm like fuck i'm having a time in my life right now but I do remember being like this I think I went when I was like 12 or 13 and at that point I like maybe my mom told me to go because at that point I was walking around the house like dude um we've been going to church and our life sucks like I like that like we we've been going like Sundays, sometimes Wednesdays. Um, and like, you know, the house is like getting foreclosed on and like my dad has like a, a beer hat on and it's like Tuesday, uh, like ACDC is playing in the garage. I don't know what he's doing. I guess he's back in the house. I have no idea. Like, you know,
Starting point is 00:22:41 this shit's fucking weird. And then, you know, like those questions, those early, like, you know, why is everything fucked up then you know like those questions those early like you know why is everything fucked up questions you have when you're like 12 13 or whatever i remember asking the youth pastor about it like the boys youth because there was like the girls youth yeah separated and he was like you know we don't understand you know the ways the way the way the lord works and uh you know and his compassion kindness and his love are different from ours and i was like that's the gayest shit that's the gayest cop out i've ever heard fuck this i'm out you know and and then from there just sort of like having to still going to
Starting point is 00:23:19 church but like not i'm not doing the hand thing i'm not like you know fucking oh he's he's here dude the fucking um it's a trope for a reason but like the the let's call it like 28 year old like youth pastor guitar player like you know v-neck uh i don't know they're just coffee shop guys who figured out how to make 28 000 a year exactly like a steady like unless you you would have to molest a lot of the girls in that church to get fired because you can use they're like the catholic priests of the baptist like restoration church of christ world like guys, those guys get away with so much. And then one day he's just not there anymore. And anytime you, I remember they're like, our like main youth guy, like was just gone one day and we had a new one. And it was like, the other guy was never there. This was not at the
Starting point is 00:24:17 main church I went to, but a different one I went to when I was younger. And it was like, oh, like what happened to Scott or whatever? they're like oh he's on sabbatical and you're like that word kind of means something to me from Sunday school but I he's on vacation is basically what that meant to me and then like four or five years later I was like talking with somebody who went to the same church and they're like oh yeah he was dating and like like she would be at his house for like a few days few days on end, like, you know, a 14-, 15-year-old girl. And I was like, that, you know, like, that kind of – So that happened at my church, but it turned out that the guy was – he was a good guy, but he was, like, just the most – and this was, like, a big church, not like joel osteen level obviously right because there's
Starting point is 00:25:05 not big for your area but yeah like the probably the biggest church in this area like well i mean the area wasn't not in fort worth but so the youth pastor literally just kept like he would get like donations and checks and stuff and then not steal them but like lose them he just like lost a bunch of money like he didn't he didn't do anything like morally wrong other than being disorganized but he just kept like he would just forget where shit was and the head pastor was like dude fucking come on get out of here dude yeah anyway but everyone loved him and then he got kicked out and a bunch of people like left the youth group because of that but it's funny to be a youth pastor kicked like who they don't say why you leave and then it turns out to be like arguably the best thing yeah it's the best reason to remember the cloth to get got yeah
Starting point is 00:26:07 that's like uh it's like oh yeah did you hear they deleted the podcast and it's like fuck what you know was it jake was it thomas which one no they just clicked a button and they accidentally deleted the podcast they're gonna keep making it but jake uh jake lost the patreon money somehow the the church my mom went to for a while and i went to like once or twice for christmas stuff i was older like my late teens and it was pretty much established between her and i that i was like hey uh if you're right i'm fucked uh if if i'm right it doesn't really matter but whatever i ain't doing this she went to this church for a while um big, big church in like suburbs where we're from. And the pastor's son was there every Sunday and Wednesday.
Starting point is 00:26:54 He was like, like level 10 gay. And in a lot of those situations, the son and the dad have a falling out and the son like moves to New York to like do poppers and like paint or whatever no this kid was like was floating around making noise like dressed to the nines like milan fashion week every sunday clear like and everybody knew it wasn't a secret like he wasn't closeted everyone knew he was gay and it was like a cool like thing it was like cool that i guess that everybody could be cool with that.
Starting point is 00:27:25 But they were cool with it insofar as that's, you know, pastor's son. They still would be like, you know, Leviticus, Deuteronomy, like all like the law books would still be talked about pretty heavily. But the rule that always seemed to like, you know, like the one that that was kind of like uh you know as um well you know you have to tie mother and father and uh and then we're doing the other way like they would kind of like they never really talked about it but it was like something that everyone knew and again like i didn't give a fuck my mom didn't give a fuck but like nine times out of ten that happens and there's this huge falling out in the community nobody ever talks about it the kid moves off somewhere
Starting point is 00:28:10 uh but it was weird that like to break from tradition in that way and i was like oh like do they have arguments you know like this guy isn't even like shit kicker gay like only on the weekends in the back of a truck gay he's like you know fucking queer eye for the straight eye gay like yeah well i think i think a big uh fault of of baptist institutions like uh historically has been like preaching the old testament as if the new testament doesn't exist restoration stuff yeah well yeah like i mean a big part of what jesus did in the church it's funny that we're getting into like a theological discussion nine months in but it's fine uh was like hey a lot of the rules that were made about like stoning people yeah like you don't have to stone people yeah you can cut that out um well like there's a whole
Starting point is 00:29:07 last thing christ is like at one point he's like i can't like i came to renew like the like i've come to i'd paraphrase if it's like renew old law or whatever you know like and you can interpret that however you want but i know having grown up southern baptists and like known people who are in like genuine protestant restoration movements that like no those motherfuckers believe in like wizards and shit like the witch of endor like all that stuff's to be taken literally like jonah got swallowed by the whale ezekiah got carried up by a big fucking horse on fire or whatever the fuck like lazarus was in the dirt and then he fucking popped up like well he wasn't in the dirt he was in a tomb tomb or whatever he was in basically like a big air Airbnb with a rock in front of it.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Mausoleum. And then they were like, yo. And he was like, what's popping? Wake your motherfucker ass up. Boy, get your big stinky ass out this motherfucking tomb. Medea Jesus. Yeah. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:30:02 Well, we talked about the AAVE Bible, the Ave Bible. Good. Bro, you sleeping? Lazarus, come on, man. Come on, boy. If you don't get your stinky dead ass out this motherfucking tomb. He had too much of that wine. He in there jacking off.
Starting point is 00:30:23 Lazarus, get your ass out there. He's beating on his shit like a bongo drum. Yeah. he ain't jacking off get your ass out there like a bongo drum yeah like all that stuff is like is like to be taken like biblical literalism is like sometimes using the pejorative or whatever to describe a certain movement but like
Starting point is 00:30:37 I remember like the the overarching theme of the main church that I went to was a kid is I would ask like we would learn about Jonah and the whale or about Ezekiel or about Lazarus. And I'm like, you know, oh, like this stuff really happened. And like the predominant, like the prevailing thing was like, let's just go ahead and say, yeah. And then I remember like when I went to high school and I'm like reading more, I guess. And I like took a couple of classes when I was in college. It's like, oh, like most historians who are also like religious are like, this is like, uh,
Starting point is 00:31:10 edict poetry. This is like Hebrew allegory, you know, like Genesis, like, like, you know, it wasn't literally that God was like, all right, your name is like, I guess, Adam or whatever. Uh, you're Eve. Uh, this whole place place is yours there's a fucked up snake around here do not talk to that piece of shit uh you can do anything else you want don't eat from that bush uh or tree or whatever the fuck i'm gonna go fuck off because i'm tired as hell i've been at this shit a week which i've been working for a week i'm tired as hell i work seven days in a row i need to sleep like all that stuff was to be taken like as if you were to read like the news and as even even when i was younger like i guess entering like my teenage years i was
Starting point is 00:31:50 like i don't know uh-uh there's no fucking way did i ever tell you about the uh so we used to have one of the because the vhs's we had uh i don't remember if this i think this was at my house so the church i went to believed in the like the new basically in the in the um hey if you hold on pause if you've got to go to church soon and you need to donate to the church all right fine all guys, we got an ad read. Whatever. Hey, you know how if you want to buy a Bible, it costs money? Well, how about you get yourself a fucking wallet?
Starting point is 00:32:38 You're going to need... So every time I interrupt Thomas to do the ad read, I owe him $100. You know how long it takes me to come up with a complete paragraph to say and on the one episode where I have the wherewithal to do it you're like hey Thomas shut the fuck up let's talk about
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Starting point is 00:34:21 everything in the fucking store. Thomas, I heard a little rumor. They got more than wallets, don't they? Oh, you bet your sweet white ass they do. They've also got accessories. You know how you love accessories? I love accessories. They've got phone cases. They got a fucking knife.
Starting point is 00:34:38 You got a digital pickpocketer coming for you? It will not help unless you know where they are. But, you know know it comes in handy i i saw an old lady get stabbed the other day i didn't do shit and that's why i should have had my ridge wallet knife with me right and i'm glad that you didn't that's on me but you know what she didn't have is a ridge wall you know what she said to me right before that you me right before she bled out after you stabbed her? She said, one more time, Ridge.com slash Vendetta. I didn't stab her.
Starting point is 00:35:10 D-E-J-O. Brought to you by the Ridge wallet. What were you saying, man? I'm sorry about that. You were saying Fuck me. Something I forget, man. You'll have to do it at the 30 minute mark every time.
Starting point is 00:35:29 I mean, it's okay. We have fun. Anyway, you know, the Bible's crazy, man. The Bible be wild. You got what? 64 books, something like that. So when you, did y'all like spend, and I feel like I spent an inordinate amount of time
Starting point is 00:35:47 when i was a kid on the old testament despite like being like like i guess i remember what i was saying now yeah go ahead no go ahead go ahead go ahead so we had this vhs the the church i was in believed that the world was like 6 500 years old or whatever yeah which is so new age so fucking sick yeah yeah they had this like informational vhs on dinosaurs but like so we were homeschooled and our whole curriculum was ran through this like belief set yeah so i remember watching a video of this guy with like a fucking safari hat on he's like a lot of people wonder with the earth being so young how do dinosaurs fit into the bible because it doesn't mention them he's holding one small mason jar and a big mason jar and the the big mason jar was dinosaurs, he said.
Starting point is 00:36:46 And the small one was a Bible. He said, well, he says, how do you fit dinosaurs into the Bible? And he like, obviously the big jar didn't fit into the smaller one. Right. And he's like, well, the answer is you put the Bible in dinosaurs. And then he like put the smaller jar into the big jar that was his fucking explanation yeah i was like you can see the bible in everything about dinosaurs and as even as like a three-year-old i was like what the fuck is this yeah anyway
Starting point is 00:37:19 there was a i think i was like 13 and i had read about the Nephilim, which are like biblical – they're not giants. They're supposed to be like half – There's multiple interpretations as to what they are. Some think of them as angels, right? Yeah, like angels that bred with humans, and they're imbued with – basically like the Greek demigods. They're imbued with angelic powers the greek demigods you know like they're imbued with like angelic powers they're like is that a traditional view no so like neph because i don't i wouldn't think that within the parameters of like because like for an angel to to to breed it would have to be like a fallen one right right so like like one of one of lucifer's
Starting point is 00:38:09 fallen one right right so like one of one of lucifer's correct so it for my so as i understand it they're like thought to have been giants but that was like a mistranslation when they were translating from hebrew to hellenic greek like something with like the nephil was like they were like we're gonna make this giants because it works but they weren't giants they were otherworldly beings well anyway i find out about this shit and i'm like yo um these big motherfuckers i wasn't saying this in sunday school but i was like in the youth group i was like hey so like what was their deal and for what i don't know if it's because like there are certain things that they just didn't it's like the dinosaur thing where it's like, I'm not asking a question or doubting in any way. I'm like, can I know more about the Jonah whale thing or like the chariot of fire?
Starting point is 00:38:52 Cause that rocks. Cause I'm 13 years old. I just got a skateboard. And I want to, I don't want to know about this boring repentance. I want to know about the wizards. Like I want to know about the Harry Potter stuff in this book. And since we're all Baptist here and most of us take this shit, literally, can you elaborate in any way on like the witch of indoor or like, you know,
Starting point is 00:39:13 any of the other cool shit that happened? Like, you know, like the North star, like, can, can we talk about that shit? And it's like,
Starting point is 00:39:21 yeah. So what do you want to know? And I'm like like there was a witch in the book like a full-blown one and do you tell me here reading harry potter is bad so we got to reconcile this one way or the other and he was like well she was a witch i don't understand what else do you need and i'm like i need so much more let Let's move on. Okay, chariot of fire. Is that like a jet? Or like Lot's wife just looking back and turning into salt? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:50 What the fuck is that? Yeah, yeah. I got like all these stories where I'm like, okay, so if I'm taking this literally, Moses walks around thirsty as fuck, and then there's a bush there and he's like man this guy's got something to say to me like i mean like what am i like what is to be gleaned from this if it's being taken literally and again i i was doubting a little bit at the time but not in those ways i was just doubting because i was depressed and it's like, fuck what? You know, if you don't believe in God is because you're sad. Right. Correct. Exactly. And I remember like,
Starting point is 00:40:31 there was another thing about like, like very like evangelical conservatism where it's like, like you're in church with somebody who, the rumor is around the fucking town that this guy beats the fuck out of his dog. Like the what? Like he just he comes home from the oil rig. He drinks, I don't know, 26 keystones and just lets his wife have three piece combos up and down the house. And then every Sunday, though, she's like, you know, washed in the blood of the lamb. And he's like, that's right. We're here. here you know and it's like oh you know like those things obviously were a big problem for me but the the like the magical shit like and then i and then i remember learning about the gnostic gospels and it was actually like
Starting point is 00:41:18 a youth pastor who had told me about them he was like talking to me i think i was i don't know i was in like eighth or ninth grade so like i'm coming up on yeah this shit's bullshit like i'm fully in that or getting there and you know i was like he was telling me about like seminary and he got his master's divinity and all that stuff we're like talking or whatever and he's like you know there's like a whole bunch of other books that were just left out um you know they're called like the gnostic gospels and i was like i had no idea and i was like wait a fucking minute like what is the and then like i learned about like the history of the bible where it's like all right you have like the gospels where like you know paul or whatever was close to around the time of jesus john was written like 30 years afterwards like you learn the
Starting point is 00:42:00 timeline yeah it's put together council and i see all that shit but i didn't know all that at that point so i was like dude it was like dlc in a video game i was like bro there's other shit and he's like yeah you know they're not really considered canon and uh the reliability is suspect but you can read them if you'd like and i went down a fucking rabbit hole like the infancy gospel of thomas where like uh like you know kindergarten age jesus is like basically on the playground and he's like you know like making little pigeons or whatever in the dirt and some kid like keeps coming over and like dusting them away so like the third time jesus is like all right and he just like raises a big creature from the ground or some shit it like
Starting point is 00:42:39 fucks the whole kid up or something like just shit that like you know you're like well why did this get left out this is the coolest shit in the world like all the gnostic gospels have like again like if i haven't gotten into those at all i don't think they're like some of them attempt to bridge the gap between like the birth of christ and then essentially like the last nine months of his life which is what you get in the new testament or whatever you know and then of course like post-resurrection or whatever um and so like the infancy gospel of thomas like the syria syriaic like gospel whatever there's there's a handful of them and a lot of them are like that's like a lot of the content in them or like a decent amount where it's like, this is what Christ was doing when he was like getting into Nirvana or
Starting point is 00:43:27 whatever, you know, like, like he, like he like got a Mohawk or whatever and was like, you know, drinking forties and shit like teenaged Christ, like early child Christ and then other shit,
Starting point is 00:43:38 you know, but all that stuff that was left out, you know, for whatever reason, like this is how Jesus felt felt about twilight yeah this jesus discovers doing inhalants and like marlboro lights from his dad this was jesus's a24 phase jesus was giving sticking pokes to all the girls they thought he was they thought he was so sexy um and that he was so cool i uh i like think about like there was a like a class i took in college that was taught by this dude it was a religions course and uh really devout catholic but
Starting point is 00:44:18 also like really weirdly like everything that you guys know about this is fucking horseshit you know like it's not it's not real or whatever and he was he was like on what i remember like it was a very interesting lecture he gave he was like arguing that jesus was like an upper middle class guy like it wasn't you know like he was like a champion just because he was like a carpenter and everything right where it's like that was was like a well-paid job at the time it was like being a doctor now in the states you know it's like you know if you're a carpenter then and you're good at it like you know you don't have it's like being a blacksmith it's like you don't have to do anything else um and you're not like working like with merchants or going on a boat for part of the year you're a
Starting point is 00:45:01 carpenter year round and uh you know he was like that like the politics of jesus or whatever he was one of those like left-wing catholics i guess i don't know if you uh thank god yeah and uh he was the one that told me about the harrowing of hell because they're like i like like protestants have their own baptists have their own like things they add in and like the dinosaur thing catholics have a bunch of it too and the harrowing of hell is i was like i remember i asked her in class i was like hey so all the people that died like before jesus did they just go to hell like the billions and fucking millions of people that died prior to him like being alive also like all the roman
Starting point is 00:45:42 soldiers and stuff who were just you know destined to do this like if you're not a determinist like a calvinist or whatever like what happened to these people he's like oh that's the harrowing of hell explains that one i was like what's that and he's like oh so like the spirit or i forget if it was like the holy spirit or like christ in physical form i don't remember goes down like in to hell and like rescues everybody and who like all the souls who like you know got a bad deal because he wasn't around or whatever you know like like prior to him like being like i'm the real ass motherfucker of the week uh does that include because i thought you know like if you just like there were laws to follow before right if you did that could you could still get into heaven right right but it was like the system
Starting point is 00:46:35 got all till the game got fucked up so yeah the game got fucked up yeah so it was like people who were like you know adjacent to the chosen people or people who had like never gotten to hear the word of the Lord just due to proximity. Like motherfuckers who like, you know, like people who died but even never got a chance. Like that was always a big question I have is I was like, what if you're like living in fucking Amazonian jungle and you just like never. I think within like, yeah, that and then also like babies or whatever because there's like the age of uh i think age of innocence yeah i i don't know well like there's purgatory there's like that but like within the harrowing of hell i guess narrative there's i thought purgatory was a catholic thing it is a catholic thing i'm saying that this is also like from my understanding of like a cath
Starting point is 00:47:23 like a cat oh so he. He was operating under a Catholic... Right, yeah. It was a Catholic university. Interpretation. Right, right. I thought you were saying this, he was just like a... basically a non-denominational... No, no, no. He was
Starting point is 00:47:39 like a devout left-wing, one of those social justice... Yeah, so he has a sub stack now which is fine yeah he does yeah yeah it's always like like I know people who grew up in like the really strict Catholic my roommate was Eastern Orthodox
Starting point is 00:47:57 Igor yeah which is like dude that shit looks like wizard stuff the hats those motherfuckers get to wear the outfits the colors all that shit looks fucking I stuff. The hats those motherfuckers get to wear, the outfits, the colors, all that shit looks fucking buffalo. I've never seen a black guy in one of those videos. Like an Eastern Orthodox church? Yeah. That would be sick, though.
Starting point is 00:48:13 It's all sloths, dude. Dude, be like a Southern Baptist convert in Alabama or something. Yeah. And you're like, well, I was like a part of this. I am a Christianian but you know i moved here to fucking serbia and i'm just here to keep the faith and they're like i would love to be a dude have you ever i like seeing videos i feel like if i had been raised in a in a different environment like not ay, like fucking like Southern Baptist, like super strict, I may have stayed with it.
Starting point is 00:48:50 Dude, I'm going to say Black Church looks funner than fuck, dude. Dude, it is. Have you ever been to one? I went to like a, I like, I like, I went to one, but I think something had happened because it wasn't, you know, like a... It was more festive, but it certainly wasn't like... It ain't tough. It wasn't, but it was definitely more festive. I'm just saying my one experience there and then from what I've seen on YouTube videos
Starting point is 00:49:14 where they're like, we're coming to the moon and we're here on Wednesday. And then that's how that starts. And then all of a sudden, you hear the band just like... Like fucking vibrato on the trombone and then they just fucking come in with it like that shit i'm like dude i will no fucking way am i missing this this is i'll tell you i'll tell you the circumstances under which i went to a black church this that sounded like it would be
Starting point is 00:49:40 a more racist story than it is that was a a haunting exposition but um so i went with uh this is in high school with my girlfriend at the times family and they were like hey we're gonna go to this church in dallas and i was like yeah it's fine all right yeah i'll go yeah and uh dude i didn't fully listen to like what to why we were going there i was just like yeah it's fine you know you get lunch after cool yeah and uh so so i get there you know immediately i'm feeling myself you know this is a much better environment for me right much more comfortable the worship service god damn they were throwing it down let me me tell you. They know their stuff. And then we get past that, and it turns out the guest pastor for that week was the guy who had a few months before been removed from his position
Starting point is 00:50:42 at the church they normally went to for uh or actually this was like a year before maybe a couple years uh he he had porn on his church computer that's awesome and uh they were just going in for like a routine like virus removal or whatever and he had it like i don't even know if he closed the tabs dude it was like bad and so this was like he walks up and i'm just like immediately like god god damn it this is not great yeah and he's telling his you know he's got his redemption story ready or whatever he's like you know growing up i was i was not living in the faith. You know, I was kicking back, listening to music, smoking dope with my friends, you know, but you know,
Starting point is 00:51:32 now I'm back and God's got me, you know, and he does not address the porn directly at any point. He's like, you know, I've been through some hard times, you know, the Lord has been with me the whole way And I'm just thinking like dude did you like Did you forget This happened 90 days ago Did you normally Do you normally clear the history
Starting point is 00:51:54 Also I'm wondering It would have been So much funnier to me if he got a virus Right On his computer from having pornography on there Did not close the tabs or anything and they're just like hey guys come here can you guys uh you guys take care of this and it was just all on there now i don't know i don't know fully the story or whatever but that's uh
Starting point is 00:52:17 i mean he definitely at the very least had that on his computer and um and then was just able to you know whole church was behind them they were like dude we love you this is fine to us because uh you're gonna you know what you're gonna write a book about this in five years and we're all gonna buy it um you're still welcome at the cookout yeah and uh we love you man and if i could find that kind of support from any community in life i mean man yeah i would be i can't yeah no telling certainly not gonna get it in the discord no fuckers i haven't checked it today the there was a There was a deacon At At this church that like I went to for a little bit
Starting point is 00:53:11 When I was like in my early teens And big fat guy This all happened after I left But I watched it unfold on Facebook And like through local town rumors or whatever He was a hugely fat motherfucker And he was like the jovial deacon who like He's like holding the bowl for the tie that he's like, you know, you know,
Starting point is 00:53:28 he's like, Oh, singing the songs. And like, he's funny. He's redder than fun, you know? At one point. Well, I mean, I guess it kind of happened gradually. I left, I went there like maybe for like a month or two. I see it happen over Facebook though that he gets on some like some diet and workout regimen. And that motherfucker lost a ton of weight and got like not like diced up, but like old guy jacked, you know?
Starting point is 00:53:58 Like early 40s jack. Maybe he got on TRT or something. I don't fucking know. Dude, this guy wasted zero time. As soon as he hit like 12% body fat, he fucking bailed on his wife who was a big old bitch. Let's be real. Also, these are Southern Baptist, big old bitch. And he bails on his wife, bails on his kids, but like, doesn't change his Facebook. He like moved to like texas i forget it was like still in texas but like north i want to say texarkana he got like another job out there
Starting point is 00:54:30 and he is posting pics of him like on a boat like shirt off tan fucking miller light like smoking cigarette like dude the guy had a full-blown like if you decontextualize the divorce and just bail it on his whole family the guy had a fucking glow up because he was fatter than fuck and like you know just was just sort of like a like a it's like oh big big time he's bringing the tithe around we're going to get you know like trying to fucking be jovial with everybody he was always at like the like the trunk retreats you know cracking jokes loses like 150 pounds you know gets a tan gets a new job buys a boat fucks off from his whole family and is like the same facebook where
Starting point is 00:55:12 he used to be like me and tammy uh we've been having rough times but lord blessed us with another one uh you know little emma lou she's gonna be here december you know whatever that same facebook if you scroll down for like an hour you can see those posts now he's like oh we're boat boys now uh we went on a grill went out deep sea fishing I got shit hammered motherfucker just just he's like a full good old boy like I don't know I don't know what's going on with the guy now he may have still been going to church like a different church but I doubt it but it seemed like he shed like all that weight got jacked and was like yeah this church stuff is just I'm tired of being the like the the paul blart of the church i'm gonna be like big dick tan like like welder who like you know bench presses and like oh so he didn't move to a different church he just he
Starting point is 00:55:56 moved towns he like moved like up north but oh he he said fuck it he was out he was a dude like yeah he lost the weight and just bailed. Like, I don't know how much time passed. I genuinely don't know how much time passed between them. But I want to say Max, because his Facebook feed just changed from, like, I don't know if we're friends now. I have to go back and check. But, like, when we were Facebook friends from just, like, being in the same church together, I remember, like, at one point,
Starting point is 00:56:22 I was, like, he posted a picture. I saw, like, the weight. I was, like, oh, I guess so-and-so lost weight. But he posted a picture with his arm around a lady on like a boat. And I, and I was like, damn, did his wife lose weight too? You know, did his wife lose weight and get 20 years younger? Like, cause this lady is like maybe 22, you know? And like, I, I start going like, I was like, all right,
Starting point is 00:56:44 I'm going to actually go through it. Like I went through a shit. No, like the last seven months he was like, you know, he's like, uh, yeah. Like, oh man, I got the King ranch. Always wanted one, you know, obviously like in his head, he's like, I ain't got a wife to worry about no more and God knows I ain't paying child support. I got the truck, you know, which like on one hand, bad move. Don't be doing stuff like that on the other i just watched a king like come like i just watched a man who you know you know because i
Starting point is 00:57:13 knew i knew i didn't know his wife but i i saw her around probably beat him down dude one of those old like big church ladies just you know just always scrunched up face you know two sticky ass kids who don't know nothing and that motherfucker said all right i'm gonna bench press every day for a year and a half i'm gonna eat fucking rabbit food and i'm gonna see what happens if i still love my family i'll stick around if i don't if i don't egg daddy's getting a fast boat and a fucking King ranch. And I'm going to start drinking on the weekends and fucking community college girls. That's the end of that is the end of that story, which I, like I said, on one hand, shouldn't do stuff like that on the other. It's hard.
Starting point is 00:57:57 Now I remember like, you know, he would come up in casual conversation. Like I would go, I'd come home from college and I'd be at the bar. Like whatever happened to so-and-so or whatever. And they're like, dude, he's in Texarkana. He's like playing bass and like a cover band. You know, he's like, he's, he got a job out there working on a rig. I mean, he's, you know, I was like, do you still talk to like, cause his kids are like, like, I think is, I think is, they have to be like in their late teens, early twenties now, or like mid teens or something. I don't know. I was like, cause his kids are like, like, I think is, I think is they have to be like in their late teens, early twenties now, or like mid teens or something. I don't know. I was like, do you ever talk to,
Starting point is 00:58:29 he's like, no, I haven't been to church in a while, but you know, she's still not married. Kids are, you know, still around. And I'm like, that's like, like, you know, when you, when you break up, like, I don't know how it is in marriage, but I know that after a breakup, you know, especially when I i was younger there's a competition where you're like all right i can't look worse than this person my life can't fall apart like you know it's like you're the same hometown with the kids and your husband's got the boat like you know fucking hanging around playing bass and like you know a rage against the machine cover band or something just living his fucking best life like that's gotta be like debilitating but again you know what who fucking knows
Starting point is 00:59:09 i know though that i would never do anything like that no i don't i don't know i don't think i would uh yeah i'd hate to get fat like as a couple you know or maybe they were both big before well well i i legitimately i said the trt thing is a joke but it's like i have known like people like just like some of my like uh i wouldn't call them my dad's friends just guys that they like worked with that like also played music or whatever or like people around like people in the neighborhood where you'll have like a fat dad who's like in his like late 40s early 50s or whatever maybe a little older and then over the course of like a year just and men at that age can't really do that especially if they're already fat without t sometimes you can it's doable but like within a certain span of time it's like oh i wonder if they went to like a testosterone clinic and they
Starting point is 01:00:02 just got on because if you get on trt as an older dude from my research you can like work out and it's easy as it was when you were in your 20s you know where it's like it'll just fall off you know like joe rogan's on that shit and like that's how like actors like brad pitt and stuff like that's how they stay like lean and jacked as well i mean if you've been running cycles for movies for also that 120 20 years you have to be on trt yeah i'm just saying like for like average like run of the mill like average joe's like my i don't know that for sure but what i am saying is it's like it definitely helps if you're working out and you it's something that men can do i don't know the equivalent for women so it's like if you and your wife get fatter
Starting point is 01:00:42 than fuck together maybe y'all were high school sweethearts and you know i mean women can just eat less yeah i don't mean i that sounded very broad i mean like if you're fat you can just eat less and you will lose weight it's just your caloric intake largely but like well i'm talking i'm not talking about just weight. I'm talking about like these guys put on, like, they put on like a little bit, not like, again, they're not diced up like, yeah, but if you're 400 pounds, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, I'm going to say it TRT alone. No, I'm not. Yeah. I'm not saying it was buddy. Yeah. I'm just saying like,
Starting point is 01:01:22 if you already have a fitness regimen and you get put on it as an older dude, like I think that's what, yeah, no, it definitely helps. I'm just saying like, if you already have a fitness regimen and you get put on it as an older dude, like I think, yeah, no, it definitely helps. I've known, I've known guys who, uh, any, any like 60 year old dude who benches two wheels is on. It is funny when I like, like you see a guy at the gym who's clearly in his early sixties and he's got like balding buzz cut where it's like i'm not gonna let go of it yet but it is getting to that point and little legs massive torso massive chest and then biceps that are like this big round is my thigh and they're on the like the preacher curl machine and it's they
Starting point is 01:02:00 have like just going fucking hard and i'm like is this a recent development for you are you one of those like venice beach dudes like bodybuilders from like the 70s because some old men just like i guess they got nothing else going on they retire and they're like i'm gonna get on trend just see what happens you know like a lot of guys with like big trend bellies you know i'm talking about and those those old bodybuilders didn't really believe in like building up your legs that much yeah i know that's a lot of those guys at least it's funny to see like now i follow a couple like fitness guys on tiktok who just like give like lifting like new lifts and stuff for like my shoulders and stuff and it is funny to see like those guys and a couple dude on instagram who like they've over corrected where
Starting point is 01:02:46 the big joke is like oh you skip leg so you'll see dudes that are like they just have like they're just you know they're on leg press with like 800 pounds and it's like man we don't gotta like you're gonna you're gonna look like a like youtube man like we don't have to have to be doing shit like that have you checked out uh andrew jacked no i don't think so he doing shit like that. Have you checked out Andrew Jack? No, I don't think so. You know Larry Wheels? Yeah. He works out with Larry Wheels.
Starting point is 01:03:12 He's this huge, like, Nigerian dude. Yes, we talked about it. Yes, I know. Yes. Dude, whenever he does leg press, he can move his legs, like, four inches down before his hamstrings hit his calves because his legs are so big. But, like, that's his full range of motion. calves because his legs are so big but like that's his full range of motion like his legs are too big so people in the comments will be like dude you're
Starting point is 01:03:31 not really like pressing 1200 pounds like you gotta get lower and he's like dude my legs are like four feet around you understand this like yeah do you ever like either videos or in person of the guys who've like blasted their chest so much that like usually they're short too like five five one of those like five six five seven jack guys were like a bench for them is like a quarter rep for like me guys with arms like me or you where it's like they'll just like take it off the bar where like that like that shit so watching that shit is hilarious to me because it's like i, I have long arms, so I'm kind of fucked. Like being tall isn't good for getting like denser than fuck usually,
Starting point is 01:04:08 you know, unless you're like Francis Ngannou or whatever, but like, it's funny to watch like dudes who get lats where they can't close their arms entirely. And then, you know, they start putting like, you know, three 50 plus up and it's like, Oh, you've just root. Like you can't really bench normally anymore. You can hit incline. Maybe, like maybe, you know, Seeing eject five, four dude in person is, is, is so funny. I was watching the,
Starting point is 01:04:36 the Conor McGregor fight at this one venue and Arlington and like this horde of them just sort of was walking around like these five, four, two 20 dudes who were like, I'm sure they look great physique wise, but, uh, I'll tell you how tall you are. You're five foot four. Right. So like, yeah, you can get as jacked as you want with that frame. And I'm still going to have to like, look down and see. Right. You could definitely probably whoop my ass too, to be honest. Yeah, but you got to get seven inches away from me with that reach. Right.
Starting point is 01:05:11 And also it's like, I understand that this is the best way for you to get pussy. Like I know you're pulling. Yeah, most definitely. But at the same time, when women like see you, they're like, all right, I guess. Yeah. Like it's in the back of their head.
Starting point is 01:05:30 Yeah. Whereas if you're a regular like short guy. 5'10". No, I mean, if you're a regular short guy. Oh, regular short guy. You can just be like funny or something. Right. Rather than being at a point where a woman can recognize this man has
Starting point is 01:05:46 done everything possible for me to for me to maybe fuck him correct yeah so like like maybe two times out of ten they're like i'll give him i'll give him a shot doing like a bodybuilder's dehydration cycle to go to like twin peaks or something yeah. Yeah. You know, like to be, to look at dice. When your dick doesn't even work anymore. Like you cannot feel it. Yeah, because you have no lipid fats. You're always hard, but you can never feel it. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:13 Dude, I like the best. It's fun. Like those guys, at least in the combat sports world, like I've trained with a lot of dudes built like that, and they are just the best because it's the perfect build for wrestling. And a lot of dudes built like that and they are just the best because it's the perfect build for wrestling and a lot of times like are they good striking wise i was about to say a lot of times they can do like full splits like they just like they're white tie dudes so it's like they make up for the lack of reach they can just they can they can kick near vertically
Starting point is 01:06:39 like they like that and they and their legs are like tree trunks. So it's fucking good night night. So like I got to wreck if you're like a five five Italian or Chinese guy and you're listening to this and you want to get pussy and be cool, you're going to want to get down to about four like essential body fat. So it's super easy to do that eating disorder or something. Right. Right. You're going to, well, you're going to want a body recomp, which is very easy. It's probably the easiest thing you can do is that's, if you don't know what body recomp is, it's losing fat without losing muscle and actually building muscle in the process. Very, very easy. All the Hollywood guys do it. Anybody can do it inside six months. Then you're going to want to learn about 10 years worth of Muay Thai in six months. You're going to want to get really good really
Starting point is 01:07:25 fast then and only then can you get pussy otherwise you're just also you're only gonna get pussy like twice but like yeah it's gonna be from girls who like work in tech sales and shit like i don't know i don't know how else to put that you also have to have money right yeah yeah at this oh yeah also that all goes out the way all that work that you put in is gonna go out the way if you like work at a chevrolet like like if you make like 15 an hour you're fucked like yeah you're not fucking joe pesci man like yeah no no dude man that can you imagine being pesci or buscemi and you like you're coming up as a teenager and you're like man i'm ugly i'm never gonna get no pussy and then 21 rolls around and you become like an A-lister and you're one for the rest of your life. Danny DeVito.
Starting point is 01:08:12 Like, Danny DeVito. Okay, I don't think Bushimi gets. Isn't he married? He's a family guy. I think nowadays if Steve Bushimi was getting pussy, it would be either. I think nowadays if Steve Buscemi was getting pussy, it would be either. Okay. Well, actually, I think like girls would fuck him because he's Dave,
Starting point is 01:08:32 because he's Steve Buscemi and not just like art house girls. No, I'm talking like in general. Correct. Like one of us might do it. Probably you. Fuck Steve Buscemi. It would be funny. Yeah, that would be very funny.
Starting point is 01:08:44 It would be. Hey, Thomas, I got something to tell you, man. Dude, oh, man. If you sent me a picture, that would be gross. I wouldn't even look at it. But if you told me, that would be funny. I've got an old, frail, thin man in doggy style. Dude. And I'm like, like hey wild guess like like a high school friend who like
Starting point is 01:09:09 sends you videos of him like railing out some girl and you're like hey man don't don't send me that but it's like instead it's like you send me that and then it's i can't tell what it is it's like really granny for some reason and then the the face turns in doggy style and i see those eyes yeah and i just fucking try and flush my phone down the toilet i think those guys like that's what i'm not saying those guys specifically but i'm saying like you're a guy who's like on a one out of ten scale you're not even really charismatic so you can't make up for it you're like davido is extreme and yeah that's pesci too but yeah okay you're right there okay pesci now wears like a fedora and has like the gayest goatee of all time he wears like a 36 000 suit to go to walmart
Starting point is 01:09:54 like he's have you seen pesci lately he looks he is so fucking funny dude yeah dude the fact that he like made i don't know like a 200 million dollars or whatever off movies then was like yeah i'm just gonna do jazz now yeah and people were like why and he was like what the fuck are you gonna say but dude i'll have to send you a picture he has the worst facial hair i have ever seen on like an old man and If you see a picture of it, you're going to be like, oh, this is like for a movie. No, he's had it for like 20 years. That's badass. And he wears like a stupid fucking fedora.
Starting point is 01:10:32 Is it the same one he had for the Irishman? Did you ever see the movie? Because I saw him in the Irishman and he had fucking weird facial hair. You mean like in the pictures or for the movie itself? The movie itself. I got to send you a picture of this dude. I'll have to do it after um that's fine after we wrap up it is like it's like a if i recall correctly it's like a black guy
Starting point is 01:10:53 chin strap mixed with like a a weird like dominican guy goatee thing it's it's fucked up, dude. That's awesome. Well, if you're listening to this and you want more of it, check out the premiums on patreon.com slash pandejo time. And if you didn't like listening, I'm really sorry about that. Goodbye.

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