Pendejo Time - get well soon otis

Episode Date: June 23, 2022

thomas' kitty cat had a little belly ache and they had to take him to the kitty cat doctor. Support the Show.

What were you saying? I was saying, you know, there's something within a certain percentage of the elderly population's mind is that they can just sort of drift through any scene just kind of unscathed. Right. So this guy and his wife come into this backyard or whatever, and we're taking down two of their neighbor's trees. Yeah. But they're paying for part of it because it goes on their property or whatever.

Anyway. Right. This lady's like, yeah, I think y'all are in the wrong trees from where I can see. I was like, nope, right trees. Nothing to worry about. She's like, just from here it looks like it might be. I was like, nope. Bright trees. Nothing to worry about. She was like, just from here it looks like it might be. I was like, nope. Two big red oaks. Only two of them. We're in them.

Nothing to worry about. No need to pursue this. They start going into the backyard where there are two climbers. One of these tree. They're both just dropping big ass logs on the ground, which is fine. If you know what's going on.

Right. And you know that you should just be like, hey, is there about to be a big ass log dropped on my head? Before you go into that area? And if they say yes, you just wait like a little bit, and then you can go in. This fucking old-ass man, he's not that old. He's like 60-something. He just starts walking through the gate,

straight through the gate. I'm watching, and my boss is up there. I can see him. I can see him. I can see him standing right where the old man is. Oh, good old Mike's just standing there. He's got up in the tree. He's got a fucking big ass branch. Yeah.

About to drop it. He's holding it because he can see that there's an old fucking old ass man. Yeah. About to just mosey on through. Yeah. Other guys in the tree as well other tree running the saw he can't hear shit so this old man starts walking back there i'm like hey i wouldn't go back there because they're you know they're taking down the trees you know he keeps walking i'm like hey i hey, I wouldn't, I would go inside.

I wouldn't go back there. Because if a log hits you, it's going to hit you in the head and that's going to hurt. So you should go, you shouldn't go back there. You should not go. Anyway, I just like, I don't really get anything out of it. But like, it has to be getting like bitch made in front of wife by, like, somebody who's a third of your age. Right, yeah. There's a part of your brain that doesn't allow it.

There's a part of your brain that says, what I'm going to do. I know this kid is right. I know he's objectively correct. Yeah. I'm going to pretend I didn't hear him. Yeah. I'm going to walk and I'm going to get killed. Because I've got two options here. I don going to pretend I didn't hear him. Yeah. I'm going to walk and I'm going to get killed. Yeah.

Because I've got two options here. I don't get killed. I hang back like the guy said. My wife sees that. She knows I'm a bitch. She cheats on me. Yeah, yeah. She cheats on me.

We've been married 40 years. Yeah. With her old 65-year-old pussy. Yeah. She's passing it around. Yeah. Because she saw me previously she saw me as

maybe the most masculine man in the world right as a maybe 62 year old accountant we got married sophomore year in college station

at A&M yeah been together their whole lives yeah never fucked nobody else this is the moment where I win her over and she starts

if I don't she starts sucking and fucking the whole community she will leave me she will leave me. She will leave our kids and grandkids behind. Right.

And just go for this guy who also is in a bad mood with her. He's not getting along with her either. He's against both of you. He just doesn't want to have to fill out paperwork if you guys get fucking killed. And pick your... Dude, if somebody got fucking killed you know how mad i would be i would go over and i would kick the fucking body because you know how late i would have to stay i would have fucking batista bombed that man's corpse if i'd had to stay an hour two three hours late if you're if you're talking about, like, heavy-ass logs and, like, an old woman and man's body, like, also, you're probably not picking up, like, how contorted.

Like, you're just going to kick, like, a red mass of, like, they're old. I got steel-toed boots on. It's going to be okay. I'm just imagining you fucking like You're like hey don't go over there And he's like I don't fucking I gotta talk to this man And I understand You know it's not

You know but I appreciate you And you're like hey don't go over there You're gonna fucking die And then just like final destination Like he just gets flattened Like by a big log And everybody's just like And your impulse is to go over

and just like with your steel toe just plant it like through his head. Like kick his head off his body. EMTs come and they're like, it appears he, wait a minute. He was not. It's a giant fucking boot stamp in his forehead. Like, did you curb stomp him after you killed him? It's like, no i i went to i ran over to save him and i got there right after he did you're talking like this fort worth state

stadium you're like listen last i checked you know it's not illegal to kick a dead body like he's like he's it didn't change the shape it was in a whole lot no he pretty fucked up looking yeah he was dead his spine was, neck bone popping out. It doesn't really matter if I planted my boot directly. The guy's head gets split open, and just to mock him, I start doing CPR on him in front of his wife. Oh, it looks like I'm not feeling a pulse here, which is weird. I know he doesn't have a bottom half right now.

Yeah. I know you watched blood squirt out of his eyes like you were trying to get the little bit left out of the toothpaste tube yeah and then you know you got nothing you got nothing then at the end right out of his eyeball sockets but you know i'm a trained cpr uh guy yeah So I tried giving him mouth to mouth. As it turned out, there was a little knot on the log that sort of tore his mouth and his jaw ended up somewhere around

that holly bush over there. Yeah, about 10 feet that way. Yeah, which isn't ideal. But we did our best. We did chest compressions. What was left of his chest? Obviously, I could see our best. We did chest compressions. What was left of his chest? Yeah. Obviously, I could see the heart.

I could see it wasn't beating, but I slapped it around a little bit. We played hacky sack with it. Yeah. We couldn't get it back, unfortunately. She watches you go over to him, and he's still breathing. He's hurt. She watches you go over there, and you're like, all right, everybody stand back.

You kneel down on him, and you're doing chest compression, and you go to give him mouth-to-mouth, and you start like, all right, everybody stand back. You like kneel down on him and you're like doing chest compression and you like go to give him mouth to mouth and you start like playing with his nipples. Like twisting him a little bit. Don't worry. Paramedics should be here in a couple hours. A couple hours. We're going to call.

We'll call 911 eventually. I don't remember the number for it right now. Yeah, no, I'm not, but I want you to know that your husband is still able to get hard at 65 and that is impressive. I really do respect, I respect the fuck I did for that to know that your husband is still able to get hard at 65, and that is impressive.

I really do respect. I respect the fuck I did for that. She's like, what are you doing? What are you doing? I go over like he whispered to me, like, well, minutes after he died, and I'm like, wow, he just told me to tell you that all his whole life, everything leading up to this. life everything leading up to this you know sometimes sometimes he got caught up and you know the riffraff and yeah the mumbo jumbo and you know you got work you got the kids you got grandkids yeah kids she's like no well other people's kids he was yeah what you know sometimes you got caught up in work because he was a real overachiever right

and she was like he worked for the city he was a real overachiever, right? And she was like, he worked for the city. He was a real city worker. And what he wanted to tell me. He was a great husband too, right? No, I hated it. We weren't married. We were brother and sister. What he wanted me to tell you was. Your pussy's rank in my tongue.

He wanted to say, after all these years, he was gay. Yeah. Well, I knew that. I'm in the years, he was gay. Yeah. Well, I knew that. I'm in the middle of something really important right now. I realize you're trapped in this room. Okay? Is that my bed? Maybe.

Yeah. But this mic cord doesn't reach all the way over there. So I'm going to have to wait until one of Jake's big stories, and then I'll set you free. How about that? How's that sound? Welcome to the life. You know, you keep going on tour. It's fun. Big celebrities eating cheesecake.

You think that's all fun and games? Yeah. Do you think doing a show in front of four people is fun? Do you think it's easy to sell 12 tickets? You think it's easy to sell 12 tickets you think it's easy to make between your real job and this the same amount of money that almost everyone in the united states do you like to make a uh just above the poverty line yearly salary uh from a podcast that you cannot pay yourself out with anymore.

And then, you know. Do you think it's just anyone can make $1,000 in a year? Yeah. Do you think anyone could hand over their tax return to a millionaire accountant that says that you made $12,850 in 2020? You think it's easy to do that? $1,850 in 2020. You think it's easy to do that?

When I was working in that restaurant, Abel's on the Lake in Austin, I think you hit the nail on the head. The old guy that's wrong, but his old lady's there, and it's like she's never seen him probably in his whole life be like degraded verbally or any way or even just ever admit that he's wrong there was a guy he brought like his wife and his kids is like his grandkids and it was like it's 12 top and i was handling by myself and we have a the signature drink there's just a texas tea is what we call it. All it is is a Long Island iced tea in a fucking mason jar that's like 32. It's a big son of a bitch.

And we have that, and then we have the top shelf tea. Same drink, but it's not well liquor. It's like Tullamore Dew, fucking Bombay Sapphire. It's all the fucking top shelf liquor, whatever the fuck. And he was like, hey, man, I've been coming here for years, and I don't want none of that bottom shelf shit all right i want my fucking uh i come here i like to drink the top shelf teas understood he's real stern with me i was like i was like yeah man whatever yeah he looked like he had money you know i didn't give a fuck who pay who comes out with 15 people he looked like an old frat dude and like you know i figured you know whatever

and they're ordering appetizers everybody's getting like steak and shit whatever the fuck and uh dude he drank like eight or nine of these you're only supposed to serve people too but the manager that was on duty that day was this guy mike and he was like i need you to over serve everybody at the restaurant like that was his whole life philosophy was like i don't care what happens to them when they leave here and if the police ask any questions i didn't see anything and the cameras don't work just over serve everybody because that's more money for the restaurant and likely more money for you and i was like all right i'm 19 i don't give a fuck anyway i give this guy the bill and he drank like 300 dollars worth of alcohol or whatever and he was like he wasn't even like willing to negotiate he

was like i came back and he was like i got a problem he was like i was like what's up he was like, he wasn't even like willing to negotiate. He was like, I came back and he was like, I got a problem. He was like, I was like, what's up? He was like, I thought these were like eight bucks a piece. And I was like, well, the top shelf ones are like 16. He's like, no. And I was like, what do you mean no? And he's like, I'm not paying that. He's like, shit house hammering.

And his wife is like doing this. Like she's becoming smaller, I guess. Maybe he'd be, I don't know. Maybe he's a a dickhead but she's just becoming smaller in her chair or whatever and i was like you drank them you drank you asked for them too it's not like i fucked up so like you gotta pay the piper or whatever and he's like i'm not paying for these you need to go get a manager and i was like i just told him i was like hey man the guy that's on duty is, like, mean. Like, he's way meaner than I'm being right now. I feel like I'm being pretty cordial.

Like, that guy's going to probably tell you to fuck yourself or whatever. I didn't literally say that, but I was like, hey, I can get him for you, but he's going to tell you the same thing or whatever. He's like, get that guy over here right now because I'm not paying for this. I was like, all right, man, whatever, you know. So I bring Mike over there, and I tell him a story. And he's like, all right, I got it. And he mike over there and i tell him a story and uh he's like all right i got it and he's like what's the problem sir he's like i ordered top shelf teas okay i've been coming in here 10 years and i didn't expect to pay 16 and he was like you're

gonna pay for those fucking drinks man just stopped like right this drive he's like you're gonna pay for those fucking drinks and like that's that he's like what if i don't he's like uh i'm gonna call the cops and they're gonna drag your old fat ass out of here and the guy the guy's wife was like like again like there's like a type of man that's just like went his whole life nobody ever to tell him to get fucked nobody ever even talked back to him you know like ever he was like you know uh he like uh he paid with a amazon gold card and then he tipped me 10 cents thomas has to let thomas has to let the cat out of the bedroom little baby thomas gotta let the cat out um yeah he Otis you sick fuck Otis Odie

Odie Redenbacher Real gang shit You had to let the cat out or what? Apparently I was not supposed to let the cat out Okay Fair enough I didn't realize that was a mistake Yeah anyway

It's not really an important story so much as it is like I don't know what possesses it. Actually, I do know what possesses it. It's just I think I have a couple friends who I know are going to grow into be those types of old dudes because they just don't get told no that much. They just came from money, and they're like that now, and they're like not going to have an epiphany about it or whatever when they hit, you like 60 it's probably just gonna get worse you know i'm saying yeah i hope i become a huge pussy when i'm old just start crying all the time anything anytime something goes wrong you know just you know i get a bill i don't like i just cry oh no i uh i loved waiting on guys that would open carry because by

the way you're not allowed to open carry in restaurants in austin uh you're just not but at places i've worked this wasn't just one place there's a couple places uh we would have these shift meetings and you know one of us would bring it up and it's like, hey, there's a sign out front that says that like the open carry doesn't apply here for pistols. Like you can't have them in food establishments. And like every manager, even the cool ones would be like, hey, man, it's not our it's not our thing. Like we're not fighting that. And I was like, dude, we over serve people in here. Like you tell us to over serve people.

You do. And also you're going to let people bring their Glock 9s and 40s in here? You're just on their hip, ready to go? And they're like, yeah. I was like, we have sports events here. I've had to break up several fist fights. So they're like, listen, man, this is Texas. And a lot of our clientele is wealthy guys who think they're cowboys man like if you want to

tell that dude to put his gun away in the truck be my guest and I was like okay I see what you're saying but like I never could tell those guys anything I don't I mean I guess I know that they probably wouldn't just stand up and blow my head away, like into the lake, like just shoot me over the fucking, like dump the magazine into my body and I flip off into the water. But it's all when a guy's like, hey, my wife ordered a gin and tonic, not a vodka tonic.

And I'm like, nah, I know what she ordered. She ordered a gin and tonic, but this has got a big cannon on his hip. And I'm like, yeah, man,

whatever. I'll suck my dick. I guess like, so I'll get fucked in my ass, you know, like I'm wrong or whatever. It's hard, I and I'm like, yeah, man, whatever. I'll suck my dick, I guess. Like, so I'll get fucked in my ass, you know, like I'm wrong or whatever. It's hard,

I guess to like, I don't know. Maybe I'll just, maybe I'll start telling, I don't work in a restaurant no more, but yeah, you do. Yeah.

Yeah. You fuck. Yeah, you do. I bet you do. I bet you work at a restaurant. I bet you love cooking and fucking cleaning. You serve people shit and food and stuff. I bet you clean up and you do. I bet you work at a restaurant. I bet you love cooking and fucking cleaning. I bet you serve people shit and food and stuff.

I bet you clean up and you host. I bet you're a food runner. I bet you're not even allowed to be a waiter. Dude, did you, I don't know how many restaurants you worked in, but I had this, like, I had a couple, like, ball breaker managers that were, like, very by the book. like I had a couple like ball breaker managers that were like very by the book and there was one of them um that uh whenever he would talk to the people who were not Mexican he would talk like we talked to each other but whenever he would talk to like the cooks or like the dishwashers

or like anybody else that was like Hispanic orino whatever he would talk in this like weird broken english with an accent a little bit like he would code a code switch i think is the term like he would go with me be like hey jake i need you to flush your fucking lines we're about to get slammed and i don't want no none of the fucking beers can't be foamy people been fucking leaving negative reviews i need you get your fucking shit together and just clean the bar up good like all right man whatever and then i guess i was walking away like let the one of the fucking dishwashers are walking to be like hola letty um dish dish clean good could clean dish you job great and she's like thanks like she's didn't speak english but she's not a dog you know like i've seen old people do this

like in person like i wouldn't have eavesdrop or know like i've seen old people do this like in person like i wouldn't have eavesdrop or whatever like fly on the wall stuff it's like like at walmart or like the cash register girl is clearly like hispanic like they're in front of me and and he's like debit card here plug in pen and she's like yes abla master yeah. Like, it's the most infuriating shit because I'm like, dude, they're not like, it's like fucking, hola. You know, you work today? Good day for working? Yeah, man, uh-huh. I don't understand.

Like, I guess the impulse is to, like, you think you're doing something good or whatever. But, you know, like you're not. You're just being like a fucking retard. Like you're being an idiot, you know. But that being said. I think if you told people that, it could really hurt their feelings. I don't care really. But I do want to be that type of old guy though.

I think that is. You said pussy. I think I'm going to be like. I think I'm helping, but I'm making everything like worse. I think if something goes wrong, I'm going to have a huge revolver, and I'm going to threaten to kill myself. That way. Just dress like I do now. Just like, you know, like.

Yeah. Just like, you know, Hawaiian button up or whatever. You know, I appear to be a chill guy. You know, I'm like, hey, I was wondering about this. I don't remember ordering the chips and quesoeso and they're like oh you did i'm like you want me to fucking kill myself in the bathroom is that what you're asking me to do because i really don't want to let me make one thing clear son the last thing i want to do is paint your fucking bathroom walls with the back of my skull yeah that is something I would never,

ever do under most circumstances here. Do you want me to paint the outside of this restaurant with the inside of my head? I need you to take these Southwest egg rolls back. I did not order them.

It's like, oh, okay. Do you want me to paint the inside of your ass with the outside of my dick? You're at Thanksgiving and like your grandson comes home and he's got like painted nails or whatever and it's like you know your your daughter's like listen it's a phase i need you to you know and you're like i'm not an asshole okay you can trust

me kid sits down he's like oh i don't want to be here right now you're like let me see them nails boy you're like hands using you're like daughter, boy. He like, hands you his hand. You're like, daughter's like, oh, fuck, he's gonna, you just pull a revolver out, drop one bullet, spin it,

and aim it at him and pull the trigger. Click. All right, just checking. She's like, why? It's like, look, hey,

if he died, that's his punishment. But he lived, so it's fine. I don't understand why would you doesn't matter none of your business everything calms down

magically after that yeah yeah yeah yeah you just set the gun at the middle of the table yeah yeah yeah you're like hey

can you pass like the the casserole or whatever people like move the gun around yeah yeah yeah yeah this is like afterwards it's like so I don't understand what is the big deal please don't pull so I don't understand. What is the big deal?

Please don't pull any. Please don't pull guns out on my children. Listen, you don't understand. I grew up in a different time. You were born in what, 1999? Yeah. It's a different time. You know, my daddy aimed a gun at me.

His daddy aimed a gun at him. So on and so forth, you know. So, you know, it's just the way. Now, it got nothing to do with the nails. I'll aim a gun at you. I got a gun on him, so on and so forth. It's just the way. Now, it's got nothing to do with the nails. I'll aim a gun at you. I got a gun on you right now. It's just like stereotypical racist grandfather, but you're just not racist or homophobic.

You just fire a gun at you every now and then in the house. You're like, hey, hey. Can't hear me anytime anybody asks you to lift something heavy you just like flash it like you pull your shirt up you're just like hey granddad could you come in here and help me with the boy's birthday present i got him one of them jeeps it's in the truck you know the electric ones you just lift the shirt you're telling me that i shouldn't withdraw social security at the age of 43 it's like trying to go on disability

at like just what are you 20 to about 23 22 try to go on this. I know I look a lot younger than that. Yeah. Go on disability when you hit 30. Just like, well, hips don't work no more, you know, knees blown out. I think you can get away with it. 30-year-olds do have a disability. It's a getting pussy disability. Oh.

Oh. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, guys. I'm messing around. messing around none of our audience i think is above the age of like fucking 27 no there's some there's some older guys yeah no i've met hand i've said i've met plenty of guys are older i think there's a guy in the discord that was like yeah you know i can't let my girlfriend you know can't let her know about pandandejo time. And I was like, it's not that bad, is it? But I do like the idea of we don't even say stuff that's particularly bad. It's just like having to explain.

It doesn't look good on you to be consuming this type of media. Yeah. It doesn't make you more interesting. No. It's not funny enough to show other people. Like other people get mad about like Chapo or Comptown or whatever, and then they try to defend it with principles. It's like how you defend arthur bleefold it's it's not it's not edgy it's not political it's just like it's fucking schizophrenia like it's not it's like

well babe you know they're just they're too we're not even comedians what happened everything dead oh no i'm all good my uh my monitor just went to sleep okay so i thought that it stopped recording 10 minutes ago and i was quietly freaking out but no i just needed to click it i was like it's the end of the road yeah i'll tell you what man what's up we need a new intercontinental railroad yeah let's get more chinese guys out here let's treat them better and let's do it right this time the idea of trying to hire a china like just going to china talking to like ceos doctors neurosurgeons it's like hey do you want to work for like five bucks an hour to help build the railroad like back in the day you know i know that you have like there are more rolls royce

phantoms in hong kong than anywhere in the fucking world but you know i just need you over here i remember um i think my grandma did ancestry.com or something or maybe she was just going through um like maybe they had like a family tree type thing yeah yeah like a family historian or something yeah but she was like did you know that you have one chinese ancestor and i was like hell yeah no she was like yes he worked on the on the intercontinental railroad and he had a kid he had a had a little baby with one of our kind. And then the couple, they both died of the yellow fever. And somebody found the baby a few days later next to the corpses.

And the baby was still alive somehow. And they rescued the baby. And both of the parents were dead. And if it weren't for that one Chinese guy, none of us would be here. That's the stupidest fucking story I've ever heard. Can you describe to me, or do you have the answer to the question of what type of ancestor are we talking about? There's no way you have like a great to the 10th power granddad that's chinese or is this like an uncle yeah one chinese ancestor only one

i figured maybe a cousin or something like i don't know like nope like he's he's a great granddad somewhere he's chinese i don't know man i need you to talk to i need you to get hard answers on whether like how chinese not how chinese full-blown i'm not asking i misspoke motherfucker i'm not asking how i'm not really it's so little chinese i'm not chinese at all yeah no i'm saying but i am like, it's very funny to be like you. Like, you're a white guy, but you're sitting here telling me. I got one Chinese guy. I think, dude, I think I'm 100% white.

I do. My grandma, dude, she used to just lie. She was an old liar. And she had a book. So Hayden was like her family family one of her family's maiden names and uh and the haydens were like royalty in britain now we were poor we lived in a shitty house but my grandma would be drinking like off-brand dr pepper like all like like hadn't paid the electricity bill and she was like did you know the people that came over here?

My great, great, great, great, great, great aunt, you know. They were Haydens. And Haydens were actually in the same family as Anne Boleyn. So she, we're related to Queen Anne Boleyn by blood. And I'd like six or seven and I'm like, oh, cool. So like, where's the money? Like, where's the power? Like, when does that? You you know like i i don't give a fuck if i'm are you telling me that i live in a shitty neighborhood uh

in like south side of houston area uh and i watch old vhs with you a lone star uh walker texas ranger but 500 years ago if i'd been born 500 years ago i could have been like a knight or a wizard like whatever the fuck like royal court he's like yeah i was like i don't fucking i'm seven don't tell me this shit i don't want to be i told you the same thing with the fucking uh the tobacco thing like her great something fucking grandma had a baby out of wedlock, and they were like tobacco farmers, and we got nixed out of tobacco fortune. I was like, why the fuck do I need to know about this? We don't have any, you know, I'm eating fucking beanie weenies here.

I don't give a fuck about who had money in my family 9 billion years ago. Who gives a shit? I do want to do the 23andMe thing, because I want to know why i don't have any hair on my body like i don't that's because you sleep so soundly i could just i can pluck it all out um i i like it's like i don't you know like i i don't know actually it's like maybe you've got asian in you or like native american i'm like, no, dude, I'm white. I'm white as fuck. You know what's weird is that the results shift a little bit here and there

on the 23andMe thing. Yeah. As they get more data. Like mine said, I was part Italian for a little bit. Now it's like, never mind. They're just kind of messing around with that i i don't i'm paranoid about doing it because i don't want i just don't like that stuff but i do want to do it to figure out like i didn't do it my sister did but by then it's like well i wouldn't have done this but

yeah we have the same parents so it's like who gives a fuck yeah yeah yeah my dad can't grow a beard and his dad was baby face his whole life and his grandpa was baby face uh and every man on my mom's side but so i'm like where like is it inbreeding because i'm pretty sure there's a little bit of that in my family inbreeding makes you short yeah but i'm not sure i'm not crazy tall i guess but uh i didn't know inbreeding makes you short. Are all short people inbred? No. But it does make you shorter or whatever?

No, it's a symptom of it. Oh, okay. For severely inbred people, they do get shorter. Like stockier. Not necessarily like your body looks fucked up and weird. Gross. Disgusting. Ew.

I don't know. This was like a couple years ago, but Patrick, I think, got a 23 in me one time. And like, I don't want to misquote him here but i think his entire family is from the same county in ireland that's awesome which is impressive i uh i the one that my sister did, I said this is like mostly like, you know, UK, like 60%, and then like French and German. Yeah, that's what I'm expecting. And then like a little bit of like Greek and Balkan or whatever.

And then like Levantine. But like all that other stuff is like – It's like a guess or whatever. No, it's just like it's pretty small percentages. Yeah, yeah. The main percentages are the ones where it's like, hey, you're white, by the way, if you're wondering. You're not even a cool white. You're just like you're just fucking British.

No, you're the standard mix. British, French, German. There you go. Get the fuck. Like you're the same. Get the fuck out of here. The only difference for those three people is languages. Why do you people keep taking the tests?

Yeah. It's only ever you people. Yeah. I remember there was that guy, that UFC fighter, Mike Perry, who he just absolute 100% certified Miami's most wanted wigger type guy. He said the N-word all the time, like soft day, and was like, what's good blood, like in all of his interviews and people were like hey man you can't say that and he was like all right so he took a 23 and me test and he was like not like point zero he was like three

percent west african which i like he was he was like holding it up on an instagram like for real and he was like or a video and he was like i'm good and they were like it doesn't work that way he's like i'm solid like y'all beep or like y'all are on some other shit or whatever and i was like dude massive respect like i like i don't actually three percent if you're rounding to the nearest five rounds up to five percent yeah you're rounding to the nearest 10 that rounds up to 10 right if you're rounding the nearest 15 that's 15 yeah up to the nearest quarter that's 25 which if you're around to the nearest 35 that's 35 right which rounds up to the nearest half right he's at the very least biracial yeah yeah he's yeah that's i if i don't know i mean i you know i mean the one drop rule was our rule.

We came up with that. That is true. Dude, that, that was, I remember learning about that and. Do you guys want to erase history? Yeah. Is that what you're saying? You're saying I can't be 0.1% Sierra Leonean? Yeah, I can't be.

There's nothing fishy about that. Yeah. There's nothing weird about, like, you know, white people that, you know, did terrible things to their slaves and now, you know, it's probably... I was told we were sharecroppers. What we were sharing, what we were cropping, who knows? Who knows, man? I couldn't tell you. It's none of my business. what we were sharing what we were cropping who knows who knows man I couldn't tell you it's none of my business

I think I'm gonna do it I don't I think I wanna see I think I wanna see what kind I'll just have the company pay for it and then I'll write it off okay well we talked about it on the show

so I think we technically could yeah streaming you know yeah we needed content yeah yeah we need content to talk about we're only half an hour in and we are if we got like tattoos and we were like yeah it was for a pod thing i tattoo our ein number on like like my thigh in like old english i'm like sorry i keep forgetting it man you do it on your you do it on your forearm and everyone gets mad at you.

Yeah. Like, I just didn't want to forget it. Dude. I didn't think about that. I will never forget as long as I live when people got the hex code for, like, Elizabeth Warren's, like, her green color tattooed on their wrists. And they were like, this is the code that, you know, this is Elizabeth Warren's own, like, her green for her, like, election brand or whatever.

And I was a part of the movement. And these were, like, well-meaning liberals, I suppose. And everybody was like, hey, you can't. If there's one, you can get whatever you want tattooed on your forearm, but you can't do two things. Can't have a swastika or any sort of Nazi stuff on there. Get a huge cock and balls going into a pussy on your forearm but you can't get nazi stuff and you absolutely can't have a number tattooed on your forearm those are like it's just what if it's your phone number uh i still feel like that's out of the question i feel like the funniest tattoo you can get is a white guy who's not affiliated whatsoever.

Is the area code you come from. Yeah. I've seen a few white guys with 817 area codes who aren't even from Fort Worth. They're from like fucking Millsap. Yeah. Like, bro, you just played baseball. Flower mound. Are you repping?

Yeah. What are you repping yeah are you repping anyway the um there's like three major houston area codes it's like 281 832 and uh seven what's my phone number i forgot my own phone 713 713 like, you would see guys with that. Yeah. We've talked about this type of white person fairly often. But the, like, upper middle class white dude who, like, just liked Zero a lot and a lot of, like, I guess Texas rap and got, like, his Texas area code tattooed. Like, usually left pec or perhaps, you know, like, tricep or whatever. Yeah. It's like, hey, man, you, like tricep or whatever yeah it's like hey

man you like uh your dad is like a good guy he's like he's the pony league coach he owns like all the construction sites around here and my friend tristan um is that the one i met yes yeah yeah yeah have you seen his no no, no, I have not. Dude, oh, it's so good. Center of his chest. Says 2001. That is awesome. The year he was born.

That is awesome. That is so sick. Which is funny because on his dad's side like they do they always do like a bear paw tattoo on their chest or whatever it's like yeah or something and he didn't want it he was like i don't i don't want to do tattoos and then he like got shit face and got his birth year across his chest yeah he just has that now it rules my dad my favorite tattoos but it's so funny and it wouldn't be funny on anyone else my dad he got a lion tattooed on his right pec it's dog shit dog shit tattoo and uh and he's got this like japanese symbol uh it's like my zodiac sign or whatever or like my i don't know if my dad knows what it means i'm gonna i don't think you probably if i took a picture of it and posted it on twitter

and was like what it might mean like fucking like pad thai beef i don't fucking know my dad got it in houston but anyway the lion it just has one eye it just has one eye and i remember when he got it i was like 12 and i was like hey dad uh why is the lion only got one eye is he like a tough lion or whatever he goes what i was like why is the lion only got one eye he goes hold on a second like walks into the bathroom and takes he like unbuttons the rest of his shirt and he's like like walks into the bathroom and takes he like unbuttons the rest of his shirt and he's like son of a bitch that was like he i was like what i was like he was like guys motherfuckers supposed to have two eyes i didn't i didn't ask for the one-eyed lion and i was like how'd you not know and he was like i don't know man i got this shit in the garage he's like i'm fucking he's like i i

he was like i was like you've had it like he'd had it at this point for like two weeks but i know that you don't see your chest. You know, like you can look down, but it's not like you don't or whatever. But he got it shit face. And I guess he was just like, all right, that looks good. But it had one eye. And it's not even like it's not again. It's not missing an eye.

There's just gray. Like it's not like a hole where an eye should be with a scar. It's just clearly a lion with a lion's mane and then like just blur like the guy just he just he just scraped like he just went over it dude just like ah fuck like i was just like what are you talking about you didn't know did i uh i tell you did i tell? This might have been an earlier episode, but he told me that he had this buddy of his. I think it was a guy he met in the military. I don't remember. But anyway, kind of like Weeaboo before Weeaboo was like a fucking.

He was one of those guys before the internet that was really into Asian stuff. And I guess Asian women. It was just a strange guy. He was a friend of my dad's or whatever. was one of those guys before the internet that was really into asian stuff and i guess asian women it was just a strange guy he's a friend of my dad's or whatever anyway my dad goes to walter reed leaves the army but that guy ends up going to japan or some shit and gets himself you know like a japanese wife or whatever and uh you know he uh he gets a tattoo of like their like their family something or whatever like on his arm or whatever. And it's supposed to mean, like, you know, honor and, like, all this shit and, like, his name and her name and, like, her birthplace, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he had a little baby, so he, like, added something to it.

Anyway, they move back to Pasadena, Texas. And, you know, my dad's hanging out with this guy. And he was like, man, you know, my wife's family came over from Japan and he's like man you know my wife's wife's family came over from japan he's like oh that's awesome man he was like well you know it wasn't that awesome dave i gotta tell you something you know it was kind of weird i was like why and he's like well they're very proper people and my wife insisted that i had my tattoo or whatever you know i was like ah you know so i hit it you know but it got hot in the house, so I rolled my sleeves up, you know, and they see it on my arm. And they start laughing real hard, really, really fucking hard.

And I was like, oh, they like it. You know, I don't know these people's culture. And, you know, his wife, I guess, never told him. She was like a very, like quiet, sort of timid lady. But, you know, the fucking... Anyway, the guy's tattoo said, at the end of the day, this is an ugly boy. That was like a rough translation.

It wasn't like the family's name. It just said, end of day, ugly boy. Like on his forearm or whatever. He just never got it covered up or anything. They were like, that tattoo says, end were like, that tattoo says end of day. This is an ugly boy. And he's like, no, it's your wife's. And he like looks at her and she's like, like, my dad's like, man, are you going to get that covered up?

He's like, no, it's kind of funny now. And he's like, I mean, I guess, you know, it's like, I guess it doesn't fucking matter. And I was like, you know, like, dude, like two or three years ago, I was like, Hey man, whatever happened to Greg? You know, the end of the tattoo. And he's like, Oh yeah, I think he's in prison.

I was like, Oh, okay. And I was thinking like, you know, I can't imagine like, you know, like you're running,

trying to run with the AB cause you're a white guy. And they're like, what's that tattoo say? No, it's warrior or whatever. It's like, I'm fucking, I'm a warrior. I was in the war you know army army strong it's been a lot of time in afghanistan and it got shipped off to japan got an injury just make up some story but there's

like one japanese guy who's just like hold on a minute give one second you know fucking a dude i love those who's also part of the ab dude i saw okay so i was watching what was the documentary called it was like locked up or something and i didn't know or world's most dangerous i don't fucking know some prison show and uh they were talking about the nazi lowriders they're like cholo nazis that to me is a sick sick, sick combo. I love that. I don't know, like, because there's white guys, but there's also, like, Chicano dudes in there, you know, that are like, what's up, SA? Like, 1488. 1488 homes.

Come on, man. It's just like heritage, bro. It's heritage, not hate, big dog. It's like, well, it's like, pero like. It's not about hate. It's about pride. Pero like, you know, I just don't want them to move into my neighborhood, ese. It's just, you know, my neighborhood, like, it's just, like, pure, you know.

It's not about, like, I don't like them. You know, it's like. We got, like, dead chihuahuas and shit, but, like, overall. Overall, though. It's good. It's good. You know, like, here's the thing. People say I'm racist, but, like, how can I be racist?

How can I? Everything all good? It looks like one of the cats is sick. Okay. I'm going to be right back. Okay. All right. I might have to sit this one out for the rest.

We'll figure it out. Okay. Sorry. We've got 43 minutes. That's all right. Yeah, go do your thing. All right. Welcome back to the show. Thomas has to take care of his kitty cat.

He's pretty sick right now. So he's got to make sure he's got a nice belly belly's good drinking wah-wah and making sure that he gets into his nice little kitty cat bed so you're gonna enjoy the smooth sounds of Mr. Purple Cat. I found him on Free Stock Music, but I think he's also on Spotify and stuff. I just Googled Cat Trip Hop because I wanted to put it in the universe. Thomas Cat is good.

Otis is a good boy. Lily is also a good girl. I don't know which, Thomas Kent is good, Otis is a good boy, Lily is also a good girl, I don't know which one of them is sick, but I hope that they are all right, and I'm vibing to this right now, and I'm having a good time around feeling myself. Baby let me come to your apartment. Cause you got snacks that I can't afford.

I heard you got charcuterie board ingredients. I don't got nothing in my apartment but Mickey's 40 ounce mulled liquor drinks Mickey's 40 ounce mulled liquor drinks and half a pack of cigarettes for my baby You got the sparkling water from Whole Foods The kind that got the taste of stuffing in two Peach, mango, bellini flavor I'll text you later baby You got the kind of snacks at your apartment, girl, that taste real good. The kind of stuff you only can buy at Aldi. Maybe Fresh Market, perhaps Sprouts if you're in the Central Texas area.

And me, I have some Cheez-Its that are not very good. They are pretty old. that are not very good. They are pretty old. And I think maybe if I could have some of them that would be sick. I got snacks in my apartment but they're not edible for people. I left them out for too long

My dog don't even want to eat them Hope you guys liked that. We got... This is... More royalty free. This is Dark Snow by Wind Soul. Wind Soul? Wind.

Wind Soul. This shit's louder than fuck. Hey, my baby girl, let me borrow your car. I got a coolant leak I don't know how to fix I can YouTube it but it's way too hard I pawned all of my tools so I could buy Call the duty skins, duty skins, duty skins for my Xbox I bought them, I look real cool all my friends that I play

games with say that I got the coolest hat or whatever the fuck I got the coolest gun and I'm ready to buck I need to borrow your car girl my boss said i gotta borrow the car i promise it ain't too far it's just like an hour up the road i do not have gas money though i told you my car don't work why are're being such a stupid ass bitch i just need to borrow it for like six seven eight ten months i know we ain't talked in a minute i just need to borrow your car and get up in it i got places to be i got people to see and i gotta go to the liquor store to buy a buzz ball. It's all I can afford and it makes me feel real good. Hey, shut up, bitch. Just let me borrow your car for like a year. I hope you guys liked that one.

This is Evening Nights by Mahul Sharma. Yeah, these are all, you go listen to that guy. He's cool. Again, this is all, I don't know if I'm allowed to do this. But I don't really know how else to kill another, I guess, however the fuck long until I'm tired of this shit. So whatever the fuck. You know I got IBS.

Why the fuck would you invite me to the Indian restaurant I should beat the fuck out of you in front of your kids You know my dress makes my belly hurt You pissing me off real bad I guess I'll go then it's not a big deal As long as you pay I work for the city I drove my truck drunk Into a telephone pole, homie

So just spot me on some non-bread I'm pretty sure I can eat that But probably not though Cause everything makes my belly upset It makes my belly upset And now I'm very upset Why is your wife always telling me to go home? I've just been crashing here about, I don't know, two or three weeks

I got kicked out because my old lady don't love me Don't love me no more My son thinks I'm a deadbeat Well, fuck that little ass kid He can't even read He's like 12 years old Who the fuck can't read that age He's probably not even my kid

My old lady's a stupid ass Stupid ass bitch