Pendejo Time - foreman....?

Episode Date: June 13, 2024

now I dont know why its necessary for the job for me to wear this lace corset but like I told the the lady im willing to learn Support the Show.

Yeah, that's a classic paid under the table either like kitchen or restaurant or like construction or labor job boss that's like the rain starts at like 10 in the morning and they're like fellas don't worry. We're going to get rain out today, but I'm going to take care of you. got you dude when has big mike ever let you down or lied to you about pay about taking a break about giving you guys like a water break in the heat when has big mike ever let any of you mexican guys or black guys or like meth heads down it's big mike i got the truck out front it's got ac in it i sit in it all day i spit copenhagen on the door. I fucking yell at you. I got two phones. And one of them is not even for business. It's for cheating on my wife, who loves me, by the way, who literally loves me so much.

You guys come in here and we get rained out at 10. Right. And you think to yourself, oh, my God, no, I got my child support payment. Oh, my kid, we want to go to Disney World. And you think to yourself, oh, my God, I can't miss out on a day at work, man. Oh no, I'm about to move to New York. I'm going to move to New York. I can't miss out on a day at work.

And Big Mike looks you dead in your eyes and he goes, Thomas, don't worry. I see that you have stress in your heart and in your mind and in your spirit. I'm going to take care of you for today, for driving 100 hours round trip to get to this job site. I'm going to pay you $40. i'm gonna pay you forty dollars i'm gonna give you forty dollars cash money and then i'm gonna buy you a taquito from 7-eleven and that

is worth that can't be measured in money that's a free lunch and you grew up your whole life you're everybody telling you you know saying a free lunch. I am the deliverer, the arbiter, harbinger of free lunches. And $40 cash paid for through Apple Pay. Through the app on your phone. Well, look, for context, I wasn't speaking ill of my boss, but it was just a funny amount of money to make in a week. I'm sorry, dude.

I wanted to clarify, because a friend of mine and my boss's son listens to the show, all I was saying was it's such a funny amount of money to make in a week is $40 when you have a full-time job just because i mean landscaping is like that though but it was just it was really humbling to think you know like okay a week before i made so and so like that's not bad money you know that's that's decent What did I make this week? One 90% of a tank of gas 90% But you know Next week I might make 40 bucks this week

But the next I might make 120 bucks And that's just like I might make 400 dollars I can walk You know sometimes I'll have 600 bucks In my bank account

And it's like I don't even know What to fucking do with all this Yeah I I'll have 600 bucks in my bank account. It's like, I don't even know what to fucking do with all this. Yeah, I There's nothing like I'm going to pay you for the day and you think man, that's

nice. Not everybody can get paid for a full day's work. Some guys work in like lithium mines or salt mines and they have to like carry their kids around in a red wagon and then they just get paid like a dollar me in beautiful us of a i get rained out at 10 baby i'm making 30 to a 120 and a 10 it's rolled up for some reason and super wet and my boss with his calloused yellowed hands from from jaundice that he himself has not tracked yet,

but I can, because it's not my drinking habit, he hands me that $30, and I say, God damn, Big Mike, thank you so much. Thank you, man. And he looks at you and he says, hey, this is coming out of me. This is, I'm doing you the favor. And you think to yourself, man, I have such a cool,

your boss is genuine, I have met the people. They are cool. I'm talking about the literally, I think, three bosses in a row that I worked for under the table that were all just kind of like, I would almost rather a boss be shitty through and through. Don't try to be chump. You know what I mean? Don't try to be like, no, I got you guys. Like, don't even be a pizza party boss. Just be like, be here at 8 or you're done.

Do you understand? 8.01, fired. We're staying until 6. Don't ask. That guy sucks. But I understand that guy. He goes home and he hugs his kids way too hard and way too long, and then he sits them down and tells them that there's only one way to be a man,

and that's joining the U.S. Marine Corps. That guy I get. I don't understand the guy that's like, hey, dude, it's tough out here. How much do you think that Raptor cost? 90 grand? It was actually more. I'm going to take care of you i'm gonna give you 20 dollars and i'm gonna give you the let the rest of my waffle fries from chick-fil-a and that's how good of a

guy i am i know you guys talk about me okay i know you guys think that i'm a bad guy i'm not that bad of a guy i'm just fair i'm just i i'm fair I'm fair but firm. Yeah. And everybody also, we all had that one blue collar boss that we would have to finger at lunch. You know the one boss who wears the hole in his jeans and you have to finger him at lunch? He's got the hole in his Miss Me jeans with the iron cross on the back pocket. Look, hey, hey, hey. I'm a fair boss. i give you a little cash now

i every friday i give you your money every monday you finger me in my trailer hey listen at work i know you've been getting i know you've been getting rained out a lot and i know you got to pay for your son's montessori tission i know tission i know i know that tation ain't cheap. So, hey, I'm going to pay you for the weekend, but you just got to turn my butt into sort of like a rotary gun. You just got to spin it around a bunch, fill it up. Hey, we're going to be working on my butt today, y'all. I don't want any messing around, all right?

No complaints. Hey, this job site is going to be clean. It's want any messing around, all right? I don't want no complaints. Hey, this job site's going to be clean. It's going to be sturdy, all right? Y'all don't come here to play. Y'all come here to fuck me. Remember that. Yeah, yeah. Listen, hey, if you work hard, they're out here dropping money on the ground.

I know it's hot. They're out here dropping money in my ass. I know it's hot. Y'all didn't come here to play. Y'all came here to fuck me. I don't pay y'all to not fuck me. I don't pay y'all to not make me cum through my butt. That's not what I pay. I don't pay you guys for me to not have prostate orgasms.

I don't pay for you guys to not give me a hands-free orgasm through my butthole. I pay good money for you guys to make me cum. I pay good money for you guys to choke me cum So I don't want to hear no bitching I pay good money for you guys to choke me And put clamps on my nipples And ride my Ride my old man dick And there's a Something tied around the base of it

To keep it hard Maybe a little bit A little bit of a A little ratchet strap Yeah a little ratchet strap action I got. Yeah, a little ratchet strap action. I got a special... She'll ride. She'll ride.

This boner ain't going nowhere. Just slapping the top of your dick like an old F-150 fleet. Yeah, she'll be all right. She'll ride, yeah. Yeah, she'll ride. She'll make it to Houston. Hey, don't look at her like that. Don't look at her like that. She'll ride. She'll make it to Houston. Hey, don't look at her like that. Don't look at her like that.

She'll ride just fine. I had a small ratchet strap, special made off Etsy. It's got brass fixings, too, so it'll hold, and it looks nice when it holds, too. My wife got me this for my gooseneck, but I use it for this gooseneck, you know? A dick neck. Yeah, this is my gooseneck, right? My gooseneck, you know. A dick neck. Yeah, this is my gooseneck, right? My gooseneck boner. Hey, listen, I know it's hot, but I don't want to hear no bitching.

I got my ratchet strap on my penis, and I want you guys, you show up at 6, you show up for a full day. We ain't getting rained out. There ain't a cloud in the sky. So don't be out there drawing turtles in the sand or nothing. Ain't one superintendent in this whole neighborhood that ain't had to finger another man's ass. All right.

You boys, you start off green as hell, and then one day you can be like me, getting fucked in the back of your F-350 King Ranch by a bunch of guys who, they just came here to make $120 a day, and they end up having sex with a white man who loves him some Jesus. I'm trying to leave with blood on my knuckles

and gum in my beard. All right? So, listen, because OSHA's on site today, we're going to have to have this safety meeting. Look, choking, you have to do it a certain way. It's not like it is in the movies. There's an appropriate amount of pressure to apply. Ratchet straps. You cannot just tie the metal end around the string

around the base of my penis to keep it hard. You got to go end to end, okay? I don't want to see no lazy strapping, all right? It'll ride, but you got to strap it up good. You can't be fucking around no lazy stuff, okay? If you are on a ladder trying to fuck me 10 feet in the air, I need you to be harnessed up to the back of my ass. You understand?

If I'm fucking your mouth and I don't feel a dental dam back there, we are going to have a problem. You will be written up. Y'all need to spit out my loads while OSHA is here. If y'all swallow it, it's... You're contaminated or something.

Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of caustic, nasty chemicals around here in my cone. I'm tired of seeing my jizz on the ground. Y'all need to clean up my sperms. I've been eating hub chubs from Whataburger for 40 years. Okay, so this is nasty stuff y'all are handling. I need to see gloves.

I need to see the proper PPE. You come on my job site to fuck me and swallow my load, and I don't see the right PPE on you. You're going to get right back in that Duramax and head back home to the Hacienda. You come on my job site to fuck me and swallow my load, and I don't see the right PPE on you, you're going to get right back in that Duramax and head back home to the hacienda. You understand me or not? You can put your little green dick back in your fucking cowboy cuts and head on home and fuck a girl like a loser.

You came here at this job site. You signed a contract to work 7-12s, one rest day to have sex with me, one man. If you're not ready for that, you can drag up. You can put your tools, all your plastic cocks, and your lubricants in the back of that lifted Duramax, and you can head on home and fuck your wife like a loser. You don't want this job? There's 10 Mexicans out there who'd run a trail on me, no questions asked.

Yeah. Hey, listen, you're not willing to put to work, and there's 10 El Salvadorans out there that'll fuck me until the cows come home. So I don't need some white boy out here talking about unions. I don't need some soft bitch out here talking about health insurance when they're getting syphilis from my butt. Yeah, Joaquin out there could be elbow deep in me right now. Maybe I'd prefer that.

He'd do it for three an hour, not 12. You understand? And he's got wider arms. He's been throwing rocks at the army in fucking El Salvador for 30 years. He's got sinewy forearms. Look at you with your chubby forearms i don't want that in my butt that would look stupid as fuck in my butt that would be gay it's gay if a guy's got a little thick thickness on his on his forearms it's not muscle if it's muscle it's just two men helping each other out on a hot summer day

it's june 12th i got where i am today without my hand in another man's pants? Hey, listen, I didn't get here by cutting corners, by not coming on another man's chest. I got here by working hard, okay? Listen, look at that black-on-black Raptor with the brown leather. You think I got that by having sex with a woman? No. No.

No. Does that look like a pussy car? No. That's a dick and balls car. That's a butthole truck. That is an anus. Anal car. Well, how do you think we paid for that?

That's a guy's rectum. That is a prostate milk truck. Guy's mouth and dick. That is mouth, booty, and dick. That is just shmegma and fucking goddamn duck butter. That's what that is. I don't even know. That sounds horrible.

I heard that term from a friend who's gay once, and I asked him to explain it to me. I don't fucking think that is a term. I heard that term from a friend who's gay once, and I asked him to explain it to me. I don't fucking think that is a term. I heard it once. I think your stupid gay friend made up some bullshit. I think it's real. It's like Santorum, which is another term I heard from a friend. Also not.

It is a GOP politician who hates gay guys, and they named a gay term after him to kind of get back at him. It's supposed to be a mixture of lube, poop, and semen. That's supposed to be what it is. Yeah, I see that. There doesn't need to be a term for that. How about we just leave that un-termed? How about we leave that just complicated to say? How about we make that not a common scenario?

I'll even go that far how about we just don't even have that around in the area of the workspace how about people don't see that how about people don't talk about that stuff at work yeah just do it to me they just do it to the boss but they don't use the terms because that makes it gay if there's words for it. It's fine. It's not the fact that it's gay. It's not the issue is that there's poo-poo and stuff and all that. And why would you mix it? I know it's from a butt, but I don't need to even know.

That doesn't even need to be a thing. All right? Y'all better fucking keep it clean keep it clean if you're a bottom you gotta be doing you gotta be doing all your bottom trials you gotta be doing all of them science to your butt that makes it not goofy you can't be yeah you can't be like slacking at the look look we don't have to there's. There's other resources for them. I'm not giving anybody butt instructions. Figure it out.

This is not. Look, shut up. Everybody in the world, shut up. Stop telling me about yucky stuff. I'm a progressive guy. Stop it. I don't want to hear about anything ever in my core i believe i am a good person but do not tell me any more of the terms because it does it does kind of make my spine turn sour anything about any subject never teach me never teach me anything

yeah I don't listen I don't care if it's how to go fly fishing I don't want to know anything about anything anymore I have learned everything that there is to know at least within the bandwidth that my brain can produce

anyway if you guys don't plan on stacking them pallets up in a nice fucking cube and then taking me out behind them and turning me into Swiss cheese we can go Anyway, if you guys don't plan on stacking them pallets up in a nice fucking cube and then taking me out behind them and turning me into Swiss cheese, we can go home. We don't have to do this. We got a deadline, but I'll tell Big Boss. I'll tell him they won't fuck me. And how do you think he's going to feel?

Is that a... Oh, my God. Is that a chimpanzee? Is that an ape? Who let a damn ape on to the job site? Hey, get that ape out of here. He's not even wearing a hard hat. Get that...

Oh, my God. He's got some kind of bipedal ape. He's walking on his feet. Oh, my God. He's... Somebody get that ape a vest and a white hard hat. He can't be walking around the job site without the proper PPE on. Can't be doing it.

That's not safe for a monkey. Anyway, guys, thanks for joining us. It's the middle of summer in beautiful Texas, and it is hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock. I never liked that phrase. It's the beginning of summer, really. Yeah, it's just, I think, I hate the phrase, oh, Texas is just preheating,

because in my experience really annoying people say that but i'm also super annoying so i guess i can't be too mad but yeah it's true don't be choogy don't be choogy um at what point does it just get too hot to go outside you know what i mean like whenever i mean yeah 105 plus but i have met people who were like i love the summer here i love the heat and i'm like no you don't you just like to drink a lot of alcohol and you like to get sick and call them to work and that is cool to do but you can do that in air conditioning you don't have other than 105 just kind of sucks like even when you get used to it it's like i feel like like up to that point you can work

outside for a full day and as long as you're like drinking water like if you're adjusted to it you know what i mean like it's it is what it is but past 105 it's like you fucking if you're out past like i'd say 3 p.m or whatever it's like you get like very minor brain damage every day and then you're just by by like by like september or whatever you're just like that well i remember when i worked they um when i got that plastics plant in houston they they would like they have man they had mandated water breaks but if the site supervisor saw you taking one he would just fire you because you were only really allotted like a certain amount of time he wouldn't fire you he'd write you up and then threaten to fire you i don't know if he was allowed to i mean there's no unions out there

there's really no like i mean there's unions in texas they don't have any power and people don't really hire guys from unions out here unless it's a job that the union got anyway whatever i'm not getting into that um but they would send a text they had this thing like everybody had the company would send the text. It was like it's 105 heat index or 106, whatever. That's Fahrenheit for everybody else in the world, not Celsius. Please take shade and take a drink of water. So I would stop what I was doing and go to the water truck and I would get like three bottles of water and I'd chug it and I'd sit in the shade for like 10 minutes. And somebody would just come on a golf cart, one of those guys. If you've ever worked at a big plant, there's just the golf cart guys.

Their job is to sit in a trailer or a truck with air conditioning for eight hours a day and then two hours a day ride a golf cart around a fire guys. And they would just come around and be like, you know, what you doing? It's fucking hot. And they're like, yeah, but, you know, I ain't paying you to sit. It's fucking hot. And they're like, yeah, but, you know, I ain't paying you to sit. But I feel like at that point, like, it seems like more of a liability, you know what I mean, to, like, force people to work in that. But I guess it doesn't really matter, you know.

Like, it doesn't matter. Half the guys on those job sites are all drunks anyway. And if you do fall over and they piss test you, and you've got like even any alcohol or weed in your system, they won't pay you out any money. That's kind of like the unspoken thing that happens in those places, you know. That's what you used to do. My dad used to always be like, dude, I'm fucking, man, I bumped a forklift into the side of a Connex. I hope they don't ask about it because i'm gonna piss hot and i i we worked at the same plant there for a bit and i was like

what do you mean he's like well you know if you do something wrong and they uh drug test you if you have an accident or something they won't pay any workman's comp because you got drugs in your system and i was like you ever thought about like not smoking weed or cocaine or anything he'd be like no i consider this now he just he just never really passed my mind and not you know what i mean and i'd be like yeah no i understand it's hot out here uh there was only a handful of times i ever really uh shout out to all my blue collar guys who listen to the show i know there are several who still manage. I'm sure you've done this a handful of times,

but like sometimes it just gets, it does get too hot and you've worked so many days in a row that nighttime rolls around and you don't want to go home. You know what I mean? Like you want to, you either want to go out and get fucked up or you want to go home and get fucked up. You know,

you're going to pay for it in the morning, but you just do it anyway, you know? Cause the morning at that point, in that moment, at like 7 p.m. right when your fucking car hits the driveway, that's a thousand years away.

You just worked your fucking, you have sweat stains, or salt on your jeans from sweating so much. You know? And you're in the perfect, perfect amount of dehydrated and knee-deep stroke

where two fucking beers will get you nice and shit drunk. You don't want to be normal. You don't want to drink water and eat lunch or dinner and go to bed and go to work in the morning. But, uh, there were a handful of times, definitely where you, you get to work at 6am and you're still a little drunk, you know, and it's already like 98 degrees. The sun's not even out. And you're like, this is it. This is, this is the world I built for myself. This is the future that I said I would deal with,

and I hate it. Yeah. Oh, well. What can you do? Sometimes, you know, sometimes life is all about exchanges. I don't really know what that means, but I had to say something in response to what you said.

And I couldn't think of anything, so I made something up. I made something up to say. You've been working a lot. It's been cooking the inside of your head a little bit, you've been telling me. Yeah, but no, not really. I've been working on...

I've been doing good. I've been working on... I'm normal. I've been doing good. I've been doing good stuff. But, yeah, today I... There's this really fancy grocery store and there's a nice neighborhood across the bridge. And I had to wear my or at she's into the there because I had mud all over my my tennis shoes mm-hmm I

think they profiled me for being homeless because they it was all eyes on me whenever I got in there. And then I was just buying two THC seltzers. You were buying two THC seltzers before work? After. Oh, okay. So I was covered in mud. Disgusting.

It was Wine Wednesday. Wine Wednesday at the job site? No, no, at the grocery store things. There's a bunch of ladies in there trying it. We got wines. Oh, I thought you were trying to tell me that you guys were like digging up like,

like, like holes for like sprinkler systems. And then your boss was like, it's wine Wednesday. No, no. What we used to do. This was funny when it was really hot,

we would get those big Gatorades. Yeah. And we drink about, you know, 20% of it, and you'd fill it up the rest of the way with vodka, and you'd shake it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd get hydrated off that. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a classic one. Yeah. The blue one is the best. See, I liked mixing tequila with the cucumber lime, lemon pepino, because you couldn't really taste the tequila. And it's 2 p.m. and it's 106 out and you're wearing like a vest and a hard hat and jeans and like F.R.'s or whatever. And you're like, damn, I could die right now.

I very well I could die. It wouldn't be weird because I'm drunk. I've got on two layers of clothes. It's Texas and it's 106 degrees but damn i feel awesome you know what i mean like there's something about being close to heat stroke and drunk that it kind of balances out the pain and the confusion of your brain almost overheating you know what i mean yeah like it it gets you get close to it or whatever yeah it sucks that being drunk at work is awesome yeah it's yeah it's because you see somebody else being drunk at work is awesome. Yeah. It's a, yeah. It sucks. You see somebody else is drunk at work.

You're like, what a piece of shit. Get your fucking, like, like if you're not drunk and you notice somebody else is drunk, what the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah. Yeah.

And then, and then you do it and you're like, dude, why doesn't everybody do this? Everybody else is probably drunk too. Yeah. You should be going. Yeah.

I have a secret. Everybody. my life is out of control I am shirking my responsibilities I have things going on in my life that I have not dealt with and my family doesn't talk to me and I am not that upset about it but subconsciously probably it does bother me a lot. It's affecting my relationships outside of work. Nobody knows. I'm black. But, no.

That's not true. It sucks that that... I'm not gay or black. I can't steal valor. Yeah, you can't. I can't get the Jimmy John's gay black discount. Do you think that when they made... Gay black guys should get a discount.

Veterans shouldn't. I believe that genuinely. Yeah, that's not even like... Gay black guys get discriminated against so much more than veterans. Veterans just get to bang high schoolers. Buy chargers at like 18% APR. Gay black guys do that too, but that's different. When they do it, it's their culture.

Yeah, that's true. Very good point. They're DL guys from Atlanta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's so many DL high schoolers, it's like crazy. Once you start talking to them, it's like weird, you know? Yeah. There's so many DL straight high school girls.

It's crazy. Yeah. It's like two weeks in New York. You get invited out to not a bar that's gay, but a bar that's frequented by a lot of gay guys. There's just so many DL high schoolers these days. Not really. It's something a lot of guys don't talk about.

And I thought, everybody says Gen Z and gen alpha are like comfortable with themselves but as i found personally that's not the case you know a lot of guys a lot of people they're just not and you get high school bars around here you get any cool like high school dance clubs around here i've been bored lately you know i just moved to brooklyn everybody's 30 everywhere i go you know everybody's 20 fucking kids dude guys like a guy like nobody have kids anymore where the fuck are they where are the kids like a guy asking where the females at at like 2015 you know in 2016 at a part way where the fema hey where the teenagers at bro dude honestly like bro like i i hate how fucking everything's like dog friendly and like not kid friendly anymore it's like kind of

antisocial yeah and people are like yeah and i'm like i mean like bring your fucking high school daughter to parties you know what i mean and like leave yeah yeah people look at me i'm just all wet my whole body's just dripping sweating some guy who who just found out about being a hipster this year he's got like a suitcase with him or something and he's like like what uh what glenn beck thinks that brooklyn people are like yes yeah yeah he's like honestly like i've kind of been getting it, like, back into dating high schoolers. Like, it's kind of like a new avant-garde thing I'm doing. Like, it was actually inspired by a script I read.

Yeah. Yeah, a guy writing a script at Starbucks and you peek, like, over his shoulder at the script, you know, and he's, like, being very performative. He's, like, crumpling up pieces of paper and then like going back to the laptop and you kind of peek over you eavesdrop a little bit and you know you see the title is called i'm a pedophile it's called kissing a beautiful black high school girl like what what the fuck i'm sorry it's a working title it's sorry that's not what it's about.

Sorry. I'm doing like an A24 thing. It's like an art thing. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like a weird kind of like coming of age story. You're going to have to see the movie to understand it. Yeah. I know it's a shock value title.

You know, 17 again, where Zac Efron goes back in time to be 17. Well, I don't go back in time. I just didn't roll at high school at 37. And I just that's what the movie's about. Have you seen How To with John Wilson? This is like if he was undercover and he was a pedophile. Instead of like a likable funny guy. Yeah, likable guy.

Because I have a camera and I video everything, but I can't show anybody yet because I'm editing it all. Netflix wanted to do it, and their standards and practices team said that under no circumstances could they ever, ever air anything like this. Hulu wanted to turn it into a documentary about true crime, and I said, no, it's not really a crime yet. I haven't done it yet, so that would be dishonest. Chris Pratt wanted to fully fund it, but we had different visions for the project. He wanted a lot more girls involved. He wanted to have a religious angle, too, seeing as he's Christian.

I'm more of a secular pedophile myself, so I wanted it to be gritty. That's why A24 hopped on it, because they were like, Wow, we love any movie that doesn't make any sense, and it has this underlying theme of disgust and anxiety. And nothing says disgust and anxiety like a 34-year-old man in a pavement shirt talking to a 16-year-old black girl. So they optioned it, and here I am at Starbucks. Here I am at Starbucks in beautiful Little Rock, Arkansas, writing the script.

Thank you for asking about it, by the way. Not a lot of people would. Not a lot of people would. Not a lot of people do. If I was the older white guy and I was trying to talk to the 16-year-old girl, I'd say, you must think I really like concrete, right? And then I'd laugh and I'd scoff at her

before she even had a chance. Yeah, you must think that, oh, this... You must think I really like concrete. Oh, but I kid. Pavement is a band. I love it. Grizzly Bear, you must think this is a shirt from National Geographic.

Turns out it's not. But you'll learn about that when you get older, when you go to college in five years, when you go to adult college. You learn about real music. Alex G., you probably think this is a rapper, right? Yeah, no. That's what you think?

You think he's a TikTok rapper? Yeah, no, he's just an Italian guy. Have you ever downloaded TikTok? I've been looking at some of the memes on there lately, and they have me O-R-O-F-L-ing. Yeah, I've never... They have me I-J-B-O-L-ing. I've been ROFLcoptering

at a lot of the awesome videos on TikToking lately. That's the thing I've been doing, a lot of TikToking. Do you do any TikToking? I bet you do a lot of make a lot of those butt shaking videos. Those just come up in my... Has anybody ever matched your freak? I've been a nasty man I've been a nasty older man

I've been a mature adult older man I've been a nasty 36 year old I've been a nasty 36 year old yeah you love that song right yeah that's that's a song you guys listen to, isn't it? Man, we used to listen to cool songs back in the day.

We used to listen to Radioactive, Radioactive, stuff like that. Who are you going to vote for? Are you going to vote for Joe Biden? No, I'm not registered to vote. Because was it that they hand you, they throw the book at your ass? So can you vote? No, they didn't do give you the vote. I can vote.

Oh, okay, okay. I just haven't voted in a long time. I voted in 2020. Because I'm a motherfucking gangsta. Voted in 2020. But I did vote for Joe Biden, though, the first time. Nice, nice. And kind of felt fucking stupid doing it.

And then immediately after I cast it, I thought, can I take that back? Yeah. That was fucking gay of me. That was gay of me. I was being fucking, I was trying to be woke. I was trying to do the right thing. I was trying to be woke, and I shouldn't have. But I also partially did it just to piss off one of my coworkers

because I knew I would be probably one of the three Biden votes in my county. It didn't matter at all. I wanted to be like, yeah, I just cast my vote for Joseph Robinette Biden, for your information. But also, I think I, I don't know. I mean, I didn't like Trump. Like everyone else, I think he's funny. I don't know.

I feel like I liked Biden less. He didn't give me any money. I feel like I voted. I don't know about the thing about the with foreign policy. I like that Trump would just threaten to nuke every place and that kind of worked. Yeah. Well, a little bit at least.

I voted for Bernie in the 2020 I waited in line for like four and a half hours. This was this was like that brief moment in time where like you were seeing his rallies, you know, in front of like tens of thousands of people and you were like oh my God.

Holy shit. Like this is the first I voted for Barack when I was 18. I turned 18 in 2012 and I voted for Barack Obama because I was like, oh, he's a cool black guy and he probably means well.

That was the extent of my political knowledge at the time. And you were right. I was. Crazy. Turns out he just liked to kill a bunch of people

with airplanes that didn't have any people in them. But what I was going to say is I waited like three and a half, four hours in line to vote for Bernie. I vote for Bernie. And then like two weeks later, everybody drops out of the race.

He just endorses Joe Biden. And then, of course, you know, Bernie has to drop out or whatever. And I was like, oh, yeah, no, I'm never doing this shit again. Ever again. I'm never taking time out of my day to do my civic duty. You can suck my balls. I think I registered to vote so I could vote for Beto. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. In the when he when he went against Ted Cruz. Beto. Oh, yeah, yeah. When he went against Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I drove like 30 minutes to go vote for Beto. But, I mean, to be fair, I would still prefer him to Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz is such a ghoul. Well, I think it's kind of annoying, but it speaks to how how captured i think a

lot i wasn't just to clarify i was not voting for beto in a primary for president it was for the uh it was for a state senate yeah yeah i think a lot a lot of people get captured by like just being because ted cruz is like a Yale-educated soft pussy. The whole barstool Texas boy thing was like a PR stunt. He's like an Ivy League-educated loser. And so I remember when Beta was running against him, his team did a lot of work to underplay the fact that he had a DUI and used to play bass in a band with the dudes from at the drive-in and I said dude let that shit sing make that like the biggest part of the campaign do you not understand

your voting block like of course old like wine moms like liberal wine moms won't understand that but the people who are skeptical of Beto you know or left-wing people or whatever tell them he got a DUI and he used to wear a dress and play bass you would win the left-wing people or whatever, tell them he got a DUI and he used to wear a dress and play bass, you would win the left-wing side of the party fucking done. Done-zo. They'd line up in droves and vote ten times. But unfortunately, they were just like, look at this guy, he's got a big head,

and he says fuck, and that's as far as you can go. He's like, fuck yeah, I'm going to take your AR-15s, and I'm going to put them in my ass, bitch. And everybody's like, fuck yeah, I'm going to take your AR-15s and I'm going to put them in my ass, bitch. And everybody's like, oh, I mean, all right. I suppose it's fine, I guess. I wish you would have worded that differently for sure. Yeah. Oh, fucking Uvalde.

I'm fucking pissed off motherfuckers about this shit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was all these fucking crackers and pieces about this shit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was kind of tough. All these fucking crackers and pieces of fucking shit. The police fucking Uvalde should be fucking raped, dude.

His thing was, he was cursing like a 10-year-old who just started and that was pretty grating. You know what I mean? All of you and your fucking pistol guns, yeah, fucking dip shit much? And you're like, ah guns. Yeah, fucking dipshit much? And you're like, ah, Jesus Christ. Okay.

Okay. If he called Obama the hard R, I might have voted for him in the primary. That would have been such a fucking crazy move. I wouldn't have agreed with it. Listen, I thought I voted for him. Turns out he's a huge beep. And you're just like, that's it. Dude, that would be fucking crazy.

I don't agree with it on a racial level, but on a personal attack level, that would be fucking insane. To immediately go nuclear, you don't even try to talk a little bullshit before. If Joe Biden called Donald Trump the hard R, I think he would get reelected. Yeah, no. I don't know why. Because it's a nuclear button at this point. Yeah, yeah. You know, when you're calling him woke. Hey. Yeah don't know why. Because it's a nuclear button at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, when your opponent... You're calling him woke? Hey. Yeah. It's over. What if I called you the hard-R? What if that's how that went? I, yeah, I kind of, I remember thinking, like, when the election happened, I was working at the university,

and a couple of the people who were adjuncting, like I shared an office with some of the other adjunct guys and they were like, oh, well, Bernie dropped out. Are you going to vote for Joe Biden? I was like, no. And they're like, oh, you're going to vote for Trump. And I was like, no. And they're like, we got to vote for somebody. And it's kind of like it is. It's not frustrating.

And it's kind of like, it's not frustrating. I'm just always surprised and taken aback at how many people still kind of believe in, like, you should still do something. Like, you should still take time out of your day to vote for somebody. It's funny to know that, like, my, like, stupid libertarian friends from high school who, like, I could never talk any sense into. Sure, yeah, yeah. Are, like, not even the most, like, deranged libertarian friends from high school who like i could never talk any sense into sure yeah are like not even the most like deranged they're not i know they're not because like they like most of them like have normal jobs and they like you know like i mean like work for the city or whatever like you know like yeah yeah um not saying they're like stupid but like it's it is dumb to me to be a libertarian that's just how i that's just what i believe i believe you're missed i i believe i believe i get where you're coming from but i feel like having a society

motivated by nihilism is not one that i want to live in so that's why I don't believe that yeah anyway those people those guys who are basically fucking Dale from King of the Hill yeah are not the most deranged people people who are like like I don't know like either fucking like QAnon people

still somehow or like I thought that all fell apart I thought they went their separate ways but there's still people who like i thought that all fell apart i thought they went their separate ways but there's still people who were like on that bullshit yeah or people who were like yeah he's fuck he's fucking convicted motherfuckers put it in your face yeah yeah yeah get this big old biden booty in your face smoke on that pussy bitch yeah kamala's up next motherfuckers yeah i was trying to i was trying to express to like people the Discord, I was like, I understand. Like, if you ever hear like a libertarian, like I have friends who are libertarians,

and you hear them and you're like, yeah, you know, the pharmaceutical companies in America are evil. And you're like, yes. And they're like, ah, you know, the Citizens United, like the money in politics thing is bad. And I'm like, uh-huh. Citizens United, like the money in politics thing is bad. And I'm like, uh-huh. And they're like, ah, you know, like there's like corruption at every level in every facet of American life, whether it be jurisprudence, law, commerce, real estate, everything is a scam.

And you're like, yes, yes, yes, brother. You're here with me now. And then they go, that's why I believe in a completely free market-based society i'm like you're living in it you're living your dream this is what you wanted you get to live it you have everything you want and that's of course where we disagree but to your point like i have just as i have way more friends who are i guess just like standard issue like hillary clinton times and we just don't talk about shit anymore um that are like yeah did you see uh that he got convicted 34 felonies and I'm like I don't nothing's gonna happen to the guy it's Teflon Don and there's something that drives those people

nuts when you say the truth and I'm not I'm really not trying to be like I'm a truth to I'm not I'm saying nothing's going to happen to him. Not nothing. Nothing at all. He might win the election. He might win with 34 felonies. And you spend all this time watching the tick tocks and watching the news and waiting for him to go to jail for the last four years. And it's a fucking it's it's an exercise in futility because you can't touch him i'd like to do some exercises in futility with his fucking balls and dick you know what i mean

yeah see if he can get my ass pregnant i'd like to try to get his shit hard at 75 yeah yeah i bet his sack i bet he's got a small dick but a giant sack for some you know what dude that's crazy that you say that because i genuinely genuinely believe that and i've always kind of felt that's why he is i feel like he has a big ass package yes his dick is legitimately very small yeah but he has a pig pig set of balls yes yeah i've known guys like that before you see him in the locker room you go this against all odds this is an alpha yeah yes yes he cannot fuck correctly women are disgusted by the sight of this man they do not want what he has going on but to another man they see the big ass disgusting horse balls yes the big ass balls yeah it i think it i don't maybe women mean, I'm sure women appreciate a big set of balls,

but I don't think it's their top priority. No, no, no, no, no. They would prefer a normal penis and normal balls to giant balls, weird, miniature, like the type of, the corns that you get in stir-fry. Yes. In the bags, the mini corns. Yes, yeah. Baby corn and a big

old fucking set of apples to another man that's some sort of alpha because most guys, it's a bell curve most guys have normal dick, normal nuts not a lot of guys have huge dick, huge nuts or huge

dick, little nuts is an interesting I feel like huge dick, huge nuts it's like, yeah little nuts is an interesting buildup. I feel like huge dick, huge nuts, it's like, yeah, no big deal. Whatever. Welcome to the big leagues. Because if a guy has a huge dick, you're not looking at his nuts. You're looking at the wiener. Yes. You're admiring.

Unless his balls have cancer or something and they're giant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's rare. Yeah. Now, if a guy has a big penis, tiny balls, not an alpha. Crazy build. Opposite of an alpha. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a hormonal problem. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's probably a guy who's jacking his big, beautiful dick off too much and needs to stop. Well, I genuinely was like, okay, this guy has the charisma. Well, I like I genuinely I was like, OK, this guy has the charisma. This guy has this guy has like the charisma, the arrogance, the aloofness, the kind of confident apathy of a dude with a huge pipe. But there's something underneath that. Right. There's something underneath it that screams I need to be loved by everybody. And that to me is, and other things of course

is what leads me to believe I'm on your side here. Little dick. Because if you got a huge sack, you go, I got a big set of nuts. That's pretty cool. Not a lot of guys have that. Most guys just have normal nuts, right? Right. And you get to say to yourself, you get to look in the mirror when you take your fucking size 46 slacks off, you take the red tie off, you go and coif the fucking hair and you guys are like, god damn, I got a big ass set of balls. And you look at yourself and you go, not a lot of motherfuckers have a huge ass set

of nuts. And that's true. But then you see the penis. And that explains the other aspects of the personality, you know. He's like a gorilla. Right. All balls, no dick. All balls, no dick. Huge ass fucking sack. little ass cherub penis which sucks but at the same time you get you get it's fine dude yeah women don't care yeah and

if they say that they do then they're a whore how about that just kidding that's mean but you know a lot it's it's a beautiful thing. I assume if you have a tiny penis, people probably don't even notice. People are so busy, they're looking at their damn phones instead probably. That's my guess. I always like Steve-O's approach where he was like, yeah, it's really small. And then he just showed it on TV for 20 years. And it's like, yeah, that's crazy, dude.

And then he was like, yeah, it barely works either. And you're like, damn. Does he have like a micro penis? No, it's just small. It's funny because him and Pontius do most of the penis-related stuff, and both of them are like, it's tiny. And then everybody's like, that's big dick energy. And then they just show themselves feeding their penis to like a

baleen whale. It's like, it's like, yeah, it's like the size of a little piece of carrot or whatever. And you're like that. And they're not lying. And it's like,

no, that's BDE baby to say you got a small one. It's like, no, I think that's just a rich guy with a small ass dick guy with a fuck ton of money. And he's like, yeah,

making jokes about you having a tiny tiny dick when you don't have one uh it was it was it was kind of in a few years ago but yeah yeah yeah yeah i i say we i don't i say we don't steal valor no i i think you know what i mean it really is disrespectful if you have a big ass dick keep it to yourself because that's not funny that's not that's not funny if you're a comedian and you have a big ass dick, keep it to yourself because that's not funny. That's not. That's not funny. If you're a comedian and you have a big ass dick, don't tell people unless you unless you figure out a funny way. I watched a reel the other day on Instagram and it was a guy, a comedian talking about how big his dick was. That sucks.

That's not good. And he was saying he was eight to 10 inches. That is fucking bullshit. That's not good. And he was saying it was eight to ten inches. That is fucking bullshit. That sucks. And I thought, what a range. From big penis to monster. To medically probably too big. You know what I mean?

Let me ask you this. I might depend on the girth, you know what I mean? Right, right, right. But ten inches, hey, let's face it. The whole thing's... Some of it's going to be, you know, some of it's just going to be hanging out. Right.

The last, you know, you're not going all, you know. Right, right. Unless you got some fucking, you know, Miss Deep Dish pussy, you know, or whatever. Size queen. Yeah, but you're going to have some dick that's just kind of, you know, left behind. And that's going to suck suck for you Like the rapture

Yeah A guy with a normal penis Doesn't have to deal with that Nah he just gets to live free He's hey Is If you have a small enough penis You literally

Don't ever have to worry about that Nothing You ever think about that You have no problems The whole penis is The whole penis is going in there You know what I mean Yeah yeah of course Of course Of course I know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, of course.

Of course I know what you mean. Yeah. We used to make fun of Frank, my roommate. Shout out to Frank. Because he has no penis? No, because he listens to this show and he's going to text me in two weeks because he's going to be on a shoot.

And he's going to text me like, dude, come on. But no, he just has a huge low-hanging nut. It's been a problem. I've known him over a decade. And we lived together in apartments with all of our friends. We rented houses and kept rent cheap by just five or six of us to a house. You all know this. And we had a rule that we established halfway through the tenure of all living together where we were like, hey, if you're off work and you're going to rock basketball shorts, you have to rock briefs, not boxers briefs.

Because he would be sitting on the couch and just like, you know how you sit down in basketball shorts. They write up a bit, but they're still like mid die. one of his nuts would just be hanging out dude mid-thigh like that's that's i mean it's not unacceptable right you're in your own home but you do share a space with several other guys like hey dude one of your nuts is out he'd be like yeah that happens and i'm like it shouldn't he's like i'm at home and i'm like frank i know you're at home but i'm at home too and we're all playing rocket league and smoking weed on our day off and i don't want to have to turn to you to ask you to hand me the bong and see one of your nuts hanging out of your and one shorts it's just not something that i signed up for on the one day i have off work and be like

yeah i'm not gonna go put on underwear and so we would all just have to resign ourselves to the fact we would have a heart-to-heart conversation. Hey, man, yeah, you've probably just been hitting, you know, we've all been hitting the bottle too heavy. We're going to have to take a break. Us boys, we can't keep drinking like this. And then you look down and just both of his nuts are out the right side of his shorts.

And it took me a while to realize. I just thought maybe it was like a thing he was running like a joke he was doing and then he just kind of he was like yeah no they just droop and I'm like damn he's like it's not even they're even that that big they're just they're just fucking long and that is that is an even rarer loadout to not necessarily have a big sack it's just one to be 22 and to just have just have a dangler you know just like a fucking just kind of like david uh david's sling that he hit goliath in his fucking dome with you know it's beautiful it's crazy how many types of men there are yeah it's nuts girls i know that

you guys have different types of shit to go on with you. You know, have you ever hung out with a group of ladies and they start talking like you aren't there? Dude, nothing more damaging to the ego than to be hanging out with a group of ladies and they get drunk enough and act like you're not in the room. Has that ever happened to you? Because you think, I don't know, I grew up, we both kind of grew up religious.

Until I was like in college, I had this idea that when women get together, they talk about apple pie. You know? And how to steam clean clothes. Yeah. And how to iron things. Other animals. No, they are...

Dude. It's terrible. It's bad. It's like... People are like, oh, men get together and they talk nasty. Dude, get the fuck out of here. I never want to hear that shit again. It's bad. It's like, people are like, oh, men get together and they talk nasty. Dude, get the fuck out of here. I never want to hear

that shit again. It's alarming. And it's not to say every girl group's like this. I feel like it's like a 60-40 ratio, 60 in favor of the more crassness.

I've been around just normal people. But every, you know, more often than not, especially when I was younger, you get around like four or five girls

and what it typically is in my experience is it's like you go over to their apartment and you're one of the boyfriends. And maybe there's like there's max two boyfriends because more than two boyfriends, they don't get down with it. Five or six glasses of wine later, they're like, yeah, my shit stinks. And it's kind of got a blueness to it. And you're like, oh, not great. You know what I mean? Or or yeah, you you know that guy he uh and we were having sex it was like kind of purple when it came out and you're like that

hold on a second why are there colors involved in this conversation that don't need to be there or whatever the fuck there's just a level of disgust to it that i'm i guess i wasn't privy to you know what i mean yeah i uh i'm considerate and uh whenever i am around a group of women i don't listen to anything they say i understand that you try to position yourself you try to position yourself as sort of the moral arm of the show always bending towards justice but i think i think quite the opposite i think you've been towards... You've been looking this whole time for somebody to match your freak. What do you mean by that?

Well, this whole time we've been doing this show, you give off an aura of like, I'm a deviant. I kind of need a deviancy in my life. And so that's why you started the show with me, to reach out to more deviants. Yeah, well, you nailed it, really. I'm evil.

Yeah, I'm a bad guy through and through to my bones. I'm an evil fella. You got to watch out for me. You're an evil fella. You got to watch out for me. One lucky trait I have is usually if I'm in a big enough social setting where it's like late night and the girls have been drinking too much. Guess who's also been drinking too much? This guy right here, and he is listening to beer the beer i'm listening the sounds of the

sound of the beer going into my mouth and me setting the bottle back down yeah yeah yeah and the sound it makes when it comes back off that picnic table uh-huh and then the sound when it goes in the trash and then the sound of the cooler opening, the sound of the bottle opener, the sound of me setting it down, picking it up, grabbing another one. Lighting a cigarette? Lighting a cigarette. Taking a key bulb?

Putting that key in the ignition. No, no, baby. No, you're right. I just kind of... No, I do know what you mean about The lady talk is crazy But Yeah, I do That is one thing I like about drinking Especially like in public

It's just sort of Getting snippets of everything From different people And it's nice when you're, like, a couple steps behind so you can, like, you know, you can pick up on people saying out-of-character stuff.

Well, there's, like, I like it, and the way that it works for me, you painted a wonderful, you've woven a tapestry for me wherein, like, my brain, when I'm, like, it can't be too many beers,

it can't be too little, but around six or seven, it's like an AM radio where it's just static. And I've got the dumb smile on my face and it's just the sound of me drinking beer.

It's like, and then every now and then my brain will tune to the conversation next to me and it's like, he was a gaslighter and a manipulator and a narcissist

and I'm like, awesome, I'm gonna tune into this for a bit. And you know what? He was his dick was broken you're like that's fucking badass he sounds awesome i'd probably be his friend in real life more static that's the inside of your head oh yeah i got it for like a nine percent apr and then now everything's like 15 boring gay yeah i hit a dog the other day and I got out of the car and it was whimpering. Nice. I like this one.

I'm going to tune in for a bit. Yeah, it was whimpering and it had blood coming out of its mouth and then I kind of just like held the rosary for a bit and said sorry to God and I was kind of washed over with this guilt but then I just got back on my Nissan and drove drunk to work.

Man, I love this radio station. And then you hang out at that one for a bit. You drink six more beers and then that guy, you see him drink six beers, and he gets in his car on the way home, and the cops pull him over. And you're like, God damn, what a great show. You know what I mean?

Yeah. But honestly, I just, when I drink, I just hear children crying. That's crazy man that is a really interesting thing yeah you think so is it do you think it's real

are these kind of like the hallucinations of the mind of an alcoholic or are these the sounds of actual children sort of crying what are you doing it's Wednesday 8.18pm C doing? It's Wednesday, 8.18 p.m. CST.

It's not in the... Maybe some of it's in the future or in the past, but I don't know why the voices are different every time. Isn't that silly? Don't you hate it when you have two beers and you can't stop hearing people talk to you when you're alone? Don't you hate it when you have two beers and you can't stop hearing people talk to you when you're alone? Don't you hate it when you have two beers

and you start experiencing time sort of as like a fluid? Don't you hate it when you open the bottle and you can hear your great-great-grandfather die? You can hear him die in the Civil War? On the side of the Confederates. He dies wailing in a ditch, I love slavery. And you go, God damn, that's not

that's no good. Stop it. Stop being racist. No, I'm not. I would say, hey motherfucker. Times have changed. You're dying. You better fucking repent and be woke.

My ancestors, they were all woke Confederate soldiers. They were trying to change the Confederacy from the inside. They joined the Confederate Army to try to bend it towards justice. They said, we want to let the slaves go on our own terms.

Yeah, right. Not on Lincoln's terms. We wanted to do it earlier, not when he says. Yeah, yeah. Yes, we're the Republicans, and we want to let the slaves go free. They were Democrats. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, they were Democrats, and they switched sides.

The parties basically flipped, right, in the 20th century? Something like that, yeah. In the 60s or something. Yeah the 20s something like that yeah i mean i that's 60s or something yeah that's something yes there's something that i you see a lot where it's like democrats invented the kkk or whatever and you're like i thought it was like common knowledge that they was like yeah the republicans they're like yeah it's the lincoln's party no big fucking deal yeah well it's yeah it's always the the parameters are always switched the goalposts no big fucking deal. Yeah. Well,

it's, yeah, it's always the, the parameters are always switched. The goalposts are switched depending on what you're talking about. Like we're the party of Lincoln. And it's like, okay, well,

he was like, you know, he believed in this and it's like, no, that's gay. And you're like, oh, all right,

that's fine. Yeah. Now they're just a party of LinkedIn. Yeah. Because they're all trying to make connections with other racist guys. Yeah. Listen, the election's going to be here in five months. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, don't hold your freaking breath. Don't hold your... Five months is a long time. I didn't know a bunch of european countries just like all vote for the hitler party or whatever like it was like france germany belgium italy's had that one lady that's like a mussolini lady or whatever the fuck for a little while i don't know i feel like if any all right any country shouldn't be allowed to have like a right-wing party i don't think any country should be allowed to have one but it shouldn't be allowed to have a right-wing party. I don't think any country should be allowed to have one,

but it shouldn't be Germany. You know what I'm saying? After World War II, there should have been some sort of meeting with all the minds, like Winston Churchill, Joseph Stalin, FDR, and they should have said, all right, the only party that Germany can have is everybody's cool party.

Everybody's chilling. You can't have like... Yeah, but I don't think the U.S. was like, all right, we're going to ban the party that made us rich. Yeah, you're right. You're 100% right. We're going to ban the party. I am tired of all these technological advancements.

I hate all these new scientists we have. I don't like it. I don't like all this medical research. These rockets go too fast. I hate it. I don't even want to know. I know there's some in the room right now. We've got to get rid of these Nazis.

We're going to fucking exile them into Lockheed Martin and to Bayer. Boeing. And to Harvard and all these places. We're basically carpet bombing all these fucking Nazis. We're sending them to fucking General Electric, AT&T. We're sending their asses to fucking, yeah, fuck you guys. You've got to work for GM now. We're exiling youes to fucking Yeah fuck you guys You gotta work for GM now

We're exiling you guys to a beautiful estate Eight bedroom We're sending you guys to fucking Yeah have fun in Goddamn Connecticut I hear the weather's real nice in Connecticut this time of year I hear the weather's real nice in Myrtle Beach In a lakeland Ocean property, bitch.

Yeah, have fun in Florida. It's fucking crazy, dude. It really is crazy that all of these guys are facing the rope, and the U.S. is like, hold on a second. We got to take our... They treat it like NBA draft. All right, we're going to take our pick first. Before you guys send these dudes downriver,

any of you guys super fucking good at math and propaganda and stuff? Any of you guys really good at medicine? Making rockets go fast as shit? I know a couple of you boys know how to do math out the wazoo. Sweden's like, any of you guys design furniture? Any of you guys design furniture

and have a bunch of gold? We have designed the perfect dresser Yeah, any of you guys Listen, a lot of you dudes are about to be hung by the neck till you're dead If you want to avoid the hangman's rope Do advanced propulsion mathematics now Speak up now Do advanced propulsion mathematics now. Speak up now. Do advanced propulsion mathematics

or show me a bunch of gold or show me a bunch of deer. Do any of y'all make house music? Tell me right now. And any of you guys make beautiful fucking... Any of you guys invented keyboards? Because that's going to be super important to us.

I need somebody to make du hast by the end of the day before you're all getting the fucking wall. You're all getting the rope. Hey, listen. I know that a lot of your brothers and cousins are going to trial for atrocities against

mankind. And if they're dumb, that's fine. But if any of you guys are smart, just blink three times before your neck snaps and you die. You can get on this boat and in six months you'll be sitting pretty and you'll have a name.

Your name, instead of being Werner Bauhaus, it'll be Werner Bauhaus Johnson. That's the name an American can stand by. You know what I mean? It's a beautiful name. It's a beautiful name. That's the name an American can stand by. You know what I mean? It's a beautiful name. It's a beautiful name. That's pretty.

You know what? At the end of the day, Operation Paperclip. Win some, lose some. Operation Paperclip, baby. Hey, listen. You know? It ain't all it's cracked up to be.

You know, nowadays, it would probably be Operation Potato Chip. Yeah, because of how fat everybody's gotten and how soft they've gotten. Yeah, and because of Crunch. What'd you think of that one? That's fine, I guess. Yeah.

Operation Who Fried the Shrimp. Operation Pay With Chip or Tap. At the Apple Store. Yeah, Operation Let It Slip. And sometimes you say it in traffic. At the Apple store Yeah Operation let it slip And sometimes you say it In traffic Sometimes you just

You know Sometimes it just comes out You know what I mean Did any other countries Take those guys Or was it just I feel like maybe A couple of them did

I don't want to say for sure I feel like definitely I would venture to say Most Most of the guys Yeah Did just fine Argentina Brazil a couple of them did i don't want to say for sure like definitely i would venture to say most most of the guys yeah just fine argentina brazil south of south america they invented a new type of samba yes yeah yeah uh the adidas samba um yeah the adidas samba was probably directly um thanks to Nazism. Otherwise, why would it be called a Samba?

Right. You know what I mean? Right, yeah. Well, I guess it's like... Just saying stuff sometimes. Sometimes I don't really mean anything by what I say, and that's okay nowadays. Yeah. Sometimes you can...

You don't have to stand behind anything, you know? Although, literally, Adi Dossler founder of Adidas Was a Nazi Yeah so was Henry Ford But Puma was I don't remember If Puma was by Nazis or not IBM

Can't recall IBM, BMW, Mercedes Porsche Porsche That's a real shame About Porsche It's beautiful watches Mercedes. Porsche. Porsche, yeah. That's a real shame about Porsche. It's beautiful watches. It's, uh, we did the same thing with the Japanese, too.

Like, god damn. We saw we blew you guys up pretty good. Turns out you guys got super good at torturing. And you guys got to bring that shit on over here. Because we thought we understood it. But you guys got... You guys be doing some shit over there. You guys be doing some kind of... Oh, my God.

You guys have cloned yourselves. How did you do it? Just General MacArthur. Pat and him and him are standing next to each other. Oh, my God. There's millions of you. You're all the emperor's clone. How did you do it, you bastards?

Get Werner Von Braun here on an airplane fast. They've been printing off the Japanese. Truman? Truman, I don't know how they did it, but they made $30 million of themselves. I'm sitting here looking in a... Oh, God damn it. We thought they.

Oh, my God. We thought they just had the jet plane, but as it. This whole island's baloney. It's like a Shutter Island situation where it's. Yeah. Well, you know. You thought Godzilla was bad. You know, Hitler had the time machine,

and we've been trying to reverse engineer that for quite some time, and boy, we're not getting any nowhere. That Wernher von Braun and that Oppenheimer are too busy building the bomb. But if you'd believe it, this little island on the coast in the Pacific Ocean, boy, it's all one guy. Millions of times. The Emperor just cloned himself.

We're trying to figure out how he did it. Do you speak the language? Me? Yeah, I was wondering if you spoke Japanese. Not fluently. Yeah, I've been working on it. I like to say stuff like that. Yeah, I don't speak Japanese fluently, because that's true.

But it also makes it sound like I speak a little bit of Japanese. Like a conversation. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm really rusty in that I've only, I know the word Okinawa. Do you speak?

That's a place there. Do you speak the language of the Lord, Syrian Aramaic? Do you speak that? Yeah, no, not fluently. I've been working on it. I don't think I even speak English fluently.

No, I don't. I really don't. Do even speak English fluently. No, I don't. I really don't. Do you ever have this thing happen where you're watching a documentary or something or reading a book, and you see a word used correctly by a smart person, and you realize you've been using that word wrong as shit? And just like in casual conversation. It happens like once a year for me. I misread the word misled.

We talked about it. I thought it was misled for like 20 years. Yeah, me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was a very stupid one. That was the main one for me. I think something like suspicion or suspicious or something. Yeah.

One of the things... I thought it was like suspicious or something like that when I was a kid, but that was like when I was a kid. I just thought ostentatious was like, I thought it was like a synonym for obvious. And when I was in college, I just used it all the time. And it just, I remember conversations like, yeah, this is ostentatious.

Because I just, I would just hear a word and then my brain would fill in the kind of blanks. And I was just sort of kind of like how I am now, but worse, just sort of like like unnecessarily and needlessly unwarranted arrogance or whatever. And I'd be like, yeah, it's sort of an ostentatious move, you know, same thing with ostensibly. I just didn't know what that meant, but it sounded cool. So I would just use it. And it turns. I just didn't know what that meant, but it sounded cool. So I would just use it. And it turns out I just wasn't using them correctly. And still to this day, kind of only barely know what they mean. But that's fine.

You know what else is fine? Going to Patreon.com slash Pendejo time. And subscribing. Sorry, go ahead. No, what's up, buddy? I was saying we're really close to hitting 1,500 subs on there Yeah, yeah, yeah You guys can sub for a dollar if you want

Sub for a big buck We prefer $5 because that way you get the bonus episodes You get the bonus episodes for $5 and Discord access That $1 gets you access to the Discord It's not like you're just giving us a buck for nothing Yeah, $10 gets you access to the video episodes, which are also good and you can watch some of those for free on youtube and so if you haven't yet check them out check out the free ones on youtube and if you like those you'll like the video ones on our patreon as well that's 10 bucks but like i

said i'm not trying to steal from you see if if you like them. Go to YouTube. Pendejo Time on YouTube as well. Yeah. Check us out on Instagram and Twitter as well. Yeah. Trying to get the dollar dollar bills. Dollar dollar bills. I need to post more of the clips. Thank you, Nick, for making those for us.

Yes. Our friend Nick has been helping us out with the clips lately. He's awesome. Thank you. I need to ask him how much public credit he wants because I don't know if he has a real job or not. I mean, that sounds bad. I don't know if us.

He wants to be associated with this is what I, yeah. Right, right, right. But he, thank you so much, Nick, for your help. And it's not Nick Mullen. No. If you think that Nick Mullen is our producer, he has not fallen on that hard of times. That would be a funny move, man.

That would be hilarious if he texted Tom. That is also something he would do. Just to self-sabotage, he would be like, no, fuck my show. You guys need a producer? I'm a producer for Thomas and Jake now. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah. Check out Padeo Time Worldwide, YouTube, and then the Patreon.

And have a dope-ass Thursday, motherfucker. Bye. Motherfucker. Bye.