Pendejo Time - el jacob?

Episode Date: October 28, 2022

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🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Yum, yum, yum, yum

Make a big sandwich, then there's lots of crumbs Crumbs, ooh Great big yummy jelly And peanut butter in my tummy Put your condiments Away, you know me got no comments since today Ooooooo Where are my hat? Yes, you know I have a dad

Yes, you know I have ten toes now Ten fingers and one big crown One back, one spine And I am a big porcupine Chop chop, chopping up my sandwich You know I do a whole lot of damage When I roll through crowd and it's frantic Cause big dodge ramps do a lot of damage

Blop, blop, bloop, bloop That's what it sounds when I go boop, boop That's what it sounds when I go hee-haw You know me, the bad guy, do I? Tip-a-ta-lo-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- My bullets going into my thighs then my eyes are like big lasers You know I have a hundred thousand neighbors and they all peek through my fence holes And I have to shoot them every single day though And you know that I bring the Draco PFFFTTHAAARGH

And then I burn my iron and your blood coming out of the fence And it's looking really good Big red fence Yeah I gotta patch up the fence red fence Yeah I got a patch up defense So you know I got better offense I got fenced Like I was a dolphin and you know me Cause I've been footballing

Yes sir Like I was Novanski And I can't debate so you can't convince me Bitch I am My name is Clancy My end is Clancy Like the brand of motherfuckin' chips They got us all these

And you know you must've exalted me And I got two balls, please And my motherfuckin' penis Right below it And you know I am a lotus I'm like a cauliflower, bitch That was really good. Hello.

Welcome to Pandeo Time ASMR. Say it with your chest. Remember that one? I do remember that, yeah. Say it with your chest. Say it with your chest, sir. Say it with your whole pussy, sir. Hey, why don't you Say it with your whole pussy, sir. Hey, why don't you say it with your whole pussy, dude?

Kevin Hart is, without a doubt, the funniest man alive. It's so awesome that he is so good at comedy and has so much money. Have you seen his Instagram? No, I haven't. He collects classic cars. uh no he just uh he collects classic cars and he he has him like custom built to his like dream specifications and stuff i feel like that is the that is like the final evolution of like massive commit jay leno seinfeld like mr bean yeah like you do stand up for so long and you kind of are no longer a comic. You're just sort of like...

Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey is like naughty. He's like... He'll like get on the mic and he's like, you gotta prove it. Yeah. If you want to eat a salad every day, then you go to the salad store

and you ask if you can work there. And then you learn how to eat a salad every day? Then you go to the salad store. And you ask if you can work there. And then you learn how to eat a salad. And you go home and you make a salad and you sell it to people. You sell 15 salads, you get to eat one. My mama made salad growing up. And she said, Steve, if you want to grow up to make salad you better learn son the crowd is like oh yeah you better learn how to make a salad and then like instagram success mind guys are clipping it to like uh like m&ms i'm not afraid and like deep frying it. It's like, dude, what does this even believe? When I was 15 years old, I was poor.

Oh, and now but now what I did was every time I made $10 million, I'll put $5 million into my savings account. I've been an incredibly famous man for like 40 years.

I, uh, you think it's easy to wake up every day and basically act as much like Bernie Mac as possible and people just... It's the closest thing people can get, so... It's kind of your market now. Bernie's whole like embarrassed black father stick, but like a little cornier, and then make $50 billion dollars i actually don't

know how much money steve harvey has he definitely seems like he's always in dubai that's a very funny place for him to be that is that is true i've seen a lot of those pictures and it's very that is a very funny place for a guy like steve harvey and not even about like the fact that he's black, but his whole like, you know, you gotta earn every bit and then a man's worth is in his power. And everybody

over there is just somebody's nephew. Literally, like, Dubai is athletes, Instagram back page prostitutes, and then just somebody's, like, nephew who, like who coincidentally also has like 10 billion dollars worth of money. Yeah, he's like watching

some girl from Nebraska get fucked by a tiger and he's like doing the reaction gifs. He's like, come on! Come on! Oh, Not the tiger

Watching some like Persian like Iranian prince Instagram guy Pay yeah Like an Instagram Fucking tummy t girl Like hey

Stand under this elephant While it pisses I don't I don't $150,000 Oh Jesus Don't make the girl Be doing

Don't make the girl Do that stuff. Oh, please. Y'all got too much money. Y'all got... Hey, I thought I had a lot of money. I'm Judge Steve Harvey, and you're going to jail. Dude, that...

He's taking his gavel around, banging it against prostitutes' heads. He's like, you are... I'm Judge Steve Harvey. He's just yacked up as hell. It' heads. He's like, you are gone. Just Steve Harvey. He's just yacked up as hell. It's so funny that, like, imagine another comedian getting a judge. Imagine fucking, like, Louie.

Getting, like, Judge Louie. Like, I don't know. It's only Steve Harvey. I can't imagine, like, giving John Mulaney, like, there's no other... Judge Dimitri Martin. Well, guilty much? Seems you're in here for

a little bit of sexual assault. Yeah, they start giving Judge Steve Harvey only like just the worst cases. Says here you was eating babies. Oh! They start giving Judge Steve Harvey only, like, just the worst cases. Yeah. Says here you was eating babies. Oh, God. Woman, there is something wrong with you.

See, let me look at the docket here. 148 terabytes of child porn. Like, geez. Girl, there is something wrong with you. My auntie She got a cousin He can't even be counting to 148 And then you mean to tell me you got

148 terabytes Of what does it say Child pornography My question is How hungry was Tara if she was biting all that Child pornography The bailiff is like another big black guy. Just shake me.

Oh, that crazy Steve. Oh, you got him good. You got the guys just sitting behind the thing. Like, did you see that video this week where it was like, uh, there's a clip from like judge, uh, judge Judy or no, not a judge Judy, but one of those shows I think you know It's like basically Basically Judge Judy Yeah

And it was like The like defendant Or whatever Is like Says something about The judge says something about The bailiff being married For 20 years or something

The bailiff Yes Oh god He murked his wife or some shit. Yeah. This man has been a loving father and husband. Like, yeah, like killed his whole family or some shit. Oh, well, I think it was just his wife.

Nothing too serious. Nothing too... I don't know why I was like, hey, he only killed his wife. Hey, sometimes... Didn't kill any kids. They just, you know... Yeah, I told told you I have that

so the Ridge wallet has been fucking on my debit cards I'm thinking about going back to the Steve Harvey wallet my dad gave me but I feel like if I put my cards back in that wallet I just have to buy like obligation never gonna do it even if it falls

apart because like the one thing that i i have like a guitar from my dad but one of the the few physical things that my that i have in remembrance of my dad is a steve harvey branded wallet that he got from the dollar tree which is like this is just such a sick gift it really is like he man he had to get a new one uh you know so found this in the Dollar Tree, and it's got a big piece of die-cast metal that says Steve Harvey. It's so awesome, dude. I remember when I, I already told you about it, but the fucking, the emergency contact card in it is where you, like, if you get hit by a fucking train or something. And it was like, you know, your emergency contacts number and, like, you know, your blood type and uh it was like you know your emergency context number and like you know your your blood type but it was like had steve harvey's signature on it

it's like a hard piece of like like poster board like it was a hard piece of i guess cardboard cardboard almost and it's like a fucking paramedic dude pulling that thing out like he's laughing over your dead body like man uh we gotta bleed now we got a femoral already severance here hey you stay with me, young man. It's what Steve would want. Yeah. Yeah. Steve Harvey.

While you got here, man. Thank you. Yeah. I don't know how people. I mean, I guess I do. Like you do. You do comedy and you do movies. And then, yeah, you get to this point where it's like...

When I watched the Kevin Hart Netflix special, it seems like he's not doing jokes anymore. Oh, really? Huh? I didn't watch any of the new one. Well, it's like I'm not sitting here... Dude, he has a way better life than me, and it's way more successful,

and 10 million times as funny. But I do think there's like a point you get. It's kind of like Chappelle. I love Chappelle, one of the greats. But like a lot of his recent stuff is like, you know, people just are not nice to one another. And everybody's like, woo! And you're like, what?

I understand that you're like now a public figure And you gotta do stuff like this But Well not all of it He doesn't have to do all I know This is your job You have to say these things

Dave Chappelle You know There's nothing else You could talk about really You know Yeah He's like It would be better

If he spent like 20 years In hiding and came back And was like, Twizzlers taste different. Yeah. I was like talking to people who were like, who are the greats?

Carlin, Pryor, Paul Mooney, Louie, and obviously Dave Chappelle. I'm calling him dave like he's my dad i got me a dave you know but like uh no like but like to die on that hill like you are one of the greats you're such a funny human being and then but for the last eight years you're like man if you've got boobies and a penis she and i can't like i'm like dude why like like what are we doing

like and then i remember in an interview he was like i'm willing to break bread with this community as if he was doing like sino japanese war talks like it's like in the fucking 20th century like i'm willing to break bread with this community. What do you mean break bread? Why are you wording it like that? Like, it doesn't make sense. That's what happens when you just hang out with jazz musicians

for like 20 years. Jazz musicians and like, yeah, like you just hang out with like obscure saxophonists and Joe Rogan. Yeah. That's like two or three decades. He's just been smoking weed

and, but he's been like chain smoking Newports but in like opium dens. Yeah. That's like two or three decades. He's just been smoking weed and, and, but he's been like chain smoking Newport's, but in like opium dens. Yeah. Like he's not smoking opium, but just the, the,

the contact high is getting to him. It's funny that like, because of his stance on that community and his jokes about them. And because of his proximity to Rogan, he has to hang out with Jordan Peterson, which, like, I don't know how that goes. I saw a picture of all of them together once at a dinner, and I was like, there's no way, Dave, that guy could, like, there's no way. Like, I understand that they're both technically free speech guys or whatever,

but can you imagine, like, weepy Jordan Peterson just like, you know, I just i really like the the sketch whole boy when you when you wore the kkk hood i just i just with weeping with joy when you had it on and he's just like smoking a newport like in an italian restaurant like yeah you know like just they they don't get along there's nothing for them to talk about. Except, I mean, I guess the one thing that they love to talk about, I guess. But I just can't imagine, like, making friends. Imagine if, like, an asteroid hit or something, you know, and it just took out only North America and, you know, some nearby islands and such.

Yeah. Or, you know, it destroys civilization or whatever um and in like 10 000 years uh threw some fuck up like uh only the last like five or so years is really like discovered but kind of a lot of it's out of context. So like, that's like our new, you know, like the, the Greek philosophers. It's like, it's like Rogan and like Dave Chappelle, Brendan Schaub,

Jordan Peterson, like random guys are thrown in who just hung out with Rogan at some point. It's like, yeah. Like Theo Vaughn was kind of like their Aristotle Dionysus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. The famous figure, uh, big J Oakerson, Gomez yeah oh my god dude that would be so like like Doug Stanhope yeah just like hopeless alcoholics that Rogan their Lincoln was uh Matt McCusker okay Well, it's like in the same way that, like, we have, like, writings and stuff, like, just pulling digital hard drives of, like, two men, you know, with, like, if you're studying, like, the humans of yore. Yeah. And he seems very important because he's surrounded by, wow, like all of these elixirs. And he's got a big light behind him.

And then across from him is clearly another important man. And Rogan's interviewing like a seal who like just got famous for hip tossing like 50 brown children into a mass grave. It's like, oh, I bet this guy was a real, you know, a real hero for the human people. Dude, I hope so. If there's a group of people that could really, really, really encompass, I think, not necessarily the human condition and mindset, but the American one, I think it's that group of guys. They do a pretty good fucking smack-up job.

Yeah, because none of it's really based on anything. It's just kind of have you ever heard the term like bro science like in yeah yeah it's like bro philosophy where like you i like i understand that they're not like retards but they have like a like they'll talk about like it's like yeah you know i just this thing where it's like people don't have money and then they get really mad and they start they start violence which like is just so crazy and to say something like that i'm paraphrasing but i've heard him say something very similar it's like hey man you have

to have the zero conception of history to even say that with like a surprised tone to be like dude people can't eat food right and like their kids get taken from them and then they just start like burning shit like isn't that crazy and the guy across from is like dude i don't understand i'm like what do you mean you don't understand dude if you eat food you poop just a guy with the gayest head of all time on and he's just telling joe like you know something happens when a man gets angry he something about him changes with his mood and it's something that others will notice you'll notice in a home when the father gets angry the kids get scared and mommy depending on how mommy reacts is how the kids react and joe rogan is just eating a fucking just a piece of chalk he found and the other guy is like

you know when you look at the way an apple is what's on top? Joe Rogan says, stem. The stem. And what's on top of the stem, Joe? Rest of the tree. Rest of the tree. The rest of the tree. And what's under the tree? Ground, grass, leaf. All of that is

correct. And where the ground, grass, and leaf is, that is where you'll see little moles in the ground and when daddy gets mad at the mole history is shown he starts a rumpus he starts rumping the ground and he'll have you ever played did you ever play whack-a-mole as a kid inexplicably joey diaz is like yeah puerto rico one year we had a mole if you if you gave an old Have you ever played Did you ever play Whack-A-Mole as a kid? Inexplicably, Joey Diaz is like Yeah, Puerto Rico one year We had a mole

If you gave an old man $10 He'd let the mole crawl around in your butt cheeks Yeah, we used to do a whole lot of coke And then we'd like We had a contest We had a contest at this bar I used to work at And it was like

Who was the hottest 10-year-old girl in this place? And we would all Rail lines off the 10-year-old's forehead. And Joe was like, that's fascinating. Really? You're crazy. You're a crazy fat pervert. It was my best friend. Dude, you're a pedophile for that one. Yeah, dude.

Some of the stories, it's like, and I know that we've shared stuff on here that's been like, oh, that could have Yeah, dude. Some of the stories, it's like, and I know that we've shared stuff on here that's been like, you know, like, oh, that could have gotten really bad. But it's like,

he'll literally be like, yeah, you know, in the Bronx in the 70s and 80s you go to these clubs and at the time of Coke Joe, un-fucking-believable.

I know he never fucking did it, but the Coke just un-fucking-believable. And you'd see a little fucking Italian girl, you know, maybe 12, 13

shaking her ass and you're thinking to yourself, I mean, I know I can't fucking do it and I'm not gonna do it And you'd see a little fucking Italian girl, you know, maybe 12, 13, shaking her ass, and you're thinking to yourself, I mean, I know I can't fucking do it, and I'm not going to do it, Joe, but I was sitting there, and I just got such a fucking hot on, I couldn't fucking control myself, so I went to the bathroom and jerked off.

And then, yeah, like, fucking Burt Kreischer's like, you're crazy, bro. You're such a wacky guy. And Joe's like, yeah, man, you should have seen him. He used to be a crazy party guy. And then, you know, Joey Diaz is like, is like, yeah, but I'm not like that anymore. No, it's jiu-jitsu all day. It's so cool to redeem yourself as a cokehead Bronx retard

by just becoming fat and getting a blue belt in jiu-jitsu. It's like you never did any of that stuff. It's like, that's all right. I mean, he's very funny. Don't get me wrong. He's a hilarious guy. I don't want to, you know. I remember we used to go to the zoo and we would train the apples to,

to do dances. He just starts lying. Like he runs out of coke story. Joy used to, I used to eat leaves out in the woods and it would make me guy would do, it would teach me how to fly. And so I, we would go do these comedy, and I would start flying.

I would let the other guys grab my ankles before I took off. And if you looked up in the sky, you'd see it look like a line of geese. But it would be a bunch of fucking wops up there on their way to do five minutes. I love that he gets to hang. Again, like, he's a part of that crew. But I'm trying to imagine, again, like, he has, like, a neuroscience, like a neurobiologist, Andrew Huberman. I listen to some of his stuff. He's, you know, interesting.

So you got, like, a neurobiologist, and you've got, you know, a psychoanalyst in Jordan Peterson. And then you've got Dave Chappelle. And then, you know, you've got, like, two Navy SEALs. You've got Jocko Willink or whatever and David Goggins guy the if you want to get pussy you got to run in the wood like that guy and then uh and then Joey Diaz who's like not fit like that's never fucking read a book in his life like I understand that a lot of those guys it's like the machismo thing and they're all boys or whatever but there are so many it's like such an eclectic group of like i guess just like just fucking i don't know like some of them are really smart guys they have doctorates and shit but it's like an eclectic group of just like guys your dad would know

but if you're his they had like a phd in like psychology i don't know like the best way i can describe some of the people that he associates with is just like my dad when he introduced me to a guy named Catfish. And Catfish was a pretty smart guy. I knew how to work on cars. But Catfish also was like, hey, man, why are you growing your hair out? Do you want me to kill you? Like when I was a kid and I like painted my nails, I was like, you know, people are just going to like throw you down the stairs and stuff and burn you up if you be doing shit

like that. And I'm like, OK, that seems like the kind of guys within that group. Although, if you're listening, Joe, either one of us would go on the road with you. Thomas would definitely. If you need an opener, just a guy to hang out with. If you need a closer. If you need a guy to make deals for you, I'm your man. Yeah, he definitely is a deals maker

Yeah, I'm basically Mr. Deals Yeah, Deals and Dudes You've got your ideas How about Thomas Deales? So you can call me Instead of my real name If you want to say Thomas Deales Thomas Dallas

There we go Yeah, that's a really good name too How about Thomas Fort Worth? I like that. You could be Jake Austin. I don't live there anymore. Jake San Marcos. Jake San Marcos.

Jake. Jake. Spanish has a clear name for Jake. Jake. Jake. Jake. What is Jake in Spanish? What is Jacob?

El Jacob. My name is Thomas. Thomas. Thomas. Forward. Thomas Blanco. My name is... What is Jacob in Spanish?

Jacobo. What? Jacobo. It's Jacobo. No one has named that. Jacobo, yeah. Who the one has named that Jacobo, yeah Who the fuck has named that? Any Spanish speaking person

Whose name is Jacob The pronunciation is Jacobo Are you serious? The fuck is that? I've never heard that in my life Are you serious? That makes me frizz my whole life I've never heard of it

I thought they just didn't have Jacob in Spanish. It makes perfect sense to be pronounced like that. But I'm like mad at you for... I thought they just didn't name people Jacob. No, I just... You know, I thought it's got the C in there. Jacobo. That's the C.

Jacobo? Jacobo. Jacobo. Yeah yeah but not like that motherfucker hello hakobo hello hakobo how you doing hakobo Hello Man I fucking have been doing My new job man It's awesome How about wake up Wake obo Wake up kobo

Bobo My roommate called me Edgar called me that Forever He would call me that We would be at We would be at bars And like parties and shit.

We were both single. And he thought it was so funny. Dude, I'd be talking to a girl and like trying to spit game, trying to hit the Mac, the Riz, whatever the fuck you want to call it. And he would come up behind me and be like, hey, Bobo, we got to get out of here soon. Which, if a grown man with like a full beard and like, Edgar knows how to dress. He's got the drip. And like a fully grown man who's about your size, a little bigger actually

comes up and say, hey, Bobo, we got to go, man. Like that really ruins whatever idea she had of me. Like really in that girl's mind, like like if I came up behind you as I hit me, T-Bose, we got to hit Tommy Tunes. We got to. That's not it. It's like if I came up behind you I was like You know like

If you had a cool nickname You know like Hey Spike That'd actually be very No but like Just like You know Hey Keith

Whatever Anything You know Just any normal name Hey Hey Bubby Bubbs It's getting really late man And we got class tomorrow

Hey Tinkle Yeah literally dude Hey Tinky Butt. We got to really get going, man. It's getting late. Oh, here. So this is my roommate, Bobo. Did you tell her that I call you Bobo?

So his name is Jacob, but I call him the fuck monster. His name is Jacob, but I call him mean pipe dick. I call him Marathon Jake because he lasts so long in bed. Yeah, 26 miles. Yeah, 26.1. 26.1. Or.2. 26.2, I think.

Because 13.1 is the half. Mm-hmm. Yeah, because he's 26.2 inches long. He's got a two-foot-long dick. Go down to my fucking like past my heels. Yeah. If he gets hard he dies. Yeah I turn like blue.

Like a bluish palish color. Baby girl you gonna make me get so hard I get a TBI. You gonna give me a fucking. Bro you better hey baby girl you better stop dancing on me like that because I will pass away in this club. Girl, you start...

You drop it low, you might make my fucking brain start hemorrhaging. I might get atrial fibrillation in this bitch. My heart might start missing a beat. Girl, that pussy's so good, you just gave me SIDS. Like 22 years old. Girl, I got Shaggy Baby Syndrome up in this bitch, girl. Damn, girl. Damn, girl. Somebody need to

come pick us up because I just I'm like a baby. I just pooped. It's like, you know, you gotta pick a baby up. Damn, girl. I ain't pooped but I just came to pick a baby up Damn girl I ain't poop but I just came To pick my baby up and it's you Hope you didn't poop Just like starting off strong in a club

Like yeah you know I don't come here often But you know Like blah blah blah blah blah Yeah this is what I do for work Like you know these are my hobbies And then like as the night goes on you're like yeah So like you know

Somebody's gotta come get us because Like when a baby has to go pee pee Like you know I gotta pick him up and rub on his back A little bit Damn girl them jeans tight as hell you got dookie in there Damn girl you pissed with that mouth? Damn, girl, you look like you've got three diapers

on that ass so fat. You got scoliosis, bitch. Your shit curved up. Damn, girl, I bet you gotta use two tampons. What is that? Because that ass got a mind of its own. Dude, you gotta use two tampons because that shit bouncing. Oh, damn, girl, you're gonna need a tampon for my mouth because I'm drooling.

You gotta ask the tampon girl because I'm drooling and I'm wet right now. I'm drooling. I need someone in my throat. You got 10 packs, bitch. I'm, I'm drooling and I'm wet right now. I need someone in my throat. Got 10 packs, bitch. I'm moist out here. Yeah. Me and Thomas not talk to women.

I know. I still know how to talk to my girlfriend in like three years. Like, Hey, I love you. It's like, yep. Like,

damn, you want to go to the store with me? Damn girl, you look like you got osteoporosis. Damn girl, you look like you got osteoporosis. Damn, girl, you got fucking progeria, cause you look old as shit. Damn, girl, you look like you would break a bone if you slipped on ice. Let me carry you to my car.

Yeah, just like stuff that would happen to anybody. It's like, damn, girl, you look like you feel bad when you get the flu. Damn, girl, you look like you wouldn't fare too well falling down a fire escape. You look like you descended from Homo Neanderthals. You wanna come wear the hard hat I got in my car? Yes, dude. Hey, baby, girl, you like role play? I got a hard hat

in the car from a job that I got fired from three years ago. Girl, you like role play? Let's pretend I'm not on probation and can leave the county. Girl, you know how to tig weld. You know how to handle a fucking acetylene torch, bitch. You better be stacking dimes in my place. Girl,

is you a librarian? Is you a librarian? A librarian? Girl, are you a librarian? Just do that until she walks away. Because I can write I can write several thousand books

On how much I want that pussy That's why I think you were probably a librarian Girl are you A librarian Don't leave bitch I got this You got the Dewey doll Fuck The Dewey De... Don't leave, bitch. I got this. You got the Dewey Dawg. Fuck!

Fuck! The Dewey Deeso... You stupid bitch. Girl, I know about decimals. And I got... I gotta go Dewey. Girl, you... Is you the Dewey Decimal System? Cause I got a Dookie

and I'm gonna definitely listen to some music on the car home. Yeah. Did you mean decimal? Hell no, bitch. No, I don't actually know what I mean. Girl, is you the Richter scale cause I got a dick for a sale

and it would shake the foundation of your house you would have to take shelter in a you would have to get foundational repairs done

you would have to call in Geico to do an insurance claim girl you'd have to have to get somebody to look at your awning after

yeah you'd have to get several types of guys to come in here and take a look at this. Yeah, and I could get several different types of guys to come in if you catch my drift. Yeah, I could get... Girl, you like a new house. I'll send in a different group of friends every morning. I could get a land surveyor.

We could get a pop. Damn, girl. Damn girl Damn girl Are you a forest Cause I think my cousin Got lost in you A few years ago We never saw him again Damn girl, are you queuing on?

Because my dad was obsessed with you before he died. That's a good one. Fuck yeah, that's good. Oh man. Damn girl. I don't, that's good. Oh, man. Damn, girl. I don't even really like you, to be completely honest. I don't even like, really, people in general. I have antisocial personality disorder, bitch. I mostly sit inside my house and look at pictures of Lola Bunny with a huge penis.

But that's just kind of, like, what I do, you know? These are my interests. Imagine being on a huge penis. But that's just kind of like what I do. You know, these are my interests. Imagine being on a first date. I'm nervous. I'm nervous. Jake, help. I'm shaking. I'm nervous.

Bobo. Please. I'm trying to think, like, because I know that motherfuckers that, like, like, I understand the incel community or whatever, but I know there are also a bunch of just kind of garden variety, like, dudes that get pussy. Somebody's like, what are your interests?

And that guy's interest is like real girl sex dolls of like, I don't know, Fiona, like Shrek. They want to fuck Shrek in the ass, but they're like, baseball. And you end up marrying this person. It's like marriage, you got to spice it up every now and then. I want to be a fly on the wall of like a 10-year married couple where the woman finds out that their husband, like, you know, is into,

you know, like getting fucked by a donkey from Shrek. Like, not a real donkey, but it's gotta have like Eddie Murphy's voice and shit. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I don't know if I'd want to be a fly on the wall for that. I would. What if that happened and the guy really wanted'd want to be A fly on the wall For that I would Cause what if What if that happened And the guy really

Wanted to fuck a fly That was on the wall He's like She's crying She's like I guess we can Make the marriage work I mean if you really

I just I want to make you happy I'll tell you where I wouldn't want to be A fly on the wall Is in the sticky wall factory Okay I don't know I'll be stuck forever Very good There we go We're cooking The wall is in the sticky wall factory. Okay.

I don't know. I'll be stuck forever. Very good. There we go. We're cooking. Till my imminent death. Bro, we are fucking firing on all of you. Yeah. Yeah, I'd rather be a fly on the wall than a Y on the flaw.

Bitch. What you got gotta say to that I'm cooking I'm cooking with peanut oil bro we're podcasting right now bro we're podcasting our asses off yeah dude I love I love it when I'm just

when we're just hitting a groove dude and we're just like we're in the zone and I say something like what if a guy tried to get pussy and he didn't know how to read and you're like damn girl

I really don't know how to read what if a guy tried to get pussy and he didn't know how to read and you're like damn girl i really don't what if i fucked you what if i show up at your house and start fucking you right now what if i start pumping you like a fucking piston no if i feel like there's got to be warning signs before then you know that maybe obviously that's not something you expect but uh you know other things probably make sense once you find that out you know i guess it's just like like you know okay so like dennis raider's wife btk's wife was like yeah i mean i caught him cross-dressing and shit but i didn't and obviously there's a there's like a big huge continence between like, uh, being, you know, a person who's into that and then being the fucking BTK. But like, how do you approach your, your partner and be like, uh, you know, I guess you don't, I guess you don't approach your wife and kids. You're like, Hey, I fucking

kill. Hey, I straight up kill motherfuckers like a lot. Like I've been doing it for like 30 years and they're like, aha, dad's so funny. And you're like, no, it's like a big problem for me. I almost killed you guys like a bunch of times i just kind of don't because i mean i would kind of you know the jig would be up i guess at that point but i guess in the in a way less harmless realm of like i'm trying to think of the dudes that tom tom on here on twitter like he shares like if those guys have wives assuming for the sake of argument that they do it's like baby like we've been together a while and i just like I feel like I need to tell you that I I'm into some things like sexually she's like oh okay it's like domination we can do that

you know no no nothing like that roleplay like like a sexy teacher like I can you've been a bad boy in class no no no no it's like oh what like I want you to go buy a whale like an inflatable whale from Walmart, like a kid's toy. And I want you to help me put a fleshlight in that. And then I want you to leave the house for, like, maybe just two or three weeks. Somebody, he had posted a clip, or I think he retweeted a clip of a guy fucking a big pool swan. Yeah, yeah, that was a good one. I was like, assuming for the sake of argument

that that guy does get pussy, which I don't, I really don't. I don't think he deflates a pool swan and then goes and gets some human pussy. Pussy from his wife. Yeah. Because you can, I mean, you can deflate those toys, but they still take up space.

Right, yeah, and they probably like. I don't know how muchlate those toys, but they still take up space. Right, yeah, and they probably, like... I don't know how much space those toys take up. I'm speaking from just having pool toys before. Yeah, yeah, I understand. That I did not fuck. Right, yeah, I know you didn't, but... I'm like, I guess it would... You know, how do you...

How would you even approach that subject? It's funny in my mind to think that it goes fine. That she's like, yeah, you know. Like, like dude i was joking with ashley and i was like what if i was into furry stuff and she's like i'd leave and i was like she was like i really hope that this is like a thing you're doing and i was like i'm not but i'm like i'm like what if i was into like you know like i wanted to be bugs and she's like i'm gone like next day i'm out and i was like okay i was like what if i was into like like i wanted to be bugs and she's like i'm gone like next day i'm out and i was like okay i was like what if i was into like like i wanted to be green like shrek and she was like stop this is not like we're not you're like what if podcasting was a sexual thing for me what

i just never i never told you yeah what if what if every time me and Thomas Pod were both beating our shit? Like fucking butter churnings under the table here. It would be a much better product. It would be like a minute and a half long. It's just like a... Yeah, we just both take 10 Adderall before we go. We're just beating our soft little worms the whole time. Dude, I don't know if we've talked about this on here, but when I was taking a lot of Adderall, my shit

would get so small. Like, smaller than it would. Like, cartoonishly, I would go to take a shower. If I was pulling an all-nighter for school, or if I just wanted to snort a bunch of Adderall, I would go take a shower or whatever. And I'd be like, dude, there's no way. There's like, no

way. I would like laugh like it's hilarious dude it's fucking small it's it's small as fuck useless it's hard to pee like it's it like yeah i couldn't i can't when i'm on adderall like i i have to piss a lot but it's like hard to piss i don't know if that's like a universal experience but like i don't know if it's an adderall thing for me. The small penis... This whole time you're like, I wasn't even talking about Adderall. I just...

No, I mean, my shit gets small like under... It's, I mean, it's, you know... When I work out, my shit gets tiny. I don't understand what that is. Maybe like blood, I don't know. But like... Yeah, blood goes other places. Your body really, you know,

your body knows... You don't fucking, you know, lift weights and then go fuck somebody right after. You're not running five miles. Your body's like, there's a tiger. Doing hard sparring in Muay Thai and then coming home and being like, I guess take my fight shorts off. And yeah, it's so fucked up, dude. I'm like, god damn it. I'm just doing a general read right now. And yeah, my penis is it's like, it's so fucked up, dude. I'm like,

God damn it. I'm just doing a general read right now and yeah, my penis is pretty small at the moment. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. You know, I wouldn't want to,

I mean, it's like, I don't know, it's at a weird angle. Yeah, I got, I got some pretty skinny jeans on. My shit's bunched up right now.

It just sort of looks, it's just sort of like a walnut in there. It's fine. It's like, like a bag of melted like like melted but then re-hardened like my balls are huge for some reason dude i don't know why yeah that's it's so funny to have it's like it's like i have like a fucking baby bird sitting on an apple right now in the funny moments of being a guy where maybe like a like a workout

setting or an adderall setting where your penis gets small but your balls stay long. So you have the really cool combo of big-looking nutsack but tiny little ding-dong. That shit's so cool. I love that. I love those days in my life. Yeah. This is a professional show.

We are professional comedians, technically. Phil, has your shit ever been looking like a bullfrog? My shit like a cane toad, wide and loud. Yes, sir. It goes, ha. Dude, I tried to go to an open mic on Tuesday, and I went to Creek. And I don't know what's going on over there, but the list was full. But the list was full of, I'm not kidding, man.

It was like, hey, would you blow me Adolf Hitler? Like there was a couple of comedians names that I recognized towards the top, but then like from like 10 to 15 or 10 to 20, it was like big Dick Mike, uh, which I would love to think that's just a comic Austin area. Like,

I really hope that that's like just a guy, but there was a bunch of like fake names, like huge ass and like Mike hunt. And I was like, Oh, this names like Hugh Jazz and like Mike Hunt. And I was like, oh, this open mic is doing well. This is a successful little show they got. Yeah. I mean, we've made them a lot of money.

And they definitely did us – did right by us. Yeah. Yeah. Millions made. Millions made at the ice hockey game. He is. It's nice, you know, to go do a show and then almost have gas money for the way back. When Rogan opens his club, I'm going full hog, dude. I'm going, we're booking at Rogan's club, okay?

We're going to completely pivot. I'm going to get on stage and I'm going to be like, have you ever thought? Dude, booking Rogan's club would be sick. I mean, I don't think it would happen for a while. Right. And it wouldn't happen on a weekend. No, there's no way in hell. But it would be very funny to do that club.

It would also be funny because, you know, it would be all his friends would want to go up first. So you'd have Tom Segura and he'd be stuck on a Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It would be – just doing our show there. I don't know, dude. Honestly, they probably would – it would be fine.

It's just always funny to hear, like, sometimes I haven't been to a show. Going up Tuesday or trying to go up Tuesday was the first time I tried to go up in, like, almost a year or whatever. But, like, hearing people be like, dude, when Robins Club opens up, man, it's going to go up Tuesday. It was the first time I've tried to go up in almost a year or whatever. But hearing people be like, dude, when Robins Club opens up, man, it's going to change the world. It's going to change the game. I'm like, I don't know about that, man. I don't know. It's just like a comedy club.

I don't have any dreams, really. I'm sure you've got some. This is enough for me. Hey, man. Travel the country once every now and then yeah I basically live at bars and I think my way out is

Joe Rogan's club I'm going to basically hang out there as well and also drift between the seven other bars I frequent and kind of live at I'll just do cocaine in a different physical place yeah having people brag that they get into the comic having comics brag that they get into the comedy

clubs for free was like an eye-opener for me yeah i well here's the thing when i first wow did you go to a fucking bar for free that's sick when i first started i think i told you this when i first started doing stand-up and when i really tried to like hit it hard and when i was 18 when i moved to austin those guys were so cool to me like when i was here flores moved like two months later and jake flores was like the coolest guy in the whole world like i was like dude i want to be jake flores like i want to be Jake Flores. Like I want to be doing these shows. I want to go get chicken tenders and stuff.

And like I don't know anything about Flores. I'm not talking shit about the guy. People want to talk shit about him on Twitter. I don't fucking know who he is. Maybe he sucks. I don't know. But I do remember thinking like a guy who was just bald and like throwing up outside, he would be like, yeah, man, once you do enough spots know you can come in here and get a couple drinks for free and i was like you're

basically brad pitt to me like you're the coolest guy like a guy who like lives out of his car and like jacks off at the park i was just like yeah i want your life like i want to have your life so bad but now i have you know a really Really the best life in the world. Now all those guys want to be you. Yeah, that is true. There was a comic I ran into at the Velveeta room who I was, like, telling him about the show. And he was just, like, mad that we made money. Oh, yeah.

You told me about that one, I think. Yeah, yeah. He was like, so you sold out for a sponsorship. Sounds about right. I was like, I mean, yeah. He was like, so you sold out for a sponsorship. Sounds about right. I was like, I mean, yeah. Like, we put no money into this at first. Pretty much next to no, like. Also, we sold out for, like, three months.

So that was it. We lost it. We have no other offers. Also, if given the opportunity, I would do it again in a heartbeat. What are you talking about? We would sell terrible things. Yeah. I would sell switchblades to children

for $1,000. Yeah, I would do Lockheed Reeds. Lockheed Reeds would just be funny. I might end up working for them someday. I can't rule it out. Dude, every time I'm looking for a job, it's a slap in the face because the best-paying jobs here are defense contractors, dude.

And my neighbors, I'll talk to people, and they're like, oh, you should work for Lockheed. I'm like, you don't understand. That would bring people on Twitter would get mad at me, dude. In Austin, it's like tech sales, or you work for Stratfor, which is an intelligence private intelligence firm. Massive in Austin.

And I think there's a Tesla factory here or whatever. Man, I go on Indeed before I got this job, and I'm like, $180,000? For who? Oh, Google. Okay, well, I don't know how to design computers. So I imagine if you're in a place that's primarily defense contractors, it it's like you get an engineering degree and you're like, well, I could go work for like an architectural firm or something. It made like $190,000 a year. But everybody in my poo-poo, piss-piss, gay-guy-dick-sucking chat would think I was like a betrayer to some ideology

that I don't even know what it is that I have. Yeah, Virgil Texas would get so mad at me if I did that. Virgil would send you a picture of his face with an angry face emoji on his face. Nah. Dang. Yeah, I still want him to respond to me so bad. I sent him a picture of a key lime bang in a tobacco pipe in my hand

and challenged him to do a debate like a year and a half ago and he never responded. Did he get, I thought he got ran off Twitter. Is he still on there? I think he lurks probably. Oh, yeah. I got a feeling. I don't think he's like actively on there

Somebody was trying to I don't know shit I remember somebody was trying to convince me That the Kim Possible Facts account was kind of golden Oh no that one That one was made up but it was People just ran with it Oh yeah that's right

It's one of those things that was like uh yeah why not you know i mean that is you know i loved when uh when john would go viral when he had the felix from chapo handle and then people would probably like is this really felix from chapo and it would be a post about like luring a little kid into a van and like it taking his clothes it'd be like i just beat the hell out of my fat-ass mom. And then we were like, this is kind of problematic. Yeah, it's like... This is like not...

Is this really the host of a socialist podcast? He would reply, yes. This is so good, dude. Shout out to John. I hope you're doing good, man. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out to John. I hope you're doing good, man.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember, oh, we already talked about this, but the Yousef thing. After that happened, I was like, hmm, I definitely gave that guy a bunch of rides. Like, oh, Lee. But it's not like I was a piece of shit.

Yeah, you just gave him a ride. I mean, you didn't jack him off or anything. I don't know if that necessarily would be a crime either. Do you think... Is it a crime to... What was his thing? Who cares?

Whatever. Doesn't matter. If you... So, assuming like you have a much more religious background than i do and i guess like mine's kind of religious but if you got to heaven and uh there was a counter that said how many times you jacked off like if you were to die right now what do you think that number would be well it depends on whether it would include attempts and finishes. I've given up jacking off so many times in my life.

Like, I'll start doing it, and I'm like, what am I doing? Yeah, I do the same shit. Or like, all right, if it's not happening, that's enough. Yeah, I'm not going to force a jack off. No need to fucking jack off for an hour. Not 16 anymore, you know. If I can't get it done in sub-five minutes, I'm not beating off. Like, I hour not 16 anymore you know there's if i can't get it done in sub five minutes i'm not beating off like i'm not spending you know anyway what do you think your

counter is because if it's a sin they're gonna have it numbered like on a las vegas style slot machine type deal like on a quotron what do you think your number is at 23 years old. Do you think it's more than 10,000? No. Damn. Not at this age. I don't do it very often anymore. I think I was putting up legendary numbers between the ages of 13

and 20. I think it tapered off after 20. I would probably say 10 i don't know 10 000 seems like acceptable let's see there's 52 weeks in a year if you jack off once a day 365 if you jack off once a day and that's an average maybe you don't jack off one day but maybe you i haven't jacked off once a day since I was a lot younger. Okay. That's true. No, no, no. Yeah, I mean it.

I mean, I guess I'm thinking of like prime years and then averaging out to like now. I'm trying to remember when I did. I didn't figure out how to jack off for so long. I got it down pretty quick. I think I was like 14 the first time I ever even. I was like 12 or 13. Well, the first time it happened, I was standing up,

and I thought that I was going to die. I was like jacking off, like over the toilet. I think this is... Yeah, I mean... I thought if you tugged on it, it would just come off. So I just never tugged on it. And then the first time i just fucking slapped it against my stomach for like a while and then fucking that's i thought

i pissed my pants i didn't pull it out or anything i just fucking i basically hit myself in the dick through the shorts for like one minute. And it just fucking destroyed my shirt. I was still super involved in church and youth and stuff. Yeah. And I was like, dude. Because I had been building it up in my head. I was like, well, you know, you're in sixth grade. About to be in seventh grade.

You should probably start jacking off soon. Because all your friends talk about jacking off and how cool it is and then well the other voice in my head was like dude if you beat off like even one time it's curtains for your soul like you're going straight to hell like you're fucked and so for like i'm not kidding man for like six months i had like a like the way ufc fighters train for camp like camps before a fight i was like getting in the mentality of like who's gonna who's gonna win like are you gonna beat off, like, you're gonna, you're gonna be, like, I literally remember, like, I was, like, preparing myself, and then I was, like, all right, fuck it, we're just gonna, we're gonna jack off today, it's happening, and I was, like, oh, and the

bathroom seems, like, an appropriate place to jack off, and, uh, yeah, I was, like, in a standing position, and, uh, like, my knees gave out, like, I had tunnel vision, like, I, like, I had to, like i like i had to like catch myself if i would have died jacking off at like 12 or 13 years old that would have rocked like cracked my i cracked my head open yeah that would have been cool i uh no i um um i'm trying to remember oh yeah i uh i think i was i think i was watching like like some porn from like 1992 or something it was like the the first one i clicked on yeah and it was like it was like

i remember it specifically because it was like a formative moment but it was like, I remember it specifically because it was like a formative moment. But it was like, it wasn't even like sex. It was like just a girl on a boat. And it wasn't even like, I just literally saw a pair of boobs. Yeah. And that was it. And there was nothing, it was like almost a pure moment yeah because it was there was like barely anything graphic about the whole situation i i remember that i found a website i forget what it was called it was linked to me by

a grown man on the new grounds forums it was like. It was like 11 or 12. And it wasn't pornography. It was just commercials from Europe where they're allowed to show breasts on television. Or it was linked. Anyway, I had a similar experience where before I found out about legitimate pornography, I was just like, oh, you can find breasts on here. I wasn't really interested in watching hardcore pornography like fucking because i didn't know what it was but i was like okay so like it would be like french shampoo commercials

yeah where the girl's like on the beach and like one of her nipples slides out and i was like like your brain like blue screen like when a fucking computer crashes you're like yeah i like the idea of you going on a forum and being like, hey, what can I jack off to? There was a, well, literally, I explained this to somebody. So I was on Newgrounds a lot, and I would play all the school shooter games, and my mom thought that was really cool.

She wasn't worried. It was like Pico's Day or something. I forget. There was like school shooting simulators. And then there was just like normal clip art games. Not clip art. Flash games. And like funny cartoons.

And so they also had forums. And it was just like, it was like GBS, I guess. Kind of like Something Awful or like Albino Black Sheep. You know, they had like politics forums and stuff. But I was on there and I was like naive on the internet and i like made a fake name or whatever but people would be like you know like you're just like hey what's up man hey what's up you know uh like you know like like i just got off work it's like the only part of my day i enjoy just come on here and you know fucking everybody's riffing on something like you know george bush or whatever

the fuck i'm like yeah man i'm not like old enough to vote or anything like the conversation started i think with like voting because they were talking about how like george bush is retarded and like john kerry was like retarded and i was like oh my god not all of them vote and they're like oh shit huh okay like how old are you and i was like 11 they were like what i was like yeah 11 and like the thread went on for a bit. And then like, they were like, dude, it kind of opened up a floodgates. We was like, Hey man, like check this out. It'd be like a live leak video. Like dude, new grounds was a fucking hell hole. So they were like, they're like, Hey man, have you seen this thing? Like, have you been on this side of the thing?

Like you can check out so much cool stuff. Like they have like a, like cool games and shit. And some of it was like just grown men talking to an 11-year-old boy, but not in a weird way, obviously. Just like, hey, check this out. And then one guy was like, hey, you know you can look at boobs on a computer. And I was like, what? And he was like, yeah, you just see tits on here, man, anywhere you want to be. Check this out. These are all commercials and shit

and movies and stuff. I forget what Mr. Skin was one that I was linked. It was like the time stamps in movies where breasts are present on the screen. And he like linked me. He's like, so if you ever want to watch a movie, you want to see boobs on. And at the time I was like, this is great advice. I have so many cool friends on the Internet.

But on the other side of that was just a guy probably with a fiance. And he like worked it like, I don't know, Jiffy Lube. It was like, man, I had a hard day at work. I'm going to hop on Newgrounds, see what's up in the forums. Oh, I made a new friend. No, he's 11. I'm going to show him where you can watch boobs

from the movie Basic Instinct with, like, Michael Douglas and Sharon Stone and shit. Classic stuff. The formative, a man's formative years on the internet are like, you know, super important. Uh, cause I feel like some guys get really into like, you know, obviously stupid right wing stuff. Some guys get into, uh, uh, you know, like, weird 4chan type shit. Like, not even political, but just, like, you know, swatting and shit. And then other guys just, like, guys like you and me.

You know, we just find out. You look at, like, a screen cap of a lady in a bikini, and you're like, man, that's going to change my life, I feel like, for the next 10 years, I suppose. Yeah, I got really into, when I first got on the internet, I would just look up, I would Google questions I had. That's all I used it for for a long time. I would go on Solitaire, and then I would look up questions about animals that I had. That's pretty awesome. And I would look at

I would find like indexes with so I could find you know. Anyway and then I would also play flash games but I would play like addictinggames.com Cool Math classic

The goat was mini clip for me. Banana games some shit like that. Cool Monkey games. Cool Monkey classic. Mini Clip. The goat was Mini Clip for me. Banana Games, some shit like that. Cool Monkey Games. Cool Monkey Games. I remember at my school, they were always having to catch the new websites. Yeah, because we were always finding it. Every week, we'd find a new one, play it for an hour, and then they'd be like, Fuck, come on yeah it's so funny to like if i think back on like ages you know

no we didn't have a computer when i was that young we got a computer like a like an old desktop I think like 2005? I don't remember. Anyway, it's so funny that like at 9 or 10, I was like, I'm going to go on Cool Monkey Games and I'm going to play the Stick Warrior where it's a guy who's a stick fighter. He's a stick man and he knows Taekwondo and you can fight other stick men. And then like in my little mind, I was like, in three years, the thing you're going to use this for primarily? Pornography. Like, that's basically, like, you're just playing, like,

I'm going to go on cool math games in fifth grade and, like, eighth grade rolls around, and you're like, I don't know, there's only one thing I'm using this for. It's not homework. I need to beat my slug. Yeah. Like, a primal, like, just the most, like, you're just possessed by, like... Yeah. Like a primal, like just the most, like you're just possessed by like.

Yeah. Yeah, you're just like licking the keyboard. Yeah, like a cum ghost. You're like. Like I can't. It's not, there's no way around it. Like, man, what a really cool, fun Flash game. Flash forward five years and I'm like pale.

Like God. I'm just like. You know. Just kidding. I've never done anything gross like that. Like gaunt. Just like... You know. Just kidding. I've never done anything gross like that. Yeah, that'd be gross. If you had, I'd do something bad too.

Oh, fuck. You can't be doing stuff like that. Come on, baby. You can't be doing stuff like that. I don't think that the... Maybe ease of access to pornography is bad. I don't know. I don't know any enough data.

But I do think... And obviously... Actually, you know what? It's still just as bad. I don't know. don't know any enough data but i do think and obviously actually you know what it's still just as bad i don't know yeah i would say it's generally bad but i like the live leak stuff i do feel like access pornography is pretty bad at an early age but access to like mashed like oh i didn't know that's what we were comparing it to i was just no i was saying like it's bad for pornography but like it was just as easy so like my first time even hearing about anything like that was i would go to sleepovers uh i think i was like 11 and my buddy lived really close to the skate park in south houston called south side and uh his parents were like always gone and they had like a computer

in the house and uh you know just shit like bored stupid kids like we would play fucking like sims or we would play whatever the fuck and one of the kids that was there was like uh hey hey you know like you ever seen a guy like fall off a bridge we were all like no we live like basically in the suburbs or like you know in a shitty part of town i've seen guys like get it like i've seen a guy like shit himself at the mall but i've never like you know he's like there's this cool place you can go to you can see like guys like like falling off of bridges and then like you can see car crashes and stuff and i was like oh and i remember like around the same age

my dad had mentioned rotten.com which was like a very similar thing. And like, he was on there all the time, but, uh, I was like, oh, okay. You know? And,

uh, yeah, like just like being a kid and, and then like, okay. Falling off a bridge. I thought a guy just was like, oopsie daisy,

you know, contextually the video is just a guy like on golden gate. Like, like, and I'm like, that guy is, guy's he's such a funny guy I bet he's gonna climb over the oh no oh no anyway suicide is bad yeah if you're thinking about it if you're doing it right now stop it stop it listen to the podcast uh hey everybody this is a free episode i'm going to post it literally this is basically

live because i'm about to post this it is 7 23 central standard time uh we have a patreon uh you're going to want to go over to patreon.com slash pendejotime for access to a bonus episode. So we do two a week. This is a free one. We do an extra one every week. If the people who listened to the free ones would subscribe to the Patreon, it wouldn't change you guys' life, but it would change me and Thomas' life. If we had 3,000, 4,000 subs, it would literally...

So if you're listening to this and you don't sub, please sub. And if you're releasing the episodes for free, we're not that rich yet. I actually don't care that much, actually, at all. Do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, so $5 a month gets you an extra four episodes. $10 gets you a video up. I think Thomas is cranking that guy out at some point. Oh, fuck.

Yeah, I haven't started on that, but I need to do that within the next few days. Yeah. And then there's a $50 tier. If you've got more money than God and you want to support us, you can get everything from those previous two tiers and you can be really cool. If you sub to the $50

tier and you screenshot and show proof of it, I'll let you DM me some stuff to talk about in the show. Actually, you know what? You can just come on the show. Fine. No. Okay, and also we've got a live show coming up in L.A. December 10th at the Virgil.

Yeah. Early show. I believe doors open show coming up in L.A. December 10th at the Virgil. Yeah. Early show. I believe doors open at 5.30 p.m. If we sell it out, we get another show. I'll tell you, folks, we're not quite there yet. So let's just buy tickets for the early show at the moment. Yeah. We'll try and get some merch out.

If it's not there, hey, shut the fuck up. Yeah. All right? No problem. Anyway. Bye. shut the fuck up. Yeah. All right? No problem. Anyway. Bye. Thank you. Goodbye.

Farewell.