Pendejo Time - good vibes only

Episode Date: April 28, 2022

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Another thing, you know, a lot of people, nobody wants to fucking suck dick no more. Everybody wants to get their dick sucked. And I think that's something, you know, people say it's the younger generation, but I ain't quite sure how to put my finger on it. You know what I'm saying? Nobody wants to put the work in to suck dick. Everybody just wants a hand on their dick. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Don't nobody want to, you know know show me a magic trick anymore no ain't no nobody i go to a kid's birthday party i you know why i'm there it's not because i got his fucking stupid ass son daughter fuck that i want to see magic i want if i come into your backyard and you have a clown and you ask me to leave nobody wants to let me see their clowns no more nobody wants to average you know last time i me see their clowns no more. Nobody wants to. You know the last time I saw a damn clown? When?

Whenever damn Trump was in office. Man, I... I hated that asshole. And pardon my language when I say that. Yeah, I'm a good Christian man and I just couldn't stand it.

But that man was an a-hole. He's a real piece of work, I tell you what. A real S.O.B. if you don't mind me saying. A disgrace to our country. if I do say so myself. I would agree with you there 100%, buddy. And just an orange Hitler, if I ever did see one.

Right. He was a great big. What he was is he was a big old hot flaming cup of cove fee-fee. Yeah, he was. If you ask me. if you ask me if you ask me he was a big he was a big hot flaming cup and what that was in the cup none other than the beverage known as cove fifi cove fifi and then with all this cove covid you know i mean he he went and butchered it and COVID, you know, he went and butchered it. And I just, another thing, you know, everybody, nobody, nobody wants to go.

Nobody wants to go pee-pee no more. Nobody wants to, like, show me how to go potty anymore. Nobody wants to hold my hand into the little stall with the urinal that's like a foot off the ground no more. And nobody wants to change my diaper they don't make baby changing stations rated up to 450 pounds no more and you know in the 60s they did they used to you used to be able to get right up on them and get your little butt wiped by whoever just happened to be in the bar that day and you know there was a little thing called southern hospitality back then it was oh if somebody walked in and you had a poopy

butt and you were up on the baby changing station they would wipe it change it and they kiss you on the forehead no questions asked all these damn millennials and zoomers don't want to wipe my little butt cheeks no more yeah you know i'll tell you what jen it's a goddamn disgrace. It is a disgrace. Pardon my language when I say that. It's all right, bro. It's a gosh darn fucking disgrace. Yeah, it's fucking ridiculous. Nobody wants to pee-pee. Everybody wants to poo-poo.

Nobody wants to go pee-pee no more. And I think, you know, and the country's going down the toilet. Down the damn shooter. And I apologize for saying that. That is foul language. It's all right. You know, sometimes a man's got to speak his mind.

Sometimes a man, you know, we're not bound by the laws of the FCC because this is our show. Okay, this is, you know, and we're just two good old boys from the sticks telling it how it is. I'm from, you know, I from alamo heights san antonio and you know you're from i'm from cincinnati i'm if you're from cincinnati so you know cincinnati texas cincinnati texas and we just two guys get on a microphone we tell it how it is about how nobody wants to change our diapers no more about how people don't you know people talk out the side of their mouth but don't want to

wipe the side of my ass that's you know what i noticed was that i went to the mechanic shop the other day and i saw a guy wearing gloves ridiculous who the hell used to wear gloves you ever get surgery jed i have had several every time they give me open heart surgery i can see them they're wearing gloves the whole time like they're scared of getting dirty they're scared doing actual work right these are you know cardio you know cardiologists and surgeons nobody wants to put an elbow grease into my chest cavity you know i was giving my son a prostate exam the other day i love that and i tell you what man he doctors have philosophized their minds so much yeah they've been so castrized that he didn't even know what like he didn't he thought i was supposed to wear well you know the world

like back in you know in the good old days when we were growing up, if your father wanted to check you for prostate cancer, you let him. That's what you did. You were happy to get an exam from your dad. It was like the mile run. Yeah, exactly. Now they're like, oh, well, Dad, I'm nine. I don't need that.

You think I'm going to let some guy who went to John Hoskins University? Finger my son? Right. That's my job. That's my job. My job is. Why do you think I'm a father? Because I'm willing to do what others won't and shouldn't.

You know, my wife, she found out about it. And, you know, she said, you know, Jed, why? You know, she's crying. And I told her, you know, I want my son to be healthy. I'm trying to get a D1 athlete. Honestly, you know what I say to that, Jed? She sucks. She sucks.

She sucks if she's doing some stupid crap like that to you. It's BS, you know. If I ever, I don't care who it is. I don't care if it's damn Joel Osteen. I'm not taking a word of advice over my own homegrown knowledge. God asked Abraham to take his son and kill him. And I am being chastised for checking my son's butt for prostate cancer. You think I don't know how to be a father?

You think I don't know how? My dad did the same thing as abraham without being asked by god yep my dad took me all the way to the top of the tallest mountain in texas which i think is about 200 and it ain't very tall and he big old hill beat the dog shit out of me and i was like pappy why he was like well i really got laid off. Ain't really nothing else to do. And he loved me. That's why I hate hiking. I can't stand it. You know, people say, that's what I did.

It's a obsession. You know, these girls go out, you know, hiking and backpacking. They get cut up by their boyfriends and husbands and shit, you know. Why would you do something like that? Honestly, if you go hiking, I i mean you deserve for me to catch you right you did hey brother amen to speak preaching your choir if you're out and you got a little pair of shorts on i don't give a fuck man woman fucking child or whatever if you got a little pair of shorts on you know i mean yes ain't bears you got to worry about it ain't bears you got to

worry about i've been playing hide and seek with my buddies for over 25 years up in the mountains. Up in the mountains? Yeah. They still ain't find me yet, Jim. Yeah. I'm a lonely soul. I was starting to forget English before you came on this Zoom call. But, I mean, it's easy.

It is very easy. It was like I was telling Stump the other day. That's what I call a stump that I talk to. I told him. the other day. That's what I call a stump that I talk to. I told him, I'm quite hungry.

I'm sorry. Right, right, right. Because I dump my English isn't too good nowadays. I don't blame you. It's easy to have. You know, another thing,

another complaint that I have is that you mentioned hide and go seek. One of my favorite things to do is play hide and go seek with a neighborhood kid. We mostly just play it in my house. And when the whole neighborhood comes together to kill me,

I feel like I'm being prosecuted for trying to bring joy to the lives of children. And I just, you know, so what if we're dressed up a little different while we're playing? So what if I'm dressed like a scary monster and we're playing hide your clothes or whatever? This type of stuff, you know, this is just, I grew up, when you grow up in the south, rural south in the 1990s, you know. You know, it used to be, it used to be if you had a mob, they would usually have, say, pitchforks. Torches. Yeah. And nowadays, things have really escalated to where it's like SWAT teams,

battering rams. Right, right. People picking up all your files. Getting your hard drives and things like that. And it's like, where does the cancel culture end? Where does it end? From the Republican Party. Don't get me wrong.

I voted blue all the way for over eight years now. Right. There's one thing I love, brother. It's voting blue. I got to tell you. I love voting. I love voting. One of the things I do every election is, first off, I know for a fact I'm registered to vote.

100%, yeah. And when I do it, you know I do it the right way and I vote for the Democratic Party. Yeah, I love to do that. I vote for, you know, I won't lie, for about seven or eight years I was mostly voting for Harambe the gorilla. Exactly. Which I do think was before my time because I did it while he was still alive. Facts. I was really just moved by.

His shapely body. I modeled my son after him. Yeah. I gave my son decabolin and growth hormone and ate food until he became roughly 495 pounds at age 10. Nobody feeds their son steroids anymore either. You know, nobody feeds their children drugs to make them strong. Yep.

Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show, anybody, everybody, anybody. We are Pendejo Time. Pendejo Time. Pendejo Time. Welcome to Pendejo Time with your hosts. With your hosts, Thomas and Jake. Jake and Thomas.

Thomas and Jake. The Jake and Thomas. Jake and Thomas. The Jake and Thomas Show. Jake The Jake and Thomas The Jake and Thomas Show Show me your pussy Welcome to the Jake Shake Thomas Promise Shakedown Show me your penis Show me your cock

Show me your butthole please I haven't seen one in forever Let's take a look at that pussy Do you want to get on the pussy hour? Let me see your pussy cheeks. Do pussies have cheeks? I guess some might. The labia is the cheeks of the pussy.

I love that. That should go on a fucking... The pussy is the... The front part. All the other parts. Yeah, yeah. That should go on a bumper sticker. Man, I would love to slap that

in the back of my Altima. The labia is the chief. I would love to fucking plow into your Altima at 90 miles an hour and kill you. In the CR-V or in the truck? I feel like you'd get more damage

from the truck. Well, I could get more damage from the truck if it could get into third gear. Yeah, yeah. You're just like, you're trying to run me down at like 12 miles an hour and fucking smoke pouring smoke pouring out the fucking engine i got one bolt left and i just dropped the engine out the bottom right in front of you so do you uh do you need an engine hoist to fix that

motherfucker or like is it like i forget what you said that you needed to fix it. So I need a... I'm missing a transmission pan bolt, and I just keep forgetting to order it. Oh, okay. Well, that's not like... I mean, it's pretty... So I don't know what else fucked up with it.

I know I need a coolant flush. I know I have... There's a bushing connected to the drive shaft, and we have to drop it and replace it. And then... I know I have, there's a bushing connected to the drive shaft. I'm going to have to drop it and replace it. Yeah. And then, what else? The transmission pan gasket, but I've got a gasket maker.

I'm going to fix that. But I can't fix it until I get the new set of bolts. Right. Because otherwise I'm making a gasket that I have to, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Because that would just all leak out again. Swag. So I'm going to refill it.

Once I've got the gaskets that I can see fixed, I'm going to refill it and see if I burnt. Like if I just completely fucked up the whole operation. Which, if so, the new coolant should at least help me get to the mechanic shop yeah like i'm fine with me the stuff i do like not completely working because i know i'm saving myself like at least a thousand dollars yeah you know uh i gotta fucking say you know like hey um you're fucking stupid and you suck i I'll say, cool, peace. I'll figure it out from there. You made this truck way worse. I don't know how you put, there is a bunch of mousetraps in the transmissions. Yeah, you threw so many cigarette butts in the back that it blew out the transmissions.

Yeah, you know, your heater, like all of that is just mice. And they're not, like, they're dead, all of them. I think what it did is I kept loading it up with logs. Yeah. And driving from Fort Worth to Peacester and back, transporting logs. Which was fine with the Matrix Yeah The Matrix handled that fine

Yeah The only thing the Matrix couldn't handle Was the idea of going to Houston Yeah that was Well yeah It was a racist car in many ways I'd taken it to many white areas with no problem Yeah

There's a Somebody who lives in weatherford sent me a guy on twitter named the adrenaline man he's like a fire uh i gotta fucking send it to you i gotta find them in my dms but he this guy he was like i'm from weather you gotta check this guy out or whatever i don't know why he sent it to me because i don't live there i've never lived there but he was this he's like this blue lives matter fire guy who does like stunts but he's like uh he looks like rich piana and his mobility isn't all that good so all of his all of his stunts are like i'm gonna do a jump it's like he's like i got it i did the jump or whatever

and uh he you know he has like i think he has like a pretty decent following on like facebook or whatever but he was he seems to be like the most famous guy right now from that area which is funny because he seemed like i said he's like yeah like a combination of like rich piana and i guess like uh like travis pastrana but not not as cool. What's his name again? His name is, he goes by the Adrenaline Man. If you Google Adrenaline Man Weatherford, apparently he's been arrested a whole bunch too. This is what this person was telling me on Twitter.

I don't know your name, but shout out. I'm assuming you listen to the fucking show. Adrenaline Man. I'm going to see if I recognize this guy. He's fucked up looking andre okay andre alexan the adrenaline man he's got an imdb page uh also oh jesus christ yeah he's fucked up looking dude uh yes uh he yeah he looks sort of just like a i I don't know. You see, he's just red, and he's got like a dyed black goatee. Joe Doody, I think, is his website or something like that.

He, like, jumps out of planes holding, like, American flags and shit. Anyway. He has 3,900 followers on Twitter, and he's following 5,000 people. That's not too bad of a ratio. That's a bad one. That's a bad one. Not good. Also, it seems like he might be...

Seems like a QAnon guy. Yeah, he is, for sure. 100%, yeah. Shout out to the Adrenaline Man, Andre Alexson, and whoever the fuck sent me to him. Shout out to the adrenaline man, Andre Alexson, whoever the fuck sent me to him. More like the withdrawing from Ritalin Man, you fat ass. Big old gut on you, pal.

He's got a book. No, a movie, USA Relentless. Here's him shaking the hand of the... Yeah, the pastor guy or whatever the he's the church fucker no this guy arrested me bullshit no way no I'm not shitting you. It says Pastor BJ Sharp. Is he also a cop? Yeah. Wait, no.

Here's him. This is the adrenaline. No, I'm saying the guy you shook hands with. Oh, the bald guy? Yeah. Or the guy with the baseball cap on? That guy took you to jail? No, he was a school cop.

Oh, okay. That's funny. I didn't know he was a school cop. Oh, okay. That's funny. I didn't know he was a pastor. That's awesome. I wonder if you're related to this guy in some roundabout way. Mr. Adrenaline. I doubt it. He looks...

I can't tell if this is a white man or if he just made himself Latino. Yeah. That happens a lot. He's either a self-made Latino, but his name is Andre Alexson. Yeah. USA Relentless. Adopted from My Relentless Life. I don't know if he's a SEAL, but he's wearing a lot of SEAL gear in this picture.

I don't know if he's a SEAL, but he's wearing a lot of SEAL gear in this picture. The more SEAL gear you have on, the less likely that you are a U.S. Navy SEAL. Right. Here he is training at Havastan MMA Academy. Oh, this fucking rocks, dude. This isn't very funny for anybody else. I'm having a good time uh what the fuck um here he is with a bear he's feeding a bear uh oh hell yeah he's doing karate uh here he is in front of an abrams Here he is doing... Anyway, oh, fuck yeah.

This guy is awesome. No, I think he's Latino. Take a look at this. He just looks maybe... Yeah, I don't know. The jury's still out. He might just be white. Wait.

Oh, wait, man. Did... Do you know this guy? What? do you know this guy what I think I alright don't don't quote me on this okay I think this guy

might have spoken at my school hell yes no wait no I was looking at the wrong guy are you looking at the wrong guy. Are you looking at the guy with no legs? The double amputee guy.

Yeah, that guy. Here he looks light-skinned. Okay, yeah. So here he is with the double amputee guy. Yeah. Who spoke at my school. Yeah. For an inspirational thing that nobody gave a fuck about.

Yeah, I would imagine. So the whole thing is, all right, he's got no legs. Double amputee. Swag, that happens, yeah. In the middle of this, you know how he lost his legs? War-related? No. It was in a demonstration dive in which he and another diver just collided into each other.

How do you— The guy died, and his legs got, like, blown clean off. How do you—but how are you traveling at enough speed to blow your legs off as a diver? Like, how does that— They hadn't deployed their parachutes yet. Oh, bro, I thought you were— These are the professional, like, fancy divers. your legs off as a diver like how does that they hadn't deployed their parachutes yet oh bro i thought you were these are the professional like fancy divers i thought when you say diver i thought you meant like deep sea dive no no i mean parachute pair oh okay okay so yeah and then he shows us the

video or whatever and like half of us are trying not to laugh because dude he just gets fucking smoked yeah he just and then there's a kid there was a kid at the assembly or whatever yeah we'd known forever he had no legs and he had one arm that was like kind of deformed yeah really good guy but like you know fucked up yeah he had like a some birth defect he asks the guy if his the guy if getting prosthetic legs like his is affordable. And the guy was like, no, each of these legs was like $50,000 to $70,000. And the whole crowd was just like, fuck. He's not getting legs, is he legs no yeah that's not happening dude when you when you first described it when you said divers i was like i imagined both of like him and another guy

just jump off a boat at like from a foot and they hit each other and his legs just exploded like for some reason yeah another part of his story is after he lost his legs his his wife left him and he said he was like and she told me the day you lost your legs was the day i stopped loving you and i just immediately like even as like a 16 year old was just thinking like no that wasn't it that didn't happen and it didn't that's not the reason she bailed that's not she may have bailed i do believe that she did i believe that you were divorced. Yeah. Very divorced.

Very divorced. I don't think it's because you don't have legs. Yeah. That's awesome. Women would love for their husbands to lose both of their legs. In a skydiving accident. No. The amount of pity you can get from people when your husband just lost his legs.

Yeah. Has got to be like shooting up hair for women yeah that yeah like yeah i was almost a widow almost almost also my husband goes to schools with kids with one arms and no legs yeah he you know and tells them that they were way too broke to him that's very like it is he didn't even sugar that's awesome to not sugarcoat it not to be like well you know if you if you you know you grind you work hard you know and you pray to god every day maybe you can uh you know just to be like now uh i'm gonna keep it a buck with you uh you ain't getting no legs like these are top of the line these are top of the line

you can get some fuck with this yeah yeah i remember you can get some wooden pegs or some shit like a pirate maybe if you're lucky uh But you're not getting no fucking Optimus Prime shit like I got. Well, he spun it like it was a war injury at first. Because he's like, yeah, I'm a veteran. I lost both of my legs. And it turns out he was playing fucking pocket pool up in the sky with his skydiver friend, and they fucked up. It's like, hey, man, you're just bad at your job.

Yeah, it is. It would be funny if I fucked up and cut my leg man you're just bad at your job yeah it is you know if it would be funny if i you know fucked up and cut my leg off with a chainsaw one day and then it was just like yeah i lost it in the line of duty it's like oh were you were you in the military no i was serving my company i was with a company and they're like oh you're a company of soldiers we were soldiers in a way we did we were a lot together we did cut down a lot of foliage uh we did we did a lot of pruning yeah and a lot of you know weeding street clearance we're just clear clearance can't be lived yeah removal you name it all yeah humic acid treatment

hedges inspection treatment infection treatment you know if there was something to do we did it right and why did we do it because we were getting paid 14 50 an hour that's right uh it's cool as fuck to like make that like there was uh yeah it's really cool there was a i think i told you that it's like uh that fucking like turning point group was like gay conservative black man speaking on campus and was like handing out pamphlets about this guy and the guy i forget the dude's name but he his whole thing was like i am very far right and, and I'm also black, and I'm gay. Was it the C.J. Pearson guy? No, he was.

He's straight. No, you're thinking about the. Christian Walker. Yeah, the football. No, it wasn't. This was an older gentleman. But it's awesome. Herschel Walker.

Yeah, it's his dad. Just pretends to be gay for like one convention. I always wondered if Herschel Walker, like if he considered it a wash. awesome walker yeah it's his dad just pretends to be gay for like one convention i've always wondered if herschel walker like if he considered it a wash he's like a very masculine guy he's like all right i got a pillow biter son but at least he doesn't like mexicans like i like i bet i guess it's kind of evens out i suppose um but no i don't think he legitimately cares about politics at all no i think yeah i do think he's like i think herschel does but i think no yeah i don't think he legitimately cares about politics at all no i think yeah i do think he's like i think herschel does but i think no yeah i don't think it's i think his son like likes

to be like on the internet if that makes it like yeah in the same way that i don't know if like any of those people like you know like uh i was leftist three years ago but now i'm like a reaganite people care about pilot like they don't i don't think any of them genuinely give a fuck about anything it's like vanity stuff you know what i'm saying it's like uh i've always thought like i don't believe in god and if i die and i'm wrong they fuck it whatever but i feel like there's a worse hell for people who became catholic to be cool like to be like uh you know i'm saying like you get you get to heaven and say and you're like ah you know saint peter's there and he's like okay uh we're gonna take a look at everything here let's just uh just pop this book open so i do see that you converted uh to catholicism

that counts nice work uh in 2020 uh i see here that it was... So, like, you went to mass. You wore the dress. You got married. Okay. This was ironic, right? You were doing this to get followers on the internet. Right.

Okay. Yeah, you're going to worse hell. Like, there has to be, like, a different... Like, worse than atheists. Because you're just like, yeah, I don't give a fuck, really. I don't care. But if you, like, pretend to like God, I guess, to, like, either like worse than atheists because they just you're just like yeah i don't give a fuck really i don't care but if you like pretend to like god i guess to like either get pussy or like be different i feel like you have to go to like hell too or some shit like that's got to piss off god in some way you know i'm saying you know that i i want to say his name

was like david fucking pearson or no i't. I can't remember his name. He was a guy who his whole thing was like, yeah, I used to be a Republican, but I'm a liberal now. Was he on the internet? Yeah, he was like a mid-30s,

maybe 40-year-old Jewish guy. Okay, enough said. I think his most popular maybe 40 year old Jewish guy. Okay. Enough said. I get I know. I think his most popular most memorable tweet was like look how memorable

look how miserable I was as a conservative. Okay. Yeah. No it was just him with like a like a MAGA shirt and like a

Yamaka on like pouting swag. Yeah that's awesome awesome and then there was a picture of him like soy facing with a biden shirt on anyway so uh uh he a few months ago a couple people did some digging on this guy okay let's hear it he's very transparently like just getting followers type. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like profiting off of it or whatever. Yeah. A grift, if you will. Uh-huh.

But they were like, hey, man, we checked and you've done this whole like I used to be a liberal thing or I used to be a conservative thing like four times in the last like 10 years yeah okay and also you like don't vote that's awesome uh and i think he like accused like russian trolls or something that's awesome but he's done a bunch of like yeah sorry for who for who I used to be. I'm like a totally different guy now. That's cool as fuck. But I respect just having like zero. Principles or like nothing. And it doesn't even like, he doesn't get pussy off that. He doesn't get that much money or anything.

It's just. Just like thousands of people like threatening to kill you all the time. For the love of the game. And then you're like, well, I made like 40 bucks this week. And Chelsea Clinton faved one of my replies. Yeah. Just for the love of the game. It's cool.

I don't want to veer too much into talking about Twitter, but it's awesome when people dig through the like i guess like whatever the fuck post left me like whatever the fuck that means to like this group of people they dig through their replies to like felix or nick or like you know any of the podcasters or whatever and they just like no faves no riffs and then they were like molded in like they took that to heart and then instead of just like, I don't know. We're making a couple of those guys right now. Do you think we're making a couple of those?

The thing is they have almost no principles to stand against. Right. They're like, actually, I like being healthy. Yeah. And I take good care of my finances. Yeah, yeah. As an act of protest, I'm going to get my life together. In that case, it's like, good, man.

Nice job, brother. It's funny to like, I don't know, if instead of like, maybe, I don't know, like not posting, like posting differently or just like, don't reply to people who don't like you or whatever, or don't care about you. You just like become like carl wrote like you just become like a fucking like hardcore republican but like edgy i guess i don't know what it i i like i don't fundamentally understand like i mean i do i guess again it's just like narcissism or whatever but it is hilarious to be like oh my favorite podcasters don't like me so i'm gonna like get into like being a republican from like 1984 i mean i think a lot of it is just social

like you know i i i've definitely encountered a lot more um right wing accounts like since in the past few years i guess for sure yeah i don't like i don't really care as much as i used to yeah like i still don't really i mean i don't really like like nazi shit you know i'm not into like nationalist stuff but like if you're not like a political account like i'm probably not going to notice right you know i don't really i don't really go out of my way to befriend like white supremacist like well like everybody i encounter you oh yeah yeah if i think you're funny or whatever like i probably just won't get around talking to you like ever speaking right yeah about anything right even you know even with

like some of my best friends like i just don't really know much about them. Yeah, I mean, you and me, we hang out, we talk, and it's like, what happened? You're good? I'm not good. All right, I'll talk to you later, man. All right, see you. Yeah, man. I mean, people don't have time for that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know. You're putting the idea in my head of we're making those. And I would like to think that the show isn't political at all. I don't want to say that we're making... No, man, I just want to plant little bugs in your brain. That makes sense, yeah. I want to eat you out from the inside, dude.

I would love to get eaten out from the inside. Like a termite. Yeah, like a... You know what? I think... When Shawty... When Bae goes Weevil mode? Dude, when she goes Weevil mode

on my fucking wood, dude. When she burrows inside the base of my wood and just fucking hollows it out. She compromising my foundation. I'm having foundational problems currently as we speak. Yeah, you know, becoming a Republican in protest is cool. And becoming a Catholic, you know what?

I don't understand, I guess aesthetically, because that's the whole thing, right? Like, that's what these people are concerned with mostly is, like, superficial aesthetics or whatever. Why not Baptists? I guess because of the aesthetics of baptism and like well because it uh fucking sucks yeah yeah no i mean i i i like that um you know for however long you know centuries you know those buddhist monks meditated in temples for you know their whole lives just to create a religion for like guys who don't sell acid anymore but like still sort of do right like middleman a little bit yeah yeah it's like

it's like no man i'm just more like a vibes guy now i'm a spiritual guy yeah really what's your vibe couldn't believe that after like seven years of tripping every single day like you just you're a vibes guy yeah yeah that's good i like it helps me center myself bro like honestly like like taking a step back from like like flipping and shit and like i've just been like playing a lot of like gta yeah and like been crying like i'm sober except for like adderall and like mushrooms Like I'm sober. Except for like Adderall. And like. Mushrooms. Like.

Like weed. Like mushrooms. Like for medicine. And then like LSD for medicine. And then like. By the way. Like while you're here. Could I send you like 17.

Links. It's all the same order. Yeah. It's from. About psilocybin. Research. In. Marmots.

Dude. I will say. Here. I don't know if it like shaped my drug of choice which ended up being like coke and pills but like freshman year or college it's like i hung out with a lot of people like that because i was super into like like like acid and ecstasy but i don't like those people i would much rather hang out with coke heads and fucking like like people who like like oxy like pill heads i don't know why it's just like if i like if you've got like a fucking like the the tapestry that like hippie girls fucking nailed their wall it's like the fractals and shit and you're wearing like the big pants and you stink i don't want to fucking hang out with you

i want to hang out with a guy who's like we got to start a fucking food truck dude food truck okay muslim owned mexican food enchiladas you see what i'm saying enchiladas you got it and then i also want to talk to a guy who like every he'll nod off every 10 minutes and then he'll come back and say the same thing that we were all talking about like half an hour ago like to me that is an ideal drug experience not hanging out with a guy that you just brought forth to the fucking yeah i well like the last time i ever did acid i had kind of like a terrible time but one of the big realizations i had during it was like uh hey you know how you take this to like explore your brain yeah and you've taken it with other people a lot of times, has anyone ever come up with a good idea?

Has anyone ever actually had a profound thought? No, yeah. Because it's always like, dude, you could, you see the stars? They're like. We're a part of the stars, dude, and we're in. Dude, like it's all one thing. Yeah. You see it, yeah.

Yeah, one thing. Fucking, god damn, we've been doing this for 15 years. That's what you came up with, man? That's your fucking. There's one thing Fucking god damn We've been doing this for 15 years That's what you came up with There's one thing Really Fucking retard I can count two things right now

I got truck I got hot dog Imagine fucking destroying your whole brain, and then you're just wrong. Yeah, yeah, that's... You're just wrong fucking... That is like... False prophet. Yeah, that is the thing that I hate about, like,

people who do too many hallucinogens that they, like... It's like, oh, once you get ego death, you really start to figure it out. And I'm like, I've had that. You know what thoughts I had? It's just like, if I don't get up out of the dirt, to figure it out. And I'm like, I've had that. You know what thoughts I had? It's like, if I don't get up out of the dirt, I'm going to become the dirt. That's not a profound thought. That is literally like, it's like prodromal schizophrenia.

What it does for you is it lets you basically not have like a filter for thoughts. Yeah. So every thought you have is the only thought you have in that moment. Right. Whereas usually if you have an idea, you got other stuff going on. Right, right. But the problem with it is if you go into it expecting to have a profound realization, then you are stuck with whatever the thought you had was

for the longest amount of time. Yeah. That's your profound realization. Yeah, exactly. And so if you're, you could take a gram, I mean, like a, you know, like, you could take like 800 micrograms or whatever of acid yeah and then your your realization is that you should start wearing henley and it's like that's cool man you're

gonna forget your first grandchild for sure you're like but it's good that you're gonna wear henley's yeah you're gonna you're gonna get like the puka shell but the cool kind it's good that you're going to wear Henleys now. Yeah, you're going to get like the puka shell, but the cool kind. It's kind of dangly. I did five tabs of acid, and at one point I thought, man, I should get a choker. I should start wearing a choker. And then the next day I woke up and I was like I don't know what the fuck That was about How am I getting a choker

Right Well it's like I was like Nah man I could pull off like a Straight male Like milf look Yeah

Like a sexy pool boy type Yeah What the fuck was that about I was like I'm not bisexual or anything I don't think I What would I wear a choker with yeah a car heart wranglers yeah like work boots that would be so unsettling i would be much more

through i would rather see like i would be less taken aback by like a guy like wearing like a, I don't know, like a, uh, an astronaut suit with the penis part cut out like basketball shorts, work boots, like paint stands and then like work boots, Carhartt choker, fucking choker.

That's the worst idea I've ever had. I think that there's something to be said about like, you know, there's like, like the culture of drugs, your drug of choice with, you know, like, like, you know, coke heads, you know, I guess like if you're a certain type of coke head, you're like a wheeler and dealer guy. I didn't hang out with those types of coke heads. I hung out with like, you know, fucking burnouts and shit. But here's how we can scheme to get more yeah this we were not the business playing tight it's like let's be clear this is a dead yeah it's like

all right so if i paid light bill late and you venmo me 50 bucks for no reason we could probably get like three and a half grams of coke we'll probably get a ball um you're gonna need to yeah and then like with with opiates i liked opiates because no one says anything that's the sickest part i hate i hated tripping with other people because especially mushrooms because they made me introspective and i would have like i would have like moments with myself where it's like maybe you shouldn't be so loud and spit when you talk maybe maybe slow that down a little bit. But with opiates, but like when you're hanging out

with people who take too many hallucinogens, they fucking like to fucking just... They talk too fucking much. Co-cats talk a lot, but it's funny, usually, if you have the right people around. Opiates, awesome. You just put a movie on,

get a blanket, fucking snort a bunch of Dilaudid and you're like, hey, I'll see you guys in like four four and a half hours is that cool and everybody's like you're like I swag I don't gotta fucking nobody's gonna ask me to hey can you give me a bottle of water no one's gonna ask me shit I just gotta check my friend's pulse like every hour and we're good somebody checks my pulse so I guess with the hallucinogens thing it's like a lifestyle like you get into having those

quote-unquote profound realizations when in reality it's not it's just like just like oh you know you should have a profound realization as to how you're not going to work at a pizza restaurant your whole fucking life I think also I there's um I know well, I mean, I don't know. Around the time that I got into acid, I fucking love science was huge. I think it was like I was like 15 or 16 when I first tripped acid. And that was a lot of the stuff. Like, guys who saw a Facebook article about how maybe there might be multiple universes, that was like a lot of what you'd hear and these are not these are guys that yeah they worked at jamie john's and like we would ride skateboards together or whatever and it's like you know i was reading the other day because you know i love to

read you know i'm a big reader jake um you know that i consider myself like you know i'm like a thinker and i was reading that you know it's proven like that we live the same life over and over and over again. And it's like bubbles, you know, and you're like, where'd you in? Like, you know, where'd you read that? It's like, oh, the article was written by a scientist. And you're like, oh, like which scientist? It's like Bill Nye, the science guy. What was the, was this peer reviewed at all?

So I, it's a really prestigious journal, IFL Science. Are you talking about I fucking love science? Is that where you read this? It's like, yeah. Who shared it? Your line cook that sold us this acid? Like the line cook at BJ's's you know it's like that that shit was like a lot of what i'd hear is like pop science i i guess because it exists somewhere and

everyone's like subconscious like you just hear you see articles or you watch history channel once when you're like a kid and so that information exists somewhere inaccessible to you but you take like two tabs of acid and suddenly it all comes back up or whatever the fuck. Which is just annoying. That's what I'm trying to say. It sucks so fucking bad, dude. I had a coworker ask if I'd be interested in going in on this business that he and his friend thought of while tripping. Yeah.

And it was... Fucking hell. Hey, I got to get my laptop charger. One second. All right. You know, sometimes Jake just leads me to my own devices like this. I hit over seven parked cars in 2018.

I never really did anything about it. Never checked up on anybody. Probably a few thousand dollars. You know, you always feel like as long as you check and there's no damage, it's fine. Which I did But you shouldn't do You shouldn't do stuff like that What was this?

Nothing Jake And Yeah Business plan LSD Yeah you're fine One for the money Two for the show LSD. Yeah, you're fine. One for the money.

Two for the show. Three to get head. Four, go daddy go. Penis, penis, penis pie. Penis, pussy pie. Penis, pussy pie. And we're back. And we're back.

What were you saying? Fucking business plans? What the fuck? Oh, so the business idea was to collect grease from households. Okay. And businesses and sell it and eventually save up enough money to get an 18 wheeler that would collect grease from businesses and sell it that's awesome now as to why they needed to start by collecting grease yeah how why is grease the commodity here like i don't because they're it's a service right all right right restaurants you know they have a bunch of yeah fucking oil and shit they you know have it

right but it's like a garbage surface yeah basically, it's not... You should start... It's an idea to have if you have an 18-wheeler specifically that you can use for that. Yeah. It's not like, man, I should make, like, I don't know what. A quarter million dollars off fucking... Collecting my grandma's grease. From her, yeah, from her frying, but... This is like a 30 year old dude

that's awesome proposition me this that is such a fucking bad idea I was taken aback by how fucking awful of an idea that was it still makes me mad thinking about it fuck that guy

did you ever almost get looped in? Did anybody ever try to loop you into pyramid schemes, like multi-level marketing schemes? There was a kid in my dorm who... He was like... He sold energy drinks. So the company, I forget the name of the company,

but they had like... You would get a pallet of these energy drinks, like literally like five, six, seven hundred of them i don't fucking remember and uh and then you would sell them to gyms like in bulk and then or like stores and the buy-in was like seven i was just fucking like hundreds and hundreds like a lot of money and he would like knock on my door like once a month and be like hey are you guys uh you and your roommate Edgar, you met Edgar. He's like, hey, if y'all are interested, man, like I'm letting you know, I sold my first pallet and I made $1,200 in profit.

And we're talking easy. All you got to do is drive around and just, you know, see if Jim's when I was like, no, man, I don't, you know, I don't give a fuck about any of that shit like at all. And I don't want to fuck about any of that shit and like at all and i don't want to be a part of this uh like three months go by of like us not biting and he just drops the pallet off at our door he's like i fronted y'all this so you know i really want to get y'all involved y'all chill guys y'all cool guys you know and i want to i want to have y'all on my down team or whatever

the fuck and we just like drank them and like threw them at each other like we just i would just like give them away in the hall like here you go like and the kid was like hey did you sell any of those and i was like yeah i'm doing super solid like i'm doing really good i'm moving so much fucking energy drinks like i'd never talked we never like sold any of them in fact i think i drank like the majority of them and gave them like a bunch away or like i would just like shotgun them or like throw them off the fucking tower that we live in the building or whatever but uh I like that happened and I was like how close was I to becoming like a pyramid scheme guy I think like because of my like general disdain for like selling stuff you know or like being a person that sells i never got involved

but i think in an alternate reality that's not too separate from this one i could have easily gotten hooked into it not because i'm stupid but i think i would love like a part of me would love to be like a wheeling and dealing guy but i just don't like to talk to you know just don't give a fuck or whatever you're shy i don't think i'm shy i think You're shy. I don't think I'm shy. You're really shy. Yeah, I'm for sure a shy guy. I'm embarrassed. I get scared in big places with a lot of people. And I get scared when people tell me to pull my pants down.

What if that guy killed you? That would have been a funny thing to get killed over. Because he lost a decent amount of money off that. Yeah, it was. So buying in, I think, was like six, somewhere around there. Buying the pallet, you bought the pallet, and then you sold it at a profit or whatever, and then you would use that profit to buy another pallet,

so on and so forth. And if you could get people under you, it's like a pyramid scheme. Their income was supposed to funnel into yours. And i was like i don't i don't fucking want this i didn't pay for this i'm not on your fucking team here pal but i think yeah also his dad like he was one of the kids that lived in the dorm there was a lot of them like i don't know how i got paired with like the other poor dude at the school he also had like you know fucking you know mexican dude or whatever but like him and i people were like yeah you know it's fucking roll you know the

range rovers acting up and i'm like all right shut the fuck up or whatever but at the time a lot of kids i think were trying to like uh you know i'm a business guy you know i'm into business like a lot of the girls were doing the tummy tea thing uh this was like 2013 so i was like yeah you know i'm selling energy drinks and cutco i made 900 not a big deal dad's super proud you know he is a governor fucking you know you know my dad's the governor of missouri it's not a big deal or whatever you know so it was like yeah it was like a bunch of that shit like I guess just trying to fulfill your dad

shoes by selling fucking energy drinks to Planet Fitness we've all been there you know what's awesome about you know you can't relate but what's cool about kind of having like a burnout dad is that I think I've already like exceeded I guess generational expectations and I haven't really done all that much.

But it's cool to be like, yeah, I got my dad beat. I have friends whose dads are like well-to-do guys, good dads. It's like, no, I think I got my old man beat. I don't have any DUIs. I got zero. I don't have any PIs. I got zero. I don't have any PIs. Surprising. That is surprising.

I'll give you a PI right now, pussy inspector. Will you inspect my pussy, dude? I've been meaning to get my pussy looked at. Take a little gander. Take a little gander at my little pussy, dude. I've been trying to get it examined. Was it Lil Booty? It's cool that's a job.

No, it was TI. I understand it's a very real job, but just being like, yeah, I'm going to look at your pussy for a hundred bucks. See what's in there. I thought it was boozy because it seems like a boozy thing to do, but it's T.I. I remember he... Right, the one where he was joking about how he gets his daughter's hymen and stuff. Yeah, like once a month or some shit. I mean, that seems like it was.

I don't know. He said it was a joke. But if Booty says something, even if it is a joke, he's like, nah. I meant, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like to think that T.I. is Is serious Cause he seems like the type Really you'd like to think that he is serious Because it's funny to be a dad I don't know it's funny to me to be like

A well known actor and rapper And be like yeah you know My daughter I gotta make sure she's you know Like a fucking you know It's funny to me To think like that. Yeah, I bet you think about that a lot. Think about what, Thomas?

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I'll tell you what, man. What's up, brother? There's a new kidney born every day. There is a new kidney born every day. Nice.

I finished the fucking... I don't know how the Dune books work. There was a book within this book. This big old thing. I've never... I don't know how many books total there are. Or if this first book is just like what all's in the i don't know but i uh on the plane i did a lot of reading and yeah and uh i think i finished the first book technically i'm like halfway through the second

i uh that's or maybe i'm only halfway through the first i don't know how this shit works but i uh i was i was i took a break from it because it's just but i was reading that program to kill a fucking like uh politics a serial murder uh david mcgowan or whatever and uh it was like a real uh it's like cia mind control uh pedophilia it's it's up my alley but i made the mistake of being like hey any book recs i liked uh chaos and i like cia is organized crime and there's like an entire like a swarm like bug of bugs that were like all right do you have a pen and paper okay all right i see you and me we're the same guy so you're gonna want to get this this this this this this this this this

and then you're gonna wait and i was like all right just give me one like what is if i haven't read it yet and everybody agreed program to kill and uh it's fucking it's fucked up for sure uh but like when i read non-fiction i would like I want to read about like the mob or like labor, like labor history. Like I want to read about shit that's like depressing, but in kind of like almost a almost in a fictional way. Like the mob is like a cartoon to me. I know they did fucked up shit. And like the labor history, the labor United States like that's, you know, very much tied in the same thing. Like the history of the labor in the United States,

that's very much tied into the same thing. I don't want to read about this guy's theory that mass killings or serial killing or whatever is on purpose. That just seems dark. I don't really... Like Richard Ramirez. I don't want to think about that. So I think I'm going to look...

I'm looking for new book recommendations. Please don't give me anything that is like schizophrenia-inducing. How about Hank the Cowdog? Have you ever read that? Have you ever read The Very Under Cowpitter, you fucking pussy-ass bitch? Have you ever cracked open The Very Under Cowpitter, or fucking One Fish, Two Fish, you fucking pussy motherfucker?

No, I do want to read. Dude, I don't know if I have the attention span. Do you find yourself like it's difficult to like sit down and read? It is. And sometimes I feel like I can't justify it. What do you mean? Like I could be doing. Like to spend like 30 minutes reading.

I'm like, man, I need to like. Oh, I see what you're saying. Vacuum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just some gay bullshit around the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, just some gay bullshit around the house. Yeah, yeah. Where I'm like, ah, I'm, like, neglecting other things by, like, still knowing how to read. I get that way, but, like, with going to the gym, I'm like, are you really reading about, like, CIA mind control right now? You know that this shit probably exists, and it's depressing.

So why the fuck are you reading more about it? Just go, you know because i'll like i'll like drink a i'll drink like five six tall boys and i'm like i'm depressed now and a little manic from reading just from reading this shit i'm like you know it's fucking unsettling stuff and so like in that way i'm like yeah i just know i don't want to fucking read this shit anymore it's gay i And so, like, in that way, I'm like, yeah, I just know. I don't want to fucking read this shit anymore. This shit's gay. I think some people like to feel that way. They like to feel a little, you know.

Well, some people are actually schizo. Yeah, I'm trying to describe. Keep that in mind. There are people who have fallen into that category for a long time. Yeah, I'm just sitting here describing to you, like, you know that feeling you get when, like, you discover some unsettling information and it fucks with you it makes you really paranoid it's like you're like yeah jake people have skits if there are plenty of schizophrenics on planet earth yeah yeah people listen yeah yeah yeah people i know it's like a fairly common thing actually my dad smoked so much fake bake that he gave himself schizoaffective disorder i don't think that's like that's what he was diagnosed with uh he went to uh bentob mental i think it was bentob mental hospital in houston and um

i went and visited him a couple times but i remember when he got out i he like he he was like off the rails with with fake bake with fucking uh like the like spice and k2 and like all that shit and uh because he discovered it well so i discovered it first uh because it was really big when i was in high school like in junior high like you could get it fucking anywhere and at the time he was working refinery as he's always worked and so when i told him that there was a weed you could smoke that would not make you piss hot he was like i need you to direct me to that and i was like i need you to understand it's not weed it's evil there's something there's something fucked up about it anyway uh yeah he uh he smoked a bunch of that shit and uh basically had like a i guess like

he just kind of went a little bit nuts anyway i bring it up because when we went to visit him one time he had uh they gave him like slippers with yellow smiley faces on them and uh we're sitting in this now i don't know why he was there for as long as he was there for i think it was like a couple months but anyway we were sitting in this room and we were like visiting him or whatever and uh he's got this robe on and uh he's like man I hope they let me take this shit home and like we're having a very serious moment like I'm visiting my dad in the hospital I'm like take what home he's like this fucking robe dude needs slippers or something else I'm like are you are you asking me are you your biggest concern right now in an involuntary hold you've been here for a while i don't remember how long you've been here

a minute is is it do you get to keep the slippers with the smiley faces on them and the robe he's like i mean you know it's fucking free you know, you know. I ain't paying fucking bills around here. It's just like, and like, I remember like we get back and he was like, all right. We had like a talk because I had had, I was smoking a lot of that shit and it kind of, it made me a little fucking loopy too, you know. And they had put him on some medicine and he, you know, he was taking, he's like, I don't need this shit. I just smoked him. He was like, we got to cut back on this shit like a lot. And I was like, yeah, I've been smoking a lot of it while you were gone.

He was like, all right, so here's what we're going to do. We ain't buying nothing else from the gas station. Head shops only. Because he was like, I'm telling you, man, that last batch really threw me over the fucking edge. I don't remember what it was called. It was called something fucking, you know like like scary weed or something i got it from the fucking 7-eleven down the road boy i'm telling you something i smoked that shit and i fucking went straight to hell for about four and a half hours but the times that i've gone down to the fucking seabrook

smoke shop that shit's fucking kosher so i think what we're gonna do is me and you no more gas station wheat all right we're going straight to the source and i i was like 15 so i'm like yeah no 100 yeah i totally follow you're my dad you know what's best so uh we're not gonna buy any gas station fake weed we're definitely gonna buy because it's if i go to a head shop and it's staffed completely by 18 year olds with pimples and shit and they're all barred out i trust those kids to provide me the best synthetic cannabis you know that money can fucking buy i don't remember i don't know how old you were when that shit was really popping off but at one point you could get like an ounce of it for like eight dollars like that was really when i was like going completely fucking nuts like completely Like, completely insane. Did you ever smoke it? Fake bake? Uh, fuck.

I smoked K2 one time on accident. That's funny. I thought it was just really bad weed. Yeah. So, basically, I tried to buy an eighth. Yeah. Not an eighth. It was a quarter.

And the guy shorted me, like, three grand. Okay, yeah. And I was like, all right. Well, we got to go to this guy's house yeah yeah this is not even close let's roll a blunt first this is like the worst weed i've ever seen look like bird seed like it was just so fun yeah yeah whatever so we like roll it or whatever we lied it's three of us sitting in this like fucking beat to shit as yeah and uh like normally whenever we smoked

you know we're like you know cracking jokes yeah yeah whatever you know shooting the shit and we're all just like just dead silent yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah one of us is like uh this this is uh this fucking sucks yeah Yeah. What? Man, it wasn't here. I remember, like... Did he sell you, like, K2? Yeah, I think so. I just smoked it like it was weed. You smoked a whole blunt of...

Yeah. How old were you? So, 18. Swag, okay. Yeah, all right. No, 19. Okay. This was... Actually, this was not thatag. Okay. Yeah. All right. No, 19. Okay. Actually, this was not that long ago.

Yeah. I was going to say, it was like three, four years ago. So this was before I started losing weight or anything. I had just dropped out of UTA. Yeah. I was about to drop out of community college. This was pure burnout. Yeah.

Me, at this point, i'm about 240 pounds pure fat zero muscle i'm completely made of like yeah and just like poop fucking yeah yeah so i'm under the influence of uh something i don't fully understand right yeah i didn't piece this together by the way for a long time okay i was like man remember that fucking terrible weed that kid sold us? Yeah. And then, like, I saw a picture of K2, and I was like, oh, fuck. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, he got us. Yeah, yeah. So keep in mind, I'm not any sort of badass, especially this boy. Right, right, right. We go to his house, and I have them text him and say that I'm going to come in there with a baseball bat. And his mom is there. That's awesome. He's like, my mom's here.

And I'm like, all right, tell him that we don't care. Tell him. Tell him we don't care. Tell him we're good. We don't give a fuck. No, I was still still gonna go in there oh oh i thought you meant nowhere i'll just go fuck i'll beat your mom up too bitch i'll i'll beat his mom yeah yeah i don't give a fuck and then like as we're sitting there it starts to

wear off yeah yeah because at first we were like fuck yeah dude like we're gonna kill him yeah and then and we're just like still looking around. But like one of the kids goes up to the door to get the weed. Yeah. Because he was like, fuck it, dude. You can just have some whatever, dude. And like that kid is like at the door or whatever. I turn to my friend who's driving.

I'm like, yeah, I really just kind of hope he just gives us yeah i guess rather just have the weed i don't really want to yeah i don't want i don't want to get into a fight or kill anybody yeah yeah it would just call the cops and we go to jail for a long time yeah we'll go to jail for years but the joke is on the guy who sold us that weed because he killed somebody drunk driving swag and then was an accessory to murder hell yeah so he is in prison fuck that motherfucker guess who's actually probably smoking way less weed than him right yeah uh all right uh well if you like this just get on over to fucking like this gate dog shit patreon.com slash pandeo time and give us five live shows with podcast bill let me get through all the first patreon plug whatever dude i figured we could just same

time yeah plug both things patreon.com slash pandTime. Toss us like five bucks a month. We get like 3,000 for something, downloads 1,000 episodes. An episode. So if you guys are listening to the free shit and not subbed, we both need more money. Also, if you listen to these but you don't download them, you don't have to. Download them. I'm trying to get an idea of what the listener the listener base is we have no fuck no idea uh i think the audience is probably like around 5 000 but whatever the fuck who gives a shit uh and then yeah like thomas said

uh we got a show coming up with podcasts about lists in a few weeks and fort worth may 15th tulips sunday tulips get your fucking tickets at swagpoop.com. They're also doing another one in Austin the next day. I don't know. We're not going to be on that one, but I'll probably be there hanging out. But, yeah, fucking bye. Bye.