Pendejo Time - GTO Please

Episode Date: January 21, 2021

I forget what we talked about on this one, I really want a 6.0 GTO. 2008. Thomas wants a truck. It is the things that make the man, not the accomplishments or dumb shit like that. Support the Show.

Welcome back. Hello. We are here. We are live. And we are guys. We're alive and we're guys. Two men. Two men. Please. Both of us guys. I check in on the discord every now and then. And some of you have asked when our third mic audition is happening. And I want to say that the only way you can get to third mic, even just to make the audition list, is to change your subscription on the Patreon to $50 a month. And then we will put your name in the hat. Put your names in the hat. Yeah.

It's a big hat. It's a big hat. It's a $10 hat. So you've... It's... You gotta... There's no guarantees. But I will say it's a lot like a raffle.

And you know, raffles are where you... You might not pick a winner from a raffle. You know. Sometimes nobody wins the lottery. Yeah. That's what this is.

It's a lottery. Because we make a lot of money doing this. And we're really good at it too. Jake, I'll add something. I'd say you take any lottery jackpot in the world, this $50 a month, giving it to us, I'd say it's a better investment.

I'd say it's a better reward. Sure, sure. Because you never know. You could be the third Pendejo one day. Yeah. With the lottery, what do you get? Your life changes for the better. You get $580 million.

You can pay off your debt. So that stuff, it's temporary. But to be third Mike on a podcast that makes $680 a month, that's forever. With 170 patrons. See, we don't look at the numbers. Jake does.

I didn't. the numbers. Jake does. If you think that we're planning to use this income, which Jake could be stealing some of it, I wouldn't know. I don't care. If you think I'm planning anything other than a truck payment without taking insurance into account, well, you're wrong about that. Because we're not going to use this to make our life actually better. We're going to find him. Jake is going to buy a $200 steak the first day of the month. Blow it all. Yeah.

Okay, so it's not one friend of mine. It's, you know how big Robin Hood is. Oh, you got, you got multiple friends. Oh, cool. Yeah. You're awesome, dude. Dude, you're so cool. Yeah, I have 58 friends. Yeah.

Uh, so, they're all like, hey, so you should take your podcast money, man. Um, and you should invest it. Do you do Robin Hood or like cash, like you invest on cash app? And I have told everyone every single time, I'm like, look, I'm honest with myself because I respect myself a lot and I love myself so much. I am not a smart money

investor guy. I am a consumer through and through, dude. I only want to buy shit I don't need. I want to buy guitar pedals. I want to buy a 9mm. I want to buy other guitars. I just want to buy food. Like I want to go to nice dinners with the girlfriend. I want to buy like, you know, a better sound system for my car. Like I don't even, I don't want to make money work for me. I have no desire to do that. And they're like, well, you're not stupid and you have the money now, so you should do it. I'm like, no, I don't want to like i literally do

not have no desire to and i don't want to be financially stable and i'm like dude a hundred percent and they're like okay so why don't you like make smart money moves and i'm like no like why would it no like that's the then they're like okay so you understand fundamentally bad with money you can't keep money you blow it as soon as you get it and you know that investing the podcast money which you only would use for like stakes or like stupid shit it's free money all you guys do is talk shit for two hours a week you could have like a solid portfolio if the podcast keeps going you know like it could really help you and i'm like dude i understand that like on a fundamental level i understand that but I reject doing that because I love buying shit.

And they're like, dude, you're retarded. Like, what's wrong with you? And I'm like, I guess. I'm sorry, dude. And then, like, by the way, these friends of mine, they're not making huge plays. They're not even making their money. They talk as though, like, they've been doing it for, like, three weeks. And they're like, they put, like, you know three hundred dollars in some like you know so dude you could

you could turn in a matter of six weeks you could turn 30 3,500 dollars into 3 thousand five hundred and fifty eight dollars yeah or maybe twenty one hundred dollars it'll be one of those outcomes for example I made three dollars off Bitcoin the other the other week I bought a hundred and fifty dollars in and I turned it into $153. Guys like me can do that pretty much any given day. I can find myself, what is that, a 2%?

Something like that. I'm not moving the decimals. I'm not figuring that out for myself. What's funny is, even though admitting all this, and I do this with, like, I also do this in different chats or, like, different, like, group text messages, like, outside of Twitter. People will add me to, like, two types of groups,

investing and then, like, lifting groups. Like, I talk about, like, warm and, like, you know like lifting groups. Like I talk about like warm and like, you know, like, uh, dieting and shit. And, uh, I don't take any of those things very seriously. Like, sure. I've like, it's like with the, with the lifting thing, I have terrible form because my joints suck and I don't really want to learn how to have proper form. I'm sorry. And they're like, you know, people send videos. It's like, here's how you clean and jerk real well. I'm like, that's cool, man. And they're like, do you want to send me one of yours?

I'm like, nope, because I know I'm doing it wrong because all my shit hurts. But I just have bad joints because of my genetics. And I've been doing jujitsu forever. And my knees are fucked up. And I'm like, okay, well, do you want to get better? No. Okay, so why are you in this chat? You added me. I didn't do you want to get better? No. Okay, so why are you in this chat? You added me.

I didn't know. I didn't even really want to be here. Same thing goes with the investing chats. They're like, all right, I've got to put on this cannabis thing because federal legalization is coming and you're going to want to short sell. Jake, what have you been trading? And I'm like, I have been eating Kratom like a lot because I've been having cravings for drugs and I've been jacking off quite a bit too. This is a stock chat. I'm like, you added me, man.

You added a guy who, I guess because you think that maybe you think I'm funny on the internet and I'm not an idiot that I would be into this stuff but I'm not i i literally don't care same thing with video i suck at video games people like hey do you want to hop on a game of warfare with us no i don't the only people i'll play warfare with is like you and my friends from

back home because it's just i have no competitive nature really with those games it's just like i'm gonna drive a truck around for about an hour and then then I'm going to blow myself up with a mine. I don't give a shit. I don't care. Yeah, that's why I'm always hesitant to play video games with people who don't know me well, because it's like, I don't know how you approach it. If you're someone who wants to win, I respect that. I admire you for that. I will not help you do that.

You know, I'm not. I will look and see. I will look for the biggest trash can in the game, see if I can find. I'll look and see, you know, if they have chickens in the game. If they have dogs, if so, I'm going to try and shoot them. I always try and hunt down animals in games.

I will look for the bit, like a hole in the game, that if the graphics are rendered as such, that I can get in the hole. Like a big hole, like if it's just a graphics crater, you know, like it's made to look like a bomb crater or something. Well, I will see if I can actually like will it clip me out of the game if I try like will it is there a wall there that's invisible or can I actually go in the hole can I play in the hole

like can I fire my gun into it can I blow it up stuff like that yeah and it's very like I think a couple guys like I played I remember I played I think a couple guys I remember I played PUBG with a couple guys a while back during the summer and I told them

I need you guys to understand that I'm I'm not even some people I think that are moderately good or really good at video games when you say I'm not good they think you're being like a humble brat guy. Yeah.

It's like they're thinking, oh, so if you're saying you're not good, you're probably like, okay. And so I have to preface each time I play with people. When I say I'm not good, I'm not doing one of those things where like, oh man, I suck at Smash Bros. And then you just wash everybody.

Just three-star, just fucking fuck everybody. Yeah. No, I am dog shit. I can't play any video game. Yeah, I don't mean I'm bad in a competitive setting. I mean I'm in, like, the fifth percentile for players worldwide. Yeah, I, yeah, I, if, if that's, yes, if that, I probably, yeah. Yeah.

It's probably, it's lower, probably. Yeah, I, that's what I hate about like stuff like Counter Strike is because see going in I had the excuse for myself you've got guys who've been playing this basically their whole life it's an old game

you'll see guys who have like 15 year badges and I'm like wow that's crazy and then I'll get killed I'll get sniped and I'm like wow that was a crazy play that's crazy and then i'll get killed like i'll get sniped and i'm like wow that was a crazy play like that's probably some like 40 year old dude who's been doing it forever and then through the voice channel thing it's like an eight year old like an eight year old honduran kid's voice cackling at me because i'm like all right cool that's sick man um and i'll just like turn my computer off and go

walk around in the yard for a while. Like, split screen, like, at the house. Some people, a lot of my close friends know this about me, maybe some people from Twitter. When I, like, do, like, get in the mode where I want to play video games and I want to actually try to be good, but I lose or

fuck up, I will straight up cock my right hand back and rock my own shit like three or four times. I've been doing it since I was a kid. Like if I were to lose to Tony Hawk, like I didn't get the right goals or whatever, I've been doing this since I was eight years. I don't know where it came from. I never really had a physically abusive house.

I would just beat the dog shit out of myself. And so I remember we had like a Smash Bros. tourney with some people from college who I knew, and that knew I did this. These were my best friends, but there was also like 20 or 25 people there who did not know. Right? And it's, even if you know me, it's a profoundly weird thing

to see a grown man do. It's kind of scary and pretty weird. It's like, if you know, they know you have Asperger's or whatever, it's like, well, that doesn't even make it normal yeah then because because then they don't know how far you're gonna take it you know yeah even they know i have like a i don't have an anger thing it's just like i i mean well yeah probably yeah it's like it's like dude i don't actually have any problems dude i just

anytime i get like uh gum on my shoe, I'll throw a cinder block through a storefront. I'll kick a kid in the head. Yeah. I'll just find a stroller and start breaking it into smaller pieces. Snapping each leg over my knee. Anyway, yeah,

so we were having a smash tourney and I'm having one of the nights where I play fucking Kirby and I'm having one of the nights where I'm like, I play fucking Kirby, and I'm having a good night. And it's very half-assed. We've got kind of like a notebook paper college rule, like little bracket or whatever. And I just, it's like one on one, we're close. At that last life, we're all fucked up. I get just shot off screen.

And I'd been drinking and doing a little blow, and I didn't think about it. I did not think about it, and I just, like, I just screamed, like, a bunch of, I was like, fuck, shit, ah! And I, like, I take my right hand, and I hit myself as hard as I possibly could from a sitting down angle, like, six or seven times. Like, I got kind of dizzy. And everyone is sitting in the living room like on lawn chairs.

We're all having a good time. People were passing bongs, passing blunts. It was all laughter up until you just heard and then just silence. But I was in my head when I wasn't thinking about it

and I was like, fuck. And I look around and my friend Frankie is looking at me, my roommate, and he's like, Jake, man, come on, dude. And everyone's just like, like guys, like, guys' girlfriends, like, because guys don't understand it at all, really, anyway.

Some guys, some crazy guys, right? Weirdos. Women specifically don't, I feel like, because they were like, babe, we've got to go, like, we need to go, like, now. And I were like, babe, we need to go now. And I was like, man, guys, I'm sorry. Sometimes I beat the fuck out of myself. And it was not... I should have just gone outside,

but I was like, yeah, sometimes I just do that. And they were like, obviously the response in their head, I'm sure, was you've done this more than once. Like this wasn't just't just, you know. I've gotten better about it is that I've gotten older. But, like, by that I mean

it only happens once. It shouldn't happen at all. It happens maybe, like, once a month now or something. I did it the other day playing Assassin's Creed. No, I have a... I've always had this thing where it's with my chin. I have these like two nerves that like cross over or whatever. It's not like, you know, something serious. It's just like a genetic thing.

But any time I have a lot of adrenaline going my chin starts wiggling like i'm about to cry and so i'll be like really mad like ready to fight and my chin will start doing that like really aggressively and it's like hard to talk it's not like it's not like a little thing it's It's like my whole chin. It's like I have a hard time talking because of it. Oh, okay. And so sometimes, whenever, in like fifth grade, dude, it started doing it like all day. It would do it for like two weeks at a time. Yeah.

And so now that's like if I'm in public or something, and something makes me mad, and my chin starts wiggling, I get so much more mad because of it. Because I know, I know it looks like I'm about to cry. Yeah. And I'm not. You just got caught in traffic or something. Yeah, yeah. And then I'm thinking about crying. Not like, I'm thinking, like, I should cry.

I'm like, dude, in this situation what if you cried? That'd be so lame. And then I... Anyway, it's a similar situation where I just I don't even know. I don't know how to... I've like... I just told this on a podcast. It's like we have a ton of listeners, but it's like

I've told therapists this, you know? And they're like, so we should probably like... We had other stuff that we should have worked on and we're gonna start working on this one now but this is it we were gonna like talk about the other shit and but this one just got moved like right to the top of fucking list yeah because you can't be doing that like they're like you do this in public because they were like you know I remember one this lady was like you know I've heard of you know it, it's like patient, patient client confidentiality or

whatever. She's like, this is a pretty common thing to do in private. I was like, no, I'll do it at fucking Bucky's dude. I'll do it at Walmart. Like I, and she was like, all right. Uh, so we got to like get that under control because if you're in a public place and you're, you know, because if you're in a public place and you're, you know, you're not a jacked up guy, but you're kind of a tall, kind of whatever, big dude. If you have to understand, like, you know, put yourself in a mother of three's kids, and they're in line at Whataburger, and your card declines, and you pull another one out, and that one declines.

And you three-piece yourself trying to get a honey butter chicken biscuit you're scaring that woman you're scaring their children like you yeah so and i was like yeah so like what can i do to help to stop it and she's like don't do it and i'm like no all right well then we're just gonna move on because like i I need to figure out why it is I do that. I still do today. Yeah. I'm bad about, I don't do anything to that extent. But if I'm ever at like a, this is specifically when I'm pumping gas.

In my head I'm completely alone, you know. Even if it's bad, because I'm at my own little booth. In your world, yeah. But if the card reader gives me any trouble, I will just yell. Yeah. Half the time I don't have a shirt on or anything. And I, but it'll, like, dude, card readers are very difficult to understand for me sometimes,

especially at gas pumps because, like, some of them you just leave your card in there basically till it's over yeah and others like you got to do like a quick in and out type thing and then some of them it's like somewhere in between yeah and you're a busy guy you're like me um you don't have time to deal with that for more than, I don't know, one second. Yeah. And that's just like, I'll wait in line for like 30 minutes for a piece of pizza, but I will not wait 10 seconds to figure out how a gas station card reader works. It's just, it's one of those things that like I cannot, I have zero patience for. I was at work. ahead sorry it's like he i i the whole point of me pumping my own gas it's like more efficient you know

and now i have to be doing like now i'm an accountant for this gas station company code it's your pin number it's your fucking you gotta pull it out yeah oh yeah let me be the matrix now let me be i i don't remember the movie let me be keanu rears right now mr matrix doing seinfeld personal grievances about like getting gasoline that we can like in our car this isn't even me being clever. This is me saying I am too dumb to be doing these everyday things. Basic human tasks. I'm not better than the guy at the deli.

The guy at the deli is too much, like, smarter than me. And I cannot cope with it. Oh, look at this tomato-sliced scientist giving me trouble. When I was at one of the restaurant jobs i had our soda machine was old uh and they would bring a person out to like half-ass fix it every few months but sometimes it would just straight like not spray like the co2 whatever it would just

spray it would just drip syrup or whatever and so i was like super in the weeds and I was super overworked. It had been a long shift. I was hungover. And like I got sat at a big table and I'm trying to get all their kids, Dr. Peppers and so on, whatever the fuck. And it starts doing that shit

and I'm too busy. I am too fucking busy to either have the manager get the maintenance guy in or whatever. And no one seems to be trying to fix it. I don't know. I guess people were just serving syrup.

So I look around, dude, and I don't really look around all that much, but I just like boom, boom, boom. Like I think I hit it like five or six times as hard as I could out of pure anger. I dented the – it's like shitty cheap sheet metal. Like I just like clearly some guy punched the fuck out of it. Yeah. And I was like – and again, I was not alone. It was a busy restaurant kitchen full of like 19-year-old hostesses, community college, and Mexican cooks that are just like, I don't think they know, like, they're doing their thing.

And again, just silence. All you can hear is the hissing of the fryer and fucking, and my manager rounds the corner. And I guess he saw, like, I guess he saw me do it because he was like, hey, man, what the, like, get the fuck back here, dude. And he, like, pulls me in the back, and I'm like, dude, I'm just fucking. He's like, all right, man, so when something's broke, we don't beat the fuck out of it here because, you know, that's not how you fix stuff. And, you know, he's, like, talking to me.

He's like, if that's broke, you're going to have to fucking pay for it, blah, blah, blah. I was like, yeah, sure, I'll do that. Anyway, he was going to send me home, and I was like, all right, just let me get these drinks out. You transfer the Anyway, he was going to send me home, and I was like, all right, just let me get these drinks out. You transfer the table, and then you can send me home, whatever. I walked back over to the thing, and it worked. Like, I finally did it. Like, I guess I, like, whatever the CO2 tube was loose or whatever,

like, I punched it, and it started to work. And I was like, hey, it's working now. And he kind of, like, he looked at me like, dude, I'm just going to, like, I'm going to like i'm gonna fire you like you're fired like i don't even know what to say to you like you weren't supposed to tell me hey man it works you're supposed to be like yes sir i'll never do it again sir but i just i don't know dude i i was at my end with the machine that like probably all i had to do realistically was bend down tighten a little knob and then just run it for a bit and let the CO2, like, charge back up.

But no, my immediate response was, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Fuck! And, yeah. And I think, you know, I don't know why that's my intuitive response to anything. But it's just, it is. I don't know why that's my intuitive response to anything. But it is. I don't know. Folks, if you've ever punched anything, let us know. Yeah, let us know in the DMs.

You know what's weird is I was never a punch a hole in the wall guy. Like, I was never one of those teenage kids. Never my door, never my wall, anything. But, like, soda machines, my own head, my door never my wall anything uh but like soda machines my own head my car my steering wheel um i i always did that with my car yeah i about broke my wrist one time uh because i just i just absolutely punched i think i don know, I don't remember if it was the side of my car, just like my door or if, oh you know I did, I hammer fisted my roof

like a caveman. I don't remember what it was over. But it like, it made like, not like hail damage, it was like the sort of dent where you like stand on a car and it dents in.

The sheet metal? Yeah. Yeah, but then you can just pop it back. If you get inside and go... Yeah, yeah. That was a situation at hand. It wasn't like an anvil landed on it. That would have been cool.

I have these... This, super off topic. I have like a list of articles I've bookmarked on my phone. Yeah, man, nobody cares about that. Yeah, I know they don't. They're like... There's not one person. There's a person alive, brother brother That gives a fuck about you Dude you suck

And man I've been thinking about this all week Dude I got some bookmarks This episode you're like Man I don't know how card readers work And I'm like yeah I like to read articles Yeah you can't be making me look. I mean, I guess I'm the one doing it. No, it's not.

They're not even smart articles. They're literally so, when I'm in a bad mood, they're just funny pieces of news that were written in a serious way. And my number one one right now, it's been my number one for two and a half years. I don't know if you know about this one. So Jared Fogle, Subway Jared, American War Hero, he...

He's a good guy. He was thrown in the hole in a prison. That's one way to put it. Yep. He was not only writing, like, because of the nature

of his crimes, like, he's not supposed to be writing horny letters to anyone outside of prison. I guess terms of his sentencing or whatever. Because they don't really give a fuck, I guess, otherwise. But anyway, he was sending sexy letters to a girl outside of jail. But he also

on college ruled notebook paper with the red margins and blue lines, traced a picture of his soft wiener and nutsack. Like, put it on the paper and traced it. And the article had a picture of it. Like, the tone of the article was very serious, like, can you believe what this sex criminal

is doing? It was a real piece of news, but the whole thing read like a fucking cartoon, and at the very end of the article, you could see that, I guess, the warden, for evidence, had laid it all out, and among the notes and letters and letters was like three or four hand-drawn images of like a soft c-shaped thing and then two nuts were they like a like the way that you would start drawing penises and like for it was just literally a w and then like a little cylinder attached to it like it was not so there he didn't use like cross hatching or anything no he didn't he didn't do little pubes he didn't do any of the x vein he didn't do cross-hatching or anything? No, he didn't do little pubes. He didn't do any of the X-vein.

He didn't do the vein down the middle. It was a terrible, terrible piece of art. But they threw him in the hole for like a month for it. And it made me laugh so hard because I was like, okay, you're sending this letter to this lady, this horny letter. You don't even draw a good pecker. You just, like, you put your nuts and penis on a piece of notebook paper,

and you trace it like you're in third grade. Like. Yeah. And then they threw him in the hole for that. Come on, dude, you should do the crime, and the punishment should be commensurate or correlated or whatever the fuck word I'm looking for. That was a shitty dick. You don't have to throw the man in the hole for a fucking month, you know?

Maybe if he had done some detail. Yeah. That's just... How... How... How... As the great Malcolm X once said in a reaction video, Yeah, that brother's starving.

And the thing is, if you're going to do that, you should make it take up the whole piece of notebook paper. Because who's going to know? Who's going to know, man? What, this nine-year-old? I assume.

It's like getting a letter from Santa. You know? You get a letter from Santa, and he says, here's what you're getting for Christmas. Like a couple pairs of jeans. You know? You want Santa to exaggerate it. You want...

You're getting the BB gun, you're getting the fucking RC car, you're getting... Yeah. But instead... Mm-hmm. Levi's and socks. You could even say

this type of present that you get in the mail is maybe even worse than a lump of coal for a lot of kids. Due to this man, due to who he is, me, and this is an opinion that Jake does not agree with me on. I don't think he's a good guy.

Yeah, I think he was wrong for the accused. Yeah, but, see, It was a huge setup. You can't,

here's the thing, you can't buy hotel rooms like you used to. No, you can't. People get... People are weird about it now. Mm-hmm, yeah. They want you to, like, sign stuff.

Yeah. You can't... Let's say... You say your name is, you know... Jose San Jacinto or something like that. A lot of times the clerk won't believe you anymore. Yeah. I told, I remember I once told a hotel clerk in Baton Rouge

that my name was Cerebro Palsy. And I still can't go to Marriott in there. Now, you know you have to be 21 to get a hotel now? Yeah, because I don't even know why. It's because of him. Ah, from Cerebro. No, no, it's because of Jared. Really?

No. I made that up. If you're super, like, a cool guy, you can do whatever you want. Yeah. Well, yeah. It's not unless you're accompanied by a nine-year-old, it said. That, yeah. This reminds me of that, whatever that Sacha Baron Cohen thing he was doing a while back where he went to that hotel in Las Vegas in character as like a Mossad Israel guy.

Yeah, yeah. He was like, you know, I have a boy that I need to dispose of. He said this to a bellhop and the bellhop's like, huh. Like without even questioning if it was a sting was like, yeah, I could probably make that happen for you. Like if you got the money and Josh Barakowin is like, Oh, well, can you get me?

Like, he just wanted that guest to see how long. Yeah. And he was like, can you give me another one for tonight? And he was like, yeah. Oh,

he's like no older than like 11 or 12. And Bill Hopps like, yeah, give me like three hours. And then they handed that information over to the FBI and the FBI was like yeah give me like three hours and then they handed that information over to the fbi and the fbi was like yeah we're not interested yeah and and so he was like i need you to understand this guy wasn't a paid actor uh he wasn't in on the bit um he didn't he just knew i was a he he thought i was a wealthy well-to-do israeli businessman uh that

worked for the government and i was in the penthouse, and he offered to not only dispose of a child's body, but to get me a new one in three hours. So maybe they should look into this guy. Yeah, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, they say. Yeah, they say stuff like that. Yeah, they say stuff like that all the time. I actually had a similar situation. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. What happened? Oh, one of my friends went to Las Vegas. What happened? Oh, one of my friends went to Las Vegas. What happened? No, they just, nothing. It was just for a birthday, I think. But it's a similar situation. Yeah, I guess it is pretty similar.

Yeah, because it's the same city. I don't like it when Uber drivers try to make small talk. I like to talk to them about shit. Like, any way that you can strike up a natural conversation with a person, but there are some people

I guess who push it in their life. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how to strike up a natural conversation with a person. Really?

You seem like a pretty charming, charismatic guy. Really? Yeah. Just bit his charming, charismatic guy. Really? Yeah. Just bit his lip at me. I didn't do that. It was probably somebody else. They're like, alright,

man, so you like Austin? Yeah, I've lived here quite some time. Yeah, I live here too. Oh, for real? That's cool. So what are you heading tonight i'm actually going to do stand up at a bar somewhere oh man that's cool uh i got a cousin he died uh like a heroin overdose uh but he was a comic too but he's like dead now all right cool man you ever been to

franklin barbecue oh yeah a couple times dude i love barbecue it's like good and stuff that's cool man uh thanks for like you know giving me that recommendation i've been there though uh so like what do you do for fun out here uh stand up i play music oh cool what do you play? Guitar? Man, I love music. Nice. What kind of music do you play? I don't know, like punk. I'm like super into EDM. You know what that is? Yeah, yeah. You know, it kind of is like, you know, like stuff like, I like to party. You like to party, dude? Yeah. Cool, man. Me too. Alright, we're here now. I feel like you... You ever talk to somebody who's actually on the spectrum and they don't know how to hold a conversation? They just watch movies and they're like, I guess this is how you talk to somebody?

Yeah, yeah. It's like the first 30 seconds of a job interview or something. Yeah, what are your hopes and dreams? Yeah, I used to have a manager who would like... He was like that with movies, basically.

He was a real nice guy, but it was clear that if you wanted to talk about something that wasn't movies, you were doing something that was hurting him directly. Like you were doing an unnecessary harm to this man by changing the subject. Like an egregious, strange aggression. Yeah, yeah.

There was a guy I worked with. He was a kitchen manager at the same restaurant I was talking about earlier. He always made, like, a lot of, like, pedophile jokes. Like, not about pedophiles but that like he was one awesome yeah and uh he you know like like shitty like you know street jokes like uh you know stuff like uh hey why do you you know why do you fuck a 13 year old in the shower oh jesus christ man i don't know like oh because when their hair is wet it makes them look like they're nine or what it's just not even jokes just like yeah just shock humor shit and anyway um one time like i just had enough as a him and i just uh like because if the jokes would have been funny i'd have been like all right maybe but i

told him one day i was like hey can you just like stop with these Because, like, I don't really like stuff like this, man. It's just kind of annoying, too. Plus, I'm just trying to do my job. He was like, oh, yeah, man, I'm sorry. You know, I'm just talking shit, you know, whatever. And then, like, three weeks later, I come to work, and he was just gone. And he was, like, a beloved kitchen manager. He was really good.

He was kind of a creep, but he was good at his job. And I asked the general manager, I was like, hey, Neil, what happened to fucking Keith, or whatever, and he was like, oh, yeah, man, so, he was, like, straight up, like, a child molester, and I was like, ha ha, yeah, yeah, he was pretty weird, right, and he was like, nah, so he was living, like, two streets down from here, and he didn't tell all his neighbors that he was a diddler and uh then he like uh like was in a chat room and like didn't go to anyway he's fucked man he's back in prison probably gonna be there a minute and i was like so like he wasn't doing a bit like at all like he was not even like it wasn't a joke to him he was just like this is the stuff i'm into you like yeah i'm like into like like kids and stuff like i'm uh i'm kind of what you call like a like a

real evil guy yeah yeah yeah i'm like one of the worst people in the world dude but i'm just like i'm hanging out like and if you like knew who you'd, like, probably try and kill me once we got off board. But, like, hey, bro, like, it's, like, chillin'. Yeah, that's one thing, like, you kind of got to keep an eye on. It's, like, I'm not even the type to have, like, crazy boundaries with jokes. It's just, like, whenever someone picks one thing, and it's their thing, but it doesn't work, you know?

Like, I don't even, again, like if they were, like again, the one I told you, like it's not, I wasn't doing a stupid, shitty, bad joke example. They weren't, there was no pun.

There wasn't even a punchline. It was just like, shit like that, where you're like, you know, it's just, it's just creepy and weird like you know like a little kid trying to tell a joke like there was a chicken and he had a hat on it but it's just stuff for pedophiles or whatever yeah and uh which personally i've never really been uh into it's never been my scene chickens or pedophiles yeah it was weird though like a lot of shit makes stuff like sense in hindsight like after you know i was told that he was gone i started like

thinking back and like like a lot of restaurants the hostesses were like uh like you know they're like kids like you know it'd be like like the bus boys were like you know 16 17 year old kids hostesses were like 16 17 year-year-old girls or whatever. And I would always see him. He's a kitchen manager. He's back of house, right? So he does not belong front of house or whatever. And when, like, it was slow, he would be up there,

and I would be, like, rolling silverware or whatever. And I would hear him, dude. He's like, yeah, I wrestled in high school. I used to be able to bench. Like, I was benching, like, 275 at, like, 16. And this teenage girl was on her phone like, yeah, this guy's brother, he's like 42 years old. And it's clear that he's like 42.

And she's like, uh-huh. Yeah, that's cool. And he's like, man, you know, back in my day, I mean, you wrestle all state. Girls just can't get enough of that. They love the leotard. And he's like leaning up against the host stand like i guess like a guy in the 50s like a greaser yeah like flipping a nickel and chewing on a toothpick

and at the time i was like all right like he's guys just he's just bored and i'm not i was barely listening but in hindsight i'm like yeah he was probably trying to like wrangle this like he's trying to do the thing that he like went to prison yeah no no um there's uh usually if if a guy works at a restaurant and uh is over the age of i don't know 20 25 and he's not a a cook you know or the the owner. He's a sexual predator, typically. Yeah. It's like... I mean, yeah, maybe.

I'm just saying this to be inflammatory. No, I was going to... No, but... No, there's... Harassment in restaurants is like... It's bad that it's so common that it's like never. It's like a joke. It's like an inside joke in the industry.

Yeah. But it's, some places I've seen, I've only worked at a few restaurants, but I've literally never been somewhere where it wasn't happening. Yeah. Well, like, because like bars are, bars are bad because like,

obviously there's alcohol, people drink on the job, it's, you know, people buy you shots at work, but, like, you know, just, like, the whole HR wave in offices that, like, you can get fired for saying, like, you know, like, nice blouse or whatever, like, you can get fired for, like, people get in trouble for all sorts of crazy shit. 99% of the time it's dessert, but like, that never hit the food industry. I worked at places where like, the girl bartender who's like, clearly the best because she's pretty, she's in shape,

she's funny or whatever, the bar backs are just like, nice work today, handful of her ass and like, it's like, damn, that shit's probably

why you get all them Tim songs, you got a fast set of tits, you know? She's like, unreasonably vulgar and you know, the lady just has to be like,

either they become callous and they're like, become one of the bros out at the defense mechanism where they're, like, yeah, uh-huh. You know, and you're, like, where's, like, is there a formal complaint? Yeah. Procedure? Because usually, like, you go to, like, you're trying to go to, like, HR and it's, like, the manager is just just is one of the guys. Yeah. Yeah, you complain to him and it's like, oh, okay.

You wouldn't suck on him? It's, yeah, I don't know. I do know what it is. I mean, the industry is just like it's just like drugs and it's a lot like dude, I remember, again,

like, I remember the job site and there was a, there was a, there was a girl on a scaffold building contractor team and, not a girl,

it was just a grown woman. But like, she wasn't like a refinery girl. You know what I'm saying? Like, she wasn't like a big old, you know, big old bitch. She was like a refinery girl. You know what I'm saying? She wasn't like a big old bitch.

She was like a, you know, whatever. And a big swole back. She was like a normal lady you'd see at the library or whatever. Every time I'd be in the truck, or like I would be, and she would be like up there building, and this guy would be like, damn, I'd fucking drag my dick across broken glass just to sniff a chair she sat in.

Hmm? And I'm like, dude, what the fuck did you just say to me? You wouldn't tell me you'd look to get a piece of that. And I'm like, dude, it's 6 in the morning, and I've got a fucking impact wrench in my hand, and I'm hungover, and those are your thoughts? And the sun's not even up, man. Put your fucking dick on. It is so early and it's already

105 degrees. But the thing is, we kind of talked about this before, if you don't, like, you're the weird guy for not playing into that. Especially at a blue collar. If you don't engage. What are you? Queer or something?

Yeah, you like, you bat for the other team, I see you wearing them skinny pants. It's like, nah, these are normal jeans. They're just normal guys. Yeah, they're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not.

They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not.

They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not.

They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not.

They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not.

They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not.

They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They're just not. They Not 38 by 36, you know, cowboy. 38 by 24? Yeah.

It's the, obviously, like, you know, there's a ton of, like, just extremely racist, like, epithets or whatever. Yeah. Like what? No, I'm just kidding. I tried to make some stuff that would be borderline but I couldn't because all the stuff I heard no it's just straight up there's no beating around the bush no there's nothing

and you know like just saying shit like damn you know like the forklift drivers and the forklift drivers like you know any position on that job site there's a lot of Hispanic people. And it's like, man, I'd love to have me one of them lazy piece of shit jobs.

All I fucking do all day is sit in a goddamn forklift, lift a lever, collect my fucking per damn, collect my overtime, and fucking get paid. But no, I do actual work. And the guy you're talking to, like, drives fence posts. That's a hard job. They're going to be wrong, but it's like, okay, get forklift certified and then drive one. It takes, like, an hour to get forklift certified. It's not. Yeah.

Maybe, like, not completely, but, like, getting a warehouse forklift certification or whatever. Like, it's not hard. Yeah, no, you can – I got some of my certification in, 15 minutes pretty sure for now it depends on the equipment and all that no one cares about this but I was only ever certified to drive the ones in the shop in the warehouse

well I drove one technically for quite a decent while without being certified because the company didn't care but whenever I went to like a more official warehouse Midriders i don't know if you'd no never uh it's like a maybe it's basically it's like a a forklift but um it's like a pallet jack but like on okay but with like like the people like propane tanks? Propane tank in the back?

The ones we used weren't, but I think they probably have those. It's like the two forks are in the back, and they don't go up super high. They just go high enough to pick up the pallets. I know what you're talking about. But they go pretty fast. You told me you were drifting one one time, I think. Yeah, yeah. It was good times. You told me you were drifting one one time, I think.

Yeah, yeah. It was good times. They would... Ours would always break down in the warehouse, and I would go in there to fix it. And I was like, what are y'all doing to this fucking thing? And they were like, oh, nothing. It's just a piece of shit, you know? And I'm like, it's like two years old.

Like, I know this because the guy who was the mechanic, the original one here, said he was on the job site when they fucking bought it. And then one day I'm in there, and the fucking foreman for the warehouse has a big, way too big for this piece of machinery. Probably like, I don't know, 800, 900 pound. This is a small fucking forklift. I don't even know what the fuck. Maybe it was like a thousand pound weight limit or something.

But he would use it to push other large, like it was a real wide thing. It was super wide. The forks weren't wide enough. He would drive it fast and push other heavy boxes filled with like, you know, $10,000, $20,000 piece of equipment out of the way. He would just like chip and wood off. And I was like, okay, so that's why i'm in here every two weeks because you guys are playing like fucking gta 5 with this it's like yeah

that like and you bitching me because i'm not here quick enough to fix it and y'all can't stop being retarded and they're like hell man y'all gotta talk to me like that i'm like what what like just it's i'm sorry like there's no need no need to be angry about it no need to i'm just a guy i'm just a regular guy like you i'm just a working class schmuck you know i'm just a i'm a blue collar i'm hey i got a family i got kids to feed man i don't again it's just another example of like i'm not'm not, I don't, I'm not saying that everybody that works in it, because I've met a lot of fucking, like, genuinely, like, smart, like, compassionate, like, good people

in that industry, but, like, and again, there's this weird woke thing on the internet where it's like, actually, blue-collar people in the South are not as, they're, it's, they're woke, they understand, and I'm like, okay, either you're lying for clout, or, like, People in the South are not as... They're woke. They understand.

And I'm like, okay, either you're lying for clout or, like, you never, like, have worked in the South at, like, a blue... Like, maybe you did, like, I don't know, like, a union... I don't know. You're clearly lying because if you spend enough time, you know... 10%, 20% of them are, like,

they're apolitical, they don't give a shit. But the rest are pretty fucked. Dude, they're, like, vehement, adamant, like racist people. And it's not, I mean, they're not like Boogaloo boys. They're not out like AR-15s and shit at the Capitol. They're just, they grew up in fucking South Texas. They just, yeah. I think we talked about it in the first episode,

the Hispanic guy who makes like $55,000 a year as like a warehouse foreman or maybe a carpentry guy. And suddenly he's like, yeah, I don't understand about, you know, we got a MAGA, you know, can't be bringing them in. We got to shut her down. Yeah. It's fine.

You know, that's just how things are. It's good. It's cool with me, honestly. I mean... I'm not really faked, but... I think we should... I'm going to try and become one of those apolitical guys.

Because I'm not going to bother learning what post-left means. I think that's just being a Republican, if I understand correctly. That's basically, dude, I'm telling, like, as a person who, for a stupid-ass reason, it's just like, what it is, at least the way that I see it on the internet,

is like, okay, so you, like, a guy who gets into communism because it's cool and he wants to have some pussy, and then it becomes like Reddit or cringe or whatever, kind of like how atheism was. And so your brilliant idea is to just mirror whatever, like, paleo-conservatives are saying, but, like, you're, but you're like,'re like oh by the way i still read capital and shit i'm like oh okay so you're just stupid no i i was joking about the the apolitical thing because i think it's uh it's just it's such like a

90 iq yeah like thing, dude, like, honestly, I had a former coworker tell me this and then the boss there ended up like stealing like $1,500 from him. But, he was like,

honestly, dude, like the way I see it. So there's like two wings, right? Like right wing and left wing.

It's the same bird. Yeah. yes. So I'm just like a centrist, you know, like, just right in the middle. Because that way, like, it's good candidates either way. And I'm like, dude, honestly, like, that's sick. Because you're, like, the dumbest guy I've met in my whole life. Like, you are so stupid. The guy at Cinnabon at the airport the the other day he was chewing uh he was swishing the

icing around in his mouth that's his job and his eyes are all fucked up and he's about five to 400 pounds and he can't read and you are dumber than him yeah like you like i'm mad at you but not for being stupid but because your life is so much better than mine because because the things that you get mad at are like they switched up the programming on Cartoon Network and you have to wait until like 9pm to watch Adventure Time Now the kind of guy who

Toyota Tacoma with a coexist sticker on it but it's faded and like a maybe like a legalized sticker The kind of guy who, like, Toyota Tacoma with a coexist sticker on it, but it's faded. And, like, you know, like a, maybe like a legalized sticker. I've found that apolitical guys, the only thing they're adamant about is, like, weed. And that's their whole, that's their entire, like, political understanding of the world, like, political economy. Like, all that stuff. It's just... That, and then, like, maybe they'll be, like, anti-taxes,

but not because, like, they think they're going to be rich, but it's, like, I don't understand how taxes work, so maybe we should just get rid of them, and I won't have to worry about it. Yeah, it's not like... It's not like... It's not like... It's like, hey, man, bro, I have $8.

How about... Like, dude, if there weren't taxes, I'd have, like, dude, like, probably $15. And then, like, dude, I could buy, like, you know, a shirt, a Pink Floyd shirt, dude. It's the take that's, like, because the minimum wage thing is back again because of the federal, like, mandate or whatever they're working on, I guess. I've seen it so much, especially from guys back home. It's like $15 minimum wage. Yeah, brother, enjoy that $9 carton of milk and them $22 carton of eggs. And I'm like, okay, so the price of shit's just been going up forever anyway, and the minimum wage has stayed the same.

So that doesn't make it. And when you point that out to them, they're like it'll go higher if you gotta you see the gears yeah it's like some chart like the spider webs yeah it'll be like just some some guy who works at chili's he's like well y'all have fun with that it's like how much do you make right now he's like, well, y'all have fun with that. It's like, how much do you make right now? He's like, $8.50. $8.50 an hour. Which is actually above minimum wage. It's like, would you rather have like $16 an hour?

Well, in a perfect world, yeah. It's like, hey, don't like a lot of people make that much. And they pay like, you know, like the same price you do, you know? Yeah. And he's like, well, that just ain't how it works, you know? It's a different breed from the I'll be a millionaire one day guys. They're like a subsect of those guys where it's like, it's actually like it builds character, and it's a good, honorable thing to do. Me and my wife, Twainis, we work about 175 hours a week and we don't want

no handout we don't want no 15 minimum wage we don't we don't we just it's good for me to come home and throw my dog down the stairs it's good for my wife to roll over on top of me and just like hey you know let's get out I want some tonight and I just throw her through the fucking sheet rock I can't fucking even I'm just it is the mark of a Christian

man a strong man a prince to be at a fucking Applebee's at 1.30 in the morning card get declined on six one dollar Long Island iced teas, and I just take a fucking butter knife and jam it into the guy next to me's neck, fucking ring that cocksucker around, because that's what the Boston Tea Party was about, brother. I'll tell you that much.

You're like, dude, you know that the buying power of the minimum wage is like $6. It's not even $7.25. I don't really particularly... This is when you push them on anything, and then that's when they're like, yeah, I don't care about politics. And I'm like, you just... You seem to have quite a bit of an understanding of something, at least.

Yeah. It's a... I just enjoy the idea that people just accept that the quality of their life is not going to get any better. And I think that's kind of admirable. It's like, man, honestly, you talk about minimum wage, health care, all that. But my uncle literally built his business from nothing. He used to work at a different job before the job he has now.

He didn't go to college. His parents weren't millionaires. But now, he's got a boat and a beautiful wife, beautiful house, two-story. Two-story. And you're telling me that I deserve even the ground I stand on? Yeah. It's this.

You know, there's another aspect of something. I hear this from my mom and a lot of people where you're talking about universal health care or minimum wage increase or any program that 99% of the Western world has. And a lot of countries that are like developing. Anyway, like, well, somebody's paying for that. Who's paying for it?

And I'm like, you are not because you make $38,000 a year laying concrete. You're not paying for it, man. So why are you like defending people who would be? They don't care about you. They spit at the idea of shaking your hand and they're like no no somebody's paying for that and i'll be damned if i let some fucking welfare queen take my hard-earned cash it's like they're not they don't

most of your tax money goes to like building like child murder machines and shit they don't but again you push back on any of that shit with these people and they're like, my dad's like this. You push back on him, he's like, man, I don't know fucking shit. I just don't like it. And I'm like, okay, I respect that way more than trying to make an honest point out of something that's just not true.

That's why everybody needs a YouTube channel. Yes. Everyone needs a YouTube channel. Mm-hmm. Yes. Everyone needs a YouTube channel about, like, what the country used to stand for. Where you could get a degree from a community college, and then you could manage a McDonald's and retire with $48 million in your checking account.

Yeah. You had, like, 40 years old. Aya. Aya. We'll go Aya. Uh--huh let's hear it i think it would be so awesome to be just one of those guys who worked at a like one of the asbestos factories i think that's the best best case scenario if you had like a job in the 60s. You had an incredible pension and everything. You work for 25 years, and then your lungs break down. And then you die really young, and then your family gets $900,000 because you accidentally worked in a factory setting

that makes Chernobyl look like... A state-of-the-art medical facility. Yeah, yeah. You just go to work every day and, you know, you come back and your car is glowing. When I was on 71, I had never been rear-ended before. I always did the rear-ending because I was like a shit-runner. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I bet.

Got him. Oh, man. You call me tonight at like 3 in the morning. You're like, hey, do you remember when I got you? Oh, man. Wait. I get rear-ended. And you're like, hey, do you remember when I got you? Oh, man. It was great. I get rear-ended. And it's like, uh, it's like Sorter Girl steps out.

She's at this, like, Audi SUV. And she's like, thank God. I sat down. And then I got a check. You know, it was obviously her fault. Dude, I got a check for, like, $1,200. But all that happened was she just clipped my taillight. Checked.

She swerved, but still, like, knocked my taillight out so all i did of course was like insurance paid for it well they paid for like the shop things but i just got a new taillight from autozone and just placed myself it's not hard and then after that dude i was like i would have moments where i was so broke that i was like man i want to get rear-ended today like i want to get fucking like not something where i'm, like, fucked up, but, like, it's a rainy day, you know, I just hit those brakes a little too hard and somebody just fucking, it's something I can fix, by the way. I don't want any body damage or chassis damage or frame damage that would require,

like, going to a dealership. I just want, like, if my bumper pops off, I'm just going to get a junkyard bumper, fucking, you know, glue that sumbitch on, clamp it on, and then I'll just pocket the rest. And then, you know, I have a subsequent thought. It's like, am I really, like, begging the universe to get hit by a fucking car? Like, am I, what, like, is this how bad it is? And it's like, I, no, I'm not going to, like, I'm not going to play the lottery or I'm not going to, like, invest money or, or like learn to be good with it I just want to get hit like by a truck preferably like an

18 wither with a guy who's like drunk or driving you know yeah logbook hours yeah like his his license got suspended or something and it's he's gonna like go to prison for it but it's gonna you're gonna get like eighteen thousand dollars yeah like uh my buddy one of my best friends worked for a paralegal like law firm one like for a long time and it was a personal injury law firm and i was like hey man um just curious like you know i know you can't probably tell the details but uh what is like the average settlement he's like i'll tell you as much as you want to know he's like i just worked on a case uh somebody got paid out nine million dollars and i was like oh he's like yeah they can't walk no more or talk even uh and like they're paralyzed from neck down and uh it's

like 21 year old kid he's fucked but he's got nine million dollars in the bank. And I was like, again, my intuitive knee-jerk thought was like, dude, that rocks. I was just like, man, dude, that fucking, he's set. And then, of course, you know, like my roommate's still talking to me. He's like, I need you to understand, because he saw where my eyes just glazed over. He's like, this kid's life is over. Like, he's essentially like,

he's going to have to have his ass wiped for him for the rest of his life is over. Like, he's a, he's essentially, like, he's gonna have to have his ass wiped for him for the rest of his life. But all I heard was like, dude, nine million? Yeah, I'm sold. Like, I'm break-checking every big rig,

like, on the fucking freeway. Yeah. Let's get him. Yeah. It's like, it's like, what would need to happen for me to get

nine dollars? Because that's, what would need to happen for me to get nine dollars? Because that's, I could go to Whataburger. How about a guy who drives a truck punches me in the face while he's not driving? Over a minor charge.

And for some, yes, and then, like, another guy just hands me. Basically, folks, if you're out there and you're from Houston, Texas

or Austin, Texas or anywhere in between and you see me on the road, rear hands me. Basically, folks, if you're out there and you're from Houston, Texas or Austin, Texas or anywhere in between and you see me on the road, rear-end me. Your insurance is going to pay for it. Maybe your premium will go up a little bit, but I could use like an extra two or three grand right now. Boys, fellas, if you're out there,

I'll get jumped by three people for $500. No question. No questions asked. I i don't i don't care when you stop kicking me yeah no no 500 bucks that'll do it 500 500 and i won't even because here's the thing i'll go to the er won't pay the medical medical bill they just charge it to my they just send it to me don't care now i'm assuming this is a bit of gamble too because if you invite somebody to jump you it's either going to be the worst beating you've had in your life by far. Holding your ribs.

Or they're going to be hesitant the whole time. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I feel like if you were to go on Twitter, I guess if you or me were to post like, hey, three people, you guys come up with $500 between the three of you,

and for a minute, y'all can do me, you can beat the dog out of me. You can do me dirty. Pause. No, like, you can pause. No, you whoop my ass? 500 bucks. It's either going to be, like, three guys who haven't seen the sun and, like... Yeah, it's like you accidentally win.

Yeah. Or it's going to be, like, you know, the guys who follow you for, like, the fitness stuff and they're, like, power lifters or, like, maybe they're, like, weight bars or whatever. Or there's some of the freaks that are like six eight four hundred pounds yeah yeah like uh I guess prepper guys that like

cheaty the dog followers or whatever and you just get your shit absolutely fucking stomped the fuck out for something that's like not even it's like a car payment

for like a nice like BMW or something yeah how about hey let's up the ante. $2,000. You guys can actually fight us in a five-on-two.

Five-on-two? Yeah. Actually, you know what's fucked up is that I guarantee you, in between our collective maybe 43,000, 44,000 followers or whatever, that you could probably put that out and you probably would get a DM at least within a couple weeks. Like, are you for real? Like, because I can get, like, where are you at?

You're Fort Worth? Okay, so let me round up some guys. Two grand between us and you say a minute. Five on two. Yeah. All right, you know. I could see it, like, manifesting itself and us doing it as a joke and then and then like somebody gets hurt yeah yeah like you know probably one of us uh but you

know well if if if one of the other people got hurt it wouldn't be in like a cool way like you throw a haymaker it would be like they have like a brain condition already and they get knocked on the back of their head and it just pops like a like a like an old paintball yeah uh we're like uh everybody just i would imagine what would really happen is everyone would just get gassed in like 15 seconds and then they're just like yeah we used to do we used to have this kid at our school who had had brain surgery when he was a kid and he'd always participate in these backyard fights and it was always really funny because we just punched him in the back of the head it was super easy he was he was out there they could kill him were you in the back of the head. It was super easy. He was out there.

They could kill him. Were you one of the kids that the coolest hangout for you was like 8th or 9th grade, like friend's backyard, like maybe you steal a marble or light from your dad in one course and y'all just beat the dog shit out of each other? I was never directly involved in that okay i was that was for the most part it was mexican kids who i was friends with at school but i had like kind of stricter parents so i couldn't like hang out with them outside school and then as i got older it was like more the burnouts yeah and they did that for a little bit and then it was like, we are 17 years old and somehow too arthritic to continue doing this.

Yeah, we would, like, somebody's parents would go out of town, and then, like, we would have a party. But the date, like, so if we had a party on a Saturday, Friday was, like, fight night or whatever. Because it was the golden age of the UFC. 2010, 2011, 2009. And we would just get a bunch of shitty STEMI Reggie and like a fucking 30 rack of Keystone. And we would do like, because I had been training in boxing for like four months. Of course, I was like the all-time referee or like the all, like, you know, I was just, everybody was like, oh, let's do like me and Jake, let's's, me and you go, whatever. Anyway, I wasn't any good, but it's, like, I was the only guy who, like, tried, I guess. But anyway, we would, like,

we would beat the fuck out of each other, dude, like, bad. With gloves, or? With, like, okay, that's about, yeah, so I had, I had legit ass, like, I had saved up, like, money from selling Adderall to get, like, a pair of really nice, like, four-ounce, like, UFC-type gloves, mixed martial arts gloves. And, but the other set of gloves we had, they weren't gloves, they were, like, lifting gloves. Like, they just had that thin layer of, like, gel, kind of, and then the hands are, like, the plastic. It was just, like like the shit you deadlift with or whatever you know what i'm talking about and so there was no padding on those things and those motherfuckers were like i would use mine and i'm like oh i have the legit gloves these are legit i was doing way less damage to my opponent simply because there is they are

meant to protect your hand and to to some extent, their face. And this guy's swinging like a half an inch layer of gel and plastic as hard as he possibly can. Like, right into my fucking nose. And we would do that for like five, six hours, well into three in the morning. And just wake up and go back home. And every one of our parents was like, I needed an explanation. Like, all of you are like, like, ribs bruised, face like, fucking, nose is busted up, you know. No one has any money, so it's like, okay, like, if one of our, if we would have broken a jaw, or like, and cracked an orbital,

like, you just had to walk around that way, I guess. You know, like. Yeah. But that was like a big thing in my neighborhood. That and like airsoft gun battles. The kids that had like one kid during Christmas would get one and then like and another kid. So we would all switch off and ended up doing

I guess like mixed martial arts slash like airsoft gun wars. I guess we all thought we were like delta force or something and we're just tier one operators but we're like 16 years old hopped up on shitty weed and like adderall that i was selling to everybody yeah now i uh i did just a few like backyard fights ever yeah and it was i i wouldn't say i was ever like uh you know the mike tyson of that you know like sometimes you just you're against a guy who's six five and you just you just hey i'll tell you right now you lose that one

about 95 of the time if you don't have the reach. Like, you just lose it. Again, that was like going back to what I said before. Like, I would be like somebody, a friend of a friend, like, you know, one of those kids that's 16 years old who's like full beard, 6'2", putting up like 280. He's probably like a varsity linebacker or whatever. And one of my friends who would never be the guy that would ever fight him, he would just film it on a shitty Motorola Razor or whatever, be like, yo, Jake's like a really good boxer.

He's like golden gloves, dude. Like, y'all should squat. And I'm like, what are you doing? Like, I have been boxing for four months. By the way, I'm not training every day. I smoke weed and go like once or twice a week. But no, the trap had already been set. The guy's like, oh yeah, no, me and you, man.

I want to go up against a guy. I just want to see what I can do. And I'm like, again, this guy lied to you. You're going to knock me out. And again, it's kind of like the video game thing from earlier. Oh man, you're probably like fucking one of the best. You're probably going to be like a trained champion one day. No, you're not listening to me. I'm not humble bragging and i'm not selling myself short

i am not good at fighting what are you and he's like oh and anyway you know you get a little drunk and you're like all right maybe i am good you know maybe i was selling myself short and like tap the gloves somebody's got a ding ding ding emote like thing on their eye touch and they hit it and then like you you know, I'm trying and then he just clocks me with a fucking like drunken t-ball umpire like over and I just fucking go out and everyone's like, damn

Jake does suck and I was like I told you all that you were the ones lying to this big guy saying that I was like gonna be in the Olympics or something like why would you? Now, I'm the fool, but I didn't sign up to be one.

Yeah. What was always really fun for me is if there was ever boxing going on and people were like, you know Thomas' Taekwondo? And I'd be like, yeah, that actually doesn't matter. I'm not exaggerating. That doesn't translate whatsoever, except for maybe footwork a little bit.

Like not even head work. Just getting off line, getting off center or whatever. Yeah, because you don't even do head work the same for a roundhouse coming at your temple. No, you don't. No, because it doesn't require as much head work. No, it doesn't require, like, the slipping and dodging

and the bottom of the thing is totally different. And then boxing, yeah, boxing is just like, I don't want to say it's more skilled, but it's,

in some ways, it is. It's science, too. It's a sweet, yeah, like, there's, yeah, I mean,

there's the same thing for Taekwondo, but it's just too completely different. You don't, I was trying to explain this to, I don't know, a couple people, it's a sweet yeah like there's yeah i mean there's the same thing for taekwondo but it's just two completely different i was trying to explain this to a couple people it's like when you go up against a boxer and you're like mostly a leg guy both you guys have like uh different advantages and disadvantages over one each other insofar as the dodging and slipping you learn in boxing does not translate to a guy who can kick you in the head you cannot like do this if a guy could just kick you in your fucking head same thing goes it's like if you're a taekwondo guy

well you're not expecting a dude to like bum rush you and close off your your weapons and just beat the fuck out of you in close range yeah for like three minutes straight yeah point sparring i think right yeah it's like ufc i've never done it. I know I'd be terrible. First of all, because now I'm fat and out of shape. But also, I don't have any grappling in my repertoire, really, once I'm on the ground. So you get me on the ground, you get me in a good hold, I'm out. Yeah. But I might get you in the ribs or something on my way down,

but that's about it. That's another one of those things, too, where a lot of guys, like some of the Joe Rogan guys, who are so obsessed with Joe Rogan, and I've met some people who are pretty good at Jiu-Jitsu, that they buy into this idea that Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is like a super power, and it's like, you can be 130,

and you can go up against a fucking power lifter, but if you're smart enough, you can make that dude your bitch, you can fucking tap him out like 10 times in 2 minutes and i'm like okay so i know that you have actually never done jujitsu in your whole life because you probably just watched them on youtube and like maybe you've grappled your friends drunk and got them in a good half that's not true dude there are some people who are there's a reason that like really good like black belts a lot of times they're either like uh you know like uh they're long, lanky dudes.

Strength matters quite a bit. Yeah, it's quite important. If you're a skilled guy and you're going up against a fat idiot who has no stamina and actual strength, he's just fat, you're probably going to be fine. But if you're going up against a dude who can bench press like 315, I don't give a fuck how good you are, dude. Unless you're like Royce Gracie or one of the originals. You're going to get your shit worked over

because they can just pick you up and slam you into the fucking dirt. It doesn't work that way. But all these guys are like, no, man, you give me up against a guy, I don't care how big he is. I'm breaking that arm. It's like, okay, man, no, you give me up against a guy, I don't care how big he is, I'm breaking that arm. It's like, okay, I've grappled with newbies quite a few times

in many years I've been doing jiu-jitsu that are like they lift. Like they're guys who are in incredible shape. You know, they're like, you know, they just lift a lot. They're super strong, you know, super fit. And I'm not a small guy by any stretch of the words, but I'm cranking on an arm, and they literally just fucking like, like they don't, they just, they're too fucking strong. So, and I'm okay at Jiu-Jitsu, so like, it's bullshit. This is stupid. Yeah. But it's like, again, it's like the, oh, martial arts are a superpower, they're magic. No, dude. Like, not at all. Now, if you're a swole

dude and you're good at martial arts, yeah, you're pretty fucking scary. But, like, you know, you can't be, like, a good jiu-jitsu guy and also, like, 110 pounds. It's stupid. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I... Thank you for listening. Yeah, thanks for checking in. Yeah for thanks for listening yeah thanks

thanks for checking in yeah thanks for checking in on this this is the free episode correct so if you're listening

uh I got some really good news we actually you're probably thinking this was the best episode of any podcast I've ever heard

and I want to give these guys at least five dollars a month well well I've ever heard, and I want to give these guys at least $5 a month. Well, I've got some good news. You can. Me and Jake are doing premium episodes on Patreon. $5 a month. Patreon.com slash PendejoTime. Five bucks a month gets you access to as many as eight episodes in the backlog.

And plenty more premium stuff. And I don't know, maybe we might do a shirt or something in like seven months. Anyway, folks, thanks for listening. It's been real. See ya. I'm Mark Wiederson. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.