Pendejo Time - Domo Arigato Mr. Mercado (Audio Only)

Episode Date: October 10, 2025

My most recent video episode is with the very funny Ronaldo Mercado. Ronaldo runs Wild Card every Sunday at the Sunset Strip in Austin, Texas. Go check that out.  watch the ep here  sub to the show  get hims 

yeah um well that's the the by the way everybody hey this is my buddy rinaldo is another very funny comedian uh from austin that people you people will like i've seen when somebody gets into coke when they're like 26 or like 28 i feel like it's it's something you got to start doing i don't know i started early but i there's just something kind of ominous very like uh-oh when a dude who i know is like 30 is like yo i try coke for the first time and you're like like no you know you already made it so far don't start now yeah also like your responsibilities at 29 are like I'm sure I hope that there's a girl that like maybe lives with you that like she's not girls hate coke like well girlfriends hate cocaine

girls that you hang out with like it but girlfriends despise it they don't like it they don't I've seen girlfriends go he's on coke again yeah right right right but like the hang around or like he's on coke is can i yeah it's a complete there's a distinction there yeah i uh no it is you try it you try it when you're younger and then you go this is either the best thing ever you go nah it's not really for me man i can't like i got real lucky i tried it i was like high school and i was like did one ripper and i was like this is actually not that cool dude like i'm like in my buddy's bedroom hanging out with like the the waitress from the mexican restaurant i'm like yeah i got to go i got to go you have one of those moments like

where people talk about like your prefrontal cortex turns on and you go oh i i gotta get out of here yeah oh actually this is this is this what fighter flight is yeah i'm hanging out with a 350 pound line cook and then i i think an 18 year old girl but i don't know because i'm at a party you did you ever work in service industry or like blue collar shit yeah i did like everything in the restaurant yeah me too like you go to there's like one of the bartenders would have a party and you'd be there and like one of the hostesses is there and you're like like you're not I'm 19 and I shouldn't be here probably but you're 16 and you came here with a 33 year old yeah yeah you came with the manager yeah yeah yeah you came with the yeah the

hands on the manager that's like hey team yeah you know one of those guys yeah yeah that was always the nasty like well there was always the new hires the new hires you go oh yeah they're they just hired a couple new hostesses who are they go oh it's it's two more 16 year old girls every time and I would like go to the after parties and you're like I don't I don't

I just like at the height of like the Me Too thing where I would have these I would get really high on blow and I was like and like the manager with his girlfriend walking and I'd be like

dude I'm if anything ever good happens for me somebody's gonna be like Jake used to party with 16 year olds and would be like no no no no he wasn't like that I swear the rest of it's a devious industry

everybody's very devious. It is bad, man. As you go, Javi, two more 16 year olds again. Yeah. Come on. Dude, there was this the, uh, uh, we had, they made fresh baked pies at this, the place that I worked at. So they had like a full-time baker. And, uh,

it was like a, it was like a 65 year old like lunch lady who had like a fucking, like a limp and everything. Beautiful. And one day we found out that the hiring manager fucked her on the pie table. It's so sad. I always joke like, on the show and like sometimes it's like

I don't know I don't really do it as like a bit but like I really think line cooks are like like the wrench and like the in cell philosophy because like the dudes that got the most pussy in the restaurant industries are like the fattest nastiest dumbest just not like you like you like you like I look at myself in the mirror and I go I'm not I'm all right handsome man I'm getting no pussy

and then the guy who's absolutely crushing it is named like fucking chunko that's where everybody calls him And he fucking, he makes egg rolls all day. He stinks. And he's just got, like, the hottest girlfriend you've ever seen in your life. And you're like, what is he? He drives like a fucking civic that barely runs.

I'm like, what's happening? You know, he probably doesn't even have a big dick. You're like, what the fuck is going on? No, but when you're like a, when you're like 17 and you're a fucking, you're the dishwasher. And you see him, you go, that's the coolest fucking guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to be that guy. Dude, the line cook manager, he would, he would, I was literally like 16.

17 he would take us back to his house We would me and like three of our other friends were like maybe like 18 We would sit in his living room And he would roll up a bunch of joints of just the shittiest The shittiest brick like red weed you've ever seen But like 10 of them right And then we would just watch him play guitar That's so sick

Those are formative experiences man We're like oh dude he's so good at guitar He's just like He's like barely getting through like stairway to heaven he's like he's not that good he's like yo i just learned bat country by avenge seven full check this and you're like fuck yeah dude i like i really feel like kids are missing out where'd you grow up uh i grew up right outside of uh st louis oh okay in like illinois right on the other side of the mississippi river so smallish yeah so like and you're like what you're like 25 26

oh 27 yeah 27 so you're like we're around the same age like i i i feel like i kind of it's not good but like those experiences like you're like I'm gonna go get high there's a good chance I might get molested but I there's also a good chance I might watch a guy play bad guitar which is a funny story to tell later my brother is like super young gen Z and he's like yeah I just go to the vape store and I get weed that's awesome yeah yeah and I'm like dude you missed out on like you go to a guy's trailer it's Icy Mike and like I see Mike is like your dad's friend and he like sells meth and weed sometime yeah and you never know you go down or it's like your homie, Brad, you go into his basement, you go, like,

yo, dude, who's this new guy on the couch? You go, yeah, he's been on Xanax for the past, like, two days. Yeah, yeah, he just, yeah, yeah, he'd been here for like seven months. There's always a new guy living on his fucking couch in his mom's basement. Yeah, and these are formative, these are funny things where, like, you know, you tell your girlfriend later, and she's like, that doesn't sound safe at all, and you're like, no, but it was awesome. It was so sick.

Dude, we, like, man, we were like 100 miles an hour down the freeway. I'm smoking weed out of a can that I think might be laced with shirm. and the guy that's driving is like 20 years older than me but hey we're going to Galveston and we might see a dead fish like you have no idea my dude my my fiance is like she's so

I love her upbringing was like pretty normal and I'll tell her like yeah like stories like with the guitar guy where you're like yeah I went to go by weaving this guy in the trailer and I opened the door he had a dog mask on and he took it off and he sold me weed and she was like

what what? I'm like yeah Yeah, we just called him dog guy. And she was like, babe, what else was he wearing? And I was like, nothing. She was like, he was naked. I was like, yeah. She was like, you went back there?

And I was like, he had really good weed. Yeah, of course. She was like, something really bad might have happened to you. And I'm like, it still might have. I don't remember. I have no idea. We just called him dog guy. I had no idea.

And that's the shit people miss out on, I think. I mean, I enjoyed it. Yeah. It was a good time. Yeah, it was formative, absolutely. And then like the kitchen thing, too. Like, you work in. I just like it's such a

you if anybody that like has like a normal job from day one I'm like dude you're missing out you got to like work with some like racist Mexicans like Mexicans who hate other Mexicans those guys are the best I mean they they suck ass but like they're the funniest guys in the world because they'll just be like no I don't like them

no they can't come over here and I'm like how did you get here and they're like truck And you're like, come on, bro. He's like, I'm the last one. No. Dude, they always want to shut the door right behind them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're pulling the ladder up.

Yeah, literally, dude. Yeah, yeah. This shit cracked me to fuck up. Yo, my mom was like, yeah, but all of my stepdad's were, like, illegal immigrants. Your stepdad? Yeah, I mean, my dad, I don't know if my dad was legal or not, but he's Mexican, too. He's, like, from Mexico. But, like, all my, my mom would, like, marry illegal immigrants.

Like, illegal immigrants. He was, like, sitting up franchises. But then she would be at home and be like, they got to come over here legally. They got to do it right. That's so funny. Was your mom Mexican, too? Is she white? No, she's a Texas Rose.

Oh, no. Is that a nice thing to say? No, no, that's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she's from Texas. Oh, okay, okay, yeah. She grew up on, like, in the border town. Oh, nice.

Del Rio. Oh, nice. Okay, cool. Yeah. Yeah, my, my fiancé is family's Mexican, and there's so many, so many of our cousins, like, their names will be, like, fucking, you know, like, Roberto Enrique, just absolutely Mexican,

and they're like, they have like a maga hat on and they're just a big beer belly and like a belt buckle. And they're like, yep. And I'm like, you don't say yep. Motherfucker.

You say like Monday or like fucking. Yeah, like, I know that you're trying to, I know what's going on. It's actually sad. You're trying to assimilate. I want you to have a good life. But like those guys,

the white dudes that you, like the other welders, when you leave, they're like, hey, fuck him. I don't like you either. Yeah, they don't like you either yeah yeah my friend doesn't like you it's star wars the other white

guys that i hang out with don't i don't like them to be fair but we're all welders and so we just have to hang out together yeah the mexicans for trump thing is a fond demographic they're so awesome they're fun they're fun they're fun group of guys the cuban i remember like the cubans for trump thing was huge cubans for trump yeah yeah yeah what is that well like down in like miami area they were like the first um they had this really funny song called yo voy alvatar por donaldron but it was spelled D-O-N-A-L-T-R-O-N Donald Trump

And I would listen to it all the time Like I'd make people listen to it at work Because it was so funny But they were huge They would like drive around their boats With like big mega flags Yeah And they would just be like

Yo boy have a part of Donald Trump And I was like Dude man That's how much power this guy has That's how much like influence He hates you guys Yeah he literally doesn't want you coming over No no

Or he wants you to like scrub the toilet at his house like best case in here you ever see that clip of a who's that lady it was it a Kelly Osborne that was like if we if we get rid of all the Mexicans think about it who who's gonna scrub your toilets yeah yeah I love that dude well like I went to college with people like that like I can't I don't know how to describe them other than like dumb like well-meaning dumb liberals like like hit like people who probably like have like maybe like some opinions on things that I would agree with but they're like yeah who's going to scrub the floors in the prisons and you're like no one I mean I don't I guess anybody can do

that yeah yeah you could you could do that asshole no no I'm gonna be a lawyer well then what the fuck yeah that's that's that's yeah that's like the other really common who's gonna do the jobs that that I hear that now like because all the strawberry fields like fruit fields people aren't like showing up to work because they're worried about ice raids and people like well white people can do those jobs And I'm like, no, we won't. They won't. We don't, do them.

I'm white. I'm not doing that shit. No, they're going to go work from home. Yeah, I work from home. You're going to tell me I can work in my underwear or I go, 12 hours a day picking fucking avocado. Kill yourself. That's a dude. I literally, I quit my Home Depot job.

So I could fucking be a door guy at a comedy club. Yeah, way better. Just so I could wake up at 3 p.m. and just walk around in my apartment and my underwear going like, what the fuck am I going to say tonight? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just like, think about things that I show. should do.

Yeah. And then freak out and then get nothing done by the day. And then we're like, all right, I got to go do a spot now. Working nights is kind of tough. I mean, I don't, I used to bounce. And, yeah, you're like, you're like, maybe, you know what? I'm going to wake up at 8 in the morning. And then I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to do a little bit of writing.

And then I'm going to make myself a nice meal. And then, like, you just wake up at 3.45. You have to be working at 4.30. Yeah. And you're like, I guess I'll jack off in the same underwear I'm going to leave in. And then just fucking go to my job. That sucks ass. Yeah, dude.

I like to have you narrate a day of my life I didn't ask you to tell my secrets Yeah get ready with me Oh dude that would be such a funny Get ready with me My life's falling apart I'm a comedian Hey guys it's 345

Gotta be at work at 2.30 I know you guys probably noticed this shirt From like two weeks ago Get ready with me We're gonna keep wearing that one Gonna keep wearing it look at It's all the same wrinkles from the last week Plus more wrinkles

Dude when I I'm still I have I still have a few pairs of them my fiance hates it but uh i just called them forever jeans and they were just black levies that i would wear for like two three months straight yeah and you don't clean them because you're i'm working a kitchen right you know what i mean so it's like if i go clean them like i'm gonna get guacamole on them like immediately i'm not a server like i work in the back of house so i'm covered in shit all day so i would just like i had like three pairs of forever jeans they started like painters pants yeah well they just start they have like a they just smell like tortilla chips forever

I remember when we first got together She was like I was like she was like Like we were doing laundry And I was like oh you don't have to clean those And they were like three crusty black jeans Like covered in green and like red sauce And she was like no they like very dirty

They'd be clean I'm like no those are my forever jeans And she's like Somebody says something to you And your brain does the like apple Like rainbow wheel She was like forever jeans And I was like yeah I don't clean them Because they're just gonna get dirty when I wear them

And she was like you know like has the like why am i with what am i doing what am i doing yeah yeah you actually opened her mind yeah yeah something else that she never considered that could be a possibility sometimes i try yeah yeah yeah it doesn't work well you you get like a shalac on your jeans right there's like a kevlarc and become near near bulletproof a thick coating yes yeah a nice carnivowax on the outside of your jeans we were talking about before the show but i wanted the the books that's we were talking about the um big old book show the smut books yeah do you know oh there's a harry styles

candle right in the middle too oh and he's a saint yeah yeah saint harry it's it's awesome to just date like a like a normal girl that likes normal stuff yeah yeah she's pretty normal yeah other than like she digs the comedy lifestyle though which is like a little freaky but that's cool it's cool to have

like one or two things yeah I dated a lot of like uh I don't know how to like girls that drink buzz balls like you know what I'm talking about like I dated a dude that was my fucking shit like sternum tattoo of a bee and like like loves buzz balls and like has a cheetah print steering wheel oh god guaranteed to like ruin your life oh i was that was my shit for like fucking that as soon as i stopped jacking off and

started getting pussy that was like the first girl i was like i think maybe i might be in love and then i just that was like seven or eight of those before i was like i think i just a girl that works in marketing i think maybe you know you don't need a girl another girl from the dive bar no i don't yeah yeah that was fucking yeah no you don't need the bartender from the heavy anchor that's there on misfits cover band night that's running the misfits karaoke night her name's like Raven or something

River we met at emo night oh fuck oh shit everybody take a look at the this one's this one's mine Nick zoom in our editor that's so I love that yeah Ronaldo goes yeah I do have one book

on the shelf he fucking grabs this one it's so sick I love that that's badass I mean he's probably got some pretty good tips about fatherhood The claim was never that he was a bad father That's true Right? Yeah yeah yeah also I love how this The claim is he's a selfish lover

The claim that yeah Two dollars I like somebody was like you know what It's worth two bucks Mark it all the way yeah yeah it's worth two bucks That's they did that at like all the record stores Oh yeah They put they put all the Bill Cosby records in like the back On the bottom crate like underneath

the shelf and are there like you know a 99 cents like clearance it i do forget that he was like a very like prolific commute like he was a she like he was like a clean richard prior that was his thing yeah he was uh by on tense purpose is like an amazing very successful stand-up comedian who also had a like a crazy run like a wilt chamberlain like run that i you know like a bad run yeah yeah yeah bad run bad yeah like some Some guys are like so, they are so good that you forget. Oh, no, he's a piece, he's a monster. Yeah.

Yeah. Can't, can't be doing that. He also, like, he did it for so long where he, he, like, he, he, like, metamorphicized. Like, he changed into a totally, you ever see, like, the old pictures of him where he looks like, he looks like the funny, like the prop glasses with the mustache and stuff. Oh, Groucho Marx guy. Yeah, he looks like a groucho, he looks like Groucho Marx and he's like first doing stand-up. He's got like, yeah, he's like his whole face and body change. and how long he did stand up.

This is going to sound bad, but like I think about like those guys like prior had some allegations and Cosby and like a couple and then let, you know, Kinnison and those guys and then the musicians, right? Like the hair metal guys, like those guys, they did crazy bad stuff. I wonder what it felt like to like knowing your heart of hearts that you spent 30 years on Sunset Strip in California being an absolute menace. And in your head you're like, this is never ever going to come back on me. this is never and then like all all of a sudden their books are being written about you like Cosby probably was like I'm literally just going to be Bill Cosby show little Bill forever no one's ever going to know that I'm literally the devil yeah and then it and then it starts and then like he has that one where he's getting dragged out in cuffs and he

just goes like ah no he goes hey hey hey and like that's probably what happened at his brain overloaded because he was like dude I'm the devil, but no one ever gets to know And I just get to have this perfect life And so his brain That's the only thing his brain could produce Because don't forget me Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Don't forget me, remember me as this Remember me as the normal guy Yeah, the family man Yeah, dude That fucking ugh Damn Is he still in prison? Dude, he's in...

I think he got out Really? I think so I think he's on like some kind of like Supervision or something Like an old motherfucker like Gets out of jail Because he's rich type of doing

Yeah, I think so I gotta keep that guy under locking key I read that, yeah. Or I thought he was in jail with Diddy, or is that? Galane. Yeah, Gilein is in jail with Diddy. And they're both. Dude, if they both get pardoned, that'll be some shit.

He just got four years, right? Yeah, but, like, I think there's other stuff they're trying to stick him with, like, bombing Kid Cuddy's car. What? Did you not hear about this? No. So, first of all, I want to make it clear. My co-host, Thomas, who's not here, obviously, he, like, actually knew about, was reading some of the stuff. So, like, Diddy was obviously doing.

a lot of fucking that was not cool and was doing a lot of sexy freaky shit also he was like putting hits out on people he was he was like a shot caller and uh he he apparently had somebody put a bomb on kid cuddy's car to try and kill kid cuddy because like he because him and cutty had some beef

and I guess cutty didn't know because puff daddy's whole thing was like oh I'm not like Shug Knight I'm a family man I do the rap game but I'm actually a good guy whole time he's way more dangerous all behind the scenes yeah yeah like getting people killed and stuff and i think they're trying to get him on some of that because it's like you know you do four years for like sexual assault but you put him away for life for like putting a hit out on like another rapper or whatever picking kid cuddy is crazy yeah i don't remember stop dying

your hair like what i'm gonna get jpeg mafia what why yeah you know who i hate hopsin i gotta get that motherfucker yeah yeah dude i'm sick of the the contacts i'm sick of the colored contacts kill hops and immediately you get you had juggalo's yeah at your school yeah dude hell yeah okay of course that was my grand a city is like a steel town okay but our our whole export was just juggles on perkins yeah yeah well i feel like the sacrifice zone like the american economic sacrifice zones produce a lot of juggalo's

because i live near one and it's just like the port that we used to be like a bigger port city and then they were like man we're gonna move it over here so yeah it's like the radio activity yeah yeah it leeches off it's like Chernobyl dude you ever think about like what type of guy you like almost became dude i i i when i go back home and i used to i used to like run a show in my hometown yeah and i would go like once a month to go do the show and it would be like the guys would come back from high school that were like you know they were my friends in high school we didn't really keep up after that and i look around and i go oh dude i could have been a wigger Shit.

I'm really glad I got out of the fucking trap house. Also, a Mexican wigger is crazy. That's crazy because some of those guys are pretty cool. Like, that Mexican OT is a cool guy, but some of them are not cool. Some of them suck really bad. Yeah, I was very close to being a jugglo. I was very close to being like an M&M like monster energy tattoo white kid. I can see that.

Like not wigger, but like trailer trash where it's like I don't, you know, I don't wear the big shorts. But I'm like, I'm punching holes in every. everybody's house yeah i mean like i'm going to the marines and i'm going to be like the craziest marine and not even like a good one i'm just going to hurt a lot of people yeah like grandma wanted me to go to the army so it could have been army or it could have been like uh yeah like straight up like like trailer trash yeah i did i did i did grow up in a trailer park me too yeah yeah you know uh yeah it could have been any of those things yeah for real i could i could i would have just been an amazon warehouse worker for like ever yeah yeah yeah

and shout out to my amazon warehouse workers you guys keep us running. That shit, dude, everybody that does rule. I know a lot of fighters who do that because you can make your own schedule and stuff. Yeah. Like, guys, like one of the kickboxing gyms I train at, it's like half Amazon warehouse workers. And they're like, oh, yeah, it's the worst fucking job on planet Earth. Yeah.

It's terrible. Yeah, they go, you can work like four shifts for like 12 hours at a time. Yeah. You can do like three for like 36 hours. Yeah. My girl, they go, we'll give you therapy because you're going to fucking need it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

My girlfriend had to do therapy because she worked at an Amazon warehouse. I had to do therapy because I worked at Facebook and I was a content moderator. I was a part of this big class action lawsuit where like they basically had us watching live leak videos like eight hours a day. Oh my God. So like basically as a content moderator, like your job was to like remove the videos that like violated terms of service. 90% of the time it was music or movies. People from the Philippines upload like Mystic River with like the like Filipino dubs and you just, you know, you click. it because Paramount sent a complaint and goes to Facebook and goes to legal and it goes

to us. Right. So you were the real guy? Yeah, it was the real guy. You were the actual guy that was doing that buzzkill. Like, you can't upload this. YouTube says no and I would remove it because the AI scraper at the time, it was like still new.

It didn't get everything. Now it gets everything. This job doesn't exist anymore. This is in like 2015. AI replaced you. Uh, yeah, literally. But 10% of those videos would be like just a grainy video in India of a guy hanging his own son. Oh my God.

Or a guy just saw. like chopping a dog in half with a machete and that violates terms of service because it's a guy chopping a dog in half with a machete and then so you click on that about 15 to 25 times a day eight hours a day you know and you could work six days six days a week if you wanted overtime so sometimes I would and yeah it made people crazy yeah it made people completely insane like you they were clockwork oranging you pretty much yeah yeah yeah yeah for $16 an hour in Austin and from like 2015 to like 2018 when like that it's nothing now it was nothing then yeah they were like paying you more to work at McDonald's at the time yeah yeah yeah and like the therapy was also

funny too because it would be like uh you know like were you exposed to any like material that you found shocking and i was like yeah i think i saw snuff i think i saw a snuff pornography film i don't know i really hope that both were adults you know and they're like how did that make you feel and i was like how did it make me feel um i'm getting super sick like i'm throwing up up like my like i'm having nightmares and stuff and they're like okay well we talked to your boss so you're going to work seven hours today instead of eight and then we're going to give you a 30 minute lunch and i'll be like thank you but that like what's what sucked the most and the reason the class action lawsuit went through is after your therapy you just went back to the job yeah

that you were doing therapy for which was like you know hey man you're going to go i know that you just told me you saw the worst thing you've ever seen you're going to go see about 10 more that stuff um yeah but we're giving you we're yeah but it's a pizza day you guys are getting pizza friday downstairs would you would you get cp like you'd have to go through like shuffle through cp sometimes yeah oh my god yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you hear this about these guys that were like one they were like they were like the pedophile hunters and they were collecting all the cp to use against the pedophiles and then they got caught like the police yeah because they were like collecting they were collecting all the cp to send to the cops to

the to the uh uh the guys they were trying to catch like they were using actually they were using live bait what a fucking dumb ass thing to do yeah so what's dude i've talked about them on the show before but like some of those guys are like that that is like a sub 70 iq move i'm gonna download cp on my laptop and then i'm going to get to pedophiles with it bro you're going to prison you're going to federal prison yeah yeah that's like trying to catch sharks and using yourself yeah yeah you're noodling like when you're the catfish but you stick your dills you're dick in the fucking hole. Dude,

so like, I've talked about the show before, but like, dude, whenever they fucking, those videos I don't, like,

I said this on Twitter and people were like, dog piled me because they were like, oh, you pedophile defender. But I was like, dude,

when those guys show up at the guy's house, and the guy is like, what's going on? Dude, sometimes they are like literally mentally disabled. Oh,

I didn't, I wasn't expecting visitors today. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. I wonder who's knocking at my dog Yeah Yeah, and then it's like

It's two like six foot five corn fed white boys And they just start punching him He's like, why are you doing? I don't understand They're like you're gonna have sex with a kid And the guy's like, what? Grandma! Yeah

Grandma Help And I remember I like Try to make this point Like on an episode of the show And people got all mad And I was like dude like Look obviously like these guys

Don't need to have access to a computer because but like because they're mentally like their children and like whatever yes it's bad but like okay you're saying beating up like a clue like a guy who's mentally 10 years old like that's better like yeah because some of those videos they just they're like stomping on the guy's head and the guys are oh and you're like fuck dude like you can't be doing this shit man yeah it's it's it's not it's not good where does he where do you draw the line what if a guy like got into a crazy car crash and like had some crazy like a tb i was like he was like mentally he was normal then got it in a crazy car crash and now he just wants to fuck

kids that happens right some guys wake up when they speak chinese yeah i got no bad car crash last week by the way i didn't know i'm totally show's over i'm not putting this one out no i just had a buddy of mine who's like talking about like he was like gonna hook up with this girl that's like got like legit like has like a tbi like a major like and i'm like dude she's like kind of like you can't do that yeah you can't do that you can't do that yeah you can't do that no it's like yeah you can't like dude i've met i've met girlfriends or like you know like whatever friends with benefits of my best friends who like the girl nothing happened to them but they're like oh and you're like oh you know and you're like what what does sarah doing that

oh sarah's a go-go dancer she's like i didn't scogo like like done so much molly that they might as well just like be special needs yeah yeah like and you're like they should might have been hit over the head with the fucking baseball bad 10 000 times a day yeah and she's So when I'm not dancing, I really, I really like to go eat spaghetti. And you're like, you're like, dude, I remember one time I was on tour and one of the guys I was on tour with like, you know, like meets this girl at one of the bars and she like comes with us on the leg of the tour and like, she's, we're eating at this restaurant in South Padre Island. Literally like, she's like, where are you guys going next? And we're like, oh, we're going to San Antonio. Yeah, and she's like, oh, I have a cousin who lives there.

He works, he works for the city. He got stung by a lot of bees, though. And I looked at my guy, I was on tour with, I was like, she's not, nothing happened to her. Yeah. There was no head trauma, but like, she's just like that. You can only do so much blow and like so many, like, so much mushrooms. Like, because, like, I used to, you ever got like Barton Creek or anything like that?

So, like, some of the girls that are there, like, you know, like, the, like, hippie girls, they're, like, super sweet. Like, hey, come sit next. They're, like, very friendly. But, like, you do enough of that, and it's like. Hey, come sit with us. We're going to run through a whole box of whippets together. Yeah, yeah. We're going to do a bunch of whippets and we're going to drink a bunch of beat boxes.

And you're like, you're getting punched by Mike Tyson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every month. You know what I mean? Like, one. Yeah, it's like full wook brain. Yeah. Oh, yes.

Yeah, you're going to get wook brain, dude. The wooks, that. I did, I went, I was almost a raver, weirdly enough. That didn't, it never happened for me, but I just, I got into Midwest emo. That's what happened. Around the time that EDM was taken off on Austin, I also got really into like screamo and stuff. So I was like, I'm not. I went to warp tour fucking six years in a row.

Yeah, yeah. So they ended, yeah. But like, you meet the older people who have been going to like, they're like, dude, I saw fucking death punk in like 19-8. Those guys are like, they want to, they need, not prison, but like, somewhere. You need to put them somewhere. cooked yeah it's over yeah yeah yeah it's funny though some of those guys are like millionaires yeah that that always blows my mind when you find the guys that like the whatever the raver

dudes or like the guys that go to burning man and they're like they're they're millionaires or like uh or like even like guys who like love the grateful dead and they're like a CEO or something yeah how what how did that happen we me and my fiance went to turlingua so it's like a little border town that's like uh it's kind of like joshua tree but like texas yeah so there's like You know, it's like, it's in the Chisos Mountains, and it's, like, super produce in the desert, and it attracts a lot of wanderers and people who are working park rangers and, like, hippies and, you know, it's like a, it's like a, the edge of the GTA, Sandy Shores in GTA 5. Okay. You know what I mean? And, like, everybody I meet is like, yeah, I came down here, my van broke down here in 1985.

And, uh, I just sit out here. I fire my gun into the desert and fucking, and I just fucking take ashton, man. And you're like, oh, this guy's homeless. And then, like, you're talking to a his friend, and they're like, yeah, Tom sold his company for, like, $380 million. And you're like, who's Tom? They're like, like, the guy with no teeth in the Grateful Dead shirt on, he's a hundred millionaire. And they're like, yeah, I'm like, why doesn't he get fucking teeth? Get teeth.

Because he wants to live like a Martian, dude. He is a Martian, dude. He's out there in the desert getting cooked by the sun. Yeah, ate mushrooms all day. Yeah. That's like, dude, I used to fucking, I remember one time, it happened to me, it's a certain type of guy. It happened to me in Austin where I was like, I was on a rooftop of this like house party one time smoking with this guy. And he was like, you know, like, I'd been bumming this guy drugs for like fucking six months.

And I met him at the comedy scene and, and, uh, fucking, we were just up there. And he's like, dude, I'm a dead broke, dude. I can't fucking catch a break. And I'm like, yeah, man, me too. It's hard out here. Like, I just got fired for my kitchen job. I think I need to quit drinking. And he's like, yeah, my dad cut me off.

And I was like, what? He's like, yeah, dude, my dad. like crazy pissed at me for coming out here for moving out of L.A. And I was like, out of L.A. I, hold on. Like, what are your parents doing? He was like, oh, my mom, like, bro,

she teaches at some fucking school, like, UCLA. And then, like, my dad, he like, he's like a screenwriter. His dad was like a, like, had wrote a bunch of action movies in the 90s. It was like a major millionaire. And he was trying to relate to you. Yeah, but he dressed like Beetlejuice.

Like, he was like, he dressed like the joke. He looked like shit, stunk like shit. And then was like, and I had no. problem with people who slumming is the term i've heard used but like dude come on that's ultimate freedom though yeah it is kind of it's kind of is the ultimate freedom right it's like that person doesn't have that they never had to worry about anything and so their whole choice is to be kind of like a bum yeah whenever you see like a homeless person laying in the grass underneath like a shady tree with like their shoes off you go dude that kind of looks pretty nice dude

it's kind of nice i see a lot of those types of homeless guys in seattle where like um out by like the like uh like this whatever sound out there like where you can see you can see you Canada and Mount Rainier, like there's a park. It's kind of next to the touristy pike place, but I was out there in the park right on the water, and there were guys out there, they were just fucking clearly homeless, but they were, like, smoking weed because it's illegal there, and they were just, like, drinking in the park, and, like, you know, clearly they haven't showered in a while, but, like, you see a guy who's homeless, and you're like, ah, you don't want to, you don't.

Some of these guys are like, yep. Yeah, no, they like, well, because you kind of look at it sometimes, and you go, oh, it, like, it could be nice, but then you think about, like, not having a home, not having a shower, you know, all that stuff, you go, oh, yeah, no, maybe I should have a home crust punks like I knew a lot of those guys too and like I used to playing punk bands back in Houston you meet guys that just hop trans and you're like and like like the conservative talking point is always like they want to live like that and I'm like no they don't and then you meet like 5% of them that are like I love this shit and I'm

like fucking my mom is right about something you know what I mean like most people I know are like hooked on fint their lives are dog shit the tragedies happen you know they maybe they grew up in the system like you know like an orphan or whatever but then you meet a guy who's like yeah dude I got a whole ass family I met a guy like that in Turlingua, dude So my van broke down Like we took my shitty ass Like I had a hippie van

I'm talking all this shit I had a hippie van I took it down there And I met a guy Who was like Yeah my van broke down man And you know That was like 25 years ago

It's crazy And I was like oh You know like What would you do before And he was like Oh you know I was a CPA He was like an accountant

He was like yeah My whole family Still back in Oregon And I was like What'd you come down here To Tarlingua for And he was like Oh I came down here

To meet a business partner And I was like Your family's back in Oregon. He's like, yeah, Grants Pass. You've heard of it? I'm like, actually, yeah, I drove through there to get to California. Hold on. Your whole family? He's like, yeah, two daughters and wife. I talk to him sometimes. What? Yeah, they're just out. He's just out there in the desert living off of like, he bought like two houses in Texas in the hill country like 40 years ago and they're worth

$20 million now. So he's just like, yeah, you know, I lease them out sometimes and just hang out here. He just stays there and just leaves his family back home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. That's kind of sick. Yeah. It is kind of. Well, I think about deadbeat dads And you're like, because like I had one And I'm and like when you're the son You're like

Yeah But then like I would talk to my dad About some of the stuff he did And he's like dude I was riding dirt bikes And I was following Metallicont tour dude I was drinking with him We'd smoke crack together

Dude is awesome and I was like That fucking sounds sick dude That sounds bad It is sick if you don't have a son Yeah yeah If you're not the son Yeah I'm in home And I'm like

I'm fucking playing with Legos all pissed off. Like, this is going to fuck me up in some way. Man, my dad just like, like, fucking hauling ass. Just fucking living the life.

Yeah, I remember I asked him one time, I was like, did you ever fucking like, when you were out there? Yeah, because he was like a metal, like a big,

like metal head. I was like, you like follow fucking like black sabbathon tour or whatever and fucking, whatever. Like, did you ever fucking, you ever think about,

you ever think about us? Like just, you know, he's like, I sometimes, you know, I would be like, dude, respect Because I asked him when I was when I was older

Like in my mid, I was a grown man already I was like, you ever fucking he's like Yeah, you know like when you're at the gas station You're filling up you're like oh shit I got a son I got a fuck god damn I got a son Yeah also I'm scared to like to have a kid

Because I don't know like I don't know if I would be like that I think I probably would be like yo Lego's that's sick Yeah yeah yeah I think I would probably love to play with Yeah I think I have like I can turn my brain down so much that I can be like, dude, like, Cocoa Mellon, let's go. Because I babysit my nephew sometimes, and he'll throw that shit on it.

I'm like, one, two, three, chicken comes with me. Let's go. Fuck, that shit bangs. Does Uncle Time lock you in? Uncle time locks me in, yeah, yeah. Does it make you think like, oh, shit, maybe I should get my own? Or you go, like, no, this is this. I love being an uncle.

Yeah. Because me and my fiance talk about it a lot. It's like she's doing her thing. Like, I could not, like, I could not. It sounds stupid, but it's like. dude, I'm doing stand-up right now. Like, I don't, because, like, I have known a couple comedians in, like, other cities that have traveled in that are my dad, but the thing that they're doing is stand-up. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And it's like, like, like, and they tell me they're like, you know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a daughter. And I'm like, dude, if I'm doing open mics and I've got a kid at home, send the CIA to get to snipe me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she'll be right in the head. Shoot me. Yeah. If I'm doing fucking Mr. Chucklefucks for. For $20 to do a 10-minute spot with the fucking rich vosses there that night.

Cut my head smooth off. Yeah, dude, and it opens you up, too. I watched a fucking roast battle where the whole battle the guy was just talking about, yeah, you fucking left your kids. Lee left your family, left your kids. And you can't. There's no comeback. You can't.

Like, you always lose. Yeah, yeah. Dude, one of the reasons why I, you know, it's funny is I don't. I haven't done them because I haven't been asked. But that one of the, I would probably not say yes, because my dad killed himself. and I joke about it a lot of my set And I just, that's the nuke It's the nuke

It's the nuke with the boys Yeah My boys, like the guys that I've known For 15 years Like when you're doing like a roast session With your homies And your homie got fat as fuck And I'd be like, dude

Bro, it's only been a year What have you gained like 150 pounds And he goes, really? Really? Yeah, I'm fat Yeah, yeah But you know who I can call on the phone? Pop

And I'm like, fuck Shit! That's why your dad killed yourself Yeah, yeah Fuck, dude! Dude, there's not, you can't be the guy, I'm waiting for a tragedy to befall one of my buddies because you can't be the guy in the friend group

with worst life. And I have been. You've been that a couple times? I've been that the most majority of the friend, that's just the way, it's just the way the cookie crumble. I met a lot, I made a lot of like really, like friends,

like rich friends. I went to a private school on scholarship, like a college. Well, that's how I met all my boys. And they're all like, I'd be like, they would talk to me like David Attenborough like narrating planet Earth. They're like,

in your father he uh smoked methamphetamine and lived outside and i'd be like yeah and they'd be like my father owns blue cross blue shield and like that's cool man you know yeah you went to some place i had like a lacrosse team yeah there we did yeah we did i didn't even know lacrosse existed until i fucking cross the river to go to st louis and i had friends from missouri they were like yeah we do lacrosse i'm like yeah we don't we don't fucking have that that's a that's a rich gay guy sport it's like whenever like I remember when I was in I was going to undergrad I went to undergrad like right on the corner from here and uh people somebody would be like oh I wish the school had a water polo team and I'm like what get the fuck out of here what a what team a water what is that like there are sports where I'm like oh you do that like one of my but one of my old roommates he was like a competitive skier when he was like 12 years old and that's insane yeah yeah and and uh I like we met him I flew to I flew to Vermont

We were all hanging out, and I learned to snowboard, like, you know, in a couple days when we were in Vermont. He's just like, he's like, oh, you've never been on the slopes before? And I was like, oh, no, the slopes have a no, never touched it. Never even seen a slope. I don't even know. I saw my first mountain when I was 22 years old. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You have a fucking, like, what are you talking about? I know the cornfields of the Midwest. No, I've never seen a fucking a slope. What? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just one of those, like, I like, like, you can be so, you can grow up so poor that you don't know anything you can also grow up so rich that you just don't know at all like some of the people that I grew up with like straight up and I don't say this like make fun of them like they're

like I like I've talked about this like in therapy like I know people who are never going to get it together you know what I mean like they're they had no future I don't mean to say that to be negative but like just growing up with them there was something where I was like we're never going to make it out of this you know what I mean like it's I'm not you're not you know yeah and then like and they just never do they're like they get into bar fight still and they like that you know they like they're buying like fucking yeah they're buying like baseball cards but it's like women with huge fat asses and shit and they're sending you basically porn on iG reels like yo look at her pussy through and you're like we used to play baseball together

dog and then you know i have a couple rich friends who are like what what is can you tell me what is what is a what is a Chevrolet Malibu what is that is that and i'm like Jesus fucking crap like that's interesting yeah yeah i don't really have i don't really know like a lot of rich a lot of rich people i don't know a lot of money yeah yeah I don't know anybody really smart You're smart guy You see pretty smart I do you strike me

It's pretty smart I'm a fucking idiot I got my master's in philosophy Like just on like I had a manic episode I was working construction Really? Yeah yeah yeah yeah My buddy gave me meditations

Oh they card Or the or Markets are realistic Yeah yeah You gave me that like three years ago I haven't even cracked it yet Dude It's still sitting in my room One of my favorite things about that book

Is a little piece of knowledge The Jake's Knowledge Corner Is a lot of guys who do jujitsu read that because it's like a supposed to be like a tough guy stoic book um because you know marcus aurelius is like a part of the stoicism movie where it's like i don't let things bother me i'm i'm i'm a strong-minded man right basically marcus aurelius was writing that shit because he was very scared of being emperor and so these were just his mantras he would repeat to himself because he was scared as fuck all the time where he was like i got to let nothing bother me

i'm a tough guy but in reality he's having panic attacks all time because he's fucking emperor he was a huge pussy he didn't want to fucking do this shit he wanted that like his brother was like jacking off and like throwing javelins and shit he's like I want to do that I don't want to be fucking emperor dude but anyway yeah I like I uh yeah Marcus really had to get like a real job yeah literally his home he was like his brother was like playing

Xbox yeah he was just fucking with abacus all day and getting fucking nymph pussy like you do if you're not the emperor but your dad was the emperor previously yeah yeah but yeah I was like I like fucked around I was like I was working at a plastics plant and I was like it's like 112

degrees dude in South Texas every goddamn day and I was going nuts and I like... A plastics plant? You were like manufacturing plastic Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That had the...

His ass cheeks and balls, dude, it sucks so bad. Every day they would make you wear these like super heavy fire retardant clothes but you would be next to like literally like liquid tons of gasoline and if you didn't wear

the heavy clothes, this is the heat of summer the safety guy would come and write you up and if you got more than two rideups, you get fired. I remember one time I'm like, I was a mechanic, right? So I'm like driving around

the site fixing welding machines and trucks and shit I don't have my fire retardant shit on and I and the safety guy rolls up on me in his little golf cart there's a little fucking siren his little hat and he's like hey roads you know how it is I'm gonna rot your ass up and I was like I go so mad it was like a hundred dude it had been 110 degrees every day for like 15 days I was hung over I was like hey if that thing fucking blows up the last thing I'm worried about is being on fire if this plant blows up

everybody's dying isn't that like a hundred thousand fucking gallons of gasoline the guy's like I just snapped I fucking snapped the next day I like Googled like grad school philosophy programs I lost my mind I was like dude

I was like cooking my brain out there yeah because I was like because what it was happening is what we were talking about earlier where I was like I would go to the bar and like this guy would send me like a fucking TikTok of like a twerking Brazilian

and I go fuck yeah and like and then he was like what are you going to do with your life and I was like probably smoke Oxycontin and cheat on my girlfriend what are you gonna because that's what I was doing I'm gonna die in this bar stool

yeah yeah yeah because that's what every man in my family's done for 80 years and I was like when you work 112 degrees and the plant too the only thing you can think about is having like 12 beers 12 beers and just jacking off that's it like I don't even want to get pussy I'm too tired just want to jack off yeah and so I like I like freaked out and I like applied to a bunch of grad schools and I was like I'm not getting into grad school I fucked up in college I mostly did keg stands and fucking butt chugs and then like a school in same market Texas state accepts me and then I end up going there and just end up you end up getting them the masters and that was like

I got it through COVID and they gave me a bunch of money so I was just able to like like start doing stand up again and it was like kind of honestly like completely changed my life yeah I know a lot of people who go to grad school and they like they're like lose their mind or whatever they like moved to New York they're like I'm gonna be a lawyer or whatever and it's like doing anything else you like you realize no I can't do this actually damn dude yeah I got lucky though yeah yeah it was cool I don't use it people like think it's interesting you know people would be like oh that's cool I didn't know that you know or whatever but I don't work in that

I don't have a job like in I try I teach I taught for like one year and it was dog shit yeah every like nobody no 18 year old who lives in San Marcos Texas which is a beautiful city right on the river with like amazing bars nobody wants to learn about Socrates nobody gives a fuck nobody nobody

yeah you're not dropping that at the bar when you go to the bar to watch the football game no no no no it's a butt chug town it literally is a party school it's where you go if you don't get into UT or St. Edwards or Concordia or Georgia or Southwestern it's it's and I love the school it's beautiful it's on beautiful campus but everybody knows that to be true it's literally they've they've got their own kind of uh of uh what is it it's called bobcat bumps it's their own type of sty what yeah yeah it's their own type of uh like uh i don't i don't want it's

not gonorrhea but it's like it's it's literally look to that area like that kind of 20 square mile it all exists right in that right there yeah it evolved yes yeah only for that environment yeah yeah yeah yeah it's just you get them on your penis and your pussy and it's like just in the same way they've got one finds away they got one in lubbock too for the texas tech called raider rash it's the same thing it literally it's like it's like just that little area it's like a specific strain of some sort of sTI that's crazy yeah yeah yeah yeah what was i doing when all my friends were in college and it was like my time to go to college what was i doing i was uh i started stand up that's what i did i started like right at 20 yeah so

And I spent, like, the first, like, after high school, it was just, like, yeah, partying. That was it. Just full party mode. And then, yeah, one day it was like, I got to do something. You're probably got to figure something out. I started to stand up when I moved here for college because I knew it was, like, kind of a middling city for stand-up. And so I started when I was 18, but I quit for a really long time. But, like, yeah, like, I didn't.

I remember, like, I was, like, when I moved here and I, like, would watch guys, like, do, like, 15 minutes at Velveter Room. and then like get a basket of chicken wings and like $20 I was like dude I can't wait yeah yeah because for the first two or three years you're just like what am I what am I I'm still like that I said I get that way sometimes I'm like what am I'm lucky I'm very lucky but like dude it's hitting me all the time yeah I literally like I'm like I'm too I'm so fine everything's going great yeah this is so this is so cool so glad I get to be here love this and it doesn't even matter I just get to do spots and it's so awesome and then like I know that I go to bed and then I wake up the next morning I think I'm like I don't

I think I'm a fucking failure. I don't think this is ever going to work for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a constant battle, especially since I've moved here. It's been a constant battle back and forth. Dude, Austin fucking, Austin's, if you're not, like, I feel bad for people who move here from, like, like, dude, like I was talked to Gardini, like, from places like Philly and, like, New York. I know people who moved here from L.A., and I'm like, the city's butt compared to the, like, if you're from a place, like, where we're from, when I moved to Austin, I was like, damn, this is. places badass big city yeah big city whatever and I'm like I mean I grew up kind of close to Houston Houston's ugly it stinks all time like Austin's a for what it's worth it's kind of a pretty town but if you're from like San Diego like if you're a comic from like Manhattan and you move here I mean but dude everybody that I talked to not everybody I'd say like 70 people like we'll be drunk at a bar like after a spot or whatever and they're like I hate this place dude I got to get out when is this bubble going to pop everyone everyone they all hate it everybody hates it dude like I like we're just so

This is weird, because I do like it. I do like it here. But I mean, so like, we're from places that fucking are dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I've been here long enough to like where I'm like, I kind of get it. I understand. But like, when I first, yeah, when I first moved to the first few years, I was like, what are you guys complaining about?

These places, there's a river you can just jump in it. There's Mexican food everywhere. Where I'm from, the only thing you get to do is you just get cancer. Because you live next to a place that makes oil. Yes. You know, like you get cancer when you're 50 in the city gives you like a hundred grand. Yeah. You're going to get some lung infection from,

from the fumes coming off the steel mill Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you get a little settlement, then you get to get a little house. It's just a few miles away. Yeah, yeah. And then you die at 62, you know. And, but the last four years are you just kind of being like,

you know, like, like fallout, like a fucking, like, like, like, you're one of those. Dude, like, like, other than other reason I moved because like, the town I'm from called Pasadena, like, they've done studies on the people who live there, like the cancer rates are fucking crazy. because there's a highway called 225. It's literally called the carcinogenic coast.

Like that's kind of the joke. And it's just plastics plants, oil refineries, and steel mills, and paper mills. And that's it. That's all it is. And you, like, the life expectancy for the people who live in that area is like 15 years less than the rest of the country. Really? Yeah, it's just dog shit. That's crazy.

Yeah, it's just cancer. And, like, sometimes you'll get a little bit of money. Like, my dad worked for a place that he worked for a plant that literally blew up. and he knew this dude that you ever said movie office space yeah yeah so there's a scene where the guy's in the wheelchair because you got hit by an 18 wheeler and he was like it's a best day in my life i just made 10 million dollars one of my dad's buddies was like that both of his legs got blown off because there's a massive like gas pipe explosion and then he lost like his hand his his arm like up to the middle of his wrist and like half of his jaw was blind he was literally

blown like 60 feet holy shit died twice but he got paid like fucking 30 40 million dollars and like dude whenever i whenever we would hang out with him me my dad would go We're there because a dude a badass pool He moved to like Bel Air, Nice area of Houston We'd go over there

Dude, dude He'd be drinking beer Like kind of like Fucking two face From the dark night He'd be all fucked up Leaking up the side of his jeep And he's like god damn

Ain't God great And my dad would be like Oh my I guess so Tom Yeah Fuck yeah brother New perspective man No yeah I mean like

Dude when people are like Money Can't By Happiness I'm like I know a guy who was blown to bit And he's one of the happiest motherfuckers I've ever met my life dude he's so fucking happy yeah no I mean out here do you

like you said we get to meet like you get to meet like hot women that are like like legitimately retarded you know like that shit's great dude I I do like it here it's all kinds of different kinds of people new people I almost I told her about we were talking about this I almost hit one of the like big comedian

girls in the town with my car like maybe three months ago really yeah she was on her phone dude and she just like jay walked while I was turning right walk straight into traffic Dude, I was this close And she introduced me to Creek And I was like, hey, I'm not trying to be weird or nothing But I almost fucking killed you with my van like two days ago

And she goes, oh, that was you? And I was like, yeah, she's like, I don't really pay attention to where I'm walking. And I was like, what are you talking about? You live in a major city. Yeah. Also, in Texas, people just, it doesn't matter. Like, you know, whatever.

But like, yeah, I didn't know what to say to that. I was like, I was going to apologize to you, but you look like you don't. don't care no it doesn't even matter to you yeah yeah i i i've noticed like i don't there's not like a like traffic when people are honking nobody really honks at each other i feel like everybody's scared to everybody's got a gun my friend of mine told me that she was like was behind this car and like honked at him and then uh they went up like another stoplight and the guy like got around her and like stopped in front of her and like got out of his car

and pulled out a gun uh-huh yeah that happens pretty often that's crazy yeah it's like when i was in pittsburgh um people were like honking like when i was in new jersey too same thing People stick their heads out the window, like, hey, fucking piece of shit, drive you, fuck, fuck, you cock sucker. And I was like, now, Texas isn't like, because, like, I, I swore off road rage, like, three or four years ago for the similar reason that I just had a dude, didn't roll down his window, just waved it. He just gave me one of these. Yeah. And I was like, I don't have one of those in the car. Even if I did, I don't, I don't want to shoot at it.

I don't want to shoot at you. Yeah. Because I don't, because then you're going to shoot at me. and then that bullet, flesh, bone, die. Yo, having it on, just on you like that is, that's so sick. Just to be able to pull it. We were, my buddy and I were in his Miata, and we had, like, he had, like, a naked poster of, like,

he had, like, a fucking, even to, like, some head shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was, like, grand opening of the head shop. They were giving away free posters. And, like, one of the posters, like, a fucking naked lady with, like, a little logo over, or whatever. So we're, like, fucking put it up to the window as we were driving past this guy. We show the guy that fucking, he just, like, just pulls his gun out of us.

Just fucking points. Yeah. Look at these girls. Dude, he's, fuck you, I kill you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, it's, yeah, it's pretty, that's, that's why, like, I love when, like, the Rogan guys, like, the guys in that sphere, man, they crack me up because they're like, you know, when everyone has a gun, nobody has a gun. And I'm like, you're from California.

You're from New York. When everyone has a gun, people shoot and kill each other. Yes, dude. That's what, like, like, oh, that's why there's nobody does road rage. People still road rage here, and they die. There was a guy that, it, like, happened in Houston, I want to say, like, a year ago where he just like mag dumped into a car and killed the whole family because the guy like cut him off that's so crazy went to jail and for the rest of his life but it's like like the people just do that shit you know what i mean and it's like oh everybody has a gun nobody has a gun no there's like 50,000 gun deaths a year in the country i think i'm not like an anti-progun guy i'm just like that's not true that's not a real thing to say because what we love to do is killing we love to kill ourselves with them first and foremost that's probably one of our favorite things to do and then we love to kill kids with them that's probably second number two.

I don't mean we like me and you, but I mean like we... Well. The night is still young. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like don't... I would never want... I don't think I could carry one in the car.

Yeah, I don't know. It just seems crazy. I do, like, my aunt, huge, huge gun lady. Yeah. Like, we went shooting guns. She's like, you want to come shoot guns with us. I'm like, yeah, I'll go shoot guns with you. And like, even just holding it, dude,

it's like fucking... Kind of makes me nervous, dude. Yeah, it's fucking... I grew up shooting a little bit, so it doesn't, like, bother me. too much but like I don't I never got to a point of comfortability with it where like

yeah like I would just like because when dude I'll be out in about like around town and Austin and I'll see because you can open carry here and I'm like what the fuck what is this? 1880 was this Red Dead 2 yeah what are you doing? Oh to work at the Home Depot guys just right in the back hey where are the uh now I need two by four

I don't mean two by three and a half I need two by four and there's just a huge revolver what do you think's gonna happen in here yeah nobody does mass shooting in home depots I don't know it's like a posturing thing yeah for sure right

you know yeah 100% you know yeah I mean well also it's like I think too like everybody human nature like you want to be in

with your group and if your group wears fucking big iron on his hip like you you're gonna do that shit too like a lot of my dad's friends had guns my dad was always like nah

I think I'll just keep mine in the house because you know like if I take it outside and like you know somebody piss I'll probably just, you know, whatever. Bro, I've lost like five notebooks in the last year. If I had brought my gun out with me, I would have left it at an arm bar or something.

Yeah, yeah, lose my gun. For real, it would have lost it so forth. Dude, I do know his name is Naz. I don't even, dude, I actually don't even know if he's still alive, but he was a buddy of mine from Houston. He had a, he got, like, drunk and with a bunch of, like, money, he, like, pulled out of, like, cash advance or credit card, bought a Draco, like, the guns the rappers have. It's like a mini AK and like a Glock and then like had it in. He had like a big ass lifted truck. He was like a rig welder so he had a ton of like plant money.

And, uh, but he was also a fucking bar tard and an alcoholic. And, uh, I go over to visit him and my buddy Alex Vicker, uh, one night where all, Vickr had this big, like badass like a, you know, apartment in Houston. We'd all get fucked up at. And, uh, I was like, Naz, where's the Draco? Like, pull it out. Like, as a joke. And he's like, ah, man.

I lost it And everybody starts cracking up laughing Because I don't know I'm not in it They all live together And I was like What do you mean you lost it He's like

I have no idea where it's at bro I was like He's like yeah The Glock too Yeah I don't know where that's at either And I was like You lost you I was like you're fucking kidding me

And he was like Nah man I was out drinking We were in Second Ward man We were driving around drunk I was in the truck Like I think I think I like I went out to one of those

Abandon baseball fields out there And second war We were shooting it Probably in the field out there I don't know. I'm like, dude, that gun's registered to you, but also it's in the second ward. If somebody finds that gun, they're going to use it for crime. Yeah, well, it's going to be some fat kid that has to play outfield.

He's going to go out there, center field. Well, so the story goes that he ended up, he did end up finding the Draco. He had literally, like, I guess in a paranoid state, he never found the Glock. He, like, hit it under the wheel well of his own truck. Whoa. So it was driving around with it for a while, but he never found his pistol. Right next to the underglo? Yeah.

Yeah, the purple undergloat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so sick Yeah, that's awesome Fuck, I think we're at about an hour This is usually like how long we do these Do you have anything you want to plug Rinaldo? Check me out on Instagram At Rinaldo sucks

Yeah, and I do, if you're in the Austin, Texas area, I do a show every single Sunday, 7 p.m. at the Sunset Strip. What's the show called? It's called Wildcard. Wildcard, yeah, go check out Wildcard on Sundays Thanks for listening to the show And if this will be a, this will go out

This will be a free one Subscribe to the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Pandeyo time because I want to buy a jet ski. Just kidding. I need to pay rent. Thank you guys so much. Peace.