Pendejo Time - Hard Knock Rife (Ft. Brandon Wardell)

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

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Wow. All right. Hell yeah. And we are back. Folks, we got a special guest today. You may know him from the Brandon and Jamel show or his appearances on I Think You Should Leave and millions of other of some of the most popular TV shows in the world. One of the biggest comics on planet Earth right now. Yeah, definitely.

You've seen him on the magazines. You know who we're talking about. Brandon motherfucking Wardell is in the building, folks. Thank you for coming on, Brandon. Hey, great to be here. Thank you for having me on Pendejo time. I feel like there's probably, I don't know, some people listening to this might have called me gay on Twitter at some point.

And now look. And now, sorry. Sorry. Now look who's winning. Yeah, look who's actually a friend of the show now officially is you know yeah you know yeah some guys would probably you know some guys can only dream of yeah have you guys had how how many uh guests have you had on pendejo time maybe like 10 okay more than that right if it would probably some somewhere around there

we patrick patrick lunch probably patrick lunch and felix matt will uh have we had will on yeah uh yeah we had will on um yes we did yes um we also guys uh patrick Patrick A couple Twitter guys A couple comic friends Yeah about like 10 Not that many really We're kind of bad about asking people to come on You know what I mean Asking is always the first step

You know You gotta just ask I just met Oh no I was just gonna going to say I met Leon. Sorry. Fucking. Wait, what's your actual name? Me?

No. Leno Killer. Oh, Thomas. Thomas. Thomas. I blanked for a second. No, you're good. I forget it too sometimes

No I have your name in my phone as Thomas Leno Killer No that's good Is your last name public Yeah it's just white Okay Is your address public Probably

Yeah at this point When we shipped out all the all the shirts his the his address was on there so no when we did our merch oh no yeah yeah most people don't know that but now they do because jake just said that's all right we can bleep it out that's fine no i can we i was gonna ask you to edit out the part where i blanked where i blanked on thomas's name because i know thomas's name i just like it's okay i temporarily blank but you know i forget people i forget my it's all right i have like so i have like six siblings and uh like four of them have March birthdays.

And for the last, I guess, six days, I've been trying to remember whose birthday is when and who was born in March. Because I have like I have like two sisters where I'm like, all right, I know they're in March. And then everybody else, I just don't tell happy birthday. I've like I have siblings who I've never told happy birthday to just because I it's way too late to ask you know i'm almost 25 just texting that every day yeah that's rough we had uh i was in our our first guest do you know p88 prospector that Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Funny. Yeah. He was our first guest. And he was... I knew what I was... He's a very funny guy. Right.

Shout out PA8. A long time listener of the show. He's also just kind of like... Some guys on Twitter are doing a character sure prospect prospector is not um for the most part i think and so we like halfway through the episode we like cracked the jokers like there's only there's not really any rules to coming on the show just no no hard r's or whatever. And then halfway through the episode, you hear him hit his keyboard six times, like typing something.

And he goes, hey, what word did I just type? And I was like, frogger. He was like, yeah. Absolutely. Thank you, brother. brother yeah he was awesome uh yeah my favorite uh my favorite guest episode we've done was uh one time jake couldn't record and uh matt chrisman agreed to come on and he turns on his camera and he doesn't have a microphone and he's just has like gas station earbuds

and then i'm like all right you know what he probably just moved or something and then he's drinking out of a chalice the whole time yeah yeah he's drinking out of a chalice and he his audio was so bad that i had to like try and put like effects on it to make it sound better and I just gave up and I put like a robot sound effect on the whole episode for him so there's like 20 minutes of it that are like super horrible audio and it's just him explaining the whole Ukraine situation to me but it's in like a like a distant robotic voice yeah That's got to be insulting considering that he has the equipment. Yeah, he's a podcast millionaire. He's a podcast.

He's a millionaire from podcasts. Yes. That's crazy disrespectful. Having met the guy and hung out with him, he's super awesome. I love him. Yeah, yeah. You know him he's super awesome i think it's just i love him he's yeah yeah you know he's like there's an air about him like a kind of um an eccentric regal or regal like just like he's like an old painter from like like you know the renaissance era you know like he just hangs out and drinks like raw ether smokes a really long pipe like

you know just just he knows like you know he he'll He knows a guy from nobility, and then he'll know a painter, and then he'll know an assassin, and he'll know a wizard. Just kind of chock full of information. Yeah, the Christ man himself. Yeah, he was like a Da Vinci Code style podcaster. I remember when Thomas dropped that episode and I was, for context, I was like organizing stuff for my dad's funeral. And I remember I was like, oh, Tom, you know, like, oh, he's having Matt on. That's going to be awesome.

And I like turned it on in my car. I was driving to go get some stuff for the funeral. And I heard like Thomas like, hey. And then I just hear. And I was like, well, and then Thomas was like, Matt, Matt Crispin, everybody, Chapo Trap House. And then you're like. And I was like, I was like, what happened since I've been gone?

I've been gone a week i was like one on one yeah yeah yeah yeah it was just me and him and you couldn't hear him and we i put it as a premium episode so a bunch of choppo fans subscribed to this show to hear it and then they couldn't even hear matt yeah i had people somebody like it's just some dumb kid like just talking to himself i hope you have it i hope you have the settings where it's like up front right where it's like yeah yeah yeah yeah so like you got the you got the choppo guys money you got yeah yeah and then they just put it here their lord yeah yeah we got the free 80 out out of it, and then they never-

They all immediately unsubscribed, but I appreciated the- Dude, it's always funny to check. Whenever we've done anything affiliated with Chapo, we did a few live shows with them. It's always fun to see the comments. You know how Patreon has a thing where exit surveys? They'll say why they left, and 98% of the time, yeah. Like people, you know, like they'll say why they left. And like 98% of the time it's like, love you guys. Like hella broke, you know, or like, you know, trying to cut back on some expenses.

I'll be back when I get my cheddar up. Those types of things. Every time we've done something Chappa related, we'll get like, you know, people will like sub to listen to us. And then a month later I'll get like three surveys that are like i was not aware of the content of this show i like or like uh you know i expected something much different than this uh these guys are you know blah blah blah it's always like centered around like i guess they thought we were like texas texas politics guys. Oh, yeah. They thought it was like a leftist. I'm the Dallas. I'm the Dallas Leninist.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not that. It's mostly like schizophrenia, you know. Yeah. They thought it was going to be like cowboy hat Marxism.

Yes. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I do declare I've been reading i've been reading me state and revolution no it's mostly just thomas and i getting like like schizotypal episodes for like an hour and a half yeah we're just like would you pay 100 bucks for a spaghetti that would fuck you also

stuff like that you know yeah yeah yeah having um yeah it's it's funny to like people in my family and thomas's family too are like pretty profoundly religious and uh when we started the show it was like it was like oh you got a little podcast that's fun like something like a little hobby and like as the show gets more successful which is always good people then start to like people like my mom will take it like she's like it's a serious thing like we go to we do live shows like we've been to chicago and things and she's like when are you gonna let me listen and i'm like mom please like don't ever i don't know if your parents like listen to the show to your show oh no but like no i i've begged my mom because i've just been on here like talking about shoving like fucking like fire pokers in my ass and getting my dick gobbled on by, like, a little elf.

Yeah. You know, like, I've been, we've done characters on this show that are sexual pedophiles. Right. And that's, you know, as comics, you know, we aren't allowed to be comics anymore Because of cancel culture Because of woke You know when I go on stage And I say My girlfriend's 10

What's the deal with 10 year olds nowadays And people say Get out of here You know And you have to stand your ground The woke mind virus Yeah That's one of the symptoms

Is they don't want They don't want you to have a girlfriend that's 10 Yeah They don't want to hear the truth anymore It's 10. Yeah, they don't want to hear the truth anymore. There is a nice crossover between guys who use the term woke mind virus and earnest and then the type of libertarian that is really just obsessed with age of consent laws. There's an intersection of those two guys that are like, yeah, you can't say the N-word anymore in the bronx without somebody getting mad and

then guys who are also like you know in maryland you can still marry a 13 year old and they honestly they're probably the most christian state or whatever the fuck the most religiously pure i think it should be higher honestly like 50 yeah no fucking until no fucking until your shit's all used up anyway. It should be higher for girls. What do you mean? Honestly, the age of consent should be highest for black women. Don't you think, Jake? Yeah, unpack that.

Could you unpack that a little bit? To protect them. Oh, okay. To protect their sexual magic. To protect their sexual power. Yeah, okay. From, okay. To protect their sexual magic. Protect their sexual power. Yeah, okay. I've been talking to Jake a lot about, like, black women taking back their sexual power lately. How do you feel about that, Brandon?

How do I feel about it? Yeah. Yeah, thumbs up. Thumbs up. Thumbs up over here. Thumbs up for the sexual power of a black woman. Honestly, it brings me to tears sometimes just thinking about it in my bed, just thinking about it for a while.

Just the raw sexual tension between you. When I think about when I see a woman of color at the store, I want to cry sometimes. You know what I mean? Because I can just feel power seeping out of her. You know what I mean? Yeah, you go up and you ask them, can I touch your hair? Can I get some of your power?

Can I smell you? You smell so good. Is that patchouli oil? Is that cocoa butter? Is that shea oil? Girl, you are killing it working here at Trader Joe's. Yes. Yeah, you know, I love to run into a black woman at the Fort Worth Trader Joe's.

They've got a couple now, and there's nothing wrong with that. Last year I interviewed at Trader Joe's, and I didn't get the position, and it made me think a lot about where I'm heading in life. This was last year? Yeah, less than a calendar year ago. But they said it was because of my schedule, because i said i didn't want to work that much i said i'd like i said i said i'd like to have friday through sunday off so i can chill they were like when do you think people get groceries i remember i got you guys know firehouse subs yeah of course yeah of course which has it they they have a bunch of framed photos of fucking buildings on fire yeah

yeah you have uh you know um i tried to i i tried to work there during community college and uh it was my first time filling out a job application and you had to you know how you have to give them your social security number yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't fill that out because I was like, why does Firehouse Subs need that? Why the fuck do you need my social security number? Why do you need my secret code? Firehouse Subs. And so I didn't hear back from them, but I think that that's why. Yeah, that makes sense.

I remember when I was like, in my family like went to college. My my mom didn't finish high school and my dad. It took him like five and a half years to graduate. And so when I was applying, I didn't have anybody to like I didn't. They were like, you know, you have to write your like entrance essays, like why you want to go to the school. And and I didn't have anybody to consult. you have to write your like entrance essays like why you want to go to the school and uh and i didn't have anybody to consult and so i went to google and i was like oh what's in like an application essay and it's like oh talk about your extracurriculars talk about like you know

if your first generation like this your struggle you know what i mean like you're yeah you know and so i didn't have any extracurriculars i spent most of high school like eating street press xanax and like trying to do kickflips i didn't really fucking and so i every college essay dude i applied to so many schools and only got accepted that they're like two but it was like 500 word essay i didn't have any extracurriculars i didn't have any hobbies so i just wrote about everything wrong that ever happened to me in my life like I was like yeah my dad's my dad's a crackhead uh you know my mom had me when she was 16 years old we lived in a trailer park like we were really poor um you know things we got up to like middle class but then my parents

gambled away all the money and so like and so now we like that's a struggle but i guess they don't but it's not like appealing no it's also like there was a college basically you just went in like i'm god's number one victim yes like you're just like hey you guys you know about targeted individuals that's me yeah that's me i i'm getting gang stalked by God to be like a bad person. Yeah. And so like I would write these things and like you're supposed to at the end. And I didn't know this until I'd already written like six of them and submitted. But like you're supposed to be like and you know, like I feel that going to University of Texas or U of H or fucking wherever would like put me like I would be the first generation person in my family go to college i didn't know that halfway through so i was just writing 500 words with no conclusion about

i'm bettering my life like yeah you know uh my dad was in and out of my life and you know everybody's got drug problems and all my family members have bipolar disorder and i think i have it too and i started drinking when i was nine and then no happy ending I would be like all this stuff is real and happened to me and it keeps happening and nothing's getting better sincerely yours Jake and then I would like send them off and then like a week later get a rejection letter like you said you got accepted to who accepted you uh the school I went to um which was St. Edwards in Austin Texas and and then a couple schools. Do you know that really rip-off-y film school in Florida called Full Sail University?

Yeah. Yeah. Is it like a for-profit? Basically, it's like NYU, but for people who live in Florida. If you can just contextualize what that would... Yeah, yeah. They accepted... They only teach j what that would, yeah, yeah. They accepted. They only teach jits.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like, yeah, they, like, have a movie set on campus, and it's like, it's like if you're not smart enough or good enough at writing to get into NYU, and if you don't have money, you go to full sale or whatever.

Okay. And I applied there and got in there, and then I got into like a couple like shitty rinky dink like state schools um but dude like the schools i wanted to go to like ut u of eight fuck no they didn't want anything to do with me because also my gpa was in the shitter i think i graduated like bottom 20 of my class yeah like i just you know yeah i was just you know whatever um yeah i was a 2.9, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think mine was. Yeah, I was like Northern Virginia Community College and then VCU and it dropped out. Dropped out of VCU. And if you look at the VCU alumni Wikipedia, you're going to find me. You're going gonna find Moot The creator of 4chan

Also dropped out of Also dropped out of VCU That's so sick I keep that thing on me No big deal Oh baby Oh yeah Wait what

Tarrant County There it is Tarrant County College Yeah I went there for Three semesters Hell yeah And in those three semesters, I got like 10 credits. And that's not even the only – I've been to – I don't mean to brag.

I don't mean to flex. But I've taken probably 11 semesters of community college, and I'm already a sophomore technically. Yeah, I did two years of community college, but no associates. I transferred no associates, so I have nothing. I have nothing. Dude, I was trying to get a computer science degree like six months ago. I have no idea why.

I was like, dude, I'm just going to become smart by looking at shit. It did not happen whatsoever. I got to my second class class and i was like anybody know how to like export a pdf can you guys turn my monitor on for me yeah yeah uh yeah it was like it it was funny to like i was like i wanted when i was a kid to like be an an actor or a screenwriter or something. And so I remember talking to my mom who, I think at the time, I was 16, 17. So she was like 31, 32. And so she was like, hey, look.

I was like, mom, I'm going to be an actor. I'm going to move to New York. And I'm going to live in New York. And I'm going to do the New York thing. Or I'm going to go to this wholesale place actor I'm gonna move to New York And I'm gonna live in New York And I'm gonna like do the New York thing Or I'm gonna go to this full sale place I'm gonna live in Miami And I'm gonna do Miami Vice stuff I'm gonna write fucking scripts about sexy CIA fucking

Was this Did you want to be like a dramatic actor? I wanted to be like I wanted to be like a renaissance man I wanted to do it all baby I wanted to be like a comedic actor And like a You know like I wanted to be like a

Like fuck I don't know A McC a conahay maybe you know anyway okay okay and and my mom was like she just leveled with me like straight she was like hey look um i didn't even finish high school so the fact that you want to go to college is great um but do you want to go into a bunch of debt to learn how to write about movies? And I was like, oh, like, it's not real. Like, student loans are like, she's like, look, I don't have them, but it's a lot of money. You should just go act if you want to do that. And then I, like, got to school and I met the entire theater and acting program. I ended up studying political science, which is a major moneymaker. You know know what i mean um and uh dude i'm so glad i dodged that bullet

people who want to be actors like yeah you're familiar with this i know for like yes people who want it more than anything like it would be cool to do i love it's rough yeah i like i started I started acting on accident, honestly. I was always just like a stand-up. Yeah, yeah. I like whatever. Like eventually started acting and things. But when somebody is, their whole thing is I am an actor. Yes. Right?

Yes. It's a rough pursuit, you know? And it's like just a rough kind of person. Yeah. I always felt like, because I did a lot of theater, and I did a couple short movies, and then Thomas and I, we do these sketches, and we'll write the scripts, and then we act it in one. And it's fun.

I've always felt that just about anyone can be okay at it the people who are really good at it are just profoundly mentally sick you know what i mean but if you say that to somebody who studies it and like the person you're talking about the actor they get so mad i used to get in arguments with people that i would like do i did like a theater i did like a uh my my school's like theater program they did this um a play called God of Carnage. Like it was a popular movie. And I played the like bad, not the bad guy, but just like a dickhead. And I was talking to some of the kids who were there.

I wasn't studying acting. I just did it to have fun. And I was like rambling. I was like, anyone can do this shit. If you can have a conversation like we're having now. Well, yeah. I think like the people that are really fucking good at it like the people that are like savants at acting yeah it's either i i think it's either just like

a cold-blooded sociopath or just like an absolute fucking like you know like fucking like golden retriever kind of yes vessel yes suit for brains kind of yes you know regard i've always felt that yeah that everybody i've known that was really good at it was a complete mental and emotional train wreck and a bad person the people that i that i like acted acted with that were just that were okay, they were normal people. So that's what I mean. If you want to be a really good one, I realized the more that I did the theater productions and a short movie here and there when I was in high school and college. Dude, just the worst, most self-obsessed psycho sociopath. Also, they cry like we threw a uh the theater program at my college rented our house out to throw their

cast party for their big show at the end of the year by midnight they were all in a massage train i don't know if anybody ever we were talking to patches from podcasts about this about this but like this is similar to a uh a cuddle puddle yes they were like in a snake and they were rubbing each other's shoulders and i've i've heard people talk about this and i experienced it when i did fucking theater and they would all start crying and talking in british accents and i just dude i just wanted to do cocaine in my house yeah and like and drink 40s like i wanted to party you know what i mean like right and they're like hello jake how are you this evening i love your home you've made it

such a wonderful place for us tonight will be a night of dancing, dreaming, and revelry. What say you? And I was like, I bought an eight ball, and I'm going to go in the garage and do that alone. And if you come in there, I'm going to beat the piss out of you. Like, do not. You want to come in there and talk to me like my buddy Mike, who's a good actor and a pretty good singer that I know. You can be Mike. If you come in there like the Libertine,

I'm going to kick you in the nuts. Yeah, that's pretty rough. You know, like... I mean, I would... When I first moved to L.A., I lived in like a... This is like my first year living here. I was living in a place where I was paying $4.60 a month for rent.

Damn. And it's like... Well, it was a shithole. So it was like... Okay, okay. It's a place where i was paying 460 a month for rent and it's like well it's it was a shithole so it was like okay it's a place with like there's four rooms right it's like me oh i see what you mean it was like it was me i was 21 uh this other guy who's 21 this girl who's our age and then this guy who was like 35 yeah and he was a he was an improv coach right he would have and this is like to illustrate what this house was it was like the kind of place where it was like it's all carpeted it's all carpeted and like nasty, like bad carpet. Ladies and gentlemen, you know what time of the show it is. We're back. Look, we know how hard it is to get your dang food in,

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You don't got to cut. You don't got to prep. Nothing. Yes. And you just heat them up in the microwave or skillet, and you're good to go. And, Jake, my favorite meal, I like the chorizo chili, and I love their juices as well. I love the juicy booster. I love the energy boost I get from their juices.

I remember you telling me that the apple, it's apple juice and cayenne. It was like a good bucket. I really enjoyed that. And I also enjoyed their jalapeno popper burger. It's sort of a deconstructed burger sort of in a delicious moat of cauliflower rice. That is – you sent me a picture of it, dude. It looks super good. I remember you got the big swag bag, which was sick.

Super jealous because I was like, damn. I really enjoyed the food. Yeah. it looked good and I'll probably, you know what, I might email and be like, yeah. Anyway, Factor is less expensive than Tega, you guys. If you're trying to save money and eat healthy,

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So what you're going to want to do is head to factormeals.com slash pendejo50. That is factormeals.com slash pendejo50, P-E-N-D-E-J-O 50, and use code pendejo50 to get 50% off. One more time, that's code pendejo50 at factormeals.com slash PENDEJO50 to get 50% off. You do that, you support the show, and get 50% off at Factor at, here's the website, www.factormeals.com slash PENDEJO50, and use that code one more time, PENDEJO50. Thank you, guys. And there's not a couch in the living room, but there's a couch on the porch, right? Yep, I lived in plenty of those places.

So, yeah, you guys know. You guys know all about this. So the improv coach roommate, there'd be nights where I would come home trashed and just in a place where I just want to rest my weary head, and I'd come, I I open the living room door to just a bunch of adults playing. It's rough. Yes.

It's a very harsh blow to come home to that. Yeah. To just a bunch of, yeah, a bunch of like, you know, losers. Yeah, it would be better if they were shooting up. Oh, yeah. At least there's like pathos there. Yes. Yeah.

A heroin addict is cool for a while. Right. You know what I mean? I was in an improv den. Yes. while right you know what i mean like uh i was in an improv den yes people they're coming you come in there and they're like dude i i keep yes anding and i just keep yes anding and i just can't stop um dude i remember um i there was a club a comedy club in austin called the new movement and it's they changed his name it's called fall Now. And I did open mics there all the fucking time

when I was like 18 or 19. And I was the guy, I was the open mic, which I feel like this is fine if you're like 18, 19, like just starting out. But I was the guy that like would go to open mics and do a bunch of blow and then be like, I'm Sam Kinison or I'm Bill Hicks. Like this is, you know what I mean?

Like I'm not full of myself, but, like, I'm a comedian's comedian. In your defense, that's about 90% of open micers at any age, unfortunately. Yeah. Well, I was just about to say, like, the thing that was so, to your point, Brandon, or to the guy, like the coach, like, I felt like, and I've talked to the show about this like with Thomas before like I felt like I got away with that because at that age it's like oh you're

19 you're in a new city you're trying to do stand up which is fucking stupid and you know you're like fucking around in college you're not doing all that great you want to be the comedian and so you're doing a bunch of drugs and you're like living this like romantic vagabond like bohemian like shithead you're a dirt bag and you're right you're doing a bunch of drugs and you're like living this like romantic vagabond, like

bohemian, like shithead. You're a dirtbag. And you're right. You're like and I was like living in that. I like reveled in it. And then I would meet guys that were like 38 that were like, yeah, yeah, they were they were like, hey, listen, man, look, you got some like I would get coked up and I would end up at these guys houses in their kitchen standing there and I would want to go home so bad and these guys would like corner me

the one guy i'm thinking of in particular were like stand in front of me he's like listen i started doing fucking stand-up when i was 30 now i'm 39 you got something that i don't fucking have you got time my brother you got time and that's the one fucking thing didn't that everybody wants to take from you is your tongue and i was like he's spinning my face you're like i'd rather you just fucking molest me i'd rather you rape me yeah yeah yeah yeah and and like i like over time i looked up to those guys at first because they would get free chicken strips. They'd get to do 30 minutes at Mike's Chuck and Suck. You know what I mean?

They were the fucking big dogs. And then as I got older, I was like, oh, no. No, these guys are, that's the improv coach. That's the guy that's like, he's, like his family wants him to go to prison because it's better than like living with like six 22 year olds and then like yeah you know i'm not saying you should never pursue your dreams i am saying but to a point i mean it is like to a point and like i don't i mean i started doing stand-up when I was 17. Yeah, I was about 18.

Yeah, at Open Mics in D.C. And that was prior to doing that. I was mostly pretty sheltered, and that was my first time around alcoholic adults who were like like you know like i remember um like i hadn't um there was like a girl that i was like i had a crush on and i was telling some comic about it and then this guy who he went by keith the comedian he like he like that comes over he's like Listen man

Here's what you gotta do You gotta When you eat pussy You gotta do the alphabet With your tongue man And he's like He's like He's getting up

He's getting up close Telling me Things like that I hadn't I had like Barely kissed a girl At that point Yeah

Yeah yeah yeah And Keith the comedian Is like You gotta You gotta do the alphabet with your tongue, man. You got to put your finger in a ball and spit in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's weird.

Yeah, that was like my first time being unsupervised and there's like a lot of... Yeah, and there's a lot a lot of these guys that at open mics are uh you know they don't make it out most of them don't make it out well i think like because austin's become such a since like rogan and tom sagura moved here and like there's there's like three new clubs opening every year there's like 15 comedy clubs here now i was trying to do uh an open mic down on 6th street and in front of what what year did you start um i started in 2012 i was 18 and austin the austin shift yeah I moved there in 2012 uh okay and uh and I did it for like two

years and then stopped and then like picked it up again pretty recently but anyway um I see guys in front of that club dude and they're on Instagram live and they're not even there to do the mic there's like 40 of them and they're like yo uh it's big tony big tony austin the comedian by the way you said keith the comedian there's so many blank to comedians like yes in the world that's their their that would be their last name on facebook yes yeah yes comedian i know look at it like wow wow, the duck comedian lineage is healthy. So far, wow. Bloodline is powerful.

Big family tree. Yeah, the second open mic I ever went to, I had to go after a guy named Scarecrow the Comedian. And it was a five-minute mic, and he did 15 minutes just because he was so scary looking that the host was like, I'm not going to fucking tell him to stop. He was legitimately one of the most terrifying looking guys I've ever seen. He was like 6'5", 300, and he just had like, I don't know,

he was like a black guy, but he had like yellow eyes somehow. I don't know. John Disney. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know what was going on, but he was very funny. He was like a Fox News anchor's idea of every black gentleman. He was so funny, too. He was killing.

And then I had to go up after him and be like, so have you guys ever been to Buc-ee's? Yeah. There's some things about that I've noticed were funny. Stupid. Oh, no, go ahead. Yeah, yeah. you know stupid yeah oh no go ahead oh yeah yeah I was just there was like there was a guy in Austin that I think moved I never caught him but like I heard rumors about him while I was in the city and I never saw him but my buddy was telling me when I first moved in here I met this

moved to Austin I met a guy JT JT Kelly i don't know he's he's toured a bunch and uh a big comedian here in austin but anyway there was a guy in austin dude that was like deeply profoundly um autistic like um and he would wear a black skin tight black jeans black leather biker like with the zips and the studs jacket, black combat boots, would go on stage and do Bill Burr bits. Oh, just Burr beta? Yes, yeah, yeah. Like, the guy that was telling me about this would say, like,

he would watch a Burr set and then go catch this guy, and it wasn't paraphrasing. It was like he was a savant, for like comedians material and people who didn't know like he would uh he would do like old burr stuff and people who did he would crush because not everybody was familiar with burr at the time this was like 12 years ago before i moved to austin or like right right right when i moved so my buddy was telling me like he would go up and do like a five minute mic dude and would just kill because bill Burr is funny and he would get his delivery down he had like all of his tics you know like he had it you know these things when your wife tells you your wife tells you that you

gotta you you want to watch the game right and she's she's balking you know like that whole thing dude he would get to the point like where he would be doing showcases Like you know he's going up and doing Doing 15 minutes And doing the like funniest person In Austin Cap City I don't know if he ever did FPIA but he may have I don't know but I know that the guy that was telling me about this Was like it would get to a point where somebody

Would go dude is that He's doing Burr And people would be like oh yeah that's his thing like he's not all there and they would be like what no like he's fine like look at him he's crushing but if you talk to him again never met the guy apparently if you talk to him like outside of that it's like bill burr's ghost would exit his body and he would just be full-blown non-verbal he would be like hey hi i gotta go i gotta go thank you for coming to my show and then like next week he's like it i had a beer the other day i had a beer i had a beer it was so cold

it was so cold you know like just crushing it and um and i got i thought to myself like what if you were a guy who just did in the same way people do like cover bands like what if you were just a cover comedian it's not oh yeah you know if you're if you're like i'm gonna do bill i'm gonna do an hour of bill burr or whatever the fuck you know this is that was actually that was one of the first things i ever one of my first ever bits like ever was i think this is circa like i feel like i came up right after, like, Mencilia. Right after, like, Rogan confronts Carlos Mencilia at the comedy tour. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

And I did some bit about, like, oh, he's just, you know, oh, cover comedian. Oh, okay. That's funny. Yeah, because it's not stealing if you're just, like, yeah. I mean, I guess I brought it up because like that type of stuff now like everybody this this the city there was a guy i was telling thomas about this i was standing in front of the mothership open mic or the joe rogan's club trying to do a mic there in the next door and uh there was a guy who had a honda od Odyssey, and he was clearly living out of it. And it had been parked.

I was next door drinking some beer. And one of the guys had told me that this guy has had his car parked in front of the club for a little while, and he'll only move it when the police tell him to move it on the weekends when they close the 6th Street down in Austin. I don't know if you've ever been to Austin, if you're familiar with the area. Oh, I've been to Austin a lot. Okay, yeah, yeah. I've been to, yeah. So they're like, oh, this guy lives in his van,

and all he does is he goes live on Instagram nine hours a day, and he's like... Man. He's like a hotep comedian. Okay. And I was walking by, and I was like... He's a white hotep. He was very, very much a black gentleman.

Okay, cool. And i was like white white white hotel he was very very much a black gentleman and and he was like i i walked past him and he's uh i catch what he's talking about he's like everybody we're live we're live i've got we've got let's see what we're watching the number go up we got 11 viewers let's see if we can crack 50 today because we're going big time i'm up here in front of the rogan i didn't get up on the list today but hey baby every monday we're going big time. I'm up here in front of the Rogan. I didn't get up on the list today. But hey, baby, every Monday we're out here and we're grinding. Now we're going to talk about the magical words. And I'm like, okay, I got to listen to this. And he's like, you know, and he's talking loud, dude. And he's like, you know what? So he's just like standing outside of his car?

Yeah, outside of his house van, house situation. Yes, right. And he's standing next to these two white guys and he's like you know what word has a power to change has the power to establish brotherhood and to shed blood and you know he pauses for a second he's like and then just hard r's he just say you know he's like and then he's like because check this shit out. I can say it to my friend. I can say, what's up, man? Now, if these two pasty ass motherfuckers say it, now we're on demon time.

Now we're talking about blood. And he pans the camera over to these two, I guess, comedians that were standing there smoking. And he's like, do y'all agree? Because if I call you and you call me one, I can call you and you my friend. White boys love being somebody's N-word. You know what I mean? But if you call me that, then I'm going to break your jaw. I'm watching these two guys like just very nervously like, whatever, whatever, man.

Yes. I don't say it. I don't say it. He's like, why not? See, that's what I'm talking about. The word of power. Because it has so much power that you think you can't say it I don't say it And he's like Why not See that's what I'm talking about The word of power Cause it has so much power That you think

You can't say it You can But words with power Have consequences Like he would just get Weirdly ominous With these two dudes Yeah

And then at one point Like I guess he saw me Standing like Just I was trying to Check the list See if I got They put the list out And he like

He's like coming over to me, and he's like, you know, this is how we build bonds in the community, in the comedy community. Because we're out here. We're all we got. This is a brotherhood. Right, man? And he goes to put his arm around my shoulder,

and I just kind of like Floyd Mayweather shoulder roll, just dip, and I'm like, I'm good. I'm good. I don't want nothing to do with this. And he's like, yeah, you know, some people, some people some people like it's not that tight for them but but the power of community the power of the word and i was like i was like this guy's clearly he's been talking for 20 minutes about how the n-word is like a spell did you ever get his uh handle uh no i did not i didn't want to be around him too long. It seemed like he was on the edge of something bad.

I'm very fascinated by just sort of the trickle down of the trickle down happening in Austin. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's like there's the guys that are successful. It makes sense for them to go there, right? Yes. But then there are these guys that aspire to one day get a minute on Kill Tony, which I guess for some people has made their star, right? Yes, it has.

But there's a lot of – and I like a lot of the the guys i like casey rocket a lot like that's hilarious i think yeah yeah so fucking funny but there's there's like these guys that are super delusional yes that follow that like follow joe rogan that followed rogan right but it's like they're so far. They're like they're five, ten, ten times removed. And and they're also like fucked up all the time. Yes. And very mentally unwell. Like I just I remember doing like just meeting meeting guys that I was the last time I was in Austin.

I did a weekend at the creek and um i got there like a day early and i had done uh i had done a set on that like red band secret show yeah with the vulcan yeah yeah yeah and i met there were there's like a lot of like weird like hangers on that they They're not on the show, and you quickly realize, oh, they're not really. They do open mics, maybe, but they're just kind of around, and they're like, hey, do you want to do dabs? Do you want to do dabs before your set?

And I'm like, I don't. Who the fuck yes yeah and it's just and it's just it but it's like it's usually it's like maybe you meet one of those guys right but then but this was the night where i was like there's a bunch of these guys yes and they're all like encouraging each other no yeah like that it's crazy yeah yeah i i know like i don't want to make it seem like i'm i'm thomas and i me like i've been doing a lot of like more stand-up and like i've been having like you know getting like doing cooler shows and like but like i still do mics i don't want to make it seem like i'm obviously not like a big comedian at all like no but the one thing i have noticed is the exact thing you're talking about of like i've talked

with people who earnestly like i try to make small talk like you know when you're in the smoking section of the mic like outside the bar and you're waiting for you to go up to work on something new or you know um maybe you got like a 10 minute spot and you're just hanging out and like right before right after the showcase you're on there's a mic and i remember specifically one guy i was talking to who was like look like he's like in his early 40s mid mid uh mid 40s he could have been 20 who knows what these guys you know and he was like he was like i've i've i've tried to sign up for Kill Tony, like, I think about 50 times. And I know that once I get on Kill Tony that, you know, it's all up from there.

Really, my goal is to get, like, I want to be on Rogan's show. And I was like, oh, like, you want to be on, like, his, like, I thought he was talking about, like, because the Mothership, like, their showcases, like, that really does skyrocket guys' careers. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure. Yeah. And if you can get past the mic, like guys, you know, they start opening for Segura and then it's all up from there, you know. And he was like, no, I want to be on the podcast because I got ideas, man.

And I was like, oh, I have two choices. I can get up and go away from this man or i can let him enlighten me and i chose the latter and he was just like i'm a conspiracy theory guy but it's mostly like the cia is everything everywhere i like when i give a guy a little bit of rope and he it ends up with him being like yeah yeah man the cia dude you know about the Jews. I always, yeah, I always, whenever I meet guys like that, I, and I, like, I don't know. I think that I am inviting. Yeah. In terms of, like, I don't, I think I'm too approachable.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm too approachable. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And if I meet like a true delusional fucking wacko kind of guy like that, I will always engage. Yes. I will almost always let them cook at length. Because I do. I am always always like well i that's always i i actually i prefer that

to uh i prefer talking to a like true like fucking like psycho like weirdo weirdo schizo miker versus talking to like just like sort of a serviceable like decent feature yes he's like talking about like how how joke writing is like math oh my god you know i'm like no let me talk to the fucking let me talk to that guy the guy that's two seconds away from jacking off in public let me talk to that guy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i like just uh seeing how how much i can egg them on without agreeing with anything like like they'll be they'll be like and now when you look at what they've done with the trifecta with toothpaste nowadays you can't even spit out in the sink and i'll just be like that's what's up and that you just a single that's what's up gives them

another like seven minutes of leeway honestly incredible honestly i've never just a single that's what's up gives them another like seven minutes of leeway. Honestly, incredible. Honestly, I've never had a single other type of conversation where I just go. Yeah. And they go for another 10 minutes. I need to like when I'm in Austin next, like we should we should link and go out and like a hundred percent to talk to these folks, because I do think that that is that is something that I I like when when I was visiting Austin this most recent time this is like my first time visiting Austin after the shift right I've been there a lot between like I I went there the first

time like 2012 and then went a lot between 2016, 2019. Right. But this is my first time going to like new Austin. And there was something kind of, there was something kind of refreshing, right. About talking to guys like that,

because I do think that in like York and L.A., if you're just doing shows at the clubs or the alt shows, whatever, you're sort of in a little bit of a bubble. Yes. kind of protected and there's you know but you go out there you go out there and you're on the roof of vulcan and there's like just like 20 20 guys 20 let's do dabs guys yeah uh yapping away there is something there is something kind of nice about like the raw humanity of it all. Like I am like, oh, this is I'm in. I'm in. This is real. This is real.

I got a I remember one time one of those guys got really fucking mad at me. This was do you when like Milo Yiannopoulos and like Ben Shapiro peterson first hit the scene like 2015 and like the uh the gender thing was like really like fresh and the joke that they all had that they only recently stopped using but it was just their standard issue m4 carbine joke like what if i want to be an attack helicopter of course you know that thing like what if i want to be yeah i identify as an attack helicopter what about what say you sire yeah and then they they're that community of guys and if they were around show they'd be like dude so good man because because like they want to be a woman dude but they're not and if you wanted to be a fucking vacuum dude it's the same thing and they'd all laugh and suck each other's penises and cum on each other.

I was at a mic in North Central. It was this place called Mr. Tramps. And they would do a 10-minute open mic, dude. Can you believe it? 10 minutes. And I was trying to tighten up just my 10 so I could do it. And how many people are on this? Dude, that night, like 20.

It was like a two and a half hour opening. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And we're all out there in the back behind the bar. Longer than most movies. Well, dude, all the mics here now because of how big everything is, you'll get like two minute, I'll divert from the thing but like you'll get like a two or three minute mic there'll be 50 comedians in the last almost two hours that's that's like your standard that's like your kind of standard mic

here basically but anyway yeah we were back there and um you know yeah like everybody's like taking key bumps and drinking beer doing dabs and blah blah blah and we get on the subject of like one guy was like dude austin's always been kind of fucking fruity but now dude everywhere i feel like i go i see fucking like you know just fucking homos and like the tranny thing right everybody wants to be a fucking girl now he's like older guy and i was like all right same thing you said i was like i'm gonna i'm gonna see this through i want to see where this guy's going with this. And he was like, you know, oh, I got to call you she, her.

Yeah. Get fucked, buddy. What if I identify as an attack helicopter? You got to call me. Oh, he said it. Yes. He's like, you got to call me helicopter. Those are my pronouns. And like, just crushes in this little circle that I like found myself in.

And I was like, I want to fuck with this guy. I want to push back a little bit. So I was like, oh, that would be fine. That's kind of the whole point of it, right? It's like your gender is for you to decide. It's not for, you know, like your sex might be determined by biology, but your gender is for you to decide. So if you wanted to be like a helicopter man like i

it would be no problem for me to call you john helicopter you know and he immediately was like excuse me and i was like oh sorry like i just thought we were talking we right like you know like oh you know if somebody transitions like it's no skin off my ass like i might mix i mess up i might call him him and you know if they're my friend i'll apologize and you know like oh you know if somebody transitions like it's no skin off my ass like i might mix i mess up i might call him him and you know if they're my friend i'll apologize and you know if you want if you want to be a helicopter dude like like hell yeah like dude when are you gonna start you're gonna get your blades installed like i thought we were just roasting each other and like his friends were like we were like giggling and like laughing and he was like dude you better fucking watch your tone and I was like and I wasn't like trying to like this isn't like one of those like and he stand up in the back of the bus and

clap stories I right yeah I was like he he was you did you feel like you were under physical threat like he was yes like I've got half a mind to slug this guy yeah no I wasn't again I wasn't trying to like own the dude I just was like I thought we were all riffing like I wasn't like I'm owning a fucking fascist I just was thought we were all having because we're it's a comedy club right like we're all doing drugs like

anyway and he was like he was like dude seriously it's like you think that shit's okay? And I was like, dude, I literally don't care. We're just joking, right? I don't care if somebody wants to get a pair of tits and fucking, I don't care. He was like, it's fucking disgusting is what it is.

And I was like, okay, whatever. Sorry, John Helicopter. And I walked away. And I was like, okay, you know, whatever. Sorry, John Helicopter. And I, like, walked away. And, like, the whole mic, he's just, like, sitting at the bar just, like, just mugging me, dude. This is a grown man.

I was 21 years old. 20, 21. Yeah. This guy's, like, you know, like, fully grown man. Like, this guy's twice your age. See you then. Yes, yeah. And he's mad at a guy who, like, you know, has to go take algebra tests tomorrow.

You know what I mean? Like. Yeah. He's mad at a guy who has to go take algebra tests tomorrow. You know what I mean? Yeah. Anyway, at the end of the mic, we were all sitting out again or whatever, and he came up to me and was like, I just want you to know, man, it really pissed me off back there.

But I kind of see what you're saying. He didn't come around. Oh, okay. oh okay that's the only he was he was like the first step yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he was like i kind of like look man like i just want to say like i was pretty pissed off but like sorry for like like basically threatening me man like you know we're all we're all chilling man i just i was a little too drunk but i see what you mean and i was was like, oh, cool, man. It's all good.

No harm done, man. You were doing cocaine with this guy? I was doing cocaine in the general vicinity of, yes. But he wasn't. Okay. We weren't sharing a bag, but he was also doing coke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That seems so fucking, like, that seems rough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That seems so fucking, like, that seems rough. Yeah, it's... Yeah, it's always a vibe killer when you're doing blow with somebody and they become immediately violent or the potential of it. Yeah.

The potential for violence or whatever. Yeah. Anyway, shouts out to that guy. I hope he's doing good. I hope he transitioned to a fucking you know like Nighthawk or whatever the fuck you know he was trying to make he actually did the helicopter yeah yeah he's got a rotor blade

or whatever the fuck I hope he's doing good yeah I love that one that one's fun I actually wrote that joke I really regret it now I was only like nine when I wrote it, and I thought it was fucking killer, and then it just really took off, and a lot of my views have changed since then. I don't use Twitter anymore. I don't tweet anymore. Yeah.

I just have it. I just don't like it. I just don't like to do that anymore, right? But I check check in. Yeah, yeah. And people were real mad about the – I was taken aback by how mad people were about the Thomas Stephen Hawking tweet. Dude, that was a saga.

I remember seeing it and laughing. And then I checked in like two hours later, and people were freaking out. People were replying to our podcast clips like, dude, you guys need to eat poison, like now. It was funny because I saw there was some negative reaction, but I thought, you know what, let's just not worry about it. And then I went to work, and I didn't check my phone until lunchtime. And I checked, and I had like 3,000 death threats since breakfast. And I was like, well, that's definitely not the direction I thought that was going to go in. Generally, when people get mad online, it's like, all right, you know what, literally give it two hours, and nobody's going to come for it.

But that was a little different. At some point, once it's that many, it's like, all right, you know what? Literally give it two hours and nobody's going to come for it. Right, right, right. That was a little different. At some point, once it's that many. It literally just dies down. It's funny how when it's like, I feel like if it's that many, you're like, well, it feels like zero. At some point, it feels like zero. Diminished returns, yeah. feels like zero at some point it feels like zero diminished returns yeah because it's funny because yeah if a quarter million people are mad at me and none of them are my friends yeah i know i did something good yeah now if if five people are mad at me and they're all my friends i know i did

something really bad yeah but if it's only 17 year old girls i either did the worst thing in the world or nothing at all i don't know if i you. I don't know if I told you, Thomas, but my brother, did I tell you he was laughing at his phone and his girlfriend was like, what are you laughing at? And he was like, I was just tweeting. She was like, I want to see you. Let me see you.

I want to laugh. And he showed her the post and she became very angry and was like, is this your brother's podcast host and he was like he was like yeah yeah that's him and he she was like the stuff that you listen to and find funny is just like he was telling me that she was like she was like what what about what about this is funny to you and jayden was like you know like he's in a wheelchair how would you fuck anybody just like trying to he's like actively making it worse like trying to explain

um explain it or whatever but yeah no it was it was always funny uh like back in my uh brief periods back in the day of like being on dating apps because sometimes um like like well this only happened a couple times but one time i'd only been talking to a girl for like two hours and then she just searched women on my twitter like she's searched my hat and women on twitter and sent me one from like two weeks prior i think thomas that was just like uh it was just it was just like just gave all the girls on here breast cancer hope y'all die quick as fuck and uh and she was like do you mind explaining why this isn't

misogynistic and i was like well i didn't actually give anybody breast cancer i don't know how to do that um but yeah it was a sometimes you have moments where you're like, am I living right? Am I living wrong? But it's okay. Sorry if my Wi-Fi went out briefly, but it's okay. It's okay. I was talking and I filled in the space, so it's all right. Yeah, that kind of segues into something, Brandon, I wanted to ask you about. And if it's something that you don't want to cover, I understand,

you about and if it's something that like you don't want to cover i understand because i know that the the third party is uh is a rather big name now but i wanted your side talking go ahead oh type one diabetes yeah i'm just kidding but i did look it up brandon does have diabetes it's true um i wanted to ask your side of the story on the Matt Rife street fight saga. Oh, the 2016 Matt Rife stuff, which is so funny that he is the cultural figure that he is now. And there is – I'm sure you guys saw the new thing today. No, I didn't actually. No. Yes.

Oh, you did? The video? Yeah. Holy shit. I saw it. Jake, it's good. Brandon, you explain. well i guess yeah i guess he's stranding again um he yeah a guy said that um like two hollywood executives tried to make him and matt rife uh suck dick who would Matt Rife? Some former comic, I guess. Okay.

Some TikTok guy who's like, he's like always trying to go viral. I think it's made up, but. It might be made up. I think it's made up, but I will be enjoying the story regardless. Okay. And also at the end of the, he's like, one of us left that room a man and the other was already sucking dick when i left and then at the end of the video he's like and by the way it was matt right that's what i'm talking about like at the end like it leaves no mystery he's like one of us still has his dignity

the other is matt rife a very popular comedian he's got to put them to use, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But, oh, the 2016 thing, which it's funny that that's like – all I want to say about that is there was – I got like a couple messages a couple months ago from strangers, message requests from like Matt Rife fans who years later were like, wow, I can't believe you message requests from Matt Rife fans, who years later were like, wow, I can't believe you tried to cancel Matt Rife. Which is not what happened at all.

What happened is in 2016, and I was like 23, and I would tweet like 20 times a day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, whatever. And I had posted a couple photos of Matt Rife's Instagram where it's like he would use a bunch of hashtags like, you know, like hashtag Hollywood, like just a boy in a dream or whatever. Yeah, yes. He's very like self-serious, kissy, self-used.

Duck face. And he's shirtless in the car or something? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hashtag just a black man trying to make it. I really like that video that you made also, by the way, Thomas. Oh, thank you. I really love that.

uh i really love that um but i hid at that time uh i was just sort of i would i you know i would just i was uh i would just say whatever right right so at the time i was like i was like haha like this guy's a comedian lol you know whatever this guy this guy's a stand-up comedian yeah and then matt was like uh was like i heard, I heard Brandon Wardell has a problem. Like, you know, come fight me at North Hollywood Park at 7 p.m. And I was like, I don't want to do that. I want to kiss you, you know, whatever. And I'm like, just like tweeting about how, you know, I'm like, you know, you're the hot guy whatever i want to

yeah i want to have sex i was like i was like bugs bunnieing yes yeah yeah and uh and then it was just it was a lot of back he went to the park that i never agreed to and it was like posting photos of him in an empty park like yeah, yeah, I guess Brandon Wardell doesn't want to fight. And then the next day, people just started searching the N-word on his account. And we're like, Matt Rife said the N-word, you know, whatever. He was like 13. This was not, I did not participate in any of that. He was 13? Yeah, when he was tweeting the N-word.

No, no, no, not when this happened oh i was like bro they're pulling up like they're pulling up like old they're pulling up like old tweets drake lyrics of like bettas with no money act like money yeah yeah yeah so whatever like i was not i i had just been like haha look these photos are fucking gay. This guy, look at this guy. Yeah, yeah. You know? Homo. And, you know, I wasn't saying that. No, I'm just, I'm fucking. Yeah, I know, I know.

Jake, what the fuck? Come on, man. But I, no, so I had done that, right? And then years later, there's some, like, Nicky Swift, rife matt rife video whatever it's like some youtube some like youtube thing uh-huh where they they say that uh they're they're like years ago brandon wardell tried to hold matt rife accountable and i was like that's not what happened that's not what happened i wasn't holding anyone accountable for anything i would never do that uh it's not it was never my mo and also like i i will like it's obviously not uh you know his thing what he does is not it's

not my thing but i i met the guy yeah i met the guy after this all happened and we talked about it like we talked about it and we like we've we it, and we, like, we, there was, like, a day. There was, like, a day where it was the, it was like the Obama Beer Summit. Yeah, yeah. Right, where it was, like, where I, there's a day where I broke bread. Yeah. With Matt Rife. I was, like, I don't know.

I was just, I just. You shot dice with him. I just, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we were at the cookout yeah chopping it up and yeah so yeah there was just like a day that i i i met him and i i was like yeah man i just you know i was just making fun of the these gay selfies man uh you know and he's like okay yeah i don't want to i i don't you know oh he he was he did say like oh like i had some of my boys wanted to like do something and i told him to stand like he was like he I told him to stand down.

He was going to have the Diddy squad on him. Yeah, but... Hold on, hold on. He tried to, like, he implied that he was going to get you, like, like he had shooters involved? Like, not pop out. He said that there were shooters that he told to stand down. That is so awesome.

He had the booty goons at the go. The booty squad? What's the Boosie tweet? What did he say? He was like, hashtag, boss call would have been made. He said that the boss call could have been made. He said that the boss call could have been made. But then he was also like, yeah, the squashing beef day, he was like, you know, like, we shouldn't be beefing, man.

Like, we should be, like, working together, you know. We should, like, make something. And I was like, well, maybe let's split the difference here and uh you know let's just yeah but uh like i was always just sort of like yeah that was like a funny day on twitter and that was a funny whatever and people were at the time like damn you fucking like people dumped on his ass yeah you you want you you sir won the internet uh and then he just and then he proceeded to become the most famous comedian yeah yeah he proceeded to become the most famous comedian uh as i uh play you know 100 to 300 cap venues yeah um but that's fine that's fine you know but it is uh it's it is funny it is funny it is something that like i you know like all my i remember like

talking to one of my agents that was like oh you gotta you gotta start posting videos you you gotta you know comics are doing the rife model right now the comics are doing the matt rife model yeah and it's like yeah yeah and hearing that hurts in a very specific way for me like having that having that follow me yeah that's yeah yeah well i remember like it yeah i remember seeing like the screenshots of it and i was like because here's the thing like that like the um i want to show you a message that i got by the way from uh this one guy okay yeah go on i was gonna say like um do you know devon from uh hate watch devon costa he's also like in. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Devin's great. Yeah.

I love Devin. He had this sketch. He was it was called like the cool comic or like the cool like L.A. So he was like on a green screen of a comedy stage and he was wearing like a hoodie and he was like, you know, like the white cool guy comedian with like the the the foam posits like the Jordans on. And he was like doing this thing where he was like yeah you know like fucking back in back in a prod oh yeah it's a funny video yeah but anyway yeah

i won't do his thing but um i remember seeing that and i was like oh i'm not alone i have met so many like guys who make being like a wigger like that's their stage guy and they sometimes they end up doing pretty well, but I always found them really grating. And literally like three months later, he's the biggest guy in the world. Him and Andrew Schultz both do it. And nothing against them.

I just like, I didn't know there was like such a... I got something against them. I don't think they're that funny. I don't think they're that funny either. I just mean like personally, they could be nice guys. Player hater over here. I know people that know that. I't think they're that i don't think i don't think they're that funny either i just mean like personally they could be nice guys player hater over here i know people that know that i'm sure they're fine but like brain on their downfall yeah i yeah i would kill a dog to have one-tenth of the success of andrew schultz um but uh but i remember you think he hasn't yeah yeah no he's big time hollywood now he had to do the fucking he had to do the deed um he had

to wear the dress yeah yeah i i remember thinking like oh the world really does crave like a swagged up cool white boy with a little bit of fucking with a little tint like elvis elvis rocked it back in the 40s he was like i'm a white boy and i can shake my ass and they're like we love it you're gonna be the king of rock um and so when i saw like that style of comedian like becoming big there was a little part of me in my head that was like dude you got a podcast bro you're doing pretty well what if you shifted your whole personality what if you put put some flavor on it yeah what if i put the like some some high top velcro basketball shoes on and started doing mics like the other day the other day i was fucking i was trying to get my fucking shit slurred down on your theme and then like immediately get like a million views on tiktok or whatever the fuck it's crazy like i got i i

would like when i was like 23 22 i would say like fam too much and stuff like that yeah like the swag era yeah and then like a couple people got mad at me and i was like oh so yeah sorry sorry uh yeah my bad don't do it again uh i'll never do it again fast forward wiggers are they're back in they're in yeah they're on yeah you know it's uh yeah i don't know i oh i did want to before i leave i, I wanted to show you this Matt Rife fan DM that I got. Yes, I'd love to see it. Because this was like, it was something that, it was like, oh yeah, it was something that, it was really, at the time, right, people were like, I remember Kumail Nanjiani tweeting at me being like, time right people were like i remember kumail nanjiani tweeting at me being like like literally being like oh you won the internet and like blue like blue vest d-ray

being like oh shit wow like doritos great great work man hell yeah like i met him i met him at like the vmas and he was like man that was crazy that's so so good. That's so awesome. And, you know, little did we know what was to come. Yeah. But years later, right, there's some video that flattens the story and says that I, like, tried to hold him accountable. They don't include any of this. All it was is just me, like, ha, look at this. Oh, I don't want to.

Yeah, whatever. But this guy, it's an account green shield tree right it's like a a like a tree like landscaping fucking like it's like a thomas's service yeah and they messaged me at 4 19 a.m and they go you're a fucking pussy and what kind of fucking pussy-ass comedian tries to get others canceled? You make jokes about drunk driving? Maybe karma will make some drunk drivers

drive near you and your family one night, you scumbag piece of shit. Suicide is legal in Oregon, just saying. He's on his fucking business account because he was watching a nikki swift video titled the shady side of matt rife yeah and he watched that and he got worked up that's so awesome it was like there's no shady side of matt rife the um yeah like i think yeah i don't know uh fucking people get like really attached.

I didn't know who he was. Sometimes people, I'm not plugged into like pop culture like very much. And so I won't know people are having like a meteoric rise until they're the biggest thing in the world. And so I remember like checking Facebook like a year ago and fucking he was like all over the place. People that I went to high school with were like just got tickets you know and again like or whatever but i didn't know that that he was i had no idea you know what i mean like i just i didn't know and so um when i saw that screenshot come back around like six months ago i was like dude if i ever run into brandon i'm gonna have

to ask him i gotta wait what screenshot was it oh just the it was everything it was all of his responses to you like I'm a North Hollywood pussy bitch like come get you some whatever and then like your original post and then all of his like old Instagram I guess that he purged where he would be like oh right like yeah I think this was yeah this resurfaced because yeah I remember it was an old no jumper tweet it's so funny that those are the the the paths that all of those people have taken yeah yeah it was like he's got the show where everybody competes to fuck his wife dude did you know did you see his uh his manic screed thread to aiden ross about how like about the we should have collabed on the Drake cock reaction. Yeah.

He was like, bro, I'm out here. My show about people fucking my wife's blowing up right now and you won't show a brother no love. I was like, dude, these guys are awesome. It's I'm glad that I've sort of removed myself. Yeah. Any sort of immediate. Yeah.

Orbit. But you'd be in there. In there like swimwear. I could have been in there like swimwear, man. You could have been his best friend. You could have had some nice allegations by now, but you chose the high road. Yeah, it's a shame. Bro, you could have had a phone notes apology, dude.

You could have fucking had it all, bro. I could have had a phone notes apology, dude. You could have fucking had it all, bro. I could have had. I do love the speed with which he went. And he's doing great. He's so rich. He's so rich. Yeah, he has so much money. He could have me killed.

Dude, he almost did. And he almost did. Yeah, yeah. But he, like, in your 20s, going on Jordan Peterson as, like, a canceled comedian. Oh, my God. I forgot about that. That's, like, a crazy speed run.

I forgot about that. Yeah, he went on. It's just, you know. And Jordan was like, you know, once you attack the wasp's nest, they won't stop buzzing until you give them everything you got. And you've been giving them so much, Matt. And Matt's like, yeah. And he's doing a lot of blank staring.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And they some busy bees. Yeah. yeah and they some busy bees yeah but I do have to I have Dune

240X oh no yeah dude ticks hey man I gotta thank you for coming on thanks anything you want to plug

just come out come out to a show if I'm in the if I'm at a I'm in Seattle and New Orleans soon. I'm going to film it soon. My head has been forced by God.

Nice. God has been taunting me. Matt Rife is the most famous guy alive. I should make one special absolutely but matt rife if you know i know you're listening it's all love it's all love you know it's all love man you know it's all love matt um and uh yeah i don't know listen to my podcast the brand new show um yes yeah it's it's a funny it's a funny podcast hell yeah um yeah whenever you're not me guys whenever you're in austin let us know just do some shows or whatever good like some spots fucking absolutely sir food thanks for coming on man let's do it all right of

course thank you guys thanks guys take care bye